How a bad night’s sleep affects your sex life

— Another reason to go to bed

By Penelope Clifton

Turns out a poor night’s sleep can not only be detrimental to your mood and energy levels but also to your libido.

We might need to rethink the term ‘beauty sleep’ because missing out on the recommended eight hours is hard on more than just your looks.

According to the 2023 ResMed Global Sleep Survey, one in five Australians says their sex life is lacking, the highest of any participating country.

Sex has so many benefits; it can lower your blood pressure, boost your immune system, and even act as pain relief. It’s also great for self-esteem and can help promote a better night’s sleep. The problem is, not many of us are that keen when we’re sleep deprived.

The survey found millennials are most affected, with one in four from that age bracket vocalising a link between their sleep quality and decreased sex drive.

Just 8.7 per cent of Australians said they woke up feeling happy or energetic in the AM, so that’s not many of us adults getting hot and heavy under the covers.

“Embracing our sexuality and focusing on intimacy, especially in these cold months, is a beacon of warmth and connection,” sexologist Chantelle Otten says.

“It’s an overlooked fact that our sleep quality and libido are intricately linked. A poor night’s sleep doesn’t just leave you feeling drained and foggy; it can also dampen your desire.”

Embracing our sexuality and intimacy can lead to sex, which in turn can result in a good night’s sleep. The following day you’re more likely to be well-rested, leading to an increase in libido – and the cycle can continue.

This is undoubtedly a tough ask for new parents, those dealing with mental health issues or those of us who are simply overworked, however, it doesn’t have to involve the full month. A cuddle can also do the trick.

According to Christine Rafe, a sex and relationship therapist and director at the Good Vibes Clinic, it’s important for people to be aware of the correlation between sex and sleep.

“Partner intimacy whether sexual or non-sexual is a form of co-regulation, and even hugging and soft slow touch with a partner can activate a relaxed or regulated state which is essential for falling and staying asleep.”

She suggests creating space for physical connection with your partner in the lead-up to bedtime and then trying to carry it through to the bedroom to really reap the benefits of co-regulation.

“The hormones released during sexual pleasure and orgasm combat stress and help to regulate our nervous system, meaning orgasms can support falling asleep as well as the quality of our sleep,” she says, supporting Otten’s advice.

An added bonus is it will bring you and your partner closer as a couple.

“Decreased libido or discrepancies in libido can be distressing for both people within the partnership and can have relational, emotional and psychological impacts,” Rafe says.

One thing Australians do well is supporting their partner, says ResMed sleep physiologist Tim Stephensen. He claims we’re pretty encouraging of our partners to seek help regarding poor sleep and vice versa.

“One of the primary reasons Australians seek support for their sleep is due to their partner’s encouragement once their sleep becomes impacted, such as through loud snoring,” he explains.

“The relationships people take into the bedroom are highly influential on sleep health. A good night’s sleep is vital for a person’s sexual, physical and mental health.”

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