But while threesomes may be close to top of mind worldwide for a little adult content watching, the logistics of threesomes in real life are far more complex. From concerns about safe sex to different partner configurations, there’s a lot that goes into a great three-way sexual encounter.
Business Insider spoke to sexologists and AASECT-certified sex educators and therapists to find out how to have a safe and pleasurable threesome.
What makes for a great threesome
Carol Queen, a sexologist at Good Vibes and curator of the Antique Vibrator Museum, said “three people who are comfortable with sexuality, can communicate well, are attracted enough to each other to be sexual together” are the best group for a threesome. All partners should “have compatible interests and boundaries to have a good time.”
How to find a third
If you’re in a monogamous relationship, finding who to add as a third party can be a big decision. Queen advises to “skip the friend option unless you have a friend who is an open and openhearted sex explorer — a friend like that might actually love to take you under their wing.” Queen added that inviting a friend over and propositioning them is a big no-no. Open and honest communication will be critical to ensure the health of the friendship long-term.
If you’re not sure where to find a third, Suzannah Weiss, resident sexologist for Fleshy, suggested joining apps like Feeld or Bloom, which are “geared toward the non-monogamous community, and you can mention that you are new to this and need some time to get to know people before jumping into bed.”
The right position will vary with each threesome
Although some positions may be more conducive to a threesome than others, not every position will work in every configuration, and it’s important to communicate with partners about what will work for you, according to sexologist Lisa Lawless.
“Some sex positions are more accessible if you’re a certain height or weight or are particularly strong or flexible,” Lawless said. The best position will depend on the type of sexual stimulation one wishes to receive or provide.
Lawless suggested the following positions:
Double cowgirl
In double cowgirl, one partner rides on the partner’s genitals while the other rides that person’s face. In this position, Lawless said, “The person on the bottom gets stimulation from both partners simultaneously. For many, watching their partners in this position can be visually arousing.”
However, for the person on the bottom, supporting both partners can get tiring, and it may make communication between partners difficult. Be sure to check in regularly.
69 plus 1
Friendly for configurations with two vaginas or two penises, in this position, two partners get into a 69 position. The third partner stands at the edge of the bed to penetrate one of the partners. Lawless said that the side-to-side configuration “can increase intimacy between the two partners on the bed,” but be mindful of neck strain.
Virtual threesome
Some partners may not be comfortable inviting a third person into the bedroom, so a virtual threesome allows a couple to have sex while a third person interacts through a screen in a different location. Lawless said that “app-controlled toys can enhance pleasure and interactivity among partners despite the distance.”
Safe sex and proper planning are critical
Michele M. March, a sex therapist at the Council for Relationships, emphasized the importance of safe sex to a successful threesome. “Some discussion of partners’ current sexual health status is important.” Winging it is ill-advised. “Who will bring the condoms? Will everyone agree to a pause for hygiene needs or for time to use effective protection? Some consideration of who uses what protection — against STI’s and pregnancy,” March said will help make everyone feel comfortable.
Weiss stressed the importance of swapping condoms frequently. “It’s safest to use a new condom each time you go from penetrating one partner to the other or from one orifice to another – and definitely if you are switching from anal to vaginal or oral,”
If you’re using lubricant, which every sexpert recommended, consider your options carefully. “Silicone lube is helpful because it lasts the longest, though you don’t want to use it with silicone toys,” Weiss said. Water-based lubricants work well with both toys and condoms, and oil-based lube should be avoided with condoms.
When most people think of self-pleasure, they often associate it with single people. However, self-pleasure or masturbation can actually be incredibly helpful in maintaining a healthy and satisfying sex, whether single or coupled. Quiet as it’s kept, self-pleasure is an activity that many people engage in but rarely discuss openly. Masturbation is not only natural but is actually healthy and beneficial for individuals and their relationships. Many couples may feel hesitant or even guilty about the idea of masturbating while in a committed relationship, but the truth is, couples can benefit greatly from self-pleasure. According to a study published in 2007, masturbation not only encourages sexual satisfaction but is also a healthy practice. A smaller study from 2015 found that married women who masturbated enjoyed greater orgasms and sexual desire, high self-esteem, and greater marriage and sexual satisfaction. If that’s not proof enough that self-pleasure can benefit your relationship, here are eight more reasons why married couples should enjoy self-pleasure and how it can strengthen their relationship.
It can increase intimacy
Engaging in sexual self-pleasure can allow couples to explore and understand their own bodies better. By doing this, they can learn what they like and don’t like, which can be communicated to their partner. Knowing what pleases oneself can help bring about better communication with their partner about what they want and need during sex. Not to mention, watching each other engage in self-pleasure can be incredibly arousing and bring couples closer together.
It relieves stress
Life can be stressful, and when it feels like you’re juggling a million things at once, it can be difficult to find time for intimacy with your partner. Engaging in self-pleasure can be a way to relieve some of that stress and tension, which can make you more relaxed and present during sexual activity with your partner.
It can improve sexual function
It’s no secret that as we age, sexual function can be impacted. Engaging in self-pleasure can help combat this by encouraging blood flow to the genital region, promoting vaginal lubrication, and potentially improving sexual function overall. Plus, practicing solo can help with premature ejaculation and even some erectile dysfunction issues.
It can be fun
Sex is meant to be enjoyable, and while it’s important to prioritize intimacy with your partner, it’s also okay to indulge in self-pleasure just for the sake of having fun. Without the pressure of a partner, individuals can let go and explore their bodies in ways they might not feel comfortable doing during partnered sex.
It can increase desire
Engaging in sexual self-pleasure can actually lead to a higher desire for sexual activity with one’s partner. It relieves sexual tension and can increase sexual attraction to a partner.
It opens up communication channels
Many couples find it difficult to communicate their desires, needs and wants when it comes to sex. By introducing self-pleasure into the mix, you are opening a channel for communication, making it easier for both partners to discuss their fantasies and desires.
It can be empowering
Many people, particularly women, are taught that self-pleasure is taboo or even shameful. However, embracing your own sexuality and engaging in self-pleasure can be incredibly empowering. It can help you feel more confident and comfortable in your own skin, which can ultimately lead to a more fulfilling sex life with your partner.
It can help you avoid pressure on your partner
In some relationships, there may be a pressure or expectation on one partner to be solely responsible for the other’s pleasure. This can be incredibly stressful and put unnecessary pressure on the partner in question. By engaging in self-pleasure, you’re able to take some of the pressure off of your partner and ensure that you’re both able to focus on enjoying each other without worrying about fulfilling specific expectations.
Self-pleasure is nothing to feel guilty about in a committed relationship. Overall, self-pleasure can be incredibly beneficial for married couples. By helping you better understand your body, relieve stress, spice things up in the bedroom, feel empowered, and avoid pressure on your partner, self-pleasure can ultimately strengthen your bond. Individuals should be encouraged to explore their bodies and find what they enjoy. So, if you’re in a committed relationship, don’t be afraid to explore your own sexuality and engage in a little self-pleasure from time to time. Your sex life (and your relationship as a whole) will thank you for it.
Sexual dysfunction, a concern affecting millions worldwide, has long been shrouded in silence and stigma. However, new developments in 2024 are transforming how we approach and treat this sensitive issue. This change isn’t just about enhancing sexual pleasure; it’s deeply tied to self-esteem, mental health, and the quality of relationships.
Open Communication: The first significant trend is the shift towards open communication about sexual dysfunction. This growing openness is largely fueled by mainstream acceptance and the increasing awareness among healthcare providers of the interconnection between sexual and overall health. Online counseling and specialized sexual wellness apps are playing a crucial role in this transformation, offering accessible resources for those hesitant to discuss these issues in person.
Advancements in Technology: Sound wave technology, particularly the development of Cliovana, is a breakthrough in treating sexual dysfunction, especially in women experiencing menopause-related symptoms. This pain-free, non-invasive technology stimulates natural healing processes, leading to enhanced blood flow, sensitivity, and sexual responsiveness. The simplicity and effectiveness of treatments like Cliovana’s soundwave therapy are key drivers in changing the landscape of sexual health solutions.
Menopause Education: The destigmatization of menopause and its associated sexual dysfunctions is gaining momentum. With the global menopause market projected to reach $22.7 billion by 2028, there’s an increasing focus on educating and providing solutions for women. This includes hormone and testosterone replacement therapies, which are tailored to individual symptoms, offering rejuvenation and improved sexual experiences.
Normalization of Sex Toys and Lubricants: Once considered taboo, sex toys and lubricants are now recognized as essential elements of sexual wellness. The market for these products is expanding rapidly, reflecting a societal shift towards accepting these products as tools for enhancing sexual experiences. Retail accessibility, both online and in physical stores, underscores this trend.
Lifestyle Choices and Sexual Health: Finally, there’s a growing understanding of how lifestyle choices impact sexual health. Research linking low-grade inflammation to erectile dysfunction (ED) has encouraged a broader distribution of information from doctors and researchers. Lifestyle modifications like reducing smoking, increasing physical activity, maintaining a healthy weight, and moderating alcohol consumption are recognized as effective strategies for minimizing the risk of ED.
One promising treatment is Cliovana, a unique, patented procedure specifically designed to enhance women’s orgasm intensity and frequency. This innovation is particularly noteworthy considering the widespread issue of sexual dissatisfaction among women. Studies indicate that 60% of women are not satisfied with their sex life, highlighting a significant disparity in sexual fulfillment between genders.
What sets Cliovana apart is its use of sound wave technology. This non-invasive approach, steering clear of lasers or scalpels, significantly reduces the risk of side effects, making it a safer alternative for sexual wellness. The technology is focused on increasing arousal levels, orgasm frequency, and intensity, aiming at a core aspect of sexual satisfaction: the clitoral responsiveness.
The efficacy of Cliovana is backed by clinical trials, which consistently show heightened sensation and stronger orgasms among women who undergo the treatment. The results are not just immediate but also long-lasting. Women report a sustained enhancement in their sexual experience, which can last for over a year, with the option of annual revitalization sessions to maintain these benefits.
2024 is setting a new tone in the realm of sexual health and wellness. With advancements in technology, increased openness, and a holistic approach to treatment and education, the future looks promising for individuals struggling with sexual dysfunction. This year symbolizes a breakthrough in not only treating the physical symptoms but also in supporting the emotional and relational aspects of sexual well-being.
— Examining various players in the field, from established dating platforms to innovative sexual wellness startups, reveals the multifaceted ways technology can serve as a bridge to understanding and acceptance.
How can technology assist us in having more open and honest conversations about sex and sexuality? This question strikes at the heart of a major cultural challenge: the taboos and stigmas around discussing sensitive topics like sexual health and pleasure.
Yet avoiding these conversations leads to negative outcomes on individual and societal levels. The good news is that technology is emerging as a powerful tool to enable shame-free dialogues and create social change.
Platforms enable constructive conversations
A number of platforms provide an opportunity to foster open and constructive dialogues that address sexuality and stigma.
Match, one of the trailblazers in online dating, has consistently refined its platform to foster more nuanced and authentic interactions among its users.
Recognizing the importance of sexual well-being as a component of overall compatibility, Match has integrated features that allow users to communicate their needs and desires more transparently. The profile structures, messaging systems, and compatibility algorithms are carefully designed to create a comfortable space for individuals to express their sexual preferences and boundaries without fear of judgment.
Match’s commitment to creating a user-friendly environment goes beyond mere matchmaking; it encapsulates a drive toward cultivating a community where open communication about sexuality is not only possible but encouraged.
Grindr, a platform dedicated to the LGBTQ+ community, confronts the intersection of technology and sexuality with a keen awareness of the historical and ongoing stigmatization faced by its users.
Grindr has carved out a space in the digital world where individuals can explore their identities, connect with others on a basis of shared experience, and find solidarity in their journeys of self-discovery. The platform’s approach to anonymity, safety, and community engagement is specifically tailored to reduce the sense of isolation that often accompanies the exploration of one’s sexuality, particularly in less-accepting environments.
Through features that cater to the nuances of LGBTQ+ dating and networking, Grindr plays a critical role in facilitating access to supportive networks and resources, thereby contributing significantly to the destigmatization of LGBTQ+ sexualities.
OMGYes dives into the relatively under-explored territory of women’s sexual pleasure with an educational and research-based approach. It represents a significant technological and cultural shift, leveraging empirical studies and real experiences to enhance understanding and communication around sexual pleasure.
Unlike traditional platforms, OMGYes employs tactile simulations and comprehensive tutorials derived from extensive research, including partnerships with researchers at Indiana University and the Kinsey Institute. Users are offered an array of interactive features that teach various techniques to improve sexual satisfaction, presenting this sensitive subject matter with the rigor and detail it deserves.
The platform uses direct user feedback and interactive content to empower individuals to explore and communicate their preferences more confidently, thereby contributing to the larger aim of normalizing conversations around sexual health and pleasure.
Match, Grindr, OMGYes, and others serve as case studies in the creation of digital environments that are respectful, inclusive, and affirming. Their success demonstrates the appetite for platforms that prioritize the complexities of human sexuality and the demand for innovations that transcend traditional limitations on sexual discourse.
Bridging online and offline worlds
Let’s do a deep dive into one specific platform. “Through technology and anonymity, we hope our users are empowered to ask other users anything they want regarding sex and sexuality and not feel judged for both their questions and their replies,” says Mariana Tomé Ribeiro, founder of Quycky, an innovative tech company focused on sexual wellness and education, in our interview.
As Ribeiro explains, Quycky aims to build a bridge between theoretical knowledge and lived experience by “making it easier for users to find toys and other accessories to support their sexual fantasies.” In doing so, it closes the gap between abstract information and embodied wisdom. Integrating mind and body leads to deeper understanding and self-acceptance.
Quycky utilizes gaming features and matching algorithms to connect users based on shared attitudes, interests, and compatibility regarding sex and relationships. This increases the likelihood of forging substantial connections that aren’t limited to physical attraction.
Creating a fun and playful environment through the game also helps users open up. Ribeiro observes that the screen acts as a buffer that allows people to connect more readily. Gaming dynamics make it easier to initiate substantive conversations and share intimate details that many people tend to keep private.
Designing safe community spaces
When tackling sensitive topics like sexuality online, maintaining a respectful environment is crucial. Quycky incorporates community reputation systems where positive behaviors like openness are rewarded through badges and statuses. Users can also block disrespectful individuals.
According to Ribeiro, the goal is to “cultivate respect” because “everyone is different.” Though anonymity sometimes breeds toxicity, consciously fostering inclusive norms can counteract this tendency. Setting communal guidelines, encouraging empathy, and giving users tools to curate their interactions enables healthy discord.
For marginalized groups like LGBTQ+ people, finding spaces to openly discuss sexuality can be especially challenging due to stigma. At Quycky, an adaptive matching system connects users with similarities in sexual orientation and interests, without requiring them to explicitly state a label. The platform “creates a sexual chart that will match you in the future with users alike,” Ribeiro says. This allows organic discovery of one’s desires and preferences.
Of course, bringing sensitive discussions online also poses potential risks around privacy, harassment, and misinformation. But conscious design choices can mitigate these pitfalls. Ribeiro believes that overall, tech will expand access to knowledge and community around sexuality: “I think it can be huge because it’s a way that people feel safe and they can understand more about themselves.”
Countering shame through virtual connections
Religious and cultural conditioning often discourage openness about intimacy. Most people feel some awkwardness discussing sexual details even with close confidantes. Anonymity helps override this hesitancy to share vulnerabilities.
According to Ribeiro, users tend to be more open online. The technology itself acts as a buffer against judgment. This psychological distancing empowers people to voice questions and details they may keep private in their daily lives. Virtual interactions can thus facilitate honesty that for many is much more difficult to achieve in actual relationships.
Some may argue that online platforms foster superficial connections compared to in-person interactions. Ribeiro asserts that by emulating the fluidity of face-to-face conversations, tech can enable meaningful exchanges: “It’s about creating something that is more meaningful and how people connect digitally.”
Elements like games and algorithms to drive interactive narratives counteract the static nature of most online communication. Kinetic energy flows when users respond dynamically to evolving scenarios. The nonlinear spontaneity of natural dialogue gets preserved in virtual environments that are designed to mimic real-world encounters.
Countering biases that perpetuate stigma
Two cognitive biases that likely reinforce stigma around sexuality are confirmation bias and the empathy gap. Confirmation bias leads us to interpret information in ways that fit our preconceptions, making us resistant to changing our minds about taboo topics. The empathy gap makes it hard to relate to experiences outside our own, causing judgment toward sexual practices we don’t share.
Virtual platforms help counteract these biases by exposing users to diverse perspectives and narratives they otherwise may never encounter. The anonymity provided online also bypasses knee-jerk judgments that are often experienced during in-person interactions. Gradually, assumptions get challenged and empathy gets fostered through broadened horizons.
Ultimately, technology platforms like Quycky and others aim to destigmatize sexuality on a societal level by empowering honest personal conversations. Ribeiro explains that “breaking the taboo around sex” begins by helping “people feel comfortable talking about sex in a fun way, and making conversations shame-free.”
Through strategic gamification and adaptive matching, virtual platforms can make users feel at ease opening up about intimate topics. Then the data and insights gained can inform educational content to further reshape public knowledge and attitudes. It is a self-reinforcing cycle where micro-level interaction feeds macro-level progress.
— How CBD Gummies Can Enhance Your Journey to Sexual Well-Being
Hey there, pleasure seeker! If you’re looking to spice up your journey to sexual well-being, we’ve got a sweet treat for you – CBD gummies. Yep, those delightful little gummies aren’t just for chillin’; they can add a whole new layer of pleasure to your intimate adventures. Let’s unwrap the secrets and explore how CBD gummies can enhance your sexual well-being.
A Calm Prelude: CBD Gummies for Relaxation and Intimacy
Picture this: You and your partner, bathed in soft candlelight, feeling the calming effects of CBD gummies, setting the mood. CBD is known for its relaxation properties, and incorporating it into your prelude can create a serene atmosphere, easing any tension or stress. It’s like a gentle melody playing in the background, preparing you for a symphony of pleasure.
CBD gummies for sex? Absolutely. The relaxation you experience from the CBD can help you be more present in the moment, heightening your senses and paving the way for a more intimate connection. So, before you dive into the passionate crescendo, consider incorporating CBD gummies into your prelude for a calm and collected overture.
Amplifying Sensations: CBD Gummies and Heightened Pleasure
Now, let’s talk about how CBD gummies can turn up the volume on pleasure. CBD enhances blood flow, increases sensitivity, and reduces discomfort. Translation? You might just experience more heightened sensations and a smoother ride to ecstasy.
The magic lies in how CBD interacts with your body, increasing blood flow to intimate areas and promoting relaxation. It’s like a gentle breeze, enhancing the natural rhythms of pleasure. Incorporating CBD gummies for sex can be your secret weapon, intensifying the sensations and elevating your journey to new heights of pleasure.
An Encore of Connection: CBD Gummies for Intimacy and Bonding
The encore is all about connection and bonding as the curtain falls on your intimate escapade. CBD gummies, with their potential to reduce anxiety and promote a sense of calm, can foster a deeper emotional connection after the act. It’s like a post-performance glow, creating a space for you and your partner to bask in the warmth of shared intimacy.
CBD gummies for sex aren’t just about the act itself; they contribute to the entire experience, from the build-up to the afterglow. As you savor the encore, you may find that CBD helps maintain a sense of relaxation and connection, strengthening the emotional bonds that make your intimate moments truly special.
Exploring Varieties: Finding the Right CBD Gummies for Your Pleasure Palette
When it comes to CBD gummies for sex, one size doesn’t fit all. Just like choosing the right wine for a meal, finding the perfect CBD gummies to complement your pleasure preferences is key. CBD gummies come in various formulations, each offering unique benefits. Some are crafted for relaxation, while others focus on heightened sensations. Before you embark on your journey to sexual well-being, take a moment to explore the varieties available and consider what suits your pleasure palette.
For those seeking a gentle intro, CBD gummies with a balanced blend of CBD and relaxation-promoting ingredients may be the perfect choice. On the other hand, if you’re aiming to amplify sensations, gummies with a higher concentration of CBD might be more in tune with your desires. It’s all about finding the right balance and flavor to enhance your intimate experience. Dive into the world of CBD gummies and discover the variety that speaks to your unique pleasure preferences.
Timing Matters: When and How to Integrate CBD Gummies into Your Intimate Routine
Timing is everything, especially when incorporating CBD gummies into your intimate routine. Think of it like preparing the stage for a grand performance – you want everything to align perfectly. The optimal time to indulge in CBD gummies for sex is about an hour before you plan to engage in intimate activities. This allows the CBD to take effect, promoting relaxation and enhancing sensations when needed.
Consider making it a ritual. Whether it’s before a planned romantic evening or a spontaneous rendezvous, take a moment together to enjoy the CBD gummies. It can become a shared experience, adding an extra layer of connection. As you anticipate the pleasure, CBD works its magic in the background, preparing both your minds and bodies for a harmonious and enjoyable experience. So, pay attention to the timing, make it a part of your intimate routine, and let the CBD-infused symphony unfold.
Beyond Pleasure: Exploring the Potential Health Benefits of CBD Gummies
While the focus is on pleasure, it’s worth mentioning that CBD gummies offer more than just a sweet enhancement to your intimate moments. CBD has various health benefits, and incorporating it into your routine may contribute to overall well-being. CBD is known for its anti-inflammatory and stress-relieving properties, which can indirectly support sexual health.
Beyond the immediate pleasure boost, regular use of CBD gummies might contribute to a more relaxed state of mind, reducing stress and anxiety – common factors that can impact sexual well-being. It’s like adding an extra layer of self-care to your routine, promoting pleasure and a holistic approach to your health. So, as you explore the potential of CBD gummies for sex, consider the broader spectrum of well-being that they may bring to your life.
The Sweet Symphony: Incorporating CBD Gummies into Your Pleasure Playlist
As we wrap up this exploration of pleasure, think of incorporating CBD gummies into your pleasure playlist as adding a sweet melody to your favorite tune. Whether you’re seeking relaxation, heightened sensations, or a deeper connection, CBD gummies can be the secret ingredient that enhances your journey to sexual well-being. So, why not unwrap a new level of pleasure? Your symphony of satisfaction awaits!
From Carrie Bradshaw and Big to pretty much everyone on The Real Housewives, the concept of marrying “up” is nothing new—yet somehow, it’s one of those themes that never seem to go out of style. Take, for example, Bridgerton.
Behind all the sex (and yup, there’s a lot of sex), the story is about families climbing the ranks of society by courting with people of “higher” social statuses. The term for this phenomenon is “hypergamy,” and according to Damona Hoffman, OkCupid‘s official dating coach and host of the Dates & Mates podcast, it’s as old as time.
“The idea of marrying for love is actually a very contemporary practice,” Hoffman says. “Marriage traditionally was for ensuring the financial stability of a woman’s family.” And while the concept is a major focal point of shows, books, movies, history, and daydreams, it’s actually a real thing that’s still very much happening in the world.
Very simply, hypergamy is the act of marrying or dating someone you think is more successful and/or secure than you—whether you do it consciously or subconsciously, says Alysha Jeney, licensed marriage and family therapist and owner of Modern Love Counseling. “This can often be due to the desire to want to achieve financial security or to boost reputation. It can also be due to the desire to seek a ‘higher level’ of self-worth and identity,” she says.
And even though the term has gotten much buzzier over the past few years, the concept has been around for a super long time. “[Hypergamy] can be traced back to castes in Hindu society,” explains licensed clinical social worker, Shamyra Howard—meaning the practice of hypergamy is at least 3,000 years old.
“Hypergamy is essentially a patriarchal constructed form of partnership from a time when women had very little education, weren’t able to work, and needed their partner for survival,” says Howard. “Marriage was mostly about survival and protection. Marriage for love is a new concept.”
Back in the days of women not being allowed to vote, own property, or secure assets without a husband, hypergamy was one of the only ways to get ahead.
Why is hypergamy still a thing?
Since hypergamy’s been around for what feels like ever, and marriage being tied to love has only been a thing for the past 250 years or so, it’s not too surprising that hypergamous relationships haven’t totally died out.
In some class systems, marriages are arranged so the woman marries into a wealthy family,” explains Howard. India is commonly known for still practicing arranged marriages, as is China (even though they’re technically outlawed), Iran, and Indonesia.
You might be surprised to learn, however, that while arranged marriages aren’t as common in western society, hypergamy still very much is. In fact, there are a ton of celebrity couples out there who are hypergamous such as Donald and Melania Trump and previously Erika Jayne and Tom Girard, says Hoffman. Fictionally, characters such as Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, and of course, Bridgerton‘s Simon and Daphne practiced hypergamy as well.
In Bridgerton, viewers saw first-hand how important it was for a daughter to secure a good husband to help her family climb the social ladder. That’s basically the entire plot of the series. And while we’re not watching princes suck spoons in 19th century London, many people still choose to engage in hypergamy today, whether consciously or not.
“As the cost of living continues to go up and the view of lavish lifestyles permeates social media, TV, and magazines, people will continue to strive to be upwardly-mobile,” explains Hoffman. And one of the easiest ways to do this is by marrying into money and status, says Jeney,
“The recent discussions around hypergamy are re-birthed from current issues related to capitalism, the cost of living, and financial woes,” says Hoffman.
Who can be in a hypergamous relationship?
It’s important to note that hypergamous relationships don’t just happen in cis male/cis female partnerships, says Jeney. In fact, Howard says it’s prevalent in almost every community.
Is hypergamy “wrong”?
While blatantly hypergamous people are sometimes referred to as “gold diggers” the truth is, the concept of actively seeking a powerful and secure partner is kind of ingrained in our genetic makeup. “Many people state that hypergamy is not a choice, but evolutionary,” says Howard. “There have been reports that some people desire others that are the most resourceful and powerful, those who not only possess financial clout but social clout as well.”
And now with social media, the idea of seeking social clout and financial stability by way of a partner is easier and more obtainable than ever. “Blue checks represent a different type of currency which, for many people is invaluable,” says Howard. “So many people desire to be with those who are followed and desired by many, and if that person is rich that’s even better.”
But before you feel like hypergamy is a given, know that it isn’t something you have to buy into, even if it’s somewhat predisposition for us. So while it’s not *wrong,* that doesn’t necessarily mean it’s right for everyone. It all comes down to doing what’s right for you, ethically and emotionally.
Is hypergamy a healthy relationship style?
“Seeking a partner for the sole purpose of financial and/or social gain can become an unhealthy process that involves manipulation, deceit, and overall fulfillment,” says Howard.
In addition to there potentially being an uneven power dynamic in a hypergamous relationship, things like a lack of intimacy or understanding could also come into play, says Jeney. Since the person practicing hypogamy (the one in the partnership who’s “marrying down”) might feel like they have the ultimate control in the relationship, it can lead to an unhealthy and unequal distribution of weight in the partnership.
Howard says according to The Wiley Blackwell Encyclopedia of Family Studies, “Hypogamy is mostly practiced by men for the purpose of maintaining control.” For these types of relationships to be successful, communication, boundaries, and clear expectations are more vital than ever to keep things healthy and respectful between the partners.
Why should we care about hypergamy?
Because it actually plays a major role in the structure of society—not only in the past, but for the future as well. While some people view hypergamy as a smart and/or necessary move, others think it could be detrimental to female empowerment. Mainly because it could send convince some people their worth is only defined by who they marry.
That said, if you come from financial insecurity, hypergamy is not only encouraged, but it can sometimes seem like the only option to reach a different economic status, explains Hoffman. And even if you are financially stable, a 2016 study by the University of British Columbia concluded that even though women earn more college degrees than men, they’re still 93 percent more likely to “marry up” financially.
Whether you’re for or against the practice, hypergamous relationships aren’t going anywhere any time soon. “Hypergamy is something that will always be practiced in a culture where money and power are glorified,” notes Hoffman. “Marriage is still somewhat of an exchange of values. A hypergamous person may value youth or beauty over social status while a hypergamous person would overlook other factors of relationship compatibility if someone could help them elevate their financial or social situation.”
What should I consider before entering a hypergamous relationship?
If you’re thinking about entering into a hypergamous or hypogamous marriage or relationship, Hoffman says it’s essential to reflect on your priorities. “Hypergamy isn’t wrong, but I think it’s important for all daters to figure out what is truly important to them in a partnership and figure out if money or power has value for them over other key qualities in their ideal mate,” she explains.
“As gender roles shift and the playing field in dating becomes level, it’s important to question the values of prior generations and see if common beliefs about what makes someone a ‘high value’ mate are the same things that mattered before.”
As with most relationships, there are going to be tradeoffs with a hypergamous relationship, and only you can decide what’s right for you. Howard says in order to make these types of relationships work, it’s best to be honest about what you’re looking for.
“Marrying for money isn’t a new concept, however, the act of marrying someone for financial stability often works best when each person is aware and agrees on their involvement.”
Whether you’re after a royal or simply true love, the pros agree: The key to a solid coupling is communication.
Mens’ sex coach Alex Grendi says changing his mindset around intimacy transformed his sex life for the better.
Grendi said four tips helped him make partnered sex more pleasurable for him and his partners.
Following these tips can turn even one-night stands into amazing sex, Grendi said.
Once a week, Alex Grendi gets on Zoom with eight men, fielding their questions about how to impress their female partners in bed and ways to maximize their performance.
As a men’s sex coach, Grendi has helped hundreds of men have the best sex of their lives, the kind that makes their female partners gush to their friends about how mind-blowing it was for them too.
Grendi does this through his 12-week virtual course, which includes 72 sex lessons and weekly group check-ins. For $3,000, Grendi’s clients get lifetime access to his video modules, he told Business Insider. The lessons, which focus on things like personal arousal and female pleasure, are useful for both single and partnered men, according to Grendi.
He said that he’s tried all of his tips, both while in relationships and single, finding that even casual hookups could be deeply satisfying when he took the right approach.
“Before using these tips, I tried to perform like a porn star without really considering my or my partner’s desires. Now, I’m having the best sex of my life. I feel complete confidence and control, can last as long as I want, and help my partners have some of the deepest and most expansive orgasms of their lives,” Grendi told Business Insider.
Below, Grendi shares his four top takeaways for men who want to have better sex.
Reduce stress in your day-to-day life
One of Grendi’s sex coaches helped him realize that taking care of your mental health is important for a satisfying sex life, he said.
Until then, Grendi said he didn’t take much time for himself to calm down after a stressful day at work, let alone before a date that could result in sex.
But when he started taking time to reduce daily stress — exercising, and swapping morning doom-scrolling on his phone for reading a book or going for a walk — Grendi noticed that he could enter sexual experiences with a more grounded and less anxious demeanor.
“You can’t just be going 100 miles an hour all day and then expect you can just switch that off at 9 PM and be totally calm and ready for pleasure. You need to be able to regulate your nervous system throughout the day,” Grendi told Insider.
Don’t assume every partner wants the same things during sex
Grendi also learned how to focus on his sexual partners in more helpful ways, he told Business Insider.
Before working with sex coaches, he fixated on how a partner might judge his performance after sex, or what she might tell her friends. But Grendi’s female sex coach taught him that turning his attention to how each individual partner likes to receive pleasure was a better strategy for improving his performance.
Grendi said that she taught him about the concept of pleasure mapping, or slowly touching different areas of a partner’s body and genitals to understand what they personally want and need to get off, and which areas to avoid.
“When I started to do this with new partners, they would tell me that they’ve never been touched like this before. It’s been pretty special to help partners connect to their pleasure or have orgasms in new ways,” Grendi said.
Since pleasure mapping doesn’t center penetrative sex, it became a way for Grendi to focus less on his penis and more on pleasure as a full-body experience, he said.
Experiment with touch when you’re alone
Another men’s sex coach taught Grendi the importance of self-touch for becoming a better sexual partner, he said.
Like he did with his partners, Grendi committed to touching himself all over, not just his genitals. He said he still sets aside an hour each week — usually three 20-minute sessions — to be alone and experiment with feel-good sensations, like lightly biting his arm or scratching his chest. This practice has never gotten in the way of his sexual relationships, Grendi said.
According to Grendi, this practice made him realize there were so many more ways to feel pleasure than he knew was possible.
“Exploring every part of your body is a huge factor in knowing what you want,” Grendi said.
Practice being comfortable with saying “no”
When Grendi explored his body, he also learned the types of sensations he doesn’t like during partnered intimacy, like being touched on the lips, he said.
“If someone’s doing that and I don’t say anything, I’m just going to be thinking, ‘Wow, this is the last thing I want right now, but I don’t want to ruin the mood,'” Grendi said.
He said that one of his male sex coaches taught him how to avoid this outcome, instilling in him the importance of saying “no” to someone in a sexual setting without feeling guilty about it.
“Now, I’ll be like, ‘Hey, please be mindful not to touch my face. I like it more if you touch my neck,'” Grendi said. He told Insider that this practice has been a “game-changer” in his sex life because it makes sex feel more like a collaboration between partners, rather than a self-sacrificing performance.
With a large amount of misinformation on the internet it can be hard *excuse the pun* to know what is fact and what is myth about our bodies.
And when it comes to the male anatomy, particularly the penis, there are plenty of misconceptions that are so common we take them as truth.
Well, Dr Danae Maragouthakis, from Yoxly, an Oxford-based sexual health start-up, has agreed to help Metro bust some myths around the phallus, so you are left satisfied with the answers.
Danae tells Metro.co.uk: ‘Some people believe that the penis is a muscle that can be exercised to increase size or improve sexual performance.
‘The penis is not a muscle. It looks like muscle because it gets hard when it fills with blood when it gets an erection but it’s actually made predominantly of spongey tissue and blood vessels.
There’s a lot of misinformation about the penis but we’ve got the truth
‘When someone fractures their penis, they break the blood vessels that run in the penis and tear the soft tissue. It’s incredibly painful and really dangerous, that’s a medical emergency.
‘Seek medical attention immediately because if you compromise the blood flow to those tissues, they can die.’
Myth 2: Penis length correlates with hand size
We’ve all heard it. People jokingly checking if their partner has big hands or big feet because “you know what that means”, but that’s actually a fruitless exercise.
And, we might add, one that doesn’t matter anyway.
Danae says: ‘There’s no reliable way to link somebody’s hand or foot size to their penis size — there’s no scientific evidence behind it to prove it.
‘I’m not entirely sure where the myth came from, I think it’s probably observational, where people noticed it and shared it with one another.’
Myth 3: All circumcised penises are less sensitive
Now, for those of us who do not have a penis, it’s not like we can be an authority on this topic, but we can tell you what the science says.
Danae tells Metro: ”The literature on this is mixed and every person will have a different experience.
‘There are some studies that say yes, there are men who experience reduced sensation. But there have been other studies done where men don’t report reduced sensation or functionality.
‘It’s not my place to tell someone with a penis how they do and don’t feel, but the scientific literature shows that not everybody who undergoes a circumcision experiences reduced sensation.’
Can circumcision reduce chances of acquiring SITs?
According to the Centre for Disease Control in America male circumcision can reduce a male’s chances of acquiring HIV by 50% to 60% during heterosexual contact with female partners with HIV.
‘Circumcised men compared with uncircumcised men have also been shown in clinical trials to be less likely to acquire new infections with syphilis (by 42%), genital ulcer disease (by 48%), genital herpes (by 28% to 45%), and high-risk strains of human papillomavirus associated with cancer (by 24% to 47% percent),’ it says.
However, ‘in the UK male circumcision is not medically recommended unless there’s a medical reason,’ Danae adds.
‘It’s important to note that the UK (NHS) and the US (CDC) differ on this point. In the UK, routine male circumcision is not considered a way of reducing STI risk.’
Speaking to the BBC, Dr Colm O’Mahony, a sexual health expert from the Countess of Chester Foundation Trust Hospital in Chester, said the US pushing circumcision as a solution sends the wrong message.
Keith Alcorn, from the HIV information service NAM, also warned: ‘We have to be careful not to take evidence from one part of the world (in this case Uganda) and apply it uncritically to others.
‘Male circumcision will have little impact on HIV risk for boys born in the UK, where the risk of acquiring HIV heterosexually is very low.’
Myth 4: Lengthening exercises can make your penis longer
Penis lengthening exercises, colloquially known as ‘jelqing’ refer to stretching the penis either with your hands or weighted devices.
‘Some of these things they do, where they take a flaccid penis and they grip the head and pull it in different directions, that can create micro tears and create more damage to the penis,’ says Danae.
‘People think these tears will fill up with scar tissue and make their penis bigger, but that’s just not true. Handling it so aggressively can cause injury and won’t make it bigger, there’s nothing scientific to back this up.’
Danae says this doesn’t apply to men who suffer with conditions like Peyronie’s disease, ‘where the penis gets an abnormal curvature’ who may need similar treatments, but for healthy men this shouldn’t be done.
‘This is where self-love and acceptance and trying to debunk the myths and stereotypes around what’s most important about penis’ — penis size, partner satisfaction — is important and it’s about accepting yourself,’ adds Danae.
‘Penis stretching is an unproven practice. There are certain exercises or devices that are thought to increase the length or girth of the penis. None of these are scientifically proven to result in any long term penile lengthening.’
A sexologist said her kinky clients do a lot more planning around sex than the vanilla ones.
Shamrya Howard told Insider non-kinky couples can learn a lot from those who are kinkier.
Tips include frequent communication and starting foreplay for the next round at the end of sex.
You might think that kinky sex is as spontaneous as it is unconventional. But a sexologist told Insider that her kinky clients do a lot more planning than those who are more vanilla when it comes to sex, and that groundwork pays off in a way that we could all benefit from.
Shamyra Howard, a licensed clinical social worker and AASECT-certified sex therapist, realized that it was her kinkier clients who tended to discuss and plan their sexual encounters, even though scheduling sex is commonly seen as a marker of a stale sex life, and that this made having sex easier and better.
Here are three things that Howard thinks the kink community does that could improve sex for non-kinky couples.
Scheduling time for sex
Kinky sex often requires some forward planning and organization, because it can involve other people, locations outside of the home, and specific equipment. For example, you might schedule a “playdate” or “play party” to have sex with another couple, or need a costume and a free house for roleplay.
Some couples might just engage in sexual play or a kink rather than any sex acts during this scheduled time, Howard said, which allows them to be intimate without the pressure of sex and helps “to keep each other warm, until it’s time to heat each other all the way up.”
This can in turn improve sex when it does happen, because it allows partners to prepare emotionally and physically, which can make sex more enjoyable, she said.
If scheduling sex sounds too formal, Howard previously told Insider that “erotic time zones” are a less rigid way of letting your partner know when you might be up for sex.
Practicing aftercare
Aftercare involves checking in with each other after sex or play to make sure everyone was comfortable, and attending to your partners’ needs so the experience has a fulfilling end. Kinky couples who practice things such as BDSM using ropes and whips might need to tend to cuts and bruises after sex too, or it might be necessary to have some affection and conversation to reset from a consensually aggressive scenario.
But any couple can benefit from aftercare, even if it’s just fetching the other person a heated blanket or tea if they like to feel warmth after sex, Howard said.
“Aftercare can be a game changer for couples who struggle with a desire discrepancy or couples who don’t feel as connected in their sexual relationship,” Howard said, referring to a mismatch in times when different partners want sex. This is because aftercare can help partners feel closer emotionally after sex, even if they haven’t been so connected outside of the bedroom.
Howard said: “Foreplay begins at the end of your last sexual encounter, so aftercare prepares you for your next sexual experience.”
‘Using your mouth’ to communicate more about sex
Kink culture is very hot on consent and communication — for example, safe words are used to signal when something is too rough and there can be strict rules around touching at play parties.
Howard said that her kinkier clients are often therefore much better at talking about sex. “They have to have more open communication because it’s built into the negotiation of their kinks,” she said.
Plus, you can easily incorporate discussing what you enjoyed into aftercare, to make sex better next time.
“Use your mouth,” Howard said, “figure out what your partner likes, whether that’s kinky or not. That’s going to be the key to having better sex.”
Yaoi bondage is a subgenre of yaoi, a popular genre of Japanese manga and anime that focuses on romantic or sexual relationships between male characters. While bondage itself is a niche interest within the broader realm of BDSM, yaoi bondage adds a unique twist by exploring the dynamics of power, dominance, and submission in same-sex relationships. In this article, we will delve into the world of yaoi bondage, examining its origins, themes, and impact on both the LGBTQ+ community and the wider world of manga and anime.
The Origins of Yaoi Bondage
Yaoi, which originated in Japan in the 1970s, gained popularity in the 1980s and 1990s. It was initially created by and for women, providing an outlet for their fantasies and desires. Yaoi often features androgynous or feminine-looking male characters engaged in romantic or sexual relationships. The genre gained a dedicated following, both in Japan and internationally, and has since evolved to include various subgenres, including yaoi bondage.
The Influence of BDSM
Bondage, Discipline, Dominance, Submission, Sadism, and Masochism (BDSM) is a set of sexual practices and role-playing scenarios that involve consensual power exchange. BDSM has a long history and has been explored in various forms of media, including literature, art, and film. The influence of BDSM on yaoi bondage is evident, as it incorporates elements of dominance, submission, and restraint into the relationships depicted in the genre.
Themes in Yaoi Bondage
Yaoi bondage explores a range of themes and dynamics within same-sex relationships. While the primary focus is on power dynamics and the exploration of dominance and submission, there are several other recurring themes that are often present in yaoi bondage stories:
Trust and Consent: Consent and trust are crucial elements in any BDSM relationship, and yaoi bondage is no exception. The characters involved must establish a level of trust and consent to engage in the power dynamics depicted in the stories.
Emotional Intimacy: Yaoi bondage often delves into the emotional connection between the characters, exploring their vulnerabilities and desires. The power dynamics depicted in the genre can deepen the emotional bond between the characters.
Exploration of Taboos: Yaoi bondage pushes the boundaries of societal norms and explores taboo subjects. It allows readers to explore their own desires and fantasies in a safe and consensual manner.
Gender Roles and Identity: The androgynous or feminine appearance of the male characters in yaoi bondage challenges traditional gender roles and allows for a more fluid exploration of identity and sexuality.
The Impact of Yaoi Bondage
Yaoi bondage has had a significant impact on both the LGBTQ+ community and the wider world of manga and anime. Here are some key aspects of its impact:
Representation and Visibility
Yaoi bondage provides representation and visibility for LGBTQ+ individuals, particularly those interested in BDSM dynamics. By depicting same-sex relationships and exploring power dynamics, yaoi bondage helps to normalize and validate these experiences.
Exploration of Sexuality and Identity
Yaoi bondage allows readers to explore their own sexuality and identity in a safe and consensual manner. The genre provides a space for individuals to engage with their desires and fantasies, helping them to better understand themselves and their own preferences.
Artistic Expression and Creativity
Yaoi bondage has inspired countless artists and creators to explore new artistic styles and storytelling techniques. The genre’s popularity has led to the creation of a vast array of manga, anime, fan art, and doujinshi (self-published works) that push the boundaries of creativity and artistic expression.
Q&A
1. Is yaoi bondage only for women?
No, while yaoi was initially created by and for women, it has gained a diverse following that includes people of all genders and sexual orientations. The appeal of yaoi bondage extends beyond gender, as it explores themes of power dynamics and emotional connection that can resonate with a wide range of individuals.
2. Is yaoi bondage considered pornography?
Yaoi bondage can contain explicit sexual content, but it is not solely focused on pornography. The genre encompasses a wide range of stories, from romantic and emotional narratives to more explicit and erotic depictions. It is important to note that yaoi bondage, like any form of media, can be enjoyed for various reasons, including artistic appreciation, storytelling, and personal exploration.
3. Does yaoi bondage promote unhealthy power dynamics?
Yaoi bondage, like any form of media exploring power dynamics, should be approached with an understanding of consent and healthy relationships. It is essential to differentiate between fantasy and reality, recognizing that the power dynamics depicted in yaoi bondage are consensual and based on mutual trust and respect. It is crucial to apply these principles to real-life relationships and ensure that all parties involved are consenting and comfortable.
4. How has yaoi bondage influenced mainstream manga and anime?
Yaoi bondage has had a significant influence on mainstream manga and anime, particularly in terms of character design, storytelling techniques, and the exploration of LGBTQ+ themes. Many popular manga and anime series have incorporated elements of yaoi bondage or explored similar power dynamics in their narratives, broadening the representation of diverse relationships and identities within the medium.
5. Are there any controversies surrounding yaoi bondage?
As with any form of media that explores sexuality and power dynamics, yaoi bondage has faced its share of controversies. Some critics argue that it perpetuates harmful stereotypes or promotes unrealistic expectations of relationships. However, it is important to approach these discussions with nuance and recognize that yaoi bondage, like any genre, can vary greatly in its portrayal of relationships and power dynamics.
Summary
Yaoi bondage is a fascinating subgenre within the world of yaoi that explores power dynamics, dominance, and submission in same-sex relationships. It originated in Japan and has gained popularity worldwide, providing representation and visibility for LGBTQ+ individuals interested in BDSM dynamics. Yaoi bondage allows readers to explore their own desires and fantasies in a safe and consensual manner, while also pushing the boundaries of artistic expression and storytelling. While controversies and debates surround the genre, it remains an important part of the manga and anime landscape, broadening the representation of diverse relationships and identities.
Most people will experience a loss of sexual desire at some point in their life, be it due to parenthood, a health condition, hormonal changes, grief or other reasons. But how can you overcome this? Sex therapists and educators share the secrets to getting your mojo back.
1. Be aware that it is incredibly normal
“Fluctuations in desire are a natural part of the human experience, influenced by different life stages,” says Chris Sheridan, a psychotherapist and founder of The Queer Therapist in Glasgow. “We’re not robots,” says Natasha Silverman, a Relate sex and relationship therapist based in the Cotswolds. She has helped couples who haven’t had sex for decades and says this is one of the most common reasons people seek advice. “It is very normal for relationships to go through periods when couples aren’t having sex, or one person wants to and the other doesn’t.”
2. Mood is often a factor
Addressing this is the first step. “External life stresses and anxiety all put the brakes on sexual desire,” says Silverman. “If you are stressed and overwhelmed – worried about the kids or there are problems at work – it’s not going to be quite so easy to get into that headspace.” Medication such as antidepressants can also have an impact on sex drive, she adds.
3. Have a medical check-up
It is important to see a doctor about loss of libido. If people are describing anxiety, depression or other symptoms that may be connected to a health issue such as the menopause, “we do suggest that people get checked”, says Silverman. “For example, someone may have erectile difficulties that are putting them off sex. But if that is a chronic problem, it can be indicative of something like heart disease.”
4. Talk to someone outside the relationship
Find someone to confide in, says Silverman. This could be “a friend or a professional. Someone who can normalise it, help you look at why this might be happening and take the shame out of it. Think about when things changed and what might be making it more difficult.” Try to work out, “what it is that made you feel as if your mojo isn’t there any more”, says Dami “Oloni” Olonisakin, a sex positive educator and author of The Big O: An empowering guide to loving, dating and f**king.
5. Be prepared to talk to your partner
When you are ready, talk to your partner about how you are feeling. This could be in a therapy space or on your own. “Your partner will already be sensing that something has changed,” says Silverman. “And if you’re not talking about it with them, they are going to fill in the gaps, most likely with their own anxieties: ‘They don’t want to be with me any more’; ‘They don’t find me attractive’; ‘Maybe there’s someone else.’ So be upfront and honest.” Most people are too ashamed to work on stale, long-term relationships and be more creative about seeking pleasure together, says Todd Baratz, a sex therapist in New York City. It doesn’t “necessarily mean getting out the whips and chains, it just means communicating about sex, talking about what your sexual needs are”.
‘Set aside time each week to explore each other’s bodies.’
6. Single people struggle with desire, too
It is not only those in a relationship who experience a loss of libido. Silverman says she is seeing increasing numbers of single people who “want to iron out mistakes from previous relationships” and women, in particular, who have become used to “minimising their needs”. There are a lot of myths that need to be busted about the G-spot and what a healthy sex life looks like, she says. Being single is a good time to figure out what works for you “and make yourself more robust”, for your next relationship or sexual encounter.
7. Work out what desire means to you
“Society often normalises saying ‘yes’ to things we may not genuinely want to do, a behaviour that can permeate our relationship dynamics,” says Sheridan. “Expressing our true desires and practising saying ‘no’ enables us to transition into healthy communication characterised by negotiation and mutual consent.”
“What is really important,” says Miranda Christophers, a sex and relationship psychotherapist at The Therapy Yard in Beaconsfield, “is that both partners have the desire for desire. If somebody’s motivation for intimacy is because they know that their partner likes to have sex and they need to do it to keep the partner happy, that wouldn’t necessarily be a positive motivator. We try to get them to work out what they enjoy about sex, what they are getting from it.” That could be pleasure in the moment or a sense of connection afterwards.
8. In most couples, one person will want sex more than the other
“This phenomenon is not exclusive to heterosexual couples,” says Sheridan. “It presents similarly within same-sex and sexually diverse relationships”, in which there can be “an additional layer of complexity emerging due to the pervasive influence of heteronormativity”. “Desire isn’t necessarily gender specific,” says Baratz. “It is often assumed that men want sex all the time and women want to be seduced, and that’s not the case. People have a wide and diverse expression of how they desire, regardless of their gender.” That said, men tend to experience spontaneous desire, whereas women are more responsive, says Christophers, and desire may only kick in at the point of arousal.
9. A sex ban can be a good place to start
Silverman says many therapists will encourage couples to abstain from sex and masturbation while initial conversations are taking place, before introducing affection for affection’s sake that won’t lead to something else. Plus, “telling someone they can’t have sex tends to be an effective way to get them in the mood”, she says.
10. Looking back is crucial
As with any kind of therapy, considering past experiences, positive and negative, can help to process problems in the present. Sheridan explains: “Examining a client’s sexual response history across their lifespan allows us to discern whether the change is a situational occurrence or a longstanding pattern. A crucial aspect of this involves understanding the current and historical dynamics of their relationships.” Silverman adds: “We look at their first relationships, the potential obstacles that are in the way of them being able to let go sexually, any health problems, trauma or historic sexual abuse.” “Trauma has a huge impact on our sensory system,” says Baratz, “and sex is all about sensory experiences, so it’s going to potentially decrease the way we feel safe or connected to our senses. That means that we need to be with a partner we feel safe with.”
11. Rediscover non-sexual intimacy
This could be “kissing each other before you leave the house or playfully patting your partner on the bum as they walk past”, says Oloni. “Different things can help reignite that spark, so when you are back in bed you’ve done things throughout the day that remind you your partner still desires you sexually and is attracted to you.” Sensate exercises, in which couples are encouraged to “set aside time each week to explore each other’s bodies, focusing on the feeling that they have themselves when they are doing this”, are helpful too, says Christophers.
12. Scheduling
This isn’t for everyone, says Silverman, as it can make sex feel like even more of a chore. But it can be helpful for some, especially if young children are getting in the way. “Schedule a romantic date night or time to find different ways to get in touch with that side,” says Oloni. For new parents, Christophers advises: “Even if it is just for an hour, go somewhere else and create a more adult space together.” Baratz recommends “planning sex instead of relying upon spontaneity and declaring our schedules are too busy”.
13. Self-love is everything
“Emphasising self-love is integral,” says Sheridan. “As it empowers individuals to honestly articulate their needs and desires, building more authentic and fulfilling sexual and emotional intimacy in the relationship.” Take care of yourself too: shower and put on fragrance, says Baratz. “Exercise plays a big role in cultivating a relationship with your body.” He encourages “yoga, if that’s pleasurable, or massage or a spa day or a bath bomb – anything that is a sensory experience that feels good and will reinforce the connection that we can feel with our body”. “When you walk past a mirror, tell yourself how beautiful you are,” says Oloni. “How lucky anybody would be to be in your presence naked.”
14. Work on body confidence
This could be through “buying yourself new lingerie that makes you feel sexy”, says Oloni. “You need to find that confidence within yourself then present that to your partner. I used to work in Victoria’s Secret, and I remember a woman came in who had just had a child and she burst into tears because a bra looked good on her. That has stuck with me because it really does take the right type of underwear to make you feel sexy again, or to see yourself in a different way.”
15. Faking it can be counterproductive
Again, this is very common, thanks to people getting sex education from mainstream pornography, says Silverman, which often suggests women need to have penetrative sex to have an orgasm, whereas about 75% of women require clitoral stimulation to have an orgasm. But “every time someone fakes an orgasm, they are showing their partner the exact wrong way to make them climax – there is a sexual dishonesty there”, she says. “Some people do struggle to reach orgasm, which is known as anorgasmia. This can be a result of medication, trauma or trust issues that haven’t been explored. But generally speaking, people can reach orgasm on their own. We recommend that people get to know their bodies by themselves and what does it for them, before expecting a partner to know what to do.”
16. Pornography doesn’t have to be visual
“There is a difference between ethical and non-ethical pornography,” says Oloni. “And it is important to understand what has been created for the male gaze.” She points to other forms of erotica that can be accessed, such as audio pornography and literature. “There are so many different mediums you could get that sexual rush from, but I don’t think people truly explore. It’s usually the same link or bookmark of a favourite porn site or video. I think it’s important to mix it up, especially when it comes to fantasising. They say that the biggest sexual organ that we actually have is the brain. It’s so important to fantasise in different ways instead of just one.”
17. Think about ‘sexual currency’
“This is a term that a lot of sex educators are using now,” says Oloni, “which is designed to help you find that desire and spark in your relationship. It could mean cuddling more on the sofa when you’re watching a movie, or it could be remembering to kiss your partner before you leave the house.”
18. Write down things you want to try
This helps if you can’t say them out loud. Work out what they are and send over an image or link, suggests Oloni. “Write them down on bits of paper and put them in a pot,” says Christophers, so you can pull them out and potentially try something new. “Create an opportunity for playfulness,” she says. “A bit more intrigue, a bit more mystery.”
19. Variety is the spice of life
Oils, toys and other aids can be useful after body changes due to the menopause, having a baby or other health conditions, says Christophers, as is trying different positions. “Think about comfort and practical things, such as using lubricants.”
20. Put down your phone
For those who would rather go to bed with their phone than their partner, put it away. “This comes up a lot,” says Christophers. “I’m not saying don’t ever bring your phone into bed,” says Oloni. “But that could be a time where you up your sexual currency. You’re in bed with your partner. This is where you should feel your most relaxed but you can’t really unwind when you are on your phone, you’re still taking in so much information. You could use that time instead to not necessarily have sex, but just be still, hug, spoon or giggle with your partner.”
In 2022, University of Melbourne evolutionary psychologist Dr Khandis Blake estimated that among young people, “around 4-5 per cent of people might be involved in a polyamorous relationship, and about 20 per cent have probably tried one”.
Polyamory statistics in Australia are limited. But recent research in the US shows just over 11% of people are currently in polyamorous relationships, while 20% have engaged in some form of non-monogamy. In the UK, just under 10% of people would be open to a non-monogamous relationship.
“To us, a slut is a person of any gender who celebrates sexuality according to the radical proposition that sex is nice and pleasure is good for you,” write the co-authors of The Ethical Slut, a now-classic guide to non-monogamy (tagged “the Poly Bible”).
Janet W. Hardy and Dossie Easton are the co-authors of The Ethical Slut.
When it was first published more than 25 years ago, shattered social norms and stigma around non-traditional relationship styles. Now in its third edition, revised to address cultural changes like gender diversity and new technological innovations (like dating apps), it’s sold over 200,000 copies since its first publication in 1997.
As a non-monogamous practitioner myself, I welcome literature that aims to destigmatise relationships that sit outside monogamy.
Sexual educator Janet W. Hardy and psychotherapist Dossie Easton, two self-described queer, polyamorous “ethical sluts” – friends, lovers and frequent collaborators – bring readers into their world of multiple partners and multiple kinds of sex. It encourages them to think about their own desires, and how they might be achieved in ethical ways.
Easton decided against monogamy after leaving a traumatic relationship, with a newborn daughter, in 1969. She taught her first class in “unlearning jealousy” in 1973. Hardy left a 13-year marriage in 1988, after realising she was no longer interested in monogamy. The pair met in 1992, through a San Francisco BDSM group.
Two years later, sick in bed, Hardy stumbled on the film Indecent Proposal, where a marriage crumbles after millionaire Robert Redford offers a madly-in-love (but struggling with money) married couple, played by Woody Harrelson and Demi Moore, a million dollars for one night with Demi.
“A million dollars and Robert Redford, and they have a problem with this? It made no sense to me,” Hardy told Rolling Stone. “I really got it at that point, how distant I had become from mainstream sexual ethics.” And so she reached out to Easton to propose they collaborate on a book on non-monogamy.
The Ethical Slut is a significant guide to navigating sexual freedom, open relationships and polyamory – responsibly and thoughtfully. It’s aimed at readers exploring non-monogamy, or supporting loved ones to do so.
What is The Ethical Slut?
The book is divided into four parts, each offering mental exercises to help readers embrace a sexually diverse lifestyle. It aims to support those interested in exploring non-monogamous relationships, free from stigma or shame.
The first part offers an overview of non-monogamy. An ethical slut approaches their relationships with communication and care for their partner(s), whether casual or committed, while staying true to their desires.
In the second part, the authors urge readers to break free from the “starvation economy” mindset, which conditions us to think love and intimacy are scarce resources. This is what leads to fear and possessiveness in dating, sex and relationships, they explain.
In part three, readers learn how to handle jealousy and insecurity, while managing conflicts effectively.
Finally, the authors cover various non-monogamous sexual practices. There are tips for navigating swinging and open relationships as a single person, group sex (orgies), and advice on asking for what you want in a sexual encounter.
‘Everything’s out on a big buffet’
The Ethical Slut’s appeal lies in its ability to help people shift their mindset about monogamy, in a society where other forms of relationships have often been deemed immoral. (Though this is changing.)
What I’m seeing among young people is that they don’t have the same need to self-define by what they like to do in bed, or in relationships, like my generation did. Everything’s out on a big buffet, and they try a little of everything.
Ezra Miller has talked about his ‘polycule’.
Five years later, in 2023, many celebrities openly identify as polyamorous. Ezra Miller has talked about his “polycule” (a network of people in non-monogamous relationships with one another), musician Yungblud has called himself polyamorous, and Shailene Woodley has been in and out of open relationships.
Books like Neil Strauss’s The Game (2005) view sex and relationships as ongoing competitions, requiring varied strategies to effectively land a partner. Instead, The Ethical Slut encourages developing genuine, consensual connections through communication and honesty. Relationships are seen as fluid and open to change, with endings viewed as opportunities for growth and development, not failures.
Rather than teach readers to mimic a social norm that will “win” them sex or relationships, The Ethical Slut pushes readers to think beyond what is “normal”.
Dating apps like Feeld, PolyFinda and OkCupid enable individuals to link profiles with their partners, promoting transparency and openness about their relationship status and desire for diverse sexual experiences.
And more books with varied and nuanced takes on non-monogamy have emerged since 1997, such as More than Two, Opening Up and Many Love.
A utopian mirage?
There’s much to appreciate in the messages The Ethical Slut conveys. However, it’s framed with a utopia in mind – one that doesn’t quite exist.
A key aspect of this book is challenging the starvation economy that influences monogamous relationships. In an ideal world, breaking free from this mindset about love and intimacy seems like paradise. The idea of loving more than one person is beautiful, connected and certainly achievable. But it’s also a significant challenge.
For many, longing for love and connection is not just a concept but a real, lived experience. Withholding affection in relationships can be emotionally abusive and manipulative. It’s essential to recognise non-monogamous people may still be susceptible to – or even perpetuate – these behaviours.
The authors present themselves as spiritually and morally enlightened in their non-monogamous choices and their sexual practices. Monogamy is framed as a negative byproduct of a regressive culture, rather than a genuine choice in its own right. Substance use is severely frowned on, echoing longstanding taboos around the use of drugs in sexual play.
The Ethical Slut frames monogamy as ‘a negative byproduct of a regressive culture’, rather than a choice.
The Ethical Slut makes universal assumptions about people’s experiences without considering broader social and personal influences. For instance, the section on flirting assumes a global understanding on what constitutes flirting cues between people. It lacks cultural, gendered and neurodiversity awareness.
Rejecting sex is not always easy
The authors assert “being asked [for sex], even by someone you don’t find attractive, is a compliment and deserves a thank-you”. Yet a simple “Thank you, I am not interested” is not always easy.
Research has shown women need to find ways to gently reject cisgender, heterosexual men to avoid violence (like “I have a boyfriend/husband”). And many men often do not take no as an answer. Thanking men for compliments can also lead to further hostility and aggression.
The authors advocate for women to say yes more, assuming women only say no due to shame and stigma. But the real fear of experiencing violence is a major deterrent. For example, recent research in the UK on recreational sex clubs has found that cisgender, heterosexual men may show sexual interest in trans women, only to immediately become violent with them.
These assumptions are echoed in discussions about barrier methods, sexual health testing, birth control and abortion options. The Ethical Slut assumes everyone has equitable access to sexual health education, and reproductive health services and products.
Yet the overturn of Roe vs Wade in the US has shown this is not the case. People who experience menstruation and pregnancy are increasingly losing – or never had – those reproductive freedoms.
Emotions are ‘choices’
The book envisions an idealised world where emotion and logic unite to challenge social constructs of monogamy, possessiveness and control. It’s underpinned by a belief our emotions (including jealousy) are choices we make about life events.
In The Ethical Slut, jealousy is solely attributed to the person experiencing it, overlooking its complexity in various contexts. Jealousy can be a sign of insecurity, grief or relationship issues, among other things.
Managing jealousy is presented as something an individual needs to address on their own. The book lacks guidance for dealing with partners who might contribute to jealousy by not fulfilling emotional needs, breaking boundaries, failing to communicating effectively, or purposely trying to evoke the feeling.
The person experiencing jealousy is held solely responsible for their emotion, ignoring the role of the non-jealous partner. Suggested responses, like “I’m sorry you feel that way, I have to go on my date now”, reaffirm this mindset.
Jealous partners are advised to write journal entries, practice mindfulness or go on a walk to deal with their emotion. In a book about sex that is fundamentally about relations with others, jealousy becomes lost in the hyperfocus on the individual.
The person experiencing jealousy is held solely responsible for their emotion.<
The book’s explanation that emotions like jealousy are normal and natural, may emerge unexpectedly and should not be shamed, contradicts the idea that emotions are choices. People don’t necessarily choose to feel grief, anxiety, insecurity or sadness. Intellectualising emotions as conscious choices does more harm than good.
The book also praises compersion, the act of feeling joy at your partner’s happiness – even with other partners – as a positive experience, possible when a partner feels secure. “A lot of us experience jealousy that we don’t want, so compersion can offer a pathway to a better place,” says Easton. Yet the book provides little guidance in how this can be achieved.
Compersion can also be weaponised against those who experience insecurities, with statements like “if you were really poly/non-monogamous, you’d feel compersion for me”. Some have suggested compersion should be seen as a bonus, not a requirement, in non-monogamy.
‘A too-perfect picture’
Non-monogamists may face challenging conversations about emotional needs. The book’s advice assumes a certain level of emotional intelligence, experience and good intentions. It lacks guidance on dealing with emotionally unintelligent partners, malicious intentions, potential abuse, or what to do when conversations go terribly awry.
While I applaud the book’s push towards destigmatising non-monogamy, it paints a too-perfect picture. The odd sense of censorship is even there in its depictions of potential challenges, which seem cherry-picked to demonstrate a sense of ease with the lifestyle.
Stories about managing jealousy come to neat and tidy endings. One example is Janet’s story about falling in love with another partner and having the discussion about it with her “primary” partner. Her primary handles the discussion well and they go on to have a fulfilling relationship. There are few genuinely negative examples.
As a result, The Ethical Slut feels like it’s working to hide any potential downfalls to embracing a non-monogamous lifestyle. But providing examples of where things do not work and how people manage that could be quite useful.
Nevertheless, the book is an important introduction to non-monogamy. Perhaps it’s best used as a stepping stone for deeper exploration.
If you’re sexually active, taking the antibiotic doxycycline within 72 hours of sex might help prevent an STI
Syphilis cases are surging in the United States, making ‘Doxy on Demand’ a welcome weapon against the disease
Taking doxycycline shouldn’t be a substitute for condom use, experts say
Data showing that the antibiotic doxycycline might prevent a sexually transmitted infection (STI) if taken soon after sex made headlines earlier this year.
As surging numbers of cases of syphilis and gonorrhea affect more Americans, here’s what you need to know about using the drug.
“If you’re actively having sex and not using condoms 100% of the time, which is the reality out there, this strategy could be appropriate for you,” said Dr. Christopher Foltz, an infectious disease specialist at Cedars-Sinai in Los Angeles. “It comes down to each person’s individual risk level, something that you should discuss with your physician.”
He noted that syphilis, especially, has reemerged with a vengeance in recent years as a health threat.
“Syphilis has been climbing at the highest rate with a significant increase among pregnant women and men who have sex with men,” Foltz said in a hospital news release.
According to the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, syphilis cases among gay and bisexual men in the United States rose by 7% between 2020-2021.
Rates of new cases of the disease rose even more steeply among women: a 55.3% jump between 2020 and 2021, and 217.4% rise between 2017 and 2021 overall. That means more babies potentially being born with syphilis, as well.
You may not even realize you are infected with syphilis, Foltz noted, since in many cases it can lurk symptom-free for years. But left undiagnosed, long-term syphilis can cause blindness and neurological issues.
“That’s what we’re trying to prevent — these kinds of catastrophic long-term complications from undiagnosed STIs,” Foltz said. “If we can prevent infections with a relatively safe and easy-to-take antibiotic, the overall number of new infections will ultimately decrease.”
That’s why the new data on doxcycycline is so promising. A trial found that one 200 milligram (mg) dose of the drug — which has been used to treat other ailments for years — could prevent infection with syphilis and chlamydia if taken within 72 hours of a sexual encounter.
The strategy has even gained a nickname: “Doxy on Demand” or “Doxy PEP” (post-exposure prophylaxis).
The method isn’t foolproof however, and it’s no reason to forgo the use of condoms, Foltz warned.
“We absolutely encourage condom use to prevent against other STDs and HIV as an added barrier of protection for prevention,” he stressed.
Doxycycline is not advised for certain groups: Pregnant women and anyone known to be allergic to a class of antibiotics known as tetracyclines. Always consult with your doctor before taking any antibiotic.
Juliana Hauser is a licensed therapist who specializes in sex-positive counseling.
She says many women have better sex as they age.
Self pleasure can help women explore new desires, she said.
This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Juliana Houser, a licensed marriage and family therapist who is the resident expert and advisor at Kindra. It has been edited for length and clarity.
The success of “The Golden Bachelor” has proven something I’ve seen in my work for a long time. When it comes to love, relationships, and sex, older people don’t want to be counted out.
Many of my clients in their 50s and beyond have vibrant, exciting, and novel sex lives. They want to be seen as sexual beings. When that occurs, great things happen: I’ve met many women who are having passionate, orgasmic sex that just gets better with age. Here’s how they’re doing it and the tips that can help you have the same, no matter what your age.
Harness confidence in yourself
Society feeds us lots of messages about what it means to be a woman who is desired and who desires others. We all have an image of what it means to be sexy — and if we don’t think we fit that picture, we can become disconnected from our own eroticism.
And yet, by the time women reach middle age, they have self-confidence. When you know who you authentically are, you can shed all the layers of what you thought sexy was. That lets you unapologetically embrace what sexy means to you.
Nurture the most important sexual relationship you have
Nearly everyone has their own individual sex life, whether they’re partnered or not. Your sexual relationship with yourself is the longest and most important sexual relationship you’ll have, but too often, we ignore it.
Create different sexual experiences for yourself, just like you would with a partner. Vary what times of day you self-pleasure; have slow, intimate sessions and quickies; explore your kinky side.
Take microdoses of pleasure
Lots of people, especially women, deprive themselves. We focus so much time on our careers and families while pushing pleasure off for another time — the weekends or vacation.
Instead of doing that, I recommend finding time for microdoses of pleasure every day. Change the pacing of pleasure until it’s something that’s constantly around rather than something to be waited for.
Connect with your senses
How do you microdose pleasure? By connecting with our senses. Feeling sensual can open the door to feeling pleasure, which I define as feeling a spark or vibrancy inside you.
Pleasure and sensuality start with things that aren’t sexual at all: a sunrise that brings you joy or the smell of a bouquet of flowers. Look for anything that makes your body say “yum” or “yes.” As you respond to that part of yourself, you’ll become more confident in finding and experiencing what brings you pleasure in bed.
Understand your body is changing
The impacts of menopause are undeniable and normal. But they don’t have to mean the end of your sex life — in fact, we’ve found that 70% of women who are 50 or older still enjoy sex.
There can be hard feelings associated with changing bodies and again. But embracing change can be helpful. Learn what works for your body now. Try products and toys that might ease any difficulties you have. Broaden your definition of sex. After all, there’s a whole continuum of what sex can be, not just penetration.
Get curious
Adapt an attitude of curiosity about sex. Google “10 best sex toys of 2023” and see what catches your eye. If you hear a term you don’t know, look it up. Ask your friends where they’re finding pleasure, or what aspects of sex and aging are challenging for them. Share your struggles and your interests.
You can even create a sex bucket list. Revisit it every now and then — you might notice that you might want to try things that were once a “no,” or that acts that were once appealing no longer intrigue you.
More than anything, know what pleasure is your birthright. Sexuality isn’t a luxury reserved for the young(er). It’s a necessity that we can connect with throughout our lives.
His cock will be hypersensitive after he comes, so be gentle.
By Dr Dick
And now, sex fans, the pièce de résistance of my male masturbation series. All of you folks out there who don’t have a penis—but know someone who does—join Jenna as I explain the fine art of a partnered handjob.
Dr. Dick,
My husband of four years has an exceptionally large penis. He likes nothing better than for me to rub him to climax. We have intercourse and we do oral on each other and he likes that just fine; he just prefers to watch me use my hands on him. Do you think that’s odd? Also, I don’t have a lot of experience in this area, so any pointers would be greatly appreciated.
There’s nothing wrong; he just loves a good old-fashioned wank! Here’s the deal with many of us guys: we first become acquainted with the pleasure our cock can offer through touching ourselves, and when it comes right down to it, there is rarely a mouth, pussy or ass that can compete with the variety of stroke and firmness of grip a hand can provide. Simply stated, the humble handjob, if done right, can be the ideal way to pleasure your man. Just remember, even though jerkin’ your guy off isn’t particularly exotic, as far as sex acts go, it never has to be boring—for him or you.
I am of the mind that a brilliant wank begins with a first-class lube. Many guys swear by silicone-based lubes for this purpose, but a handjob connoisseur like your hubby will probably have his own favorite. Start off with just enough to make things slick; you don’t want to overdo it. Get a feel for his johnson, and what you have to work with. Skillfully draw back the skin toward the root of his dick ’til it’s taut. This is much easier to do on uncut men, but even cut men will have some skin left to move.
While you’re doing this, feel free to “oooh” and “ahhh” a lot. This is a perfect time to marvel at the work of art before you. For, as we all know, a hard man is good to find. Your man will get off on you admiring his unit.
You say that your man is hung. Lucky you! Can you wrap your fingers around the base and get a good grip there? If not, you’ll want to consider a cockring for this purpose. In fact, if you use a cockring, you’ll free up both hands for what’s to come.
Now that you’ve got a nice boner going, get between his legs. Take his cock between the palms of your hands, interlock your fingers and guide your hands up and down his shaft. Your thumbs should be on the underside of his dick, so that on each stroke up and down, you hit his frenulum with the pads of your thumb. With his cock still between your palms, rub your hands together, like as if you’re warming them. This will provide great new sensations for him.
Hold his cock in one hand and with the well-lubed palm of your other hand, slowly move it in nice lazy circles all over his dickhead. This is a particularly delicate procedure, especially if your man is uncut. Once he’s fully aroused, his dickhead will be super-sensitive, and if you’re using a cockring, his pecker will be even more engorged than usual, making it hypersensitive. Be sure to ask for feedback on this move. If he finds this too uncomfortable, move on to something more pleasurable. Most guys will already be giving directions on what to do and how, so all you have to do is follow his lead. Remember, he knows his way around his joint better than anyone.
Don’t forget to service his testicles. Since a guy’s jewels are less sensitive to touch than his dickhead, you can handle them a bit more. Squeeze and tug and even gently slap them to your heart’s delight. While you’re doing that, and with his dick flat against his belly, shimmy the heel of your hand up and down the underside of his cock. You see how you are incorporating different sensations and movements all at the same time? Keep this up and he’ll be putty in your hands.
Interlace your fingers and make a tight passageway through the palms of your hands. Pump up and down his shaft this way. As you get to the top of his cock, close the passageway even tighter. Then make him squeeze his way in as you slide back down to the bottom. Then with one hand rapidly following the other in only a downward stroke, make like a perpetual penetration tunnel. This will make his eyes roll back in ecstasy.
Now would be a good time to incorporate other parts of your body. Most men get off on a titty-fuck. Cozy his cock between your boobs and have him hump away. You could also use your feet in the same fashion.
Go back to rhythmically stroking him. Watch as his dickhead swells and turns red or even purple. Use your fingertips on the tip of his dick like you’re turning a doorknob—to the right, then to the left. Slowly increase the pressure ’til he begs you to stop. Now you have him right where you want him.
Now things get really interesting. When he’s least expecting it, move one of your hands down past his balls and taint. Once past his taint, you’ll find his rosebud. With a well-lubed finger, massage his pucker.
If this is virgin territory for you and the hubby, he’s in for the thrill of his life. Continue to stroke his cock and asshole. Don’t be afraid to try and push your fingertip past his sphincter. If he lets you inside, you’ll have access to his prostate. But even if he doesn’t, massaging the outside of his hole will bring him very close to an explosive conclusion.
If you’re ready to finish him off, pick up the pace of your stroking. He’ll be breathing heavily now and he’ll look down over his chest at the miracle happening between his legs. Tell him to throw his legs in the air and spread them as far apart as possible. This will add considerably to the muscle tension that you’ve already built up. And a thunderous orgasm is all about muscle tension.
Now bring this puppy home. Lick his balls, finger his hole and beat his meat like it owes you money. Insist that he keeps his feet in he air and his legs splayed. Momentarily, he will begin to quake with building mini-orgasms. He will no doubt try to buck himself to conclusion, but don’t let him. For the moment you’re in charge down here, not him. Tease him one last time as he nears ejaculation. When he’s almost there, suddenly stop what you’re doing. This will, of course, drive him crazy. And don’t resume stroking ’til he begs for it.
It’ll probably only take a few more strokes before he gives it up. Keep your face—or at least your eyes—out of the way, because when he finally blows, it will be explosive. If you’ve toyed with him for any length of time, you’ll have built up quite a load and it’ll shoot in spurts ’til he’s empty.
His cock will be hypersensitive after he comes, so be gentle.
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