Category: Sex Education

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The Fascinating World of Yaoi Bondage

By Diego Rodrigues

Yaoi bondage is a subgenre of yaoi, a popular genre of Japanese manga and anime that focuses on romantic or sexual relationships between male characters. While bondage itself is a niche interest within the broader realm of BDSM, yaoi bondage adds a unique twist by exploring the dynamics of power, dominance, and submission in same-sex relationships. In this article, we will delve into the world of yaoi bondage, examining its origins, themes, and impact on both the LGBTQ+ community and the wider world of manga and anime.

The Origins of Yaoi Bondage

Yaoi, which originated in Japan in the 1970s, gained popularity in the 1980s and 1990s. It was initially created by and for women, providing an outlet for their fantasies and desires. Yaoi often features androgynous or feminine-looking male characters engaged in romantic or sexual relationships. The genre gained a dedicated following, both in Japan and internationally, and has since evolved to include various subgenres, including yaoi bondage.

The Influence of BDSM

Bondage, Discipline, Dominance, Submission, Sadism, and Masochism (BDSM) is a set of sexual practices and role-playing scenarios that involve consensual power exchange. BDSM has a long history and has been explored in various forms of media, including literature, art, and film. The influence of BDSM on yaoi bondage is evident, as it incorporates elements of dominance, submission, and restraint into the relationships depicted in the genre.

Themes in Yaoi Bondage

Yaoi bondage explores a range of themes and dynamics within same-sex relationships. While the primary focus is on power dynamics and the exploration of dominance and submission, there are several other recurring themes that are often present in yaoi bondage stories:

  • Trust and Consent: Consent and trust are crucial elements in any BDSM relationship, and yaoi bondage is no exception. The characters involved must establish a level of trust and consent to engage in the power dynamics depicted in the stories.
  • Emotional Intimacy: Yaoi bondage often delves into the emotional connection between the characters, exploring their vulnerabilities and desires. The power dynamics depicted in the genre can deepen the emotional bond between the characters.
  • Exploration of Taboos: Yaoi bondage pushes the boundaries of societal norms and explores taboo subjects. It allows readers to explore their own desires and fantasies in a safe and consensual manner.
  • Gender Roles and Identity: The androgynous or feminine appearance of the male characters in yaoi bondage challenges traditional gender roles and allows for a more fluid exploration of identity and sexuality.

The Impact of Yaoi Bondage

Yaoi bondage has had a significant impact on both the LGBTQ+ community and the wider world of manga and anime. Here are some key aspects of its impact:

Representation and Visibility

Yaoi bondage provides representation and visibility for LGBTQ+ individuals, particularly those interested in BDSM dynamics. By depicting same-sex relationships and exploring power dynamics, yaoi bondage helps to normalize and validate these experiences.

Exploration of Sexuality and Identity

Yaoi bondage allows readers to explore their own sexuality and identity in a safe and consensual manner. The genre provides a space for individuals to engage with their desires and fantasies, helping them to better understand themselves and their own preferences.

Artistic Expression and Creativity

Yaoi bondage has inspired countless artists and creators to explore new artistic styles and storytelling techniques. The genre’s popularity has led to the creation of a vast array of manga, anime, fan art, and doujinshi (self-published works) that push the boundaries of creativity and artistic expression.

Q&A

1. Is yaoi bondage only for women?

No, while yaoi was initially created by and for women, it has gained a diverse following that includes people of all genders and sexual orientations. The appeal of yaoi bondage extends beyond gender, as it explores themes of power dynamics and emotional connection that can resonate with a wide range of individuals.

2. Is yaoi bondage considered pornography?

Yaoi bondage can contain explicit sexual content, but it is not solely focused on pornography. The genre encompasses a wide range of stories, from romantic and emotional narratives to more explicit and erotic depictions. It is important to note that yaoi bondage, like any form of media, can be enjoyed for various reasons, including artistic appreciation, storytelling, and personal exploration.

3. Does yaoi bondage promote unhealthy power dynamics?

Yaoi bondage, like any form of media exploring power dynamics, should be approached with an understanding of consent and healthy relationships. It is essential to differentiate between fantasy and reality, recognizing that the power dynamics depicted in yaoi bondage are consensual and based on mutual trust and respect. It is crucial to apply these principles to real-life relationships and ensure that all parties involved are consenting and comfortable.

4. How has yaoi bondage influenced mainstream manga and anime?

Yaoi bondage has had a significant influence on mainstream manga and anime, particularly in terms of character design, storytelling techniques, and the exploration of LGBTQ+ themes. Many popular manga and anime series have incorporated elements of yaoi bondage or explored similar power dynamics in their narratives, broadening the representation of diverse relationships and identities within the medium.

5. Are there any controversies surrounding yaoi bondage?

As with any form of media that explores sexuality and power dynamics, yaoi bondage has faced its share of controversies. Some critics argue that it perpetuates harmful stereotypes or promotes unrealistic expectations of relationships. However, it is important to approach these discussions with nuance and recognize that yaoi bondage, like any genre, can vary greatly in its portrayal of relationships and power dynamics.

Summary

Yaoi bondage is a fascinating subgenre within the world of yaoi that explores power dynamics, dominance, and submission in same-sex relationships. It originated in Japan and has gained popularity worldwide, providing representation and visibility for LGBTQ+ individuals interested in BDSM dynamics. Yaoi bondage allows readers to explore their own desires and fantasies in a safe and consensual manner, while also pushing the boundaries of artistic expression and storytelling. While controversies and debates surround the genre, it remains an important part of the manga and anime landscape, broadening the representation of diverse relationships and identities.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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Sex therapists on 20 simple, satisfying ways to revive your lost libido

— Losing your mojo is very common, but it can be overcome, whether through self-love, putting down your phone – or even a sex ban

By

Most people will experience a loss of sexual desire at some point in their life, be it due to parenthood, a health condition, hormonal changes, grief or other reasons. But how can you overcome this? Sex therapists and educators share the secrets to getting your mojo back.

1. Be aware that it is incredibly normal

“Fluctuations in desire are a natural part of the human experience, influenced by different life stages,” says Chris Sheridan, a psychotherapist and founder of The Queer Therapist in Glasgow. “We’re not robots,” says Natasha Silverman, a Relate sex and relationship therapist based in the Cotswolds. She has helped couples who haven’t had sex for decades and says this is one of the most common reasons people seek advice. “It is very normal for relationships to go through periods when couples aren’t having sex, or one person wants to and the other doesn’t.”

2. Mood is often a factor

Addressing this is the first step. “External life stresses and anxiety all put the brakes on sexual desire,” says Silverman. “If you are stressed and overwhelmed – worried about the kids or there are problems at work – it’s not going to be quite so easy to get into that headspace.” Medication such as antidepressants can also have an impact on sex drive, she adds.

3. Have a medical check-up

It is important to see a doctor about loss of libido. If people are describing anxiety, depression or other symptoms that may be connected to a health issue such as the menopause, “we do suggest that people get checked”, says Silverman. “For example, someone may have erectile difficulties that are putting them off sex. But if that is a chronic problem, it can be indicative of something like heart disease.”

4. Talk to someone outside the relationship

Find someone to confide in, says Silverman. This could be “a friend or a professional. Someone who can normalise it, help you look at why this might be happening and take the shame out of it. Think about when things changed and what might be making it more difficult.” Try to work out, “what it is that made you feel as if your mojo isn’t there any more”, says Dami “Oloni” Olonisakin, a sex positive educator and author of The Big O: An empowering guide to loving, dating and f**king.

5. Be prepared to talk to your partner

When you are ready, talk to your partner about how you are feeling. This could be in a therapy space or on your own. “Your partner will already be sensing that something has changed,” says Silverman. “And if you’re not talking about it with them, they are going to fill in the gaps, most likely with their own anxieties: ‘They don’t want to be with me any more’; ‘They don’t find me attractive’; ‘Maybe there’s someone else.’ So be upfront and honest.” Most people are too ashamed to work on stale, long-term relationships and be more creative about seeking pleasure together, says Todd Baratz, a sex therapist in New York City. It doesn’t “necessarily mean getting out the whips and chains, it just means communicating about sex, talking about what your sexual needs are”.

‘Set aside time each week to explore each other’s bodies.’

6. Single people struggle with desire, too

It is not only those in a relationship who experience a loss of libido. Silverman says she is seeing increasing numbers of single people who “want to iron out mistakes from previous relationships” and women, in particular, who have become used to “minimising their needs”. There are a lot of myths that need to be busted about the G-spot and what a healthy sex life looks like, she says. Being single is a good time to figure out what works for you “and make yourself more robust”, for your next relationship or sexual encounter.

7. Work out what desire means to you

“Society often normalises saying ‘yes’ to things we may not genuinely want to do, a behaviour that can permeate our relationship dynamics,” says Sheridan. “Expressing our true desires and practising saying ‘no’ enables us to transition into healthy communication characterised by negotiation and mutual consent.”

“What is really important,” says Miranda Christophers, a sex and relationship psychotherapist at The Therapy Yard in Beaconsfield, “is that both partners have the desire for desire. If somebody’s motivation for intimacy is because they know that their partner likes to have sex and they need to do it to keep the partner happy, that wouldn’t necessarily be a positive motivator. We try to get them to work out what they enjoy about sex, what they are getting from it.” That could be pleasure in the moment or a sense of connection afterwards.

8. In most couples, one person will want sex more than the other

“This phenomenon is not exclusive to heterosexual couples,” says Sheridan. “It presents similarly within same-sex and sexually diverse relationships”, in which there can be “an additional layer of complexity emerging due to the pervasive influence of heteronormativity”. “Desire isn’t necessarily gender specific,” says Baratz. “It is often assumed that men want sex all the time and women want to be seduced, and that’s not the case. People have a wide and diverse expression of how they desire, regardless of their gender.” That said, men tend to experience spontaneous desire, whereas women are more responsive, says Christophers, and desire may only kick in at the point of arousal.

9. A sex ban can be a good place to start

Silverman says many therapists will encourage couples to abstain from sex and masturbation while initial conversations are taking place, before introducing affection for affection’s sake that won’t lead to something else. Plus, “telling someone they can’t have sex tends to be an effective way to get them in the mood”, she says.

10. Looking back is crucial

As with any kind of therapy, considering past experiences, positive and negative, can help to process problems in the present. Sheridan explains: “Examining a client’s sexual response history across their lifespan allows us to discern whether the change is a situational occurrence or a longstanding pattern. A crucial aspect of this involves understanding the current and historical dynamics of their relationships.” Silverman adds: “We look at their first relationships, the potential obstacles that are in the way of them being able to let go sexually, any health problems, trauma or historic sexual abuse.” “Trauma has a huge impact on our sensory system,” says Baratz, “and sex is all about sensory experiences, so it’s going to potentially decrease the way we feel safe or connected to our senses. That means that we need to be with a partner we feel safe with.”

11. Rediscover non-sexual intimacy

This could be “kissing each other before you leave the house or playfully patting your partner on the bum as they walk past”, says Oloni. “Different things can help reignite that spark, so when you are back in bed you’ve done things throughout the day that remind you your partner still desires you sexually and is attracted to you.” Sensate exercises, in which couples are encouraged to “set aside time each week to explore each other’s bodies, focusing on the feeling that they have themselves when they are doing this”, are helpful too, says Christophers.

12. Scheduling

This isn’t for everyone, says Silverman, as it can make sex feel like even more of a chore. But it can be helpful for some, especially if young children are getting in the way. “Schedule a romantic date night or time to find different ways to get in touch with that side,” says Oloni. For new parents, Christophers advises: “Even if it is just for an hour, go somewhere else and create a more adult space together.” Baratz recommends “planning sex instead of relying upon spontaneity and declaring our schedules are too busy”.

13. Self-love is everything

“Emphasising self-love is integral,” says Sheridan. “As it empowers individuals to honestly articulate their needs and desires, building more authentic and fulfilling sexual and emotional intimacy in the relationship.” Take care of yourself too: shower and put on fragrance, says Baratz. “Exercise plays a big role in cultivating a relationship with your body.” He encourages “yoga, if that’s pleasurable, or massage or a spa day or a bath bomb – anything that is a sensory experience that feels good and will reinforce the connection that we can feel with our body”. “When you walk past a mirror, tell yourself how beautiful you are,” says Oloni. “How lucky anybody would be to be in your presence naked.”

14. Work on body confidence

This could be through “buying yourself new lingerie that makes you feel sexy”, says Oloni. “You need to find that confidence within yourself then present that to your partner. I used to work in Victoria’s Secret, and I remember a woman came in who had just had a child and she burst into tears because a bra looked good on her. That has stuck with me because it really does take the right type of underwear to make you feel sexy again, or to see yourself in a different way.”

15. Faking it can be counterproductive

Again, this is very common, thanks to people getting sex education from mainstream pornography, says Silverman, which often suggests women need to have penetrative sex to have an orgasm, whereas about 75% of women require clitoral stimulation to have an orgasm. But “every time someone fakes an orgasm, they are showing their partner the exact wrong way to make them climax – there is a sexual dishonesty there”, she says. “Some people do struggle to reach orgasm, which is known as anorgasmia. This can be a result of medication, trauma or trust issues that haven’t been explored. But generally speaking, people can reach orgasm on their own. We recommend that people get to know their bodies by themselves and what does it for them, before expecting a partner to know what to do.”

16. Pornography doesn’t have to be visual

“There is a difference between ethical and non-ethical pornography,” says Oloni. “And it is important to understand what has been created for the male gaze.” She points to other forms of erotica that can be accessed, such as audio pornography and literature. “There are so many different mediums you could get that sexual rush from, but I don’t think people truly explore. It’s usually the same link or bookmark of a favourite porn site or video. I think it’s important to mix it up, especially when it comes to fantasising. They say that the biggest sexual organ that we actually have is the brain. It’s so important to fantasise in different ways instead of just one.”

17. Think about ‘sexual currency’

“This is a term that a lot of sex educators are using now,” says Oloni, “which is designed to help you find that desire and spark in your relationship. It could mean cuddling more on the sofa when you’re watching a movie, or it could be remembering to kiss your partner before you leave the house.”

18. Write down things you want to try

This helps if you can’t say them out loud. Work out what they are and send over an image or link, suggests Oloni. “Write them down on bits of paper and put them in a pot,” says Christophers, so you can pull them out and potentially try something new. “Create an opportunity for playfulness,” she says. “A bit more intrigue, a bit more mystery.”

19. Variety is the spice of life

Oils, toys and other aids can be useful after body changes due to the menopause, having a baby or other health conditions, says Christophers, as is trying different positions. “Think about comfort and practical things, such as using lubricants.”

20. Put down your phone

For those who would rather go to bed with their phone than their partner, put it away. “This comes up a lot,” says Christophers. “I’m not saying don’t ever bring your phone into bed,” says Oloni. “But that could be a time where you up your sexual currency. You’re in bed with your partner. This is where you should feel your most relaxed but you can’t really unwind when you are on your phone, you’re still taking in so much information. You could use that time instead to not necessarily have sex, but just be still, hug, spoon or giggle with your partner.”

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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The second step is learning

— Distinguishing gender identity and sexual orientation

The Gender Unicorn illustration explains the difference between sexual orientation and gender identity.

Sexual orientation and gender identity are hot topics that bring much controversy and misinformation with them, especially when it comes to youth. Dr. Cosio, Prince George physician, explains the difference.

By Christine Dalgleish

Sexual orientation and gender identity are hot topics that bring much controversy and misinformation with them, especially when it comes to young people.

A group of local healthcare providers and doctors, Physicians for Diversity & Inclusion, have come together to stand with families of gender diverse children and gender diverse members of the community.

Dr. Ingrid Cosio, whose practice includes time spent at the Northern Gender Clinic in Prince George each week, provides specialized care to transgender and gender diverse persons living in the Northern Health region.

Cosio referred to the www.transstudent.org online tool called The Gender Unicorn to explain basic terms used when it comes to explaining the difference between gender and sexuality.

“So gender identity is what’s in the brain, in the sense that this is how you feel on the inside – your gender,” Cosio said. “So there is female, male, other. So you can have some of one – it doesn’t mean you’re less of the other.”

Gender expression is how you are presenting yourself, which includes feminine, masculine or other.

“You can feel male even though you were assigned female at birth but not feel safe to express it in any way,” Cosio said. “Or you could fully express that by cutting your hair and doing things that are stereotypically considered more masculine. So that’s your expression piece and that’s what other people are going to see when they look at you. So that’s very different than what’s going on in your thoughts in your brain.”

Sex assigned at birth are your chromosomes and what parts you are born with, Cosio explained.

Who you are physically attracted to are totally separate from gender identity. Sometimes these are divided into physical attraction and emotional attraction.

“So you can have any combination, so that means if a person is gender diverse, it doesn’t mean they are gay and a lot of people make that mistake,” Cosio said.

Cosio often finds those who identify as gender diverse, where things aren’t put in boxes so much, are pan-sexual which means they are attracted to the person, no matter what gender they are or what parts they have.

“It’s really about the connection they make with a person,” Cosio said.

For reliable and accurate information about gender identity, visit the BC Children’s Hospital gender resource page.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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Women have more sex as they age

— And it’s better, too. A sexologist explains why.

By Kelly Burch

  • Juliana Hauser is a licensed therapist who specializes in sex-positive counseling.
  • She says many women have better sex as they age.
  • Self pleasure can help women explore new desires, she said.

This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Juliana Houser, a licensed marriage and family therapist who is the resident expert and advisor at Kindra. It has been edited for length and clarity.

The success of “The Golden Bachelor” has proven something I’ve seen in my work for a long time. When it comes to love, relationships, and sex, older people don’t want to be counted out.

Many of my clients in their 50s and beyond have vibrant, exciting, and novel sex lives. They want to be seen as sexual beings. When that occurs, great things happen: I’ve met many women who are having passionate, orgasmic sex that just gets better with age. Here’s how they’re doing it and the tips that can help you have the same, no matter what your age.

Harness confidence in yourself

Society feeds us lots of messages about what it means to be a woman who is desired and who desires others. We all have an image of what it means to be sexy — and if we don’t think we fit that picture, we can become disconnected from our own eroticism.

And yet, by the time women reach middle age, they have self-confidence. When you know who you authentically are, you can shed all the layers of what you thought sexy was. That lets you unapologetically embrace what sexy means to you.

Nurture the most important sexual relationship you have

Nearly everyone has their own individual sex life, whether they’re partnered or not. Your sexual relationship with yourself is the longest and most important sexual relationship you’ll have, but too often, we ignore it.

Create different sexual experiences for yourself, just like you would with a partner. Vary what times of day you self-pleasure; have slow, intimate sessions and quickies; explore your kinky side.

Take microdoses of pleasure

Lots of people, especially women, deprive themselves. We focus so much time on our careers and families while pushing pleasure off for another time — the weekends or vacation.

Instead of doing that, I recommend finding time for microdoses of pleasure every day. Change the pacing of pleasure until it’s something that’s constantly around rather than something to be waited for.

Connect with your senses

How do you microdose pleasure? By connecting with our senses. Feeling sensual can open the door to feeling pleasure, which I define as feeling a spark or vibrancy inside you.

Pleasure and sensuality start with things that aren’t sexual at all: a sunrise that brings you joy or the smell of a bouquet of flowers. Look for anything that makes your body say “yum” or “yes.” As you respond to that part of yourself, you’ll become more confident in finding and experiencing what brings you pleasure in bed.

Understand your body is changing

The impacts of menopause are undeniable and normal. But they don’t have to mean the end of your sex life — in fact, we’ve found that 70% of women who are 50 or older still enjoy sex.

There can be hard feelings associated with changing bodies and again. But embracing change can be helpful. Learn what works for your body now. Try products and toys that might ease any difficulties you have. Broaden your definition of sex. After all, there’s a whole continuum of what sex can be, not just penetration.

Get curious

Adapt an attitude of curiosity about sex. Google “10 best sex toys of 2023” and see what catches your eye. If you hear a term you don’t know, look it up. Ask your friends where they’re finding pleasure, or what aspects of sex and aging are challenging for them. Share your struggles and your interests.

You can even create a sex bucket list. Revisit it every now and then — you might notice that you might want to try things that were once a “no,” or that acts that were once appealing no longer intrigue you.

More than anything, know what pleasure is your birthright. Sexuality isn’t a luxury reserved for the young(er). It’s a necessity that we can connect with throughout our lives.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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The first step is talking: how kids can safely explore gender identity

— “Going to talk to your doc doesn’t mean you’re expecting to have a treatment or some sort of solution. It’s a start of the discussion.”

It’s important to know children and adolescents will explore their identity and it’s a normal part of growing up.

By Christine Dalgleish

It’s important to know children and adolescents will explore their identity and it’s a normal part of growing up.

It’s not just about gender identity exploration but also what values are held dear, what kind of person they would like to be and it’s important to create a safe space for that exploration to occur.

A group of local healthcare providers and doctors, Physicians for Diversity & Inclusion, have come together to stand with families of gender diverse children and gender diverse members of the community.

Dr. Ingrid Cosio, whose practice includes time spent at the Northern Gender Clinic in Prince George each week, provides specialized care to transgender and gender diverse persons living in the Northern Health region.

Cosio offers some guidance during those first steps taken toward getting more information for a child talking about their gender identity.

“Any time is an OK time to bring it up,” Cosio said. “Going to talk to your doc doesn’t mean you’re expecting to have a treatment or some sort of solution. It’s a start of the discussion. Just like it would be for anything a patient is struggling with or has questions about. The ideal is that your primary care home – whether that’s a family physician or nurse practitioner – offers a safe place that you can go and talk about some feelings you’re having and have a chat about that. Even knowing that’s the starting point is so important and knowing you can come back if things are getting more difficult or you just want to follow up and talk some more.”

Knowing that identity exploration is normal and having a safe space to do that at the doctor’s office, at home and at school is the most important thing, Cosio said.

“Creation of the safe space at the doctor’s office where a patient can come and talk about things is super important,” Cosio said. “That they have a place to come – because some may not have that safe space – if they are coming with their parents, hopefully that means that there is some support to go get some questions answered and talk about it – so hopefully that’s already there. But the message for that first visit is that identity exploration in childhood and adolescents is totally normal, whether it’s gender, sexuality, just figuring out what your core values are, what’s important to you and what kind of person you want to be. And same goes for things like ‘the gender people assume I am doesn’t seem to fit.’ To think about that, to talk about that, so that’s where the whole exploration piece – and for the family and the child to know – that this is normal and we can just take their lead and support them.”

Having that safe space at home and at school is critically important, Cosio added.

“That’s where they can do that exploration,” Cosio said. “They can, so to speak, try on identities that they feel fit them better and to know that they are going to be accepted and loved no matter where they end up and would continue throughout that process.”

Feeling supported and safe while exploring their identity is essential for good mental health, Cosio added.

Gathering information from a patient is an important part of the job for a healthcare provider.

“Just letting them tell their story and talk about their experience and not necessarily guiding that but just seeing the important things they bring up, what are the questions, what are the fears and what their context is – who is in the home, things they like to do, what are the real successes that make them feel awesome, and what are some of the challenges they have. So the experience and the context are the two key pieces of understanding what’s really going on for the young patient.”

Cosio added it’s also important to ask about when they started thinking about this, how it has been making them feel, if it’s affecting their day-to-day life and  has it affected their mood? Are there other more pressing concerns like depression, anxiety or thoughts of self-harm or suicide?

“We want to be screening for that because it can be super dangerous,” Cosio said. “And if we don’t ask the question, they might not bring it up. And we don’t want to miss the opportunity where we could put in a safety plan or be aware of how at risk they are. And also are there any hopes or expectations of how, as their primary care provider, we can help other than listening and providing support.”

Those are the issues a first visit to the family practitioner will address.

The Prince George Public Library, in partnership with the Northern Gender Clinic, provides excellent resources, including gender workbooks, and novels with gender diverse characters going through similar journeys.

For reliable and accurate information about gender identity, visit the BC Children’s Hospital gender resource page.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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Masturbation Tips for People With Vaginas

— Masturbation is a natural and healthy aspect of sexual development that has many health benefits. There are various ways for individuals with vaginas to self-pleasure, including using their hands and toys to stimulate their genitals and other erogenous zones, like the nipples.

By Rhiannon John, MSexol

Key takeaways:

  • Masturbation has many health benefits, including reducing stress, improving sleep quality, and learning what feels pleasurable.
  • The most common types of masturbation include clitoral, vaginal, and anal stimulation or a combination of the three.
  • Tips for exploring each area include applying a lubricant, slowly increasing arousal, and experimenting with different strokes, pressures, and speeds.

If you’re new to exploring self-pleasure or looking for ways to enhance your experience, we’ve gathered some tips and insights below that may be helpful.

Benefits of masturbation

Masturbation has a myriad of health benefits, making it a healthy and fun sexual activity. Masturbation has been found to:

  • Reduce stress
  • Relieve sexual tension
  • Improve sleep quality
  • Enhance knowledge of how you like to be pleasured
  • Improve mood
  • Strengthen the pelvic floor muscles
  • Alleviate period pain for some people

Different types of masturbation

There are various erogenous zones for people with vaginas for self-pleasure. In this article, we’ll focus on the most commonly practiced types of masturbation to help you get started. However, there are many ways to explore and enjoy your body, and you should always feel empowered to pleasure yourself in a comfortable and pleasurable way.

Clitoral masturbation

Clitoral masturbation is the most common form of masturbation for folks with vaginas, as many people cannot orgasm without clitoral stimulation. The clitoris is a highly sensitive erogenous zone that contains approximately 10,000 sensory nerve endings, making it a prime area for self-pleasure. You can pleasure the clitoris using your fingers to rub all areas of the clitoris, or you can use a vibrating or suction sex toy for extra stimulation.

Vaginal masturbation

Vaginal masturbation is also another common form of masturbation, and while it feels pleasurable for many people, not everyone can orgasm from vaginal stimulation. There are several pleasurable areas in the vagina that you can explore, and many people find stimulating the top wall of the vagina, often referred to as the G-spot, pleasurable. You can pleasure the vagina using your fingers or a sex toy.

Anal masturbation

The anus and rectum contain many sensory nerve endings, making anal masturbation a highly pleasurable experience. You can please the anus externally using fingers or a vibrator or internally using anal toys or fingers.

How to get started

While each person’s self-pleasure routine will look different, there are a few tips that many people use to help get them in the mood.

Create a relaxing environment

To maximize pleasure during masturbation, it’s important to ensure that you have a cozy environment. To do this, first, ensure that you have some privacy by locking the door and switching off your phone to avoid any unwelcome interruptions. If you live somewhere with limited privacy, consider jumping in the bath or shower and locking the door behind you.

Next, make your chosen room as desirable as possible by considering what is pleasurable to each of your five senses. Consider lighting candles, dimming the lights, wearing something that feels luxurious or turns you on, and playing relaxing music or sounds.

Don’t forget lubrication

You may know that a lubricant is an essential ingredient for pleasurable intercourse, but did you know that it also makes masturbation feel amazing too? While the vagina is self-lubricating, sometimes it doesn’t produce enough lubrication to make sex pleasurable. This is why you should always use a lubricant when having any kind of sexual activity. And if you’re exploring anal play, lubrication is a must, as the anus isn’t self-lubricating.

Get exploring

No matter which area of the body you intend to explore, the key is to keep an open mind and get curious about how your body can feel and respond to pleasure. Explore different sensations, pressures, speeds, and areas of the body to find out what feels best for you. You may also want to experiment with toys or erotica to help increase arousal.

Tips for exploring the clitoris

The clitoris is a highly sensitive part of the body. Here are some ways you can begin exploring what feels good to you:

  • Start slowly. Start by applying some lubrication to the clitoris and labia, then slowly begin stroking your vulva. There’s no rush to get to the clitoris, so take your time by slowly building up arousal and allowing blood to flow to the area.
  • Vary speed and pressure. When ready, move to the clitoris, rubbing or stroking it with little pressure. Then slowly increase the pressure and the speed of the strokes to your liking.
  • Different techniques. You may want to explore different techniques, such as pinching the clitoris, rubbing it in circles, or stroking it up and down. You can also use a sex toy, such as a vibrator, to gently rub or press onto the clitoris.
  • Increase the pressure. Once you have found a sensation that feels good, increase the pressure and intensity of the strokes, rubbing, or vibrations until you reach orgasm or feel like you’ve had enough.
Tips for exploring the vagina

Finding out what feels good for you inside your vagina is important for increasing sexual pleasure. Try these tips to begin your exploration slowly and sensitively:

  • Stimulate blood flow. Start by applying a lubricant to the clitoris, labia, fingers, and sex toy. Then slowly begin stroking your vulva and clitoris to increase arousal and blood flow to the vagina.
  • Slowly insert fingers or sex toy. When ready, part opens your vagina with your fingers and insert your fingers or a sex toy. Then slowly start exploring the vagina, moving your fingers or toys in a circular motion inside the vagina to find a pleasurable spot.
  • New techniques. You may want to explore different techniques, such as using your fingers in a “come here” motion to stimulate the G-spot, moving your fingers or toys in and out of your vagina, or simultaneously playing with the clitoris.
  • Keep going. Once you have found a sensation that feels good, increase the pressure and intensity of the strokes until you reach orgasm or feel like you’ve had enough.

Tips for exploring the anus

The anus can be a deeply pleasurable area for some people. Try these tips to find out if it’s something you like:

  • Always lubricate. Start by applying a lubricant to your fingers or sex toy. Then slowly begin stroking and rubbing the outside of your anus.
  • Gentle exploration. When ready, carefully insert your finger or toy into your anus, then slowly start exploring the anus, moving your fingers or toy in a circular motion inside the anus to find a pleasurable spot.
  • Experiment. You may want to explore different techniques, such as moving your fingers or toy in and out of your anus or simultaneously playing with the clitoris or vagina.

It’s important to note that when using sex toys to stimulate the anus, they should have a flared base to prevent them from getting lost in the rectum, which can result in surgical intervention.

When it comes to exploring masturbation, the key thing that you should aim for is to have a pleasurable experience. While having an orgasm can be an amazing experience, masturbation without an orgasm can also be incredibly enjoyable. So try not to pressure yourself to have an orgasm each time you masturbate, but rather stay curious about what you find pleasurable, and enjoy the experience.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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Virginity

Virginity is a very touchy issue in just about every culture on the globe. Curiously enough, it’s almost always exclusively about female virginity. This sad double standard gives rise to emotional conflicts for both genders. But again, it is young women and girls who bear the brunt of it.

Let’s begin with Katelyn who’s 18 years old:

My boyfriend and I have been together for over a year. We’ve just started talking about having sex even though we both took a virginity pledge through our church. We love each other very much and plan on getting married in a couple of years. If we are practically engaged do you think having sex now would be like breaking our promise?

I’m pretty sure that the creators of all those “abstinence only” and “virginity pledge” programs out there like to think they’re keeping kids like you safe from the unforeseen consequences of sex. I’d probably have less of a problem with them if they didn’t have at their base some pretty rank scare tactics.

Scaring people away from sex is a time-honored means of controlling people.

If you have sex, you well surely get a disease!

If you have sex, you will surely get pregnant!

If you have sex, you will be breaking the commandments and you’ll go to hell!

If you have sex, you will be a slut and no one will want to marry you!

And my all-time favorite: If he gets the milk for free, why would he buy the cow?

Full-On Fucking

These sex-negative messages only frighten, intimidate and instill guilt. They certainly don’t teach people how to behave knowledgably and responsibly. And they do absolutely nothing to prepare even those who wind up honoring their pledge of abstinence for the inevitable sex life they’ll have later in life. And that to me is criminal. Young people have a natural, healthy curiosity about their bodies and the bodies of others. Stifling this natural curiosity with veiled threats and fear-mongering does very little good—and a whole lot of harm.

But before I respond to your question, I have a question for you. I hope you’re not actually thinking I might help you rationalize away your impending behavior—Oh sure honey, if you’re gonna marry the lug anyway, why not give it up now?—because I won’t go there. Have the courage to make up your own mind. If you’re old enough to be considering sex, you’re old enough to take responsibility for your actions.

If you abstain from sex out of fear or religious duress, then where’s the virtue in that? It’s just as bad as having sex because you fear losing your boyfriend. Neither option suggests to me that you are behaving knowledgeably and responsibly.

Of course, it’s always easier to decide on a course of action when one has all the information. And that’s where I can be of some assistance. I’m not gonna tell you what you oughta do, but I can offer you some timely information about human sexuality that you apparently aren’t getting from your family, church or your community.

There are many sexual alternatives to full-on fucking. And if you want to remain a virgin, at least technically speaking, you might want to explore these options.

Are you both masturbating? If not, then that’s a good place to begin. You should both be familiar with your own pleasure zones and sexual response cycle before you launch into partnered sex of any kind. I believe that the best sex is mutual sex, where the partners knowingly and without reservation gift themselves to one another. And I don’t see how that’s possible unless you are well-acquainted with the gift…your own body.

I can guarantee that your boyfriend won’t know how to pleasure you, especially if he’s still discovering the pleasures of his own body. And you’d be a very remarkable young woman if you understood the mysteries of male sexuality. So if you’re both unversed in the joys of human sexuality, why not discover them together? Mutual masturbation—as well as oral sex—will help you appreciate the particulars and uniqueness of each of your sexual response cycles. And just think how far ahead you’ll be when you guys actually decide it’s time for full-on fucking. You’ll already know how your bodies work.

Even so, the two of you should be familiar with several different means of birth control—and practicing at least two methods. This is a precaution because, in the heat of the moment, you may decide to escalate things to include vaginal penetration. And if you do, you’ll be prepared. Always have water-based lubricants on hand, even for masturbation. These lubricants work very well with latex condoms. Oil lubricants, like petroleum jelly, baby oil or cooking oil, can cause latex condoms to break. So stay away from them.

I realize that procuring all this stuff is gonna be a challenge for young folks like you. But don’t just blow them off just because they’re not readily available to you. This is a big part of being knowledgeable and responsible about your sexuality. If you’re not prepared to go the distance in terms of preparation, you’re not ready to have sex.

Young men and boys have their share of trepidation about impending partnered sex. Here’s 18-year-old Tabor.

I feel kinda silly asking a complete stranger this, but here goes. I’m a pretty normal 18 year old. I’ve had a few girlfriends over the years, nothing really serious, though. Lately I’ve been seeing a lot of this one girl; she’s 20, a junior at my school. I really like her and we’re discussing taking our friendship to the next level, but there’s a problem. I’m a virgin. My girlfriend is way more experienced than me and that makes me a little nervous too. She wants me to decide when the time is right. My question is how will I know when I’m ready for sex?

I have a question for you, Tabor, and I hope it doesn’t sound flippant. When do you know it’s time to eat, or sleep? I know many of us eat even when we’re not hungry and sometimes we don’t sleep even when we’re tired. That aside, I suggest that the same bodily signals that alert you to hunger and exhaustion will let you know when it’s time for sex. You’ll want to have sex when you feel the desire to be sexual. I’m not trying to be evasive; I’m trying to get you to listen to your body, because that’s how you’ll know. To be perfectly frank, that’s how all of us know it’s time for sex. We get a hankerin’ for some pleasure and we pursue that till we’re satisfied. Sometimes that’s solo sex and sometimes it’s partnered sex.

If I were to advise you further I’d want to know how much sex you’ve already had with your GF. Has there been any sex play at all? Probably some, right? Otherwise how would you know you like her well enough to consider taking things to the next level?

Penis/vagina intercourse, or as I like to call it, “fucking,” can bring more intimacy and more pleasure than other forms of sex, but it’s not the be-all end-all either. Fucking also carries far more responsibility, particularly for fertile young puppies like you and your honey.

Is it safe to assume that you are well-versed in the complexities of the human reproductive system? I hope so. Not everyone is, of course, even some otherwise smart people. If you’re not clear on the whole concept, there’s no time like the present to do a little boning up, so to speak. Being responsible about sex is as important as being sexual. And being informed about health risks and contraception is the beginning of taking responsibility for your sexual activity.

Remember what I said earlier—that you’ll want to have sex when your body says so? Well, if you take the time to prepare now, you’ll not need to interrupt the moment when your body tells you I’m ready! You should discuss birth control with your girlfriend in advance of any foolin’ around. You should have condoms and lube available. Don’t expect that you’ll have your wits about you when your dick is hard. Remember, you’re not the one who’ll get pregnant if ya’ll screw up. I’ll bet your sweetheart will be impressed with your forethought, too.

Remember, even if your girlfriend is on the pill or has a diaphragm; condoms are a must. One in every ten sexually active teens carries one or more STDs or as we call them nowadays, STIs (sexually transmitted infections). You can consider dropping the condoms only when you’re in an exclusive relationship.

Good luck!

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Experts Debunk Things Movies Taught You About Sex

By Jeremy Brown

In the movies, we often see a man or woman sweep his or her partner up, kiss them passionately, and have their way with them with barely a word spoken on either end. This notion that a person can simply take what they want when they want is not only false; it can set an unreasonable and dangerous precedent.

According to the National Sexual Violence Resource Center, one in five women has experienced rape or attempted rape during their lifetime. In addition, close to a quarter of men have also been victims of sexual violence. With these statistics in mind, it is clear that both partners need to be on the same page when it comes to getting physical.

“Communication is essential in any relationship — even a long-term partnership,” says Dr. Juliana Hauser, a licensed family and marriage therapist, an expert on sex and sexuality, and a Kindra Advisory Board Member. “I encourage couples who want to try something new to discuss it openly and honestly with their partner. One of my favorite ways to practice consent is my four quadrants exercise — it’s a helpful tool to openly discuss what you want to try in the bedroom, and what you don’t! Consent is sexy, should be enthusiastic and clear and reciprocal.”

Myth: Couples don’t routinely practice safer sex

And these unrealistic expectations of how sexual activity should be can end up doing more harm than good, even informing some people’s ideas of what sex is supposed to be. According to a 2016 study published in the Journal of Adolescent Health, only thirteen states mandate that sex education be medically accurate.

Perhaps even more worrying, a 2000 study published in the Western Journal of Medicine revealed that more than 80% of adolescents reported that a lot of their information about sex comes from television, movies, and other forms of entertainment. An additional 10% of adolescents said that they learned more about such topics as AIDS from media than they did from parents or educators.

With numbers like these in mind, we turned to a pair of experts who walked us through some of the most common movie misconceptions about sex – and how reality is so much better than fiction

Myth: Consent isn’t needed

When a couple enters a monogamous, committed relationship, the “Hollywood ending” mentality might lead one to believe that sex can now exist in a sort of consequence-free environment. With two sexually exclusive partners, the risk of disease is likely very low, if not nonexistent. And, if both partners are thinking long-term, there may not be any issues or concerns about getting pregnant. There can even be a societal element to couples electing to forego safe sex. A 2016 study published in Global Health Action showed that, among monogamous partners in southeastern Tanzania, there was a feeling that married partners who do not practice safe sex are “not really married.”

However, experts say that safe sex can be a way for couples to keep exploring and find new ways to connect and bond. “Safe sex can mean a variety of things for couples,” Hauser says, “whether it is to avoid pregnancy, lessen the risk of transmitting a sexual disease, try something new in a safe environment, or feel emotionally safe during intimacy. Be open and honest with your partner about what safe sex means to you. Experiencing safety in many forms during sexual connection is considered a powerful aphrodisiac for many individuals

Myth: Older people don’t have sex

Older couples in movies are usually portrayed as leading chaste, almost sexless lives. Sometimes their lack of intimacy is even played for laughs, with jokes flying about men’s inability to perform or women’s postmenopausal lack of desire. However, in reality, older people can be just as sexually active as younger people. A 2019 survey conducted by the American Psychological Association showed that a third of adults between the ages of 60 and 82 had more sex and even sexual thoughts than younger adults.

Hauser herself points to a Kindra/Harris Poll survey that showed that 70% of women over 50 say they still enjoy having sex. “There’s a myth that quality of sex declines and orgasms become more elusive for women as we age,” she notes. “That doesn’t have to be the case. In fact, many couples 50+ report finding a renewed interest in sexual connection, an increase in investing in sex toys and seeking professional support in experiencing more fulfilling sexual lives. There are practical things women can do to become ‘sexperts’ and reclaim their sexuality as they age to make sex more fulfilling, pleasure more abundant, and orgasms more potent — better than ever.”

Myth: Lubrication is unnecessary

Movie sex would have us believe that women are always so turned on that there is no need for any outside assistance, and the natural lubrication from her arousal is more than enough. If only it were that simple. The truth is, even if they are completely aroused, women still may need a little help with vaginal lubrication. A 2012 study published in Obstetrics and Gynecology revealed that 62% of women have used some type of lubricant during sex. This can be a particular issue as women grow older.

Hauser notes that more than half of women who are experiencing perimenopause and menopause can be affected by vaginal dryness. “This vaginal change can have a significant impact on body confidence, sexual connection and relationships,” she says. “Vulvovaginal moisturizers and lubricants make a significant difference for many women, especially those going through the hormonal shifts of menopause. Using a vaginal moisturizer helps rebuild moisture over time so you’re always ready for intimacy, and using a lubricant during sex can help increase feelings of pleasure.”

Myth: Don’t bother with foreplay

When you’re watching a movie, it’s understood that there is a need to keep the plot moving forward, so you can’t pause too long for a sex scene. But in a Hollywood tryst, we often see couples go from kissing to full-on intercourse in a matter of seconds. In reality, things should be moving at a much slower pace. Foreplay isn’t just enjoyable; it’s an important part of sexual intimacy, according to Healthline. Kissing alone releases a number of stress-reducing hormones, such as oxytocin, serotonin, and dopamine.

“Being mentally and physically ready for and interested in sexual activity is so important — especially as we age,” says Hauser. “Foreplay allows your mind and body time to transition into receiving pleasure, to become present and to prime your body and if engaging in partnered sex, a connection with your partner without the focus of an end result. Embrace a curious mindset and give yourself permission to experiment to find what you like — solo pleasure can be so helpful here.”

Myth: Women always orgasm

Onscreen, women are almost always completely enraptured by their partner’s performance, to the point of achieving a blissful, even earth-shaking, orgasm. And, while it would be nice if vaginal intercourse were sufficient to bring all women to orgasm, it’s not always the case. In fact, a 2016 study published in Socioaffective Neuroscience & Pyschology revealed that, while 90% of men experience orgasm through intercourse, only 50% of women can say the same. The issue stems from the fact that most women achieve orgasm via stimulation of the clitoris. A 2015 study published in the Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy showed that nearly 37% of women required their clitorises to be stimulated in order to reach orgasm. An additional 36% said that, while they could achieve climax without it, stimulation of the clitoris improved their orgasms, making them feel better.

“While some women do reliably orgasm through intercourse, women are generally more likely to orgasm through oral sex, fingering, masturbation, and/or use of sex toys — in other words, acts that provide clitoral stimulation,” says Suzannah Weiss, resident sexologist for the pleasure product brand Biird. “Make sure the clit is getting attention!”

Myth: Sex in the shower is easy

Of all of the sexual myths that are better in concept than execution, sex in the shower could arguably top the list. In theory, it’s got all of the right components. It’s warm, it’s steamy, and everyone is naked by default. As such, it’s become a common love scene trope in movies, one that people try and replicate all too often at home. A 2020 survey conducted by Drench.com showed that more than half of adults have attempted to have sex in the shower. However, that poll also reveals that 32% have been disappointed by the experience, and an alarming 44% have actually been hurt during shower sex.

“If only sex in the shower — or bath or hot tub or pool — were as easy as they make it look in the movies!” Weiss says. “Unfortunately, water washes off natural lubrication, which increases friction during penetration. Not to mention, the shower is a confined and slippery place! If you are looking to have sex in the shower, manual or digital sex is probably the easiest kind. Silicone lube is the least likely to wash off, and you can also bring in a waterproof vibrator. Showering can also be great foreplay: You can kiss and feel each other up in the shower, then move to a more comfortable place like the bedroom.”

Myth: Simultaneous orgasms are easy to achieve

When movie couples achieve climax during one of their perfectly lit and artfully shot love scenes, it is usually in perfect sync, with the sequence fading to black as both couples relax in the afterglow. In reality, a simultaneous orgasm, particularly from vaginal intercourse, is a little harder to achieve. A 2018 study published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior showed that only 41% to 50% of women in particular were able to climax from unassisted intercourse, making a shared climax a challenging goal.

“Because most women don’t reliably orgasm through intercourse, simultaneous orgasms during intercourse are not the norm,” Weiss says. “There’s also just a low probability that both people will take the exact same amount of time to orgasm in any given encounter.” Weiss suggests a few ways to help couples increase the odds of them simultaneously orgasming. “One way to do it is to have one partner touch their own clitoris or use a vibrator during intercourse (I’m speaking mainly about heterosexual intercourse here). Both people can let each other know when they are getting close, so one person can ease up if they are approaching orgasm faster than the other. Another way to do this is to have one person touch themselves while they are pleasuring a partner with their hands or mouth. Or, two people can masturbate side by side — something we unfortunately rarely see on screen!”

Myth: Everyone performs perfectly every time

Sex scenes in movies look so great because, well, they’re movies. Everything is scripted, choreographed, and planned out, and couples have multiple takes to get it right. Clothes come off without a hitch, every movement is perfectly executed, and both partners perform like pros. If only it were that easy!

But, because so many of us have been conditioned to view sex the way we see it onscreen, the idea of falling short of that mark can be a trigger. According to the International Society for Sexual Medicine, up to 16% of women and 25% of men feel some form of anxiety around their performance in the bedroom.

“Sex doesn’t usually look like scripted sex scenes!” Weiss says. “Often, it involves talking, fumbling, pausing, not getting hard or wet when you want to, losing erections, not orgasming when you want to (or orgasming when you don’t want to), pets jumping on the bed, and more.” Weiss explains that the only things that can truly ruin sex are being embarrassed about it and taking it too seriously. “It’s OK for sex to be silly, messy, and unlike a Hollywood sex scene.”

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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Pup Play

— Kink communities can help people build connections and improve their body image


Pup play has its roots within kink communities and gay BDSM and leather subculture.

By and

In recent years, the world of kink lifestyles and subcultures has gained increasing attention. Kink is a general term that includes various expressions of unconventional or non-traditional sexual desires. This encompasses a wide array of practices, including power dynamics, intense sensations/stimuli, role-playing and more.

One such form of role-play that is often misunderstood is known as pup play. Pups are consenting adults who roleplay by dressing and acting as young canines, or pups.

We are researchers within nutrition and health research with a focus on diverse gender and sexualities. In this project called Puppy Philms, we seek to more deeply understand how meanings ascribed to bodies are socially constructed for gay, bisexual, transgender and queer men within the pup community.

For this project, we used a method called cellphilming. The term cellphilm was coined to describe films made with cell phones. We worked with pups who created cellphilms to learn more about their community, particularly how being a pup might help people navigate body-image concerns.

We recruited 17 self-identifying gay, bisexual, transgender and queer men who are pups across Canada. They attended three workshops and each of them created a cellphilm in which they talked about being a pup and how their body image is shaped in the pup community.

What is pup play?

Two men in pup hoods and gear.
Pups are consenting adults who roleplay by dressing and acting as young canines, or pups.

Pup play has its roots within kink communities and gay BDSM and leather subculture. Alongside the sexual component, pup play is viewed by many to be a social activity.

Studies have demonstrated many reasons why people might participate in kink and BDSM activities. For example, personal development, self-expression, overcoming anxiety, relaxation, and to be more socially comfortable. Kink play may also improve interpersonal relationships.

The pup community fosters connections and gathers at various pup events. These include pup competitions where a designated “play space” allows them to cuddle each other, wag their tails and bark.

Pups often wear pup gear like collars and pup masks or hoods. Some individuals within pup communities take on the role of pup “handlers,” which means they assume a more dominant role within pup play.

Cellphilming

Cellphilming is an art-based research method and serves as a tool for advocacy that researchers seeking to disrupt traditional roles within research can use. It enables participants to exercise their creativity and take control and ownership of their narratives, facilitating the expression of ideas that can be more challenging to convey through traditional interviews.

Research becomes an artistic and reflective process. The resulting cellphilms are pieces of art that can create a sense of solidarity among communities while changing social values about gender, sexual orientation and bodies.

The Puppy Philms Project

Man wearing pup hood and leather harness.
Gay subcultures often celebrate bodies that are more diverse and challenge dominant ideas about masculinity.

Our previous work noted that many gay men navigate body-image tensions by identifying within gay subcultures that celebrate bodies that are more diverse than the dominant thin and muscular body standards. We also found that challenging and disrupting dominant ideas about masculinity can be helpful for some men dealing with body-image concerns.

Yet no studies have looked at the relationships between body image and pup communities. With Puppy Philms, we sought to gain a deeper insights into this relationship through cellphilming.

Body image and pup play

Three findings about pup play and body image emerged from our research. First, participants discussed how the pup community can reinforce body standards for men. As one participant said, “the body expectations for pup communities are not really different from the body expectations from the cis gay man culture.”

However, many participants also felt pup communities were spaces where dominant ideas about men’s body standards and masculinity were changed, lessened or lacking altogether. As another participant noted, “body image doesn’t really matter in the pup community, and that’s sort of the point. Just be a puppy.”

One man on all fours in pup hood and gear.
Kink communities can often help people with personal development, self-expression and overcoming anxieties.

The pup headspace – a state of mindfulness relaxation — has also been associated with therapeutic benefits. Participants reflected on how the process of becoming a pup helped them change their feelings about their bodies and overcome body image concerns.

One participant noted, “…while I’ve got the [pup] mask on and I’m at the events, I don’t tend to think about it. But soon as the mask comes off then I start to think about my body-image issues again.”

Our study sheds light on the positive aspects of the pup community as a social and accepting space, where identifying as a pup represents a sign of resilience and defiance against social norms.

Unleashing queer activism

Participants felt inspired to create their cellphilms and saw them as powerful tools for activism. They aimed to inform the public about pup play and break the stigma surrounding it.

This drive for activism took various forms; some participants submitted their cellphilms to film festivals, and others travelled to the United States and Europe to showcase their cellphilms and share their experiences. In collaboration with the participants, we organized community screening events (one in Montreal and an upcoming one in Toronto), furthering the reach of their narratives.

Participants saw the potential to use their cellphilms for a greater purpose than just this research. As one participant said, “just this possibility of spreading out what we were talking about really stimulates me a lot.”

Artistic activists remind us that “we can ‘queer’ mass culture by making it say things it was never designed to say, and act in ways it was never meant to act.” Perhaps the participants’ cellphilms can help make our culture more open to diverse bodies, genders and sexualities.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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Want To Spice Up Your Sex Life?

— Here’s How

By Krati Mehra

Long-term relationships are a beautiful part of our lives, but with the reliability and trust that comes with such intimacy, so too comes predictability. Like any aspect of a relationship, the sexual side of our relationships change with time, and what was once hot and heavy can be reduced almost to a habit or another chore to tick off the list.

As much as we need the security of steady love, we also like to feel attractive—like we’re still alluring enough to excite our partner, even after many years of companionship. More importantly, a healthy and fulfilling sex life is integral to the emotional and physical bonding between partners.

When the sexual aspect of a romantic relationship hits a slump, spicing things up in (or outside) the bedroom can help rekindle that old flame.

Why it’s important to prioritize a fulfilling sex life

Prioritizing a fulfilling sex life is not simply about caring for different relationship aspects; Satisfying sex establishes a synchronicity between two individuals. It guards the shared trust and understanding, ensuring the longevity and resilience of the romantic bond.

Results of a study1 published in the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin indicate that the shared moments of passion, even ones limited to cuddling, kissing, and caressing, create deep feelings of love and affection.

“A healthy and fulfilling sex life helps create a deep emotional connection, nurtures intimacy, and builds a unique bond that is both private and profound,” explains psychology expert and life coach Bayu Prihandito, adding, “Couples who maintain a satisfying sexual relationship exhibit better communication, reduced stress, and a heightened sense of overall well-being.”

Research2 also shows that healthy sexual relationshipd create a safe emotional boundary for sharing desires, preferences, and concerns, leading to open and honest communication—another pillar critical for healthy relationships.

“Pleasure and orgasms release oxytocin, the ‘love’ hormone, which not only bonds us to our partner but also reduces stress,” notes sex and relationship therapist, Leigh Norén. This biochemical process creates a positive feedback loop, enhancing trust in the relationship.

A satisfying sex life can also create a fertile ground for healthy conflict resolution, cementing and safeguarding the shared understanding and trust between the two people.

And, as confirmed by several studies 3, a satisfying sex life also enhances the health and wellbeing of both people. “Regular sexual activity can positively affect physical health, from improved heart health to reduced pain sensitivity,” psychiatrist and professor Ryan Sultan M.D. tells mindbodygreen.

How to tell it’s time to spice things up

Despite the impact that gratifying sex has on both individual wellbeing and the health of a romantic relationship, sometimes even the most loving relationships can fall into a sexual rut.

“It’s when sex becomes a routine rather than an exploration, a task rather than a joy,” remarks Prihandito. And this can happen for a number of reasons—lack of privacy, work or life stress, health issues, or a temporary shift in priorities—but a sexual rut can become an indicator of more significant problems when there is an underlying emotional disconnect or unaddressed conflict between partners.

“Sexual issues become red flags when accompanied by emotional withdrawal, lack of communication, or unresolved conflicts. Sex is often a mirror of the health of the relationship. If the reflection reveals disconnection or discontent, it’s a clear sign of deeper underlying issues that need your attention,” says Prihandito.

According to licensed marriage and family therapist, Veronica Cisneros LMFT, if a couple has always struggled with physical intimacy, or if there are resentment and unresolved conflicts negatively impacting the emotional connection, the bedroom problems may be symptoms of a more significant issue.

“A good way to determine this is if one or both partners are guilty of using criticism, contempt, defensiveness, or stonewalling in times of conflict. These are what the Gottman’s call the 4 Horsemen of the Apocalypse, and they’re Gottman’s predictors of divorce,” she adds.

However, if the relationship is generally healthy, with both partners feeling emotionally connected, it may simply be time to revitalize their intimate moments.

Signs of a sexual rut

A sexual rut happens in most long-term relationships where comfort and familiarity can dull the sexual spark. Signs that it may be time to spice things up:

  • Complete absence of any and all sexual exchange between the partners
  • An increasing disinterest in sexual intimacy from both parties and lengthening intervals between sexual encounters
  • Post-sex, there is a sense of dissatisfaction, whether sexual, emotional, or physical
  • There is a lack of spontaneity. Like any other regularly scheduled chore, it happens on the same day of the week, at the same time, and in the same place, most probably the bedroom
  • Even as you get intimate, there is an emotional distance with little to no eye contact, shared laughter, tender attentiveness, and no lingering post-coital
  • The intimate experiences lack novelty. It’s the same position every time. The progression and pace are uninspired, leading to an encounter that feels almost scripted
  • You’re not fully present during intimacy, with your thoughts straying towards daily chores or future plans
  • You are having erotic fantasies about someone other than your partner
  • A decline in relationship satisfaction accompanied by a noticeable emotional distance
  • Sex happens not out of an active desire, but as an obligation or to keep up the facade of normalcy
  • Frequent reminiscing over past sexual encounters and longing to repeat the experience
  • No open, exciting discussions around sexual desires, fantasies, and needs
  • You feel unattractive and wonder if your partner is still invested in the relationship

How to spice up your sex life

Let’s dive into some creative solutions to spicing up your sex life. To some extent, each method requires stepping away from your comfort zone. However, the strategies are also respectful and suitable for a loving relationship.

1. Open and honest sexual communication

A 2019 study4 from The Journal of Sex Research shares that communication about sexual matters is vital to cultivating and maintaining a healthy sexual dynamic. Often, sexual issues happen because the couple is reluctant to openly express their sexual needs.

Sexual communication involves sharing sexual preferences and boundaries, desired sexual activities, and past sexual experiences. When partners are convinced they can safely talk about sex and related experiences, good or bad, with each other, it positively impacts sexual and relationship satisfaction.

“Make time to talk openly and honestly about your sexual desires, needs, and fantasies. Pay attention to any insecurities or fears you have about communicating. This open dialogue is crucial for understanding what you and your partner need to feel fulfilled in the bedroom,” Cisneros advises.

And as sex and relationship coach, and professor of sexual and relational communication Tara Suwinyattichaiporn Ph.D., notes, sexual communication can also help when age begins to interfere with performance. “Talking openly about desires and when they change can create a better understanding of each other’s sexuality,” she says.

2. Explore different positions

“Just like you add various spices to keep your meals exciting, you need to do the same for your sex life,” says Cisneros. Forget about missionary, experiment with different sexual positions—it will break the monotony and help you escape the sexual rut.

Certain positions can allow for deeper penetration, clitoral and prostate stimulation, and G-spot engagement, leading to heightened pleasure during sex. The more challenging positions will allow you to explore your partner’s body as if for the first time. This heightened physical awareness may also lead to renewed feelings of closeness and intimacy.

As you plan new positions to try, the vibe between you will shift. It will have an element of anticipation, excitement, and playfulness. It will go from routine to thrilling

3. Dive into the world of BDSM

To really shake things up and add new, intriguing layers to your relationship, try BDSM. Contrary to popular belief, research shows that those who enjoy BDSM are socially well-adjusted. BDSM also has a positive impact on relationship satisfaction.

It is an exciting way for partners to explore their limits and boundaries, venture into new sensual territories, and experience a level of physical and psychological stimulation that’s very different from what you get from traditional sexual activities.

Due to its nature, to indulge in BDSM, couples have to trust each other and communicate actively. There is an intentional vulnerability to BDSM, deepening the emotional connection between the partners. As you explore new fantasies, scenarios, and avenues of sexual expression, the romantic bond between the two people comes alive with excitement and a pulsing anticipation that can completely reinvigorate the relationship.

4. Try a new location

You can switch things up by having sex in a location other than the bedroom. For your next intimate encounter, consider booking a hotel room. You could also have sex in your car or in different places in your house.

For an added thrill, you can try sex in a public place. As long as you’re safe and not at any risk of getting arrested, the element of danger can make things very exciting.

5. Restart your relationship

Act as if you are once again courting your partner. Rekindle the sexual spark by returning to a time in your relationship when each day was about some new, exciting discovery. There was flirting, teasing, and the thrill of anticipation.

“At the beginning of a relationship, we passionately and intensely pursue our partners to attract them,” couples therapist Kimberlin Shepard, LMSW tells mindbodygreen. “If you once wore lingerie all the time, dig it back out! Plan date nights. Get all dolled up, go out to drinks, dinner, or a movie, and then come home and have steamy, hot sex,” she adds.

Engage in playful banter and give lavish compliments. Remind your partner that to you, there is no one more attractive. Rebuild comfort by showing physical affection and indulging in non-sexual touch.

6. Watch erotic movies together

“Taking inspiration from pornography or erotica can be a great way to spice things up,” says Norén. As you sit through an erotic movie, you will feel yourselves getting aroused, and as the film progresses, the sexual tension will escalate. When you turn off the TV, the tension will be released in an explosive, passionate, and fiery union.

7. Use sex toys

Studies indicate that using vibrators can enhance sexual satisfaction for both partners. For men, vibrators can also boost sexual performance, while for women, they make it easier to orgasm.

There are a variety of other sex toys available on the market that can enhance sexual experiences. The toys can be part of BDSM practices or role-playing scenarios. Apart from fun and excitement, planning the use of sex toys also leads to more focused sexual communication.

8.Try a sensual massage

Sensual massage can be a powerful tool to reconnect with your partner physically and, once again, explore their body with intent and focus. The stroking touch not only soothes but also stimulates.

Soft music in the background, sweet-smelling incense, dim lighting, and no interruptions can combine to create a sanctuary free from all stress and distraction, and suddenly, your world narrows to your partner and the pleasure you can share. As you massage your partner, it reminds you of how much you’ve always enjoyed caring for them, and you will be mentally relieving fond memories.

9. Play sex-related games

Bring fun back to your relationship through games focused on sex.

As you try to reestablish your sexual connection, begin with moments of friendship and shared laughter. It will remove all the stress and maybe even inhibitions if you’re playing strip poker or sexual truth and dare. You can also try couple’s cards, board, and dice games easily available on the market.

“Create small challenges or dares for each other to make it exciting. Ask your partner to identify things you are currently doing that drive them crazy in the bedroom. Ask them what feels good and what they want more of,” Cisneros advises.

10. Wear lingerie

A visual and tactical stimulant, lingerie can reignite passion in a relationship. It creates anticipation as it teases and tantalizes your partner.

Wearing lingerie can make you feel confident and alluring, making it easier to be bold and not only ask for what you want sexually but also deliver on your partner’s expectations. It is more than just a piece of clothing; It’s symbolic of your commitment to making things better and an invitation to a deeper sexual connection.

11. Practice spiritual sex

A way to completely step away from your usual practice is by combining sex with spirituality. It will enhance emotional and sexual closeness and elevate your connection to something sacred that demands respect and careful nourishment.

You can practice spiritual sex by cleansing the sexual environment. Begin by removing all clutter so energy flows freely, light incense to create positivity, use light colors for the bedding and, if possible, also for the walls and the decor. Let the natural elements, like sunlight and fresh air, enter the space.

Initiate intimacy by anointing each other’s bodies with oil. Make sacred vows and renew your commitment to each other. Indulge in mindful lovemaking with steady eye contact. Move at a slow, gentle pace. Touch each other with reverence. Together, these steps will add more emotional depth to the sexual exchange, forging an emotional bond that goes beyond the physical act of love.

12. Merge creativity and adventure with sex

Infuse elements of spontaneity, adventure, and novelty in your sexual moments.

Engaging in activities that raise adrenaline levels, like bungee jumping, roller coaster rides, or even workout challenges, can mimic the physiological arousal of sexual excitement, and when you experience them together, they increase the sexual attraction between a couple. Sex that follows such events is usually more heated and exciting.

Similarly, you can break the mold of predictability and routine through creative activities like sex paintings and by drawing temporary tattoos on each other’s bodies.

13. Try the sexual thrill of role-play

We all have characters we love and wish to emulate, which can be the key to adding some adventure and excitement to your sex life. As part of role play, we can assume a persona that either excites us or our partner, create exciting scenarios, and meet up with our significant other as if for the first time. When you shed your actual identity, you also leave behind your inhibitions and the stress that is so much a part of your daily life. Pretending to be someone else creates a sense of safety, allowing you to enact fantasies you’ve never shared with your partner.

This form of imaginative engagement helps partners see each other in a new light, discovering aspects of one another’s character that adds new dimensions to their sexual attraction. The thrill of being someone else adds to the sexual tension, making intimacy more charged and exhilarating.

14. Experiment with temperature play

Temperature play is an erotic practice that uses heat or cold to stimulate the body. It is a form of sensory play that introduces a variety of new physical sensations to sex. You can use heated oils, ice cubes, and massage candles. Specially designed toys are also available; these toys can be chilled or heated.

Switching from cold to hot can surprise the partner and stimulate nerves, increasing sensitivity. Such sexual play requires mutual trust, communication, and an open mind. These create a sense of shared adventure and exploration by leading the couple away from their comfort zones.

15. Combine food and sex

As part of foreplay, enhance the sensory experience by using edible items. Your items’ different tastes, textures, and aromas can stimulate the senses and add a layer of excitement and freshness to a sexual experience.

During the act, you can feed each other and experiment with temperature using chilled fruits or warm chocolate. You can also use edible underwear or paint. Such erotic practices encourage partners to be fully present as they engage with their partners and create some exciting new memories.

16. Create a sexual wish list

Create a list of sexual things, fantasies, kinks and experiences you want to explore. It can be anything from trying a new position, location, or toy to something more adventurous like role-playing, temperature play, or joining a nude retreat. The act of discussing and creating the list can be pretty arousing. It will improve communication and shift each partner’s perception of their relationship and each other. It will also introduce new and exciting possibilities for their future together.

On a more practical level, a sexual bucket list can serve as a roadmap that will create momentum and keep you going on this journey to a better sex life.

17. Try sensory deprivation

In sensory deprivation sex, by restricting one or more senses, you amplify the pleasure received from the senses that remain active. For instance, if you blindfold your partner and deprive them of visual stimulation, they’ll fully tune into their environment and what they can feel happening to and around their body. Every touch will be unexpected, heightening the thrill and anticipation. They will feel each whisper, kiss, lick, and stroke more intensely. While they’re blindfolded, you can also use objects like oils, feathers, or toys like vibrators to stimulate your partner. It will keep them on tenterhooks, trying to guess what will follow.

“It’s a journey of rediscovery, where vulnerability meets creativity, and intimacy is reimagined,” says Prihandito.

Through sensory deprivation, you can ensure your partner’s attention remains centered on you. Use tools like blindfolds, headphones, and restraints to limit your partner’s sight, sound, or movement, adding excitement to the encounter and fostering a deeper trust between partners.

18. Indulge in extended foreplay

Foreplay involves exploring your partner, expressing your desire for them, and building sexual tension, all adding more nuance to intimate moments. It is all about affectionate exchanges, sharing desires and fantasies, making out, and going only so far and no more. It prepares the body and mind and sets an emotional stage for a deeper sexual connection. This lazy exploration helps in understanding what excites and pleases each partner.

“Remember, not all forms of physical intimacy lead to sex, but they can create an atmosphere of sensuality. Cuddle, hold hands and exchange massages. This physical closeness can create a natural segue into sexual intimacy,” Cisneros tells mindbodygreen.

Extended foreplay can go on for days, whipping the partners into a sexual frenzy. It can include sexting, teasing with seductive lingerie, ‘accidental’ touches that are anything but, raunchy messages, and dirty talk. The couple can also indulge in erotic games. This prolonged phase of intimate interaction makes partners more receptive and responsive during the act. It allows you to savor each moment and revel in the undercurrent of attraction and arousal.

19. Establish a deeper emotional connection

“Strengthening emotional intimacy can enhance the connection in the bedroom,” says Sultan.

Repair your sexual relationship by rekindling your emotional bond. Make yourself vulnerable. Allow your partner to see into your heart by openly and honestly sharing your feelings, hopes, and dreams for their future as a couple. Invite them to speak their mind and share their feelings. Listen attentively and with curiosity. Ask open-ended questions to draw them out.

Show them appreciation for the love and laughter they have brought into your life. “Regularly expressing gratitude can create a positive emotional environment, which can be incredibly freeing sexually,” shares Cisneros.

You can even revisit your old haunts and recreate moments of emotional significance to your partner. Emotional closeness will allow for a more relaxed and intimate exploration of each other’s bodies and desires, leading to a more satisfying and adventurous sex life.

20. Work with a professional

If none of the strategies proves helpful or seems to not be to your taste or violate any of your boundaries, it is best to work with a sex therapist, counselor, or coach. It is especially helpful if your partner resists attempts to improve the relationship.

Besides providing tools, techniques, and guidance to repair your sexual connection, an experienced professional can help you identify if the sexual rut is pointing to a more profound relationship issue.

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Are Aphrodisiacs Worth Trying?

— A complementary approach to improving libido

By Anna Giorgi

Aphrodisiacs include food, drinks, or drugs used to increase your libido or sex drive. They may also improve your performance or increase your pleasure during sex.

While some substances can impact your body, research often fails to prove their effect on desire. Others can have harmful or even lethal results. It is also thought that the increased libido you feel from these items may be tied to the placebo effect rather than physical changes.1

This article describes why people use aphrodisiacs and whether there is proof they work. It also includes foods, herbs, and other items that are thought to affect sexual desire.

Reasons People Use Aphrodisiacs

The reasons people use aphrodisiacs vary by individual. Generally, people hope to make sex more enjoyable by increasing their sexual potency and performance.
The motives people have for using aphrodisiacs typically include the following:2

  • Increase libido: Low libido can cause a decreased desire and interest in sex. Your libido is affected by internal and external factors such as hormonal changes, aging, relationship problems, changes in physical conditions, medication side effects, and depression, among other issues. Research suggests that sexual dysfunction (problems that prevent a person from enjoying sexual activity) affects 43% of women and 31% of men.3
  • Extend potency and stamina: Potency and stamina can affect your ability to become and remain aroused during sex. Men may seek aphrodisiacs to counter issues such as erectile dysfunction (ED) (the inability to achieve or maintain a penile erection) and premature ejaculation (ejaculation during sex before satisfaction). For women, problems with potency and stamina may be linked to issues such as vaginal dryness or pelvic pain.3
  • Increase sexual pleasure: Even if libido and potency are not problems, people may seek to improve their sexual experience. Your brain and physical actions work together to lead to the orgasmic phase of sex. People may seek to enhance sexual pleasure by trying aphrodisiacs that promise to act on these triggers.4

    • Do “Natural” Aphrodisiacs Work?

    With all the hype that some substances carry, it’s common to wonder whether aphrodisiacs are real. Generally, most “natural” aphrodisiacs don’t work. According to the Food and Drug Administration (FDA), no supposed over-the-counter (OTC) aphrodisiac is scientifically proven to be effective at meeting its claims.5

    While there is often no sound scientific proof for using these substances, there is some anecdotal and historical evidence that some plant-based substances may impact arousing desires and improving sexual performance.6

    • Support the production of sex hormones
    • Improve blood flow
    • Activate neural pathways that support sexuality

    One of the biggest impacts of natural aphrodisiacs is their impact on your psychological state. While the benefits you achieve may be related to a placebo effect (an improvement in a subject’s condition that can’t be attributed to the treatment itself), anything that makes you feel more relaxed, calm, and confident about your sexuality will likely elevate your libido, performance, and experience.7< Additional natural ways to improve your libido and sexual satisfaction include the following strategies:

    • Participate in regular exercise: Research indicates that regular exercise may lower the risk of erectile dysfunction in men and increase sexual arousal in women.8
    • Eat a healthy diet: Growing evidence supports the role of diet in sexual function. General dietary principles that emphasize a plant-forward diet, such as the Mediterranean diet, can offer many benefits to mental and cardiometabolic health, which support all aspects of reproductive health.9
    • Manage stress: When stressed, your body releases the stress hormone cortisol, intended to be delivered in short bursts of energy to relieve stressors. Chronic stress can suppress sex hormones and lower your sex drive. Stress management techniques like meditation, deep breathing, mindfulness, and massage, can help you de-stress before intimacy and improve your experience.10

    Possible Side Effects

    While so-called natural aphrodisiacs may be viewed as safer than medications because they are readily available without a prescription, that is not always the case.

    The mechanisms of action of many aphrodisiacs can cause a wide range of possible side effects. In addition, the fact that they are not regulated increases the risk of aphrodisiacs being mislabeled, unstandardized, or produced with multiple ingredients whose effects may not be known.11

    Your side effects and the intensity at which they occur depend on many factors, such as other medications you may be taking. In a review of the pharmacology effects of herbal sexual enhancers, researchers reported that interactions of aphrodisiacs with other substances and herbal formulas represent these substances’ most significant health risks.1

    Researchers report that side effects of aphrodisiacs can include many problems, many of which may not be known due to the lack of research and the variety of substances used. These side effects include the following:1

    Aphrodisiac Foods

    Aphrodisiac foods vary by geographic location and culture. While many foods are touted as improving sexual desire and/or performance, most claims are not backed by science and may just help you feel better. However, there is evidence that the following foods may help your sex life:

    • Oysters: While research is lacking to support the belief that oysters promote sexual arousal, oysters are rich in zinc, an essential mineral for men’s health, normal sperm function, and fertilization. This is the basis for the thought that oysters are effective aphrodisiac foods for males. In biology, zinc deficiency is linked with sperm dysfunction, low testosterone levels, and male infertility.12 Raw oysters also contain D-aspartic acid and N-methyl, which have been linked to higher sex hormone levels in animals.13
    • Watermelon: While evidence is lacking on the impact of watermelon on human sex drives, watermelon flesh has had an aphrodisiac effect on male rats. Researchers said the findings support using watermelon flesh for increasing potency and countering ED in men. The impact may be tied to the citrulline amino acid, which helps increase circulation in your sex organs.14
    • Maca root: Maca root is the root of a cruciferous vegetable, which comes from the same family as broccoli, cabbage, and cauliflower, and is rich in vitamin C, zinc, copper, and calcium. In one study, an increase in sexual desire was reported by half of all participants who consumed 3 grams of maca root for 12 weeks. Improvements in mood, energy, and health-related quality of life, which can promote a healthier sex life, were also reported.15
    • Apples: Apples are rich in quercetin, a type of flavonoid, a substance that has anticancer, antioxidant, antiviral, and anti-inflammatory properties. Research shows that quercetin can lower blood pressure, helping men avoid high blood pressure linked to erectile dysfunction.16 In one study, male participants with a higher fruit intake achieved a 14% reduction in erectile dysfunction, possibly due to their flavonoid content.17
    • Red wine: Research indicates that alcohol can increase sexual arousal in women. In one study, women who drank one to two glasses of red wine daily reported more sexual desire and better sexual function.18
    • Some meats: Certain high-protein foods like beef, chicken, and pork contain compounds that improve blood flow, a key element in sexual response among males and females. These compounds include L-carnitine, L-arginine , and zinc. Research indicates that arginine supplements significantly improved ED in participants who took these supplements vs. those who took placebo or no treatment.19

    Aphrodisiac Herbs

    The following herbs have been used as aphrodisiacs:

    • Ashwagandha: The Indian herbal remedy ashwagandha shows promise as a natural “female Viagra” (working like a drug prescribed to males for erectile dysfunction), based on the positive effects reported from studies of sexual dysfunction in both women and men. It is believed to have medicinal benefits in treating several conditions and as an aphrodisiac.20
    • Cannabis: Research indicates that cannabis has sexually stimulating effects. This herb can increase sexual desire and intensify sexual experiences for both men and women. It may also indirectly enhance sexual function by increasing relaxation and sensory focus. However, too much of it may inhibit sexual function and satisfaction.21
    • Fenugreek: Fenugreek is an annual plant whose seeds are used in South Asian cooking. It appears to contain compounds that your body can use to make the sex hormones estrogen and testosterone. In a small study that included women with low sex drives, participants who took a daily 600 milligram dose of fenugreek extract showed a significant increase in sexual arousal and desire in women.22
    • Ginseng: Ginseng is the root of a plant that is used as a dietary supplement, aphrodisiac, and in treatments in Chinese medicine. Ginseng is said to trigger the release of nitric oxide (NO), which promotes the dilation of blood vessels. This improves blood flow to the penis, improving an erection.23
    • Horny goat weed: Horny goat weed is a type of flowering plant used in traditional Chinese medicine. The results of animal studies indicate that this herb may have aphrodisiac properties by impacting hormone regulation and increasing blood flow to the penis.24
    • Chlorophytum borivliianum: Chlorophytum borivliianum can be useful for treating certain forms of sexual difficulties like premature ejaculation and oligospermia (low sperm count). Researchers attributed the observed effects to the testosterone-like effects of the extracts.25
    • Yohimbe: Yohimbe comes from the bark of certain trees that grow in India and Africa. In the United States, it is administered by prescription to treat sexual dysfunction. It is also included in some OTC supplements.

    However, whether over-the-counter Yohimbe products provide the same benefits as the prescription is uncertain. Research is lacking on whether its use as a dietary supplement is useful as an aphrodisiac. It has been linked with seizures and heart attacks.26

    Preparing Herbs

    Many herbs are consumed as a beverage after special preparation using an infusion or decoction technique. While an infusion is used for leaves, a decoction is usually reserved for harder herbs like roots, bark, and seeds. These brewing methods are performed using the following steps:27

    Infusion:

    1. Pour hot water over dried leaves, berries, or other plant matter.
    2. Wait to allow the matter to steep in the hot water (timing varies by ingredient).
    3. Remove the plant matter before drinking.

    Decoction:

    1. Grind or crush the root, bark, or seeds.
    2. Heat the required quantity of herbs with water for about 30 minutes, until about 50% of the water is lost.
    3. Remove the plant matter before drinking.

    Why Work With a Registered Herbalist?

    Herbs and other natural treatments are not regulated for content and quality the way drugs are in the United States. Working with a registered herbalist from the American Herbalist Guild can help you use these substances safely. Registered herbalists have completed professional training in the use of herbs and plants as aphrodisiacs and other treatments.

    Aphrodisiac Supplements

    The following natural substances are used are often used as aphrodisiac supplements:

    • Arginine: L-arginine is an amino acid that causes the dilation of tiny blood vessels and increases blood flow. In a study of men with ED and no underlying diseases, daily high doses of L-arginine caused improvement in sexual function.28
    • L-carnitine: L-carnitine is an amino acid present in many foods, especially those of animal origins like beef and chicken. Research shows that this substance may increase sperm maturation, sperm motility, and sperm production.29
    • Zinc: A study of 116 postmenopausal women with low zinc levels showed that zinc supplementation can improve testosterone levels and sexual function in postmenopausal women. Women who took zinc supplements reported improved sexual desire, arousal, satisfaction, vaginal moisture, orgasm, and less pain during intercourse vs. the control group.30

    Summary

    The use of aphrodisiacs involves a search for ways to increase sexual craving, performance, and pleasure that has lasted for thousands of years. While certain foods, herbs, and other products may affect the way you feel, most claims have little to no proof based on science.

    However, some products may have value. Those that work to increase blood flow may help improve blood flow to the genitals. This can be helpful for people who have problems with circulation.

    Other products may have value in the placebo effect. This can make you expect better sex and thereby achieve it.

    Consult your healthcare provider before using herbs or other new products. While these products may not have a big impact on your sex life, some can cause problems by mixing with prescribed drugs or other treatments.

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    8 Sex Myths That Experts Wish Would Go Away

    — Everyone else is having more sex than you. Men want sex more than women do. And more.

    By Catherine Pearson

    Chalk it up to the variability in sex education, in high schools and even medical schools, or to the fact that many adults find it hard to talk about sex with the person who regularly sees them naked. Whatever the reason, misinformation about sexuality and desire is common.

    “There are so many myths out there,” said Laurie Mintz, an emeritus professor of psychology at the University of Florida who focuses on human sexuality. And, she added, they can “cause a lot of damage.”

    So the Well section reached out to a group of sex therapists and researchers, and asked them to share a myth they wished would go away.

    Here’s what they said.

    Myth 1: Everyone else is having more sex than you.

    “Oddly, this myth persists across the life span,” said Debby Herbenick, director of the Center for Sexual Health Promotion at the Indiana University School of Public Health and author of “Yes, Your Kid: What Parents Need to Know About Today’s Teens and Sex.”

    Many teenagers think “everyone is doing it,” she said, leading them to jump into sex that they simply are not ready for. This myth can make older people in long-term relationships feel lousy, too — like they are the only ones in a so-called dry spell, when they may simply be experiencing the natural ebb and flow of desire.

    “It’s pretty typical to find that about one in three people have had no partnered sex in the prior year,” Dr. Herbenick said, referencing several nationally representative surveys. She also points to research she has worked on showing that sexual activity has declined in recent years for reasons that aren’t fully understood. (Researchers have hypothesized that the decline has to do with factors like the rise in sexting and online pornography, as well as decreased drinking among young people.)

    “It can help to normalize these periods of little to no partnered sex,” Dr. Herbenick said. “That said, for those looking for some longevity in their partnered sex life, it’s important to think about sex in a holistic way.” That means caring for your physical and mental health, she said, and talking through your feelings with your partner to maintain a sense of intimacy and connection.

    Myth 2: Sex means penetration.

    Sex therapists often lament that people get caught up in certain “sexual scripts,” or the idea that sex should unfold in a particular way — typically, a bit of foreplay that leads to intercourse.

    But “we need to move beyond defining sex by a single behavior,” said Ian Kerner, a sex therapist and author of “She Comes First.” He noted that this type of narrow thinking has contributed to the longstanding pleasure gap between men and women in heterosexual encounters. For example, a study found that 75 percent of heterosexual men said they orgasmed every time they had been sexually intimate within the past month, compared with 33 percent of heterosexual women.

    One survey found that 18 percent of women orgasmed from penetration alone, while 37 percent said they also needed clitoral stimulation to orgasm during intercourse. Instead of rushing toward intercourse, the focus should be on “outercourse,” Dr. Kerner said, which is an umbrella term for any sexual activity that doesn’t involve penetration.

    “If you look at most mainstream movies, the image is women having these fast and fabulous orgasms from penetration, and foreplay is just the lead up to that main event,” Dr. Mintz said. “That is actually, scientifically, really damaging and false.”

    In surveying thousands of women for her book “Becoming Cliterate,” Dr. Mintz found the percentage of women who said they orgasmed from penetration alone to be 4 percent or less.

    Equating sex with penetration also leaves out people who have sex in other ways. For instance, Joe Kort, a sex therapist, has coined the term “sides” to describe gay men who do not have anal sex. Lexx Brown-James, a sex therapist, said that view also overlooks people with certain disabilities as well as those who simply do not enjoy penetration. Many people find greater sexual satisfaction from things like oral sex or “even just bodily contact,” she said.

    Myth 3: Vaginas shouldn’t need extra lubricant.

    Postmenopausal women sometimes describe the pain they experience during penetrative sex as feeling like “sandpaper” or “knives.” But while vaginal dryness affects older women at a higher rate, it can happen at any point in life, Dr. Herbenick said, which has implications for women’s sex lives.

    An estimated 17 percent of women between 18 and 50 report vaginal dryness during sex, while more than 50 percent experience it after menopause. She noted that it is also more common while women are nursing or during perimenopause, and that certain medications, including some forms of birth control, can decrease lubrication.

    “As I often tell my students, vaginas are not rainforests,” Dr. Herbenick said, noting that her research has found that most American women have used a lubricant at some point. “We can feel aroused or in love and still not lubricate the way we want to.”

    Myth 4: It is normal for sex to hurt.

    Though lubricant can help some women experience more pleasure during sex, it is important to remember that sex should not hurt. An estimated 75 percent of women experience painful sex at some point in their lives, which can have many root causes: gynecologic problems, hormonal changes, cancer treatment, trauma — the list goes on.

    Shemeka Thorpe, a sexuality researcher and educator who specializes in Black women’s sexual well-being, said many women believe that pain during or after sex is a sign of good sex.

    “We know a lot of the times that people who end up having some sort of sexual pain disorder later in life actually had sexual pain during their first intercourse, and continued to have sexual pain or vulva pain,” Dr. Thorpe said. “They didn’t realize it was an issue.”

    Men, too, can experience pain during intercourse. Experts emphasize that it is important for anyone experiencing pain during sex to see a medical provider.

    Myth 5: Men want sex more than women do.

    “Desire discrepancy is the No. 1 problem I deal with in my practice, and by no means is the higher-desire partner always male,” Dr. Kerner said. “But because of this myth, men often feel a sense of shame around their lack of desire, and a pressure to always initiate.”

    (Dr. Herbenick noted the related myth that women don’t masturbate, which she said holds them back from fully exploring their sexuality.)

    But while there is data to suggest that men masturbate more often than women do, it is untrue that women don’t want sex, or that men always do, said Dr. Brown-James. For instance, one recent study found that women’s desire tended to fluctuate more throughout their lifetimes, but that men and women experienced very similar desire fluctuations throughout the week.

    Myth 6: Desire should happen instantly.

    Sex therapists and researchers generally believe that there are two types of desire: spontaneous, or the feeling of wanting sex out of the blue, and responsive, which arises in response to stimuli, like touch.

    People tend to think that spontaneous desire — which is what many lovers experience early in relationships — is somehow better.

    But Lori Brotto, a psychologist and the author of “Better Sex Through Mindfulness,” said a lot of the work she does is to normalize responsive desire, particularly among women and those in long-term relationships.

    She helps them understand that it is possible to go into sex without spontaneous desire, as long as there is willingness and consent. Dr. Brotto likens it to going to the gym when you don’t feel like it. “Your endorphins start flowing, you feel really good and you’re grateful you went afterward,” she said.

    Myth 7: Planned sex is boring.

    Dr. Brotto also disagrees with the idea that “planned sex is bad sex,” because it makes it “clinical and dry and boring.”

    That view is “so harmful,” she said. And it results in many people treating sex like an afterthought, doing it only late at night when they’re exhausted or distracted, Dr. Brotto said, if they make time for it at all.

    When clients bristle at the practice of scheduling sex, she will ask: Are there many other activities in your life that you love or that are important to you that you never plan for or put on the calendar? The answer, she said, is usually no.

    Scheduled sex can also lend itself to responsive desire, Dr. Brotto said, giving “arousal time to heat up.”

    Myth 8: Your penis doesn’t stack up.

    Men are under a certain amount of pressure when it comes to how their penises look or function, Dr. Kerner said. Younger men, he said, believe they shouldn’t have erectile dysfunction, while older men get the message that premature ejaculation is something they grow out of with age and experience.

    The data tells a different story. Though erectile dysfunction — which is defined as a consistent inability to achieve or maintain an erection, not just occasional erection issues — does tend to increase with age, it also affects an estimated 8 percent of men in their 20s and 11 percent of those in their 30s. And 20 percent of men between the ages of 18 and 59 report experiencing premature ejaculation.

    “We don’t have a little blue pill to make premature ejaculation go away, so we’re not having the same cultural conversation as we are with erectile dysfunction,” Dr. Kerner said. “We’re just left with the myths that guys with premature ejaculation are bad in bed, or sexually selfish.”

    Likewise, studies show that many men — gay and straight — worry that their penises do not measure up, even though many partners say they do not prefer an especially large penis.

    “Partnered sex is complex,” Dr. Kerner said. “It involves touching, tuning in, connecting, communicating.”

    Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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    Beyond Pleasure

    — How Intimate Gadgets Foster Deeper Connections

    By

    One of the most beautiful feelings in the world is sharing a deep connection with your partner. Intimacy is essential in love. To sustain intimacy in a long-term connection, it is important to keep the spark alive. One of the ways to achieve that is by adding intimate gadgets to the mix. 

    Intimate gadgets are a new way for couples to explore and improve their sexual experiences and deepen their connection. Right from visiting an adult toys shop to incorporating these in your intimate experiences, these aids can heighten sexual stimulation and improve sex life in general.

    How Intimate Gadgets Aid in Building Deeper Connections

    Aside from exploring new sexual horizons, these gadgets can also build trust and strengthen the bond between couples. You might ask, “How?” In this article, we will explore how these toys can help you and your partner develop a deeper connection. Let’s delve into them.

    1. More room for open communication

    Communication is the backbone of any successful relationship and is crucial for building a deeper connection between partners. Incorporating Intimate gadgets into sexual activities can open up new avenues for you and your partner to communicate about and be expressive.

    It can help you articulate your desires and preferences better and become more open to trying new things. Even when you’re physically away from your partners, you can still get intimate remotely. There are intimate gadgets that facilitate these remote interactions and experiences.

    2. Enhanced sexual well-being

    Intimate gadgets can help improve their sexual experience. Medical studies have shown that certain devices like vibrating rings, massage oil, or lubricants help with sexual stimulation. This is quite helpful for individuals with conditions that make sex uncomfortable or even painful because these conditions decrease sexual intimacy and connection between partners.

    In cases of erectile dysfunction or low libido, intimate gadgets can allow couples to try other methods and reignite their intimate lives. Intimate gadgets are also beneficial to individuals who have experienced sexual trauma or have difficulty reaching orgasm.

    They provide comfort and pleasure and can help to reclaim sexual autonomy and overcome the negative effects of such trauma. A 2020 study published in the Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy revealed that the use of vibrators improved sexual function and reduced sexual distress in women who had difficulty achieving orgasm.

    3. Emotional intimacy

    There is a popular belief that intimate gadgets weaken emotional connections, but this is far from the truth. In fact, studies have shown that they can increase emotional closeness between partners.

    Research has shown that the use of intimate gadgets can help partners to deeply understand and connect with each other. They help couples who use intimate gadgets experience higher levels of trust, openness, and vulnerability within their relationships.

    A study conducted by the Kinsey Institute at Indiana University revealed that participants who used vibrators with their partners reported higher levels of intimacy, communication, and satisfaction in their relationships. This suggests that beyond the pleasure that these gadgets offer, they can help to strengthen intimate connections between partners. These devices act as a catalyst for partners to share their desires and insecurities.

    4. Rekindling lost intimacy

    Any relationship can experience a strain or lack of intimacy. New couples might still find it a bit awkward to talk about sex or sexual activities. Long-term relationships are more likely to experience strain due to factors like distance, stress, work, lack of trust due to previous experiences, and even financial responsibilities.

    Partners can rekindle lost intimacy with intimate gadgets. Adopting intimate gadgets in a bedroom provides a safe place that minimizes the awkwardness that may occur when it comes to sexual discussions and activities and promotes trust between partners. Discussing such sensitive experiences with your partner automatically increases the level of comfort in sharing certain fantasies and finding common ground.

    When the passion wanes, intimate toys can come in. It reinvigorates the passion between partners to promote maximum sexual satisfaction even in long-term relationships.

    5. Exploration

    One significant aspect of deepening intimacy is trying new things. Couples need to be vulnerable to explore and experiment with each other’s desires. Intimate gadgets can help couples discover new things about their bodies.

    They provide a safe environment for you and your partner to explore fantasies together, learn what excites your partner, and find ways to satisfy each other’s needs. Exploration provides knowledge, and when you know the sweet spots in your erogenous zones, you can reach orgasms far more easily. This improves sex in general.

    Now you can see that aside from their primary function of providing pleasure, intimate gadgets have the potential to foster deeper connections with your partners. They enhance relationships, improve communication, and promote sexual wellness. As technology continues to advance, it will be even more fascinating to see how intimate gadgets evolve and continue to play a role in fostering deeper and more meaningful connections between partners. The benefits of intimate gadgets when it comes to building a deeper romantic connection are not limited to heterosexual couples. These gadgets are inclusive of all sexual orientations and gender identities.

    Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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    What Does It Mean To Be Nonbinary?

    — Being nonbinary means not identifying solely (or at all) with being male or female

    For a long time, Western society thought of sex and gender as a binary: male/female, girl/boy, man/woman. Though plenty of people throughout history have likely identified otherwise, we haven’t had the language to talk about or understand what that means.

    Fortunately, we’ve come a long way. In 2021, a study by the Trevor Project found that more than a quarter (26%) of LGBTQIA+ youth now identify as nonbinary, with an additional 20% saying they’re still questioning whether they’re nonbinary. And that data doesn’t even begin to cover nonbinary/questioning adults.

    But what exactly does it mean to be nonbinary? Child and adolescent psychiatrist Jason Lambrese, MD, helps define this term so that you can better understand this gender identity.

    What is nonbinary?

    In simple terms, being nonbinary means that you do not identify (solely or at all) with the idea of being a man or a woman.

    “We used to think that people were either male or female, and that was it — that there were two endpoints, and everyone had to be at one of them,” Dr. Lambrese says. “But it became clear that that didn’t fit everybody’s experience.”

    Now, health professionals recognize that gender identity is much more expansive and multifaceted. Sometimes, it’s explained as a spectrum — a sliding scale of sorts, with “male” and “female” as endpoints.

    For some people, being nonbinary means feeling that you’re somewhere else along that line — in between male and female, or a combination of some aspects of both. But other nonbinary people feel that their gender identity exists outside the male/female spectrum — not on the line but somewhere else altogether.

    “There are a lot of cultures where it’s very common to identify as male, female or a third gender,” Dr. Lambrese notes. “We might put it somewhere in the middle of the spectrum, or it can be thought about completely outside of that construct.”

    Nonbinary gender identities

    If you’re trying to get a handle on what it means to be nonbinary, you’re going to have to get comfortable in gray space: There are no specific, hard-and-fast rules about nonbinary identities or “what it means” to be nonbinary.

    “What it means for one person could be different than what it means for somebody else,” Dr. Lambrese states.

    A nonbinary person could just identify with the term “nonbinary,” or they may use other terms to describe themselves and their relationship (or lack thereof) with gender:

    • Agender,genderless, or gender-free are terms for people who don’t identify with any gender at all.
    • Androgynousmeans having gender expression characteristics that are typically associated with both male and female.
    • Bigenderis when someone identifies with two genders, whether they experience those genders at the same time or alternately.
    • Demigirl and demiboyare terms for people who partially identify with one gender or the other, but not fully.
    • Genderfluid and genderflux refer to the feeling that your gender is flexible. It may change from day to day or over time.
    • Gender non-conforming usually means that a person doesn’t conform to societal gender norms, whether in terms of gender identity, gender expression or both.
    • Genderqueer is typically used as an umbrella term, sort of like nonbinary, for anyone who feels they don’t fit into standard gender labels.

    Because gender can be such a personal experience, these terms can mean different things to different people. And some people might identify with multiple terms or with others not listed here.

    If these terms are new to you, you might feel confused about some of the nuances and differences between them. That’s OK. The most important thing is to remain open-minded to learning what they mean to individual people and their gender identity — so that you can be as supportive as possible.

    Is nonbinary the same as transgender?

    Sometimes, and sometimes not. The answer to this question comes down to each individual person and what identity feels right to them.

    For the most part, you can think of being transgender as an overarching concept that encompasses multiple types of identities. “You could say that being trans is the most overarching of all of the umbrella terms, and under that are smaller umbrellas, like being nonbinary,” Dr. Lambrese clarifies.

    But not everyone who identifies as nonbinary will identify with being trans. Some nonbinary people, for example, may feel more comfortable with explanations like “not cisgender.”(Cisgender meaning people whose gender identity corresponds with what they were assigned at birth.)

    “For some people, even the term ‘transgender’ can feel like a binary,” Dr. Lambrese says, “so being nonbinary may feel separate from the identity of transgender. It’s all very individualized.”

    It’s always best not to make assumptions about anyone’s identity — which is, by the way, a good rule of thumb for all for life!

    What pronouns do nonbinary people use?

    This answer differs for every person, but “they/them” is common. The Trevor Project found that more than one-third of nonbinary youth exclusively (only) use the pronouns “they/them.”

    For some people, using they/them to refer to a singular person feels weird and uncomfortable — that squiggly feeling you get when you use improper grammar. If this is you, try to remember: Language is constantly evolving, and it’s OK for words’ meanings to change. Plus, you’re probably already more used to using they/them singular pronouns than you might think (for example, “Someone left their umbrella behind! I sure hope they come back for it.”).

    “It’s important that we validate and normalize ’they/them’ as pronouns that can be used singularly,” Dr. Lambrese states.

    The study also found that an additional 21% of respondents use a combination of gender pronouns that include but aren’t limited to they/them. This could mean, for example, that someone uses them/them pronouns and she/her pronouns. They may prefer that you mix them up at random (“I’m getting lunch with her tomorrow because they weren’t available today.”) or ask that you use certain pronouns at certain times.

    What about neopronouns?

    Less common but still important are neopronouns, which are words that have been created to take the place of traditional pronouns. Some examples include:

    • Xe/xem/xir.
    • Ze/zir/zem.
    • Ee/em/eir.

    If you’re not sure exactly how to use neopronouns, here’s an example: “Xe is so friendly and funny. When I first met xem last week, I immediately asked for xir number so we could hang out.”

    It can take some work to incorporate this type of evolving language into your lexicon, but doing so shows respect and support for others. Like anything new, it will start to come naturally to you over time.

    “If you mess up, that’s OK,” Dr. Lambrese reassures. “Just apologize and use the correct one going forward. People can usually appreciate that. It’s when you’re not trying that can be very hurtful.”

    Nonbinary people and mental health

    The English language now offers more terminology than ever for people to express their gender identity, which represents society’s evolving understanding of gender. But that doesn’t always mean that individual people have become more understanding or accepting.

    The Trevor Project found that 42% of LGBTQ youth seriously considered attempting suicide in the year before the study. That included more than half of transgender and nonbinary youth — largely owing to a lack of support and respect from family, friends and society at large.

    “When nonbinary teens live in an environment where they’re not feeling accepted or validated, they can experience negative mental health outcomes like depression, anxiety and even suicidal ideation,” Dr. Lambrese says.

    The Trevor Project found that nonbinary youth whose family members respected their pronouns were far less likely to attempt suicide than their peers without family support.

    “These numbers are supported by studies that have looked at sexual and gender minorities over time,” Dr. Lambrese says. “Data shows that the more support children and teens have, the better their mental health outcomes are.”

    How to support nonbinary people

    “Being affirming of somebody’s experience doesn’t have to mean that you fully understand all of the intricacies of their identity,” Dr. Lambrese says. “It doesn’t even have to mean that you agree with all of their goals for themselves. But you can still be affirming and supportive.”

    Two of the simplest and more powerful ways to show your respect and support are to use people’s preferred names and proper pronouns.

    “At the very least, this allows people to feel heard,” he says. “The data shows that sometimes, those simplest things lead nonbinary people to say, ‘When my pronouns are used correctly, I feel so much better.’ It’s such a simple, easy thing that we can all do.”

    Dr. Lambrese shares some tips:

    • Ask for their pronouns (and share yours): Meeting someone new? “Don’t make assumptions about people’s gender identity or their pronouns,” Dr. Lambrese advises. “You can ask people, or you can introduce yourself with your own pronouns and ask for theirs. I might say, for example, ‘Hi, I’m Jason, and my pronouns are he/him. What name and pronouns do you use?’”
    • Seek out examples: If someone shares their pronouns with you and you’re not entirely sure how to use them, politely ask if they feel comfortable sharing some examples so that you can get it right. Google is your friend here, too.
    • When you mess up, apologize … and move on: If you accidentally misgender someone, acknowledge it (“Oh, I’m sorry! I meant ‘they.’”) and then keep the conversation flowing. Over-apologizing is awkward for everyone, and it centers your own feelings over theirs.
    • Normalize pronouns: Putting your own pronouns in your email signature or on your nametag at events allow people others to feel more comfortable sharing their pronouns with you.
    • Adapt your other language, too:Gendered terms like “Hey, ladies,” and “You guys,” can feel exclusionary to nonbinary people. Instead, practice using inclusive, gender-neutral terms like “y’all” and “folks.”
    • Gently correct others: If you overhear someone else talking about another person with the wrong pronouns, offer a polite but firm correction: “Jamie actually uses they/them pronouns, not he/him.” Helping others get it right behind the scenes may lessen the chances that they misgender someone face to face.

    At the end of the day, supporting nonbinary people is, in so many ways, similar to supporting any other community of people: “Operate in good faith, demonstrate respect and apologize when you fall short,” Dr. Lambrese encourages.

    Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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    The male menopause

    — Genuine condition or moneymaking myth?

    Late onset hypogonadism, sometimes likened to a ‘male menopause’, occurs in 2.1% of men who are almost exclusively over the age of 65.

    Experts say there is no equivalent of the menopause for men and symptoms such as depression and low sex drive have other explanations

    By

    This week brought reports that “male menopause” policies are in place at several NHS trusts, with some HR managers suggesting staff could receive up to a year of sick pay if they experience symptoms. This is despite the NHS itself saying male menopause is not a clinical condition and that it is not national NHS policy to offer leave for it.

    We take a look at the science behind the term.

    What is meant by the “male menopause”?

    The male menopause, also known as the andropause, is a term often used to refer to a cluster of features seen in some men in their late 40s to early 50s, such as depression, loss of sex drive, mood swings, erectile dysfunction, problems sleeping and loss of muscle mass.

    However the NHS notes this is not a clinical condition. Rather, it says, it is an “unhelpful term sometimes used in the media”.

    So this isn’t a male version of what women go through?

    In a word, no.

    Dr Ravinder Anand-Ivell, associate professor of endocrinology and reproductive physiology at the University of Nottingham and an expert of the European Academy of Andrology, says that the two are quite different.

    “The menopause represents acute symptoms caused by the relatively abrupt cessation of ovarian hormonal function due to the exhaustion of a woman’s egg reserve at around 50 plus [or] minus five years of age,” she said. “Men have no equivalent physiology.”

    Prof Richard Sharpe, an expert in male reproductive disorders from the University of Edinburgh, agreed.

    “There is no question that, in normal men at the population level, blood testosterone levels decline with age from late 30s to early 40s onwards,” he said. “However, there is no precipitous fall in [blood testosterone] levels akin to that which occurs for estrogen levels in women at the menopause.”

    Sharpe also stressed that some men may experience little blood testosterone decline when ageing. “It can be quite variable between individuals – unlike the 100% occurrence of menopause in women,” he said.

    Does that mean the “male menopause” is made up?

    Not exactly.

    “There is a condition in some elderly men, known as ‘late onset hypogonadism’ or more recently called ‘functional hypogonadism’, which is characterised by low concentrations of testosterone in the blood together with symptoms of testosterone deficiency such as loss of libido, bone and muscle weakness, etc,” said Anand-Ivell.

    But, she added, this occurs in approximately 2.1% of men, almost exclusively over the age of 65.

    While some men with late-onset hypogonadism (LOH) may benefit from testosterone replacement therapy, its wider use has caused controversy. Some experts have raised concerns that it is being given to patients who have some similar symptoms to LOH but may have blood testosterone levels within the normal range for that age group.

    “This is what I refer to as a ‘charlatan’s charter’; as such, general symptoms will occur in most men during – and before – ageing, but are almost always driven by other factors,” said Sharpe.

    So what is behind this cluster of symptoms?

    Anand-Ivell said men who reported sudden symptoms, and at a younger age, might well be experiencing another underlying health problem.

    Indeed, as the NHS notes, features that have been ascribed to a “male menopause” could be down to lifestyle factors or psychological problems.

    “For example, erectile dysfunction, low sex drive and mood swings may be the result of stress, depression [or] anxiety,” the NHS says, adding other causes of erectile dysfunction include smoking or heart problems.

    Financial and life worries may also play a role in the symptoms some men experience during ageing, as could poor diet, lack of sleep and low self-esteem, the NHS notes.

    Sharpe added that conditions such as obesity, and its downstream disorders, were also generally associated with lower blood testosterone levels in men, with some arguing it might predispose them to further weight gain.

    As for treatment, Prof Frederick Wu of Manchester Royal Infirmary said the approach was threefold: “Lifestyle change, weight loss and improve general health,” he said.

    Why is the male menopause getting attention?

    Experts say a key reason the “male menopause” is a hot topic is money.

    Anand-Ivell said: “A lot of the ‘andropause’ literature stems from commercial interests, particularly in the USA, wishing to draw spurious comparisons with the female menopause in order to sell testosterone-related products for which there is no clinical evidence of benefit.”

    The latest headlines, meanwhile, have been fuelled by the revelation that male menopause policies are in place at several NHS trusts. Sharpe said: “For myself, I am amazed that any health board would even talk about there being an andropause, let alone suggesting time off.”

    Complete Article ↪HERE↩!