Category: Sexual Performance Issues

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21 Things Scientists Discovered About Sex In 2019

By Kelly Gonsalves

Given that sex has existed as long as the human race has, you’d think our scientists, doctors, and psychologists would have collectively figured out all there is to know about sex by now. But the truth is, there are still many, many aspects of human sexuality that are a big, unexplored, confusing question mark. The good news is, 2019 has been quite the year in the world of sex research. Here are a few of the most fascinating findings we’ve made this year: 

1. Women are still struggling to talk about what they want in bed.

In 2019, more than half of American women were still struggling to talk about what they want sexually. A study published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior found 55% of women in the U.S. reported experiencing situations in which they had wanted to communicate with a partner about how they wanted to be touched and what sexually turned them on but decided not to say anything. About one in five women didn’t feel comfortable talking about her sexual desires at all, and one in 10 had never experienced sex in which she felt like her partner valued her sexual pleasure.

2. Just saying the word “clitoris” out loud is linked to better sex for women.

Yes, it really matters that much. As we’ve known for a while, the clitoris is the key to sexual pleasure for people who have them—but mainstream narratives and norms around sex prioritize P-in-V penetration as the main act of sex, despite the fact that the majority of clit owners can’t get off from that alone. Further proving how important the clit is, the same study cited above found that just being comfortable using the word “clitoris” is associated with greater sexual satisfaction and being less likely to fake orgasms. The researchers said their findings indicate why it’s so important for us as a society and as individuals to start talking openly about our sex lives. When you’re comfortable talking about sex—including the specific body parts where you like to get touched—you’re way more likely to convey that to your partners and then get the type of stimulation that actually feels good for you. 

3. Not all orgasms are good.

Orgasms are not the definitive marker of good sex, as it turns out. In another study published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior, researchers found 55% of people had experienced a “bad orgasm,” including orgasms that physically hurt, orgasms that didn’t feel as pleasurable as past orgasms, or orgasms that happened in sexually coercive contexts, such that having the orgasm led to intense psychological turmoil.

4. People in relationships really are having less sex.

Experts have been talking about a so-called sex recession for the last year or so, in which several different data reports have been showing people are having less sex these days than in generations prior. One multiyear study published in the BMJ this year found the majority of the dip is happening among married people and cohabiting couples. Some of their key findings: In 2001, 38% of women and 30% of men in serious relationships had no sex in the past month. In 2012, that number jumped to 51% for women and 66% for men in serious relationships. What’s more, even sexually active couples were having less sex than usual: In 2012, just 48% of women and 50% of men in serious relationships reported having sex at least four times in the last month, meaning about half of couples are having sex less than once a week.

5. But millennials don’t think they’re in a sex recession.

Cosmopolitan conducted a nationally representative survey on over 1,000 people. Their findings showed 71% of millennials feel “personally satisfied” with how much sex they’re having, and 62% of millennials think their friends are having “plenty of sex” too. So maybe it’s all relative?

6. Commitment and better sex are linked.

Researchers surveyed hundreds of couples in several weeks of couples’ therapy to ask about their commitment levels and sex lives each week. Published in the Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy, their study found commitment and good sex were definitely linked: Having good sex one week was associated with couples feeling more committed to each other the following week. The reverse was also true. Feeling more committed to each other one week was associated with the couple having better sex the following week. The two seem to feed off each other.

7. People who love casual sex are more committed to their relationships when those relationships are consensually non-monogamous.

If you think people who love casual sex are inherently less committed in their relationships, think again. A study published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior found that, in consensually non-monogamous relationships, enjoying casual sex (i.e., “sociosexuality”) was associated with being more committed to your relationship.

8. Childhood trauma is associated with less sexual satisfaction in adulthood.

People with more traumatic experiences in childhood tend to have less satisfying sex lives in adulthood, according to a study published in the Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy. Why? Experiencing trauma as a kid is associated with experiencing more daily psychological distress and with being less mindful, two qualities that may affect one’s ability to engage and feel pleasure during sex.

9. More than half of seniors are unhappy with their sex lives.

You know what you hear about people having less sex as they get older? That might be true, but it might not be because seniors want less sex. A study published in the journal PLOS ONE found 58% of men and women between ages 55 and 74 are not satisfied with their sex lives. In another study published in the journal Menopause, 78% of the more than 4,000 postmenopausal women surveyed were sexually inactive. Of these sexually inactive women, the top reasons for not having sex were not having a partner to have sex with, having a partner with a medical condition making sex out of the question, and having a partner dealing with sexual dysfunction.

10. These three key factors reliably turn women on.

A study of 662 straight women identified three factors that made women more likely to experience sexual desire for someone: intimacy (i.e., feelings of closeness and deep affection), celebrated otherness (i.e., seeing yourself as a separate entity from your partner instead of seeing yourselves together as a single unit), and object-of-desire affirmation (i.e., being told you are desirable).

This is an oft-repeated myth, but findings published in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences have officially disproved the idea that men are “more visual” than women are when it comes to sex. The researchers reanalyzed over 60 studies, each of which had hooked up men and women to fMRI machines while showing them porn to try to see how their brains reacted. Gender was the least predictive factor in determining how activated a person’s brain was while viewing the erotic material.

12. One in four women experienced pain during their most recent sexual experience.

In a study of over 2,000 women published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine, researchers found nearly a quarter of women had experienced pain the last time they’d had sex. Of those who’d experienced pain, 49% didn’t tell their partner about it. Those who’d experienced little to no pleasure during the sexual experience were also three times more likely to not tell their partner about the pain.

13. Vaginal dryness and atrophy begin in perimenopause.

During and after menopause, hormonal shifts tend to cause the vaginal walls to become thinner and lubricate less. Known as vaginal atrophy, these changes tend to cause vaginal dryness, which predictably leads to more difficulties having sex. (Nothing that a little lube can’t fix, of course.) However, a new study published in the journal Menopause has found that these symptoms of vaginal atrophy, vaginal dryness, and the sexual pain that comes with them may actually begin in perimenopause—the period of time right before menopause hits, around ages 40 to 55.

14. Better sex ed improves LGBTQ kids’ mental health.

Sex ed is important for supporting people’s sexual health and helping people navigate sex safely. But it also has important mental health benefits for people in the LGBTQ community, according to new research in the American Journal of Sexuality Education. The study found kids who received sex ed that was inclusive of people with diverse genders and sexual orientations tended to have less anxiety, less depression, and fewer suicidal tendencies.

15. Open-minded people are more likely to cheat.

A study published in the Personality and Individual Differences journal found the personality trait most associated with cheating was open-mindedness. In other words, people who are more open to new experiences and people tend to be more likely to cheat as well. Seems obvious, but open-mindedness is also correlated with being more welcoming, more creative, more sexually liberated, and more extroverted. So…uh-oh?

16. There are at least some psychological components to why some people struggle with their sex drive.

Researchers interviewed about 100 couples where one partner struggles with sexual desire and about 100 couples with no such struggles. Published in the Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy, the study identified a few common traits among the partners who struggled with desire: They were more likely to pursue sex simply to avoid negative consequences (like a disappointed partner) and less likely to pursue sex to experience positive outcomes (like orgasms and connection). The findings also suggested they may “have difficulties recognizing and responding to their partners’ sexual needs due to having fewer sexual needs themselves.”

You can’t make this stuff up! A study published in the journal Sex Education found female students who had taken a sexuality class that discussed the orgasm gap tended to have more orgasms and better orgasms after they took the class than before.

18. Parents have better sex when they like each other.

Yes, researchers talked to 93 couples and found those who complimented each other more and had higher opinions of each other tended to have higher levels of sexual satisfaction in the relationship. It might seem obvious, but many long-term couples (especially parents) will readily admit that just because they’re married and in love does not mean that they always like each other. That means couples should never dismiss the importance of making sure actual feelings of affection and positivity still live on in their relationship.

19. Postcoital dysphoria affects men too.

Postcoital dysphoria refers to inexplicable feelings of sadness, frustration, or distress after having otherwise pleasurable sex. Some people assume that women are more likely to be emotional after having sex, but a study published in the Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy found 41% of men have experienced PCD, and 20% experienced it in the last four weeks.

20. How you feel about your genitalia affects your sex life.

Feeling self-conscious about your vulva or penis might actually affect how much pleasure you’re experiencing during sex. A study published in the Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy found people who felt more confident about their genitalia tend to have less stress about their “performance” during sex and better sexual functioning, which includes getting turned on easily, having more vaginal lubrication, and being able to orgasm with ease.

21. Sexual desire is buildable.

For couples, experiencing sexual desire today makes you more likely to experience sexual desire tomorrow and have sex tomorrow, according to a study published in the Archives of Sexual Desire. That means couples who want to improve their sex lives should consider starting small: Just adding a few moments of heat and turn-on daily, even without having sex, will build up sexual desire over time.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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Home remedies for premature ejaculation

Many males experience sexual concerns such as premature ejaculation. Premature ejaculation occurs when someone has an orgasm very quickly or orgasms without control. Males with premature ejaculation may also have very little warning before their orgasm, so they may not be able to delay it.

by Jon Johnson

Premature ejaculation may lead to lower sexual satisfaction for both the person experiencing it and their partner. Some home remedies and exercises may help delay ejaculation or help someone become more aware of their sensations and how to control them.

Some estimates suggest that around 4–39% of males experience premature ejaculation, though some estimates are higher. Part of the reason that so many people experience this is because premature ejaculation can be complex, involving both mental and physical aspects.

Some medical treatments may help with premature ejaculation, but there is no permanent cure for it. However, males may learn to control their ejaculation and find more sexual satisfaction using a number of remedies, including supplements and exercise. Keep reading to learn more.

Minerals

Certain minerals may help with premature ejaculation. These include:

Zinc

There may be a link between supplements such as zinc and sexual dysfunction. Zinc also seems to play a role in male fertility.

As an article in the International Journal of Molecular Sciences notes, some studies have reported reduced quantities of zinc in the seminal fluid of males with infertility.

Zinc supplementation improves sexual dysfunction and increases serum testosterone levels in the body. This may improve libido in general and help improve sexual dysfunction, which may include premature ejaculation.

Taking zinc supplements may, therefore, promote overall sexual health in many ways, though no direct research has linked zinc to stopping or improving premature ejaculation.

Magnesium

Magnesium is another important mineral for healthy sperm production and reproductive health.

A review in the Asian Journal of Andrology notes that low magnesium levels are a contributing factor to premature ejaculation, as they may increase certain muscle contractions common in orgasms.

For this reason, getting enough magnesium in the diet may help with premature ejaculation.

Other minerals

As a study in the journal Reviews on Environmental Health notes, a number of other minerals also play important roles in sperm function and overall male fertility.

Those with sexual issues such as erectile dysfunction or premature ejaculation may look to take a number of other minerals to improve their reproductive health in general. These may include:

Topical creams or sprays

For a temporary approach, many males find success in using topical creams and sprays that contain anesthetics such as lidocaine. These help numb the penis. They do this by delaying sensation to the penis, which may increase the time it takes to climax.

Typically, a male should apply these creams to the head of the penis about 30 minutes before sex, and then wash the penis around 5 minutes before sex.

Exercises

Various pelvic floor exercises may help train the muscles involved in ejaculation. By becoming aware of and strengthening these muscles, it may be possible to increase orgasm control.

One study found that a 12 week program of pelvic floor exercises helped males with premature ejaculation control their ejaculatory reflexes and increase their time to climax.

The pelvic floor muscles are the same muscles involved in cutting off the flow of urine. To find them, a male should urinate and then cut off the urine flow midstream.

To perform pelvic floor exercises, lie or sit in a comfortable position without putting pressure on the perineum, which is the area between the anus and the genitals.

Tighten the muscles involved in cutting off the flow of urine, holding them as tight as possible for 5 seconds. The muscles should feel as though they are lifting up. There may also be a pressure sensation inside the body, near the muscles.

Release the muscles and rest for 5 seconds. Repeat this process 10 times for one session. Do two or three sessions each day.

Condoms

Wearing a condom during sex may work in a similar way to using topical creams, by temporarily dulling the sensation in the penis. In some cases, this may increase the time it takes to orgasm.

Some companies make thicker condoms or condoms with a numbing agent on the inside to help decrease sensitivity further and help increase a male’s time to orgasm.

Practice

Those worried about sexual control and early ejaculation may simply not have had very much sexual practice. Teenagers tend to learn about their sexual responses and physical sensations from their early practices with masturbation.

Some people may not have as much experience with masturbation or sexual acts, which may be due to religious or cultural beliefs about them, or a sense of personal shame.

Openly exploring pleasure through masturbation helps a person identify the sensations their body experiences leading up to orgasm. Regular practice may also help someone learn the signs of an impending orgasm and to find ways to stop the stimulation before orgasm.

Also, some may recommend masturbating an hour or two before engaging in sexual activity. This may take advantage of the body’s refractory period, which is the period of time in which it is impossible or difficult to orgasm. The length of the refractory period varies from person to person.

Techniques

There are some techniques and methods that a male can try during sex that may help with premature ejaculation. These include:

The squeeze technique

The squeeze technique helps physically control an orgasm. It may also help a male identify the sensation of orgasm and learn how to control it.

During this method, a male or their partner should stimulate the penis until they are close to ejaculation. They must then firmly squeeze the shaft of the penis, so that the erection partially goes away and the impending orgasm subsides.

Going through these steps may help a male identify the sensations that lead to orgasm. Understanding these sensations can lead to better control over ejaculation.

The stop-start method

The stop-start method is another physical technique for sexual practice.

During this method, the male or their partner should stimulate the penis until climax is imminent. They should then stop all stimulation and allow the feeling of the upcoming orgasm to go away completely.

After the pleasure subsides, the male or their partner should stimulate the penis again and stop again just before the orgasm. Continue the cycle a third time, and allow the ejaculation on the fourth.

This practice may help a male identify the sensations that occur just before orgasm. Exploring them in this way can make it easier to identify or control ejaculation.

Is there a permanent cure?

There is no single way to treat or cure premature ejaculation. As the Urology Care Foundation point out, there are no approved drugs in the United States for the treatment of premature ejaculation.

The standard treatment typically includes a few different approaches. Psychological therapy, for example, helps address any negative thoughts or feelings that may lead to sexual issues.

Behavioral therapy, such as the squeeze and stop-start methods, helps build a tolerance to the pleasurable sensations that lead to orgasm.

Some over-the-counter or prescription creams and sprays may also help numb the head of the penis, which could decrease sensitivity temporarily.

In some cases, a doctor may also recommend using some forms of antidepressant drugs to treat premature ejaculation. Antidepressants such as fluoxetine and paroxetine may alter serotonin levels in the body, which could delay orgasm. However, there is no approval for this use of these drugs.

Summary

Premature ejaculation is common and affects many people at one time or another.

When premature ejaculation becomes an issue, however, some males may find that they can better control it using various home remedies and techniques. Some doctors may suggest other forms of physical, psychological, or medical treatment to help control the issue.

If premature ejaculation continues or gets worse, it is best to see a doctor for a full diagnosis. There may be an underlying health condition causing it.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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Want a rocking sex life?

Get some sleep!

Sleep is important for overall health and well-being. It is also necessary for a healthy sex life. Read on to know more.

Today’s hectic lifestyle is not at all conducive to overall well-being of a person. It leaves you feeling tired and tense all the time. You are in a state of stress all the time. All this can affect your sleep quality. No wonder that so many people today complain of sleep disorders. A study at The North American Menopause Society says that sleep problems can interfere with a woman’s level of sexual satisfaction. The journal of The North American Menopause Society, Menopause, published this study. Another study at the American Academy of Sleep Medicine says that sleep disorders can affect sex life and cause abnormal sexual behaviours like “sleepsex” or “sexsomnia”.

There are many things that you can do to improve your sexual health. Exercising regularly, eating a balanced diet and taking supplements like shilajit are a few of them. You can also try getting more quality sleep if you want a better sex life.

Let us take a look at how sleep affects your sex life.

Sleep Is Important For Better Sex

A good night’s sleep not only refreshes you for the day, but also gives you an edge between the sheets. A recent study by the University of Michigan Medical School found that each additional hour of sleep increased the likelihood of sexual activity by 14 per cent.

Researchers stated in a paper, which appeared in the Journal of Sexual Medicine, that problems in the bedroom point to not getting enough sleep. In a study of 171 women, those who obtained more sleep on a given night, experienced greater sexual desire the next day. Sleep was also important for genital arousal. For instance, women who slept longer on average experienced fewer problems with vaginal arousal than women who obtained less sleep.

They added that the influence of sleep on sexual desire and arousal has received little attention in the field, but these findings indicate that insufficient sleep can decrease sexual desire and arousal for women. While Kalmbach’s findings covered well-rested women over time and discovered that women who were tired ended up being more aroused the next day, eventually, it catches up to them and their desire drops.

Researchers say that the take-home message should be that it is important to allow ourselves to obtain the sleep that our mind and body needs to enjoy a better sex life.

Extra Hour Of Sleep Can Boost Your Sex Life

Are you experiencing a sudden dip in your sexual desire? Try getting an extra hour of sleep tonight and reap its benefits between the sheets the very next day. According to an interesting study published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine, women who slept for an extra hour than usual had an enhanced sexual desire the next day.

Reflecting sleep’s impact on sexual desire, each additional hour of sleep increased the likelihood of sexual activity with a partner by 14 per cent. The results of the study also found that women who slept longer on average experienced fewer problems with vaginal arousal than women who obtained less sleep.

On an average, the women reported sleeping for seven hours and 22 minutes. David Kalmbach, researcher at the University of Michigan’s Sleep and Circadian Research Laboratory, said that the influence of sleep on sexual desire and arousal has received little attention in the field but these findings indicate that insufficient sleep can decrease sexual desire and arousal for women. Kalmbach and colleagues evaluated college-going 171 women who kept diaries of their sleep and reported whether they engaged in sexual activity the next day. The researchers are now trying to find out if sleep disorders are risk factors for sexual dysfunction.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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4 Things That Help Women Feel Less Stressed About Sex

By Kelly Gonsalves

Negative feelings about sex are no joke.

Most women grow up with some pretty negative messages about their bodies and sexuality, and even though many of us are able to shake off a lot of that shame and stigma as we get older and move through the world, those early messages we got have some lasting effects that follow us through adulthood.

Lingering shame around experiencing pleasure is likely at the heart of women’s ongoing struggles with having orgasms and struggles with lagging libido. And body shame more broadly can take a lifetime to overcome, and it’s been linked with riskier sexual behavior, sexual dysfunction, and less satisfying sex, not to mention poor confidence and all the mental health struggles that come with feeling bad about your body.

OK, so what actually combats all the underlying negative feelings women have around sex?

That was the big question at the center of a new study published in the American Journal of Sexuality Education. The team of researchers—including behavioral scientist Angela Cooke-Jackson, Ph.D., MPH; interpersonal communication researcher Valerie Rubinsky, Ph.D.; and health researcher Jacqueline N. Gunning—surveyed nearly 200 women about the types of messages they received about their bodies and their sexuality growing up. The vast majority of them grew up with negative messages about sex: that they shouldn’t have sex until they’re married, that they’ve got something “pure” they’ll “lose” when they start having sex, and that people will judge them if they do.

But when asked what helped them develop healthy, positive feelings about their sex lives, there were four main factors that stood out:

1. Hearing more open conversations about sex

Open dialogue with friends and family about sex, in addition to growing societal conversations about sexuality, was the “main catalyst” for women’s shift to a more positive view of their sexuality. Indeed, past research has shown that open conversations between kids and their parents about sex tend to make kids wait longer to have their first sexual experience and practice safer sex when they do. Other research has shown talking to friends about sex increases women’s sexual self-esteem and ability to ask for what they want in bed.

2. Getting more and better sex ed

Literally just getting more information about sex—from friends, the internet, books, or really anywhere—made women feel more positively about it. “Many participants cited further education on the topics of sex, reproductive health, fertility, and menstruation as the catalyst for their improved perceptions of body, self, and health,” the researchers write. “This education was often initiated by the individual and included conducting independent research, asking questions of friends, family, and medical practitioners, and reading further into topics on websites, blogs, and in books.”

3. Getting comfortable with your body

How you feel about your body is deeply tied to how stressed out or how comfortable you feel about sex. Fortunately, the researchers observed that as people developed more bodily acceptance and autonomy, they started to have more positive feelings about it. When you know your body well and feel like you’re in tune with it, you start to love it more. “This paradigm shift towards empowerment often stemmed from participants educating themselves about their bodily functions,” the researchers write, adding, “Emerging from this theme were many notes of menstrual symptom management as a catalyst for improved views of reproductive health. Once women learned to manage symptoms of their reproductive health and menstruation, they felt a sense of control over and ownership of their bodies.”

4. Ditching gender stereotypes

Past studies have shown women have better sex when they have more feminist beliefs, and a similar trend appeared in this research: As women evolved their definitions of womanhood and femininity and ditched traditional gender roles, they felt more positively about their bodies, sexual health, and sexuality in general. “[There’s] a direct correlation between sexual knowledge and sexual agency, with the development of feminist ideologies contributing to young women seeking sexual knowledge and subsequent sexual assertiveness,” the researchers explain. “It is evident that young women place value on informative, accepting or positive messages, body literacy, and sexual autonomy in their transition to adulthood.”

If you’re looking to develop a healthier relationship with your sexuality—and start having better sex—these are four solid places to start.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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“Having cancer changed my sex life irreversibly”

“Our sex life, which had kept us so close in the past, changed irreversibly”

By Jennifer Savin

Meredith, 27, was diagnosed with cancer twice in her twenties (first cervical cancer and then breast cancer). She explains how it impacted her relationship and sex life, and how it changed the way she feels about intimacy.<

There’s never a good time to be diagnosed with cancer, but it really felt like the bombshell hit me at the worst possible moment. In December 2016, I was about to start training for my dream career, had just moved house and was excited about the future, when a routine smear test revealed I had cervical cancer. It was a total shock as I’d had no symptoms. The world spun on its axis.

Before that day, I was the same as many twenty something women: I loved going to the gym, dressing up for nights out with friends and going to football matches with my boyfriend Gareth, a man whose zest for life drew me in from the moment we met at a student event in a pub.

When Gareth and I first got together our relationship was long distance. Which meant that whenever we met, we’d be so excited to see one another that sex happened naturally – being physical was fun, easy and a glue that bonded us. But all that changed once I began my treatment.

Before that day, I was the same as many twenty something women: I loved going to the gym, dressing up for nights out with friends and going to football matches with my boyfriend Gareth, a man whose zest for life drew me in from the moment we met at a student event in a pub.

When Gareth and I first got together our relationship was long distance. Which meant that whenever we met, we’d be so excited to see one another that sex happened naturally – being physical was fun, easy and a glue that bonded us. But all that changed once I began my treatment.

Sex slipped further down the list of my priorities, especially during chemotherapy. After one session I was so unwell, I pushed Gareth away when he tried to comfort me. My rejecting him was difficult for us both to understand, but drugs affect your moods and thoughts, and I’d gone into crisis mode. All my energy went on trying to survive.

Our sex life, which had kept us so close in the past, had changed irreversibly. I know Gareth found it frustrating at times and we both worried our relationship might not survive, but all we could do was acknowledge the situation was awful and push through anyway, hoping we’d be happier on the other side.

When you know the medical professionals you interact with are trying to save your life, asking for advice about what you can and can’t do in the bedroom feels trivial (although whenever I did ask, they were helpful – one for example, prescribed me a moisturiser to help deal with vaginal dryness, a chemo side effect).

Slowly, we learnt new ways to be intimate with one another, like talking truly openly about how we’re feeling and about how my body has changed. We attended talks about sex and relationships through Breast Cancer Care and Jo’s Trust, which helped, especially realising others were in a similar boat. Practical things like taking it slow, longer foreplay and using lots of lube help too. I’ve also cleared out all of my old bras and replaced them with new sets – my old underwear had negative associations, so this was another small way of me reclaiming back part of my confidence.

I’ve now been given the all clear and am back to work pretty much full-time, bar the odd day off for a check-up appointment. Some mornings, I look in the mirror and find the scar on my breast empowering, on others it gets me down – although Gareth tells me I look amazing regardless. Communication is key in any relationship, but my experience has really hammered that home. I’ve learned that intimacy isn’t just about sex but about the emotional connection between two people.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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Can What You Eat Really Affect Your Sex Life?

We explore the impact food can have on your libido, stamina, and your overall sense of wellbeing

by Bonnie Evie Gifford

It’s an old adage: you are what you eat. But could there be something to it? Ensuring that we each have a healthy, balanced diet, lead an active lifestyle, and look after our mental health are all imperitive steps towards to creating a happier, healthier (sex) life.

While there are plenty of articles out there highlighting the foods that could be ‘killing your sex drive’ and ‘destroying your sex life’ surely there must be foods that can have a positive impact…right?

We share the top foods that can help boost your libido, decrease erectile dysfunction, and increase your overall sense of wellbeing.

Happy hormone food swaps

Keeping our hormones balanced can help lead to a steadier (and more fulfilling) sex life. When our hormones become imbalanced, this can negatively impact our mood, and may even suppress sexual desire.

Nutritionist Nicki Williams explains,

“Hormone imbalances can make us feel exhausted, stressed, anxious, depressed, irritable, forgetful and unable to concentrate. We might have digestive issues, poor skin, hair and nails, or frequent infections.

“Hormones work together so when one gets out of balance, others can be affected. For instance, when our stress hormones are up, it can affect our thyroid gland, our digestive system, our sex hormones and the way we deal with sugar (insulin).

“As we age, our hormones naturally decline, which can give us those ‘ageing’ issues like fatigue, weight gain and memory loss. But what we eat and drink, and how we live our lives has a direct affect on our hormone balance. So a few changes to your diet and lifestyle can really help support your hormones, especially as you get older.”

Making a few healthy food swaps can help balance your hormones and get things back on track. Packed full of Vitamin E, avocados can help improve our production of testosterone, oestrogen, and progesterone. Switching to organic foods can help reduce the number of pesticides you are exposed to, which may have negative impacts on health and wellbeing.

For men, making sure you have enough testosterone isn’t only important for your sexual health, but can also affect your bone, muscle, and hair. As you get older, your testosterone levels can decrease, making it even more important to make sure you are having a nutrient-filled, well-balanced diet.

Eating more tuna (high in vitamin D), low-fat milk, beans and egg yolks can all help boost testosterone production whilst providing great sources of protein and vitamins.

At any age, if you’re worried you may be experiencing a problem with a hormone balance, make sure to speak with your GP to help rule out other symptoms and causes.

Boost your libido with nature’s aphrodisiacs

Libido-boosting foods have been a popular staple throughout history. While there is some debate over whether they really work or not, many foods credited with being natural aphrodisiacs do come with their own benefits.

Oysters – one of the most famous foods for getting in the mood (though the slimy texture should be enough to put anyone off). But why is that? High in zinc, oysters and other zinc-high foods including pine nuts, red meat, lobster, and fortified breakfast cereals, help provide high mineral our bodies need for vital, everyday functions. As well as helping our stamina, zinc regulates testosterone levels while helping to increase sperm quality.

Basil – a good source of magnesium and iron, basil may not be the first thing that comes to mind when you’re thinking of sexy foods, but it can promote better cardiovascular health, improve blood flow, and increase our desire (and ability) to, ahem, perform.

Dark chocolate – more than just a sweet treat, thanks to its phenylethylamine (PEA) or ‘love chemical’ content, dark chocolate can act as a natural aphrodisiac, while the cocoa content can help get your blood pumping and increase blood flow.

Garlic – stinky breath aside, garlic can help improve blood flow, increase iron absorption, and improve circulatory health. Just make sure you aren’t the only one chowing down on this overpowering herb – or you just might risk your evening ending on a more sour note.

Flaxseeds and pumpkin seeds – helping keep hormone production at its peek, these kinds of seeds are packed full of Omega 3 acids which can increase our dopamine and serotonin hormone production. Happier, healthier, and heightened desire all-round.

Stamina-boosters

If you’re looking for a way to improve your stamina, there are numerous natural ways to keep things heated for longer. Ensuring your circulation is good can not only lead to an improved sexual response for men and women (as well as benefiting erectile responses), but can also help improve your stamina.

Ensuring your diet includes wholegrains, a wide range of fruits and vegetables, nuts, legumes, seafood, and healthy oils (olive or sunflower) can all help keep your heart healthy and happy.

If you find your energy flagging, it can also be worth taking stock of how much stress you are under, as well as how much sleep you are getting. Poor quality sleep can be linked to low energy levels, lowering your overall performance and concentration. If you are experiencing depression, this can also be linked to fatigue and low energy. Experimenting with relaxation techniques, becoming more active, trying mindfulness and meditation, or exploring counselling can all positively impact your overall sense of wellbeing.

Nutritionist Jo Travers shares her top tips to help boost your energy levels by tweaking what (and when) you eat.

“Eat iron containing foods. Women need a lot of iron. Iron in your blood carries oxygen around your body to every cell and organ, and if you haven’t got enough of it you will feel really tired. Iron deficiency is a relatively common problem among women in the UK, largely because women lose iron-containing blood during menstruation. Try and have some vitamin C (from orange juice for example) alongside vegetable sources as this helps absorption of the iron.

“Ensure you eat five a day. Vitamins and minerals are needed for every single process that happens in your body, including turning food into energy. Fruit and vegetables are full of these micronutrients. They are also high in fibre to help level off the rate that carbohydrates are released into your bloodstream, and to maintain bowel health, which if neglected can lead to a lethargic feeling.”

Nutritionist Severine Menem explains it’s not just what we eat that affects our energy levels, but what we drink, too.

“Are you drinking enough water? It is water, and not liquid. Most people don’t realise that they lack energy simply because they are dehydrated. Water is needed by the body for a number of metabolic reactions. So you need to drink an adequate amount of water throughout the day until your urine is a pale yellow. If you are not there yet, start gradually increasing your intake of water while stopping or reducing your consumption of stimulants such as coffees and teas.”

Tackling erectile dysfunction

It’s not a topic often spoken about, but erectile dysfunction affects more men than you may realise. More than one in five (21%) of male smokers have been unable to perform in the bedroom, while some statistics put the numbers as high as one in two men in their 30s experiencing erectile dysfunction.

According to experts, a number of physical and psychological factors can cause impotence. From obesity to high cholesterol, anxiety, stress and depression to alcohol consumption, there can be any number of contributing factors.

Research suggests that eating foods rich in flavonoids may help reduce the risk of erectile dysfunction, with foods such as blueberries and citrus fruits showing particular promise. Increasing your fruit intake can help reduce your risk by up to 14%, while switching towards consuming a more Mediterranean-style diet could both help prevent erectile dysfunction whilst boosting other areas of your sex life.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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How to Make Any Man Better in Bed

We got real women to share their strategies for turning so-so lovers around. He can rock your world. All he needs are these hints!

By Julie Klam

Everyone’s been there: You meet a guy, you’re totally into him, things go well and later (a month, a week, an hour) you find yourself in bed with him. The music’s right, but something’s wrong. Very wrong. His technique is, let’s just say, lacking, and as he’s doing that annoying thing with his tongue/hand/leg, you think, *How did he get this far knowing so little? Why didn’t anyone tell him how bad that feels? I wonder if I can wear my new Club Monaco skirt with a white shirt and boots?It’s never a good sign when your mind has left the bed and gone into the closet. But what’s a girl to do? Well, you can throw him back into the dating pool, you can suffer quietly, or you can take the bull by the tongue/hand/leg/etc. and teach him a thing or two. Let’s get something straight: Making a guy better in bed is actually about making sex better for you. Everyone wins! Of course, some women are better at asking for what they want than others. When I first started inquiring among my virtually Victorian circle about how to go about this, my friend Patty said, “I feel funny giving directions; it’s like telling the cab driver what route to take…and I’m not really sure how to get there anyway.” Fortunately there are bolder, more assertive women out there—women who don’t plan their outfits during sex—and they were willing to tell me exactly how they got their men to be much, much better in bed. Here, their advice on how to make over…

…the speed demon

You know those movies where the young couple is having sex for the first time and it’s pretty much the guy lifting the girl’s skirt, neither of them looking at each other, and then he sticks his thing in and…it’s over? Well, that happens in real life, too. I once practically had a guy tell me he was done while I was unlocking my front door for us to go into my apartment. I guess the anticipation was more than he could manage. Sherrie, 36, found that she was getting a little further than that with her guy, but not by a whole lot. “Sex was lasting five minutes, sometimes less,” she says. “He was embarrassed and we were both getting frustrated.” Then one day they stumbled upon a solution: “I was dancing around the bedroom in my underwear and he started to get turned on. I told him to go ahead and finish by himself.” This was a win-win for the now satisfied couple: “While he waited to get geared up for another go, he focused on me for some serious foreplay. By the time we got to round two, he was ready to go the distance.”

The flip side of this coin can be just as troubling. Anytime I hear about Sting’s tantric stamina, I think, Poor Trudie Styler! Frankly, I’m surprised she doesn’t walk like John Wayne. Allana, 25, was dating someone who took forever to finish. “I didn’t want to hurt his feelings, considering most guys think of stamina as a good thing, so I just told him how wonderful it would be if we could finish together. Then I coached him: Just as I was about to come I’d whisper, Can you finish with me, baby?’ Guess what? My narration was apparently exciting enough for him that more than half of the time, our trains pulled into the station at the same time!” All aboard!

…the bad kisser

Many of the women I interviewed saw this flaw as a complete deal breaker. They believe it’s not something you can teach or get past. Then I used this scenario: If you’re dating Leo DiCaprio and he starts slobbering all over your face, you’re going to say forget it? Take your movie-star ass outta my sight? I don’t think so. I think you’d work with him—and you should. Eleanor, 39, gets that: “I was recently dating a guy who could not kiss. I love to kiss, so it was a huge turnoff.” The first few dates she avoided any lip action, but as they started to spend more time together, she couldn’t ignore it. “I began to give him what I call secret lessons,'” she says. “I would kiss him a certain way and then whisper in his ear in a really sexy and sensual tone, Kiss me like this.’ It was sort of like follow-the-leader. And it worked! He began to automatically do it exactly the way I like.”

My friend Janet, 27, said she dated a guy who kissed “very drooly, like a teething baby.” (I’m dry-heaving now.) The way she dealt with it wasn’t so secret: Very obviously, in the midst of a make-out session, she got a towel and wiped her mouth. “He said, Too wet?’ and I said, Yes.’ It worked. If it hadn’t, I was going to come back with a mop.”

…the too-dirty talker

Back in my dating-a-million-guys period—postcollege, pre-having to get up in the morning—I was seeing a guy who did the dirty-talk thing, and I loathed it. But it wasn’t his potty mouth that bothered me, it was the things he asked me to say. Once he wanted me to tell him to you-know-what me and I said, “Are you nuts? I’d never say that!” If anything I’d write the scene like this—it’s 1945 and you’ve just returned from Versailles…. I’m wearing a satin nightgown, white. No, dusty rose. No, yellow. Wait. I’m wearing a WAC uniform à la The Andrews Sisters, my hair is like Veronica Lake’s…. By then the guy would either have drifted off to sleep or gone out for a hooker. My friend Alice, 31, had a slightly more useful method with a guy she dated a few years back: “He loved to say dirty stuff while we were making out and he would ask all kinds of ridiculous questions and expect answers.” Her replay of one of their typical conversations:

Him: You know when we were on the ferry last week?

Her: Yeah.

Him: You wanted to f**k me in the bathroom, right?

Her: Um, gross!

Alice would try to play along, but her heart just wasn’t in it. “I talked with my girlfriends endlessly about how to bring it up to him, but I really didn’t want to ruin his fun. Finally one night after a lot to drink I blurted out, Shut up! I don’t want to talk anymore!’ I know it wasn’t the most sensitive way to handle it, but it worked. And it improved our sex life incredibly.” Actually, it improved their sex life enough for Alice to realize that losing the dirty talk didn’t fix the relationship. They broke up but remained friends. She said he now asks his girlfriends if they like dirty talk before imposing it on them. A+, Alice!

…the orally challenged guy

When I was 11, my mom’s sister was getting divorced, and they wanted to see a movie and brought me along. The movie was Coming Home, the emotional story of a Vietnam vet (a young Jon Voight) who falls in love with the wife (a young Jane Fonda) of an officer at war. Voight is paralyzed from the waist down, and after a lot of plot, the two of them end up in bed. All you see is the top of his head going up and down under the covers and she’s saying things like “Softly, slowly.” Totally puzzled, I wondered, What is he eating? When I saw the movie again as an adult, I told my mother she was lucky that child welfare didn’t cart her away. But I also thought, Jeez, Jane’s giving him some pretty serious instructions—good for her. If only the rest of us were so bold!

Felicia, 24, says, “I was once in a relationship with a man who left a lot to be desired when he went down on me. First I let go of the feeling that there shouldn’t’ have been a problem to begin with, that the emotional connection we shared had to automatically translate into perfect-10 sex. Then one night I asked him to show me how he liked to be touched. He was open and frank—and eager to reciprocate. Since we had an open line of communication going, I was comfortable telling him what I liked, and from then on, a whole new dynamic of unbelievably sexy fun became the basis of our physical relationship.” Smart, smart woman.

…the pain inflicter

You know the euphemism “nailing”? Like “Oh, yeah, dude, I nailed her”? Well, some guys seem to take it literally. Catherine, 25, had that jackhammer experience with an otherwise perfect man. “It made me feel like a piece of meat,” she says. Her tutoring technique: “It’s all about mixing the directions in with compliments. You can’t make a guy feel like he’s doing something wrong or he’ll go on the defensive. So you say, Wow, that feels so good when you’re gentle’ and then quickly follow it with a Keep that up.’ It’s all in the way that you approach it.

There are slightly more direct tactics, too. “I dated a guy who didn’t realize how sensitive nipples are,” says Joyce, 31. “Apparently someone had told him that it felt good to chew and suck on them as hard as you can.” (Who told him this? A Rottweiler puppy?) “I didn’t want to say anything, so I simply tried doing it to him. One time I did it the right way and he loved it, the next time I did it his way, and he did not love it. He got the message—and I got to keep my nipples.”

…the UTTERLY clueless guy

I never like to generalize, but many of the smartest guys I’ve dated have been the dumbest at sex. I remember lying in bed with a guy who tried to impress me by naming all the chief justices of the Supreme Court and which president had nominated them. This was by far his greatest bedroom talent. We didn’t last long. Marisol, who’s 43 and involved with a 27-year-old (“I’m a bit of a cougar,” she offers freely), didn’t give up that easily. “He was just so inexperienced, and I wanted him to get better!” she says. Her strategy: phone sex. “It was a great way to verbalize our desires without the awkwardness of being face-to-face. And it allowed me to say exactly what I wanted, so the next time we were together, he delivered.”

Trish, 38, taught her boyfriend what worked and what did not. “I was dating a guy who, in his mind, was an ace in bed. He didn’t have a clue. He actually thought thrusting my head into him while I was going down on him was good…not!” I have to raise my hand here. This is a pretty common move from some guys, and no one likes it. Fortunately Trish had a surefire way to get this guy to keep his hands to himself. “I grabbed a couple of scarves and tied his arms behind his back, blindfolded him and whispered in his ear, I run this show…you just relax and enjoy the ride.’ And he did.”

These tactics may work for you, or they may not. The trick is to try…something. You owe it to yourself. And if you wind up going your separate ways after you’ve molded your man into a brilliant lover, well, chalk it up to making the world a better place—his next girlfriend will thank you.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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10 Ways to Overcome Sexual Insecurity

by Katie Lambert

Few things make us feel more vulnerable than being naked in front of someone else. There’s nothing to distract, nowhere to hide. Everything you are is out in the open for everyone to see, whether they be friends or enemies.

When it comes to sex, there’s often a component of emotional vulnerability as well. For people who are insecure when it comes to their bodies and their relationships, this can make the bedroom a minefield. An innocuous-seeming comment from a partner can result in a psychological detonation and a devastated evening (not to mention a lot of confusion).

If this scenario sounds familiar, it’s time to make peace with yourself. Here are 10 tips to overcoming the internal battle in the bedroom.

10 Walk Around Naked More Often

For some people, sexual insecurity comes from the way they feel about their bodies. If you’re one of them, feeling comfortable in bed with someone else has to start with you feeling comfortable with yourself.

Easier said than done, right?

Start with something concrete: Take it all off. And by “it,” we mean your clothes. Walk around naked. Look at your body in the mirror (not under fluorescent lighting!) through the eyes of someone much more compassionate than you usually are with yourself. Yes, you might have cellulite, or one breast or testicle that’s lower than the other, or weird hair on your back. But so what?

Despite what you may have absorbed through the media, people like different things. Fat, pubic hair, paleness — those all get someone going. You don’t have to have Ryan Reynolds’ abs or Scarlett Johansson’s cleavage to be sexually desirable. If someone is smiling at you in a bedroom and inviting you under the covers, it’s because they want to sleep with you. Just as you are.

No more turning off the light. Remember that confidence is sexy, too.

9 Get in Touch with Yourself

Self-pleasure is normal. Some of us have been doing it since toddlerhood, while others didn’t discover it until much later. While it’s great in and of itself, masturbation also serves another purpose — teaching you what makes you feel good.

Know thyself– in the carnal sense. Some women prefer clitoral stimulation, for example, while others like vaginal or anal penetration, and still others desire some sort of combination. Some men like attention paid to their nipples, scrotum or perineum, while others would like you to put your mouth and hands elsewhere.

If you know what gets you all hot and bothered, you can better guide someone who wants to please you. That’s a win-win.

8 Make a Doctor’s Appointment

Some insecurities can be resolved by talking to a health care professional. If your worries stem from the fact that sex is painful for you, for instance, it might be a medical issue. Someone can talk you through it, give you advice and might be able to fix it.

Lest you worry that your concern is utterly bizarre, rest assured that any health care professional has pretty much heard it all.

If you’ve noticed an unusual discharge or smell, or if you’re having trouble getting erect, having an orgasm or staying lubricated, give your doctor a call. Either it’s something he or she can help you with, or you’ll get the reassurance that everything is just fine.

7 Reprioritize

It isn’t true that all men want sex all the time, or that what all women truly desire is a man or woman who lasts for hours.

A common insecurity is about “performance.” Women worry that they’ll take too long to orgasm, or that they won’t be able to. Men are concerned that they’ll ejaculate too quickly or not get hard enough.

Orgasms are awesome — no one’s denying it. But making that the only focus of a sexual experience is missing a lot of other things. Plus, the pressure of making it the be-all and end-all of your tryst just makes it more nerve-wracking.

Can’t get it up? It happens. If it happens often, you might want to get checked out for any medical issues, but if it happens when you’re nervous, you certainly aren’t the only one. Can’t have an orgasm? Again, not the end of the world. Maybe you aren’t comfortable with the person, or maybe you have other stuff going on in your mind. Maybe you’re both drunk. The point is that there’s more to sex than those few seconds. Make the most of it.

6 Accept That You Like What You Like

Let’s say that what you need to feel fully aroused is dirty talk. You want your sexual partner to tell you, in detail, exactly what he or she fantasizes about doing to your naked body. (Or, hey, your clothed body — whatever works.)

But you don’t want to ask, because you’re afraid that he or she will think it’s weird. And, instead of having an incredibly satisfying experience, you leave wishing for something more.

The heart wants what the heart wants. Same goes for the genitalia. Unless your particular sexual predilections are illegal or dangerous, they’re fine — and we promise that there are other people who share the same longings.

You have a choice: You can try to plant thought beams in your partner’s head about what you want, or you can talk about it and possibly elevate mediocre sex to something fantastic. And who knows — he or she might’ve been hoping the entire time that you’d say it.

5 Get Your Head Straight

Is your goal to be the best at sex? You might want to find a new goal. One, because that award does not exist outside the porn industry, and two, because there is no right or best way to do it — different people like different things.

It’s like a dirty nursery rhyme — some like it fast, some like it slow, some like it hard and some like it not so.

Regardless of what magazines may try to sell you, there is no one trick that will drive him or her wild. Well, there might be, but you’re going to have to find that one out from the one you’re with.

The best sex happens when you lose yourself in the moment. So instead of striving for first place in a competition that’s only in your head, work toward finding someone who makes you tingly.

4 Practice, Practice, Practice!

Before you ever kissed someone, you probably worried that you’d be bad at it. This is why so many people have stories about making out with their own hands.

Not surprisingly, a lot of people have the same worries about sex. Here, we can take a lesson from sports. (No, it’s not about bases.) Practice, practice, practice.

You don’t know much about sex at the beginning. That’s OK. There’s no sex bible. That’s because it’s totally subjective. Good sex is what feels good to you.

If you’ve left the bed feeling let down, try, try again! Figure out what it was that made you disappointed. Never quite gotten the hang of being on top? Experiment the next dozen times you do it. Have no idea what you’re doing when it comes to oral sex? Take the time to explore. Most people appreciate lovers who take their time and think creatively. You’re in no hurry (unless you’re in an elevator). There’s plenty of time to learn and grow.

3 Use Your Mouth — to Talk

Like so many other situations in life, communication is key when it comes to sex. You should be talking about contraception and STDs, of course, but there’s more to it than that.

It’s OK to admit that you’re inexperienced or need cuddling or compliments, or that you’re a little shy. If he or she isn’t the kind of person you feel comfortable talking to, you might want to rethink the whole “exchanging bodily fluids” thing. You don’t have to discuss the time your dog got hit by a car, but you should be able to share with a sexual partner your feelings about sex.

If you’re insecure about your abilities, few people will mind having a willing pupil — some will enjoy it, in fact.

So instead of letting your inner monologue distract you, try putting some of it into words. After that, you might not need too many words at all.

2 Talk to a Therapist

Some sexual insecurities require a little outside help to overcome. Any kind of past sexual trauma or emotional or psychological problem could use some professional expertise.

Therapy is still generally looked at as something you do in response to a traumatic life event, but really, it’s just a tool to help you work through things — even issues that seem small.

Cognitive behavioral therapy is a good option for dealing with sexual insecurities because it focuses on changing the way you think, helping you squelch negative thoughts in favor of a more constructive way of looking at things.

1 Have Fun

Sex is fun. That’s why humans have been doing it for centuries. So if you’re not enjoying yourself, take a step back and investigate why.

If your insecurities are being reinforced by the person you’re with — a partner who criticizes you or makes you feel inadequate — hit the road, Jack. Find someone who makes you feel amazing.

Life is too short to spend it worried about whether your O-face looks weird or how visible your cellulite is from behind. Don’t miss out. Address your insecurities and enter the boudoir excited — pun completely intended.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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Science-Backed Aphrodisiacs

Exactly What To Eat To Ramp Up Your Sex Drive

by Anna Cabeca, D.O.

Suffering from a low sex drive? Try changing up your diet. What you eat can boost your libido, improve your stamina, and enhance your performance in the sheets.

For centuries, various foods have been considered aphrodisiacs. Some gain that reputation simply because they remind us of parts of the anatomy (bananas, avocado, peaches, and the infamous oyster). Spicy foods such as hot peppers cause sweating, increased heart rate, and sensations normally associated with getting it on. By virtue of their procreation status, reproductive foods and organs like fish roe, eggs, and animal genitals were believed to increase sexual desire and potency. Then there are some dishes containing vanilla or licorice that give off pleasing aromas that put us in the mood for sex.

So, maybe the answer to your bedroom woes can be found on your plate.

Foods that make you feel frisky.

Aphrodisiac foods are certainly the stuff of myth, folklore, and legend. But what does science say? As it turns out—a lot! There are several scientifically validated foods and nutrients that can indeed rejuvenate libido:

Throughout history, aphrodisiac traits have been attributed to chocolate. Turns out, there’s solid truth behind this belief. This divine and luscious-tasting food is packed with flavonoids, beneficial plant compounds that, among other benefits, activate nitric oxide (NO) in the body. NO dilates blood vessels, including those in the penis. Translation: firmer erections.

Chocolate also contains a substance called phenylethylamine (PEA), a natural amphetamine manufactured by the brain in response to the feeling of love. And PEA is believed to be responsible for that hormonal rush during sex. No wonder the Aztec ruler Montezuma supposedly swilled 50 cups of chocolate liqueur every day before heading off to his harem!

Indulging in a little chocolate won’t mess up your diet either. If you find yourself craving something sweet, enjoy a piece of dark chocolate, with a content of 75% or more cacao (the seeds of the cocoa plant from which chocolate is made). Incidentally, the cocoa plant is endowed with more health-saving antioxidants than most foods, a 2011 review concluded.

And speaking of PEA, cheese can contain up to 10 times more PEA than chocolate, making it easier to get the mood-boosting effect in a slice or two. Grilled cheese sandwich, anyone? Other foods with good PEA concentration are natto, eggs, and legumes.

Here’s a fruit that looks like female genitalia, and thus, believed by ancient civilizations to stimulate sexual desire—and it actually does. That’s because it is rich in the antioxidant glutathione, required to make sex hormones. This antioxidant also protects every cell, tissue, and organ in your body—and slows down aging. Other foods high in this cell-regenerating nutrient are spinach and the cruciferous family of vegetables (think broccoli, cauliflower, and Brussel sprouts) and mushrooms.

This sweet root vegetable is often called the Peruvian Viagra because in South America it’s commonly used to boost fertility. Grown predominantly in the mountains of central Peru, maca is a member of the cruciferous family that includes broccoli, cauliflower, Brussels sprouts, kale, and cabbage. There is plenty of research on maca, supporting both its libido-enhancing effects, as well as its ability to improve infertility. One study observed that taking maca improved erectile dysfunction; another found that treatment with maca improved sexual desire. Researchers have also found that maca improves semen quality—which leads to better fertility.

Maca powder is easy to incorporate into your daily routine. Enjoy it in smoothies and shakes, with tea, or dissolved in a glass of water.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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Does cannabis affect men’s sexual health?

There’s a lot of information floating around the interwebs on how weed affects your erection. What’s the truth?

Cannabis may not impact sexual health as previously thought.

By Alana Armstrong

Have you ever wondered, somewhere in the back of your mind (minimized to a tiny voice so as to not freak yourself out) whether the weed you smoke affects your erection?

Yeah, we all have. At least those who are equipped to get erections.

And it’s no wonder. The internet is full of anecdotal descriptions of marijuana-triggered erections, something Urban Dictionary contributors call “stoner boner.” To quote the entry, this is “an erection obtained for no reason other than the fact that the obtainee was too damn high.” (Let’s face it. That’s way better than whisky dick.)

And there is maybe even more content out there about how marijuana impedes the boner. So, what’s real?

As far as we can tell, you can rest easy, brother. The facts about weed use and erections are uncertain at best, with one investigation suggesting that frequent cannabis use caused the men in their study to reach orgasm too quickly, too slowly, or not at all.

And then there’s this other study, which suggests that cannabis could be used to treat erectile difficulties in men with high cholesterol.

In short? The jury is still out. If you’re concerned about how marijuana affects your bedroom presence, try out some different strains and consumption methods. It’s certainly more fun that way,  and you can see how each one affects your desire and ability to perform. Bring on the boner!

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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Overcoming intimacy challenges after 50

By Julie Pfitzinger

Confidence: “The quality or state of being certain.” That’s the Merriam-Webster definition, but for many people who are starting to date again after 50, confidence can falter and it can be difficult to be certain about anything.

For those who have lost a spouse or partner to death, divorce or a break-up, a feeling of being vulnerable may begin to settle in, leading to concerns about finding intimacy, as well as about when and how to fully open up to another person.

In the Dating After 50 series on Next Avenue, we’ve covered several topics including online dating and dating etiquette, which have provided tips and suggestions for the “how” on ways to start dating again.

But there’s another kind of how — how to make yourself emotionally, and physically, available to someone new. Taking a risk to share yourself and everything you have to offer at this stage of your life. Accepting and acknowledging what potential partners are offering you. Being confident about what will happen next. And knowing that even though it might not be easy, you are certain that you are genuinely ready to find fulfillment and happiness with another person.

Are You Ready to Move On?

Experts like Lisa Copeland, an author, speaker and dating coach in her fifties, say the first step to tackling that feeling of vulnerability and to start building confidence is to properly grieve the end of a marriage or relationship, whether through a break-up, divorce or death, before you even think about moving on.

For those who have divorced, Copeland says the best way to tell if you are truly ready to date is to gauge if “you’re feeling fairly neutral about your former partner.” She notes, “If you don’t feel that way yet, you are going to bring that [experience] right into the new relationship.”

The situation is different for widows or widowers. “If they had a good marriage, they are wanting to repeat the same relationship with a different person,” Copeland says. The lost spouse is also often brought into a new relationship, but that person frequently becomes “like a saint,” she says, which can be counterproductive to establishing an authentic connection with another person.

Before opening yourself up to dating, start by building a new social circle. The first step, says Copeland, is “to get out of the house.”

“Make friends. Take classes. Get involved with activities. When you are involved in doing things you love, you will light up,” she explains.

Taking that first step to put yourself out there can be uncomfortable. Copeland is a big fan of Meetups, which she says are “an amazing way to connect with others.” In her view, going into a Meetup gathering with a mindset of simply making new friends is best.

“If you meet someone, that’s just a bonus,” she says.

Different Ideas About Sex

Fast forward a bit: You’ve met someone, the two of you have found common ground and the relationship is progressing well. But what comes next could produce the biggest crisis of confidence you’ve had, well, in years: the thought of a sexual relationship.

“People often approach sex with very different ideas,” says writer and speaker Walker Thornton, who is in her 60s and the author of Inviting Desire: A Guide for Women Who Want to Enhance Their Sex Life. “The basic question most everyone starts with is: ‘Am I going to get naked with this person? And then what do I do?’”

The first roadblock is often body image, which Thornton says is typically more of an issue for women than men, although men are definitely not immune to concerns.

“Women are more concerned about sags and folds,” she says. “But men are worried about getting an erection or about satisfying a woman.”

When it comes to sex, Thornton encourages women “to share the valuable information” they have about what they like and don’t like with a partner.

“What we desired at thirty is different from what we desire at fifty,” she says, adding that she understands that for many women, the conversation about likes and dislikes is uncomfortable.

“But if you can’t even ask [a partner] about sex, how are you going to do it?” Thornton wonders.

The Myth of STDs and STIs

One particular conversation that is vitally important is around the topic of STDs and STIs, explains Thornton, and it really is non-negotiable.

“Here’s the simplest way to couch that conversation: I care about your health, so I will be tested. If you care about my health, I ask you to do the same,” she says. “Offer to send him or her a copy of your test results and ask them to send theirs in return.”

The conversation shouldn’t stop there. Thornton goes on to say that if a partner is unwilling to use a condom, for example, “they aren’t showing you that they respect your health and well-being.” If that is the case, Thornton says, “be prepared to say ‘No’ to sex, and say that this refusal makes you question their commitment to being in a relationship.”

It’s a myth that older adults don’t get STDs or STIs such as syphilis and gonorrhea; condoms can protect from genital herpes, which while not life-threatening, can be very uncomfortable and more so for women than men, says Thornton.

Make a List of What You Need

Other health issues may also come into play in sexual relationships between older adults. “Sometimes, you have to broaden your definition of sex,” says Thornton. “Focusing on pleasure, in ways inclusive of orgasm or not.”

Chronic illness can be an issue, as can cancer treatment, which often results in hormonal changes; other challenges may include fatigue or muscle/movement problems. “That can lead to a discussion about a time of day that’s better for sex, or accommodations that are needed for a bed,” explains Thornton. “Again, the best way to address all of these issues is through conversation.”

Thornton, who most frequently speaks to groups of women, often suggests making a list of just what you are looking for when it comes to a sexual relationship in midlife and beyond.

“If you have sex with someone, do you anticipate that this will be an exclusive relationship? Or if your partner decides he or she doesn’t want a sexual relationship, is that okay? Maybe it is,” says Thornton. “For you, is sex merely a goal or a natural progression of becoming intimate with another person?”

‘You Have More Freedom’

Copeland, who has been divorced twice and is now in a relationship, says there is often healing to be done before people are ready to fully open themselves up to a new person. Still, she adds, it’s vital “to know your value and know that you are worthy of someone.”

“One thing that’s often overlooked when it comes to dating after fifty is that you have more choices. You have more freedom than you did when you were younger,” she says. “You can have companions or lovers, or be in a committed relationship.”

However, Thornton — also divorced and in a relationship — understands how some might not perceive this place in life as a place of freedom.

“If we think our time is limited, we can feel more vulnerable,” she says. “But it’s really all about going into dating with an open attitude. Be willing to take the risk.”

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The biggest reason older women have less (enjoyable) sex

Just 22.5% of women over 50 surveyed were sexually active

by

Women are more likely than men to be affected by age-related sex issues — challenges like hot flashes, night sweats, and vaginal dryness.

Now, a new study by the North American Menopause Society reveals a major reason for women having less sex as they age: the lack of a partner, most often because of widowhood.

In fact, just 22.5% of postmenopausal women surveyed were sexually active. And of the 65% who did have significant others, just over 34% were sexually active in the past 30 days.

The study looked at roughly 4,500 women in the United Kingdom who were enrolled in a trial for ovarian cancer screening. As the trial continued, the women reported having less sex and that it was less enjoyable over time.

Only 3% of participants described positive sexual experiences, whereas only 6% sought medical help for sexual problems, despite the availability of effective therapies, ScienceDaily.com reports.

Most studies look at the physical reasons for a decline in satisfactory sex during and after menopause (usually captured from a checklist of complaints). This one instead examined free-text data to try to understand why women feel the way they do about sex.

“Sexual health challenges are common in women as they age, and partner factors play a prominent role in women’s sexual activity and satisfaction, including the lack of a partner, sexual dysfunction of a partner, poor physical health of a partner, and relationship issues,” NAMS medical director Dr. Stephanie Faubion wrote.

And there are a variety of psychosocial factors that come into play, too: body-image concerns; self-confidence; and perceived desirability, stress, mood changes, and relationship issues. The study also cited how their partner’s physical condition, as well as their own health, played a major role.

The bottom line: Having an intimate partner with whom you share good physical health are key to sexual activity and satisfaction.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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A sexual wellness app for women could be a game changer

by Miriam Habtesellasie

Recent research has revealed that far from letting their sex lives wane over 50s are continuing to carve out some dedicated time between the sheets each week.

But making the leap from an active sex life, to one that actually satisfies, can be easier said than done; and this is where a new sexual wellness app for women comes in.

Launched on the Apple Store and Google Play late last month, Emjoy, founded by Andrea Oliver Garcia and Daniel Tamas in 2018, is an app offering up more than 80 audio sessions covering topics including how to boost libido, developing self-knowledge, increasing pleasure and improving sexual communication.

Experts in the fields of psychology, sex therapy, education and mindfulness also impart their wisdom on all aspects of sex.

Revealing the inspiration behind the app, Andrea said, “I have always considered myself a feminist and as I grew up, I realised that many girlfriends of mine lived their sexuality with shame and knew very little about themselves – some even doubting if they had or hadn’t experienced an orgasm.

“Then I came across several studies such as the pleasure gap and sexual wellbeing reports showing that cisgendered heterosexual women consistently experience less pleasure than their male counterparts. Shockingly, data from several studies show that over 40 per cent of women struggle to attain an orgasm and that 30 per cent of women worldwide experience libido issues.”

Continuing she added, “As I was researching and talking to sex therapists and industry experts, I noticed the internet was crowded with inconsistent and untrustworthy information.

“That’s when I decided to stop backing amazing entrepreneurs to become one myself in order to help women enhance their sexual wellbeing with Emjoy.”

With an average 4-star rating on Google Play and an average 5-star rating on the Apple Store, here’s what those who’ve already downloaded it had to say:

‘Finally an app addressing this subject the proper way. Already addicted to all the great quality content (keep it up!).’

‘I’m delighted there is an app that breaks all taboos about women’s sexuality. It was time for something like this to exist! Thank you :)’

‘Can’t wait to…get home from work and continue “my journey”.’

‘I’ve used this app for a couple of months and its really made a difference! The quality of the content is great. It’s made me feel much more comfortable in my relationship, communicating what I want to my partner and helping me get out of my mind.

‘It’s also done in such a classy/easy way – I never feel akward [sic] or embarrassed when I listen to these sessions, it’s very natural and easy to relate to. Honestly, it’s about time someone created this type of product!!’

Would you try it out?

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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Bed Death Is Real.

Here’s How to Keep It from Turning into a Sexless Marriage

by PureWow

If you and your S.O. haven’t done the deed in six months or longer, you are not alone. In fact, you are trending. If you believe recent headlines, tons of married or long-term couples all over the world are in the midst of a full-blown sex strike. Even Pink is talking about it: “…you’ll go through times when you haven’t had sex in a year,” the singer and mom of two recently said of her 13-year marriage to Carey Hart. “Is this bed death? Is this the end of it? Do I want him? Does he want me? Monogamy is work! But you do the work and it’s good again

According to the New York Post, “’Dead bedrooms,’ the buzzy new term for when couples in long-term relationships stop having sex, are on a zombie-apocalypse-like rise.” It cites a study that shows 69 percent of couples are intimate 8 times a year or less; 17 percent of those surveyed hadn’t had sex in a year or more. This is on the heels of research out of the University of Chicago demonstrating that between the late 1990s and 2014, sex for all adults dropped from 62 to 54 times a year on average. And, per Time, “The highest drop in sexual frequency has been among married people with higher levels of education.”

In her cover story on The Sex Recession, The Atlantic’s Kate Julian reports on the many possible causes behind this unsexy ebb: “hookup culture, crushing economic pressures, surging anxiety rates, psychological frailty, widespread antidepressant use, streaming television, environmental estrogens leaked by plastics, dropping testosterone levels, digital porn, the vibrator’s golden age…helicopter parents, careerism, smartphones, the news cycle, information overload generally, sleep deprivation, obesity. Name a modern blight, and someone, somewhere, is ready to blame it for messing with the modern libido.”

Chances are you and/or your spouse are impacted by one (if not several) of the above. So what can you do to break a dry spell? Read on for expert tips.

1. Focus on each other as well as the kids

We could tell you to start putting each other first. But chances are it’s not gonna happen. Parents with children between the ages of 6 and 17 are having less sex than even those with younger children, according to research. Blame co-sleeping, snowplow parenting or “generalized family anxiety” caused by everything from travel soccer to SAT prep. More than past generations, parents are putting kids front and center, and their sex lives are taking a hit. Here’s advice from psychologist and author Dr. Debra Campbell: “Dispense with a ‘one-size-fits-all’ attitude to sex because passion and excitement thrive most on creativity and a bit of novelty. That means, don’t limit yourselves by thinking about sex as purely intercourse, as only happening at a particular time of day or night, or requiring certain circumstances— especially now circumstances have changed.” A weekly date night might not be feasible, but making out in the car after a parent-teacher conference could be. Hug occasionally. Say thank you. Kiss hello and goodbye. As relationship guru Dr. John Gottman says, good marriages thrive on “small things often” as opposed to the single, annual, grand romantic gesture.

2. Check your meds

This one’s complicated. Depression and anxiety inhibit sexual desire. But often, so do the essential antidepressants and birth control pills we take to mitigate both. However, depending on multiple personal factors, from physiology to psychology, you may find that a lower dose or a certain type of birth control impacts your sexual desire differently. You may have a better response to an IUD than to an oral contraceptive, for example. Definitely talk to your doctor. And (here’s an idea) bring your spouse in on the conversation.

3. Banish tech from your bedroom

For many long-term couples, Netflix and Chill evolves into Netflix and Pass Out. We’ve done deep dives into how phubbing can be toxic for romantic relationships. And research shows that sleep deprivation (whether it’s caused by parenthood, work worry or tech use) reduces sexual desire. More sleep = more and better sex. And it turns out all that late-night Instagram scrolling may be eating away at your self-esteem and your sex life as well as your sleep. “A large and growing body of research reports that for both men and women, social-media use is correlated with body dissatisfaction,” writes Julian in her Atlantic story. Feeling hot is key to arousal. Is watching a 26-year-old travel Influencer jog down the beach in Phuket going to help? “A review of 57 studies examining the relationship between women’s body image and sexual behavior suggests that positive body image is linked to having better sex. Conversely, not feeling comfortable in your own skin complicates sex.” Anything healthy and positive you can do for your body—and the less time you spend comparing it to anyone online in a bikini—will probably improve your sex life.

4. Stop counting

When it comes to sex, it’s quality over quantity. How often you do it matters less than how happy you are with your sex life, according to relationship therapist, author and sex researcher Dr. Sarah Hunter Murray. The average married couple has sex once a week or less, and those who do are just as happy—and perhaps happier—than those having it two to three times a week, per research in the journal Social Psychological and Personality Science. “The frequency with which we have sex receives a lot of attention because it’s the easiest way to measure and compare our sex lives to our peers,” writes Hunter Murray. “But having lots of bad sex isn’t going to make anyone happy nor is it going to leave you feeling satisfied.” She advises looking at the reasons why you’re not having sex and doing what you can to work on those together. Is it because you approach money differently? He’s critical of your parenting style? Your careers are in different stages? You resent the division of household labor or carry more than your share of the mental load? What can you do to communicate about or change your circumstances? “If we are fighting or falling out of love with our partner, not having sex could be a symptom of a much larger problem,” writes Hunter Murray. “However, if we are simply busy, sick, navigating parenthood, or identify as asexual (and the list goes on) then it may be more circumstantial and nothing to panic over.” The bottom line? Less frequent good sex is better than bi-weekly sex that leaves you cold or not feeling any closer.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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Too Stressed Out To Have Sex?

Do These 3 Things

By Myisha Battle

Anticipation is part of the reason why sex is so hot at the beginning of relationships

Inevitably, having sex becomes a part of most romantic relationships but, sometimes, there is a hindrance that couples can’t always stop from happening: stress.

A new client recently began our session with “I’m just not that into sex anymore. It’s not that I don’t think about it, I just don’t have the same kind of drive for sex that I used to have.”

Lack of interest in sexual intercourse is one of the most common concerns I see as a sex coach. It affects all kinds of people of all relationship statuses, but its roots can be found in similar areas.

Single men and women come to me explaining that they don’t think about themselves sexually and they feel out of touch with their own sexual energy.

Couples tend to come to me after dating for some time and feel that the sex they have now isn’t as fulfilling as the sex they had at the beginning of their relationship.

But, why are they feeling less into sex?

  • Stressed out singles

Today, the average person is busier and more consumed by distraction than ever before. Most of us work long hours, maintain busy social calendars and have numerous commitments to family and friends.

To stay on top of everything, the average person checks their cell phone approximately 80 times a day. Why should this matter when it comes to our desire for sex? Because we don’t have an endless supply of energy.

If the energy we do have is used to accomplish things outside of ourselves all the time, it can’t be used to connect to our deepest needs if it’s been depleted.

In my experience, this is the number one reason why people can go weeks or months without even checking in with themselves about their sexual needs.

On top of energy depletion, we are also tapped into what feels like an endless supply of potential sexual partners through online dating sites and apps.

Dating can be another stressor when you’re single. It can be fun, for sure! But there’s a lot that goes into finding a match, sparking up a conversation, and moving that conversation into real life.

Some single folks are so burned out by the process that online interactions are all these relationships end up being, which is fine if you’re a digisexual, but most of us are looking for in-person sexual experiences.

  • Long-term loving couples

Some married couples or couples in a relationship are concerned that they’re not having enough sex. This might be a legitimate issue if they’ve seen a dramatic drop in frequency or quality — or the concern may be rooted in the myth that the sex you have at the beginning of a relationship will continue to be the sex you have for the duration of your relationship.

In general, there is a natural bend towards less frequent and less explosive sex as a relationship develops over time. On average, most long-term couples have sex about once a week. Knowing these two facts can sometimes alleviate any concerns the couple might be having.

Couples are not immune to stress as individuals or as a unit, so some of the stressors mentioned previously for single people apply to couples as well.

Couples also have sources of unique stressors including but not limited to shared household and financial responsibilities, childcare, managing in-law relationships, finding time for individual pursuits and making sure that the overall health of the relationship is good. This is a lot of unsexy stuff that’s all part of a loving relationship.

If any of the above sounds familiar, then there are ways to help you tap back into your sexual connection with yourself and your partners.

Ask yourself, “What kind of sex life do I want?”

Answering this question is a worthwhile activity for anyone regardless of their relationship status.

Being single might mean that your sexual life is deprioritized because of your busy life, but it’s a good idea to take a few minutes to think about what kind of sex and sensual experiences you would like to have as part of your life. This can give you some clarity about what to work towards.

If you are partnered, do this activity separately and then share your results. There may be some things on your partner’s list that will surprise you and will even make your marriage better than ever!

So if stress has made you less interested in sex, here are 3 ways to fix that.

1. Respect your need for pleasure

Many clients tell me that they think about sex regularly, but that they don’t allow themselves to engage in fantasies.

Your body has natural sexual rhythms, and it will communicate to you what it wants. Your job is to listen to it. Of course, you do not have to indulge in every fantasy that pops into your brain, but take note of when you’re having fantasies and rather than pushing those thoughts away allow yourself to entertain them a little longer.

No one is going to know and you’ll benefit from maintaining your connection to your body’s need for sexual pleasure.

2. Find pleasure in everyday activities

When we’re stressed out and living in our head, we forget to use all of our senses, which are crucial for tapping into our sexuality. That’s why I encourage my clients to develop mindfulness as they move through the world.

This can start with the simple act of invoking all of your senses while enjoying your cup of coffee or tea first thing in the morning. Create time to hear the sound of the boiling water or coffee pot brewing, take in the sight of the liquid being poured into your cup, smell the aroma, feel the heat of the mug in your hand and notice the taste.

This is a classic mindfulness practice that can set the tone for your day and get you rooted in your body.

3. Put sex on the calendar

This may sound cheesy, but for some couples, putting sex on the calendar is a great tactic to build back that anticipation for sex that was there at the beginning of courtship.

Think about it this way: when you were dating you set up a time in the future to meet and you had all this time before the date to fantasize about how the night would go.

That anticipation is part of the reason why sex is so hot at the beginning of relationships, so building it back in is such a game-changer when couples need to recharge their sex life.

Single folks or individuals within a couple can benefit from calendaring in solo sex as well. I often recommend that busy folks put masturbation on their calendars. Think of it as part of your wellness routine or self-care.

A regular masturbation practice can help you maintain a healthy amount of sexual desire while also reducing stress. For these reasons, your sexual connection to yourself deserves a place on your calendar.

If you feel that you could use some help putting practices in place to re-connect to your sexual self, consider working with a sex and dating coach like myself.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!