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I’m a Clinical Sexologist in private practice here in Seattle. I’ve been a practitioner of psychotherapy, sex therapy and relationship counseling for over 30 years. I am a sex positive and kink aware helping professional.

I am available weekdays, some evenings and weekends so you can comfortably fit your sessions in around your work, family and social life.

If you would like to talk to someone about your sexual thoughts, feelings, lifestyles and/or experiences then arrange for a consultation at our mutual convenience.

I provide therapy in a variety ways —

  • on the telephone
  • online
  • in person

All sessions are 60 minutes in duration. Telephone and online appointments are paid for in advance via Paypal.

Here’s a bit more about the way I work.

I don’t believe therapy should become a lifestyle. Thus, my therapeutic intervention is short term, goal directed and personally liberating. I generally contract with my client(s) for four, six or eight visits (clients of course can terminate at any time). This way we build in an automatic termination date, keeping all of us focused on the goal and honest about the progress we’re making. And, more importantly, the end is always in sight. Rarely do I see client(s) for more than eight session in a row. If my client(s) doesn’t have what he/she/they need to work independently on the problems he/she/they face by that time, then I didn’t do my job properly.

I also firmly believe in at-home-work and journaling. These things keep my client(s) integrated and involved throughout his/her/their with me. Our time together will be concentrated, so there will little time to waste…either yours or mine.

My fee is $110 per session. I do, however, offer a sliding fee schedule for those who have need of that.

You’re welcome to contact me for an appointment if you’d like to move forward with this. You can reach me at:

Some people find it easier to talk about intimate aspects of their life over the phone rather than in person. Access therapy from the comfort and privacy of your own home, car or office. Telephone therapy helps get round geographical, transport and mobility issues.

I can also provide my services via the most commonly used chat and message platforms such as Skype, Yahoo Messenger, etc.

To book your therapy session(s) email me your preferred date and time We will then arrange your preferred payment method. Sessions can be made in block bookings or singly whatever suits your budget and commitments. Early booking is advisable.

A 24 hours notice is required from the client to cancel or change a booked appointment time. Clients will not be entitled to a refund or an alternative appointment if a cancellation is made with less than 24 hours notice.

All sessions will start and end at the agreed time. Late calls or visits will result in a shorter consultation. All consultations are by appointment only.

Clinical services cover a full range of sexual heath concerns including:

— Guilt associated with religious upbringing or training.
— Sexual trauma and/or sexual abuse
— Conflicts or sexual dissatisfaction between partners.
— Ejaculation and/or erection concerns.
— Orgasm concerns.
— Sexual orientation/lifestyle preference.
— Sexual inhibitions.
— Socio-sexual skills.
— Sexual misinformation.
— Love and sexuality.
— Jealousy and possessiveness.
— Poor body image.
— Unsatisfactory sexual outlet.
— Safe-sex concerns.
— Sexuality and illness or disability.
— Sexuality and grieving.

My practice combines the best of a short-term cognitive behavioral therapy model with a compassionate, person-orientated counseling technique. My purpose is to help clients come to terms with their sexual problems and conflicts as these relate to their own life values, expectations and goals.

My services are open to individuals, couples, families and groups, of any sexual persuasion, who have sexual concerns. I am available for lectures, workshops, and in-service training.

Since the completion of my doctoral studies in 1981 I have been involved in a wide range of sexological activities including counseling, teaching, lecturing, writing, publishing, video production, in-service training and facilitating groups and workshops.

I’ve been writing this online sex advice column for well over fifteen years now.
I am the founder and former Executive Director of the nonprofit organization, PARADIGM; Enhancing Life Near Death — an outreach and resource for terminally ill, chronically ill, elder and dying people.

My therapeutic training includes The Institute for Advanced Study in Human Sexuality San Francisco, The University of California, San Francisco Human Sexuality Unit, and The Pacific Center for Human Growth, Berkeley.
Besides my sexological training I carry a Masters degree in Theology from the Jesuit School of Theology, Berkeley.

I am Board certified by The American College of Sexologists, The American Board of Sexology and The American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors and Therapists.

Richard Wagner, M.Div., Ph.D., ACS

We are what we consume!

Name: Norm
Gender:  Male
Age: 27
Location: St. Louis
How dangerous is Ecstasy? Are the herbal substitutes any safer?

Good question.  Unfortunately, it’s so hard to categorically say how dangerous any particular drug is; there are so many variables.  For example, aspirin can be deadly to some people.  If pharmaceuticals are risky, you can be sure that street drugs are way more so, because you never know how adulterated they are due to careless processing.

Simply put, everything we ingest comes with some risk.  The spinach salad you’ll have for lunch could kill you.  Inevitably, it comes down to the individual.  Is the alleged thrill worth the risk?  Sometimes that’s an easier call than at other times.  My rule of thumb is the more organic the substance and the fewer chemicals involved the better.  But there’s always the possibility that a person will have an adverse reaction to even the purest most organic active ingredient.  So beware.

Ecstasy is an amphetamine that has been chemically altered to give it its hallucinogenic property.  Researchers believe it is potentially toxic to the brain and persistent use can cause serious liver damage. At the same time, ecstasy is being used to help ease dying cancer patients deal with the end of life.

So-called herbal substitutes consist of a variety of compounds. Some of which have been associated with liver inflammation. All of these substitutes have some sort of compound that causes what is known as sympathetic stimulation, because it stimulates the sympathetic nervous system. This results in a state of heightened excitability. Specifically, they increase heart rate, body temperature, and blood pressure, and have an effect on muscle tone. This is the same phenomenon that causes a sense of hyper-alertness or the fight or flight response.  Of course one can say the same about caffeine.  Regardless of what the compound is, when you alter your normal physiology and cause excessive stimulation, there will be a price pay.

Drugs, like sex, allow us to transcend ourselves.  At their best, they distract us form the ordinary day-to-day stuff so that we can focus on what’s happening right in the moment.  Both drugs and sex can give us a peak experiences, but they can also devastate. Our ego boundaries go down, but that can leave us vulnerable at best and paranoid at worst.  We can have a heightened sense of connectedness, or a keen sense of isolation.

If it’s a good sex or drug trip, we want to chase the experience longer than we should.  We go to great lengths to postpone the return to the humdrum of daily live.  This relentless pursuit, more often than not, leads us out of bliss and into despair.  Just ask the addict that is looking for just one more hit.

Some people report that ecstasy increases their self-confidence and their ability to connect with others.  It can make sex seem otherworldly. But ecstasy, while increasing our desire for sex, also diminishes our ability to perform. There’s nothing more frustrating than wanting to fuck, but being unable to because of a limp dick.

That’s why lots of party boys mix drugs like Viagra, or another erection educing pharmaceuticals with their Ex.  However, this can be a fatal combination.  Also, men under the influence are much more likely to think with their dicks, which is a prescription for risky sex. Sex under the influence can also get a whole lot rougher than one anticipates, because we’re unable to process physical sensations like normal.

Finally, there’s the basic law of physics.  What goes up must come down.  Remember, the higher the high, the lower the low.  Count on it!

Name: Trisha
Gender: female
Age: 22
Location: Galveston
I want to surprise my BF with a special anniversary dinner.  We’ve been dating for two whole years and just moved in together.  I want to make something special and sexy.  Got any ideas?

Ahhh yes, as we all know, the fastest way to a man’s heart is through his stomach…or is it his zipper?  Well, whatever!  I’m assuming that you want this little repast to be a prelude to some hot monkey sex, right?  I love the sound of that!  In ever culture I know of, sex and food have always been intimately linked.

There are a variety of foods that arouse feelings of love and that do wonders for one’s romantic life, at least according to one or another culture.  Everything from black beans to cabbage, from bananas and strawberries to oysters; all have been reported to stir amorous feeling in the consumer.  Are they true aphrodisiacs?  Who knows?  Maybe it’s the combination of the loving preparation, the mutual enjoyment and feelings of being full and satisfied that is the big turn on.

People first sought aphrodisiacs as a remedy for various sexual difficulties, especially performance anxiety.  Aphrodisiacs are also thought to boost both male and female potency.  In ancient times nutrition was always an issue. Food hasn’t always been as available as it is today.  And of course, nothing pulls the plug on the libido like malnutrition.  And hunger radically reduces fertility rates.

Our forbearers believed that anything in nature that looked like or represented the male seed, such as bulbs, eggs, snails were considered to have sexual powers. Other types of foods were considered stimulating because they physically resembled genitalia.

Here are a few things to consider as you plan your menu. Greeks and Romans believed aniseed had special powers. Sucking on the seeds is said to increases your desire.  Or maybe it just freshened the breath enough to get close enough to fuck.

Asparagus has a phallic shape.  It’s also fun to feed your lover.  Steamed spears in a pungent lemon dipping sauce will make for a sensuous experience.

Almonds have been a symbol of fertility throughout the ages.  The aroma is thought to induce passion in a female.  Arugula or “rocket” has been considered an aphrodisiac since the first century A.D.  This ingredient was added to grated orchid bulbs and parsnips and also combined with pine nuts and pistachios for a full-on erotic feast. Try an Arugula salad or use it in a pasta sauce with basil another herb said to stimulate the sex drive and boost fertility.

The Aztecs called the avocado tree the “testicle tree” for obvious reasons. The fruit hanging in pairs, as it does, resembles a man’s balls. Serve this fruit with its sensuous texture in slices with a small amount of Balsamic vinegar and freshly ground pepper.

Bananas have a marvelous phallic shape.  But from a more practical standpoint bananas are rich in potassium and B vitamins, necessities for sex hormone production.

The Aztecs referred to chocolate as the “nourishment of the Gods”. Chocolate contains chemicals thought to effect neurotransmitters in the. It also contains more antioxidants than does red wine.  Here’s a tip, combine the two.  Have a glass of Cabernet with a bit of dark chocolate for dessert.

Carrots are believed to be a stimulant to the male. The phallic shape has long been associated with stimulation since ancient times.  Early Middle Eastern royalty used carrots as an aid to their seductions.

The book of The Arabian nights tells a tale of a merchant who had been childless for 40 years and but was cured by a concoction that included coriander. Cilantro is also known as an “appetite” stimulant.

Fennel, like anise, was found to be a source of natural plant estrogens.  Use of fennel as an aphrodisiac dates back to the ancient Egyptians.

An open fig looks like a vagina.  And traditionally it is thought of as sexual stimulant.  A man breaking open a fig and eating it in front of his lover is a powerful erotic act. Serve fresh ripe figs in a bowl of cool of water as they do in Italy.  Be sure to eat with your fingers!

The ‘heat’ in garlic is said to stir sexual desires. Garlic has been used for centuries to cure everything from the common cold to heart ailments.

Ginger root raw, cooked, pickled or crystallized is a powerful stimulant to the circulatory system. And what is good sex if it isn’t all about healthy blood flow?

The Egyptian believed that honey was a cure for sterility and impotence.  Medieval seducers plied their partners with Mead, a fermented drink made from honey.  Lovers on their “Honeymoon” drank mead and it was thought to “sweeten” the marriage.

Chewing on bits of licorice root is said to enhance love and lust. It is particularly stimulating to women. Mustard, maybe because of its bite, is believed to stimulate the sex glands and increase desire. Chinese women prize nutmeg as an aphrodisiac.  In quantity nutmeg can also produce a hallucinogenic effect.

Oysters are legendary aphrodisiacs.  They of course resemble a pussy, but they are also very nutritious and high in protein.

Zinc is a key mineral necessary to maintaining male potency.  Zinc is also reported to heighten sexual performance in both women and men.  An essential good mood nutrient, it triggers the feel-good brain chemical serotonin. Pine nuts are rich in zinc.   They have been used to stimulate the libido as far back as medieval times.

Pineapple is rich in vitamin C and is used in the homeopathic treatment for impotence. Raspberries and strawberries are perfect finger foods for hand feeding your lover. Both of these luscious fruits are described in erotic literature as fruit nipples.

Tomatoes, known as the “love apple” are considered love food, because they have great nutritional value and their acidity is considered a sex stimulant.

The scent and flavor of vanilla is believed to increase lust.  Fill tall Champagne glasses to the rim and add a vanilla bean for a heady, bubbly treat.

Eating is so much more than just chewing and swallowing.  So don’t forget about the presentation.  Food that is colorful and attractive to the eye gets one in a good mood. The smell of the food cooking exhilarates the senses and sets in motion feelings of arousal.

Good luck ya’ll

Easy Cum, Easy Go

Hey sex fans,

Listen up!

I’m adding this new feature to my Q&A columns.  Whenever possible, I will include in my response a link to a movie in my HOW TO VIDEO LIBRARY (see the VOD tab at the top of the page?) that will further educate or enrich the person who is asking the question.

Think of it as at HOMEWORK or further study on the topic at hand.  I hope all of you will benefit from this terrific instructional and enriching resource.  (Click on the images below for viewing information.)

Name: Spencer
Age: 37
Location: Ottawa
I am very interested in learning more about prostate massage and milking techniques.  Are you familiar with these things?  Thank you.

I am very familiar with both prostate massage and the fetish commonly known as milking.

But let’s begin with prostate massage, because it is something every guy can practice and enjoy.  I a53342_xlfrecommend all us men folk be prostate aware.  You know I’m a big advocate of frequent prostate self-exam, right?  And I figure while you’re down there rootin’ around in your butt-hole checking for abnormalities, hey spend a little more time and give yourself a nice massage why don’t ‘cha?  Fingers work just fine for this, but an insertable vibrator is…well…out of this world.  Prostate massage is a wonderful way to expand your self-pleasuring repertoire, especially for all you guys out there who only know how to yank on their dick for joy.  And ladies, prostate massage is a great way to play with your male partners.  Perhaps if you signal to your guy that a little butt play can be fun, more straight guys will be less ass-phobic and the world will be a much better place, don’t cha know.

You can feel your prostate gland by inserting a finger a couple of inches or so into your bum.  If you are the least bit aroused your prostate will feel like a smooth rounded flat lump about the size of a large almond. Just in back of and up from your prostate is a smaller triangular wedge shaped nodule that is the bottom portion of your somewhat larger seminal vesicles.  This, by the way, is where most of your jizz is produced and stored. Underneath the seminal vesicles are the ampullae, which are tiny reservoirs for your sperm that will mix with all the other fluids produced by the vesicles and your prostate when you cum.

a73296_xlfAs you become aroused, ejaculatory fluid and sperm accumulate in these glands backing up behind valves in the ejaculatory ducts. When the fluid pressure reaches a high enough threshold, the valves open and the urethral bulb fills, triggering the muscular contractions of your ejaculation.  This empties the glands and you’ve just shot your wad.

Naturally, if one abstains from ejaculating for a while and prolongs his arousal stage, say like through edging, more fluids will build up, making for a larger load and a more explosive orgasm.

So with that little anatomy lesson behind us, so to speak, we can get back to prostate massage.  Simply insert your well-lubricated middle finger or middle finger and index finger into your butt hole and apply a little pressure.  Slowly massage your prostate.  Doesn’t that feel yummy?  Some men can cum by prostate massage alone.  Hell, you may find that you don’t even need a stiff dick to enjoy an orgasm and/or an ejaculation.

a83370_xlfNow to kink things up a bit we introduce the fetish called milking.  This is mostly a partnered — dom/sub, bondage/discipline — sort of deal.  But a guy can certainly do it on his own if he’d like.  Basically, the object here is to drain and collect the spunk produced.  How it’s collected?  Well that’s is up for grabs.  Ya see there are a zillion variations on the milking theme.  Some practitioners deny the donor the pleasure of an orgasm while collecting his jizz.  Ice packs are placed on a guy’s cock and balls before milking begins.  The spooge will flow through prostate massage and masturbation, but there won’t be much feeling for the donor.

Another interesting twist on milking is to completely restrain and blindfold the donor.  This may include a little (or a lot) of cock and ball torture (CBT) during the milking sessions.  There are even milking machines available, not unlike the contraptions that milk a mother’s breast, for the medical fetishists among us.

There are sadists who revel in denying the donor any sexual release except for his milking sessions.  This is where a male chastity belt will come in mighty handy.  A guy will still need to a71598_xlfhave his balls drained, so to speak, every few weeks in order to avoid him losing his joy juice in a wet dream or when he takes a piss. But with regular prostate milkings, a dude can be deprived of orgasmic release for a long time with no harmful effects.

Those going for volume rather than frequency practice what is known as cum control, which takes edging to a whole new level.   Their objective is to go as long as possible without triggering an orgasm or a wet dream.  Since the pressure of fluid buildup increases with each arousal, the urgency to have an ejaculation also increases.  To deny himself the release is, for some, exquisitely painful.

If you’re still looking for more information on all of this, search them interweb tubes for key words like:  Semen Worship / Orgasm Control / Cum Control / Milking / Edging / Chastity and Cock and Ball Torture.

Name: Shelly
Age: 21
Location: Atlanta
How come men are seen as ‘studs’ and women as ‘sluts’ for doing the same things.

Basically darling, that’s because our culture is pretty fucked up — sexually, and in so many other was too.

Despite the progress we’ve made over the last 50 years to liberate ourselves from suffocating 5Blit2oaSplgn264lJN97XCpo1_400sex-role stereotyping and culturally induced gender expectations, we are nowhere near being free and clear of all that crap.

Changing societal attitudes about sex begins with each one of us carving out our own healthy place to celebrate our sexuality.  Carving out that place means we don’t tolerate this or any other kind of double standard bullshit from those around us.  It’s tough standing against the tide of sexual bigotry, but it will make you strong and proud.  Banding together with other like-minded people for support and encouragement is also important.

The biggest danger, of course, is that young, sexually progressive women will, in time, cave to the pressure to conform.  They will begin to internalize the madonna/whore dichotomy that has plagued all of us for millennia and pass it on to yet another generation of vulnerable women.  The risk is always there; so vigilance is the only response.

And all you guys out there who think that this double standard is the way things oughta be.  Think again!  You are not a stud if you cheapen your sexual partners by degrading them; you’re just an asshole.

Name: Brianna
Age: 30
Location: San Diego
I’ve been so disturbed about the increasing number of recalled Chinese made products lately — dog food, toothpaste, children’s toys and the like — that I was horrified to discover that most of my sex toys are made in China.  I suppose this is a dumb time to ask, but how safe are sex toys?

That is a real good question, Brianna.  Ya know there was a time when I thought that the greatest hazard to the ardent sex toy consumer was simply all the poorly designed and cheaply a2458_xlfmanufactured crap that floods the marketplace.  But in light of the alarming news of recent months about the safety risks of many products coming from China, I think there is room for concern about the safety of Chinese made sex toys.

I hasten to add that not all Chinese imports are dangerous.  Nor are all products grown or manufactured in the US safe.  But there is a long history of unscrupulous Western companies exploiting the Chinese labor force.  This greed and abuse leads to a dangerous mix that often has dire consequences.

Obviously there is no government regulatory agency out there with a mandate to protect us from unsafe or unhealthful sex toys.  Of course, one can make the case that even when there is a government regulatory agency with a mandate to protect us, and our pets, from unsafe, tainted or unhealthy food, drugs and other consumables they’re not doing a particularly good job.

The sex toy industry does an equally piss-poor job of regulating itself.  No surprise there, I suppose.  Profit motives seem to trump all other considerations.  And since there is virtually no scientific data on sex toy safety the responsibility for keeping ourselves safe falls to us, the consumer.  It’s up to us to positively impact the market.  We can begin by taking some responsibility for what we consume.  We can go GREEN with our sex toys, so to speak.  We could patronize only the retailers that provide fair and balanced product reviews.  We could refrain from buying on impulse or being swayed by slick smutty packaging.  We could avoid excess packaging that only winds up in a landfill.

We could avoid doing business with sex toy retailers who continue to peddle products with by unsubstantiated claims.  Herbal supplements that promise to grow a guy’s dick bigger or enhance his sexual performance.  Or those patches, pills and lubricating oils that are supposed to boost a chick’s desire.  It’s not like there aren’t good products out there, it’s just that we have to do our research before we buy.  Check out some of the great Product Review Sites too — Dr Dick’s Sex Toy Reviews, Jane’s Guide or Hey Epiphora.

a122441_xlfWe could protect ourselves by insisting our toys be manufactured by people who have access to sex information, education and contraception for themselves.  If our purchases support repressive governments who abuse their people we are complicit in the repression.  Imagine our dildos, vibrators and fetish gear being manufactured by people who will never be able to enjoy a happy, healthy integrated sex life because of gender inequity or poverty.  That sucks, huh?

We can also protect ourselves by patronizing responsible and ethical sex toy retailers.  These include my very own Dr Dick’s Stockroom, Good Vibrations, Babeland and Eden Fantasys.  These retailers have excellent customer service departments and well as educational components to outreach.  They’re also terrific resources for all your sex toy related questions.

There have been a lot of unsubstantiated claims made of late that there is a potential danger in all sex toys.  Some insist that most sex toys contain cancer-causing ingredients. While I won’t go that far, there are some things to be concerned about.  For example, many soft rubber toys are made using phthalates, which have been linked to environmental and human health issues. Phthalates (pronounced “thall-eights”) are a chemical compound used to soften hard plastics into soft rubbery and jelly-like toys. I also recommend that you avoid toys with artificial scent and dyes.  They’ve been known to trigger allergic reactions in some people.

I believe that if you buy quality you are more likely to get quality.  Consider hypoallergenic materials, such as silicone, wood, glass and aluminum.  They are more expensive, but worth it.   Then again, you could always use a condom on any insertable, or less expensive toy of questionable material.  The problem with this is, condoms are not biodegradable and they’re expensive.  By the time you factor in the cost of condoms for every toy use, you’ll actually be spending more per diddle than if you bought quality from the get-go.

Remember the more information you have, the wiser a consumer you will be.

Good luck ya’ll


Drum Roll Please! Dr Dick Is Expanding

Hey sex fans,

As most of you know, I’ve been reviewing adult products on this site for well over two years.  These reviews grew out of the frequent requests I got from visitors for additional product information and buying assistance and advice. I am delighted to learn that my opinion, as a Clinical Sexologist, carries a good deal of weight for a perspective consumer.  That, and I make ‘em laugh.

Unfortunately, this site wasn’t the optimum vehicle for these reviews.  I was able to post teasers on my home page well enough, and these linked back to the Product Reviews Page.  But in a matter of months, the Product Reviews Page became unwieldy.  One had to do endless scrolling to find the review one was looking for.  And there wasn’t a search function for the Product Reviews Page.

Since this site’s update and facelift in January, I’ve wanted to spin off the reviews to their own site.  Finally, after six weeks of labor intensive effort that dream has been realized.  Allow me to introduce you to Dr Dick’s Sex Toy Reviews.


You’ll immediately see how much better this stand-alone site serves our purpose.

  • Now each product has it’s very own posting.
  • One can search for a product by name.
  • There are expanded Categories and Tags to bring things together.
  • Now all the adult product links on this site refer a visitor to this new site.

Some people in my audience have come to identify with one or another of The Dr Dick Review Crew — my fellow reviewers (women, men and couples; gay, bi and straight) who are helping me with reviews; especially for gender specific products.  With this new site, you can now search the site for reviews posted by your favorite Crew member.  How sweet is that?

I hope you take a moment of your precious time and take a look around.  Your comments and critique are always welcome.

There is one final thing.  I’ve also recently launched a stand-alone podcast site too called Sex Advice With An Edge.


The Dr Dick Review Crew is all geared up to start posting new reviews again next Friday, 05/15/09.

On a need to know basis.

Name: Jackye
Gender: Female
Age: 32
Location: London.
Do you have a suggestion regarding sexual positions for easier anal sex?

I sure do, doll!  Try it doggy style.  It’s the most popular position for gettin’ it in the bum.  It’s a very basic sex position, where the bottom bends over a bed, a couch, a chair, the whatnot shelf, and the top nails him or her in ass from behind. For obvious reasons, this position is also called as the rear entry position.  And just so you know that we ain’t completely uncultured slobs here at Dr Dick’s Sex Advice, the Latin name for doggy style is coitus ferarum, which literally means ‘fucking in the manner of the beasts’.

doggy_sex_positionDoggie style is a preferred position for most people of the female persuasion, because it allows the top to directly stimulate the chick’s G spot for that really yummy feeling.  This position also allows for a hands-free fuck. The top can busy his/her hands fondling the bottom’s tits and all his/her junk in the trunk.  Similarly, the bottom’s hands are also free to diddle him or herself and or grab somethin of the top’s, like his nuts or her taint.

There is no major exertion of limb muscles, just as long as the top bends his/her bottom over something high enough so that he/she won’t have to strain his/her knees while gettin that hot monkey love.

Politically correct folks think this sexual position is too submissive for a woman in straight sex. She being pretty much locked position, and under the control of the male top.  But I say, fuck political correctness.  If you like this position, use it.  Better yet, once you get nailed, strap one on and give as good as you get.

Like everything in life, the doggie position has some drawbacks. An inexperienced bottom may encounter discomfort, because the top can penetrate very deep in this position.  For the romantics among us, they’ll be unable to maintain eye contact or kiss during the fuck.  And of course, there is also no frontal visual stimulation, unless you’re bumping in front of a mirror.  Which is never a bad idea.

I suggest you try  “the woman-on-top” — cowgirl position too.  See the photo below.  This position will provide you more control over the depth and speed of your partner’s thrusts.cowgirl

Another swell position is the spoon position. Here the top lies on his/her side with knees bent slightly forward. The bottom lies in front, facing the other way and positions him/herself in such a way so that his/her butt lines up with the top’s dick or strap-on.  This allows for a pretty much effortless fuck for both top and bottom.  Folks have been known to fall asleep mid fuck in this position.  Don’t let this happen to you. Hey, and it’s real easy for the couple to switch sides too.

The advantages of the spoon position are pretty clear, huh?  Both the top and bottom are reclining.  There is little to no exertion and it’s an ideal position for us older folk, or the truly jumbo among us.  After the fuck is finished the couple can remain in this position for a very long time extending the afterglow.

The bottom can do the old reach around and grab somethin’ of the top’s to play with.  The top can also reach around for easy access to tits and pussy or tits and cock.  (Do you see how I’m going out of my way to be inclusive with instructions?  I hope so.)  And the lucky bottom gets the joy of being plugged and cuddled all at the same time. This might be a better option than doggie style for the inexperienced bottom, because he/she will have some control over the depth of the penetration.

While some folks think this position is downright boring, because it doesn’t involve much activity on the part of either top or bottom.  The spoon position does get the politically correct seal of approval.  It’s one of those egalitarian sexual positions, don’t cha know.  Neither the top nor the bottom is in a superior position.  Isn’t that special?

Name: Chad
Gender: male
Age: 25
Location: Alaska
My new girlfriend is 5 years older than me and she is a total freak.  She has purple hair, 5 tattoos and a 7 piercings, including her labia.  She wants me to get my dick pierced.  I said I’d think about it, but she says I’m a pussy for putting it off.  I know lots of guys have piercings, but is it safe?

I firmly believe in the right of every adult to augment, adorn and embellish, or in any other way customize his or her body.  However, I draw the line at someone goading or harassing another person to do so.   And it sounds to me like your freaky-deaky GF is badgering you to do just that.  So if I were you, I’d tell her to back off till you can sanely make up your mind.  It’s a good thing you’re being so thoughtful about this, because even though a piercing is not permanent, like a tattoo, there still are risks involved…more even than getting inked.

As body piercing becomes trendier in the popular culture, many people try to outdo each pa_0other with unusual piercings. However, all the most common piercings have their roots in the traditions of tribal peoples throughout the world.

The first thing you should know is that body piercing is an art form.  It is best practiced by well-trained, highly qualified and seasoned professionals.  If you entrust your body to an amateur you’re asking for trouble.  Do your homework.  As piercing establishments proliferate, some will be better than others. In most jurisdictions piercers and their salons are required to be registered and licensed. You might want to check your local health department for a information and recommendations.

Before you decide to proceed, visit the piercer in his/her shop. Ask questions. Ask them how they sterilize their instruments and jewelry (autoclaving is the only safe method). Nowadays, all needles should be single use instruments.  They should be opened just prior to the piercing, and then disposed of immediately thereafter. If the shop offers other adornments, like tattooing, make sure the piercing is done in a separate room (for privacy as well as hygiene).

Most people are initially concerned with the pain involved in getting pierced.  Depending on what you’re getting pierced, there will be moderate to a whole lot of pain.  And that’s just the beginning.  Once the jewelry is in place there will be at least 2-3 days when the piercing area is very sensitive to the touch.  Because some areas of the body have more blood vessels than others, like your dick for example, expect some blood loss and a lot of swelling post-piercing.  Trust me, gettin’ a boner afterwards will be your worst nightmare.

That being said, you will be amazed at how resilient your body’s is.  It has a phenomenal ability to heal itself.   Of course, the practitioner should provide you with detailed aftercare instructions.  These will outline all the procedures and aftercare products you’ll need to attend to yourself while you heal.  A word of caution, if your general health is compromised in anyway; if you are sick, run- down or over-worked, or immune-compromised in any way, your body’s ability to heal will be decreased and there will be an increase in the risk of infection.

As you heal, any pressure on a piercing has the potential to aggravate and inflame the site.  You’d best refrain from contact sports, manual labor, or anything else that irritate your new piercing. Most piercings take a minimum of 6 weeks to heal. Wearing tight clothes, touching the piercing with dirty hands, contact with bodily fluids, rough treatment, and using inappropriate cleaning agents will diminish your body’s ability to heal and increase the risk of infection.  Hey, and don’t skimp on the quality of jewelry you choose either.  Poor grade jewelry can fuck up the piercing big time.

Given all the pain and risks, you might ask, why do people bother getting pierced at all?  Well, that’s pretty easy to answer.  Piercings aficionados agree; a piercing enhances sex by providing a greater degree of stimulation to one’s self and one’s partner.

The most popular cock piercings is the Prince Albert. It has the fastest healing time and is considered the most sexually appealing of cock piercings. It enters the urethra and exits immediately behind the glans on the underside of the cock.  There is a variation called the reverse Prince Albert, which enters the urethra and exits on the top of the dick head. This piercing requires less cleaning than most since urine aids in the healing process.  However afterwards, most men find that they have to sit down to pee or they dribble all over themselves.  You’ll need to allow one week of sexual abstinence post piercing and 2-4 months for it to heal completely.  In the interim always use a condom until you’re fully healed.

Good luck ya’ll

Don’t forget the Seattle Fetish & Fantasy Festival!


Lookin’ for a little somethin’ that will perk up that ho-hum sex life of yours?  I thought so.  Well then, here’s your opportunity to learn a few new tricks.  (Along with a slew of other sex-positive adults of every persuasion.)

I’ll be there, so you know it’s gonna be good.  Hell, if you’re lucky, and register early, you can even take one of my workshops.  YOU CAN REGISTER ONLINE!

April 10-11, 2009
2 Days of Classes,
Music & Food

Be there or be square!

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