Category: Sexual Performance Issues

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How to last longer in bed

— 20 ways for men to delay ejaculation

if you nearly always ejaculate after less than a minute of sex, you may be diagnosed with premature ejaculation.

By Madeline Kennedy

  • It’s common to feel like you want to last longer in bed, especially if you ejaculate prematurely.
  • To last longer in bed naturally, slow down movement and use condoms or the pause-squeeze method.
  • You can ask your doctor about pelvic exercises, numbing medications, Viagra, and SSRIs.

If you are worried that you finish too quickly in bed, you’re not alone — around one in three men in the US report having issues with premature ejaculation. It’s unclear why this happens, but scientists think it’s a combination of psychological and biological factors.

If you aren’t able to have sex for as long as you would like, there are several strategies that can help.

How to last longer during sex

If you are struggling with finishing too early, here are 20 things you can do that may help.

1. Get support from your partner

Getting support from your partner can be an important part of the process. “To begin with, tell your partner that you want to try lasting longer, and ask your partner if they’re interested in that,” says Vanessa Marin, MFT, a licensed sex therapist in private practice.

This may help your partner understand what’s going on and help you talk openly about any feelings of frustration. Once communication is open with your partner, you can discuss exactly what triggers your orgasm and try practicing the following methods.

2. Use condoms

Since premature ejaculation may be a result of hypersensitivity, using a condom is a simple solution that may make sex last longer. The condom forms a barrier around the penis that dulls sensation and may lead to delayed ejaculation.

3. Try desensitizing condoms

Desensitizing condoms come with numbing agents such as Benzocaine or Lidocaine that reduce sensitivity in the genitals and are designed to numb the penis during sexual activity

Although these numbing agents are safe and effective in countering premature ejaculation, side effects can include allergic dermatitis and penile gangrene.

4. Learn the pause-squeeze method

The pause-squeeze method can be done while having sex or masturbating and involves:

  1. Having sex until you feel that you are about to ejaculate.
  2. Then, pulling out and squeezing the tip of your penis for several seconds, or until the need to ejaculate passes.
  3. And finally, continuing to have sex and repeating the technique as needed.

“The theory is you stop the flow, let the penis rest, and then go back at it to increase your time,” Brahmbatt says.

Brahmbatt says that this can be one of the more difficult treatments for premature ejaculation because it takes a lot of self-control. Practicing repeatedly and communicating clearly with your partner may help ease the process.

5. Do pelvic floor exercises

Your pelvic floor muscles lie just below your prostate and your rectum, and just like other muscles, they can be strengthened through exercise. Experts believe that if pelvic floor muscles are too weak, it may be harder for you to delay your ejaculation.

To flex your pelvic floor muscles, act as if you are trying to stop yourself from peeing or passing gas and feel which muscles move. To tone these muscles, follow these steps:

  1. Tighten the pelvic floor muscles – you can lie down or sit if this makes it easier.
  2. Hold the muscles taut for three seconds.
  3. Relax the muscles for three seconds.
  4. Repeat the exercise as many times as needed.

To get good results, you should try to do three sets of 10 repetitions each day.

6. Slow down

Thrusting quickly creates intense stimulation and may make you more likely to orgasm after a short time. Thrusting quickly can also make it harder to recognize more subtle sensations in your body, and you may not realize that you’re getting close to orgasm, Marin says.

“Try to move at a slower pace and regularly take little breaks to move extra-slow,” says Marin. You may be surprised that some partners might like slower movement, especially at the start of sex.

Positions that limit your movement, like having your partner on top, can also be helpful because you aren’t able to lose control and start thrusting too quickly.

7. Change up positions

When you change positions, it requires you to take a bit of a break and slow your movements.

“You’re not getting as much stimulation during the transition, so it allows your body to cool off and get further from orgasm,” says Marin.

Positions where you can’t penetrate as deeply may also help, such as a spooning position where you are the “big spoon.”

8. Spend more time on foreplay

Spending more time on foreplay can help you last longer in bed. In a confidential survey conducted in the U.S about peoples’ experiences with orgasm, sexual pleasure and genital touching, more than a third responded that stimulation was necessary for orgasm.

9. Try edging

Edging is the process of getting right up to the edge of an orgasm, then stopping yourself to cool down before starting up again.

To last longer during sex, repeat the edging process as many times as possible, says Marin. Since you’re not allowing yourself to orgasm and taking periodic breaks, you’ll naturally last longer.

10. Masturbate before sex

Masturbating before sex can help you last longer since your body won’t be as sensitive to sexual stimulation, Marin says.

It may take some trial and error to find out how long before sex you should masturbate. Because if you masturbate right before sex, it might be difficult to get an erection again so soon. But if you orgasm too many hours beforehand, you might be completely reset by the time you have sex and ejaculate too quickly.

Basically, you want to find that sweet spot where you lower your stimulation but don’t kill your sex drive, Marin says.

11. Try sex toys

There are several ways sex toys can help you with premature ejaculation. You can use these toys to practice managing your orgasm by masturbating with them and stopping right before reaching orgasm.

On the other hand, sex toys could also be used to satisfy your partner if you cannot sustain an erection long enough for your partner to reach orgasm.

12. Distract yourself

Another option is to distract yourself with other thoughts, including something mundane like what you’ll eat for dinner or a movie you saw last week. This can help bring your mind away from the pleasurable sensations you’re having and may briefly delay ejaculation.

However, it may also take away from your enjoyment of sex and your intimacy with your partner. You can try and see if this method helps you last longer at certain times, but overall, remember to stay present and connected to your partner during sex.

13. Ask your doctor about numbing medications

Prescription numbing medications use ingredients like lidocaine and prilocaine, which generally come as creams or sprays that will decrease sensitivity and can be a helpful way to treat premature ejaculation.

Numbing creams or sprays should be carefully applied to the penis 20 to 30 minutes before sex to be most effective. You should also wash the cream away before having sex, so it doesn’t affect your partner.

“Make sure your partner knows you are using it — as a heads up and also to make sure they don’t have a history of allergic reaction or problem with its use,” Brahmbatt says.

14. Talk to a professional about your diet and weight

Although a poor diet is not directly linked to premature ejaculation, having the right diet can help prevent metabolic syndrome (MetS), which could be involved with premature ejaculation (PE).

MetS is a health condition which raises the risk of several diseases such as diabetes, coronary heart disease, stroke and other serious health issues. This is associated with health problems such as obesity, high blood pressure and blood sugar levels, high blood triglycerides and low HDL cholesterol.

In a study on the relationship between MetS and PE, the analysis revealed that MetS components can significantly affect sexual performance due to premature ejaculation. Studies are not conclusive on why MetS affects PE exactly, but it may involve hormones, depression, and vitamin deficiencies.

15. Take Viagra

Though sildenafil (Viagra) is usually prescribed to treat people who have trouble keeping an erection, research shows that it can help with premature ejaculation as well.

A 2007 study found that Viagra helped men with premature ejaculation last longer and was more effective than the stop-squeeze technique. At the end of the study, 87% of subjects using Viagra said they wanted to continue this treatment, compared with 45% of subjects using stop and squeeze.

16. Talk to your healthcare provider or a sex therapist

Talking to your healthcare provider can help review your health history and determine which of the above options are best for you.

A sex therapist can also be a valuable resource, especially if you think your premature ejaculation is linked to an issue like anxiety or lack of experience.

For example, sex therapists can help you identify your emotions before or during sex that may be affecting how quickly you orgasm or help teach you how to do kegel exercises to strengthen your pelvic floor.

17. Take the focus off of penetration

Focusing more on foreplay and less on penetration can help you last longer for several reasons.

For one, you’re likely to be taking breaks to change positions or to attend to your partner.

It also gives you opportunities to employ techniques like the pause-squeeze method.

Plus, by delaying penetrative sex, you’re prolonging the build up to orgasm, similar to edging, which can make climaxing feel more intense.

18. Take a deep breath

Taking a moment during sex to breathe deeply can actually stop your body’s reflex to ejaculate.

Deep breathing also forces you to slow the rapid breathing and heart rate associated with reaching climax.

19. Do yoga regularly

Adopting a regular yoga practice may help people struggling with premature ejaculation.

A review of yoga’s potential effects on sexual dysfunction points out that it’s been found to improve overall sexual health by regulating hormones, which influence performance in bed.

The review also claims that yoga’s emphasis on mindfulness and bodily discipline can help people struggling with premature ejaculation gain more control and self-awareness around how they experience pleasure and their ejaculatory functions.

In one study, men who were taught how to integrate yoga and breath regulation into their lifestyles for one month were better able to prolong ejaculation compared to men who tried a stop-start technique.

20. Ask your doctor about taking an SSRI

The presence of more serotonin in the brain has been shown to slow down ejaculation.

If you continue to struggle with premature ejaculation after trying other methods, your doctor may prescribe a selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor (SSRI) like dapoxetine (brand name Priligy).

However, it’s important to note that research around SSRIs and premature ejaculation is ongoing, and you may actually benefit more by combining an SSRI with other methods or medications:

  • In a 2019 analysis, Paroxetine (Paxil) was also shown to improve premature ejaculation, and it was found to be even more effective when combined with behavior therapy or tadalafil (Cialis), a drug used for erectile dysfunction.
  • In one 2021 clinical trial, tadalafil combined with either paroxetine or dapoxetine was found to be more effective at treating premature ejaculation than either SSRI taken alone.

How long does the average person last during sex?

According to a 2005 study conducted across five countries, vaginal sex generally lasts for around 5 to 6 minutes.

That’s a lot shorter than what the adult film industry often depicts: sex going on for hours, which can give a false idea of how long sex should last, says Jamin Brahmbhatt, MD, a urologist at the Orlando Health Medical Group Urology PUR clinic.

However, it’s important to note that there’s no correct amount of time for sex to last, and it’s up to you and your partner to decide the optimal time for you both.

What causes premature ejaculation?

It’s common for men to finish too quickly once in a while, but if you nearly always ejaculate after less than a minute of sex, you may be diagnosed with premature ejaculation.

It may be difficult to pinpoint exactly why this happens to you, but here are some common culprits:

  • Psychology: Studies show that anxiety, particularly anxiety about your sexual performance, is linked to premature ejaculation. Feeling depressed, stressed out, or guilty can also make you more likely to finish quickly. Men may also experience premature ejaculation at higher rates if they have poor body image or are victims of sexual abuse.
  • Experience: Your level of sexual experience can also affect how long you last in bed. “Men may also climax faster if they are not having sex often or this is their first time engaging in any sexual activity,” Brahmbhatt says.
  • High amounts of free testosterone: Studies show that men with premature ejaculation tend to have higher levels of free testosterone, which can lead to symptoms like loss of energy and low sex drive. However, scientists say that more research is needed to determine why this is the case.
  • Hyperthyroidism: Premature ejaculation can also be caused by hyperthyroidism, a condition in which the thyroid gland in your neck produces too much of a hormone called thyroxine. Researchers aren’t sure why thyroid issues affect your sex stamina, but after being treated for hypothyroidism, men are much less likely to experience premature ejaculation.

Insider’s takeaway

Premature ejaculation is common, and it can cause difficulties in your sex life or relationships. Luckily, however, there are many methods to last longer in bed, including medications, physical exercises, and sexual techniques.

You may also want to talk to your partner about the issue so that you can work on it together. And if all else fails, consider seeing a doctor or sex therapist who can help you navigate the process.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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Should Sex Be Funny?

Laughter in the bedroom can enhance or seriously kill the mood. Here’s how to achieve comedic bliss.

As long as you’re both laughing, your hilarious sex life is fine

By Kirk Miller

For something we think about so much, nobody really focuses on the truth that sex is… well, fucking ridiculous.

The sounds. The smells. The vocabulary (say “balls” and try not to laugh).

So should we embrace the bedroom absurdity or ignore it?

I’m not equipped to answer this question — and yes, if you read “equipped” in an article about sex and slightly chuckled, you are me. So I cast a wide net, talking to comedians, podcasters, adult film stars, sexologists, therapists and other professionals of all persuasions, ages and gender identities to figure out if and when you can bring humor to bed.

My mission did not start well. “I don’t even understand what you’re asking,” said a former sex editor for InsideHook (I’ll take her answer as a “no.”) But that reticent editor did put me in touch with Courtney Kocak, a writer who co-hosts a podcast called Private Parts Unknown, which tackles sexuality around the world in ways both funny and serious.

“Humor absolutely belongs in the bedroom,” says Kovacs. “Sex is primal and sometimes awkward. I mean, c’mon, you can’t take yourself too seriously while engaged in a position called “doggy style.” Plus, our bodies tend to keep us humble with a queef, a guttural moan, or a ridiculous O-face — some of those moments are genuinely funny. Occasionally dirty talk is laugh-out-loud hilarious. Allow yourself to be authentic and laugh if something funny happens in the sack. Otherwise, you’ll miss out on the wonderful intimacy that comes from being vulnerable.”

Vulnerability is a key point here — as many people I talked to were quick to mention, humor does not lead to demeaning or laughing at someone.

“Obviously, laughter can be an expression of discomfort,” says Emme Witt, a sex and relationships writer who’s also an experienced dominatrix. “I was once laughed at for masturbating during sex because a man was unable to make me orgasm through penetration. I wasn’t too happy about that. He was laughing. I wasn’t. The relationships ended.”

However, there can be a place for mockery, if specifically requested. Notes Witt: “As a pro-domme, I’ve also had clients request humor in our sessions. They want to be laughed at because they enjoy being degraded to give me pleasure. Laughing, therefore, is a fetish in and of itself.”

“Unless it’s a negotiated kink scene and everyone is on board or you are 100% confident that your partner is okay with it in a sexual setting, I typically tell people that body image, abilities, intellects and identities are off-limits for teasing,” adds Amy Julia Cheyfitz, a sex therapist and BDSM educator in the D.C. area (Cheyfitz also admits that, in her own life, she’s a fan of “good-natured, silly teasing” and, in the best answer I received, “Having a weak spot for terrible puns.”)

Humor actually might be the only way a relationship can thrive. “There is almost no way a couple can sustain a long-term, fun and healthy sex life without a sense of humor,” says Dr. Bat Sheva Marcus, a therapist with a specialization in sexual health and the former clinical director of the largest independent women’s sexual health center in the U.S. “Sex, at its best, puts all of us in awkward, odd and sometimes downright embarrassing situations. If it isn’t, you are probably stuck in a boring rut. So one of the first things I do with couples in normalizing all of this and ask them to tap into the humor or sex, let go and learn to ‘play.’”

Unfortunately, there aren’t many examples we can easily point to where sex and humor collide in a way that’s, well, fun and stimulating. “Media often portrays sex in a one-dimensional way, serious and seductive, and it can be, but that’s not the only expression,” says Natasha Marie Narkiewicz, a sexual wellness expert and head of communications at MysteryVibe. “It’s important that people feel empowered to express themselves in ways that are authentic and reflective of their life experiences and not conform to a model.”

Still, laughter can go both ways — it can be a sign of euphoria or complete comfort, or a signal that one partner is nervous or unsure. “Laughing during sex can be a good indication of satisfaction, pleasure and overall happiness,” says Amber Shine, an ACS Certified Sex Educator and media manager at XFans Hub. “It can be triggered while you and your partner are teasing one another verbally or physically, perhaps including an inside joke, or even when something silly happens in the heat of it all – which is not a bad thing. But if jokes are used to cover up nervousness, performance anxiety, or worse, to shame the other person, then it’s best to keep them at bay and focus on the deed.”

So, what specifically is funny during sex? Almost everyone I spoke with mentioned sounds or unintended bodily functions. “Humor allows us to laugh at funny sounds like queefs, farts and sweaty bodies smacking together rather than being consumed by self-consciousness around having human bodies,” says Yael R. Rosenstock Gonzalez, an intimacy, relationship and identity coach/educator (and founder of Sex Positive You). “Besides, when sex is taken too seriously, it adds a level of stress. It becomes performative rather than pleasure-focused.”

So far, these seem like pretty simple rules to follow. However…“You do have to be careful,” warns Valentina Bellucci, a porn and fetish performer. “If you are more comfortable in bed than your partner, then you might kill the vibe even with one joke. But if you are with someone who is very confident and you both have a great relationship and can talk and joke about everything, you can move it to the bedroom and make jokes from time to time. It can be something that makes you laugh, role-playing or acting as if you were in a porn parody scene.”

So what ruins it for Belluci? “Very often I pick up a part of a song or a line from a movie and joke about it during the day. My partner knows exactly what it is and when we start having sex, all it takes is him repeating this one sentence and he knows I will not stop laughing for two or three minutes. When he does it during sex, it’s even worse because I have to stop. But when he does it when I’m close to orgasm, I have extremely mixed emotions because I can’t be mad at him because he made me laugh but also I’m pissed off because I know I was about to cum.”

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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This Is the Key to Unlocking Your Best Sex Yet

— Solo or Partnered

By Crystal Raypole

Sex is a natural human desire. Many people enjoy physical intimacy and want more of it. Sex with new or multiple partners, different kinds of sex, better sex with your current partner — all are completely normal goals.

Yet, sometimes, it can feel as if improving your sex life is easier fantasized about than done.

Sure, you can find plenty of practical guides offering physical tips for better sex to people of any gender or anatomy.

But good sex doesn’t just involve your body. Your emotions and mood also play a pretty big part.

Like other aspects of wellness, good sexual health relies on the mind-body connection.

This interaction between mind and body can have some significant implications for emotional and physical health, both in and out of the bedroom.

Positive emotions such as joy, relaxation, and excitement help boost physical pleasure and satisfaction.

At the same time, distraction, irritability, and stress can all settle into your body, affecting your ability to remain present and fully enjoy experiences — from G- to X-rated — as they come.

Here’s the good news about the mind-body connection: Improvements in one area often yield similar improvements in the other.

In other words, increased emotional awareness could just help you have the best sex of your life. Nurturing this connection may take a little work, but these tips can help you get started.

Mindfulness refers to your ability to stay present in the moment.

Robyn Garnett, LCSW, a psychotherapist based in Long Beach, California, who specializes in sex therapy, describes mindfulness as “being fully engaged in an activity, fully experiencing the moment with physical senses rather than the thinking mind.”

You can probably imagine how a lack of mindfulness can detract from a sexy experience.

You might try to stay focused, for example, but thoughts of that midterm you need to study for, the pile of dishes in the sink, or how early you have to get up in the morning keep creeping in.

This fragmented awareness is incredibly common, but learning to boost powers of observation in other areas of life can help you overcome it.

As you go about your day, pay more attention to your body. How do you feel when you exercise? Eat breakfast? Walk to work? Do chores?

Notice the physical and emotional sensations that come up. What feels good? Not so good? If your thoughts start to wander away from the activity, gently return them to what you’re doing.

Many people find meditation and yoga make it easier to get in tune with emotions and practice mindfulness throughout the day.

If you have trouble expanding your awareness alone, giving these wellness practices a try could help.

It can take some time to get the hang of mindfulness, but the increased self-awareness that develops as a result can facilitate greater connection during sex.

Generally speaking, great sex means everyone involved is getting their needs met on some level.

It’s fine to want to please your partner(s), but you should also have some idea of what you enjoy and want from a sexual encounter.

Staying present during sexual encounters, whether solo, partnered, or multipartnered, can help you notice:

  • what types of touch feel best
  • how your body feels from moment to moment (let yourself move naturally)
  • the noises you and your partner(s) make (don’t be afraid to make noise, even when on your own!)
  • how your breath and movements speed up and slow down (take time to enjoy yourself instead of rushing toward climax — unless that’s what you’re into!)

When something feels good, don’t be shy about speaking up. Discussing what you like and want more of can strengthen your connection and lead to even better sex.

The same goes for things you don’t love. Participating in activities you dislike, just for a partner’s benefit, can lead to disconnection (or dread) during sex.

Also keep in mind: Good sex doesn’t always require a partner. In fact, exploring sexual interests through masturbation can help you get more comfortable with your desires.

It becomes much easier to communicate with partners when you know exactly what you enjoy — if you do choose to share with a partner, that is. Solo sex can be equally fulfilling!

First of all, you can have fantastic sex without maintaining a romantic relationship.

(That said, if you’ve tried no-strings-attached sex and find it somewhat lacking, it’s worth considering that you may need more of an emotional connection.)

If you are in a relationship, though, you’ll want to take into account the ways stress and conflict can affect not just individual well-being but also partner interactions.

It’s often easier to recognize serious issues threatening your relationship, but smaller concerns can also build up, adding to worry and anxiety.

If you don’t know how to bring these issues up, even minor problems can cause strain and affect overall emotional wellness over time.

These effects can make it more challenging to connect with your partner and enjoy intimacy.

If you’re struggling to connect with your partner — physically or emotionally — couples counseling can offer a safe, judgment-free space to explore the issue and work on healthy, productive communication.

Arousal takes time and effort for many people. Some days, you might just not feel it (totally normal, in case you wondered). Regardless, you might want to go ahead with it anyway.

Maybe you don’t get a lot of chances to have sex and think you should make the most of it, or perhaps you don’t want to let your partner down.

Keep in mind, though, your body usually knows what it’s talking about.

Remember, your mind and body work together, so pushing yourself to connect intimately when you’re drained, tired, achy, or unwell generally doesn’t end well.

Instead of fully engaging with your partner, you might get distracted, notice physical discomfort or annoyance at being touched a certain way, or have difficulty maintaining arousal and having an orgasm.

Your good intentions could even trigger conflict if your partner notices you’re less than enthusiastic.

It’s always better to communicate instead of trying to force a mood you don’t feel. You can still enjoy yourselves without having sex.

In fact, Garnett explains, exploring nonsexual activities together could promote more meaningful connection that can, in turn, lead to an improved sexual relationship.

Don’t forget: A sexual partner who doesn’t respect your physical needs and tries to pressure you into having sex anyway is not one worth keeping.

Sex therapy might sound a little terrifying when you don’t know what to expect, but it’s basically just talk therapy.

“It provides a space for you to openly discuss concerns and potential barriers so you can better understand your own needs,” Garnett says.

“Sometimes the inability to enjoy sex comes down to a misunderstanding of your own body, so psychoeducation is often where the conversation starts,” she says.

Garnett explains that while your sex therapist might suggest activities for you to try outside of therapy, by yourself or with a partner, sex therapy itself doesn’t involve touch or demonstrations.

Your primary goal in sex therapy is exploring any issues potentially affecting your sex life, such as:

Although mental health symptoms can affect sexual desire and contribute to difficulties enjoying intimacy, the reverse is also true.

If you find intimacy challenging, for whatever reason, you might become anxious when thinking of sex or feel so low that your arousal fizzles out.

This can create an unpleasant cycle. Not only can missing out on the benefits of sex bring your mood down further, you might notice tension between you and your partner if you don’t communicate what you’re feeling.

A professional can help you take a holistic look at the challenges in all areas of life, from work stress and sleep troubles to normal life changes, and consider how they could be holding you back from a more fulfilling sex life.

Better sex might not happen overnight, but dedicated efforts toward increased mindfulness can help you employ the mind-body link to improve self-awareness.

This stronger connection within yourself can pave the way toward a powerful, more deeply satisfying sexual connection with others.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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When One of You Doesn’t Want Sex

— Here’s What You Need to Be Talking About

By Rachel Zar, LMFT, CST

When sex fades within a romantic relationship, many people think the relationship is doomed to failure, and that may lead to distress, confusion, or an appointment with a sex therapist. But the truth is, there are many healthy reasons a couple may stop having sex. It may be due to illness, a change in physical ability, or other shifts that have an impact on sexual functioning or pleasure (for example, pregnancy or menopause). It can also happen when stress gets in the way for one or both partners, other parts of the relationship are taking priority, or a major life transition, such as having kids or taking care of a parent, takes up time and energy. Or it may be that one or both partners are on the asexuality spectrum or just not currently interested in being sexual. All are valid reasons.

If both partners are satisfied and happy, there’s no issue. The problem comes when one or both partners are distressed by the status quo. When that’s the case, the best place to start is to have a vulnerable and curious conversation about how each of you is feeling.

How to talk about one partner not wanting sex

Is it your partner who’s not interested in sex? Ask if they’re open to exploring what might be getting in the way. The block may be something that’s temporary or fixable—in which case, be patient and allow your partner lots of grace as they navigate through it. Remember, no one should be pressured or coerced into having sex. If you can hold space for your partner to go through phases of not craving sex—whether due to stress, fatigue, or something else—you may be able to prevent a temporary sexual slump from becoming a much longer state of being.

If it’s you who are not interested in sex right now, that’s OK. You never owe your partner sex. Try to have the same sort of open conversation about what’s blocking you—and ask for and expect the same sort of grace and space. No matter which person has lost interest, it’s smart to get specific about boundaries. Often people use “sex” and “intercourse” interchangeably, so it’s important to clarify the forms of sexuality, intimacy, or touch that still feel good and accessible to both of you. Are you each open to kissing and cuddling? What about caressing other body parts?

Also discuss nonphysical activities that help you feel super connected. Do you like to go on long walks together? Have deep conversations? Go to concerts? Upping the frequency of these activities will help keep the romance alive and give you a menu of ways to reach out to each other when you’re craving closeness.

Deciding what to do about sex as a couple

If one partner feels that their lack of interest in sex is a permanent state, the other person needs to respect that. For some couples, the answer is a nonmonogamous or open relationship—but for this to work effectively, both partners must agree that this is what’s best.

What if your honest conversation reveals that one partner’s desire for the other person has faded? That’s a good time to talk to a couples therapist. In any case, you’ll each have to decide whether a lack of sex or a difference in desire is a deal-breaker for you.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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I watched the first episode of reality series ‘Good Sex,’ and seeing men ask for sex help was really hot

On the television series “Good Sex,” couples agree to put cameras in their bedrooms during sex and talk about the footage with a coach after.

By Julia Naftulin

  • The new discovery+ series “Good Sex” has couples put cameras in their bedrooms. A sex coach uses the footage to help improve their intimacy.
  • In the first episode, men reveal their sexual issues, like erectile dysfunction and overall inexperience.
  • The show is a reminder that sex should be a safe space to explore desire and pleasure.

On the new television series “Good Sex,” couples willingly plant video cameras in their bedrooms while they have sex, then fork the tapes over to a sex coach for help.

Caitlin V. Neal, the show’s resident sex coach, has spent more than 10 years helping men with erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation, and pleasuring women.

Minutes into the first episode, a 48-year-old man named Ben admits he has trouble getting out of his head during sex with his partner Annie, which has led to erectile dysfunction. When Neal later examines video footage of their lovemaking, she finds out Annie’s dog is in the room while they’re getting it on, which interferes with Ben’s ability to focus. In the same episode, a man in his 20s reveals he’s never had sex, and wants to learn how to please a woman before he does, so Neal walks him through different pleasure points by caressing an anatomical model of female genitals.

As Insider’s sex and relationships reporter and advice columnist, I constantly read questions from women who want to save their sex and love lives. So it was refreshing to watch men get candid about their sexual concerns, like when Ben said a disconnect between his brain and body was likely the reason for his “limp dick.”

To me, “Good Sex” is a reminder that sex can be awkward and fulfilling all at once. Like the willingness to ask for help, good sex requires self-awareness, self-love, and feeling safe enough to show you’re still figuring it out.

“Good Sex” takes a raw approach by showing couples in the midst of their sexual mistakes, not just how they resolve them.

A 48-year-old named Ben opened up about difficulty achieving orgasm during sex

Ben said he’s only been with three women in his life, including his current partner of two years, Annie. They said they were both previously married to their college sweethearts.

“As great as our sex is, I’m not able stay hard, or even get hard, sometimes,” Ben told the camera during the first episode. He said current erectile dysfunction issues have made sex feel disheartening and distressing, especially coming from a previous marriage where he wasn’t having a lot of sex.

During their first session with Neal, Ben said erectile dysfunction medication hasn’t helped, and he wants to orgasm during sex with Annie.

According to Neal, the pursuit of good sex challenges people, especially men, to be more emotionally open.

“Sex is an inherently vulnerable act. And so if you’re looking to improve your sex life and you’re serious in your commitment to improving your intimacy, vulnerability is a requirement to getting the results that they want,” Neal said.

According to Neal, the showrunners’ idea to use cameras along with sex coaching made for “exponentially faster transformations, growth, and impact” because she could see what was actually happening, not just hear it from the couple’s blurry recollections.

“Imagine trying to explain, step by step, what happened the last time you had sex with your partner. Especially if you don’t have something to compare it to, it’s really difficult for someone to articulate what actually happened,” Neal, who also has a YouTube channel dedicated to sex advice, told Insider.

Healthy sex and relationships require work

The show offers snippets of each couples’ sex-coaching sessions and the bedroom homework Neal assigns them, but there’s a lot more work going on between scenes, she told Insider.

Each coaching session is between 90 minutes and two hours. It also takes time for a couple to unlearn the sex routines they’ve grown accustomed to over the past five to 30 years, Neal said.

When viewers watch “Good Sex,” Neal hopes they walk away with the realization that a fulfilling sex life requires commitment and help.

“We have no problem hiring career coaches, mechanics, people to install things in our homes. But for some reason, we have the story that sex is something we have to deal with privately, without any help. By putting cameras inside of those closed bedroom doors, we’re able to see this isn’t something you have to deal with in isolation. It’s not something that should be a source of shame,” Neal said.

A dedication to honesty and emotional openness in the name of self-improvement? Now that’s hot.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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List of Erogenous Zones for Better Intimacy

By Molly Burford

Sexual health is important for your overall health and well-being. Sexual health encompasses everything from getting routinely screened for sexually transmitted infections (STIs) to simply knowing what you like in the bedroom. One way to improve your sex life is by knowing your erogenous zones.

Essentially, an erogenous zone is any part of the body that can trigger sexual arousal when touched.1 For example, the nape of your neck or your wrist can potentially elicit pleasurable feelings when stimulated. That said, everyone’s erogenous zones are different.

Knowing both your and your partner’s erogenous zones will enhance your sexual experiences. This article will discuss what you need to know about erogenous zones.

Why Are Erogenous Zones Stimulating?

Certain areas of the body, including the erogenous zones, have a higher density of touch receptors. This is why your fingertips are more sensitive to touch than your elbow. Touch receptors respond to touch and convey the information via your nervous system to an area of the brain called the somatosensory cortex. Not only does the somatosensory cortex process sensory information, but it’s also involved in regulating our emotions and moods.2

Immediate Gratification vs. Foreplay

When it comes to sex, the build-up is everything. While reaching orgasm immediately may sound appealing to some, foreplay is a crucial component for both reaching orgasm and experiencing one to its fullest potential. Try using slow, erotic touching to explore your and your partner’s erogenous zones and build arousal.

Nerve Bundles

Nerves are the nervous system’s main communicators, carrying electrical signals to and from different parts of the body. A collection of nerve endings is known as a nerve bundle. Erogenous zones are thought to contain many nerve bundles, which is why they are so sensitive to touch.

Non-Genital Zones

Everyone is different, but in general, these are believed to be the most common non-genital erogenous zones:3

  • Head and hair
  • Eyes and temples
  • Cheeks
  • Mouth/lips
  • Ears
  • Nape of neck
  • Shoulder blades
  • Upper back
  • Upper arms
  • Breasts/chest
  • Nipples
  • Stomach
  • Belly button
  • Forearms
  • Wrists
  • Hands
  • Fingers
  • Sides
  • Lower back
  • Hips
  • Outer thighs
  • Buttocks
  • Back of thighs
  • Inner thighs
  • Pubic hairline
  • Behind knees

Below the Waist

When it comes to genital erogenous zones, the most common include:3

Try Solo-Play

Solo-play, aka masturbation, is a great way to explore your sexuality, learn about your body, and become in-tune with what you might enjoy during partnered sex. After taking time to learn about your bodies individually, you can decide to give mutual masturbation a go.

Some tips for a healthy masturbation practice include:

  • Washing hands before and after
  • Keeping nails clean
  • Avoiding eye area while masturbating
  • Not sharing sex toys
  • Properly cleaning sex toys after each use

Summary

Erogenous zones are parts of the body that trigger sexual arousal when stimulated. These include both genital and non-genital areas.

Knowing your and your partner’s non-genital erogenous zones can help enhance your sex life. But, of course, everybody will have different erogenous zones, which is why exploration, partnered or otherwise, can be helpful.

Communicating with your sexual partners about each other’s preferences is absolutely key to a safe, happy, and healthy sex life.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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How to never fake an orgasm again

Those days are OVER.

by Cassandra Green

There’s no denying the statistical proof of an ‘orgasm gap’ between men and women, but while performing a climax might ease tensions in the short term, it won’t do much for your future pleasure.

We all remember that iconic scene from the 1989 hit film When Harry Met Sally, during which Meg Ryan’s character Sally sits in the middle of a crowded diner and fakes an orgasm.

When Harry, played by Billy Crystal, says he would know if a woman faked it, Sally responds, “All men are sure it never happened to them, and most women at one time or another have done it, so you do the math.” Thirty three years on, and women still face an orgasm gap.

A study in the Archives Of Sexual Behavior from the International Academy Of Sex Research found that heterosexual men were most likely to report they “usually- always” orgasm during sex (95 per cent), compared to 65 per cent of heterosexual women.

According to Christine Rafe, sex and relationship expert for Womanizer, there are a few patterns that could explain these statistics. “Many women have not learnt how to ask for what they want and need to orgasm,” she explains, adding that it is sometimes easier to fake it than explain why it isn’t happening. “A recent study found that the perceived ego of a sexual partner impacts the likelihood of faking orgasms.”

There is also the issue of a lack of education. “Society still perpetuates a narrative that penetrative sex is the most pleasurable… which does not align with what we know to be the anatomy of pleasure for a vulva and vagina owner. External clitoral stimulation is an essential part of orgasm for many vulva owners,” she says.

Rafe adds that pornography has its part to play, often misrepresenting climax for women.

“People describe being left feeling that there is something wrong with their body for not responding the way that bodies in pornography do.”

The burgeoning sexual wellness movement places greater awareness on the “orgasm” as a goal for both partners, which can encourage a healthy effort on both sides. Rafe says she has noticed a decrease in women faking orgasms in her practice.

But, is this growing awareness around “orgasm” a help or a hindrance?

Dr Suzanne Belton PhD, a medical anthropologist and midwife who worked closely with Dr Helen O’Connell (the Australian medical pioneer who first mapped the clitoris), celebrates these gains in recent times.

“It is possible for men and women to enjoy sensuality and sexual intercourse without orgasm. However, I find it interesting that we don’t think it is OK to ask men to enjoy sexual intercourse without orgasm. Why do we suggest that for women?” she asks.

There is nuance, though, because painting climax as a “goal” or a “gift” men must bring to their partners creates an uncomfortable sense of ego and responsibility in the bedroom.

“More focus on everyone’s pleasure and orgasm is absolutely a great thing,” says Rafe, however, “those socialised as men have grown up with the narrative that sexual prowess is a key factor in masculinity. The ego enters many sexual dynamics and this can increase performance anxiety, which can result in difficulty remaining present and a reduction of their own pleasure, difficulty getting and maintaining an erection, as well as sexual avoidance.”

On the flipside, women can feel the pressure to validate their partner’s effort by showing their pleasure, or even faking orgasms. While it’s great to strive for climax, sometimes it’s just not going to happen and that’s OK, too. “The irony of orgasm for many is that the more pressure we place on getting there, the harder it actually becomes,” Rafe explains.

“The reality for some vulva and vagina owners is that they are happy to enjoy sexual intimacy with their partners without necessarily achieving orgasm… A real or perceived pressure or expectation to orgasm for their partner can result in them saying no to sexual advances from their partner where they otherwise may have been interested in some sexual play, as well as sexual avoidance, and body shaming because they cannot experience orgasm easily.”

Rafe believes the answer is for each partner to be responsible for their own pleasure.

“This means that we are responsible for learning about what we need to have an orgasm (this can include context, environment, mood, arousal and touch/pleasure), and actually communicate with our partner what we want or need. Our partners are not mind readers, and if we don’t know about our own desire, arousal and pleasure, how on earth are they supposed to know?”

The compliment sandwich of telling your partner you won’t orgasm, rather than faking it

Communicating about not reaching climax has the potential to bruise the ego, but Rafe says it’s integral. Here’s how to do it

Be specific

Use phrases such as “I love it when you/we…”. Frame things you don’t like with a swap, “sometimes (the action) doesn’t feel as good as (something you like)”.

Talk history

If you know orgasm is sometimes difficult, voice it, and take away the pressure – which in turn can increase orgasmic potential.

Acknowledge physiology

Talk about how your body responds throughout the intercourse – including foreplay. Try saying, “I’ve learned that my body can take longer to warm up and get aroused than someone with a penis, can I tell you or show you what I know turns me on and feels amazing for me?”

Be honest about pressure

If you get in your head about an orgasm goal, move the goalposts. Explain it with, “I notice I can get in my head when it comes to having an orgasm, and when I do that, it makes it really difficult to get there. It would really help me get out of my head if we didn’t focus on having an orgasm every time”.

How to teach your partner to pleasure you

Dr Belton says the first step is to explore an orgasm for yourself. It doesn’t help that women masturbate less than men, with a Womanizer study finding on average, Aussie men will masturbate 139 times a year, compared with women at 79 times.

Then, explain it in detail. “Talking about needs and desires and explicit techniques before you are in the bedroom is helpful to remove that performance pressure for everyone,” she says.

Rafe agrees, adding, “You will need to be more specific than something like ‘clitoral stimulation’. Think about the specific type of touch, pressure, speed, consistency, patterns etc., that increase your pleasure.”

Some may find watching self-touch helpful. “If it feels too much to have them watch you front-and-centre, start with them lightly placing their hand over yours while you masturbate,” she says. “Many people find it super sexy to see someone self-touch, so remind yourself of this.”

Finally, Rafe recommends couples try out two different ‘goals’ in their sessions, one as a ‘practice’ (to learn and provide feedback) and the other as a ‘play’ (to take what you learned into a non-structured experience).

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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Medicines and Sex

— Not Always a Good Mix

By Chris Woolston

For both men and women, it takes a complicated chain of events to move from arousal to a satisfying orgasm. The mind has to stay focused, nerves have to stay sensitive, and blood has to flow to all the right places. Unfortunately, many things can break the chain — including, perhaps, the pills in your medicine cabinet.

Medicines often work by altering blood flow and brain chemistry, so its no surprise that they can affect sexual function, and not always for the better. Medications can shut down a person’s sex drive, delay orgasms, or prevent orgasms entirely. Medications are also a leading cause of erectile dysfunction in men.

If you’ve noticed a drop in your ability to have or enjoy sex, talk to your doctor about possible causes. Be sure to bring a list of every medication you’re taking. A simple change of drugs or doses could be all it takes. But never stop taking a prescription drug or change dosages on your own. Your doctor can help you determine if a drug you’re taking is the problem — and help you switch to another medication safely.

What drugs can affect sexual function?

SSRIs (antidepressants) You may have noticed that television ads for common antidepressants such as Paxil (paroxetine) or Zoloft (sertraline) mention “certain sexual side effects.” The full story is that for some people, SSRI antidepressants can put desire on hold and make it difficult to achieve orgasm. A study of nearly 600 men and women treated with an SSRI, published in the Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy, found that roughly one in six patients reported new sexual problems. The number-one complaint? Delayed or absent orgasms. Many patients also reported declines in desire. Overall, men were more likely than women to report sexual problems while on SSRIs.

As reported in The American Family Physician, other studies have found that up to one-half of patients taking SSRIs have reported sexual problems. Study results vary depending on the patients studied and the questions asked, but the final message is the same: Sexual side effects caused by SSRIs are common.

If SSRIs are affecting your sex life, talk to your doctor. As reported in Current Psychiatry Reports, there are several options to get you back on track. Your doctor may suggest switching to Wellbutrin (bupropion), or another non-SSRI antidepressant that is less likely to cause sexual side effects. If your current medication is working well and you don’t want to make a switch, your doctor may want to lower the dose or give you a break from taking drugs. A few studies have suggested that men who develop erectile dysfunction while taking SSRIs may respond to Viagra (sildenafil), Cialis (tadalafil), or Levitra (vardenafil) added to their overall treatment plan.

Blood pressure medications

Many drugs that control high blood pressure — including commonly prescribed diuretics and beta blockers — can also put the brakes on a person’s sex life. The drugs can cause erectile dysfunction in men and, when taken by women, they can diminish sexual desire.

In many cases, the best way to overcome sexual problems caused by blood pressure medication is simply to switch prescriptions. ACE inhibitors and calcium antagonists seem less likely than diuretics or beta blockers to cause sexual side effects.

Keep in mind that not every blood pressure medication is right for every person. Your doctor will help you determine whether a different prescription would be the best option for you, and can recommend the right one for your particular circumstances.

Opioid (narcotic) painkillers Opioids such as morphine or OxyContin (oxycodone) do more than just ease pain. As an unfortunate side effect, the drugs can also reduce the production of testosterone and other hormones that help drive sexual desire in both men and women.

The sexual side effects of opioids haven’t been thoroughly investigated, but preliminary studies paint a disappointing picture. As reported in the Journal of Clinical Endocrinology and Metabolism, a study of 73 men and women receiving spinal infusions of opioids uncovered widespread sexual problems. Ninety-five percent of the men and 68 percent of the women reported a drop in sex drive, and all of the premenopausal women either developed irregular periods or stopped menstruating completely.

If you think opioids might be undermining your sex life, ask your doctor if it’s possible to get similar pain relief from non-opioid medications. Even if you don’t quit opioids completely, merely cutting back could help you regain your spark. Your doctor may be able to suggest other methods of pain relief such as massage or biofeedback that will make it easier for you to scale back on your opioids. If blood tests show that you’re low in testosterone, your doctor may want to prescribe testosterone shots or patches to help rekindle your sex drive.

Antihistamines Even some over-the-counter drugs can affect your sex life. Antihistamines are a prime example. As reported by the Cleveland Clinic, these drugs can cause erectile dysfunction or ejaculation problems in men. For women, antihistamines can cause vaginal dryness.

This is only a partial list. Other drugs that can affect a person’s sex life include oral contraceptives, tricyclic antidepressants, antipsychotics, and cholesterol medications. You and your doctor should take sexual side effects seriously, but you should be able to find a way to restore sexual abilities and desires without compromising your treatment.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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Low Sex Drive?

It’s Not You, It’s the “Sex Recession”

Why desire and hookups are trending downward and what we can do about it

By Sarah Laing

There’s a recession afoot. Not the looming financial one that rising inflation and a bear market seem to grimly foretell, but another one that’s even more obvious to anyone who’s in a monogamous relationship with a vibrator named Bunny, or whose most exciting recent sexual encounter was watching Normal People back in the first lockdown.

We are, apparently, in the midst of a “sex recession.”

It’s been brewing for a while. The advent of dating apps, a seeming lifting of many taboos and the sheer convenience of hooking up in the era of DMs and Snapchat make it seem as though sex should be at an all-time high. But as early as 2018, young people were having less sex than any generation before them, according to writer Kate Julian’s research for her 2018 story in The Atlantic that coined the term. Then, people in their early 20s were 2.5 times more likely to be abstinent than Gen X-ers at a similar age, according to psychology professor Jean M. Twinge’s research, and older adults’ intercourse index was also in the red, with the average adult in 2014 having sex 54 times a year, down from 62 in the late 1990s.

That was before social distancing put an effective stop to in-person meet cutes, and we all spent two years in a groundhog day of our pre-existing sexual and romantic circumstances. There was a vague hopefulness that there might be a sexual silver lining to COVID—shacked-up couples would grow more intimate after all that one-on-one time, or dating would be “better” after all that alleged personal growth we’d been through. But, alas, the research indicates the pandemic may have accelerated the downward trend. A Kinsey Institute study found that 75 per cent of co-habitating couples reported their sex life “declined” during the 2020 quarantine. As for singles, a February 2022 survey by the Pew Research Center found 64 per cent said dating has gotten harder, and 56 per cent said it wasn’t worth it and that they’re off the dating market, up 6 per cent from 2019. This will come as no surprise to anyone who suffered through the supreme awkwardness of a video first date.

75 per cent of co-habitating couples reported their sex life “declined” during the 2020 quarantine.

“There’s been a lot of stress, loss and grief during this time,” says Shan Boodram, an intimacy educator and podcaster. “Many people have been forced into self-isolation and had a lot of time to think about their desired outcomes when it comes to sex and dating. People aren’t rushing and see value in taking the time to be careful and figure out what they want from potential partners.” Boodram is dating app Bumble’s resident sex and relationship expert, and she points to its recent stats showing that 40 per cent of Canadians have “changed their approach to sex in the last year,” with 17 per cent indicating that means adding in more steps to screen sexual partners. (Vaccine passports: Not just for restaurants, it would seem.)

“‘Social distancing’ was the consistent slogan for the past two years; we were encouraged to keep a tight social circle, and we were told that being around new people could put the ones that are closest to us in danger. It’s apparent why many people aren’t racing into new sexual experiences,” says Boodram. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing, she notes. “This reluctance may not come out of fear but out of empowerment. People are more intentional about their romantic lives, and we’re even finding that people have become comfortable being on their own.”

The sex recession may also be attributable to something much bigger at play, especially if you’re in a heterosexual relationship. “Women partnered with men often have lower desire to be sexual with their men partners because of the ways heteronormativity pushes them and their men partners into a set of roles, cognitions and behaviours that are harmful and/or undermine the women’s desire,” says Dr. Sari Van Anders. She’s a professor of psychology, gender science and neuroscience at Queen’s University, and lead author of a recent paper about “the heteronormativity theory of low desire.”

Basically: The patriarchy is killing the vibe. Gender inequality’s consequences—women bear the the burden of housework, childcare and emotional labour; norms around men being the ones to initiate sex—make it much harder for a woman in a relationship with a man to desire sex with him. That’s not to say they’re not having sex, though, because as Van Anders points out, “people can have sex they don’t want, and want sex they’re not having.” 

Sex can feel like “a job requirement” for a woman in relationship with a man.

One of the key gender norms the study points to is how “we are all taught to see sex as something men do to women, and/or something women do to please men.” This affects how sex gets initiated between a man and a woman. “Women are taught to respond to men’s sexual initiations but not to initiate sex themselves, and are often punished or stigmatized when they don’t follow these ‘rules,’” Van Anders says. “Think [of the] pejorative usages of ‘slut’ or ‘frigid.’” Sex can feel like “a job requirement” for a woman in a relationship with a man.

Note that the focus here is on heteronormativity, not heterosexual men, “because it’s about how that system impacts us all,” clarifies Van Anders. “Neither heterosexual men nor heterosexuality are problems. Heteronormativity and the costs it places especially on women are the issue.” She adds that “there are also costs for men, not least in having women partners who often don’t want to be sexual with them.”

Like Boodram, Van Anders emphasizes that having low or no sexual desire “is and can be an unproblematic part of people’s existences” despite the way society often pathologizes it. “It’s like, ‘How do we get these women to do more of the sex their men partners want!?’” she says. “Almost none of this concern is about, for example, women’s desire to masturbate. It’s all in the context of having low desire to have sex with men, which is telling!”

It is a problem, however, when low desire is a symptom of structural inequality. Van Anders and her co-authors have some suggestions for this—and they come in the form of tips for men who want to be sexual with women. First, pay attention to gender inequities in household labour. Second, don’t put your partner “in a position where they have to be your mother.” (Think: picking up your socks, remembering important appointments.) Third, do your part in supporting women to be “full humans,” and not just “sexy, good times.” Fourth, put her “sexual pleasure and agency front and centre.”

If you’re not sure where to start with prioritizing your own sexual pleasure and agency, it’s time to do some reflecting. “Take stock of your whole life today and see how you feel about it. Now, envision your life where sex plays more of a role in your experience—how does that vision make you feel?” Boodram suggests. “If it excites you, look for the next natural step to getting there. Maybe that’s masturbation; perhaps that’s simply downloading Bumble and leaving it at that. However, if you don’t feel ready to explore connections that may lead to a new sexual partner, that’s completely okay! Take all the time you need, and when you’re ready to experiment with sexual activities again, you’ll feel it.”

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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All About Arousal

By Eleanor Hadley

Do you ever feel like you and your partner are on totally different wavelengths when it comes to sex? Hands up who can relate to this? You get home, see your girlfriend curled up on the couch. You feel horny, so you go over and start laying on the moves. But she’s not up for it and shuts you down. Again. You feel rejected and sexually frustrated. Why doesn’t she want sex?

What if I told you that the issue isn’t necessarily that she doesn’t want sex at all, or that she isn’t into you anymore. But instead, it’s all about context. A fundamental mismatch in libido is really common in relationships where one partner seems to always be horny at the drop of a hat, but the other doesn’t feel that same pull. There are a lot of factors that can impact our level of arousal and our desire for sex, and most of them fall into whether we are actively turned on or turned off.

In my work with women, some of the biggest concerns they come to me with is a lack of desire, connection to their pleasure, struggles with sex drive and mismatched libido with their partners. This all gets exacerbated of course if their male partner is pressuring them in any way, or making them feel like there’s something inherently wrong with them. They tell me they feel like they’re “broken”, that they need fixing or that there’s something wrong with them if they no longer feel like sex as much as they once did.

Understanding Arousal: The Car Analogy

Let’s think of our libido, our ‘sex drive’ like a car. We need a good balance between using the brakes and the accelerator, and it all depends on the situation as to which we need. Now, if we have our foot slammed on the brakes, no matter how much you rev the engine, the car won’t move, right? Similarly, the car won’t move by simply taking our foot off the brake without pressing down the accelerator. The same goes for arousal. In order for us to feel ready and excited for sex, we need to first take our foot off the brake, and then accelerate. Essentially, we need to turn off the things that turn us off and turn on the turn-ons.

Sounds simple right? Well, everyone’s brakes (what turns them off) and accelerators (what turns them on) are different. Not only do we all have unique and individual turn-ons and turn-offs, but the sensitivity of our brakes and accelerators will vary widely between people too. To have the best, most nourishing and pleasurable sex we can have, what we want to do is activate our accelerator AND deactivate our brakes. Let’s explore the difference between the two sexual arousal systems.

The Accelerator

The Sexual Excitation System (SES) is your sexual accelerator or your turn-ons. It’s in constant pursuit of pleasure, working below the level of consciousness and scanning the environment for sexually relevant stimuli. It looks for things in your sensory world – what you can see, smell, taste, touch, hear – and sends a message to your brain (and sometimes your genitals) to turn on.

Possible turn-ons could be things like:

  • Mood lighting
  • Seeing a partner’s naked body
  • Feeling desired by their partner (without pressure)
  • The smell of your lover’s fragrance
  • Sexy music
  • Seeing your lover in their element
  • Certain types of touch (sexual and non-sexual)
  • Eye contact
  • Deep conversation
  • Sex Toys
  • Imagined scenarios

The Brakes

The Sexual Inhibition System (SIS) is your sexual brake, or your turn-offs. This system is perpetually scanning your environment for possible threats and reasons not to be aroused because nobody wants a random boner at a family dinner, right? This system is incredibly important in our everyday life, but if our brakes are highly sensitive then they can hinder our sexual experience. This is why we want to do what we can to take our foot off the brakes when it comes time to get down. Our SIS can be split into two categories, internal and external.

Internal:

  • Body image insecurities
  • Performance anxiety
  • ‘Meaning’ (eg: are we dating?)
  • Being up in your head
  • Feeling distracted or rushed
  • Feelings toward the person
  • Not feeling seen or appreciated
  • Social consequences

External:

  • Harsh lighting
  • Fear of being caught
  • Concern around lack of protection/catching an STI
  • Fear of unwanted pregnancy
  • Temperature in the room
  • Messy environment
  • Safety in general (physical AND emotional)
  • Inappropriate context (eg a family dinner)

So, to be in a state of arousal is essentially to be able to turn on the ONs, and turn off the OFFs. But of course, whether you’re turned on or off will depend largely on the context. Everyone’s accelerators and brakes are different and have different levels of sensitivity, but these lists might give you more of an understanding of what your own turn-ons and turn-offs are so that you can share them with your partner. And similarly, discover what theirs may be.

So, the next time you’re wanting to get it on with your lover – pause and consider what you each might need in order to release the brakes and rev the engine. Enjoy!

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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How to Get Through a Dry Spell in Your Relationship

It’s completely normal, but it’s also important that you address it with your partner.

By Brianne Hogan

Everything seems better at the beginning of a relationship, but especially the sex. Impromptu romps in the sack are the norm as you and your partner are excited to explore each other’s bodies. You’re never too tired or bored either—you’re almost always in the mood.

But now you’ve hit a drought. Maybe you’re stressed and busy or maybe you’ve hit a rough patch with your partner and your timing is off. Whatever the reason, the sex is infrequent or has stopped altogether. It could be a few weeks or a few months or even a few years. Yep, you’re in the middle of the dry spell. Now what?

“Dry spells are completely normal whether you’re in a relationship or single, whether intentional or not. There will always be times in your life and relationships where you want to take a break from sex and that’s completely OK,” Aliyah Moore, a certified sex therapist, tells Lifehacker. “It all boils down to how you choose to respond to it as an individual and as a couple.”

A lot of the shame attached to having a dry season comes from the social construct on how much sex we should be having rather than focusing on what is right for our current situation.

And although dry spells happen within all relationships, according to Moore, many couples ignore the signs and don’t take the time to understand why it’s happening and how to remedy the situation. “If you avoid the problem and distance yourself from your partner, you’re just making it harder for the both of you to figure out how you can get back into the game,” she says.

While dry spells are completely normal and are nothing to be ashamed about, if your dry spell is bothering you, Moore provides insight on how to break out of it.

What causes a dry spell in a relationship?

“Dry spells often happen after the ‘honeymoon’ phase in relationships. This phase varies from couple to couple, but usually, this ‘euphoric’ stage in the relationship lasts a couple of months to two years,” Moore explains.

Once this phase ends, Moore says, couples start to see their partners for who they truly are—their imperfections, quirks, etc. “Some get annoyed by them and leave their partners, while some choose to stay and accept their partners despite their flaws.”

But then, for some, a long-term partner can also turn into a constant presence that often doesn’t make them very sexy.

“They become a part of your routine to the point that sex gets boring,” she says. “Plus, it no longer becomes a priority with everything else happening in life, like a new job or kids.”

Factor in partners being taken for granted and couples dealing with many major issues in their lives including everything from demanding jobs to family problems to health issues, and sex taking a back seat is very common for many couples.

Why sex is important in relationships

Maybe you’re thinking that a dry spell isn’t a big deal; that you can do without sex so long as you and your partner are still committed and sharing a life together. So why is sex necessary in our relationships?

“Sex is a vital part of life. Any sexual activity (solo or with a partner) offers many benefits to the person’s overall health and well-being,” Moore says. “In relationships, having sex increases the levels of intimacy, trust, and love between partners.”

Aside from increasing each other’s confidence levels in bed, according to Moore, sex between partners also empower couples to open up and be vulnerable to each other.

“Having regular sex improves a couple’s ability to perceive and identify their partners’ emotions. As a result, couples become better at expressing their feelings toward not only each other but also other people.”

Additionally, when a person orgasms from sex, the process triggers the release of the feel-good hormone oxytocin, which plays a vital role in creating a bond between partners.

Moreover, says Moore, most if not all couples feel more satisfied in their relationships when they can fulfill each other’s sexual desires. “Relationships tend to grow when partners can freely express themselves, as well as their sexual needs, desires, and even their fantasies.”

Figure out what’s causing the dry spell—and address it

First, you need to figure out why you’re not having sex as often or not having sex at all anymore. Dry spells happen for many reasons, ranging from minor problems (like being apart from your partner due to travel or job restrictions) to more serious ones (like trauma, health issues, or problems within the relationship).

“Taking a step back to assess the situation and identify the root cause makes it easier for all parties to understand the dry spell and remedy it,” Moore says, who suggests identifying and address these issues alone or with your partner. But either way, you must communicate to your partner next.

“I can’t stress the importance of being open with your partner enough. If you still haven’t learned the cause of your dry spell, you could discuss it and figure it out.”

If you have identified the potential cause, Moore says don’t wait for it to blow out of proportion without doing anything about it or talking about it. “Sharing your concerns and hearing what your partner has to say about them (and vice versa) may surprisingly resolve your dry spell issues. Moreover, communicating with your partner regularly helps you feel closer. Also, it relieves couples from talking to each other about anything—the good and the bad.”

So how do you broach such a subject? Moore cautions against starting the conversation with your partner if your emotions are high. “You’ll only end up saying hurtful things to them that you can’t take back and end up regretting.”

Also, try to avoid opening up this conversation when your partner just got home from work or is stressed because the conversation isn’t likely to be productive, and both of you will end up being more frustrated.

Once you find the best moment to talk to your partner, Moore recommends simply talking about how you feel without blaming or pointing fingers. “Don’t be afraid to say something in the present. Something like, ‘This has been a struggle for me.’ or ‘The past few weeks/months have really been hard for me because of…” And then express to your partner what you need right now. This approach allows couples to really express how they feel about the situation and with each other.”

It’s OK to take things slow

After having the dry spell conversation with your partner, Moore recommends taking things slow in the bedroom. “Don’t rush things, and don’t expect that you’ll immediately go from zero sex to five times a day.”

Instead, she suggests focusing on quality time and quality sex with your partner. “Make sure you have the right mindset, especially if lack of sleep, stress, or a demanding job is the root cause of the dry spell.”

What might also help reignite the spark is remembering how your courtship first started. “I’m talking about all the flirting and lovey-dovey things you did when you were still starting out as a couple (aka, the honeymoon phase),” Moore says. “Don’t be afraid to go back to basics. Go on a date, and make conversations. The touching part can always follow, as well as kisses, hugs, and cuddles. Savor the moment. Remember, each act shouldn’t always end up with sex. Do whatever makes you feel comfortable at the moment.”

If having sex feels right, Moore suggests initiating sex with words like, “Do you want to do something tonight?” or “do you want to play?”

Once things return to how they used to, Moore says don’t be afraid to experiment and explore different ways you can pleasure each other from time to time. “If you’ve reached this point in your relationship, you have to cultivate intimacy on a much deeper level. And by trying something new together, you’ll be surprising yourselves each time.”

Moore emphasizes it’s key to not expect that sex will be the same as it used to be when you started as a couple, because that can lead to disappointment for both of you.

“You have to remember that many things that have happened to you (or your partner) in the past contributed to the dry spell. Stress, lifestyle changes, and physical, emotional, and psychological factors are things you don’t easily resolve overnight. So again, take it slow and be patient with your partner.”

Moore says it’s important to focus on cultivating intimacy and a deeper connection with your partner without the pressure of making it all about sex all the time. “Do what’s comfortable for you at the moment. If you only feel like hugging or kissing one day, then feel free to do so. If you feel like doing it roughly the next day, so be it. And if you just feel like cuddling and talking about random things, do those, too. At the end of the day, it’s the bond you share with your partner that matters most.”

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Pelvic Floor Therapy

— How Can it Help You?

Man and woman holding exercise ball between legs in the clinic

By Women Fitness Magazine

If you suffer from urinary dysfunction, pain in the pelvic area, or painful intercourse, then you might need pelvic floor therapy to relieve the pain. This kind of treatment is effective in treating many disruptive and painful conditions involving the pelvic floor.

But what is involved in this treatment? The experts from Pelvic floor therapy NYC will provide you with all the information you need on this treatment procedure in this article.

What is Pelvic Floor?

Most of us know where the pelvic area is but do not know what a pelvic floor is. The pelvic floor pertains to the group of muscles, tendons, ligaments, nerves and connective tissues that serves as the base and support for the pelvic area.

Men and women both have a pelvic floor, but there are slight differences. In women, the pelvic floor supports the bladder at the front, the uterus at the top, and the vagina, and rectum at the back. In men, the pelvic floor holds the bowel, bladder, urethra, and rectum. The openings from the aforementioned organs pass through the pelvic floor.

The pelvic floor muscles are attached to the pubic bone at the front and the tailbone to the back for both men and women.

The Importance of the Pelvic Floor

The pelvic floor plays an important part in bladder and bowel control of both men and women. This is because it ‘holds’ or supports the said organs. The pelvic floor is also important for the sexual health of both men and women.

For men, a weak pelvic floor can lead to erectile dysfunction; for women, a tight pelvic floor can cause painful intercourse. A dysfunctional pelvic floor can lead to urinary dysfunction for both men and women, especially adults and teenagers that participate in high-impact sports.

Other Types of Pelvic Floor Dysfunction

Pelvic floor dysfunction can refer to a wide range of issues, including but not limited to:

  • Bladder pain
  • Constipation
  • Bowel incontinence
  • Cystocele
  • Endometriosis
  • Frequent urination and urinary incontinence
  • Enterocele
  • Groin pain
  • Lower abdominal pain
  • Pubic or tailbone pain
  • Sacroiliac (SI) joint pain
  • Pelvic asymmetry
  • Pelvic pain
  • Pelvic organ prolapse (POP)
  • Prostatitis
  • Urinary dysfunction due to impact sports

If you suffer from any of these conditions, you might need pelvic floor therapy NYC.

When Can Pelvic Floor Therapy Help?

Although some of the conditions mentioned above require surgery to repair structural defects, some can opt for physical therapy instead.

The best candidates for physical therapy are those that prefer conservative treatment options. They may not be surgical candidates, or they may not need or want surgery for the time being.

If you are experiencing pelvic floor symptoms that keeps you from enjoying life, you might want to consider giving pelvic floor therapy a try.

What to Expect from Pelvic Floor Therapy?

On the first appointment…

Like most people, you might feel a bit anxious or apprehensive when starting therapy. On the first appointment, your therapist will guide you through the details of the therapy and try to answer all your concerns and questions. The appointment is usually held in a private room; therapy will not start until you feel comfortable and are ready to start.

The therapist will usually explain how pelvic floor therapy is still physical therapy—but just for a different body part. Patients are encouraged to ask questions, and your therapist should try to answer them as much as they can.

During Treatment …

As with most outpatient therapies, pelvic floor therapy NYC includes exercises, movement coordination and manual techniques. But including electronic therapies can also help. One therapy included in the treatment is biofeedback, which involves small, painless electrodes applied to the area being treated (which could be the rectal, genital, or perianal area). Biofeedback can be an effective treatment option for patients especially for those that want to improve their bladder function.

Your therapy may have to perform an internal exam, when needed. While this can be uncomfortable, it’s a necessary part of the appointment. Imaging going to a therapist for a leg injury. If they ask you questions about your injury but don’t check your leg, that would definitely be weird. To see if your pelvic floor is working just fine, therapists must check and assess it to give you a proper and safe physical therapy diagnosis.

Length of Treatment

A common pelvic floor physical therapy treatment usually requires one visit every week for eight weeks. But the length of treatment can vary depending on several factors such as the diagnosis, how severe the dysfunction is, and your individual goals. The goal of any therapy is to help you get back to your ideal level of function so you can enjoy and live your life fully.

What You Can Expect from Pelvic Floor Therapy Results

After undergoing pelvic floor therapy NYC, you can expect and enjoy results such as:

  • Being able to enjoy your favorite sport again
  • Being able to start a family
  • Getting through the day without incontinence

Before any of these things could be possible, it’s important that you completely dismiss the idea that your problem isn’t important or that it doesn’t matter. Many of us, especially women, minimize our symptoms and dismiss them as ‘normal’. But it’s never normal to ‘leak urine’ or to experience pain during intercourse. With the right treatment and support group, you’ll be able to correct such problems.

Conclusion

You should be able to notice improvements within the first few visits to your pelvic floor therapy NYC therapist. If you feel or do not notice any changes or improvements at all, you can request for adjustments during a re-assessment appointment. But remember recovery is a process that happens at a different pace for each person.

Speak with your therapist with regards to your gains and setbacks. Once you reach your goals, do check in with your therapist once or twice a year.

To get started with your pelvic floor therapy journey, you’ll need a physician referral. For women, this usually comes from an OB-GYNE or a specialist in urogynecology. For men, these would come from urology or a physician that deals with post prostate surgery care.

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New Research Offers Solutions To Age-Old Relationship Problems

By Mark Travers

Most people will tell you about certain challenges that arise sooner or later in long-term relationships. In most cases, it is enough knowing that you are not alone and that rough patches are a completely normal part of intimate relationships.

However, there are certain times when an issue prompts you to question the very foundation of your relationship. Luckily, research in psychology can give us clues on how to answer our deepest and most unnerving relationship questions.

Here are three hallmark hurdles that you might face in a long-term relationship and some research-backed advice to help you combat them.

#1. Do you desire to change something about your partner?

An alteration in what you expect from a significant other in your relationship over time is natural. But asking them to change can be a delicate and potentially damaging process.

Being asked to change can evoke intense emotions for the changing partner. To make requests for change relatively easy and less stressful for your significant other, researcher Natalie Sisson of the University of Toronto gives a couple of tips:

  1. Make an effective change request. A clear and direct change request — as opposed to one that is vague or implicit — communicates that there is an issue in the relationship and helps changing partners determine what they can do to meet their partner’s request.
  2. Be supportive. A change request should also be balanced with support and validation, given that we know change requests are difficult to hear. It is also important that changing partners feel supported during the change process and that requesting partners provide feedback about how things are going.

#2. Do you feel like you’ve hit a sexual plateau in your relationship?

Any activity that is repetitive and lacks newness can feel obligatory. This is especially true in the case of sex, which is usually portrayed as an aspect of a relationship that keeps things exciting.

Psychologists suggest that couples can, and often do, engage in maintenance sex to keep their sex lives active.

Maintenance sex refers to sessions of scheduled sexual activity in a relationship wherein at least one or both partners may not desire the sexual activity they are participating in due to various reasons, including a lack of sex drive.

Researcher Cory Pedersen of Kwantlen Polytechnic University of Canada says that indulging in maintenance sex can help couples experience greater relationship satisfaction as partners begin to develop a deeper understanding of each other’s needs, which often translates into better sex.

Another solution to the ‘sexual plateau’ problem is to express more gratitude in one’s relationship. A recent study tracked 118 couples’ gratitude and sexual satisfaction level over the course of three months and found out that people were sexually satisfied to the extent that they expressed and received a high degree of gratitude with their partners.

“Maintaining sexual satisfaction is a critical, yet challenging, aspect of most romantic relationships,” says psychologist Ashlyn Brady of the University of North Carolina. “Results from our study suggest that experiencing and receiving gratitude increases the motivation to meet a partner’s sexual needs.”

#3. Is your relationship with yourself suffering?

It can’t be said enough that a poor relationship with ourselves almost always translates into a poor relationship with our partner.

One’s self-relationship could suffer for various reasons, such as low self-esteem due to a failure at work or chronic issues such as depression or an insecure attachment style.

Lifestyle medicine and positive psychology are great resources when it comes to improving or repairing your relationship with yourself. Here are some tips from both fields to help kick-start your self-love journey:

  • On the lifestyle medicine side, researchers recommend spending eight hours per night in bed without a device. They also recommend increasing your daily consumption of plant-based foods and doing 30 minutes of moderate exercise or walking 10,000 steps per day.
  • On the positive psychology side, researchers suggest going out of your way to give someone a genuine compliment every day. They also suggest spending 15 minutes a day reflecting on things that went well and taking time to forgive people who have hurt you.

Conclusion: Love and romance are usually portrayed as mysterious and elusive experiences that human beings have little to no control over. Therapists and researchers argue, however, that with effective communication, patience, and effort there are no relationship problems too big to overcome.

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Menopause symptoms may interfere with sexual activity

In a recent survey, more than one-quarter of women ages 50 to 80 said menopause symptoms were interfering with their sex lives — including one-third of those ages 50 to 64.

By Amy Norton

Many women remain sexually active into their 70s, but for others, menopause symptoms and chronic health issues get in the way.

That’s among the findings from the latest University of Michigan Poll on Healthy Aging, which surveyed more than 1,200 U.S. women ages 50 to 80.

Overall, 43% said they were sexually active, be that intercourse, foreplay and caressing, or masturbation. A similar proportion, however, were limited by health issues.

More than one-quarter of women said menopause symptoms were interfering with their sex lives — including one-third of those ages 50 to 64. Meanwhile, 17% said other health conditions were the problem.

It’s not clear what specific issues were the biggest obstacles. But experts said menopause can affect a woman’s sexual function in a number of ways.

Sometimes it’s relatively straightforward, said Dr. Daniel Morgan, a professor of obstetrics and gynecology at Michigan Medicine.

He pointed to a prime example: The hormonal changes of menopause can cause dryness and irritation of the vagina or the vulvar skin — which can make sex painful.

Fortunately, there are good treatments, Morgan said. For vaginal dryness, women can try over-the-counter lubricants, or get a prescription for vaginal products that contain low doses of estrogen. Steroid ointments can help soothe vulvar skin conditions, Morgan said.

In other cases, sexual dysfunction is more complex.

Declining estrogen levels can directly affect a woman’s libido, said Dr. Stephanie Faubion, medical director of the North American Menopause Society and director of the Mayo Clinic’s Center for Women’s Health.

As a result, women may find their desires are dialed down, and they feel less motivated to initiate sex — though, Faubion said, they may still respond to their partner’s romantic overtures.

At the same time, some women feel exhausted during this time of life, whether that’s related to menopausal night sweats keeping them awake, chronic health conditions, or having a hectic life. Women in their 50s may be caring for kids and aging parents, while balancing that with work.

“If a woman is exhausted, sex drops down the list,” Faubion said.

Mental well-being is also a big factor. Depression can interfere with sexual activity for some women, Faubion said. In the survey, of women who indicated their mental health was poor to fair, only 36% said they were “very satisfied” with their sex lives, versus 65% of women who reported good mental health — though it’s not clear whether the mental health issues caused problems with sexual activity.

When sexual desire and activities do change as a woman ages, that’s not necessarily distressing, both Faubion and Morgan emphasized. It’s only a problem if she is bothered by it, or it’s causing issues in her relationship.

And in cases where a couple is having difficulties they can’t work out, Faubion said, counseling might be the right option.

Menopause-related symptoms were highly prevalent among poll respondents, with half saying they’d suffered one to three in the past year. problems and weight gain were most common, followed by diminished libido, hot flashes/night sweats and mood swings.

Overall, 28% said those symptoms were interfering with their sex lives.

Yet, of all women reporting menopause symptoms, only 44% had spoken with a healthcare provider about treatment options.

“Some women may not be aware there are treatments,” Faubion said. “Or they may think the symptoms will be temporary and are waiting them out.”

And, both she and Morgan said, healthcare providers may not be asking about menopause symptoms, or any issues with sexual activity.

But Faubion said it’s important for doctors of all specialties to have sexual health on their radar: Patients with conditions ranging from heart disease to hip replacements are going to have questions about sexual activity, she pointed out.

It is fine for women to let sexual activity go, if that’s what they want: In the poll, 52% of women who were not sexually active said they were satisfied with their sex lives. That was lower, however, than the figure among women who were sexually active, at 74%.

And women who are concerned about their sexual health, or menopause symptoms in general, should feel free to broach the topic with a healthcare provider, Morgan said. Your primary care doctor is a good place to start, he noted.

The poll was conducted online and by phone between January and March and has a margin of error between 2 and 4 percentage points.

More information

The North American Menopause Society has more on sexual health.

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Is there a difference between orgasm and climax?

Climax and orgasm are both parts of sexual activity. While many people use the words interchangeably, some believe they have different definitions. By these definitions, an orgasm is the buildup of pleasure just before a climax, while a climax is the peak of the orgasm, when the sexual pleasure is the most intense.

by Anna Smith

Most scientific researchers consider orgasm and climax to be the same thing. However, some people consider them to have two different definitions.

This article will look into the possible differences between climax and orgasm and tips on achieving orgasm.

Some people consider climax to be the feeling of intense pleasure a person feels at the peak of an orgasm. Other individuals consider climax and orgasm to be the same thing.

During climax, a person’s pelvic floor muscles contract repeatedly. Some people can climax multiple times during sexual activity, while others may climax once or not at all.

It can be typical for a person not to climax. However, they can speak with a healthcare professional if they have concerns about this.

There are various ways someone can achieve climax, such as through:

  • vaginal sex
  • oral sex
  • anal sex
  • masturbation
  • stimulation of erogenous zones, such as the nipples

However, everyone is different, and things that cause one person to climax may not work for another.

Certain people believe that an orgasm is the buildup of pleasure that occurs before a climax. Others consider orgasm to refer to the entire experience of sexual buildup and climax.

It is possible for a person to extend the time that they experience orgasm. This is known as edging. Some people believe that edging can lead to a more intense climax.

The International Society for Sexual Medicine (ISSM) describes edging in the following steps:

  1. A person reaches the brink of achieving climax.
  2. They then reduce stimulation, meaning they do not reach climax.
  3. The individual then brings themselves back to the edge of climax.
  4. They may then allow themselves to climax or reduce stimulation again.

This cycle may repeat multiple times.

Going by their separate definitions, an individual can achieve orgasm without climax.

Research from 2016 notes that, during sex, over 90% of menTrusted Source achieve climax. Additionally, around 50% of women climax during sex.

A person may find that they experience orgasm during sexual activity, but they do not reach climax. This can be enough for some people but frustrating for others.

If a person has concerns about being unable to climax, they can consult a healthcare professional.

According to the advocacy group Planned Parenthood, when a person climaxes, they may feel a wave of pleasure that starts in their genitals and travels through their body. Some people may experience climax more intensely than others.

When someone climaxes, their heart rate and breathing levels increase.

During climax, people may experience vaginal spasms and contractions of the uterus. This can accompany vaginal secretions. And while female ejaculation can also occur, this is typical, and the fluid is not urine.

Typically, the penis ejaculates. However, it is possible to climax without ejaculating, which is known as dry ejaculation.

The ISSM notes that dry ejaculation is usually nothing to worry about. If a person has climaxed several times in one day, it is possible for them to run out of sperm. Dry ejaculation can also occur due to certain drugs or surgery.

If a person has concerns about dry ejaculation, they can discuss this with a healthcare professional.

Following climax, a person may feel sleepy, happy, or relaxed. An individual’s clitoris or glans, the head of the penis, may be sensitive right after climaxing. Flushing of the chest, neck, and face can also occur.

In the buildup to a climax, a person may experience feelings of increasing pleasure. This feeling may build gradually or occur suddenly.

When someone starts to orgasm, they may feel a buildup of tension. They may also feel their toes curl or their hands clench.

As a person orgasms, they may achieve climax or experience a dip in pleasure levels. If this occurs, they may require a change in stimulation. This can involve increasing speed, slowing down, or changing positions.

It is possible for a person to orgasm and climax together. They may feel an intense wave of pleasure following the buildup of an orgasm. This wave is the climax of the orgasm.

A climax is usually more intense and pleasurable than an orgasm. However, this can depend on certain factors, such as:

  • how aroused a person is
  • how long it has been since they last climaxed
  • how much lubrication there is
  • their connection to other people involved
  • the type of sexual position
  • the type of sexual activity
  • whether they continue stimulation until the completion of the climax

After climaxing, a person may find that their genitals are too sensitive to continue sexual activity. However, some people can continue after climaxing and possibly achieve multiple climaxes.

Information from the ISSM suggests that around 15% of women can have multiple climaxes.

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