Category: ENRICHMENT

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Scheduling sex can help partners struggling to get intimate.

— If that’s stifling, try setting erotic time zones instead.

By Serafina Kenny

  • Some people don’t want to have sex as much as, or at the same times as, their partner.
  • Sexologist Shamyra Howard said “erotic time zones” have helped her clients.
  • Erotic time zones are times in the day when you’re more likely to initiate or say yes to sex.

Couples therapists often recommend partners schedule sex when they’re struggling to get it on, but sexologist Shamrya Howard said setting “erotic time zones” can be less restrictive and keep a bit of spontaneity alive.

An erotic time zone is a period of time when you are most likely to feel desire or want sex, according to Howard, a licensed clinical social worker and AASECT-certified sex therapist. They can be useful when partners don’t want sex at the same time, whether that’s because of work schedules or hormone cycles.

For example, if one person wants to have sex at 5pm, their partner might reject them if they tend to be more ready for sex at 11pm — so, telling each other when you are most likely to say yes to sex can help both parties know when’s a good time to initiate.

Plus, Howard said, knowing when your partner’s ETZ is gives you both a chance to flirt with each other “to keep each other warm, until it’s time to heat each other all the way up.” The more you flirt, the more aroused you’ll be, which makes sex better — especially if you have a clitoris, Howard said, because it increases blood flow to the genitals, making orgasm more likely.

Howard told Insider the best ways to establish erotic time zones, and how they can help to lubricate things in the bedroom.

Erotic time zones can help couples experiencing a ‘desire discrepancy’

A “desire discrepancy” is where partners seem to want different amounts of sex or at different times, meaning they have less sex than one or both of them wants, Howard said.

Problems can worsen when one partner tries to initiate sex but gets turned down, leading to feelings of rejection, which could make them less likely to try in future.

By increasing the likelihood of sex, Howard said, erotic time zones can help initiating partners feel less rejected, because they know when they’re more likely to get an enthusiastic yes.

The best way to set up an erotic time zone is to just talk about it

“Most couples don’t talk about sex enough,” Howard said, so she encourages clients to “use their mouths” (not in that way — just yet).

“Everyone has a different sexual recipe for their relationships — certain things that turn you on, the things you do in bed, ways you like to have sex together,” she said. She encourages her clients to talk about this “recipe” as often as possible, and to include an erotic time zone in that chat.

She said the best way to maintain an erotic time zone is to talk as often as you can, because the times you will want to have sex will change, often based on things going on in your life, your mood and stress levels, and your health.

For example, if your ETZ is normally 9 a.m. but you know you have early meetings at work one week, you might tell your partner that it’s best to back off before breakfast for a while.

An erotic time zone doesn’t mean automatic consent

Of course, Howard said, just because someone has indicated that they are more likely to want sex during their erotic time zone, it doesn’t mean that they will always want sex at that time, so initiators still need to look for enthusiastic consent even during an ETZ.

“An ETZ does not mean you are obligated to have sex or that you should expect sex. It is just a way to manage a desire discrepancy in your relationship, not to automatically guarantee sex at a certain time.

“You still need to ask your partner if they are in the right space for sex, and what type of sex too,” she said. Couples might have multiple different erotic time zones for when they are more likely to want to practice kinks, as well as an ETZ for more vanilla sex.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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Want To Spice Up Your Sex Life?

— Here’s How

By Krati Mehra

Long-term relationships are a beautiful part of our lives, but with the reliability and trust that comes with such intimacy, so too comes predictability. Like any aspect of a relationship, the sexual side of our relationships change with time, and what was once hot and heavy can be reduced almost to a habit or another chore to tick off the list.

As much as we need the security of steady love, we also like to feel attractive—like we’re still alluring enough to excite our partner, even after many years of companionship. More importantly, a healthy and fulfilling sex life is integral to the emotional and physical bonding between partners.

When the sexual aspect of a romantic relationship hits a slump, spicing things up in (or outside) the bedroom can help rekindle that old flame.

Why it’s important to prioritize a fulfilling sex life

Prioritizing a fulfilling sex life is not simply about caring for different relationship aspects; Satisfying sex establishes a synchronicity between two individuals. It guards the shared trust and understanding, ensuring the longevity and resilience of the romantic bond.

Results of a study1 published in the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin indicate that the shared moments of passion, even ones limited to cuddling, kissing, and caressing, create deep feelings of love and affection.

“A healthy and fulfilling sex life helps create a deep emotional connection, nurtures intimacy, and builds a unique bond that is both private and profound,” explains psychology expert and life coach Bayu Prihandito, adding, “Couples who maintain a satisfying sexual relationship exhibit better communication, reduced stress, and a heightened sense of overall well-being.”

Research2 also shows that healthy sexual relationshipd create a safe emotional boundary for sharing desires, preferences, and concerns, leading to open and honest communication—another pillar critical for healthy relationships.

“Pleasure and orgasms release oxytocin, the ‘love’ hormone, which not only bonds us to our partner but also reduces stress,” notes sex and relationship therapist, Leigh Norén. This biochemical process creates a positive feedback loop, enhancing trust in the relationship.

A satisfying sex life can also create a fertile ground for healthy conflict resolution, cementing and safeguarding the shared understanding and trust between the two people.

And, as confirmed by several studies 3, a satisfying sex life also enhances the health and wellbeing of both people. “Regular sexual activity can positively affect physical health, from improved heart health to reduced pain sensitivity,” psychiatrist and professor Ryan Sultan M.D. tells mindbodygreen.

How to tell it’s time to spice things up

Despite the impact that gratifying sex has on both individual wellbeing and the health of a romantic relationship, sometimes even the most loving relationships can fall into a sexual rut.

“It’s when sex becomes a routine rather than an exploration, a task rather than a joy,” remarks Prihandito. And this can happen for a number of reasons—lack of privacy, work or life stress, health issues, or a temporary shift in priorities—but a sexual rut can become an indicator of more significant problems when there is an underlying emotional disconnect or unaddressed conflict between partners.

“Sexual issues become red flags when accompanied by emotional withdrawal, lack of communication, or unresolved conflicts. Sex is often a mirror of the health of the relationship. If the reflection reveals disconnection or discontent, it’s a clear sign of deeper underlying issues that need your attention,” says Prihandito.

According to licensed marriage and family therapist, Veronica Cisneros LMFT, if a couple has always struggled with physical intimacy, or if there are resentment and unresolved conflicts negatively impacting the emotional connection, the bedroom problems may be symptoms of a more significant issue.

“A good way to determine this is if one or both partners are guilty of using criticism, contempt, defensiveness, or stonewalling in times of conflict. These are what the Gottman’s call the 4 Horsemen of the Apocalypse, and they’re Gottman’s predictors of divorce,” she adds.

However, if the relationship is generally healthy, with both partners feeling emotionally connected, it may simply be time to revitalize their intimate moments.

Signs of a sexual rut

A sexual rut happens in most long-term relationships where comfort and familiarity can dull the sexual spark. Signs that it may be time to spice things up:

  • Complete absence of any and all sexual exchange between the partners
  • An increasing disinterest in sexual intimacy from both parties and lengthening intervals between sexual encounters
  • Post-sex, there is a sense of dissatisfaction, whether sexual, emotional, or physical
  • There is a lack of spontaneity. Like any other regularly scheduled chore, it happens on the same day of the week, at the same time, and in the same place, most probably the bedroom
  • Even as you get intimate, there is an emotional distance with little to no eye contact, shared laughter, tender attentiveness, and no lingering post-coital
  • The intimate experiences lack novelty. It’s the same position every time. The progression and pace are uninspired, leading to an encounter that feels almost scripted
  • You’re not fully present during intimacy, with your thoughts straying towards daily chores or future plans
  • You are having erotic fantasies about someone other than your partner
  • A decline in relationship satisfaction accompanied by a noticeable emotional distance
  • Sex happens not out of an active desire, but as an obligation or to keep up the facade of normalcy
  • Frequent reminiscing over past sexual encounters and longing to repeat the experience
  • No open, exciting discussions around sexual desires, fantasies, and needs
  • You feel unattractive and wonder if your partner is still invested in the relationship

How to spice up your sex life

Let’s dive into some creative solutions to spicing up your sex life. To some extent, each method requires stepping away from your comfort zone. However, the strategies are also respectful and suitable for a loving relationship.

1. Open and honest sexual communication

A 2019 study4 from The Journal of Sex Research shares that communication about sexual matters is vital to cultivating and maintaining a healthy sexual dynamic. Often, sexual issues happen because the couple is reluctant to openly express their sexual needs.

Sexual communication involves sharing sexual preferences and boundaries, desired sexual activities, and past sexual experiences. When partners are convinced they can safely talk about sex and related experiences, good or bad, with each other, it positively impacts sexual and relationship satisfaction.

“Make time to talk openly and honestly about your sexual desires, needs, and fantasies. Pay attention to any insecurities or fears you have about communicating. This open dialogue is crucial for understanding what you and your partner need to feel fulfilled in the bedroom,” Cisneros advises.

And as sex and relationship coach, and professor of sexual and relational communication Tara Suwinyattichaiporn Ph.D., notes, sexual communication can also help when age begins to interfere with performance. “Talking openly about desires and when they change can create a better understanding of each other’s sexuality,” she says.

2. Explore different positions

“Just like you add various spices to keep your meals exciting, you need to do the same for your sex life,” says Cisneros. Forget about missionary, experiment with different sexual positions—it will break the monotony and help you escape the sexual rut.

Certain positions can allow for deeper penetration, clitoral and prostate stimulation, and G-spot engagement, leading to heightened pleasure during sex. The more challenging positions will allow you to explore your partner’s body as if for the first time. This heightened physical awareness may also lead to renewed feelings of closeness and intimacy.

As you plan new positions to try, the vibe between you will shift. It will have an element of anticipation, excitement, and playfulness. It will go from routine to thrilling

3. Dive into the world of BDSM

To really shake things up and add new, intriguing layers to your relationship, try BDSM. Contrary to popular belief, research shows that those who enjoy BDSM are socially well-adjusted. BDSM also has a positive impact on relationship satisfaction.

It is an exciting way for partners to explore their limits and boundaries, venture into new sensual territories, and experience a level of physical and psychological stimulation that’s very different from what you get from traditional sexual activities.

Due to its nature, to indulge in BDSM, couples have to trust each other and communicate actively. There is an intentional vulnerability to BDSM, deepening the emotional connection between the partners. As you explore new fantasies, scenarios, and avenues of sexual expression, the romantic bond between the two people comes alive with excitement and a pulsing anticipation that can completely reinvigorate the relationship.

4. Try a new location

You can switch things up by having sex in a location other than the bedroom. For your next intimate encounter, consider booking a hotel room. You could also have sex in your car or in different places in your house.

For an added thrill, you can try sex in a public place. As long as you’re safe and not at any risk of getting arrested, the element of danger can make things very exciting.

5. Restart your relationship

Act as if you are once again courting your partner. Rekindle the sexual spark by returning to a time in your relationship when each day was about some new, exciting discovery. There was flirting, teasing, and the thrill of anticipation.

“At the beginning of a relationship, we passionately and intensely pursue our partners to attract them,” couples therapist Kimberlin Shepard, LMSW tells mindbodygreen. “If you once wore lingerie all the time, dig it back out! Plan date nights. Get all dolled up, go out to drinks, dinner, or a movie, and then come home and have steamy, hot sex,” she adds.

Engage in playful banter and give lavish compliments. Remind your partner that to you, there is no one more attractive. Rebuild comfort by showing physical affection and indulging in non-sexual touch.

6. Watch erotic movies together

“Taking inspiration from pornography or erotica can be a great way to spice things up,” says Norén. As you sit through an erotic movie, you will feel yourselves getting aroused, and as the film progresses, the sexual tension will escalate. When you turn off the TV, the tension will be released in an explosive, passionate, and fiery union.

7. Use sex toys

Studies indicate that using vibrators can enhance sexual satisfaction for both partners. For men, vibrators can also boost sexual performance, while for women, they make it easier to orgasm.

There are a variety of other sex toys available on the market that can enhance sexual experiences. The toys can be part of BDSM practices or role-playing scenarios. Apart from fun and excitement, planning the use of sex toys also leads to more focused sexual communication.

8.Try a sensual massage

Sensual massage can be a powerful tool to reconnect with your partner physically and, once again, explore their body with intent and focus. The stroking touch not only soothes but also stimulates.

Soft music in the background, sweet-smelling incense, dim lighting, and no interruptions can combine to create a sanctuary free from all stress and distraction, and suddenly, your world narrows to your partner and the pleasure you can share. As you massage your partner, it reminds you of how much you’ve always enjoyed caring for them, and you will be mentally relieving fond memories.

9. Play sex-related games

Bring fun back to your relationship through games focused on sex.

As you try to reestablish your sexual connection, begin with moments of friendship and shared laughter. It will remove all the stress and maybe even inhibitions if you’re playing strip poker or sexual truth and dare. You can also try couple’s cards, board, and dice games easily available on the market.

“Create small challenges or dares for each other to make it exciting. Ask your partner to identify things you are currently doing that drive them crazy in the bedroom. Ask them what feels good and what they want more of,” Cisneros advises.

10. Wear lingerie

A visual and tactical stimulant, lingerie can reignite passion in a relationship. It creates anticipation as it teases and tantalizes your partner.

Wearing lingerie can make you feel confident and alluring, making it easier to be bold and not only ask for what you want sexually but also deliver on your partner’s expectations. It is more than just a piece of clothing; It’s symbolic of your commitment to making things better and an invitation to a deeper sexual connection.

11. Practice spiritual sex

A way to completely step away from your usual practice is by combining sex with spirituality. It will enhance emotional and sexual closeness and elevate your connection to something sacred that demands respect and careful nourishment.

You can practice spiritual sex by cleansing the sexual environment. Begin by removing all clutter so energy flows freely, light incense to create positivity, use light colors for the bedding and, if possible, also for the walls and the decor. Let the natural elements, like sunlight and fresh air, enter the space.

Initiate intimacy by anointing each other’s bodies with oil. Make sacred vows and renew your commitment to each other. Indulge in mindful lovemaking with steady eye contact. Move at a slow, gentle pace. Touch each other with reverence. Together, these steps will add more emotional depth to the sexual exchange, forging an emotional bond that goes beyond the physical act of love.

12. Merge creativity and adventure with sex

Infuse elements of spontaneity, adventure, and novelty in your sexual moments.

Engaging in activities that raise adrenaline levels, like bungee jumping, roller coaster rides, or even workout challenges, can mimic the physiological arousal of sexual excitement, and when you experience them together, they increase the sexual attraction between a couple. Sex that follows such events is usually more heated and exciting.

Similarly, you can break the mold of predictability and routine through creative activities like sex paintings and by drawing temporary tattoos on each other’s bodies.

13. Try the sexual thrill of role-play

We all have characters we love and wish to emulate, which can be the key to adding some adventure and excitement to your sex life. As part of role play, we can assume a persona that either excites us or our partner, create exciting scenarios, and meet up with our significant other as if for the first time. When you shed your actual identity, you also leave behind your inhibitions and the stress that is so much a part of your daily life. Pretending to be someone else creates a sense of safety, allowing you to enact fantasies you’ve never shared with your partner.

This form of imaginative engagement helps partners see each other in a new light, discovering aspects of one another’s character that adds new dimensions to their sexual attraction. The thrill of being someone else adds to the sexual tension, making intimacy more charged and exhilarating.

14. Experiment with temperature play

Temperature play is an erotic practice that uses heat or cold to stimulate the body. It is a form of sensory play that introduces a variety of new physical sensations to sex. You can use heated oils, ice cubes, and massage candles. Specially designed toys are also available; these toys can be chilled or heated.

Switching from cold to hot can surprise the partner and stimulate nerves, increasing sensitivity. Such sexual play requires mutual trust, communication, and an open mind. These create a sense of shared adventure and exploration by leading the couple away from their comfort zones.

15. Combine food and sex

As part of foreplay, enhance the sensory experience by using edible items. Your items’ different tastes, textures, and aromas can stimulate the senses and add a layer of excitement and freshness to a sexual experience.

During the act, you can feed each other and experiment with temperature using chilled fruits or warm chocolate. You can also use edible underwear or paint. Such erotic practices encourage partners to be fully present as they engage with their partners and create some exciting new memories.

16. Create a sexual wish list

Create a list of sexual things, fantasies, kinks and experiences you want to explore. It can be anything from trying a new position, location, or toy to something more adventurous like role-playing, temperature play, or joining a nude retreat. The act of discussing and creating the list can be pretty arousing. It will improve communication and shift each partner’s perception of their relationship and each other. It will also introduce new and exciting possibilities for their future together.

On a more practical level, a sexual bucket list can serve as a roadmap that will create momentum and keep you going on this journey to a better sex life.

17. Try sensory deprivation

In sensory deprivation sex, by restricting one or more senses, you amplify the pleasure received from the senses that remain active. For instance, if you blindfold your partner and deprive them of visual stimulation, they’ll fully tune into their environment and what they can feel happening to and around their body. Every touch will be unexpected, heightening the thrill and anticipation. They will feel each whisper, kiss, lick, and stroke more intensely. While they’re blindfolded, you can also use objects like oils, feathers, or toys like vibrators to stimulate your partner. It will keep them on tenterhooks, trying to guess what will follow.

“It’s a journey of rediscovery, where vulnerability meets creativity, and intimacy is reimagined,” says Prihandito.

Through sensory deprivation, you can ensure your partner’s attention remains centered on you. Use tools like blindfolds, headphones, and restraints to limit your partner’s sight, sound, or movement, adding excitement to the encounter and fostering a deeper trust between partners.

18. Indulge in extended foreplay

Foreplay involves exploring your partner, expressing your desire for them, and building sexual tension, all adding more nuance to intimate moments. It is all about affectionate exchanges, sharing desires and fantasies, making out, and going only so far and no more. It prepares the body and mind and sets an emotional stage for a deeper sexual connection. This lazy exploration helps in understanding what excites and pleases each partner.

“Remember, not all forms of physical intimacy lead to sex, but they can create an atmosphere of sensuality. Cuddle, hold hands and exchange massages. This physical closeness can create a natural segue into sexual intimacy,” Cisneros tells mindbodygreen.

Extended foreplay can go on for days, whipping the partners into a sexual frenzy. It can include sexting, teasing with seductive lingerie, ‘accidental’ touches that are anything but, raunchy messages, and dirty talk. The couple can also indulge in erotic games. This prolonged phase of intimate interaction makes partners more receptive and responsive during the act. It allows you to savor each moment and revel in the undercurrent of attraction and arousal.

19. Establish a deeper emotional connection

“Strengthening emotional intimacy can enhance the connection in the bedroom,” says Sultan.

Repair your sexual relationship by rekindling your emotional bond. Make yourself vulnerable. Allow your partner to see into your heart by openly and honestly sharing your feelings, hopes, and dreams for their future as a couple. Invite them to speak their mind and share their feelings. Listen attentively and with curiosity. Ask open-ended questions to draw them out.

Show them appreciation for the love and laughter they have brought into your life. “Regularly expressing gratitude can create a positive emotional environment, which can be incredibly freeing sexually,” shares Cisneros.

You can even revisit your old haunts and recreate moments of emotional significance to your partner. Emotional closeness will allow for a more relaxed and intimate exploration of each other’s bodies and desires, leading to a more satisfying and adventurous sex life.

20. Work with a professional

If none of the strategies proves helpful or seems to not be to your taste or violate any of your boundaries, it is best to work with a sex therapist, counselor, or coach. It is especially helpful if your partner resists attempts to improve the relationship.

Besides providing tools, techniques, and guidance to repair your sexual connection, an experienced professional can help you identify if the sexual rut is pointing to a more profound relationship issue.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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The book on erotica

— Sharing erotica stories can be a way for older couples to rekindle the romantic spark.

By

Many adults continue to enjoy active sexual lives well into their 70s and beyond. However, it’s common for couples to fall into ruts. One way to spice things up — and perhaps strengthen your relationship in the process — is to read erotica together.

“Reading and listening stimulates your largest sexual organ: your brain,” says Dr. Sharon Bober, director of the Sexual Health Program at Dana-Farber Cancer Institute. “Reading erotica as a couple creates a safe environment to communicate desires and explore fantasies together. You are allowing yourself to go to an exciting place that feels outside your comfort zone, and it can be a wonderful way to break up your bedroom routine.”

What’s in a name?

Erotica is not the same as pornography. Whereas pornography is primarily visual and not very creative, erotica can be more evocative and verbal and allow you to participate mentally and emotionally.

“Erotica is about stimulating sexual desire through storytelling, imagery, fantasy, and language,” says Dr. Bober. “It’s about setting a mood and slowly building a response. Ultimately erotica is focused on building arousal and anticipation.”

How should couples begin to explore erotica? Dr. Bober says the first step is to broach the topic with your partner. “It’s rarely a good idea to suddenly surprise your partner with something that might feel a little uncomfortable or outside of one’s regular comfort zone,” she says. “Phrase it in terms of how it’s something you want to try together and ask your partner whether this is something they would be interested in. And ask your partner to share their thoughts about it.”

For instance, say, “I want to find ways to reconnect that feel good for both of us, and here is something that might be fun to explore together. Is it okay to talk about it?” You can slowly approach the topic without intimidating your partner by asking for permission. “In this way, erotica can feel less taboo and something more normal, fun, and healthy to try,” says Dr. Bober.

Checking out a reading list

Next, choose erotica to sample together. Erotica is more popular than ever, and older adults have become a growing demographic. Nowadays there now are many erotic novels, erotica-focused websites, and short story anthologies available that cater specifically to older adults. (You can find a wide editorial selection with a general Internet search and via websites for publishing houses and booksellers.)

“One aspect of the erotica experience can be discovering different types and styles together to see what you both enjoy or find interesting to explore,” says Dr. Bober.

She suggests beginning by reading a short story together. “Have one person read aloud, or take turns, or just read to yourselves and then share your response,” says Dr. Bober. “Short stories are ideal because if it’s something you or your partner don’t find stimulating or interesting, you can go to the next one.” Another option is to listen to an erotic audiobook or podcast together.

Keep in mind that it may take time to find something you both enjoy. “Be patient and don’t get discouraged if nothing clicks right away,” says Dr. Bober.

As you become more comfortable, sharing erotica can carry over to your sexual relationship, but don’t force it. “Erotica can be used as foreplay or just something enjoyable you share together without any expectations,” says Dr. Bober. “Have fun with it and see where it takes you.”

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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Beyond Pleasure

— How Intimate Gadgets Foster Deeper Connections

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One of the most beautiful feelings in the world is sharing a deep connection with your partner. Intimacy is essential in love. To sustain intimacy in a long-term connection, it is important to keep the spark alive. One of the ways to achieve that is by adding intimate gadgets to the mix. 

Intimate gadgets are a new way for couples to explore and improve their sexual experiences and deepen their connection. Right from visiting an adult toys shop to incorporating these in your intimate experiences, these aids can heighten sexual stimulation and improve sex life in general.

How Intimate Gadgets Aid in Building Deeper Connections

Aside from exploring new sexual horizons, these gadgets can also build trust and strengthen the bond between couples. You might ask, “How?” In this article, we will explore how these toys can help you and your partner develop a deeper connection. Let’s delve into them.

1. More room for open communication

Communication is the backbone of any successful relationship and is crucial for building a deeper connection between partners. Incorporating Intimate gadgets into sexual activities can open up new avenues for you and your partner to communicate about and be expressive.

It can help you articulate your desires and preferences better and become more open to trying new things. Even when you’re physically away from your partners, you can still get intimate remotely. There are intimate gadgets that facilitate these remote interactions and experiences.

2. Enhanced sexual well-being

Intimate gadgets can help improve their sexual experience. Medical studies have shown that certain devices like vibrating rings, massage oil, or lubricants help with sexual stimulation. This is quite helpful for individuals with conditions that make sex uncomfortable or even painful because these conditions decrease sexual intimacy and connection between partners.

In cases of erectile dysfunction or low libido, intimate gadgets can allow couples to try other methods and reignite their intimate lives. Intimate gadgets are also beneficial to individuals who have experienced sexual trauma or have difficulty reaching orgasm.

They provide comfort and pleasure and can help to reclaim sexual autonomy and overcome the negative effects of such trauma. A 2020 study published in the Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy revealed that the use of vibrators improved sexual function and reduced sexual distress in women who had difficulty achieving orgasm.

3. Emotional intimacy

There is a popular belief that intimate gadgets weaken emotional connections, but this is far from the truth. In fact, studies have shown that they can increase emotional closeness between partners.

Research has shown that the use of intimate gadgets can help partners to deeply understand and connect with each other. They help couples who use intimate gadgets experience higher levels of trust, openness, and vulnerability within their relationships.

A study conducted by the Kinsey Institute at Indiana University revealed that participants who used vibrators with their partners reported higher levels of intimacy, communication, and satisfaction in their relationships. This suggests that beyond the pleasure that these gadgets offer, they can help to strengthen intimate connections between partners. These devices act as a catalyst for partners to share their desires and insecurities.

4. Rekindling lost intimacy

Any relationship can experience a strain or lack of intimacy. New couples might still find it a bit awkward to talk about sex or sexual activities. Long-term relationships are more likely to experience strain due to factors like distance, stress, work, lack of trust due to previous experiences, and even financial responsibilities.

Partners can rekindle lost intimacy with intimate gadgets. Adopting intimate gadgets in a bedroom provides a safe place that minimizes the awkwardness that may occur when it comes to sexual discussions and activities and promotes trust between partners. Discussing such sensitive experiences with your partner automatically increases the level of comfort in sharing certain fantasies and finding common ground.

When the passion wanes, intimate toys can come in. It reinvigorates the passion between partners to promote maximum sexual satisfaction even in long-term relationships.

5. Exploration

One significant aspect of deepening intimacy is trying new things. Couples need to be vulnerable to explore and experiment with each other’s desires. Intimate gadgets can help couples discover new things about their bodies.

They provide a safe environment for you and your partner to explore fantasies together, learn what excites your partner, and find ways to satisfy each other’s needs. Exploration provides knowledge, and when you know the sweet spots in your erogenous zones, you can reach orgasms far more easily. This improves sex in general.

Now you can see that aside from their primary function of providing pleasure, intimate gadgets have the potential to foster deeper connections with your partners. They enhance relationships, improve communication, and promote sexual wellness. As technology continues to advance, it will be even more fascinating to see how intimate gadgets evolve and continue to play a role in fostering deeper and more meaningful connections between partners. The benefits of intimate gadgets when it comes to building a deeper romantic connection are not limited to heterosexual couples. These gadgets are inclusive of all sexual orientations and gender identities.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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5 Simple Ways to Keep Your Sex Life Sizzling

By Shauna Harris

We all have busy schedules, routines, children, families, pets, careers, appointments, friends—shall I go on? Our lives are jam-packed with this and that, and then some more. Who even has time to read about tips to keep the flames of passion burning bright in your relationship?

That’s part of the problem; We make time for what we prioritize. We all know that life can get busy and routines can take over, but fear not. Reviving and maintaining an exciting sex life is easier than you think—let’s dive into five easy ways to keep things hot.

1. Communication is key

Think of communication as the secret ingredient that spices up the intimate moments. Open and honest discussions about your likes, dislikes, desires, fantasies, and boundaries lay the foundation for a fulfilling sex life. Create a safe space where you both feel comfortable sharing your thoughts, needs, and concerns.

Being vulnerable is exactly what is needed to elevate the heat. Exploring each other’s desires can lead to exciting discoveries and deeper emotional connections. One very helpful tip here is make sure these heart to hearts occur outside of the bedroom.

2. Prioritize quality time

Life can be a rollercoaster, and sometimes it feels like there just isn’t enough time for anything, let alone sex. Here’s the thing: prioritizing quality time together is crucial.

Schedule regular date nights or special weekends away from the hustle and bustle. Disconnect from the outside world, put away your phones, and focus on each other. Rediscovering one another in new settings can reignite the sparks and help you create lasting memories.

3. Embrace adventure together

Remember when you first started dating and everything felt like an adventure? Bring that excitement back into your sex life by trying new things together.

Explore different positions, experiment with role-play, introduce adult toys if you’re comfortable with them, or even spice things up with some sensual games. The key is to step out of your comfort zone and enjoy the journey of discovering new activities and fun things to do together.

4. Keep the flirtation alive

Flirting isn’t just for the early stages of a relationship, it’s an ongoing process that can keep your connection alive and vibrant. Send playful texts throughout the day, leave love notes in unexpected places, or simply complement each other genuinely.

Flirting isn’t just about getting each other in the mood; It’s a reminder of the strong attraction you have for one another.

5. Focus on self-care

Here’s a little secret: your personal wellbeing has a profound impact on your sex life. When you feel confident and good about yourself, it reflects in the bedroom.

Take time for self-care activities that boost your self-esteem and overall sense of happiness. Exercise, eat well, get enough sleep, meditate, read, or indulge in a hobby you love. When you’re in a positive state of mind, you’ll be more open to intimacy and enjoying the pleasures of your relationship.

Bonus tip: Laughter is an aphrodisiac

Don’t underestimate the power of laughter! Sharing lighthearted moments and inside jokes can create an intimate bond that’s truly unique to your relationship.

Whether it’s watching a funny movie, reminiscing about funny moments you’ve shared, or just letting yourselves be goofballs together, laughter can enhance the emotional connection that fuels great sex.

The takeaway

Remember, keeping your sex life sizzling is a journey that requires effort from both partners. Be patient with each other, and don’t be discouraged by hiccups along the way. It’s all part of the process of growth and exploration. If you ever find yourselves in a rut, don’t hesitate to seek guidance from a professional who can offer tailored advice to suit your specific needs.

Your sex life is an ever-evolving aspect of your relationship. By nurturing open communication, prioritizing quality time, embracing adventure, keeping the flirtation alive, and focusing on self-care, you can ensure that things continue to sizzle in the sheets.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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What Is Edging?

— Sexual Health Experts Explain What It Is and How to Do It

Get ready to unlock a new level of pleasure.

By Kayla Blanton

When you’re really in the mood, reaching the big O can feel a little short-lived, or even underwhelming. And although people with vulvas are more capable of experiencing multiple orgasms in a small window of time than those with penises, both parties can spice things up and prolong the fun by practicing edging—a sexual technique that is essentially the biggest tease of your life. Keep reading to find the answers to: “What is edging?” and “How do you edge properly?”<

Meet the Experts: Sophia Murphy, L.P.C., a licensed therapist, certified sex coach, and director of wellness at TBD Health; Carolyn Delucia, M.D., OB-GYN, F.A.C.O.G., and luminary in the field of women’s sexual health, and Natasha Marie Narkiewicz, sexual wellness expert and head of communications at MysteryVibe.

What is edging?

To use The Price Is Right logic, edging is getting as close as possible—to climaxing, that is—without going over. “Edging is the ability to delay orgasm by choice,” explains Sophia Murphy, L.P.C., a licensed therapist, certified sex coach, and director of wellness at TBD Health. “Scientifically, this can be defined as an extension of the plateau phase, which is part of the human sexual response cycle as identified by [William] Masters and [Virginia] Johnson in 1966.”

The plateau phase is characterized by increased arousal—it follows the excitement phase (a.k.a. foreplay) and precedes orgasm, Murphy explains. In other words, edging is “when someone is able to extend their period of arousal to the point of being on the edge of orgasm.”

Why edge, you might ask? It’s essentially to build anticipation, and ideally, pleasure. After edging a few times, the idea is to “completely surrender to an orgasm of higher intensity than previously imagined,” explains Carolyn Delucia, M.D., OB-GYN, F.A.C.O.G., and luminary in the field of women’s sexual health.

Edging benefits

You may be confused about how suspense in the bedroom would be helpful—but there are quite a few perks:

Prolonged pleasure

While more research is needed to solidify any medical benefits of edging, the upside is, well, it makes for a good time. “[Edging] is a popular sexual technique in an attempt to heighten intensity and fun,” says Dr. Delucia.

Possible intensified orgasm

“Some individuals find that edging leads to a more intense and powerful orgasm from prolonged anticipation and arousal build-up,” says Natasha Marie Narkiewicz, sexual wellness expert and head of communications at MysteryVibe. However, there is little research to back this up.

Increased body awareness and understanding

“Edging can be a great way for people to gain an intimate understanding of their arousal patterns and sexual responsiveness, which translates to better command of their bodies,” explains Narkiewicz. Murphy adds that when you take your time and remove the pressure to orgasm, you can give yourself permission to fully experience your body. “You can learn more about how it changes, how it moves through the sexual response cycle, what works best, and you might even surprise yourself,” she says.

Potentially strengthened pelvic floor muscles

“Some edging techniques involve pelvic floor exercises similar to Kegels,” or an intentional contraction of the pelvic floor, explains Narkiewicz. Research shows that pelvic floor muscle strength is positively correlated with sexual function, especially with age.

Premature ejaculation help

Dr. Delucia says edging—via the start-stop method or squeezing the tip of the penis (more on that later)—is “very effective” in helping men and penis owners who experience premature ejaculation (PE) grow more aware of their arousal patterns and therefore, gain more ejaculatory control. Research has documented this as a form of potential treatment for PE.

Enhanced couple communication

If you practice edging with a partner, the session will require in-depth communication to let them know how stimulation is progressing, which makes it a great exercise in connection. “Unless you’ve set specific parameters for a partner to be in charge of your orgasm, be sure to speak up while edging to ensure your needs and boundaries are being met,” Murphy adds.

Edging side effects

Some research suggests that edging in people with penises may cause epididymal hypertension (EH), commonly known as “blue balls”—a phenomenon in which restricted orgasm causes pain. “This is not a scientific medical condition, and while it may be uncomfortable for penis and testicle owners, will not cause permanent damage,” says Murphy. “Semen will go back into the body if not ejaculated.”

Dr. Delucia adds that EH is “rare” but “very uncomfortable.” If you experience it, her tip is to try and reverse it by holding your nose, closing your mouth, and exhaling forcefully (like you would to pop your ears), also known as Valsalva. That technique is under-researched, though.

How do you edge properly?

How you practice edging will depend on your anatomy and how you prefer to achieve orgasm. However, there is one tip that’s universal, which is the need for transparent communication when edging with a partner.

“If one partner is not into this type of sex play then do not entertain it,” Dr. Delucia says. “Communication of where your partner is in the arousal phases is [also] important to understand.” After all, if you don’t know where they are in the sexual response cycle, things may not go as planned.

Now, for a few anatomy-specific tips.

Edging tips for people with vulvas:

  • Experiment with arousal and foreplay: This stage may change depending on if you’re solo or with a partner, but Murphy recommends engaging multiple senses to heat things up—be that watching something spicy, listening to erotica, or touching other parts of your body first to get the energy going. “The whole body, the nape of the neck, the nipples, may be erogenous,” adds Dr. Delucia.
  • Find your stimulation of choice: “Explore what touch is most arousing and how your body responds from start to finish,” explains Murphy. Some people prefer clitoral stimulation over vaginal penetration and vise-versa, then there are varying pressures to consider. “The most important thing is learning what works for you,” she adds. Dr. Delucia says using a sex toy with different intensities like a wand vibrator “to better explore the areas in the vagina that have extra sensation” may help.
  • Embrace fantasy: There’s nothing wrong with tapping into your imagination. “If you are alone, when you are on the precipice, snap out of the fantasy and allow the heart rate to return to normal and then begin again,” Dr. Delucia recommends.

Edging tips for people with penises:

  • Fantasize: Dr. Delucia’s fantasy advice applies here too—tease yourself (and/or your partner) with a story you can’t resist. Then try to resist it.
  • Change positions: “If practicing edging during sexual intercourse, try changing positions when you feel close,” suggests Narkiewicz. “This adjustment will provide a few seconds of a natural pause in stimulation and cadence to regain composure.”
  • Change your touch pattern: “One of the best ways to edge a penis is to squeeze the tip,” says Dr. Delucia. Or, go for an area that’s highly sensitive—“for most men this is the area just below the glans,” Delucia adds, and when you’re almost there, stop. “This should be fun and allow you to learn more about your own arousal patterns to eventually give you more control of your tipping point,” Dr. Delucia says.

How do you know when to stop edging?

“Once you’ve strengthened your relationship with yourself, you’ll be more aware of your boundaries,” says Murphy. “If you feel uncomfortable, unsafe during partnered sex, or find negative emotions like distress, panic, or dread coming up, trust yourself to take a break. If it becomes difficult to reach orgasm when you desire, it may also be helpful to take a break from edging.”

Put simply, Dr. Delucia says you decide when you’re through: “Stop when you or your partner have had enough.”

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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My Night At A Queer Rope-Bondage Class

— It was intimate in unexpected ways.

By Jillian Angelini

On a random Wednesday night, my girlfriend and I find ourselves sitting in a warmly lit Brooklyn apartment surrounded by suspension hooks and bundles of rope. We waited in nervous silence for the Queer Rope Bondage 101 workshop to begin.

I’d recently stumbled across the Instagram account @FreaksnotCreeps, New York City-based rope artist Liv’s visual diary of rope suspension and deviant bondage imagery. As a curious queer, I was hesitant but highly intrigued to know more. I learned that rope bondage is a form of shibari, also known as kinbaku, that originates from Japan. In modern Western culture, the stereotype of an older man tying a skinny, flexible white woman is widespread, but from festivals to meet-ups, there’s actually a thriving, diverse queer rope-bondage community around the world.

After watching a few videos about rope on YouTube, I was curious about taking one of Liv’s workshops with my girlfriend; it seemed safer to try this with professional guidance. Although the idea of attempting something totally new was nerve-wracking, the idea of learning alongside fellow freaky gays eased our anxiety.

Instead of the harsh hues of red and black that I’d expected, the studio had dim lighting and plenty of plants. The other people in the class were cool. I presumed the other participants might look Goth, with head-to-toe leather, piercings, and tattoos — instead, one arrived in Maison Margiela Mary Janes. I would never have picked any of them off the street to be even the slightest bit interested in rope, but it was exciting to be wrong. We had yet to even begin class, and I already had my first takeaway from the night: Don’t judge a book by its cover.

Liv is a self-identifying sadomasochist and pervert with blunt bangs and a soft smize. They began class by explaining that their goal is to create a queer safe space within rope bondage that isn’t intimidating and doesn’t necessarily have to be sexual. While rope can get serious down the road, Liv’s beginner class would be solely sweet and cute. This felt like a breath of fresh air; I’d been anxious about being rushed into a rough practice that didn’t resonate with me. I was ready to learn.

I learned to like letting go and being the one to feel.

We each began by untangling a long bundle of rope and practiced self-tying with the single-column tie, the most versatile and simple knot. Next, we tried the double-column version. As I maneuvered from my calves to my thighs to my waist, I started to get the hang of it. Once my beginner’s frustration of figuring out the knots wore off, I could tune into how the rope felt on my body. It was coarse and harsh, but in a relaxing way. Everything around me paused, and my main focus became the tenderness of the twisted fibers on my legs.

Once we were somewhat confident in our self-tying abilities, my girlfriend and I began tying on each other. It was intimate and nerve-wracking at the same time. We were touching each other in ways we never had before, and the tightness of the rope was unfamiliar but strangely calming. The energy in the room was uplifting as everyone around me was focusing on tying their partners. I felt so safe in a queer space; there was no judgment to be found but instead an uplifting feeling of all-togetherness. I loved seeing people tied up alongside me. We’d just met, but we were all enjoying an intimate experience with one another.

I joined the class with the intention of using my new skills on my girlfriend. She has always expressed interest in restriction on various parts of her body, and I enjoyed the idea of being the restrictor. However, when she started practicing on me, I had no choice but to comply. It turned out to be an uncomfortable thrill. I learned to like letting go and being the one to feel.

During the class, we all talked about how disconnected we felt from our own bodies in our daily lives. According to Liv, although tying is often thought of in a sexual context, it can also be a way to connect with yourself or a friend. For this reason, Liv encourages people to come to class alone or with a group. Although I plan to continue to use rope bondage sexually, I enjoy the idea of practicing new knots as a form of self-care.

If you’re curious about tying, too, let me pass along a few tips from Liv: Communication and trust are pre-requisites. You know you’ve tied rope tightly enough if you try to sit down and your knees can’t meet your ankles. Keep a pair of safety scissors around just in case.

I’m grateful I didn’t let my nerves get the best of me. The experience taught me that the “scary” and “intense” stereotypes of the BDSM world aren’t universal. Tying can be gentle and kind, something to create connection of all types — with yourself, friends, or sexual partners. I left the class with a fun new hobby and a charge on my credit card for my very own bundle of rope.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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How to explore kink safely

— Whatever you’re into, here’s what you need to know…

By Alice Porter

If you’re looking to change up your sex life and try new things, you might be interested in exploring the world of kink. But whether you’re googling new kinks in a private browser or dipping your toe into something like BDSM with a partner, you might end up feeling a little overwhelmed.

And if your only introduction to kink is how it’s portrayed in the media (Fifty Shades of Grey, we’re looking at you), you might assume it’s all dungeons, ropes and floggers. Of course, this is the case for some people, but there’s so much more to kink than just latex and rough sex and there are plenty of ways to explore it that are safe and pleasurable.

With more people exploring kink than ever – Feeld, the kinky dating app, saw a 250% rise in users between 2021 and 2022 – it’s worth knowing your safe words from your scene acronyms.

If you’re new to kink, you’re likely discovering lots of ideas that are new to you. This is exciting and you might just be about to open yourself up to a whole new world of pleasure. But there are a few things to keep in mind to ensure you and your partner(s) are safe as you step into a wonderful new world.

But listen, kink isn’t for everyone and it’s not something you should be pressured into by either society or a sexual partner. Sometimes good old back to basics sex is great. There’s a reason vanilla is everyone’s favourite flavour.

What is kink?

Kink refers to a wide range of sexual interests and activities, but it’s generally defined as a sexual activity or interest that society, generally, might consider unconventional. This includes things like roleplay, outdoor sex and power dynamics like Dom/Sub play, praise and degradation and cuckolding (watching your partner have sex with someone else).

You might have also heard of fetishes, which are slightly different, as they tend to involve attractions to very specific non-sexual things, like an inanimate object or a body part, such as feet. It’s important not to get kink and fetish confused because a fetish is a very specific sexual proclivity whereas kinks are much more common, although there are plenty of overlaps.

The most common kink you’ve probably heard of is BDSM, which stands for bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, sadism and masochism. It’s a catch-all term for lots of different types of relationships, dynamics and experiences, that often involve practices like choking, spanking and other elements of rough sex, if both partners consent to this. But many elements of BDSM are purely psychological, involving relationships where one person is sexually dominant and the other is sexually submissive.

Are BDSM and rough sex the same thing?

Rough sex isn’t necessarily BDSM and if rough sex is your kink, that doesn’t mean you’ll naturally be into chains and whips or psychological games and control. Rough sex tends to refer to sexual experiences that incorporate elements of pain or intensity for the purpose of pleasure. Of course, elements of rough sex are often part of BDSM practices and relationships, but they don’t have to be.

“Interestingly for many, BDSM doesn’t always include rough sex, but for some that enjoy combining rough sex with BDSM, there may be a mixture of consensual sadomasochism and power play dynamics happening,” explains Ness Cooper, a therapist and resident sexologist for sex toy company Jejoue. “Within some Dom and sub relationships, the individuals involved don’t explore sadomasochism at all and more see it as a form of relationship structure built around care, such as service submission or female led relationships,” Cooper continues.

Sometimes, simply knowing that you’re submissive or dominant to your partner is enough to turn you on and there are plenty of ways to show this that don’t involve physical domination. What matters is that you know your limits and how far you’re willing to give up control or be controlled, in and out of the bedroom.

“For some BDSM is a way of forming relationship routines and rituals, and this doesn’t have to include roughness or pain,” Cooper adds. “Rather these individuals may thrive from having a structured relationship that a heteronormative vanilla non-BDSM relationship structure doesn’t offer.”

How to stay safe when exploring kink

Kinks vary a lot and some kinks are riskier than others. For example, if your kink is wearing a particular type of outfit and engaging in gentle roleplay, there may be less of a physical risk than if your kink is being spanked with a paddle. Either way, there are a few things to keep in mind to make sure your experience of exploring kink is safe, sane and consensual.

1. Have a proper conversation about consent

It’s crucial that you take the time to talk about consent with a new partner and ensure you keep having these conversations on a regular basis, particularly if you’re experimenting with more unusual kinks or BDSM.

This might also include specifying what you like and dislike, which could change over time. “If you’re exploring any forms of rough play, chat about areas that you’re ok with being marked,” Cooper recommends. “Talk about consent and explore consent models that may work for your relationship dynamic,” she adds. There are a couple of consent models to consider, including FRIES and RACK. FRIES stands for consent that is Freely Given, Reversible, Informed, Enthusiastic and Specific. Apply this checklist when discussing what you do and don’t consent to. Or use RACK, which stands for Risk Aware Consensual Kink when you’re discussing the possible outcomes of what you’re about to do. Do some research on consent to help facilitate your conversations and figure out what works for you.

2. Take things slowly

Just because you’re experimenting with kinky sex, that doesn’t mean you need to jump right in at the deep end and passion in the heat of the moment doesn’t excuse rushing in and not giving or getting consent. It can be exciting trying something new, especially if the idea of it turns you on, but your body and your brain will need time to adjust so don’t go steaming in.

“If you’re exploring BDSM with someone for the first time, including sex may be too much all at once and may result in some individuals crashing quickly during the experience,” says Cooper. “Taking things slowly and breaking things up into micro BDSM sessions [where you don’t actually have sex] may be easier at first until you’re both used to how each other’s bodies react.”

When it comes to other kinks and fetishes, you don’t have to dedicate a whole evening to them. There are ways you can incorporate them into the type of sex you usually have, easing yourself and your partner(s) in with little tasters here and there.

3. Keep things clean

If your kinks involve any types of prop or toy, remember the importance of hygiene. Taking your toys to the sink after hours of hot sex isn’t the hottest part of sex, but it’s definitely worth doing in order to avoid infections and things like thrush.

Looking after yourself as well as your toys is also important, explains Cooper. “Cleaning any areas that may have consensual marks before and after is important to avoid infection and making sure you disinfect items such as spanking paddles can help reduce any future risks,” Cooper adds.

4. Use safe words

A safe word is a term or phrase that signifies that one partner wants whatever is happening to stop. Choose one with your partner(s) and agree on what it means to you. For example, does it mean you simply want to stop the specific thing that is happening and move on to something else, or do you want to take a break from the scene altogether? Many people use the traffic light system – red, amber, green – so there’s a way to signify both of these things.

“Keeping safe words simple and accessible is important and talking through them before BDSM play is important,” Cooper says.

5. Remember aftercare

One of the most important parts of exploring a kink is aftercare. This is the part post-sex where you check in with your partner, talk about what just happened, what you enjoyed and what you didn’t enjoy and what you’d do differently next time. After sex, especially doing something kinky or new, it’s normal to feel vulnerable, so take this opportunity to show each other care and support.

If you’ve had some intense moments in your play session, ease each other down off the adrenaline high with soothing cuddles, massages and anything that makes you both feel good. Aftercare can be as simple as a shower together and a cup of tea.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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A Beginner’s Guide to Being a ‘Brat’ in BDSM

— If you like disobeying daddy, this one’s for you.

by Mashable SEA

Make me.

This is the trademark saying for brats. A “brat” is a delightfully disobedient sub within the Dom/sub dynamic in BDSM. “Brats enjoy questioning dominance, as well as like for dominance to be proven to them,” says Emerson Karsh, a kink educator.

Why would you want to be a brat during sex? Why wouldn’t you? Being cheeky, disobedient, and naughty is fun. It creates a sense of playfulness that is often missing in sex. Being a brat is a very fun way to engage with your submissive side, without being a stereotypical sub. Brats are mouthy, badly behaved, and keen on punishment.

In BDSM, not all submissions look the same. Playing with power dynamics gets very creative in the kink world. “Brats get great enjoyment from playing [a game of] cat and mouse, defying authority, and in turn receiving a ‘punishment’ from their Brat Tamer,” explains Julieta Chiaramonte, a kink instructor and sex expert.

If you’re turned on by disobedience, this might be something you want to explore.

Let’s break down what it means to be a brat in BDSM, how you can approach it safely and consensually, and some tips to get you started on your merry way.

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What it means to be a ‘brat.’

The brat is a very fun, quite cheeky submissive persona. It’s a submissive with a twist, Chiaramonte says.

A brat intentionally misbehaves in order to get a rise out of their Dom, often eliciting “punishments.” The brat enjoys driving the Dom a bit mad with their naughtiness. It’s all centered around defying authority, which can be very hot.

This all happens with enthusiastic consent. Everyone is on board.

The brat “may taunt, push boundaries, and really test their partners’ limits in hope of causing a reaction,” Chiaramonte explains. “This is very playful, and can be adjusted to your needs.” This all happens with enthusiastic consent. Everyone is on board. We’ll get into the nitty gritty of consent a bit later.

You might be asking how this is submission because, well, you’re being quite the brat. Karsh tells us that “brats express their submission in a way that is amusing, consensual, and done for a reaction.” You’re not being obedient in the classic Dom/sub way, but the brat will submit when their Dom decides to punish them.

The Dom is the ‘brat tamer.’

The brat tamer? You guessed it: This is the Dominant partner. They may choose to go by a different name (like sir, daddy, mommy, etc.), but the brat tamer is their style of Domination.

“Their ‘role’ is to put their brat in their place, remind them of the rules, and enforce punishments/order that they have created together,” Chiaramonte explains. “This is an authority role, and a brat tamer must be comfortable with taking control and being taunted by their bratty partner.”

Dr. Lee Phillips, a psychotherapist and certified sex and couples therapist, offers an example of the Brat/Brat Tamer dynamic in a scene: “In a role play, the sub (a brat) takes on the role of a subordinate to a moody boss. The ultimate goal is for the brat tamer to earn the brat’s respect because the brat enjoys pushing the brat tamer’s buttons by provoking them. In order to earn this respect, [the] Dom needs to tame or control the brat.”

This role is anything but soft, Karsh says. “A brat tamer is not afraid to put their foot down,” she says.

This role takes a lot of skill and development. Karsh continues, “A brat tamer is skilled in giving their brat space to be a brat and figuring out how to express and prove their dominance to their brat in response to their bratting — whether that be a punishment, orders, ignoring the behavior, or something else.”

Of course, all of this provoking and giving out punishments is 100 percent consensual in this dynamic.

How brats ‘act out’ (and how they get punished).

There is no clear-cut way to fully express the breadth of punishments and behaviors that can go into the brat dynamic, but we can certainly distill a few common examples.

Bratty dialogue.

Brats use “bratty” language with the explicit intention of provoking their Dom. Some common phrases include:

  • Make me.
  • That’s all?
  • You can do better than that.
  • You can’t make me.
  • Oh, yeah? What’s the worst that can happen?
  • Prove it.

Additionally, Philips says “a brat may act out by talking back to them by calling their tamer names, turning down a command, have a temper tantrum, ignore the tamer to provoke them, and speak when they are supposed to remain quiet.”

Bratty behavior.

Bratty behaviors run the gamut, but they’re usually done in a lighthearted, naughty way, Karsh explains. For example, if a Dom told the brat to “Come over here right now.” The brat might just sit down on the ground and refuse to move. Another example could be defying authority, Chiaramonte tells us. A brat tamer may tell their brat to be home at a certain time and the brat purposely comes back late. To be a brat is to be disobedient. And it’s all part of the fun.

Punishments for bratty little brats.

The ways a Dom can punish their brat are truly expansive. Punishments are negotiated before play takes place and everyone is always on the same page about what is on and off the table.

Some example of punishments:

  • Spankings.
  • Orgasm denial.
  • Forced silence.
  • Getting walked like a puppy.
  • Forced orgasm.
  • Bondage.
  • Tickling.
  • Being put in a cage.

How to engage in brat play in a safe way.

Do your research.

We can’t just jump into a role play without knowing what we’re doing. This can be a disaster. “Read articles and speak to others who are brats and submissives in your BDSM community,” Philips says. “If you are seeing a kink and BDSM-affirming therapist, they can help you explore BDSM as a part of your sexual identity or an aspect of sexual exploration.”

If you’re looking for a qualified therapist to help you explore this side of yourself, search for a kink-affirming therapist on the COSRT website. Be sure to check out their website and confirm that they are explicit about their work with kink.

Communication and consent.

If you want to have a good brat/Brat Tamer experience, you have to be on the same page as your partner. “Talk about your expectations, boundaries, limits, and what you hope to get out of this dynamic,” Chiaramonte says. “When you create this structure, you can play within the ‘lines’ and avoid unnecessary hiccups.”

Communication and consent are at the heart of positive BDSM dynamics. Scenes need to be thoroughly discussed so that everyone feels respected and taken care of. This takes a lot of trust.

“Talk to your Dom about your bratty interests first and discuss what the play will look like,” Philips says. “For example, will you be consenting to spanking if you misbehave? How hard do you want to be spanked for acting out? Do you want to be spanked over your tamer’s lap?”

Pick a safe word.

A safe word is a non-sexual word used in kink to denote that a boundary has been met. If you’re in a brat/Brat Tamer scene and something has crossed the line, you can invoke the safe word and stop the play. This gives you time to reconnect and figure out how you’d both like to move forward.

“All kink is a marathon, not a sprint.”

Go slowly.

This one truly cannot be emphasized enough. “All kink is a marathon, not a sprint,” Karsh says.

If you’re a brat beginner, you have to be willing to take your time and figure out what does and does not work for you. “Think and explore how brattiness will show up in your relationship. Being a brat can often come naturally [to some], so use that energy in exploring this in BDSM play.”

Don’t be afraid to get creative.

Your brat/Brat Tamer dynamic may grow and shift over time. Once you start getting comfortable in your role, you can test new and exciting ways to play with your brat side. “Don’t be afraid to get funky with it — your turn to do the dishes tonight? Have your partner find you drinking a glass of wine on the couch instead,” Chiaramonte says. As long as everyone is aware that this is role play, it’s all good.

BDSM is all about exploring different sides of yourself and having fun. If you want to embrace that bratty side of yours, go for it. There is no wrong way to play as long as everyone is having a good time.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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A Sex Worker’s Guide To Dirty Talk

— Dirty talk is great for your relationship – here’s how to get started with some help from an expert.

By

Whether you enjoy being called things you’d never accept outside of the bedroom or just enjoy your partner describing what they will be doing to you or what they are doing to you, dirty talk is a popular bedroom practice with seven in 10 Brits admitting that they can’t get enough of it and nine in 10 admitting that they get aroused whenever their partner talks sexually.

Not only is dirty talk incredibly arousing for some people, it’s also great for your relationship. A 2012 study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships found the more comfortable we are talking about sex, the more satisfactory our sex lives will become.

The researchers added that even the slightest bit of anxiety around communication affected whether partners were communicating or not which directly affected their satisfaction in the bedroom.

However, those who did communicate during sex were more likely to experience sexual satisfaction. Basically, enthusiastically engaging in sexy talk with your partner can heighten the sexual experience and improve communication between you both.

Of course, speaking sexy in dulcet tones doesn’t come naturally to all of us and as a nation, we’re quite prone to feeling self-aware and are famous for not being the most openly expressive people, to say the least.

For those of us that don’t feel like we can easily pull off dirty talk, HuffPost UK spoke to Jay Stark, a non-binary sex worker about how to get started on dirty talk.

Sex worker reveals how to get started with dirty talk in the bedroom

Stark admits that sexy talk didn’t come naturally to them either, saying, “’When I first started exploring dirty talk, it felt really intimidating. I’m a writer as well as an escort so I choose my words carefully… that can be quite unsexy in the bedroom!”

However, they admit that over time, they learned how to get into the groove of it and now, these are the tips they’d give to any beginner:

Narrate what you’re doing (to a point)

Dirty talk needn’t be complicated, you can quite literally narrate what you’re doing – especially if you’re stuck for ideas. Don’t be too formal and detailed though, no one needs a running commentary! Instead, focus on your more sensual movements and the things that are likely to turn your partner on, such as: “I’m caressing your side”, “See how I’m teasing your nipple”, and “I’m taking you in my hand and can feel you getting hard”.

Describe what you’re enjoying

Dirty talk is best when it’s vivid, descriptive, and positive. Think about what it is you’re enjoying about your sexual experience and describe that in real-time. For example, “I love your scent”, “Your skin is so wonderfully smooth”, “When you touch me there, it tingles in the best possible way”. This will fill your partner with confidence, deepen your connection and help ease you into the wild world of dirty talk.

Think about what you could do

Dirty talk is a way of bringing fantasies to life; if there’s something you would like to do, you can use dirty talk to introduce that idea. Equally, by talking about what you’re doing next, you can build excitement and intrigue, turning your partner on at the mere thought of what’s about to happen.

“I’m going to remove my panties and let you see how eager I am already”, or “I’m going to bury you under my body, push you into the mattress, and have my way with you” will definitely get you both going!

Of course, talking about hypotheticals can also be a fantasy of its own, completely unrelated to what you’re going to do in the moment. This way, you can add another layer to the erotic experience you’re enjoying.

Clarify your partner’s preferences

It’s important that you speak with your partner about any words they dislike; everyone has different preferences and you want to make sure they feel completely comfortable. For example, some people love degrading language during dirty talk, whilst others prefer more appreciative, complimentary words. Always check on this, the wrong tone can stop a hot session in its tracks.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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A sex educator explains orgasms

— Plus an exercise for expanded pleasure

The best orgasms come when you learn how to unlock a sexual “flow state.” Emily Nagoski, a sex educator, shares a meditation to help you get started.

With Emily Nagoski

EMILY NAGOSKI: Unfortunately, virtually all of the orgasms that are available to us in the mainstream media and in porn are fake. The classic example, of course, is “When Harry Met Sally,” Meg Ryan.

MEG RYAN: ‘Yes, yes, yes!’

EMILY NAGOSKI: Actually, what orgasm looks and sounds and feels like varies tremendously from person to person. But how do we learn about orgasm? We learn it from media, and we learn it from porn, and then we think we are doing it wrong if that’s not what our orgasm is like. And we’re not, we’re doing it right, we’re just not doing it the way we were told. And if other people have a problem with the way our orgasms actually are, those are not the people you have sex with. So the first thing we should talk about is what an orgasm actually is. Then we should talk about how they actually happen. Followed, of course, by why they sometimes don’t. And then at the end, I’ll give you some tips to have the biggest, most expansive orgasm you’ve had in your life.

I think people believe that orgasm is a genital function. It is not. Sometimes genitals are involved, but orgasm is something that happens in the brain. And there is a reliable neurological marker for when orgasm happens. And it depends how you measure it. If you measure it one way, at orgasm, the prefrontal cortex goes dark- all of the inhibitory impulses just vanish. In a different kind of machine, the brain lights up everywhere. It’s a whole brain response, orgasm. You have to have a brain to have an orgasm. How we experience an orgasm as pleasurable or not depends on the context in which we’re experiencing it. So when you have a great, sex-positive context, orgasm can feel really good. But for some people, they might have an orgasm during unwanted sex. In that case, the orgasm feels like a betrayal, like their body has done something wrong and they feel broken.

So what orgasm actually is, here’s the definition I use: “It is the spontaneous involuntary release of neuromuscular tension generated in response to sex-related stimuli.” People can have orgasms from having their toes sucked. People can have orgasms from having their ear lobe sucked. People can have orgasms through breath and imagination. The only measure of an orgasm is whether or not you wanted and liked it. If you wanted and liked it, then it doesn’t matter what kind of stimulation got you there. Whatever works for you, is what works for you.

So we can’t even necessarily differentiate between which organ in your body is causing the orgasm to happen. There’s only one: There’s a brain orgasm. We can really struggle around an issue like orgasm, which seems so simple, but we’re taught that our identities are tied to our ability to have orgasms. One of the common experiences for people who struggle with orgasm is this thing that sex therapists call “spectatoring.” Where instead of enjoying the sensations that are happening in your body, you’re sort of watching your body; and worrying about it and thinking about is your face okay, should you be bending your spine in that direction? And all of that worry about your body is just keeping the brakes on and making it more difficult for you to enjoy the sex you are having.

Charles Carver, the researcher in Florida who, with his colleagues, developed this mechanism called ‘Criterion velocity and the discrepancy-reducing increasing feedback loop.’ I just call it “the little monitor.” And it’s as if there is a little monitor in your brain that knows what your goal is. It keeps track of how much effort you put in toward that goal, and it notices how much progress you’re making toward that goal. And it has a strong opinion about the ratio of effort to progress. When your little monitor switches its assessment of your goal from being attainable to being unattainable, it pushes you off an emotional cliff from frustrated rage down into a pit of despair.

The ironic intervention when you’re struggling with orgasm is take orgasm entirely off the table for a long time, months at a time, and just explore your erotic landscape: experience high levels of arousal, and lower levels of arousal, and feel what it feels like to approach orgasm knowing that you are not going to have one. The reason we take away the goal entirely is to help the monitor relax. Are you achieving your goal? If your goal is pleasure, and your little monitor is like “Pleasure: check!” your monitor is released from the necessity of judging you and trying to motivate you to work harder. Working harder to have an orgasm is rarely the thing that’s gonna get people where they wanna go. And if people struggle too long and they feel like there’s something wrong with them and they’re broken, they absolutely find themselves in a pit of despair. And if you’re feeling in a dark place because there’s something wrong with your orgasms: connection with other people, connection is the most important antidote to the darkness. The only measure of an orgasm is whether or not you wanted and liked it. If you practice experiencing pleasure without making it goal-oriented or trying to achieve orgasm, but rather just to experience all the pleasurable sensations your body is capable of, you win every time.

So here’s an exercise that helps you to expand your orgasms: Anyone with any set of genitals of any gender identity can practice this. You can do it alone or with a partner. This takes about an hour, generally, and it takes a lot of practice. You gotta choose how you spend your time. You could do this or you could just like watch Netflix. It is not necessary in order to be a sexually-well person by any means; it is the equivalent of running a marathon. Nobody needs to do it, but if you need a hobby, I recommend this one. Versions of this are part of tantric meditations where they use Kundalini breathing in order to access different spiritual states, but ultimately, it’s about the physiology of how orgasm tension generates and dissipates. And when you can get to a place where as much tension is coming in as is going out at the same time, it’s like every cell in your body is resonating at the same rhythm, like you’re a bell that’s ringing. You’re gonna notice some things about this practice that will probably remind you of mindfulness or other forms of meditation, especially breath meditation.

I’m gonna ask you to pay attention to the sensations that are happening in your body. And that comes really easily to some people, and for others, it is quite difficult. They get distracted, and that’s fine. Like a mindfulness practice, if you notice other distracting thoughts come along, and maybe it’s a thought about body self-criticism, maybe it’s a thought about the past, just, “Hello, distracting thought. I’m gonna put you on a shelf right now, and I’m gonna turn my attention back to the sensations that are happening all over my body.”

Every orgasm is different from every other orgasm, but there are some strategies that work for a lot of people to move in the direction of having quite an enormous orgasm. You imagine arousal from like zero, not at all aroused to 10, currently having an orgasm. You stimulate yourself in whatever way works for you up to about a five, and then you allow that arousal to dissipate. You let yourself get back down to a one. So a one just feels like just barely any attention drifting toward orgasm. And then you stimulate yourself back up to a six, right? This is still a middle level of arousal. You’re not very aroused, you’re nowhere near orgasm. And then you allow your arousal to drift back down to a two and then you stimulate yourself back up to a seven. And if you are at the beginning of this process, you’re gonna be learning what seven feels like versus a three, which you’re gonna let your arousal drift back down to a three, and then you’re going up to an eight. And at eight, you’re real aroused. You might see the orgasm train coming to the station. It’s not there yet, but you can hear it- there’s a whistle. And then you allow your arousal to drift back down to a four or a five. And then you go up to an eight and a half, go back down to a six. And up to a nine.

Now when you get to a nine, the orgasm train is pulling into the station and the doors are opening and you would like to get on, but you’re gonna put active effort into allowing your arousal to dissipate. Remember, it’s neurophysiological tension, so you’re just going to allow the tension. You’re literally going to breathe and soften all the muscles of your body because as you get to that eight, eight and a half, nine level of arousal, you’re gonna begin to experience carpal pedal spasms, carpal like carpal tunnel syndrome. Your hands are gonna clutch and your feet are gonna point and your ankles. And that’s involuntary. And you’re gonna make a voluntary choice to soften all of your muscles and let your arousal go back down to a seven, which is a high level of arousal but it’s not an eight or a nine. And you go back up to a nine and a half. Now at a nine and a half, you’ve got one foot on the train and it might feel like it’s pulling outta the station. And you know what? If the train pulls outta the station while you’re on the orgasm train, “Oh dear, you had an orgasm.” That’s not failure, right? But, if you can, you keep your foot off the orgasm train and you go back down to an eight, nine and three quarters and an eight and a half, and a 9.85 where you are really close like you can feel the orgasm right there. And you’re gonna soften all the muscles in your body from your core out to the periphery. And at this point, you are oscillating right at the peak of where orgasm is. And if you can maintain a balance of tension generation and tension relaxation, you can stay in that state and sustain it indefinitely.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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How to Experiment with Temperature Play in Your Sex Life

By Bianne Hogan

Are you ready to kick things up a notch in the bedroom? Then you might consider experimenting with temperature play. Think of how an ice cube offers an instant visceral feeling to your skin or the touch of a warm cup of tea. Now imagine that type of sensation being used to arouse your entire body. That’s pretty much the essence of temperature play.

“Temperature play can add another sensory dimension to a sexual experience,” Avril Louise Clarke, in-house sexologist and intimacy coordinator at Erika Lust, tells SheKnows. “Sensory deprivation could be putting on a blindfold allowing you to delve deeper into the senses of touch, taste or smell. Temperature play is a similar experience, but instead, it heightens arousal, creating unique sensations of hot or cold.”

According to Clarke, temperature play works by intensifying the nerve endings to increase blood flow, which can increase an already pleasurable experience. “So if you put something warm or cold on your body the blood flow will react differently,” she explains. “A good practice, and basic approach when introducing any sexual activity or new play to the bedroom, is to start slowly and always communicate with partners to ensure they are comfortable and enjoying the experience.”

As always when it comes to sexual activity, remember safety is always the best policy. “And of course, always communicate and practice consent,” Clarke says. “Prioritize the comfort of everyone’s experience. Temperature play is great, and an important part of the BDSM umbrella, since it’s accessible to most, with minimal cost and preparation, and can be done solo or with multiple partners.”

Temperature play can be done with household items such as ice cubes and wax, to freezer-friendly sex toys like vibrators and dildos. Does temperature play sound intriguing to you and your partner(s)? Then read on below to learn about sexpert-approved creative ways to experiment with temperature play in your sex life.

Experiment with different textures and sensations.

According to Rebecca Alvarez Story, sexologist and Bloomi CEO and Co-Founder, different people may enjoy different temperatures, textures, and sensations on their skin. Trying different things with temperature play is a good way to experiment with what’s right for you until you know what turns you (and your partner) on.

“You can adapt temperature play to your needs and preferences and you can do it solo, partnered, with a toy, or without – it’s totally up to you,” Alvarez Story says. “Some suggestions are: licking ice cream off your partner’s skin, letting an ice cube melt on your or your partner’s nipples, or warming/freezing a towel, and putting on your partner.”

Alvarez Story also adds that it’s important to talk about desires, expectations, and limitations as well as come up with a safe word “so you or your partner can revoke your consent at any given time before getting into temperature play.”

Start slowly and explore the entire body.

Whenever you’re playing with hot or cold items, Dr. Jess O’Reilly, Lovehoney sex and relationship expert, recommends to start slowly – not only to enjoy and enhance the experience but to test out the thresholds for heat and cold on your and your partner’s body. “In the beginning, run your toy under hot or cold water for 10 to 15 seconds and test it out for a moment. If you want to increase or decrease the temperature, you can always extend the time underwater.”

And remember that different parts of your body will respond differently to temperature variations. “For example, your mouth can handle hotter temperatures than much of your exposed skin (think about drinking hot tea versus spilling hot tea on your thighs), so take care to test the temperature a little at a time across the body,” she says.

O’Reilly suggests exploring your entire body with your hot or cold toys — and not heading straight to your genitals. “You can play with temperature from head to toe — alternating between the nipples, along the collarbone, down the sides of your chest and between your thighs.”

Go the sensual route.

If you’re looking for something more sensual to kick off your temperature play, Alvarez Story recommends giving a sensual massage with hot oil or wax from a body-safe candle.

Not that you need much of a reason to give or receive a massage from your lover, but Alvarez Story points out that “relaxing and having an intimate massage can help to reduce muscle tension and stress, improve circulation, and has even been reported to reduce stress, anxiety, and depression.” Choose a massage oil or candle that is suitable for use on intimate skin. She suggests Bloomi’s Relax, which is a clean massage oil that doubles as an everyday body oil with lavender aromatherapy and is safe to be cooled down or warmed up. Set the space with some soft pillows and blankets and enjoy.

Work with contrast.

Nora Langknecht, marketing manager and certified sex educator at FUN FACTORY, recommends switching between hot and cold sensations to keep your partner in pleasurable suspense. “Use ice to cool someone’s skin (or nipple, or whatever else), and you’ll create contrast with the natural heat of your mouth or tongue,” she says. “So, follow the cool touch of an ice cube with the warmth of your tongue or kisses.”

She also suggests gently heating or cooling your toys to experiment with temperature in a safe way. “Try sticking VOLTA, our external vibrator, or MANTA, our vibrating penis stroker, in hot (not boiling) or cold water. Your partner will get all the stimulation of the toy, plus the added benefit of an unexpected temperature.”

And as always, since temperatures that are too hot or cold may be unpleasant or even painful, she warns to “test the toys against the inside of your wrist before using them on your partner!”

Chill a dildo (or vibrator) in the fridge.

To add a different sensation, Alvarez Story suggests cooling down a dildo in the fridge before playing with it. “Make sure that the dildo is composed of a material that can be frozen and is still body-safe when frozen,” she says. “Our recommendation is Indulge Double-sided Vibrator, a powerful, versatile, and body-safe vibrator with double sides: enjoy one non-vibrating and one vibrating side, both great for vaginal and anal use.”

In fact, according to Clarke, many silicone toys can be popped in the freezer, or in a bowl of ice and teased across the body during intercorse or foreplay. “A toy that comes to mind is Maya by Love Not War,” she says. “It is a great toy for temperature play since it is responsive to temperatures, meaning the head can be unscrewed and heated before use or put into the refrigerator to cool down. Since it is made out of 99 percent recycled aluminum, it will conduct the temperature really quickly.

Ready to get started with some temperature play? Things are about to get hot (or really cold).

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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9 Sex Positions That Will Take Your Tried-&-True Missionary To The Next Level

By Sophie Saint Thomas<

“Missionary position” is a bit of an unfortunate phrase, no? Many missionaries do fine charitable work, but thinking about them isn’t exactly titillating. That’s a shame, because missionary position can actually be amazingly sexy: In missionary position, bodies are close. There’s a lot of sweat. Breath mingles. It’s a perfect position for intimate lovemaking with strong eye contact; it’s also a perfect position for lifting your legs up, going as hard and as deep as possible, and experiencing pleasure in parts of your body you didn’t know existed.

It’s also certainly not just for penis-in-vagina straight sex. Maybe we should rebrand “missionary position” as being about going on a mission to get creative, messy, and come your face off — all while experiencing a closeness with your partner not available in other sex positions. As part of this rebrand, we’ve gathered twists on traditional missionary position that will prove just how hot and varied missionary sex can be.

Standing Missionary

Missionary isn’t just a position for the bed. Switch it up by doing missionary against a wall in any room of your home (this position is great for those times when you’re just too turned on to make it to the bedroom). Have the receiving partner lift their leg for better access to their vagina, while the giving partner holds on to the leg for support.

Spread Missionary

If you saw Fifty Shades Darker or are familiar with BDSM, you may have heard of spreader bars. They usually come with cuffs on either side that are clasped around the submissive partner’s ankles. And they’re the perfect toy to spice up missionary position.

To get into spread missionary, have the dominant partner (the one on top providing penetration) clasp the receiving partner’s ankles in the spreader bar. Then, the dominant partner can lift the submissive’s legs over their head for a kinky twist on a classic position.

Bound Missionary

Bound missionary infuses BDSM into this classic sex position. All you have to do is tie up the arms of the receiving partner over their head. You can use a pair of sex handcuffs or go DIY with rope or tape — whatever turns on you and your partner.

Assisted Missionary

To change the angle of penetration during missionary sex, try placing a pillow under your partner’s bum. You don’t need to buy a pillow made specially for sex; just grab one lying around your bed. By plopping the cushion under the receiving partner, their pelvis lifts, thus allowing for increased G-spot or P-spot (for those with prostates having anal sex) stimulation.

Pretzel Missionary

In the pretzel version of missionary position, the receiving partner simply lifts their legs and wraps them like a salty snack around the partner providing penetration. It’s a variation both parties will love: By wrapping their legs around, the receiving partner can pull their lover further inside, controlling the depth of penetration, gripping tight if they feel something they like. For the partner providing penetration, not only are they aided in thrusting, which can be heavy cardio, but they’re able to feel the warmth of being entangled in legs.

Impaled Missionary

“Impaled” is a bit of a violent term, but that’s what the Kama Sutra calls this variation, officially “shulachitaka.” The receiving partner lifts one leg up, which, like a lever on a La-Z-Boy, allows the couple to play with various angles. A leg over the shoulder is always hot, and by lifting one leg up, if the receiving partner has a vagina, this position also creates more space for the person on top to rub their clit.

Rockette Missionary

Rockette missionary sex takes impalement to the next level (and forces the person lying down to do a little cardio). Just like with impaled missionary, the receiving partner lifts one leg up along their partner’s body, but in this version you take turns, switching legs up and down like a Rockette dancer. This position is known in the Kama Sutra as “the broken flute (venudaritaka).”

Strap-On Missionary

Strap-on missionary sex can be done by all genders and orientations, not just by two people with vaginas (although that’s awesome too). It’s a wonderful way for a person with a vagina to see what it feels like being on top of their partner with a penis, by slowly inserting a (well-lubricated, please) dildo into their partner’s vagina or butt. When using a strap-on, take the time to research and find the right one for you, and always clean afterward with warm water and antibacterial soap. Just like with penises, use a condom if using on multiple partners.

Anal Missionary

There is definitely nothing boring about having missionary sex in your butt. Compared to the doggy-style version of sex typically associated with anal, missionary anal sex can take a bit more maneuvring, but it’s well worth it (to help get the angle right, it might be helpful to place a pillow under the receiver). The intimate eye contact involved in missionary takes a sex act like anal, often associated with roughness, and proves it can also be soft and sweet. Regardless of whether you’re using a dildo or penis in anal missionary, as the anus isn’t self-lubricating, make sure to always use proper lubrication. Pro tip: If you’re doing anal missionary with someone who has a vagina, never switch from butt to vagina without a proper washing. That’s how yeast and urinary tract infections are made!

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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What is a ruined orgasm?

— Intentionally spoiling an orgasm could actually improve sex for some people.

By Beth Ashley

Most people will hear “ruined orgasm,” which are sometimes referred to as “spoiled orgasms” and assume they’re not in for a good time. But, for some people, messing up orgasms during partnered and solo sex when they’re just about to get going, is the hottest thing going.

Ruined orgasms are exactly what they sound like. You aim towards an orgasm, and then spoil it before it can fully materialise. There are some similarities with edging, which is the practice of stopping an orgasm just before it happens and repeatedly edging towards it before allowing yourself to climax. Only, with a ruined orgasm, that eventual satisfaction never comes. It’s all about leaving yourself/your partner without the satisfaction of actually orgasming.

Orgasms are great. They feel earth-shattering in a good way when executed right. So, why on earth would anyone want theirs ruined, you ask?

Why ruin your orgasm?

Well, sex educator Emme Witt who runs the sex newsletter Sugar Cubed, says it’s all about control, and “consensual force,” which is pretty hot to some people. Those who enjoy practising BDSM in their sex lives may take on the roles of ‘sub’ (submissive) and ‘dom’ (dominant) to heighten their pleasure experiences and play with power in the bedroom in a consensual way. Often, this can look like the dom setting the sub a particular set of rules they must abide by, or agreeing to only take part in certain sex acts when the dom says it’s okay to. The dom gets pleasure from having these rules followed, and the sub experiences pleasure by, well, submitting.

“There’s also an intensity to the absence of pleasure/release that comes with having stimulation suddenly removed right at the point of ejaculation.”

Witt says playing with ruined orgasms falls perfectly into this type of power exploration in BDSM. “Ruined orgasms can be a way [for a dominant to play by] letting a submissive know that they have been promised an orgasm in reward for [following orders], but just when they think they’ll be experiencing an ecstatic release, the dominant is going to ruin that pleasure.” She adds that for those with a humiliation kink, ruined orgasms can be a great time as the feeling can be degrading.

Of course, this is all pre-negotiated before sex starts and safe words are in place to avoid anyone getting hurt (you can read all about this process and how to do it properly here).

Chris, who works in advertising, tells Mashable he enjoys ruined orgasms because the appeal can be “split into the physical sensation and the emotional/psychological dynamic. Physically, I enjoy the build-up, and the repeated edging that usually accompanies a ruined orgasm scenario. There’s also an intensity to the absence of pleasure/release that comes with having stimulation suddenly removed right at the point of ejaculation.”

He also says it pairs well with other aspects of submission and masochism, which he finds appealing, such as “Giving someone else control over my pleasure; watching them get off on the control; the skill, precision, knowledge and communication between us that it takes to ruin an orgasm properly; and just being denied the thing I want most sexually at that critical moment.”

It also leaves him “incredibly horny and needy” and wanting to have sex again straight away, which is fun!

So is a ruined orgasm basically no orgasm at all?

Sexologist Lilith Foxx says “essentially, the body continues with the physical reactions of ejaculation and/or muscular contractions of orgasm, but because the follow through of sensation is abruptly stopped, the emotional and physical ‘release’ does not occur.”

While there might not be a “proper” orgasm, there is “a loss of control, coupled with the release of endorphins, oxytocin, and other hormones that lead to the receiver experiencing increased euphoria, vulnerability, and ‘submission’ to the giver” which, for some people, is as satisfying as an orgasm.

After all, orgasms aren’t the be-all-or-end-all of sex. They shouldn’t be our sole goal during sex; pleasure should.

How are ruined orgasms different from forced orgasms or edging?

A forced orgasm is consensually forcing someone to have an orgasm quickly, either by masturbating them, demanding they masturbate themselves (again, this is all with explicit pre-agreed consent, safe words, and boundaries) or using a vibrator on them.

Edging, also known as orgasm control, is a sexual technique where you maintain a high level of sexual arousal for an extended period without reaching climax. It is in the same “family” of activities as ruined and forced orgasms, but it works differently.

All of these acts involve orgasm control, but they differ in their outcomes. Edging aims to increase orgasm intensity, forced orgasms force people to orgasm quickly, while a ruined orgasm deliberately reduces it.

While they’re not the same, they can be used together for an extra kinky night.

Are there any risks involved with ruined orgasms?

Lilith Foxx notes that, sometimes, feelings of intensity, vulnerability, frustration, and insecurity can occur during ruined orgasm play due to the sudden loss or reduction in sexual stimulation and attention. “The receiver might feel emotionally activated and could even cry,” she warns.

Just like with all types of play, the giver should be prepared to provide aftercare and ensure that the receiver feels emotionally safe and comforted. Lilith Foxx says this might even be needed later on, as not all people will have an immediate reaction. “These feelings can come days or even weeks after.”

How do I get started with ruined orgasm?

Ruined orgasms are really not for everyone. As Witt says, ruining someone’s orgasm isn’t the same as pulling out a pair of fur-lined handcuffs and playing around with a riding crop or a little bondage in bed. They work best for people who enjoy punishment and/or or sub/dom roles during sex.

If you or your partner has enjoyed another kind of punishment-based BDSM play before, it might be that ruined orgasms are for you. In this case, Witt says you must communicate with your partner before, after and during the entire encounter. “Partners really need to be on the same page with the desire to delve into this territory,” she says.

She recommends watching skilled kinksters and sex workers carry out ruined orgasms in ethical videos, or taking a class from a kink workshop, to make sure you go into this sort of play with as much knowledge as possible.

As with any sexual activity, communication is key. Lilith Foxx says it’s important to discuss comfort levels, boundaries, safe words, and how you might signal when you’re about to climax. “One method I recommend is asking your partner for permission to have an orgasm. They can either grant or deny this request. This signals to them that you are about to climax and plays with the power dynamic, but doesn’t feel so ‘clinical’ in application,” she says.

“One method I recommend is asking your partner for permission to have an orgasm. They can either grant or deny this request.”

Chris adds the excitement of ruined orgasms is all in the build-up. While it’s best to discuss ruined orgasms beforehand for consent exchanges and boundary discussion, that conversation can also be really sexy.

“The verbal teasing, the exploration of different options/scenarios and the period of self-denial for days leading up to it can make a ruined orgasm exponentially hotter,” he says, noting that ruined orgasm can also be hot during manual and oral sex rather than just focusing on penis-in-vagina sex, and also marries well with other kinks like anal sex or pegging.

Once you’re ready to get going, Foxx says the simplest method is to to stop or significantly reduce stimulation just as you or your partner near climax. The giver can try adding in words to play up the situation as well, like “Nope! You haven’t earned your orgasm” just as they stop stimulation entirely.

And there you have it, a kinky ruined orgasm that leaves one of you with the power and one of you feeling unfulfilled and gagging for more. Hot.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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12 Sexual Role-Play Ideas to Try With Your Partner

— Time to get creative!

BY Veronica Lopez

Contrary to what you might have seen on TV or in movies, role-playing doesn’t always have to include sexy costumes or feel super kinky, if that’s not your vibe. Like with most things when it comes to sex, you’re able to customize it to your specific needs and the fantasies you want to explore. It’s meant to help you step out of your comfort zone, try something new, and explore different sexual dynamics with your partner—all really great things that can help you heat up your sex life when you’re eager for a change.

“Role-playing is when an individual plays a different person or character in a sexual situation, which can be everything from vanilla sex to a full-on kink/BDSM scene,” says certified sex educator Javay Frye-Nekrasova, MEd, sex expert for Lovehoney. So, sure, you can go all out and create a dungeon vibe, but you can also take it slow and keep it simple, like pretending you’re strangers who are hooking up for the first time. “Roleplaying can be as intricate or minimal as the individuals involved want,” says Frye-Nekrasova.

What Are Some of the Benefits of Roleplaying?

There are multiple benefits that role-playing can have, not just in your sex life, but in your relationship with your partner, and even in your relationship with yourself. But one of the biggest ones? It lets you step out of your usual routine, which can be especially helpful if you’ve been together for a long time and craving something new.

“Many couples don’t vary a lot from the kind of play (and roles within it) that have become normative for them—like gender roles, often, but also who initiates sex, whose preferences tend to get the most focus, how adventuresome or comfort-level-focused they are,” says staff sexologist for Good Vibrations, Carol Queen, PhD, curator of the Antique Vibrator Museum and author of Exhibitionism for the Shy. Role-play gives you the chance to do something different outside of your usual sex life, and who knows? You might like it enough to make it part of your regular routine. But that’s what makes it so beneficial—there’s no pressure to really have to, if you want to keep it separate. “Role-play gives you so much permission to try things on, and like a costume, you can take it off when you’re done,” says Queen.

It can also let you experience what it’s like to have sex with “someone else” if you’re curious about that, but you still want to be monogamous with your partner. “You can be someone else, but you don’t have to be with someone else,” says Frye-Nekrasova.

Beyond allowing you to explore new sides to your relationship and sexual dynamic, role-playing can also help you explore new sides to yourself. “It’s common for us to feel like we have to be a certain way or fit a certain aesthetic, role, or persona, but role-playing can give people the space to explore a side of them that they don’t think they have space for in other areas of their life,” says Frye-Nekrasova. This, says Queen, can be really eye-opening and life-changing. “It can introduce you to varying possibilities within your personality too, as when a fairly reserved person takes on a dominant role,” she says. “It can open doors when it comes to realizing what you want, or what you like about what you already have.”

What Are Some Roleplaying Safety Tips?

Define parameters and negotiate your scene before starting. Think of negotiation as the pre-scene huddle. It’s an opportunity for you and your partner to establish boundaries, talk about consent, what you are and aren’t comfortable with, and the details of what roles you want to play. “Do you want to be called a specific name the whole time? Are there any names or roles you aren’t comfortable with?” asks Frye-Nekrasova.

When it comes to negotiating, Queen says not to leave anything about your wants and needs up to guesswork, and to be explicit! “This is an opportunity to be clear,” she says. This is also a great time to…

Establish a safe word. Especially in role-play, “something someone says or does in character may turn you off or overstep a boundary, and you need to make it clear that you need to pause,” says Frye-Nekrasova. This is why it’s so important to have a safe word in place. It can be something as silly as “banana” or as simple as “red”—just make sure you have one and that you’re on the same page. Also, make sure it’s something that your partner understands as a signal to stop, not something that can get lost in the scene or role you’re playing. “You don’t want your partner misinterpreting you saying something as a part of the role-playing.”

Stay sober. Substances can alter your state of mind and make it impossible to consent, so make sure you’re sober and/or minimize everything from alcohol, to party drugs, to hypnosis. Stay aware of how you’re feeling, says Queen, and…

Only play with people you know and trust, especially if you’re roleplaying for the first time. Make sure that you’re in good hands and that the person (or people!) you’re engaging with respect your boundaries and limits. On the same token, you might also want to leave bondage and restraint play for later exploration, says Queen. “You want to know how your scene partner will respond to a safe word and exercise care.”

What Are Some Common Sexual Roleplay Ideas to Try?

When it comes to deciding what scene you want to play, anything goes as long as you and your partner are comfortable and consenting. You can involve costumes, accessories, decor, you can play in the comfort of your own home, or at a dungeon, or a sex party. You can play with just each other, or involve other consenting people as long as the lines of communication are open and everyone’s aligned. Think about what dynamics or sides to yourself and your relationship you want to explore. Here are some common scenarios ideas to start, according to Frye-Nekrasova and Queen.

1. Strangers

This is a great one to start off with if you’ve never role-played before. Meet at a bar and pretend you don’t know each other, give yourselves different names, accents, jobs, and go home together for a “nightcap.”

2. Doctor or nurse/patient

This scenario would never be okay IRL, but in role-playing, it lets you play with Dominant/submissive dynamics. Perhaps you and/or your partner get turned on by authority in this scenario, or by being told what to do. It’s also a fun one in which to use costumes or accessories. (Aka: Time to pull out that “slutty nurse” costume from college.)

3. Teacher/student

Another one that would never be okay IRL, but much like the scene above, the teacher/student dynamic is a common role-play scenario that allows you to play with power dynamics—particularly punishment. Maybe you did so poorly on an exam, and you need to face the consequences.

4. Boss/employee

Again—not okay IRL, but a fun option when it comes to role-play and power dynamics. Perhaps you need to spend some ~alone time~ going over “notes” after a “meeting”?

5. A virgin and a seductive, experienced partner

Maybe your actual first time was a dud. Well, this is the chance to relive it and re-do it exactly how you would’ve wanted it to be. Pretend that one of you is a virgin being seduced by someone who wants to show you how it’s done, or pretend it’s both of your first times!

6. Groupie/rock star

Your favorite musician saw you in the audience, was so captivated by you, and is inviting you backstage for a ~behind-the-scenes~ experience.

7. Massage therapist/client

Yeah—def not okay IRL, but with your partner, it can be a fun way to incorporate massage candles and warm (body-safe!) oil or lube.

8. Royal/handmaiden

Grab a plastic crown from a party supply store and pretend like one of you is royalty, while the other is them handmaiden, obeying commands to please them as they wish.

9. Repair-person or delivery-person

If you’ve ever fantasized about getting it on with a stranger who conveniently just shows up to your house, this might be a good one to test out. Use fake names, and ask them to “come in” and “take a look at your broken dishwasher.”

10. Shop associate

This one could be especially tempting in a “lingerie store” scenario, where they’re giving you suggestions and recommendations on what to try on.

11. Landlord/tenant

This is another great one (but very-not-okay-IRL one) if you’re into the whole “person shows up in the middle of the day” thing, like with a repair-person. Pretend like your partner is your landlord, you’re late on rent, and it’s time to pay up.

12. Roommates

Pretend like you’re roommates who’ve had chemistry bubbling up between them for months. This is a great opportunity to get out of your bedroom and try having sex in different parts of your place. On the kitchen counter, perhaps?

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