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Sex lives have changed dramatically since last March. Sales of sex toys are on the rise and a new survey reveals that singles are turning to masks, videos and roommates to help meet their sexual needs while staying safe from Covid-19. For couples, increased time together can mean more freedom for intimacy, but the increased stress from the pandemic can also be a libido killer. Here’s the scoop on what has changed in the last seven months.
A new Singles in America survey from Match confirms that sexual behavior has changed dramatically since the pandemic took hold. Although many are abstaining from sex completely (Match reports that 71% of singles haven’t had sex since the pandemic started), other singles are turning to roommates to meet their intimacy needs. Of the singles who have been sexually active during the pandemic, almost a quarter of them (24%) reported having sex with a non-romantic roommate. The percentage hooking up with a roommate was higher for the younger generations, with a whopping 46% of Gen Z and 33% of Millennials saying they had sex with a non-romantic roommate. Even local governments have been encouraging roommate sex. New York City told its residents who were looking to stay safe from Covid-19, that “you are your safest sex partner,” adding, “the next safest partner is someone you live with.” While roommate sex may limit virus exposure, it does seem fraught with other pitfalls.
Sexologists call a shift in behavior, like this move to roommate sex, situational sexual behavior. Dr. Helen Fisher, Match’s scientific advisor on the survey, describes, “Situation sexual behavior is sexual behavior that one expresses in situations or circumstances in which they are unable to express their normal, preferred patterns of sexuality. It is common among prisoners, among those in other confining institutions, in wartime settings, among travelers in unfamiliar places and in other situations in which an individual is not able to pursue their normal and/or preferred habits, behaviors and patterns of sexuality.”
Sales of sex toys have also increased during the pandemic. In April, just after the shutdown started, Wow Tech Group, owner of We-Vibe and Womanizer, reported online sales for both brands had increased over 200% compared to last year. On the day that the WHO declared Covid-19 a pandemic, Adult Toy Megastore saw sales triple in New Zealand, Australia, and Britain. Emily Writes, a spokesperson for the Megastore, told The Guardian, “We’re selling a lot of beginner toys … all our beginner ranges are very popular. It definitely looks like people are saying: ‘I’ve got time, I might try something new.’”
Rachel Braun Scherl, vagipreneur (her trademarked label for someone in the business of female sexual health) and managing partner at SPARKS Solutions for Growth says part of the increase in sex toy use is due to logistical realities during the pandemic. “People are with their partners hours and hours more every day than they have been for years. No one is traveling, no one is going out to dinner, the physical proximity is greater, so there are many more opportunities for engaging in intimacy,” she says.
The increase in sex toy sales is also likely related to an increase in self-pleasure during the pandemic. Scherl says one reason may be the additional focus on health and wellness during the pandemic. “We’re hearing so much during the pandemic about self-care and how important that is. And that narrative has been extended to include pleasure, ” she says. Adding one more potential reason for the uptick in self-pleasure, she says, “It’s also much scarier to be dating casually right now. In place of casual sexual encounters, people are now focusing on self-pleasure.”
For those who are engaging in sex with those outside of their households, there has been a shift as well. In September, the Chief Public Health Officer of Canada, Dr. Theresa Tam, issued a statement that included recommendations for those having sex with anyone outside of the household. Tam writes, “Sex can be complicated in the time of Covid-19, especially for those without an intimate partner in their household or whose sexual partner is at higher risk for Covid-19. Like other activities during Covid-19 that involve physical closeness, there are some things you can do to minimize the risk of getting infected and spreading the virus.” She recommends skipping the kissing and wearing a mask.
Match didn’t ask about mask-wearing during sex specifically, but 20% of singles in their survey report wearing mask throughout their dates. Singles have also adopted other safety measures, like video screening of potential dates. Match reports that 68% of singles reported using video dating to determine whether they wanted to meet someone in real life, and video dating has increased 25% in the last three years.
In order to stay safe, singles could also be asking potential dates to be tested for the virus prior to intimacy. “Where they used to say, show me your HIV test, now they could be asking, ‘please show me your negative Covid test,’” Scherl says. There’s also evidence people are talking to their partners about the extent of their potential exposure to the virus. Dr. Abraar Karan of Harvard Medical School agrees and suggested to NPR that daters should approach the conversation about their partner’s health the same way they would talk about sexually transmitted diseases before being intimate with someone for the first time.
It’s also important to note that not everyone is increasing their sexual activity during the pandemic. “There are people who are going to town and having more sex and buying more toys, and there are people for whom the stress of the pandemic is so great it has the opposite reaction,” Scherl says. In particular, stress related to family health or financial stress incurred during the pandemic can have a negative impact on libido.
Scherl believes the best news about sexuality in pandemic times is the greater emphasis on women’s health and the impact that sexual behavior can have on health. She adds another benefit, “Sexual health and sexual pleasure and sexual enjoyment are becoming much more comfortable topics in our society.” Openness and more discussion about these topics will hopefully lead to better health outcomes and more enjoyment.
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