How to have shower sex

— 12 essential tips and steamy positions

Getting steamy in the tub may be trickier than on dry land, but that’s no reason to write it off.

by Rosie Saunders

Shower sex looks easy in the movies, but the reality can be a little bit different. Getting steamy in the tub may be trickier than on dry land, but that’s no reason to write it off. A little pre-shower prep goes a long way.

With that in mind, we asked Mia Sabat, sex therapist at sexual wellbeing audio app Emjoy, to share the best positions for comfortable shower sex, along with extra tips and advice for taking your bathroom escapades up a level:

Shower sex positions

While this article refers to sex between a woman or a person with a vagina, and a man or a person with a penis, shower sex certainly isn’t gender-exclusive – nor does it require two people.

There’s plenty of fun you can have in the bath or shower by yourself, says Sabat – try lathering your body in special scented soaps or gels, or bring a sex toy into the mix.

‘The sky is the limit when it comes to shower sex, so long as you prioritise stability.’

‘There are plenty of waterproof options to help make things really exciting,’ she says. ‘The soothing nature of water can also help you to relax and unwind, giving your mind the space it needs to really get into the mood while helping you to build a truly powerful orgasm.’

If you are sharing the suds with a partner, try one of the following positions to make shower sex as comfortable and enjoyable as possible:

1. Stand and deliver

  • The receiver should turn away from their partner with their back to their face.
  • Feet should be firmly planted on the floor, ideally on a non-slip bath mat for added safety and leverage.
  • The receiver should bend at the waist until their head is pointing towards the ground , with their hands resting either on the wall in front of them or the side of the tub.
  • The giver should hold the receiver’s hips while entering from behind.

Also known as standing doggy style, this position is exceptionally satisfying when it comes to stimulating the clitoris and G-spot, says Sabat.

2. The wraparound

  • Stand facing each other, with one person leaning against the nearest wall for support.
  • Make sure to angle the shower head away from your face and onto your body for this to work.
  • Have the wall partner ‘wrap’ one leg around the other to pull them closer as they enter.

‘Not only does this position allow for over-the-top sensations and deeper penetration, but it enables you and your partner to be even more passionate and intimate, as you can kiss and caress one another while face-to-face,’ says Sabat. ‘A truly perfect way to make shower sex even steamier.’

3. On your knees

  • The ‘giver’ can squat, kneel or take any other position that allows them to pleasure their partner.
  • Make the room hot and steamy for this, to ensure the person on the giving end doesn’t get too cold.

‘The key to this position is making sure that whoever is receiving oral sex is standing, with the shower stream hitting their back, to shield the person who’s giving pleasure from any unwanted distractions,’ says Sabat.

4. The caboose

  • Have the giver sit down on the shower floor with their hands behind them.
  • The receiver should then sit on top.

‘This position means you’ll both be getting wet with the water coming from above,’ says Sabat. ‘Perfect for a partner that enjoys watching you when you’re on top.’

Shower sex tips

The sky is the limit when it comes to shower sex, so long as you prioritise stability, says Sabat. Before you begin, take precautions by using the right tools for the job – non-slip bath mats and lubricant (yep, lubricant) are key.

‘You might think water will suffice as a natural lubricant, but it actually has the opposite effect,’ Sabat says. ‘To ensure that penetration is comfortable throughout your steamy experience, use the correct lubricant for your situation.’

1. Set the mood

Foreplay is important – get stimulated before your switch the shower on. You could listen to literary or audio erotica, watch shower-based pornography, or experiment with ‘getting dirty before getting clean,’ says Sabat.

‘Swapping massages with scented oil, exploring each other’s messier fantasies, or experimenting with chocolate body paint can be great ways to work up to shower sex, especially as you’ll really enjoy washing each other off once you jump in,’ she says. ‘Feel free to go where your minds and bodies take you – the possibilities are endless.’

2. Plan ahead

When it comes to shower sex, you’re going for exciting – not dangerous, says Sabat. ‘Be sure you take safety precautions through bathroom accessories like handles, gripped bath mats, and waterproof sex toys to ensure that any liaisons you get into in the bathroom don’t end in a trip to the doctor,’ she says.

3. Take a stand

A foot stand, that is. It can help improve stability and increase the depth of penetration, Sabat says. ‘When you’re showering alone, don’t be afraid to test out potential positions to gauge stability,’ she explains. ‘Not only will this likely help to stimulate you both, but no one will be any the wiser, and you won’t have to worry about any slips or stumbles when you’re enjoying the real thing.’

shower sex

4. Don’t slip and slide

If you’re using any form of barrier protection, put it on before entering the shower to make sure you’re as protected as possible. ‘There’s an increased risk of condom slippage in the shower, so make sure it’s a good fit before you start adding water to the equation,’ says Sabat. ‘Remember, water is not a replacement for lubricant. Make sure that you have some water or silicone-based lubricant on standby, just in case, and that it’s compatible with any condoms or sex toys that you’re using.’

5. Think outside the box

Sex doesn’t have to involve penetration. Think outside the box and engage with other forms of intimacy – be it mutual masturbation, self-pleasure, oral sex, or simple, spontaneous mutual exploration, says Sabat. ‘What matters is that you and your partner engage in whatever sexual experience feels stimulating and satisfying to the both of you by consensually pursuing your sexual desires in the moment,’ she says.

6. Don’t obsess over orgasms

‘If you find yourself thinking that all sexual encounters must result in climax to be a worthwhile experience, it’s time to change – especially within the context of shower sex,’ says Sabat. ‘Focusing on stimulating each other while learning and exploring one another’s thrilling pleasures are valid ways of creating and sharing intimacy. Just let the flow of water and blissful pleasures take over – you’re sure to connect with some of your favourite undiscovered sensations.

7. Use shower accessories

A world of pleasure exists beneath the shower tap, says Sabat. If you are a person with a vagina, and have a removable shower head, ‘experiment with different positions throughout the tub – lying on your back or stomach, or sitting on the side of the tub, can help you to reach places you’ve never accessed before,’ she says.

‘Alternatively, lie on your back and slide under the bath’s tap until you come into contact with the steady stream of water in a way that feels pleasurable to you, without entering your vagina,’ Sabat continues. ‘In either context, the steady stream of warm water is sure to stimulate your vulva and clitoris like no other.’

8. Don’t shy away from anal play

If you’ve always wanted to explore anal play, the shower can be one of the best places to put your worries at ease, says Sabat. ‘Next time you’re in the shower alone or with your partner and feel the urge to venture out of your comfort zone, get some silicone lube,’ she says. ‘Start by slowly massaging your lower back, caressing the outside of your anus, and move at a pace that makes you comfortable and excited.’

Complete Article HERE!

Are You An Exhibitionist?

A Deep Dive Into The Sexual Kink

By Stephanie Barnes

Do you feel amazing, almost as if you’re being energized and excited, while standing naked under the gaze of a partner or someone you’re about to be intimate with? If the answer is yes, you could be into exhibitionism. Here, we explore and ultimately give you a better understanding of what it means to be an exhibitionist.

“Exhibitionism is when a person experiences sexual excitation from the fantasy of being observed naked or engaged in sexual activity, or from actually being observed while naked or engaged in sexual activity,” explains AASECT-certified sex therapist Indigo Stray Conger, LMFT, CST.

Importantly, this consensual kink is completely different and separate from the mental health condition known as exhibitionistic disorder, which involves deriving “recurrent and intense sexual arousal from the exposure of one’s genitals to an unsuspecting person, usually a stranger,” Stray Conger says. The key difference is in the lack of consent and the distress the person may feel about their own desires.

“Healthy exhibitionism is a sex-positive celebration of the erotic and should not be confused with exhibitionistic disorder,” she says.

The desire to incorporate being watched by others into sexual activity is an extremely common fantasy, Stray Conger says. According to Zhana Vrangalova, Ph.D., New York University professor of human sexuality and sexpert for LELO, a recent study showed that, “66% of men and 57% of women fantasize about having sex ‘openly in a public place,’ and 82% of both genders fantasize about having sex in an ‘unusual’ place, including offices, public toilets, etc.”

“Most of us have at least a little bit of an exhibitionist streak in us: This, like anything else in psychology, exists on a spectrum, and it is perfectly normal and healthy,” Vrangalova adds.

Though bringing that fantasy into reality is slightly less common, it still occurs frequently enough via the robust swinging or “lifestyle” community, says Stray-Conger.

Signs you might be into it:

1. You fantasize about being watched.

Perhaps one of the biggest indications that you’re into exhibitionism is that you find yourself regularly fantasizing about being watched. Whether alone or with a partner: “If a common theme to the fantasies that bring you to climax are about someone observing you naked or engaged in a sexual act,” then you might be an exhibitionist, says Stray Conger.

“If this fantasy is a core component to your erotic template, you might explore what it would be like to bring that fantasy into reality—with consenting adults and legal behavior, of course,” she says.

2. An early memory of your sexual self involves being observed.

If you have an early memory of being seen naked and recalling that memory as an adult evokes an erotic feeling for you, you could be an exhibitionist.

“Our erotic templates tend to be formed when young, and the first few times we experience ourselves as sexual beings may not be when we are involved in sexual acts. Those deepest memories of our erotic selves become an integral part of what turns us on and gets us off,” Stray Conger says.

3. You like the idea of getting into burlesque, stripping, or other sexy forms of culture.

“This is show-offy but also has the value for some of giving their exhibitionism a context. [Because some people] might only be comfortable with sexy…not sex,” says Carol Queen, Ph.D., sexologist with Good Vibrations.

4. You enjoy putting on a show for your partner.

Similar to being into the idea of stripping or burlesque, Queen says putting on a private show is another sign of exhibitionism. “Putting on a show for your partner—dancing, masturbating for them, etc.—isn’t just to entice and please them, though that’s nice and sexy. An exhibitionist will also find this very personally arousing,” she explains.

5. You dress sexy in order to pull attention.

Queen says this includes wearing tight or revealing clothes, costumes with some kink value, sexy lingerie, or really going over the top at Halloween. “Different people will find different outfits and garments sexy—there is no one type of clothing that all people would feel sexy in—so this part is definitely personal with diverse looks associated with it,” she notes. “But again, [it’s about] you drawing the eye, and feeling sexy about it.”

“Even if you’re not yet bringing these behaviors into sexually fueled situations, they are early signs that you love the feeling of people watching you,” adds Dainis Graveris, certified sex educator and relationship expert at SexualAlpha.

This isn’t gender-specific, Queen adds. “We often think of women as ‘objects of desire’ in this culture, and women are expected to dress and groom accordingly. That doesn’t mean they’re all turned on by it! And it doesn’t mean all other gender presentations have to sit this one out. Anyone can find this kind of play or fantasy enhancing, if they are into it in the first place.”

6. You love bringing your partner with you while shopping for lingerie.

In doing this, “your partner will feel sexually aroused, and you love seeing how they react to you showing off your body. A classic example of an exhibitionist and a voyeurist together,” says Graveris.

Exhibitionism vs. voyeurism.

Exhibitionism and voyeurism actually go hand-in-hand, Vrangalova says.

“Exhibitionism and voyeurism are like two sides of a coin. Exhibitionism is about the possibility of being seen by others being arousing, while voyeurism is about watching others naked or having sex being arousing,” she tells mbg. “Like exhibitionism, voyeurism is quite common (visual sexual stimuli is inherently arousing), and perfectly normal as long as it involves consenting adults.”

Like with exhibitionism, consent is key to voyeurism and making the two kinks function well together.

“As a voyeur, I’ve had to learn how to respectfully enjoy the excitement and pleasure of someone that wants to be seen, especially in intimate settings during any group play or kink scenes,” says Tiana GlittersaurusRex, polyamorous educator and co-founder of The Sex Work Survival Guide. “Watching verbal and nonverbal cues, how their bodies react or move, and knowing my attention is an additional form of participation is what makes the delicate dance of watcher and watched all the more titillating. The entertainment industry is worth billions because we live in a society that has people that love to perform and the fans that love to ogle.”

Tips and tricks to explore your exhibitionist side:

Start in the realm of fantasy before introducing the real thing.

Before diving in, Stray Conger encourages open and honest conversations about what you want when it comes to your exploration of exhibitionism, especially with any sexual partners you might be engaging with.

“Talk about what sex would be like if others were watching. Discuss different scenarios and what would be most arousing,” she says. “Then bring those fantasies into the bedroom while having sex, imagining that what you have already talked about is actually playing out. If that’s arousing for you and your partner, you might discuss what it would take to make those fantasies real. Discuss whether that is something you both want to do, or if the fantasy is enough.”

Add sexy garments or a striptease element to removing your clothes.

“Let the garments play up what you feel sexiest about, or cover ‘body image areas’ so you feel sexier than usual, or help you bring a role or identity to life,” Queen suggests. “You’ll probably care about whether someone else will find your outfit sexy—but much more important is what you feel sexy wearing.”

Keep the lights on and put on a show.

If you’re seeking the exhibitionistic thrill, then it might be a little harder to do so in the dark. Queens recommends keeping the lights on, getting on top, and putting on a show.

“Be showy, ask your partner to look at you, move, be a tease. Put on an erotic show for your partner; tease, masturbate, etc.,” she says.

Try mutual masturbation.

Queen also recommends trying mutual masturbation, which is when two partners masturbate at the same time, enjoying self-pleasure while watching each other get off. “I love suggesting that both partners masturbate and watch at the same time,” she says. “Just get on either end of the bed and make sure the lights aren’t too dim.”

Try a sex party or group sex scenario.

Once you’ve covered the bases of communication and you’ve incorporated a bit of your exhibitionistic fantasies into the bedroom, then it might be time to take things up a notch.

“Explore a sex party or swingers gathering. Again, choose an appropriate scenario, even if you were just talking about something over-the-top like having sex in the municipal pool. Don’t get in trouble out there, and don’t (as Queen Victoria reportedly said) ‘do it in the street and frighten the horses,'” Queens says.

This could also lead to more intense orgasms or an overall better experience when you do make it back into the bedroom at the end of the night.

The bottom line.

So, now that you have a better understanding of consensual exhibitionism and what it means to be an exhibitionist, what are you going to do with it? The truth is, you don’t have to do anything you’re not comfortable with.

“If you think you wouldn’t be brave enough to try exhibitionism or worry you wouldn’t like it in real life, that’s OK. A lot of our fantasies live in our minds and bring us plenty of joy without turning them into reality. That doesn’t mean you’re not an exhibitionist at heart,” says Stray Conger.

Complete Article HERE!

What Does Sex Positive Mean?

Here’s How Experts Explain It

Being sex positive can actually be really good for your health.

By Colleen Murphy

If you’ve been watching The Bachelorette at all this season, there’s a term you’ve likely heard over and over again: sex positive. Several of the men competing on the show have used “sex positive” to describe the current bachelorette, 30-year-old Katie Thurston, who is known for being super comfortable talking about sex.

Even if you don’t watch The Bachelorette, you might be hearing the phrase “sex positive” pop up elsewhere. That includes Twitter, as people are making jokes about turning this season into a drinking game: Whenever anybody says “sex positive,” take a drink.

But what exactly does it mean to be sex positive? Here’s how experts explain it.

What does ‘sex positive’ mean?

Someone who is sex positive is open to learning more about their own body, other people’s bodies, as well as consent, intimacy, and how to communicate about sex topics, Rachel Needle, PsyD, a psychologist in West Palm Beach, Florida, and the co-director of Modern Sex Therapy Institutes, a company that trains couples and sex therapists around the world, tells Health.

It also means they’re open to embracing and exploring their own sexuality and that of others-including sexual behavior, gender, sexual identity, and anatomy-in a respectful, non-judgmental way without shame.

But sex positivity doesn’t only have to do with sex-positive experiences and ideas. Theo Burnes, PhD, a psychologist practicing in Los Angeles and the director of clinical training at Antioch University in California, tells Health that sex positivity can also be about fighting for people who work in the sex industry, making sure they have equal rights and that their work is decriminalized. It can include advocating for accurate sex education that is not abstinence-only or fear-based. Sex positivity can also focus on understanding sex in the media-and that sexualized pornography, movies, or ads tend to portray some types of people yet leaves other out.

Being sex positive can also mean being the person a friend can come out to or go to with “their own fears, their own internalized stigma, sometimes their own shame,” Burnes says. Someone might call you, as a sex positive person, and say, “I’m really nervous about trying this new experience with my partner and I want to talk to somebody about it,” he explains.

What sex positivity isn’t

“Being sex positive doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re having an increased frequency of sexual behavior, or sexual encounters, or sexual arousal, but it does mean that you have an openness and a non-judgmental attitude toward engaging in sex, talking about sex, being open to other people talking about sex,” says Burnes.

Being sex positive also doesn’t mean you disregard the need for consent, Rosara Torrisi, PhD, certified sex therapist and director of The Long Island Institute of Sex Therapy, tells Health. “It’s not about encouraging folks to have a certain sexual orientation, minimum or maximum number of partners, or engage in certain behaviors during sex,” she says. “Expectations and pressure for anything about sexuality is inherently anti-sex positivity.” Consent is always a must.

Why is sex positivity talked about more these days?

Sex positivity isn’t just a concept that people identify with-it’s also a political and social movement.

“One of the things that really started that movement is this idea that sexuality has been often talked about as secretive, shameful, unhealthy, and that being overtly sexual in any kind of way-whether that’s talking about it, whether that’s having conversations about it-is problematic,” Burnes says. “And so the [sex positive] movement basically tries to say, ‘Hey, wait a second, this is a part of our normative development. And it’s not necessarily unhealthy or shameful, but having these conversations, doing exploration with sex when consent and trust and communication are part of the sexual process, is not wrong or unhealthy.'”

It’s a movement that’s been around for a long time. Recently, however, celebrities like Lady Gaga, Amber Rose, Jessica Biel, and Lizzo have spurred more conversations about sex positivity after speaking publicly about their experiences with slut shaming, sexuality, sexual assault, body acceptance, and sexual health and responsibility, Burnes explains. And yes, even The Bachelorette has expanded this trend.

“It wasn’t some agenda that I had coming on to the show. It’s just who I am and who I’ve been this whole time,” Thurston said on the podcast Bachelor Happy Hour earlier this year, after viewers were first introduced to her sex positive attitude when she was a contestant on The Bachelor. “It wasn’t until after the fact that I realized how big of a deal it was-which excites me, because I do believe it’s 2021, and women should be comfortable talking about their sexuality.”

“I appreciate being comfortable being able to talk about it,” Thurston continued. “Hopefully that means other women will soon start to open up a little bit, because being sex positive is important in a relationship, [the relationship you have with] yourself, in your self-care, and so many different things, especially in this [ongoing COVID-19] pandemic.”

Sex positivity has real health benefits

Being sex positive is “actually quite healthy and has been endorsed by a variety of organizations, like the World Health Organization (WHO),” according to Burnes. In fact, the WHO says that “a positive and respectful approach to sexuality and sexual relationships” is paramount to sexual health.

“When we are sex positive we are more sexually healthy,” Needle points out. “To many, being sexually healthy includes being comfortable with your own sexuality and making decisions related to and communicating about it.” Being sexually healthy can also mean enjoying sexual pleasure, having access to health care (including reproductive health care), having better communication skills with our partner(s) so that we are more likely to get what we want and need, and knowing how to avoid unintended pregnancy and minimize the risk of sexually transmitted infections (and accessing treatment if needed).

Having sex positive views can enhance your mental well-being too, according to Burnes. “That can mean decreased amounts of feelings of isolation, which can lead to things like depression and anxiety, [as well as a] decrease in shame and stigma, which can also lead to building resilience,” he says. When we eradicate ourselves from stigma and shame, he adds, we often demonstrate better health-related behaviors.

How can you become more sex positive?

First, know that anyone can be sex positive. “Sex positivity has little to do with what your sexual behaviors, identities, etc. are and much more about your perspective about sexuality,” Torrisi says. “It doesn’t matter if you’ve had sex with only yourself, a million people, or no one. Sex positivity is a set of values that is inclusive and nurturing of your own and others’ sexuality. It’s not just for polyamorous and kinky folks.”

As a whole, the US “has improved its understanding of sexual consent, pleasure, functioning, identity, orientation, behaviors, and expression,” according to Torrisi. But there’s still work to be done. “We’re still grappling with dual realities about sex in this country,” she says. “We are on one hand obsessed with sexuality, and on the other hand we are terrified of sexuality. Either end of this spectrum isn’t sex positivity. Recognizing the nuances, the lived realities of billions of individuals, each with their own valid truths, now that’s sex positivity.” 

It also helps to recognize the culture many Americans were raised in, “where we’re constantly bombarded with images that sex is something we should think about, but never talk about,” as Burnes puts it. Next, he suggests thinking about whether you want to see a therapist, read some books, or visit different websites to help you navigate what being sex positive will look like for you.

“Being sex positive doesn’t necessarily mean that [you’re] going to go and have certain sexual encounters-although if that’s something that someone wants to do, that’s great and awesome, as long as they’re safe, consensual and communicative,” Burnes says. Instead, he says, it can simply mean being more open to other people’s and your own sexual curiosity and experiences.

Complete Article HERE!

Ancient Greek and Roman erotic art

Explicit erotic art was common in ancient Greece and Rome. Sex is ubiquitous in the black-figure and red-figure vases of Athens in the 6th and 5th centuries BC. The Romans were also surrounded by sex.

Mosaic depicting Leda and the Swan, from the sanctuary of Aphrodite in Paphos, circa 3rd century AD. It is currently located at the Cyprus Museum in Nicosia.

By Craig Barker

LP Hartley’s saying “the past is foreign” is rarely held more firmly than in the field of sexuality in classical art. The erotic images and depictions of the genitals, especially the phallus, were very popular motifs in a wide range of media in ancient Greece and Rome.

Simply put, sex is everywhere in Greek and Roman art. Explicit sexual expression was common in the Athenian black-figure and red-figure vases of the 6th and 5th centuries BC. They often have spectacular confrontations in nature.

The Romans were also surrounded by sex. Bronze carved as a chinchin nabla (wind chime), often found in the gardens of Pompeii’s house, is carved in relief on a famous wall panel that tells us the famous habitat Felicitas from a Roman bakery. (“Happiness dwells here”).

But these erotic acts and classic images of the genitals reflect more than a culture of sexual attachment. The depiction of sexuality and sexual activity in classical art seems to have had many uses. And while our interpretation of these images is often censored in modern times, it reveals a lot about our attitude towards sex.

A modern reaction to ancient erotic art

When antique collection began in earnest in the 17th and 18th centuries, the openness of ancient eroticism embarrassed and embarrassed the Enlightenment audience. This embarrassment was exacerbated after the excavations began in the rediscovered Roman towns of Pompeii and Herculaneum.

The Naples National Archaeological Museum’s Gavinette Segrate (the so-called “secret cabinet”) best represents the modern reaction to classical sexuality (repression and repression) in art.

The secret cabinet was founded in 1819 when King Francis I of Naples visited the museum with his wife and little daughter. Shocked by the blatant depiction, he ordered to remove all items of sexual nature from sight and lock them in a cabinet. Access is restricted to scholars with “mature age and respected morals.” I will. In other words, it was only a male scholar.

A metal shutter was installed in Pompeii itself because the explicit materials such as the mural paintings of the brothel were preserved as they were. Until the 1960s, these shutters restricted access only to male tourists who were willing to pay extra.

Of course, the secret of the collection in the cabinet was sometimes difficult to access, but it only increased its fame. John Murray’s Handbook to South Italy and Naples (1853) sacredly states that it was very difficult to obtain a permit.

Therefore, few people have seen the collection. And those who have it are said not to want to visit again.

The cabinet was not open to the public until 2000 (despite protests by the Catholic Church). Since 2005, the collection has been exhibited in a separate room. The object has not yet been reintegrated with modern non-sexual crafts, as it did in ancient times.

Literature also felt censors’ anger, and works such as Aristophanes’ plays were mistranslated, obscuring “unpleasant” sexual and catalog references. Unless trying to claim moral and liberal dominance in the 21st century, the depiction of the infamous marble sculpture of bread mating with the goats in the collection still shocks the modern audience.

Censorship of ancient sexuality is probably best reflected in the long tradition of removing genitals from classical sculpture.

The Vatican Museums, in particular, were famous for (but not limited to) modifying classical art for modern morals and sensations. In the case of irregularities, it was common to apply carved and cast fig leaves to cover the genitals.

It also showed the modern willingness to associate nudity with sexuality and would have embarrassed the ancient audience, where the physical form of the body itself was considered perfect. Have you misunderstood ancient sexuality? Yes, yes.

Ancient porn?

It is difficult to determine how much the ancient audience used explicit erotic images for awakening. Certainly, the erotic scenes that were popular on board would have given the Athenian party an exciting atmosphere over a glass of wine.

These types of scenes are especially popular with kylix or wine cups in the tond (the center panel of the cup). Hetaira (cans) and Polnai (whores) are likely to have attended the same symposium, so the scene may have been used as a stimulus.

In the late Greek and Roman eras, the painted eroticas were replaced by molded depictions, but their use must have been similar.

The Romans’ application of sexual scenes to oil lamps is probably the most likely scenario, and the object may have actually been used in a romantic scene. Erotica is often found in molded lamps.

Phallus and fertility

Ancient Greek erotic art
Delos Museum.

Female nudity was not uncommon (especially in connection with the goddess Aphrodite), but the phallic symbol was at the heart of many classical arts.

Fars is often depicted on Hermes, Bread, Priapus, or similar gods of various art forms. Its symbolism here was not considered erotic, but was related to protection, reproduction, and even healing. We have already seen phallic use in various home and commercial situations in Pompeii, which clearly reflects its protective properties.

The helm was a stone carving with a head (usually Hermes) on a rectangular pillar, on which the male genitals were carved. These blocks were placed on borders and borders for protection and were so highly regarded that many people said that when the Athens Herm was destroyed before the Athens fleet departed in 415 BC, this was the Navy. I believed it would threaten the success of the mission.

The famous frescoes of the House of the Vettii in Pompeii depict Priapus, the minor and guardian deity of livestock, plants and gardens. He has a huge penis, a bag of coins, and a bowl of fruit at his feet. As researcher Claudia Moser writes, this image represents three types of prosperity: growth (large members), fertility (fruits), and abundance (bags of money).

It is worth noting that a casual look at the museum’s classic sculptures reveals that the bare gods and heroes’ penises painted in marble are very small. Classic cultural ideals often value small penises over large ones and surprise the modern audience.

All the expressions of the big penis in classical art are related to desire and stupidity. Priapus was terribly despised by other gods and was thrown out of Mount Olympus. For the Greeks and Romans, the bigger it was, the better.

Ancient Greece: Mythology and Sex

Classic myths are gender-based. There are many stories of incest, marriage, polygamy, and adultery in mythology. Therefore, the artistic depictions of myths end up portraying these sometimes explicit stories. Zeus’s reckless attitude towards women’s consent in these myths (in many cases he raped Danae in the form of a swan in the form of Leda and Rain) was male domination and female. Strengthened the idea of ​​female contempt for subordination.

The penis was also emphasized in the delightful portrayal of Dio Brando. Dionysus, the god of Greek wine, drama and transformation, is not surprised by his followers, the male satyr and the female menard, and their depictions on the wine vessels.

The satyr was a half-human half-goat. Somewhat comical, but also tragic in a way, they were deep-rooted masturbation and party animals that loved dance, wine and women. In fact, the term saturia is still alive today and is classified by the World Health Organization’s International Classification of Diseases (ICD) as a form of hypersexuality in men, alongside the female form of nymphomania.

The intent of the (upright) satyr on the penis is clear from the appearance of the vase (even if they rarely catch the manado they are chasing). At the same time, their huge erect penis shows the “beastiness” and grotesque ugliness of a large penis, in contrast to the classic ideal of male beauty represented by a smaller penis.

The actors who performed the satyr play at the dramatic festival appeared on stage and in orchestras in fake phallic costumes to show that they were not humans, but Dionysian mythical beasts.

Early classical art collectors were shocked to learn that the Greeks and Romans they admired were earthlings with varying sexual and desires. However, by emphasizing the sexual aspect of this art, they underestimated the non-sexual role of the phallic symbol.

Complete Article HERE!

Sex is back, but it’s going to be different

– and hot

The new sexual revolution is here, and all it took was a deadly pandemic

By

Welcome to the summer of love. The Whoring 20s, Shot Girl Summer, the smell of meat and lotion. A bus passed by yesterday, its side painted with an advert encouraging passersby to “vax, wax and relax”. The new sexual revolution is here, and all it took was a deadly pandemic and a year indoors. It’s true, it’s coming, look, there!

Big women swaggering through a pollarded boulevard, feeling themselves like they’ve never feeled before, suited men singing soul songs under their breath, teenagers standing so close they’re talking in each other’s voices. There’s a picnic by the swings where someone has served themself with mayonnaise on a soft baguette. In the supermarket, women stand mesmerised by the erotic hum of a freezer, and someone inhales the cut flowers with a heavy-lidded smile, and a man gruffly counts peaches. A parking attendant kisses his own lips, the tune of an ice-cream van sounds drunk and yearning. When did everyone get a body? When did everyone descend from the live-work space of their minds and knock through to the basement of those hips, that hair?

Yes, sex is back. For a while there it was touch and go whether it would survive the night, having evolved, devolved over the years into a new kind of touchless touch, many young people choosing to pursue relationships online rather than on sofas. But now, having had time to consider our futures, time to swipe our phones with thrice-washed hands and a new professional grade level of attentiveness, having come to new realisations about touch, loneliness, the pandemic-imposed limits of our new lives and the self-imposed limits of our old ones, the world is ready for its return.

For some, this will simply mean more. It will mean stepping out of the house, a prick in each arm and another in the thigh for luck, and slipping straight into a stranger’s dress, a colleague’s bathroom, the idling Volvo of a dad waiting for the end of Year Six streetdance. Good luck to you comrades, congratulations. But for many, the end of our lockdowns will result in a different kind of sex. New kinks have bred in isolation – a genre of Covid porn is thriving on certain laptops, and fantasies are feverish and confused, dystopian, dreamlike. The danger of touch, the forbidden thrill of brushing past an ungloved wrist, masks no longer only for the unvanilla – sex has changed shape. As has dating. Those months on apps, when people were forced to engage in different kinds of communication beyond just meeting in a bar and thinking this’ll do, are (according to a report Cosmopolitan commissioned from the Kinsey Institute) leading to more considered interactions. They predict “the death of the one-night stand”, and a grand move away from destructive dating habits, towards more experimentation, more thoughtful commitments, more pleasure, and fewer people settling for less – a whole resetting of sexual expectation.

Of course, for many of us, it won’t be easy. Not because we’re not sexy and attractive. No, not that at all. We are all insanely attractive right now actually, thank you, incredibly soft and awkward in our beauty. Everyone is gorgeous and no one is OK. So it will be difficult in the way that all attempts at resocialising are difficult, as we step gingerly into the wild, looking backwards with a scared and red-eyed wonder before trotting cautiously towards the trees. How does a “kiss”, what is to “sex”, who is “hand”, a whispered hiss of questions will echo around the clubs at 2am, two people will insist on time-outs during dinner, just to quickly revise the rules about what is meant to happen next.

The trick will be to weaponise this awkwardness, and transform it into a series of exquisite tensions. It is a chance to be naive again, to purr as a person presses your back like a cat on Instagram or a David Attenborough cub. People are excited simply to sit across from a person they admire, simply to pull the window closed or wetly kiss their cheek – each drop of this excitement must be noted, harnessed and claimed as adorable. There will be people who want to lie fully clothed on top of the covers and breathe at each other. There will be people who want to use all the knowledge accrued from twice-daily Zoom meetings to direct erotic films with high production values and a plotline about office politics. There will be people who unload all the therapy they’ve had across the year on to their partner’s bed and roll around on it. There will be someone for everybody, once they’ve worked out how to say hello, I like you.

It’s going to be a good summer. It’s going to be an interesting summer, with moments of pain, and the sometimes bastard thoughts that make us human. It’s going to be hot, but in ways that occasionally burn, a humid bewildering kind of heat. It’s going to be the summer of complicated, radical, ageing, queered, distanced, unlikely love. Welcome, enjoy, and please wash your hands.

Complete Article HERE!

These Erotic Audio Platforms For Women Are Just What The Doctor Ordered

Better than a one-handed read.

By Kinsey Gidick

When it comes to getting in “the mood,” sometimes a little fantasy fiction is in order. But who wants to pull out a conspicuous paperback with a picture of Fabio on the cover? Romance novels are great and all, but for a more subtle X-rated option there are erotic audio stories.

Bodice-ripping earworms are all the rage right now, and the audio space doesn’t just offer sexually explicit stories. There are now entire apps dedicated to adult literature. Thanks to these catalogs of spicy narratives, you can find just the right tale to suit your mood. In fact, some apps even let you drill down based on fantasy preference while others are intended specifically for a female audience. And if that’s not enough to get you where you need to go, consider that some vibrators can now be synced with audio erotica for the ultimate story climax.

And while many of the apps selling sexy stories require a membership, you can also find free audio erotica as well. So budget need not be a deterrent to enjoying tantalizing tales. All you need is a computer or mobile device to tune in. Just put on your headphones, sit back, and enjoy the show.

1

A Sexy Story Membership

Dipsea

Founded by women, for women, Dipsea is a feminist platform for audio erotica. With many stories to choose from, members can select a monthly or annual plan and then listen to hundreds of stories based on sexual preference and mood.

2

A Steamy Audio Subscription

AudioDesires offers audio sex stories in a membership platform. One reason users might like this app is because it gives a short synopsis of each story, describes the audience (for instance, people who want to listen about a him + her scenario), includes the length of the episode, and mentions what will be included. For instance, in the case of “The Mechanic” AudioDesires says it will include: “dirty talk,” “finger play,” and “from behind.”

3

An Ethical Erotica Option

The tagline of the website Quinn is “quinn girls finish first.” And that goes beyond the content. Quinn, Mashable reports, focuses on “ethical content” that appeals to women. Better yet, all of Quinn’s content is free and ad-free so there are no interruptions.

4

An Easy Entry to Erotica

Audible is an Amazon owned audio book company, but naturally it offers erotica too. That means that while you’re searching for your next road trip audio book, you can quietly tuck a few steamy tales into your cart as well.

5

A Hot Story in Your Audiobook Queue

The eBook site Scribd is another option for audio erotica and has 54,511 results in English, just to give you an understanding of the scale of options. As a bonus, Scribd offers a 30 day free trial, so you can binge listen first before you commit to the service.

6

A Free Erotica Site

Just like the name suggests, literotica is a free erotic fiction website. But it’s now expanded to include audio erotica too, so you can fully indulge your sexy voyeur fantasies without having to read a screen. All stories are submitted by site users, often recorded by the author themselves.

7

A Vibrator-Synced Audio Space

Vibease is a bluetooth vibrator that allows you to sync it with short audio stories. In fact, Vibease now has a growing catalog of audio stories to choose from that are organized by tags like “Male Voice,” “New Release,” “Guided Session,” and “BDSM.”

8

A Sexual Wellbeing Audio Store

Emjoy calls itself a sexual wellbeing platform and that’s because it’s focused on delivering 300+ audio sessions and sexy stories for all types of women. The idea is that sexual health is a part of self-care, so the app doesn’t just serve up steamy stories. It offers information on how topics like “how to feel confident about your breasts” and “how to give and receive the perfect sensual massage.”

Ready to start your sexual audio journey? Tune in to any of these story apps and sites for a hot sec.

Complete Article HERE!

Why single people smell different

There is a wealth of psychological and biological information stored in our scent, but for some reason we choose to ignore it.

By William Park

King Louis XIV of France was obsessed with fragrance. Cut flowers adorned every room in Versailles, furniture and fountains were sprayed with perfume and visitors were even doused before entering the palace. Whether it was because his personal hygiene was not up to the standards we might expect today, or he just enjoyed playing with scent, Louis understood that smell is important.

Our body odour can reveal details about our health, like the presence of diseases (cholera smells sweet and acute diabetes like rotten apples). “It can also reveal information about our diet,” says Mehmet Mahmut, an olfaction and odour psychologist at Macquarie University, Australia. “There are a couple of studies that kind of contradict, but my group found that the more meat you consume the more pleasant your BO smells.”

Men find women’s body odour more pleasant and attractive during the follicular phase of the menstrual cycle, when women are most fertile, and least pleasant and attractive during menstruation. This might have been useful for our ancient ancestors to detect good candidates for reproduction, suggest the authors of that paper. Men’s testosterone levels might improve their scent, too.

While it can change depending on our diet and health, a lot of what makes our smell unique is determined by our genetics. Our body odour is specific enough, and our sense of smell accurate enough, that people can pair the sweaty T-shirts of identical twins from a group of strangers’ T-shirts. Identical twin body odour is so similar that matchers in this experiment even mistook duplicate T-shirts from the same individual as two twin T-shirts.

“This is important because it shows that genes influence how we smell,” says Agnieszka Sorokowska, a psychologist and expert in human olfaction at the University of Wroclaw, Poland, “so, we might be able to detect genetic information about other people by smelling them.”

Collectively we spend billions of dollars trying to change or disguise our natural body odour with perfumes and fragrances (Credit: Michal Bialozej)
Collectively we spend billions of dollars trying to change or disguise our natural body odour with perfumes and fragrances

Your HLA profile is very likely to be different to everyone else you meet – though some people, like your close relatives, will be more similar to you than others. From a genetic point of view, it is an advantage to have a child with someone who has a dissimilar HLA profile. “If you have a partner who is genetically dissimilar in BO and immune profile, then your children will have a better resistance to pathogens,” says Sorokowska.

These women put the T-shirts worn by men with the most dissimilar HLA profile first and last the most similar. So they were able to identify the men, and preferred the men, with the best match in terms of immune system genetics. They didn’t know that was what they were doing, of course – it was subconscious.

The specific mechanism that causes HLA-dissimilarity to result in a better-smelling BO is not known, says Sorokowska. “But it is thought that HLA results in the production of certain substances that are digested by our skin bacteria that produce a certain odour.”

Do humans use genetic information hidden in body odour to choose their partners? It would seem not. In a study of almost 3,700 married couples, the likelihood of people ending up with a HLA-dissimilar partner was no different to chance. We might have a preference for certain smells, and there might be a genetic reason for that, but we don’t act upon smells when choosing who we marry.

“But even though HLA does not influence choices, it influences sexual wellbeing,” says Sorokowska. People with congenital anosmia (the loss of their sense of smell) have poorer relationship outcomes, suggests Mahmut in a study with Ilona Croy at the University of Dresden, Germany.

Many of the experiments on body odour ask women to rank the t-shirts worn by men, and sometimes even their own husbands (Credit: Michal Bialozej)
Many of the experiments on body odour ask women to rank the t-shirts worn by men, and sometimes even their own husbands

Couples who had high HLA-dissimilarity – which presumably happened by chance – had the highest levels of sexual satisfaction and the highest levels of desire to have children.

This link was more strongly seen in women. Women partnered with HLA-similar men reported more sexual dissatisfaction and lower desire to have children. Though when evidence from multiple studies is taken into account, the effect might not be conclusive

To evolutionary biologists the emphasis on female choice makes sense. In nature, females tend to choose males, as it is the mother who invests the most in raising children and therefore has the most to lose by mating with a genetically inferior male. The female must be discerning in her choice, so looks for clues as to a male’s quality. This is why males are often colourful, perform dances, sing songs or offer gifts in nature – they have to prove their genetic quality.

The link between BO preference and genes spurred a fashion for T-shirt speed-dating and even “mail odour” services. But the evidence to support the idea we can make good dating decisions based on smell is unclear. We might say we prefer something, but in practice it would appear we do not make choices based on that preference. Why not?

One reason might be that real-life scenarios are too complex to use scent information accurately. Our other senses can distort the information we take in from smell. Based on body odour alone, we can make accurate assessments of other people’s neuroticism. But when shown a photo of that person alongside a sample of their BO “they got confused”, becoming less accurate, says Sorokowska. “And we are not able to rate neuroticism from faces alone.” She says that BO is more accurate for judging neuroticism, but faces are easier, and often we just do what is easiest.

In another study, married women brought in their husbands’ T-shirts and single women brought in a platonic friend’s T-shirt and these were mixed up with more T-shirts from random men.

“Did partnered women end up with someone whose BO they preferred to others?” says Mahmut. “Not necessarily. There was no overwhelming evidence they put their partner at number one.” In this case, the women had not chosen a husband who had the BO that smelled best to them.

In a separate study by Mahmut, strangers’ BO also smelled stronger than married men’s BO. He speculates that this might be because “there’s some evidence of a correlation between high testosterone levels and stronger BO. We know there is an association between a reduction in testosterone and getting older, which might be due to the things going on in a married man’s life as he gets over 40 – prioritising children and things like that. Men who are in relationships, and more so those that have had children, have lower testosterone.

Men can find women's body odour more attractive at key points in their menstrual cycle (Credit: Michal Bialozej)
Men can find women’s body odour more attractive at key points in their menstrual cycle

So, we know that we give off information about our reproductive quality in our BO, and we know that we can detect it, but we don’t act on it. Should we?

“If your sole interest is finding a partner with good genes, then perhaps you should pay attention to their smell,” says Sorokowska. “But for most people that is not the most important thing, and most people don’t do it.”

Mahmut agrees: “The usefulness of scent has somewhat decreased. We spent tens of thousands of years disguising what we smell like.”

Complete Article HERE!

Choosing Everything

— Why Queerness Is Freedom To Me

By Rebecca Woolf

First, I want to give thanks to all the queer people who didn’t have the luxury of being offered opportunities to write essays about their queerness, and certainly not for pay. I recognize that the privilege I have in writing such an essay, specifically about mid-life queer awakening, is because of all the queer activists who refused to be minimized. I honor every person who has a story they cannot tell, and every person who has one, but was refused a platform — or wasn’t ever afforded the decency of having their humanity recognized.

The first time I had sex with a woman I was 38 years old. This is not counting the times I participated in male-gaze-y sexual situations that were so performative I instinctively duck my head as I write this out of cringe.

In other words, when I was younger, I got drunk and felt up my friends in front of dudes sometimes. Because I knew they would think it was hot.

Throughout my early twenties, I was almost always the straight girl in a sea of gays. And while I was always attracted to women, I was also petrified of them. I was so detached sexually at that point in my life that the idea of connecting with a person anything like me — even if only in body — was a paralyzing thought.

Beyond that, from the vantage point of a femme, straight-identifying white woman who had no experience with homophobia save for speaking out against it on behalf of my friends, it felt disingenuous for me to identify as anyone other than this version of myself: straight, but up for experimenting.

If I were to sexually identify my early 20-something self now, though, it would be “imposter.”  I was a woman masquerading as whatever the man I was fucking was turned on by; unable to articulate her own wants and needs and, frankly, unsure of what they even were.

But all of that changed when, after 14 years of marriage, I became single again at 37. What a relief it was to feel as if I could start over. I was my new life partner now, and to her I solemnly swore that the only gaze I would prioritize from now on was my own.

Entering a sort of reclamation phase, I opened myself up to every possible situation that excited me. There would be no labels on any of it. No expectations. Just freedom to move about the cabin without turbulence.

Unbuckled, wandering me.

Heteroflexible was a term I first heard via the sex positive dating app Feeld, and it was one that resonated immediately. It felt peripherally queer. Like strapping training wheels to my bike and exploring a new cul-de-sac. Beyond that, it suggested a sort of indefinability which appealed to the part of me who never wanted to be labeled again.

Sexually and otherwise, it felt like a misrepresentation for me to identify with a community that had been marginalized in a way I never felt I was — friends who had been kicked out of their homes, banished from their churches, spat on, beaten up or worse, all for coming out of the closet.

And as a cis, white, hetero-passing person, who has never struggled in the way so many of my friends have, I have found myself questioning whether or not there was even a need for people like me to come out. I live in Los Angeles after all. Queerness in our community is the norm. I can count how many straight-identifying girlfriends I have on one hand. Straightness comes as more of a surprise, if I’m being honest.

Not that we are, in any way, living in a post-biphobic society. Statistically speaking, bisexual people, specifically those with cis partners are the least likely to come out.

And it wasn’t until recently that it occurred to me that in the same way I claimed to be an imposter in my early-twenties — centering the male gaze as the only gaze that mattered — I found myself similarly centering all queer voices save for the ones I personally identified with: bisexual cis women.

Because we can pass as straight. Because we tend to engage in heteronormative sex. Because because because because because….

It wasn’t until I had my first solo, sexual, no-men-in-the-room experience that I realized, Wait, no, THIS is for me.

This is for me.

At one point I felt as if I’d left my body, so overwhelmed was I by the euphoria of connecting to another woman in a way I never had before.

When it was over, I cried. Beyond the sexual dynamic between women being so profoundly different, I felt like I had been reborn in my own image. The power of experiencing sex without men was overwhelming to me — not because I do not love sex with men but because, up until that point, sexual experiences without men didn’t exist.

It felt a bit like the dreams I sometimes have, where after years of living in the same house, I discover another room that had been there all along. How could I have missed this? Where have I been all my life?

This, of course, led to more experiences, which led to a love affair — my first and also hers — a coming-together so overwhelming I assumed, I would only ever love women after this.

I am done with men! There’s no going back! Cheers to a future with women ONLY.

But it wasn’t true, and months later, I am once again in a relationship with a cis man — one I happen to love very much.

I am now extremely aware of the fluidity of my sexuality, which is not unlike my fluidity when it comes to intimate relationships — the wanting, the needing of an open door. And a partner who not only respects that, but desires the same thing.

Many women who identify as bi, pan, or queer feel like the nuances of having a non-binary sexuality precludes them from being a part of the conversation. When you’re not queer enough to be gay and you’re not straight enough to be straight, your voice tends to come out as a whisper, your experience less validated. Perhaps because we have confused fluidity with fickleness; recognizing our inability to commit to a team without celebrating what that really means.

And even though I was in free-fall, life-altering-first-love with a woman, I found myself doing what I’d been working so hard NOT to do: pushing myself off the side, standing on the periphery, insisting that my experience was inconsequential. Not valid enough. As a person who claimed to be inclusive, why did I have such a hard time including myself?

There’s a conundrum in feeling empowered by new freedoms and unworthy of experiencing sexual relationships that might be unfamiliar: Because so many of us have spent years in traditional relationships, we never had the opportunities to pursue them. It’s not because we haven’t wanted to, but rather because monogamous heteronormative relationships have not allowed us to.

It is because of this that, for many of us, we don’t know where to begin. Additionally, it is not uncommon for women to come into our sexuality later in life, perhaps because we realize how much of it has been wrapped up in performative heteronormativity. We are told our early experiences were just a phase (Oh, her? That was just her “experimenting” in college) while also struggling with our own internalized monosexism, which suggests exclusive heterosexuality and/or homosexuality is superior or more legitimate because it’s specific. This is not to mention the various forms of biphobia claiming that women are only attracted to other women because of the trauma we’ve experienced with men.

And, because we are so conditioned to get specific — to pick a team — we still feel, even in 2021, that wanting sexual relationships with people of different genders, often simultaneously, makes us indecisive when in reality, many of us, after years of struggling, have finally arrived as our whole selves.

It makes sense if you think about how our culture is so obsessed not only with binaries, but also with choosing one thing. We don’t think twice about asking our children what their favorite color is. Or asking our date about their favorite film. We want so badly for people to choose, to be decisive about one person or one gender or one sexual orientation. And then we get confused when The One isn’t enough, when we realize we don’t work that way.

Queerness isn’t just about sexuality and gender. It’s also about embracing healthy lifestyles that do not fit into a white, patriarchal, heteronormative box. This goes beyond intimate partnerships and intersects with inclusion of all people who deserve love, autonomy, pleasure, and joy.

And isn’t that the whole point of Pride? To pull at the seams of limitation so that everyone, regardless of their past experiences, can pour through the ever-expanding opening? So that all humans — regardless of gender expression or sexual orientation — can experience such moments of intense realization without the fear of repercussions? I want everyone who feels similarly to be able to explore their feelings unencumbered, to experience the euphoria of connection without obstruction.

I have long made an effort to center those who have always identified as queer. But, as a way to understand how to include myself — while also being mindful of the many privileges I possess as someone who has never had to fight against anyone else’s bias to love who I love — I have also spent this time embracing my own version of heteronormative defiance. It’s one that is personal to me, and no one else. It’s a reminder to myself that a person’s truth is theirs to experience, define, and prioritize — not on the periphery of other people’s experience, but to center as our own.

All of this is why, in the end, I knocked the heteroflexible from my dating bio and replaced it with queer.

It is a beautiful thing to stay open. To liberate ourselves from all gazes beyond our own. That’s queerness to me. It’s about embracing the nuances of sexuality and gender and defining ourselves as indefinable. It’s about allowing ourselves to trust our bodies, to listen to our own wants and needs — especially as women and mothers who have centered everyone else’s for so long, only to wake up and realize we have never even asked ourselves what we want out of love — out of sex; out of connection.

And, as we collectively celebrate Pride this month, no matter where we are in our journey and what it took to get to queerness, may we remember that Pride was always a protest against the puritanical fear of queer liberation, acceptance and joy. It has always been a celebration of freedom to live and love and fuck with abandon, in bodies that are worthy of uninhibited truth — filtered through no one’s gaze but our own.

Complete Article HERE!

The push for LGBTQ equality began long before Stonewall

The value of restoring the LGBTQ rights movement’s radical roots

By Aaron S. Lecklider

The annual raising of rainbow flags outside America’s strip malls and the bounty of LGBTQ-friendly swag being hawked inside them can only mean one thing: Pride month is upon us. Ostensibly commemorating the birth of the gay liberation movement, Pride also points to the outsize influence of Stonewall as a singular catalyst for sparking LGBTQ liberation.

And yet, there were activists advocating for LGBTQ Americans decades before the gay liberation movement of the 1960s. This history has been largely forgotten, because their work was tied to a radical social movement critiquing capitalism.

Thanks to the Cold War and the “Red Scare,” gay rights activists made a calculated decision in the 1950s to cut ties with this movement and to purge this history from the story of the fight for LGBTQ rights. While that strategy might have been politically advantageous for some, reclaiming radical queer history is essential to understanding the full scope of LGBTQ lives and politics in the 20th century.

In 1932, leftist journalist John Pittman published “Prejudice Against Homosexuals” in his radical Black newspaper, the Spokesman. “What Negroes and homosexuals both desire,” Pittman wrote, “is to be regarded as human beings with the rights and liberties of human beings, including the right to be let alone, to enjoy life in the way most agreeable and pleasant, to live secure from interference and insult.”

Prejudice against gay and lesbian Americans, Pittman argued, was anathema to social justice. As a Black leftist who was committed to revolutionary politics, Pittman well understood how prejudice structured American life, and he was unyielding in his opposition to all its forms.

One reason that leftists — communists, socialists, anarchists and labor organizers especially — concerned themselves with sexual politics was because radicals often found themselves in shared urban spaces with gay men and lesbians, notably local YMCAs and public parks. According to Jim Kepner, a gay leftist journalist, places such as Pershing Square in Los Angeles were available for “public open-air debate, officially designated as a ‘free speech area,’ ostensibly free from police harassment of people whose views they might find offensive, and also popular for gay cruising.”

These spaces reflected how marginalization from mainstream American life made leftists and LGBTQ Americans into strange bedfellows.

Once gay men and lesbians and radicals found one another, new worlds opened up to them. John Malcolm Brinnin and Kimon Friar, both members of the Young Communist League, developed an intimate partnership and observed other Depression-era same-sex couples who were also “consciously trying to mold the course of their relationship in channels that will fit their new sense of responsibility since they have become Marxists.” Betty Millard described her shared passions for radicalism and same-sex intimacy in her diary. “Socialism & sex is what I want all right,” she wrote in 1934. “I just didn’t happen to explain to him which sex.” The line between sexual and revolutionary desire was so often blurred.

LGBTQ people were drawn deeper into the orbit of the left because they, too, were cast as deviant in American society. “I’m a gay fellow, so what do I care about social position?” a gay man wrote in a 1949 letter. “I don’t want to go to any tea parties.” Allying with the radical left was less marginalizing to those who already lived on the margins of American society. In fact, sexuality and communist leanings were both things that kept people closeted.

One such man was Ted Rolfs, a member of the Marine Cooks and Stewards (MCS), a radical labor union that was well-known in the 1940s for its disproportionately Black and gay membership. “On the San Francisco waterfront,” one member reported, “the word was that the Marine Cooks and Stewards union was a third red, a third Black, and a third queer.”

That unique composition shaped the politics of the union. “If you let them red-bait,” Revels Cayton, a prominent Black MCS member cautioned, “they’ll race-bait, and if you let them race-bait, they’ll queen-bait. These are all connected, and that’s why we have to stick together.”

The existential threat posed by the rise of Nazism shifted the focus of American radicals away from revolution to anti-fascism, which meant building alliances with liberals promoting democracy. Edward Dahlberg published a radical novel, “Those Who Perish,” in 1934 — one year after Hitler’s rise — depicting a gay man at the center of the anti-fascist struggle. Willard Motley, a Black radical writer, gave an anti-fascist speech in the 1940s in which he listed gay men and lesbians among other groups whom Americans “love to hate.” Gay men such as Will Aalto and David McKelvy White joined international soldiers in the Abraham Lincoln Brigade to fight fascism in the Spanish Civil War.

In 1951, it was out of this populist milieu that a group of former communists built on their experiences opposing fascism to form Mattachine, an organization explicitly advocating for gay rights. In 1954, a writer in ONE Letter, a movement newsletter, described its founders as “young communists with a rage to get out and do something active like picketing and get themselves clobbered and perhaps laid.” In one of its earliest actions, Mattachine teamed up with the Los Angeles chapter of the Civil Rights Congress, an organization with deep connections to the U.S. Communist Party, to protest the entrapment of five Mexican American boys arrested in Echo Park.

Yet this alliance was short-lived. In 1953, Mattachine’s founding members were ejected from the organization over concerns about their histories with the Communist Party, and the organization shifted focus to positioning gay men and lesbians as upstanding citizens. The Cold War’s impact on LGBTQ Americans is often remembered through the lens of the “lavender” scare that purged gay employees from the U.S. State Department. But its influence was no less significant in shaping the fledgling homophile movement, an emergent coterie of new organizations sharing the goal of advancing gay rights through full-throated claims to citizenship.

Anti-gay and anti-communist conservatives invoked historical connections between radicals and gay men and lesbians to discredit both groups. “The Homosexual International began to gnaw at the sinews of the state in the 1930s,” one right-wing journalist correctly, but perniciously, wrote in 1960. These sorts of attacks prompted homophile activists to distance themselves from earlier leftists who had spoken out in defense of gay men and lesbians. “Communism and homosexuality,” the editors of ONE Magazine, a nationally circulated homophile publication, declared in 1960, “are contradictory and inimical.”

By the 1960s, members of Mattachine were fully enlisted as stalwart Cold Warriors, using these anti-communist credentials to push for citizenship rights. While earlier leftists had folded gay men and lesbians into a movement advocating for the end of predatory capitalism, the advance of racial justice and the liberation of the working class, the homophile movement sided with those who saw gay rights as disconnected from broader revolutionary struggles. Full incorporation into mainstream American life became their primary goal.

The post-Stonewall gay liberation movement restored some of the radical energy that animated earlier leftists seeking to align sexual politics with radical social change. There is much in that moment that is worth celebrating. Yet ongoing debates about the radical roots of contemporary queer politics too often overlook connections between LGBTQ rights and the left that appeared in the decades before the 1960s.

That’s because the powerful effects of McCarthyism continue to shape which stories get told and whose lives are remembered. The radical LGBTQ political tradition, both its rise and fall, is a history we can take pride in, but one that might require us to take stock as well.

Complete Article HERE!

11 of the best sex books to improve your sex life

Meet the best sex books that feature thoughtful insights to help you learn more about yourself and your partner

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While filling your bookshelf with the best sex books might seem a little outrageous, there’s no shame in wanting to read expert insights and useful advice to improve your sex life and relationship. In fact, it’s something we should all be doing more of.

While investing in the best vibrators or spending time trying out the latest sex positions can do wonders for your sex life, delving deeper into your relationship with the help of the best sex books allows you to explore your own relationship with sex and your relationship with your partner on a whole new level. Becoming equipped with the knowledge of renowned sex therapists will help you learn more about your own sexuality, improve your sex life, and could even relight the passion in a sexless marriage, or help you seduce a man you’ve been married to for years in a whole new way.

Best sex books for heterosexual couples

Whether want to know how to have an orgasm, want sex ideas to incorporate into your next date night, or fancy learning more about female masturbation, there are plenty of sex books out there for you. Ready to delve in?








Best sex books for Queer Couples—same sex, trans, and non-binary

Our edit of the most useful sex books also features non-fiction bestsellers for heterosexual, queer, and non-binary couples. Beyond bedroom intimacy tips, these great reads examine gender, identity, dating culture, empowerment, and other important topics.




Complete Article HERE!

What Is Shibari?

– Shibari Rope and Shibari Bondage

by Explica .co

Allow me to introduce you to BDSM’s sort-of-similar cousin shibari. You may know it as Japanese rope bondage or by the term “kinbaku,” but it’s a contemporary form of rope bondage that originated in Japan, says sexologist Midori, author of Seductive Art of Japanese Bondage. (The term “shibari” literally means “tying” and kinbaku means “tight binding.”)

This sex practice can be enjoyed by all genders, body types, and sexual orientations, and it’s basically just a really great way to bring healthy communication, trust, and spice into your bedroom game — no matter how kinky you are on the BDSM test.

So with the help of four experts, here’s everything you need to know about the rope bondage that can enhance the hell out of your sex life. Oh, and when you’re ready, pls enjoy these rope bondage sex positions too. Enjoyyyyyy!

Simply put, shibari is the act of tying up a person for aesthetic purposes — maybe in a pretty or intricate pattern, typically by using some form of rope. And while shibari is most often used as a means for sexual pleasure, historically, it’s been used as a form of meditation, relaxation, and trust-building practice between two partners, says sexpert Gabi Levi.

You may remember that the sex practice had a lil cameo on Netflix’s series Too Hot to Handle when the contestants tied each other up, but trust, it goes so much deeper than what the show depicted.

How is it different than regular bondage?

Bondage, in general, can use any kind of restriction — handcuffs, tape, ties, scarves, etc. — but shibari refers exclusively to the practice of using rope, or rope-like material, to bind yourself or partner, says sex educator Rev Rucifer. “Shibari is often not just about the sensation of restriction but also about the intimate connection between the rigger and receiver.”

And while rope bondage is used commonly in BDSM practices anyway, “Shibari stands out for its striking visual aesthetic and emphasis on the emotional and psychological connection between the participants,” says Ryan.

How should you and your partner start if you’re interested in trying shibari?

Like engaging in any new sexual experience, communicating your boundaries and hard limits prior to beginning is a must. “Because rope bondage involves restraint and power dynamics, the person being tied may not express boundaries clearly,” says Ryan. “For that reason, be sure to have a clear discussion beforehand about what you both want out of the experience, what is on and off the table, and how you’ll communicate if there is an issue,” he continues.

It’s worth developing a safe word (like “pineapple” or “red”) that could relay to your partner the scene is going too far or there’s a boundary being crossed. Here are some questions you should ask and answer with your partner beforehand:

What do you look and sound like when things feel good to you? How will I know if you’re having fun? How will I know when I need to change course? What kind of mood or feelings do we want to have while we play (rough, tender, naughty, cared for, etc.)?

Once you have boundaries established, you should get familiar with the basics. Here are some things you’ll need to know in order to get started:

Learn how to tie a “single-column tie” (like a Somerville Bowline) because that’s the foundation of the practice, suggests Ryan. Here’s a video tutorial. Start with a floor tie rather than going straight into suspension, says Rucifer. This ensures that you practice the proper methods before jumping into in-air suspension.Have safety sheers on hand… for obvious reasons.Make sure you have a safe and comfortable space to play. It should be familiar to both parties. The preferred material of rope is jute because it’s a strong natural fiber, but hemp and cotton will work too.

Lastly, educate yourself with videos, resources, books, and anything else you can find on the subject to ensure healthy and safe practices. This rope bottom guide is great if you want to be the person tied up. This website offers general education about shibari from trained educators. And this how-to video can properly get you started if you’re new to this world.

So why should my partner and I try shibari instead of regular bondage?

All BDSM practices require high levels of trust and communication, but for shibari, there’s sometimes a more intimate and emotionally-binding (pun intended) component to it. “The sensation of being tied up is not the sensation of being ‘trapped’ but rather lends itself to the idea of ​​completely letting go of the physical bounds and allowing for that deep, emotional catharsis to take place,” says Levi.

“The play between the power dynamics and the release of control from the bottom to the top creates an intimate dance of trust and connection between partners. This often creates deep emotional connection, sometimes experienced as crying, euphoria or simply a feeling of a deeper connection, ”says Rucifer.

Any tips, tricks, or benefits of trying shibari?

Blindfolds will make everything significantly more fun. “These take the pressure off the new adventurer and enhance the sensation for the person bottoming,” says Midori. Keep things simple and sexy. No need to overcomplicate the ties. Relish in the untying part too — don’t just focus on the aesthetics of tying your partner. “Take your time to savor that — it’s often when the skin and body is really awake to sensuality,” says Midori.

Complete Article HERE!

Pride 2021

Happy Gay Pride Month!

gay-pride.jpg

It’s time, once again, to post my annual pride posting.

In my lifetime I’ve witnessed a most remarkable change in societal attitudes toward those of us on the sexual fringe. One only needs to go back 50 years in time. I was 17 years old then and I knew I was queer. When I looked out on the world around me this is what I saw. Homosexuality was deemed a mental disorder by the nation’s psychiatric authorities, and gay sex was a crime in every state but Illinois. Federal workers could be fired merely for being gay.

Today, gays and trans folks serve openly in the military, work as TV news anchors and federal judges, win elections as big-city mayors and members of Congress. Popular TV shows have gay and trans protagonists.

Six years ago this month, a Supreme Court ruling lead to the legalization of same-sex marriage throughout the whole country.

The transition over five decades has been far from smooth — replete with bitter protests, anti-gay violence, backlashes that inflicted many political setbacks, and AIDS. Unlike the civil rights movement and the women’s liberation movement, the campaign for gay rights unfolded without household-name leaders.

And yet some still experience a backlash in the dominant culture. I don’t relish the idea, but I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention it. And while we endure this be reminded that it won’t smart nearly as much if we know our history. And we should also remember the immortal words of Martin Luther King, Jr. “The moral arc of the universe bends at the elbow of justice.”

In honor of gay pride month, a little sex history lesson — The Stonewall Riots

The confrontations between demonstrators and police at The Stonewall Inn, a mafia owned bar in Greenwich Village NYC over the weekend of June 27-29, 1969 are usually cited as the beginning of the modern Lesbian/Gay liberation Movement. What might have been just another routine police raid onstonewall.jpg a bar patronized by homosexuals became the pivotal event that sparked the entire modern gay rights movement.

The Stonewall riots are now the stuff of myth. Many of the most commonly held beliefs are probably untrue. But here’s what we know for sure.

  • In 1969, it was illegal to operate any business catering to homosexuals in New York City — as it still is today in many places in the world. The standard procedure was for New York City’s finest to raid these establishments on a regular basis. They’d arrest a few of the most obvious ‘types’ harass the others and shake down the owners for money, then they’d let the bar open as usual by the next day.
  • Myth has it that the majority of the patrons at the Stonewall Inn were black and Hispanic drag queens. Actually, most of the patrons were probably young, college-age white guys lookin for a thrill and an evening out of the closet, along with the usual cadre of drag queens and hustlers. It was reasonably safe to socialize at the Stonewall Inn for them, because when it was raided the drag queens and bull-dykes were far more likely to be arrested then they were.
  • After midnight June 27-28, 1969, the New York Tactical Police Force called a raid on The Stonewall Inn at 55 Christopher Street in NYC. Many of the patrons who escaped the raid stood around to witness the police herding the “usual suspects” into the waiting paddywagons. There had recently been several scuffles where similar groups of people resisted arrest in both Los Angeles and New York.
  • Stonewall was unique because it was the first time gay people, as a group, realized that what threatened drag queens and bull-dykes threatened them all.
  • Many of the onlookers who took on the police that night weren’t even homosexual. Greenwich Village was home to many left-leaning young people who had cut their political teeth in the civil rights, anti-war and women’s lib movements.
  • As people tied to stop the arrests, the mêlée erupted. The police barricaded themselves inside the bar. The crowd outside attempted to burn it down. Eventually, police reinforcements arrived to disperse the crowd. But this just shattered the protesters into smaller groups that continued to mill around the streets of the village.
  • A larger crowd assembled outside the Stonewall the following night. This time young gay men and women came to protest the raids that were commonplace in the city. They held hands, kissed and formed a mock chorus line singing; “We are the Stonewall Girls/We wear our hair in curls/We have no underwear/We show our pubic hair.” Don’t ‘cha just love it?
  • Police successfully dispersed this group without incident. But the print media picked up the story. Articles appeared in the NY Post, Daily News and The Village Voice. Theses helped galvanize the community to rally and fight back.
  • Within a few days, representatives of the Mattachine Society and the Daughters of Bilitis (two of the country’s first homophile rights groups) organized the city’s first ever “Gay Power” rally in Washington Square. Some give hundred protesters showed up; many of them gay and lesbians.

stonewall02.jpgThe riots led to calls for homosexual liberation. Fliers appeared with the message: “Do you think homosexuals are revolting? You bet your sweet ass we are!” And the rest, boys and girls, is as they say is history.

During the first year after Stonewall, a whole new generation of organizations emerged, many identifying themselves for the first time as “Gay.” This not only denoted sexual orientation, but a radical way to self-identify with a growing sense of open political activism. Older, more staid homophile groups soon began to make way for the more militant groups like the Gay Liberation Front.

The vast majority of these new activists were under thirty; dr dick’s generation, don’t cha know. We were new to political organizing and didn’t know that this was as ground-breaking as it was. Many groups formed on colleges campuses and in big cities around the world.

By the following summer, 1970, groups in at least eight American cities staged simultaneous events commemorating the Stonewall riots on the last Sunday in June. The events varied from a highly political march of three to five thousand in New York to a parade with floats for 1200 in Los Angeles. Seven thousand showed up in San Francisco.

Tantric sex is a slow, meditative form of intimacy that can improve relationships

— Here’s how to practice it

By

  • Tantric sex is a slowed-down version of sex designed to enhance intimacy.
  • Prepare for tantric sex by learning its history, creating a safe space, and practicing mindfulness.
  • To practice on tantric sex, focus on your breath, gaze into each other’s eyes, and slow down.

Have you ever wanted to slow things down in the bedroom and gain a more intimate connection with a partner? If so, you may want to consider tantric sex — a form of intimacy focused on strengthening the ties between you and your partner.

Here’s how to practice tantric sex and tips to integrate the practice into your sex life.

Understanding tantric sex

Tantric sex is a slowed-down version of sex designed to enhance intimacy. It stems from the Sanskrit word tantra, which means woven together, and is rooted in Hindu and Buddhist teachings.

In tantric sex, the goal is not about reaching orgasm quickly (if at all) or about feeling incredible physical pleasure. Instead, tantric sex focuses on creating a genuine mindful connection within yourself and then between you and your partner.

“You feel as if you’re merging together or, rather, that the things that separate you are illusions of the material world,” says Stefani Goerlich, a licensed master social worker and sex therapist. “The result of tantric practice is the creation of close bonds with one’s partner, greater awareness of one’s body, and the development of skills such as mindfulness , restraint, and communication.”

Another benefit of tantric sex is its ability to ease anxiety. Traditionally, intimacy can cause performance anxiety around premature ejaculation, erectile dysfunction, and the worry about ensuring orgasm.

“That pressure… takes you from being in the moment and in your body, to being in your head,” says Kamil Lewis, a sex and relationship therapist in Southern California.

Tantric sex removes those anxieties. “When [you] are able to redirect focus towards experiencing the sensations of simply being present and connected together, [you] are able to enjoy sex without anxiety or fear,” says Goerlich.

How to prepare for tantric sex

If you’re interested in tantric sex, you should prepare in three main ways.

1. Learn about its history

As with any practice rooted in a specific culture, taking the time to understand its history shows respect for its origin and allows you to embrace it with a fuller understanding.

“We cannot take on the spiritual and religious practices of other cultures without taking the time to honor the origins and understand what we’re doing,” says Goerlich. A great place to start could be this cultural and historical overview of tantra.

2. Practice mindfulness

To prepare for tantric sex, Lewis recommends doing a mindfulness practice to connect with your body, become aware of senses, and slow down — all integral aspects of tantric sex.

This can be done through yoga, meditation , or intentionally focusing on sensations and movements throughout the day.

3. Create a safe environment

If trying tantric sex, create a safe environment where you and a partner feel free to connect with yourselves and each other.

“Somewhere where you can feel uninhibited by distractions, and somewhere that you don’t feel self-conscious about sounds you may make,” says Lewis. “Moaning, grunting, and vocalizing are encouraged with tantric sex, so consider a time when roommates, parents, or children aren’t home.”

Tips to practice tantric sex

Once you’re ready to practice tantric sex, you should keep five tips in mind.

1. Focus on breath

Focusing on breath is an essential component of tantric sex, as it allows for deeper connection. Partners are encouraged to synchronize their breaths, so it almost becomes one movement, says Molly Papp, LMFT, sexologist, a certified sex addiction therapist, and owner of Bella Vida Therapy.

As with most mindfulness practices, the breath also grounds you in the present moment. Try paying attention to a part of your body where you feel the breath, like the belly or chest, and refocus your attention to this part.

2. Gaze into each other’s eyes

Spend time gazing into a partner’s eyes. While continual eye contact isn’t necessary for tantric sex, Papp highly recommends it occur often to help build an intimate connection.

Eye gazing is another way of synchronizing to each other’s energy. To gaze deeper, try focusing on having your right eye connect with their right eye.

3. Slow down

Tantric sex is not a race to an orgasmic finish line, but a chance to slow down and explore each other’s bodies. It can last until you reach orgasm, feel connected, or are emotionally satisfied.

This attitude change relieves a lot of typically felt anxiety. “It is especially great for women because of its focus on slowing things down and waiting for arousal to build,” says Papp. “In an age where we are flooded with unrealistic pressure to feel orgasmic pleasure within minutes, this is freeing for many women.”

4. Engage all five senses

The only “goal” of tantric sex is remaining present and being aware of sensations in the body. To do this, Lewis suggests paying attention to all five of your senses, not just touch.

“Notice how your partner smells, what the curves of their bodies look like, what tastes you pick up in your mouth as you kiss, what it sounds like when they or you moan,” Lewis says. “These are all great ways to become grounded in your body and present in the moment.”

5. Incorporate massage

Sex does not need to be penetrative. “Kissing, touching, holding, rubbing, and more can all lead to a full tantric sexual experience, no penetration necessary,” says Lewis.

Even if you want to incorporate penetrative sex, Goerlich says there’s no reason to rush into it. Start by focusing on markers that keep you present and connected, like massaging or cuddling.

“Prolong this sensory exploration and carry it over into your penetrative sex — if indeed you have penetrative sex,” says Goerlich.

In fact, focusing on other forms of intimacy can help keep anxiety levels down. “Something more sensual rather than sexual could help calm one or both partners,” says Papp. “A cuddle session or massage would help relieve that anxiety and ease the experience.”

Insider’s takeaway

Tantric sex slows down an intimate experience and emphasizes the connection between you and a partner.

The practice involves focusing on the breath, staying present, and creating a safe environment to explore sensual intimacy. Remember the end goal of tantric sex is not orgasm, but being present in the given moment.

Complete Article HERE!

The Forgotten History of the World’s First Trans Clinic

The Institute for Sexual Research in Berlin would be a century old if it hadn’t fallen victim to Nazi ideology

Magnus Hirschfeld, right, and his protege and partner Li Shiu Tong, left, at the Fourth Congress of the World League for Sexual Reform, 1932.

By Brandy Schillace

The first gender affirmation surgeries took place in 1920s, at a facility which employed transgender technicians and nurses, and which was headed by a gay Jewish man. The forgotten history of the institute, and its fall to Nazis bent on the euthanasia of homosexuals and transgender people, offers us both hope—and a cautionary tale—in the face of oppressive anti-trans legislation in the United States.

This story begins late one night in Berlin, on the cusp of the 20th century. Magnus Hirschfeld, a young doctor recently finished with his military service, found a German soldier on his doorstep. Distraught and agitated, the young man had come to confess himself an urning, a word used in Germany to refer to homosexual men. It explained the cover of darkness; to speak of such things was dangerous business. The infamous “Paragraph 175” in the German criminal code made homosexuality illegal; a man so accused could be stripped of his ranks and titles and imprisoned.

Hirschfeld understood the soldier’s plight; he was, himself, both homosexual and Jewish. He had toured Europe, watched the unfolding trial against Oscar Wilde, and written an anonymous pamphlet asking why “the married man who seduces the governess” remains free, while homosexual men in loving and consensual relationships—men like Oscar Wilde—were imprisoned. Hirschfeld did his best to comfort the man, but upon leaving his doctor, the soldier shot himself. It was the eve of his wedding, an event he could not face.

The soldier bequeathed his private papers to Hirschfeld, along with a letter: “the thought that you could contribute to [a future] when the German fatherland will think of us in more just terms,” he wrote, “sweetens the hour of death.” Hirschfeld would be forever haunted by this needless loss; the soldier had called himself a “curse,” fit only to die, because the expectations of heterosexual norms, reinforced by marriage and law, made no room for his kind. These heartbreaking stories, Hirschfeld wrote, “bring before us the whole tragedy [in Germany]; what fatherland did they have, and for what freedom were they fighting?” In the aftermath of this lonely death, Hirschfeld left his practice to specialize in sexual health, and began a crusade for justice that would alter the course of queer history.

Hirschfeld called his specialty “sexual intermediaries.” Included beneath this umbrella were what he considered “situational” and “constitutional” homosexuals—a recognition that there is often a spectrum and bisexual practice—as well as what he termed “transvestites.” This group did include those who wished to wear the clothes of the opposite sex, but also those who “from the point of view of their character,” should be considered as the opposite sex.

One soldier with whom Hirschfeld had worked described wearing women’s clothing as the chance “to be a human at least for a moment.” He likewise recognized that these people could be either homosexual or heterosexual, something that is still misunderstood about transgender people today. Perhaps even more surprising was Hirschfeld’s inclusion of those with no fixed gender at all, akin to today’s concept of gender fluid or nonbinary identity (he counted French novelist George Sand among them). Most importantly for Hirschfeld, these men and women were acting “in accordance with their nature,” not against it.

If this seems like extremely forward thinking for the time, it was—possibly more forward thinking than our own. Current anti-trans sentiments center on the idea that transgender is both unnatural and new. In the wake of a U.K. court decision limiting trans rights, an editorial in the Economist argued that other countries should follow suit, and an editorial in the Observer praised the court for resisting a “disturbing trend” of children receiving medical treatments as part of a gender transition. But history bears witness to the plurality of gender and sexuality; Hirschfeld considered Socrates, Michelangelo and Shakespeare to be sexual intermediaries; he considered himself (and his partner Karl Geise) to be the same. Hirschfeld’s own predecessor, Richard von Krafft-Ebing, had claimed in the 19th century that homosexuality was natural sexual variation—and Hirschfeld believed that a person was congenitally born that way.

This was no trend or fad, but a recognition that people may be born with a nature contrary to their assigned gender. And, in cases where the desire to live as the opposite sex was strong, Hirschfeld thought science ought to provide a means of transition. He purchased a Berlin villa in early 1919 and opened the Institut für Sexualwissenschaft (Institute for Sexual Research) on July 6. By 1930 it would perform the first modern gender affirmation surgeries in the world.

A PLACE OF SAFETY

A corner building with wings to either side, the institute was an architectural gem that blurred the line between professional and intimate living spaces. A journalist reported it could not “be a hospital,” for it was furnished, plush, and “full of life everywhere.” It’s stated purpose: to be a place of “research, teaching, healing, and refuge” that could “free the individual from physical ailments, psychological afflictions, and social deprivation.” Hirschfeld’s institute would also be a place of education. While in medical school, he’d experienced the trauma of watching as a gay man was paraded naked before the class, to be verbally abused as degenerate.

At his institute, Hirschfeld would instead provide sex education and health clinics, advice on contraception, and research on gender and sexuality, both anthropological and psychological. He worked tirelessly to try and overturn Paragraph 175, managed to get legally accepted “transvestite” identity cards for his patients, and worked to normalize and legitimize homosexual and transitioning individuals. The grounds also included room for offices given over to feminist activists, as well as a printing house for sex reform journals meant to dispel myths about sexuality. “Love,” Hirschfeld said, “is as varied as people are.”

The institute would ultimately house an immense library on sexuality, gathered over many years and including rare books and diagrams and protocols for male-to-female (MTF) surgical transition. In addition to psychiatrists for therapy, he had had hired Ludwig Levy-Lenz, a gynecologist, and surgeon Erwin Gohrbandt. Together, they performed male-to-female surgery called genitalumwandlung—literally, “transformation of genitals.” This occurred in stages: castration, penectomy and vaginoplasty. (The Institute only treated men at this time; female-to-male phalloplasty would not be practiced until 1949 by plastic surgeon Sir Harold Gillies). Importantly, patients would also be prescribed hormone therapy, allowing them to grow natural breasts and softer features.”

Their groundbreaking studies, meticulously documented, drew international attention—and international patients, as well. Rights and recognition did not immediately follow, however. After surgery, some transwomen had difficulty getting work to support themselves, and as a result, five became nurses at the institute itself. In this way, Hirschfeld sought to provide a safe space for those whose altered bodies differed from the gender they were assigned at birth—including, at times, protection from the law.

LIVES WORTH LIVING

That such an institute existed as early as 1919, recognizing the plurality of gender identity and offering support, even through affirming surgery, comes as a surprise to many. It should have been the bedrock on which to build a bolder future. But as the institute celebrated its first decade, the Nazi party was already on the rise. By 1932, it was the largest political party in Germany, holding more parliamentary seats, and growing its numbers through a nationalism that targeted the immigrant, the disabled, the “genetically unfit.” Weakened by economic crisis and without a majority, the Weimer Republic would collapse. Hitler was named chancellor on January 30, 1933 and would enact policies to rid Germany of lebensunwertes Leben; that is, “lives unworthy of living.” What began as a sterilization program ultimately led to the extermination of  millions of Jews, “Gypsies,” Soviet and Polish citizens—and homosexuals and transgender people. The Nazis came for the Institute on May 10, 1933. Hirschfeld was out of the country. Karl Geise fled with what he could carry; everything else would perish by fire.

The carnage would flicker over German newsreels, the first (but by no means last) of the Nazi book burnings. Troops swarmed the building, carrying off a bronze bust of Hirschfeld and all of his precious books. Nazi youth, women, and soldiers took part, the footage and its voiceover declaring the German state had committed “the intellectual garbage of the past” to the flames. Soon, a tower-like bonfire engulfed more than 20,000 books, some of them rare copies that helped to provide a historiography for nonconforming peoples; they could never be replaced.

The Nazis also stole lists of clients, adding the names to “pink lists” from which to poach homosexuals for concentration camps. Levy-Lenz, who like Hirschfeld was Jewish, fled Germany to escape execution—but in a dark twist, his colleague Erwin Gohrbrandt, with whom he had performed so many supportive operations, joined the Luftwaffe and would later contribute to grim experiments in the Dachau concentration camp. Hirschfeld’s likeness would be reproduced on Nazi propaganda as the worst of offenders, both Jewish and homosexual, all that the Nazis would stamp out in their bid to produce the perfect heteronormative Aryan race.

In the immediate aftermath of the Nazi raid, Karl Geise joined Hirschfeld and his protege Li Shiu Tong, a young medical student, in Paris. The three would continue living together as partners and colleagues with hopes of rebuilding the institute, until the growing threat of Nazi occupation once more required them to flee. Hirschfeld died of a sudden stroke in 1935 while still on the run. Giese committed suicide in 1938—and Hirschfeld’s protgege Li Shiu Tong would abandon his hopes of opening an institute in Hong Kong for a life of obscurity abroad. 

Their history had been effectively erased—so effectively, in fact, that though the newsreels still exist, and the pictures of the burning library are often reproduced, few know they feature the world’s first trans clinic. The Nazi ideal had been based upon white, cishet (that is, cisgender and heterosexual) masculinity masquerading as genetic superiority. Any who strayed were considered as depraved, immoral, worthy of death. What began as a project of “protecting” German youth and raising healthy families had been turned, under Hitler, into a mechanism for genocide.

A NOTE FOR THE FUTURE

The story of Hirschfeld’s institute at once inspires hope and pride for an LGBTQ+ history that might have been, and could still be. It simultaneously sounds a warning. Current legislation, and indeed calls even to separate trans children from supportive parents, bear striking resemblance to those terrible campaigns against so-labeled “aberrant” lives. Studies have shown that supportive hormone therapy, accessed at an early age, lowers rates of suicide among trans youth—but there are those who, counter to Hirschfeld, refuse to believe that trans identity is something you can be “born with.” Richard Dawkins was recently stripped of his “humanist of the year” award for comments comparing trans people to Rachel Dolezal, a civil rights activist who posed as a Black woman, as though gender transition was a kind of duplicity. His comments come on the heels of yet more legislation in Florida banning transgender athletes from participating in sports, and an Arkansas bill denying transgender children and teens supportive care.

The future doesn’t always guarantee social progress. Hirschfeld’s Institute for Sexual Research, with its trans-supportive community of care, ought to have provided a firm platform to build a future that indeed thought of “sexual intermediaries” in “more just terms.” But these pioneers and their heroic sacrifices help to provide a sense of hope—and of history—for LGBTQ+ communities worldwide. May we learn the lessons of history, because where we go from here is up to us.

Complete Article HERE!

Five of the best sex podcasts for your aural pleasure

Sexual relationships are changing, and sex podcasts are breaking the mould. Here’s a quintet we like

By Nenseh Koneh

I still remember my sex ed class in high school. Every other week, my teacher would have us read from sexual health books that had last been signed out by students two decades prior. With graphic pictures of STIs surrounded by penis graffiti on the corner of each page, the books only showed the negatives aspects of sex, and touted abstinence as the best option.

Ten years on, things have, mercifully, changed. Whilst my sex education included dressing a banana with a condom, some organizations are now helping sex talk in the classroom to be geared towards consent culture, rather than merely “no means no”. But when it comes to pleasure, conversation has remained traditional. Despite the fact that roughly 75% of women cannot achieve orgasm through penetrative sex, and that many men enjoy prostate stimulation, for example, the media is still rife with how to guides that are completely focused on penis and vaginal penetration.

Fortunately, sex podcasts, in talking about real-life sex issues, are breaking the mould. From hearing Black queer femmes talk about navigating the world of sex to unfiltered stories about threesomes, cam girls and swingers, these are some of the best sex podcasts to look out for in 2021.

Inner Hoe Uprising

Inner Hoe Uprising is a podcast by a rotating group of four twentysomething Black queer people living in New York that is dedicated to sex, love and dating in different parts of the US. They talk about plenty of sex, but also how the Black experience varies from person to person. For example, one of their most recent guests talked about moving to Tucson, Arizona, and how he faced challenges in his personal life due to being in a predominantly white town.

There is also a current affairs segment called Fuck That, which brings awareness to issues pertaining to sex, love, gender and race, among others. Some of the most recent topics covered include the trans bills passed in Florida banning trans athletes, and the self-proclaimed “sexual addict” shooter involved in the Atlanta spa shootings.

Better In Bed

Love talking about sex but hate not having anyone to talk to about it? Better In Bed is a fun and informative podcast hosted by Sara Tang, a sex coach and educator. The podcast (and Tang’s career in general) was inspired by bad sexual education in school, and seeks to act as a corrective.

Tang talks about sexting, toys, BDSM and orgasmic meditations (which allows an orgasm by slowing down and becoming mindful of yourself, rather than rushing and over-focusing). Having trouble imagining it? Well, no worries – in one episode, Tang, with the help of YOLO coach Ying Han Cheng, demonstrates an orgasmic meditation live by performing actions on her clitoris. The practice is meant to be a calm and relaxing experience that channels your own pleasure, possibly changing your entire perspective on orgasms.

Along with a rotating guest list of other sex educators and friends, the show mixes personal experiences in with tips. Even if you think your sex life is satisfactory now, Tang’s podcast, which is well researched and full of surprises in every episode – will help you have more fun.

Sex with Strangers

If you love sex, culture and travel, this podcast will be right up your alley. Sex with Strangers is a traveling sex podcast hosted by Chris Sowa, who travels the world to talk to new “strangers” about sex in every episode. From a trans cam girl who grew up in a conservative US town to an Australian couple that has had threesomes with at least 22 women, no topic is off limits.

Sowa uses the cross-cultural element of his work to analyse what is on offer for the sexually curious in different places, from Icelanders joining in their country’s hook-up and BDSM culture, to the rope bondage and love hotels on offer in Japan.

Due to the pandemic, Sowa’s travel is currently limited, but he is still able to call in his international guests.

We Gotta Thing

Ever wanted to learn about swinger relationships, or secretly desired to be in one? We Gotta Thing, hosted by a married couple going by the names Mr and Mrs Jones, may help you break the ice on the topic. With 37 years of marriage under their belt, the couple talks about every aspect of their lifestyle, all while drinking cocktails. The couple shows us that more goes into “swinging” than people may perceive, including how to reject a couple you have no sexual desires for, how to address consent in a situation defined by blurred lines, or how to budget your newfound swinger sex lifestyle.

Esther Perel’s Where Should We Begin

Although this podcast has been around for quite some time – since 2017 – it was revolutionary for its time, and still is. Who else to look towards for advice about sex and relationships other than a psychotherapist?

In Where Should We Begin, Perel invites listeners to a therapy session between her and a new couple every episode, delving into some of the most taboo topics in relationships, and coming up with inventive ways to spice things up in the bedroom.

Perel, a therapist known for her motto of “fixing the sex first”, broaches topics with couples who have serially cheated on each other, trying to find the perfect balance of effort in an international long-distance relationship, and even a wife having sex with other women after years of frustration in her marriage and sex life. Perel does not hold back with her questions as she wants the couples to benefit from her services as much as possible.

The 50-minute podcast is well edited, with plenty of soundbites from the session and Perel’s additional take in between. She also offers guided questions for each episode that may make you play devil’s advocate and spike interest in something you might not have previously considered.

Complete Article HERE!