— Here are some low-key ideas for sexual play
Don’t be afraid to explore
By Mia Erickson
Not sure where to start when it comes to spicing things up in the bedroom? Don’t be discouraged. Here’s how one viral TikTok expert suggests approaching sexual play, breaking down kink for beginners.
Kinks, fetishes and wild sexual fantasies are more often than not surrounded by a haze of misinformation, shame and secrecy. However, according to one historical author, sexual play has long been a crucial part of society.
Sharing her fascinating research with the world, author Esmé Louise James has become a TikTok sensation, boasting over 2.4 million followers, and earning a spot on the platform’s top one per cent of creators. Unmasking the fantasies and bedroom proclivities of some of history’s most prominent figures, James’ content continues to captivate her constantly growing audience.
Joining Felicity Harley, host of the Healthy-ish podcast, James breaks the fascinating world of kink, from its historical roots to today’s contemporary interpretations. Unpacking the importance of sexual exploration, the pair break down some of the stigma still attached, discussing some simple yet effective kink practices for beginners.
The history of kink
You don’t need a PhD to recognise just how XX our interpretation of all things sex has been throughout history. With every new era and cultural transformation, we seem to backtrack and reject the attitudes of late, either wholeheartedly embracing our sexuality as a society, or dismissing its relevance completely.
“Kink is generally defined as any sexual behaviour that sits outside of normal, and our definition of that can change over time,” explains James. “I guess we would define it now as anything outside of vanilla sex.”
Fluid and ever-changing, our sexual preferences and habits can’t be so easily labelled, meaning defining kink depends entirely on the context. According to the history buff, kink practices things that we would find very shocking today have existed for as long as we’ve had a human history.
“One of my favourite ones is that in the 17th century, flagellation and strangulation became so popular in England that they actually had to put laws in place because people were becoming harmed at brothels and in houses by spanking,” explains the author. “It became known as the ‘English vice’, and this was spread across Europe.”
The biggest misconceptions surrounding common sexual practices
Reflecting on the vast and ever-changing sexual landscape throughout history, James urges people to consider how their own contexts and personal histories may have influenced their comprehension of kink practices. She says in order to truly embrace and understand kink practices, one must steer the conversation away from intercourse, instead exploring the idea of pleasure and experience.
“One thing we often look over is the importance of imagination in sexual experience as well, especially for women,” the author explains. “And my God, the amount of times that we’re in the bedroom and our head is thinking about a million different other things, ‘what are we going to cook for dinner?’ ‘Have we done the laundry?’, all of these kinds of things that we’re running a million miles an hour.”
“So being able to engage the imagination in the bedroom I think is one of the easiest but most overlooked aspects of intimate experiences with someone,” she adds.
How to bring kink into the bedroom
If you’re curious about exploring the world of kink or feel like adding a bit of spice to your usual bedroom antics could pay off for you and your partner, James says it’s important not to overcomplicate matters. She suggests starting with safe, simple sensory exploration, explaining that closing down on sense, such as wearing a blindfold, can heighten and stimulate your body’s other responses.
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“Just one of you putting on a blindfold and experimenting with feeling things like feathers or silk or other things on your body, that is technically a kink because it deviates from vanilla sex,” says James. “It’s something that I think is a nice, easy access point for people to start experimenting with different sensual behaviours in the bedroom.”
But if feathers and blindfolds don’t quite scratch the itch for you, the TikTok-famous historian says it might be worth turning to the past for some inspiration.
“I always say to people, you know, if you’re looking to spice things up, what’s the best thing to do? Go and read some pornography from the 1800s,” says James. “Honestly, read about what people were doing and practising back hundreds of years ago, and weirdly enough, I think it normalises experimentations for us now.”
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