Category: Stress

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Our mental health is seriously impacting our sex lives

It turns out sexual problems are even more common than mental health problems – and the two can exacerbate one another.

By Beth Ashley

As I grew out of playful, teenage sexual relationships that had little drama and joined the world of adult dating – where sex becomes a little more emotional and certainly more complicated – my mum had one piece of advice that she promised was the gospel truth. ​“The genitals are the brain,” she said solemnly. Well, actually, she said, ​“dicks are brains and brains are dicks,” but I’m paraphrasing to be gender inclusive. The first time she said this, I thought she was just uttering nonsense. But after I hit my first real struggle with mental health and sex, it clicked into place.

While we’re unlikely to realise it in the moment, poor mental health has a profound impact on our sex lives. Throughout most of my late teens, I struggled to stay present in my body during sex and even developed mild vaginismus (a psychosexual condition where the vagina involuntary contracts, usually due to anxiety). ​“She just acts up sometimes,” I’d awkwardly joke to one night stands. But I was overlooking the real source. I’d just been through a hard year packed with trauma and leaving it unresolved had left my vagina – and my sexual self in general – dealing with the consquences. Naturally, once I began to work through the traumas that led me there, sex slowly but surely became easier again. It turns out that, as always, mum was right. Genitals truly are the brain.

“While we’ve got a lot better at talking about mental health and normalising those conversations, we’ve still got a long way to go with sex”
DR LAURA VOWELLS

Thankfully, we don’t all have to rely on my mum’s findings to decode the link between the brain and the down-belows. Relationship and sex therapy app Blueheart recently found that 74 per cent of adults struggling with their sex lives say it’s due to stress or a mental health strain, and they’ve done some digging into why that is.

Dr Laura Vowells, one of the founding therapists working at Blueheart, says mental health and sexual desire are ​“intrinsincally linked”, impacting one another at all times. ​“While we’ve got a lot better at talking about mental health and normalising those conversations, we’ve still got a long way to go with sex,” she says. ​“It’s still weird to talk openly about sex problems with friends or family, and there’s still this weird idea that we’re not supposed to be enjoying sex and therefore not supposed to complain about it.”

Adding to the problem, a lot of mainstream mental health services don’t ask about the patient’s sex life when they reach out for support. If a medical professional doesn’t view sexual problems as something worth bringing up, why would a patient? ​“But they both affect one another. What a lot of people don’t know is that sexual problems are actually more common than mental health problems – we just don’t talk about them,” Vowells explains.

Similar to my situation, 23-year-old Katie struggles with acute, mild vaginismus whenever she’s struggling with her generalised anxiety disorder. ​“It’s well-managed for the most part, but we all have troughs and my vagina is always the first thing to go. It took me a long time to learn and properly notice that though,” she says. Katie used to ​“get really upset” when sex was ​“off the cards” and she couldn’t fathom why. ​“But now it’s one of those things where I just call it like I see it. I’m like, ​‘Oh yeah, I don’t have sex when I’m sad. When I’m happy, I’ll have sex again. That’s cool.’”

The Blueheart survery also found that 31 per cent of respondents were suffering from symptoms associated with more serious sexual dysfunction. This includes arousal and orgasm issues, which range from taking an extended amount of time to become sexually aroused or climax, or experiencing unsatisfying orgasms, to being unable to achieve sexual arousal and climax at all. For those facing more serious sex-related issues, seven out of 10 believed poor mental health or increased stress levels were the cause.

In the UK, more than 51 per cent of women and 42 per cent of men report experiencing sexual dysfunction. And considering that accessing proper sex education is a postcode lottery, the NHS has cut services for sexual dysfunction and didn’t really ever have funding for mental health services in the first place, having these conversations with our loved ones and in public (if you’re comfortable to) is now more important than ever.

When moods and libidos drop, a lot of partners of people struggling with their sex-brains can also suffer with their own insecurities and doubts. Luckily, Vowells has buckets of advice for couples going through this. She tells THE FACE that ​“it’s really important to talk to your partner about how we feel as it’s happening. As humans, we feel very self conscious around sex. And when a partner withdraws from us sexually, we start to wonder if they’re not interested anymore, or maybe I’m not as attractive anymore. We naturally start to feel rejected and that makes the relationship problems worse.”

So, if you’re going through sexual withdrawal as a result of mental health issues, your partner might need some reassurance. ​“Part of why a lot of people feel depressed around sex is because they’re worried about letting their partner down,” Vowells explains. Avoiding these conversations will make everyone involved feel worse.

And for the partner on the receiving end? ​“Try not to take sex withdrawal from your partner personally,” says Vowells. ​“See how you can help and support them in order for you to get what your partner needs. Don’t do that so you can have sex, genuinely do it for them. Your primary goal should be supporting them to manage their mental health.”

Once you get in touch with your mind and how it impacts sex, you’ll eventually learn to expect sexual changes when mental health challenges arise and figure out how tackle repeitive sexual problems head-on – especially if you talk to a sexologist or therapist

This is something 26-year-old Charlotte* does with her boyfriend. ​“I withdraw from sex when I’m stressed but my boyfriend wants more sex when he’s stressed. For a while we kept arguing and felt lost, but after three years together, and a lot of trial and error, we expect our sex to be down whenever our mental health is down, and we know we need specific and different things for it,” she says. ​“You eventually get to that point if you talk enough about it.”

For the time being, Vowells offers this advice: if you’re feeling more anxious, stressed or depressed, ask yourself questions about sex to pinpoint, apprehend (and not overthink) sexual changes. ​“Ask yourself, ​‘OK, am I having sex as much as I was before? Am I thinking about sex the same way? Am I enjoying my sex?’” The answers to these questions can tell us a lot about whether our muddied brains have infiltrated our sex.

It’s easy to feel beaten down when sex problems emerge. We grow up with this idea that sex is easy, as simple as falling asleep or taking a dump. The reality, though, is that sex is complex and we all have specific, individual needs. And when our heads are in the shed, our sexual needs and behaviours are likely to fall away from the familiar. At least now we know our brains and genitals act as one, we can decipher the real meaning behind our sexual problems a little easier and dismantle both stigmas together. Thanks, mum.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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5 common conditions that can lower sex drive

By Charlie Williams

The science is clear: Sex can bring some incredible benefits for your health. Study after study has shown that having sex regularly can improve longevity, reduce the risk of heart disease, stroke, and certain types of cancers, bolster the immune system, improve sleep, enhance mental health, reduce depression symptoms, and improve overall quality of life.

Common conditions, like cancer, diabetes, heart disease, etc, not only affect patients’ physical health, but also their sexual health.

Despite this, sex remains a taboo topic in American culture. We don’t even know how to address it to children in schools. For instance, in the late 1990s, the US government adopted the abstinence-only-until-marriage (AOUM) approach to adolescent sexual and reproductive health. Public schools in 49 of 50 states accepted federal funding from this program. As a result, public school sex education focused on raising awareness of the risks of sex, like sexually transmitted infections and youth pregnancy, rather than balancing the risks with the scientifically supported benefits. What’s more, rigorous research showed that AOUM failed to achieve its goal of delaying sexual initiation, reducing sexual risk behaviors, or improving reproductive health outcomes.

The history of American inhibitions about sex is too complex to detail here. Suffice to say that because of these longstanding cultural mores, modern public discourse about sexuality is often described in a negative light, focusing on the risks and dangers of sex. Meanwhile, discussion about the physiological and psychosocial health benefits of sex is commonly ignored, according to a white paper from Planned Parenthood.

This discussion might be missing in physician’s exam rooms, too. Six in 10 American adults have chronic disease, but it’s likely that they aren’t receiving sufficient education to help them cope with the effects that their conditions can have on their sexual health, and how those effects can change their quality of life. The problem becomes more challenging when considering that cultural mores prevent patients—and physicians, too—from broaching the subject simply because it’s uncomfortable to talk about.

So, next time you suspect a patient has one of these conditions, consider spurning the taboos and help them understand its implications for their sexual health and overall quality of life.

Cardiovascular disease

According to the American Heart Association, decreased sexual activity and function are common in patients with cardiovascular disease (CVD), but not for the reasons you might expect. Patients with CVD often endure psychological distress because of their conditions, which is correlated with negative downstream effects on sexual function. In patients with coronary artery disease, heart failure, congenital heart defects, recent heart attacks, coronary artery bypass grafting, implantable cardioverter defibrillators, and cardiac transplantation, sexual activity frequency and satisfaction often decline because of the anxiety that sexual activity will worsen the underlying cardiac condition or cause death. That anxiety can lead to depression, an important contributor to erectile dysfunction (ED) and decreased libido.

While some patients with severe CVD may be putting themselves at increased risk for complications by having sex, doctors can clear many patients for sex after a simple physical exam or exercise test. For those with depression, anxiety, or decreased libido, physicians can recommend patient and partner counseling, refer to psychiatrists, or prescribe medication.

Diabetes

Long-term poor blood sugar control can damage nerves and blood vessels, inhibiting feeling and the blood flow that is necessary to maintain an erection, according to the Mayo Clinic. As such, some male patients with diabetes are likely to experience ED while managing their condition. Other conditions that are common in men with diabetes can commonly cause ED, like high blood pressure, heart disease, and depression.

Women with diabetes are also likely to experience decreases in sexual function, including reduced libido, decreased vaginal lubrication, and reduced or absent sexual response, including the ability to stay aroused, achieve an orgasm, or maintain feeling in the genital area.

The good news is that diabetes can be a preventable condition, and sometimes reversible in those who have already developed it. Many of the factors that cause symptoms that reduce sexual function and desire in patients with diabetes can also be reversed. Plus, many of the factors, like improving blood sugar levels, have the added benefit of helping patients feel better overall and improving their quality of life.

Obesity

While the health hazards of obesity have been thoroughly studied and are well known to most patients, its effects on sexual health are not frequently discussed. For instance, obesity in men reduces testosterone levels and increases the likelihood that men will experience ED. Moreover, obesity can have negative impacts on fertility—it has been linked to low sperm counts and reduced sperm motility, both of which have been shown to make men less fertile.

Women who are obese experience similar reductions in sexual health. Researchers have shown that obese women have lower sexual function scores, and that weight reduction seems to improve sexual function in young obese women. Moreover, obese women are 4 times more likely to experience an unplanned pregnancy than normal weight women, despite them reporting lower rates of sexual activity.

As with diabetes, the good news is that obesity is a preventable condition. And just like diabetes, reducing obesity will not only bring beneficial effects to sexual health, but to overall health as well.

Cancer

Many types of cancer can have detrimental effects on sex to varying degrees. “Some surgeries and treatments might have very little effect on a person’s sexuality, sexual desire, and sexual function,” according to the American Cancer Society. “Others can affect how a certain body part works, change hormone levels, or damage nerve function that can cause changes in a person’s sexual function.”

Doctors, caregivers, and partners can help patients with cancer confront issues of sexual health by maintaining discretion, helping to talk through emotional issues, helping address problems with self-esteem, and tracking side effects. 

On the upside, sexuality and intimacy have been shown to help patients with cancer bear the burden of their disease by helping them cope with feelings of distress.

Mental health disorders

Healthy and intimate sexual relationships are a key component of mental well-being. But, common mental health problems like anxiety, depression, personality disorder, seasonal affective disorder, and bipolar disorder can all have detrimental effects on sexual health.

Notably, a markedly decreased sex drive is a common indicator of major depressive disorder, according to Jennifer L. Payne, MD, director of the Women’s Mood Disorders Center, Johns Hopkins Hospital, Baltimore, MD.

“Change in sex drive is a key symptom we look at when deciding if someone fits the diagnosis for major depressive episodes,” Dr. Payne wrote. “A primary symptom of depression is the inability to enjoy things you normally enjoy, like sex.”

But mental health disorders don’t exclusively cause a reduction in sex drive and performance. Some individuals, including those with compulsive sexual behavior, can become consumed by sexual thoughts and an out-of-control sex drive. Like most addictions, when sex addiction and compulsive sexual behavior is left untreated, it can damage self-esteem, relationships, careers, and health. 

Time to have ‘the talk’

Both the patient and physician may feel uncomfortable in the exam room broaching the subject of sex. But, consider that studies have shown that most patients with CVD believe they haven’t been appropriately educated about their conditions’ effects on sexual health and desire more information on how to resume their normal sexual activity. Other patients with common conditions most likely feel the same way. 

Having an open discussion or referring patients to counseling can go a long way toward improving sexual health, which in turn can provide both physical and mental health benefits.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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Sex gets complicated during the pandemic

When the pandemic hit, couples found themselves worrying about getting sick, losing income, teaching their children at home while working full time (or worrying full time about sending them to school).

It hardly makes a perfect recipe for sex.

The stress has been too much for one Texas couple in their mid-40s with two children, according to one woman who did not want to be named due to the sensitive nature of the story, given her high-profile job in Austin.

“I stopped exercising because I was too scared of the plague ravaging society,” she said.

“While scared and doing nothing, I threw my back out and couldn’t move for two weeks,” said the woman, who now works her informational technology job from home alongside her husband.

Then her husband had a non-Covid health issue that “doused any embers that may have survived all of our lockdown trauma.”

Covid-19 has invaded nearly every aspect of our lives. So, it’s no surprise it’s infiltrated our bedrooms, too — for better or worse.

Many people are reporting challenges in their sex lives and relationships, according to early findings from the ongoing Sex and Relationships in the Time of Covid-19 study undertaken by Indiana University’s Kinsey Institute, which researches issues related to gender, sexuality and reproduction.

What the sex surveys say

The results are a mixed bag so far, said Justin Lehmiller, a research fellow at the Kinsey Institute and the author of “Tell Me What You Want,” a book about the science of sexual desire.

“Some people reported their sex lives and romantic lives had improved and were reporting their relationships were better and stronger than ever,” he said. “But a larger number (of respondents) reported challenges in their sex lives and relationships.”

The study kicked off mid-March, and researchers initially heard back from roughly 2,000 respondents — 75% of whom were Americans and 25% were from other countries — between the ages of 18 and 81 in varied relationships. Almost 53% of the participants identified as heterosexual, almost 20% as bisexual and the rest as: queer, pansexual, gay/lesbian or other.

About 44% of participants reported a decline in the quality of their sex lives, with 30% reporting a decline in their romantic lives, according to early findings from the longitudinal study, which is in its sixth wave and will continue for several more months.

Some 14% said their sex lives had improved, he said, and 23% reported their relationship was in a better place.

And summer, Lehmiller said, brought no salvation.

When people are going on vacation and have more free time, there’s usually more sexual activity. But the most recent wave of data collection from this summer indicated our sex lives have not yet rebounded to the levels of past summers. “This summer really seems to be the exception to that peak,” he said.

More stress equals less sex

Declining quality of one’s sex life often correlates with higher levels of stress, according to Lehmiller.

“We know that stress comes from a lot of different sources, it’s complex and multi-factorial,” he said. “The more stressed people reported feeling, the less desire for sex.”

That’s true even when business is good. For Marcus Anwar, 31, working long hours in Toronto running OhMy — the classified advertising website he founded in 2017 — appears to be taking a toll on his sex life with his fiancee. With everything moving online, OhMy’s revenue has tripled its revenue since the pandemic began, he said, but that has meant less free time for the couple.

“There are days I am working 14 to 16 hours. Having the weekend off is a thing of the past,” Anwar said. “When I’m done working, I try to spend quality time with Tiffany. But unfortunately, there are constant calls and emails that I have to answer, making it very difficult to separate work from personal life.”

“Even though we’ve been together for so many years, it just hasn’t felt like it used to, when we both wanted to be having sex,” said Tiffany, 29, who declined to give her last name for privacy reasons. “(Back) when there weren’t a million things we had to worry about or have to get done.”

Talking about sex is difficult

Diana Wiley, a Seattle-based certified sex therapist and licensed marriage and family therapist, told CNN that talking about sex can be very hard.

“Some people are so stressed they’ve just kind of folded up their tents about sex, they don’t want to do it,” said Wiley, whose book, “Love in the Time of Corona,” shares tips for reconnecting sexually and emotionally in troubling times.

Wiley suggested a few ways for couples to try to get their sex lives back on track in pandemic times, including tips for full-body caressing exercises that begin with nonsexual touch to help release stress.

Being more mindful in the bedroom and in general, she said, can also be beneficial.

“Take control of your thoughts rather than let your mind send you into a tailspin,” she said, “It helps to name what’s true right now, in this moment — my family and friends are healthy, for example.”

And if you have to put sex on the calendar, do it. “It’s a myth for sex to be any good it needs to be spontaneous,” she said.

Some are having more intimate sex

According to the Kinsey Institute’s early findings, not everyone is folding up their tents, however.

For Bob Curley of Rhode Island and his wife, who had recently gone back to grad school, the couple of over 30 years had adapted to her being away from home more often.

“Initially, there was a lot of stress around the pandemic that didn’t put us in an amorous mood,” Curley told CNN. “But once we got used to it, we really started enjoying having the extra time together.”

Their communication improved in and out of the bedroom, he said.

“The sex may not have increased significantly in terms of frequency, but the intimacy definitely has,” said Curley, adding that the couple took the opportunity to “push some sexual boundaries together in a way we might not otherwise have found the time or energy to do.”

The Kinsey study backs him up, with one in five people trying at least one new sexual activity since the pandemic began, said Lehmiller, including things like trying a new sexual position, sexting or sending nude photos and sharing or acting on sexual fantasies.

“This period in time has been a sexual revolution for many people,” he said, adding that people who are trying new things were three times more likely than those who aren’t to report improvements in their sex lives.

Single life in pandemic time

For single people considering new relationships during the pandemic, feelings of isolation are often compounded with health concerns about Covid-19, said Jenni Skyler, a certified sex therapist and director of The Intimacy Institute in Boulder, Colorado.

“I see a lot of people taking this as an opportunity to connect online and cultivate emotional intimacy first before jumping to something physical,” she said.

Such was the case for 34-year-old San Diego resident Jackie Bryant, who pens a monthly newsletter about cannabis culture. Until recently, she said she had been perusing dating apps but not meeting anyone in person due to the health concerns of the pandemic.

“I’ve been much more choosy, talking to a number of people, trying to be open-minded, but not agreeing to see anybody unless it seemed really promising,” Bryant said. “There’s this very real layer of death and sickness tied to human intimacy now.”

The pandemic made “me drill down on what I was looking for even more,” she said. “Am I going risk my life for some chump? … not anymore.”

During a recent socially distanced second date that ended with an awkward but cute moment when saying goodbye, Bryant said, she and the man navigated their personal safety rules. “I was like, ‘For you I don’t have rules,’” she said. “From opposite sides of my yard, we walked toward each other and kissed.”

“I’ve decided I can’t put that part of my life on hold. I need sex, I want to be in a relationship and who knows how long this will last,” Bryant said. “You learn to navigate that within the confines of Covid.”

And how people navigate the pandemic, it seems, may have the power to lead to a sunnier sexual outcome.

“The overall emerging picture is that there are more struggles and challenges,” Lehmiller said. “But there’s a sizable number of people who really seem to be thriving during this situation, too.”

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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How Stress Can Impact Your Sex Life


By Rachel Shatto

If you’ve always had a fairly healthy sex drive, but lately you feel like desire’s the last thing on your mind, there could be one factor putting the kibosh on your libido: stress. Let’s face it, these days it feels like there’s constantly a reason to feel stressed out. Maybe it’s the pressure at work or school, or the news headlines, or family issues. Whatever the case may be, how stress impacts your sex life is that it can be a real mood killer, says Dr. Logan Levkoff, a sexuality and relationships expert. “Stress can definitely affect your sex life, because desire is greatly impacted by our emotional and mental states,” she tells Elite Daily. Over time, this can even create a self-perpetuating cycle, she warns. “Unsatisfying sex can cause us stress and stress causes unsatisfying sex (or little desire),” Dr. Levkoff says.

The good news is that it doesn’t have to stay that way forever. Even though you may feel like it now, you’re not powerless in the battle between sex and your sex drive. But the first step is understanding just how stress is impacting your libido. Then you’ll have a better idea of how to address and lessen its impact.

How Stress Impacts Your Sex Life.

One of the main ways in which stress affects your sex life is that it increases your emotional needs, while deceasing your sexual ones, as sex and intimacy coach Irene Fehr tells Elite Daily. “Stress introduces extra needs that may not have been present or important before — emotional needs to be reassured, to feel safe amid the turmoil, to be heard about our struggles, to be gotten and understood,” she says. The one thing we need most in times of stress, Fehr explains. is a sense of connection and to be safe. We need to feel as though we’re not in the struggle alone. However, the problem is that, all too often, rather than voice those needs to our partner we turn inward. “Here’s the paradox,” says Fehr. “Stress makes us bottle it up and not allow their partner to see or witness how worried, stressed, or scared they are. Stress makes us share our needs less and has us go without having our needs met. All of this creates a wall between partners — a wall that they can’t penetrate emotionally and sexually.” This, in turn, leads us to feel more isolated and less sexual desire, according to Fehr.

There’s also a biological factor in the way that desire is suppressed by stress, adds Dr. Levkoff. “Stress can impact and decrease desire… and increase the production of cortisol. Cortisol is a hormone that, in excess amounts, decreases the production of sex hormones,” she explains.

The impact of prolonged stress can be felt throughout the entire body, Fehr says. “It affects every system in the body, including the brain, nerves, pituitary, adrenal, kidney, blood vessels, thyroid, liver, blood vessels, and the interrelations between them. As a result, the body mounts a stress response,” she explains. “Here, blood and energy are diverted to big organs and muscles that will help you outrun the threat or fight it — and away from desire and sex drive.” In other words, stress takes up a lot of your physical and mental energy, leaving you little left over to engage with your partner sexually.

When combined with the emotional and physical impacts, it’s little surprise that stress has such a profound effect on your sex drive.

What To Do About It.

The good news is that you’re not powerless in all of this. While eliminating all stress from your life is next to impossible, you can mitigate some of its effects, says Fehr, by addressing the emotional aspect first, by recognizing and expressing your nonsexual needs to your partner, rather than continuing to hold them back. “Getting your needs met is the key to wanting to be with your partner,” she explains. “It can be as simple as asking your partner for undivided attention as you share with them about what’s bothering you or your fears. It could be asking for extra-long hugs because they help you feel reassured,” she suggests. Another thing that can help, shares Fehr, can be simply letting your partner know that you need more space to address the causes of your stress. “Needs are individual and are appropriate to the situation. Only you will know what you need,” says Fehr. “Admitting your needs to your partner requires vulnerability and emotional risk, and it’s this vulnerability that will actually fulfill the needs of closeness that we need during stress to bring us back into desire with our partners and sex,” she concludes.

Dr. Levkoff emphasizes that there’s no magic cure in this situation; it’s more of a process. “However, recognizing that we’re entitled to sexual pleasure and fulfillment and prioritizing our needs — emotional and physical — during stressful times is a start,” Levkoff explains. Most important, she stresses, is that you should be kind to yourself through the process, and not to criticize or be hard on yourself, as that actually can stall your progress.

While life probably won’t be getting any less stressful anytime soon, the good news is that you don’t have to settle for a sex life that’s less than satisfying as a result. Solving this issue might take making yourself more emotionally vulnerable with your partner and doing a lot of self-reflection, but it’s something that you can both get through. At least that’s one less thing to be stressed about.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!