Tag: Sexual Performance

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TikTok is talking about sex dry spells.

— So, how do you get out of a slump?

Sex slumps happen. Here’s how to reconnect.

By Anna Iovine

So, you haven’t had sex in a while. Whether you’re single or in a relationship, no sex can be troublesome — and with social media showing everyone’s highlight reel, you can feel like you’re the only one. The good news is, you’re absolutely not; TikTok has over 35 million videos related to “dry spells,” for example. And, luckily, there are steps you can take to help. Mashable spoke to three experts about what to do if you’re in a sex slump.

Why do dry spells happen?

There’s a slew of reasons why sex slumps or dry spells occur, including individual, medical, and relational reasons, said sex therapist, expert for sex toy brand LELO, and author of Becoming Cliterate, Dr. Laurie Mintz. For instance, medications like SSRIs can decrease interest in sex, as can physical and psychological reasons, like pelvic pain or depression. Sexual pain is often a hidden driver of a slump, she said; sex shouldn’t hurt, so if it does, see a doctor.

Issues like being too busy, chronic stress, insomnia, and body image issues can also lead to a lack of sex. Within relationships, anger and resentment (whether large or small), or feeling either disconnected or too connected (like siblings) can as well, Mintz continued. Other issues like sexual boredom and not enjoying sex can result in sexual disinterest, too.;

“To understand the reason for a dry spell it’s important to understand that our sex life is a very sensitive creature, which responds to what is transpiring in our lives in general,” said Julia Svirid, in-house sex coach at sex education platform Beducated. Unresolved issues like those mentioned above, as well as mismatched libidos or desires, can lead to a dry spell.

On the other hand, dry spells can occur even if there’s no issues in the relationship. If you have a lack of free time or are experiencing a major life change — like moving or having a baby — that can contribute to the lack of sex too.

Take a moment to admit you’re going through a dry spell and miss sex, said Svirid. “There is nothing wrong with you,” she said. “Single people experience sex slumps all the time too.”

Ask yourself what’s stopping you from having sex. Here are some questions Svirid offered:

  • Did you have negative sexual experiences in the past, and now you are afraid of being intimate?
  • Are you unsure where or how to find a partner?
  • Have you forgotten how the “sex game” works because you have been out of it for so long?

Whatever the reason, Svirid said, addressing it can help you move forward.

You don’t have to do this work on your own; professionals like sex therapists can help you. “If underlying issues persist, it’s advisable to consider sex therapy or consult a healthcare professional for medical concerns,” said sexologist at Bedbible Rhiannon John. “Therapy can be beneficial for both individuals and couples, depending on the underlying issues, and it can provide support through medical challenges as well.”

John also advised prioritizing self-care to reduce stress and enhance your overall well-being. This includes getting enough sleep, movement, and nutritious foods, and maybe even some meditation.

Don’t forget to masturbate, either. Mintz recommends reading, watching, or listening to erotica to get your interest going. Invest in your pleasure with sex toys and lube; you don’t need a partner to enjoy those!

“Take time to explore your own desires and fantasies through self-pleasure or self-discovery,” John concurred. “This can be through masturbation, or through sexual mediums such as erotica, or ethical pornography.”

How to get out of a dry spell if you’re partnered

Communication is always the first step to solving a couple’s sexual problem, said Mintz. Talk about it outside the bedroom. Here’s a script she provided:

I want to talk to you about something that’s a bit scary to discuss. However, I love you and want our relationship to be the best it can be and so I am bringing this up. I’ve noticed that we haven’t been having sex as much lately. Our sexual relationship is important to me, and I want us to figure this out and work on it.

Then, talk about the reasons the dry spell may be occurring, whether they’re specific to your relationship (i.e. resentment) or not (i.e. stress). Once again, you may find a therapist (general or a sex-specific therapist) helpful to work out issues. If therapy is inaccessible, there are other educational resources out there like books — such as Mintz’s — and sites like Beducated.

“Both partners should be willing to make changes and put in some effort,” said Svirid.

Make sex a priority by committing time and energy to it. Mintz suggested scheduling sex — it may take away the spontaneity, but it can assure you and your partner will get some sexy time in, and it can build anticipation. You may find that you’re too tired to have sex at night; do so in the morning or afternoon if possible.

If you have children, perhaps you can find time to have sex when they’re at an extracurricular activity or with their grandparents. Hire a babysitter and instead of going out to dinner, book a hotel room, Mintz said.

Try new things, be it toys, kinks (if you’re both into that), or erotica — especially if boredom is the main reason behind the slump. Let go of what sex “should” look like, be it spontaneous or penis-in-vagina, and instead focus on each other and your pleasure.

But don’t forget emotional intimacy, either. John recommends scheduling date nights or other intimate moments that allow you to reconnect on a deeper level. This will strengthen the emotional bond between you two. There are other ways to maintain intimacy besides sex, as well. “Even if sex is less frequent, continue to nurture emotional intimacy through cuddling, hugging, and affectionate gestures,” said John.

“The most important thing,” Svirid said, “is to be honest with each other and for both of you to be willing to make changes.”

Understand that sex slumps are normal, Svirid continued, and not having a ton of sex doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you or your relationship. Mintz said the sooner these issues are addressed, the better, however, so issues don’t snowball.

“If you expect your sex life to always remain the same, no matter what, then you are setting yourself up for disappointment,” Svirid said. Just as you and your partner will change as individuals over time, so will your relationship and so will your sex life.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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Are Aphrodisiacs Worth Trying?

— A complementary approach to improving libido

By Anna Giorgi

Aphrodisiacs include food, drinks, or drugs used to increase your libido or sex drive. They may also improve your performance or increase your pleasure during sex.

While some substances can impact your body, research often fails to prove their effect on desire. Others can have harmful or even lethal results. It is also thought that the increased libido you feel from these items may be tied to the placebo effect rather than physical changes.1

This article describes why people use aphrodisiacs and whether there is proof they work. It also includes foods, herbs, and other items that are thought to affect sexual desire.

Reasons People Use Aphrodisiacs

The reasons people use aphrodisiacs vary by individual. Generally, people hope to make sex more enjoyable by increasing their sexual potency and performance.
The motives people have for using aphrodisiacs typically include the following:2

  • Increase libido: Low libido can cause a decreased desire and interest in sex. Your libido is affected by internal and external factors such as hormonal changes, aging, relationship problems, changes in physical conditions, medication side effects, and depression, among other issues. Research suggests that sexual dysfunction (problems that prevent a person from enjoying sexual activity) affects 43% of women and 31% of men.3
  • Extend potency and stamina: Potency and stamina can affect your ability to become and remain aroused during sex. Men may seek aphrodisiacs to counter issues such as erectile dysfunction (ED) (the inability to achieve or maintain a penile erection) and premature ejaculation (ejaculation during sex before satisfaction). For women, problems with potency and stamina may be linked to issues such as vaginal dryness or pelvic pain.3
  • Increase sexual pleasure: Even if libido and potency are not problems, people may seek to improve their sexual experience. Your brain and physical actions work together to lead to the orgasmic phase of sex. People may seek to enhance sexual pleasure by trying aphrodisiacs that promise to act on these triggers.4

    • Do “Natural” Aphrodisiacs Work?

    With all the hype that some substances carry, it’s common to wonder whether aphrodisiacs are real. Generally, most “natural” aphrodisiacs don’t work. According to the Food and Drug Administration (FDA), no supposed over-the-counter (OTC) aphrodisiac is scientifically proven to be effective at meeting its claims.5

    While there is often no sound scientific proof for using these substances, there is some anecdotal and historical evidence that some plant-based substances may impact arousing desires and improving sexual performance.6

    • Support the production of sex hormones
    • Improve blood flow
    • Activate neural pathways that support sexuality

    One of the biggest impacts of natural aphrodisiacs is their impact on your psychological state. While the benefits you achieve may be related to a placebo effect (an improvement in a subject’s condition that can’t be attributed to the treatment itself), anything that makes you feel more relaxed, calm, and confident about your sexuality will likely elevate your libido, performance, and experience.7< Additional natural ways to improve your libido and sexual satisfaction include the following strategies:

    • Participate in regular exercise: Research indicates that regular exercise may lower the risk of erectile dysfunction in men and increase sexual arousal in women.8
    • Eat a healthy diet: Growing evidence supports the role of diet in sexual function. General dietary principles that emphasize a plant-forward diet, such as the Mediterranean diet, can offer many benefits to mental and cardiometabolic health, which support all aspects of reproductive health.9
    • Manage stress: When stressed, your body releases the stress hormone cortisol, intended to be delivered in short bursts of energy to relieve stressors. Chronic stress can suppress sex hormones and lower your sex drive. Stress management techniques like meditation, deep breathing, mindfulness, and massage, can help you de-stress before intimacy and improve your experience.10

    Possible Side Effects

    While so-called natural aphrodisiacs may be viewed as safer than medications because they are readily available without a prescription, that is not always the case.

    The mechanisms of action of many aphrodisiacs can cause a wide range of possible side effects. In addition, the fact that they are not regulated increases the risk of aphrodisiacs being mislabeled, unstandardized, or produced with multiple ingredients whose effects may not be known.11

    Your side effects and the intensity at which they occur depend on many factors, such as other medications you may be taking. In a review of the pharmacology effects of herbal sexual enhancers, researchers reported that interactions of aphrodisiacs with other substances and herbal formulas represent these substances’ most significant health risks.1

    Researchers report that side effects of aphrodisiacs can include many problems, many of which may not be known due to the lack of research and the variety of substances used. These side effects include the following:1

    Aphrodisiac Foods

    Aphrodisiac foods vary by geographic location and culture. While many foods are touted as improving sexual desire and/or performance, most claims are not backed by science and may just help you feel better. However, there is evidence that the following foods may help your sex life:

    • Oysters: While research is lacking to support the belief that oysters promote sexual arousal, oysters are rich in zinc, an essential mineral for men’s health, normal sperm function, and fertilization. This is the basis for the thought that oysters are effective aphrodisiac foods for males. In biology, zinc deficiency is linked with sperm dysfunction, low testosterone levels, and male infertility.12 Raw oysters also contain D-aspartic acid and N-methyl, which have been linked to higher sex hormone levels in animals.13
    • Watermelon: While evidence is lacking on the impact of watermelon on human sex drives, watermelon flesh has had an aphrodisiac effect on male rats. Researchers said the findings support using watermelon flesh for increasing potency and countering ED in men. The impact may be tied to the citrulline amino acid, which helps increase circulation in your sex organs.14
    • Maca root: Maca root is the root of a cruciferous vegetable, which comes from the same family as broccoli, cabbage, and cauliflower, and is rich in vitamin C, zinc, copper, and calcium. In one study, an increase in sexual desire was reported by half of all participants who consumed 3 grams of maca root for 12 weeks. Improvements in mood, energy, and health-related quality of life, which can promote a healthier sex life, were also reported.15
    • Apples: Apples are rich in quercetin, a type of flavonoid, a substance that has anticancer, antioxidant, antiviral, and anti-inflammatory properties. Research shows that quercetin can lower blood pressure, helping men avoid high blood pressure linked to erectile dysfunction.16 In one study, male participants with a higher fruit intake achieved a 14% reduction in erectile dysfunction, possibly due to their flavonoid content.17
    • Red wine: Research indicates that alcohol can increase sexual arousal in women. In one study, women who drank one to two glasses of red wine daily reported more sexual desire and better sexual function.18
    • Some meats: Certain high-protein foods like beef, chicken, and pork contain compounds that improve blood flow, a key element in sexual response among males and females. These compounds include L-carnitine, L-arginine , and zinc. Research indicates that arginine supplements significantly improved ED in participants who took these supplements vs. those who took placebo or no treatment.19

    Aphrodisiac Herbs

    The following herbs have been used as aphrodisiacs:

    • Ashwagandha: The Indian herbal remedy ashwagandha shows promise as a natural “female Viagra” (working like a drug prescribed to males for erectile dysfunction), based on the positive effects reported from studies of sexual dysfunction in both women and men. It is believed to have medicinal benefits in treating several conditions and as an aphrodisiac.20
    • Cannabis: Research indicates that cannabis has sexually stimulating effects. This herb can increase sexual desire and intensify sexual experiences for both men and women. It may also indirectly enhance sexual function by increasing relaxation and sensory focus. However, too much of it may inhibit sexual function and satisfaction.21
    • Fenugreek: Fenugreek is an annual plant whose seeds are used in South Asian cooking. It appears to contain compounds that your body can use to make the sex hormones estrogen and testosterone. In a small study that included women with low sex drives, participants who took a daily 600 milligram dose of fenugreek extract showed a significant increase in sexual arousal and desire in women.22
    • Ginseng: Ginseng is the root of a plant that is used as a dietary supplement, aphrodisiac, and in treatments in Chinese medicine. Ginseng is said to trigger the release of nitric oxide (NO), which promotes the dilation of blood vessels. This improves blood flow to the penis, improving an erection.23
    • Horny goat weed: Horny goat weed is a type of flowering plant used in traditional Chinese medicine. The results of animal studies indicate that this herb may have aphrodisiac properties by impacting hormone regulation and increasing blood flow to the penis.24
    • Chlorophytum borivliianum: Chlorophytum borivliianum can be useful for treating certain forms of sexual difficulties like premature ejaculation and oligospermia (low sperm count). Researchers attributed the observed effects to the testosterone-like effects of the extracts.25
    • Yohimbe: Yohimbe comes from the bark of certain trees that grow in India and Africa. In the United States, it is administered by prescription to treat sexual dysfunction. It is also included in some OTC supplements.

    However, whether over-the-counter Yohimbe products provide the same benefits as the prescription is uncertain. Research is lacking on whether its use as a dietary supplement is useful as an aphrodisiac. It has been linked with seizures and heart attacks.26

    Preparing Herbs

    Many herbs are consumed as a beverage after special preparation using an infusion or decoction technique. While an infusion is used for leaves, a decoction is usually reserved for harder herbs like roots, bark, and seeds. These brewing methods are performed using the following steps:27

    Infusion:

    1. Pour hot water over dried leaves, berries, or other plant matter.
    2. Wait to allow the matter to steep in the hot water (timing varies by ingredient).
    3. Remove the plant matter before drinking.

    Decoction:

    1. Grind or crush the root, bark, or seeds.
    2. Heat the required quantity of herbs with water for about 30 minutes, until about 50% of the water is lost.
    3. Remove the plant matter before drinking.

    Why Work With a Registered Herbalist?

    Herbs and other natural treatments are not regulated for content and quality the way drugs are in the United States. Working with a registered herbalist from the American Herbalist Guild can help you use these substances safely. Registered herbalists have completed professional training in the use of herbs and plants as aphrodisiacs and other treatments.

    Aphrodisiac Supplements

    The following natural substances are used are often used as aphrodisiac supplements:

    • Arginine: L-arginine is an amino acid that causes the dilation of tiny blood vessels and increases blood flow. In a study of men with ED and no underlying diseases, daily high doses of L-arginine caused improvement in sexual function.28
    • L-carnitine: L-carnitine is an amino acid present in many foods, especially those of animal origins like beef and chicken. Research shows that this substance may increase sperm maturation, sperm motility, and sperm production.29
    • Zinc: A study of 116 postmenopausal women with low zinc levels showed that zinc supplementation can improve testosterone levels and sexual function in postmenopausal women. Women who took zinc supplements reported improved sexual desire, arousal, satisfaction, vaginal moisture, orgasm, and less pain during intercourse vs. the control group.30

    Summary

    The use of aphrodisiacs involves a search for ways to increase sexual craving, performance, and pleasure that has lasted for thousands of years. While certain foods, herbs, and other products may affect the way you feel, most claims have little to no proof based on science.

    However, some products may have value. Those that work to increase blood flow may help improve blood flow to the genitals. This can be helpful for people who have problems with circulation.

    Other products may have value in the placebo effect. This can make you expect better sex and thereby achieve it.

    Consult your healthcare provider before using herbs or other new products. While these products may not have a big impact on your sex life, some can cause problems by mixing with prescribed drugs or other treatments.

    Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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    What is delayed ejaculation?

    — Here’s what you need to know about this little-talked about problem

    Delayed ejaculation has several possible causes, including certain prescription drugs and medical issues, like low testosterone.

    By Martha Kempner

    While guys who climax too quickly, like the high school teen who can’t even get his pants off before it’s all over, is a well-known issue, there’s a flip side to that problem: being able to go and go and go without reaching orgasm, a condition known as delayed ejaculation.

    There isn’t a lot of research on it, but a 2016 study estimated that between 1% and 4% of men experience delayed ejaculation all the time or when with a partner. The researchers also noted that it’s the “least studied and least understood of male sexual dysfunctions.”

    Delayed ejaculation is the inability to climax within a reasonable amount of time. What’s reasonable varies for each person, but some experts cite needing more than 30 minutes of sexual stimulation to reach orgasm as a sign of a problem. There’s no need to get out a stopwatch; the real test of whether this is an issue is how often it’s happening and how you and your partner feel about it.

    We rarely talk about men’s sexual health, and the feelings of failure that can come with not being able to climax mean we talk about this issue even less than others like premature ejaculation or erectile dysfunction. Ignoring it, however, may trap couples in a cycle of anxiety that ends with one or both partners deciding it’s better to avoid sex altogether than have this happen again. Spoiler alert: It’s not.

    Here are some ways to break that cycle.

    Talk to your partner

    Don’t let this become the elephant in the room — or in your bed. “Without talking about the issue, our minds are left to speculate and ruminate,” Ian Kerner, a sex therapist and author of She Comes First, tells Yahoo Life. “A partner may start to worry that maybe the person with DE is no longer attracted to them or is bored by the sex.”

    Communication is crucial, and Kerner notes that how we address these subjects matters. “When having these sorts of conversations, always begin with how you’re feeling and your own vulnerability,” he says. “Start with ‘Hey, I’ve been feeling anxious.’ Generally talking about the elephant in the room is a relief and gets you on the same team.”

    Rule out medical issues

    Medical issues known to cause delayed ejaculation include low testosterone, spinal cord injuries and certain infections. DE can also be a side effect of common prescription drugs, such as antidepressants and blood pressure medications. A new study found that DE is associated with more underlying health issues — both physical, such as testicular dysfunction, and emotional, such as anxiety — than premature ejaculation or erectile dysfunction.

    Dr. Michael Eisenberg, a urologist at Stanford University, says that a health care provider can assess whether a medical problem is causing delayed ejaculation. “We will evaluate the timing of the condition, determine if it’s situational, assess hormones and determine underlying health conditions,” he tells Yahoo Life.

    Change your routine

    Delayed ejaculation can also be caused by desensitization of the penis. Dr. Jesse Mills, director of the UCLA Men’s Health Clinic, tells Yahoo Life that, like all other parts of our bodies, penises can lose sensitivity as we age. They can also get used to certain triggers: “The key to orgasm is friction,” Mills explains. “There’s no orifice as tight as a man’s own hand. If that’s what he’s used to, he may have sensitivity issues he has to overcome.”

    Masturbation is good for you, but if you suspect desensitization, consider cutting back, especially when you’re expecting to have partnered sex soon.

    Resetting your expectations can also help. Remember that penetrative sex isn’t everything. Just as many women need clitoral stimulation to orgasm, you may need something more intense as well. Consider adding some sex toys, such as a prostate massager or a vibrating sleeve, which can amp up your orgasm. There’s also nothing wrong with finishing using your own hands while your partner curls up next to you.

    Find an expert

    If you are still having trouble finishing, it may be time to see an expert, whether that’s a sexual medicine doctor or a sex therapist.

    Mills is a member of the Sexual Medicine Society of North America, a group that includes urologists, gynecologists, neurologists and sex therapists. He says this is a great place to start, since the website can help you find providers in your area. The American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors and Therapists can also help you find a certified sex therapist near you. “Anybody that has specialized training and interest in sex can get the workup rolling,” he says.

    A sexual medicine expert can also help couples who are dealing with DE while they are trying to get pregnant. Eisenberg says there are medical ways to assist with ejaculation or sperm extraction, which can help couples separate fertility issues and sexual concerns.

    Sex is supposed to be pleasurable and relieve our stress, not cause it. If you’re having trouble reaching orgasm, talk to your partner and reach out to medical and mental health experts for help.

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    There’s more to sex than having an orgasm

    – Men need to understand that

    It’s time we stopped putting so much emphasis on ‘the big O’

    By

    There’s nothing quite like the expression on a man’s face after he’s made a woman orgasm – that cheeky smirk and unmistakable glint in his eyes that’s just begging for some ‘good boy’ praise.

    Ladies, you know what I mean… and gentlemen, I’m about to let you in on a secret.

    That climax you were so proud to deliver? It might have been nothing but an elaborate show.

    Most straight women I know have – at one point – faked, exaggerated or skipped their own pleasure. But we never pretend for our own benefit.

    So, dear men, it’s time to sit up and pay attention as we tackle ‘the big O’.

    Beyond faking it, I want to highlight how women can find it very embarrassing to discuss orgasms (or the lack thereof) and sometimes feel immense pressure to perform.

    Just like some men may feel uncomfortable talking about erectile dysfunction because it can trigger feelings of shame, women who struggle with or can’t climax worry about being seen as ‘abnormal’ or ‘dysfunctional’.

    Interestingly, a study from last year showed that women who have difficulty ‘getting there’ are more likely to feign enthusiasm in bed, too.

    Sometimes it’s easier to fake it than admit, to ourselves and others that the orgasm is out of reach. This can happen at any time, to anyone.

    A few years ago, my sex drive dipped due to side effects from medication. It was temporary and I knew that I’d eventually finish the course of drugs and everything would return to normal, but it still threw me off my game.

    Don’t make orgasms the be-all and end-all of your pleasure because that’s a losing game

    I was having regular sex with a partner at the time. I opened up to him about it all and, with a bit of coaxing, we were able to re-ignite my libido, but the orgasm didn’t follow.

    The more my partner kept trying to help, the worse things got. He tried to use his hands, offered oral and was very enthusiastic, which I was very grateful for – but the enthusiasm just made the situation more pressurised.

    He meant well but I could tell that he wanted that pat on the back for a job well done. To him, getting me off was a mission – to me, it was much more complex.

    My vulva and vagina felt physically numb. It was as if someone had shut off the 10,000 nerve endings in my clitoris.

    Determined to ‘fix’ the issue, I turned to masturbation, assuming that this would be easier because I was on my own, meaning there was no time limit.

    One of the biggest concerns other women raise with me about orgasms is that they feel like there is a clock ticking, which prevents them from fully relaxing. This happens to me too, sometimes.

    I eventually climaxed while playing solo but it took much longer than usual. The whole thing was unnerving, because the level of effort I’d had to put in just made me feel drained.

    Without meaning to, I had taken the pleasure out of the experience. And this is a big part of the problem with orgasms.

    In recent years, we’ve made great strides in closing the ‘orgasm gap’ (in short: men climax more often than women during sex and we’re trying to change that) but somewhere along the way, we missed a trick.

    Because the point isn’t climax – it’s pleasure.

    It’s time we stopped putting so much emphasis on ‘the big O’, especially when you consider that some women struggle with anorgasmia, a phrase used to describe the inability or difficulty for women to orgasm.

    There are also those who enjoy sexual stimulation but don’t care about the ‘end goal’, who prefer to climax alone or who only do so if they have an emotional connection to a sexual partner. All of this should be acceptable and normal.

    Don’t make orgasms the be-all and end-all of your pleasure because that’s a losing game. Besides, just because you can’t climax, it doesn’t mean you can’t have an amazing time in the sack.

    Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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    8 Sex Myths That Experts Wish Would Go Away

    — Everyone else is having more sex than you. Men want sex more than women do. And more.

    By Catherine Pearson

    Chalk it up to the variability in sex education, in high schools and even medical schools, or to the fact that many adults find it hard to talk about sex with the person who regularly sees them naked. Whatever the reason, misinformation about sexuality and desire is common.

    “There are so many myths out there,” said Laurie Mintz, an emeritus professor of psychology at the University of Florida who focuses on human sexuality. And, she added, they can “cause a lot of damage.”

    So the Well section reached out to a group of sex therapists and researchers, and asked them to share a myth they wished would go away.

    Here’s what they said.

    Myth 1: Everyone else is having more sex than you.

    “Oddly, this myth persists across the life span,” said Debby Herbenick, director of the Center for Sexual Health Promotion at the Indiana University School of Public Health and author of “Yes, Your Kid: What Parents Need to Know About Today’s Teens and Sex.”

    Many teenagers think “everyone is doing it,” she said, leading them to jump into sex that they simply are not ready for. This myth can make older people in long-term relationships feel lousy, too — like they are the only ones in a so-called dry spell, when they may simply be experiencing the natural ebb and flow of desire.

    “It’s pretty typical to find that about one in three people have had no partnered sex in the prior year,” Dr. Herbenick said, referencing several nationally representative surveys. She also points to research she has worked on showing that sexual activity has declined in recent years for reasons that aren’t fully understood. (Researchers have hypothesized that the decline has to do with factors like the rise in sexting and online pornography, as well as decreased drinking among young people.)

    “It can help to normalize these periods of little to no partnered sex,” Dr. Herbenick said. “That said, for those looking for some longevity in their partnered sex life, it’s important to think about sex in a holistic way.” That means caring for your physical and mental health, she said, and talking through your feelings with your partner to maintain a sense of intimacy and connection.

    Myth 2: Sex means penetration.

    Sex therapists often lament that people get caught up in certain “sexual scripts,” or the idea that sex should unfold in a particular way — typically, a bit of foreplay that leads to intercourse.

    But “we need to move beyond defining sex by a single behavior,” said Ian Kerner, a sex therapist and author of “She Comes First.” He noted that this type of narrow thinking has contributed to the longstanding pleasure gap between men and women in heterosexual encounters. For example, a study found that 75 percent of heterosexual men said they orgasmed every time they had been sexually intimate within the past month, compared with 33 percent of heterosexual women.

    One survey found that 18 percent of women orgasmed from penetration alone, while 37 percent said they also needed clitoral stimulation to orgasm during intercourse. Instead of rushing toward intercourse, the focus should be on “outercourse,” Dr. Kerner said, which is an umbrella term for any sexual activity that doesn’t involve penetration.

    “If you look at most mainstream movies, the image is women having these fast and fabulous orgasms from penetration, and foreplay is just the lead up to that main event,” Dr. Mintz said. “That is actually, scientifically, really damaging and false.”

    In surveying thousands of women for her book “Becoming Cliterate,” Dr. Mintz found the percentage of women who said they orgasmed from penetration alone to be 4 percent or less.

    Equating sex with penetration also leaves out people who have sex in other ways. For instance, Joe Kort, a sex therapist, has coined the term “sides” to describe gay men who do not have anal sex. Lexx Brown-James, a sex therapist, said that view also overlooks people with certain disabilities as well as those who simply do not enjoy penetration. Many people find greater sexual satisfaction from things like oral sex or “even just bodily contact,” she said.

    Myth 3: Vaginas shouldn’t need extra lubricant.

    Postmenopausal women sometimes describe the pain they experience during penetrative sex as feeling like “sandpaper” or “knives.” But while vaginal dryness affects older women at a higher rate, it can happen at any point in life, Dr. Herbenick said, which has implications for women’s sex lives.

    An estimated 17 percent of women between 18 and 50 report vaginal dryness during sex, while more than 50 percent experience it after menopause. She noted that it is also more common while women are nursing or during perimenopause, and that certain medications, including some forms of birth control, can decrease lubrication.

    “As I often tell my students, vaginas are not rainforests,” Dr. Herbenick said, noting that her research has found that most American women have used a lubricant at some point. “We can feel aroused or in love and still not lubricate the way we want to.”

    Myth 4: It is normal for sex to hurt.

    Though lubricant can help some women experience more pleasure during sex, it is important to remember that sex should not hurt. An estimated 75 percent of women experience painful sex at some point in their lives, which can have many root causes: gynecologic problems, hormonal changes, cancer treatment, trauma — the list goes on.

    Shemeka Thorpe, a sexuality researcher and educator who specializes in Black women’s sexual well-being, said many women believe that pain during or after sex is a sign of good sex.

    “We know a lot of the times that people who end up having some sort of sexual pain disorder later in life actually had sexual pain during their first intercourse, and continued to have sexual pain or vulva pain,” Dr. Thorpe said. “They didn’t realize it was an issue.”

    Men, too, can experience pain during intercourse. Experts emphasize that it is important for anyone experiencing pain during sex to see a medical provider.

    Myth 5: Men want sex more than women do.

    “Desire discrepancy is the No. 1 problem I deal with in my practice, and by no means is the higher-desire partner always male,” Dr. Kerner said. “But because of this myth, men often feel a sense of shame around their lack of desire, and a pressure to always initiate.”

    (Dr. Herbenick noted the related myth that women don’t masturbate, which she said holds them back from fully exploring their sexuality.)

    But while there is data to suggest that men masturbate more often than women do, it is untrue that women don’t want sex, or that men always do, said Dr. Brown-James. For instance, one recent study found that women’s desire tended to fluctuate more throughout their lifetimes, but that men and women experienced very similar desire fluctuations throughout the week.

    Myth 6: Desire should happen instantly.

    Sex therapists and researchers generally believe that there are two types of desire: spontaneous, or the feeling of wanting sex out of the blue, and responsive, which arises in response to stimuli, like touch.

    People tend to think that spontaneous desire — which is what many lovers experience early in relationships — is somehow better.

    But Lori Brotto, a psychologist and the author of “Better Sex Through Mindfulness,” said a lot of the work she does is to normalize responsive desire, particularly among women and those in long-term relationships.

    She helps them understand that it is possible to go into sex without spontaneous desire, as long as there is willingness and consent. Dr. Brotto likens it to going to the gym when you don’t feel like it. “Your endorphins start flowing, you feel really good and you’re grateful you went afterward,” she said.

    Myth 7: Planned sex is boring.

    Dr. Brotto also disagrees with the idea that “planned sex is bad sex,” because it makes it “clinical and dry and boring.”

    That view is “so harmful,” she said. And it results in many people treating sex like an afterthought, doing it only late at night when they’re exhausted or distracted, Dr. Brotto said, if they make time for it at all.

    When clients bristle at the practice of scheduling sex, she will ask: Are there many other activities in your life that you love or that are important to you that you never plan for or put on the calendar? The answer, she said, is usually no.

    Scheduled sex can also lend itself to responsive desire, Dr. Brotto said, giving “arousal time to heat up.”

    Myth 8: Your penis doesn’t stack up.

    Men are under a certain amount of pressure when it comes to how their penises look or function, Dr. Kerner said. Younger men, he said, believe they shouldn’t have erectile dysfunction, while older men get the message that premature ejaculation is something they grow out of with age and experience.

    The data tells a different story. Though erectile dysfunction — which is defined as a consistent inability to achieve or maintain an erection, not just occasional erection issues — does tend to increase with age, it also affects an estimated 8 percent of men in their 20s and 11 percent of those in their 30s. And 20 percent of men between the ages of 18 and 59 report experiencing premature ejaculation.

    “We don’t have a little blue pill to make premature ejaculation go away, so we’re not having the same cultural conversation as we are with erectile dysfunction,” Dr. Kerner said. “We’re just left with the myths that guys with premature ejaculation are bad in bed, or sexually selfish.”

    Likewise, studies show that many men — gay and straight — worry that their penises do not measure up, even though many partners say they do not prefer an especially large penis.

    “Partnered sex is complex,” Dr. Kerner said. “It involves touching, tuning in, connecting, communicating.”

    Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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    Beyond Pleasure

    — How Intimate Gadgets Foster Deeper Connections

    By

    One of the most beautiful feelings in the world is sharing a deep connection with your partner. Intimacy is essential in love. To sustain intimacy in a long-term connection, it is important to keep the spark alive. One of the ways to achieve that is by adding intimate gadgets to the mix. 

    Intimate gadgets are a new way for couples to explore and improve their sexual experiences and deepen their connection. Right from visiting an adult toys shop to incorporating these in your intimate experiences, these aids can heighten sexual stimulation and improve sex life in general.

    How Intimate Gadgets Aid in Building Deeper Connections

    Aside from exploring new sexual horizons, these gadgets can also build trust and strengthen the bond between couples. You might ask, “How?” In this article, we will explore how these toys can help you and your partner develop a deeper connection. Let’s delve into them.

    1. More room for open communication

    Communication is the backbone of any successful relationship and is crucial for building a deeper connection between partners. Incorporating Intimate gadgets into sexual activities can open up new avenues for you and your partner to communicate about and be expressive.

    It can help you articulate your desires and preferences better and become more open to trying new things. Even when you’re physically away from your partners, you can still get intimate remotely. There are intimate gadgets that facilitate these remote interactions and experiences.

    2. Enhanced sexual well-being

    Intimate gadgets can help improve their sexual experience. Medical studies have shown that certain devices like vibrating rings, massage oil, or lubricants help with sexual stimulation. This is quite helpful for individuals with conditions that make sex uncomfortable or even painful because these conditions decrease sexual intimacy and connection between partners.

    In cases of erectile dysfunction or low libido, intimate gadgets can allow couples to try other methods and reignite their intimate lives. Intimate gadgets are also beneficial to individuals who have experienced sexual trauma or have difficulty reaching orgasm.

    They provide comfort and pleasure and can help to reclaim sexual autonomy and overcome the negative effects of such trauma. A 2020 study published in the Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy revealed that the use of vibrators improved sexual function and reduced sexual distress in women who had difficulty achieving orgasm.

    3. Emotional intimacy

    There is a popular belief that intimate gadgets weaken emotional connections, but this is far from the truth. In fact, studies have shown that they can increase emotional closeness between partners.

    Research has shown that the use of intimate gadgets can help partners to deeply understand and connect with each other. They help couples who use intimate gadgets experience higher levels of trust, openness, and vulnerability within their relationships.

    A study conducted by the Kinsey Institute at Indiana University revealed that participants who used vibrators with their partners reported higher levels of intimacy, communication, and satisfaction in their relationships. This suggests that beyond the pleasure that these gadgets offer, they can help to strengthen intimate connections between partners. These devices act as a catalyst for partners to share their desires and insecurities.

    4. Rekindling lost intimacy

    Any relationship can experience a strain or lack of intimacy. New couples might still find it a bit awkward to talk about sex or sexual activities. Long-term relationships are more likely to experience strain due to factors like distance, stress, work, lack of trust due to previous experiences, and even financial responsibilities.

    Partners can rekindle lost intimacy with intimate gadgets. Adopting intimate gadgets in a bedroom provides a safe place that minimizes the awkwardness that may occur when it comes to sexual discussions and activities and promotes trust between partners. Discussing such sensitive experiences with your partner automatically increases the level of comfort in sharing certain fantasies and finding common ground.

    When the passion wanes, intimate toys can come in. It reinvigorates the passion between partners to promote maximum sexual satisfaction even in long-term relationships.

    5. Exploration

    One significant aspect of deepening intimacy is trying new things. Couples need to be vulnerable to explore and experiment with each other’s desires. Intimate gadgets can help couples discover new things about their bodies.

    They provide a safe environment for you and your partner to explore fantasies together, learn what excites your partner, and find ways to satisfy each other’s needs. Exploration provides knowledge, and when you know the sweet spots in your erogenous zones, you can reach orgasms far more easily. This improves sex in general.

    Now you can see that aside from their primary function of providing pleasure, intimate gadgets have the potential to foster deeper connections with your partners. They enhance relationships, improve communication, and promote sexual wellness. As technology continues to advance, it will be even more fascinating to see how intimate gadgets evolve and continue to play a role in fostering deeper and more meaningful connections between partners. The benefits of intimate gadgets when it comes to building a deeper romantic connection are not limited to heterosexual couples. These gadgets are inclusive of all sexual orientations and gender identities.

    Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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    Are You Adrift in a Sexless Relationship?

    — People in their 50s are having less sex than they’d like. Here’s how to turn things around

    By Ken Budd

    Steve Walsh and his wife, Linda (not their real names), last had sex in 2012. The Walshes married in 2003, raised three children in western Washington state and shared a deep Christian faith. Still, numerous challenges made their bedroom a no-sex zone. Linda survived breast cancer, but the medications lowered her libido. Steve also believes she suffers from undiagnosed depression. Over time their relationship deteriorated, and their sex life ended. The couple are now divorcing.

    Steve, 58, is nervous about dating yet eager to end 10 years of agonizing celibacy. “I want so badly to have that closeness with someone,” he says. “I dream about it.”

    A surprisingly high percentage of people in their 50s are living sexless lives — and the number is growing. In 2018, 20 percent of Americans ages 50 to 59 hadn’t had sex in the past year. By 2022, the number was 30 percent, according to data from the biannual General Social Survey (GSS), conducted by the University of Chicago’s National Opinion Research Center. How bad is that? The sexless rate was just under 10 percent for Americans ages 40 to 49 and around 12 percent for those 30 to 39.

    Even sexually active 50-somethings aren’t necessarily satisfied, according to a new AARP study called “Ageless Desire: Sex and Relationships in Middle Age and Beyond.” Forty-three percent of people in their 50s are not having sex as often as they wish they were, the survey found.

    Percentage of Americans 50–59 who aren’t having sex

    Women

    25% in 2016
    41% in 2022

    Men

    15% in 2016
    18% in 2022

    Although the COVID pandemic didn’t ignite this trend, it did accelerate it, says Nicholas H. Wolfinger, who studies the GSS data as a professor of family and consumer studies and adjunct professor of sociology at the University of Utah. Why might this be? Gen Xers are facing multiple mojo-reducing challenges, including sandwich-generation stress and fatigue. Physical changes due to menopause or health issues such as high blood pressure and diabetes can wreak havoc on the libido. Renée Yvonne, a certified sex counselor in Washington, D.C., who specializes in Gen Xers, once dated a man with a low sex drive due to a drug he was taking. “I felt embarrassed because we’re taught that all men want sex,” she recalls. “I thought something was wrong with me.”

    For singles, finding a partner in your 50s can feel like entering an alien universe. Just 23 percent of Americans in their 50s have ever used a dating website or app, and only 5 percent did so within the past year, according to a Pew Research Center study. “When we first started dating, there weren’t all of these apps,” Yvonne says. “Some people just say, ‘Why am I going through this?’ ”

    But there is hope. To rev up your sex life, consider this advice from medical and psychological experts.

    If your sex drive has diminished …

    Call the doctor. Get a physical, and make sure any chronic ailments are under control. Don’t be shy about mentioning your libido. Women can talk to the gynecologist about treatments such as vaginal estrogen. “Dryness is an easily reversible condition,” says Jen Gunter, an ob-gyn in San Francisco and author of The Menopause Manifesto.

    Lighten up. Being overweight can affect your sex drive physiologically and emotionally. Dissatisfaction with your looks “translates to low sexual self-esteem,” says Westchester County, New York, gynecologist Alyssa Dweck, chief medical officer with Bonafide Health and coauthor of The Complete A to Z for Your V.

    Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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    The male menopause

    — Genuine condition or moneymaking myth?

    Late onset hypogonadism, sometimes likened to a ‘male menopause’, occurs in 2.1% of men who are almost exclusively over the age of 65.

    Experts say there is no equivalent of the menopause for men and symptoms such as depression and low sex drive have other explanations

    By

    This week brought reports that “male menopause” policies are in place at several NHS trusts, with some HR managers suggesting staff could receive up to a year of sick pay if they experience symptoms. This is despite the NHS itself saying male menopause is not a clinical condition and that it is not national NHS policy to offer leave for it.

    We take a look at the science behind the term.

    What is meant by the “male menopause”?

    The male menopause, also known as the andropause, is a term often used to refer to a cluster of features seen in some men in their late 40s to early 50s, such as depression, loss of sex drive, mood swings, erectile dysfunction, problems sleeping and loss of muscle mass.

    However the NHS notes this is not a clinical condition. Rather, it says, it is an “unhelpful term sometimes used in the media”.

    So this isn’t a male version of what women go through?

    In a word, no.

    Dr Ravinder Anand-Ivell, associate professor of endocrinology and reproductive physiology at the University of Nottingham and an expert of the European Academy of Andrology, says that the two are quite different.

    “The menopause represents acute symptoms caused by the relatively abrupt cessation of ovarian hormonal function due to the exhaustion of a woman’s egg reserve at around 50 plus [or] minus five years of age,” she said. “Men have no equivalent physiology.”

    Prof Richard Sharpe, an expert in male reproductive disorders from the University of Edinburgh, agreed.

    “There is no question that, in normal men at the population level, blood testosterone levels decline with age from late 30s to early 40s onwards,” he said. “However, there is no precipitous fall in [blood testosterone] levels akin to that which occurs for estrogen levels in women at the menopause.”

    Sharpe also stressed that some men may experience little blood testosterone decline when ageing. “It can be quite variable between individuals – unlike the 100% occurrence of menopause in women,” he said.

    Does that mean the “male menopause” is made up?

    Not exactly.

    “There is a condition in some elderly men, known as ‘late onset hypogonadism’ or more recently called ‘functional hypogonadism’, which is characterised by low concentrations of testosterone in the blood together with symptoms of testosterone deficiency such as loss of libido, bone and muscle weakness, etc,” said Anand-Ivell.

    But, she added, this occurs in approximately 2.1% of men, almost exclusively over the age of 65.

    While some men with late-onset hypogonadism (LOH) may benefit from testosterone replacement therapy, its wider use has caused controversy. Some experts have raised concerns that it is being given to patients who have some similar symptoms to LOH but may have blood testosterone levels within the normal range for that age group.

    “This is what I refer to as a ‘charlatan’s charter’; as such, general symptoms will occur in most men during – and before – ageing, but are almost always driven by other factors,” said Sharpe.

    So what is behind this cluster of symptoms?

    Anand-Ivell said men who reported sudden symptoms, and at a younger age, might well be experiencing another underlying health problem.

    Indeed, as the NHS notes, features that have been ascribed to a “male menopause” could be down to lifestyle factors or psychological problems.

    “For example, erectile dysfunction, low sex drive and mood swings may be the result of stress, depression [or] anxiety,” the NHS says, adding other causes of erectile dysfunction include smoking or heart problems.

    Financial and life worries may also play a role in the symptoms some men experience during ageing, as could poor diet, lack of sleep and low self-esteem, the NHS notes.

    Sharpe added that conditions such as obesity, and its downstream disorders, were also generally associated with lower blood testosterone levels in men, with some arguing it might predispose them to further weight gain.

    As for treatment, Prof Frederick Wu of Manchester Royal Infirmary said the approach was threefold: “Lifestyle change, weight loss and improve general health,” he said.

    Why is the male menopause getting attention?

    Experts say a key reason the “male menopause” is a hot topic is money.

    Anand-Ivell said: “A lot of the ‘andropause’ literature stems from commercial interests, particularly in the USA, wishing to draw spurious comparisons with the female menopause in order to sell testosterone-related products for which there is no clinical evidence of benefit.”

    The latest headlines, meanwhile, have been fuelled by the revelation that male menopause policies are in place at several NHS trusts. Sharpe said: “For myself, I am amazed that any health board would even talk about there being an andropause, let alone suggesting time off.”

    Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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    What is premature ejaculation?

    — Finishing too soon during sex can be very distressing, but it is definitely treatable.

    By Gigi Engle

    Imagine you’re with someone super hot. You’re about to start having sex (whatever that sex act may look like for you). You’re in the moment and are very excited to start touching each other. You get going and it’s pretty freakin’ great. Suddenly, you realize you’re actually TOO excited. Without any real warning, you’re past the point of no return. You ejaculate. Maybe you feel embarrassed. Maybe you feel ashamed. Maybe a bit of both.

    Enter: Premature Ejaculation (PE). Premature ejaculation is incredibly common. It is widely considered to be one of the biggest sexual function issues amongst penis owners. One in three penis-owning people experience issues with PE in their lifetime. That’s 30 percent of people with dicks!

    When online misinformation about sexual health abounds, it’s difficult to know where to turn for answers. We spoke to urologists and sex therapists to get accurate answers to your burning questions.

    Just because PE is common doesn’t mean it’s something that is easy to handle. Dr. Anika Ackerman, a urologist specializing in sexual medicine, says that the lack of control that comes with PE can be incredibly frustrating and distressing for those who suffer from it.

    Luckily, PE is highly treatable. “It’s crucial to realize that many [people] experience this challenge, and with the appropriate guidance, it’s manageable,” says Dr. Nazanin Moali, a psychologist, sex therapist, and the host of Sexology podcast.

    So, with all this in mind (and possibly peen), let’s break down what premature ejaculation is, why it happens, and some strategies for dealing with it.

    What is premature ejaculation?

    Premature ejaculation is defined as reaching ejaculation before you want to. Technical definitions usually define “before you want to” as ejaculation within 1-3 minutes of sexual activity or penetration. PE “is a condition where a penis owner does not have voluntary, conscious control or the ability to choose, in most encounters, when to ejaculate,” says Dr. Lee Phillips, Ed.D, a psychotherapist and certified sex and couples therapist.

    PE can be situational or ongoing. Meaning, it can be something that happens in certain contexts with certain people or during nearly every (or all) sexual encounters, regardless of the context. Ejaculating “too quickly” isn’t defined as PE unless it occurs on a regular basis. “It denotes a pattern that has been present for at least half a year and manifests almost every time, if not every single time, during sexual engagement,” Moali says.

    What causes PE?

    Most experts believe that if no medical issues are detected, the causes for PE are largely psychological and emotional – though the exact reasons are widely undetermined. It’s important to speak with your medical provider to rule out any medical conditions that may cause PE.

    One popular theory is that PE is rooted in a disconnect with your sexual response cycle. Meaning, you aren’t in-tune with the way your body responds sexually, which impacts your control over your body’s ejaculatory function during sex.

    Let’s talk about something every single one of us has (probably) heard: That you should think of anything besides sex in order to last longer in bed. This widespread social narrative encourages young men and penis owners to think things like their grandma naked or a body covered in boils.

    Spoiler! This is actually the opposite of what you should do if you want to last longer. When we step away from awareness of what our bodies are doing, we lose all control. Meaning, we’re much more likely to orgasm before we’re ready to. How about them apples?

    Philips says that performance anxiety may also play a role – when we’re very nervous to be with a new partner, we may become overly excited too quickly, resulting in PE. This anxiety about PE can lead to more anxiety, which can perpetuate the problem.

    Ironically, performance anxiety can also lead to difficulties in getting or maintaining erections. Bodies are all kinds of wild and the ways they respond vary greatly.

    Understanding the sexual response cycle in relation to PE.

    To understand PE, we have to understand exactly how the body responds during sex.

    According to pioneering sex researchers, Masters and Johnson, the sexual response cycle takes place in four phases: excitement, plateau, orgasm, and resolution.

    For our purposes, excitement and arousal are the most important phases to observe. Excitement is sexual arousal, when we begin to get turned on (whether that be from physical stimulation, dirty talk, sexting, porn etc.). Plateau is when we’re feeling super hot and bothered – coasting towards climax – when sexual play gets going and you’re feeling it big time.

    In cases of PE, the issue lies in the plateau phase – namely, that is quite short and, in some cases, nonexistent. This means that you jump from being sexually aroused right to orgasm. Hence, finishing more quickly than you might want to.

    (We should note that there are many other models that are used to explain the complexity of human sexual response, but Masters and Johnson’s straightforward four-phasic model is very helpful in understanding premature ejaculation).

    In this same vein, we should consider how long we’re actually in the plateau phase. It’s quite common that someone might think they have premature ejaculation, but in reality, they aren’t aware of how long they’ve been coasting toward the Big O.

    You may think you’re not lasting long enough in bed, when really you last quite a normal amount because you’ve been in the excitement and/or plateau phase for a prolonged period of time, pre-sex. For instance: When a penis-owning person has been thinking about sex all day, this means that the sexual response cycle has been building long before the actual sex even happens. This can lead to people believing that they have PE when, in reality, they aren’t in tune with the ways their bodies respond to sexual stimuli.

    If this is all new to you, don’t worry. We have junk sex ed in general, and absolutely nothing in regards to sexual difficulties like erectile dysfunction or premature ejaculation. The more we know about our bodies, the more confident we can feel in them.

    5 expert-approved strategies for dealing with premature ejaculation.

    • Focus on sensation and what is happening in the body.

    As we mentioned above, the socially prescribed advice for lasting longer during sex is to “think about anything else.” This is incorrect. Instead, start to practice paying attention to what is happening within the body during sexual arousal, in order to build awareness. “This mindful approach can lead to a more relaxed and prolonged sexual experience,” Moali says. When we’re more aware, we’re in better control.

    • Start Stop Technique

    Philips recommends trying the Start Stop Technique as a way to gain more control over your erections. When you’re masturbating, stop once you feel yourself starting to get close to orgasm. “Wait 30 seconds or a minute, and then repeat, masturbating until you feel the point at which ‘coming’ is imminent,” he says. “Time how long it takes for you to get to this point.” Repeat this process 3-4 times. This will help you get a better understanding of the sensations in your body and bring awareness to when you’re going over the edge. This should be an ongoing practice.

    • The Squeeze Technique

    Ackerman suggests The Squeeze Technique during solo or partnered activity. “In the squeeze method, the partner or patient will squeeze the penis to delay orgasm,” she says. Do this when you’re starting to feel close to orgasm. While there isn’t a ton of scientific data to support this method, it has been found to be very useful within clinical settings.

    • Take a penis-touching-break during sexual activity.

    If you find that you’re getting too turned on and worry you’re going to bust before you’re ready, consider taking a break from penis stimulation, focusing on your partner instead, with oral pleasure, sex with toys, or a sensual massage. “This change of pace can help reduce your arousal, slowing the process and offering a more satisfying, longer-lasting experience for both parties,” Moali says.

    • Seek out professional assistance.

    A sex therapist is someone who specializes in sexual wellness and sexual function issues. They can help you process underlying emotions and psychological issues that may be causing and/or perpetuating PE. They can also give you exercises to modify your behaviors around masturbation and sex. “The goal is to relax your nervous system and to be grounded in your body,” Lee says. There is nothing wrong with needing a little extra assistance on your sexual health journey.

    All in all, PE is a very common problem that has highly successful outcomes when treated. You’re not alone. You’re not broken. And there is help for you.

    Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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    Curiously, Mammals Keep Evolving Same-Sex Sexual Behavior

    A pair of Japanese snow monkeys

    By Clare Watson

    Sexual behavior between members of the same sex might have evolved multiple times in mammals, according to a new study, adding to numerous examples found across the tree of life.

    More than 1,500 species have been known to engage in same-sex sexual behaviors, including bats, beetles, sea stars, snakes, penguins, cows, fish, and worms.

    Among mammals, primates are particularly notable, with sexual activity within sexes observed in at least 51 species, from lemurs to apes to, of course, humans.

    Once viewed as peculiar outliers, mounting data shows that same-sex behaviors that include courting, mounting, cooing, or copulating are widespread in animals, both male and female, wild or captive.

    It’s this data, specifically what’s been published on mammals, that University of Granada ecologist José Gómez and colleagues compiled to test several theories scientists have recently proposed to explain how same-sex behaviors evolved.

    “Since it does not contribute directly to reproduction, same-sex sexual behavior is considered an evolutionary conundrum,” Gómez and colleagues write in their published paper. If it doesn’t result in any offspring, why else might it be advantageous?

    Most studies have only looked at individual species, though. So Gómez and colleagues used a phylogenetic approach to compare the emergence and prevalence of same-sex sexual behavior among mammals.

    If same-sex behaviors evolved to help maintain social relationships, facilitating reconciliation after conflict like what has been observed in female bonobos, or strengthening alliances as seen in male bottlenose dolphins, then those behaviors should be more frequent in social mammal species, Gómez and colleagues reasoned.

    Indeed, their analysis (which adjusted for how often a particular species had been the focus of research) found that same-sex behaviors were more prevalent in highly social mammals.

    The researchers also found same-sex behaviors to be more common in species that exhibit aggressive and sometimes lethal behaviors. This supports the idea that same-sex interactions may communicate or reinforce social hierarchies, helping to mitigate the risks of violent conflict.

    Tracing same-sex behaviors along ancestral lines, Gómez and colleagues’ analysis suggested that same-sex behavior has been “gained and lost multiple times during mammalian evolution”, though it appears to be a recent phenomenon in most mammalian lineages.

    Same-sex behaviors aren’t randomly scattered across mammals either; they are more common in some clades and rare in others.

    “We fully recognize that these results may change in the future if same-sex sexual behavior is studied more intensively and comes to be detected in many more species,” Gómez and colleagues write.

    Before this latest study, researchers had taken issue with similar efforts to explain how same-sex behavior evolved. By presenting same-sex sexual behavior as an ‘evolutionary conundrum’, they say it implies that different-sex sexual behavior is the baseline condition from which same-sex behavior arose.

    Rather, in 2019, Ambika Kamath and colleagues suggested a different starting point, one of indiscriminate sexual behavior where ancestral animals mated with individuals of all sexes, perhaps before they evolved recognizable sex-specific traits now used to attract mates.

    While Gómez and colleagues’ analysis counters that view for mammals, in that same-sex behaviors don’t appear to be a shared ancestral trait in this group, both groups of researchers caution against transposing theories of animal sexual behavior onto humans, and vice versa.

    Same-sex behavior here includes even brief interactions observed between animals, which says nothing of human preferences.

    And though we may be related to other mammals, viewing animal behavior through the lens of our own societal norms has long precluded scientists from appreciating the diversity of animal sex.

    Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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    What Really Happens at a Sex Party?

    — 8 Women Share Their True Stories

    “Don’t be afraid to say no and set boundaries. It’s not free for all.”

    By Varuna Srinivasan

    Sex parties are exactly just that. They are parties, like any social gathering, except the people attending can (oftentimes) have sex. At some point in our lives, most of us have attempted to make out — or even get downright dirty — in the bathroom of a public venue, be it a nightclub, bar, or even an old-fashioned house party. (Plus, let’s be honest, many such locations are not safe places for women or queer folks.) Dancing and flirting are great, but if you’re looking to do more, know this: There are countless curated spaces that don’t just permit but encourage such mingling.

    However, sex parties are not a monolith; they differ immensely from place to place, so I want you to forget what you’ve seen in the movies. While all such parties encourage sexual activity to some degree, it’s essential to have a clear understanding of what the party will entail — and to ensure that your own intentions, interests, and expectations align — prior to engaging in any activities (or even RSVPing). There are many differences between, say, a swingers orgy hosted at a person’s house versus a play party in a full-time dungeon, and both are quite unlike a warehouse party with beds in the back. My point: While your experience may vary for a number of reasons, the venue itself plays a big role.

    Some parties encourage full-on orgies. Some are play parties that focus more on kink and not so much on penetration or heavy sexual activity. But all these events prioritize sex positivity, particularly play parties, also known as kink/BDSM parties.

    “Play parties are often diverse and offer a protected outlet to explore diverse desires, specifically in groups beyond couple exchange,” explains Venus Cuffs, a nightlife entrepreneur and play party producer. “Swingers parties are typically, but not always, for couples in the swinger Lifestyle — with a capital L — meaning they like to play as a couple, often to varying degrees. But [they] will arrive and leave the party together and partake in couple-on-couple swaps.”

    Cuffs says that people outside the BDSM community are often surprised to learn that most fetish or kink parties actually limit penetration, oral play, and, in some cases, even heavy petting.

    What are some tips for a first-time sex party attendee?

    It can feel daunting to go to a party where any type of sexual activity is encouraged. To ensure that you have a good time, below are three hot tip recommendations, straight from Venus Cuffs herself.

    1. Trust the source. Research the promote or group throwing and the party and make sure they prioritize consent and acceptance.
    2. Safety first. Make sure the people throwing the party have enforceable no-tolerance and policies and consent monitors.
    3. Communicate. Whether you’re going with a partner or alone, take time to mindfully think through desires, expectations and concerns. Check in with yourself often and prioritize your needs.

    So, what are sex parties actually like?

    Every experience is different, of course, so I spoke to eight women about their first time attending an event in one of these spaces. Curious to try out a sex party? Maybe you already RSVP’d and are now digging for details to figure out what you should expect. Either way, let their experiences give you a sneak preview on what it might involve.

    Carly S. (26, New York City)

    “When I was 18, I joined a swingers website. I started dating a couple who frequented swinger parties. My first experience was exciting because I went with [them], so we got a lot of attention because we were young, attractive, and all exhibitionists. It got me really into the sensual experience and meeting people who enjoyed it, as well.

    “Now, I frequently attend parties, but instead of swinger parties, I tend to find more queer-oriented parties and kink-focused events. A typical event will have a space where people can chat (and not play) and get to know each other, as well as other various stations set up for different scenes to have fun. Consent and rules of engagement are typically involved in good spaces.

    “Find a play partner who you can bring to explore with. It’s a lot easier when you have a friend to lean on for support. Also, nonsexual munches can be a great place to start and get to know people. Don’t be afraid to say no and set boundaries. It’s not free for all. If something or someone makes you uncomfortable, let someone know. “

    Birdie* (23)

    “I had previously attended a few fetish parties in Scotland called Torture Gardens. However, my first sex party was in November 2022.

    “There was a lot of latex, leather, and lace involved. At around 9 p.m., we proceeded to the dungeon which was across the street from my friend’s home. The dungeon was divided into three parts: one had a couch, a wall of dildos, a standing cage, hoists, a spanking bench, and a big bed-like table. The second area featured a [penetrative machine] and a St. Andrew’s Cross, along with a bench and multiple impact play toys, ranging from riding crops to floggers made with rubber spikes. The third room was for those who wanted to indulge in [medical fetishism]. That room was stocked with equipment needed for sounding, milking, pumping, nitrous gas, speculums, and a [gynecologist] chair with provisions to have multiple restraints.

    “It was definitely one of the more enlightening experiences of my life. The amount of aftercare each of us offered [one another] was extraordinary. Snuggles being shared across the rooms, people laughing, people moaning, people crying. Oh yes — crying. I cried. I cried a lot.”

    Gray* (42)

    “I discovered the swinging lifestyle after separating from my first husband in 2016. I met someone on Tinder who introduced me to sex clubs, parties, and the lifestyle. My first party was at a sex club in New York City called Checkmate.

    “It was a regular-looking apartment building. We took the elevator downstairs, paid the fee, and were welcomed into a bar area. Once ready to play, we went to a locker area where we could take our clothes off and get ‘comfortable.’ We made it to the play areas: a group play room, a semi-private playroom, and the private play rooms. We observed and decided to start the party by playing together. Soon after, we were invited by other couples to join them and engaged in swapping situations. It was hot, a positive experience for sure. The rest is history.”

    Christine Marie (44, New York City)

    “My first experience was a prepandemic party in a private loft. This was a performance-based event where the performers sometimes engaged in sex on stage. I saw Vonka and Lydia of the Bluenettes perform a milk-soaked kitten-[themed] act, which was the wildest, hottest thing I had ever seen in porn or real life. I was in the front row, just a couple of feet from two beautiful writhing bodies engaged in sapphic love and pleasure.

    “Since then, I’ve been to several different kinds of parties. There are no typical parties, as they all differ depending on who is throwing them. I only frequent parties [organized] by those who prioritize the safety of everyone involved, [which means] having clear consent standards, agreements, and boundaries and [hiring] guardians for attendees to reach out to as a way to reduce harm. Those are the parties that I often recommend.”

    Annie* (early 30s)

    “First, to clarify, I am not a member of the swing lifestyle. I am a member of the kink community and a BDSM practitioner. I have never had group sex, nor do I attend swing parties or share partners. I go to BDSM and kink-friendly parties, many of which are sex-positive. I am monogamous when dating and, although I engage in play at parties, it is not always inherently sexual.

    “The first event I went to was a BDSM party for 18- to 35-year-olds. There were strict rules: no nudity and no penetrative play. I was really nervous, and my friend left me early on to go play with a friend of theirs, so I mostly spent the night talking to people and getting to know how a party works. There were dungeon monitors to make sure the scenes and people were safe, [as well as] toys you could borrow, a spanking bench, St. Andrew’s cross, several hard points for suspension, and a massage table. I ended up meeting a guy who had never been to a party either and we fooled around a bit in a kind of vanilla way. “

    “My first time was at the Hacienda in Brooklyn. Hacienda is a house, so it’s a very social space —- at least, that has been my experience since I go to smaller parties where there is food prepared by a chef, an outdoor space where people talk, and play areas.

    “Even though I knew the etiquette and theory — Playing Well With Others was a big help — I was a bit nervous. People told me I was a natural, but I think that’s just because I was very mindful, communicative, and open to new experiences. I had sex with three people separately, [each] on a one-on-one basis and not as a group, and met a ton of sex-positive individuals. It felt like I finally found my people.

    “Everyone is nice to each other, everyone takes consent very seriously. I feel extremely safe there. There’s people that don’t play with anyone and just socialize and there’s others having seven-person orgies. You’ll find whatever you want there.”

    Sass (29, Canada)

    “My first experience was very positive. I went with someone who was very experienced in the kink and swinging community. It was a bit of a shock to see people engaging in various sexual acts all in the open — not in a negative way, [I simply hadn’t] been in that environment before.

    “[The party featured] good music, lots of sexy people, and really hot scenes — so hot that I stepped out of my comfort zone to openly masturbate in a less-crowded area, [where a woman then] asked to join me. She also asked me if her husband could watch. I was surprisingly okay with it, considering I’m not really into men.”

    Maya,* 28

    “I’ve never been to a sex party, but I have been to a number of sex clubs. The first one I ever went to was KitKat in Berlin. I honestly wasn’t shocked by anything happening around me, it was a pretty free and accepting environment. All clubs work differently, but usually they will take your phone or give you a locker [for it] and potentially a place to get towels and things for safe sex. People can be having sex all around you and generally will only engage if you give clear consent.

    “I’ve been to a few other clubs of this nature around the world and they have similar vibes. Some are more exclusive than others, some are more queer-focused, but the ethos around it [all] is positivity and enjoyment.”

    *Interviews have been edited for length and clarity. Some names have been changed at the request of sources.

    Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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    How to peg for beginners

    — Go slow and use lots of lube.

    Pegging is typically referred to a cis woman penetrating a cis man with a strap-on dildo.

    By Anna Iovine

    So, you’ve heard about “pegging” and want to try it for yourself. Pegging is usually referred to a cis woman penetrating a cis man with a strap-on dildo. You’ve come to the right place; here’s how to have strap-on sex as a straight couple.

    If you’re curious about pegging, you’re not alone. Pegging was named the 2023 fetish of the year by porn site Clips4Sale. In 2022, unsubstantiated rumors about a certain member of the royal family — who’s been dubbed “Prince of Pegging” — circulated online, prompting searches for “pegging” to rise by 400 percent.

    A note on the term ‘pegging’

    Some people may find the term “pegging” offensive. It was coined back in 2001 by sex educator Dan Savage. He asked readers to vote on what term should describe the act; other choices were “bobbing” and “punting.”

    As Quinn Rhodes wrote for Refinery29, calling it “pegging” instead of what it is — anal sex with a strap-on — may reinforce the idea that it’s taboo or somehow “wrong.” It could be used by cishet men trying to distance themselves from sex queer people have because of their fear of being perceived as queer or emasculine. In our society, we’re taught that sex is a man penetrating a woman, and that he has more power/control. The penetrated partner, then, is deemed as weak or submissive.

    Sex is much more than P-in-V, and doesn’t have to adhere to these stereotypical power dynamics. Sex and desires also don’t determine one’s sexual orientation.

    Pegging “doesn’t magically change your sexuality,” said nightlife entrepreneur and former professional dominatrix Venus Cuffs. “The goal is to have fun with each other and safety, preparation, and communication allow you to focus on pleasure and enjoying yourselves together.”

    Of course, there’s nothing wrong with being queer or submissive, but these ingrained beliefs can take time to unlearn. Before having strap-on anal sex, reflect on and explore your relationship to power and penetration, advised Nicoletta Heidegger, MA, MEd, licensed MFT and sex therapist and host of the Sluts & Scholars podcast.

    Why peg?

    Anal sex can feel great, explained Heidegger. There are lots of nerve-endings in one’s anus, especially if you have a prostate.

    Couples interested in pegging may want to expand other creative ways to experience pleasure, she continued, or struggle to feel pleasure on other body parts. Also, if one partner doesn’t want to be or can’t be penetrated, pegging can be another way to connect.

    Preparing to peg

    Anal sex is different from vaginal sex. While lubricant is a good idea for the latter, it’s absolutely essential for the former. The anus doesn’t naturally lubricate itself like the vagina does, and it’s also not used to anything being inserted in it (quite the opposite!). Therefore, you need to prepare yourself for anal sex. Head over to Mashable’s guide for a full breakdown of how to do so, but here’s some tips from Heidegger and Cuffs.

    Talk about your boundaries, said Heidegger. Mashable has a guide to setting sexual boundaries to help out with that, too. You can watch some classes, as well; Heidegger recommends how-to videos at B Vibe and sex educator Luna Matatas’s classes.

    Start small. “When you’re preparing for your first anal insertion, start your preparations with smaller butt plugs, beads, and dildos before you try to go for the desired size of your insertable,” said Cuffs. You or your partner’s fingers can also serve as preparation for something bigger, or even thrusting/grinding can get you used to the feeling of something there.

    Think about what sensations you’re after when shopping for a dildo. “Some people, for example, love curved insertables and others do not,” Cuffs said. “There’s also a variety of thickness and length to consider.”

    If you’re using toys, make sure they either have a large flared base or hold it if it’s not attached to your partner’s harness. “Things can absolutely get sucked into your ass and get stuck. Full stop,” Cuffs warned. “To avoid ending up in the hospital with doctors removing items from your butt, please only use items that have a base or be prepared to hold it the entire time it is inserted.”

    Want more sex and dating stories in your inbox? Sign up for Mashable’s new weekly After Dark newsletter.

    Pegging 101

    Go slow and take your time to experiment and see what you like. Don’t try to shove a dildo in there right away — build up to it with fingers and smaller toys. You may not peg your first-ever session; that’s okay.

    Decide if you want to clean out the anus (more about that in our guide to preparing for anal sex) or make dietary changes to help with your digestion (@bottomsdigest is a fun TikTok account that discusses this). Be sure to thoroughly clean any toys (and hands) before and after use.

    “And of course, use lube!” Cuffs said. “Loads of lube!” It’s a good idea to have other emergency supplies at the ready, too, like wipes and gloves. Heidegger recommends getting a sex blanket as well.

    As always, communication is important. Have a safe word, Heidegger said, and make sure you have a way to check-in during sex. Ask each other: what will I see and hear if you are enjoying yourself? What will I see and hear if you’re not?

    “Accept that shit can happen!” Heidegger said. We’re only human after all, and we humans have bodily functions. Clean it up and move on.

    Heidegger also recommends having an aftercare plan, both for if it goes well and if it brings up feelings. Trying something new in bed can do this, especially if you’re being penetrated for the first time.

    With the right preparation, anal strap-on sex can be fun for both partners. Remember to take deep breaths and try to relax — that’ll help your anus relax, too.

    Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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    I love my partner but don’t feel like having sex with them.

    — Is this normal?

    Our desire for sex will change constantly throughout our lives.

    It’s more common than you might think

    By Georgia Grace

    Maintaining sexual interest in long-term relationships can be challenging for many of us, but it doesn’t mean your relationship is doomed.

    Sex at the start of a relationship is memorable. The long sex-filled nights, the impossibility of keeping hands off each other, the impulse and yearning to touch this new person. But as the intimacy of long-term love sets in, the fire can fizzle out.

    It is predictably – and statistically – normal to go through periods where you’re not having sex as often as you’d like. Relationships are complex and ever-evolving, and so is our desire for sex.

    It’s common for couples to face a situation where they find themselves in a predicament: they deeply love and care for one another but no longer feel the insatiable desire to tear each other’s clothes off. So is it normal that you’re not having sex? Can love and low sexual desire coexist harmoniously? Yes, it is, and yes it can. Here are a few things to keep in mind.

    Understanding sexual desire

    I frequently refer to the pioneering work of Emily Nagoski, author of Come as You Are who has changed the way we understand sexual desire. According to Nagoski, sexual desire is a multifaceted and dynamic phenomenon influenced by a wide range of factors, both internal and external. These factors interact in complex ways, making it essential to recognise that changes in sexual desire are a normal part of the human experience.

    Nagoski emphasises that sexual desire is not a simple on-off switch but a complex interplay of various components, including sexual arousal, emotional connection, stress levels, relationship dynamics, and personal experiences. So we can’t just sit around and wait for our desire to reappear – we have to start with some self-inquiry.

    Learning what turns you on and off

    Nagoski introduces the Dual Control Model, which pretty much works to explain sexual desire as having two components: sexual excitation (what turns us on) and sexual inhibition (what turns us off). While sexual excitation can be triggered by factors like arousal and attraction, sexual inhibition is influenced by external stressors, emotional states, and relationship dynamics.

    An increase in inhibition can lead to a decrease in sexual desire. To make sense of this, when you first start dating you’re engaging in exciting and thrilling activities like getting ready for a date or sending flirty messages throughout the day. Dating can feel uncertain, exciting and risky – we spend a lot of time thinking about the other person and waiting for the moment we will see or touch them next, which often energises our experiences.

    And while there’s so much beauty in long-term relationships, when couples move into more mundane patterns of relating like paying bills together, cleaning the house, and arguing about whose turn it is to cook, it can no longer feel ‘thrilling’ to connect. Understanding your Dual Control Model can help you and your partner understand each other’s unique interplay between sexual excitation and inhibition, and look at ways to manage or remove some of the brakes and bring in more or the accelerators.

    Context is everything

    This one seems so simple, but it’s really surprising how few couples think to acknowledge it. Many think about desire like a magic trick – you love someone and all of a sudden it should appear – right? If only.

    The context in which sexual desire arises is crucial – external factors like stress, fatigue, or relationship conflicts can contribute to the activation of sexual inhibition. So even if you love your partner deeply, you may experience a decrease in sexual desire due to the turn-offs at play.

    Not to mention our physical context will come up a lot in session for my clients, a messy room, harsh lighting, or roommates, family members or kids close by can feel like a wet blanket for your desire. With this in mind – I encourage my clients to think about the ideal erotic equation for their sex life – what do they want and need more of in order to bring sex front of mind and make it feel like a priority again? To make sense of all this – we also need to understand different ways of experiencing desire.

    Our desire for sex is often responsive

    Desire exists on a spectrum, we all experience it differently. On the one end, we have a spontaneous desire – which essentially refers to a spontaneous urge for sex that seemingly comes out of nowhere. We see this a lot in porn, in movies and often experience it at the start of a relationship.

    But on the other end of the spectrum is responsive desire, which challenges the notion that sexual desire should always be spontaneous. Responsive desire occurs when someone may not actively seek out sexual encounters but can become keen and excited when presented with the right context and stimuli.

    When I teach my clients this it’s like they have a lightbulb moment. They’ve been waiting for desire to smack them in the face and wake them up, without recognising that they may need to actively create the context for themselves and their partner.

    Where to from here

    More Coverage

    This is one of the most common sexual concerns. In sessions focused on desire, we will explore the reasons (there are often many), seek to understand different desire styles, understand different ways to create the context for desire, practice communication skills and ask for what they want.

    If changes in sexual desire are causing distress or strain in your relationship, consider seeing a therapist or counsellor who specialises in sexual health or couples therapy.

    Our desire for sex will change constantly throughout our lives – it’s human and to be expected. When we can move away from thinking about it as an on-and-off switch and rather understand it as a complex interplay of social, mental, physical, emotional and sexual factors, we can work together to make it a priority again.

    Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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    Testosterone and Low Libido in Women

    — Testosterone plays a major role in a woman’s sex drive. But if that sex drive fizzles, replacing the hormone with a supplement isn’t as simple as it sounds.

    One of the issues with testosterone supplements is that they have side effects, such as acne and hair growth.

    By Ashley Welch

    Testosterone may be known as a male sex hormone, but women need it, too. Testosterone is part of what drives female desire, fantasy, and thoughts about sex. It also plays a role in ovarian function, bone strength, and the overall well-being of women, says Kelli Burroughs, MD, an obstetrician-gynecologist at Memorial Hermann in Houston. Yet while your testosterone level plays a key role in your sex drive, taking it in supplement form to treat low libido remains controversial.

    Here’s what doctors know about testosterone’s role in low libido in women and how the hormone might be used as a treatment.

    Testosterone Helps Fuel Our Sex Drive

    Women’s testosterone levels gradually go down as they age, and lower amounts of the hormone can also reduce muscle mass, affect skeletal health, impact mood, cause fatigue, and decrease sensitivity in the vagina and clitoris, which affects libido, Dr. Burroughs says.

    A drop in testosterone levels is believed to be the reason sex drive goes down after menopause, according to the North American Menopause Society.

    Research Remains Unclear

    Although it’s common for men to take testosterone to treat low libido, the U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA) hasn’t approved testosterone replacement therapy for women. Some doctors do prescribe it for women as an off-label use, notes Jenna M. Turocy, MD, an ob-gyn at NewYork-Presbyterian Columbia University Irving Medical Center in New York City. “These products include testosterone skin patches, gels, creams or ointments, pills, implants, and injections, often designed and government-approved for men,” Dr. Turocy says.

    Testosterone doses provided by these formulations generally are much too high for females, so women are given a fraction (usually one-tenth) of the dose that men are prescribed, notes Barbara Schroeder, MD, an assistant professor and ob-gyn with UTHealth Houston.

    “There is no dose that we can say is absolutely safe for women,” she explains. “There are no large randomized trials that have looked at this.” That’s why Dr. Schroeder says to check baseline testosterone levels and re-check them every three to six months to make sure they’re not too high. “The goal is to aim for testosterone levels that are in the normal premenopausal range,” she adds.

    Still, testosterone supplementation for women with low sex drive is rarely recommended in the United States, especially for premenopausal females, given the limited data on safety and efficacy, Turocy explains.

    One of the main issues is that testosterone has side effects. Acne and hair growth at the application site are the most common, Schroeder says. Changes in your voice, weight gain, hair loss, oily skin, mood changes, and an enlarged clitoris, may also occur, Turocy adds.

    But the biggest concern involves testosterone’s long-term safety in women, as no robust scientific studies have looked at potential lasting effects.

    In a review of 36 randomized controlled trials published in the Lancet Diabetes & Endocrinology in October 2019, researchers determined that testosterone therapy is effective at increasing sexual function in post-menopausal women. They noted that when taken orally, testosterone was linked to significant increases in LDL, or “bad” cholesterol, and reductions in total cholesterol, HDL, or “good” cholesterol, and triglycerides. These effects were not seen with testosterone patches or creams. More importantly, the researchers concluded that “data are insufficient to draw conclusions about the effects of testosterone on musculoskeletal, cognitive, and mental health and long-term safety and use in premenopausal women.”

    What Else May Help With Low Libido

    If you have low libido, testosterone may help, but it’s important to weigh the benefits with the risks. Know that there are other options that may be beneficial.

    “If concerned about low sex drive, women should consult a knowledgeable healthcare provider who can evaluate their individual medical history, symptoms, and hormone levels,” Turocy says. “It’s essential to take a comprehensive look at their sexual health, considering not only hormonal factors but also psychological, emotional, and relational aspects.”

    Other potential causes of low sex drive, such as stress, relationship problems, medication side effects, or underlying medical conditions, like nerve issues or endometriosis, should be explored and addressed before considering hormone supplementation, she says.

    Finally, don’t ignore the power of healthy lifestyle modifications. “Implementing healthy lifestyle changes such as diet and exercise can also boost energy levels and self-image perception resulting in increased libido,” Burroughs says. According to a study published in July 2021 in the Journal of Sexual Medicine, regular exercise one to six hours per week was associated with benefits in desire, arousal, lubrication and sex-related distress in women experiencing sexual dysfunction.

    Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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    How to Increase Sex Drive

    — A Combined Approach

    Checking in with your mind and body is key

    By Larell Scardelli

    Sex drive (libido) is the desire to engage in sexual activity, fantasies, and pleasures. It’s a complex system stimulated by a combination of biological, psychological, social, and environmental factors.1 If you’ve noticed a change in your desire for sex, whether partnered or solo, it’s normal to be confused or concerned.

    Before taking steps to increase your libido, check in with yourself to identify what may be causing the dip. Did you get a new job? Alter your diet? Start a new medication? How is the quality of your relationship? Are you stressed?<

    This article will help you understand what impacts your libido through a holistic view of your health, relationships, and emotions. Regardless of gender, you will learn how to flow with your individual patterns of desire and learn about integrative remedies, like food and herbs, to work towards a libido that satisfies you.

    First Step to Increasing Sex Drive: Identify Changes

    A lot can impact libido, so try to stay out of the blame game if your libido is lower than usual or different from a friend’s. Instead, look more holistically at how your life and sex drive are related. Here are some life challenges and changes that may impact your libido.

    Terminology

    Verywell Health prefers to use inclusive terminology for sex or gender. When citing research or health authorities, the terms for sex or gender from the source are used. In other instances, “male”/”man” refers to a person identified as male at birth, and “female”/”woman” refers to a person identified as female at birth. People may identify with different gender or genders than those assigned at birth.

    Age: Hormonal Changes and Lifestyle

    Sexual desire ebbs and flows with age, regardless of sex or gender. The same neural and biochemical pathways exist for people of any sex.

    People with ovaries go through a lot of hormonal changes during their lifetime, from menstruation to pregnancy to menopause. Sexual desire is closely related to hormones (estrogen and testosterone), so it’s normal to see shifts around these phases.

    Many females report an increase in sexual activity in their 30s. Sexual desire is individual, but according to some studies, women have the “highest” libido in their 30s.2

    Males may notice their sexual desire peak in their 20s and start to settle in their mid-30s when a natural decline in testosterone becomes more apparent in everyday life.3

    Age can also come with other health conditions, new medications, and injuries, all of which can reduce sexual desire in your 40s and beyond. But it’s not all about how old you are. A healthy lifestyle, mindset, and diet at any age can lead to a healthy libido.4

    Life Changes

    Take note of life changes, big or small. Did you move? Start a job? Lose a job? Adopt a pet? Are you grieving a loss? A breakup? Are you a new parent? Is it a busy season at work? These life changes affect your stress levels and can impact your natural libido.

    When stressed, the body goes into fight-or-flight mode, turning off “unnecessary” functions for immediate survival, like appetite and sexual desire.5 Among other functions, stress also reduces focus and energy levels, resulting in foggy and sluggish moods. This is not ideal for sexual arousal.

    Medical Diagnoses or Surgery

    Recent surgery, injury, chronic illness, or new medical diagnoses can lower your sex drive. The physical and psychological stress of medical issues can affect your body and relationship. Give yourself time to heal and rest.

    Pain medications, like opioids, can decrease sexual desire. Other common medications, like hormonal birth control, reduce testosterone levels and can lead to lower libido.6

    Mental Health

    Clinical depression and anxiety have been linked to a loss of sexual desire. One study shows that 62.5% of mild to moderately depressed males saw increased sexual dysfunction.7 Another study found that women think mental health is more important for their sexual desire than physical health.8

    Poor mental health can impact body image and confidence in the bedroom. It can cause sexual dysfunction or pain based on past trauma. Physiologically, depression and anxiety impact hormones, which play a significant role in a healthy sex drive.

    Several prescription medications,9 like antidepressants, can reduce your appetite for sex, too, especially if you’re starting them or changing the dosage.10

    Quality of Relationship

    The frequency of sex does not define your relationship. If you and your partner are happy with the amount of sex you’re having, that’s all that matters. Some couples are even sex-free and enjoy life together just the same.

    But if your sex life is a point of tension, look deeper into the relationship. It could be a case of naturally mismatched libidos, or you could discover an opportunity to get closer to your partner by discussing conflict and challenges.

    Healthy communication, trust, care, and open dialogue will help you understand how certain areas of the relationship may be causing a loss of sexual closeness and how to repair them.

    How to Increase Sex Drive: A Wide Range of Approaches

    Once you’ve identified one or more underlying changes causing your libido to plummet, you can explore a range of approaches to increase it. Because sexual appetite has emotional, physical, biological, and social ties, it’s important to consider a holistic approach to treatment. Approaches can include the following:

    • Eliminate or cut back on drugs, alcohol, and smoking.11
    • Get regular physical exams to rule out underlying conditions.
    • Dedicate quality time to your relationship, and consider turning off the TV and other screens to talk or to schedule an activity you enjoy together.
    • Add moderate exercise to your routine.12
    • Make quality sleep a priority.11
    • Explore pleasurable sex with more communication, erogenous zones, foreplay, lubricant, toys, or positions. Focus on the connection over orgasm.
    • Consider sex therapy for yourself or as a couple to understand your sexual goals or work through mental blocks.
    • Journal about your sexual desires, needs, and interests to better understand what you like in the bedroom.
    • Try herbs like Ginkgo biloba, maca root, or ginseng.13 Be sure to discuss with your healthcare provider whether these would interact with any other medications you are taking.
    • Eat supposed libido-boosting foods like chocolate, oysters, garlic, and fenugreek.14
    • Communicate early and often with your partner about your relationship and needs.
    • Ask a healthcare provider about prescription medications that may be affecting your libido and any that may help improve your libido.

    No standard exists for a “normal” sex drive.15 Your baseline libido may naturally vary from that of your friends and others you may compare yourself to. A person can be satisfied with a libido that may seem higher or lower than that of others.

    Increasing or Enhancing Sex Drive for Females

    Females looking to understand or increase their sex drive can also consider the following solutions:11

    • Get to know your menstrual cycle: You may be more turned on during different phases of your cycle, and articulating this can help you and your partner get on the same page.
    • Focus on arousal and connection: Fostering a feeling of closeness during foreplay can flood the body with sexual hormones to cue lubrication and blood flow to erogenous zones.
    • Add lube: Using over-the-counter lubricants and vaginal moisturizers can improve your sexual experience and reduce discomfort.
    • Learn about hormone therapy: If you’re postmenopausal, talk to a healthcare provider about how hormone therapy can help with estrogen levels and changes in vaginal tissue.

    Increasing or Enhancing Sex Drive for Males

    Males experience stress and hormone fluctuations too. Testosterone, the main driver of sexual function and other male characteristics, such as facial hair, begins to decline around age 30. Here are some solutions to boost libido in men:

    • Reduce alcohol: Alcohol has been shown to lower testosterone levels in males.16
    • Eliminate smoking: Smoking has been directly linked to erectile dysfunction.17
    • Address performance anxiety: Erectile dysfunction can happen at any age and is caused by physical or psychological issues. Talk to your healthcare provider or therapist to address underlying symptoms.
    • Prescription medication: Testosterone replacement therapy or other sexual-enhancing medications may be right for you.18
    • Prioritize your mental health: Mental health plays a big role in libido. You deserve help for stress, anxiety, depression, and other mental health conditions. Seek out counseling if you’re struggling with mood swings or unwanted thoughts.

    Summary

    Life can be challenging, and you’re not going to be in the mood for sex all the time. Factors such as hormonal changes, stress-inducing events, medical conditions, medications, mental health challenges, and relationship quality can affect your libido.

    People of all sexes experience highs and lows in their sex drive for a number of reasons. If you wish to improve your sex drive, it is good to look at a variety of ways to do so, and the solution will be different for each person.

    Finding and sustaining your unique healthy libido includes taking care of your mental and physical health as well as the quality of your relationship.

    Complete Article ↪HERE↩!