How has the pandemic changed dating?

Here’s 7 tips for getting back out there.

The coronavirus pandemic flipped the dating world upside-down. Instead of the traditional after-work drink, singles experimented with virtual dates and masked walks. Any physical touch, even a hug, required a conversation first. Many daters self-quarantined for weeks just to have a meal inside with someone.

It was a lot of work, but those rigid covid-19 dating rules did provide a framework for seeking romance during a pandemic.

Now that about half of American adults are fully vaccinated, the traditional in-person first date is returning and many of us are clueless. “How to date” was the most searched phrase in D.C. last week, according to Google. Nationally, searches related to how to date are at a five-year high.

Is the video date still necessary? How do you seem interesting on a first date after being confined to the couch for the past 16 months? Is it okay to ask about someone’s vaccine status?

We spoke with singles and dating experts about how to adapt what we learned from covid dating to the new normal. Here are seven tips for getting back out there.

1. Virtual dates are still a thing. Even though she’s vaccinated and bars are open again, Julia Capeloto, a 39-year-old marketing executive in San Francisco, still insists on video dates before most in-person meetups. It helps her gauge someone’s personality and whether there’s physical attraction. That’s one pandemic habit she’s keeping.

“Before covid, I wasted my time on so many bad first dates,” Capeloto says. Lately, there have been “far fewer bad first dates because I’ve been able to talk to them before.”

2. Be upfront with your date and slow down. Having honest conversations with a potential partner has always been important, but the pandemic made such talks even more essential. Capeloto has noticed that her matches are more upfront about what they are seeking — a relationship, something casual or undecided. She’s found that directness refreshing and hopes it will stick around.

Capeloto says covid dating has also taught her to slow down. “You don’t need to go on two dates in one week with someone new. Take your time, get to know them,” she says. “At the end of the date, think about: Do I want to see this person again or am I just lonely and I want some companionship?”

3. Find a way to talk about your values. During the pandemic, asking how seriously someone was taking the coronavirus and social distancing rules gave us a shortcut to assess whether our values meshed. Some daters may feel lost without such clear litmus tests.

Alison Wellington, a dating and relationship coach in Brooklyn, suggests making a list of what you’re looking for in partner — no more than six nonnegotiable character traits. “If you don’t have a clear vision as to what you’re looking for in a partner, it’s going to be difficult for you to find it,” Wellington says.

Before a date, think about how to judge if someone has the qualities you’re looking for. If you’re seeking someone family-oriented, for example, Wellington suggests asking your date about their childhood, or how often they see or talk to their family

And conversations about vaccination status and covid anxiety are still relevant, she says. Even if both parties are vaccinated, Wellington says, it’s still a good idea to ask about what precautions your date still takes against the coronavirus. Basic questions about whether someone prefers indoor or outdoor dining “speak volumes to this person’s ability to be respectful and thoughtful with this person’s boundaries,” she said.

4. Keep the work talk to a minimum. Long before covid, matchmakers often emphasized that dates shouldn’t feel like networking dinners. After all, you’re auditioning someone for the role of romantic lead, not head of marketing. “If you start to go career-y on your dates, you’re friend-zoning. You’re taking the sex out. You want to talk about other things, like travel, hobbies and interests,” Patti Stanger, former host of the Bravo reality show “The Millionaire Matchmaker,” said in an interview. Try asking someone about the last book they read, concert or comedy show they attended — or what kinds of things they do with their friends. That way you can learn about the rest of their life, the part you might be spending with them.

5. Be curious about your date. Logan Ury, the director of relationship science at Hinge, has a motto: “Be interested, not interesting.” A lot of people try to entertain their dates by telling their funniest stories or talking about the cool trips they’ve been on. “But good dates are about connecting with another person, not showing off,” Ury writes in her book “How to Not Die Alone: The Surprising Science That Will Help You Find Love.” Ury suggests being an active listener, which can make somebody feel “interesting, desired and appreciated.”

How do you do that? Aim for “support” responses, Ury said in an interview, rather than returning the focus of the conversation back to you. If your date adopted a puppy during the pandemic, for example, ask why they chose the breed they did, or how the puppy training went — instead of telling them how badly you want a pooch. “By asking those support responses,” Ury says, “that person gets to dig into their own responses and that makes them feel really good in a conversation.”

6. Go ahead and be vulnerable on a first date. The heaviness of the pandemic had a way of stripping away any pretenses, making it harder for people to hide their true selves and easier to be open about their struggles.

This reporter has channeled that vulnerability into post-vaccinated dating. Recently on a first date, I erupted into tears over margaritas and appetizers — emotional spillover from a tough conversation I’d had earlier that day. My date handled it like a champ, moving to a seat closer to me, taking my hand and encouraging me to let it all out. He barely knew me, and yet his response was mature, accepting and understanding. It was as if we had been together for months. By the time we said goodbye, we both knew we wanted see each other again.

Being vulnerable doesn’t have to involve bursting into tears. Try asking your date about their toughest moments or who they leaned on most during the pandemic. People want to find somebody they connect with, and “being vulnerable is the way that you establish intimacy, through reciprocal self-disclosure,” Lehmiller says, adding that such openness “makes it more likely that something is going to arise out of that.”

7. Follow up. Lately, I’ve received some extremely thoughtful post-date messages telling me that it was nice to meet but that we’re not a match. In fact, Hinge’s Ury says the dating app’s users have reported that ghosting appears to be down these days. Writing a kind and respectful text thanking someone for their time, and highlighting one positive thing you gleaned about them, honors the time and energy you both put into meeting up.

Harrison Forman, a 29-year-old comedian and producer in New York, knows how it feels to be ghosted, so if he’s sensing a “friend vibe” after a first date, he politely makes that clear. The dating scene feels more direct these days, Forman says, with a no-loose-ends energy in the air. “You can’t come out of covid and live the same life.”

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

July 20, 2021July 19, 2021

Women in relationships ‘more likely to struggle with depression and self-esteem’

by Danielle Sinay

Today in not especially uplifting news, we’re sorry to report that people tend to get sadder and less confident as their romantic relationships progress. And while such is the case for all people, it’s especially common for women and those who are married.

A recent report titled “Subjective well-being across partnerships,” published in the June 2021 issue of the Journal of Family Psychology, found that while people of all genders tend to get more depressed as their romantic relationships progress, women continually reported doing much worse than their male counterparts in terms of mental well-being — primarily those in heterosexual partnerships.

The report, conducted by Matthew D. Johnson of the University of Alberta and German colleagues Franz J. Neyer and Christine Finn, analysed levels of life satisfaction, depressive symptoms, and self-esteem in 554 German people in romantic relationships. They sought out to survey a diverse group of all ages, and couples in various stages of romantic relationships: Some were in their teens and casually dating, while others were older, established and married. The oldest participant was 41 years old, however, and just one percent were in same-sex relationships.

Johnson’s results didn’t point to many happily ever afters.

Per the study, simply being a woman “predicted worse initial subjective well-being,” as well as a larger decrease in their general well-being as their romantic relationships progressed. It also found an overall decrease in self-esteem and symptoms of depression running parallel to the relationship’s progression, much more-so than men in relationships had reported.

But, there is hope for feminism after all — the study found that everyone felt worse while coupled up.

Indeed, the first set of findings concluded that all halves of relationships felt worse about their lives and themselves after about a year in a relationship, regardless of whether they were a teen casually dating or married in their thirties. Per the findings, “subjective well-being worsened” for all genders, and people in partnerships consistently reported a a reduction in self-esteem while their depression symptoms increased. What fun.

Not all relationship-induced-depression is created, equal, however, as one other group who suffered more than the rest. The report also found that being “older” (though again, the oldest person surveyed was 41 years old) and married predicts over all worse well-being, as those who had tied the knot reported feeling much less satisfied with their lives than those who were still living together or only dating. Those living in holy matrimony also reported far more self esteem issues than their unmarried peers.

And yes, these symptoms remained consistently worse for married women than married men.

Our prayers are with all wedding planners at this time. And married women.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

July 19, 2021July 18, 2021

The 7 best lesbian sex positions for breathtaking and monumental orgasms

The best lesbian sex positions will spice up your sex life

By Emilie Lavinia

Trying out the best lesbian sex positions could take your sex life to a whole new level. Expect pleasure, intimacy, and mind-blowing orgasms with our expert-approved positions.

When it comes to lesbian sex, there’s a lot more to it than both partners just using their favorite vibrator. But, with so little education on queer sex available from traditional sex education sources, many people who identify as women find it difficult to define what counts as sex when hooking up with people of the same gender.

In most cases, sex education is heteronormative and takes a gender binary perspective which can be exclusionary of queer sex and lesbian sex. “Our first formal ideas about sex are that sex is when a man puts his penis in a woman’s vagina. This excludes anyone who is not a heterosexual cisgender person and creates a restrictive view of what sex is,” says Isabelle Uren, an expert at sex blog Bed Bible.

When we approach sex from a non-biased perspective, things become clearer. Sexual Health Doctor Dr. Eleanor Draeger says, “I would define any activity that could pass on a Sexually Transmitted Infection as sex. Which means that vaginal sex, anal sex and oral sex all count as lesbian sex, as does penetration with something other than a penis, such as fingers, or a sex toy.”

There are plenty of myths about lesbian sex that also might affect what women having sex with other women think are the best sex positions. The most prevalent is that scissoring or tribbing AKA the act of rubbing one’s vulva against someone else’s is the only way to enjoy lesbian sex. Followed by the idea that in order to enjoy sex fully, one person must assume the role of ‘the man.’

Lesbian sex or sex between two people who identify as women is far more varied and enjoyable than the myths suggest. “There’s no one-size-fits-all when it comes to sex,” says Patricia, Co-Founder of sex toy company Vibio. “The best lesbian sex positions are those that are comfortable and allow our bodies to relax and focus on the sensations.”

It’s all about trying different positions and finding out the one that works for you. And this is where the fun begins!

Best sex positions for blended orgasms

“The key to blended orgasms is simple,” says Patricia. “A good mix of internal and external stimulation.” If you use rabbit vibrators, you’ll be familiar with blended orgasms. They are caused by a mix of stimulation to different areas of the body and are considered by experts to be the most intense type of orgasm.

Clitoral and internal stimulation from penetration is the most widely known combination, but blended orgasms can also come from anal penetration or nipple stimulation, amongst others. “Not everyone will be able to have a blended orgasm,” says Dr. Draeger. “But the best way to achieve one would be to get yourself into a position where you and/or your partner can stimulate more than one of the erogenous zones at the same time.”

1. MISSIONARY

How to do it: Whether we’re talking hetero or lesbian sex positions, missionary is a timeless classic for a reason. The receiving partner can relax and focus on the sensations, and the giving partner in top also has easy access to their partner’s vulva.

Why it’s great: The missionary position is great for manual clitoral stimulation, oral sex, or penetrative sex with fingers or a dildo, depending on what both partners feel comfortable with.

Make it sexier: Try propping up the receiver with a pillow or wedge for easier access to the receiver’s vulva and deeper penetration for access to the g-spot. The receiving partner lies on their back with their hips propped up while the giving partner lies between their partner’s legs and stimulates the whole vulva, including the labia and clitoris. When ready, they can insert their fingers or a dildo into their partner’s vagina. To maximize g-spot stimulation, they can use a ‘come here’ motion on the front wall of their partner’s vagina.

2. SIDEWAYS 69

How to do it: The 69 but not as you know it. In fact, this variation is much more comfortable for all involved. Instead of one partner being on top, both partners lie on their sides, facing opposite directions with their legs open. Using lips and tongues to stimulate the whole vulva during oral sex.

Why it’s great: “There’s a reason the 69 is sex position royalty. There’s something so crazily arousing about the responsiveness of this position—the more pleasure you feel, the more intensely you pleasure your partner,” says Patricia.

Make it sexier: A modified 69 position is perfect for kissing, licking, and nibbling breasts and nipples. Align your mouths with each other’s vulvas, breasts, and stomachs using hands for added sensation.

“For additional stimulation, use one of the best lubes to help your fingers glide over your partner’s clitoris. Experiment with different movements and pressures, such as tapping or circling the clitoris and consider using clitoral suction vibrators that stimulate the internal and external parts of the clitoris on your partner or for mutual masturbation,” says Isabelle.

Best sex positions for clitoral orgasms

Anyone with a vulva can pursue a clitoral orgasm and there are some key positions that can help achieve this, regardless of whether you want to know how to have an orgasm alone or with a partner, manually or with toys.

While most clitoral orgasms typically require no penetration it’s worth noting that a clitoral orgasm can be achieved in various ways. Many people believe the clitoris is just the glans—the part that protrudes from the top of the vulva. The clitoris is actually a much larger organ.

“Typically, the first third of the vaginal canal is the most sensitive. It is the one surrounded by the bulbs and legs of the clitoris so you’ll be stimulating the clitoral cluster just by staying a couple of centimeters in. Any position that allows you to combine this with direct stimulation of the clitoris is a winner for clitoral orgasms,” says Patricia.

“The best way to know what works for you in terms of how to have an orgasm is to practice on yourself first so that you can communicate effectively with any sexual partners you might have in the future,” says Dr. Draeger.

3. CLASSIC COWGIRL

How to do it: The classic Cowgirl position, AKA one person lying down while the other is seated on top of them, can be one of the most enjoyable lesbian sex positions. Begin by straddling your partner and moving as you would as if using your hands to masturbate while seated. Then use your hips to grind together and stimulate your vulva and your partners’.

Why it’s great: This position allows the person on top to control the speed, pressure and intensity. As they are in control, the person on top can relax into the sensation without feeling uncomfortable. If you’re capable of achieving multiple orgasms, this is also the perfect position to attempt a few in a row.

Make it sexier: Introduce a toy that stimulates both partners, such as a double-ended dildo. Some find adding penetration too intense in this position, so remember that you can experiment with sensation using toys like nipple clamps, handcuffs, and silky ties too and with stimulation by simply introducing dirty talk, kissing, and touching.

4. FACESITTING OR QUEENING

How to do it: In this position, the receiving partner kneels with their knees on either side of their partner’s face while their partner performs oral sex and uses their hands to caress their partner’s thighs and butt.

Why it’s great: “The receiving partner has more control over the pace and rhythm, as they can rock their hips back and forth—a motion that can also increase the chance of orgasm. The receiving partner can also use their hands to massage their breasts and nipples. That’s a whole lot of stimulation,” says Isabelle.

Make it sexier: Introducing some consensual bondage for beginners can take this position to new heights. Experiment with restricting movement or tying hands using ropes, silky restraints or handcuffs. Or add blindfolds and collars and leashes to control how you and your partner move while in this position.

Best sex positions for body conscious women

Regardless of who you’re hooking up with, whether your sex is with a partner, a stranger you met on one of the best lesbian dating apps or a friend, being intimate comes with its drawbacks. People who identify as female often struggle with body image issues during sex and for many, the prevalence of mainstream porn has a lot to do with how we perceive our own bodies. While ethical porn for women can help with how women see their bodies, it can take time and awareness to overcome body-conscious feelings.

If you are don’t feel as attractive as your partner, this can affect your ability to enjoy sex. Likewise, if you struggle with a chronic pain condition or physical disability, it’s important to remember that pleasure and closeness are what’s important here, not how you look.

“Lesbian sex is not a performance, it can be as intimate and explorative as we want it to be,” says Patricia. “It’s important to remember that if someone is having sex with you, it’s because they find you attractive. The best positions are those that make your body feel good, not look good.”

5. SPOONS

How to do it: Add a sexy twist to the much-loved spooning position. “Spooning is fantastic for breast and clitoral stimulation either manually or with a vibrator or for penetration with a strap-on,” says Isabelle.

Why it’s great: This position can feel safer than positions where you feel your body is more on show and therefore is good for people who are concerned about their bodies being on display. It’s also great for creating intimacy and slow, mindful tantric sex.

Make it sexier: Adding your favorite sex toy, such as a strap-on or vibrator, can be a gamechanger in this position. With your and your partners’ hands free to explore, use multiple toys for a range of stimulation and spend as much time as you like lying comfortably together.

6. KNEELING SPOONS

How to do it: If you’d like to take spooning to a new level, try kneeling while spooning. While both kneeling, the giving partner can reach around to stimulate their partner’s clitoris with their fingers or a vibrator. The receiving partner can also rock back and forth, grinding their clitoris against their partner’s hand.

Why it’s great: The biggest issue with spooning while lying down is that one arm is always partially restricted so this modification allows for much more freedom. This position creates intense closeness and plenty of opportunities to use fingers and toys for extra sensation.

Make it sexier: Position your partner between your body and a wall so you can control the intensity of your movements and restrict theirs. With your partner facing the wall you can kiss their neck, whisper into their ear and press their body firmly against the surface in front while you grind against them. You can also hold their hands in place against the wall if you’re both comfortable with doing so.

7. ON ALL FOURS

How to do it: For two people with vulvas, one person kneels on all fours and the other applies pressure to the receiver’s erogenous zones from behind. This can be with hands, their mouth or with toys. Whether you opt for external stimulation, penetration of the vagina or the anus or all three is totally up to you. Just be sure to go slow as this can be a vulnerable position for the receiver.

Why it’s great: “Often, on-top positions can be more intimidating if you feel self-conscious about your weight, so going for positions that highlight the parts of your body you feel confident about is always more enjoyable,” says Isabelle.

“Positions where your partner stimulates you from behind, give them a great view of your butt while giving you more coverage of the front of your body if that is what you prefer. You can also use furniture and props to help you feel more supported, such as on all fours with pillows underneath you or leaning over a kitchen counter or chair.”

Make it sexier: There are so many ways to make the all-fours position sexier, from having the receiver hold a body wand vibrator against their own clitoris to using toys like ticklers, crops and floggers for gentle to more intense stimulation. The excitement is in trusting your partner whilst not knowing what might come next.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

July 18, 2021July 17, 2021

6 Oral Sex Positions to Boost Intimacy and Pleasure

Turns out, “34+35” is just one of the hottest oral sex positions out there.

By Maressa Brown

Hot vax summer is here — so what better time to get more creative as we get back to getting it on? Sure, the same old vanilla sex positions are a great fall-back, but we’d argue this sultry season is the perfect moment to switch up how you’re giving and receiving pleasure.

Not only can exploring different sex positions help you to connect with your sexuality, but experimenting with oral sex can also be very useful for people who want to engage in sexual activity but for whom penetrative sex is not an option, due to personal preference, pain, trauma, or other reasons, says Casey Tanner, a certified sex therapist and expert for LELO.

“A person’s genitalia, for many, is one of the most intimate and personal parts of the body,” adds Tanner. “Consenting to your partner’s face being up close and personal with your genitals can, for some, open up a line of communication and trust in your partner that breeds intimacy.”

Plus, because research shows that some 70% of people with vulvas need clitoral stimulation in order to orgasm, experimenting with different oral sex can increase the likelihood of discovering positions that make orgasm easier to achieve, explains Tanner.

Here, six expert-approved oral sex positions that’ll help you take advantage of all these steamy benefits.

1. 69

69, otherwise referred to as “34+35” by one Ariana Grande, is one of the most popular, classic oral sex positions for a reason. “This position, in which two partners perform oral sex on each other, often simultaneously, can be very fun and intimate,” says Tanner.

While the classic positioning involves one partner lying on their back while the other lies on top of them, there are many variations. One of the most popular: lying on your sides, facing one another, while performing oral sex. “A benefit of this variation is it allows you to look at your partner more easily,” says Tanner. She points out that finding the best version of this position for you and your partner will be an individual experience, as the body types and body sizes of each partner are unique.

It’s also easy to add toys — think dildos, wands, ticklers — to your 69 experience to switch things up, offering you a break from using your mouth, and boost pleasure.

Kristine D’Angelo, clinical sexologist and certified sex coach, adds more words of wisdom: “People either love or hate doing 69 because it’s a position that doesn’t allow for one receiver to really enjoy the experience without putting effort in themselves. So, my suggestion is to figure out which partner loves the vantage point of their partner’s butt in their face and which partner wants to offer that view to their partner.”

2. Edge of the Bed

While oral sex positions that involve both you and your partner lying down put you on an equal playing field, you might want to experiment with this position, in which one partner is standing while the other is lying down, creating a sexy new power dynamic.

“While there are many ways to involve standing, one way to get creative with oral is to have one partner lie on the edge of a bed — or any other stable surface — with their head positioned at the edge of the bed, face towards the ceiling,” explains Tanner.

Then, the other partner stands over their mouth, so they can perform oral sex on them. “One of the reasons this position is enjoyable for some partners is that it provides a different shape for the tongue, mouth and/or throat to be used in oral sex,” explains Tanner.

3. Kneeling

Getting down on one knee — or both — isn’t just for proposing. And it doesn’t have to be uncomfortable crouching in front of your partner either. D’Angelo recommends that the receiving partner sit on the edge of the bed, sink, or a countertop, ideally on top of pillows or something else to cushion the surface, while the giver puts pillows down on the floor to pad their knees.

The giver can then wrap their hands around their partner’s hips as they give oral pleasure. “In this position, you can pull their hips toward your face,” says D’Angelo.

This position can be comfortable for both partners — and provide ample access to both the genitals and anal areas.

4. Standing Oral

In this position, either partner can stand, perhaps with their back up against a wall or counter, while the giver is on their knees in front of them. If you’re a vulva owner, you can stand with one leg up on your partner’s shoulder, creating space for them to pleasure you orally, advises D’Angelo.

The benefit: Being able to see your partner from this vantage point can be empowering for both parties — and offer a different sensation than when you’re lying down.

5. Face-Sitting

Another position that puts one partner in the “driver’s seat” of the experience involves “sitting” over your partner’s face. “It’s not exactly literal,” points out D’Angelo. “Your partner needs air, so it’s more of a light bouncing or grinding that happens on the face.”

Nonetheless, Tanner says that many partners enjoy face-sitting because of the power exchange and intensity of the position.

The flip side of that intensity is that you’ll want to be thoughtful when initiating face-sitting. “Like any sexual activity, the first and most important step in having a great sexual experience is getting enthusiastic consent from your partner,” notes Tanner. “If you and/or your partner are interested in face-sitting, which is the act of sitting on your partner’s face while they perform oral on you — or vice versa — sometimes fantasizing or imagining yourself in that position can help you determine if you want to try it.”

Once you’ve made the decision to try it, talk it through with your partner. D’Angelo recommends tackling the following questions:

What will it feel like?
How do you want me to position myself?
When will I know you want me to stop?

Tanner adds that it can be helpful to create a “safe gesture” — like a hand squeeze or three taps on the knee — to employ when one partner wants to stop.

6. Doggystyle

In this position, one partner gets on their hands and knees while the other partner performs oral from behind, explains Tanner.

This can be a helpful position for any giving partner who has jaw or neck pain since you can control the height of the receiving partner’s bottom half giving extended access, explains D’Angelo.

Tanner adds that doggystyle oral is a fantastic opportunity to stimulate the vulva as well as the perineum — the area of skin that connects the genitals (regardless of if the genitals are a penis, vulva, or otherwise) to the anus — and anus. “Not surprisingly, the perineum and anus can be quite pleasurable to stimulate because of the pelvic floor muscles and nerve endings that exist there,” she notes. “In fact, for people who have vulvas/vaginas, the perineum and anus contain the lower parts of the clitoral system!”

The first step to trying this with your partner: Start out with gentle touching or massaging of the area with fingers or mouths, advises Tanner.

The Bottom Line On Trying New Oral Sex Positions

When experimenting with new oral sex positions, it’s important to remember that every individual is different and responds to oral sex positions differently, notes Tanner. Ultimately, you’ll want to discuss your own and your partner’s likes, dislikes, and curiosities around oral sex — all of which can be valuable intel for determining the best position for you.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

July 17, 2021July 16, 2021

Is Sexercise Actually a Thing?

by Gabrielle Kassel

Despite what mainstream porn might have you believe, folks of all body shapes, sizes, fitness levels, and abilities can have great sex.

“There are plenty of pleasurable sexual activities and sex positions that don’t require a ton of strength, mobility, or stamina that are still intimate and orgasmic,” says clinical sexologist Megan Stubbs, EdD, the author of “Playing Without a Partner: A Singles’ Guide to Sex, Dating, and Happiness.”

The key to great sex is communication (and, TBH, lube).

However, some 2008 researchTrusted Source suggests exercise can make sex feel better. So, if you’re looking for moves that’ll get your body ready for a roll in the hay, consider sexercise.

Sexercise is a workout routine that’s designed to improve your sex life.

Made up of a series of strength and cardiovascular movements that can boost stamina, strength, flexibility, and pelvic floor tone — specifically for bedroom activities — sexercise is said to make sex last longer and more pleasurable.

Colloquially, sexercise is sometimes used to name sex that’s so active and high intensity that it seems like it should qualify as a workout.

But, here, we are talking about the former, more official, definition.

Celebrity trainer Jason Rosell is credited with taking the term mainstream in 2014 with the release of his song “#Sexercise” and subsequent workout album by the same name.

The vibe of the song is Rihanna music video meets Shaun T’s Insanity workout program meets a club in Miami where people are, uh, super hyped.

(For a sense of just how extra the #Sexercise routine is, check it out on YouTube).

As cheesy as the concept may seem, sexercise has a desirable objective: to give you the strength you need to be able to sustain positions, angles, and rhythms, and to bring you and your partner(s) the most pleasure for as long as you want.

“With proper training, certain sex positions that were previously difficult become possible and enjoyable,” says Rachel Sommer, PhD, the co-founder of My Sex Toy Guide, an online hub for sexual health and wellness content.

Consider the oh-so-popular missionary position for a second. The classic position requires the top partner to be in a high or forearm plank the entire time. As such, it’s common for the top partner’s arms to dictate how long the position is sustained.

Depending on the exact workout routine used, not to mention the anatomy of the person using it, “it’s possible for sexercise to allow you to carry on with sex for longer without premature ejaculation (PE),” she says.

Plus, exercise typically triggers a release of feel-good hormones and endorphins. So exercise, in addition to boosting your mood, can also heighten libido, making you more interested in sex, she says.

Generally, it’s best to think about the ways you enjoy having sex and strengthen the muscles that allow you to have it.

For example, if you enjoy masturbating standing up, you might want to strengthen your legs with movements, like:

Similarly, if you enjoy fisting your partner(s), but your shoulder gets tired halfway through, you might work toward boulder shoulders with a variety of press movements.

“Certain exercises, like planks, squats, lunges, and push-ups, help improve your strength, confidence, and endurance, all of which can make you better between the sheets,” Sommer says.

Yep! Core exercises, like the plank.

“Planks engage multiple muscles, ultimately powering your core and enhancing your flexibility,” Sommer says. “With consistency, planks can help you endure those uncomfortable but exciting sex positions you fancy.”

While a killer core move, planks can be painful for people with preexisting shoulder and wrist pain. For those folks, hollow holds are a good alternative.

No, Kegels aren’t an exercise *everyone* should be doing.

Kegels, which are common magazine fodder, involve contracting and then relaxing your pelvic floor muscles.

Overtime, when done correctly, Sommer says these exercises can improve sexual functioning, control PE, and even increase orgasm intensity.

Unfortunately, many people don’t have adequate pelvic floor awareness to do them correctly.

Rather than doing these movements willy-nilly, it’s best to get the green-light from a pelvic floor therapist or OB-GYN first.

Honestly, any ol’ exercise will do!

You don’t need to have sex on your mind while you exercise for the benefits of exercise to carry over into the bedroom.

“Really, any exercise is going to improve your performance in bed,” says certified sex educator Dainis Graveris, the founder and relationship expert at Sexual Alpha, a pleasure product ranking site.

Odds are, he says, that the workout routine you’re doing is going to improve:

These can all be tapped into during sex (no matter what sex looks like for you).

Nope! People of all fitness, flexibility, and strength levels can experience pleasurable sex.

Solid communication — not a sexercise routine — is the key to a pleasurable sex life, according to Sommer.

“Healthy communication during sex helps partners be more comfortable around each other,” she says. “Communicating also helps you learn more about each other’s desires and wants and connect better with your partner.”

Think adding sexercise to your life will enable you to experience more pleasure and fun in bed? Go forth and sweat for better sex!

But, ultimately, it’s not your fitness level that makes you good in bed, it’s your communication skills.

As Stubbs says, “even if you’re the fittest, most flexible, strongest person, if you can’t use your voice to communicate with your partner… the sex isn’t going to be any good.”

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

July 16, 2021July 15, 2021

Keeping a mindful sex journal can completely transform your sex life

By Tanyel Mustafa

Sex/Life is our latest Netflix show craze, and it’s got us thinking more about… ahem… our sex lives. There are plenty of ways to enhance yours – be it through toys or new positions – but how do you know what’s actually working best for you? This is where a sex diary can help. No, seriously – hear us out.

Maybe you’re in a relationship and after the initial buzz of lockdown sex died down (come on, what else did we have to do in quarantine?, your sex life has a got a little less exciting. Or maybe things with your SO are seriously longterm, and you’re looking for a way to spice things up. And even if you’re looking to document your own solo pleasure, there’s benefits here too in keeping a sex diary.

Ultimately, it’s for your own enjoyment and to get better acquainted with how you feel about your sex life. Here’s what you need to know.

Why should you keep a sex journal?

Journaling is often recommended as a way to go inwards, self-reflect or even to let worries and situations go. Depending on how you feel about your sex life, a journal can be a good way to do these things.

It might seem weird at first, given that the main window we have for talking about sex is drunkenly with a trusted friend, but think about how freeing it could be. How often do you share the nitty gritty details of your sex life? Let’s be real, real sex rarely is the way it looks on our screens (including you, Sex/Life). It’s easy to feel like your experiences aren’t “normal”, whatever that actually means.

Kate Moyle, sex and relationship expert at sexual wellness brand LELO tells us: “Journaling is a commonly used tool in therapy for externalising, building self-awareness and helping to reflect on experiences, thoughts and feelings.

“Writing to yourself in this way can also highlight to you where you might be placing certain judgements, assumptions or ideas, which when it comes to sex can have a really big impact on our sex lives and experiences. Writing them down either in the moment or returning to then can really highlight some of both the internal and external factors which might be impacting us sexually.”

A journal is a private way to dissect these thoughts, which might even make talking about them later with your partner or friend easier. Or just keep it for yourself – in a fun way, it’ll be like a little log of your sexual adventures.

Are their benefits for single people, too?

We’ve spent the last year in isolation, and for some single people, the idea of getting back out there sexually will be daunting. Kate says journaling can help you process your thoughts around sex, as well as the act itself.

“Processing, externalising and exploring our thoughts and feelings, particularly when it comes to sex which we might feel is more challenging to discuss with others, can give us a chance to work out where we are at and how we’re doing. We can get so caught up in the moment when it comes to sex, that we may need a bit of space in order to do this properly which sex can offer.

“How you use a sex journal is unique to you – it’s not prescriptive. For others it can also offer a form of self sex education, learning about themselves and what they like and don’t like in a way which doesn’t necessarily involve a partner,” she explains.

So, how do you start?

“Whenever you want to,” Kate says, but warns to not go in “immediately after sex as you also have your partner and their thoughts and feelings to respond to”. Doing this could create anxieties in them about what you’re writing – not ideal.

What should you keep in mind while writing?

The act of journaling is meant to be helpful in essence, rather than being yet another tool to self-criticise.

Kate says: “The aim of this type of journalling is not about judging performance or a way of assessing yourself, it’s a means of reflecting and being able to self-learn and process. Sex is a subjective experience but for too long we have been looking for objective ways to try and measure it to see how we are doing – and this is what journaling shouldn’t be about.

“It might be helpful to notice how you feel writing, and what comes up for you and to learn what’s working for you sexually and what isn’t. This isn’t just in terms of physically what you are doing but emotionally and psychologically where you’re at.

Should you look back over it?

That’s entirely down to you and will differ depending on how you’re using the journal. Some people won’t want to look back, others might even find some enjoyment in doing so.

As long as you’re using the journal in an uncompetitive way and as a “tool for learning”, Kate says it’ll likely help your sexual wellness. “When we feel that we know more, it can contribute to feeling more confident and when it comes to our sex lives this can be really positive,” Kate says.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

July 12, 2021

How To Know When To Walk Away From A Sexless Marriage

by Jessa Zimmerman, M.A.

One of the top issues that present in couples and sex therapy is a difference in levels of sexual desire. A discrepancy in desire is normal, but sometimes couples will struggle with conflict or avoidance around sex if they don’t manage that difference together. Sexless marriage, generally defined as having sex fewer than 10 times a year, is the extreme result of difficulty navigating sexual interest between two people.

A sexless marriage may be grounds for divorce for some people, depending on how important sex is to them and how much work has been put into solving the issue as a couple. Some couples rarely or never have sex, and both people are totally fine with that. There is no “normal” or “healthy” level of sexual desire or activity, so if it’s working for both people, there’s nothing to change or worry about. In a relationship where at least one person is unhappy with the lack of sex, there are many steps you can take to address undesired sexlessness within the marriage first before turning to divorce. As with so many other reasons to end a marriage, it’s worth trying to improve it first.

First and foremost, it’s important to consider the reasons for the lack of sex. If one person has become ill, disabled, or otherwise unable to be physically intimate, that’s very different from your partner being unwilling to engage with you sexually. Changes in sexual functioning can still allow physical intimacy, even if it doesn’t look like it used to. You may need to reevaluate your definition of what constitutes sex: If you only think about sex as being intercourse or penetrative sex, you are limiting the many types of sexual experiences you two could be enjoying together. Relatedly, the changes we face as we age and weather may mean we have to adjust our expectations. Those losses certainly should be grieved, but they can also be tolerated and supplemented with other satisfying sexual experiences.

You should also consider how the lack of sex in your marriage is related to other issues between you. When couples struggle to be kind to and supportive of one another, when their communication is dripping with criticism or contempt, or when they are gridlocked over other significant topics in their lives, it’s common to not want to have sex. If you’ve got other significant areas you have to address, do that work before you assess your sex life. Making changes to improve your overall relationship health usually has to happen before sexual intimacy can be created in a relationship.

Sexless marriage divorce rate.

There is no concrete statistic on how many people divorce because of a lack of sex in their marriage. A 2017 study of U.S. General Social Survey data from 2002 found 16% of married couples were in a sexless marriage (no sex in the past year). A 2018 survey that found over one in four relationships are sexless. We don’t know specifically what percentage of these couples were unhappy with the lack of sex, however. We also know that about 50% of marriages end in divorce. But so far, there is no study that ties these stats together.

Even if we did have a study showing how many couples got divorced due to a sexless marriage, we’d have a hard time knowing whether sex was really the issue—or just a symptom of other problems. I can say that lack of sex shows up in my therapy practice regularly, and couples often wonder whether their relationship can survive if that doesn’t change. Many people are certainly considering divorce.

When to walk away from a sexless marriage:

1. Your partner refuses to work through this issue with you.

There are so many obstacles to sex in a relationship, so there are many things you may need to talk about and change in order to create a sex life that you can both enjoy. Before considering divorce, you should bring up your concerns to your partner, have an earnest conversation about what’s in the way, and see how you can work as a team to address the issue. There is a lot you can do toward improving a sex life with your partner, but it does take both of you to step up to the table and address what needs to change.

Before you conclude that your partner isn’t willing to help, make sure that you have done everything you can on your side of the court. Bring up your concerns in a collaborative way, without blaming and shaming. You can support a partner with lower libido simply by being willing to explore how you are contributing to roadblocks for your partner. Have true curiosity about how sex could work better for them and what they need to access or cultivate their own desire for sex. Approach sex like it’s play rather than having specific goals and outcome that could set you both up for failure.

If you’ve been doing all of this, and your partner still refuses to talk about it and won’t be a collaborative teammate with you in creating physical intimacy in your relationship, it could be time to leave.

2. Your relationship issues are so big that there are other reasons to divorce.

Lack of sex in a relationship can be a symptom of other significant issues. In that case, it’s the other issues that really create grounds for divorce, if you can’t work through them.

For example, if the two of you have toxic communication cycles, including blame, shame, criticism, gaslighting, or abuse, that can nix your sex life—and bring your marriage to its end. Likewise, if you can’t get on the same page about money or parenting, you may not be able to save your marriage. If you have power struggles, infidelity, lying, or cruelty, your relationship may not survive. In all these examples, your issues go way deeper than the lack of sex in your marriage. If they aren’t addressed and changed, you may very well decide to leave your marriage.

3. Your sexual interests are so different that there are not ways to enjoy sex together, and you don’t agree to find another way to explore those interests.

Sometimes couples have what we call an “erotic conflict.” Each person has things that turn them on, a vision of the kind of sex they want to have and with whom. Sometimes, what we want is mutually exclusive with the desires of our partner. For example, if one person is kinky and that is a turnoff for their partner, they may struggle to find sex they can share and enjoy. Likewise, a person’s sexual orientation could get in the way—if they are not attracted to the gender of their partner.

In sex therapy, I am always trying to help couples find the overlap in their desires (think of a Venn diagram), but occasionally there is none. Some couples decide to address this by using fantasy and masturbation while staying married. Others decide to implement some type of open marriage in which they can meet their needs outside the relationship but remain married. But if those options aren’t desirable, you may decide to divorce over this lack of sexual compatibility.

Can a sexless marriage survive?

Yes. If you love your partner and you value your relationship, there are ways to address the lack of sex between the two of you as long as you’re both willing to work together. We are inundated with messages that sex should come naturally and that something must be very wrong with our relationship if we are having a hard time in the bedroom. But the truth is that it’s common, almost universal, to struggle with sex at some point over the course of a relationship. These difficulties present an opportunity to address issues, to talk to our partner with openness, and to recreate your relationship and sex life to suit you now.

Lack of sex is usually a symptom of other things. Sexual desire changes over time, and especially when it comes to sex in long-term relationships, having different levels of desire is normal. Things change in our lives in ways that make our sex life more difficult. All of these are normal and common experiences.

If you want to stay in your marriage and enjoy a sex life together, you can step into the work it takes to make that happen—and invite your partner to do the same. You’re not alone in these struggles, and your relationship doesn’t have to end—unless you truly face irreconcilable differences.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

July 11, 2021July 11, 2021

Everything You Need to Know About BDSM Tests and Kink Levels

It’s basically like a ~sexy~ Myers-Briggs personality test.

By Morgan Mandriota

Hello, my friends: Welcome to the safe space where kinksters, rookies, and all those in between unite. If you’re looking to explore a new fetish, maybe dabble in a few new kinks, or find out what exactly a brat is (…among other things), you’ve come to the right place.

Meet your new trusty sidekick that is low-key the R-rated version of Myers-Briggs: the BDSM test.

For the ~experienced~ kinksters, a BDSM test will help you find something new to try in (or out of) the bedroom. For those who are on the vanilla side looking to dabble into ventures you *might* be into, this test will also help you in all your sexy-time fun. Let’s get into all the details about it and what you can expect.

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What’s a BDSM test?

It’s kind of like a Myers-Briggs test for sexual personality types, says Gabi Levi, a sexpert who runs erotica site Shag Story. But if you’re looking for a more ~solid~ definition, “BDSM tests are typically a list of various sexual acts and attitudes that the test taker ranks on a scale ranging from ‘I’m 100 percent into that’ to ‘Nope. Hard limit, never gonna happen,’” explains sex and relationship therapist Stefani Goerlich.

“You answer questions about what kinds of sensations you enjoy giving and receiving, how much control you like to take or give over in your relationships, and how you feel about various fantasy and role-play scenarios,” says Goerlich.

Some example Qs you can expect to answer:

Do you enjoy behaving like a child?
Do you love being tied up with zero control?
Do you enjoy hunting prey?

Expect to be asked deeper, nonsexual questions because BDSM isn’t only a sexual experience—often times, it requires a high level of emotional intimacy too, says Levi.

What do your results mean?

Once you finish, you’ll end up on a page that shows off all your results, which is basically a list of which BDSM archetypes you align most with on a percentage scale from 0 to 100.

“You’ll receive a list of various power exchange dynamics, ranging from Fifty Shades–style light dominance and submission to master/slave lifestyles as well as more niche interests such as caregiver/little and pet play,” Goerlich explains. “The test then tells you, based on what you expressed an interest in, which dynamics might be most comfortable and enjoyable for you and your partner(s).”

Some of those look like brat and brat tamer, master/mistress and slave, caregiver and little, pet play, etc.

“At first glance, it can seem overwhelming, but BDSM can be so valuable to someone’s sex life, personal life, and emotional growth,” says Levi. “The world of BDSM is so much larger than most people think it is—it reaches beyond ‘dom’ and ‘sub’ archetypes into kinks and scenes that are uniquely specific to a participant’s sexual preferences.” Kind of cool, right?

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Where can I take a BDSM test?

Alright, alright, now everything you’ve been waiting for: how to take this BDSM test. Head on over to BDSMTest.org or MojoUpgrade.com to take the test. They’re two of the best sites around with slight differences.

BDSMTest.org gives you a lengthy list of fetishes and kink dynamics along with a percentage rating of how aligned your answers were with each possibility. (Like, hi, I got 99 percent brat.) This one is probs best if you’re single or just curious about your own tastes.

MojoUpgrade.com is better for seeing how your kinks align with your partners’. It allows couples to separately rate their sexual interests, then at the end, groups everything you both agreed on into a list to explore and play with.

Both options can be really powerful tools to build trust and enhance communication within your relationship, says Goerlich.

Okay, so you took the BDSM test. How will it improve your sex life?

A ton of really amazing ways. For one, “BDSM takes the fundamental ideas of power, play, and pleasure and puts them under a magnifying glass,” says Levi. “By understanding which elements of those fundamentals turn you on and turn you off is going to make you better understand your own sexuality and desires.”

Taking them can also help ease feelings of sexual shame or insecurity. “By taking tests such as these with your partner, you learn so much about what you might have in common but have been too afraid to talk about,” says Goerlich, whose clients often say they feel embarrassed or ashamed of what they want to do sexually.

Plus, who wouldn’t want to gauge sexual compatibility with your partner? Maybe it’s a lil much to pull out a BDSM test on date one, but if we’re asking about love languages and astrology signs, why not?

But remember this: Although BDSM tests can offer amazing insight into your own dream world of kink, they should only be used for inspo. “These are not psychological assessments that have been evaluated for reliability and validity,” Goerlich says. That said, my boyfriend and I can totally vouch for how much fun a BDSM test date night was.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

July 10, 2021July 10, 2021

What Is A Ruined Orgasm?

Why Some People Love Them + How To Try

by Morgan Mandriota

Some folks dream of being able to someday have an orgasm, while others get off from having their partner spoil their big O. Yep, you read that right—ruined orgasms are totally a thing that some people enjoy. If you’re curious, here’s what you should know about ruined orgasms before attempting to wreck your or someone else’s next climax.

What is a ruined orgasm?

“A ruined orgasm is typically a type of control play found in the BDSM community whereby the dominant person gets the submissive person highly aroused and then leaves them hanging to experience a very low-quality, low- to no-sensation type of orgasm, if any at all,” explains AASECT-certified sex therapist Jenni Skyler, Ph.D., LMFT, CST. So rather than feeling a 10/10 euphoric explosion of pleasure, the sub would feel a not-so-satisfying 2/10 instead. Yay.

Ruined orgasms can happen by accident, too. In fact, you might’ve actually had one in the past! “Many of us have experienced them; most of us just don’t eroticize the experience,” says sociologist and clinical sexologist Sarah Melancon, Ph.D. For example, she says one can occur if someone walks in on you masturbating or you get distracted right as you’re about to finish. (I can vouch that that’s happened to me before with a phone call from my mom, and it sucked.)

Melancon also notes that this practice is far more common in the world of female domination with male subs (which is why male-gendered language and penis talk may be used moving forward!), but people of any gender can enjoy it and should totally try it out if it sounds appealing.

What ruined orgasms feel like.

Does a ruined orgasm hurt or feel good for the person having it? Does it even feel like anything at all? Well, it can make the recipient feel…a few different things. Physically, it’s kinda like blue balls. “It can feel like a very subtle orgasm without the release, intensity, or climatic feeling typically experienced by orgasm,” says Skyler. Melancon adds that “sometimes ruined orgasms can feel a bit painful or uncomfortable to feel the contractions of an orgasm without the pleasure.”

Emotionally, it can feel very frustrating, disappointing, and unsatisfying. “If the stimulation continues to a point where ejaculation is inevitable, his partner can still distract or humiliate him to ruin the sensation of orgasm,” says Melancon. “In addition, the feeling of humiliation may accompany the experience regardless, especially if the ‘ruined’ partner twitches, spasms, moans, and groans at the sensation. It can feel embarrassing, as if they have no control over their own body.”

Ironically, though, despite how sad ruined orgasms may sound like they feel, they can be pretty pleasurable if someone’s super into them. “Some men have a fetish for this and want their partner to ruin their orgasm,” says Melancon. “These guys often enjoy the tease-and-denial aspect and/or want to be ‘forced’ to do something to ‘earn’ a good orgasm.”

How to give or have a ruined orgasm:

1. Ensure you have consent.

Friendly reminder: Never assume it’s OK to engage in a sexual activity without receiving enthusiastic consent from all parties. It’s especially important to protect both people during BDSM with clear communication, boundaries, and consent conversations. “Make sure both partners agree to this type of sex play,” says Skyler…then, proceed!

2. Agree upon a safe word.

Safewords or safe signals are important for communication and safety, explains Melancon. So before playing, remember to pick a unique word or action that either of you can express to stop the experience at any given time—no questions asked.

“There aren’t many true risks here, but if he’s uncomfortable and wants to stop, he should be free to express himself, and it’s a good idea to discuss how beforehand,” she says. “Likewise, his partner should feel free to stop teasing him if she isn’t feeling into it herself.”

Don’t know what to choose? “Watermelon.” You’re welcome.

3. Do your research.

Skyler reminds those interested in attempting ruined orgasms to read up on dom/sub power dynamics before starting this type of play. Learning the how-to’s from reliable sources on YouTube or well-known industry professionals can help ensure you have a safer, more educated, and pleasurable experience.

4. Focus on teasing your partner.

Ruined orgasms have to do with the amazing buildup and disappointing letdown of that otherwise long-awaited, exciting moment. That’s where the art of teasing comes in! “Slowly tease and build up the sexual tension inside his body. [You] may start and stop just as he’s really getting into it, then, after a pause, start back up again,” Melancon suggests.

5. Stop all stimulation prior to climax.

Melancon reminds us that a ruined orgasm is when all stimulation is stopped just prior to orgasm. So right as he’s about to orgasm, simply stop all movement and stimulation. “If you’ve timed it right and he’s on the path of no return, his body may begin to convulse and he will moan with discomfort instead of pleasure,” she says. Hint: If that happens, you’re doing it right!

Ruined orgasm versus edging.

There’s a pretty clear difference between ruined orgasms and edging, which involves getting right up to the point where you’re about to orgasm, stopping temporarily, and then building back up again. One results in maximum pleasure, whereas the other results in minimal pleasure. (Can you guess which is which?)

“While edging is very pleasurable and results in a longer window of arousal followed typically by an intense orgasm. A ruined orgasm is like the arousal petering out without climax after getting highly aroused,” Skyler explains.

“Tease and deny is a related kink and is exactly what it sounds like—one partner teases the other until they’re very aroused but stops before the point of orgasm,” adds Melancon. What’s the difference? Stimulation stops sooner and isn’t meant to ruin the orgasm, she says, but just amp up the teasing aspect.

Ruined orgasms may not sound physically pleasurable, so what’s the appeal for each party? Turns out there are many reasons people might enjoy ruined orgasms.

For one, it’s a fetish (predominantly among men). But while it’s more common for men to desire a ruined orgasm, Melancon says some women find it fun. “It really turns the dominant heterosexual script on its head, where his orgasm is no longer the most important or defining moment of sex.”

However, a lot of the excitement boils down to having or lacking control. “Partners may enjoy the power play and being able to choose where, when, how, and, most importantly, IF [they] get [their] pleasure,” says Melancon. Skyler adds that the power play appeal lies around the “short-term withholding and/or denial of physical pleasure for the larger, mental erotic charge. Many people playing in this arena enjoy giving up the physical sensations of more vanilla-known pleasure in order to experience a more mental [excitement] around power exchange.”

Last but not least on the list of perks, ruined orgasms can even help people with penises last longer during sex. According to Melancon, “if he’s allowed to ejaculate but without the pleasurable release of orgasm, he may remain sexually aroused and thus able to engage in more sexual activities.”

So whether you’re potentially into the power play, pain, or twisted pleasure of it all, try having your next orgasm ruined. Who knows? You might be way more into it than you expect.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

July 9, 2021July 8, 2021

How mindfulness can re-invigorate your sex life

Harness the power of mindfulness to form deeper connections

by Jodie Bond

We all know the benefits of mindfulness, but have you ever considered introducing aspects of mindful practice into your sex life? Many of us don’t associate calm and mindfulness with the passion we strive for in the bedroom, yet taking the time to think mindfully about sex is a great way to super-charge your love life.

Professor Lori Brotto is a psychologist and author from the University of British Columbia’s Sexual Health Laboratory. Considering the links she’s found in her research, Professor Brotto says: “A large body of scientific research shows that mindfulness significantly improves sexual desire, and several other facets of sexual function, mood, and sexual quality of life.”

Improving the way we tune-in to our bodies through mindfulness can improve the way we tune-in to our sexuality. These five steps will help you get started.

Passionate sex is mindful sex

Think back to your most powerful sexual experience. Do you remember what was running through your head? It’s likely that you don’t. When we’re immersed in the throes of passion, we are seized by the moment. We give our whole being to it. And that is exactly what mindfulness is. Passionate sex is mindful sex: we give all our energy to the heat of the experience, with no room for distraction.

In long-term relationships, we often find ourselves slipping into autopilot. We put ourselves through the motions of sex without being present. Do you ever find yourself thinking about work, or your never-ending to-do list? Our thoughts can be a barrier to intimacy.

Learn to switch off

Be in the moment during sex. Focus on your senses, and not on how you’re performing. This will not only help both you and your partner to relax, but will make the experience more enjoyable. Focus on the parts of your body that are alight with sensation. Notice your movements, the rise and fall of your breath, the warmth and coolness, the shiver of your skin.

Talking to your partner about what you’re experiencing during sex will help you both gain a better understanding of how to dial up the pleasure. Those whispers between the sheets can also be a huge turn on.

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Meditation and sex

Meditation and sex might sound like contradictory activities. Meditation is practised alone, usually in stillness and silence; sex is often active, noisy, and frequently practised with a partner! But these two activities are more complementary than you might think.

Research suggests that meditating in our daily lives has a positive impact on our enjoyment of sex. Regular meditation reduces the amount of the stress hormone, cortisol, that we produce. We all know that feeling stressed pushes sex down the priority list, and makes us more distracted when engaging with our partner. By lowering our stress levels through meditation, we can give our mind, and libido, the breathing space required to ignite our sense of desire.

Don’t put pressure on yourself

Often, we think of an orgasm as the primary goal when having sex, but placing climax on a pedestal can create unwanted pressure. According to a study published in Socioaffective Neuroscience & Psychology, more than half of women struggle to climax through penetrative sex, and chasing after an orgasm can distract from other sensual pleasures, and lead to frustration. Letting go of expectations, and simply enjoying the moment for what it is, will often yield astonishing results.

Make a date

It is easy for sex to slip down the list of priorities in long-term relationships – it’s not often given the time it deserves. A survey published in the British Medical Journal revealed that we are having less sex than we used to. This is often attributed to the fast pace of our modern lives.

A lot of value is placed on our ability to be spontaneous with sex, but there is no shame in scheduling it in. If you take one thing from this, promise yourself that you’ll dedicate a few hours to engage mindfully with sex.

Mindfulness is about finding an anchor for your focus. Let the anchor be your own body. Learn to return to that anchor when you are distracted, and you will revolutionise your love life. That’s a promise.

July 8, 2021July 7, 2021

How to have shower sex

— 12 essential tips and steamy positions

Getting steamy in the tub may be trickier than on dry land, but that’s no reason to write it off.

by Rosie Saunders

Shower sex looks easy in the movies, but the reality can be a little bit different. Getting steamy in the tub may be trickier than on dry land, but that’s no reason to write it off. A little pre-shower prep goes a long way.

With that in mind, we asked Mia Sabat, sex therapist at sexual wellbeing audio app Emjoy, to share the best positions for comfortable shower sex, along with extra tips and advice for taking your bathroom escapades up a level:

Shower sex positions

While this article refers to sex between a woman or a person with a vagina, and a man or a person with a penis, shower sex certainly isn’t gender-exclusive – nor does it require two people.

There’s plenty of fun you can have in the bath or shower by yourself, says Sabat – try lathering your body in special scented soaps or gels, or bring a sex toy into the mix.

‘The sky is the limit when it comes to shower sex, so long as you prioritise stability.’

‘There are plenty of waterproof options to help make things really exciting,’ she says. ‘The soothing nature of water can also help you to relax and unwind, giving your mind the space it needs to really get into the mood while helping you to build a truly powerful orgasm.’

If you are sharing the suds with a partner, try one of the following positions to make shower sex as comfortable and enjoyable as possible:

1. Stand and deliver

The receiver should turn away from their partner with their back to their face.
Feet should be firmly planted on the floor, ideally on a non-slip bath mat for added safety and leverage.
The receiver should bend at the waist until their head is pointing towards the ground , with their hands resting either on the wall in front of them or the side of the tub.
The giver should hold the receiver’s hips while entering from behind.

Also known as standing doggy style, this position is exceptionally satisfying when it comes to stimulating the clitoris and G-spot, says Sabat.

2. The wraparound

Stand facing each other, with one person leaning against the nearest wall for support.
Make sure to angle the shower head away from your face and onto your body for this to work.
Have the wall partner ‘wrap’ one leg around the other to pull them closer as they enter.

‘Not only does this position allow for over-the-top sensations and deeper penetration, but it enables you and your partner to be even more passionate and intimate, as you can kiss and caress one another while face-to-face,’ says Sabat. ‘A truly perfect way to make shower sex even steamier.’

3. On your knees

The ‘giver’ can squat, kneel or take any other position that allows them to pleasure their partner.
Make the room hot and steamy for this, to ensure the person on the giving end doesn’t get too cold.

‘The key to this position is making sure that whoever is receiving oral sex is standing, with the shower stream hitting their back, to shield the person who’s giving pleasure from any unwanted distractions,’ says Sabat.

4. The caboose

Have the giver sit down on the shower floor with their hands behind them.
The receiver should then sit on top.

‘This position means you’ll both be getting wet with the water coming from above,’ says Sabat. ‘Perfect for a partner that enjoys watching you when you’re on top.’

Shower sex tips

The sky is the limit when it comes to shower sex, so long as you prioritise stability, says Sabat. Before you begin, take precautions by using the right tools for the job – non-slip bath mats and lubricant (yep, lubricant) are key.

‘You might think water will suffice as a natural lubricant, but it actually has the opposite effect,’ Sabat says. ‘To ensure that penetration is comfortable throughout your steamy experience, use the correct lubricant for your situation.’

1. Set the mood

Foreplay is important – get stimulated before your switch the shower on. You could listen to literary or audio erotica, watch shower-based pornography, or experiment with ‘getting dirty before getting clean,’ says Sabat.

‘Swapping massages with scented oil, exploring each other’s messier fantasies, or experimenting with chocolate body paint can be great ways to work up to shower sex, especially as you’ll really enjoy washing each other off once you jump in,’ she says. ‘Feel free to go where your minds and bodies take you – the possibilities are endless.’

2. Plan ahead

When it comes to shower sex, you’re going for exciting – not dangerous, says Sabat. ‘Be sure you take safety precautions through bathroom accessories like handles, gripped bath mats, and waterproof sex toys to ensure that any liaisons you get into in the bathroom don’t end in a trip to the doctor,’ she says.

3. Take a stand

A foot stand, that is. It can help improve stability and increase the depth of penetration, Sabat says. ‘When you’re showering alone, don’t be afraid to test out potential positions to gauge stability,’ she explains. ‘Not only will this likely help to stimulate you both, but no one will be any the wiser, and you won’t have to worry about any slips or stumbles when you’re enjoying the real thing.’

4. Don’t slip and slide

If you’re using any form of barrier protection, put it on before entering the shower to make sure you’re as protected as possible. ‘There’s an increased risk of condom slippage in the shower, so make sure it’s a good fit before you start adding water to the equation,’ says Sabat. ‘Remember, water is not a replacement for lubricant. Make sure that you have some water or silicone-based lubricant on standby, just in case, and that it’s compatible with any condoms or sex toys that you’re using.’

5. Think outside the box

Sex doesn’t have to involve penetration. Think outside the box and engage with other forms of intimacy – be it mutual masturbation, self-pleasure, oral sex, or simple, spontaneous mutual exploration, says Sabat. ‘What matters is that you and your partner engage in whatever sexual experience feels stimulating and satisfying to the both of you by consensually pursuing your sexual desires in the moment,’ she says.

6. Don’t obsess over orgasms

‘If you find yourself thinking that all sexual encounters must result in climax to be a worthwhile experience, it’s time to change – especially within the context of shower sex,’ says Sabat. ‘Focusing on stimulating each other while learning and exploring one another’s thrilling pleasures are valid ways of creating and sharing intimacy. Just let the flow of water and blissful pleasures take over – you’re sure to connect with some of your favourite undiscovered sensations.

7. Use shower accessories

A world of pleasure exists beneath the shower tap, says Sabat. If you are a person with a vagina, and have a removable shower head, ‘experiment with different positions throughout the tub – lying on your back or stomach, or sitting on the side of the tub, can help you to reach places you’ve never accessed before,’ she says.

‘Alternatively, lie on your back and slide under the bath’s tap until you come into contact with the steady stream of water in a way that feels pleasurable to you, without entering your vagina,’ Sabat continues. ‘In either context, the steady stream of warm water is sure to stimulate your vulva and clitoris like no other.’

8. Don’t shy away from anal play

If you’ve always wanted to explore anal play, the shower can be one of the best places to put your worries at ease, says Sabat. ‘Next time you’re in the shower alone or with your partner and feel the urge to venture out of your comfort zone, get some silicone lube,’ she says. ‘Start by slowly massaging your lower back, caressing the outside of your anus, and move at a pace that makes you comfortable and excited.’

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

July 7, 2021July 7, 2021

What Causes Sexless Relationships

& How To Fix One

by Kelly Gonsalves

If you’ve found yourself in a sexless relationship, you likely have a lot of questions on your mind: What causes a relationship to become sexless? Is a sexless relationship healthy? And maybe the scariest question to ask yourself, especially if you’ve been in this relationship a long time and very much love the person you’re with: Should you stay in a sexless relationship? Here are all the answers you’re looking for, straight from sex and marriage therapists.

What is a sexless relationship?

A sexless relationship is a relationship where there’s little to no sexual activity occurring between the couple. There’s no exact way to quantify what counts as a sexless relationship, as different people have different expectations and desires for sex. Having sex 10 times a year or less is usually considered a sexless relationship, according to AASECT-certified sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman. But it’s very dependent on the individuals. For example, some people are perfectly happy with sex about once a month, whereas for others, that might feel infrequent enough to consider it a sexless relationship.

“It’s a bit arbitrary,” Zimmerman tells mbg. “I am always hesitant to define what amount is a problem or to focus on frequency because just meeting a number doesn’t mean your sex life is really working. Whenever we talk frequency, I think we are having the wrong conversation; it should be about quality—the degree to which both people find it enjoyable, engaging, and positive in their relationship.”

Sexless relationship statistics.

Of the 659 married people who shared details about their sexual frequency in the 2018 U.S. General Social Survey, about 19% were in what could be considered sexless relationships, reporting having had sex “once or twice” or “not at all” in the last year.

In comparison, about 35% of those married people had sex one to three times per month, 25% of had sex weekly, and 21% had sex several times per week.

In general, it’s common for sex in long-term relationships to fluctuate in frequency and quality. One study found four in five couples dealt with mismatched libidos in the last month. “Sexless relationships happen all the time,” marriage therapist and certified sex educator Lexx Brown-James, LMFT, tells mbg.

What causes sexless relationships.

There’s often not one direct cause that leads to sexless relationships but rather a myriad of factors that contribute to how a relationship slowly becomes sexless over time. Here are a few common contributing factors, according to Brown-James and sex therapist Vanessa Marin, LMFT:

Neither person cares about sex that much
Being so busy that sex is deprioritized
Neglecting intimacy and pleasure in general
Conflict in the relationship that creates disconnection
Health challenges (e.g., sexual pain, dysfunction, aging-related changes, etc.)
One or both partners are asexual
One or both partners have experienced sexual trauma, making sex harder or less appealing
Mismatched libido or other forms of desire discrepancy

“There’s also so much misinformation out there about sex, and that can lead people to developing unhealthy relationships with it. For example, believing that sex should always be spontaneous,” Marin adds. “And sometimes couples find themselves in a sexless marriage and can’t even remember how they got there.”

Effects of a sexless relationship.

A sexless relationship will not necessarily harm the overall health of the relationship. “If both people are happy without sex (or infrequent sex), there is no problem. Like so much about our sex life, it’s a problem when it causes distress,” Zimmerman explains.

But she notes: If one or both people are unhappy with their sex life, it can cause negative feelings that can bubble up in other areas of their life and taint the rest of the relationship. When one or both people are unhappy with the sexlessness, she says some potential effects include:

Negative feelings like loneliness, resentment, frustration, guilt, rejection, and inadequacy
Negative feelings and pressure around sex, triggering a sexual avoidance cycle
Less openness and connection
Less goodwill and kindness
Less patience with each other

Is a sexless relationship healthy?

Yes, sexless relationships can absolutely be healthy. “Some people are perfectly happy without sex, so there is no problem. And even when sex is a problem, the rest of the relationship can be healthy,” says Zimmerman. It all depends on the couple, what each person’s individual needs are, and how they communicate and tend to each other’s needs.

“But if one or both people are unhappy, that will inevitably lead to a negative cycle and some spillover to the rest of their relationship,” she notes. “If the sex life isn’t ‘healthy,’ it doesn’t mean the whole relationship isn’t, but it can take a serious toll.”

Can a relationship survive without intimacy?

A relationship can survive without intimacy, and so can sexless relationships. But a relationship without intimacy is not exactly the same as a relationship without sex. Some people might not have a ton of sexual activity and don’t mind it all, especially if they have other types of intimacy like emotional intimacy and spiritual intimacy.

But if you have no types of intimacy whatsoever in the relationship, that’s a whole separate problem that may not necessarily be related to the lack of sex.

“A relationship without intimacy and passion that solely has commitment is called empty love,” Brown-James says, citing psychologist Robert Sternberg’s triangular theory of love. “These relationships can survive; however, partners might look more like roommates than lovers. There is one caveat where marriages without passion survive and thrive. Relationships where friendship and commitment are the base of connection survive and thrive when passion is absent.”

Should you stay in a sexless relationship?

Whether you should stay in a sexless relationship depends on how important sex is to you personally. “People who value sex also can stay in a sexless relationship and be happy,” Brown-James says. “While sex is one way to bring pleasure into a relationship, it’s not the only way and for some not the most important way to connect with one another. It’s really an individual choice whether a person wants to stay and something that takes an honest conversation with yourself about desire and sexual needs.”

The decision to stay in a sexless relationship also depends on how willing you both are to working on creating a mutually satisfying sex life together. Have you opened up a conversation about the state of your sex life together, and have both people put in active effort and care into solving this issue?

“If you are in a sexless relationship and feeling unsatisfied, there is reason to discuss your dissatisfaction with your partner and come up with solutions,” Brown-James says. “Parsing out exactly what you mean, expect, and want is integral to knowing if you want to stay or leave.”

It may not make sense for you to stay in a sexless relationship if any of the following are true for you, according to Zimmerman:

Your partner refuses to work through this issue with you.
Your relationship issues are so big that there are other reasons to divorce.
Your sexual interests are so different that there are not ways to enjoy sex together, and you don’t agree to find another way to explore those interests.

(Here’s Zimmerman’s full guide to how to know when to walk away from a sexless marriage or relationship.)

“One of the things that can keep people stuck and not dealing with the issues is the belief that this means their relationship is doomed,” Zimmerman adds. “It doesn’t have to mean that, but if people don’t understand they can address the issues, they are likely to avoid the issue and doing anything to fix it.”

How to deal with a sexless relationship.

If you’re in a sexless relationship and really struggling to get your sex life to a place that feels good for both people, consider working with a sexuality professional. Oftentimes bringing in a supportive, impartial third party can help clear the air and set you on the right path.

Below are five more tips from Zimmerman, in her exact words:

1. Talk about it.

Have a different kind of conversation, one that is meant to get you working on it as a team, as allies, committed to a win/win. Most couples in this situation believe their interests are opposed (more sex/less sex), but it’s crucial to be working together on a sex life that works for both people. That has to come through in the conversations. And you have to keep the topic on the table, not just bring it up once a year.

2. Uncover the obstacles.

What’s gotten in the way of sex? Instead of anger that you aren’t getting what you want, cultivate curiosity about why this is a struggle for your partner. There are many things that can get in the way, including relationship issues, power dynamics, the meaning of sex in your relationship, the sex itself, etc. You need to identify what’s in the way and work together to change those aspects.

3. Develop a new paradigm.

Challenge expectations about sex. Learn how it works. Redefine it so it’s not attached to particular acts or outcomes. Create more flexibility around how you can share sexuality. Learn how sexual desire really works, and approach sex with openness to play rather than having specific metrics for success.

4. Approach sex as a “playground” without attachment to an outcome.

Rather than a binary yes/no (which so many people end up with), create room for “maybe.” Let’s get started and see what happens. Create those opportunities and enjoy them together, whether that results in “sex” the way you think of it or not. This is how you can take the pressure off—by learning to play and enjoy and create a way of engaging where there is no failure.

5. Prioritize it.

Schedule opportunities for this playground, this “maybe.” Make it a regular part of your life—to be physically intimate in some way, without pressure that it has to be any particular act(s). And keep talking!

How important is sex in a relationship?

How important sex is in a relationship will vary based on the couple and the individuals in it. In general, research shows sexual satisfaction is linked to overall relationship satisfaction, but that doesn’t necessarily mean more sex is better. One study in the Social Psychological and Personality journal found that adding more sex to a relationship stopped improving happiness after a certain point (about once a week), while other research has found people who don’t have sex are just as happy as people who have a lot of it.

“It’s so dependent on the couple!” Marin says. “For some couples, having sex once a year feels totally healthy. For other couples, having sex less than once a day doesn’t feel healthy! We each get to decide how important sex is to us individually, and how to balance those needs as a couple.”

For couples who do generally care about having a relatively active sex life, Zimmerman notes, “When sex is working well, it feels like 20% of the relationship—just one more aspect that’s working. But when it isn’t, it feels like 80% of the relationship, potentially overshadowing the other parts that may be working just fine.”

Just remember, it’s perfectly normal to not want to have sex with your partner sometimes, and ebbs and flows in sexual desire within a relationship are common. As long as there’s communication and a willingness to work together, relationships can survive these ups and downs without trouble.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

July 6, 2021July 5, 2021

Are You An Exhibitionist?

A Deep Dive Into The Sexual Kink

By Stephanie Barnes

Do you feel amazing, almost as if you’re being energized and excited, while standing naked under the gaze of a partner or someone you’re about to be intimate with? If the answer is yes, you could be into exhibitionism. Here, we explore and ultimately give you a better understanding of what it means to be an exhibitionist.

“Exhibitionism is when a person experiences sexual excitation from the fantasy of being observed naked or engaged in sexual activity, or from actually being observed while naked or engaged in sexual activity,” explains AASECT-certified sex therapist Indigo Stray Conger, LMFT, CST.

Importantly, this consensual kink is completely different and separate from the mental health condition known as exhibitionistic disorder, which involves deriving “recurrent and intense sexual arousal from the exposure of one’s genitals to an unsuspecting person, usually a stranger,” Stray Conger says. The key difference is in the lack of consent and the distress the person may feel about their own desires.

“Healthy exhibitionism is a sex-positive celebration of the erotic and should not be confused with exhibitionistic disorder,” she says.

The desire to incorporate being watched by others into sexual activity is an extremely common fantasy, Stray Conger says. According to Zhana Vrangalova, Ph.D., New York University professor of human sexuality and sexpert for LELO, a recent study showed that, “66% of men and 57% of women fantasize about having sex ‘openly in a public place,’ and 82% of both genders fantasize about having sex in an ‘unusual’ place, including offices, public toilets, etc.”

“Most of us have at least a little bit of an exhibitionist streak in us: This, like anything else in psychology, exists on a spectrum, and it is perfectly normal and healthy,” Vrangalova adds.

Though bringing that fantasy into reality is slightly less common, it still occurs frequently enough via the robust swinging or “lifestyle” community, says Stray-Conger.

Signs you might be into it:

1. You fantasize about being watched.

Perhaps one of the biggest indications that you’re into exhibitionism is that you find yourself regularly fantasizing about being watched. Whether alone or with a partner: “If a common theme to the fantasies that bring you to climax are about someone observing you naked or engaged in a sexual act,” then you might be an exhibitionist, says Stray Conger.

“If this fantasy is a core component to your erotic template, you might explore what it would be like to bring that fantasy into reality—with consenting adults and legal behavior, of course,” she says.

2. An early memory of your sexual self involves being observed.

If you have an early memory of being seen naked and recalling that memory as an adult evokes an erotic feeling for you, you could be an exhibitionist.

“Our erotic templates tend to be formed when young, and the first few times we experience ourselves as sexual beings may not be when we are involved in sexual acts. Those deepest memories of our erotic selves become an integral part of what turns us on and gets us off,” Stray Conger says.

3. You like the idea of getting into burlesque, stripping, or other sexy forms of culture.

“This is show-offy but also has the value for some of giving their exhibitionism a context. [Because some people] might only be comfortable with sexy…not sex,” says Carol Queen, Ph.D., sexologist with Good Vibrations.

4. You enjoy putting on a show for your partner.

Similar to being into the idea of stripping or burlesque, Queen says putting on a private show is another sign of exhibitionism. “Putting on a show for your partner—dancing, masturbating for them, etc.—isn’t just to entice and please them, though that’s nice and sexy. An exhibitionist will also find this very personally arousing,” she explains.

5. You dress sexy in order to pull attention.

Queen says this includes wearing tight or revealing clothes, costumes with some kink value, sexy lingerie, or really going over the top at Halloween. “Different people will find different outfits and garments sexy—there is no one type of clothing that all people would feel sexy in—so this part is definitely personal with diverse looks associated with it,” she notes. “But again, [it’s about] you drawing the eye, and feeling sexy about it.”

“Even if you’re not yet bringing these behaviors into sexually fueled situations, they are early signs that you love the feeling of people watching you,” adds Dainis Graveris, certified sex educator and relationship expert at SexualAlpha.

This isn’t gender-specific, Queen adds. “We often think of women as ‘objects of desire’ in this culture, and women are expected to dress and groom accordingly. That doesn’t mean they’re all turned on by it! And it doesn’t mean all other gender presentations have to sit this one out. Anyone can find this kind of play or fantasy enhancing, if they are into it in the first place.”

6. You love bringing your partner with you while shopping for lingerie.

In doing this, “your partner will feel sexually aroused, and you love seeing how they react to you showing off your body. A classic example of an exhibitionist and a voyeurist together,” says Graveris.

Exhibitionism vs. voyeurism.

Exhibitionism and voyeurism actually go hand-in-hand, Vrangalova says.

“Exhibitionism and voyeurism are like two sides of a coin. Exhibitionism is about the possibility of being seen by others being arousing, while voyeurism is about watching others naked or having sex being arousing,” she tells mbg. “Like exhibitionism, voyeurism is quite common (visual sexual stimuli is inherently arousing), and perfectly normal as long as it involves consenting adults.”

Like with exhibitionism, consent is key to voyeurism and making the two kinks function well together.

“As a voyeur, I’ve had to learn how to respectfully enjoy the excitement and pleasure of someone that wants to be seen, especially in intimate settings during any group play or kink scenes,” says Tiana GlittersaurusRex, polyamorous educator and co-founder of The Sex Work Survival Guide. “Watching verbal and nonverbal cues, how their bodies react or move, and knowing my attention is an additional form of participation is what makes the delicate dance of watcher and watched all the more titillating. The entertainment industry is worth billions because we live in a society that has people that love to perform and the fans that love to ogle.”

Tips and tricks to explore your exhibitionist side:

Start in the realm of fantasy before introducing the real thing.

Before diving in, Stray Conger encourages open and honest conversations about what you want when it comes to your exploration of exhibitionism, especially with any sexual partners you might be engaging with.

“Talk about what sex would be like if others were watching. Discuss different scenarios and what would be most arousing,” she says. “Then bring those fantasies into the bedroom while having sex, imagining that what you have already talked about is actually playing out. If that’s arousing for you and your partner, you might discuss what it would take to make those fantasies real. Discuss whether that is something you both want to do, or if the fantasy is enough.”

Add sexy garments or a striptease element to removing your clothes.

“Let the garments play up what you feel sexiest about, or cover ‘body image areas’ so you feel sexier than usual, or help you bring a role or identity to life,” Queen suggests. “You’ll probably care about whether someone else will find your outfit sexy—but much more important is what you feel sexy wearing.”

Keep the lights on and put on a show.

If you’re seeking the exhibitionistic thrill, then it might be a little harder to do so in the dark. Queens recommends keeping the lights on, getting on top, and putting on a show.

“Be showy, ask your partner to look at you, move, be a tease. Put on an erotic show for your partner; tease, masturbate, etc.,” she says.

Try mutual masturbation.

Queen also recommends trying mutual masturbation, which is when two partners masturbate at the same time, enjoying self-pleasure while watching each other get off. “I love suggesting that both partners masturbate and watch at the same time,” she says. “Just get on either end of the bed and make sure the lights aren’t too dim.”

Try a sex party or group sex scenario.

Once you’ve covered the bases of communication and you’ve incorporated a bit of your exhibitionistic fantasies into the bedroom, then it might be time to take things up a notch.

“Explore a sex party or swingers gathering. Again, choose an appropriate scenario, even if you were just talking about something over-the-top like having sex in the municipal pool. Don’t get in trouble out there, and don’t (as Queen Victoria reportedly said) ‘do it in the street and frighten the horses,'” Queens says.

This could also lead to more intense orgasms or an overall better experience when you do make it back into the bedroom at the end of the night.

The bottom line.

So, now that you have a better understanding of consensual exhibitionism and what it means to be an exhibitionist, what are you going to do with it? The truth is, you don’t have to do anything you’re not comfortable with.

“If you think you wouldn’t be brave enough to try exhibitionism or worry you wouldn’t like it in real life, that’s OK. A lot of our fantasies live in our minds and bring us plenty of joy without turning them into reality. That doesn’t mean you’re not an exhibitionist at heart,” says Stray Conger.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

July 5, 2021July 4, 2021

Porn for Women

— 15 Feminist Porn Sites You’ll Really, Really Enjoy

By martinerobert

Many women watch pornography, but for a long time they found it impossible to find it. For women.. There’s a lot of feminist porn out there these days, but it can be a little tricky to find. Many free sites often feel like they have to watch videos of people who are corrupting, insulting, and violating women one after another (and pop-ups one after another).

Hot masturbation material (or feed) Favorite foreplay tips) You shouldn’t come at the expense of feeling like an object (a valid turn-on that you can still experience in a feminist way, unless it’s something you’re looking for in particular).

Keep in mind that many of the best porn for women are not free, but many of the free porn are not ethically created.Not only is paying for feminist porn more secure for your computer, it makes the whole industry More female friendly— For performers And Audience.

Here are some feminist porn sites to check if you’re looking for women’s empowerment, mutually respectful sex, and lots of content to help you get off.

Cindy Gallop created this site Showing real sex among real people, not an actor doing something that doesn’t show how sex happens in IRL. Couples submit videos of themselves having sex. “Real-world sex is glorious, stupid, beautiful, messy, and encouraging humanity. You can borrow it for $ 5 and half the money goes to the stars themselves.” We are not pornography. — Porn is a performance (often a very tasty performance, but still a performance). “We are not” amateurs. ” Only experts do it right, and the rest of us are ridiculous idiots. (Honey, please.) “We love that attitude, and these videos.

This award-winning queer porn site is “Genuine Queer Porn, Lesbian, Fam on Fam, Boy, Stud, Genderqueer and Trans Man Performers, Trans Women, Trans Men, Queer Men and Women in Real Queer Engaged in sexuality “. You can become a member for $ 9.99 to $ 25 per month (all videos can be streamed).

Erika Lust, a filmmaker who explains why porn becomes a feminist This amazing TED talkProvides porn videos primarily produced by female directors, showing all of “intimacy, love and desire in sex”. “Women’s perspective is essential and aesthetics is a pleasure for all senses. Eroticism and innovation are celebrated.” She also embraced the viewer’s “confessions” and turned them into videos in her XConfessions series. I will.You can see the last piece $ 16.66 to $ 34.95 per month..

Instead of the standard video format, the site features GIFs for quick and free consumption of “obvious desires, uncontrollable passion, and body-positive eroticism.” We also provide sex toy reviews, NSFW coloring books, and other resources. Sex Educator El Chase..

The “female-friendly” section of mainstream porn sites is often just a testament to how low our standards are. Everything that a woman feels genuine joy in, even if the overall image is clearly aimed at heterosexuals, tends to be categorized in this way. But Dean Jones videos are some of the best options you can find in this category. They are sensual, romantic and focus on the women involved (although they tend to have shots that remain on the male body as well). You can become a member for about $ 20 to $ 30 a month, but many videos are free.

The female-run indie porn revolution (formerly known as nofauxxx.com) involved diverse actors, showed safe sex (rare in pornography), and was frequently typecast in non-stereotyped roles. I’m working on casting people. Membership ranges from $ 16.67 to $ 20 per month.

The filmmaker behind the production company, Ms. Naughty, deliberately tried to show all the good things we love about sex: intimacy, laughter, connection, and true joy. We call it “an attempt to do”. The video has a hot and sultry side as well as the stupid and annoying side of sex.You can because the camera zooms in on the man as well as the woman and the scene focuses on the accumulation of sexual tension that the couple experiences before sex feel The fever goes up. To see beyond the preview, you must pay $ 28.22 in the first month and then $ 12.24 in the following months.

When you hear enough of fake porn moans, you may wonder what it actually sounds like when a real person is masturbating or having sex. Fortunately, this site clears it all. Listen to dozens of audio recordings of masturbation sessions for absolutely free. Some include dirty talk aimed at delighting the listener, while others include an interesting attempt to back-calculate from 100 to 0.

Good Vibrations, a feminist sex toy store, strives to meet the diverse needs of women. That video collection It is no exception. You can find especially feminist porn, movies for women, and even sex education guides. This is very necessary in a world where so many people learn everything they know from pretty unrealistic pornography. You can pay every minute or rent each video for $ 5 to $ 10.

At Bellesa, women have easy access to sexual content that is faithful to how they see themselves, not as an object of conquest, but as an object of joy. But it’s not just pornography. These are platforms aimed at women satisfying their desires, sharing intimate and erotic stories, and joining communities with other like-minded women who are free to express their sexuality on the Internet. If you want to try an erotica story, you can send content here or browse feminine-friendly porn, whether you’re looking for something sensual, passionate, or even a little rough.

The app, founded by this woman, aims to create uplifting feminist audio. This allows you to find a sexy story in any situation. You can search for audio porn and listen to it alone in bed. Solo session; the perfect story to listen to before a date and get into a frivolous headspace. Even the erotic stories you deserve to hear at home while commuting can help you switch off from a day in the office. Dipsey’s story features a wide range of tastes, perspectives and interests, and is full of enthusiastic content that is fun, safe and prioritizes the joy of women. You can subscribe for $ 47.99 a year, which is less than $ 4 a month.

Sexuality is a spectrum and the best porn should reflect that. SPIT’s queer porn collection is nailed to two levels, introducing different types of content (videos, photos, erotica) and different experiences. Its content is ethically developed and the company is dedicated to creating a consensual, impartial, intersecting feminist space in the sex industry. That’s definitely a big reason to join for $ 19.65 a month.

Reddit isn’t necessarily the most friendly place for women, but you can find women posting their favorite adult videos for women on r / chickfixxx subreddit. You can also make a request. If your tastes are more specific, or if you’re looking for a particular type of video, it may be easier to ask your fellow sex part here than to watch for hours. You are welcome.

For artistic porn (yes, it’s a thing and it’s great), check out A Four Chambered Heart’s photos and short films. Not surprisingly, some still images are good enough to hang on a wall. You can hang it on the wall as long as you’re not too busy.

The images and sounds are great, but sometimes nothing is better than reading a good old erotica. But Literotica is not your grandma’s scandalous paperback. Free resources offer some of the hottest erotic fiction and fantasy on the internet from different authors and perspectives. The stories presented here are very useful because of the high standards of the story.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

July 2, 2021July 1, 2021

What Does Sex Positive Mean?

Here’s How Experts Explain It

Being sex positive can actually be really good for your health.

By Colleen Murphy

If you’ve been watching The Bachelorette at all this season, there’s a term you’ve likely heard over and over again: sex positive. Several of the men competing on the show have used “sex positive” to describe the current bachelorette, 30-year-old Katie Thurston, who is known for being super comfortable talking about sex.

Even if you don’t watch The Bachelorette, you might be hearing the phrase “sex positive” pop up elsewhere. That includes Twitter, as people are making jokes about turning this season into a drinking game: Whenever anybody says “sex positive,” take a drink.

But what exactly does it mean to be sex positive? Here’s how experts explain it.

What does ‘sex positive’ mean?

Someone who is sex positive is open to learning more about their own body, other people’s bodies, as well as consent, intimacy, and how to communicate about sex topics, Rachel Needle, PsyD, a psychologist in West Palm Beach, Florida, and the co-director of Modern Sex Therapy Institutes, a company that trains couples and sex therapists around the world, tells Health.

It also means they’re open to embracing and exploring their own sexuality and that of others-including sexual behavior, gender, sexual identity, and anatomy-in a respectful, non-judgmental way without shame.

But sex positivity doesn’t only have to do with sex-positive experiences and ideas. Theo Burnes, PhD, a psychologist practicing in Los Angeles and the director of clinical training at Antioch University in California, tells Health that sex positivity can also be about fighting for people who work in the sex industry, making sure they have equal rights and that their work is decriminalized. It can include advocating for accurate sex education that is not abstinence-only or fear-based. Sex positivity can also focus on understanding sex in the media-and that sexualized pornography, movies, or ads tend to portray some types of people yet leaves other out.

Being sex positive can also mean being the person a friend can come out to or go to with “their own fears, their own internalized stigma, sometimes their own shame,” Burnes says. Someone might call you, as a sex positive person, and say, “I’m really nervous about trying this new experience with my partner and I want to talk to somebody about it,” he explains.

What sex positivity isn’t

“Being sex positive doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re having an increased frequency of sexual behavior, or sexual encounters, or sexual arousal, but it does mean that you have an openness and a non-judgmental attitude toward engaging in sex, talking about sex, being open to other people talking about sex,” says Burnes.

Being sex positive also doesn’t mean you disregard the need for consent, Rosara Torrisi, PhD, certified sex therapist and director of The Long Island Institute of Sex Therapy, tells Health. “It’s not about encouraging folks to have a certain sexual orientation, minimum or maximum number of partners, or engage in certain behaviors during sex,” she says. “Expectations and pressure for anything about sexuality is inherently anti-sex positivity.” Consent is always a must.

Why is sex positivity talked about more these days?

Sex positivity isn’t just a concept that people identify with-it’s also a political and social movement.

“One of the things that really started that movement is this idea that sexuality has been often talked about as secretive, shameful, unhealthy, and that being overtly sexual in any kind of way-whether that’s talking about it, whether that’s having conversations about it-is problematic,” Burnes says. “And so the [sex positive] movement basically tries to say, ‘Hey, wait a second, this is a part of our normative development. And it’s not necessarily unhealthy or shameful, but having these conversations, doing exploration with sex when consent and trust and communication are part of the sexual process, is not wrong or unhealthy.'”

It’s a movement that’s been around for a long time. Recently, however, celebrities like Lady Gaga, Amber Rose, Jessica Biel, and Lizzo have spurred more conversations about sex positivity after speaking publicly about their experiences with slut shaming, sexuality, sexual assault, body acceptance, and sexual health and responsibility, Burnes explains. And yes, even The Bachelorette has expanded this trend.

“It wasn’t some agenda that I had coming on to the show. It’s just who I am and who I’ve been this whole time,” Thurston said on the podcast Bachelor Happy Hour earlier this year, after viewers were first introduced to her sex positive attitude when she was a contestant on The Bachelor. “It wasn’t until after the fact that I realized how big of a deal it was-which excites me, because I do believe it’s 2021, and women should be comfortable talking about their sexuality.”

“I appreciate being comfortable being able to talk about it,” Thurston continued. “Hopefully that means other women will soon start to open up a little bit, because being sex positive is important in a relationship, [the relationship you have with] yourself, in your self-care, and so many different things, especially in this [ongoing COVID-19] pandemic.”

Sex positivity has real health benefits

Being sex positive is “actually quite healthy and has been endorsed by a variety of organizations, like the World Health Organization (WHO),” according to Burnes. In fact, the WHO says that “a positive and respectful approach to sexuality and sexual relationships” is paramount to sexual health.

“When we are sex positive we are more sexually healthy,” Needle points out. “To many, being sexually healthy includes being comfortable with your own sexuality and making decisions related to and communicating about it.” Being sexually healthy can also mean enjoying sexual pleasure, having access to health care (including reproductive health care), having better communication skills with our partner(s) so that we are more likely to get what we want and need, and knowing how to avoid unintended pregnancy and minimize the risk of sexually transmitted infections (and accessing treatment if needed).

Having sex positive views can enhance your mental well-being too, according to Burnes. “That can mean decreased amounts of feelings of isolation, which can lead to things like depression and anxiety, [as well as a] decrease in shame and stigma, which can also lead to building resilience,” he says. When we eradicate ourselves from stigma and shame, he adds, we often demonstrate better health-related behaviors.

How can you become more sex positive?

First, know that anyone can be sex positive. “Sex positivity has little to do with what your sexual behaviors, identities, etc. are and much more about your perspective about sexuality,” Torrisi says. “It doesn’t matter if you’ve had sex with only yourself, a million people, or no one. Sex positivity is a set of values that is inclusive and nurturing of your own and others’ sexuality. It’s not just for polyamorous and kinky folks.”

As a whole, the US “has improved its understanding of sexual consent, pleasure, functioning, identity, orientation, behaviors, and expression,” according to Torrisi. But there’s still work to be done. “We’re still grappling with dual realities about sex in this country,” she says. “We are on one hand obsessed with sexuality, and on the other hand we are terrified of sexuality. Either end of this spectrum isn’t sex positivity. Recognizing the nuances, the lived realities of billions of individuals, each with their own valid truths, now that’s sex positivity.”

It also helps to recognize the culture many Americans were raised in, “where we’re constantly bombarded with images that sex is something we should think about, but never talk about,” as Burnes puts it. Next, he suggests thinking about whether you want to see a therapist, read some books, or visit different websites to help you navigate what being sex positive will look like for you.

“Being sex positive doesn’t necessarily mean that [you’re] going to go and have certain sexual encounters-although if that’s something that someone wants to do, that’s great and awesome, as long as they’re safe, consensual and communicative,” Burnes says. Instead, he says, it can simply mean being more open to other people’s and your own sexual curiosity and experiences.

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