Tag: Relationship Advice

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How to have shower sex

— 12 essential tips and steamy positions

Getting steamy in the tub may be trickier than on dry land, but that’s no reason to write it off.

by Rosie Saunders

Shower sex looks easy in the movies, but the reality can be a little bit different. Getting steamy in the tub may be trickier than on dry land, but that’s no reason to write it off. A little pre-shower prep goes a long way.

With that in mind, we asked Mia Sabat, sex therapist at sexual wellbeing audio app Emjoy, to share the best positions for comfortable shower sex, along with extra tips and advice for taking your bathroom escapades up a level:

Shower sex positions

While this article refers to sex between a woman or a person with a vagina, and a man or a person with a penis, shower sex certainly isn’t gender-exclusive – nor does it require two people.

There’s plenty of fun you can have in the bath or shower by yourself, says Sabat – try lathering your body in special scented soaps or gels, or bring a sex toy into the mix.

‘The sky is the limit when it comes to shower sex, so long as you prioritise stability.’

‘There are plenty of waterproof options to help make things really exciting,’ she says. ‘The soothing nature of water can also help you to relax and unwind, giving your mind the space it needs to really get into the mood while helping you to build a truly powerful orgasm.’

If you are sharing the suds with a partner, try one of the following positions to make shower sex as comfortable and enjoyable as possible:

1. Stand and deliver

  • The receiver should turn away from their partner with their back to their face.
  • Feet should be firmly planted on the floor, ideally on a non-slip bath mat for added safety and leverage.
  • The receiver should bend at the waist until their head is pointing towards the ground , with their hands resting either on the wall in front of them or the side of the tub.
  • The giver should hold the receiver’s hips while entering from behind.

Also known as standing doggy style, this position is exceptionally satisfying when it comes to stimulating the clitoris and G-spot, says Sabat.

2. The wraparound

  • Stand facing each other, with one person leaning against the nearest wall for support.
  • Make sure to angle the shower head away from your face and onto your body for this to work.
  • Have the wall partner ‘wrap’ one leg around the other to pull them closer as they enter.

‘Not only does this position allow for over-the-top sensations and deeper penetration, but it enables you and your partner to be even more passionate and intimate, as you can kiss and caress one another while face-to-face,’ says Sabat. ‘A truly perfect way to make shower sex even steamier.’

3. On your knees

  • The ‘giver’ can squat, kneel or take any other position that allows them to pleasure their partner.
  • Make the room hot and steamy for this, to ensure the person on the giving end doesn’t get too cold.

‘The key to this position is making sure that whoever is receiving oral sex is standing, with the shower stream hitting their back, to shield the person who’s giving pleasure from any unwanted distractions,’ says Sabat.

4. The caboose

  • Have the giver sit down on the shower floor with their hands behind them.
  • The receiver should then sit on top.

‘This position means you’ll both be getting wet with the water coming from above,’ says Sabat. ‘Perfect for a partner that enjoys watching you when you’re on top.’

Shower sex tips

The sky is the limit when it comes to shower sex, so long as you prioritise stability, says Sabat. Before you begin, take precautions by using the right tools for the job – non-slip bath mats and lubricant (yep, lubricant) are key.

‘You might think water will suffice as a natural lubricant, but it actually has the opposite effect,’ Sabat says. ‘To ensure that penetration is comfortable throughout your steamy experience, use the correct lubricant for your situation.’

1. Set the mood

Foreplay is important – get stimulated before your switch the shower on. You could listen to literary or audio erotica, watch shower-based pornography, or experiment with ‘getting dirty before getting clean,’ says Sabat.

‘Swapping massages with scented oil, exploring each other’s messier fantasies, or experimenting with chocolate body paint can be great ways to work up to shower sex, especially as you’ll really enjoy washing each other off once you jump in,’ she says. ‘Feel free to go where your minds and bodies take you – the possibilities are endless.’

2. Plan ahead

When it comes to shower sex, you’re going for exciting – not dangerous, says Sabat. ‘Be sure you take safety precautions through bathroom accessories like handles, gripped bath mats, and waterproof sex toys to ensure that any liaisons you get into in the bathroom don’t end in a trip to the doctor,’ she says.

3. Take a stand

A foot stand, that is. It can help improve stability and increase the depth of penetration, Sabat says. ‘When you’re showering alone, don’t be afraid to test out potential positions to gauge stability,’ she explains. ‘Not only will this likely help to stimulate you both, but no one will be any the wiser, and you won’t have to worry about any slips or stumbles when you’re enjoying the real thing.’

shower sex

4. Don’t slip and slide

If you’re using any form of barrier protection, put it on before entering the shower to make sure you’re as protected as possible. ‘There’s an increased risk of condom slippage in the shower, so make sure it’s a good fit before you start adding water to the equation,’ says Sabat. ‘Remember, water is not a replacement for lubricant. Make sure that you have some water or silicone-based lubricant on standby, just in case, and that it’s compatible with any condoms or sex toys that you’re using.’

5. Think outside the box

Sex doesn’t have to involve penetration. Think outside the box and engage with other forms of intimacy – be it mutual masturbation, self-pleasure, oral sex, or simple, spontaneous mutual exploration, says Sabat. ‘What matters is that you and your partner engage in whatever sexual experience feels stimulating and satisfying to the both of you by consensually pursuing your sexual desires in the moment,’ she says.

6. Don’t obsess over orgasms

‘If you find yourself thinking that all sexual encounters must result in climax to be a worthwhile experience, it’s time to change – especially within the context of shower sex,’ says Sabat. ‘Focusing on stimulating each other while learning and exploring one another’s thrilling pleasures are valid ways of creating and sharing intimacy. Just let the flow of water and blissful pleasures take over – you’re sure to connect with some of your favourite undiscovered sensations.

7. Use shower accessories

A world of pleasure exists beneath the shower tap, says Sabat. If you are a person with a vagina, and have a removable shower head, ‘experiment with different positions throughout the tub – lying on your back or stomach, or sitting on the side of the tub, can help you to reach places you’ve never accessed before,’ she says.

‘Alternatively, lie on your back and slide under the bath’s tap until you come into contact with the steady stream of water in a way that feels pleasurable to you, without entering your vagina,’ Sabat continues. ‘In either context, the steady stream of warm water is sure to stimulate your vulva and clitoris like no other.’

8. Don’t shy away from anal play

If you’ve always wanted to explore anal play, the shower can be one of the best places to put your worries at ease, says Sabat. ‘Next time you’re in the shower alone or with your partner and feel the urge to venture out of your comfort zone, get some silicone lube,’ she says. ‘Start by slowly massaging your lower back, caressing the outside of your anus, and move at a pace that makes you comfortable and excited.’

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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What Causes Sexless Relationships

& How To Fix One

by Kelly Gonsalves

If you’ve found yourself in a sexless relationship, you likely have a lot of questions on your mind: What causes a relationship to become sexless? Is a sexless relationship healthy? And maybe the scariest question to ask yourself, especially if you’ve been in this relationship a long time and very much love the person you’re with: Should you stay in a sexless relationship? Here are all the answers you’re looking for, straight from sex and marriage therapists.

What is a sexless relationship?

A sexless relationship is a relationship where there’s little to no sexual activity occurring between the couple. There’s no exact way to quantify what counts as a sexless relationship, as different people have different expectations and desires for sex. Having sex 10 times a year or less is usually considered a sexless relationship, according to AASECT-certified sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman. But it’s very dependent on the individuals. For example, some people are perfectly happy with sex about once a month, whereas for others, that might feel infrequent enough to consider it a sexless relationship.

“It’s a bit arbitrary,” Zimmerman tells mbg. “I am always hesitant to define what amount is a problem or to focus on frequency because just meeting a number doesn’t mean your sex life is really working. Whenever we talk frequency, I think we are having the wrong conversation; it should be about quality—the degree to which both people find it enjoyable, engaging, and positive in their relationship.”

Sexless relationship statistics.

Of the 659 married people who shared details about their sexual frequency in the 2018 U.S. General Social Survey, about 19% were in what could be considered sexless relationships, reporting having had sex “once or twice” or “not at all” in the last year.

In comparison, about 35% of those married people had sex one to three times per month, 25% of had sex weekly, and 21% had sex several times per week.

In general, it’s common for sex in long-term relationships to fluctuate in frequency and quality. One study found four in five couples dealt with mismatched libidos in the last month. “Sexless relationships happen all the time,” marriage therapist and certified sex educator Lexx Brown-James, LMFT, tells mbg.

What causes sexless relationships.

There’s often not one direct cause that leads to sexless relationships but rather a myriad of factors that contribute to how a relationship slowly becomes sexless over time. Here are a few common contributing factors, according to Brown-James and sex therapist Vanessa Marin, LMFT:

  • Neither person cares about sex that much
  • Being so busy that sex is deprioritized
  • Neglecting intimacy and pleasure in general
  • Conflict in the relationship that creates disconnection
  • Health challenges (e.g., sexual pain, dysfunction, aging-related changes, etc.)
  • One or both partners are asexual
  • One or both partners have experienced sexual trauma, making sex harder or less appealing
  • Mismatched libido or other forms of desire discrepancy

“There’s also so much misinformation out there about sex, and that can lead people to developing unhealthy relationships with it. For example, believing that sex should always be spontaneous,” Marin adds. “And sometimes couples find themselves in a sexless marriage and can’t even remember how they got there.”

Effects of a sexless relationship.

A sexless relationship will not necessarily harm the overall health of the relationship. “If both people are happy without sex (or infrequent sex), there is no problem. Like so much about our sex life, it’s a problem when it causes distress,” Zimmerman explains.

But she notes: If one or both people are unhappy with their sex life, it can cause negative feelings that can bubble up in other areas of their life and taint the rest of the relationship. When one or both people are unhappy with the sexlessness, she says some potential effects include:

  • Negative feelings like loneliness, resentment, frustration, guilt, rejection, and inadequacy
  • Negative feelings and pressure around sex, triggering a sexual avoidance cycle
  • Less openness and connection
  • Less goodwill and kindness
  • Less patience with each other

Is a sexless relationship healthy?

Yes, sexless relationships can absolutely be healthy. “Some people are perfectly happy without sex, so there is no problem. And even when sex is a problem, the rest of the relationship can be healthy,” says Zimmerman. It all depends on the couple, what each person’s individual needs are, and how they communicate and tend to each other’s needs.

“But if one or both people are unhappy, that will inevitably lead to a negative cycle and some spillover to the rest of their relationship,” she notes. “If the sex life isn’t ‘healthy,’ it doesn’t mean the whole relationship isn’t, but it can take a serious toll.”

Can a relationship survive without intimacy?

A relationship can survive without intimacy, and so can sexless relationships. But a relationship without intimacy is not exactly the same as a relationship without sex. Some people might not have a ton of sexual activity and don’t mind it all, especially if they have other types of intimacy like emotional intimacy and spiritual intimacy.

But if you have no types of intimacy whatsoever in the relationship, that’s a whole separate problem that may not necessarily be related to the lack of sex.

“A relationship without intimacy and passion that solely has commitment is called empty love,” Brown-James says, citing psychologist Robert Sternberg’s triangular theory of love. “These relationships can survive; however, partners might look more like roommates than lovers. There is one caveat where marriages without passion survive and thrive. Relationships where friendship and commitment are the base of connection survive and thrive when passion is absent.”

Should you stay in a sexless relationship?

Whether you should stay in a sexless relationship depends on how important sex is to you personally. “People who value sex also can stay in a sexless relationship and be happy,” Brown-James says. “While sex is one way to bring pleasure into a relationship, it’s not the only way and for some not the most important way to connect with one another. It’s really an individual choice whether a person wants to stay and something that takes an honest conversation with yourself about desire and sexual needs.”

The decision to stay in a sexless relationship also depends on how willing you both are to working on creating a mutually satisfying sex life together. Have you opened up a conversation about the state of your sex life together, and have both people put in active effort and care into solving this issue?

“If you are in a sexless relationship and feeling unsatisfied, there is reason to discuss your dissatisfaction with your partner and come up with solutions,” Brown-James says. “Parsing out exactly what you mean, expect, and want is integral to knowing if you want to stay or leave.”

It may not make sense for you to stay in a sexless relationship if any of the following are true for you, according to Zimmerman:

  1. Your partner refuses to work through this issue with you.
  2. Your relationship issues are so big that there are other reasons to divorce.
  3. Your sexual interests are so different that there are not ways to enjoy sex together, and you don’t agree to find another way to explore those interests.

(Here’s Zimmerman’s full guide to how to know when to walk away from a sexless marriage or relationship.)

“One of the things that can keep people stuck and not dealing with the issues is the belief that this means their relationship is doomed,” Zimmerman adds. “It doesn’t have to mean that, but if people don’t understand they can address the issues, they are likely to avoid the issue and doing anything to fix it.”

How to deal with a sexless relationship.

If you’re in a sexless relationship and really struggling to get your sex life to a place that feels good for both people, consider working with a sexuality professional. Oftentimes bringing in a supportive, impartial third party can help clear the air and set you on the right path.

Below are five more tips from Zimmerman, in her exact words:

1. Talk about it.

Have a different kind of conversation, one that is meant to get you working on it as a team, as allies, committed to a win/win. Most couples in this situation believe their interests are opposed (more sex/less sex), but it’s crucial to be working together on a sex life that works for both people. That has to come through in the conversations. And you have to keep the topic on the table, not just bring it up once a year.

2. Uncover the obstacles.

What’s gotten in the way of sex? Instead of anger that you aren’t getting what you want, cultivate curiosity about why this is a struggle for your partner. There are many things that can get in the way, including relationship issues, power dynamics, the meaning of sex in your relationship, the sex itself, etc. You need to identify what’s in the way and work together to change those aspects.

3. Develop a new paradigm.

Challenge expectations about sex. Learn how it works. Redefine it so it’s not attached to particular acts or outcomes. Create more flexibility around how you can share sexuality. Learn how sexual desire really works, and approach sex with openness to play rather than having specific metrics for success.

4. Approach sex as a “playground” without attachment to an outcome.

Rather than a binary yes/no (which so many people end up with), create room for “maybe.” Let’s get started and see what happens. Create those opportunities and enjoy them together, whether that results in “sex” the way you think of it or not. This is how you can take the pressure off—by learning to play and enjoy and create a way of engaging where there is no failure.

5. Prioritize it.

Schedule opportunities for this playground, this “maybe.” Make it a regular part of your life—to be physically intimate in some way, without pressure that it has to be any particular act(s). And keep talking!

How important is sex in a relationship?

How important sex is in a relationship will vary based on the couple and the individuals in it. In general, research shows sexual satisfaction is linked to overall relationship satisfaction, but that doesn’t necessarily mean more sex is better. One study in the Social Psychological and Personality journal found that adding more sex to a relationship stopped improving happiness after a certain point (about once a week), while other research has found people who don’t have sex are just as happy as people who have a lot of it.

“It’s so dependent on the couple!” Marin says. “For some couples, having sex once a year feels totally healthy. For other couples, having sex less than once a day doesn’t feel healthy! We each get to decide how important sex is to us individually, and how to balance those needs as a couple.”

For couples who do generally care about having a relatively active sex life, Zimmerman notes, “When sex is working well, it feels like 20% of the relationship—just one more aspect that’s working. But when it isn’t, it feels like 80% of the relationship, potentially overshadowing the other parts that may be working just fine.”

Just remember, it’s perfectly normal to not want to have sex with your partner sometimes, and ebbs and flows in sexual desire within a relationship are common. As long as there’s communication and a willingness to work together, relationships can survive these ups and downs without trouble.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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Are You An Exhibitionist?

A Deep Dive Into The Sexual Kink

By Stephanie Barnes

Do you feel amazing, almost as if you’re being energized and excited, while standing naked under the gaze of a partner or someone you’re about to be intimate with? If the answer is yes, you could be into exhibitionism. Here, we explore and ultimately give you a better understanding of what it means to be an exhibitionist.

“Exhibitionism is when a person experiences sexual excitation from the fantasy of being observed naked or engaged in sexual activity, or from actually being observed while naked or engaged in sexual activity,” explains AASECT-certified sex therapist Indigo Stray Conger, LMFT, CST.

Importantly, this consensual kink is completely different and separate from the mental health condition known as exhibitionistic disorder, which involves deriving “recurrent and intense sexual arousal from the exposure of one’s genitals to an unsuspecting person, usually a stranger,” Stray Conger says. The key difference is in the lack of consent and the distress the person may feel about their own desires.

“Healthy exhibitionism is a sex-positive celebration of the erotic and should not be confused with exhibitionistic disorder,” she says.

The desire to incorporate being watched by others into sexual activity is an extremely common fantasy, Stray Conger says. According to Zhana Vrangalova, Ph.D., New York University professor of human sexuality and sexpert for LELO, a recent study showed that, “66% of men and 57% of women fantasize about having sex ‘openly in a public place,’ and 82% of both genders fantasize about having sex in an ‘unusual’ place, including offices, public toilets, etc.”

“Most of us have at least a little bit of an exhibitionist streak in us: This, like anything else in psychology, exists on a spectrum, and it is perfectly normal and healthy,” Vrangalova adds.

Though bringing that fantasy into reality is slightly less common, it still occurs frequently enough via the robust swinging or “lifestyle” community, says Stray-Conger.

Signs you might be into it:

1. You fantasize about being watched.

Perhaps one of the biggest indications that you’re into exhibitionism is that you find yourself regularly fantasizing about being watched. Whether alone or with a partner: “If a common theme to the fantasies that bring you to climax are about someone observing you naked or engaged in a sexual act,” then you might be an exhibitionist, says Stray Conger.

“If this fantasy is a core component to your erotic template, you might explore what it would be like to bring that fantasy into reality—with consenting adults and legal behavior, of course,” she says.

2. An early memory of your sexual self involves being observed.

If you have an early memory of being seen naked and recalling that memory as an adult evokes an erotic feeling for you, you could be an exhibitionist.

“Our erotic templates tend to be formed when young, and the first few times we experience ourselves as sexual beings may not be when we are involved in sexual acts. Those deepest memories of our erotic selves become an integral part of what turns us on and gets us off,” Stray Conger says.

3. You like the idea of getting into burlesque, stripping, or other sexy forms of culture.

“This is show-offy but also has the value for some of giving their exhibitionism a context. [Because some people] might only be comfortable with sexy…not sex,” says Carol Queen, Ph.D., sexologist with Good Vibrations.

4. You enjoy putting on a show for your partner.

Similar to being into the idea of stripping or burlesque, Queen says putting on a private show is another sign of exhibitionism. “Putting on a show for your partner—dancing, masturbating for them, etc.—isn’t just to entice and please them, though that’s nice and sexy. An exhibitionist will also find this very personally arousing,” she explains.

5. You dress sexy in order to pull attention.

Queen says this includes wearing tight or revealing clothes, costumes with some kink value, sexy lingerie, or really going over the top at Halloween. “Different people will find different outfits and garments sexy—there is no one type of clothing that all people would feel sexy in—so this part is definitely personal with diverse looks associated with it,” she notes. “But again, [it’s about] you drawing the eye, and feeling sexy about it.”

“Even if you’re not yet bringing these behaviors into sexually fueled situations, they are early signs that you love the feeling of people watching you,” adds Dainis Graveris, certified sex educator and relationship expert at SexualAlpha.

This isn’t gender-specific, Queen adds. “We often think of women as ‘objects of desire’ in this culture, and women are expected to dress and groom accordingly. That doesn’t mean they’re all turned on by it! And it doesn’t mean all other gender presentations have to sit this one out. Anyone can find this kind of play or fantasy enhancing, if they are into it in the first place.”

6. You love bringing your partner with you while shopping for lingerie.

In doing this, “your partner will feel sexually aroused, and you love seeing how they react to you showing off your body. A classic example of an exhibitionist and a voyeurist together,” says Graveris.

Exhibitionism vs. voyeurism.

Exhibitionism and voyeurism actually go hand-in-hand, Vrangalova says.

“Exhibitionism and voyeurism are like two sides of a coin. Exhibitionism is about the possibility of being seen by others being arousing, while voyeurism is about watching others naked or having sex being arousing,” she tells mbg. “Like exhibitionism, voyeurism is quite common (visual sexual stimuli is inherently arousing), and perfectly normal as long as it involves consenting adults.”

Like with exhibitionism, consent is key to voyeurism and making the two kinks function well together.

“As a voyeur, I’ve had to learn how to respectfully enjoy the excitement and pleasure of someone that wants to be seen, especially in intimate settings during any group play or kink scenes,” says Tiana GlittersaurusRex, polyamorous educator and co-founder of The Sex Work Survival Guide. “Watching verbal and nonverbal cues, how their bodies react or move, and knowing my attention is an additional form of participation is what makes the delicate dance of watcher and watched all the more titillating. The entertainment industry is worth billions because we live in a society that has people that love to perform and the fans that love to ogle.”

Tips and tricks to explore your exhibitionist side:

Start in the realm of fantasy before introducing the real thing.

Before diving in, Stray Conger encourages open and honest conversations about what you want when it comes to your exploration of exhibitionism, especially with any sexual partners you might be engaging with.

“Talk about what sex would be like if others were watching. Discuss different scenarios and what would be most arousing,” she says. “Then bring those fantasies into the bedroom while having sex, imagining that what you have already talked about is actually playing out. If that’s arousing for you and your partner, you might discuss what it would take to make those fantasies real. Discuss whether that is something you both want to do, or if the fantasy is enough.”

Add sexy garments or a striptease element to removing your clothes.

“Let the garments play up what you feel sexiest about, or cover ‘body image areas’ so you feel sexier than usual, or help you bring a role or identity to life,” Queen suggests. “You’ll probably care about whether someone else will find your outfit sexy—but much more important is what you feel sexy wearing.”

Keep the lights on and put on a show.

If you’re seeking the exhibitionistic thrill, then it might be a little harder to do so in the dark. Queens recommends keeping the lights on, getting on top, and putting on a show.

“Be showy, ask your partner to look at you, move, be a tease. Put on an erotic show for your partner; tease, masturbate, etc.,” she says.

Try mutual masturbation.

Queen also recommends trying mutual masturbation, which is when two partners masturbate at the same time, enjoying self-pleasure while watching each other get off. “I love suggesting that both partners masturbate and watch at the same time,” she says. “Just get on either end of the bed and make sure the lights aren’t too dim.”

Try a sex party or group sex scenario.

Once you’ve covered the bases of communication and you’ve incorporated a bit of your exhibitionistic fantasies into the bedroom, then it might be time to take things up a notch.

“Explore a sex party or swingers gathering. Again, choose an appropriate scenario, even if you were just talking about something over-the-top like having sex in the municipal pool. Don’t get in trouble out there, and don’t (as Queen Victoria reportedly said) ‘do it in the street and frighten the horses,'” Queens says.

This could also lead to more intense orgasms or an overall better experience when you do make it back into the bedroom at the end of the night.

The bottom line.

So, now that you have a better understanding of consensual exhibitionism and what it means to be an exhibitionist, what are you going to do with it? The truth is, you don’t have to do anything you’re not comfortable with.

“If you think you wouldn’t be brave enough to try exhibitionism or worry you wouldn’t like it in real life, that’s OK. A lot of our fantasies live in our minds and bring us plenty of joy without turning them into reality. That doesn’t mean you’re not an exhibitionist at heart,” says Stray Conger.

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Porn for Women

— 15 Feminist Porn Sites You’ll Really, Really Enjoy

By martinerobert

Many women watch pornography, but for a long time they found it impossible to find it. For women.. There’s a lot of feminist porn out there these days, but it can be a little tricky to find. Many free sites often feel like they have to watch videos of people who are corrupting, insulting, and violating women one after another (and pop-ups one after another).

Hot masturbation material (or feed) Favorite foreplay tips) You shouldn’t come at the expense of feeling like an object (a valid turn-on that you can still experience in a feminist way, unless it’s something you’re looking for in particular).

Keep in mind that many of the best porn for women are not free, but many of the free porn are not ethically created.Not only is paying for feminist porn more secure for your computer, it makes the whole industry More female friendly— For performers And Audience.

Here are some feminist porn sites to check if you’re looking for women’s empowerment, mutually respectful sex, and lots of content to help you get off.

Cindy Gallop created this site Showing real sex among real people, not an actor doing something that doesn’t show how sex happens in IRL. Couples submit videos of themselves having sex. “Real-world sex is glorious, stupid, beautiful, messy, and encouraging humanity. You can borrow it for $ 5 and half the money goes to the stars themselves.” We are not pornography. — Porn is a performance (often a very tasty performance, but still a performance). “We are not” amateurs. ” Only experts do it right, and the rest of us are ridiculous idiots. (Honey, please.) “We love that attitude, and these videos.

This award-winning queer porn site is “Genuine Queer Porn, Lesbian, Fam on Fam, Boy, Stud, Genderqueer and Trans Man Performers, Trans Women, Trans Men, Queer Men and Women in Real Queer Engaged in sexuality “. You can become a member for $ 9.99 to $ 25 per month (all videos can be streamed).

Erika Lust, a filmmaker who explains why porn becomes a feminist This amazing TED talkProvides porn videos primarily produced by female directors, showing all of “intimacy, love and desire in sex”. “Women’s perspective is essential and aesthetics is a pleasure for all senses. Eroticism and innovation are celebrated.” She also embraced the viewer’s “confessions” and turned them into videos in her XConfessions series. I will.You can see the last piece $ 16.66 to $ 34.95 per month..

Instead of the standard video format, the site features GIFs for quick and free consumption of “obvious desires, uncontrollable passion, and body-positive eroticism.” We also provide sex toy reviews, NSFW coloring books, and other resources. Sex Educator El Chase..

The “female-friendly” section of mainstream porn sites is often just a testament to how low our standards are. Everything that a woman feels genuine joy in, even if the overall image is clearly aimed at heterosexuals, tends to be categorized in this way. But Dean Jones videos are some of the best options you can find in this category. They are sensual, romantic and focus on the women involved (although they tend to have shots that remain on the male body as well). You can become a member for about $ 20 to $ 30 a month, but many videos are free.

The female-run indie porn revolution (formerly known as nofauxxx.com) involved diverse actors, showed safe sex (rare in pornography), and was frequently typecast in non-stereotyped roles. I’m working on casting people. Membership ranges from $ 16.67 to $ 20 per month.

The filmmaker behind the production company, Ms. Naughty, deliberately tried to show all the good things we love about sex: intimacy, laughter, connection, and true joy. We call it “an attempt to do”. The video has a hot and sultry side as well as the stupid and annoying side of sex.You can because the camera zooms in on the man as well as the woman and the scene focuses on the accumulation of sexual tension that the couple experiences before sex feel The fever goes up. To see beyond the preview, you must pay $ 28.22 in the first month and then $ 12.24 in the following months.

When you hear enough of fake porn moans, you may wonder what it actually sounds like when a real person is masturbating or having sex. Fortunately, this site clears it all. Listen to dozens of audio recordings of masturbation sessions for absolutely free. Some include dirty talk aimed at delighting the listener, while others include an interesting attempt to back-calculate from 100 to 0.

Good Vibrations, a feminist sex toy store, strives to meet the diverse needs of women. That video collection It is no exception. You can find especially feminist porn, movies for women, and even sex education guides. This is very necessary in a world where so many people learn everything they know from pretty unrealistic pornography. You can pay every minute or rent each video for $ 5 to $ 10.

At Bellesa, women have easy access to sexual content that is faithful to how they see themselves, not as an object of conquest, but as an object of joy. But it’s not just pornography. These are platforms aimed at women satisfying their desires, sharing intimate and erotic stories, and joining communities with other like-minded women who are free to express their sexuality on the Internet. If you want to try an erotica story, you can send content here or browse feminine-friendly porn, whether you’re looking for something sensual, passionate, or even a little rough.

The app, founded by this woman, aims to create uplifting feminist audio. This allows you to find a sexy story in any situation. You can search for audio porn and listen to it alone in bed. Solo session; the perfect story to listen to before a date and get into a frivolous headspace. Even the erotic stories you deserve to hear at home while commuting can help you switch off from a day in the office. Dipsey’s story features a wide range of tastes, perspectives and interests, and is full of enthusiastic content that is fun, safe and prioritizes the joy of women. You can subscribe for $ 47.99 a year, which is less than $ 4 a month.

Sexuality is a spectrum and the best porn should reflect that. SPIT’s queer porn collection is nailed to two levels, introducing different types of content (videos, photos, erotica) and different experiences. Its content is ethically developed and the company is dedicated to creating a consensual, impartial, intersecting feminist space in the sex industry. That’s definitely a big reason to join for $ 19.65 a month.

Reddit isn’t necessarily the most friendly place for women, but you can find women posting their favorite adult videos for women on r / chickfixxx subreddit. You can also make a request. If your tastes are more specific, or if you’re looking for a particular type of video, it may be easier to ask your fellow sex part here than to watch for hours. You are welcome.

For artistic porn (yes, it’s a thing and it’s great), check out A Four Chambered Heart’s photos and short films. Not surprisingly, some still images are good enough to hang on a wall. You can hang it on the wall as long as you’re not too busy.

The images and sounds are great, but sometimes nothing is better than reading a good old erotica. But Literotica is not your grandma’s scandalous paperback. Free resources offer some of the hottest erotic fiction and fantasy on the internet from different authors and perspectives. The stories presented here are very useful because of the high standards of the story.

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What Does Sex Positive Mean?

Here’s How Experts Explain It

Being sex positive can actually be really good for your health.

By Colleen Murphy

If you’ve been watching The Bachelorette at all this season, there’s a term you’ve likely heard over and over again: sex positive. Several of the men competing on the show have used “sex positive” to describe the current bachelorette, 30-year-old Katie Thurston, who is known for being super comfortable talking about sex.

Even if you don’t watch The Bachelorette, you might be hearing the phrase “sex positive” pop up elsewhere. That includes Twitter, as people are making jokes about turning this season into a drinking game: Whenever anybody says “sex positive,” take a drink.

But what exactly does it mean to be sex positive? Here’s how experts explain it.

What does ‘sex positive’ mean?

Someone who is sex positive is open to learning more about their own body, other people’s bodies, as well as consent, intimacy, and how to communicate about sex topics, Rachel Needle, PsyD, a psychologist in West Palm Beach, Florida, and the co-director of Modern Sex Therapy Institutes, a company that trains couples and sex therapists around the world, tells Health.

It also means they’re open to embracing and exploring their own sexuality and that of others-including sexual behavior, gender, sexual identity, and anatomy-in a respectful, non-judgmental way without shame.

But sex positivity doesn’t only have to do with sex-positive experiences and ideas. Theo Burnes, PhD, a psychologist practicing in Los Angeles and the director of clinical training at Antioch University in California, tells Health that sex positivity can also be about fighting for people who work in the sex industry, making sure they have equal rights and that their work is decriminalized. It can include advocating for accurate sex education that is not abstinence-only or fear-based. Sex positivity can also focus on understanding sex in the media-and that sexualized pornography, movies, or ads tend to portray some types of people yet leaves other out.

Being sex positive can also mean being the person a friend can come out to or go to with “their own fears, their own internalized stigma, sometimes their own shame,” Burnes says. Someone might call you, as a sex positive person, and say, “I’m really nervous about trying this new experience with my partner and I want to talk to somebody about it,” he explains.

What sex positivity isn’t

“Being sex positive doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re having an increased frequency of sexual behavior, or sexual encounters, or sexual arousal, but it does mean that you have an openness and a non-judgmental attitude toward engaging in sex, talking about sex, being open to other people talking about sex,” says Burnes.

Being sex positive also doesn’t mean you disregard the need for consent, Rosara Torrisi, PhD, certified sex therapist and director of The Long Island Institute of Sex Therapy, tells Health. “It’s not about encouraging folks to have a certain sexual orientation, minimum or maximum number of partners, or engage in certain behaviors during sex,” she says. “Expectations and pressure for anything about sexuality is inherently anti-sex positivity.” Consent is always a must.

Why is sex positivity talked about more these days?

Sex positivity isn’t just a concept that people identify with-it’s also a political and social movement.

“One of the things that really started that movement is this idea that sexuality has been often talked about as secretive, shameful, unhealthy, and that being overtly sexual in any kind of way-whether that’s talking about it, whether that’s having conversations about it-is problematic,” Burnes says. “And so the [sex positive] movement basically tries to say, ‘Hey, wait a second, this is a part of our normative development. And it’s not necessarily unhealthy or shameful, but having these conversations, doing exploration with sex when consent and trust and communication are part of the sexual process, is not wrong or unhealthy.'”

It’s a movement that’s been around for a long time. Recently, however, celebrities like Lady Gaga, Amber Rose, Jessica Biel, and Lizzo have spurred more conversations about sex positivity after speaking publicly about their experiences with slut shaming, sexuality, sexual assault, body acceptance, and sexual health and responsibility, Burnes explains. And yes, even The Bachelorette has expanded this trend.

“It wasn’t some agenda that I had coming on to the show. It’s just who I am and who I’ve been this whole time,” Thurston said on the podcast Bachelor Happy Hour earlier this year, after viewers were first introduced to her sex positive attitude when she was a contestant on The Bachelor. “It wasn’t until after the fact that I realized how big of a deal it was-which excites me, because I do believe it’s 2021, and women should be comfortable talking about their sexuality.”

“I appreciate being comfortable being able to talk about it,” Thurston continued. “Hopefully that means other women will soon start to open up a little bit, because being sex positive is important in a relationship, [the relationship you have with] yourself, in your self-care, and so many different things, especially in this [ongoing COVID-19] pandemic.”

Sex positivity has real health benefits

Being sex positive is “actually quite healthy and has been endorsed by a variety of organizations, like the World Health Organization (WHO),” according to Burnes. In fact, the WHO says that “a positive and respectful approach to sexuality and sexual relationships” is paramount to sexual health.

“When we are sex positive we are more sexually healthy,” Needle points out. “To many, being sexually healthy includes being comfortable with your own sexuality and making decisions related to and communicating about it.” Being sexually healthy can also mean enjoying sexual pleasure, having access to health care (including reproductive health care), having better communication skills with our partner(s) so that we are more likely to get what we want and need, and knowing how to avoid unintended pregnancy and minimize the risk of sexually transmitted infections (and accessing treatment if needed).

Having sex positive views can enhance your mental well-being too, according to Burnes. “That can mean decreased amounts of feelings of isolation, which can lead to things like depression and anxiety, [as well as a] decrease in shame and stigma, which can also lead to building resilience,” he says. When we eradicate ourselves from stigma and shame, he adds, we often demonstrate better health-related behaviors.

How can you become more sex positive?

First, know that anyone can be sex positive. “Sex positivity has little to do with what your sexual behaviors, identities, etc. are and much more about your perspective about sexuality,” Torrisi says. “It doesn’t matter if you’ve had sex with only yourself, a million people, or no one. Sex positivity is a set of values that is inclusive and nurturing of your own and others’ sexuality. It’s not just for polyamorous and kinky folks.”

As a whole, the US “has improved its understanding of sexual consent, pleasure, functioning, identity, orientation, behaviors, and expression,” according to Torrisi. But there’s still work to be done. “We’re still grappling with dual realities about sex in this country,” she says. “We are on one hand obsessed with sexuality, and on the other hand we are terrified of sexuality. Either end of this spectrum isn’t sex positivity. Recognizing the nuances, the lived realities of billions of individuals, each with their own valid truths, now that’s sex positivity.” 

It also helps to recognize the culture many Americans were raised in, “where we’re constantly bombarded with images that sex is something we should think about, but never talk about,” as Burnes puts it. Next, he suggests thinking about whether you want to see a therapist, read some books, or visit different websites to help you navigate what being sex positive will look like for you.

“Being sex positive doesn’t necessarily mean that [you’re] going to go and have certain sexual encounters-although if that’s something that someone wants to do, that’s great and awesome, as long as they’re safe, consensual and communicative,” Burnes says. Instead, he says, it can simply mean being more open to other people’s and your own sexual curiosity and experiences.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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How Much Blood Does It Take to Get Hard?

by James Roland

An erection is the result of increased blood flow to the penis. But you may be wondering exactly how that works, and whether there’s a specific amount of blood that your penis needs to achieve an erection.

In some cases, reduced blood flow to the penis can cause noticeable changes in the penis. But many other parts of your body, like your nervous system and hormones, also impact how and when your penis gets hard.

Read on to learn more about what blood has to do with erections. We’ll also cover what you can do if you feel unsatisfied by your erection when you masturbate or have sex.

The actual amount of blood needed to get hard varies among people. On average, it’s thought to be about 130 milliliters (mL), or 4.4 ounces. It’s a small fraction of the 1.2 to 1.5 gallons (4,500 to 5,600 mL) of blood circulating throughout the adult human body at any given time.

Because an erection needs a relatively small amount of blood, there’s no increase in blood production in the body. But blood is redirected to supply tissue in the penis, which means that a little less blood can be directed elsewhere in the body.

Here’s exactly what happens to the penis physiologically during an erection and how blood is involved in this process:

Inside the shaft of the penis are two columns of spongy tissue called corpora cavernosa. This tissue contains blood vessels. When your penis is flaccid, arteries are constricted, supplying just enough blood flow to keep the tissue in the corpora cavernosa healthy.

When you become aroused, the smooth muscles of the arteries in the penis relax, allowing the blood vessels to expand and fill with more blood. This expands corpora cavernosa tissue too, making your penis larger and firmer.

To make an erection happen, the brain, nervous system, blood vessels and certain hormones are recruited. Here’s how this part works:

  • Nerve signals from the brain based on arousing stimuli, like visual imagery or erotic thoughts, can cause the muscles in the corpora cavernosa to relax.
  • Sensory stimulation of the penis or surrounding area can trigger a similar response, with nerve impulses signaling to the tissue in the corpora cavernosa to prepare for sexual intercourse.
  • During sexual stimulation, the body releases a chemical called nitric oxide (NO). This helps dilate the blood vessels and activate an enzyme called guanylate cyclase to trigger the release of cyclic guanosine monophosphate (cGMP). This chemical relaxes the spongy tissue and allows it to become engorged as arteries expand with greater blood flow.
  • After an orgasm, the additional blood that engorges the corpora cavernosa will start to flow out through veins in the penis. The same amount that entered at the start of the process will also exit.

What if blood doesn’t flow back out?

Blood that doesn’t properly flow back out of the penis can result in a condition called priapism. Blood pooling in the penis this way can damage tissue in the corpora cavernosa.

Priapism is more common in people with blood disorders, like sickle cell anemia, but can also be brought on by medications or other factors, like the use of cocaine or conditions like leukemia.

In addition to blood, the hormones testosterone and oxytocin may both play a role in getting and maintaining an erection.

A 2016 review in the The Journal of Sexual MedicineTrusted Source notes that testosterone may play a role in the timing of an erection by helping to relax the penile arteries so they can fill with blood.

Some individuals with ED and low levels of testosterone may benefitTrusted Source from testosterone therapy, but levels below the normal range are still enough to achieve a healthy erection. Testosterone also drives sexual desire, and low levels may cause a drop in libido.

Oxytocin has also been identified as an important component in arousal. But researchers in the 2016 review noted that the use of oxytocin to create sexual arousal needs to be studied more.

Several factors can affect blood flow to the penis or the ability of the penis to become erect, like:

  • Circulation problems. Cardiovascular disease, high blood pressure, diabetes, and high cholesterol can reduce blood flow to the penis and other parts of the body.
  • Nervous system dysfunction. Neurological disorders like multiple sclerosis, Alzheimer’s disease, and Parkinson’s disease can interfere with proper signaling from the brain to initiate the sexual arousal process.
  • Tissue damage. Radiation treatment to the bladder or prostate can sometimes harm the nerves and blood vessels that bring nerve and chemical signals to the area for arousal and blood vessel dilation. This can make it difficult or impossible for the penis to engorge itself with blood.

A lifestyle that focuses on good physical, mental, and emotional health promotes good circulation. This is one way to help increase the likelihood of erectile function.

Try these tips to support healthy erections and overall well-being:

  • Consider quitting or cutting back on smoking. The chemicals in cigarette smoke can injure your blood vessels.
  • Get regular aerobic exercise. Exercising throughout the week helps improve circulation, energy, and overall fitness and self-confidence.
  • Eat a balanced diet. Focus on vegetables, fruits, whole grains, and lean protein sources.
  • Address mental health issues like depression and anxiety. These can affect not just your sexual health, but your overall health.

A 2018 studyTrusted Source found that following a Mediterranean diet was associated with a reduction in ED symptoms, compared with a typical Western diet high in fat and processed sugars.

Another 2018 studyTrusted Source also found that an exercise regimen of 40 minutes done four times a week decreased ED within 6 months, especially for individuals experiencing ED caused by cardiovascular disease, obesity, or a sedentary lifestyle.

An occasional episode of ED or erectile dissatisfaction, an erection that isn’t firm enough for satisfactory intercourse, is normal. This can occur when you are:

  • tired
  • distracted
  • stressed
  • under the influence of alcohol

If you notice frequent ED or dissatisfaction even with lifestyle changes, especially if there’s no obvious trigger, talk with a primary care professional or a urologist.

Other signs that you should see a doctor include:

  • Noticeable changes in your sex drive. These could be triggered by hormonal changes or factors like stress, depression, poor sleep, or relationship troubles.
  • Premature ejaculation. This is especially the case if you’re ejaculating much earlier than you typically expect.
  • Painful erections. These can result from tissue damage or infection.
  • Pain when urinating. This might be a sign of an infection or other conditions that can affect your urinary tract.

The most common ED treatments are medications like PDE5 inhibitors. These include tadalafil (Cialis) and sildenafil (Viagra). These drugs work by protecting cGMP, which encourages blood flow to the penis and greater blood retention in the corpora cavernosa during sexual activity.

Another possible treatment is a vacuum erection device (or penis pump), a tube that you place over your penis.

A handheld pump pulls air out of the tube, creating a vacuum that triggers blood flow to the penis. A ring is then slipped around the end of your penis when you remove the pump to help maintain the erection during sex.

Penile injections or penile implant surgery can also help treat severe cases of ED or those that are caused by another condition like diabetes (known as refractory cases).

Healthy blood flow to the tissue within the penis helps produce an erection, and it only takes about 130 mL to get you hard.

But creating the right environment for proper blood flow involves the brain and nervous system, plus certain hormones and chemicals. Many factors go into healthy sexual function, and many issues can interfere with it, too.

If you notice changes in your erectile function, see a doctor. It’s a common concern and often one with a variety of effective treatments.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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Sex is back, but it’s going to be different

– and hot

The new sexual revolution is here, and all it took was a deadly pandemic

By

Welcome to the summer of love. The Whoring 20s, Shot Girl Summer, the smell of meat and lotion. A bus passed by yesterday, its side painted with an advert encouraging passersby to “vax, wax and relax”. The new sexual revolution is here, and all it took was a deadly pandemic and a year indoors. It’s true, it’s coming, look, there!

Big women swaggering through a pollarded boulevard, feeling themselves like they’ve never feeled before, suited men singing soul songs under their breath, teenagers standing so close they’re talking in each other’s voices. There’s a picnic by the swings where someone has served themself with mayonnaise on a soft baguette. In the supermarket, women stand mesmerised by the erotic hum of a freezer, and someone inhales the cut flowers with a heavy-lidded smile, and a man gruffly counts peaches. A parking attendant kisses his own lips, the tune of an ice-cream van sounds drunk and yearning. When did everyone get a body? When did everyone descend from the live-work space of their minds and knock through to the basement of those hips, that hair?

Yes, sex is back. For a while there it was touch and go whether it would survive the night, having evolved, devolved over the years into a new kind of touchless touch, many young people choosing to pursue relationships online rather than on sofas. But now, having had time to consider our futures, time to swipe our phones with thrice-washed hands and a new professional grade level of attentiveness, having come to new realisations about touch, loneliness, the pandemic-imposed limits of our new lives and the self-imposed limits of our old ones, the world is ready for its return.

For some, this will simply mean more. It will mean stepping out of the house, a prick in each arm and another in the thigh for luck, and slipping straight into a stranger’s dress, a colleague’s bathroom, the idling Volvo of a dad waiting for the end of Year Six streetdance. Good luck to you comrades, congratulations. But for many, the end of our lockdowns will result in a different kind of sex. New kinks have bred in isolation – a genre of Covid porn is thriving on certain laptops, and fantasies are feverish and confused, dystopian, dreamlike. The danger of touch, the forbidden thrill of brushing past an ungloved wrist, masks no longer only for the unvanilla – sex has changed shape. As has dating. Those months on apps, when people were forced to engage in different kinds of communication beyond just meeting in a bar and thinking this’ll do, are (according to a report Cosmopolitan commissioned from the Kinsey Institute) leading to more considered interactions. They predict “the death of the one-night stand”, and a grand move away from destructive dating habits, towards more experimentation, more thoughtful commitments, more pleasure, and fewer people settling for less – a whole resetting of sexual expectation.

Of course, for many of us, it won’t be easy. Not because we’re not sexy and attractive. No, not that at all. We are all insanely attractive right now actually, thank you, incredibly soft and awkward in our beauty. Everyone is gorgeous and no one is OK. So it will be difficult in the way that all attempts at resocialising are difficult, as we step gingerly into the wild, looking backwards with a scared and red-eyed wonder before trotting cautiously towards the trees. How does a “kiss”, what is to “sex”, who is “hand”, a whispered hiss of questions will echo around the clubs at 2am, two people will insist on time-outs during dinner, just to quickly revise the rules about what is meant to happen next.

The trick will be to weaponise this awkwardness, and transform it into a series of exquisite tensions. It is a chance to be naive again, to purr as a person presses your back like a cat on Instagram or a David Attenborough cub. People are excited simply to sit across from a person they admire, simply to pull the window closed or wetly kiss their cheek – each drop of this excitement must be noted, harnessed and claimed as adorable. There will be people who want to lie fully clothed on top of the covers and breathe at each other. There will be people who want to use all the knowledge accrued from twice-daily Zoom meetings to direct erotic films with high production values and a plotline about office politics. There will be people who unload all the therapy they’ve had across the year on to their partner’s bed and roll around on it. There will be someone for everybody, once they’ve worked out how to say hello, I like you.

It’s going to be a good summer. It’s going to be an interesting summer, with moments of pain, and the sometimes bastard thoughts that make us human. It’s going to be hot, but in ways that occasionally burn, a humid bewildering kind of heat. It’s going to be the summer of complicated, radical, ageing, queered, distanced, unlikely love. Welcome, enjoy, and please wash your hands.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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These Erotic Audio Platforms For Women Are Just What The Doctor Ordered

Better than a one-handed read.

By Kinsey Gidick

When it comes to getting in “the mood,” sometimes a little fantasy fiction is in order. But who wants to pull out a conspicuous paperback with a picture of Fabio on the cover? Romance novels are great and all, but for a more subtle X-rated option there are erotic audio stories.

Bodice-ripping earworms are all the rage right now, and the audio space doesn’t just offer sexually explicit stories. There are now entire apps dedicated to adult literature. Thanks to these catalogs of spicy narratives, you can find just the right tale to suit your mood. In fact, some apps even let you drill down based on fantasy preference while others are intended specifically for a female audience. And if that’s not enough to get you where you need to go, consider that some vibrators can now be synced with audio erotica for the ultimate story climax.

And while many of the apps selling sexy stories require a membership, you can also find free audio erotica as well. So budget need not be a deterrent to enjoying tantalizing tales. All you need is a computer or mobile device to tune in. Just put on your headphones, sit back, and enjoy the show.

1

A Sexy Story Membership

Dipsea

Founded by women, for women, Dipsea is a feminist platform for audio erotica. With many stories to choose from, members can select a monthly or annual plan and then listen to hundreds of stories based on sexual preference and mood.

2

A Steamy Audio Subscription

AudioDesires offers audio sex stories in a membership platform. One reason users might like this app is because it gives a short synopsis of each story, describes the audience (for instance, people who want to listen about a him + her scenario), includes the length of the episode, and mentions what will be included. For instance, in the case of “The Mechanic” AudioDesires says it will include: “dirty talk,” “finger play,” and “from behind.”

3

An Ethical Erotica Option

The tagline of the website Quinn is “quinn girls finish first.” And that goes beyond the content. Quinn, Mashable reports, focuses on “ethical content” that appeals to women. Better yet, all of Quinn’s content is free and ad-free so there are no interruptions.

4

An Easy Entry to Erotica

Audible is an Amazon owned audio book company, but naturally it offers erotica too. That means that while you’re searching for your next road trip audio book, you can quietly tuck a few steamy tales into your cart as well.

5

A Hot Story in Your Audiobook Queue

The eBook site Scribd is another option for audio erotica and has 54,511 results in English, just to give you an understanding of the scale of options. As a bonus, Scribd offers a 30 day free trial, so you can binge listen first before you commit to the service.

6

A Free Erotica Site

Just like the name suggests, literotica is a free erotic fiction website. But it’s now expanded to include audio erotica too, so you can fully indulge your sexy voyeur fantasies without having to read a screen. All stories are submitted by site users, often recorded by the author themselves.

7

A Vibrator-Synced Audio Space

Vibease is a bluetooth vibrator that allows you to sync it with short audio stories. In fact, Vibease now has a growing catalog of audio stories to choose from that are organized by tags like “Male Voice,” “New Release,” “Guided Session,” and “BDSM.”

8

A Sexual Wellbeing Audio Store

Emjoy calls itself a sexual wellbeing platform and that’s because it’s focused on delivering 300+ audio sessions and sexy stories for all types of women. The idea is that sexual health is a part of self-care, so the app doesn’t just serve up steamy stories. It offers information on how topics like “how to feel confident about your breasts” and “how to give and receive the perfect sensual massage.”

Ready to start your sexual audio journey? Tune in to any of these story apps and sites for a hot sec.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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Why more women identify as sexually fluid than men

By magictr

The way we think about sexuality is changing. Where once there was a single, well-known rainbow flag, a symbol of pride, today a wide range flies to show the diversity of sexual orientations.

People seem increasingly open to discussing their sexuality, and less conventional identities, even previously “invisible”, have become part of an increasingly dominant discourse.

Open dialogue, sexual identities they have become less rigid and more fluid.

But the most recent data shows that this change is more prevalent in one group: In many countries, women are now embracing sexual fluidity at much higher rates than in the past, and more significantly, than men overall.

How do you explain this difference?

Experts believe that there are many factors fueling this progression, especially changes in the social climate that have allowed women to break out of conventional gender roles and identities.

But in light of this, the question remains: what does it mean for the future of sexual fluidity for all genders?

A remarkable change

Sean Massey and his colleagues at the Binghamton Human Sexualities Research Laboratory in New York have studied sexual behaviors for about a decade.

In each of their investigations, they asked participants to report their sexual orientation and gender.

They had never looked at the evolution of that information over time, until they realized that, in fact, they had a treasure in their hands.

“We thought, my God, we’ve been collecting this data for 10 years,” explains Massey, associate professor of studies on women, gender and sexuality at Binghamton University.

“Why don’t we check it out and see if there is any trend to be seen?”

And so they discovered that between 2011 and 2019 college-age women they had moved further and further away from exclusive heterosexuality.

In 2019, 65% of the women consulted said they were only attracted to men, when that percentage had been 77% in 2011.

The number of women reported having sex exclusively with men also decreased in those years.

Meanwhile, men’s sexual attraction and behavior remained mostly static in the same period: about 85% reported being attracted only to women, and about 90% said they had sex exclusively with women.

Why more women identify as sexually fluid than men

Other surveys conducted in other countries, including the UK and the Netherlands, presented similar findings.

In general, more women have been reporting more same-sex attraction, year after year, than their male counterparts.

Power and freedom

“This is all too complicated to attribute to just one thing,” says Elizabeth Morgan, associate professor of psychology at Springfield College in Massachusetts, USA.

But gender roles and how they have changed and how not, can be an important factor.

Massey and his colleagues largely attribute evolution to cultural changes, such as the progress of feminism and the women’s movement, which have significantly changed the socio-political landscape in recent decades.

However, these changes affected men and women differently.

“There has really been progress around the female gender role and less on the male gender role,” says Massey.

While she doesn’t rule out the effect of the LGBTQ + movement on people who identify as sexually fluid today, Massy believes that feminism and the women’s movement play a role in why more women identify in this way than men.

And he especially believes it because no equivalent men’s movement has allowed men to step out of historical gender-based constraints in the same way.

“Fifty years ago, you couldn’t have a life if you didn’t marry a man and you could only establish yourself if he supported you,” Morgan adds.

In that sense, avoiding exclusive heterosexuality could be seen as part of the breakdown of women with traditional gender roles.

Meanwhile, as women have been able to find more freedom, men’s gender roles have remained relatively static as they continue to hold power in society.

“[Los hombres] They need to defend a very masculine gender role to maintain that power, and part of masculinity is heterosexuality. “says Morgan.

Sex coach and educator Violet Turning, 24, also points to the “fetishization” of two women having sex or kissing, specifically from the male gaze.

According to her, this has also contributed to making same-sex attraction among women more socially acceptable, albeit for the wrong reasons.

Meanwhile, people seem to find the idea of ​​two men having sex much less enjoyable, he notes.

A 2019 study that looked at attitudes toward gay men and women in 23 countries found that, for participants overall, “gay men are more disagreeable than lesbian women.”

An open dialogue

The spaces in which women can speak openly about their sexuality has also multiplied.

When Lisa Diamond, a professor of psychology and gender studies at the University of Utah, USA, began studying sexual fluidity in the early 1990s, her research focused on men.

Many of the study participants, he says, came from gay support groups, mostly male members, so the men were “easier for researchers to find.”

Why more women identify as sexually fluid than men

But Diamond wanted to inquire about women’s sexuality.

Thus began an investigation that lasted a decade and for which he asked 100 women every two years about their sexual orientation and behavior.

>Her book, “Sexual Fluency: Understanding Women’s Love and Desire,” was published in 2008.

In it he discusses how, for some women, love and attraction are fluid and can change over time.

This was at odds with the earlier line of thinking that described sexual orientation as rigid, a view that was arrived at from studies that had been conducted looking only at men.

Coinciding with the publication of the book, several famous Americans who until then had dated men, such as Cynthia Nixon and Maria Bello, made public your experience of same-sex attraction.

Star host Oprah Winfrey then asked Diamond to come on her show to talk about female sexual fluidity.

The concept and the practice had officially entered the general dialogue.

Likewise, Turning points out that language has evolved to recognize women as sexually non-binary.

For example, Turning says his lesbian partner belonged to a “gay heterosexual alliance (AGH)” at his high school, circa 2007.

That expression fostered the binary – the members were gay or straight, with no real options for those who might have identified somewhere in between, and it also didn’t contain any terms that specifically referred to female sexuality.

“Now, it’s like everyone has the option to identify themselves as queer, because it is widely accepted, “says Turning, who claims that the terminology has evolved to include people of all genders, including women.

What is the future of sexual fluidity?

Sexual fluidity may be on its way to entering more masculine spaces.

On TikTok he has become popular with young straight men pretending to be gay in his videos.

His followers, mostly women, enjoy it, according to an article by The New York Times on trend.

Regardless of whether these creators are really comfortable playing as queer or they do it to gain clicks, this trend suggests a shift in attitudes towards masculinity, which may pave the way for more men to embrace sexual fluidity in the future.

Sexually fluid women can also help pave the way.

More women talking openly about their fluent orientations means that more people will generally be arguing about alternatives to rigid sexuality.

“Our culture is very ashamed of sexuality,” says Diamond.

So, “anything that makes it easier and socially acceptable for people to reflect on desire without entering into judgment or being ashamed of it,” he adds, has the potential to get them to open up to the different possibilities or, at least, that consider the idea of ​​doing so.

“We must start freeing men from compulsory heterosexuality [y] traditional masculinity, “adds Massey.

“It may have a different, or maybe the same, result (than it did with women) in terms of allowing for more diversity in sexuality.”

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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How to Talk to Your Partner About the Orgasm Gap

by Hannah Resnick

Have you ever heard of the orgasm gap? Even if you are familiar with the term, you might not discuss it with your friends or even your partner, but it may still be present in your own sex life — especially if your sexual partners are male. The orgasm gap, also called the pleasure gap, is defined by Psychology Today as “the fact that in heterosexual sexual encounters, men have more orgasms than women.” Though often blamed on an alleged “biological difference,” it’s clear the orgasm gap is a product of our cultural views which prioritize male pleasure over female pleasure. Studies have also shown that women have more orgasms masturbating than with partners, and lesbian women have significantly more orgasms than straight women. This solidifies the fact that there is a huge problem with the way society sees men versus women and not with women’s bodies.

The issue with the orgasm gap is pretty clear: male-attracted women deserve to enjoy sex and orgasm as much as our male partners. But discussing the orgasm gap with a partner can be uncomfortable and even invalidating, especially for those who aren’t used to prioritizing their own pleasure. POPSUGAR spoke to Todd Baratz, a certified sex therapist and licensed mental health counselor, who shared some insight into how exactly we can close the orgasm gaps in relationships — starting with the relationships we have with ourselves.

1. Learn How History, Culture, and Politics Have Fueled Your Understanding of Sexual Pleasure

“Anxiety about prioritizing your pleasure is part of the orgasm gap,” Baratz told POPSUGAR. It reflects shame connected to “what it means to prioritize your pleasure and want more sexually.” Our outdated gender roles play a heavy part in this, as Baratz shared that cisgender women are socialized to believe that their pleasure isn’t as important as their cis male counterparts. “It’s easy to default to the values implied in the orgasm gap,” he said. “So the first thing you want to focus on is understanding yourself, your sexuality, and how politics, history, and culture have shaped it. Then you want to share what you learned about yourself with your partner.”

To really dig into this, reexamine gender and social constructs that you may have been taught growing up — i.e. how you were expected to act in a certain situation; morals you were expected to uphold; things that were thrust upon you by society, pop culture, and politics — and really ask yourself what you want. Breaking free from things you were taught from an early age can be extremely difficult, especially when there can be a lot of shame and guilt associated with sex and owning your sexuality, but taking a step back to reevaluate it is key in understanding your sexual needs.

2. Masturbate

Baratz explained that while there isn’t an order to whether you should talk to your partner or focus on learning what you like first, “it never hurts to know yourself first.” So if you don’t already masturbate, Baratz advises you to start! (If you haven’t masturbated a lot in the past and feel intimidated, check out our best tips for getting the job done.) Plus, if you do choose to focus on yourself first before bringing the issue to your partner, you can also immediately bring up specific things you like in order to enhance and prioritize your pleasure going forward.

“Talking about sex — no matter what the issue — is important if you want to experience arousal, pleasure, and an orgasm. Period,” Baratz said. “Start talking about sex right from the beginning of your relationship. And if you haven’t — start now! It’s never too late.” Making this a habit will ensure you and your partner are both on the same page and getting what you want.

4. Push Through the Discomfort of Discussing Your Pleasure

Number three is much easier said than done, right? It’s normal to feel weird about talking about pleasure with your partner if you’ve never done it before! How do you even bring it up? What do you say? “You [might] feel anxious or uncomfortable if you’ve never talked about sex or your pleasure openly,” Baratz explained. “Push through it — obviously only if you feel safe to do so. But it does require action, verbal communication, and some level of risk.” Only you can voice your needs.

5. Let Go of Myths About How You Should Orgasm

“You don’t have to come at the same time as your partner,” Baratz told POPSUGAR. “You can [also] use your own hands — your partner doesn’t need to be the one to get you off. Focus on bringing the exact same movements, rhythms, and types of touch that you employ during masturbation to partnered sex.” Basically, forget about those perfectly rehearsed movie sex scenes where the couple orgasms at the exact same time. That’s now how things are in real life, so experiment, explore, and learn what works for you.

Getting to know your body and having ongoing communication with your partner(s) is the ultimate way to close the pleasure gap. “You can work on teaching your partner and yourself all at once, but it has to start somewhere,” Baratz said, adding that, above all, the most important aspect in all of this is to “make sure you are with a partner who is safe and caring.”

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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Why single people smell different

There is a wealth of psychological and biological information stored in our scent, but for some reason we choose to ignore it.

By William Park

King Louis XIV of France was obsessed with fragrance. Cut flowers adorned every room in Versailles, furniture and fountains were sprayed with perfume and visitors were even doused before entering the palace. Whether it was because his personal hygiene was not up to the standards we might expect today, or he just enjoyed playing with scent, Louis understood that smell is important.

Our body odour can reveal details about our health, like the presence of diseases (cholera smells sweet and acute diabetes like rotten apples). “It can also reveal information about our diet,” says Mehmet Mahmut, an olfaction and odour psychologist at Macquarie University, Australia. “There are a couple of studies that kind of contradict, but my group found that the more meat you consume the more pleasant your BO smells.”

Men find women’s body odour more pleasant and attractive during the follicular phase of the menstrual cycle, when women are most fertile, and least pleasant and attractive during menstruation. This might have been useful for our ancient ancestors to detect good candidates for reproduction, suggest the authors of that paper. Men’s testosterone levels might improve their scent, too.

While it can change depending on our diet and health, a lot of what makes our smell unique is determined by our genetics. Our body odour is specific enough, and our sense of smell accurate enough, that people can pair the sweaty T-shirts of identical twins from a group of strangers’ T-shirts. Identical twin body odour is so similar that matchers in this experiment even mistook duplicate T-shirts from the same individual as two twin T-shirts.

“This is important because it shows that genes influence how we smell,” says Agnieszka Sorokowska, a psychologist and expert in human olfaction at the University of Wroclaw, Poland, “so, we might be able to detect genetic information about other people by smelling them.”

Collectively we spend billions of dollars trying to change or disguise our natural body odour with perfumes and fragrances (Credit: Michal Bialozej)
Collectively we spend billions of dollars trying to change or disguise our natural body odour with perfumes and fragrances

Your HLA profile is very likely to be different to everyone else you meet – though some people, like your close relatives, will be more similar to you than others. From a genetic point of view, it is an advantage to have a child with someone who has a dissimilar HLA profile. “If you have a partner who is genetically dissimilar in BO and immune profile, then your children will have a better resistance to pathogens,” says Sorokowska.

These women put the T-shirts worn by men with the most dissimilar HLA profile first and last the most similar. So they were able to identify the men, and preferred the men, with the best match in terms of immune system genetics. They didn’t know that was what they were doing, of course – it was subconscious.

The specific mechanism that causes HLA-dissimilarity to result in a better-smelling BO is not known, says Sorokowska. “But it is thought that HLA results in the production of certain substances that are digested by our skin bacteria that produce a certain odour.”

Do humans use genetic information hidden in body odour to choose their partners? It would seem not. In a study of almost 3,700 married couples, the likelihood of people ending up with a HLA-dissimilar partner was no different to chance. We might have a preference for certain smells, and there might be a genetic reason for that, but we don’t act upon smells when choosing who we marry.

“But even though HLA does not influence choices, it influences sexual wellbeing,” says Sorokowska. People with congenital anosmia (the loss of their sense of smell) have poorer relationship outcomes, suggests Mahmut in a study with Ilona Croy at the University of Dresden, Germany.

Many of the experiments on body odour ask women to rank the t-shirts worn by men, and sometimes even their own husbands (Credit: Michal Bialozej)
Many of the experiments on body odour ask women to rank the t-shirts worn by men, and sometimes even their own husbands

Couples who had high HLA-dissimilarity – which presumably happened by chance – had the highest levels of sexual satisfaction and the highest levels of desire to have children.

This link was more strongly seen in women. Women partnered with HLA-similar men reported more sexual dissatisfaction and lower desire to have children. Though when evidence from multiple studies is taken into account, the effect might not be conclusive. 

To evolutionary biologists the emphasis on female choice makes sense. In nature, females tend to choose males, as it is the mother who invests the most in raising children and therefore has the most to lose by mating with a genetically inferior male. The female must be discerning in her choice, so looks for clues as to a male’s quality. This is why males are often colourful, perform dances, sing songs or offer gifts in nature – they have to prove their genetic quality.

The link between BO preference and genes spurred a fashion for T-shirt speed-dating and even “mail odour” services. But the evidence to support the idea we can make good dating decisions based on smell is unclear. We might say we prefer something, but in practice it would appear we do not make choices based on that preference. Why not?

One reason might be that real-life scenarios are too complex to use scent information accurately. Our other senses can distort the information we take in from smell. Based on body odour alone, we can make accurate assessments of other people’s neuroticism. But when shown a photo of that person alongside a sample of their BO “they got confused”, becoming less accurate, says Sorokowska. “And we are not able to rate neuroticism from faces alone.” She says that BO is more accurate for judging neuroticism, but faces are easier, and often we just do what is easiest.

In another study, married women brought in their husbands’ T-shirts and single women brought in a platonic friend’s T-shirt and these were mixed up with more T-shirts from random men.

“Did partnered women end up with someone whose BO they preferred to others?” says Mahmut. “Not necessarily. There was no overwhelming evidence they put their partner at number one.” In this case, the women had not chosen a husband who had the BO that smelled best to them.

In a separate study by Mahmut, strangers’ BO also smelled stronger than married men’s BO. He speculates that this might be because “there’s some evidence of a correlation between high testosterone levels and stronger BO. We know there is an association between a reduction in testosterone and getting older, which might be due to the things going on in a married man’s life as he gets over 40 – prioritising children and things like that. Men who are in relationships, and more so those that have had children, have lower testosterone.

Men can find women's body odour more attractive at key points in their menstrual cycle (Credit: Michal Bialozej)
Men can find women’s body odour more attractive at key points in their menstrual cycle

So, we know that we give off information about our reproductive quality in our BO, and we know that we can detect it, but we don’t act on it. Should we?

“If your sole interest is finding a partner with good genes, then perhaps you should pay attention to their smell,” says Sorokowska. “But for most people that is not the most important thing, and most people don’t do it.”

Mahmut agrees: “The usefulness of scent has somewhat decreased. We spent tens of thousands of years disguising what we smell like.”

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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7 Ways to Reset Your Relationship

Experts say couples can emerge from the pandemic stronger than ever by learning from the past and looking toward the future.

By Jancee Dunn

As we emerge, blinking, from our pandemic seclusion, all of us have, in ways great and small, changed. So, too, have our relationships.

“During this time, couples may have been spending about as much time with each other as would normally be stretched across a two to three year period,” said Bryce Doehne, a clinical psychologist in Portland, Ore. “And they’ve had to occupy multiple roles that would have been previously filled by others, like friends, which is impossible.”

Now, as many couples plunge back into the hum of life, is a perfect opportunity for a relationship reset — to learn from our time hunkering down together and look toward the future.

Here is a seven-point plan to get started.

Do a relationship review.

First, have a sit-down together to assess what worked about your relationship — and didn’t — during quarantine, said Christiana Ibilola Awosan, a therapist in New York City. In order to make positive changes going forward, start by sharing with your partner what you learned about yourself during the pandemic, she recommended.

Then, Dr. Awosan said, consider using these prompts to continue the conversation: What did the pandemic show us about our relationship? What do we want to keep going forward? What do we want to discard? What has surprised you about me during this pandemic?

“Sometimes we tend to focus on what annoyed us about our partner, but there might be some good things that surprised you, like a strength you didn’t realize they had,” she said.

Voice your appreciation.

Perhaps over the past year, you haven’t felt like giving compliments to your partner — but positive feedback is important, according to a nearly three-decade study of marriage and divorce by Terri Orbuch, a research professor at the University of Michigan and a sociology professor at Oakland University. One of her divorced subjects’ biggest regrets was that they had not given their mate more “affective affirmation,” or encouragement and support in the form of words or thoughtful gestures. That includes compliments like: “You’re a great parent.” Dr. Orbuch has called the neglect of these simple acts “an overlooked relationship-killer.”

You know that fleeting moment when a burst of affection or attraction for your partner flits through your mind? “Don’t just think it,” said Don Cole, a licensed marriage therapist and clinical director of the Gottman Institute in Seattle. “It should not ‘go without saying.’”

“Many of us believe our partners should know that we love them, especially after being together for years,” he said. But research at the Gottman Institute, the renowned laboratory for the study of relationships, found that the most successful couples regularly “opened their mouths and actually spoke their words of love and respect and admiration.”

Those words are even more meaningful, Dr. Cole said, when you are specific. “My wife’s a trained soprano and I told her, ‘Yesterday you were walking around straightening up the house and singing, and I got a thrill down my back when I heard it,’” he said.

Why does specificity matter? Saying “you’re thoughtful” is nice, Dr. Cole said, “but when your partner tells a positive story where you demonstrated your thoughtfulness, that makes you more likely to hold that, to cherish it, to make you feel good about it.”

Build in time apart.

Make sure that each partner builds some alone time into their day, even if it’s a short walk. Liad Uziel, a senior lecturer in the psychology department at Bar-Ilan University in Israel, said that solo time and being with others “both shape our character from different perspectives.”

When we’re alone, Dr. Uziel said, “external pressure is reduced, we are often more in control of events and we can manage our time more freely.” Alone time, he said, is also important for what is called “identity consolidation,” in which one thinks of the past to process events, and the future to set goals.

In our relationships, taking time alone “offers a greater opportunity for each partner to develop their personal identity independently, which they can then bring to their relationship and strengthen it,” Dr. Uziel said.

Take time to connect.

Having less sex these days? It’s not just you. A recent online survey of 1,559 adults about their intimate lives by the Kinsey Institute at Indiana University revealed that over 43 percent of participants reported a decline in the quality of their sex lives since the pandemic began.

A sexual dry spell is no surprise, given that the pandemic’s stress and uncertainty were “libido killers,” said Shannon Chavez, a therapist in Los Angeles. If you need a nudge to get back in the game, she said, think of sexual connection “as a form of self-care, which is anything you do to take care of your overall health and wellbeing.” Prioritizing sex as health, she added, makes it easier to make time for intimacy.

That includes putting it on the schedule. “Scheduling sex can be better for your sex life than it sounds,” Dr. Chavez said. “People fear it takes the excitement out of it, but if anything, it adds anticipation by planning, and isn’t rushed or put on the back burner.”

Why not aim for sex once a week? Not only is this an achievable goal, but according to one study of over 25,000 adults, it’s actually optimal. Research published in 2016 in the journal Social Psychology and Personality Science found that weekly sex was ideal for maximum wellbeing. If the respondents, who ranged from 18 to 89, had more than that, their self-reported happiness actually leveled off — and that finding held true for both men and women, and was consistent no matter how long they had been together.

Go to a party.

While we’ve seen plenty of our partners during the past year, what’s been missing, said Kendra Knight, an assistant professor of communication studies at DePaul University, is social gatherings in which you view your partner through the eyes of others. She said that seeing your significant other at an event — dressed up, being witty perhaps — can renew your own attraction.

Our estimation of our partner’s attractiveness, sometimes referred to as “mate value,” she said, “is partially a function of others’ appraisals.” That can range, Dr. Knight said, from physical attractiveness to social attractiveness (if, say, they’re the life of the party) to so-called “task attractiveness” — for example, making a batch of their famous margaritas or crushing a backyard horseshoe game.

Of course, if you or your mate is not ready for big events, or never liked neighborhood block parties in the first place, you might just shoot for dinner with close friends or family. Each of us has our own comfort level about heading out into the wider world after so much isolation. “Check in with each other regularly and share how you feel about stepping out,” Dr. Awosan said. “And work on being kind and patient wherever your partner is at.”

Rediscover your playful side.

The past year and half has been heavy. Now that we’re heading into a summer with far fewer restrictions than the last one, it’s OK to think about bringing some levity back. Being more playful in your relationship can revive that sparkle, according to a review from Martin Luther University Halle-Wittenberg in Germany.

The study’s lead author, Kay Brauer, a researcher in the psychology department, found that people who scored high in “other-directed playfulness,” or goofing around with others, “might be particularly important for reviving relationships after the long stretches of monotony during quarantine.”

Playful people, he said, tend to share inside jokes, surprise their partner, give them affectionate nicknames or re-enact joint experiences, like your first date or that disastrous time you tried karaoke. Look for opportunities to create inside jokes or act silly, like having your next date at an amusement park. “If there was ever a time to surprise ourselves and our partner with the new and unexpected, it’s now,” Brauer said.

Making plans together, such as for a vacation, a home renovation project, or even just swinging by a new restaurant, activates our brain’s craving for novel experiences, said Dr. Knight, “which in turn can amplify attraction to and interest in our partner.”

It also reinforces your bond, Dr. Awosan said: “Research has shown that when couples work together as a team, their relationship satisfaction and quality increases.”

In the past year and half, “people have lost jobs, lost loved ones, a sense of self,” Dr. Awosan said. “We’ve all lost something.” Planning something to look forward to, together, symbolizes hopefulness and optimism.

“It’s about the future,” she said. “It says, ‘We are moving forward.’”

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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The Porn Crisis That Isn’t

Some states now consider pornography to be a health threat. But stigmatizing porn can do more harm than good.

By Olga Khazan

If you ask some people, America is in the middle of a public-health crisis. No, not that one.

Legislators in 16 states have passed resolutions declaring that pornography, in its ubiquity, constitutes a public-health crisis. The wave of bills started five years ago, with Utah, which went a step further this spring by passing a law mandating that all cellphones and tablets sold in the state block access to pornography by default. (The measure will not go into effect unless five other states pass similar laws, but that’s very possible: Alabama is now considering a similar bill.)

Groups such as the National Center on Sexual Exploitation, an anti-obscenity nonprofit that produced model legislation for the porn-blocking bill and the public-health-crisis bills, argue that pornography increases problematic sexual activity among teens, normalizes violence against women, contributes to sex trafficking, causes problems in intimate relationships, and is “potentially biologically addictive.”

NCOSE seems to have pushed Utah state Senator Todd Weiler to support the public-health-crisis legislation in 2016. “They told me, ‘If you can pass this, we can get this passed in 15 more states. We just need one legislator to stick his neck out,’” Weiler told Governing magazine in 2019. Arizona state Representative Michelle Udall told me that she introduced her state’s public-health-crisis bill in 2019 after hearing from constituents involved with the anti-porn group Fight the New Drug, and that NCOSE gave her a booklet with data and studies on porn. She read that the average age at which children are being exposed to pornography is 11, and she had an 11-year-old at the time. She wanted the resolution “to improve awareness of the issue, especially as we talk about children and their exposure,” she told me.

Content filters that block kids from accessing porn have broad support among public-health experts. But, these same experts say, porn is not a public-health crisis. Though the state-level measures don’t do much beyond “calling for” research and policy changes, they run the risk of stigmatizing adults who watch porn.

Several public-health experts told me they worry that the measures are creating more problems than they solve, by telling people that a small but regular part of their sex life is actually a “crisis.” This stigma will likely disproportionately affect people who already feel ashamed about the porn they watch, but leave relatively unruffled those who embrace porn—even in its most exploitative forms.

That sense of crisis can spur some people who disapprove of porn to commit violence. The man who killed eight people at several spas in Atlanta in March plotted further “similar acts” against “the porn industry,” police said. In April, a mansion owned by the executive of Pornhub, one of the most popular porn sites, burned down in an apparent act of arson.

Whether porn is actually harming the health of adults who watch it is frustratingly hard to determine. Most studies of porn raise questions of correlation and causation: Is someone depressed and lonely because they watch too much porn? Or are depressed, lonely people drawn to porn?

Public-health experts worry that teens, in particular, incorrectly see porn as an instruction guide for having sex. For that reason, researchers, policy makers, and porn stars alike support limiting kids’ access to porn. The best way to do that, and to contextualize whatever they do happen to see, is through a combination of content filters, comprehensive sex education, and conversations about how porn isn’t a realistic view of sex. “You need to instill in your child their own personal brain filters,” Emily Rothman, a health-sciences professor at Boston University, told me.

Porn can be bad for adults too. A small number of adults—roughly 11 percent of men and 3 percent of women—consider themselves somewhat addicted to porn, even though a number of scientists dispute whether “addiction” is an appropriate label for watching lots of porn. Believing that porn is morally “bad” is strongly correlated with feeling like you have an addiction to pornography, regardless of how much porn you actually watch. “The best predictor of self-perceived sexual-use problems, like pornography addiction, is high levels of religiosity,” says Bryant Paul, a media professor at Indiana University and a faculty affiliate of the Kinsey Institute, which studies human sexuality. “It’s a better predictor than actual amounts of use.”

Even setting addiction aside, porn might pose other problems. Some studies have found that watching porn reduces sexual satisfaction, especially for men who watch porn more than once a month. Watching porn is associated with increased aggression in some people, although not in the majority of porn users.

But other studies have found that watching porn can be part of a healthy sex life, especially for sexual minorities, women, and couples. In one study, Taylor Kohut, a psychologist at Western University, in Ontario, found that couples who watched porn together “reported more open sexual communication and greater closeness than those that did not.” Another of his studies found that most partnered people think porn has had “no negative effects” on their relationship, and many also thought that watching porn improved their sexual communication, sexual experimentation, and sexual comfort. “There’s a lot of evidence to suggest that couples that watch porn together, it can improve their sex lives,” says Paul, who wasn’t involved in those studies. If the United States is in a sex recession, pornography could help Americans get back in the black.

Porn might also be helpful for individuals whose sexuality has not always been widely accepted. For LGBTQ people living in conservative areas, watching pornography might be the only sexual experience they’re able to access. One study found that for women, watching porn “was associated with their own and their partner’s higher sexual desire and with higher odds of partnered sexual activity.” In a recent paper arguing that pornography does not qualify as a public-health crisis, Rothman and a colleague write, “For some, pornography use is associated with health-promoting behaviors, including increased intimacy, ‘safer’ sexual behaviors (e.g., solo masturbation), and feelings of acceptance.”

Anti-pornography groups dismiss all of these findings. They say that the porn-positive studies are outliers in a sea of research showing porn’s detrimental effects on relationships.

But here’s the thing: Kohut has observed that in relationships, what seems to matter is that partners have similar opinions about porn. If you both like porn, he suggests, watching it will probably be fine for your sex life. Some couples might even find that they can build intimacy by showing porn to each other, as a way to tell each other what you like. But if only one of you watches porn, and the other hates it, you might encounter relationship tensions like those of couples who fight over marble countertops or in-laws or baby names. The secret to a happy relationship that includes porn, in Kohut’s view, is to find someone who likes it the same amount as you do.

A recent Atlantic/Leger poll of 1,002 Americans largely supported this acceptance of porn. We presented participants with a list of questions about porn, and many of them yawned and said, “So what?” Most Americans have watched porn, according to the poll. But most spend less than 20 minutes a week watching it, and 79 percent of those who watch porn said they don’t feel addicted to it (17 percent of respondents who had watched porn in the past year said they had ever felt like they were addicted to pornography). Only 6 percent of people said they’d begun watching porn when they were younger than 12. Most said that watching porn had no effect on them or their relationships, and 79 percent of those with children said they didn’t struggle to control their children’s access to porn. And just like public-health experts, most respondents—53 percent—said they didn’t think porn was a public-health crisis. Only 25 percent said it was.

Porn makes for an easy target. But legislators focused on labeling it as a public-health crisis should consider what problems they are actually trying to solve. Many researchers and adult-entertainment workers support measures that would reduce kids’ access to porn, ensure that porn videos portray only consenting adults, and mandate fair wages for sex workers. Calling adults’ legal use of pornography a “public-health crisis” doesn’t do any of that.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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The science of sex, love, attraction, and obsession

The symbol for love is the heart, but the brain may be more accurate.

  • How love makes us feel can only be defined on an individual basis, but what it does to the body, specifically the brain, is now less abstract thanks to science.
  • One of the problems with early-stage attraction, according to anthropologist Helen Fisher, is that it activates parts of the brain that are linked to drive, craving, obsession, and motivation, while other regions that deal with decision-making shut down.
  • Dr. Fisher, professor Ted Fischer, and psychiatrist Gail Saltz explain the different types of love, explore the neuroscience of love and attraction, and share tips for sustaining relationships that are healthy and mutually beneficial.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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How To Explore Your Sexuality In A Personal And Fulfilling Way

Hint: Labels don’t matter.

By Gabrielle Kassel

Maybe you got a tingle down there during Portrait of a Lady on Fire (#relatable). Perhaps you’ve only been attracted to women your whole life, but now you’re having wild sex dreams feat. your swoony male Peloton instructor. Or maybe you’ve been smooching people across the gender spectrum for years, and are just now trying to find a label that fits. Whatever the reason, if you’re exploring your sexuality (or want to be), you’ve landed in the right place.

“It is absolutely normal and common to explore your sexuality to figure out what and who you like and don’t like at one or more point in your life,” says queer sex educator Marla Renee Stewart, MA, a sexpert for Lovers adult wellness brand and retailer. In fact, one 12,000 person survey published in Journal of Sex Research found that sexuality changes substantially (substantially!) between adolescence and early twenties, and then again from early twenties to late twenties, which suggests that exploring your sexuality is not just common, but necessary in order to achieve self-knowing.

As for WTF your sexuality is exactly? Washington-based sex therapist Katrina Knizek says sexuality is a big, broad term that names a number of things. These include: who you are sexually attracted to, who you are romantically attracted to, your preferred relationship structure, how you like to be touched, the time of day you like to have sex, your erotic content preferences, your past and current beliefs about sex, your kinks and fetishes, your past sexual experiences, and more.

But typically, when people talk about ~exploring their sexuality~, they want to figure out who they have the capacity to be sexually, romantically, or emotionally attracted to (a.k.a their sexual orientation), Knizek says. And if that’s why you’re here, you’re in luck: Ahead, queer sex educators and therapists offer tips to help you Dora The Explorer your sexual orientation.

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First of all, do I even need to label my sexuality?

Big nope! For some folks, labels offer identity security. Gabi, 28, Boston, says, “For me, identifying as bisexual feels like coming home.” Using the term, she explains, allows her to own and feel valid in her lived experiences.

“Labeling yourself also offers the benefits of helping you more easily find people with similar experiences to enter a community with,” says Knizek. (Think: lesbian book club or bisexual bowlers.) Having a label(s) can also be helpful when you’re actively dating. “It gives you something to put in your Tinder bio, or allows you to name the genders you’re interested in if someone offers to set you up,” she adds.

At the same time, others find sexuality labels suffocating. “I’ve dated people—women, men, and non-binary people—but I don’t want to identify as bisexual, pansexual, or omnisexual because labeling myself feels like boxing myself in,” Ash, 22, Hartford says.

Even still, some people find one label ineffective at naming their desires, and choose to stack two or more labels together. Personally, I identify as a queer, bisexual dyke because the trio names my lived experience better than any label individually.

Before you decide to buck labels altogether or add one (or more) of them to your identity laundry list, you should know what the common sexual orientation terms are. Here are several to consider:

  • Allosexual: The opposite of asexual, people who are allosexual regularly experience sexual attraction or desire.
  • Asexual: Asexuality is an identity and/or orientation that includes individuals who don’t experience sexual attraction to anyone, of any gender.
  • Bicurious: Bicurious is a label for folks who are exploring whether or not they are bisexual. Typically, “bicurious” is seen as a temporary identity.
  • Bisexual: Describes people who have the capacity for sexual, romantic, or emotional attraction to people with genders similar to their own, and dissimilar to their own. Sometimes also defined as attraction to two or more genders.
  • Demisexual: An orientation on the asexuality spectrum, demisexuality describes people who only have the capacity to experience sexual attraction towards someone(s) they already have a romantic or emotional connection with.
  • Fluid: Describes people whose sexual orientation changes over time, or is constantly in flux.
  • Gay: Names individuals who are sexually attracted to individuals with genders that are the same or similar to their own.
  • Graysexual: Also on the asexuality spectrum, “graysexuality” is a term people use if they rarely experience sexual attraction.
  • Lesbian: The most historically accurate definition of lesbian is non-men who are attracted to other non-men. But sometimes, the term is also defined as women who experience attraction to people of the same or similar gender.
  • Omnisexual: Used to describe individuals who have the potential to be attracted to folks of all genders.
  • Pansexual: Names people who can experience attraction to any person, regardless of their gender.
  • Queer: An umbrella term someone might use if they are not heterosexual, not allosexual, or not cisgender. Sometimes used by people who don’t fit neatly into any other sexual orientation category.
  • Questioning: A temporary label for someone who is currently curious about their sexuality.

Okay, what if want to explore my sexuality, but I’m in a relationship?

Fingers crossed it’s a happy, healthy, and fulfilling one. And if your ‘ship is, good news: It’s still entirely possible to explore your sexuality and/or sexual orientation while boo-ed up. That holds true whether you’re in a monogamous relationship (meaning, you are each other’s one and only), or in an open or polyamorous relationship (you’re able to explore other people sexually, romantically, and/or emotionally).

“Your sexual orientation exists and is valid whether you are actively dating and sleeping with the gender, or all the genders you’re attracted to,” says Knizek. In other words, you’re still bisexual if you’re only sleeping with someone of a different gender than you, and you can still be lesbian if currently dating a man. “Self-identification, not current or past relationship or sexual history, determines sexual orientation,” she says. Noted!

How exactly can I explore my sexuality?

To start your sexploration, Knizek recommends filling your social feed with folks across the sexuality spectrum. “These influencers will give you a sense of who you can be, or what your future might look like,” she says. So, as you scroll, notice which creators you see yourself in.

If you’re a Very Offline Person™ (jelly!), you could intentionally and respectfully put yourself in queer spaces. For instance, you might grab a beer at your local queer bar, or buy your next read from a queer-owned bookstore. Also worth trying: listening to an LGBTQ podcast.

Next, reflect, reflect, and reflect some more. Knizek suggests spending some time noodling or penning on questions like:

  • Who do I feel most magnetically drawn to in my life?
  • In what ways do I want to explore my sexuality?
  • Where did I learn compulsory heterosexuality?
  • What label(s) feel good coming out of my mouth?

Oh, and don’t forget, you can masturbate! Defined as any practice of self-pleasure, a regular masturbation practice can help you understand what and who turns you on. “As you touch yourself, fantasize about a variety of genders, and watch straight and queer (ethical) porn, to discover who you’re most drawn to,” says Knizek.

Do I need to come out?

You may want to tell someone(s) that you’re currently exploring your sexuality, or that you did explore your sexuality and settled on a new label(s). Or, you may not want to. Either way, you don’t need to do anything. “It’s a personal decision,” says Knizek.

On one hand, “sharing your sexuality with other people can be a powerful, wonderful, and affirming experience,” she says. On the other, if the receiver doesn’t respond to the news with the kindness you deserve (*side eye*), it can also be a scary, stability-slashing experience.

Stewart’s suggestion: “If you are dependent on someone or if coming out could put you in danger, weigh the benefits and consequences of sharing this information to ensure your own personal safety.” And if telling someone does result in a sticky situation, do what you can to get to a place of safety ASAP. Maybe even call The Trevor Project, an LGBTQ youth service center, at 866-488-7386 for help or guidance.

The bottom line: Knizek emphasizes that while many people are nervous about exploring their sexuality, the process “can be fun and fulfilling.” And who knows? You might have some great solo, partnered, or multi-partnered nookie along the way—or simply find a new group of pals.

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