Category Archives: Sexual Performance Issues

Willie Worry & Willie Pride

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Name: Matilda
Gender: Female
Age: 20
Location: Puerto Rico
I’m trying to understand something. All the guys I know are so obsessed with their penis. It’s like the whole world revolves around what they have in their pants. This is so different from how women relate to their genitals. I just can’t understand how men and women can be so different. What gives?

I suppose the short answer is that men have external genitals and women have internal genitals. We also have way more cultural permissions to explore their bodies then women do. That pretty much sets the stage for everything else.

jon-hamm's-hamOf course this is a double-edged sword, so to speak. At every stage of life there’s a potential downside to our pal’s perpetual presence. Familiarity can, and often does, breed contempt. The delicate dance we do with our dick can suddenly go out of balance. Admiration can turn to contempt and pride of ownership can morph into pangs of inadequacy. This predicable human tendency gives rise to as much willie worry as willie pride.

That’s why most men are obsessed with their johnson. But how do we get that way, you might wonder? Well your question got me to thinking about how us men folk form this particular relationship with our unit. So I started to jot down some thoughts on us men and our meat.

Nothing quite captures a man’s imagination like his cock. Its size, shape and general appearance is a source of endless wonderment to each of us. Maybe it’s because our buddy is always right there, just hanging around waiting for a little attention. And let’s face it, we are always checkin’ it out, right? We’re forever giving it a little tug, playing a little pocket pool, adjusting it for a bit more comfort. It keeps us company when we are alone and we never leave the house without it. It’s perfectly natural for us to grab hold of our unit several times a day simply to relieve ourselves. And, who among us, while it’s right there in our hand, doesn’t stop for a moment and admire its many attributes.

Our fascination begins at birth. Hey, did you know that we are born sexually aroused? (Women are too, but that’s another story.) That’s right, our infant stiffy is loaded for pleasure from day one.New-baby-boy-weight-11-pounds

Babyhood is spent figuring out the complexities of our body and gaining control over all our moving parts. We kick our legs, flail our arms, and outstretch our hands and fingers to test their capacities and develop muscle coordination. Then, one fateful day, our spasmodic movements suddenly bring our fingers in contact with our little baby penis. In an instant we make a mental note of this startling connection, how this particular touch equals delicious pleasure, and a life-long friendship begins.

Some social scientists suggest that our desire to purposely reconnect with our penis, to repeat the pleasurable sensations that occurred when first we accidentally brushed-up against our cock, is one of the most powerful motivators for further self-discovery and the development of motor skills. “If touching this part gives me this much pleasure, I wonder what else on my body will do the same?” How innocent we once were!

Babyhood gives way to boyhood and our favorite toy leads the way. We spend hours mindlessly fondling ourselves. Simply placing our hand on our dick can calm us when we are anxious as well as gives us a sense of overall wellbeing. Mastering our pee sessions, which takes quite a bit of clever hand/eye/penis coordination, is cause for great joy among the grown-ups. But negative messages are also beginning to seep in; and some are none too subtle. “Leave it alone!” That’s dirty!” “Put some cloths on!” Someone is always trying to get between our buddy and us.

relievingIn time we notice that we’re not alone, other boys and men have a joystick too. Along with our natural curiosity come the inevitable comparisons. “His looks different.” Wow, that’s big.” But almost immediately, we learn that checkin’ out another dude’s package is not just bad, but it’s real bad. Of course this doesn’t make us stop, we just learn how to do it on the sly. The prohibition against looking, coupled with our natural curiosity make for a potent, but dangerous mix.

Puberty arrives with all kinds of surprises, not least of which is the discovery that Mr. Wonderful suddenly has a mind of his own. His unruly behavior is often an embarrassment: stirring to life and tenting in our pants at the most awkward moments. At the same time, we also discover new and exquisite pleasures. Our gun is now loaded. The incessant build up of sexual tension throws us into a frenzy of masturbation. We begin to beat our meat like it owes us money. We spurt and spew with wild abandon. Well, until we’re busted by the grown ups, that is. In short order waves of repression from everywhere begin layer on guilt and shame. What was once such a natural a part of life has now become this great big conflict.

Our hormones rage and the dictates of biology press upon us with a counter force to the repression. Navigating this minefield is a huge challenge, especially when we haven’t a clue what’s happening to us or how to control it. Sex information is sparse when there’s any at all. And most of what we hear is woefully unreliable. The information we get comes mostly from older boys, who are more knowledgeable than us. They hint at pleasures and intimacies we’ve yet to discover. They boast of their conquests, of bustin’ a nut, of big schlongs and wet pussies. The message becomes clear; the bigger your buddy the happier and more successful you’ll be at baggin’ the chicks.morning-wood

Adulthood is a mixed bag for our dick and us. Being a grownup has its privileges. There are fewer people around to dictate our behaviors, but there is also loads of worry and stress. And we soon discover that our cock is the first to suffer. Pressures to mate, to make money, and compete with rival males for status, power and position take their toll. The privileges of being an adult — fast living, late hours, a poor diet, alcohol and drug consumption soon lead to, burn out, sleep deprivation, weight gain, medical problems and a host of prescription medications.erection comics

Our old buddy is in rebellion. Maybe he’s retaliating for the pressures we’ve placed on him, or the fact that we pay him less and less attention till we call him up for active duty. And then we expect him to perform like he did when we were lads. Fickle and stubborn as always, Mr Wonderful refuses to comply.

Our golden years are marked by more time for ourselves, but there’s also less autonomy. Our body doesn’t respond as it once did, or even like it did a few years earlier. While the pressures of life diminish, and a kind of peace settles in, medical problems proliferate. Happily, our hormones no longer rule us. But despite the quieting of our passions there is always desire.

All our life we’ve equated performance and stamina with virility and potency, but now our once vibrant buddy seems downcast, listless and decidedly unresponsive.

And that’s why us men have such an obsession with our cock, Matilda. It’s virtually impossible not to.

Good luck

Hey dr dick! What’s that toll-free podcast voicemail telephone number? Why, it’s: (866) 422-5680. DON’T BE SHY, LET IT FLY!

Try as I might…

Name: Dan
Gender: Male
Age: 48
Location: Montreal
I’m a late forties year old man who has lived numerous sexual experience in the past, until I met just in the beginning of this past year a wonderful interesting, woman with all the qualities and values that I needed. We started our first sexual experience a few months ago, April. The result was quite a disaster. I wasn’t able to do any penetration on her. She insisted that she has a blockage, and I had no idea about blockage and wanted to leave her place. Now I tried to understand her, but her problem has two factors that I’ve never came across with a woman. One is that if I fucked her she would get vaginitis. She doesn’t have any reaction when I fuck her. However, the scenario with her is the usual. She would get into her closet wear something very daring and sexy and give me a nice blowjob and …swallow. I would usually experience just straight penetration, in any position in my past experience with other women But would this mean that the sexy clothes and asking me if I would cum in her mouth, compensated for her inability to have my penis in her vagina? She asked me that I would have to eat her pussy often so she would feel something. The last time I did I was eating her pussy for two hours with a few breaks until she came. My question is can I take this any longer, and what is the connection with her vaginitis?

Hell, Dan, I don’t know if you can take this any longer or not. What’s clear to me is, things are pretty grim, not just for you but also for your lady friend.

Your story is a little difficult to follow. I’m gonna guess that English is not your first language, right? But here’s what I think you’re trying to say. You are a sexually experienced man in his forties. You’ve recently met an interesting woman that you like very much. Unfortunately, the sex sucks…and not in a good way.

Your friend experiences pain while fucking, but you don’t know why. She says there’s a blockage and tells you that intercourse will only lead to vaginitis, which is an inflammation of the vaginal mucosa and often associated with an irritation or an infection. While this is a pretty common problem, it should not be an every fucking time kinda problem…if you catch my drift. However, this little lady is happy to give you a hummer to make up for this. And just to show you there are no hard feelings — she’ll even swallow your spunk. Well, she’s a trooper that’s for sure! Unfortunately, avoiding the fucking issue won’t solve the mystery of why fucking is a real pain in the pussy.

The two most likely reasons for this painful fucking are: 1) the woman is not aroused enough before the fucking begins, or 2) there is an actual physical condition that might make fucking painful, even if she is aroused.

It’s easy enough to eliminate the second option; all your woman friend has to do is pay her gynecologist a little visit and have her doc take a quick look around. If there is indeed a blockage, as she says there is, a gynecological exam will discover it and end the debate.

That being said, I’d be willing to bet that, in your friend’s situation the first reason is the more likely culprit. This is often the case with pre-orgasmic women and your woman friend sounds like she may very well fall into that category. If your woman friend has lived all her adult life without having an orgasm, she will sure enough be conditioned not to expect one any time soon — either through fucking or by having you eat her out…even for hours. And hey, you’re a trooper too for doin’ that, darlin’!

I’d be willing to speculate that she’s not particularly informed about her own sexual response cycle. Thus she’s unable to provide you much direction on how to pleasure her without discomfort. A woman, particularly a preorgasmic one, must come to full arousal before her partner attempts penetration. A man, on the other hand, needs only to have a stiff dick. This obviously makes them (men) more ready and eager for the old in and out long before their female partner is ready and eager for the same. If you are guilty of this, and there’s a good chance that you are, your woman friend’s body will resist you, even if she desires to make a go of it.

Your woman friend could start getting over this by being better informed about her own sexual response cycle. If she doesn’t know what turns her crank, she can’t expect you to know what to do, even with all of your experience. Once she figures out how her body works, and this information will come best through masturbation, she’ll then be able to instruct you on the subtleties and points of interest of her particular pussy.

Touch is very important to most women, especially in the arousal stage of things. Often women will want to be touched and caressed all over, not just on the sexually charged spots of her body like her tits and pussy. She ought to take you on a little touch tour of her body. Literally, she could take you by the hand and touch herself with your fingers. She should show you the kind of touch she likes in the places she likes to be touched. You guys will need to take your time with this. I can pretty much guarantee you won’t get it the hang of this first time you try.

With her help you’re gonna be able to see her arousal build. She could encourage you to use your lips and mouth as well as your hands. If she’s not fully aroused, her pussy will be dry. But even if she is wet, you ought to use a nice personal lubricant to make her even more slippery and to facilitate penetration. I can’t overstate the necessity of lots and lots of lube.

If you guys follow these simple steps, you will have greater success with your fucking. Your woman friend will experience great pleasure and she will, in turn, be a fount of great pleasure for you. In the end, your woman friend must take the lead in this. She must get to know her own body first, so she can teach you about it next.

Finally, let me turn you on to a couple of great resources. Both are SEX WISDOM podcasts. I suggest that you and your woman friend listen to these shows together.  The first is an interview with author Mikaya Heart. Mikaya is the author of The Ultimate Guide To Orgasm For Women; How to Become Orgasmic For A Lifetime. It is by far the best book about women’s sexuality that I have read in the past decade, if not longer.

The second interview is with sexologist, Dr Shannon Chavez. She is one of the co-founders of the revolutionary SHE (Sexual Health Experts) Clinic in Arizona. Theirs is a comprehensive interdisciplinary treatment approach to female sexual health needs.

Good luck

Hey dr dick! What’s that toll-free podcast voicemail telephone number? Why, it’s: (866) 422-5680. DON’T BE SHY, LET IT FLY!

You make me want to shout!

Hey sex fans!

Welcome to this our latest edition of Product Review Friday. Today we feature the second of the two products sent to us by that sizzlin’ hot company, Spare Parts Hardware.

But wait, you didn’t miss the first of our reviews, did you? Well not to worry if you did, because you can find it all our previous reviews archived on my Product Review site, Dr Dick’s Sex Toy Reviews. You’ll find our first Spare Parts Hardware review HERE:

Today we welcome back Dr Dick Review Crew member, Carlos. We’ve missed you sir and we’re so glad you’re back with us.

Deuce Male Harness – $139.99

Carlos

Thanks, Dr Dick, it’s good to be back.

Those of you who follow my reviews may recall that way back in October 2007, when I participated in my first review; I mentioned I was having some prostate problems. I’ve been calling attention to that issue ever since. Well, earlier this year, I was diagnosed with prostate cancer and soon there after I went under the knife. I had a radical prostatectomy, which removed my prostate gland as well as and some of the surrounding tissue.

Like my Dr Dick Review Crew colleague, Angie, who was diagnosed with lymphoma over a year ago, I’ve been struggling to regain a sense of my sexual-self post surgery. No one; not my doctors, not my nurses, not anyone in the cancer support group I attend ever talks about sex and sexuality post diagnosis and treatment. It’s criminal really.

The surgery impacted every aspect of my sex life — with my myself, with my wife and the periodic connections I used to have with some of my men friends. Thank god I’ve been able to count on Dr Dick to help me through this, because if I had to do this alone I don’t see how I would have made it.

I want to repeat something Angie said. “There is precious little information about sex and sexuality available to cancer survivors. No one seemed to be capable of speaking clearly and unambiguously about how a cancer diagnosis and treatment impacts a person’s intimate life. This conspiracy of silence has got to stop!”

Since the surgery I haven’t had a full erection. Dr Dick tells me that I may regain that capacity with time. I also no longer have an ejaculation. That Dr Dick tells me is gone for good. That really bums me out, but I can still have an orgasm, so I’m really happy for that. Dr Dick gave me some exercises to help me with the arousal phase of my sexual response cycle, mostly it masturbation sorts of things. He also suggested that rather than going without partnered sex, I could try a strap on. Hell, I didn’t even know there were strap ons for men. As you can see, I had a lot to learn.

And this is what gets me to the fantastic Deuce Male Harness that I want to tell you about today. It looks and wears just like a jockstrap. It’s completely adjustable so it always fits perfectly. It’s made of a very sensual fabric. And it’s completely machine washable. Oh, and did I mention it is smokin’ hot? It really bolsters my sexual self-confidence. And that’s about the best therapy there is.

Ok, so let’s take a closer look at the Deuce starting with the fabric. Like I mentioned earlier, it’s soft, silky and body hugging. It’s a nylon and spandex blend, which makes it stretchy and durable. If you’re trying to picture it in your mind’s eye think a quality swimsuit material. All the adjustment sliders are made of a durable hard plastic.

The front panel is super functional. The pouch, just like a jock, cradles your own equipment. If you’re gonna just use a dildo or dong with the Deuce. There is a built-in O-ring to stabilize your dong of choice. But here’s the BIG plus; there is an opening below the O-ring that allows you to slip you’re your cock through so that you can use your own johnson along with the dildo. This is ideal for double penetration; or if you simply want to experiment with a bigger dildo than your own cock; or if you want to keep pleasuring your partner after you shoot your load. Ya see, there are lots of reasons a guy might want to use a strap on even if his own unit works perfectly well.

Unlike the more traditional leather harnesses, the Deuce is really sporty looking. The wide waistband, with the attractive Spare Parts Hardware logo on it, adjusts using velcro. There’s also a second set of adjusting straps on the waistband to gain precision snugness. Even the leg straps are adjustable.

You can use a lot of different kinds and sizes of dongs and dildos, just as long as the ones you choose have a base. And putting the dildo or dong in place is super easy, the O-ring is very accommodating.

Don’t be afraid of using lots of lube, because as I mentioned earlier you just pop the Deuce in the washer and you’re done with the cleanup. Don’t even think of trying that with a conventional leather harness.

The Deuce comes with a zippered storage bag. And there’s even a pocket in the bag for condoms and/or a small bottle of lube. It’s idea for travel.

Finally, let me compliment Spare Parts Hardware on their packaging. It’s beautifully simple, yet amazingly classy and every part of the packaging is completely recyclable. Kudos!
Full Review HERE!

ENJOY

The Dog Days of Summer 2012 Q&A Show — Podcast #344 — 08/20/12


Hey sex fans,

My, my, my! It’s been six whole weeks since our last Q&A show. That’s not good. Because, ya know what? I have a huge backlog of very interesting questions from the sexually worrisome. And this time around, all my correspondents are men. Why, that almost never happens. I trust you will find my responses will educate, enrich and maybe even entertain. With a little luck, I’ll even have just enough time to do a product review. Sound fun? I think so too.

Tyler is straight but has the urge to stuff his ass.
Paul has polio, but he still wants to jerk-off.
Robert and his partner are having big time relationship problems.
John need more sex than he’s getting at home.
Steven is pulling his pud a lot, now some of the sensations are gone..
Mike is having extreme muscle spasms after he cums.
Finally we review the Fat Boy Cock Sheath.

Today’s podcast is bought to you by: Dr Dick’s Sex Advice and Dr Dick’s Sex Toy Review.

BE THERE OR BE SQUARE!

Check out The Lick-A-Dee-Split Connection. That’s Dr Dick’s toll free podcast voicemail HOTLINE. Don’t worry people; no one will personally answer the phone. Your message goes directly to voicemail.

Got a question or a comment? Wanna rant or rave? Or maybe you’d just like to talk dirty for a minute or two. Why not get it off your chest! Give Dr Dick a call at (866) 422-5680.

DON’T BE SHY, LET IT FLY!

Look for my podcasts on iTunes. You’ll find me in the podcast section, obviously, or just search for Dr Dick Sex Advice. And don’t forget to subscribe. I wouldn’t want you to miss even one episode.

Messin’ Around

Name: Troy
Gender: Male
Age:
Location:
Sir,
My girlfriend and I have been together for over 2 years. She sometimes has experienced that her clit gets sore after we mess around. She also felt some pain when we have sex not right away but late on almost like a muscle soreness. She has had regular gyno visits with no problems. I am wondering if I could be too big for her. Do we need to increase the amount of lube we are using? Is there a limited number of times we should have sex in a weekend?
Thank You

What kind a messin’ around are you doin’ there, darlin’?

So let me get this straight, your GF sees her “gyno” on a regular basis and there’s no discernible problem in pussyville. That’s a good thing. But after she hooks up with you for a little slap and tickle her clit is very tender and she reports muscle soreness afterward as well.

Hmmm, I’m gonna go way out on a limb here and speculate you puppies are kinda new to the whole fuckin’ thing, right?

Let’s see, are you actively involved with her clit with your hands or mouth, or is this post-fuck tenderness simply collateral damage of you pounding away with wild abandon? I mean do you even know your way around down there? Or are you just one of those drop trow’ and commence the assault kinda guys? The fact that you don’t even know if you are using enough lube leads me to believe that you’ve got lots to learn.

Ya see the reason I say this is, for the most part, most youngens, and a lot of not so young people, don’t often take the time to familiarize themselves with the parts of their partners before sex. I mean there may be a lot of athletic bumping around and all, but that doesn’t necessarily mean ya’ll know what the fuck you’re doing.

And here’s another disturbing trend. A lot of young men are unfortunately picking up some of their sexual social skills, if you can call them that, from watching porn. And that, my friend, is never a good thing. Young women, on the other hand, often remain too embarrassed or uninformed themselves about their own parts to invite even a steady BF to stop for a moment and get to know their own personal cooch. Each woman is unique, ya know.

So you see how all of this lack of familiarity and perhaps even misinformation can cause loads of problems for novice fucksters. But the solution is very simple indeed — all you have to do is know yourself and know your partner.

One thing for sure, if you are swinging as big a pipe as you lead me to believe, it’s incumbent upon you to know how to handle that thang when foolin’ around with a delicate flower that is a woman’s muff. I suggest you have a nice long talk with your GF real soon. Make it a non-seductive, nonsexual conversation. Ask her to show you around “the promised land”. Have her point out all the really exciting points of interest…and there are a whole lot of ‘em. You’ll be amazed. If you think your dick is talented. Let me tell ya pal, it pails in comparison to a vulva.

Besides, this little exercise will give you loads of brownie points with the GF. You’ll also be a vastly more informed about pussy in general and therefore a much better lover. It’ll be exactly like playing doctor, only completely different.

Let me walk you through an actual structured exercise I have some of my clients, with similar problems as you guys, work on. It’s called a sexological exam. Ya see I never assume that a woman is familiar with her own genitals, let alone having her partner know what’s up down there. So I have my couples work together on this exercise. By the way, a woman can do it alone (a self-sexological exam) or she can work with a partner.

Think about it, this is a perfect way for you guys to learn about your own and one another’s naughty bits, as well as getting a handle on your sexual response cycles.

Here’s how it works. Your GF will hold a hand-held mirror between her legs. Have her point out her clit, vulva, vagina, both sets of vaginal lips, urethra, and if you have a speculum handy, you guys can check out her cervix. Next, probe her vagina, by inserting one of your fingers. Remember this is not a come-on for sex, this is an exercise to gather important information about how thing look and work down there. Don’t forget the lube!

With your finger in her vagina, ask her to flex her PC muscle. If you guys don’t know what that is you have some remedial work a head of you. To find all the posting I’ve made about the amazing PC muscles use the search function in the header, type in and Kegel exercises, and PRESTO!

What you guys will be looking for in this part of the exercise is your GF ability to identify and control her vaginal muscles.

Next comes a detailed touch test. I want you to stroke very square inch of your GF from her asshole to her navel, including her upper thighs. You are gonna be testing for and acquainting yourself with her sensitivity. I suggested your GF use a 0-5 point scale to represent the levels of sensitivity — 5 being the hottest, most sensitive and most pleasurable areas and 0 being the more neutral areas. Be sure to use all the numbers in-between. I encourage you guys to try this exercise with both a wet hand and a dry hand.

Next it’s your turn to submit your body to your GF’s scrutiny. With the hand-held mirror between your legs point out your prepuce (if you go one), frenulum, glans, coronal ridge, scrotum and testicles. Have her slip a finger in your ass. Don’t forget the lube! Now flex your PC muscle for her. Yes darling, you have a PC muscle too. Have her feel for your prostate too.

Then she’ll use the same touch technique on you that you did on her. She’ll stroke very square inch of you from your asshole to your navel including your upper thighs. She will be testing for and acquainting herself with your sensitive areas. Using the same 0-5 point scale to represent the levels of sensitivity that she did — 5 being the hottest, most sensitive and most pleasurable areas and 0 being the more neutral areas as well as all the numbers in-between. Again, try this exercise with both a wet hand and a dry hand.

By the time you guys have finished this exploration exercise, both of you will have a much greater appreciation of the wonders of her amazing cunt and your fabulous cock. You’ll know the areas that need special care and attention. You’ll also know the kind of touch that is the most appropriate for each specific area. But most importantly, you will realize that mindlessly pokin’ and prodin’ away down there, like a blind man with a stick, is not how one goes about a successful fuck.

Good luck