— And have no idea what to do about it

By George Tzintis

• • I met a guy on Grindr, and we started hooking up regularly.
  • The intimacy of both our sex and our conversations afterward may be making me fall for him.
  • I also wonder whether I’m just projecting my desire for a relationship onto him.

A “relationship” in the queer world has always felt ambiguous to me.

For queer people like me, love and relationships can be confusing. That’s probably why I’ve never had a boyfriend even though I’m 31.

But now that I have a stable job with a stable income and a pretty close-knit group of friends, I feel ready for a relationship — whatever that means. It’s just unfortunate that I’m falling for my hook-up buddy.

One day, I found myself staring at a headless torso on one of the apps and messaged him

I was on Grindr, and I saw a beautiful guy with a six-pack. His profile said he was in an open relationship and looking for “buddies, preferably hung.”

The first time we met was at a park in broad daylight behind some bushes. It wasn’t what I expected, but it definitely set the tone for what was to come — unexpected with a side of kinky.

When I first saw him, I didn’t recognize him from the photos he had sent me. But as he started to approach me while I sat on a park bench, he was surprisingly more attractive in real life.

I knew I was done for the moment he started to talk. The way he held himself sent shivers up my spine.

He’s cute, he’s sweet — OK, scratch that. He’s hot, he’s unbelievably hot. He has a side of dominance that could melt your jockstrap and make your eyes roll to the back of your head.

We usually play in the backseat of his car. I know, how juvenile. But it’s kind of kinky and rebellious, which surprisingly turns me on more than I thought it would.

Once was fun; twice was heaven. Now every time we play, I feel as if I’m being transported to another dimension that could save me, kill me, or ruin my soul.

I’m starting to develop feelings for him

If I had to calculate and give you a rough estimate for the number of times he and I have had sex, we’re looking at about 15 to 20 times. So, if we’re trying to quantify this relationship and add some math to this already complex equation, that’s a lot of hours spent together, kissing, cuddling, and being intimate with each other.

When we play, I feel as if there’s something more going on than what’s happening in front of us. We lock eyes the entire time, every kiss is met with a moan, and every touch is met with a quiver.

We always talk after, which surprises me because I’m usually the one who’s opting to put my pants back on and get out of a guy’s apartment as quickly as possible. But with him, it’s different. He listens, truly listens — even when I go on a tangent about nothing.

I’ve never really had a guy who listened before.

Yes, he’s in an open relationship, and they’re both allowed to go off and do whatever they want with whomever they want. But he has to keep it to sex; he’s not allowed to date other people.

He even told me that when he first started dating his partner, they had issues because his partner wanted to be monogamous and he didn’t. He said he knew himself and would cheat on his partner if their relationship were closed. Being open for fun would allow him to “scratch my itch.”

I wonder whether I’m latching onto him just because I want a relationship now

I must admit, the whole “scratch my itch” was exceedingly off-putting. I’m surprisingly a really big fan of monogamy, but I keep looking past it in hopes that we might be something more. The thought of having someone who looks at me — and only me — is profoundly endearing. I want that. I yearn for that.

Maybe I’m just projecting that want onto my hook-up buddy. Maybe I’m just fooling myself and am falling for the idea of him. Honestly, I’m just at a loss for what to do.

If Mr. Itch isn’t going to be the one to scratch “my itch,” then do I give him the flick in the hopes of finding something that’s truly right for me?

I’m not sure, but, for now, I’m going to continue to enjoy the benefits part of our relationship.

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