Tag: Intimacy

Posted on

Aging and Sex

By Korin Miller

Sex advice is often geared toward people who are having it for the first time, but it’s understandable that you might still have questions, even when you’re a sex veteran. After all, your body changes as you get older, and you’re not born knowing how to navigate all of this.

>“Our bodies change over time, so it’s very normal to have questions about sex and sexual health at any age, no matter how experienced you are,” women’s health expert Dr. Jennifer Wider, tells Yahoo Life.

But figuring out your “new normal” in your sex life can be “even even more sexually satisfying once you learn how to navigate the hormonal and physical changes that occur with age,” Dr. Lauren Streicher, an associate professor of clinical obstetrics and gynecology at Northwestern University Feinberg School of Medicine and author of Sex Rx: Hormones, Health, and Your Best Sex Ever, tells Yahoo Life.

Whether you’re in a steady relationship or are single, experts say these are important things to consider to keep your sex life—and sexual health—in top shape, no matter what your age.

Don’t shy away from lubrication

“As women get older, the ovaries make less estrogen,” Dr. Mary Jane Minkin, a clinical professor of obstetrics and gynecology and reproductive sciences at Yale Medical School, tells Yahoo Life. “That can cause [a woman] to be drier.” That’s why Minkin says that lubrication “is key” to having comfortable sex.

Lubrication is also important for lowering your risk of contracting sexually transmitted infections (STIs), Wider says. If you’re not well lubricated during sex, you can be vulnerable to experiencing micro-tears that can open you up to contracting an STI, she explains. “It’s important to be aware of this and to use personal lubrication products,” Wider says.

Use protection with a new partner

Yes, protection is still important when you’re older. And yes, you can get pregnant, which is why birth control is still important in your late 30s and early 40s. “While pregnancy is a lot less likely after 40, it can, and does, happen,” Streicher says. She points to data published in the New England Journal of Medicine that found that 45% of pregnancies in the U.S. are unintended. “Not surprisingly, the highest rate of unintended pregnancy is among women aged 24 and younger,” she says. “Surprisingly, the second-highest rate is among women over 40. In fact, unplanned pregnancies in women over 40 have recently increased because so many women in that group assume they are no longer fertile.”

STIs are still a risk, too, Streicher says. “You shouldn’t be lulled into safety, even if someone tells you they’re low risk because they just got a divorce or something,” she says. “Who knows who else they’ve been with?”

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) recommends using condoms to protect against the spread of STIS, nothing that “consistent and correct” use of latex condoms reduces the risk of contracting STIs and HIV. However, the CDC says, condoms, “cannot provide absolute protection.”

Minkin agrees that condoms are not perfect. “They don’t cover everything down there,” she says. “People can still transmit herpes with a condom, for example.” Still, she says, “they’re a good option.”

Keep up your Kegel exercises

Kegel exercises, which can help make the muscles under the uterus, bladder, and bowel stronger, can make sex more enjoyable, Wider says. “Strong pelvic floor muscles are important during sex,” she says. “Doing daily exercises can help strengthen and improve the tone of this muscle group.”

To do the exercises, Medline Plus recommends pretending you have to pee and then holding it. Relax and tighten the muscles that control urine flow—these are your Kegel exercises.

“The pelvic floor is challenged by pregnancy and age,” Minkin says. “It’s good to do these exercises any time, and it’s never too early to start.”

Take your time during sex

This is important at any age, Minkin says. “Most women need time to get things going, and many women and their partners are unaware of that,” she says. She recommends that couples start slowly and incorporate elements of touch and relaxation in foreplay, like giving a gentle massage.

Wider says patience during sex is also crucial. “Many women take longer to reach [climax] when compared with a male partner,” she says. “Giving yourself time to climax is important to sexual satisfaction.”

Get your HPV vaccine

The vaccine against human papillomavirus (HPV), an STI that’s linked to certain forms of cancer, is largely recommended for people under the age of 26, per the CDC. However, people up to age 45 who are not vaccinated may decide to have the vaccine to lower their risk of contracting HPV. “I advise women to get the vaccine, particularly if they’re newly single and not in a monogamous relationship,” Streicher says.

While the HPV vaccine has been tested in and approved by the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) for use in people up to age 45, Streicher says she will sometimes give it to patients who are older than that if they’re at a higher risk of contracting HPV. If you’re unsure if you need this, she recommends talking to your doctor.

Get tested for STIs

If you have multiple sexual partners, Minkin recommends that both you and your partners get tested regularly. “There is no absolutely safe hookup,” she says. The CDC recommends that all adults up to age 64 get tested at least once for HIV, and that sexually active women with risk factors like new or multiple sex partners get tested for gonorrhea and chlamydia every year.

Have open communication with your partner</strong

This is a big one, per Minkin. “One of the problems with satisfying sex is boredom,” she says. Minkin recommends having regular conversations with your partner about what you do and don’t like in bed. “If there’s no communication, there’s not going to be good sex,” she says. “Talking and working to liven things up is a good thing.”

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

Posted on

How The Pandemic Has Changed Our Sexuality

By Kim Elsesser

Sex lives have changed dramatically since last March.  Sales of sex toys are on the rise and a new survey reveals that singles are turning to masks, videos and roommates to help meet their sexual needs while staying safe from Covid-19. For couples, increased time together can mean more freedom for intimacy, but the increased stress from the pandemic can also be a libido killer. Here’s the scoop on what has changed in the last seven months.

A new Singles in America survey from Match confirms that sexual behavior has changed dramatically since the pandemic took hold.  Although many are abstaining from sex completely (Match reports that 71% of singles haven’t had sex since the pandemic started), other singles are turning to roommates to meet their intimacy needs. Of the singles who have been sexually active during the pandemic, almost a quarter of them (24%) reported having sex with a non-romantic roommate. The percentage hooking up with a roommate was higher for the younger generations, with a whopping 46% of Gen Z and 33% of Millennials saying they had sex with a non-romantic roommate. Even local governments have been encouraging roommate sex. New York City told its residents who were looking to stay safe from Covid-19, that “you are your safest sex partner,” adding, “the next safest partner is someone you live with.” While roommate sex may limit virus exposure, it does seem fraught with other pitfalls.

Sexologists call a shift in behavior, like this move to roommate sex, situational sexual behavior. Dr. Helen Fisher, Match’s scientific advisor on the survey, describes, “Situation sexual behavior is sexual behavior that one expresses in situations or circumstances in which they are unable to express their normal, preferred patterns of sexuality. It is common among prisoners, among those in other confining institutions, in wartime settings, among travelers in unfamiliar places and in other situations in which an individual is not able to pursue their normal and/or preferred habits, behaviors and patterns of sexuality.”

Sales of sex toys have also increased during the pandemic. In April, just after the shutdown started, Wow Tech Group, owner of We-Vibe and Womanizer, reported online sales for both brands had increased over 200% compared to last year. On the day that the WHO declared Covid-19 a pandemic, Adult Toy Megastore saw sales triple in New Zealand, Australia, and Britain. Emily Writes, a spokesperson for the Megastore, told The Guardian, “We’re selling a lot of beginner toys … all our beginner ranges are very popular. It definitely looks like people are saying: ‘I’ve got time, I might try something new.’”

Rachel Braun Scherl, vagipreneur (her trademarked label for someone in the business of female sexual health) and managing partner at SPARKS Solutions for Growth says part of the increase in sex toy use is due to logistical realities during the pandemic. “People are with their partners hours and hours more every day than they have been for years. No one is traveling, no one is going out to dinner, the physical proximity is greater, so there are many more opportunities for engaging in intimacy,” she says.

The increase in sex toy sales is also likely related to an increase in self-pleasure during the pandemic. Scherl says one reason may be the additional focus on health and wellness during the pandemic. “We’re hearing so much during the pandemic about self-care and how important that is. And that narrative has been extended to include pleasure, ” she says. Adding one more potential reason for the uptick in self-pleasure, she says, “It’s also much scarier to be dating casually right now. In place of casual sexual encounters, people are now focusing on self-pleasure.”

For those who are engaging in sex with those outside of their households, there has been a shift as well. In September, the Chief Public Health Officer of Canada, Dr. Theresa Tam, issued a statement that included recommendations for those having sex with anyone outside of the household. Tam writes,  “Sex can be complicated in the time of Covid-19, especially for those without an intimate partner in their household or whose sexual partner is at higher risk for Covid-19. Like other activities during Covid-19 that involve physical closeness, there are some things you can do to minimize the risk of getting infected and spreading the virus.” She recommends skipping the kissing and wearing a mask.

Match didn’t ask about mask-wearing during sex specifically, but 20% of singles in their survey report wearing mask throughout their dates. Singles have also adopted other safety measures, like video screening of potential dates. Match reports that 68% of singles reported using video dating to determine whether they wanted to meet someone in real life, and video dating has increased 25% in the last three years.

In order to stay safe, singles could also be asking potential dates to be tested for the virus prior to intimacy. “Where they used to say, show me your HIV test, now they could be asking, ‘please show me your negative Covid test,’” Scherl says. There’s also evidence people are talking to their partners about the extent of their potential exposure to the virus. Dr. Abraar Karan of Harvard Medical School agrees and suggested to NPR that daters should approach the conversation about their partner’s health the same way they would talk about sexually transmitted diseases before being intimate with someone for the first time.

It’s also important to note that not everyone is increasing their sexual activity during the pandemic. “There are people who are going to town and having more sex and buying more toys, and there are people for whom the stress of the pandemic is so great it has the opposite reaction,” Scherl says. In particular, stress related to family health or financial stress incurred during the pandemic can have a negative impact on libido.

Scherl believes the best news about sexuality in pandemic times is the greater emphasis on women’s health and the impact that sexual behavior can have on health. She adds another benefit, “Sexual health and sexual pleasure and sexual enjoyment are becoming much more comfortable topics in our society.” Openness and more discussion about these topics will hopefully lead to better health outcomes and more enjoyment.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

Posted on

Dating All Genders for the First Time?

Here’s Where To Start.

Explore dating new people with care and compassion front of mind.

by Taylor Hartman

Sara Saito was nervous. Her palms were sweating as she sat at a crowded bar, waiting for her date.

Saito had been in the U.S. for a semester studying business abroad at the University of Utah, and she was about to go on her first real date since starting school.

The date itself wasn’t what was giving Saito nerves — after all, she’d dated people in high school and had a boyfriend for a year.

She was nervous because after struggling with her sexual identity for years, this was the first time she was going on a date with a woman.

“I’d always been attracted to women but I was too scared of the unknown,” Saito said. “I’m a pretty shy person, so doing something social that’s new is scary for me.”

As a single person in a new city, Saito said she was finally ready to better understand herself and explore dating a wider variety of people. When she first found out she wanted to start date women, Saito felt lost, unsure of where to look or how to begin.

“I can download Tinder and change the gender to women, but for me, I was still nervous,” Saito said.

“What if I say the wrong thing or break a ‘rule?’ What if I find out I am less attracted to girls [than I thought]? Those were real concerns for me because I was so new to everything, it all was overwhelming and scary.”

Ready to date different genders? Self knowledge is key

Like Saito, many young people feel more comfortable with exploring their sexuality these days, but navigating a new social landscape can be a scary prospect.

For mental health experts like Sorin Thomas, exploring and understanding one’s gender is a beautiful part of life. But it should be done with care and other people’s well-being in mind, and always remembering hearts are at stake.

Thomas is the founding and executive director of QUEER ASTERISK, a Colorado-based nonprofit organization providing queer-informed counseling services, educational training and community programming.

“When we explore dating different genders the danger is people can get tokenized,” Thomas says,

“And then that could become further harmful when the person doesn’t have a good framework for how to validate another person’s gender, body, sexual identity and more.”

Thomas points out if a person isn’t sure what gender they’re attracted to, it may not be the best time to experiment with other people.

“It comes from that person unlocking things in themselves first,” Thomas said.

Get rid of misconceptions in you and others

One of the most common misunderstandings Thomas sees in counseling queer individuals and their families is that biological sex, gender and sexual orientation are all the same part of a person’s identity. In reality, the notions of gender, sex and attraction are much more nuanced, and often act independently of each other.

For example, Thomas said many people assume a transgender man would identify as heterosexual.

“The parent who’s saying something in their head like, ‘Gosh, I can’t imagine my child as a trans boy, they’ve always been attracted to boys,'” Thomas said.

“We try to help people understand that these things aren’t determined by each other.”

Thomas says the first step in dating new genders is to do some self-searching, and find out how you may identify, and how your biology, gender, and sexuality relate. When we understand how we’re oriented in the world, we can better understand how other people are.

Find inclusive resources and communities

No matter who we date, getting out there and meeting potential partners is a challenge. For folks who are just starting to date all genders, the usual resources for meeting people can be overwhelming.

Jake Arnold came out of the closet in December 2018, his senior year of college.

“I decided to download Grindr because I figure that’s where I’d meet people,” Arnold said.

“I was immediately bombarded with d*** pics and messages of people wanting to hook up. It was overwhelming.”

Arnold took a step back from Grindr and decided to research other dating platforms that were queer-friendly. He joined OkCupid, an app long hailed as an inclusive dating service, and felt less pressured. He eventually met his boyfriend on the site.

Arnold now volunteers with his local pride organization to provide a safe, pressure-free space for queer people — a space he felt he missed.

“I know how scary it is to come out and start looking,” Arnold said. “I want to be there for those people who are scared and say ‘I know what you’ve been through, I know how crazy gay dating can get, here’s what I did.”

Dating services and resources tailored to include queer people are becoming more common, Thomas said. At the end of the day, it’s important to realize that one’s sexual journey is just that — a journey.

Most of the time, we never arrive exactly where we thought we would, and the journey itself is something to celebrate.

“No one is a polished finished product,” Thomas said. “Trying something is messy. But to be able to do this with as much grace and integrity as possible is really great.”

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

Posted on

The Case for Being Upfront About Your Sexuality On the First Date

If you don’t exclusively date one gender, it can be tricky to know when it’s time to come out to a new potential partner. Here, tips for doing it, and why you might want to sooner rather than later.

By Gabrielle Kassel

It was the end of the first date. So far, things had been going well. We’d touched on dating histories, confirmed our compatible relationship orientations (both monogamous), discussed our individual vices, bonded over a shared love of yoga and CrossFit, and giddily shared photos of our furbabies. I was definitely connecting with this man — we’ll call him Derek — but there was still one major thing we hadn’t yet talked about: My bisexuality.

My previous partner had pretended that my dating resume didn’t feature folks of various genders, and our silence about it contributed to me not feeling queer enough. I wanted to avoid that dynamic again, so on date number one with Derek, I said it plainly.

“It’s really important to me that you understand that I am bisexual and that I will still be bisexual if we date.”

Like the rockstar he is, Derek responded, “Of course, being with me isn’t going to change your sexual orientation.” He and I went on to date for nearly a year. While we’ve since broken up (due to mismatched long-term goals), I strongly believe that sharing my sexuality with him from the beginning is part of why I felt so loved and seen when we were dating.

Because of that, I’ve since made it a rule to come out as bisexual on the first date (and sometimes, even earlier). And guess what? Experts agree. Both psychotherapist and marriage and relationship expert Rachel Wright, M.A., L.M.F.T. and licensed professional counselor Maggie McCleary, L.G.P.C., who specializes in queer-inclusive services, say that coming out to a potential partner sooner rather than later is a good move — so long as you feel safe doing so.

Read on to learn the benefits of coming out to a new potential partner ASAP. Plus, tips for how to handle it, whether you’re bisexual, pansexual, asexual, or any other part of the queer rainbow.

The Benefit of Coming Out On a First Date

“Sharing your sexuality allows your potential partner to get the fullest picture of you as early as possible,” says McCleary. “And for a relationship to be healthy, you want to be able to be your full self,” they say.

Coming out also allows you to see if the person will be accepting of your sexuality. If you come out to your date and they don’t respond well or you get a sense that they won’t, “that’s a sign that they aren’t someone who isn’t going to accept all of you,” says McCleary. And in an ideal, healthy relationship you want (and need!) that acceptance.

Note: “If they don’t respond well and that’s not a deal-breaker for you, then there might be other things you need assess internally,” considering that signals you’re willingly entering into a potentially unhealthy relationship, says McCleary. (For that, a queer-inclusive mental health professional may be helpful. You can find one on Psychology Today.)

Coming out right away also saves you from the anxiety of *not* being out to somebody you’re going to continue dating. “The longer you avoid sharing your sexuality with them, the more anxious you can become about how they’re going to respond,” explains McCleary.

Considering anxiety is often accompanied by emotional symptoms such as feelings of sadness, panic, or fear, and even physical symptoms, that’s — understatement alert — no good. (See More: What Anxiety Disorder Is—And What It Isn’t ?)

What If I Don’t Feel Safe Coming Out — Or They Respond Poorly?

First things first, remember that you never need to come out! “You never owe coming out to anyone — and you especially don’t owe it to someone you’re on a first date with,” says Wright.

So if you don’t want to tell them, don’t. Or if your gut is telling you this person *isn’t* accepting, don’t. In fact, in the latter case, McCleary says you absolutely have permission to leave the date right smack dab in the middle.

You might say:

  • “What you just said is a dealbreaker for me, so I’m going to respectfully remove myself from this situation.”
  • “It’s a rule for me not to date transphobes and what you just said is transphobic, so I’m going to call off the rest of this date.”
  • “That comment doesn’t sit well in my gut, so I’m going to excuse myself.”

Can you stick the date out until the end and then send a similarly-worded text when you get home? Sure. “Your safety has to be your number one priority, but there’s no wrong way to prioritize your safety, so long as you do,” says Wright.

What If They’re Accepting…But Don’t Know Much About Being LGBTQ+?

If the person you’re on a date with isn’t familiar with what it means to be LGBTQ+, whether you continue to date them is really personal decision. It ultimately it comes down to two main things.

First, how much emotional labor do you want to put into educating this person about your identities? If, for example, you’re you’re still exploring your own bisexuality, learning about bisexuality with your new boo could be a fun bonding activity. But, if you’ve been a bisexual activist for decades or teach about LGBTQ+ history for work, you may have less interest in taking on an educational role in your relationship.

Second, how important is it to you that the people you’re dating be both accepting of and knowledgeable about your queerness? “If you’re incredibly involved in your local LGBTQ community, it may be much more important to you to date someone who understands bisexuality than someone who’s bisexuality hasn’t played as big a role in their social circles or life,” says Wright.

How to Come Out On the First Date (or Even Before That)

These tips prove that coming out doesn’t have to be as daunting as it sounds.

1. Put it in your dating profiles.

With social distancing orders still in place, the opportunities to meet folks at the bar or gym have dwindled. So if you’re meeting new potential lovers, odds are high it’s happening on apps. In that case, McCleary recommends putting your sexuality right in your profile.

These days, most dating apps (Tinder, Feeld, OKCupid, etc.) make it easy, allowing you to choose from a wide variety of gender and sexuality markers that’ll appear right in your profile. Tinder, for instance, allows daters to select up to three terms that best describe their sexual orientation, including straight, gay, lesbian, bisexual, asexual, demisexual, pansexual, queer, and questioning.

“You can also signal more subtly with the rainbow 🌈, rainbow flag emojis 🏳️‍🌈, or hearts the color of the bisexual pride flag 💗💜💙,” says McCleary.

If you’re currently exploring your sexuality and haven’t yet settled on a label (or many), you can write as much in your profile, notes Wright. For example:

  • “Exploring my sexuality and looking for friends and lovers who want to come along on the journey.”
  • “Recently came out as not straight and here to explore what that means to me.”
  • “Homophobes, misogynists, racists, and biphobes please do this fluid babe a favor and swipe left.”

“Displaying your sexuality right from the get-go will alleviate any of the pressure or anxiety you have around needing to come out on the first date,” says McCleary. If they swipe right, they already know your sexuality because it was right there in your profile. Plus, it acts as some kind of asshole filter, keeping you from matching with folks who won’t accept you.

2. Share your socials.

Are you out on social media — meaning you frequently talk about your sexuality when you post on social? If so, Wright recommends sharing your social media handles ahead of meeting up in person. (You can also consider doing a quick video chat first date to judge this and your general chemistry as well.)

“Obviously, an online persona is only a small portion of who I am as a person, but I’m active on Instagram so sharing my handle is a great way for someone to learn that I’m bisexual, queer and polyamorous… while also getting a feel of my overall energy,” explains Wright.

3. Slip it in casually.

Did your recent match ask you if you’ve seen any good movies recently? Did they ask you what you’re reading? Answer them honestly, but nod to your sexuality while you do so.

For example: “I’m queer, so I’m a big fan of queer documentaries and I just watched Disclosure,” or, “since I came out as bisexual, I’ve been reading bi memoirs nonstop. I just finished Tomboyland by Melissa Faliveno.”

The benefit of this approach is that it keeps your sexuality from feeling like this big confession, says McCleary. “It shifts the ‘coming out’ process from something serious to a passing topic,” the same way you’d discuss another part of your identity, such as where you grew up.

4. Spit it out!

Don’t let your desire to be smooth keep you from dishing your truth. “Honestly, someone who’s actually worth dating isn’t going to care how you tell them that you’re bi or queer,” says Wright.

These examples prove that clunky can be just as effective as smooth:

  • “I don’t know how to bring this up but I just wanted to let you know that I’m bi.”
  • “This is totally unrelated to what we’re talking about but I liked to tell the people I’m going on dates with that I’m bi. So, here I am telling you!.”
  • “This date was great! But before we make future plans, I just want to let you know that I’m bisexual.”

5. Ask a leading question.

“If you can get a general gauge on this person’s views or politics, you’ll probably get a good sense of whether or not they’ll be accepting of the marginalized (sexual or gender) identities that you claim,” says McCleary.

You might ask, for example: “Which BLM marches or events have you attended this month?” or “What did you think of the latest presidential debate?” or “Where do you get your morning news?”

From all this info, you can slowly piece together whether the person you’re chatting with is waving red flags or rainbow flags — and decide for yourself whether you want to keep them around.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

Posted on

Is your sex life in a lockdown rut?

How to spice things up and feel empowered in the bedroom again (whether you’re single or in a relationship)


By Bianca London

Whether you’re single or in a relationship, lockdown has been a bizarre old time for everyone’s sex life. If you’re sex life is better than ever, we’re happy for you, but for the rest of the nation, either you’re living with a partner and really CBA to keep the magic alive or you’re single and struggling to indulge in sex because, well, lockdown.

With vast times apart or too much time together (!), this year has had a knock-on effect on the sex lives of the nation, according to research.

Brook, the sexual health charity, has partnered with intimate health brand, Canesten, to explore some of the themes that are impacting the sex lives of young people in the UK. According to their new research, almost half (49%) of young women felt that their body confidence has been knocked in the midst of the COVID-19 pandemic, which was leading to a negative impact on their sex lives.

To get the lowdown on how lockdown has left the nation’s sex lives in a rut – plus to garner some tips on fixing the issue – we spoke to a range of experts – from Confidence Expert Jo Painter to Psychosexual Therapist Kate Moyle, and Brook Education and Wellbeing Expert Amber Newman-Clark.

Low Desire & Libido

One of the biggest impacts of isolation is low desire, which can put an instant blocker on our libido. As Psychosexual Therapist Kate Moyle explains: “The recent pandemic and lockdown has presented a problem for lots of people in that one of the most common presentations for therapy is the description of low desire, or low libido. What we now know is that female sexual desire is largely responsive and for many people being in lockdown has possibly taken away opportunities in which for these responsive desire opportunities to occur.”

This theme isn’t exclusive to those who physically don’t have the opportunity; couples have been impacted too. As Kate continues: “For couples locked down together, a lack of distance and difference stifles desire, which thrives on novelty, excitement and anticipation.” We hear ya.

Kate maintains that being able to talk to our partners about what is going on, what we like and being able to explore together, is a quick-fix for this issue. “We are not mind readers and there is no way we can see into each other’s heads unless we invite them in by telling them. Communication is key to sexual wellbeing and sexual wellness,: she said.

Virtual Comparison Culture

We spent a lot of time online before the pandemic, but ultimately this has increased exponentially continuing to impact our sex lives, as Kate continues: “We now spend so much of our lives online, and are able to see so much of the lives of others through social media. The vulva is most commonly seen in pornography rather than on mainstream television. This can cause women to lack vulva confidence, and stop them loving themselves just as they are. It’s human nature to compare ourselves against others and the challenge when it comes to vulvas in this instance is that so often, we are left with the feeling that how we look is ‘not normal’.

Yet, there is NO normal and if you can bust this, you’re on your way to being sexually confident: “Reinforce the idea that there is no such thing as normal. Try to break away from the stylised images and representations and look at something more realistic like ‘The Labia Library’ or Laura Dodsworth’s book ‘Womanhood, and The Great Wall of Vagina’.”

Vulval Vulnerability

The decline in body and vulval confidence during the pandemic, can make us feel less inclined to be vulnerable with our vulvas, as Kate tells us: “To be sexual with someone is to be vulnerable. Bodies are a range of shapes, colours, sizes, they have different smells and they make noises – that is normal, but so often we fear what may happen when they do.”

We’ll give ourselves positive affirmations when it comes to feeling low generally, but what about extending this to your vagina?

“It might sound cheesy but the way that you talk to yourself matters and is very important. Especially at the moment when we have all been living in a time of high stress and uncertainty. Offer yourself a set of affirmations every morning to get your day started and include your vulva in that. For example, my body is unique. My body is designed to experience pleasure. My vulva and vagina are a part of me”.

Vulval Familiarity

How well do you think you know your vulva? Part of the discomfort and vulnerability we feel around our vulvas is that we just don’t know them well enough, as Kate tells us: “The anxiety that someone might feel about being naked in front of a partner or their partner seeing their vulva can completely inhibit a sexual experience. It stops them from fully being in the moment and experiencing pleasure as they are distracted by negative thoughts. This is because we only have enough available attention at any one time, and so if we are in our heads, we can’t also be fully in our bodies.”

However, there are ways you can overcome this as Kate continues – and lockdown could be the perfect time for a little sexual exploration:

“Get to know your body more. When you are in the bath, shower or just lying in bed at night, familiarise yourself with your body. Just hold your hands on your vulva, and explore it; not necessarily with the focus of it being sexual, pleasurable (which it may well be), or orgasm but just to get to know your body better.”

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

Posted on

How to practice tantric sex

— a slow, meditative form of intimacy that can improve relationships

By Sarah Fielding

  • Tantric sex is a slow, meditative form of intimacy that’s focused on strengthening the bond between you and a partner. 
  • To practice tantric sex, slow down the pace, focus on your breath, and engage all five senses. 
  • Have you ever wanted to slow things down in the bedroom and gain a more intimate connection with a partner? If so, you may want to consider tantric sex — a form of intimacy focused on strengthening the ties between you and your partner. Here’s how to practice tantric sex and tips to integrate the practice into your sex life.

    What is tantric sex?

    Tantric sex is a slowed-down version of sex designed to enhance intimacy. It stems from the Sanskrit word tantra, which means woven together, and is rooted in Hindu and Buddhist teachings.

    In tantric sex, the goal is not about reaching orgasm quickly (if at all) or about feeling incredible physical pleasure. Instead, tantric sex focuses on creating a genuine mindful connection within yourself and then between you and your partner.

    “You feel as if you’re merging together or, rather, that the things that separate you are illusions of the material world,” says Stefani Goerlich, a licensed master social worker and sex therapist. “The result of tantric practice is the creation of close bonds with one’s partner, greater awareness of one’s body, and the development of skills such as mindfulness, restraint, and communication.”

     Another benefit of tantric sex is its ability to ease anxiety. Traditionally, intimacy can cause performance anxiety around premature ejaculation, erectile dysfunction, and the worry about ensuring orgasm.

    “That pressure… takes you from being in the moment and in your body, to being in your head,” says Kamil Lewis, a sex and relationship therapist in Southern California.

    Tantric sex removes those anxieties. “When [you] are able to redirect [your] focus towards experiencing the sensations of simply being present and connected together, [you] are able to enjoy sex without anxiety or fear,” says Goerlich.

    How to prepare for tantric sex

    1. Learn about its history

    As with any practice rooted in a specific culture, taking the time to understand its history shows respect for its origin and allows you to embrace it with a fuller understanding.

    “We cannot take on the spiritual and religious practices of other cultures without taking the time to honor the origins and understand what we’re doing,” says Goerlich. A great place to start could be this cultural and historical overview of tantra.

    2. Practice mindfulness

    To prepare for tantric sex, Lewis recommends doing a mindfulness practice to connect with your body, become aware of senses, and slow down — all integral aspects of tantric sex.

    This can be done through yoga, meditation, or intentionally focusing on sensations and movements throughout the day.

    3. Create a safe environment

    If trying tantric sex, create a safe environment where you and a partner feel free to connect with yourselves and each other.

    “Somewhere where you can feel uninhibited by distractions, and somewhere that you don’t feel self-conscious about sounds you may make,” says Lewis. “Moaning, grunting, and vocalizing are encouraged with tantric sex, so consider a time when roommates, parents, or children aren’t home.”

    Lewis also suggests incorporating calming sensual elements into the space, such as lit candles and essential oils.

    How to practice tantric sex

    1. Focus on breath

    Focusing on breath is an essential component of tantric sex, as it allows for deeper connection.  Partners are encouraged to synchronize their breaths, so it almost becomes one movement, says Molly Papp, LMFT, sexologist, a certified sex addiction therapist, and owner of Bella Vida Therapy.

    As with most mindfulness practices, the breath also grounds you in the present moment. Try paying attention to a part of your body where you feel the breath, like the belly or chest, and refocus your attention to this part.

    2. Gaze into each other’s eyes

    Spend time gazing into a partner’s eyes. While continual eye contact isn’t necessary for tantric sex, Papp highly recommends it occur often to help build an intimate connection. Eye gazing is another way of synchronizing to each other’s energy. To gaze deeper, try focusing on having your right eye connect with their right eye.

    3. Slow down

    Tantric sex is not a race to an orgasmic finish line, but a chance to slow down and explore each other’s bodies. It can last until you reach orgasm, feel connected, or are emotionally satisfied.

    This attitude change relieves a lot of typically felt anxiety. “It is especially great for women because of its focus on slowing things down and waiting for arousal to build,” says Papp. “In an age where we are flooded with unrealistic pressure to feel orgasmic pleasure within minutes, this is freeing for many women.”

    Papp suggests having lube, oils, or lotion nearby to ensure slow movements aren’t painful.

    4. Engage all five senses

    The only “goal” of tantric sex is remaining present and being aware of sensations in the body. To do this, Lewis suggests paying attention to all five of your senses, not just touch.

    “Notice how your partner smells, what the curves of their bodies look like, what tastes you pick up in your mouth as you kiss, what it sounds like when they or you moan,” Lewis says. “These are all great ways to become grounded in your body and present in the moment.”

    5. Incorporate massage 

    Sex does not need to be penetrative. “Kissing, touching, holding, rubbing, and more can all lead to a full tantric sexual experience, no penetration necessary,” says Lewis.

    Even if you want to incorporate penetrative sex, Goerlich says there’s no reason to rush into it. Start by focusing on markers that keep you present and connected, like massaging or cuddling.

    “Prolong this sensory exploration and carry it over into your penetrative sex — if indeed you have penetrative sex,” says Goerlich.

    In fact, focusing on other forms of intimacy can help keep anxiety levels down. “Something more sensual rather than sexual could help calm one or both partners,” says Papp. “A cuddle session or massage would help relieve that anxiety and ease the experience.”

    Takeaways

    Tantric sex slows down an intimate experience and emphasizes the connection between you and a partner. The practice involves focusing on the breath, staying present, and creating a safe environment to explore sensual intimacy.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

Posted on

34 erogenous zones and how to stimulate them

We get you acquainted with these subtle and not-so-suble pleasure points.

by Rosie Saunders

Put simply, erogenous zones are extra-sensitive areas of the human body that generate a sexual response when stimulated.

They’re located all over, from your eyelids to your ankles. Though sexual in nature, your body’s response might not necessarily be an out-and-out orgasm – it could be subtle arousal or even deep relaxation.

To get you acquainted with these subtle and not-so-suble pleasure points, we asked Mia Sabat, sex therapist at sexual wellbeing audio app Emjoy, and Marlena Segar, sex and relationships educator and community manager for the Healthy Pleasure Group, to share their tips for locating and stimulating 36 erogenous zones:

36 erogenous zones you should know

‘We’ve likely all experienced the feeling where someone has touched a part of your body in just the right way, and it’s felt so good that it may have sent a shiver down your spine,’ says Segar. ‘That would be an erogenous zone. An area of the body, that when stimulated sends signals to the brain that translate as pleasurable sensations.’

‘Everyone’s erogenous zones are slightly different, both in location and sensory response.’

The sensitivity varies from individual to individual, according to the concentrations of specific nerve endings in that particular area. ‘Everyone’s erogenous zones are slightly different, both in location and sensory response,’ she continues. ‘They’re also context-specific. Exploring both where on your body you want to be touched, and how you want to be touched is the only way to discover what you enjoy.’

Here, we’ve picked out 32 erogenous zones – from the obvious to the overlooked – with advice on how to approach them. Numbers 1-20 are shared spots; 21-28 are specific to women and people with vaginas; while 29-34 refer to men and people with penises.

1. Scalp

The scalp is full of nerve endings, and is especially sensitive just behind the ears and on the nape of the neck. ‘Start by gently stroking or running your fingers through your partner’s hair, always starting at the roots and maintaining a consistent motion and pressure to simulate the scalp directly,’ says Sabat.

2. Earlobes

The earlobes are made up of thin skin, which typically means increased sensitivity. ‘Some enjoy a gentle kiss or nibble on the earlobe, while others might prefer more intense sensations, such as sucking, pinching, biting or pulling,’ says Sabat.

3. Armpits

It might be a little ticklish, but your armpits are chock-full of nerve endings. ‘Caressing, kissing and even licking this area can be equal parts playful and erotic,’ says Sabat. ‘Approach the area with a gentle-but-firm touch, using circular motions and long strokes for maximum pleasure.’

4. Inner arms

This area lends itself to increased sensitivity thanks to the thin, soft skin that makes up the area. ‘Stroking the region, starting just inside the inner shoulder, and moving gently down to the inner elbow can be overwhelmingly pleasurable,’ says Sabat.

5. Small of the back

The intersection of the spine and pelvis, known as the sacrum, is a highly sensitive spot. ‘Treat your partner to a gentle massage, or engage with temperature and sensory play with objects like ice, feathers, warming oils, and silk to elicit an incredible response,’ says Sabat.

6. Lower stomach

The lower stomach is filled with nerve endings that become more and more concentrated towards the genital area, ‘so it’s a great place to show affection and attention,’ says Sabat. ‘You can tease and stimulate this area with a very wide variety of techniques including kissing, gentle biting, and temperature play.’

7. Inner wrist

It mightn’t be the first spot that comes to mind when you think of erogenous zones, but the inner wrist is incredibly sensitive, says Sabat. ‘Feeling your partner’s heart rate increase as you caress this area will turn you on, too,’ she explains. ‘Stroking or kissing this area, especially in public, is a great way to signal that you’re feeling sensual.’

8. Palms and fingertips

Your hands are full of nerve endings – in fact, they’re one of the most sensitive areas of your body. ‘Take your partner’s palm in your hand and gently trace along the edges and lines of their palm with your fingertips,’ Sabat suggests, before kissing or tightly sucking their fingertips.

9. Behind the knee

In a way that’s similar to the inner wrist and arm, caressing and kissing the skin behind the knee can be incredibly erotic thanks to the thin, nerve-packed skin, says Sabat. ‘Gently run your fingers over this area, or engage with it during penetrative sex by touching, stroking or applying pressure,’ she says.

10. Bottoms of feet

Yep, you guessed it – your feet are full of nerve endings, too. ‘Stimulate pressure points through massage, focusing on the arch and pad of the foot as these spots help increase blood flow and promote arousal, before working your way up to kissing and caressing the area with your lips,’ says Sabat.

12. In-between toes

This area is best stimulated through massage, says Sabat, and massage oils can make this experience even better. ‘I recommend a gentle but firm pressure, using your hands to massage each toe individually, focusing on the sides of the toes to engage with the most sensitive points,’ she says.

13. Inside of ankle

It’s unlikely to be an area you’ve thought about before, but the inside of your ankle is an under-stimulated spot that’s sensitive to touch. ‘Focus on stroking either side of the Achilles tendon – more of a caress than a massage, as the area is quite sensitive,’ says Sabat. ‘If your partner likes the sensation, kissing the area can also be highly erotic.’

14. The brain

An underrated sensory spot. Stimulate the brain and the body will follow. ‘Engage with alternative forms of pornography, like audio erotica, that immerse your mind in an experience, or craft your own sexy fantasy,’ says Sabat. ‘Make it a habit to engage with your mind first in intimate moments.’

15. Anus

This less-explored region is packed with nerve endings. ‘Start by playing with the buttocks,’ says Sabat. ‘Stroke the entire area and place your hands on the folds where the legs and buttocks meet, then slide your fingers along the fold, from the inner thigh to the outer area, before caressing the outside of the anus.’

16. Areola and nipples

The nipples are very sensitive because of their thin, highly responsive skin. ‘Many like this region to be stimulated with strokes, licks, kisses and gentle nibbles, but they’re also responsive to sensory play, so don’t be afraid to break out the vibrator, ice cubes, silk, or feathers,’ says Sabat. ‘However, be careful with overly-warm sensory products to avoid discomfort, and note that their sensitivity can change daily.’

17. Mouth and lips

Your lips are packed with more nerve endings than your fingertips, says Sabat, but with much thinner and more sensitive skin. ‘Trace the outline of your partner’s lips with your finger before using your teeth to gently pull on their bottom lip, engaging in an intense kiss,’ she suggests.

18. Neck

A key erogenous zone, your neck is also incredibly sensitive and highly responsive to stimulation. ‘Place your hands on either side of your partner’s neck while kissing them, or stroke the back of their neck lightly with your fingertips to send shivers down their whole body,’ says Sabat. ‘Kissing and licking this area can also be highly pleasurable – start at the base of your partner’s ear and kiss or lick down to their collar bone.’

19. Inner thighs

The skin on your inner thighs is delicate, warm, and full of nerves, says Sabat, so show this spot some attention, especially when leading up to oral sex. ‘Caress, kiss, lick, and even dig your fingers into this area gently to give your partner a range of sensations – being sure to caress the whole area, from inner knee, to upper-inner thigh,’ she says.

20. Groin

Given its close proximity to the genitals, teasing the groin – the area that connects your abdomen to your lower body and legs – can be electrifying. ‘Packed with nerve endings, it’s an exciting spot to kiss and caress when exploring your partner’s body,’ says Sabat. ‘Tease them further by running your fingers over their underwear before slowly moving in to touch their skin.’

Erogenous zones for women

21. Breasts

Massaging, caressing, kissing and licking the breasts indirectly stimulates the nipples, triggering the same area of the brain as the genitals, says Segar. ‘Starting with the breast rather than going straight for the nipple can help build arousal by drawing out the stimulation,’ she says.

22. Pubic mound

Also known as the mons pubis, this area is the fleshy part just above the clitoris. ‘It’s the perfect area to indirectly stimulate the clitoris and encourage blood flow to the genitals,’ says Segar. ‘Try massaging in circular motions and experiment with light and firm pressure.’

23. Clitoris

The clitoris is packed with more than 8,000 nerve endings, and is the only human organ designed entirely for pleasure, says Segar. ‘The most sensitive part of the clitoris is the glans – located at the top of the vulva above the urethral opening, usually covered by the clitoral hood,’ she says. ‘Slow circles tracing around the glans or running your fingers either side is an effective way to gently stimulate the clitoris.’

24. Labia minora

Also known as the inner lips, the labia minora contain numerous nerve endings that can be extremely pleasurable to touch, says Segar. ‘Gently run your index and middle finger along both the inside and outside of the lips,’ she suggests.

25. A-spot

While the exact location will vary slightly from person to person, the A-spot can be found around four to six inches above the entrance to the vagina, on the front wall. If your fingers aren’t long enough to reach this pot, use a toy – especially one with a curved tip – to stimulate it, Segar suggests.

26. G-spot

This erogenous zone is sometimes capable of inducing female ejaculation. ‘You can reach the G-spot by placing one or two fingers inside the vagina about two inches up, using a beckoning or ‘come hither’ motion against the front wall,’ says Segar. ‘The texture often feels a bit rougher than the surrounding area, which is usually a lot smoother.’

27. C-spot

The cervix sits at the deepest point of the vagina, so stimulating this area will often require a toy to reach, says Segar. You can also reach the C-spot during penetrative sex, especially in the woman-on-top position. While not everyone enjoys deep penetration, she adds, this position puts the receiver in charge of the movements.

28. V-spot

Often overlooked, the V-spot refers to the opening of the vagina, which is packed with nerve endings. ‘Using a toy, a finger, or the head of a penis, slowly circle around the vaginal opening,’ she says. ‘You can also experiment with very shallow penetration – only going in an inch or so – to enhance the sensation.’

Erogenous zones for men

29. Glans

The glans – also called the head or tip – is the most sensitive part of the penis. ‘Using lube, run your fingers and thumb from the urethral opening down the head, spreading your hand open as you do, until your palm touches the head,’ says Segar. ‘Bring them slowly back up and repeat. Start with light pressure that you can increase as preferred.’

30. Frenulum

This is the elastic band of tissue on the underside of the glans, and looks similar to the frenulum that connects your tongue to the bottom of your mouth. ‘This tiny area is extremely sensitive to touch,’ says Segar. ‘Running your thumb up and down the frenulum can be extremely pleasurable, though be cautious not to overstimulate.’

31. Foreskin

Perhaps unsurprisingly, the foreskin is packed with nerve endings. ‘As the foreskin retracts when the penis is erect, using a hand to move it up and down the glans can be an extremely enjoyable sensation,’ says Segar. ‘For circumcised people, there are toys that can mimic the feeling of the foreskin as well as adding enhanced sensation.’

32. Scrotum and testicles

This is one of the most sensitive areas of the body, so go carefully. ‘Start with some gentle cupping and light strokes or kiss and lick them,’ says Segar. ‘You can experiment with increasing the pressure and type of stimulation, such as tugging or squeezing, but this is definitely not for everyone.’

33. Perineum

This is the area of skin that stretches from the scrotum to the anal opening. ‘Running your fingers up and down this area, particularly when you are close to orgasm, can increase the intensity of your climax,’ says Segarr. ‘It is also possible to indirectly stimulate the prostate by playing with this area.’

34. P-spot

Located inside the anus, the prostate can be a source of immense pleasure. ‘Using lots of lube, gently trace a finger around the anal opening to relax the muscles,’ says Segar. ‘When you feel ready, slip a finger inside and gently move it approximately two inches upwards and use a ‘come hither’ coaxing motion. If you’re struggling to reach, anal beads or a butt plug can be a really fun addition – just make sure your toy has a flared base.’

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

Posted on

Sexual Aftercare Isn’t Just a BDSM Thing

—Here’s Why Everyone Should Try It

By Mary Grace Garis

If you’ve ever experienced postcoital dysphoria (or felt the post-sex blues)—an hour, day, or even three days after an encounter—it might be because you’re not practicing appropriate aftercare. For the uninitiated, aftercare is a concept that originated in the BDSM community, and it generally refers to the things you do to make sure everyone is okay and taken care of after sex play. (BDSM, which can include bondage, sadism, and/or submission, sometimes involves paddles. When it does, participants might need a little TLC afterward.) But there’s a scientific reason to consider aftercare for all types of sexual encounters: It helps to prevent you from completely crashing after a feel-good chemical rush.

“During sex, chemicals like oxytocin, dopamine, and prolactin are released,” says sexologist Shamyra Howard, LCSW. Aftercare may help to regulate how your body responds as those chemicals dissipate. In this way, aftercare after sex can be helpful for maintaining a feeling of closeness in a relationship—because intimacy, vulnerability, and connection shouldn’t end with orgasm, says sexologist Chris Donaghue, PhD, an intimacy expert for the sexual wellness company Skyn.

“A healthy sexual model is pleasure-based and acknowledges that post-sex aftercare is a way to continue that pleasure and intimacy.” —sexologist Chris Donaghue, PhD

Essentially, how partners respond after sex can affect whether or not people feel safe and comfortable or rejected. “Our culture uses a performance model for sex: It’s treated as though there is a goal, one right way to achieve it, and anything else is a failure,” say Dr. Donaghue. “A healthy sexual model is pleasure-based and acknowledges that post-sex aftercare is a way to continue that pleasure and intimacy. Anything less is a severe and spontaneous disconnection from the sexual connection just achieved.”

How to practice aftercare after sex of any kind:

Before practicing any kind of aftercare, remember that consent is a paramount prerequisite. To attain consent, ask how your partner likes to be approached after sex. “Some people like a lot of closeness and snuggles, other people require lots of space and grounding, and some like both in no particular order,” says sexologist Caitlin V. Neal, MPH.

Other ideas for practicing aftercare after sex? Cuddling is a big one, as is pillow talk, getting a cup of tea, or ordering pizza—basically whatever makes you smile. “One of the best aftercare strategies I have heard of involved having warm towels next to the bed for a full-body wipe down and cookies baking in the oven that are delivered to your lover in bed,” says Neal. “For you, aftercare could mean a steamy scrub down in the shower, meditation, heaping praise upon each other, or reviewing the video footage. There’s no wrong way to practice aftercare, and there’s no upper limit to how much pleasure it can create.”

And the practice isn’t just for madly-in-love, long-term couples who live together. Everybody from casual partners just hooking up and those practicing solo sex to people in long-distance relationships can practice aftercare after sex. “Those who are unpartnered or who are in long-distance relationships can create space for aftercare by using weighted blankets after sexual intimacy or cuddling with clothing or other objects that belong to your partner,” Howard says.

What’s key to remember, though, is that what you do after sex can really change your relationship—and/or your relationship with pleasure—for the better.  “After care doesn’t need to be a mystery, or even a challenge,” Neal says. “With a little planning in advance, it can be as meaningful and pleasurable as intercourse itself.”

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

Posted on

24 Ways You or Your Penis-Having Partner Can Increase Penile Sensitivity

by Adrienne Santos-Longhurst

For many folks, sexual satisfaction is all about the feels, so if you or your penis-having partner are experiencing decreased sensitivity down there, it could really mess with your ability to get off.

There are a few things that can cause a decrease in penile sensation, from the way a person masturbates to lifestyle habits and hormone imbalances. The good news: There are ways to get back that lovin’ feeling.

To be clear, there’s a big difference between less sensation and numbness.

Having less sensation — which is what we’re focusing on in this article — means you don’t feel as much sensation in your peen as you did before.

A numb penis is a whole other ball of wax and refers to not being able to feel any normal sensation when your penis is touched.

Yep, how you pleasure yourself might be affecting your penile sensation.

What does this have to do with it?

The way you masturbate can lead to decreased sensitivity. Some people call this “death grip syndrome.”

The gist is that people who masturbate using a very specific technique or tight grip can become desensitized to other types of pleasure over time.

When this happens, coming or even getting any pleasure without the exact move or pressure becomes difficult.

If you’re feeling all the feels just fine when you masturbate but find that partner sex is where the sensation is lacking, there are a couple potential reasons.

A thinner or smaller-than-average penis, or even too much lube (natural wetness or synthetic), can mean less friction — and ultimately sensation — during intercourse.

What can you do to help address this?

Just switching up your technique should do the trick and help you recondition your sensitivity.

If death grip is the issue, depending on how you’re used to masturbating, this might mean loosening your grip, stroking at a slower pace, or both.

You could also mix things up with a sex toy made for penis play, like the Super Sucker UR3 Masturbator, which you can buy online, or TENGA Zero Flip Hole Masturbator, which is also available online. And don’t forget the lube!

If intercourse is the issue, some positions make for a tighter fit and therefore more friction.

Here’s a little secret: Tweaking any position so your partner can keep their legs tight together during sex should work.

Plus, if anal sex is what you’re both into, the anus is by nature a tighter squeeze. Just be sure to use a lot of lube if you take it to the backside.

And speaking of a lot of lube: If an abundance of wetness is making sex feel a bit like a Slip ’N Slide, a quick wipe with some tissue should fix it.

Certain lifestyle habits can be to blame for your peen’s lessened sensitivity.

What does this have to do with it?

Do you bicycle a lot? Do you masturbate frequently? These things can cause the sensitivity in your peen to tank if you do them often.

When it comes to masturbation, how often you do it matters if you’re doing it a lot, according to research that has linked hyperstimulation to decreased penile sensitivity.

As for bicycling, bicycle seats put pressure on the perineum — the space between your balls and anus. It presses on blood vessels and nerves that provide feeling to the penis.

Sitting in a hard or uncomfortable chair for long periods can do the same.

What can you do to help address this?

Masturbation is healthy, but if the frequency of your handy treats is causing a problem, taking a break for a week or two can help get your penis feeling back to itself.

If you sit or bicycle for long periods, take regular breaks. Consider swapping out your bike seat or usual chair for something more comfortable.

Testosterone is the male sex hormone responsible for libido, not to mention a bunch of other functions.

If your testosterone (T) level drops, you might feel less responsive to sexual stimulation and have trouble getting aroused.

T levels decrease as you age. Damage to your danglers — aka testicles — can also affect T, as well as certain conditions, substances, and cancer treatment.

Your doctor can diagnose low T with a simple blood test and treat it using testosterone replacement therapy (TRT). Lifestyle changes, like regular exercise, maintaining a moderate weight, and getting more sleep can also help.

Certain medical conditions and medications can affect sensation in the penis.

What does this have to do with it?

Diabetes and multiple sclerosis (MS) are just a couple conditions that can damage nerves and affect sensation in different body parts, including the penis.

Medications used to treat Parkinson’s disease can also reduce penile sensation as a side effect.

Ensuring that any underlying condition is well managed might help bring the feels back.

If medication’s the culprit, your doctor may be able to adjust your dose or change your medication.

Sexual pleasure isn’t just about your D. Your brain plays a big role, too.

What does this have to do with it?

If you’re dealing with anxiety, stress, depression, or any other mental health issue, getting in the mood can be near impossible. And even if you really want to get down to business, your penis may not be as receptive.

What can you do to help address this?

It really depends on what’s going on mentally.

Taking some time to unwind before sexy time can help if you’re feeling stressed or anxious.

A hot bath or shower can help your mind and muscles relax. The warm water also increases circulation, which can help increase sensitivity and make your skin more responsive to touch.

If you’re regularly struggling with feelings of anxiety or depression, or having trouble coping with stress, reach out for help.

Talk to a friend or loved one, see a healthcare provider, or find a local mental health provider through the Anxiety and Depression Association of America (ADAA).

Not to be punny, but try to not beat yourself silly over this.

We get how frustrating it must be to not be able to enjoy the sensation you want or expect during sexual activity.

Here are some things to keep in mind if you’re struggling.

It’s probably not permanent

Chances are your lessened penile sensation can be improved.

As we’ve already covered, changes in technique, getting in the right frame of mind, or some lifestyle tweaks may be all that’s needed to get your penis feeling right again.

A healthcare provider can help with any underlying medical or mental health issues and recommend the right treatments.

Go easy on yourself

We’re not just talking about choking your chicken either! Stressing about this and putting pressure on yourself will only make things worse in the pleasure department.

Give yourself time to relax and get in the mood before play, and permission to stop and try another time if you’re not feeling it.

Don’t be embarrassed to ask for help

Penis health and sexual health are just as important as other aspects of your health.

If there’s something going on with your penis or your ability to enjoy sexual activity, a professional can help.

Good penis health is in your hands

You can’t control everything, but there are things you can do to help keep your penis healthy:

  • Eat a healthy diet, including foods shown to boost penis health by lowering inflammation and improving T levels and circulation.
  • Get regular exercise to improve mood and T levels, manage your weight, and lower your risk for erectile dysfunction and other conditions.
  • Learn to relax and find healthy ways to cope with stress to improve your T levels, mood, sleep, and overall health.

If it’s your partner who’s struggling with lessened sensitivity down there, don’t worry. Chances are there’s a good reason for it, and it’s probably not what you think.

Here are some things to keep in mind if it’s getting to you.

Don’t take it personally

Your first instinct may be to blame yourself if your partner isn’t enjoying sex. Try to not do this.

Sounds harsh, but: Not your penis, not your problem.

As a loving partner, of course you want them to feel good. But unless you’ve damaged their penis by taking a hammer to it, their lessened penile sensitivity isn’t your fault, so don’t make it about you.

I repeat, don’t make it about you

Seriously, it’s not your penis!

As frustrated as you might be, keep it to yourself

Not trying to dismiss your feelings or anything, but as frustrated as you may be that your partner isn’t feeling it even when you pull out your best moves, it’s probably a lot more frustrating for them.

That said, if your partner’s lack of sensation results in a marathon shag sesh that causes chafing to your nether regions, of course you have the right to take a break or stop. It’s your body, after all. Just be mindful of how you say it.

Ask what your partner needs from you

EVERYONE should be asking what their partner needs when it comes to sex and relationships. It’s the key to making both great.

Do they need a little time to relax before action moves to the peen? Do they need more foreplay that focuses on other pleasure spots to help them get in the mood? Do they want to just stop altogether? Don’t be afraid to ask.

If you’ve lost some of that lovin’ feeling down below, your lifestyle and pleasure routine — solo or partnered — may provide some clues. If not, your doctor or other healthcare provider can help.

In the meantime, be patient and kind with yourself, and consider some of your other pleasure zones for satisfaction.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

Posted on

6 Ways To Have Better Sex In Your 40s, 50s & Beyond

by Susan Hardwick-Smith, MD

As a practicing gynecologist for over 20 years, I’m all too familiar with the struggles that women face in midlife, especially when it comes to decreased (or nonexistent) libidos and disconnected, unsatisfying relationships. In fact, this issue is one of the core focuses of my medical practice, which is dedicated to women in midlife.

When you look at the perfect storm that we face beginning in our 40s and 50s—disappearing fertility, hormonal changes, children leaving the nest, aging or dying parents—it’s no wonder that our relationships and our sex drive get put on the back burner and begin to wilt. After a while, we feel as if we have completely lost our sexual being, which is a depressing conclusion to come to, and one that I sought to challenge.

I’ve been there personally, and I’m here to tell you with confidence that your life does have the potential to grow richer over the years, and that includes having the best sex of your life after 40, 50, 60, and beyond! No matter how you might feel right now, know that your sexual being has not died. It is just “taking a nap,” as I say to my patients.

I know this to be true from my own personal transformation as well as through the extensive research study I conducted for my book Sexually Woke. I studied a group of over 1,000 women between the ages of 45 and 65 and discovered that 7% of women in midlife have fulfilling sex lives and relationships. (Other studies have found up to 1 in 5 women saying the same!) While this percentage might seem small, the fact that this is true for some women—whom I call the “sexually woke”—means that it is possible for all of us.

Here are six ways you can begin to reawaken your sexual being and enjoy pleasure in your 50s and beyond:

1. Shift your mindset about what “sex” means.

We typically think of sex as vaginal intercourse. However, we should shift our mindset to define it as “intimate physical contact.” Physical intimacy is key in healthy relationships, and vaginal intercourse is not always a pleasurable way to express this. In fact, only 4 out of 10 women regularly have an orgasm through vaginal intercourse.

As we experience hormonal and physical changes in midlife, vaginal intercourse becomes increasingly difficult, if not agonizingly impossible. There are countless other ways to express intimate physical contact—the only criteria is that it creates pleasure for both parties. This could include cuddling, touching, and rubbing the genitalia together. Focus on whatever expression of sexual intimacy conveys a feeling of connection equally to you both.

2. Prioritize connection.

As we age, orgasm becomes increasingly difficult to achieve, and when it is our final goal, this can cause stress and disconnection that prevents physical intimacy. Instead of fixating on the climax itself, focus on connecting with your partner. The process of connection can be as enjoyable as orgasm itself as you and your partner grow closer together in your physical intimacy.

Research shows that the most reliable way for a woman to achieve orgasm after 50 is with a vibrator or toy, so it’s time to try this out if you haven’t already—partner or not!

Not only do we require more stimulation as we age, but we also can benefit from new types of stimulation. This can be a fun new experience and way to reawaken your sexual being—with or without a partner—as you explore your body in a different and exciting way.

4. Love yourself as you are.

One of my key findings about women in midlife with vibrant sex lives is that they are comfortable in their own skin and familiar with their bodies and what they like and don’t like when it comes to sex. Changes to our bodies and to our sexual anatomy are inevitable as we age, especially if we have children. It’s important that we accept these changes and feel content and deeply connected to ourselves; otherwise, a deep connection with our partner is impossible.

While I believe in loving yourself as you are, I also believe in the power of taking the initiative to address the changes in our sexual bodies that happen due to aging—like vaginal dryness and decreased sensitivity. There are a number of products available to improve sexual desire and functioning, both topically in the form of lubes and creams as well as more in-depth surgical and nonsurgical treatments. Talk to your doctor about what the procedures, products, or other options might be helpful for you.

5. Tune in to your spirituality.

My research affirmed a connection between spiritual wellness and sexual satisfaction. Spirituality looks different for everyone—it can be God, yoga, meditation, nature, or conscious generosity practices. The essential common thread is a deep understanding of connection to something bigger than yourself based in love, connection, and compassion.

While our 30s and 40s are often devoted to work, raising kids, or both, giving us little time for self-reflection, our midlife years offer an opportunity to start relieving ourselves of those burdens, hardships, and resentments. Journaling and meditation can help with this process. Resentment is the No. 1 libido crusher for women, so forgiveness and restoring our relationships are key for healthy, satisfying sex lives in our 50s and beyond.

6. Communicate and be intentional.

Being intentional with your partner is sexy. Small, daily moments of presence, attention, and recognition keep the fire of love alive. Something as small as how you greet each other and say goodbye can make a huge difference in your passion levels. Giving your partner your full attention, even if for a minute, acknowledges that you care about their happiness, and this communication will increase desire in your physical relationship as well.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

Posted on

How to make wearing a face mask sexy in the bedroom

Don’t live with your partner, single or just in a casual relationship? Then combining social distancing with sex can be tricky. And sweaty.

By Faye M Smith

But there are – amazingly – things you can do to help make wearing a face mask sexy. Which means, you can still stay protected from Covid-19, but have fun at the same time. Not sure if they will work for you? Then get your hands on one of the best vibrators – potentially one which can be controlled via Bluetooth – and enjoy some solo fun instead. Win, win.

But you don’t have to just take our word for it. These top tips are thanks to sex expert Kate Moyle, who has joined forces with sexual wellness brand Lelo UK. So, here’s everything you need to know about staying sexy while wearing a face mask. Plastic gloves or hand gel: optional!

1 How to make a face mask sexy: use distraction

Let’s be honest. There’s no hiding the fact that you’re wearing a face mask. But, as they have become the new norm, it’s definitely easier to blend in while wearing one. And that’s the same in the bedroom. You just need a few clever distraction techniques to help.

“If you’re finding that incorporating a mask into your routine is distracting, then try and change your environment to take away from that,” says Kate. “Dim the lights, use candles or put on music to introduce more sensual cues. This will also help you to relax and be more in the moment. Adding an eye mask or blindfold too, can completely help you get into the moment.”

2 Have fun with the mask

Luckily, things have moved on from when masks first became mandatory, and now there are endless designs to choose from. Want to live out one of your sexual fantasies? Now is the time. “You can use the mask playfully as a part of a theme, outfit or character play and this can incorporate it into the sexual experience rather than it being the standout feature,” says Kate. “Incorporating it into an outfit/role play can make it feel like a funner and more playful way of introducing it into the bedroom space.”

3 Tease and build anticipation

Sometimes it’s the thought of something that is more erotic than the actual event. Use that to your advantage and focus on other areas of the body. If you’re not face to face, then the masks won’t seem as important. “Anticipation is the most natural aphrodisiac that we have,” says Kate. “Building that up will increase desire and arousal. Spend time focusing on the areas of the body that you wouldn’t usually during sex. This can help to make you explore erogenous zones and take your attention elsewhere.”

4 Try different positions

Hate not kissing during sex? Then take it completely off the table by switching positions. “To achieve kissing-free sex you may find it easier to have sex in positions like the reverse cowgirl, or doggy style,” says Kate. “This is where your faces aren’t close together, and you aren’t directly looking at each other so it takes away the attention drawn to the mask.” Being away from the bedroom, outside or even on the sofa can also help.

5 How to make a face mask sexy? Go tantric

Never tried tantric sex? Now is the perfect opportunity. “Try connecting together in other ways,” says Kate. “This could be synchronised breathing, or touch and play that is with your eyes closed and uses the sensation of touch. The basics of tantric sex are about connection, which can be done through breathing and eye contact.”

6 Utilise sensory props

From feathers to massage, sensory props are great for distracting from the face mask you’re wearing. “Novelty is an important factor of sex lives, and use this as an opportunity to get creative and work around the mask,” says Kate. “Texture, pressure, speed and temperature are all ways that you can mix it up and explore together. Sex toys, such as rabbit vibrators, can be used all over the body. They are great for teasing the thighs, and running up and down the spine, rather than just focusing on the genitals.”

7 Add some viewing or listening pleasure

Still worried about wearing your mask and not looking sexy? “You can also use prompts like audio erotica,” says Kate. “Or, try watching porn together. It can help to boost your imagination, desire and arousal by adding a different type of sexual stimulation.”

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

Posted on

Sex after heart attack boosts survival prospects, study suggests

Sex can be a workout in itself.

By Alexandra Thompson

Heart attack patients may have better long-term survival prospects if they start having sex again within a few months of their health scare, research suggests.

Scientists from Tel Aviv University looked at 495 sexually active people aged 65 or under who were hospitalised with their first heart attack between 1992 and 1993.

Results revealed the patients who maintained or even increased their sexual activity in the six months following the life-threatening event were 35% less likely to die over the next 22 years than those who abstained or cut back from intimacy.

An active sex life is often a marker of wellbeing, with the scientists wondering if intercourse soon after a heart attack helped the participants see themselves as a “functioning, young and energetic person”, which could aid adherence to a healthy lifestyle.

Sex is also a workout in itself, which boosts cardiovascular health, added the team.

More than 100,000 heart attack hospital admissions occur each year in the UK – one every five minutes.

In the US, someone has a heart attack every 40 seconds.

Like all vigorous exercise, sex temporarily raises a person’s heart rate and blood pressure.

Sudden bursts of intense activity can trigger a heart attack, which may put some survivors off intercourse. The risk is lower, however, among those who exercise regularly.

“For this and other reasons, some patients (including younger ones) hesitate to resume sexual activity for long periods after a heart attack,” said study author Professor Yariv Gerber.

To better understand the benefits of sex after a heart attack, the Tel Aviv scientists analysed data from the Israel Study of First Acute Myocardial Infarction.

The participants’ average age was 53 and nine in 10 (90%) were men. A 2016 Harvard study found heart attacks are around twice as common in men as women.

While in hospital, the patients were asked about their sexual activity in the year before their heart attack. The same participants were then interviewed three to six months after being discharged.

Just under half (47%) claimed to have abstained or cut back from intimacy following their health scare, while 53% returned to their normal level of intercourse or even increased how often they were sexually active.

Over a follow-up period of around 22 years, 211 (43%) of the patients died.

Results – published in the European Journal of Preventive Cardiology – revealed maintaining or increasing the frequency of sexual activity within the first six months of a heart attack reduced the risk of death over the follow-up by 35%, compared with abstaining or cutting back.

The survival benefit was most marked for non-cardiovascular deaths, like cancer.

The results remained the same after the scientists accounted for other factors that affect mortality, such as obesity, depression and the severity of the heart attack.

“Sexuality and sexual activity are markers of wellbeing,” said Professor Gerber.

“Resumption of sexual activity soon after a heart attack may be a part of one’s self-perception as a healthy, functioning, young and energetic person.

“This may lead to a healthier lifestyle generally.

“Patients who perceive their health as poor might be less likely to start having sex again.

“They may also be less likely to adhere to cancer screening tests and other prevention practices during follow-up.”

Sex can also have more direct benefits.

“Improved physical fitness, stronger spouse relations and a mental ability to ‘bounce back’ from the initial shock of the event within a few months are among the possible explanations for the survival benefit observed among the maintained/increased group,” added Professor Gerber.

The scientists noted the study involved few female and young participants, which may prevent the results being applied to the general population

Nevertheless, Professor Gerber added: “These findings should serve to reduce patients’ concerns about returning to their usual level of sexual activity soon after a heart attack.”

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

Posted on

Anxiety Totally Ruined My Sex Life —

But Then It Made My Relationship Even Better

By Madeline Howard

These are the strategies that worked for me…

I’ve had anxiety on and off for as long as I can remember. As a kid, I’d stay awake worrying that my family and I would literally die in our sleep for no reason at all. I’ve always felt the worst at night, alone with my thoughts. When I was younger, that meant staring at the ceiling and feeling the beat of my racing heart, but as an adult, it actually affected my sex life.

Alejandro (‘Ale’ for short), now my boyfriend of two years, knew about my anxiety the moment we started dating, but about a year into our relationship, I had a terrible flare-up that lasted for weeks. I’d hop into bed, my chest would tighten, and my heart rate would skyrocket. Sex was the absolute last thing on my mind. I just wanted to calm the heck down and not feel like the world was about to end. (Not exactly a recipe for intimacy, hah.)

This content is imported from Instagram. You may be able to find the same content in another format, or you may be able to find more information, at their web site.

One night, Ale tried to initiate sex and I straight up burst into tears. We stayed up talking about how my nerves were ruining my libido, and we knew we needed a concrete solution—sex is veeery important to both of us—and we committed to finding one that works.

63 percent of anxiety sufferers worldwide are women, with many cases going unreported.

This content is imported from Instagram. You may be able to find the same content in another format, or you may be able to find more information, at their web site.

So we tried deep-breathing exercises…

First up: Every night before bed, we did five minutes of deep-breathing exercises and “body scans,” during which we would lie back and tense each muscle until we zen’d out (my S.O. learned this technique from doing yoga with his mom).

We’d use guided scans from the Calm app, and they generally lasted long enough that by the time we realized the scan was over, we were about to pass TF out. So yeah, it helped my anxiety, but we usually fell asleep. Definitely useful, but not so much ~sexy~. Back to the drawing board.

This content is imported from Instagram. You may be able to find the same content in another format, or you may be able to find more information, at their web site.

But cardio was key

We tried moving our anti-anxiety practices to earlier in the day, starting with a run. My doc had told me cardio could rev my arousal levels and Ale is an *avid* runner, so we’d take long jogs along the river once I got back from work.

While running, we’d give each other the details of our respective days. I’d feel my stressors fall away as our feet clapped the pavement. By the time we got back to the apartment, my mood was definitely lifted.

We’d make dinner after exercising, shower together, watch our favorite shows, and just talk. The runs put me in a good mood for the rest of the night until my head hit the pillow. Things were definitely looking up, but not quiiite there yet. It was a li’l glimmer of hope, though.

And we went to bed earlier

One of the last things we tried was heading to bed a bit earlier. I thought this would help me establish more of a routine (I’m a night owl) instead of constantly laying awake in my ruminating thoughts.

Plus, it would give me a chance to ~chill~ for a while, wrapped up in his arms, and get in a sexual mood, free of any pressure to start sex quickly in the name of going to sleep ASAP.

Time made all the difference

This early-to-bed strategy turned out to be crucial because it allowed us the time to cuddle and experiment. We tried incorporating more vibrating toys that offered an easy (and fun) distraction from my dread, and spent more time on foreplay. Soon, this intentional, extra-intimate sex became as ingrained in our routine as brushing our teeth.

A year later, the benefits extend way beyond a better mood. Since we made sex such a priority early in our ’ship, we learned a ton about what we like and don’t like and set the tone: no convo is off-limits.

We still talk about what’s working and what’s not, both in and outside the bedroom, and in a weird way, I have my anxiety to thank for that.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

Posted on

5 Things the Happiest Couples Have in Common —

According to Over 11,000 Long-Term Relationships

by Emily Laurence

Similar in vein to a fountain of youth, the notion of there being secrets of relationships for long-lasting happiness feels like not much more than folklore. After all, people are different, have different needs and preferences, and are interested in varying relationship structures. According to new research though, while there may not be a single secret, certain commonalities between successful, happy unions may well exist.

When researchers examined 43 relationship studies to analyze 11,196 romantic relationships, they hoped to draw conclusions about the secrets of relationships for long, happy unions. They ultimately found five commonalities among successful couples: perceived partner commitment, appreciation, sexual satisfaction, perceived partner satisfaction, and how well conflict is dealt with. Collect all five, and you’ll win the relationship jackpot, it seems.

Below, sex and relationship expert Tammy Nelson, PhD, delves deeper into each factor for long-term relationship success.

5 secrets of relationships for long-term happiness, according to scientific research:

 1. Perceived partner commitment

“How we perceive our partner’s commitment to the relationship is more important than how we perceive their commitment to us,” Dr. Nelson says. “If we believe they’re committed to staying together no matter what—even when we’re a horrible partner—then we can relax and feel confident that our relationship will weather any [situation], including a pandemic.”

To that point, feeling as though your partner isn’t truly committed to the relationship may lead to a downward spiral of negative thoughts, such as stoking a fear of abandonment. And such thoughts, especially left unresolved, aren’t optimal for long-term relationship success.

2. Appreciation

According to the data, it’s important that appreciation within a relationship is both given and received. “Appreciation is a life skill that I write about in all of my books, talk about in all of my sessions, and practice in my own life,” says Dr. Nelson. “We always get more of what we appreciate. We get more time, more attention, more affection, and more good sex when we appreciate our partner for what they do and who they are.”

3. Sexual satisfaction

“As a sex therapist, I absolutely agree that sexual satisfaction is the glue that keeps a long-term relationship alive,” Dr. Nelson says. “Sex can bind a couple together when other life problems get in the way of their companionship and day-to-day life.”

If you feel your relationship could use some work in this area, communication is key, and seeing a sex therapist—which, yes, can be done virtually—can also help.

4. Perceived partner satisfaction

While it’s important to feel sexually satisfied, the research data notes that feeling confident you’re satisfying your partner is important, too. Having a satisfied partner can boost your own confidence, after all. To boost that confidence even further and know with more certainty that you are, in fact, actually satisfying our partner, communication is key. Yep, it’s not just important to have sex—it’s important to discuss it, too.

5. How well conflict is dealt with

Striving to be one of those couples who “never fights” definitely doesn’t have to be your relationship goal—and in fact, the research says it shouldn’t be. Not only is conflict okay, it’s unavoidable. “It’s true that all couples have conflict, and it is the resolution of conflict that matters most,” Dr. Nelson says. “If a couple can resolve their conflicts and can end their arguments well, they’re more likely to stay together and be happy.” No one is necessarily born knowing the best way to handle conflict, and that’s okay. Therapists can offer tools to help.

What’s encouraging about these factors of long-lasting relationships is that they’re all theoretically possible to work on and improve—not anything that is immovable. And that’s a relationship secret worth spreading.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

Posted on

30 Ideas To Spice Up Sexual Foreplay —

From Erotic To Romantic

By Kesiena Boom, M.S.

Foreplay is traditionally defined as the physically and emotionally intimate acts that two people engage in to turn themselves on before having sexual intercourse. But these days, the concept of foreplay can seem a little antiquated and heteronormative as society moves toward a more expansive view of sex and sexuality.

How to think about foreplay.

Sex is much more than just penis-in-vagina intercourse. Assuming that every other sexual or intimate activity is “just” a buildup to the “main event” of P-in-V intercourse centers the pleasure of people with penises (since for people with vaginas, intercourse probably won’t make you come) and also ignores the types of sexual encounters trans and queer people have.

A healthy way to think of foreplay is to disregard the fore and concentrate on playfulness. Think of it as anything that you and your partner(s) engage in to turn each other on and set the mood, no matter what happens before or afterward. “Foreplay is about creating a mood that is conducive to being physical and wanting sex,” says sex therapist Madeline Cooper, LCSW, CST. “Making sure that your relationship is incorporating sexually arousing moments outside of the moments right before sex is just as important as the sex itself.”

Instead of “foreplay,” sex therapist Sari Cooper, LCSW-R, CST, uses the term “outercourse” to describe all the sex acts that might fall into this category.

Below are some foreplay ideas to try with your partners, organized by the five senses, plus a few bonus tips at the bottom for long-term couples.

“Pleasure is experienced through the body, and more specifically through the body’s sensations. Therefore, when looking for inspiration for foreplay, the most direct place to find it is through the senses,” therapist Bri Shewan, LMFT, tells mbg.

Look directly at each other for an extended period of time. Alternatively, try and flirtily catch each other’s eyes across the room as you both work on different things. Try and capture the “first crush” feelings of not being able to keep your eyes away from each other.

If you want to take eye contact to the next level, relationship and sexuality coach Renee Adolphe recommends incorporating tantric eye gazing.

“Begin looking into each other’s eyes. Stare into the nondominant eye, which is the left eye if you are right-handed. Stare for at least 5 minutes or however long you wish,” Adolphe instructs. “This will build a connection and help both of you open up and want to go deeper into lovemaking.”

On the flip side, disengage your sight abilities by using a blindfold to heighten other sensations. Let your partner cover your eyes and then whisper what they’re going to do to you in your ear.

“Stripteases can help spice up the sexual charge,” says Dow. “You could give your partner a striptease, request one from them, or invite them to a strip club to indulge in receiving a striptease together.”

5. Do something else while naked.

Walk around completely naked together, especially if you’re used to being covered up. Sit and watch a movie together buck naked and see how it feels to have your skin against their skin. Take time to really look at your partner, to appreciate every inch of them.

Dim the lights and light candles. Bonus points if they have a smell you find sexy.

Lie facing each other and put on a show. Not only is this hot in and of itself, but “it can also give you an opportunity to show your partner(s) ways you especially enjoy being touched too so you can maximize pleasure together in the future,” says Anna Dow, LMFT.

8. Be the stars of the show.

Make your own sexy video and watch it together.

“Kissing is vital in establishing pleasure and connection during foreplay. But expand your kissing to beyond the lips,” Adolphe recommends. “Kiss your partner’s neck, ears, forehead, breasts, chest, all over their back (backs are highly erogenous as well), the buttocks, thighs and inner thighs, back of knees, toes, etc. Enjoy kisses of different pressures. Lock eyes and use your eyes to speak and say what you want to do to them while you are kissing. They will feel that intensity.”

10. Break out some ice cubes.

Let your partner run ice cubes over your nipples or inner thighs. Put a small cube in your mouth and make out, enjoying the sensation of the hot and the cold mingling together.

Spank each other, starting gently and increasing in intensity if desired. Aim for fleshy areas such as the ass and the thighs so as to not cause any serious damage. Get creative and use household items such as a spatula or a rolled-up newspaper if you get tired of using your hands. Enjoy the sensation of your blood rushing to the surface of your skin.

Many people, even those without a specific latex fetish, find it extremely erotic to wear this restrictive and revealing material. Put an outfit on and then do something mundane like cook or clean whilst your partner watches you.

13. Apply makeup to each other or give each other a facial (not that kind!).

These activities require you to be up close and personal with each other without being overtly sexual. Concentrate on the sensation of your lover brushing powder over your cheeks or massaging lotion into your forehead. Let yourself relax into their touch.

Use nipple clamps to increase sensation. You can apply them yourself or ask your partner to. Make out whilst your partner gently pulls on the clamps.

It’s a classic, but it’s a good one. Take turns rubbing each other’s bodies, asking your partner where they especially want to be touched. Use a good quality massage oil so as to make everything glide along more smoothly. To up the ante, try a tantric massage such as a lingam massage, yoni massage, or nipple massage.

Run a bath filled with lavender oil or any essential oil you find erotic and invite your lover in to join you. “Just make sure to check about scent sensitivities and that the smells introduced have positive associations for the people involved, since scent is so strongly connected to memory,” reminds Shewan.

They’re not just for spring! Fill your bedroom with sweet-scented and brightly colored flowers and imagine you’re out in nature where anyone could come across you…

Do some light physical activity together such as yoga. The sweaty scent of a partner can really get you in the mood! Not to mention that seeing each other in tight workout clothes can be very invigorating.

19. Read erotica to each other.

Either read erotica to each other from a book or website or write your own and then exchange them, so you can get a clue about the other person’s fantasies. This can be great if you’re too shy to tell them face to face.

Create a shared playlist on Spotify which you both add sexy songs to throughout the day. These can be songs that are sexy in and of themselves or just songs that remind you of your relationship, depending on whether you want to set a more erotic or romantic mood.

21. Voice record yourself.

Slip off to the bathroom in the middle of the workday and touch yourself while recording a voice note of your breathing and/or a narrative of what you’re doing and send it to your partner.

22. Voice record yourselves together.

The thought of making visual porn may seem too intimidating, so how about auditory porn? You can audio record your and your partner(s) having sex and then listen back to it together to get in the mood.

23. Challenge yourself to be silent.

See how long you can go touching your partner without either of you making a sound. This works especially well if you’re in a place where you really don’t want to get caught. The element of danger can add to the eroticism.

Make one of your favorite dishes together, standing close to each other as you work. Squeeze closely past each other and brush against each other unnecessarily. Try and go through the whole cooking process without making out to heighten the feeling of longing.

Eat foods off of each other such as berries, whipped cream, or chocolate syrup. Make sure to keep foodstuffs away from your actual genitals so as to not upset your pH balance.

Cover your fingers or toes in flavored lube and then suck and lick it off each other.

27. Create a sense of occasion.

“Inviting a partner through a sext or handwritten invitation to meet the other in a room or place other than the bedroom can be an adventurous exciting change of pace,” says Sari Cooper.

28. Switch up your location.

“Novelty on where outercourse takes place in addition to nuanced novel activities can increase one’s erotic desire and physical arousal,” Sari Cooper says. “For example, inviting a partner to a nest created out of comfy blankets and pillows on a rug in a den, surrounded by a basket of sex toys, great music, and requesting a dress code.”

“Put on some sexy music and dance. Couples can really become aroused with couple dancing such as salsa, tango, or reggae, depending on the person,” Adolphe says.

30. Take penis-in-vagina intercourse off the table.

Especially if you’re a cis man and cis woman, it’s easy to fall into the trap of making everything revolve around eventually getting to penis-in-vagina intercourse. But therein lies the problem.

“When my clients talk about difficulty with arousal, I ask about their sexual script, and most of my heterosexual couples turn right to PiV intercourse after some kissing,” Madeline Cooper says. “I will ask them if they went to a restaurant and there was only one dish on the menu, if they would get bored after a while. Most say admittedly yes, and I will ask them why they do the same thing during sexual experiences.”

To offset this, Cooper recommends creating a long and diverse sexual menu featuring all sorts of sex acts other than intercourse. “Create a menu where you can do other things other than PiV, and where intercourse is not always the expectation.”

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!