A Bird Sighting Just Reaffirmed That Nature Is Queer

— The half-male half-female Green Honeycreeper joins the ranks of genderqueer lionesses, the “Leaping Lesbian Lizard,” and other “drag queens in the sky.”

By Ananya Singh

Hamish Spencer, zoologist and Distinguished Professor at the University of Otago, was on holiday in Colombia when ornithologist John Murillo drew his attention to a striking bird at a bird-feeding station in a nature reserve. Save for a few feathers here and there, this Green Honeycreeper seemed to be neatly divided down its middle with brilliant blue plumage – resembling males of the species – on its right side, and green plumage – observed in females – on its left. The two watched this bird between the end of 2021 and mid-2023, observing its behavior in relation to other members of its species. As their report notes, this bird is only the second example of “bilateral gynandromorphism” in this species – a trait where animals present with both male and female characteristics in species that usually have distinct sexes.

This “extremely rare,” half-male and half-female bird soon made headlines. After all, it was the first record of this phenomenon in this species in over a 100 years. But this sighting also reiterated what some scientists have long been pointing to – that our understanding of sex as a biological binary of male and female may, in fact, be a simplistic reduction of a far more complex reality.

“Many birdwatchers could go their whole lives and not see a bilateral gynandromorph in any species of bird,” Spencer said in a statement. While considered rare, this trait has previously been observed in spiders, bees, butterflies, lizards, and stick insects among others. Scientists have also found these seemingly gender binary-defying individuals in other bird species, such as the northern cardinal (a non-binary icon, according to X) and the rose-breasted grosbeak. The northern cardinal even inspired Pattie Gonia, an environmental drag activist, to create a look based on it. “We see queerness and gender queerness demonstrated in birds like the [chimera] cardinal so vividly… Birds are drag queens in the sky,” Gonia told Audobon Magazine.

In its most simplistic form, sex in humans seems to hinge upon the presence or absence of the Y chromosome, which determines the reproductive organs one possesses. Sex, according to this understanding, casts individuals as either male or female and is one of the foundational pillars upon which our society has been constructed – prescribing roles, granting opportunities, and determining whose rights are championed and whose sidelined. But several scientists have pointed out that sex as a binary is false. Arthur Arnold, a biologist at the University of California, Los Angeles, told Scientific American in 2018, “The main problem with a strong dichotomy is that there are intermediate cases that push the limits and ask us to figure out exactly where the dividing line is between males and females… And that’s often a very difficult problem, because sex can be defined a number of ways.” That is, sex in humans (as in animals) is far more complex.

Agustín Fuentes, a professor of anthropology at Princeton University, pointed to emerging research data that shows how binary explanations of human sex “are either wholly incorrect or substantially incomplete.” Biology has been wielded as a tool to exclude queer people. Fuentes writes, “Given what we know about biology across animals and in humans, efforts to represent human sex as binary based solely on what gametes one produces are not about biology but are about trying to restrict who counts as a full human in society.”

Look to the natural world and countless examples emerge to challenge the fallacies around sex, gender and sexuality. These examples call into question what humans have long considered “natural.” It is an idea inherent in the field of queer ecology that draws upon the ecofeminist movement and expands it beyond binary thinking, instead championing a more fluid and diverse understanding of the world, and our relationship with it. Nature, as countless species show, is queer.

Take the clownfish, for instance. They live in groups where only two – the dominant male and female are mates. When the female dies, the male changes its sex to become female before selecting the next male from the group to become its mate. Male bearded dragons, meanwhile, reverse their sex under warm temperatures to become female while still within the egg. Banana slugs are “simultaneous hermaphrodites” – they possess and use both their male and female reproductive organs to mate with a partner or even themselves. In Botswana, five gender-queer lionesses alarmed scientists when they grew a mane and developed male-like behaviors, including a deeper roar and mounting other females. Then there is the New Mexico lizard, which is a species that entirely comprises females. They mate, lay eggs and reproduce like others. According to scientists, this is a form of asexual reproduction known as parthenogenesis. Just like the “non-binary” cardinal, this lizard – also referred to as “Leaping Lesbian Lizard,” also became a queer icon, inspiring not only art, but even a Pokémon and the name of a college frisbee team.

A key way in which nature challenges the heterosexual ideal is through the sheer prevalence of same-sex behavior. Homosexuality, reports say, has been documented in 1500 species – from dolphins and giraffes to penguins and starfish. It’s ironic when viewed historically, where the supposed absence of homosexuality in animals has been used time and again to fuel homophobia and deem homosexuality a “crime against nature” itself. The emperor penguin, for instance, was lauded by American conservatives as upholding traditional family values after a film depicted them in monogamous relationships. Penguins, however, may be socially monogamous, but aren’t so sexually, Eliot Schrefer, author of “Queer Ducks (and Other Animals): The Natural World of Animal Sexuality,” wrote in The Washington Post. Some may even be bisexual, Schrefer noted. Just last year, a pair of male penguins successfully fostered an egg at the Rosamund Gifford Zoo in New York, while in 2019, another pair of male penguins at the Berlin zoo co-parented an abandoned egg after having attempted to hatch stones and even a dead fish.

Same-sex behavior across species also challenges the prevailing notion that sex in the natural world only occurs for the goal of reproduction. Instead, there are many reasons for same-sex behavior – from building social bonds and resolving conflict to simply gaining pleasure. Recently, a lot more research has emerged on same-sex relationships in nature, perhaps due to changing gender norms. In the past, observations of same-sex behavior had scientists either decrying it as “depravity” or avoiding publishing findings, due to their own biases or to prevent disapproval from the scientific community, noted Schrefer.

As Ingrid Bååth wrote in Climate Culture, “Not only does our understanding of nature become the baseline for what we believe to be natural, but also what we believe to be moral or good behaviour… We interpret nature based on our inherent biases and use our biased understanding of nature to defend and justify those societal biases we have.”

These biases stem from predominantly Western notions of gender and sexuality that have been imposed upon the human and nonhuman worlds, Willow Defebaugh noted in Atmos. It creates dualities of “opposing” categories – pitting humans against nature, man against woman – separating one from the other in a power hierarchy. “Binary thinking, in any form, is rooted in a Western colonial view of the world in which one must always be subjugated by the other,” Katy Constantinides wrote for Climate Policy Lab.

A queer ecological framework, on the other hand, shows us that there is no one way to be masculine or feminine and that these categories may not exist in nature as we know it. It positions humans as a part of nature rather than distinct from it, leveling the power dynamics from an extractive to a community-oriented one. Nature is fluid, queer, and resists categorization as per human cultural perceptions and biases. As queer ecologists point out, acknowledging that may be the first step to repairing our relationship with the natural – as well as human – world.

Complete Article HERE!

How To Talk To Your Doctor About Your Sexuality

By Jennifer Betts

You’ve probably planned on coming out about your sexuality to essential family members like your mom and dad. But have you ever thought about the importance of coming out to your doctor?

An open and honest relationship with your doctor is essential to getting care. This is especially true since there are specific needs that you might have as part of the LGBTQ+ community. As health family medicine physician Rita Lahlou, MD, MPH, told UNC Health Talk, “It’s important for people who identify with historically marginalized communities to find a primary care provider who will be supporting, affirming and understanding of them.”

With that said, the thought of a discussion about your health can be downright nerve-wracking. Whether you’re seeing a new doctor or talking with the doctor you’ve been seeing for years, here are a few tips and strategies to ensure that all your healthcare needs are met for your sexual health.

Set the tone about discussing your sexuality

Man talking with doctor

A person’s sex life and sexual preferences come into play when it comes to their overall care. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, about 1.2 million people in the U.S. are diagnosed with HIV, 63% of whom are gay or bisexual men. Additionally, young LGBTQ+ individuals are more likely to contemplate or attempt suicide due to how they are treated, per The Trevor Project.

And it’s not an area that many general practitioners might feel comfortable asking about. Research published in Sexual Medicine examined healthcare specialists’ avoidance of sex and sexuality. It stated that many specialists think that asking their patients about their sex life and sexuality could cause embarrassment, so it’s not something that might come up. However, creating the appropriate framework of trust and empathy between your doctor and you can make this discussion easier. Bringing the topic to the table first lets your provider know it’s not a taboo area to talk about.

If you or someone you know is struggling or in crisis, help is available. Call or text 988 or chat 988lifeline.org

Look for an LGBTQ-friendly provider

Stethoscope with a rainbow background

Since your sexuality is a crucial area of your life and who you are, having a physician or specialist who understands how to support the LGBTQ+ community can make talking about your sexuality easier. Look for a provider with an LGBTQ+ designation. According to Henry Ford, doctors with this designation complete additional clinical training for patients within this community, making them more likely to be knowledgeable in documenting sexual orientation and understanding the specific needs.

Finding an LGBTQ+-friendly provider might take some looking around. Paula Neira, Program Director of LGBTQ+ Equity and Education, told Johns Hopkins Medicine that there are databases by groups such as GLMA: Health Professionals Advancing LGBTQ Equality, but they aren’t exactly comprehensive. Thus, setting an appointment with a healthcare provider might require asking about their experience caring for LGBTQ+ patients. You can also ask others in the community to find a doctor they trust or have had a positive experience with.

Neira adds that not being open and honest with your provider could lead to missed screens, like those for cancer, especially for transgender individuals. Johns Hopkins Medicine also pointed out that seven out of ten LGBTQ+ members have received negative care, and connecting with a healthcare specialist competent in this field can alleviate that.

Bring your partner to the appointment

A couple with a baby on computer

It’s easier to talk about your sexuality when you have a loving person supporting you. Consider bringing your partner with you to discuss this with your provider. Not only can they hold your hand, but they might also be able to help you make sure you have all your bases covered.

Bringing your partner with you and introducing them to your doctor can quickly clarify your sexuality and cue your healthcare provider that it’s okay to broach the subject of your sexual orientation. According to family medicine physician Beth Careyva, MD, “By providing this information, we can make sure to offer preventative care screenings, as well as provide counseling on sexual health, lifestyle changes, and same-sex family planning” (via Lehigh Valley Health Network).

The Office of Disease Prevention and Health Promotion notes that having a support person during the visits can help ensure you keep track of your specialist’s advice and ask questions when something isn’t clearly explained.

Use techniques to calm nervousness

Woman focusing on breathing

The Center for American Progress points out that discrimination in the healthcare setting for the LGBTQ+ community leads to delays and access to needed medical care. It can affect not only patients, but their parents as well. This is especially true for those trying to find care for their transgender children. Thus, it’s not surprising that this topic might be uncomfortable for some to discuss with their doctor, leading to nervousness.

Fortunately, there are several techniques to calm the nerves before talking to your doctor about your sexuality. One of the best calming methods is focusing on breathing (via NHS). Get yourself in a comfortable position and let your breath flow. Focus on nothing but the movement of your chest and the refreshing air coming into your lungs for a steady five-count. Keep repeating until the doctor comes in so that you can talk to them with a clear, relaxed mind.

The Baton Rouge Clinic AMC states that it can be helpful to close your eyes and count to ten as you wait for your healthcare provider to enter the room. You can also try counting to 20 backward. Other calming techniques include chewing gum, smelling lavender, and listening to calming music. Once the doctor comes in, you can bring up your sexuality as part of your casual health conversation.

Be straightforward and honest

Woman talking to smiling doctor

It may be hard to be bold, but when it comes to your health, it’s not a time to be shy. Bring your sexuality to the table immediately. For example, introduce yourself to a new doctor with your name, preferred pronouns, and sexuality. Being matter-of-fact with your healthcare professional establishes honesty. With a current specialist, bring it up by saying, “I have a personal question…” states the National Institute on Aging.

Johns Hopkins Medicine also notes that you should set an agenda when talking to your doctor. It doesn’t have to be a long, intricate list, but outlining your sexuality and issues you would like to talk about will ensure that all your needs are met. According to Megan Moran-Sands, DO, a Geisinger pediatrician, “Your doctor and any healthcare professional you interact with will keep your information private.” Knowing this can help you not to feel so apprehensive.

And remember, your doctor wants honesty. Debra Roter, Dr.P.H., a professor at the Johns Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health, noted, “It’s important to share things about your lifestyle, social obligations and relationships at home and at work. Sometimes patients are fearful that the doctor isn’t interested or that it isn’t relevant.” But having this information gives them a better understanding of your overall health.

Use questions as your guide

Patient asking doctor questions

If you’ve had a bad experience with a different healthcare provider regarding the topic of sexuality, you might be even more apprehensive about talking about it openly. In that case, using questions as your guide might be better. Giving your current provider hints about what you need to discuss allows them to bring the subject up and save you embarrassment.

For example, you might start off your conversation with your provider by discussing their knowledge of LGBTQ+ patients. During your initial interview with a new doctor, you might ask about their patient experience with sexuality and LGBTQ+ patients. Ask about their experience with transgender issues. LCMC Health states that it sets a tone with your provider, allowing them to draw the conversation toward your sexuality in a respectful manner. As the National Institute on Aging notes, asking questions is key to building open communication with your doctor to better understand medical issues, tests, and medications that can affect your sexual life.

Don’t put off talking about your sexuality

Couple talking with a doctor

The World Health Organization says that your sexual health is essential not just to your personal well-being, but also to that of your loved ones. Don’t overlook being committed to your sexual health with your doctor, since it can influence screenings, family counseling, testing, and more.

Understanding your sexual health also plays a vital role in sexually transmitted disease prevention, practicing safer sex, and your body image, states Healthline. In addition, it’s a key area of mental and emotional health, particularly for members of the LGBTQ+ community who experience “discrimination or cultural homophobia.” Per data presented by the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration, sexual minorities such as the LGBTQ+ community are more likely to have substance misuse and mental health issues.

As Dr. Megan Moran-Sands notes (via Geisinger), “It’s beneficial to share your sexual orientation with your doctor so you can get the most personalized care. You can be more open about your life and your choices, and you and your doctor can work together to create a plan for staying healthy.” Don’t wait to talk to your doctor about sexual health. Bring it to the discussion immediately to set the bar for all future appointments.

If you or anyone you know needs help with addiction issues, help is available. Visit the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration website or contact SAMHSA’s National Helpline at 1-800-662-HELP (4357).

Tips for making the talk about sexuality easier

Person in waiting room

Sexuality and sexual health should not be taboo topics, and are nothing to feel ashamed about. Remember that no matter what, your doctor is there to help. To make things a bit easier during your appointment, Willis-Knighton Health System suggests writing down the items you want to discuss on a phone or piece of paper to avoid forgetting what you want to say in case you suddenly feel uneasy.

Since talking about sexual health can be difficult face-to-face, you might also want to take advantage of telehealth consultations to discuss these issues. It might be easier for you to talk about sexual orientation, sexual problems, and gender in the comfort of your own home. Your provider can ask questions to get the necessary tests or medications (via the International Society for Sexual Medicine). Telehealth might also be the best way to connect with a doctor that is LGBTQ+-friendly.

Lastly, it helps to give your doctor a heads-up. For example, you can tell your healthcare provider during your initial appointment that you would like to speak to them about sexuality. You can also let them know that you’re nervous. This way, they can have questions ready to help you overcome your negative feelings.

Complete Article HERE!

The surprising reason why mammals engage in same-sex mating

— A new paper suggests same-sex activity may help mammals’ social relationships

A study published in the journal Nature Communications on Tuesday adds to the growing body of knowledge about animal sexuality.

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Same-sex sexual activity pervades the animal kingdom — it’s been observed in at least 1,500 animal species, from crickets to seagulls to penguins — but it’s still not well understood.

A new paper suggests one explanation: Same-sex sexual activity may help mammals establish and maintain social relationships and even mitigate conflict.

The study, published in the journal Nature Communications on Tuesday, adds to the growing body of knowledge about animal sexuality.

Scientists had long viewed same-sex sexual activity as an evolutionary paradox: It costs animals precious time they could be spending seeking out sexual partners of the opposite sex, with which they could reproduce.

Some have explained same-sex sexual behavior as non-adaptive — meaning it doesn’t help an organism survive, but it doesn’t harm reproductive success either. Others see it as a continuation of our simplest ancestors’ indiscriminate sexual activity, part of the norm, rather than an anomaly.

The new study, conducted by researchers at the Spanish National Research Council and the University of Granada, suggests this behavior has evolved multiple times in mammals and may not be related to those ancient non-discriminate mating behaviors. On the contrary, their analysis found an association between same-sex sexual behavior in mammals and getting along.

Sex as conflict resolution

The researchers did not study animals in the wild. Instead, José María Gómez, a professor of ecology at the University of Granada, and his colleagues compiled a database of existing information on same-sex sexual behavior, and reconstructed species trees to investigate whether there were any links between same-sex sexual behavior in mammals and social behavior.

They found same-sex sexual behavior seems to occur more often in social animals, like primates, which need to form communities to survive and reproduce. That behavior could have evolved to facilitate social cohesion and diminish intrasexual aggression and conflict, the researchers argue.

“Rather than a maladaptive or aberrant behavior, same-sex sexual behavior in nonhuman mammals is a convergent adaptation facilitating the maintenance of social relationships,” Gómez told The Washington Post in an email.

The study’s findings echo what others have found in their research.

“In socially tense situations, sexual behavior between same-sex partners seems to function to mitigate that tension,” said Christine Webb, a primatologist at Harvard University who did not participate in the study.

She said Gómez’s research helps to widen the scope of what it means for a behavior to be “adaptive.” “This general question of evolutionary function — that behavior must aid in survival and reproduction — what this paper is arguing is that reaffirming social bonds, resolving conflicts, managing social tensions, to the extent that same-sex sexual behavior preserves those functions — it’s also adaptive.”

Researchers found same-sex sexual behavior seems to occur more often in social animals, like primates, which need to form communities in order to survive and reproduce.

Webb said if you think about the many reasons humans might have sex — it makes sense that animals would use sex in many ways, too.

“We know that humans have a huge variety of reasons for having sex, only one of which is procreation,” said Eliot Schrefer, author of the book “Queer Ducks (and Other Animals): The Natural World of Animal Sexuality.” “So of course animals are reaping the benefits that humans do from it.”

He cites male garter snakes using pheromones to attract other males when it’s cold, causing other males in the area to come form a “mating ball” — which can help them all survive through the night.

Sex and dinner

Sex can also provide animals with a way of easing conflict, or can act as foreplay for sharing food, said Christine Wilkinson, a conservation scientist based at the University of California at Berkeley and the California Academy of Sciences who was not involved in the paper.

“You have African lion males that travel together and help each other to survive,” she said. “They’re also mounting each other and sort of bonding in more physical ways because they need each other.”

Jon Richardson, a behavioral ecologist and evolutionary biologist at the University of Minnesota, researches same-sex sexual behavior in insects. He said that often we’re looking for a one-size-fits-all explanation for this behavior in nature. In his research on crickets, he’s found that they have a fairly broad filter for engaging in mating behavior.

“They don’t care too much whether it’s male or female or if it’s the right developmental stage or not. If it looks kind of like a cricket, if it moves like a cricket, you might as well try singing towards it to see what happens,” Richardson said.

>He also cautions against extrapolating too much about humans from this research on animals. The fact that this new paper is about mammals may mean it can tell us something about our evolution, but same-sex sexual behavior in animals isn’t the same as human homosexuality — for the most part animals don’t seem to exhibit a permanent same-sex preference but more of a sexual flexibility.

Still, it might be inevitable that people will make those connections, said Schrefer, and that isn’t always a bad thing.

“Every time one of these articles comes out, a bunch of people don’t feel unnatural anymore,” he said.

Complete Article HERE!

Study on evolution of same-sex animal behaviors underscores stigmas in research

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  • A new study tracing the evolution of same-sex sexual behavior in mammals, using phylogenetic analyses, suggests these behaviors may have evolved in part to strengthen social bonding and relationships.
  • Same-sex sexual behavior was observed in 261 species, which constitutes 4% of all mammal species; the research adds to a growing list of some 1,500 animal species in which same-sex sexual behavior is documented.
  • Interest in this research is expanding after a long history of stigma within the field that led some earlier scientists to withhold evidence of same-sex sexual behavior among animals; at the time, such behavior was considered an error in the research findings — or “perverted.”
  • Researchers also note that stigmas have long prevented scientists from investigating same-sex sexual behaviors in animals or receiving funding to carry out such studies.

The study of animals has always been a point of curiosity for many scientists across disciplines and has contributed to our understanding of the world. While many scientists in evolutionary biology have questioned different animal behaviors, same-sex sexual behavior in animals is a topic that is seeing increasing interest. This growing field of research has amassed a list of 1,500 animal species exhibiting same-sex sexual behavior.

Now, a recent study published in the journal Nature Communications has traced the evolution of same-sex sexual behavior in all mammals, using phylogenetic analysis, a method that traces evolutionary relationships among biological entities. Such behavior, which is common in mammals, may have evolved in part “to establish, maintain and strengthen social relationships that may increase bonds and alliance between members of the same group,” the authors write.

“Our study has tested for the first time two adaptive hypotheses on the origin and maintenance of same-sex sexual behavior using a large group of animals, the class Mammalia,” says José Maria Gómez, an evolutionary biologist at the Experimental Station of Arid Zones in Almería, Spain, and an author of the study. “In this sense, our study provides strong evidence that this sexual behavior is functional and plays an important role, at least in this group of animals.”

In their study, Gómez says the scientists conclude that social behavior that helped maintain positive social relationships and mitigate intrasexual aggression were two factors shaping the evolution of these behaviors. The former factor did so for both males and females and the latter factor only for such behavior expressed by males, they found.

Same-sex sexual behavior, which includes courtship, mounting, genital contact, copulation and pair bonding, was observed in 261 species, which constitutes 4% of all mammal species. Their study also indicates that same-sex sexual behavior is not randomly distributed across the mammalian phylogeny but tends to be frequent in some clades and rare in others and has been observed in males and females both in captivity and in wild conditions.

Male lions in a zoo in Melbourne, Australia.
Male lions in a zoo in Melbourne, Australia. Same-sex sexual behavior, which is common in mammals, may have evolved in part “to establish, maintain and strengthen social relationships that may increase bonds and alliance between members of the same group.”

Not an aberration

“In the early 2000s, same-sex sexual behavior in animals would often be seen as a ‘zoo problem,’ like it was the animals in captivity that were making the best out of a bad situation,” says Eliot Schrefer, author of Queer Ducks (and Other Animals), a young-adult book that illustrates the diversity of sexual behavior in animals. “But this kind of science shows the prevalence of said behaviors throughout the animal kingdom, which shows that it’s not some aberration that has been localized, but it is something that is essential,” adds Schrefer, who was not part of the study.

The study suggests that social bonds may have played a role in the evolution of same-sex sexual behavior, and it may be connected to animals’ transition from solitary living to “sociality,” or living in groups, which has evolutionary advantages. “Due to the multiple benefits of sociality, many behavioural strategies have evolved to ensure the cohesion and stability of social groups,” the authors write.

Janet Mann, a behavioral ecologist who was not involved in the study, says, “It makes sense that animals make use of the social behavior that they have available for them for social bonding.” However, she finds maintaining social bonds and intrasexual aggression to be the flip sides of the same coin. Social bonding, she explains, includes when animals ally themselves with others, and that provides protection. In extreme cases, male chimpanzees form tight alliances with one another, resulting in the whole community bonding to some degree. “They kill males with the neighboring community, so it’s not like they are having sex with those males,” she says.

While the Nature Communications report is one of the first studies that has provided research on a broader scale rather than sticking to one species, the authors are not hesitant to acknowledge that the data available are limited because interest among scientists and researchers studying same-sex sexual behavior in animals is very recent.

Mann says this lack of data meant the researchers couldn’t comprehensively address the frequency of same-sex sexual behavior; rather, the data primarily show presence or absence of behaviors. Therefore, a case in which a behavior is rare was weighed the same as a case in which it occurs frequently; both were reported as “occurring,” which is a limitation of the study.

Two male African wolves in Senegal.
Two male African wolves in Senegal. “In the early 2000s, same-sex sexual behavior in animals would often be seen as a ‘zoo problem,’ like it was the animals in captivity that were making the best out of a bad situation,” says author Eliot Schrefer.

Stigma in past research

This absence of sufficient data stems from intentional erasure by some scientists in the past due to the stigma attached to homosexuality and expected heterosexuality among animals. For a long time, the prevailing notion was that sexual behavior in the animal kingdom served solely as a tool for procreation, and that sexual behavior among the same sex in animals was considered either an error — or was labeled “perverted.” Heterosexual worldview influenced the approach of scientists like Valerius Geist, a mammalogist who, decades ago, refrained from publishing about frequent same-sex behavior noticed in bighorn sheep because, the Washington Post reports, it made him “cringe … to conceive of those magnificent beasts as ‘queers.’” Years later, he reportedly “admitted that the rams lived in essentially a homosexual society.”

“Science is made by scientists, and [some] scientists who go out in the field have the assumption that only heterosexual behavior is natural. And so, for a long time, they weren’t bothering to sex the animal they were finding or seeing if it were male or female; they were just assuming when one animal is mounting another.” Consequently, Schrefer says he suspects same-sex sexual behaviors in the animal world are vastly underestimated “because there are very few scientists that are going out and looking.”

These stigmas have not entirely left the scientific community. Mann recognizes that societal biases against same-sex sexual behavior in human societies influence the willingness of researchers to undertake such studies. The stigma creates a barrier, as approaching traditional funding agencies for studies may be met with reluctance or denial. The hierarchical nature of science, mirroring broader societal structures, also imposes limitations on junior researchers, dissuading them from delving into studies that challenge established norms, she says.

Mann’s contribution to the anthology Homosexual Behaviour in Animals: An Evolutionary Perspective has also opened up a window to same-sex sexual behavior among bottlenose dolphins. Reflecting on the trajectory of her work, she explains, “I wrote that chapter in the book because I was asked to, and they knew I had a lot of data. I had also already started tenure, so when the book came out, I was a full professor. As a full professor, I don’t have to worry; but my more junior colleagues, for them, there is some stigma.” It’s not correct, she says, but “if you are studying same-sex sexual behavior … people make assumptions about you as a person, that you are homosexual.”

This assumption about researchers’ identities has put skeptical eyes on the sciences that many pursue. Schrefer talks about a primatologist named Linda Wolfe, who wrote about female-female sex among macaques in the 1970s. She was a graduate student when she published about this, and the response was: “Why are you interested in this? Is something wrong with you? Are you a lesbian?” Schrefer says. “And so, if someone is part of the queer community, people would not trust the science that much.”

Melina Packer, an assistant professor of race, gender and sexuality studies at the University of Wisconsin-La Crosse says she believes that while many people push for science to be depoliticized, it is impossible to do that, as everyone is a political being. What can be done is to acknowledge those potential biases. She further explains that those in power have a political position, and to state that some folks are biased because they are different from so-called societal norms is a political statement in itself. Further, she points out, scientists of diverse racial, gender and sexual identities are expected to leave those identities at the laboratory door. “But what about the identity of the dominant being, what about the white man’s identity? Why doesn’t he have to leave his identity at the laboratory door?” she says.

Many times, these biases lead to the dismissal of same-sex sexual behaviors in animals within research. “Because it is infrequent behavior, there aren’t necessarily studies of just sexual behavior; there are studies of courtship and mating, but it’s usually in the context of reproduction and the population and how it’s progressing. So, most of the focus is on the things that have obvious adaptive value.” The lack of focus on behaviors with unknown or uncertain adaptive values is another form of bias, Mann adds.

Two male dragonflies in the mating position.
Two male dragonflies in the mating position. For a long time, the prevailing notion was that sexual behavior in the animal kingdom served solely as a tool for procreation, and that sexual behavior among the same sex in animals was considered either an error — or was labeled “perverted.”

A study published in 2019 by a group of researchers suggests that same-sex behavior in animals is ancestral, meaning that it did not evolve independently but instead was always there in animals and persisted, as there are very few costs associated with same-sex behaviors. The authors note that it can be advantageous, and that the expression of both different-sex and same-sex behaviors “may be the norm for most animal species.” The authors propose shifting the questions from Why same-sex behavior? to Why not same-sex behavior?

To keep such biases from permeating scientific study, Packer refers to feminist science studies, which look at how science is embedded in culture and history. “Scientists are people, too, right? And scientists cannot help from bringing their biases, intentional or not, to the work we do, who we are, what culture we are raised in, how we are socialized, what historical moment we have lived in. All these forces are influencing the scientific process, what we sort of have been socially trained to see when we make an observation, particularly of animals. [If] you are raised in a culture that understands same-sex sexual behavior or homosexuality or queerness as wrong or abhorrent, you’re more likely to project that view onto the nonhuman animals you are viewing.”

To resolve this issue, Packer suggests more interdisciplinary collaboration with experts outside the sciences from including, but not limited to, arts and humanities. “The way we educate scientists, fundamentally, would shift; ideally, we all would be working together and breaking open those boxes and constraints as well. I think being encouraged and empowered to think differently as a scientist is essential, and ultimately science is supposed to be about asking critical questions and testing hypotheses. But all too often, what happens in science is you just follow behind the scientist who came before you where you take dominant theories for granted and don’t necessarily try to implode them or explode them.”

Stating the relevance of their research for the public, Gómez says, “any behavior or characteristic, no matter how unique we think it is to human beings, can be studied scientifically in a calm, disinterested and rigorous manner. And … the honest use of a scientific and rational approach can help us much more than other forms of knowledge to understand vital aspects of our life and our way of being.”

Complete Article HERE!

Museum classifies Roman emperor as trans

— But modern labels oversimplify ancient gender identities

The Roses of Heliogabalus by Alma-Tadema (1888) depicts a feast thrown by Elagabalus.

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Elagabalus ruled as Roman emperor for just four years before being murdered in AD 222. He was still a teenager when he died. Despite his short reign, Elagabalus is counted among the most infamous of Roman emperors, often listed alongside Caligula and Nero.

His indiscretions, recorded by the Roman chroniclers, include: marrying a vestal virgin, the most chaste of Roman priestesses, twice; dressing up as a female prostitute and selling his body to other men; allowing himself to be penetrated (and by the bigger the penis the better); marrying a man, the charioteer Hierocles; and declaring himself not to be an emperor at all, but an empress: “Call me not Lord, for I am a Lady”.

Based on this quote, North Hertfordshire Museum has reclassified Elagabalus as a transgender woman, and will now use the pronouns she/her. The museum has a single coin depicting Elagabalus, which is sometimes displayed along with other LGBTQ+ artefacts from their collection.

When writing about ancient subjects, from emperors to slaves, the first question historians have to ask is: how do we know what we do? Most of our written sources are fragmentary, incomplete and rarely contemporary, amounting to little more than gossip or hearsay at best, malign propaganda at worst. It’s rare that we have a figure’s own words to guide us.

Elagabalus is no exception. For Elagabalus, our principle source is the Roman historian Cassius Dio. A senator and politician before turning his hand to history, Dio was not only a contemporary of the emperor, but part of his regime.

However, Dio wrote his Roman history under the patronage of Elagabalus’ cousin, Severus Alexander. He took the throne following Elagabalus’s assassination. It was therefore in Dio’s interest to paint his patron’s predecessor in a bad light.

Sexual slurs and the Romans

Sexual slurs were always among the first insults thrown by Roman authors. Julius Caesar was accused of being penetrated by the Bithynian king so many times it earned him the nickname “the Queen of Bithynia”.

It was rumoured that both Mark Antony and Augustus had prostituted themselves for political gain earlier in their careers. And Nero was said to have worn the bridal veil to marry a man.

The Romans were no stranger to same-sex relationships, however. It would have been more unusual for a Roman emperor not to have slept with men. Roman sexual identities were complex constructs, revolving around notions such as status and power.

A bust of Elagabalus.
A bust of Elagabalus.

The gender of a person’s sexual partner did not come into it. Instead, sexual orientation was informed by sexual role: were they the dominant or passive partner?

To be the dominant partner, in business, politics and war as much as in the bedroom, was at the root of what made a Roman man a man. The Latin word we translate as “man”, vir, is the root of the modern word “virile”, and to the Romans there was nothing more manly than virility. To penetrate – whether men, women, or both – was seen as manly, and therefore as Roman.

Conversely, for a Roman man to be passive, to be penetrated, was seen as unmanly. The Romans thought such an act of penetration stripped a man of his virility, making him less than a man – akin to a woman or, even worse, a slave.

A man who enjoyed being penetrated was sometimes called a cinaedus, and in Latin literature cinaedi are often described as taking on the role of the woman in more than the bedroom, both dressing and acting effeminately. The implication is always that the way they dressed, acted and had sex was somehow subversive – distinctly un-Roman.

The word cinaedus appears in Latin literature almost exclusively as an insult — and it’s this literary role that is ascribed to Caesar, Mark Antony, Nero and Elagabalus. The power of the insult stems not from saying that these men had sex with men, but that they were penetrated by men.

It’s worth noting that these rules of Roman sexuality only applied to freeborn adult, male Roman citizens. They did not apply to women, slaves, freedmen, foreigners or even beardless youths. These people were all considered fair game to a virile Roman man, as uncomfortable a concept as that might be to us today.

Was Elagabalus transgender?

While the Romans clearly engaged in acts that we today consider gay or straight sex, they would not recognise the sexual orientations we associate with them. The ancient Romans did not share the same conceptions of sexuality that we do.

Many men’s sexual behaviour was what we would now term bisexual. Some lived in a manner we might describe as gender non-conforming. The concept of a person being transgender was not unknown. But an ancient Roman would not have self-identified as any of those things.

We cannot retroactively apply such modern, western identities to the inhabitants of the past and we must be careful not to misgender or misidentify them – especially if our only evidence for how they might have identified comes from hostile writers.

In attempting to fact check the sexual slurs and propaganda from the biographical facts, there is a danger that we lose sight of the fact that ancient Romans did recognise a huge variety of sexual orientations and gender identities – just as we do today. To attempt to crudely ascribe modern labels to ancient figures such as Elagabalus is not only to strip them of their agency, but also to oversimplify what is a wonderfully, fabulously broad and nuanced subject.

Complete Article HERE!

My Son Asked Me How Two Men Have Sex.

— My Reaction Surprised Me.

“The next day, I was still thinking about our conversation and sitting with the vague feeling that I hadn’t handled it correctly.”

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We’ve been talking about sex around my house a lot lately.

As my 10-year-old gets ready to enter middle school next year, he’s been getting increasingly curious about bodies, puberty, and of course, s-e-x. He’s not interested in having sex, he’s quick to inform me ― in fact, the first time I explained the physical machinations of intercourse, his initial response was, “I don’t know, I’d rather play video games.”

But he is interested in understanding sex, a circumstance that has led to a series of increasingly difficult-to-answer queries along the lines of “But what does semen look like?”

We’ve looked at a diagram of the inside of a penis together. We found out that the hole on the tip of the penis is called the “urinary meatus.” I finally convinced him that a man doesn’t pee inside a woman to make a baby. It’s been a wild time.

I try to answer his questions as honestly as is age-appropriate while using the clinical and appropriate terms for body parts and sex acts. Sometimes, I get a little stumped or tongue-tied by questions I didn’t anticipate, like when he asked me how old you have to be to have sex. (I came up with: “There’s no set age, but you want to make sure you’re emotionally mature enough to handle it, that you’ve found someone you trust enough to take that step with, and that you have the necessary information to do it safely. Also, sex should never happen between children and adults.”)

While it’s not always easy or comfortable to have these conversations, I love that my preteen feels comfortable with himself and unashamed to approach me with any and all questions about sex and sexuality. (Although I did have to tell him recently that it’s not necessary to inform me every time he has an erection.)

I have also, throughout his life, been careful not to assume my son’s sexuality; if we talk about the idea of a future partner, I refer to a potential “boyfriend or girlfriend,” “husband or wife.” He has queer people in his life, and he knows other kids with gay parents. He knows about trans and non-binary people, and he once told me a great joke that went: “What are a chocolate bar’s pronouns? Her/she.” The time he came home from school repeating what some boy had told him — “Boys can’t kiss each other” — I didn’t hesitate to tell him that, my dear, they can and they DO.

“What if my son does turn out to be gay? Wouldn’t my ability to provide LGBTQ-inclusive sex education be of dire importance?”

I am very much a parent who says gay, because my son’s sexual orientation (and potentially, gender identity) has yet to be revealed to me, and it’s imperative to me that he knows I will love and support him no matter who he turns out to be attracted to.

So, the other night, when he asked me if two men can have sex together, I had no problem telling him enthusiastically: “Of course they can!” It’s when he asked me HOW they do it that things got hairy.

Tripping over my words, I gracelessly gave him the main idea. (Clinically, and not in excessive detail, but he got the gist.)

Then I immediately started to second-guess my decision. I should have said something nebulous like, “People have different ways to kiss and touch each other,” I thought to myself, feeling the itchy discomfort I get when I overshare with another mom at soccer practice.

So later, when he thought to ask me how two women do it, I sort of pawned him off with a nonanswer and sent him to bed. (But not before he asked me if I had ever done it, to which I responded with a swift and only slightly panicked “NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS,” which I stand by.)

The next day, I was still thinking about our conversation and sitting with the vague feeling that I hadn’t handled it correctly.

In light of the “Parental Rights in Education” law passed in Florida, dubbed the “Don’t Say Gay” bill in the popular lexicon, there has been a lot of talk about how supporters are assuming that discussion about the existence of sexual orientation or gender identity and related topics is somehow sexual in nature, and thereby inappropriate for children. That is wrong.

Knowing that some families have two mommies or two daddies is not sexual information. Small children don’t sexualise things in that way, and there’s nothing inherently deviant or inappropriate about knowing that LGBTQ+ people exist.

But what about when children are old enough to be taught about sex? (And experts do agree that these conversations are perfectly appropriate for children between 9 and 12, or even younger, especially considering they are on the cusp of puberty.)

If my son is old enough to have gotten a frank explanation of the mechanics of hetero sex, why did I feel so uncomfortable giving him the same information about queer sex? Especially considering that the sex acts engaged in by queer people are also performed by straight folks.

Somehow, when he asked me about two men together, the same information had just felt instinctually more, well, sexual.

I had to look at that discomfort. How had someone as well-intentioned and liberal and frankly not even entirely straight as me fallen into the idea that gay sex is somehow dirtier or less appropriate to talk about than straight sex?

“If my son is old enough to have gotten a frank explanation of the mechanics of hetero sex, why did I feel so uncomfortable giving him the same information about queer sex?”

And I don’t think I’m alone. When I started trying to research the topic, I found a lot of information on how to explain the concepts of sexual orientation and gender identity to children, but practically nothing about actually talking to them about queer sex, at any age.

And what if my son does turn out to be gay? Wouldn’t my ability to provide LGBTQ-inclusive sex education then be of dire importance? Don’t I want my son to be sexually prepared, informed, and provided with the information he needs to stay safe, no matter what his sexual orientation? Who would tell him about things like safety in anal play and dental dams?

Not necessarily the teachers at his school. According to the GLSEN 2019 National School Climate Survey, only 8.2% of students (including those who received no sexual education at school) “received LGBTQ-inclusive sex education, which included positive representations of both LGB and transgender and nonbinary identities and topics.”

As a high school junior who identifies as a lesbian told The Atlantic in a 2017 article on LGBTQ-inclusive sex education, “We were informed on the types of protection for heterosexual couples, but never the protection options for gay/lesbian couples.”

Despite my attempts to resist assuming my son’s heterosexuality, when I half-answered his questions about gay sex, wasn’t I assuming it was information he didn’t need? If I was truly considering the possibility that my son might not be straight, wouldn’t I have answered him differently? Pretty sneaky, hetereonormativity.

The more I Googled and the more I thought about it, the more I felt like I’d gotten it wrong. Luckily, this is no uncommon experience for a parent. I make mistakes all the time, and when I do, I think there’s great value in modelling my ability to admit it, take responsibility, and apologise.

So last night, around bedtime, when all the most important conversations seem to happen, I went back in.

“Last night, you asked me some questions about how two men and two women have sex together,” I told him, “and I think I felt a little bit uncomfortable, or nervous, and I didn’t really answer what you asked. But I thought about it more and I realised that if you’re old enough to know how straight people have sex, there’s no reason you’re not old enough to know how gay people have sex. So we can talk about the different ways that gay people have sex together, which, by the way, are also ways that straight people have sex together, and I will answer any questions you have.”

There was nothing dirty or inappropriate about the conversation we proceeded to have, and at the end, he just wanted to know which acts could result in pregnancy, which, hey ― is really important information to have!

He even made me proud when he pivoted from a reaction of “Wow, that’s so weird” to “Actually, it just wasn’t what I was expecting. I shouldn’t call it weird,” in less than 3 seconds with no prompting.

Maybe as importantly, I told him that I’d felt uncomfortable talking about all this because of a prejudice I had, and that everyone has prejudices, but we have to investigate them and try to move beyond them when they come up.

I hope that’s a lesson we all can take to heart because the core belief contributing to my discomfort around the topic of talking to my son about gay sex feels to me like it’s on the same continuum of the ideas fueling Florida’s “Don’t Say Gay” and copycat bills.

To be clear, I do not think that we should be educating young children about how anybody has sex. But just as gay people are not inherently inappropriate, and education about LGBTQ topics is not inherently sexual, providing education about gay sex to children who are old enough for sex education is not any dirtier than providing them with information about straight sex.

And in the case of LGBTQ kids, it just may be vital.

Complete Article HERE!

How to Be a Gay Daddy 101

– Part 1: Know Yourself, What You Seek and Who’s Looking for You

Being a gay Daddy has its perks, but also presents a set of challenges that make it perfect for some and undoable for others. So let’s talk about the assumptions, the realties and whether gay Daddydom — or seeking out a gay Daddy — is right for you.

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The Age of the Daddy

Are you over 35? You’re on the cusp of what younger men consider Daddy material. But being a Daddy involves a lot more than being able to grow whiskers and sport fuzzy pecs. There are gay Daddies in their 20s ranging up in age as far as you can imagine. Likewise, there are adult boys ranging from 18 to well into their 60s and beyond. It turns out that the Daddy/boy dynamic attracts men independent of their ages. They’re seeking a bond more than a date on a birth certificate.

Handling the Idea of Being Daddy

You have questions to ask yourself: Does the notion of being called Daddy or Papa or Papi make your skin crawl? Many guys shudder at the notion because they equate the nomenclature with being told they’re nearing their “sell by” date. For me, being a furry guy who could grow a full beard at 14, it was a Godsend. I got no play in my 20s because I was too hairy to be one of the Abercrombie & Fitch or Obsession ad models. It wasn’t until I hit both 35 and the gym that I got any notice at all in the bars — and not usually until my shirt came off on the dance floor. But let’s say you’ve accepted that – whether through age or appearance, you have achieved the level of maturity at which you’re seldom if ever carded at an R-rated movie. Your Daddy look may involve a receding hairline, the appearance of laugh lines or traces of gray at the temples. Wear any or all of them with pride: the more comfortable you are in your own skin, the more attractive you are to someone who’s seeking maturity.

Answering the Impertinent Question

You will inevitably find yourself, as you’re looking for a Daddy-seeker, faced with a profile or a question about whether you’re “generous.” It’s best to make it clear that you’re either a Sugar Daddy or more of the type who’s offering an emotional, romantic or a sexual bond. Certainly there are many adult boys who seek a Daddy as a transactional affair, whether inside or outside bedroom. If that’s not you, say so up front.

Find LGBTQ-Friendly Resources

Some Daddies only step into that role behind closed doors. Some wear it out and proud at the local watering holes. A few will let their connection with a younger partner shine in public. For me, it took me more than a few laps around the sun to understand my attraction to and the interest I get from younger guys.

Embracing your inner Daddy also means that more often than not, you’ll be getting a fair number of questions from your peers. “How can you find someone so young attractive?” they’ll ask. “They don’t know who was in the Beatles from who’s in the Rolling Stones, and you’re having to listen to their music, too — which is crap.” But then there are the up sides.

The Qualities of Youth

Truth be told, I’m simply more attracted to qualities typically associated with youth. Younger guys are more likely (in my experience) to see the possibilities surrounding them; they’re into exploring new places, new ideas and open to new stimuli — whether books, restaurants, podcasts, all-night dance parties, film festivals, or sudden impulses to hop into a car and see where it takes you for the weekend. A lot of guys my age (and I don’t mean all) want to be in bed after midnight. Don’t misunderstand: There are older men with a sense of adventure, to be sure. But there aren’t many of them looking to be nurtured or guided in the ways I seek — and those who are often confuse being a boy with being a sub or a slave, which are very different things.

Gay Daddies Are Special, Too

There’s a premium placed on youth in our culture, and young men can be beautiful. But I didn’t really start to enjoy being a Daddy until I came to understand that the older half of the equation is as rare and special as the younger, and that we are deserving of the hero worship they want to invest. A Daddy can help put life into context for someone feeling overwhelmed by the randomness of the world — especially in gay culture. A mature man has a grasp of history and life experience; he can provide compassion and cautionary tales; he’s more apt to be comfortable communicating about sex and have strategies about how to keep it fresh and safe at the same time.

Conversely, younger men know the internet in a way I never will. They’re familiar with suddenly and constantly adapting to where they seek information and the technology required to access it. They’ll stay up until sunrise and beyond if given a reason — even if that reason doesn’t appear until after 3am. They’re often curious, and while they won’t always agree with your conclusions, they know you’ve seen more of the world, even if your understanding largely comes from driving around town with the news on for decades. An adult boy knows what’s trending now and can show you how to keep up with the same. We in return can share with them the great films from our lifetimes (and earlier). Before long, you’re both sharing what you know that the other doesn’t — and that can be the beginning of a fascinating journey.

Complete Article HERE!

I’m falling in love with my hook-up buddy and have no idea what to do about it

— And have no idea what to do about it

By George Tzintis

    • I met a guy on Grindr, and we started hooking up regularly.
    • The intimacy of both our sex and our conversations afterward may be making me fall for him.
    • I also wonder whether I’m just projecting my desire for a relationship onto him.

A “relationship” in the queer world has always felt ambiguous to me.

For queer people like me, love and relationships can be confusing. That’s probably why I’ve never had a boyfriend even though I’m 31.

But now that I have a stable job with a stable income and a pretty close-knit group of friends, I feel ready for a relationship — whatever that means. It’s just unfortunate that I’m falling for my hook-up buddy.

One day, I found myself staring at a headless torso on one of the apps and messaged him

I was on Grindr, and I saw a beautiful guy with a six-pack. His profile said he was in an open relationship and looking for “buddies, preferably hung.”

The first time we met was at a park in broad daylight behind some bushes. It wasn’t what I expected, but it definitely set the tone for what was to come — unexpected with a side of kinky.

When I first saw him, I didn’t recognize him from the photos he had sent me. But as he started to approach me while I sat on a park bench, he was surprisingly more attractive in real life.

I knew I was done for the moment he started to talk. The way he held himself sent shivers up my spine.

He’s cute, he’s sweet — OK, scratch that. He’s hot, he’s unbelievably hot. He has a side of dominance that could melt your jockstrap and make your eyes roll to the back of your head.

We usually play in the backseat of his car. I know, how juvenile. But it’s kind of kinky and rebellious, which surprisingly turns me on more than I thought it would.

Once was fun; twice was heaven. Now every time we play, I feel as if I’m being transported to another dimension that could save me, kill me, or ruin my soul.

I’m starting to develop feelings for him

If I had to calculate and give you a rough estimate for the number of times he and I have had sex, we’re looking at about 15 to 20 times. So, if we’re trying to quantify this relationship and add some math to this already complex equation, that’s a lot of hours spent together, kissing, cuddling, and being intimate with each other.

When we play, I feel as if there’s something more going on than what’s happening in front of us. We lock eyes the entire time, every kiss is met with a moan, and every touch is met with a quiver.

We always talk after, which surprises me because I’m usually the one who’s opting to put my pants back on and get out of a guy’s apartment as quickly as possible. But with him, it’s different. He listens, truly listens — even when I go on a tangent about nothing.

I’ve never really had a guy who listened before.

Yes, he’s in an open relationship, and they’re both allowed to go off and do whatever they want with whomever they want. But he has to keep it to sex; he’s not allowed to date other people.

He even told me that when he first started dating his partner, they had issues because his partner wanted to be monogamous and he didn’t. He said he knew himself and would cheat on his partner if their relationship were closed. Being open for fun would allow him to “scratch my itch.”

I wonder whether I’m latching onto him just because I want a relationship now

I must admit, the whole “scratch my itch” was exceedingly off-putting. I’m surprisingly a really big fan of monogamy, but I keep looking past it in hopes that we might be something more. The thought of having someone who looks at me — and only me — is profoundly endearing. I want that. I yearn for that.

Maybe I’m just projecting that want onto my hook-up buddy. Maybe I’m just fooling myself and am falling for the idea of him. Honestly, I’m just at a loss for what to do.

If Mr. Itch isn’t going to be the one to scratch “my itch,” then do I give him the flick in the hopes of finding something that’s truly right for me?

I’m not sure, but, for now, I’m going to continue to enjoy the benefits part of our relationship.

Complete Article HERE!

Heterosexuality is often considered the “default” but that banner belongs to sexual fluidity

— There’s a difference between sexual orientation, sexual identity, and sexual behavior.

By Kelley Nele

“Something that the LGBT community always says is that your sexuality and identity can change at any time, but when it’s the other way around from gay to straight they get angry and say that it can’t.”

The former quote is a comment that was left on a CBN News video covering the Matthew Grech case. Matthew Grech is Christian charity worker who claims to have left his “homosexual lifestyle” for Jesus Christ.

Grech is currently facing criminal charges for allegedly promoting conversion therapy practices in Malta during an online interview.

Conservatives are outraged by the supposed hypocrisy of queer folks surrounding sexuality, but is it really hypocritical?

Why is it that LGBTQ+ people believe sexuality and gender identity are fluid yet also say a gay person cannot “turn” straight? Well, first of all, some LGBTQ+ people, even some who identify as gay, are in fact fluid and do sometimes engage in relationships with people of the opposite sex.

Since the beginning of time, heterosexuality has been viewed and promoted as the default. This is a product of the Christian patriarchal values many societies live by.

Despite these values and all of the conditioning they come with, there has been plenty of evidence—throughout history—suggesting that it’s not true.

If anything, sexuality is fluid for all genders and orientations. We’re conditioned to believe that you’re either straight or gay; if you’re not one, you’re the other. But, this is far from the truth.

In the book Not Gay: Sex Between Straight White Men Jane Ward shares insights about the various reasons why straight-identifying men engage in homosexual behavior.

But how is it possible for someone straight to engage in homosexual behavior and not be gay? Well, there’s a difference between sexual orientation, sexual identity, and sexual behavior.

Sexual orientation is defined as the quantity and duration of one’s same-sex or opposite-sex desires, often believed to be hardwired.

Sexual identity, on the other hand, is defined as how one identifies oneself; straight, gay, bisexual, etc.

And finally, sexual behavior is defined as the actual behavior one engages in.

The distinction between sexual orientation, sexual identity, and sexual behavior are what make it possible for people’s extracurricular activities to deviate from their disclosed or perceived orientation.

For decades, institutions like the army, prison and fraternities have manufactured circumstances where straight-identifying men are not only encouraged but sometimes forced to engage in behaviors that could be labeled as homosexual.

For fraternity boys, this means engaging in traditions such as the elephant walk or participating in a game of ookie cookie. In the Navy we see rituals of all kind including simulated oral and anal sex. And of course in prison, we see men have sex with other men due to the lack of access to women.

The reason why the straight-identifying men who engage in the aforementioned homosexual behavior aren’t considered gay is because the encounter(s) are either situational or seen as patriotic rituals that promote male bonding and/or character-building.

This makes it abundantly clear that straight-identifying men are capable of engaging in homosexual behavior — proving their fluidity.

It’s important to note that straight-identifying men don’t simply engage in homosexual sexual behavior because they are required to, they also engage in it because they want to.

In the 1940s, Dr. Alfred Kinsey created what we know today as The Kinsey Scale. Dr. Kinsey claims that sexuality exists on a spectrum ranging from 0 to 6; 0. exclusively heterosexual, 1. predominately heterosexual but slightly inclined to homosexual behavior, 2. predominately heterosexual but more than slightly inclined to homosexual behavior, 3. bisexual, 4. predominantly homosexual but more than slightly inclined to heterosexual behavior, 5. predominantly homosexual but slightly inclined to heterosexual behavior, and 6. exclusively homosexual.

The Kinsey Scale explains why straight-identifying folk can have sexual encounters with members of the same sex and remain straight, and vice versa.

Contrary to popular belief, straight-identifying men are not immune to the accidental hook-up with a member of the same sex.

For some, the accidental hook-up may open the door to further exploration and perhaps later the expansion of their sexuality. But, for others, the accidental hook-up is simply a one-and-done.

Homosocial homosexuality refers to men’s need for access to quick and emotionless sex and their longing for physical intimacy with other men. This manifests, for example, as men engaging in mutual masturbation while watching porn.

In addition to that, similar to cisgender heterosexual women, straight-identifying men often engage in homosexual acts like kissing (or more) simply for female attention or pleasure.

Engaging in sexual behavior for ritualistic purposes, attention or pure desire demonstrates the inherent fluidity of straight-identifying men’s sexuality.

Behavior that goes against the grain of one’s sexual orientation isn’t just limited to straight-identifying folk. Queer men are capable of demonstrating fluidity as well.

The term Down Low — which is most popular amongst the Black and Latino community, as well as the queer community — is often used to describe men who live “heterosexual lives” but have sex with men (MSM).

DL men are often queer men who not only present in a hyper masculine fashion, but also cling to a heterosexual identity for the status and protection it provides them.

Several kings, like Emperor Hadrian of Rome, would take wives while also having male concubines. Were these men polyamorous bisexuals or were they simply closeted gay men? No one knows for sure.

Some DL men retain their title, while for others, DL is simply a pit-stop before they fully embrace their queer identity.

Gay men have also expressed engaging in playful kissing with women whilst under the influence, fantasizing about being with a woman, or even going as far as experimenting with a woman.

This can occur more than once, and the events may be separated by years if not decades. And much like straight men, many gay men who have these experiences remain just that – gay.

Unlike straight-identifying men, gay men don’t choose to remain gay because of the status and protection it provides them. There is no status and protection reserved for queer folk. They remain gay because that’s who they are.

Gay men can expand their sexuality to include infrequent attraction or intimacy with women—that is to say, identify as homoflexible—but they cannot unsubscribe from homosexuality.

As for cisgender women, society doesn’t care all that much about their orientation or behavior. Cisgender women have for the most part had the luxury to be as fluid as they like without much scrutiny.

Sexual fluidity, of course, isn’t just exclusive to cisgender folk. As a predominantly heterosexual trans woman, I have experienced attraction to women and explored this desire too.

It is absolutely possible for someone to experience different sorts of desires at different points in their lives—but a gay person is not going to lose all inherent attraction they have to folks of the same sex or gender, just like a straight person who may be a little bit fluid isn’t going to lose their attraction to the opposite sex.

If one’s own natural desire for exploration can’t change one’s sexuality, it should go without saying that religion and conversion therapy can’t either.

Maybe, just maybe, this is because straight isn’t the default we have been conditioned to believe it is. Maybe the true default is sexual fluidity.

Complete Article HERE!

Silver daddies

— Why do young adult men like older partners?

By Sachintha Wickramasinghe

You’ve probably heard of “sugar daddies.” Or “the internet’s daddy,” Pedro Pascal. Stereotypes of this popular term abound, but what does it actually mean to be a “daddy”? And who is most likely to engage in age-gap relationships, and why?

Daddies of a Different Kind, published today by UBC sociologist and assistant professor Dr. Tony Silva (he/him), analyzes the stories of gay and bisexual daddies and asks why younger adult men are interested in older men for sex and relationships.

We spoke to Dr. Silva about his findings.

What is a daddy and why were you interested in studying them?

sugar daddies,Daddies of a Different Kind,daddy,queer relationships,queer men,homosexual relationships
Front cover of Dr. Tony Silva’s new book, Daddies of a Different Kind.

Many people think of a daddy as a desirable, confident older man who may be paired with a younger partner. The term has gained popularity in recent years, and while it is used in the context of heterosexual, gay or bisexual relationships, research across the Western world shows that age-gap relationships are far more prevalent among gay and bisexual men than any other group. I was interested in finding out why, and learning more about the older men who identify or are perceived as daddies, and what it means to them.

For this book, I interviewed men in their twenties and thirties who partnered with older men, and men in their forties through late sixties who partnered with younger adult men in their twenties and thirties. Some of the older men actively identified as daddies, while others did not necessarily identify that way, but still fulfilled a daddy role and were aware that others saw them as daddies.

What does it mean to be a daddy?

For many of the older men I spoke to, being a daddy was not just about age and sexual and romantic partnerships, but also a sense of responsibility, mentorship and guidance.

As daddies, they saw themselves as providing emotional support, wisdom and life experience to their younger partners: whether that means helping younger adult men figure out career paths, how to come out, or how to integrate into gay and bisexual communities.

For many older men, it was also a point of pride and self-worth, as they felt that their age and experience made them more attractive and desirable to younger men.

The youngest daddy I interviewed was 43, and in general, men started seeing themselves as daddies in their 40s. Contrary to the popular stereotype of older men going after younger guys, it was often younger men who approached them on dating apps once they had silver hair or had other physical markers of aging, and that really sparked their transformation into a daddy.

What do the younger men get out these age-gap relationships?

Some of the reasons why the younger adult men pursued age-gap relationships included a preference for emotionally mature partners, finding older men physically attractive and a desire to learn from older men. Many of the younger adult men also found age-gap pairings sexually exciting and emotionally fulfilling and were drawn by the idea of having a mentor or role model in their partner.

Whether gay or straight, age-gap relationships can involve a power difference. How did the men you spoke to navigate that?

In most cases, there was a sense of responsibility the older men felt to make sure they treated younger adult men with a particular care and made sure they didn’t disadvantage the younger adult man in any way. In contrast to what many people assume, I found little evidence of widespread power differences that harmed either the younger or older men.

For many men, these cross-generational connections between adults seem like they’re a major part of what it means to be a gay or bisexual man today. According to some demographic research I’m currently working on, it looks like these relationships are actually becoming more common, not less.

But there’s still a lot of stigma and misinterpretation around age-gap relationships, so even though many of the men I spoke to were openly gay or bisexual, they don’t always talk about their age-gap relationships outside of other LGBT groups. This research helps us move beyond stereotypes.

Complete Article HERE!

20 Things You Need to Do to Be a Good Top

— It’s time for all the tops out there to step their game up!

By

The pandemic is over, and it’s time for the tops to show up and show out. Yes, we know, 99.99% of us gays prefer to bottom, but that doesn’t mean the other half of the equation gets to be lazy.

Here are 20 tips that will help you step up your top game and be sure to lay that pipe just right.

1. Have some serious foreplay

We’ve all been there. We’re turned on, we’re excited, we just want to get to the game, but sometimes the tailgate is the best part. You want the experience to last. You want him to feel comfortable. Take your time before getting to the actual penetration.

2. Don’t fear a little intimacy

I bet you gay gasped at the thought. Listen, physical touch and intimacy heighten all the sensations. Even if this is the first (and only) time you get together, use your hands and your lips just as much as your other parts.

2. Have the condoms

While it’s not the job of all tops to carry condoms, it’s often expected that they are the ones who will. Don’t rely on the bottom to carry the condoms. As the top, the responsibility is more on you. Also, yes, I know PrEP is a thing, and you should be on it. While a miracle drug, it doesn’t protect against other STIs besides HIV, and even if your partner is on PrEP, he may still want to use a condom.

3. Gently enter and ask how it feels

For the love of god, don’t start off by jack hammering. Go slow. Let him get used to having you inside of him. Ask how they feel. Ask if he needs more lube or if you need to pull out for a second.

4. Switch up positions and speeds

Don’t do the same thing the whole time. Speed up. Slow down. Switch positions. While (most) bottoms like to be pounded extra hard in doggystyle, that’s not the only thing we like. Oh, and it can be super sexy to make out while you’re inside of him. If you can jerk him off while you’re inside him too, even better.

5. Give him a break if he’s on top

It takes a lot of work to do cowboy, or any other riding position. Unless he’s a porn star, he’s going to get tired. Sometimes he won’t feel comfortable asking you to switch positions, which is why you should preemptively ask him if he wants to switch it up.

6. Do not false advertise

You know your junk better than anyone else. One of my biggest pet peeves is when I meet a guy, we go back, and he is freakin’ huge. Like donkey d*ck, monster huge. I’m like, where do you expect me to put that? Why did you not give me fair warning? I could have loosened up for you. This is no longer sexy that you’re well-endowed. It’s just annoying. Then there’s the other side of the coin. Don’t lie about being bigger than you are. You can’t hide it. Like, we’re going to find out and be annoyed if you gave yourself an extra three inches.

7. Pull out if you’re going to orgasm too quickly

Slow it down if you’re about to orgasm. If that’s not enough, pull out and do some other “stuff” while your body takes a break. You don’t want to ejaculate within seconds of being inside of him.

8. If you do ejaculate prematurely, let him know your refractory time, and go again

It’s not the end of the world if you orgasm quickly. Just let him know you can have some other fun for a little bit, and then go at it again. Just because you finish once, doesn’t mean that’s the end. Go again! And the second time, you’ll be able to last longer.

9. Don’t be annoying with putting on the condom

Don’t try to sneak it in there without asking. For the love of God, don’t take it off in the middle of having sex without telling him. Sex with condoms can be really annoying. Trust me, I know. But you need to respect your bottom and his wishes.

10. Say his name during sex

This is just hot. It makes him feel special and wanted. I haven’t met a single guy who doesn’t like hearing his name out loud during sex. It’s a simple yet effective turn-on technique.

11. Don’t make a big deal if you get a little “mud” on you

Butts are not chocolate soft serves. Yes, some poop can come out, but not that often or that much if you’re aware of your body. That said, it will happen at some point. It’s inevitable. Don’t make a big deal. Simply ask to change condoms. Or, if you don’t mind, afterwards, take off the condom, wrap it in a paper towel and throw it out without him seeing. Then go wash yourself off. You don’t need to tell him it happened if he didn’t realize. There’s no reason to embarrass him.

12. Read your partner and when in doubt, ask

Sometimes your partner will be vocal. It’ll be clear what he wants you to do. Other times, you’ll have to read him more. Would he like you to go slower or faster? Harder or softer? If you’re not sure, just ask!

13. Let him know when you’re about to finish and ask him where he wants you to orgasm

Some guys like it when you finish inside of them. Other guys, not so much. Some guys like you to finish on unlikely places. Be a gentleman and do what he asks. If he says he doesn’t care, still give him a heads up by telling him where you’re going to ejaculate.

14. Help him finish afterward

Just because you finished doesn’t mean the fun is over. Some bottoms don’t like to ejaculate, but many do. Don’t assume because you were the top that sex is over once you finish. Don’t be greedy. Help him finish if he wants to.

15. Don’t rush out afterward

If you want him to feel used, then yes, rush out afterwards. If not, lay in bed with him for a while. Cuddle. Have some pillow talk. Let him know that he’s more than just a piece of meat. Unless, of course, this was the agreement and both you knew it was a quickie. If that’s the case, then don’t overstay your welcome. Get the hell out.

Complete Article HERE!

My Night At A Queer Rope-Bondage Class

— It was intimate in unexpected ways.

By Jillian Angelini

On a random Wednesday night, my girlfriend and I find ourselves sitting in a warmly lit Brooklyn apartment surrounded by suspension hooks and bundles of rope. We waited in nervous silence for the Queer Rope Bondage 101 workshop to begin.

I’d recently stumbled across the Instagram account @FreaksnotCreeps, New York City-based rope artist Liv’s visual diary of rope suspension and deviant bondage imagery. As a curious queer, I was hesitant but highly intrigued to know more. I learned that rope bondage is a form of shibari, also known as kinbaku, that originates from Japan. In modern Western culture, the stereotype of an older man tying a skinny, flexible white woman is widespread, but from festivals to meet-ups, there’s actually a thriving, diverse queer rope-bondage community around the world.

After watching a few videos about rope on YouTube, I was curious about taking one of Liv’s workshops with my girlfriend; it seemed safer to try this with professional guidance. Although the idea of attempting something totally new was nerve-wracking, the idea of learning alongside fellow freaky gays eased our anxiety.

Instead of the harsh hues of red and black that I’d expected, the studio had dim lighting and plenty of plants. The other people in the class were cool. I presumed the other participants might look Goth, with head-to-toe leather, piercings, and tattoos — instead, one arrived in Maison Margiela Mary Janes. I would never have picked any of them off the street to be even the slightest bit interested in rope, but it was exciting to be wrong. We had yet to even begin class, and I already had my first takeaway from the night: Don’t judge a book by its cover.

Liv is a self-identifying sadomasochist and pervert with blunt bangs and a soft smize. They began class by explaining that their goal is to create a queer safe space within rope bondage that isn’t intimidating and doesn’t necessarily have to be sexual. While rope can get serious down the road, Liv’s beginner class would be solely sweet and cute. This felt like a breath of fresh air; I’d been anxious about being rushed into a rough practice that didn’t resonate with me. I was ready to learn.

I learned to like letting go and being the one to feel.

We each began by untangling a long bundle of rope and practiced self-tying with the single-column tie, the most versatile and simple knot. Next, we tried the double-column version. As I maneuvered from my calves to my thighs to my waist, I started to get the hang of it. Once my beginner’s frustration of figuring out the knots wore off, I could tune into how the rope felt on my body. It was coarse and harsh, but in a relaxing way. Everything around me paused, and my main focus became the tenderness of the twisted fibers on my legs.

Once we were somewhat confident in our self-tying abilities, my girlfriend and I began tying on each other. It was intimate and nerve-wracking at the same time. We were touching each other in ways we never had before, and the tightness of the rope was unfamiliar but strangely calming. The energy in the room was uplifting as everyone around me was focusing on tying their partners. I felt so safe in a queer space; there was no judgment to be found but instead an uplifting feeling of all-togetherness. I loved seeing people tied up alongside me. We’d just met, but we were all enjoying an intimate experience with one another.

I joined the class with the intention of using my new skills on my girlfriend. She has always expressed interest in restriction on various parts of her body, and I enjoyed the idea of being the restrictor. However, when she started practicing on me, I had no choice but to comply. It turned out to be an uncomfortable thrill. I learned to like letting go and being the one to feel.

During the class, we all talked about how disconnected we felt from our own bodies in our daily lives. According to Liv, although tying is often thought of in a sexual context, it can also be a way to connect with yourself or a friend. For this reason, Liv encourages people to come to class alone or with a group. Although I plan to continue to use rope bondage sexually, I enjoy the idea of practicing new knots as a form of self-care.

If you’re curious about tying, too, let me pass along a few tips from Liv: Communication and trust are pre-requisites. You know you’ve tied rope tightly enough if you try to sit down and your knees can’t meet your ankles. Keep a pair of safety scissors around just in case.

I’m grateful I didn’t let my nerves get the best of me. The experience taught me that the “scary” and “intense” stereotypes of the BDSM world aren’t universal. Tying can be gentle and kind, something to create connection of all types — with yourself, friends, or sexual partners. I left the class with a fun new hobby and a charge on my credit card for my very own bundle of rope.

Complete Article HERE!

This is how we do it

— ‘Every few weeks we both go out on our own and sleep with another man’

They’ve been together for two years, but opening up their relationship has worked for Lorenzo and Felix

By

Lorenzo, 31

Threesomes can be a bit of a juggling act. I’m thinking: ‘Is our guest at ease? Who are they focusing on? Who am I focusing on?’

Felix and I had sex the first afternoon we met, and I remember that he made a huge amount of noise. I have an office on the floor above my apartment and the walls are very thin. I have a vivid memory of being right in the middle of a particularly intimate moment and actually hearing the telephone ringing upstairs through all the racket Felix was making. It suddenly became obvious that if I could hear that telephone, everyone in the office could hear us. I did try to shush Felix a bit, but I found his lack of inhibition refreshing.

We had met on Grindr, and some of the other men I had slept with via the app seemed uneasy with their homosexuality. I live in Spain, and while it’s not exactly dangerous to be gay, life still revolves around the church. I’ve met men who wanted to keep the lights off during sex, or who kept their shirts on, or who begged me to treat them like dirt. Felix was utterly unlike that: he was sunny and playful. He wanted us to have lunch, not just say hello and then take our trousers off.

Felix was sunny and playful. He wanted us to have lunch, not just say hello and then immediately take our trousers off

I am the top with Felix, meaning I am the active partner, whereas Felix is the bottom. But in reality, Felix is much more versatile – he’s just forced to stick to a passive role with me because I can’t physically cope with being the bottom. It’s an anatomical thing. Mentally I’d love to, but physically it simply doesn’t work. Felix and I agree that it’s unfair that I can’t satisfy him in that way, so we decided to open up our relationship. We’ve been together for two years, but every few weeks we will each go out individually and sleep with another man. We also like to meet men together and have threesomes.

Threesomes are sexy, but they take a surprising amount of organisation. We chat to contenders online, and Felix does most of the texting because he is a lot better at flirting than I am. The threesome itself can be a bit of a juggling act. I’ll be thinking: “Is our guest at ease? Who are they focusing on? Who am I focusing on?” It’s like tapping your head and rubbbing your tummy at the same time. I think we’re getting better at them, though. I suppose threesomes, like twosomes, are a learning curve.

Felix, 28

After the initial excitement has worn off with another man, I usually end up missing Lorenzo

My sexual energy is extremely high, and occasionally a little too much for Lorenzo. If we’re in the kitchen, for example, I’ll want to be right behind him at the sink, hugging and touching and grabbing his bum. I don’t think he likes it. He shows his love in other ways, through acts of care and by how attentively he listens. He is less sexual than me, and that is partly why we have decided to sleep with other people.

We are always updating the terms of our arrangement, and part of the deal is that we debrief one another about every man we have sex with. I will show him pictures of the men I have been home with, particularly the cute ones, and talk through their best moves. Lorenzo and I have always been truthful, even about our sexual compatibility. Lorenzo is a top, whereas I like to switch roles. Because he couldn’t give me everything I needed, early on he decided that wasn’t fair on me, so he insisted that we should both be free.

We rarely agree on who’s hot and who’s not. I fancy young-looking, curly haired men. Twinks, really. That’s not his type

Occasionally I will sleep with a particularly attractive guy and then arrange a date to bring him home for a threesome. The trouble is, we rarely agree on who is hot and who is not. Lorenzo has shown me men he liked in the past and I have been like: “Ew.” I fancy young-looking, curly haired men. That’s not his type, but we take it in turns to compromise.

We have strict rules about falling in love. We aren’t allowed to develop feelings for other people. That’s never been a problem for me – after the initial excitement has worn off with another man, I usually end up missing Lorenzo. I’ll be put off by the way this strange man kisses or the way his tongue feels in my mouth. I’ll smell his trashy aftershave and it will make me think of the very specific, fresh scent of Lorenzo’s skin. Every time I sleep with another man, I end up loving Lorenzo a little more.

Complete Article HERE!

It’s Your Birthday. Bring on the Nudes.

— For a certain class of extremely online gay man, explicit photos are the go-to gift for friends and followers.

Selfie

By David Mack

When David Dulin celebrated his 36th birthday in March, he asked his Twitter followers for just two things: cash donations to his online payment account, and pictures of them in their own birthday suits.

“It started as a joke, but it’s just become something that we run with,” said Mr. Dulin, a retail worker in Charlotte, N.C. “Almost every birthday I’ll be like, ‘OK, Cash App and nudes: Drop them!’”

Mr. Dulin began coyly asking for nude photographs via social media on his birthday a few years ago as something of a test after seeing other gay men make similar requests on their own birthdays. He was surprised, he said, when some of his online acquaintances delivered on the invitation, admitting that they had been looking for an opportunity to flirt with him.

In recent years, many queer men have begun sending and receiving nude selfies on social media for their birthdays. Variations on “It’s my birthday, send nudes” have been uttered so frequently online that it has become something of a meme (or, at the very least, a generic way for a gay man to announce his birthday, whether or not he actually expects to receive any explicit images). The practice has become so normalized that the request is sometimes simplified to, “It’s my birthday — you know what to do.”

Brendan Drake, 36, a choreographer in Los Angeles who identifies as genderqueer, said he had made the request so often that this year on his birthday he received nudes from friends without even having to ask. “It’s almost like it was expected,” he said.

The trend of gay men soliciting nudes on their birthday speaks to the unique nature of gay friendships, but also plays into a social media culture that rewards humor, according to Tom Roach, who teaches gender and sexuality studies at Bryant University in Smithfield, R.I.

“I think it’s basically a provocation and a challenge, but in a campy way — it has a certain ‘wink, wink, nod, nod’ feel to it,” said Professor Roach, who has written books on queer friendships and digital relationships. “I don’t think people are sincerely, desperately seeking nude pictures of their friends. I think they’re doing it to be provocative, to be like, ‘Look at how shamelessly sex-positive I am!’”

In many parts of the country, it is not uncommon for gay people to have a more relaxed attitude toward sex, including alternatives to monogamy such as open relationships, and many gay friendships begin as casual sex encounters. A 2022 study also found that 85 percent of respondents who were in same-sex relationships had formed romantic partnerships out of friendships, while only 68 percent of all respondents said they had taken the “friends-to-lovers pathway.”

Gay men, of course, are not a monolith. But given the community was born out of a shared sexual attraction to men, Professor Roach said, it doesn’t surprise him that friendships between gay men today “don’t play by the same rules” as others.

In addition to cellphone cameras making it far easier to quickly snap and send a racy photo, social media apps like Instagram and X — the platform formerly known as Twitter — allow users to curate private lists of “close friends.” For many gay men, the feature can be used to ensure that an open call for birthday nudes reaches only a carefully selected audience — one excluding straight friends and colleagues.

Some of these behaviors mimic well-established practices on hookup apps, where the trading of sexually explicit images can be de rigueur. “It’s also importing some of the norms of Grindr into other platforms that don’t necessarily traffic in nudes,” Professor Roach said. “It’s kind of like worlds colliding.”

A birthday can also pose an opportunity for someone ordinarily too shy to solicit nudes to do so in a socially sanctioned way, while the messages themselves can function as an all-purpose declaration of consent for others to shoot their shot in the most risqué way possible.

“It really feels like a way of publicly doing so where the shame will just be slightly less,” said Manuel Betancourt, 38, the author of “The Male Gazed,” a collection of essays on thirst traps and queer longing. “Then, it can be a door, or it can be a window, or it could be sort of an opening into something else.”

The decision to send a birthday nude is often predicated on feelings of attraction, but it’s not always about seeking sex. Jake Niemeyer, a 32-year-old television editor in Los Angeles, said he had sent birthday nudes to online acquaintances as far away as Scotland with no expectations of physical intimacy.

“There’s next to no chance I will ever see this person in-person,” Mr. Niemeyer said. “But still, I find them attractive, they say they find me attractive and that’s kind of a nice feeling. It’s a safe way for both of you to have a micro sexual interaction.”

In a group that often celebrates and rewards idealized muscular bodies, leading some gay men to develop body-image issues, the act of swapping nudes with trusted friends can actually prove to be deeply affirming.

“It’s very body-positive,” said Zachary Zane, 32, a bisexual sex columnist. “You feel sexy, you feel affirmed, you feel validated and loved by your friends. It’s not an invitation to hook up; it’s more so us actually just supporting each other and showing each other love.”

The pandemic isolation of 2020 may have fueled the sharing of nude images among gay men who felt cut off from one another. For Mr. Drake, the choreographer, those fearful months made him worry less about whether his nude images were floating around online. Alone for several months with just his phone for company, he also found important intimacy in trading nudes with friends.

Having an online outlet for sexual expression “was actually a little lifesaving for me,” Mr. Drake said. “A lot of people will call it toxic, but I don’t think it’s toxic. I think it’s really life-affirming.”

Complete Article HERE!

Who is a good boy?

— Get to know gay pups: A unique subculture within the leather community

Gay pups blend the camaraderie found within queer tribes with the captivating allure of BDSM, making pup play an all-encompassing experience that combines both fetishism and a unique sense of brotherhood.

By

When you let your hands become paws, your bark has no limits. So let’s explore everything you need to know about this kinky subculture.

What is a gay pup?

A group of gay pups at a Pride festival.

Gay pups adopt a playful canine archetype, but every participant’s experience can look different. The absence of strict rules or prerequisites empowers individuals to pursue fulfillment in their own unique way, united by the common thread of role-playing as young dogs.

In the realm of the gay animal kingdom, physicality often plays a defining role, but in the world of pups, inclusivity reigns supreme. Regardless of age or body type, anyone is welcome to don a mask, tail, and leather mittens and fully immerse themselves on all fours.

A man with blue eyes wearing a blue pup mask.

While tribes like bears, otters, and twinks are distinguished by their bodies, they can all become pups! In fact, it’s not even limited to sexuality, though gay men tend to be the most visible demographic.

It’s common to channel your four-legged alter ego and embrace a pup identity; think names such as Shadow, Danger, or Creamy – ranging from innocent to cheeky. Many of these names sound like the kind of friends a grown-up Lassie might have met at the club.

What came first, the pups or their handlers?

a shirtless man with a pup mask being led by a man with leather polo holding him with a leash.

Everyone starts as a “feral pup,” which embodies the singledom of a stray. Naturally, a dog needs their owner, so most pups find a handler (or several) throughout their journey.

Discovering a handler can take the form of a sexual, romantic, or platonic relationship. Pups who have established such a connection proudly wear a collar, symbolizing their bond.

A contract for master and slave.

A handler, most commonly called “sir,” assumes a role akin to the BDSM practice of masters and slaves. However, being a gay pup is far from degrading; on the contrary, it’s about embracing the role eagerly and striving to be a “good boy.”

Whether you’re playing fetch with your sir, receiving belly rubs, or reverently licking their boot, the experience is entirely up to your negotiation. Just like other relationships within the leather and kink community, the emphasis is on finding a handler who aligns with your desires for fun and pleasure.

The origins of gay pup culture

Leathermen at a fetish march holding a sign.

While the gay pup subculture has evolved into a distinctive sphere of its own, its origins can be traced back to leathermen and BDSM, with a lineage that extends far behind closed doors and beyond the reach of textbooks.

Folks in these communities didn’t need dog gear to enjoy getting on all fours, following commands, or collars. Besides, gay men have never been shy to woof! But gay pups are mostly known as a postmodern movement, gradually growing by the numbers as the acceptance of kink goes mainstream.

Come Pride season, don’t be surprised to see a human-sized kennel filled with gay pups nuzzling, chewing on toys, and barking for attention.

The art (and freedom) of pup play

a man with a purple shirt and purple pup mask staring at a man with a yellow pup mask.

Aside from handlers, gay pups eventually find or create their pack for endless pup play. Dogs are social creatures, and human dogs are no different! You can find them online or in person at local leather and kinky spaces. Not to mention annual happenings, including captivating contests mimicking Best in Show.

Some packs live together, and others sync calendars. You’ll find bankers, artists, and teachers could be a part of the same group, while others opt for people with similar professions. The magic of gay pup culture is the spontaneity and liberation of how it can manifest for each person – it sounds like gay rights to us.

Choosing a pack is not unlike your social circle, and your interactions will mirror your compatibility and desires. Beyond sex, it’s about getting in the “pup headspace,” which kinda is like getting into character and, for many, serenity. There are typically three types of roles in a pack, as follows:

  • Alpha: The gay pup that is dominant and acts as the leader.
  • Beta: These would be versatile pups who enjoy servicing as much as being dominant.
  • Omega: Submissive by trade, these pups aim to be the most ‘good boy’ of them all.

a shirtless man wearing a harness and white pup mask staring at the mirror.

Unlike traditional hierarchies, upward movement is not the goal. Your role will echo your personality. Packs sometimes give their members more specialized roles, such as a muscle queen providing security from outsiders at bars.

Of course, you can remain feral and play and experiment with other packs and their sirs without commitment. But many like the security, depth, and reliability of finding like-minded individuals and evolving together, including opportunities for real-life friendships and mentorship.

Ready to get on all fours?

a dog in front of the Pride Rainbow flag.

If you feel the inkling to become a gay pup, then congratulations – you’ve already passed the test! Welcome to the playful – and naughty – community.

While dog gear and finding a sir/pack can enhance the experience and transform it into a lifestyle, embracing the identity is the first step towards discovering your pup persona.

And the best part? Human dogs can have bio dogs, making it all the more fun.

Complete Article HERE!