Category: COVID 19

Posted on

“For lots of us, lockdown has been a time of sexual self-discovery”

by

Much has been written about the global ‘sex recession’, with studies showing that – for reasons both practical and psychological – we’re having much less of it right now. It makes sense: social distancing and a very stressful year will do that to us. But there’s a flipside to this coin.

The recession stories focus on a pretty small part of the sexual spectrum. Yes, it’s true that partnered, in-person sex will have inevitably taken a back seat if you’re single, but the unprecedented boom in sex toys, online communities and sexual wellness brands suggests many of us have been putting all this alone time to good use. The past year has been a period of slowdown that’s prompted us to look inwards and reflect – and naturally, that’s extended to getting to know ourselves and our bodies a little better.

“For women especially, lockdown put the brakes on the idea that we’ve got to look for someone else to have a fulfilling sex life and made us think, ‘Actually, I’m going to do this for myself’,” says Lucy-Anne Holmes, author of Women On Top Of The World and speaker on the WOW UK Festival’s Sex In Lockdown panel. “We’ve long had this script of sex that’s penetrative and heterosexual, but of the hundreds of women I’ve spoken to for my book, most said that was their least favourite part of sex.” 

Her fellow panelist Nana Darkoa Sekyiamah, co-founder of Adventures From The Bedrooms Of African Women, agrees it’s high time we stopped thinking of sex as a two (or more) person job. “Masturbation is a form of sex we still tend to disregard,” she says. “But a lot of times, myself included, we can have the best solo orgasms and really lacklustre experiences with somebody else. You can absolutely have amazing sex on your own – and by necessity, more people are realising that.”

The proof is in our online shopping baskets. In the first two weeks of lockdown alone, sales of adult toys jumped 25% across the UK, while luxury vibrator brand Lelo has seen a 40% rise in orders over the past year and searches for ‘sexual wellness’ on Cult Beauty rose by a huge 850% in March. Globally, health organisations have encouraged self-pleasure as a sensible way to get our kicks in lockdown, and New York City recently told single residents concerned about Covid-19 restrictions that “you are your safest sex partner”.

Of course, the major shift to solo action has largely been out of our hands, but more of us than ever are clearly recognising the importance of sexual self-care and the effect it can have on our overall wellbeing. “Orgasm is the new apple a day,” sexologist Megan Stubbs recently told NPR. “It can help boost your immune system, boost your mood, decrease pain, reduce headaches, help you sleep better, give you better-looking skin, put a smile on your face – there really are no drawbacks.” When you consider this joyful list alongside studies showing that 78% of us feel happier and less stressed after an orgasm, it makes total sense that we’d see a spike in free, feel-good fun during a global pandemic.

And particularly for women, non-binary and queer people – historically the least encouraged by society to express our sexuality freely – being at home, in a safe space where we can explore on our own terms, has prompted some very positive developments.

Taylor Larbert, 28, has certainly seen the benefits. “Being trans, lots of my conversations and experiences connected to sex have been quite difficult or traumatic in the past,” she says. “But in lockdown I’ve come to have a really loving relationship with my body and my sexuality: I’ve had the space to figure out what I like and what I don’t, and I feel infinitely more powerful than I did a year ago.”

Hers is a story playing out across the country, as people use the time to tap into their true desires and try new things. The stay-at-home order has forced many sex-positive communities and events to go completely virtual – and this has actually caused numbers to skyrocket.

“It’s been a massive time for self-discovery,” says Emma Sayle, originator of the ‘zorgy’ (Zoom orgy) and founder of sexual empowerment platform Killing Kittens. “I’ve seen it first hand: there’s been a huge surge in people joining our virtual workshops. Beginners’ guides to kink, BDSM and tantric massages have been sellouts, so we’ve had to run more to keep up with demand.”

“We’ve also been finding that more than 50% of people coming to our events are first-timers; people who never would’ve dared to come to an IRL sex party or erotic workshop before Covid. But because they can engage from their own sofas, free to close their laptops at any time, it has opened up a whole new world for them to explore, join in, ask questions and find like-minded people.”

Poet, playwright and performer Dr Jessi Parrott makes one very important point though: for queer and disabled people especially, a lot of these markers of our new ‘pandemic sex lives’ are not really new at all.

“Having to navigate different avenues for sexual expression – online, for example – is something marginalised groups have long had to do, because the spaces for us to be together physically have often been quite fraught,” they say. “When your bodies and minds don’t fit with a stereotypical ideal of sexuality, expressing yourself sexually is quite a radical thing in itself.”

For Parrott, an extended period at home has brought them closer to themselves, though. “During this past lockdown, I’ve come to understand that I’m non-binary and that has changed my relationship with my body in a way I wouldn’t have thought possible. I’ve often had quite a clinical, detached relationship with my body and put that down to being disabled, but actually that was a lot to do with this form of dysphoria I’d been experiencing – and so these past few months have been revelatory and really lovely. I’ve realised that until you’re properly at home in your own body, you can’t necessarily experience pleasure and full sexual liberation.”

And that’s the crux of it: we deserve to spend time getting to know our innermost truths, wants and needs, to lavish the attention we tend to offer sexual partners on ourselves, too. Granted, many of us just don’t have the desire or mental space to focus on sex right now – and that’s OK – but as Holmes points out, it can be a vital part of taking care of both our body and mind.

“Having your own sense of sexual identity and making space for it is so important,” she says. “Sex is one of the best ways to connect to our body and listen to it. To ask, what do I need right now? Do I need to be caressed, do I need healing, do I need tension release?

“We’re so conditioned to focus on being desirable, but this is the perfect time to ask yourself what you desire. Take this time to think about what you really want – and then dare to go towards it.”

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

Posted on

How Do We Date and Have Sex When Vaccinated (or Not)?

By Dharushana Muthulingam

One year into lockdown measures in the U.S., life remains radically altered for most people. There have been 526,000 deaths in the U.S. and 2.6 million deaths in the world due to COVID-19. There are also multiple highly effective vaccines against virus. Rollout is slow, uneven, but steadily continues, and with it, the hope of returning to social interaction.

As of this writing, more than 18% of the U.S. population has received at least one dose of a vaccine. As more people acquire immunity, there are growing questions about what activities are safe for vaccinated people, how they might interact with each other and with the mostly unvaccinated larger public.

On March 9, the CDC released interim guidelines for individuals who are fully vaccinated. The major concern has been that while we know clinical trials have demonstrated that the vaccines are very effective at reducing illness, we did not know whether the vaccines reduce transmission to others.

Preliminary data suggests that the vaccines do indeed reduce the risk of passing the virus onto others. However, there’s still some uncertainty about whether it reduces it enough to prevent meaningful transmission, especially if there are additional surges (likely) with high levels of circulating virus. There is also still some concern that while the vaccines are effective against several new viral variants, that may not be the case for all variants.

So what do the interim guidelines mean for day-to-day life? There have been so many devastating consequences of social isolation: sick patients dying alone, grandparents who have not seen their grandchildren, and the crushing difficulty of raising children without outside support. One of the less-discussed questions I get from patients, friends, and family is about the impact of immunity on sex and dating.

Social animals need touch and companionship, and that includes sex and sexuality. Any sustainable public health measures must account for these needs. Many individuals who do not have partners within their household have had unique difficulties in navigating dating and sexual connection during pandemic social distancing measures.

And while the federal government anticipates having an adequate vaccine supply for all Americans by the end of summer, for the next several months, there will still be a great number who are not yet vaccinated. How do people navigate dating and sex during an ongoing pandemic?

One option has been for people to refrain entirely from any kind of dating or sex. We learned that this is not a sustainable strategy in the last pandemic—HIV/AIDS. Initially, in response to a troubling wave of young gay men dying (soon followed by others), the official government response was to advise abstinence. What we have learned repeatedly is that this is ineffective.

Several public health departments recall the lessons we learned during the HIV/AIDS epidemic, including dusting off the almost 40-year-old pamphlet “How to Have Sex in an Epidemic.” Recognizing sex and sexuality as a fundamental human need, they have issued guidelines on how to have safe sex during a pandemic.

Public health officials in the Netherlands, New York, British Columbia, and others have issued pragmatic guidelines for risk navigation. Whereas in STI prevention, the central tenet was to minimize the exchange of body fluids, with COVID-19, it is to minimize air exchange.

Those who have partners outside their household should get tested regularly for COVID-19 (about five to seven days after a sexual encounter). Quarantining before and after exposure can minimize transmission to others. Harm reduction is fluid—increasing transmission in one area of life (e.g., an outside sexual partner) can pair with decreasing it in other areas (e.g., quarantining, grocery deliveries). Take into account the COVID-19 dynamics in your region, increasing precautions if cases are increasing and hospitals are taxed.

For those who are vaccinated, using current CDC guidelines, here are general guidelines for dating others outside your household:

  • You can hang out with another fully vaccinated person indoors without a mask.
  • You can hang out with another unvaccinated person indoors without a mask, as long as that person does not have any conditions putting them at higher risk for severe COVID-19 illness.
  • You will have to navigate how much trust you have in someone’s stated vaccination status.
  • You can still hang outdoors, six feet apart, especially with a mask.
  • You should still avoid hanging out with unvaccinated individuals from more than one household and medium- or large-size gatherings. This includes activities like indoor dining.
  • When you are in public among people from more than one household, you should continue to mask, stay six feet apart, and avoid poorly ventilated or crowded spaces.

Finally, continue safe sex practices that also prevent unintended pregnancy and infections that are not COVID-19, including chlamydia, gonorrhea, HIV, and syphilis. Even prior to the COVID-19 pandemic, STIs were at a record high in the United States. Infections such as chlamydia and gonorrhea had been increasing 3 to 5%, and syphilis had risen 15%.

“These areas of public health have been underfunded for decades,” notes Dr. Hilary Reno, an associate professor of Medicine at Washington University and also the medical director of the St. Louis County Sexual Health Clinic and CDC Sexually Transmitted Disease Prevention consultant. The COVID-19 pandemic has taxed this further. There were shortages of chlamydia and gonorrhea tests as manufacturers repurposed swabs for COVID-19 tests. Contact tracers who would normally follow up with partners of infected individuals are now pulled into COVID-19 efforts.

Although many of STIs are curable (chlamydia, gonorrhea, and syphilis) or effectively managed (HIV), untreated they can have lasting consequences. “People are still getting STIs, but they aren’t getting tested, so now we have these undetected infections,” Dr. Reno notes. “When are they going to present? How are they going to present?”

It is important to continue to communicate about sexual consent, use barrier protection, and get tested regularly for both COVID-19 (if you are not yet vaccinated) as well as STIs. As more data about transmission emerges and more people get vaccinated, follow updates on recommended guidelines.

Sex, sexuality, and companionship are a critical part of human health and well-being. We already have decades of experience that an abstinence-only approach, stigma, and shame just exacerbate transmission and make risky behavior secretive. Providing people with reliable information and tools for the prevention of both COVID-19 and STIs allows them to sustainably and realistically navigate their lives while also keeping safe.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

Posted on

It’s Complicated

— Love and Sex in 2021

By Isabelle Lee

Whether you are single, married, dating or just keeping it casual, the new pandemic normal has our relationships a little discombobulated. From socially distanced first dates on a park bench or over FaceTime, to a suitor trying to steal a kiss only to be Heismaned with a loud warning of “6 feet!” meeting people has not been easy. Maybe you’re married, and you now know that your spouse uses phrases like “let’s circle back” or “synergy” unironically at work. From current trends and content to spice up your day to Black-owned sex toy brands to buy and ways to practice self-love, today’s Sunday Magazine rings in Valentine’s Day by diving into the complicated world of modern love.

Appy V-Day. Many apps are stepping up to the plate for couples looking to reconnect this year. Love Nudge, based on Gary Chapman’s best-selling book, The 5 Love Languages, will help you identify your love language and set goals with your partner to express how much you care. Designed as an alternative to real-life couples therapy, Relish is meant to help identify and solve problems in your relationship. Coral is a sex and intimacy coaching app that will help you and your partner get on the same page and explore new communication methods. Femtech startup Emjoy is all about sexual empowerment well-being, whether you’re single or partnered up.

Another Level of Cuffing. Each winter you’ll find plenty of people getting into a relationship for the added body heat, a phenomenon known as “cuffing.” The pandemic version is known as “apocalypsing” — when you treat every relationship as if it’s your last — and nearly one-third of Gen Z users polled by dating app Plenty of Fish admits to doing it. Is it love, or are you just desperate to hold onto the one normal person you met on Hinge while the world collapses around you? Anyone else looking forward to getting a vaccination verification badge on Tinder?

On the Spectrum. There are some 70 million people across the globe on the autism spectrum; for them, social interaction is a challenge, making the dating world extra daunting. At last dating apps such as Hilki and Aspie Singles are emerging that cater specifically to this population, with some offering coaches to help read social cues and others tailored to address problems around sensory processing.

Judgment Day. You wouldn’t think it from the broader culture, but 1 in 4 Americans still disapprove of any and all sex outside the bonds of marriage — even if the couple is in a committed relationship. The numbers are fairly consistent across demographics, with the biggest deciding factor, more than age or political views, being how religious you are. But disapproving isn’t the same as abstaining: 85-90 percent of Americans aged 15-49 report having engaged in premarital sex.

love and marriage

Boom or Bust. When lockdown first started, many people expected divorce rates to skyrocket. While most people would agree that the pandemic increased stress in their relationship, the proportion of people reporting their marriage is in trouble actually fell from 40 percent in 2019 to 29 percent in 2020. Maybe it’s because, for some, household responsibilities like chores or child care are being more equitably divvied up between partners — though women continue to take on a greater share of house work — or maybe it’s simply a necessity to renew your commitment to your partner if you’re with them 24/7. Apocalypsing for the win.

Pandemic Parenting. After the year from hell, 2021 is all about helping moms heal from 2020’s craziness and finding ways to support them going forward. The blurred lines between child care, working from home and domestic chores are causing a crisis for America’s mothers. On the flip side, the pandemic is strengthening the bonds between father and child. More couples are sharing child care responsibilities than ever, with 70 percent of fathers reporting that they feel closer to their children since the pandemic —even if they might not be doing as much to help as they think.

Stalking 2.0. Domestic abuse is not a new phenomenon, but its direction during the pandemic certainly is. Domestic abusers are exploiting technology like never before, especially location-sharing tech, home cameras and smart doorbells. Some survivors have even reported their abuser using location tracking software to blackmail them for breaking coronavirus regulations. While resources for people suffering intimate partner violence look a little different right now, help is out there, whether it’s a hand signal on Zoom, an app or a hotline.

In Pod We Trust. While many people report that the pandemic has cost them some friendships, those that remain have become healthier. Thank God for pods, those tight-knit circles of people hailed as a balm for pandemic blues. But be careful how you go about defining and regulating your pod — finding pod members who are on the same COVID-safe wavelength as you is paramount. And as seeking out new friends becomes harder at a distance, apps like Bumble Bff are taking the dating game and applying it to buddies.

No Mask, Big Problem. We all know one, a pandemic rule-breaker friend. Maybe you’ve had to block them on social media after one too many Instagram stories flaunting the group gathering they’re attending. Maybe you’ve had to stop seeing them because you know they’re being irresponsible. If you have, you aren’t alone, but there might be more cause for hope than despair. Harvard researchers found only a small decline in the quality of friendships and relationships in the pandemic, a trend they expect to continue.

Oldies but Goodies. One trend we’re seeing more of: going back through your contacts and finding new friends among the old ones. Maybe it’s a fellow camper that you’ve lost touch with but you live in the same city, or a high school classmate you haven’t seen in forever. It’s become easier than ever to make new friends this year from your casual connections pool.

sex for you

Action Item: Masturbation. Lockdown has presented many people with the opportunity to get acquainted with themselves, if you know what I mean. A recent survey by condom company SKYN found that 39 percent of people were masturbating more during the past year, while 49 percent were watching more porn. It’s just another version of everyone’s favorite term of late: self-care.

Listen for a Good Time. Maybe you’ve tried to watch porn, and it just isn’t for you. Don’t despair because there is a new kind of erotica that might tickle your fancy. Companies like Quinn and Dipsea are pioneering the audio porn frontier. With recorded content that ranges from “appreciative boyfriend” to every possible fantasy your brain can cook up, audio porn promises to be a stimulating way to get you in the mood.

Satisfy Me. At this year’s Consumer Electronics Show, the Innovation Award went to sexual wellness company Satisfyer. It won for its new app, Satisfyer Connect, which syncs your sex toy with your partner’s. You can control your partner’s toy, program patterns and even link a sexy playlist. The app also lets you turn ambient sounds into vibration patterns. In a world where lockdowns are keeping partners apart, this app promises to make socially distanced sex a whole lot more fun.

No More Cold Feet. Have you ever felt like the one thing wrong with your sex toy is that it’s not warm to the touch? No? Well, either way, the sex toy geniuses at Lora DiCarlo released a new line of toys that warm to body temperature. The women-owned brand has enjoyed substantial success since launching in 2017 — hitting $7.5 million in sales — and the new heated line of toys will definitely continue to make waves, or rather, vibrations.

black-owned biz to support

Get Organized. We’ve all had it, that moment of panic when someone goes rummaging around in the drawer where you keep your sex toys. That panic inspired Lidia Bonilla to design a discreet box for your personal pleasure collection and launch Plume. The lockable box is a stylish addition to any bedside table — and there’s also a travel case so your toys can go anywhere you do.

Science Is Sexy. The name says it all. EngErotics is about engineered pleasure, using the best in science and engineering to create best-in-class intimacy products. From devices like the ‘Shroom and Progasm to CBD-infused intimate care products, this women-led company is bringing hard science to the pleasure space.

Condoms for a Cause. Entrepreneur Jason Panda is revolutionizing the world of safe sex. After practicing law, the Morehouse College alum started b condoms, the only African American-owned condom company in the country. B Condoms not only leans into fostering conversations about health disparities, but they work to address them as well by hosting events and distributing condoms in communities.

I Want Candy. Temmy Wallace’s sex toy company sits in the sweet spot where pleasure and education meet up. Appalled by the lack of education about sexual pleasure products, she decided to start her own company, iCandi, that provides outstanding customer service and high quality products — bridging the gap between what you might have learned about pleasure in middle school sex-ed and adult needs.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

Posted on

How BDSM Can Help With Pandemic Fatigue

By Gigi Engle

We are all experiencing pandemic fatigue. Whether you’re coping well or poorly, you’re still coping. And because the world is drenched in stress, developing effective coping mechanisms has never been more important.

Enter BDSM.

While I hate to bring up the most obvious examples, Fifty Shades of Grey and Netflix’s 365 Days and Bonding have successfully catapulted BDSM into the mainstream and, while seriously problematic in their own ways, these popular Hollywood-style depictions of kink have allowed what was once a seemingly fringe sexual practice to bloom in the open. People are really feeling kink right now. New research conducted by psychologist Justin Lehmiller, Ph.D., suggests that nearly half of Americans have tried some sort of bondage or power play in bed.

Considering the psychological dynamics involved in BDSM play, it isn’t a far reach to see how BDSM could help people cope with pandemic stress. Pandemic fatigue is enough to test even the strongest of relationships. Anything (within reason) that can help us cope with stress can and should be utilized right now. Practitioners of kink will be the first to tell you that BDSM reduces stress and anxiety and improves communication—all of which is crucial to maintaining relationships during difficult times. “BDSM play, during this pandemic, would be a great way to achieve decreased stress while creating a delicious distraction to outside-world concerns and an opportunity to work on your relational connection,” Kristine D’Angelo, a certified sexologist, tells TheBody.

Everywhere you look, sex experts are suggesting people try new sex stuff as a way to gain closeness with a partner. Working on increased connection and intimacy is certainly more appealing than relationship estrangement.

Long story short, now is an optimal time to get kinky. It can really change your sex life and open up new relationship dynamics for lots of people. Open your mind, guys. You don’t need to go buy a bespoke corset or a full set of restraints. You can easily tie someone up using a loose T-shirt or spank them with a wooden kitchen spoon. Kink is for everyone and anyone who wants to try it.

What BDSM Is (and What It Isn’t)

BDSM stands for bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, and sadomasochism. You may be picturing whips, chains, and ball gags right now. While these tools can be used in this kind of play, they aren’t required. What BDSM really comes down to is control. It’s a desire to give up or receive control over someone. There is something deeply sensual about this giving and receiving—this complete power exchange.

What BDSM is: a safe and consensual sexual practice. What it is not: dangerous and for people who want to cause harm to others.

Let’s get one thing very clear: There is nothing wrong with you if you want to try BDSM. You’re probably just a person with a rich fantasy life—and we should celebrate that. According to a 2008 study, those who engage in BDSM are no more depraved or psychologically “damaged” than anyone else.

BDSM is a really fun way to try out different roles, whether dominant, submissive, or both. It can involve pain or it can not. It’s a totally customizable experience that you get to create with your partner. There is no wrong way to play—as long as everything is negotiated and safe, both physically and emotionally. Communication is a cornerstone of this practice.

Kink and Stress Release

One of the biggest reasons kinky folks love BDSM play is because of its tension-relieving effects. For instance, when you spend all day bossing people around at your day job, it can be very liberating to have a lover tell you what to do or give you a spanking. “Many people enjoy the BDSM lifestyle because it provides them with a way to escape into their ‘happy place.’ It’s been scientifically proven that the endorphins and other neurochemicals released while participating in BDSM are mood enhancers,” Angel Rios, a sexpert at AdultFriendFinder, the world’s largest sex and swinger community, tells TheBody.

We’re in the midst of a pandemic. If a new, fun way of exploring sexuality with your partner can offer up a bit of mental decompression, that sounds like a real win. “BDSM play provides a little escape from reality. A session can take you out of a state of mind which may be focused on survival in troubling times,” Daniel Saynt, founder and chief conspirator of the New Society for Wellness (NSFW), a members-only club focused on kink, tells TheBody. “You can focus on yourselves and the pleasures you can derive even in the most hopeless situations.”

Before You Get Started, There Are Some Things You Should Know

Before you go tying your partner up and having a free-for-all, you need to get really clear on the basics of consent and negotiation and commit yourself to doing proper research in advance of trying anything too intense. You don’t want to go spanking someone with the fury of a thousand suns if you don’t know how to properly spank someone in a way that won’t cause damage. Likewise, you don’t want to tie someone to the bed only to realize you’re cutting off circulation to your partner’s hands. These practices are very fun and very safe if done correctly. But, that takes sharpening your skills.

Luckily, the internet can provide plenty of articles, online workshops, and videos to help you on your kinky journey.

Saynt suggests checking out videos and workshops from Jet Setting Jasmine and King Noire, two staples of the kinky community, who have taken their rigorous BDSM skills to the online space. You can also check out Sunny Megatron’s four-part video series on YouTube called BDSM 101. For some reading, check out The Ultimate Guide to Kink: BDSM, Role Play, and the Erotic Edge by Tristan Taormino.

Even the act of learning about BDSM can be a form of foreplay and stress release—and it’ll give you something to do on those particularly dull and frustrating pandemic nights. We’re all a bit on edge right now. Make the most of it, and turn up the heat.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

Posted on

Can You Get Coronavirus From Sex?

No — and Yes

by Abby Lee Hodd

Worries about the pandemic have put a damper on dating. Should those concerns also discourage sexual activity?

Intimacy and intercourse may not transmit COVID-19, but nearly everything else about sex with a partner increases your chances of getting sick, according to immunologists and health experts.

Bodily fluids exchanged during intercourse and genital contact isn’t what infects people whose partners are COVID-19 carriers, says William Schaffner, M.D., an infectious disease specialist and professor at Vanderbilt University. Instead, it’s intimate contact like heavy breathing, kissing and close proximity that causes risk.

Though coronavirus has been detected in semen, so far there’s no evidence it can be passed on that way.

“There’s nothing sexual about the transmission,” Schaffner says. “[It’s] the intimacy part of sexuality rather than the sexual organ functionality.”

Not giving up on intimacy

So if you’re dating and don’t want to give up sex, what’s the best way to curtail risk when it comes to transmission of COVID-19?

Pandemic safe sex guidelines released by the New York City Health Department last year recommend limiting sexual partners to those in your own household or pandemic bubble. The sexually explicit guidelines, which were parodied in a Saturday Night Live segment, suggest the safest sex is masturbation (wash your hands first) and offered “sexy Zoom parties” as an alternative with partners not in your household. The guidelines also said people should refrain from kissing and should wear coronavirus-preventing masks during sex.

Despite a certain amount of risk, older adults aren’t ready to give up on dating or sex. Instead, many are checking in with partners and adapting their sex lives to stay safe.

Communication with sexual partners is key

Tanya Henderson, a 63-year-old Nashville native, says she is always concerned about her sexual safety, not just during the pandemic.

“I am committed to remaining sexually active,” Henderson says, and before the pandemic hit, she would get tested for sexually transmitted infections as part of her adult sexual wellness efforts.

When the pandemic began, Henderson reserved sexual intimacy for a trusted partner she’d previously been intimate with, although the two were not in a committed relationship. In September 2020, Henderson did find a regular, exclusive partner and has since been in a relationship for a few months.

Henderson says frank conversations about COVID-19 with partners are essential, and says she and her initial COVID intimacy partner both wore masks in public and self-isolated to prevent the risk of getting sick. She also said both kept their circles “guarded” and small, only spending time with others who’d been tested or hadn’t had a lot of exposure to the illness.

“We were confident … we were safe,” Henderson says.

Tom Sommers, 57, who is pansexual and lives in Washington, D.C., says concerns about the coronavirus led him to delete his dating apps for four months. But he’s slowly starting to feel more comfortable taking precautions and being sexually active. But one issue has nothing to do with virus transmission.

Pandemic Safe Sex

According to experts, there are precautions older adults can take for safer sexual activity. They include:

  • Limit sexual partners to those in your own household, or those in your pandemic “bubble.”
  • Consider using technology like sexting, Facetiming, texting or video calling as alternative ways to enjoy intimacy with your partner.
  • Know the science and talk to your partners. Make sure everyone agrees to the same social distancing and mask procedures and that each partner is comfortable with the other’s pandemic precautions. “The coming together should be preceded by a conversation … you need that element of trust,” Schaffner says.
  • Practice good hygiene by washing up before and after sex.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

Posted on

Here’s How Students Are Hooking Up During the Pandemic

Because they *are* still hooking up

By Michal Stein

January is not a particularly sexy month. The sparkle of the December holiday season has faded. It’s cold and dark and, even in the best of times, going out may not be particularly inviting. But in a school setting, there was always something alluring about a clean slate, new classes and the possibility of meeting new people.

If you’re a post-secondary student, you might be trying to have as normal a year as you possibly can, whether you’re living in residence, in an apartment off campus or at home with your parents. But school is already stressful enough, and with a global pandemic still ongoing, it’s safe to say that academic stress is amplified this year. And while young people turn to various outlets as a means to blow off steam and de-stress, from exercise to bread baking and Netflix marathons, one of their other outlets is no longer really an easy option—or at least as safe an option as it was pre-pandemic: having sex.

In early September 2020, Dr. Theresa Tam, Canada’s top doctor, recommended using barriers, like masks, when engaging in sex with people outside your bubble, and trying positions that aren’t face-to-face in order to reduce the risk of COVID-19 transmission. Or just abstaining from sex with another person at all (because you know, you can do it yourself). But winter is lonely. And a pandemic winter is even lonelier, so it’s a natural time to want to find someone to cozy up to, whether that’s for a couple of months or for a couple of nights. In a normal academic year, there’s the allure of the cute person in your class giving you sideways glances, or the gritty glamour of dorm parties to fuel new connections and strange conversations. (Having gone to school in the Maritimes, I can confidently say that even a rollicking sea shanty singalong can lead to romance.)

But with lockdown measures in place in Ontario and Quebec, how students should navigate dating and hooking up going forward isn’t so clear, especially when we’ve already seen institutions like Western University report COVID-19 outbreaks less than a month into the 2020 academic year. ICYMI, in mid-September the Middlesex-London Health Unit released a visualization that showed just how these cases spread. Activities ranged from meeting up on campus, masks on and physical distancing in place, to hanging out in their friends’ houses without masks, to going out to bars, to sharing an e-cigarette. While CBC reported that the outbreak in September mostly involved students who live off campus, the health unit declared another outbreak in October, this time in a student residence. Sex between people who don’t live together wasn’t on this list, but it’s safe to say that students are still getting down and dirty.

Face masks and physical distancing are part of our new reality—but how that factors into our sex lives isn’t so straightforward. While COVID-19 isn’t necessarily spreading faster on university campuses than it is in the general public, there have been instances of community spread that link back to universities. For example, in December 2020, positive cases in Kingston, Ont. were traced back to house parties around the city’s University District. All of this means that students need to reframe the way they think about hooking up in the age of COVID. 

Students *are* still hooking up—it just looks a little different

Just because there’s a pandemic doesn’t mean that all sexually active students—or those who want to explore their sexuality—are becoming celibate.

Dr. Shemeka Thorpe is a sexuality educator and researcher at the University of Kentucky. Most students she’s spoken to are using dating apps this year, are generally sticking to virtual dates and are keeping IRL dates outdoors, and at a distance. This shift in dating might mean taking things slower. For some people, the getting-to-know-you phase might last a whole lot longer, until COVID numbers settle down enough for them to be comfortable getting close with someone new, and for others, this could mean going on more distanced dates before physically hooking up to ensure you’re comfortable with a potential partner’s level of exposure and safety measures.

Frankie*, 26, graduated post-secondary school a few years ago but started dating a University of Toronto student in early September 2020. They met on a dating app and knew that they wanted to have some sort of distanced sexual encounter when they eventually met up. When it came to determining what both partners were comfortable with regarding COVID and sex, the risk assessment wasn’t boring and awkward—they just built it into their flirting. Their date, Jamie*, had recently gotten a COVID-19 test, after someone in their program at school had tested positive. Frankie says, “I [didn’t] have symptoms, I was tested a month [before], so I was just laying it out like, ‘I haven’t been tested very recently, but these are my risk levels. This is where I go out, this is where I don’t go out;’ that sort of became pillow talk.”

Which, honestly, isn’t as different of a conversation as many people have—or should be having—pre-sex, even during non-pandemic times. “Before COVID, you would want to know how many partners is someone currently intimate with, what barrier methods are they using, when was the last time they got tested, and what were the results of that test. And the conversation’s the same now,” says Deirdre McLaughlin, a registered counsellor and sexual health educator in Nelson, B.C. McLaughlin would ordinarily start the school year giving talks at universities around sex positivity and consent. This year, conversations around consent look the same as they always do, just with an added layer of COVID-19 info, they told FLARE. They said they notice that when people are newer to sex, the conversations around safe sex are sometimes the hardest ones to broach. Typically, they do a lot of coaching around how to make those conversations more positive, and all the more so during the pandemic.

Biologist and science communicator Samantha Yammine says that COVID risk mitigation messaging has a lot to learn from sex-positive sex ed. “It teaches us about communication… [and] about not shaming and stigmatizing. We know that from years of HIV research, that when you shame and stigmatize people with an HIV positive status, it doesn’t help the pandemic,” she says. “Instead, when you empower people with the tools to take care of themselves and other people, and people feel comfortable having open conversations, the negative impact of HIV can be mitigated.” 

And as for the public health recommendation to try more *literal* barrier methods, like glory holes—that option wasn’t so appealing to Frankie and their partner. “I did a bit of research into that before going on my quest for boinking,” they said. “This is not quite practical to how a lot of people need intimacy and need physicality. It won’t satisfy those things. I would rather incorporate someone into my bubble.” Which is what Frankie and Jamie ended up doing for a while—agreeing to only sleep with each other; eventually, that relationship ran its course.

Another factor to note: With many universities implementing no guest policies—meaning people who don’t live in the building aren’t allowed inside—according to Frankie, if you’re hooking up with someone in a dorm, “there will likely be sneaking in.” The Chestnut residence at the University of Toronto implemented their no-guest policy back in March of 2020. While they haven’t listed explicit consequences, their residence policy states that continued disregard of COVID-19 guidelines in shared spaces might result in “sanctions.” McMaster’s residence agreement contract doesn’t allow for guests during COVID-19 either, and references possible disciplinary action ranging from notice to eviction.

That doesn’t mean everyone feels safe getting close in person—or close at all

But while people like Frankie and Jamie were looking for ways to experience physical intimacy, that doesn’t mean that *every* sexually active student is thirsting for physical touch amidst a pandemic. In fact, sexuality and sex science educator Eva Bloom—who wrote A Compassionate Guide to Sexuality & COVID-19, an e-book on sexuality during COVID—found the opposite to be true; a lot of people she works with are reporting experiencing changes in their sexual habits during the pandemic, like having less sex with their partner.

“We’re basically living in a constant, low-level state of stress all the time,” Bloom says. “And a lot of our support system, like being connected with friends and family, has been taken away or restricted.” She points to a University of British Columbia study showing that stress is an incredibly common contributor to low sexual desire. It can be hard to get in a sexy headspace these days. Throw a bunch of term papers and online group projects on top of that, and you’ve got a recipe for a very unsexy semester.

“It’s the emotional capacity for grief and trauma, because we’re also in a racial justice uprising,” says sexual health and consent educator Samantha Bitty of the past year, and the renewed energy around the Black Lives Matter movement. “Folks recognize what their capacity is to be emotionally, physically, spiritually available to another person. I think that people opt out [of sexual encounters] because it’s overwhelming.”

Students, and young adults in general, are also living with their parents in much higher numbers during the pandemic. According to a study from the Pew Research Center, 52% of 18- to 29-year-olds in the United States are living with their parents, a level not seen since the Great Depression. Beyond any potential awkwardness of bringing home a hookup while Mom and Dad are watching The Crown, there’s also the issue of potential health issues. While the thought of getting COVID-19 can be scary for anyone, it’s *especially* scary if a parent has a pre-existing health condition.

Confusing public health messaging around sex and COVID didn’t exactly help

And it’s no surprise that young people would want to opt out of sexual encounters all together, because vague and unrepresentative public health messaging around intimacy and COVID isn’t only confusing, but it’s also partly to blame for uncertainty around best practices when it comes to hooking up. The overriding misstep when it comes to public health messaging, Bitty says, is that it really doesn’t reflect people’s lived experiences.

“It was abstinence-only type education, and there was a glaring absence of sexual health or relational information,” Bitty says. And when they did start talking about it, the messaging only really reflected a heteronormative, monogamous narrative.

“A lot of public health messaging has kind of operated under the assumption that people live in a singular kind of family,” Yammine says. This largely ignores single people living with roommates, in dorm settings, or couples living separately. If people don’t see their own circumstances reflected, Bitty says, it’s that much harder to make individual decisions that benefit a collective well-being. Or to take said well-being seriously.

Pointing to the messaging about masked sex and glory holes as an example, Bitty notes that this messaging was a 180-degree pivot in public health communication, which had been fairly conservative and more focused on sex that happened between people who already lived together. Because of this, “most people just thought it was funny and dismissed [the messaging], or they can’t imagine having sex in a way that’s rooted in a risk-aversion in that specific way,” she says. “We can’t even get people to wear condoms to have oral sex. Do you think they’re going to wear a mask?”

Not to mention the fact that many people in their late teens and twenties just find the guidelines straight-up confusing. Yammine conducted an informal survey through her Instagram about the challenges young people are facing in the pandemic—the key theme in their responses? Despite trying their best to reduce risk, they didn’t feel they were getting relevant advice and had no guidelines to work from. Some schools, like McGill, Queens and Ryerson, are integrating COVID-19 advice into their sexual health materials, and McMaster has put out a comprehensive COVID-19 Dating and Hookup Safety Guide, but many others have not.

The McMaster resource recognizes that some students will meet up for sex, even if it breaks stay-at-home orders. In the disclaimer, they write that they’re not *encouraging* in-person partnered sex. Rather, their aim is to provide tips to stay as safe as possible during partnered sex. Their harm reduction approach gives students practical, actionable tools to make informed decisions about their sex lives during a difficult and confusing time.

They organize tips in order from lowest to highest risk, starting with masturbation and fantasy and leading up to in-person partnered sex. They suggest lighting candles and reading erotica as ways to make masturbation more satisfying than just a quick way to get off, and offer a list of questions to discuss before going into a partner’s house.

“At this point, people still saying ‘just stay home’ is tired. You can’t keep saying that same message because we’re [almost a year] in,” Yammine says. “Abstinence-only has never worked well—not when it comes to sex education, and not when it comes to a pandemic. We need to talk about harm reduction and empower people with tools to make lower-risk decisions in all aspects of their life, including their personal life.”

There are some ways to get down and dirty—safely

Despite somewhat shoddy public messaging, there are ways to stay connected and forge intimacy during this time. While keeping guidelines top of mind, of course. “First and foremost, the public health guidelines take precedence,” Yammine emphasizes. This might mean trying your hand at (safe) sexting—either with a human partner or chat bot, and listening to audio erotica.

“Right now, we’re currently in lockdown [in Toronto] and being asked not to see anyone. And so I would say, maybe now is the time to do virtual dating and get to know people. And then when lockdown ends maybe then you can choose who’s worth seeing in person,” Yammine says. When it comes to dating, almost all of our experts suggested asking about the COVID precautions the other person is taking as a way to see if your values align with your potential partner. If wearing a mask is important to you, but they’re maybe a bit of an anti-masker, that’s probably a good sign that you’re not compatible in other ways, too.

Some universities have also developed online tools for less experienced students to work on their relationship skills. Farrah Khan is the manager of Consent Comes First, which offers support for students who have experienced sexual assault, at Ryerson University. A lot of research, she says, suggests that one way to address sexual violence is to provide people with relationship skills and skills around sexual health and boundary creation. Khan teamed up with her counterparts at Wilfred Laurier University and Carleton University (Sexual Violence Response Coordinator Sarah Scanlon and Bailey Reid, a Senior Advisor in Gender and Sexual Violence Prevention and Support, respectively), to create an online community called the Curiosity Lab, an online relationship lab that meets once a month to talk about things like flirting, online dating and harassment. “Sometimes it feels safer for folks to participate this way,” she says. If participants are living with their family and don’t have a lot of privacy, they can participate interactively through shared Google Docs.

Of course, with the vaccine rollout in Canada underway, it may be tempting to jump into a life of all make-out sessions, all the time. But Yammine says it won’t be quite that easy. “I think what people aren’t expecting is [that] the vaccine will come and then it’s over, snap your fingers. But in fact, it’s probably going to take several months,” she says. Depending on where you are, the first vaccine phase will likely consist of priority groups—populations that are more at-risk and front-line workers. “We’re going to still have to use other public health, non-pharmaceutical interventions like distancing, masks [and] ventilation, to continue to keep the spread low.” The hope is, once the priority groups receive their immunization, we’ll start to see things like hospital deaths declining. Once the situation becomes less dire, we may be able to slowly open up in stages. While it’s still hard to say exactly when more of the general public will be vaccinated, two web developers made a calculator that can help people estimate when they might expect to get the vaccine. Factors like age, whether you’re an essential worker, and whether you live in a congregate setting are all considered—though dorms aren’t specified in particular.

“Just try to have a little fun while dating and make the most out of this year that you can, because it is different and it’s new and, truthfully, we’re all learning. Although having some of these conversations may be awkward, they’re also awkward for everyone else,” Thorpe says. She explains that a healthy sex life is still within reach, even for those of us making our way through a lockdown winter without a regular partner. “To me, a healthy sex life is one that’s pleasurable, it’s one that keeps you safe…. But it’s one, too, that’s also intimate.”

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!i

Posted on

Sex trends to expect for the year ahead

By Ellen Scott

What’s going to be big in the world of sex this year, beyond plenty of lockdown masturbation?

More inclusive language, sexual telehealth, and intimate grooming for men, apparently.

These are all trends predicted for 2021 by Dominnique Karetsos, the CEO of The Healthy Pleasure Group, which is dedicated entirely to the sexual health and technology industry.

Below she breaks down her forecast of sex trends for the year ahead.

Sexual wellness will be a priority

2020 saw a massive rise in sex toy sales, pointing to a renewed focus on self-pleasure, and Dominnique reckons that trend will continue in the year ahead.

We’ll continue to care deeply about connecting with ourselves and enjoying solo pleasure.

‘It has been a tough and challenging year, at times it felt like crawling through sludge, but on the other side it was filled with celebration,’ says Dominnique. ‘Celebrating and exploring what mother nature permitted us to explore in lockdown and the innovation, education and investment that will steer 2021 into healthier behavioural change.’

Intimate grooming for men

Brands will launch products and ranges specifically targeted to men’s sexual pleasure and wellbeing.

Think pubic hair oils targeted at men, organic lubes, and solo sex toys designed for the penis.

More inclusive, sex-positive language

‘We will see a collosal shift in reshaping the language and education in our space,’ sayd Dominnique, ‘affirming that pleasure is healthy, sex is to be explored solo or otherwise, that its ok to not to be ok, that marginalised communities deserve to be witnessed and heard.

‘From trans communities, those with disabilities, sex workers who should not be de-humanised, all these narratives have made news headlines, acronyms like enby when referring to the non-binary community, brands like EXO have launched world first products with inclusive language for trans women community, Lovehoney investing in disibility ranges and campaigns from Handi.

‘Language is vital in offering us education so we can learn how to shape our own narratives while considering our tolerance and sexual empathy for others.

‘The power of the language has the ability to build countries, reshape policies and carve spaces for our identities; just look at the acknowledgement of the use of pronouns she/he/they. It is just the beginning. Lexicons are how humanity is witnessed, here is hoping that this trend evolves into our new cultural fibre for a positive social impact.’

Sexual spaces online

The sex and health industry is ditching social platforms with harsh restrictions on sexual content and making their own spaces.

‘Innovation of social platforms like Pleazeme.com is providing safe places for all to explore their sexualities, health and wellness,’ says Dominnique. ‘STIs are shifting beyond delivering results on mobiles and encouraging ways for us to share our ‘safe to play’ results, lead by brand iPlaySafe – it won’t be long before you tick the IplaySafe box on your dating app profile before you play.

‘These digital landscapes are our new playgrounds that positively aim to make for a smart internet of sexual health and no longer having our sexualities dictated by archaic commercial structures.’

Gamification of sexual pleasure

Dominnique points towards apps like Clitar Hero, a touch screen game that matches specific pleasure techniques with music and lets you play your way to an orgasm.

‘This is all about having fun and normalising girls’ sexual pleasure,’ she explains. ‘Expect to see many more brands use gamification as a way to engage and expand reach.

‘I look forward to seeing gamification in sex ed in schools, A geat tool to adapt to different ages with relevance.’

Telehealth for sexual dysfunctions

Dominnique says: ‘Brands like Hims and Hers, Numan , Manual, Elanza Wellness have facilitated medical and professional help being delivered to millions of beings in the safety of their homes.

‘There’s nothing like a global threat to humanity to rethink how we heal humans and I believe it is safe to say we will never go back to traditional clinical care or advice about our sexual health. We can only move forward and evolve.’

Improvements to fertility care and contraception

Expect greater innovation in the world of contraception and conception.

‘Brands like OOVA and Lab’s like Cemag Care are revolutionising how we track and translate our hormones aiding women to make accurate and supported decisions about their fertility options or contraceptives,’ says Dominnique. ‘Innovation like Ballerine from OCON MED means as women we have safer, more comfortable, hormone-free smart IUD.’

Smart sex robots and virtual reality learning

Dominnique predicts more excitement in the world of sex robots and AI.

‘Brands like Hatsumi are using VR as immersive research to teach and deliver ultimate experiences from pleasure to death doula, while HPG Lab has developed exclusive IP for robotic clit stimulators,’ she says. ‘These are the next generation of toys to help women learn how to have an orgasm.

‘O School and The Femedic are brands using AI and other smart data technology to ensure our learning and content is not just trustworthy and accurate but relevant.

‘So yes robotics and AI can be used to positively impact our experiences.’

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

Posted on

Take Back Your Sex Life

With all its stress and uncertainty, this year hasn’t exactly been a banner year for intimacy. But that can change.

By Meaghan O’Connell

Melissa Petro is a 40-year-old writer who lives in New York with her husband of four years and two children. She and her husband switch off between working and kid duty. According to Ms. Petro, the always-on nature of parenting a 12-month-old and a 3-year old in a pandemic has been “relentless, exhausting and not sexy.” Recently her husband has been sleeping on the family room couch.

“It’s not that I don’t want to,” she said, “It’s just that there’s so many things to do besides have sex with my partner, who I do hypothetically find attractive and theoretically want to have sex with. It feels pretty — at times — hopeless, our sex life.”

Ms. Petro is not alone. A Kinsey Institute study on the impact of Covid-19 on marital quality found that 24 percent of married people reported having less frequent sex than they did before the pandemic, and 17 percent of women reported a decrease in both sexual and emotional satisfaction since the pandemic began. Another study from the spring suggested that a third of couples were experiencing pandemic-related conflict and that many of their sex lives were suffering.

“We are missing out on many parts of our former lives,” Maya Luetke, a researcher at the Center for Sexual Health Promotion at Indiana University who led the study, wrote in an email. “Just as this is the lost year in other ways, it may also be the lost year in terms of sex.”

Likewise, Emily Nagoski was not surprised by the data. A sex educator, researcher and author of “Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science That Will Transform Your Sex Life,” Dr. Nagoski describes sexual desire and inhibition like the accelerator and brake in a car. And while right now there are more factors in couples’ lives hitting their brakes than their accelerators, all hope is not lost. There is still a lot you can do to take your foot off the brake and hit the sexuality accelerator.

Shift your perspective.

Self-criticism and judgment of your partner are classic ways to dampen sexual desire. More than half of women report that stress, depression and anxiety decrease their interest in sex, as well as their sexual arousal and ability to orgasm. Dr. Nagoski said it’s normal to feel less desire during a crisis, like a pandemic. “You feel like the entire world, literally the air you breathe, is a potential threat to yourself and your family. That’s going to hit the brake.”

The first step to improving your sex life might be a shift in attitude rather than behavior. “If you have sex because you have to or you feel like you’re supposed to, you won’t have much sex and you probably won’t enjoy it,” Dr. Nagoski wrote in her book. “Don’t just decide to have sex, try on the identity of a person who loves sex.”

Make a plan.

Ms. Petro said she and her husband still make time for sex, even if it’s just, say, every third Sunday. “I shove thoughts of chores undone out of my mind and just try to relax into my body and be present for my partner,” she said. Afterward, they take each other less seriously. “We’re lighter.”

“People get very wrapped up in the idea of spontaneously desiring sex,” Dr. Nagoski said, but, especially in women, it’s fairly rare. Based on a wide body of research on gender and sexual desire, Dr. Nagoski estimates that roughly 15 percent of women experience spontaneous desire, whereas most experience responsive desire — wanting sex when something erotic is happening.

“When we study people who have great sex over the long-term in a relationship, they do not describe spontaneous desire as a characteristic,” she said.

So what do they describe? When the clinical psychologists Peggy Kleinplatz and A. Dana Menard conducted a study for their book “Magnificent Sex: Lessons from Extraordinary Lovers,” they found that the components of great sex were consistent across gender, sexuality and a host of other descriptors and tastes. They included things like communication, empathy, vulnerability, connection and being present in the moment. They stressed ignoring notions of romantic spontaneity and, instead, embracing deliberateness and making a plan.

Great sex, they found, doesn’t just happen. It requires intentionality. Don’t be afraid to put it in your calendar if you have to. Because while you can’t plan on great sex, you can, as Dr. Kleinplatz and Dr. Menard put it in their book, “intentionally create the conditions in which the magic might occur.”

Pursue novelty.

While experiencing low sexual desire during a pandemic might be normal and understandable, there are things you can do to increase desire in a relationship. One thing that science says increases arousal is a novel experience. Not just the sexual kind, but anything to get your heart rate up.

This might be a good time for people to “open a dialogue with their partner(s) about their relationship overall as well as their personal desires, fantasies, needs, etc.,” Dr. Luetke, who studies the link between conflict and sexual intimacy at Indiana University, wrote in an email. If these conversations are awkward for you, she recommended engaging a therapist specializing in sex.

Or find another way to raise your heart rate. You might not be able to ride a roller coaster or dance at a crowded concert, but you could still do a YouTube workout, go for a hike with your partner or watch a scary movie together after the kids are in bed. Some research suggests that being excited around your partner makes that person seem more novel and thus more sexually attractive, by association.

Complete the stress cycle.

When your brain senses a threat (a lion, say, chasing you), your body activates the sympathetic nervous system, which sends chemicals like adrenaline and cortisol to help you run faster or fight harder. Once the threat is gone (you ran away; you killed the lion), the parasympathetic nervous system kicks in, taking you out of fight-or-flight mode and returning your body to a calm state.

That calm state activated by the parasympathetic nervous system is also responsible for sexual arousal. In other words, your brain knows that when the lion is chasing you, you won’t want sex.

Modern-day stressors, however, are more ambiguous than a lion. It’s less clear to your brain when the threat has passed — when your paycheck has been deposited or your child’s remote school day is over. So Dr. Nagoski recommended “completing the stress cycle,” or doing things that will signal to the body that the danger has passed. When you go for a run after a long day of work, you’re moving through fight-or-flight mode by jogging away from the figurative lion, and telling your body that the stress is over, at least until tomorrow.

And even if you still don’t feel safe enough to experience desire, you can still touch your partner and intimately connect. Lying in the dark watching a movie with your partner, going for a walk, exercising, practicing self-acceptance — these things all have their own benefits, even when they don’t lead to sex.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

Posted on

I Haven’t Had Sex In A Year

– And It’s Made Me Completely Rethink My Concept Of Pleasure

By Kayla Jacobs

I haven’t had sex in a year. Just over a year, to be precise. And when it’s been 365 days and counting, every single second matters.

When you’re in the prime of your life, you’re supposed to be having a lot of sex. Isn’t it the ultimate sign of desirability, power, and magnetism? Not having it, by the same token, means you’re… flawed, unattractive, hopeless. Late at night (well, actually, at all times of the day), I’ve tormented myself with these notions.

I derive much of my sense of pleasure from what I give as opposed to what I receive. Flying solo is epic, but, for me, sex doesn’t truly count unless it’s with another living, breathing human. Two months is a dry spell. Twelve months plus is akin to a crime. I’ve allowed feelings of shame to percolate – shame that I haven’t let someone else into my innermost sanctum, shame about being a woman in her childbearing years who does want children but isn’t doing the physical act that brings them forth.

In March, after seven years in the US, I returned to London, drawn back by Covid, wanting to be nearer my family. While the visceral, messy glory of being with another human played like a loop in my mind, I made a pact: I would start to savour the smallest of moments and triumph in that connection with myself whenever I damn well could. I took joy in the fleeting: a pastel-hued sunset, a fat red rose, winks from perfect strangers, greedily inhaling the earthy cologne of passers-by. These teeny tiny moments began to feel like the very largest of pleasures to me, the biggest fireworks in the sky.

I became adept at tracing every inch of my physical body, inviting her daily to cross self-imposed barriers. I raged against my femininity, too, turning away from my reflection so that I couldn’t remember what I’d lost sight of. I thought about decamping to the foothill of the Himalayas to lead a monastic and pandemic-free life while simultaneously imagining what it would be like if I were run over while wearing mismatched underwear, leaving an odorous trail of “Chaste” hanging in the air. Who would ever know?

Why haven’t I been intimate with someone? Besides the circumstantial, Covid made the mere thought of kissing anyone feel as scary as jumping out of a plane with no parachute. Then, I reconnected with an old flame on the other side of the world – he was recording an album in Nashville, and the serenading and seducing through the ether made me feel alive for a hot minute. Ultimately, creativity only took us so far, with audio messages, texting, and image-sharing morphing into a bad country ballad tied up in a synthetic rhinestone shirt.

Having experienced bouts of abstinence before – though I’ve never defined them as that – this time, I wanted to prioritise my pleasure viscerally, care for the things that felt broken, find a voice for the things untouched, unsaid and unseen within me. And so, I experimented with all manner of sex tech – beginning with a pelvic floor trainer (yes, yes, it’s a thing), moving on to unique pastel shapes that gave potent vibrations. I tried an amethyst yoni egg. I read “erotic” literature that ran the gamut from Anaïs Nin to Bram Stoker, DH Lawrence, and Lisa Taddeo, devouring fictional depictions of other people’s sexual adventures and missteps which comforted and sometimes turned me on.< I listened to Dipsea, described as “sexy audio stories that spark your imagination and get you in the mood”, and podcasts such as Melissa Wells’s Love Sex & Magic, Kim Anami’s Orgasmic Enlightenment, and a lot of The Adam Buxton Podcast (I find his voice and thoughts very sexy). I layered all manner of scented offerings on myself, trying to figure out what combination is dynamite to my nose while lighting candles and nearly burning my home down, all in an ode to my favourite sense: smell. I sang along to songs that felt for a few minutes like they belonged just to me: “Unfinished Sympathy” (Massive Attack), “I Want You” (Marvin Gaye), “Glory Box” (Portishead), “The Sweetest Taboo” (Sade).

And I gave myself plenty of orgasms. I fed my hungry skin with self-touch and attention, in a manner entirely separate from reimagining the weight of a man I might fancy the pants off enveloping me.

It’s been interesting watching in slow-motion as the wheels of the world have screeched to a standstill, and how I’ve wanted sex so much more, prioritised it in my head, ruminated on passion and the privilege of permission, especially in the face of fear and anxiety. The lack of physical intimacy has consumed me because it’s the ultimate barometer of what it means to be alive – in a world where we as women are often expected to put ourselves last, enforced isolation has cut to the heart of desire as a thing of uncommon beauty, to be upheld no matter what.

When I reached out to Dorottya Varga from Heroine Journal, an e-zine that amplifies the female perspective through a holistic lens, she congratulated me on not having had sex for a year, which made me smile and then made me feel proud. She said she was new to celibacy but was choosing not to have physical intimacy or be in a physical relationship for the time being because she believed that her desires are shaping her reality. “My desires most of my life have revolved around sex or men. I’m finding myself constantly chasing being in relationships, and I need a perspective shift,” she said. “I believe that sexual energy is creative energy, and if I am to focus all of that energy on me, I know I can build anything I want for myself, create an endless pot, give all that juice to me.”

Giving my fears and desires room to flourish has been challenging. At times, the shame and the pride mingle in a strange stew which sometimes I want to devour and other times completely repulses me. But, on reflection, thinking about my sex life as part of a daily self-care ritual – an inherently solitary pursuit – seems to me like the gateway to genuine connection. Isolation has become more than just feeling sad, lonely, or even the fantasy of a next encounter, but about imagining what it might be like to restart my sex life from a different perspective, the one where I embrace that noble ideal: intimacy with myself, even when I don’t feel like it.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

Posted on

How mindful sex helped me through the pandemic this year

When Emma Firth had a sexual awakening, she was surprised to find an inner calm

By Kate Moyle

For me, a rather happy respite in this s**t show of a year was, unexpectedly, meeting someone and connecting with them sexually.

When the pandemic hit in March, establishing a routine was the most prescribed self-care tonic on my Instagram feed. Easy, I thought. Though, after a while, the Groundhog Days started to grate. Everything felt so deeply monotonous. Combine that with the onslaught of a grim news cycle, mute social life, and meeting anyone new seemingly out of bounds or, as one friend so deftly described dating this year: “If it were a banner? Bleak Until Further Notice.” It wasn’t so much missing romance, so much as much as the possibility of it.

But on meeting my partner I entered into a world of the good kind of uncertainty, as opposed to looming-threat-and-panic-in-a-pandemic kind. A flicker of hope and frivolity, in a landscape shrouded in doom and gloom. Our early courtship was more like being in a Jane Austen novel i.e. lots of walking and public encounters. Time felt slower, and sweeter, in his company. Similarly, when we’ve been intimate, I savour every moment. I am never thinking I should do anything. I’m just enjoying the meandering of sensations; the warmth of his touch, his mouth on mine, being fully present in my body. Here, I am blissfully immune to rules or expectations.

As such, the experience is all the more satisfying, and stress-relieving, because I’m in the moment. Like a good, long walk. The ones that are totally aimless. You amble up and down, maybe stop for a bit and then, somewhere along the way come across something so mesmerising that, for a brief moment, you just sort of bathe in its beauty. Afterwards, you feel connected, energised, restored. We’re living through an undeniably tumultuous period. Seeing our friends’ lives play out on our phone screens; comparison culture at an all-time high; professional uncertainty. Sex should be a soothing intermission. Free of judgement or external worries. And for me it is.

Before I met him, I was craving physical intimacy more than ever, like a lot of people during a year of U Can’t Touch This. The erotic friction that occurs when you know you are attracted to someone. Every moment titillating. Sex written in every look, hand hold, kiss, until finally your bodies are in motion. Like slowly, one by one, adding logs to a burning fire.

 It’s all part of the “sex dance”, as I like to call it. Or, as I’ve recently discovered it’s been co-opted, ‘mindful sex’. A term which is so hot right now, there’s a new book dedicated to it: Mindful Shagging: The Calmer Sutra by Rhonda Yearn. My first thought upon hearing this emerging lust-based lexicon? Ugh. Yet another thing to remember to be mindful about. Scepticism aside – I fully support the sentiment in practice. According to Yearn, it’s about “bringing our awareness” to this moment in time. Sex that “produces inner calm, tranquillity and self-acceptance.” Something we could all use a higher dose of in 2020.  To break it down further, mindful sex is a shift away from conventional mind-filled sex. The latter a fixed, goal-orientated concept. So often fed to us, be it through films to conversations with friends, that you’ve nailed it (pah!) only if one reaches orgasm. Being naked with another person is peak vulnerability, why add a layer of stress to such an enterprise? Not least in the age of Covid-19, a year that has been marred by a tsunami of emotional tension and pressure for so many of us.  Psychosexual and Relationship Therapist Kate Moyle offers up a useful framework here to “tune out to turn on.” First, try and take distractions out of your environment i.e. no tech (“our brains are primed to notice things [and] take in new information.”) Secondly, introduce sensory cues (“something like LOVE Sleep pillow spray from This Works, it helps create a shift in context”). Thirdly – and most importantly – “avoid putting pressure on yourself.”

This, I can report, has been the most significant shift this year. I am notably happier, in every aspect of my life, when I just ‘go with the flow.’ No rush to get to the next level. One of my pet peeves is when girlfriends want to delve into the-morning-after chat. So often it feels like a performance review. What was it like? What did you do? What did he do? And so on.

Sex isn’t a performance, it’s an experience. If I look back through my archive of subpar, um, sessions, they’ve always been the ones I’ve built up in my mind beforehand. Which is a recipe for disappointment. Like New Year’s Eve (my most hated day of the year). You angle it to be the best night ever, you will look incredible, they’ll be fireworks, the whole shebang. So that when you get to the big day itself it’s, at worst, panic-inducing. At best, mind-numbingly anti-climactic. Far better to just make it up as you go, take pleasure in the moments, as they occur. Be zen AF…quite literally.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

Posted on

What is Somatic Sex Education?

by

The world of sex took on a whole new meaning when COVID became a daily part of our lives earlier this year. Luckily there’s a very handsome man you can turn to that will give you advice on how to live your most fantastic intimate lifestyle in the safest and hottest of manners.

Meet Court Vox, a sex and intimacy coach who for years has been educating his clients for a variety of reasons with one thing in mind: for them to leave more knowledgeable about their body and/or partner(s) bodies than they did before.

Court chatted with Instinct Magazine exclusively about his teachings and what goes into them, one being called Somatic Sex Education, as well as how COVID has changed his career and if he thinks sex as a whole has changed completely due to this worldwide pandemic.

What inspired you to want to become a sex educator for all kinds of people?

Sex has always been a form or personal expression, exploration, and connection with self and others. It has at times been easier and at others more challenging. I value all of the moments which have really led me to a place where I am very comfortable in my own sexuality in a way that allows me to keep pushing my own boundaries of exploration and curiosity. It is my intention in my work to create safe enough space for individuals and those in relationship to explore curiosities and questions, met with acceptance and guidance. I wanted to become a sex educator because I heard and felt the need, both in my relationships, and my community for information and alternative ways of connecting, creating intimacy, and exploring self through sexuality and touch.

Your process is called Somatic Sex Education. Can you please describe what that means?

My main modality of work is called Somatic Sex Education. Somatic means of the body and while traditional coaches and psychotherapists work with clients in talk therapy, I facilitate learning, healing, and growth through touch, body based exercises, and talk.

What do you find is the most common thing that your clients discuss with you in order for them to have a better sex life?

There are a myriad of reasons clients seek my guidance and some of them are: body acceptance, being more present during sex, being able to ask for what they want, wanting to create more intimacy with partners, exploration of sensation and desires, and working through trauma. Interestingly enough many of these themes and the tools I teach, translate into all aspects of life including intimate relationships, career, family, etc.

Do gay men contact you the most or is it pretty evenly spread between groups?

It is not exclusive, however most of my clients identify as gay men or straight women. When I work with women, I co-teach with a partner named Pamela Madsen. I have worked with trans women (mtf) and am very open to working with all bodies and orientations, and the people who find me are the ones who are meant to be with me.

What has COVID done for your business and has there been a peak or pit to it this past year?

This year has been mostly fruitful for me. It seems people who have been on the fence about doing any kind of personal growth work have really been confronted with the, “if not now, then when?” question and in full transparency, I have had a challenging time keeping up with the volume of people reaching out. This is a champagne problem for which I am grateful.

Covid has created some interesting hurdles as well, especially since my work is done in person and in close quarters. I have tested for Covid every week since April of this year as much for my own peace of mind, as my clients’ and I check temperatures at the door and ask clients to be aware of their own health. It has worked well.

Do you think the world of sex will forever be changed due to this pandemic?

I think so yes, and in a great way. Masturbation and self pleasuring definitely became a hot topic of discussion on social media with positive and shame free messages of encouragement around it. I think this is really the first time I’ve seen anything like that happen. As great as masturbation is, I think many of us are craving connection, touch, and sensation from others in an amplified way. The realization of how important touch is to us has become more apparent, as it has largely been taken away. As we come out of this, now is the time to try that thing you e always wanted to try, get better at expressing your desires in and out of the bedroom, and tackle issues head on. I promise, within those challenging issues are some really sexy discoveries waiting to unfold.

In conclusion what are you most hopeful for when it comes to your booming career?

It’s my intention and hope that our community and culture as a whole will start to recognize sex, sexuality, and pleasure as basic human needs that should be afforded to all. It is my hope that shame be removed from sex and sexuality so as to set ourselves free to experience sex and life in its richest forms. I think it’s possible. By way of this conversation, it’s already in movement.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

Posted on

How The Pandemic Has Changed Our Sexuality

By Kim Elsesser

Sex lives have changed dramatically since last March.  Sales of sex toys are on the rise and a new survey reveals that singles are turning to masks, videos and roommates to help meet their sexual needs while staying safe from Covid-19. For couples, increased time together can mean more freedom for intimacy, but the increased stress from the pandemic can also be a libido killer. Here’s the scoop on what has changed in the last seven months.

A new Singles in America survey from Match confirms that sexual behavior has changed dramatically since the pandemic took hold.  Although many are abstaining from sex completely (Match reports that 71% of singles haven’t had sex since the pandemic started), other singles are turning to roommates to meet their intimacy needs. Of the singles who have been sexually active during the pandemic, almost a quarter of them (24%) reported having sex with a non-romantic roommate. The percentage hooking up with a roommate was higher for the younger generations, with a whopping 46% of Gen Z and 33% of Millennials saying they had sex with a non-romantic roommate. Even local governments have been encouraging roommate sex. New York City told its residents who were looking to stay safe from Covid-19, that “you are your safest sex partner,” adding, “the next safest partner is someone you live with.” While roommate sex may limit virus exposure, it does seem fraught with other pitfalls.

Sexologists call a shift in behavior, like this move to roommate sex, situational sexual behavior. Dr. Helen Fisher, Match’s scientific advisor on the survey, describes, “Situation sexual behavior is sexual behavior that one expresses in situations or circumstances in which they are unable to express their normal, preferred patterns of sexuality. It is common among prisoners, among those in other confining institutions, in wartime settings, among travelers in unfamiliar places and in other situations in which an individual is not able to pursue their normal and/or preferred habits, behaviors and patterns of sexuality.”

Sales of sex toys have also increased during the pandemic. In April, just after the shutdown started, Wow Tech Group, owner of We-Vibe and Womanizer, reported online sales for both brands had increased over 200% compared to last year. On the day that the WHO declared Covid-19 a pandemic, Adult Toy Megastore saw sales triple in New Zealand, Australia, and Britain. Emily Writes, a spokesperson for the Megastore, told The Guardian, “We’re selling a lot of beginner toys … all our beginner ranges are very popular. It definitely looks like people are saying: ‘I’ve got time, I might try something new.’”

Rachel Braun Scherl, vagipreneur (her trademarked label for someone in the business of female sexual health) and managing partner at SPARKS Solutions for Growth says part of the increase in sex toy use is due to logistical realities during the pandemic. “People are with their partners hours and hours more every day than they have been for years. No one is traveling, no one is going out to dinner, the physical proximity is greater, so there are many more opportunities for engaging in intimacy,” she says.

The increase in sex toy sales is also likely related to an increase in self-pleasure during the pandemic. Scherl says one reason may be the additional focus on health and wellness during the pandemic. “We’re hearing so much during the pandemic about self-care and how important that is. And that narrative has been extended to include pleasure, ” she says. Adding one more potential reason for the uptick in self-pleasure, she says, “It’s also much scarier to be dating casually right now. In place of casual sexual encounters, people are now focusing on self-pleasure.”

For those who are engaging in sex with those outside of their households, there has been a shift as well. In September, the Chief Public Health Officer of Canada, Dr. Theresa Tam, issued a statement that included recommendations for those having sex with anyone outside of the household. Tam writes,  “Sex can be complicated in the time of Covid-19, especially for those without an intimate partner in their household or whose sexual partner is at higher risk for Covid-19. Like other activities during Covid-19 that involve physical closeness, there are some things you can do to minimize the risk of getting infected and spreading the virus.” She recommends skipping the kissing and wearing a mask.

Match didn’t ask about mask-wearing during sex specifically, but 20% of singles in their survey report wearing mask throughout their dates. Singles have also adopted other safety measures, like video screening of potential dates. Match reports that 68% of singles reported using video dating to determine whether they wanted to meet someone in real life, and video dating has increased 25% in the last three years.

In order to stay safe, singles could also be asking potential dates to be tested for the virus prior to intimacy. “Where they used to say, show me your HIV test, now they could be asking, ‘please show me your negative Covid test,’” Scherl says. There’s also evidence people are talking to their partners about the extent of their potential exposure to the virus. Dr. Abraar Karan of Harvard Medical School agrees and suggested to NPR that daters should approach the conversation about their partner’s health the same way they would talk about sexually transmitted diseases before being intimate with someone for the first time.

It’s also important to note that not everyone is increasing their sexual activity during the pandemic. “There are people who are going to town and having more sex and buying more toys, and there are people for whom the stress of the pandemic is so great it has the opposite reaction,” Scherl says. In particular, stress related to family health or financial stress incurred during the pandemic can have a negative impact on libido.

Scherl believes the best news about sexuality in pandemic times is the greater emphasis on women’s health and the impact that sexual behavior can have on health. She adds another benefit, “Sexual health and sexual pleasure and sexual enjoyment are becoming much more comfortable topics in our society.” Openness and more discussion about these topics will hopefully lead to better health outcomes and more enjoyment.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

Posted on

How to make wearing a face mask sexy in the bedroom

Don’t live with your partner, single or just in a casual relationship? Then combining social distancing with sex can be tricky. And sweaty.

By Faye M Smith

But there are – amazingly – things you can do to help make wearing a face mask sexy. Which means, you can still stay protected from Covid-19, but have fun at the same time. Not sure if they will work for you? Then get your hands on one of the best vibrators – potentially one which can be controlled via Bluetooth – and enjoy some solo fun instead. Win, win.

But you don’t have to just take our word for it. These top tips are thanks to sex expert Kate Moyle, who has joined forces with sexual wellness brand Lelo UK. So, here’s everything you need to know about staying sexy while wearing a face mask. Plastic gloves or hand gel: optional!

1 How to make a face mask sexy: use distraction

Let’s be honest. There’s no hiding the fact that you’re wearing a face mask. But, as they have become the new norm, it’s definitely easier to blend in while wearing one. And that’s the same in the bedroom. You just need a few clever distraction techniques to help.

“If you’re finding that incorporating a mask into your routine is distracting, then try and change your environment to take away from that,” says Kate. “Dim the lights, use candles or put on music to introduce more sensual cues. This will also help you to relax and be more in the moment. Adding an eye mask or blindfold too, can completely help you get into the moment.”

2 Have fun with the mask

Luckily, things have moved on from when masks first became mandatory, and now there are endless designs to choose from. Want to live out one of your sexual fantasies? Now is the time. “You can use the mask playfully as a part of a theme, outfit or character play and this can incorporate it into the sexual experience rather than it being the standout feature,” says Kate. “Incorporating it into an outfit/role play can make it feel like a funner and more playful way of introducing it into the bedroom space.”

3 Tease and build anticipation

Sometimes it’s the thought of something that is more erotic than the actual event. Use that to your advantage and focus on other areas of the body. If you’re not face to face, then the masks won’t seem as important. “Anticipation is the most natural aphrodisiac that we have,” says Kate. “Building that up will increase desire and arousal. Spend time focusing on the areas of the body that you wouldn’t usually during sex. This can help to make you explore erogenous zones and take your attention elsewhere.”

4 Try different positions

Hate not kissing during sex? Then take it completely off the table by switching positions. “To achieve kissing-free sex you may find it easier to have sex in positions like the reverse cowgirl, or doggy style,” says Kate. “This is where your faces aren’t close together, and you aren’t directly looking at each other so it takes away the attention drawn to the mask.” Being away from the bedroom, outside or even on the sofa can also help.

5 How to make a face mask sexy? Go tantric

Never tried tantric sex? Now is the perfect opportunity. “Try connecting together in other ways,” says Kate. “This could be synchronised breathing, or touch and play that is with your eyes closed and uses the sensation of touch. The basics of tantric sex are about connection, which can be done through breathing and eye contact.”

6 Utilise sensory props

From feathers to massage, sensory props are great for distracting from the face mask you’re wearing. “Novelty is an important factor of sex lives, and use this as an opportunity to get creative and work around the mask,” says Kate. “Texture, pressure, speed and temperature are all ways that you can mix it up and explore together. Sex toys, such as rabbit vibrators, can be used all over the body. They are great for teasing the thighs, and running up and down the spine, rather than just focusing on the genitals.”

7 Add some viewing or listening pleasure

Still worried about wearing your mask and not looking sexy? “You can also use prompts like audio erotica,” says Kate. “Or, try watching porn together. It can help to boost your imagination, desire and arousal by adding a different type of sexual stimulation.”

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

Posted on

65 per cent of people want to shake up their sex life in lockdown

People have been using lockdown rather creatively…

By Kate McCusker

The study also found that 97 per cent of people believe sexual health and pleasure affects overall wellness. So there’s no better time like the present to get searching for the best vibrator (you might even be lucky enough to bag one in the bank holiday sales…)

A new study by American sex toy company Ella Paradis has found that one in three people are considering a more adventurous sex life in the wake of lockdown.

The study, conducted on 1,370 American adults between the ages of 18 and 54, also found that almost all of those surveyed (97 per cent) thought that sexual health and pleasure is crucial to overall wellness. (And we’re all about health.)

The study further found that one in three people were masturbating more than they were prior to the pandemic. Meaning you can definitely consider a vibrator an investment piece. (After all, vibrators do have a multitude of surprising benefits – as Toni Braxton recently revealed in her Vogue beauty video.)

While 51 per cent of respondents said their physical intimacy has stayed the same as it was prior to lockdown, 28 per cent admitted to going at it less than before. 19 per cent of people, meanwhile, reported having more sex than before.

The sex toy company’s CEO said of the study, “Without access to [favourite] activities, having a vibrant fulfilling sex life is more important than ever. Sexual fulfillment and experimentation are key to getting through the monotony of life in quarantine.”

So whether in a couple or going it solo, there’s plenty out there to help you along the way to a more satisfying sex life.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

Posted on

How College Students Can Have Safer Sex This Semester

As some students return to campus, here are four ways to think about sexual health in the age of COVID-19.

By Cassandra Corrado

Over half of colleges and universities across the country are planning on fully remote or hybrid semesters this school year, leaving students who rely on their school’s free or low-cost sexual health services in a temporary health desert. Even at schools that plan to reopen for on-campus instruction, their health centers may be closed or operating at reduced capacity.

During a normal year, sexuality is one of the major health realms that get attention in higher ed (at least from campus wellness departments). But as a result of pandemic-induced budget cuts, many institutions have laid off or furloughed employees, straining already small health and wellness departments. Meanwhile, the burden of planning for COVID-19 safety may have fallen to health promotion staff, leaving them with little capacity for other health promotion work.

Attention is rightly focused on COVID-19, but sexual health is an essential part of that strategy.

COVID-19 has been found in fecal matter, which means anal play (especially analingus) is considered risky for COVID-19 transmission. Some recent studies have shown that the virus may also be present in semen, which raises further questions about whether it can be sexually transmitted. And, of course, sex generally involves heavy breathing, close contact, and saliva—all of which make transmission of COVID-19 easier.

Any type of partnered sex during the pandemic is risky. But while encouraging students to engage in solo sex rather than partnered sex is great, know that students are still going to be having partnered sex—and not just with longtime partners.

No level of social distancing guidelines or disciplinary measures will keep students from having sex—that isn’t realistic. So instead of going the abstinence-until-the-pandemic-is-over route, here are four practical ways educators can support student sexual health.

Stock up on barrier methods

If campus is reopening and you’re preparing for how you’ll distribute masks and hand sanitizer to your students, make barrier methods widely available, too.

Most college campuses usually have some number of free condoms (and, on occasion, dental dams) available to students. Stockpile a larger supply than you usually do and consider it a form of personal protective equipment.

If your health center is closed or operating at reduced capacity, sexually transmitted infection (STI) testing may be more difficult to access. By making barrier methods more widely available, you’re helping to slow the transmission of STIs, too.

Student leaders can apply for Advocates for Youth’s Condom Collective, and if accepted, they’ll be sent 500 condoms to distribute on campus. Staff members can purchase discounted external condoms, dental dams, and other sexual health products by signing up for a nonprofit account with a company like Global Protection Corp. (the maker of ONE Condoms).

Students and staff alike can also reach out to their local health department, HIV and AIDS advocacy organization, or Planned Parenthood affiliate for barrier methods.

If you typically make barrier methods available by leaving them in communal bowls so students can anonymously grab them, you’ll need to reconsider your methods. Some campuses offer free barrier method delivery to students’ mailboxes—check out CHOICE at Vassar for some inspiration.

Use programs strategically (and don’t be afraid to experiment)

Higher education professionals are well-prepared to host self-care programs—they likely already make up a significant part of the wellness calendar. During the pandemic, that can be expanded even further.

Students will be more isolated than usual, so set aside time to come up with strategic virtual or socially distant programming that can help ease loneliness, stress, and physical discomfort. Livestreamed fitness classes and workshops can give students a task to focus on that promotes pandemic safety as well as their physical and mental health.

Sexual health programming is one component of this. Solo sex is the least risky type of sex (both during the pandemic and in general) so consider virtual workshops that help destigmatize masturbation, emphasize effective communication, or—more broadly—teach students the sex ed they probably didn’t get in high school.

If you plan to distribute barrier methods, consider creating digital programs that can educate students on how to properly use them and what types of sex acts they can be used for. Students may not think about using a barrier method for oral sex most of the time, but health promotion campaigns can help them understand why they should consider it during the pandemic.

Remember that sexual health services are essential

Your institution might be paring back on “nonessential” student services to reduce the number of staff members on campus at one time. But remember, sexual health is an essential part of overall health.

Abortions and preventive care are both harder to access during the pandemic, so think about how your students’ sexual health concerns could be amplified as a result of COVID-19.

If your campus wellness center isn’t able to accommodate common sexual health appointments like STI testing or prescriptions for PrEP, birth control, emergency contraception, gender-affirming hormones, and STI treatments, you can make resources available to educate students on what other options are available to them.

Perhaps you book the mobile STI testing unit for twice as many visits as you normally do, so students can still get quick testing while not crowding together outside the bus (and so the testing staff can sanitize).

You could partner with a telehealth provider to complete appointments virtually. Or look toward telehealth sexual wellness services (like Nurx) to provide students with the services they need. If your campus is fully or mostly remote this semester, send your students information about where they can get free HIV and STI tests. You can even add the Center for Disease Control and Prevention’s testing locator to your website.

Figure out where the gaps are and how you might be able to fill them. You won’t have the capacity to completely fill all of the gaps, but providing students with options and information is necessary.

Leave shame out of it

If you’re in a position where you’ll have to discipline students who aren’t abiding by the COVID-19 guidelines your campus has adopted, you’ll likely soon be feeling a lot of frustration. Most students are going to be following those guidelines to the best of their ability, but the reality is that not everyone will.

So take the sex ed approach: Shame doesn’t do anyone any good. Shaming someone for their behavior just makes them more likely to hide or lie about what they’re doing.

Being on campus during the pandemic is risky—that’s just the reality. Our pandemic precautions might reduce that potential risk (by limiting social gatherings, pushing classes online, and changing how common spaces operate), but ultimately, risk will still be there. So add in a harm reduction approach, too.

Instead of punishing the students you come across making out in the student union, have a conversation about role modeling and respecting their classmates’ comfort. Make sure they have access to the health services and barrier methods they need.

Leaving shame and judgment out of the equation can be uncomfortable for many people—especially when tensions are already high and patience may be running thin—but it’s one essential part of supporting sexual health and living during a pandemic.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!