Tag: Sexual Health

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Beyond Pleasure

— How Intimate Gadgets Foster Deeper Connections

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One of the most beautiful feelings in the world is sharing a deep connection with your partner. Intimacy is essential in love. To sustain intimacy in a long-term connection, it is important to keep the spark alive. One of the ways to achieve that is by adding intimate gadgets to the mix. 

Intimate gadgets are a new way for couples to explore and improve their sexual experiences and deepen their connection. Right from visiting an adult toys shop to incorporating these in your intimate experiences, these aids can heighten sexual stimulation and improve sex life in general.

How Intimate Gadgets Aid in Building Deeper Connections

Aside from exploring new sexual horizons, these gadgets can also build trust and strengthen the bond between couples. You might ask, “How?” In this article, we will explore how these toys can help you and your partner develop a deeper connection. Let’s delve into them.

1. More room for open communication

Communication is the backbone of any successful relationship and is crucial for building a deeper connection between partners. Incorporating Intimate gadgets into sexual activities can open up new avenues for you and your partner to communicate about and be expressive.

It can help you articulate your desires and preferences better and become more open to trying new things. Even when you’re physically away from your partners, you can still get intimate remotely. There are intimate gadgets that facilitate these remote interactions and experiences.

2. Enhanced sexual well-being

Intimate gadgets can help improve their sexual experience. Medical studies have shown that certain devices like vibrating rings, massage oil, or lubricants help with sexual stimulation. This is quite helpful for individuals with conditions that make sex uncomfortable or even painful because these conditions decrease sexual intimacy and connection between partners.

In cases of erectile dysfunction or low libido, intimate gadgets can allow couples to try other methods and reignite their intimate lives. Intimate gadgets are also beneficial to individuals who have experienced sexual trauma or have difficulty reaching orgasm.

They provide comfort and pleasure and can help to reclaim sexual autonomy and overcome the negative effects of such trauma. A 2020 study published in the Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy revealed that the use of vibrators improved sexual function and reduced sexual distress in women who had difficulty achieving orgasm.

3. Emotional intimacy

There is a popular belief that intimate gadgets weaken emotional connections, but this is far from the truth. In fact, studies have shown that they can increase emotional closeness between partners.

Research has shown that the use of intimate gadgets can help partners to deeply understand and connect with each other. They help couples who use intimate gadgets experience higher levels of trust, openness, and vulnerability within their relationships.

A study conducted by the Kinsey Institute at Indiana University revealed that participants who used vibrators with their partners reported higher levels of intimacy, communication, and satisfaction in their relationships. This suggests that beyond the pleasure that these gadgets offer, they can help to strengthen intimate connections between partners. These devices act as a catalyst for partners to share their desires and insecurities.

4. Rekindling lost intimacy

Any relationship can experience a strain or lack of intimacy. New couples might still find it a bit awkward to talk about sex or sexual activities. Long-term relationships are more likely to experience strain due to factors like distance, stress, work, lack of trust due to previous experiences, and even financial responsibilities.

Partners can rekindle lost intimacy with intimate gadgets. Adopting intimate gadgets in a bedroom provides a safe place that minimizes the awkwardness that may occur when it comes to sexual discussions and activities and promotes trust between partners. Discussing such sensitive experiences with your partner automatically increases the level of comfort in sharing certain fantasies and finding common ground.

When the passion wanes, intimate toys can come in. It reinvigorates the passion between partners to promote maximum sexual satisfaction even in long-term relationships.

5. Exploration

One significant aspect of deepening intimacy is trying new things. Couples need to be vulnerable to explore and experiment with each other’s desires. Intimate gadgets can help couples discover new things about their bodies.

They provide a safe environment for you and your partner to explore fantasies together, learn what excites your partner, and find ways to satisfy each other’s needs. Exploration provides knowledge, and when you know the sweet spots in your erogenous zones, you can reach orgasms far more easily. This improves sex in general.

Now you can see that aside from their primary function of providing pleasure, intimate gadgets have the potential to foster deeper connections with your partners. They enhance relationships, improve communication, and promote sexual wellness. As technology continues to advance, it will be even more fascinating to see how intimate gadgets evolve and continue to play a role in fostering deeper and more meaningful connections between partners. The benefits of intimate gadgets when it comes to building a deeper romantic connection are not limited to heterosexual couples. These gadgets are inclusive of all sexual orientations and gender identities.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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Are You Adrift in a Sexless Relationship?

— People in their 50s are having less sex than they’d like. Here’s how to turn things around

By Ken Budd

Steve Walsh and his wife, Linda (not their real names), last had sex in 2012. The Walshes married in 2003, raised three children in western Washington state and shared a deep Christian faith. Still, numerous challenges made their bedroom a no-sex zone. Linda survived breast cancer, but the medications lowered her libido. Steve also believes she suffers from undiagnosed depression. Over time their relationship deteriorated, and their sex life ended. The couple are now divorcing.

Steve, 58, is nervous about dating yet eager to end 10 years of agonizing celibacy. “I want so badly to have that closeness with someone,” he says. “I dream about it.”

A surprisingly high percentage of people in their 50s are living sexless lives — and the number is growing. In 2018, 20 percent of Americans ages 50 to 59 hadn’t had sex in the past year. By 2022, the number was 30 percent, according to data from the biannual General Social Survey (GSS), conducted by the University of Chicago’s National Opinion Research Center. How bad is that? The sexless rate was just under 10 percent for Americans ages 40 to 49 and around 12 percent for those 30 to 39.

Even sexually active 50-somethings aren’t necessarily satisfied, according to a new AARP study called “Ageless Desire: Sex and Relationships in Middle Age and Beyond.” Forty-three percent of people in their 50s are not having sex as often as they wish they were, the survey found.

Percentage of Americans 50–59 who aren’t having sex

Women

25% in 2016
41% in 2022

Men

15% in 2016
18% in 2022

Although the COVID pandemic didn’t ignite this trend, it did accelerate it, says Nicholas H. Wolfinger, who studies the GSS data as a professor of family and consumer studies and adjunct professor of sociology at the University of Utah. Why might this be? Gen Xers are facing multiple mojo-reducing challenges, including sandwich-generation stress and fatigue. Physical changes due to menopause or health issues such as high blood pressure and diabetes can wreak havoc on the libido. Renée Yvonne, a certified sex counselor in Washington, D.C., who specializes in Gen Xers, once dated a man with a low sex drive due to a drug he was taking. “I felt embarrassed because we’re taught that all men want sex,” she recalls. “I thought something was wrong with me.”

For singles, finding a partner in your 50s can feel like entering an alien universe. Just 23 percent of Americans in their 50s have ever used a dating website or app, and only 5 percent did so within the past year, according to a Pew Research Center study. “When we first started dating, there weren’t all of these apps,” Yvonne says. “Some people just say, ‘Why am I going through this?’ ”

But there is hope. To rev up your sex life, consider this advice from medical and psychological experts.

If your sex drive has diminished …

Call the doctor. Get a physical, and make sure any chronic ailments are under control. Don’t be shy about mentioning your libido. Women can talk to the gynecologist about treatments such as vaginal estrogen. “Dryness is an easily reversible condition,” says Jen Gunter, an ob-gyn in San Francisco and author of The Menopause Manifesto.

Lighten up. Being overweight can affect your sex drive physiologically and emotionally. Dissatisfaction with your looks “translates to low sexual self-esteem,” says Westchester County, New York, gynecologist Alyssa Dweck, chief medical officer with Bonafide Health and coauthor of The Complete A to Z for Your V.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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A New Way to Prevent S.T.I.s

— A Pill After Sex

By Apoorva Mandavilli

In a bid to stem the resurgence of sexually transmitted infections, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention plans to recommend doxycycline, a widely used antibiotic, for use after an unprotected sexual encounter.

The antibiotic would be taken only by gay and bisexual men and transgender women who have had an S.T.I. within the previous year or who may be at risk for one. The scientific evidence is too limited to recommend the strategy, called doxy-PEP, to all people who might be exposed to infection-causing bacteria during sex.

The agency released draft guidelines on Monday and plans to finalize them after a 45-day public comment period.

A close-up view of a bottle of the antibiotic doxycycline, held by a hand in a pharmacy.
“We need game-changing innovations to turn the S.T.I. epidemic around, and this is a major step in the right direction,” an official with the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention said.

Why It Matters: Rates of S.T.I.s are skyrocketing.

In 2021, there were 1.6 million cases of chlamydia, more than 700,000 cases of gonorrhea and nearly 177,000 cases of syphilis in the United States, together tallying up to $1.1 billion in direct medical costs. (Rates of babies born with syphilis also soared that year, with nearly 3,000 affected.)

All three S.T.I.s are caused by bacteria and are easily treated with antibiotics. But the closure of sexual health clinics across the country and a drop in public awareness has contributed to a sharp rise in infections.

Gonorrhea cases have increased 118 percent since a historical low in 2009, according to the C.D.C. Syphilis was nearly eliminated in the United States about 20 years ago, but cases have risen 74 percent since 2017.

On any given day in 2018, about one in five Americans had an S.T.I., the C.D.C. has estimated.

“We need game-changing innovations to turn the S.T.I. epidemic around, and this is a major step in the right direction,” Dr. Jonathan Mermin, director of the agency’s National Center for H.I.V., Viral Hepatitis, S.T.D. and TB Prevention, said in an emailed statement.

The C.D.C.’s guidelines are based on studies that show that a single dose of doxycycline taken within 72 hours of unprotected sex dramatically cuts the risk of the infections.

Evidence from emerging research was compelling enough that clinics in some cities, such as San Francisco, have been offering doxy-PEP to those at high risk of infection for months. Generally, patients are given a supply of pills and told to take one within three days of an encounter during which they might have become infected.

But rates of S.T.I.s are highest among Black people and Native Americans, who are often those with the least access to health care. “No prevention tool — no matter how powerful — will change the S.T.I. epidemic if it doesn’t reach the people who need it most,” Dr. Mermin said.

Doxycycline has been in use for decades, and there are few indications that bacteria have become resistant to it. Syphilis and chlamydia do not often develop resistance, but gonorrhea is another question: Those bacteria have become resistant to multiple classes of antibiotics.

Still, the picture may change depending on how many people take doxy-PEP and how often, some experts cautioned.

“At the population level, that does worry me,” said Antón Castellanos Usigli, a sexual health expert who is an adjunct lecturer at the Columbia Mailman School of Health.

In places like his native Mexico, Dr. Castellanos Usigli said, indiscriminate use of antibiotics has fueled the rise of drug-resistant bacteria, which can alter a person’s gut microbiome.

What Happens Next: The C.D.C. will finalize new guidelines.

Evidence so far supports doxy-PEP’s use only in men who have sex with men and in transgender women. In those groups, the antibiotic cut rates of syphilis and chlamydia by about 90 percent and gonorrhea by about 55 percent.

Men who have sex with men account for nearly half of reported syphilis cases, according to the C.D.C. If studies show the approach to be effective in heterosexual cisgender men and cisgender women, the guidelines may be expanded.

The agency said doctors should prescribe doxy-PEP as part of a comprehensive sexual health program that includes counseling, screening and treatment for the infections and for H.I.V.

“Doxy-PEP will be a good option for some patients,” Dr. Castellanos Usigli said. “But we will have to do a lot of education with medical providers and patients so that we target the best candidates and prevent misuse and overuse.”

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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Ways To Ask Your New Partner To Get Tested This Sexual Health Awareness Month

By Zayna Allen

Having new sexual partners can be fun and exciting, but it’s important to make responsible decisions. That includes having tough conversations. But luckily for you, September is Sexual Health Awareness Month! What better time to have an open and honest discussion about one of the most crucial aspects of any romantic relationship: sexual health.

Sexual health awareness empowers individuals to make informed decisions about their physical and emotional well-being. It also helps maintain trust and transparency in a relationship, whether long-term or just for the moment.

One of the most essential discussions with a new partner is getting tested for sexually transmitted infections. While this conversation may feel daunting, it’s necessary for any sexual dynamic to keep you and your partner safe. Here are some ways to have the conversation with ease.

Conversations About Getting Tested

Consider Timing

One of the most important aspects about initiating this type of conversation is choosing the best moment. Timing is everything. Avoid discussing this sensitive topic when you or your partner are stressed, tired, or in the middle of an argument. When introducing the conversation, make sure to make it as normal as possible. Begin by stressing that sexual health is a part of responsible adulting. Present the idea of getting tested as something you both do for each other’s peace of mind. Emphasize that it’s not about trust but rather about taking care of each other’s health.

Use “I”

As with any difficult conversation with a partner, using “I” statements is essential. This helps you avoid sounding accusatory. For example, say, “I think it’s important for both of us to get tested” instead of “You should get tested.” Creating a safe space should be one of the top priorities.

Remain Patient and Supportive

Although you are doing your best to create a calm conversation, you should always brace yourself for their reaction. Your partner could be entirely on board, or they could take offense to the conversation and need some time to think. No matter what, you should remain patient and supportive regardless of their initial response.

Respect Your Partner

Respect your partner’s decision, whatever it may be. Whether they agree to get tested immediately or need more time, continue to communicate openly and empathetically about your relationship’s health and well-being. Stand firm on your stance that this is important to you.

Lead With Confidence

Asking your new partner to get tested doesn’t have to be awkward. Remember to embrace it with confidence and compassion, knowing it’s vital to nurturing the dynamic between you.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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Testosterone and Low Libido in Women

— Testosterone plays a major role in a woman’s sex drive. But if that sex drive fizzles, replacing the hormone with a supplement isn’t as simple as it sounds.

One of the issues with testosterone supplements is that they have side effects, such as acne and hair growth.

By Ashley Welch

Testosterone may be known as a male sex hormone, but women need it, too. Testosterone is part of what drives female desire, fantasy, and thoughts about sex. It also plays a role in ovarian function, bone strength, and the overall well-being of women, says Kelli Burroughs, MD, an obstetrician-gynecologist at Memorial Hermann in Houston. Yet while your testosterone level plays a key role in your sex drive, taking it in supplement form to treat low libido remains controversial.

Here’s what doctors know about testosterone’s role in low libido in women and how the hormone might be used as a treatment.

Testosterone Helps Fuel Our Sex Drive

Women’s testosterone levels gradually go down as they age, and lower amounts of the hormone can also reduce muscle mass, affect skeletal health, impact mood, cause fatigue, and decrease sensitivity in the vagina and clitoris, which affects libido, Dr. Burroughs says.

A drop in testosterone levels is believed to be the reason sex drive goes down after menopause, according to the North American Menopause Society.

Research Remains Unclear

Although it’s common for men to take testosterone to treat low libido, the U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA) hasn’t approved testosterone replacement therapy for women. Some doctors do prescribe it for women as an off-label use, notes Jenna M. Turocy, MD, an ob-gyn at NewYork-Presbyterian Columbia University Irving Medical Center in New York City. “These products include testosterone skin patches, gels, creams or ointments, pills, implants, and injections, often designed and government-approved for men,” Dr. Turocy says.

Testosterone doses provided by these formulations generally are much too high for females, so women are given a fraction (usually one-tenth) of the dose that men are prescribed, notes Barbara Schroeder, MD, an assistant professor and ob-gyn with UTHealth Houston.

“There is no dose that we can say is absolutely safe for women,” she explains. “There are no large randomized trials that have looked at this.” That’s why Dr. Schroeder says to check baseline testosterone levels and re-check them every three to six months to make sure they’re not too high. “The goal is to aim for testosterone levels that are in the normal premenopausal range,” she adds.

Still, testosterone supplementation for women with low sex drive is rarely recommended in the United States, especially for premenopausal females, given the limited data on safety and efficacy, Turocy explains.

One of the main issues is that testosterone has side effects. Acne and hair growth at the application site are the most common, Schroeder says. Changes in your voice, weight gain, hair loss, oily skin, mood changes, and an enlarged clitoris, may also occur, Turocy adds.

But the biggest concern involves testosterone’s long-term safety in women, as no robust scientific studies have looked at potential lasting effects.

In a review of 36 randomized controlled trials published in the Lancet Diabetes & Endocrinology in October 2019, researchers determined that testosterone therapy is effective at increasing sexual function in post-menopausal women. They noted that when taken orally, testosterone was linked to significant increases in LDL, or “bad” cholesterol, and reductions in total cholesterol, HDL, or “good” cholesterol, and triglycerides. These effects were not seen with testosterone patches or creams. More importantly, the researchers concluded that “data are insufficient to draw conclusions about the effects of testosterone on musculoskeletal, cognitive, and mental health and long-term safety and use in premenopausal women.”

What Else May Help With Low Libido

If you have low libido, testosterone may help, but it’s important to weigh the benefits with the risks. Know that there are other options that may be beneficial.

“If concerned about low sex drive, women should consult a knowledgeable healthcare provider who can evaluate their individual medical history, symptoms, and hormone levels,” Turocy says. “It’s essential to take a comprehensive look at their sexual health, considering not only hormonal factors but also psychological, emotional, and relational aspects.”

Other potential causes of low sex drive, such as stress, relationship problems, medication side effects, or underlying medical conditions, like nerve issues or endometriosis, should be explored and addressed before considering hormone supplementation, she says.

Finally, don’t ignore the power of healthy lifestyle modifications. “Implementing healthy lifestyle changes such as diet and exercise can also boost energy levels and self-image perception resulting in increased libido,” Burroughs says. According to a study published in July 2021 in the Journal of Sexual Medicine, regular exercise one to six hours per week was associated with benefits in desire, arousal, lubrication and sex-related distress in women experiencing sexual dysfunction.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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How to Raise Sex Positive Kids

— And Why It’s So Important To

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I will never forget the time I found my eight-year-old watching porn. I was in shock at first and had no idea how to handle it, but I swallowed my inhibitions and used the opportunity to open the lines of communication around sex, which went really well.
Unfortunately, many parents are not as likely to do the same. It’s just the world we live in. But that needs to change.

There are few topics as stigmatized as sex. By extension, the term “sex positive” is highly misunderstood. So what does sex positive mean? It is merely what it sounds like: having a positive attitude toward anything relating to sex. It’s a simple enough concept, yet most fail to grasp it. In fact, if you mention anything remotely sexual in a conversation, people will often laugh, get uncomfortable, feel awkward and usually make jokes. But it’s no laughing matter.

When there are teenagers going to jail for throwing babies in trash cans and dumpsters to avoid admitting to their parents they had sex and got pregnant, it’s not funny.

When there are young members of the LGBTQ+ community who would rather take their own lives than face another day of bullying, it’s not funny.

When there are children expelled, suspended, even arrested, for sharing explicit images of their “peers” on social media, it’s not funny.

When the young people in those images are cyberbullied and slut-shamed to the point of contemplating suicide, it is not funny.

We are living in a society where many still cling to yesterday’s toxic, close-minded ideals. The outdated school of thought behind everything from female anatomy to gender identity is simply not going away fast enough. So what do we do? It’s up to us as parents to break the cycle and teach our children how to think openly, be accepting, respectful and understanding of others, and to make the right decisions for themselves and their own sexual health.

I sat down with Melissa Pintor Carnagey, sexuality educator, licensed social worker and founder of Sex Positive Families, an organization that helps foster healthy attitudes toward sex in young people. Melissa believes that all children deserve holistic, comprehensive, and shame-free sexuality education so they can live informed, empowered, and safer lives. Her website is a wealth of knowledge for families, with information on a wide array of topics and tips on everything from puberty to pornography. She also hosts interactive virtual workshops for tweens, teens and their trusted adults.

I reached out to Melissa to learn how parents can begin to break the generational taboos and misconceptions around sexuality. She broke it all down for us with the points below.

Sex positivity is not sexualization.

Me: Can you define the term “sex positive”?

Melissa: There’s a misconception about what sex positivity even means or is, and some people can think that it just means being completely permissive about sex or not having limits or boundaries about sex, or that it’s about being very sexual or very erotic, partially because a lot of our media is about sexualizing and erotisizing bodies and sex.

Sex positivity really is about having an open, shame free, honest way of looking at bodies, sex, relationships, all these very human things, and taking away the taboo around it. Being sex positive doesn’t mean that you’re just having lots of sex and that that’s what defines your sex positivity. It’s not just about a person’s sex life. It’s really about making sense of your own choices and your own decisions and also respecting those of other people as well.

Start young. It’s not The Talk; it’s many talks.

Me: When should you have “the talk” with your kids?

Melissa: A lot of parents might think you need to discuss it all at once, but no. It’s definitely a series of conversations, a lot of teachable moments that happen over time. We are sending our kids messages about bodies, about identity, about relationships, about consent or lack of consent, gender identity literally from the time they’re born. So when we realize that we’re sending them these messages, we also understand that we’re creating the constructs of all of these things in our homes, in our families, and in our communities. It’s to our benefit to recognize the influence that we have and that it’s early. And then we can just get intentional about what we want to help foster with our children and that it really can be a collaboration.

Melissa: It’s so important that we normalize talking about periods, about where babies come from, and not just, staying in taboo and promoting fear around sex or seeing these things as inappropriate. Sex is how most of us get here. And kids at a young age often wonder, Where do babies come from? They see their teacher or family members that are pregnant and they have questions about that. That’s an opportunity to plant the seed that ultimately helps to foster comfortable talks about sex so that as they develop and their worldview starts to change and evolve.

But if you keep it silent, if you say, don’t ask that, that’s for adults, or you’re not supposed to talk about that, you’re not supposed to know about that, or if they can see you’re visibly uncomfortable, you shut down and you don’t open that back up to them. That’s a learned taboo. They learn, oh, I’m not allowed to talk about that. I don’t know why. But now I’m not going to ask and I’m not going to be curious. Then when you try later on, when you realize there’s a situation that comes up, and they’re like 13 or 14, and you’re trying to talk to them, they’re going to be uncomfortable because every other message that was sent, either direct or indirect, up to that point, told them that this is not okay to talk about. So they may find other unhealthy ways to learn about it.

It’s not just about sex. Early conversations should include bodily autonomy.

Me Where do you even start?

Melissa: So from the beginning parents can ask themselves, how can I be intentional or just aware of what messages I’m sending? What are my kids observing? And that it isn’t just something that’s hormones and puberty and teenage years – hopefully by then we’ve already sent them a whole lot of messages.

If we want to help foster openness around sex, then the talks might start early with consent, helping young people understand their own bodies, giving them accurate names for their body parts, especially the genitals. Help them understand safe and unsafe touch, and who is allowed to help them when they may still need help. Whether it’s going to the bathroom or bathing or changing their clothes, or at their medical appointments; these are some of those teachable moments. When they’re greeting others in the family or even in your own home, are those interactions forced, or are we inviting or asking? Are we giving options as opposed to saying go give your grandma a hug, even if they don’t want to. Bodily autonomy is a foundational aspect that ultimately will support their understanding of sex and healthy sexuality.

It’s important for parents to break the cycle instead of passing it on.

Me: How do parents overcome their own issues stemming from being raised in a non-sex positive world?

So many of us weren’t taught these things. They weren’t modeled to us. And so we may have been confused as we were experimenting with sex or relationships along our own journey. We may have actually had experiences that are abuse or trauma as opposed to sex, because sex should always involve consent. And that consent should be ongoing and clear. There are many of us that have had interactions that were not consensual, or that were coerced in different ways. And so a lot of that that is taking a look at our own understanding of these topics, how well do we know our own bodies, especially people that have vulvas, people that have vaginas and uteruses because our education system is so patriarchal and taboo and stigmatized when it comes to anything related to sexual health. There are so many of us that didn’t get the education that we needed and deserved to understand how our bodies actually work.

It’s never too late to start the conversation.

Me: What if your kids are already tweens or teens and you’ve never talked about sex with them or you weren’t as open to begin with?

Melissa: We’ve got to take the brave steps to be vulnerable and be honest and so that could sound like ‘I realized that I have not been as open as I could have been with you about bodies, about sex, about puberty, about relationships, whatever it is that you want to talk about and that’s on me. But it’s important that we learn about these things and that you know who you can turn to. So I want to change that. I would love for us to start having conversations or start you know, talking more openly about these things.’

And then that little piece opens up empathy. For many of us, it can just sound like, ‘when I was growing up, I didn’t have anyone that I could talk to about this. It wasn’t normal for us when I was your age, so then I didn’t know how to handle it as you’ve been growing up. But I’m learning. I’m learning a lot of things now and I want to make sure you have support. I want to do that differently for you. It might feel awkward, it might feel uncomfortable. That’s okay. This is something that we can work on together.’

And then you just kind of weave it into everyday moments. It isn’t about staring your kid face to face in a confrontational, high pressure kind of way. Maybe you make time to go on a walk together or you build something together or you go have an ice cream date together something that says, this is time for us. And then in the midst of that time, you naturally kind of move into something. And the more you have those one-on-one times, especially when you have more than one kid that’s really important because then they can feel special. The more that you have that you integrate that, the more you might notice that they bring up things about what’s going on in their worlds.

Self-exploration is encouraged for all genders.

Me: How do you approach the topic of masturbation with your kids, and how important is it?

One thing that I teach about when we talk about masturbation, and particularly when we talk about the clitoris, is that we need to help our kids understand and normalize what may feel good to them. This is so that they can know what does not – which ultimately helps keep them safer before they invite anyone else to play with their body. It’s important for them to understand for themselves, and that helps them establish their own boundaries, their own limits.

Unfortunately, that didn’t happen for so many of us. There are so many people with a clitoris as adults that are deep in their adulthood and still never have experienced orgasm. We can trace that back to a major lack of body literacy. There’s been no foundational understanding. But interestingly, people with penises don’t seem to have that same problem. Why do you think that is? It was 1998 when scientists discovered the full body of the clitoris. Wow, why did it take them so long to realize that this is a full body part and not just this little tip? So this is all a part of us changing this narrative on a broader level, and it starts with these conversations that we can have with our young people so that they know yes, that’s your clitoris, and yes it can feel good because it has thousands of nerve endings. Just like the penis has thousands of nerve endings. Those two body parts are homologous which means that they are made of similar structure. Just like you might explain why the heart beats or how hearing works or all the things that they learn about in school – but these things that are so vital to their safety and their well being as humans, are conveniently left out of the conversation.

You might say to your child ‘I love that you’re getting to know your body. And this is not something that we do in the living room while people are around or at the dinner table or at the grocery store. That’s something that we do in private so that you can get to know your body. These parts are really sensitive. That’s why we were clothed to cover them so that they stay protected. And no one else is allowed to touch your clitoris, your penis, your anus.’ All of that can happen in these little teachable moments.

So it’s just us getting comfortable with a new way of helping them understand – helping a new generation understand – their bodies and their rights to their own bodies.

Never punish or demean. It’s okay to be curious!

Me: I caught my child watching porn at a young age and it was stressful. How do parents handle this situation?

Melissa: The world places a lot of responsibility on us as parents, like, don’t raise a perpetrator, don’t raise a victim, all of these messages about how perfect we need to create our children’s lives. And there are going to be things that are going to happen that we may not be able to prevent – like our children finding easily-accessible porn on the internet.

I avoid words, like ‘catch them’, because then that sends that message that like oh, I caught you doing something bad. So if we find out our young person has come across porn or has been shown porn, or has been actively searching, we need to recognize that our children are not bad, they’re not demons, they’re not scarred forever. This is really an opportunity, not a threat. We can get a better understanding of what happened in the situation, not from a well ‘Why were you looking at that?’ stance. It’s important that our reaction isn’t shame-based or accusatory or punishment oriented. It’s our job as a family to help keep all of us safer. We know porn is not for children or education. It’s made for adult entertainment. So we say to them ‘It’s okay to be curious. It’s okay to be curious about bodies. It’s okay to be curious about sex. When you have questions about these things. Here’s what you can do, instead of going to Google or looking at porn, we can talk about it. You can ask me any questions you want.’ And then that goes back to whether you are truly creating a space that feels safe for them to ask, because kids will go to Google or porn or friends if they’re curious when the home isn’t feeling safe from punishment or shame.

If you simply say ‘Don’t watch porn’ it’s likely to just push them back towards it. We need to be more thoughtful and smarter about treating our young people like the whole humans that they are. Give them more credit than sometimes they’re given. They’re more likely to listen to what we have to say if they feel respected, and if they feel heard. And they know that we’re on their team, that we’re not just looking for an opportunity to punish them next. So you can say ‘ I want to make sure that you have reliable information about bodies and about sex because you deserve that. One day you’re going to make choices about sex. And I want you to feel ready when that time comes. Watching porn can send confusing, unsafe and mixed messages.. So what questions do you have about sex? How can I help you understand these things? It’s okay to be curious.’

Understand that others might have different perspectives.

Me: What do you do if your child’s other parent has a different attitude toward sex that is not as positive?

Melissa: There is often the reality that there’s a whole other person we can’t control, someone who has whole separate values, triggers, traumas related to all this stuff. It’s healthy for our kids to see and know that there are different perspectives. What you can control is, when they are curious with you, how you show up for those curiosities. Never approach them with negativity or blame or shame. You can acknowledge it like ‘ you might hear some different things about a topic, so tell me what you’ve heard about that? That’s interesting. What do you think?’ Because sharing your perspective is helping them to shape their understanding of their perspective.

Want to learn more (trust me, we barely scratched the surface) about raising sex positive kids? Sex Positive Families’ interactive workshops are held virtually and open to tweens, teens, and their trusted adults. You can also order Melissa’s book, Sex Positive Talks to Have With Kids, a bestselling comprehensive guide that helps caregivers create the kind of bond that keeps kids safer, informed, and empowered in their sexual health.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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Sex after prostate cancer

— Prostate cancer treatments can have side effects that may result in changes that affect intimacy, desire and function. While these symptoms are often temporary, they can be distressing and it’s important to talk to your physician about what to expect and the steps you can take to improve them.

Why this happens

As men become sexually aroused, the brain sends messages through the nervous system to the muscular walls of the blood vessels in the penis. The vessels enlarge, allowing more blood to flow into the penis. The incoming blood makes the penis bigger and harder, causing an erection.

Even if your libido is normal, your hormones, nervous system, muscles and blood vessels need to work properly to get an erection. Cancer treatments may affect your hormones, which in turn can affect your libido as well as the nerves, muscles or blood vessels that play important roles in causing an erection.

Prostate cancer treatment and erectile dysfunction

Erectile dysfunction (ED) is one of the most common side effects of prostate cancer treatment. Nearly all men will have trouble getting an erection for a period of time after undergoing different types of treatment, such as:

  • Surgery. The nerves responsible for an erection (the cavernous nerves) travel very close to the prostate gland and may be injured during the removal of the prostate. Nearly all men who have their prostate removed will have trouble getting an erection for some time, even if they have a “nerve-sparing” operation. However, most men recover with time.
  • Radiation therapy. Damage to the delicate tissues involved in getting an erection, such as nerves, blood vessels or blood flow, can occur with radiation therapy. These side effects appear more slowly during the year after treatment. Men may have softer erections, lose their erection before climax (orgasm) or not be able to get an erection at all.
  • Chemotherapy. The drugs used in chemotherapy treatment of prostate cancer may affect your libido and erections if it affects testosterone production, but most men still have normal erections. Chemotherapy can also cause fatigue or distress, which can affect your sexual desire and ability to have an erection, but normal desire usually returns when treatment ends.
  • Hormone therapy. The prostate depends on androgens, such as testosterone, to do its work. Unfortunately, testosterone may help some prostate cancers to grow. The hormone treatment used in prostate cancer, called androgen deprivation therapy (ADT) blocks androgens to slow the growth of prostate cancer, but it can also decrease libido and sexual function. (ADT does not cure prostate cancer.)

Recovery after prostate cancer treatment

Time is the most important factor in recovery. The healing process for men who have had nerve-sparing radical prostatectomy (removal of the prostate) is often 18 to 24 months or more, because nerve tissue requires a longer time to heal. How much erectile function returns depends on several things:

  • The type of operation you had (one, both, or no nerves spared). Most men with intact nerves will see a substantial improvement within a year of treatment.
  • Your age: Men under 50 or 60 are more likely to recover their erections than older men.
  • Your erectile function before the operation. Men who had good erections before surgery are more likely to recover their ability to get an erection than those who had previous erection problems.

It is also common to need medications to assist with erectile function, even if you did not need them before your operation.

Rehabilitation and aids

Studies suggest that starting a program to promote erections about six weeks after surgery can help some men recover sexual function. Different methods are available, depending on your case, your level of motivation and the judgment of your surgeon. These penile rehabilitation programs focus on increasing blood flow to the area to encourage healing and help men have regular erections that are hard enough for penetration. Having two to three erections a week, even if there is no sexual activity, helps keep the tissues in the penis healthy.

Several options are available to treat ED, and they may or may not be part of a rehabilitation program:

  • Medication: sildenafil/Viagra®, tadalafil/Cialis® or vardenafil/Levitra MUSE™(a prostaglandin suppository that you insert into your urethra)
  • Vacuum erection devices
  • Penile implant
  • Penile self-injection with a prostaglandin: alprostadil/Caverjet™/Edex™

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Deconstructing Stonewalling

— This toxic approach to conflict is unintentional or intentional and verbal or nonverbal

Shutting down. Clamming up. Walking out. Giving up.

We all hope that we’ll rise to the occasion and communicate clearly in tough situations — that we’ll stand up for ourselves while being respectful of the needs and feelings of the people we care about.

But sometimes, when the going gets tough, our emotional walls get higher. And with every delay, distraction and deflection — every slammed door, dismissive comment and dodged conversation — those walls become harder to scale.

Psychologist Susan Albers, PsyD, breaks down the concept of stonewalling — what it is, why it happens, and what to do if the behavior is threatening your relationships.

What is stonewalling?

Stonewalling is way of intentionally or unintentionally, verbally or nonverbally withdrawing from a conflict. While some people stonewall on purpose to assert control or do harm, the behavior is often inadvertent. Dr. Albers likens it to turning off the light switch. “You’re having a conversation and all of a sudden, the other person shuts off. Not just verbally or physically — they emotionally disengage.”

She explains that the way we talk about stonewalling in relationships is largely the result of psychologist John Gottman’s writing on the topic. His Cascade Model of Relationship Dissolution uses the imagery of “the four horsemen of the apocalypse” to describe the four ineffective communication styles that he believes can predict divorce. The four styles are:

  1. Criticism.
  2. Defensiveness.
  3. Contempt.
  4. Stonewalling.

His work is influential enough that it’s probably one of the first sources that pops up when you research “stonewalling” online. But even though the most popular writing on the topic focuses on romantic relationships, Dr. Albers says any relationship can encounter stonewalling. Best friends, coworkers, family members … you name it. Politicians stonewall all the time, as do lawyers. Heck, we all do it sometimes!

Stonewalling is a common tactic because (at least in the short term) it works. It’s a defense mechanism that stops the immediate conflict from progressing any further. And it gives the person doing the stonewalling a sense of safety and control over the situation.

But in the long term, Dr. Albers cautions that disengaging from conflict — consciously or unconsciously — can damage or even destroy a relationship.

Unintentional and intentional stonewalling

Building a wall isn’t something you do by accident, but stonewalling might be.

“Unintentional stonewalling is often a sign that someone is having difficulty coping with the conversation,” Dr. Albers explains. “They may be conflict avoidant. It might even be a fight-or-flight response: They need to escape.”

And it’s often the case that people simply don’t have the skills or capacity they need to have the conversation in that moment. “It doesn’t come from a place of wanting to disconnect or distance,” she says. “It’s just not knowing how to have that conversation in a healthy and productive way.”

She adds that stonewalling is a common tactic for people with depression or who have an anxious attachment style. Disengagement can also be a protective measure for a person who struggles with a high level of anxiety or has endured significant trauma. In that case, stonewalling may be a way to calm down and feel safe again. For people who grew up in dysfunctional households, it may be a learned behavior.

In still other cases, stonewalling is a deliberate and emotionally abusive act. A person who stonewalls on purpose is exerting control over (and often demeaning) another person by acting as if their attention and interest are a reward to be “earned.” People with narcissistic personality disorder may be especially inclined toward this behavior.

Verbal and nonverbal stonewalling

Shutting down communication will look different from person to person and situation to situation. According to Dr. Albers, stonewalling can be verbal or nonverbal.

Verbal stonewalling can take the form of “the silent treatment,” but it can be subtler than that, too. Changing the topic, only offering clipped, one- to two-word responses and refusing to answer questions can have the same effect. In some cases, there actually is a conversation happening, but one person is filibustering, or being dismissive, accusatory or aggressive in a way that’s designed to end the discussion.

Nonverbal stonewalling can be as straightforward as avoiding contact or getting up and walking away. Sometimes, it’s a question of body language — rolling one’s eyes, adopting a closed-off posture or refusing to make eye contact. Physical stonewalling can also involve shifting focus. “The biggest one I see is people taking out their phone,” Dr. Albers states. “That stops the conversation immediately.”

The best indicator that somebody’s stonewalling you is how it makes you feel. You may feel frustrated, helpless, confused, disrespected or angry.

How stonewalling can hurt a relationship

Truth be told, everybody stonewalls occasionally. We all experience moments when we just can’t, and that’s OK. It only becomes a problem for a relationship when it goes unaddressed. And if stonewalling becomes an engrained pattern — an established communication style between two people — it can be devastating.

“Stonewalling leaves conflict unresolved, and it can make the other person feel disrespected, or that their perspective isn’t important or valued.” Dr. Albers says. “Sometimes, people just give up, which creates an emotional distance that can be difficult to repair.”

How to stop stonewalling

The apocalypse metaphor Gottman uses to talk about stonewalling in relationships might make your situation feel hopeless. And sure, unlearning a behavior like stonewalling is difficult. But Dr. Albers encourages you to look on the bright side.

“The good news is stonewalling is a pattern that can be addressed,” she reassures. “Once you recognize that you’re doing it, it’s something that can be changed, and that change can do wonders for your relationship.”

So, how do you go about breaking down a wall?

Name the behavior and take a ‘time out’

Dr. Albers shares that the first thing you need to do to stop stonewalling is recognize the behavior in the moment. Particularly if you’re the one doing the stonewalling.

Labeling or naming a behavior can make a big difference because you’re offering the person you’re talking to insight into what’s happening in your head, and why.

“Tell the person you’re talking to that, ‘I’m shutting down right now.’” Dr. Albers advises. “Emphasize that what the person has to say is important, but that you need to calm down before re-engaging in the conversation.” Then, set up a time — minutes, hours or days later — to return to the discussion.

“Don’t just leave it hanging,” she urges.

Here are a few other tips for breaking through a wall — yours, or somebody else’s:

Empathize

If you’re the one doing the stonewalling, acknowledge that your need to step away from a conflict is likely impacting the other person’s feelings — that they may be frustrated, hurt or angry.

If you’re the one being stonewalled, tell the other person that you recognize how difficult it must be for them to have the conversation.

Be mindful of your body language

Are you sitting with your arms and legs crossed? Are you looking at the floor instead of the person you’re talking to? Are you clenching your jaw? Is your body rigid, your posture frozen? “Sometimes, we’re not aware that we’re giving signals that we don’t want to talk,” Dr. Albers points out.

Vocalize your needs

Change doesn’t happen overnight — especially when the thing you’re trying to change is a communication style. And conflict isn’t one-sided. That means there needs to be give and take on both sides.

At some time when you aren’t actively in conflict, have a conversation about what you each need to get through difficult conversations. If you struggle to articulate your thoughts and feelings when you’re upset, you might need time to write things out before having a tough conversation. Or maybe the other person isn’t at a place where they can maintain eye contact during a conflict, so they need to be allowed to demonstrate engagement in another way.

Accommodating each other’s needs — even in difficult moments — is a sign of respect and good faith.

Stay emotionally engaged

It’s happening. You’re shutting down, freezing up, disconnecting. You’re not able to have this conversation right now.

That’s OK. Talking isn’t everything.

“You can still engage with someone emotionally without having a conversation,” Dr. Albers offers. “Maybe you don’t leave the room. You sit next to them. You hold their hand. Even if you’re not going to be able to have that conversation, you can still be emotionally engaged.”

Respond calmly

It’s always important to be respectful in your conversations, but it’s extra important if you know that the person you’re trying to communicate with is conflict averse, anxious or has a history of trauma. Raising your voice, interrupting or adopting an aggressive posture will push a stonewaller away. Active listening skills can go a long way in a situation like this.

“Even if you don’t like what the other person is saying, respond calmly,” Dr. Albers stresses. “It’s more likely to encourage them to keep going versus shutting them down.”

See a therapist

If stonewalling has become your go-to technique for dealing with difficult situations, it could be a good idea to unpack the reasons why with a counselor. Not only can they help you sort through any underlying issues that are impacting your behavior, but they can also help you learn and practice healthier communication styles.

If there’s a specific relationship where the behavior needs to be addressed, couples, marriage or family counseling could be especially useful.

Tearing down walls and building bridges

When we stonewall, we’re emotionally disengaging from a conflict. Sometimes, we do it on purpose, and sometimes, we do it without realizing it. Stonewalling can take many forms. Sometimes it’s physical, like walking away or avoiding somebody. Sometimes, it’s giving somebody “the silent treatment.” And sometimes, we stonewall with words, by changing the subject or minimizing the situation.

Although some individuals stonewall on purpose to assert control or do harm, the behavior is often unintentional. That’s because it’s a natural response to a situation where an individual lacks the capacity to handle their feelings or communicate effectively. Stonewalling is a particularly common coping mechanism for people with anxiety, depression a history of trauma or a conflict-avoidant personality.

While it’s an understandable defense mechanism that we all employ from time to time, habitual stonewalling is toxic to relationships — be they romantic, familial, friendly or professional. It can be a tough habit to break, but it’s worth the effort. Once you recognize it’s happening — and learn to respond in a different way — your relationships with other people will be easier to navigate and (we couldn’t resist) a lot less rocky.

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How Learning Your Desire Style Could Help Spice Up Your Sex Life

By Shaeden Berry

When you hear the word “desire” do you think of burning hot passions?

A low urgent feeling in your belly?

Do you think of Hollywood movies and two lovers tearing each other’s clothes off, tucked behind the locked bathroom door of a party, because they couldn’t keep their hands off one another any longer?

And then, do you think, “can’t relate”? Not because you aren’t attracted to your partner, but because that urgent, spontaneous desire very rarely grips you. For some, that thought process can lead to feelings of shame or beginning to question whether there’s something wrong with them.

At the end of the day, no two people are the same, but it is easy to get bogged down in what you feel like you should want or should feel, rather than tapping into what you actually do crave in the bedroom. Learning whether you have a spontaneous or responsive desire style, or where you sit along the spectrum of desire may help you to understand how you approach our bedroom activities and ensure you’re getting what you really want from your sex life.

What Are Spontaneous & Responsive Desire?

We all exist on a desire spectrum, according to Georgia Grace, sexologist and co-founder of NORMAL, a queer- and women-owner wellness brand. She explains that it’s doubtful any of us will be wholly and entirely spontaneous or responsive, adding that it’s important to know these terms so we can understand there’s no one way of experiencing desire.

“Within spontaneous desire, the desire comes out of nowhere,” she tells Refinery29 Australia. “Like how it might be in the early stages of a relationship,” people who tend to experience spontaneous desire often don’t need an external influence to get them in the mood.

With responsive desire, things are different. “Your body needs a stimulus to bring sex to the front of the mind — whether it be porn, your partner kissing your neck, or even beginning the act of sex itself,” says Grace.

She explains that responsive desire is actually the most common way for people to experience desire, but between bodice-ripping romance novels and the way sex is often spoken about in popular culture, it “doesn’t get the airtime it deserves”.

If you exist on the Internet, you’re probably being fed a lot of content that references spontaneous jumping of bones, and not a lot of slow-building desire, foreplay or being introduced to the idea that many people need extra help or motivation to get in the mood for sex.

In fact, the stereotype that often plays out across our screens is a scenario featuring a long-term relationship, where amorous advances are being knocked back by one partner who’s “not in the mood”. When this is so often displayed as the tell-tale sign of a relationship being dead in the water, it’s unsurprising that many of us might feel the pressure to be spontaneously crackling with desire at all times and find ourselves wondering why we can’t just flick a switch and be instantly in the mood.

It’s also worth considering how these different desire styles are often presented as gendered. Whilst there’s not yet a scientific measurement for desire, Emily Nagoski, author of Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science That Will Transform Your Sex Life, cites research that indicates responsive desire is the primary desire style for about 30% of women. In an article about the concepts of desire, Nagoski also highlights how spontaneous desire is so actively pushed as the “norm” in society, when, in reality, many people will only feel desire after first experiencing pleasure (i.e. responsive desire). That means, you are not broken or wrong for not experiencing spontaneous desire, and your level of desire is not an indication of sexual wellbeing.

How Can You Navigate Differing Desire Styles In A Relationship?

Let’s return to the Hollywood movie scene we mentioned above. What if, after one party says they’re not in the mood, there was an open conversation between both parties about what could be done to help them get into the mood — perhaps not in that moment, but moving forward? What if not being in the mood wasn’t treated as an issue, but rather, something that’s actually extremely normal?

Having “desire discrepancies”, as Grace puts it, is not an uncommon phenomenon within a relationship. Grace often sees couples in sessions who have differing desire styles, i.e. where one person leans more towards spontaneous desire and the other is more responsive.

If this is something you might be experiencing, Grace suggests that rather than framing it as one person having a higher or lower libido than their partner or partners, she works to help them understand that they are just experiencing desire differently.

Perhaps the responsive partner isn’t getting enough stimulus to become aroused enough for sex, and in these cases, Grace works with them to examine what she refers to as their “brakes” and “accelerators”.

Some people can be extremely sensitive to “brakes”, which are those triggers that make us feel as if sex isn’t a good idea right now and have us finding reasons to not be aroused. They can be anything from feeling touch-fatigued, stressed, worried or even wider issues of social and cultural stresses and anxieties. Meanwhile, “accelerators” are the triggers that turn you on and can be a specific scent, setting, or a sexual act.

Grace says the key is working on becoming more aware of your brakes and accelerators and managing them, trying as best you can to remove brakes and amplify accelerators.

But the important thing is recognising that there is no right or wrong way to feel desire. We don’t need to be always raring to go. But if we are always in the mood? That’s fine too.&

The first step is figuring out how you personally experience desire, and then doing what works for you and your relationship.

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List of Sex Hormones in Females and Males

By Serenity Mirabito RN, OCN 

Sex hormones are chemicals responsible for reproduction and sexual desire. Common female sex hormones include estrogen and progesterone, while testosterone is abundant in most males.

Sex hormones are produced by the ovaries, testes, endocrine system, and adrenal glands. Menstruation, age, and certain medical conditions can cause fluctuations in sex hormones. Females and males can balance sex hormones through hormone deprivation or replacement therapy.

This article will review sex hormone production, function, and ways to achieve hormonal balance.

Sex vs. Gender

This article uses the terms “male” and “female” as labels referring to a person’s chromosomal, anatomical, or biological makeup without regard to which gender or genders they identify with.

Where Are Sex Hormones Produced?

Females and males have different sex hormones. However, they do share some of the same ones but each with different functions.

Females

The main hormones that contribute to sexual health and desire in females are estrogen, progesterone, and testosterone. Although the ovaries are responsible for most female sex hormones, other tissues can also produce them. These include:1

  • Estrogen (estradiol, estrone, estriol): Although made primarily by the ovaries, estrogen is also produced by the adrenal glands and adipose (fat) tissue.
  • Progesterone: Besides the ovaries, progesterone is produced by the adrenal cortex, corpus luteum, and placenta.
  • Testosterone: Although more abundant in males, testosterone is also essential in females. Testosterone is made in small amounts by the ovaries and adrenal glands.

Males

Androgens are the main sex hormones produced by males. Androgens are responsible for male characteristics and reproduction. Several types of androgens are made in the male body, which include:1

  • Testosterone: Produced in the Leydig cells of the testes and small amounts in the adrenal gland.
  • Dihydrotestosterone (DHT): In adults, about 10% of testosterone is metabolized into DHT by the enzyme 5-alpha reductase. A rise in DHT levels initiates puberty in younger males.
  • Estrogen: This hormone plays a vital role in males. In addition to being produced by the testes, the enzyme aromatase converts testosterone into estrogen.2

Function of Each Sex Hormone

Sex hormones are not only responsible for sexuality and fertility but also are crucial for the growth and development of muscles and organs.1 Additionally, sex hormones help prevent medical conditions such as cardiovascular disease and bone deterioration.

Growth and Development

Estrogen is responsible for the sexual and reproductive development of females. Breast development, pubic and armpit hair, and the start of menstruation are all influenced by estrogen.1

Progesterone contributes to a healthy uterine lining for the implantation and growth of a fertilized egg.3 Progesterone is also essential for maintaining pregnancy and reducing bleeding and miscarriage.

Testosterone and DHT initiate puberty in young males.1 These hormones are responsible for penile and testicular growth, growth in height, and facial hair growth.

Arousal

Estrogen and testosterone are the main hormones affecting arousal and sexual desire. In females, the menstrual cycle causes fluctuations in sex hormones, resulting in feeling more aroused just before ovulation, when estrogen levels are at their highest.4

High levels of progesterone, however, can cause a decrease in sexual desire. Although testosterone may increase libido in some females, estrogen is the primary sex hormone linked to female sexual desire.4

In males, testosterone levels correlate to male libido. Age, obesity, and hypogonadism decrease testosterone, thereby reducing sexual arousal.

Organ Health

Estrogen and testosterone are important in preserving muscle strength as you age. In the first year of menopause, for example, about 80% of a female’s estrogen is lost, resulting in significant muscle loss and frailty.

Decreased estrogen levels can lead to osteoporosis (decrease in bone mass and density) and increased risk of cardiovascular events. Testosterone improves cachexia (complicated metabolic syndrome characterized by muscle mass loss) in cancer and other inflammatory-based conditions.5

Immune System

One study showcased how sex hormones influence immune system cells. Androgens (testosterone and DHT) and progesterone boost an immunosuppressive response (improving autoimmune disorders), while estrogen strengthens humoral immunity (the body’s ability to fight infection). However, more research is needed.6

Mood and Brain Function

Research continues to prove that sex hormones affect the entire brain. Depression, memory loss, brain plasticity, and mood disorders result from decreasing estrogen levels. Cognitive impairment during menopause has been shown to improve with estrogen treatment and may protect against stroke damage, Alzheimer’s disease and Parkinson’s disease.7

How Sex Hormones Fluctuate

Hormone fluctuation is normal in both sexes. Premenopausal females will experience hormonal changes throughout the menstrual cycle. Estrogen and progesterone levels are low just before the start of menstruation but are higher around ovulation. As females age, sex hormone levels drop, leading to menopause.8

In males, testosterone levels are highest in the morning and decrease throughout the day. Testosterone decreases at 1% to 3% yearly between 35 and 40.5

Sex Hormone Disorders

Sex hormone disorders can affect physical and mental quality of life. In some instances, they can even be deadly. Types of sex hormone disorders include:

  • Premenstrual dysphoric disorder (PMDD): Due to falling levels of estrogen and progesterone 10 to 14 days before menstruation, severe depression and anxiety can be experienced by some females. PMDD affects approximately 5% of premenopausal females.9
  • Menopause: Females 45 to 55 will begin to notice the inevitable symptoms of decreasing estrogen and progesterone levels. Brain fog, reduced muscle mass, and hot flashes are common symptoms of menopause.10
  • Erectile dysfunction (ED): As testosterone levels fade with age, having and maintaining an erection can be difficult. ED usually occurs in men over age 50.11
  • Hyperestrogenism (high estrogen levels): Too much estrogen can cause certain types of cancer, polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS), and infertility.
  • Hyperandrogenism (high androgen levels): Too much testosterone can cause PCOS, hirsutism, acne, male-pattern baldness, menstrual irregularities, infertility, and virilization.

Can You Balance Sex Hormones?

Understanding the cause of sex hormone imbalances is essential to creating a treatment plan. If the sex hormone imbalance is due to a medical condition, then treating that condition should be considered. If the hormonal imbalance is due to aging or there is no treatment for the cause, then the following options could help improve sex hormone imbalances.

  • Lifestyle: Eating a well-balanced diet, exercising, maintaining a healthy weight, eliminating alcohol use, and getting enough sleep can impact hormone levels in a positive way.12
  • Herbs and supplements: Some herbs and supplements claim to restore hormonal balance. Nigella sativa could increase estrogen levels, improving the symptoms of menopause.13
  • Hormone therapy (HT): Replacing estrogen, progesterone, and testosterone with synthetic (human-made) forms can help increase low levels of sex hormones. HT can be given as oral medication, patches, creams, vaginal suppositories, subdermal pellets, or injections. Birth control is a form of hormone therapy. HRT is also a vital part of gender-affirming care.14
  • Hormone deprivation therapy: Some medications block hormones, reducing the effects of having too much of a particular hormone. Aromatase inhibitors, for example, prevent estrogen production, and gonadotropin-releasing hormone analogs and antagonists are used to block estrogen, progesterone, and testosterone. Gonadotropin-releasing hormone analogs are used to pause puberty in youths undergoing gender-affirming care.14

If you’re experiencing symptoms of sex hormone imbalances, talk to a healthcare provider about having a sex hormone blood test done to help identify potential imbalances.

Summary

Estrogen, progesterone, testosterone, and dihydrotestosterone (DHT) are sex hormones in males and females. Sex hormones are important in reproduction, fertility, sexual desire, and overall health. Sex hormones fluctuate with the menstrual cycle and with age.

There are several ways you can balance sex hormones, including lifestyle changes and medications. Talk to a healthcare provider if you believe you’re experiencing symptoms of a sex hormone imbalance.

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Can Kink Help You Let Go of Shame and Anxiety in the Bedroom?

— Folding in kink and BDSM play can help soothe anxious feelings and release shame.

By Jackie Lam

Key Points

  • Kink and BDSM may help alleviate anxiety, release shame and boost creativity.
  • Go slow. Learn the ropes of kink before you dive in.
  • It doesn’t have to look like “Fifty Shades of Grey.” There are other options, including safer ones that may be easier for beginners.

Common depictions of kink and BDSM, or bondage, discipline and sado-masochism, include latex, whips and flogging devices. These popularized notions of kink and BDSM culture are mainstream thanks to cultural phenomena such as “Fifty Shades of Grey.”

But kink has a much broader range of options—and it doesn’t have to involve a ball gag. Many women struggling with feelings of shame and anxiety experience challenges letting go in the bedroom. Here’s how kink could help.

How can kink help reduce anxiety?

In Norway, roughly 38 percent of people have experimented with a kinky activity during sex, suggested a 2021 study. Kink is more common than we may think, and it could have some unexpected potential health benefits.

Grounding techniques, meditation and spending time in nature can help you gain control of anxiety. There’s one avenue, though, that not everyone knows can help reduce anxiety—and it starts in the bedroom.

BDSM sex may help, as kink can potentially generate flow and transient hypofrontality, or the need for the brain to think, suggested a 2022 study.

What are the different types of sexual shame?

Sexual shame is a particular form of shame characterized by feelings of humiliation or disgust around one’s own identity and sexuality, according to a 2017 study.

Feelings of shame are made up of three main parts:

  1. Relationship sexual shame. This has to do with interpersonal relationships and feelings involving others.
  2. Internalized shame. Feelings of humiliation, disgust or abnormality are sometimes expressed as bodily shame.
  3. Sexual inferiority. Feeling as if you’re not meeting your sexual expectations, often due to societal norms and cultural expectations, can result in shame.

What are the origins of sexual shame?

Where do shameful feelings about sex come from? The answer is complex and varies between people, but there are common sources.

Sexual shame can stem from several places and may be due to the following factors, said Maria “Two-Straps” Hintog, an EDSE sex educator based in Los Angeles:

  • Culture
  • Gender norms
  • Gender roles
  • Gender expectations
  • Social settings
  • Religion and the church

“A lot of the shame comes from our upbringing and our past experiences because, especially as kids, we’re absorbing gender norms and the cultural norms and what you’re not supposed to do,” Hintog said.

Those childhood experiences shape our future selves. These feelings can lead to anxiety for some people.

“So we’re told not to do something, but we don’t know why. We just absorb that information. And then, as we grew older, we’re like, ‘Why is this bad? Nobody told me why it’s bad. They just told me it is,'” Hintog said.

What is the difference in sexual shame between men and women?

Men scored far higher than women on suppressing their sexual desire, suggested a 2023 study. However, there wasn’t much difference between the two genders when it came to sexual desire or sexual shame.

There wasn’t a dramatic difference in cognitive reappraisal, which has to do with changing how a person thinks about a particular situation in the bedroom. Many of us grow up in homes that discourage talking about sex, power and consent, said Mistress Amanda Wildefyre, a professional dominatrix based in Minneapolis.

“Some of us have been taught that it’s wrong to want experiences that don’t match up with our gender or that only certain types of people can enjoy sex,” Wildefrye said.

How can kink help women express desires and set boundaries?

“Engaging in kink/BDSM is a multi-edged sword—in a good way,” Wildefyre said. “These alternative practices ask us to learn to communicate our desires, negotiate expectations and express enthusiastic consent with our partners. BDSM play also encourages us to recognize and reflect on our physical and emotional reactions during and after intimacy.” By following a safe and consensual framework, kink and BDSM can offer the built-in reward of satisfaction and affirmation of our unique desires, which may lead to a reduction of shame and anxiety over time, Wildefyre said.

“When you’re doing those things in that controlled environment, sometimes that’s enough to remind the person that it’s okay,” Hintog said. “‘I’m safe. I don’t have any further repercussions from this.'”

How can kink help you feel safe with the right partner?

A controlled environment, boundaries and aftercare can play into creating a safe space. These feelings of safety can help release bouts of anxiety and shame. “Kink/BDSM play offers a template for clear communication about likes and dislikes, compatibility and expectations,” Wildfyre said. “Safewords give us an explicit language to indicate when we need a pause or would like the action to stop.” Healing can occur during aftercare—the emotional, mental, spiritual and physical caretaking aspects after a sexual experience.

“When you’re with a partner you trust, that aftercare builds connection and intimacy,” Two-Straps said. “And it tells your brain, ‘We did this scary thing in a controlled environment, and now we’re safe.'”

How can kink help you relax and transform shame?

At its best, kink/BDSM offers a narrative-changing context for pleasure and approval for the parts of ourselves we have been made to feel ashamed of, Wildfyre said.

As a teenager, Wildfyre was teased relentlessly for being “too tall.” When she started playing with female dominance, her height became an asset. An athletic, cis-gendered masculine-expressing male, for example, might feel more comfortable indulging in being submissive, something for which they may have previously been ashamed.

BDSM activities indicated reductions in psychological stress and an increase in a mental state linked to heightened creativity, indicated a 2016 study.

Where can you go to learn more about kink and BDSM?

If you’re keen on exploring kink, Hintog suggested relying on reputable sources. Immerse yourself in BDSM 101. Find local meetup groups or sign up for workshops to build community with like-minded people.

See if there are reputable dungeons, or safe areas for BDSM, near you. When exploring kink with a partner, it’s important to negotiate boundaries and consent, explained Hintog. Kinky scenes can involve physical, psychological and emotional risk. “Education, making friends and building community are a great way to start,” Hintog said. “That way, you’re learning as much as you can.”

Let your kinky side emerge at a pace you’re comfortable with.

“If in a relationship, you can introduce a few new things at a time and explore together, which is very bonding and playful when done with a loving partner,” said Charlynn Ruan, Ph.D., a California-based clinical psychologist and founder of Thrive Psychology Group. “If single, there are workshops and events where you can go and observe before getting involved.”

The bottom line

If you’re new to kink and the BDSM world, have realistic expectations, Wildfyre said. Kink and BDSM play may have a unique array of potential benefits, from alleviating shame and anxiety to boosting creativity, but don’t rush the learning process.

“Even though you may have had kinky fantasies all your life, it will take some time and a bit of compromise to bring your explorations to the real world,” Wildfyre said.

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How to bottom better (for the more experienced)

— Some words of wisdom about lube, positions, douching, and more for better pleasure in bed.

 

By Charles Orgbon III

Bottoming can be an intimate and enjoyable experience for many, but if you’re not prepared – both physically and mentally – it might end in what I like to call a “poo-tastrophe.” For those just dipping their toes in the water, plenty of resources exist online about how to douche, the importance of communication, and why you should carefully listen to your body around bottoming. But as a card-carrying bottom, I have a few additional items I’d like to add to the syllabus.

Here are some words of wisdom to help you experience better pleasure:

Don’t starve yourself — you can eat!

Whether it be for Folsom Street Fair, San Francisco Pride, Chicago Market Days, or Palm Springs’ Blatino Oasis, many bottoms spend entire weekends drinking only water and only eating salads for breakfast, lunch, and dinner so they can “stay ready.” Life doesn’t have to be so restrictive. I found it incredibly liberating when I realized that I have about 2 hours after eating to have anxiety-free receptive sex.

Knowing a timeframe for my body allowed me to make better decisions about when to eat without fear of whether or not I was playing gastrointestinal Russian Roulette. Everybody is different, but for me, meals with wholesome and fibrous foods, as opposed to highly processed foods, allowed me to extend my safe-zone window.

You may need to experience accidents to discover what works and doesn’t work for your body, and if a top doesn’t have patience for you to do this work, I hope you’ll trust me when I tell you that they’re not worth your time.

Save time and use a shower attachment

I bought my first hand-held douche in Amsterdam back in 2017. No one told me that there’s a difference between a vaginal douche and an anal douche. It took me a few years of living in complete oblivion, but I am glad I know now and I eventually found a douching bulb with a finer, more comfortable insert.

…until I realized there was even something better!

Shower attachments are an efficient and usually affordable alternative to bulb douches. Whether you rent or own, you can install them in your shower and they are ready to go at a moment’s notice.

And here’s a life hack: just about any hand-held shower device can be unscrewed and turned into a douching mechanism when held in the right position with the right amount of water pressure. When traveling, try finding the hotel rooms with these types of showers, and you can thank me later!

Find the right position

Many of us have heard of missionary, doggy style, and cowboy. Porn sites love to mention these as prominent categories, but what about superman, leg glider, or seesaw? And scissoring is not just for lesbians! GAY SEX POSITIONS GUIDE fascinates me with a universe of options that make me eager to try with a partner. Use this guide to stimulate (in multiple senses of the word!) conversations about what might be the best position for you. Discover the best way for your partner to reach your prostate.

The trick for partners with smaller penises

Just because someone has a large penis doesn’t make them the best in bed and the opposite can be equally said for someone with a small penis. Sex is so much more than just the physicality of our organs–so don’t discount your potential partners who may be a little less than average. There’s something you can do to achieve pleasure.

Try using a little less lube for a bit more friction, creating a more intense sensation. However, be careful to not use too little lube because friction can also lead to more internal small cuts that increase STI risk. If you’re not using condoms and lube, consider adding Doxy PEP and PrEP to your repertoire.

Find the right lube

The market presents us bottoms with many options for lube. Water-based lubes dry up quickly, but are compatible with sex toys and condoms.

Oil-based lubes such as coconut oil last a bit longer, but shouldn’t be used with condoms (they can cause condoms to break).

Then, there’s silicone lube, like Pjur Back Door, which lasts longer, but is expensive and can stain sheets and clothing.

Premium lubes, like Astroglide X, blend water and silicone so they don’t stain sheets.

I prefer silicone lubes, even though they’re more expensive. But people have their own preferences, and it’s worth taking the time to experiment with different products to find ones that you like for different things (you might like a different lube with toys than one for a partner).

Here’s how to get rid of the post-sex trapped gas

I know that I’m not the only one that’s experienced a longer bottoming session, leaving me with excess air in my gut and feeling a bit bloated. When this happens, I start by walking around and massaging my stomach. If ginger is within reach, I crunch it up and make a tea. For the quickest results, however, I drink caffeine, which excites my digestive system and allows me to expel something, hopefully some of the gas along with it. And voila! Relief!

Bottoming requires so many considerations, and this article isn’t meant to be an exhaustive list, but hopefully makes you think and offers a perspective from the receiving end of things that may be helpful.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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Women’s sexual desire often goes undiscussed

– Yet it’s one of their most common health concerns

Many women are afraid to voice concerns about low desire to their doctors.

By

Female sexual desire is frequently misunderstood. Despite desire (also known as libido or sex drive) being the most common sexual health concern for women, most women aren’t really taught about it growing up. And if they are, the information is often inaccurate.

This lack of education not only perpetuates misinformation, stigma and shame about female sexual desire, it can also have a major effect on wellbeing and perceptions of satisfaction in intimate relationships.

Discrepancies in sexual desire and satisfaction are often reported as key reasons for relationship difficulties. Low sexual desire also has a negative impact on body image and self-confidence.

But it’s never too late to understand desire and the many ways it can change – not just each day, but throughout life.

Desire is constantly changing

Sexual desire is best understood as a transient state. This means it can be affected by an array of factors – including stress, hormones, physical and mental health, certain medications, lifestyle and the balance of intimacy and eroticism in a relationship.

Desire is also a multifaceted response, which can either follow or occur at the same time as pleasure or arousal. This means feeling “in the mood” may not happen until after a woman is aroused. Desire can also occur with or without a partner and will vary in frequency and intensity. Sexual desire can also be affected by many environmental factors, which helps explain why it may wane during periods of stress or in longer term relationships.

Even factors such as gender roles and norms are thought to cause low sexual desire for women in heterosexual relationships. One study proposes that the inequities in the division of household labour, the objectification of women and gender norms surrounding sexual initiation (in which men are presumed to be the primary instigators of sex while women are presumed coy), all result in low sexual desire for women.

Understanding that desire is a transient and multifaceted response can help women to see that low desire isn’t a problem with our bodies – and that treating it may be a matter of addressing problems in other parts of their lives. It also helps to understand that it’s normal for desire to change and fluctuate, even on a daily basis, depending on what’s going on in a person’s life.

Certain life transitions can have a major effect

Pregnancy, the post-partum period, perimenopause and menopause are all significant transitional periods in women’s lives that can also have a major impact on sexual desire.

There are a number of reasons why this may be. For example, body changes that may happen during these transitional periods can affect body image and self-esteem, which in turn affects desire. Hormone changes can affect mood, and may also result in physical changes – such as vaginal dryness and dyspareunia (genital pain that occurs before, during or after sex), which are known to affect desire.

Perineal trauma (damage to the perineum during birth) can cause pain which may make women desire sex less. Experiences of pregnancy loss and infertility are also shown to lower sexual desire.

Importantly, these life transitions also affect other areas of our lives – and may lead to stress, fatigue, changes in relationship roles and less time for intimacy. This can all, in turn, lead to lower sexual desire.

Expecting that sexual desire may change or decrease during these periods can be helpful, as it may reduce self-blame and shame.

Desire can be cultivated

Desire can be cultivated at any stage of life. Recent psychosocial approaches to addressing low sexual desire emphasise the importance of balancing intimacy and eroticism, which is a focus on sensuality and pleasure over arousal and orgasm. Research indicates that, while intimacy is essential in healthy partnered sexuality, eroticism helps increase desire by promoting mystery and sexual excitement.

Sexual desire experts also suggest good strategies for cultivating desire including regularly communicating what feels good and what doesn’t with your partner, planning for sexual activity and finding ways to reduce distraction so you can focus on your body during sex.

Evidence-based treatments for low desire include mindfulness therapy, which can help women reduce distraction, increase focus on the sensations, thoughts and emotions they’re experiencing in the moment and help target negative self-judgment. Another treatment, sensate focus touch, which involves using non-sexual touch to promote more open sexual communication among couples, has also been shown to increase desire.

Sexual desire is unique to each person. If women were taught what sexual desire is and what to expect across our lives, they would be less likely to suffer the ill effects of this misunderstanding. Sexual desire is not a problem to be solved – but a skill to be learned and cultivated throughout life.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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Here’s How Anxiety Affects Your Ability To Orgasm

By Claire Fox, GiGi Engle

If you’re someone who deals with stress and anxiety, the unwanted mental and physical effects can creep up during the most inopportune times. Perhaps you’re just hanging out, catching up on the latest episode of your favourite TV show and suddenly you begin to worry about everything in your life. Maybe you’re worrying about nothing in particular, but feel panicky nonetheless. Symptoms of anxiety include ruminating in your own thoughts, focusing on past regrets, a racing heart, sweaty palms, and a general feeling of impending doom. It’s a sneaky not-so-little feeling that can happen at any moment. And one of the worst moments it can strike is when you’re having sex and trying to orgasm.

“Anxiety and stress can have a huge impact on someone’s physical and mental health all around the body and, unfortunately, it’s not uncommon for sex, arousal and pleasure to be affected, too,” AASECT-certified sex therapist Melissa Cook tells Refinery29. During sex you’ll want to be present and enjoy the moment, but if you’re feeling anxiety during the act — whether it’s related or unrelated to sex — that can be a problem for your pleasure and your partner’s. This inability to be in the moment can affect your ability to climax.

Of course, orgasming isn’t the only goal of sex, but for many, it’s an important part of the sexual experience. And if you’re feeling anxious during foreplay, intercourse, oral play, or other sexual activities, reaching climax becomes harder, making it feel almost unreachable. Here’s exactly how feelings of anxiousness and stress can mess with your orgasms, and what you can do about it.

Anxiety Kills The Mood In Your Brain

For many people, focus is a critical element in experiencing an orgasm. And this is especially the case for those with vulvas. Many of us are conditioned to cater to our partner’s pleasure (especially if that partner is a cis man), putting it above our own, as society has long given precedent to the male orgasm. For those who aren’t men, orgasm can often feel secondary: great if it occurs, but certainly not necessary for a complete sexual experience.

Focusing on our bodies, without shame, can prove very difficult given this context. Though it varies from person to person, it takes the average woman about twenty minutes to become aroused enough to have intercourse. Allowing yourself the time to relax and get to that place can be an anxious person’s personal hell.

When you’re anxious, you typically can’t focus or be “in the mood” to orgasm. According to Avril Louise Clarke, a clinical sexologist and intimacy coordinator at ERIKALUST, anxiety has the ability to disrupt sexual energy and pull you entirely out of a positive headspace. “These negative emotions can interfere with the body’s ability to relax and fully engage in sexual activities,” she says. “The ‘fight or flight’ response triggered by stress can lead to heightened tension, making it difficult to reach orgasm.” In other words, when your mind is elsewhere, it creates a barrier to sexual pleasure.

“What’s more, when someone is anxious, they may be more likely to be self-critical of themselves, including about their body or sexual performance,” Cook adds. “This can affect someone’s self-worth and their overall sexual body image which can prevent someone from reaching orgasm or fully enjoying the experience.”

And it’s not just orgasms that are impacted by anxiety and stress. “In fact, sex as a whole can be affected by these feelings,” Cook explains. “To begin with, any type of stress, but especially chronic stress, can decrease someone’s desire to have sex. An anxious or stressed mind can result in someone not being fully present in the moment, meaning they lack libido or struggle to focus during sex.”

Anxiety Messes With Arousal

Stress and anxiety have long been linked to physical sexual concerns, as well. “This is because anxiety and stress can alter the body’s blood vessels and constrict them which makes it harder for someone to experience arousal and pleasure as during an orgasm the blood vessels rush to the genitalia.”

When you are aroused and when you orgasm, the body is flooded with dopamine, the brain’s motivation hormone, and oxytocin, the “love hormone,” which promotes feelings of tranquillity, closeness, and pair bonding. It’s a cocktail of all things that feel good.

When you’re stressed, your body releases cortisol, the body’s stress hormone. It is basically the arch-nemesis of orgasms. “Studies have found that an increase in the hormone cortisol can reduce overall sensitivity, again making it harder for that person to feel aroused and achieve orgasm,” Cook says. Plus, apart from stress’ impact on sex, studies have also linked cortisol to poor sleep, weight gain, and overall feelings of personal distress.

Because of these hormonal changes, stress and anxiety can also lead to vaginal discomfort. “In women, anxiety can result in the vagina muscles contracting frequently which can make penetration very challenging and sometimes painful,” Cook says. This can lead to pain, spotting, or tearing during sex. In short, anxiety impedes your ability to create the hormones needed to become properly sexually aroused.

How To Stop Anxiety From Hindering Your Orgasms

So how exactly can you have more orgasms and try to quiet the anxious thoughts inside your brain? “The most important thing to remember is you’re not alone and there are plenty of steps you can take that will help you to hopefully feel more relaxed in the bedroom and get closer to achieving orgasm,” Cook says.

Forget About Orgasms

For one, when you put pressure on yourself to orgasm, you become more stressed about not orgasming, which only makes experiencing orgasm that much harder. It’s a treacherous sexual catch-22. So, you might want to consider taking orgasm off the table for a bit and stop making climax the goal of sex. Learning to give weight to sexual pleasure in and of itself, rather than holding orgasm as the pinnacle of sexual fulfilment is a beneficial practice, in general. If you take away the pressure, sometimes things just flow better and make the whole experience enjoyable.

Communicate With Your Partner/s

Communication between sexual partners also goes a long way to help with stress in the bedroom. “I always advise couples to communicate first, in a safe and non-judgmental way,” says Cook. “Perhaps there is something that you feel you need in order to be able to orgasm or maybe you’d like to do things differently. Either way, you should both listen to each other and create an open environment where you can talk about your desires, preferences and boundaries.”

Build A Relaxing Environment

In the bedroom itself, it can also be helpful to build the right, comfortable atmosphere. “Consider lighting, candles and music to help you to relax and get into the moment,” Cook says. “You may also want to try foreplay in various settings including in the bath to help you to switch off.”

Try Breathwork Exercises

Another way to combat anxiety when it comes creeping in during sex is to simply breathe, which we often forget to do during sex. “Techniques to help you stay calm and focused on the sensations can help too, such as breathwork,” says Cook. Consciously pulling your breath into your body, letting it fill you, and releasing it slowly can help calm your mind and body. For more techniques, check out more breathing exercises here.

Avoid Drugs & Alcohol

Though it may sound counterintuitive, you should also avoid things like alcohol and drugs if you’re having trouble orgasming due to stress and anxiety. “While many see them as a relaxant, it’s also common for them to impact sexual ability and function,” Cook says.

Perhaps most importantly, though, try your best not to panic if you’re feeling anxious during sex. Be open about your feelings with your partner. Accept this challenge as a part of your life and commit to alleviating anxiety, when possible. Remember, it’s OK to ask for help.

Don’t Suffer In Silence

Anxiety — whether it’s a disorder you struggle with daily or something that happens sporadically — is a huge pain, but if we take time to recognise it for what it is and develop skills to cope, we can keep it from messing with our orgasms.

Orgasms aside, it’s also important to recognize the kind of anxiety you experience, whether it is sporadic or a more far-reaching mental health issue. If you experience debilitating anxiety on a regular basis, seeking professional help is a great first step. Society stigmatizes mental health almost as much as it does sex. Depending on the person, anxiety may or may not need the help of outside sources. Regardless, taking control of yours is a sign of strength.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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Can Sex Protect Memory in Old Age?

— Physical pleasure, emotional satisfaction, and team problem-solving may help boost brain health as we age, according to a new study.

Sex involves communication and problem-solving — both of which are good for keeping the mind engaged.

By Sarah Prager

A new study has found that sex in older age can have benefits for cognitive function, but for different age groups, quality or quantity matters more.

The study, published in The Journal for Sex Research in July 2023, is among the first nationally representative, population-based studies to examine how the sexual lives of older Americans are related to their later cognitive function.

According to study coauthor Shannon Shen, PhD, while there has been plenty of research on cognitive decline in older adults, there was very little that considers how the sexual aspect of social relationships may be beneficial for cognitive functioning.

“We find that for older-old adults, or those that are 75 to 90 years old, having very frequent sex, at once a week or more, is related to better cognitive function five years later compared to those who had no sex,” Dr. Shen says.

“But for the younger-old adults, those ages 62 to 74 in the study, sexual frequency was not influential. Instead, having better sexual quality — both more physical pleasure and emotional satisfaction — was related to their better cognitive function five years later.”

Benefits of Frequent Sex in Later Life Differ for Men and Women

To determine the connection between sex and brain health, the study analyzed cognitive assessments and survey responses from 1,683 adults. The study did not track whether any participants were transgender, while 1.6 percent of the respondents were gay, lesbian, or bisexual.

Sex was defined as any “mutually voluntary activity with another person that involves sexual contact, whether or not intercourse or orgasm occurs.” The study only analyzed partnered sex, not masturbation.

The study found that men who had sex once a week or more had lower odds of experiencing cognitive impairment five years later than men who had no sex in the last year. Sexual frequency was not related to cognitive status among women, though.

What Are the Health Benefits of Having Sex?

Linda Waite, PhD, a professor of sociology at the University of Chicago who has also studied the impact of sex on cognitive health in older age, says that sex has several physical benefits as we age, including stretching, increasing blood flow, and the releasing of hormones and endorphins from orgasm. But social elements are also key.

“When you’re involved in a joint project, then you have to use the social part of your brain,” Dr. Waite says. “You have to say, ‘Oops, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to nudge you,’ or ‘That doesn’t feel so great for me, can we move around,’ or ‘My hands are cold,’ or ‘Let’s get under the covers,’ or ‘Do that again.’”

Patterned social interactions with a long-standing close partner can also help with brain health, Waite says.

“If somebody’s having a little trouble with the next step, the other person can step in, and give a little help. So because there’s two of you, and even if you’re having trouble, you’re probably not having exactly the same kind of trouble,” Waite says. “You know, ‘Oh, remember, now we do that?’”

Should You Be Having More Sex?

Shen says that while the study does find that frequency of sex and quality of sex may help improve cognitive functioning in older age, she wouldn’t say it’s necessarily beneficial for everyone to have more sex.

“Our results are really highlighting different stages of later life being important in the benefits one sees from their sexual relationship,” Shen says. “For those younger-old adults, the quality they have with their sexual partner is important for their later cognitive functioning, not just having more sex. Even adults that have low libido can still enjoy high sexual quality, and the broad definition of sex in the study could mean that it’s not just intercourse that needs to occur for us to see these cognitive benefits.”

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!