From prioritizing pleasure to planning ahead.
Sexual freedom and exploration can be one of the most exciting parts of the transition to college life: Living on campus can put you in a hyper-horny environment in which the things you’ve only wondered or fantasized about are now possibilities to explore. As exhilarating as that may sound, though, it can also be a bit overwhelming—especially if you’re new to living on your own or starting to be sexually active for the first time.
Not to kill the mood, but much like coming up with a studying schedule can help you achieve academic success, making a plan for your sexual health is one of the best ways to set yourself up for a satisfying college sex life. After all, when you prioritize your sexual well-being, you have more control over what unfolds, which can make for more positive experiences (in the short and long term).
And even if you’re not sexually active, sexual health is a part of your overall health, so it’s important to take care of it regardless—whether you’re not having sex or can’t wait to have as much sex as possible. Here, we asked sexual health experts for their best advice for the newly-minted undergrad.
1. Prioritize pleasure as you explore your sexuality.
Sexual education is seriously lacking in most states (only 20 require that high school curriculums include information on contraception use, for example, per the Guttmacher Institute). And even if you consider yourself well-educated regarding stuff like preventing pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections, that alone won’t necessarily make for a satisfying sex life. “Even if you did get sex ed, it was probably about how sex will kill you, not that sex should feel good,” Jennifer Lincoln, MD, a board-certified ob-gyn practicing in Portland, Oregon, tells SELF.
When it comes to sexual pleasure, talking to your partner about what feels good to you (and them) is essential, says Dr. Lincoln. And getting curious about your own body through masturbation can also help you discover what gets you off, Lee Phillips, PhD, a licensed sex therapist who practices in New York City, tells SELF. Solo sex sessions are a great way to figure out what types of stimulation you prefer, he says, whether you plan to get another person involved in your pleasure or not.
You can also visit inclusive sex education sites like Scarleteen—which gives practical, relatable advice on everything from masturbation to porn preferences—or read actually helpful sex ed books like S.E.X.: The All-You-Need-To-Know Sexuality Guide to Get You Through Your Teens and Twenties (by Scarleteen founder Heather Corinna) to help you figure out who and what turns you on. Streaming sexy movies can also be a fun way to discover what you’re into. (To help you get, um, going, here’s some more orgasm inspiration from SELF.)
2. Find out what types of sexual-health support are available on-campus.
Access to a campus health center or clinic is usually included in your annual fees, for example, but some schools may bill through your parents’ health insurance. The clinic may be taking new patients, or it might be difficult to get an appointment. Your college might offer free on-campus testing for sexually transmitted infections (STIs), annual ob-gyn visits, emergency contraceptives, and abortion care, or they might not have any of these services. You can ask a rep at student services or your campus health center to find out what’s available to you.
Regardless of whether you get care through your college, a local Planned Parenthood clinic, or another provider who isn’t associated with your campus, you’ll also probably want to know how your provider handles information you might like kept confidential, like prescriptions for birth control, says Dr. Lincoln. For example, even though you have a legal right to medical privacy, your parents might get statements that show you visited an ob-gyn if you go through their insurance for the visit. Dr. Lincoln says you can ask your provider what types of information the insured party might get in the mail and notes that a Planned Parenthood or campus-based clinic is more likely to be discreet.
If you live in a dorm, your resident assistant may also have some answers to your questions about your school’s sexual-health services, including those that are specific to the LGBTQ+ community. For example, at least 149 colleges and universities offer insurance plans that cover hormones and gender-affirming surgeries for transitioning students, according to data collected by the nonprofit Campus Pride.
And even if you aren’t sexually active at the moment, it’s a good idea to get familiar with the health care services you have available so that you feel comfortable using them if and when you need them. If you have a vagina, it’s particularly important to have a provider to speak to when you suspect that you have an infection, such as bacterial vaginosis, a yeast infection, or a UTI, as you’ll want to get speedy treatment.
3. If you want to avoid pregnancy, decide on a contraception plan.
Using a condom during sex can significantly reduce your odds of getting an STI or becoming pregnant—with perfect use, they’re effective at pregnancy prevention 98% of the time. But user error is common: In a 2017 analysis of contraceptive failure published in Perspectives on Sexual and Reproductive Health, condoms had, on average, a 13% failure rate over the span of one year. In other words, if you’re having the kind of sex that can lead to pregnancy, ideally, you’ll have a backup method of birth control.
Choosing a birth control method can be daunting, though, since there are so many options available, says Dr. Lincoln. Your best bet is to do a little research beforehand so that you have an idea of what method would work best for you. “It’s important to go to legitimate sources, and not TikTok, which can scare you off just about every birth control option,” Dr. Lincoln says. She points out that experiences with birth control that you might see on social media are pretty much like online business reviews: People only share “if it’s really awesome or really horrible.”
Dr. Lincoln recommends FindMyMethod and Bedsider.org as sites to consult as you start your research. Once you’ve compiled a list of pros, cons, and potential side effects for a few birth control options, you’ll be more empowered for a conversation with your provider.
4. Understand when to get tested for STIs.
STIs can be an unfortunate part of being sexually active. That’s true even if you aren’t engaging in penetrative sex of any kind. If body fluids like saliva, semen, or vaginal secretions are getting swapped, your risk of infection will never be zero, Kristen Mark, PhD, a professor of family medicine and community health at the University of Minnesota Medical School’s Institute for Sexual and Gender Health, tells SELF.
The National Institute of Health (NIH) points out that many STIs don’t have any obvious symptoms, so there’s often no way to tell if you’ve got one. Whether you’re between partners, engaging with a new partner, or have never been tested before, if you’re sexually active, STI testing should be part of your health care routine, says Dr. Mark.
You can visit your campus clinic or go to your general practitioner or ob-gyn to get tested for STIs. If a test is positive, your health care provider will talk you through your treatment options. You may need to take a course of antibiotics to clear things up, in the case of bacterial infections like chlamydia and gonorrhea, or begin antiviral medication to reduce your symptoms from viral infections like HIV or genital herpes. You’ll also be advised to contact any recent sexual partners to let them know they should get tested as well—it might not be the sexiest conversation, but it’s the right thing to do.
5. Know how to give and receive consent.
It sucks that we even have to talk about this, but sexual assault regularly happens on college campuses. One in five women in college experience some form of sexual assault, according to the United States Office on Women’s Health, and it’s more likely to occur within the first two semesters of campus living. LGBTQ+ students are also at a higher risk than their straight peers. You don’t have to live in fear, but having an emergency plan for unwanted sexual activity is an important part of sexual self-care, says Dr. Lincoln.
Start with a baseline definition of what consent really means. Planned Parenthood uses the acronym “FRIES” as an easy device for defining it: Freely given, Reversible, Informed, Enthusiastic, and Specific. That means that if you’re feeling cornered by someone who intimidates you, that’s not consent. Agree to one type of sexual activity but then your partner tries to do something else you’re not into? That’s also not consensual.
Scarleteen has a great guide for navigating consent that clears up any confusion and gives practical tips for giving and receiving consent in a realistic, less awkward way. For example, you can phrase your enthusiasm in sexy terms—as in, “Don’t stop!” or “This feels so right”—or assure consent by framing your desires as questions (“I really want to do X sexual thing—do you want to do that too?”).
Of course, the sad and infuriating reality is that knowing what consent means isn’t always enough to help you avoid nonconsensual situations. That’s why Dr. Mark highly recommends keeping contact information in your phone for a few people you can call if you experience sexual assault or otherwise find yourself in a sexually unsafe situation—think supportive friends you can trust, your resident assistant, or your campus security officers. You can also get 24/7 confidential crisis support from a trained staff member at RAINN by calling 800-656-HOPE or using the organization’s online hotline.
6. Have a plan for when things don’t go according to plan.
Dr. Lincoln recommends having emergency contraception (EC), like Plan B (available over the counter) or Ella (which requires a prescription), on hand as well. “That way, if something happens on a Saturday night, you’re not waiting until Monday afternoon because that’s when your campus medical office opens,” Dr. Lincoln says.
It’s also important to know the abortion laws in your state and figure out where the nearest abortion clinic is. You can ask a provider or rep at your student health center which EC and abortion care options are available to you (and how and where to access them). You should also consider stocking up on cheap pregnancy tests so you can act quickly on a positive result if you need to.
7. Consider your mental health as a part of your sexual health.
Sexual relationships—or a lack thereof—can have a major impact on your mental health in college. Whether you’re dealing with a partner who’s throwing up red flags, sexual violence, behavior you regret, or just the general angst and uncertainty that can come with pursuing romantic relationships as a young adult, having a neutral third party to talk to can be incredibly helpful.
If you’re struggling with any aspect of your sexual health (including gender identity, body image, peer pressure to have sex, domestic abuse, or a sexual assault), talking to a mental health professional can help you navigate your struggles so you can feel better—mentally and physically. Your college most likely has mental health services or a counseling center available, even if you don’t live on campus. If the counseling center is booked, you can ask a rep if there are other services available in your immediate area or how to access a telehealth provider.
8. Finally, make some friends you don’t want to sleep with.
You may be revved up and ready to have all your sexual fantasies fulfilled during your college years, but the most important relationships you form on campus may end up being platonic. Both Dr. Lincoln and Dr. Mark say that building a community of friends is a form of sexual self-care.
Dr. Phillips recommends joining several on-campus groups or organizations if you’re having trouble finding your people. And Dr. Mark suggests talking about your specific sexual boundaries, expectations, and anxieties with your pals when no one is under the influence of any substance. That way, you’ll have someone who can check in with you if you’re, say, tipsy at a party and hanging out with an ex you insisted you didn’t want to hook up with.
Finally, have patience with yourself if there’s a bit of a learning curve while you figure all this sexual-health stuff out. As Dr. Mark points out, all major life transitions are hard, and becoming independent—sexually and otherwise—as a college student is a big one.
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