Category: Sexual Myths

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6 Myths About Sex You Should Stop Believing

(Including Why You Shouldn’t Read Too Much into Shoe Size)

By Sarah Stiefvater

We’ve been through a lot together, from buying houses and choosing foundations to cooking dinner. We’re friends, right? Right, which is why we feel comfortable bringing up sex—specifically, these six sex myths that you might believe but definitely shouldn’t. (Including why you shouldn’t read into a guy’s shoe size and how, no, those oysters at happy hour probably won’t get you in the mood).

1. Myth: Foot Size Corresponds to Penis Size

The truth: Sorry folks, there’s no way to tell how big a penis will be based on foot size (or hand size or ear size or any other physical indicator that isn’t the actual penis). During a 2002 study by the Department of Urology and St. Mary’s Hospital in London, two urologists measured the stretched penile length of 104 men and related this to their shoe size. The two ultimately found that, “There was no statistically significant correlation between shoe size and stretched penile length.”

2. Myth: Men Think About Sex Every Seven Seconds

The truth: Fortunately for everyone, this one’s very false. If men thought about sex every seven seconds, that would mean about 8,000 times per day. In reality, according to The Kinsey Institute, 54 percent of men said they think about sex several times per day and 43 percent said it was a few times per week.

3. Myth: Women Are Naturally Less Interested in Sex

The truth: Though women might actively think about sex less often than do men (the above Kinsey study found that 19 percent of women think about sex multiple times a day and 63 percent think about it a few times per week), that doesn’t mean women wantsex any less. Speaking to WebMD, Sarah Hunter Murray, PhD, a marriage and family therapist and the author of Not Always in the Mood: The New Science of Men, Sex, and Relationships, said, “Not only is the idea that men have higher sex drives an oversimplified notion, but it’s really just not true.”

4. Myth: You Can’t Get Pregnant If You’re Already Pregnant

The truth: Well, this is terrifying. Superfetation is an extremely rare (like, almost impossible) but real phenomena that occurs when a pregnant woman continues ovulating, and a second fertilized egg is able to implant itself in the lining of the womb. But seriously, when we say it’s rare, we mean it’s rare: Per the ClinMed International Library, a repository and an open access publisher for medical research, there have been only ten reported cases of superfetation. Phew.

5. Myth: Eating Oysters Will Get You in the Mood

The truth: Before you whip out the bivalves (and chocolate and hot peppers), know that there’s not a ton of science behind the aphrodisiac powers of food. Though there have been animal-focused studies (like this one published in the Journal of Reproductive Science that found that the zinc in oysters raised testosterone levels and improved sexual competence in male rats), more human research is necessary to prove the link between one of our favorite summer snacks and our sex drive.

6. Myth: Sex Is Good Exercise

The truth: Sure, you burn a few calories while getting busy, but it’s a workout you’re after, you shouldn’t substitute sex for a trip to the gym. A study by researchers at the University of Quebec at Montreal looked at 21 heterosexual couples in their early 20s and found that women burned an average 69 calories per 30 minutes of sex (versus 213 calories during 30 minutes of light running), and men burned an average of 101 calories per 30 minutes of sex (versus 276 calories during 30 minutes of light running).

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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The G-Spot Doesn’t Exist

By ELIZABETH KIEFER

Once upon a time, that time being 1982, there was sex. And then, suddenly, there was sex.

The difference? A teensy half-inch ribbed nub on the upper front wall of your vagina. Scientists—and magazines (hi) and books and sex-toy companies and movies and TV shows and your roommates and your sex-ed teacher—reported that it was a universal key to The Mysterious Female Orgasm. And thus began the era when you were supposed to be able to say “it blew my mind” to your girlfriends at brunch.

Or was it three inches wide? Farther down, near your vulva? Slick instead of ribbed? Kinda springy to the touch?

Whatever, it was it. And fuck if we all didn’t work hard to find our own. Back in 1982, Cosmo told women to get there by “squatting” so it would be easier “to stick one or two fingers inside the vagina” and make the necessary “come-hither motion.” A 2020 Google search turns up thousands of road maps (“where is the G-spot?” has been searched more times than Michaels Jordan and Jackson). That cute-adjacent guy you slept with in college tried the classic pile-drive maneuver, to middling success.

But it must not matter, because the G-spot economy is booming: G-spot vibrators, G-spot condoms, G-spot lube, G-spot workshops, and, for the particularly daring and/or Goop-inspired, $1,800 G-spot shots meant to plump yours for extra pleasure.

Hell, even Merriam-Webster is in on it: The G-spot is a “highly erogenous mass of tissue” in every dictionary it prints.

So then why, when we talked to the woman who helped “discover” it, did she tell us we’ve all been obsessed with the wrong thing?

That woman is Beverly Whipple, PhD. She and a team of researchers officially coined the term “G-spot” in the early ’80s. They named the thing, which they described as a “sensitive” “small bean,” for German researcher Ernst Gräfenberg (yeah, a dude). And just like that, your most frustrating fake body part was born.

ACCORDING TO OUR SURVEY, 11%

of women have avoided sex because they can’t find their G-spot.

Honestly, it all got out of hand from there, says Whipple. Her team wasn’t saying that each and every woman has a G-spot. (“Women are capable of experiencing sexual pleasure many different ways,” she insists to Cosmo now. “Everyone is unique.”) And despite that bean analogy, they didn’t mean it was a spot spot. They were talking about an “area” that could simply make some women feel good. But the media (hi again!) preferred the neat and tidy version and ran with it like a sexual cure-all.

Researchers did too. In 2012, a study published in The Journal of Sexual Medicine proclaimed that of course the G-spot was real. It just wasn’t a bean. It was actually an 8.1- by 3.6-millimeter “rope-like” piece of anatomy, a “blue” and “grape-like” sac. This revelation came from gynecologic surgeon Adam Ostrzenski, MD, PhD, after his study of an 83-year-old woman’s cadaver. (He went on to sell “G-spotplasty” treatments to women.) Over the years, lots of other researchers found the G-spot to be lots of other things: “a thick patch of nerves,” “the urethral sponge,” “a gland,” “a bunch of nerves.”

For the most part, though, the thing that women were supposed to find has remained a mystery to the experts telling them to find it. Dozens of trials used surveys, pathologic specimens, imaging, and biochemical markers to try to pinpoint the elusive G-spot once and for all.

In 2006, a biopsy of women’s vaginas turned up nothing.

In 2012, a group of doctors reviewed every single piece of known data on record and found no proof that the G-spot exists.

In 2017, in the most recent and largest postmortem study to date done on 13 cadavers, researchers looked again: still nothing.

“It’s not like pushing an elevator button or a light switch,” asserts Barry Komisaruk, PhD, a neuroscientist at Rutgers University. “It’s not a single thing.”

44%

of women have felt frustration, confusion, or anxiety while trying to locate their G-spot.

“I don’t think we have any evidence that the G-spot is a spot or a structure,” says Nicole Prause, PhD, a neuroscientist who studies orgasms and sexual arousal. “I’ve never understood why it was interpreted as some new sexual organ. You can’t standardize a vagina—there is no consistency across women as to where exactly we experience pleasure.”

Sure, she says, some women might have an area inside their vaginas that contains a bunch of smaller, super-sensitive areas. But some women say that when they follow Cosmo’s old two-finger come-hither advice, they feel discomfort or like they have to pee. Others feel nothing at all. Because for them, there’s nothing there.

Now for the trickiest part of this story—and, TBH, the reason this is even a story at all. Despite the lack of scientific evidence, there are still lots of G-spot believers, many of them super-smart, well-meaning sex educators. They’re a pretty heated group (one hung up on us when we called for an interview) and not…entirely…wrong. Their point is: If a woman believes she’s found her G-spot, that should outweigh any lack of science. And specifically, if someone claims to have experienced G-spot pleasure, it seems “bizarre” to shut her down, says Kristen Mark, PhD, a sex educator at the University of Kentucky. “That feels like going backward.”

Fair. It’s just that, as Prause points out, “women deserve accurate information about their bodies.” Can’t we have our pleasure—and the truth too?

As Prause said (and this bears repeating), for some women, there is sexual sensitivity where the G-spot is supposed to be. But for others, there’s none. Or it’s to the left. Or it’s in a few places. And that’s kind of the whole point. It’s all okay. It can all feel good.

What everyone can agree on is that we need more research. Women’s sexual health is vastly understudied, and the scientific hurdles are borderline absurd. In 2015, Prause tried to get a trial going at UCLA that would study orgasms in women who were, you know, actually alive. The board heard her out but wanted a promise that her test subjects “wouldn’t climax” because they didn’t like the optics of women orgasming in their labs. (As you’ve already guessed, the study wasn’t approved.)

So yeah, a new kind of thinking about female pleasure is going to take a minute for certain people to get on board with. Like those brunch friends who go on and on about G-spot rapture. And like men, who might love the idea of the G-spot best of all. A G-spot orgasm requires penetration, which just so happens to be the way most guys prefer to get off. “If you’ve got a penis, it would be super convenient if the way the person with a vagina has pleasure is for you to put your penis in their vagina,” says Emily Nagoski, PhD, author of Come as You Are, a book that explores the science of female sexuality. Related: 80 percent of the men in Cosmo’s survey said they believe every woman has a G-spot; nearly 60 percent called it the “best way” for a female partner to achieve pleasure. (“Once you rally enough experience like myself, you can find it on every girl,” one supremely confident guy told us.)

31%

of women say their partner has gotten frustrated while searching for it.

Just like it did for women, the G-spot gave men a universal performance metric and the “cultural message that pleasure for women happens by pounding on their vaginas with your penis,” says Nagoski.

Things were thisclose to going in a much better direction. “In the early ’80s, there was research that was really putting the clitoris front and center,” explains Nagoski. “Then along came the G-spot research, creating this pressure for women to be orgasmic from vaginal stimulation even though most women’s bodies just aren’t wired that way. And if you really think about why vaginal stimulation matters so much, it’s because it puts the focus on male pleasure.”

Go ahead and let that sink in while we gear up to talk about the fallout. Not only the sexual frustration (although that, definitely that) but also the giant emotional burden the G-spot unwittingly dropped on all of us. Turns out, the thing that was supposed to awaken and equalize our sex lives came with a really shitty side effect: shame.

More than half of the women in Cosmo’s survey reported feeling inadequate or frustrated knowing that others are able to orgasm in a way they can’t. Eleven percent said this made them avoid sex entirely. “I have friends who say they always climax from intercourse alone and they’re like, ‘You just haven’t found it yet,’” says Alyssa, a Cosmo reader. “It’s like they’re the lucky ones.”

That’s why on one recent Tuesday, another Cosmo reader, Beth, found herself sitting in a room that looked oddly like a vagina—low, pink light, a candle burning softly nearby—getting her first round of G-spot homework. She and her husband had hired a sex therapist to help them feel more in sync sexually. Basically, he wanted it a lot more than she did, probably because she was still waiting for something…bigger. “I can have a clitoral orgasm,” she says. “But knowing that there’s something better, I wanted to experience that.”

82%

of men believe every woman has the magic button.

The couple’s take-home tasks were a checklist of “sexy” moves, designed to help them find Beth’s G-spot so she could have The Orgasm. “The night we did doggy-style, it felt…god, there was the sound of skin smacking and my husband asking me if it was working. It was terrible.” (We fact-checked this with Beth’s husband. Oh yeah, “it sucked.”) After that, they gave up.

Other couples are still searching: 22 percent of guys say that finding a woman’s G-spot is the number one goal of sex, which helps explain the 31 percent of women who say they’re dealing with exasperated partners. Prause worries about that. She says: “You’ll hear guys say things like, ‘My last girlfriend wasn’t this much work,’ or ‘You take a long time to orgasm,’ or ‘This worked for the last person I slept with.’ That makes women question if they’re normal. And that, we hate.”

Which is why we’re calling off the search. We’re done with the damn “spot” and we’re sorry, again, that we ever brought it up. And actually: Unless sex researchers make a surprisingly major breakthrough, Cosmo won’t be publishing any more G-spot sex positions or “how to find it” guides.

“What would truly be revolutionary for women’s sex lives is to engage with what research has found all along: the best predictors of sexual satisfaction are intimacy and connection,” adds Debby Herbenick, PhD, a professor at Indiana University School of Public Health and a research fellow at the Kinsey Institute.

The science world is revolutionizing, too, trying to figure out how to rebrand the G-spot into something more (and by “more,” we mean actually) accurate. Whipple stands by her “area.” Italian researchers have suggested renaming it the somewhat less sexy “clitoral vaginal urethral complex.” Herbenick has her own ideas: “First of all, it should not be named after a man. It’s a female body we’re talking about, and just because a man wrote about it doesn’t mean he was the first to understand or experience it.” But anyway, she’d go with “zone.”

As for us, we’re going to kick off this new era with a 100 percent G-spot-free piece of smarter, wiser sex advice, courtesy of Nagoski: “If it feels good, you’re doing it right.” Call that whatever you want.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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The Top 5 Most Commonly Believed Sex Myths

By

When it comes to sex education, many individuals feel left in the dark, leaving many of us believing in various myths and falsehoods about sex, pleasure and their health well into their adult lives.

In an attempt to better educate Britain on sexual health, Lovehoney ran a survey, revealing the most prevalent sex myths and partnered with a sex expert to debunk the most common misconceptions about sex.

According to Lovehoney’s research, it’s clear that there is no shortage of sexual misinformation circulating and sex expert Ness Cooper from The Sex Consultant debunks the top 5 most commonly believed sex myths.

1. ‘Erectile dysfunction is a normal part of growing older and men have to learn to live with it.’

Believed by a third (34%) of individuals

‘Almost 70% of men / those with penises will experience erectile dysfunction by the time they are 70. However, we shouldn’t classify it as normal, as there are many reasons it can affect an individual and these can vary from person to person.’

‘Anyone experiencing erectile issues should see a medical professional to find out the cause. Once the cause of erectile dysfunction is found whether that is psychological, physical, or a mixture of both, there are many treatment methods to help manage symptoms.

2. Sex shouldn’t be painful for women if they are attracted to their partner

Believed by over 1 in 4 (27%) individuals

‘Being attracted to your partner doesn’t stop sex from being painful if you’re experiencing pain during penetration. If you are attracted to your partner it can mean you become aroused easier when thinking or being with them, and this can lead to producing more vaginal lubrication naturally, but may not solve intercourse related pain. There are many reasons someone may experience pain during penetration but whether or not you’re attracted to someone isn’t one of them.’

3. You can tell when you have a STI

Believed by 1 in 5 (21%) individuals

‘Sometimes STIs can go unnoticed due to the incubation time before they really become active in the body. Even when an STI is active and showing up on test results, there aren’t always symptoms. This is why it’s important to get tested regularly as we can’t always tell if we have contracted one.’

4. You can get an STI from a toilet seat

Believed by almost 1 in 5 (18%) individuals

‘STIs (Sexually Transmitted Infections) don’t spread on toilet seats, and ones that spread through contact of bodily fluids don’t survive outside of the body long enough to be transmittable through sitting on them on a toilet seat. The fear of STIs being transmitted via toilet seats has been going around for far too long.’

5. Pulling out is an effective method of contraception

Believed by 15% of individuals

‘Whilst precum often only contains trace amounts of active sperm there is a possibility someone could get pregnant from penetration that has pre-ejaculation. This means that the pull-out method isn’t always reliable.’

Other key findings

  • Almost 1 in 3 individuals do not seek sexual health advice from any source
  • One in ten men get their sexual health advice from porn

  • Understanding the importance of communication is the number one thing individuals wish they had learned about sex sooner.

  • Feeling sexy in your own skin was one of the most popular lessons women wished they’d learned sooner with a third (33%) agreeing compared to only 19% of men.

References

Sex Education Myths Debunked : https://www.lovehoney.co.uk/blog/sex-education-myths-debunked.html

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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The persistent myth of sex addiction

Either we’re all sex addicts or nobody is

By Hallie Lieberman

According to every online test I’ve taken, I’m a sex addict. And if you took the quizzes, you probably would be too, at least if you answered honestly to questions like “Do you often find yourself preoccupied with sexual thoughts?” “Do you ever feel bad about your sexual behavior?” and “Have you used the internet to make romantic or erotic connections with people online?”

Even if you answered “no” to all these questions, you’re still not off the hook. If you watch porn, you might be a sex addict; If you “often require the use of a vibrator… to enhance the sexual experience” you might be a sex addict; if you spend some of your time “ruminating about past sexual encounters,” you might be a sex addict.

By these standards, nearly all human beings are sex addicts, as a recent study found that 73 percent of women and 85 percent of men had looked at internet porn in the past six months; other studies found that about half of American men and women have used vibrators. Perhaps that is right: sex is one of our strongest drives, and according to one study, the median number of times people think about sex is 10-19 times a day. But pathologizing all of humanity for expressing normal human sexuality is ridiculous in the least and dangerous at the worst. The fact that most people would be considered sex addicts is positive for only one group of people: those employed by the multimillion-dollar sex addiction industry.

Sex addiction treatment forces people into a kind of re-education program, which tries to convince them that perfectly normal consensual sexual behavior is the sign of a serious problem. Some of them are run by Christian pastors, others by licensed professional counselors. In-patient facilities are often located in picturesque areas, like palatial Arizona desert retreats, complete with poolside ping-pong and equine therapy (how nuzzling a horse cures sex addiction is never explained). These programs tell supposed sex addicts that they can reprogram themselves through behavioral modifications to become ideal sexual citizens: monogamous, non-porn-using people who rarely masturbate or fantasize about anyone other than their main partners. Some even take it further and force people to abandon healthy activities like masturbation for 30 days.

If this sounds familiar in a bad way, it might be because some of the same centers that treat sex addiction also offer gay conversion therapy, although they no longer call it that because conversion therapy has been banned for minors in 19 states (instead they say they treat “unwanted same-sex attraction” and “homosexuality/lesbianism“). This sad fact further illuminates the ugly truth behind the sex addiction industry: it’s based on a moralistic judgment on what sexual behaviors are socially acceptable, yet it’s cloaked in a scientific sheen that gives it legitimacy. Although gay conversion therapy is much more harmful, sex addiction treatment is similar in that both are about modifying behavior even though biology and psychology are compelling a person in a different direction.

One key question that appears on nearly all sex addiction quizzes is: “Do you feel that your sexual behavior is not normal?” The problem is, most people don’t know what a “normal” sex life is, and consensual sexual behaviors that are statistically abnormal are not the sign of a disease. As psychologist David Ley has argued in his book, The Myth of Sex Addiction, the criteria for sex addiction “reflect heterosexual and monogamous social values and judgments rather than medical or scientific data.”

Sex addiction isn’t a new concept, it’s a new name for an old one; it falls into a continuum of pathologizing sexual behavior going back to the 19th century when women were labeled nymphomaniacs for behavior we would consider normal today, such as having orgasms through clitoral stimulation. In fact, 21st-century sex addiction therapists sound nearly identical to 19th-century vice reformers.

“Pornography coupled with masturbation and fantasy is often the cornerstone for sexual addiction. This is a dangerous combination …A fantasy world is created, sometimes as early as adolescence, that is visited throughout developmental stages,” says the website of a current therapy center called L.I.F.E. Recovery International. “The sexual addict may use his or her addiction in place of true spirituality — sex becomes the addict’s God,” the website declares.

Similarly, 19th-century vice reformer Anthony Comstock wrote that “Obscene publications” and “immoral articles” [sex toys] are “like a cancer” which “fastens itself upon the imagination…defiling the mind, corrupting the thoughts, leading to secret practices of most foul and revolting character.” He suggested that young adults read the Bible instead of giving into their sexual urges.

Why do we continue to further such an outdated view of sex? Sex addiction is a way to police sexual behavior and impose conventional morality through a seemingly scientific, trendy addiction model. It attempts to slot people into some mythical standard of normal sexuality, one defined by monogamy and devoid of fantasy.

The sex addiction industry persists in spite of the fact that again and again sex addiction has been debunked by experts. Sex addiction isn’t considered legitimate by psychologists; the scientific literature doesn’t back it up; and it isn’t in the DSM-5, the authoritative catalog of mental disorders published by the American Psychiatric Association. Yet therapists benefit financially from sex addiction diagnoses, moralists benefit spiritually from them, and supposed sex addicts benefit practically from them. Sex addiction provides a great excuse for people who engage in socially objectionable sexual behavior (It’s not my fault! I couldn’t help banging the sexy neighbor! I’m an addict! I’ll go to treatment!).

This coincides with the fact that most sex addicts are heterosexual men, so the diagnosis frequently becomes a way to legitimize male sexual behavior, while also sometimes labeling their female partners as enablers. Convicted rapist Harvey Weinstein reportedly checked himself in to an in-patient treatment program after allegations against him were first published in late 2017, a path that many other high-profile men have taken in the wake of scandal.

The concept of sex addiction makes sex seem way more logical than it actually is. It fits into our culture’s view of controlling and constraining sex through rules, like the criminalization of sex work. Hiring a sex worker or engaging in any illegal sexual activities is a sign you’re a sex addict, according to most sex addiction screening tests. Yet, a wide range of more widely accepted sexual behavior is also illegal in the U.S., including having sex with an unmarried person of the opposite sex (a crime in Idaho, Illinois, and South Carolina) and adultery, which is a crime in over a dozen states.

But sex is messy and complicated, and hardwired and controlled by hormones, and no amount of counseling is going to stop you from having sexual urges. The sex addiction model provides a 12-step solution to the messiness of sex and the challenge of monogamy: if you follow these simple steps, the thinking goes, you too can be in control of the strongest biological urge and be free of daily horniness. If only it were that simple.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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Medical Myths: Sexual health

Sexual health is associated with a wide range of myths and misunderstandings. In this episode of Medical Myths, we will address nine common misconceptions. Among others, we cover double condoms, toilet seats, and the “pull-out” method.

by Tim Newman

Sexually transmitted infections (STIs) have been on the rise in the United States. In April 2021, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC)Trusted Source announced that, in 2019, STIs had reached an all-time high for the sixth consecutive year.

In 2019, the CDC received reports of over 2.5 million cases of chlamydia, gonorrhea, and syphilis.

The World Health Organization (WHO) estimates that 1 millionTrusted Source STIs are acquired worldwide each day.

Despite rising rates, there is still significant stigma attached to STIs. For some, this might mean individuals are less willing to speak about sexual health concerns or raise questions with a doctor.

This unwillingness to speak openly about sexual health can breed misinformation.

Of course, the internet is a convenient first port of call when someone has a question they would like to ask anonymously. Sadly, not all information that appears on the web can be trusted.

Here, Medical News Today approached some common myths associated with sexual health and asked for input from an expert:

Dr. Sue Mann, a consultant in sexual and reproductive health and a medical expert in reproductive health at Public Health England.

Increasing understanding of sexual health helps people make informed, safe decisions. Although one article cannot brush away deeply ingrained falsehoods, the more trustworthy information that is available, the better.

1. When someone is taking ‘the pill,’ they cannot contract an STI

This is a myth. Oral contraception cannot protect against contracting an STI.

As Dr. Mann explained to MNT, “oral contraception […] only works to prevent pregnancy. The only way to protect yourself from getting an STI when using oral contraception is by wearing a condom.”

Mirroring this, the CDC statesTrusted Source: “Birth control methods like the pill, patch, ring, and intrauterine device (IUD) are very effective at preventing pregnancy, but they do not protect against [STIs] and HIV.”

2. The ‘withdrawal method’ prevents pregnancy

The so-called withdrawal method, also called coitus interruptus or the pull-out method, is when the penis is pulled out of the vagina before ejaculation. Although it may reduce the chance of pregnancy, “the withdrawal method is not a reliable way to prevent pregnancy,” said Dr. Mann.

When used accurately, it can reduce the risk of pregnancy, but accuracy can be difficult in the heat of the moment.

Additionally, the penis releases pre-ejaculate, or pre-cum, before ejaculation. In some cases, sperm can be present in this fluid.

In one studyTrusted Source, for instance, scientists examined samples of pre-ejaculate from 27 participants. The scientists identified viable sperm in 10 of the participant’s pre-ejaculate.

Each volunteer provided a maximum of five samples. Interestingly, the researchers found sperm in either all or none of their samples. In other words, some people tend to have sperm in their pre-ejaculate, while others do not. The authors concluded:

“[C]ondoms should continue to be used from the first moment of genital contact, although it may be that some men, less likely to leak spermatozoa in their pre-ejaculatory fluid, are able to practice coitus interruptus more successfully than others.”

3. The ‘withdrawal method’ prevents STIs

Using the withdrawal method, “you can still get an STI, such as HIV, herpes, syphilis, gonorrhea, or chlamydia,” explained Dr. Mann.

4. Using two condoms doubles the protection

It is understandable why people might assume two condoms would provide twice the protection, but this is a myth.

“It is actually more risky to use two or more condoms when having sex,” said Dr. Mann. “The likelihood of the condom breaking is higher due to the amount of friction the condom is enduring. A single condom is the best option.”

5. You can contract STIs from a toilet seat

This is perhaps one of the most persistent myths associated with STIs. Yet, despite being repeatedly debunked, it remains a myth. Dr. Mann told MNT:

“STIs are spread through unprotected vaginal, anal, or oral sex, and by genital contact and sharing sex toys.”

She also explained that the viruses that cause “STIs cannot survive for long outside the human body, so they generally die quickly on surfaces like toilet seats.”

Similarly, the bacteria responsible for STIs, such as chlamydia, gonorrhea, and syphilis, cannot survive outside the body’s mucous membranes for a significant amount of time. For that reason, they would not survive on a toilet seat.

6. There are no treatments for STIs

This is not true. However, although they can be treated, not all can be cured. The WHOTrusted Source explains that eight pathogens make up the vast majority of STIs.

Four of the eight are curable: the bacterial infections syphilis, gonorrhea, and chlamydia, and the parasitic infection trichomoniasis.

The remaining four are viral: hepatitis B, herpes simplex virus (HSV), HIV, and human papillomavirus (HPV). These cannot yet be cured. However, it is worth noting that HPV infections are often clearedTrusted Source by the body naturally.

“Penetrative sex isn’t the only way someone can contract an STI. Oral sex, genital contact, and sharing sex toys are other ways that STIs can be spread,” Dr. Mann told MNT.

Beyond sexual contact, it is also possible to contract an STI from exposure to blood that contains the infectious pathogen, including through sharing needles.

This is another longstanding and entirely incorrect assumption. According to Dr. Mann:

“Anyone, regardless of sexual orientation, race, ethnicity, age, or gender, can contract HIV. If you have HIV and don’t know it, you’re more likely to pass it on. But if you know your status, you can make sure you and your partner(s) are taking steps to stay healthy.”

Dr. Mann underscores the importance of testingTrusted Source, explaining that in many countries, “testing is free, easy, and confidential. You can even do a test in the comfort of your own home.”

“A lot of people pass on STIs to others without even knowing,” said Dr. Mann. “STIs can be spread with symptoms or without.”

Indeed, the WHO explainsTrusted Source that “[t]he majority of STIs have no symptoms or only mild symptoms that may not be recognized as an STI.”

“That is why,” Dr. Mann explained, “it is important to be tested regularly and to use a condom to prevent STIs as much as possible.”

To summarize, STIs are common but preventable. Regular testing and understanding how to keep yourself safe are key to remaining STI-free.

After completing a bachelor’s degree in neuroscience at the U.K.’s University of Manchester, Tim changed course entirely to work in sales, marketing, and analysis. Realizing that his heart truly lies with science and writing, he changed course once more and joined the Medical News Today team as a News Writer. Now Senior Editor for news, Tim leads a team of top notch writers and editors, who report on the latest medical research from peer reviewed journals; he also pens a few articles himself. When he gets the chance, he enjoys listening to the heaviest metal, watching the birds in his garden, thinking about dinosaurs, and wrestling with his children.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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6 sexual health myths busted

Wherever you find a taboo topic, misinformation, misconceptions, and myths are sure to follow—and that’s especially the case when it comes to sex.

By Alistair Gardiner

When it comes to sex, myths abound. Which ones have you fallen for?

With so many fallacies in circulation, it’s not surprising that many people hold false beliefs. Here are six myths about libido, genitalia, sexual dysfunction, and more, along with evidence from health experts to separate the facts from fiction.

Myth #1: STIs always cause symptoms

Sexually transmitted infections (STIs)—also called sexually transmitted diseases (STDs)—can present with various symptoms depending on which bacteria, viruses, or parasites are causing them. Spread from person to person through bodily fluids like blood, semen, and vaginal discharge, symptoms can include sores or bumps, painful urination, unusual discharge from the genitals, pain during sex, rashes, abnormal bleeding, among others.

However, according to the Mayo Clinic, symptoms of an STI may take years to appear—and in some instances, may not materialize at all. That’s the case with chlamydia.

“In fact, many people have absolutely no symptoms, for example, with chlamydia,” said OB-GYN Alyssa Dweck, MD, in an interview with The Zoe Report. “This is why we test all [people with vaginas] routinely during an annual exam so treatment can be offered even for those with no symptoms.” Testing is especially important for those engaging in sexual activity or having sex with a new partner.

According to CDC data, one in five people in the United States has an STD. Click here to learn more about this epidemic, at MDLinx.

Myth #2: Women have a lower sex drive than men

Popular culture and societal norms often leave us with the impression that all men are sex-obsessed and will jump at any opportunity for coitus, while women are more reserved and far less interested in sex. This is a sexist myth, according to sex researcher Justin R. Garcia, PhD, executive director of the Kinsey Institute at Indiana University.

In an interview with Insider, Garcia cited research that found libido is experienced at similar levels among people regardless of their gender when it comes to arousal, motivation, and frequency of sexual desire. Gender norms and inaccurate methods used in research are to blame for common (and false) assumptions about gender differences and libido.

While women’s sex drive can be influenced by factors like pregnancy, breastfeeding, and menopause, none of this means that women inherently have a lower sex drive than men. Other factors that affect sex drive are non-gender specific, including age, levels of physical activity, stress and mental health, diet, quality and quantity of sleep, weight, illness, and others. Libido can also depend on setting stimuli and the person or people you’re with.

Myth #3: Douching is a good way to clean your vagina

This is an old myth—and, in fact, douching may cause the opposite of the intended effect.

Vaginas are “self-cleaning,” according to the Mayo Clinic, and do not require any cleaning outside of normal bathing. In fact, douching can throw off the natural balance of your vagina and increase your risk of infections like bacterial vaginosis, a type of vaginal inflammation resulting from an overgrowth of anaerobic bacteria which are naturally present in the vagina.

In the aforementioned interview with The Zoe Report, Dr. Dweck said that douching typically does more harm than good, adding that “there’s no benefit in putting anything in there for the purpose of cleaning it.”

Myth #4: Too much sex will stretch out your vagina

According to Dr. Dweck, the idea that frequent sex or even childbirth will cause your vagina to permanently stretch out is inaccurate. While giving birth will result in changes to your vagina, this part of your body has a lot of elasticity and it will return to its original state after a period of recovery. “The vagina is an incredible structure and is quite forgiving after childbirth and sex,” said Dr. Dweck.

While you may lose some tone in your pelvic floor muscles after giving birth, this isn’t necessarily permanent either. Pelvic floor physical therapy will help strengthen both these and the levator ani muscles, according to OB-GYN Jenn Conti, MD. All of that said, aging and hormonal changes can eventually influence the elasticity and tone of the vagina.

“These muscles often take a hit with pregnancy and giving birth, and benefit from pelvic floor physical therapy work,” said Dr. Conti. “But the idea that the vagina actually stretches out is false.”

Myth #5: Sexual dysfunction is just a hormonal problem

Sexual dysfunction affects an estimated 43% of women and 31% of men, according to the Cleveland Clinic, with symptoms like difficulty achieving or maintaining an erection and absent or delayed ejaculation in men, and inadequate vaginal lubrication and an inability to achieve orgasm in women. While a common assumption is that these conditions are exclusively caused by an imbalance of hormones like testosterone and estrogen, sexual dysfunction can also be the result of a wide range of physical and medical conditions.

These include diabetes, heart disease, various neurological disorders, and alcohol and drug abuse or misuse. Sexual dysfunction can also be the result of stress, anxiety, relationship problems, past trauma, and concerns over body image or sexual performance. Numerous medications can cause sexual dysfunction as a side effect, including antidepressants, blood pressure medications, diuretics, and some over-the-counter antihistamines and decongestants. And then there’s the question of ubiquitous sex supplements on the market, which lack monitoring.

Interestingly, marijuana appears to play a role in sexual function, with the cannabinoid receptor mapped to several brain areas involved in sexual function, according to studies

Myth #6: Condoms are fool-proof

While using condoms is one of the best ways to prevent STIs and pregnancy, they are not 100% effective or even 99% effective. According to the CDC, the male condom has a failure rate of roughly 13%, while female condoms have a failure rate of 21%.

Hormone-based female contraceptives have a far higher success rate in preventing pregnancy, but they provide no protection from STIs. Combined oral contraceptives (also known as “the pill”), which contain estrogen and progestin, have a typical failure rate of 7%. Similarly, the birth control patch and the vaginal contraceptive ring (both of which release the hormones progestin and estrogen), have a failure rate of just 7%.

Contraceptive methods that are the most effective at preventing pregnancy include intrauterine devices (known as “the coil”), which have a failure rate of between 0.1%-0.8%, and the implant, which has a typical failure rate of 0.1%. Again, these methods will not prevent you from contracting an STI.

On the other hand, all of the methods above are more effective at preventing pregnancy than “fertility awareness-based methods,” which involve tracking the days of your menstrual cycle during which you are least likely to get pregnant. According to the CDC, these methods have a typical failure rate of up to 23%.

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The Limits of Sex Positivity

American culture still treats disinterest in sex as something that needs to be fixed. What if any amount of desire—including none—was okay?

By Angela Chen

For more than half a century, the modern industry of sex therapists, educators, and experts has been eager to tell us whether we’re having enough sex, or the right kind of sex. But this industry is, like any other, shaped by the broader culture—it took for granted that the goal was to “get everybody to the point where they have a type of desire and quality of desire that fits within the cultural norms and values,” the sex therapist and researcher Michael Berry says. Decades ago that meant: straight, monogamous, within marriage, private, nothing too kinky.

As American culture has become more expansive in its understanding of sexuality, so has sex therapy. But this kind of sex positivity often doesn’t leave room for those who don’t want sex at all. The prevailing idea remains that, as Berry puts it, “if people are coming to see a sex therapist, the intent would be to get them to have sex.”

Even in the midst of a “sex recession,” the idea that healthy adults naturally are and should be sexual remains embedded in everything from dating “rules” to medical dramas. Disinterest in having sex is considered a problem that needs to be solved—and this idea can harm everyone who is told they don’t want enough.

When some of sex educator Ev’Yan Whitney’s clients told her during their first sessions that they might be asexual, Whitney was skeptical. She knew the definition of asexual—a person who does not experience sexual attraction—but didn’t think that it fit most clients. She would never dispute anyone’s identity, but she thought other factors were likely to be at play.

Whitney grew up in a religious environment, where the only discussion of sex was an explanation of anatomy and she was expected to remain a virgin until marriage. Then, as a sex educator, she often heard from her peers that “liberated” people wanted a lot of sex—which made her ashamed because, well, she didn’t want a lot. For years, Whitney tried to “fix” her low desire by reading sex-advice books, which told her to be confident, wear lingerie, and keep saying yes to sex she didn’t want in order to activate the lusty goddess within. Her own experience with cultural hang-ups made Whitney sensitive to how they might affect clients, and led her to believe that if a client had, like her, absorbed a rigid view of sexuality, they might mistakenly think they were asexual, or “ace.”

Today, this attitude “is something I feel some guilt over,” Whitney says. “Looking back, many clients seemed pretty damn ace.” Whitney can recognize that now because she has realized something else: that she herself is on the ace spectrum.

Whitney reached out to me after reading my book and recognizing her experience in my descriptions of my own asexuality. That personal reckoning was accompanied by a professional one. It made her question whether being asexual was compatible with being a sex educator.

The American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists (AASECT), a certifying body, includes asexuality in its curriculum as part of a broad “core knowledge area” covering sexual orientation and gender identity, but trainees are not required to study asexuality aside from that overview. Several sex therapists and therapists-in-training interviewed for this article (both AASECT-certified and not) said they did not receive detailed information about asexuality in their training. “One of the reasons we don’t get super specific about exactly what people need to know is that the minute we pin that down, more research will enter the field and our definition will be outdated,” said Joli Hamilton, who helps AASECT determine its educational curriculum. “And, as you know, the wheels of systems grind slowly.”

Whitney, who educated herself in part by finding resources online, told me that most of the information she found about asexuality was clinical and confusing. It did not explain that asexuality exists on a spectrum, that some ace people want and enjoy sex for reasons unrelated to sexual attraction to any given person, and that asexuality and low desire overlap but are not the same.

Plus, plenty of people have low desire, and not all of them are asexual. In many relationships with a libido mismatch, the lower-desire partner believes that they are solely to blame. And feelings of being broken and “wrong” can be present even for those who don’t have a partner. When notions of health and normality require the desire to have sex, it can be hard to untangle cultural pressure from what is right for you.

Ruth, a civil servant in Ireland, was 28 when she decided to see a sex therapist. As she approached 30, she felt strong pressure from her family to marry and have children, but had never had a serious boyfriend. (Ruth requested that I use her first name only so she could speak candidly about sex therapy.)

Ruth had, in fact, fallen in love with a woman but felt no sexual attraction toward her, so she continued forcing herself to date men. “The reason I had pushed myself into situations with men, including one that was really unsafe, was because I was trying so desperately to flick the switch of straightness,” Ruth told me.

Her experience didn’t make sense, to others or to herself. Her sister joked that she had “Prince Charming syndrome” and was waiting for somebody perfect. Everyone around her knew what she should want, and Ruth tried to want that too. “I hoped that I could be fixed,” Ruth said. “I hoped that I’d somehow be able to feel the way you’re ‘supposed’ to feel. I was waiting for those feelings to come, for this magical experience when suddenly everything would fit into place.”

Her sex therapist asked Ruth whether she was attracted to, say, Brad Pitt, and Ruth said yes because she thought he was handsome. This kind of aesthetic attraction is different from sexual attraction, but Ruth hadn’t yet figured that out (and her therapist may not have known the difference). Ruth remembers that the therapist seemed very sure what she needed: to keep going on dates, putting herself out there, and to not be so shy. So Ruth took the advice and signed up for dating apps.

A few sessions later, Ruth ended the counseling relationship. Afterward, she kept to herself for about a year, both obsessing over the experience and trying to avoid thinking about it—until she happened to see an article about an asexual couple. The way they spoke about themselves resonated with her, and she wondered if she might be asexual as well. To test her theory, Ruth went on a date to observe what she felt. The date confirmed what she suspected. A couple of weeks later, she told a friend she was ace.

Discovering asexuality and the ace community came with feelings of relief and permission, and also sadness that the option had not been presented before. Ruth had only ever been told that she should find a way to want the “right thing.” What she was never told was this: Having sex is not inherently better than not having sex if someone doesn’t want it.

A question hangs in the background of these stories. It’s one that Martha Kauppi, a sex therapist and the founder of the Institute for Relational Intimacy, is frequently asked: How can I tell whether a client is asexual or whether something else—something that can be solved—is causing the disinterest?

Aces ask ourselves this, too, because of course a wide variety of factors can affect how sexual attraction and sexual desire are experienced. It can take a long time and a lot of self-knowledge to realize that the answer is often not cut-and-dried—that you can be anxious and also be asexual, that you can have OCD and also be asexual. That, as in Whitney’s case, you can have sexual shame from a conservative upbringing, work through that, and still be asexual. That experimenting and trying to raise your desire level are okay if you want to, but that you don’t have to keep trying just because others say you must. That experts can be wrong and you can be right.

It seems that many well-meaning therapists who learn about asexuality adopt a two-part framework: If someone is ace, leave them alone; if someone is not, encourage them to have more sex. In the end, this framework misses the forest for the trees. Whether disinterest in sex is because of asexuality or not actually doesn’t matter, because it’s not wrong. You can have a good life without sex. More important than categorizing clients is starting from a place where everyone is okay.

Kauppi’s approach is not to focus on cause, or to diagnose or label, or to tease out the asexuality/low-desire distinction. She instead works with the client to envision the many possibilities of a happy life, including a happy life without sexual desire or sexual attraction or sex at all. “I’m not going to just assume that you’d be a happier person if you wanted sex. That’s ridiculous,” Kauppi told me. The key is to figure out what clients truly want versus what they think they should want, and then keep digging. “Sometimes, people will say, ‘I wish sex were on my list but it’s not,’” Kauppi said, “and I would say, ‘Well, it’s interesting that you wish it were. I’m curious to know what that’s about.’”

Some people decide that they’re fine the way they are. Others decide that they do want to cultivate desire—the difference is that it no longer feels like something they must do in order to be “normal.” And accepting all levels of desire doesn’t mean ignoring the stresses that a desire discrepancy can cause in relationships. For couples, the purpose of sex therapy that doesn’t pathologize low desire isn’t to hide the conflict or to blame the higher-desire partner instead. It’s to acknowledge that two people will always have different wants but no one is at fault, and to see what compromise is possible from there.

Such an approach has made a big difference for Lisa, a library associate in Washington, D.C., (who uses she/they pronouns and requested that I use their first name only). Lisa says their sex therapist never tries to dispute their asexuality but does help them work on the challenges that can come with being ace: how to bring up asexuality with people they’re dating, how to become more comfortable with different kinds of touch that they do want, how to talk about consent in a helpful and intuitive way.

Although awareness has increased around asexuality as an orientation, discussions often lack depth or nuance. Furthermore, sexuality experts are still only beginning to challenge the broader idea that not wanting sex is a problem. “If I’m completely honest,” Ev’Yan Whitney told me, “in my work, I’ve never explicitly said or felt safe to claim that, actually, I experience sex in a different way. I do have low desire.” Playing into others’ perceptions felt necessary in order to be respected as a sex educator, even though Whitney felt frustrated by the tone of many sexuality events, which she describes as: “To masturbate, do this; to have a better orgasm, use this yoni egg, try this warming lube.”

Over time, Whitney developed a framework that prioritizes sensuality for its own sake (and not as a means to penetrative sex) and that focuses on the desire someone actually has, not what they are supposed to have. Though she feels guilty about not presenting asexuality as an option to past clients, she hopes she still helped them by moving them away from sex tips that were goal-oriented without questioning the value of the goal.

Now that Whitney knows herself better, she wants to be an example of a sex educator who advocates for a more expansive understanding of desire and connection. She’s excited to talk with other educators and with clients about being an ace person who does have sex, about having low desire and still feeling good in her body, and about not caring what “caused” her to be this way. “I kind of want to make people confused a little bit,” she says.

Sexuality is complicated, multifaceted, and often shifting. Activists and educators have shaped culture so that options beyond straight, monogamous, vanilla sex feel more acceptable. But true sexual freedom must both celebrate consensual sex for those who want it and avoid pathologizing those who are not interested. This means allowing people to experiment without making sexual attraction or desire a requirement for health or happiness or a good life. For sexuality experts, understanding and accepting lack of desire should be as worthwhile a project as cultivating desire. Nobody is frigid; nobody is broken.

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Pornography addiction is not real according to leading psychologists

— here’s when porn can be unhealthy

Porn addiction isn’t recognized by the American Psychological Association as a true “addiction.”

By Sanjana Gupta

  • Porn addiction is not a true “addiction” according to the American Psychological Association.
  • Social, cultural, and religious mores may lead some to view their pornography habits as addictive.
  • If watching porn disrupts or negatively impacts your daily life or relationships, seek therapy.

Viewing erotic content like porn and pornographic images is on the rise. In 2019, alone, one of the world’s leading porn sites, PornHub, received on average 115 million visits per day.

All that free, readily-accessible on screen erotic content has got some folks thinking they’re addicted to it. But is porn addiction real?

Is pornography addictive?

Pornography addiction is not recognized by the American Psychological Association (APA) as a mental health problem or disorder, like drug or alcohol addiction.

Moreover, according to the DSM-5 (Manual of Mental Disorders — the world’s authoritative guide on psychological disorders) pornography and sex addictions are not a psychological disorder. Some disorders the DSM-5 does recognize are addictions to gambling, alcohol, drugs, and most recently, online gaming.

The reason for this comes down to neurochemistry. While watching porn may activate similar pleasure circuits in the brain as, say, alcohol or heroine, most experts agree that doesn’t mean you can become addicted to watching porn in the same way.

That’s because addiction to substances, for example, not only activates your brain’s pleasure circuits, it actually changes your brain chemistry so that you can no longer release feel-good chemicals like dopamine as effectively without the help of the drug you’re addicted to.

And as far as researchers can tell, this is not the case for porn addiction. So what’s going on instead? The more likely scenario is that porn addiction is more closely related to a type of compulsive, obsessive, or habitual behavior than substance abuse or addiction.

In fact, people develop compulsive, obsessive, and habitual connections to many things in their lives, especially if those things alleviate anxiety or fulfill a sense of longing or loneliness.

There’s also the fact of the matter that — much like the rest of sexuality — enjoying erotic content is often done in secret and without context. In fact, most of the US has no or purposefully incorrect sexuality education — especially for young adults. This creates an environment for folks to misunderstand the erotic entertainment they are enjoying.

Therefore, what people refer to as porn addiction is essentially a conflict of values that’s leading you to think you’re addicted, says Nicole Prause, PhD, a neuroscientist who researches sexual psychophysiology and is a practicing psychologist at Happier Living.

For instance, a large 2020 study published by the APA found that people’s cultural, moral, or religious beliefs may lead them to believe they are addicted to pornography, even if they don’t actually watch a lot of porn.

“If you think you are struggling with pornography, it is most likely that you are actually struggling with a conflict of your own personal values around your sexual behaviors, and not really the porn itself,” says Prause.

How much porn is too much?

At what point does your pleasure from watching porn become problematic? There’s no clear answer to this because it varies from person-to-person, which makes it extremely difficult for researchers to know where to draw the line.

Moreover, Prause says people who struggle with their pornography viewing almost always have an underlying disorder — most commonly depression — that requires treatment.

“By promoting ‘pornography addiction,’ research-backed treatments are delayed while people continue to suffer,” says Prause.

Overall, what sex therapists see most often is a lack of other social and sexual connections and difficulties accessing other coping mechanisms.

How to stop watching porn, if you think you’re watching too much

If you feel like you’re watching too much, or if you’re neglecting your work, relationships, or responsibilities to watch porn, you can take steps to remedy this:

  • Understand the impact on your life: Be honest with yourself about how viewing pornography is affecting your life and address any negative consequences it is causing. If porn is affecting your relationship with your partner, having an open conversation about what you need more of in the relationship can help.
  • Sit with your fears about reducing your intake: The thought of watching less porn may pose a challenge because there is probably a reason — whether it’s an underlying medical condition or it’s the only time you grant yourself permission to experience physical pleasure — why you’re choosing to watch porn. Recognizing this reason and admitting why you’re scared to watch less porn can be an important step in the healing process.
  • Formulate an action plan: Make a plan to help you break out of old patterns and fill your life with more activities. This can include focusing more on other activities that give you pleasure such as hobbies, sports, and friendships.
  • Seek therapy: Seek help from a qualified sex therapist therapist or counselor. You can find one via the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors, and Therapists. According to Prause, there is a research-backed form of therapy that can help if your porn habit is inconsistent with your values. Known as Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), it involves helping you identify your values and live in a more meaningful manner that is consistent with your belief system.
  • Get screened for other mental health conditions: You should consider getting screened for other mental health conditions, like depression, so that you can get treatment if required. Extreme anger, frustration, or sadness, excessive worry or fear, or obsessive thoughts or behaviors are some signs that you may have a mental health condition. Organizations like Mental Health America provide screenings and diagnosis based on symptoms.

Insider’s takeaway

Researchers are divided on whether watching excessive amounts of porn is a psychological disorder, a product of repressive views about sexuality, or a manifestation of another mental health condition.

Watching porn, masturbating, and exploring your sexuality can in fact be beneficial to your sex life.

“Women report overwhelmingly positive effects from viewing pornography, primarily as a method of increasing their sexual drive for a partner or experiencing sexual pleasure. When couples view pornography together they tend to report a more satisfying sex life,” says Prause.

Nevertheless, if you feel like you’re watching too much porn, you should seek help from a qualified professional.

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How ‘sex addiction’ has historically been used to absolve white men

“It is often used as an excuse to pathologize misogyny.”

By Kimmy Yam

While authorities said Atlanta-area spa shooting suspect Robert Aaron Long, 21, told investigators he was motivated by “sexual addiction” and claimed he had no racial motivation, health specialists say the explanation falls short.

Capt. Jay Baker, a spokesman for the Cherokee County Sheriff’s Office, said Long — who is accused of killing eight people, six of them Asian women — indicated that the spas were “a temptation for him that he wanted to eliminate.” However, experts say such rationale has been used before in attempts to exonerate white men. The explanation also discounts racial dynamics and can “cause harm” in the way the public understands these issues.

White men have traditionally been given a pass when they say it — and have the privilege of overlooking how race is a factor, experts say.

“Historically, the term ‘sex addiction’ has been used by white males to absolve themselves from personal and legal responsibility for their behaviors,” Apryl Alexander, associate professor in the Graduate School of Professional Psychology at the University of Denver, told NBC Asian America. “It is often used as an excuse to pathologize misogyny.”

The defense of sex addiction itself, Alexander said, is a highly controversial one as those in the fields of psychology, psychiatry and sex research continue to debate whether to formally recognize it. Currently, the idea that sex addiction is a disorder is not supported by research, nor is it accepted as a clinical diagnosis, she said.

“A lot of individuals who are doing this kind of self-reports of sexual addiction are having normative sexual behaviors and urges, but they might be excessive. Or for a lot of people, it’s rooted in shame that ‘I’m having these attractions and emotional desires that are normal, but I don’t recognize them as normal,’” Alexander said.

Though the American Psychiatric Association added the concept of sexual addiction to its Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders in 1987, it later retracted the term and has since rejected the addition of the idea to its later editions including the DSM–5, which is widely seen as the definitive resource on mental disorders, on the basis of a lack of supporting evidence.

Alexander said this sexual behavior doesn’t affect the brain in the same ways other addictions, including substance use and gambling behavior, do, either, calling the characterization of Long’s behavior “concerning.”

The self-identification of sex addiction, she said, is often seen in individuals who are raised in conservative and religious environments, “where there’s a high level of moral disapproval of their natural kind of sexual urges and desires.” Many of these populations are overwhelmingly white.

In examining acts of gender-based violence, Alexander said such attacks often occur at the intersection of misogyny, racism, xenophobia and homophobia. She emphasized that contrary to what Long told police, such violence “doesn’t just occur in isolation.”

Richelle Concepcion, president of the Asian American Psychological Association, said accepting the suspect’s rationale in this case erases several colliding dynamics of class, immigration status and gender that impact the communities most at risk for physical and sexual violence.

“Quite frankly, it’s really difficult to attribute the atrocious behaviors to an addiction, especially when you look at the demographics of a majority of those who were murdered,” she said. “Race and gender do play a role in this.”

“It’s really unfair to take his word as there is intersectionality that exists pertaining to the lives taken, especially when one considers that the suspect claims to have gone to these businesses with the intention of eliminating the threat of temptation,” Concepcion added.

Still, sex addiction is a common defense invoked by white men in power.

After a number of allegations emerged last year from multiple women, including several who were underage at the time, accusing comedian Chris D’Elia of requesting sexual favors, he responded with a video in February saying, “Sex, it controlled my life.” He added, “I had a problem, and I do have a problem.”

Harvey Weinstein similarly claimed in a 2017 video that he wasn’t “doing OK” and “I’ve got to get help” after numerous accusations of sexual harassment and rape. In a statement provided to NBC News, his brother, Bob Weinstein, described him as “obviously a very sick man.”

And former congressman Anthony Weiner in 2017 broke down in front of a judge after being sentenced to 21 months in prison for sexting an underage girl. Weiner, who called himself a “very sick man for a very long time,” had aimed to avoid jail time after the judge acknowledged that he had sought and received treatment for the behavior.

But controversies don’t end at the diagnosis itself, and treatments have been criticized for insufficiently addressing the role of misogyny in sexual behavior. Ideas, including society’s hypersexualization of Asian women, Alexander said, often go unexamined.

“They often don’t talk about these hypermasculine attitudes or misogynistic messages that individuals are getting, whether that’s from pornography or society at large,” Alexander said. “A lot of these so-called treatment programs often reinforce gender stereotypes. They talk about things like ‘Women are tempting you,’ ‘Women in pornography are trying to seduce you, and that’s why you need to avoid’ instead of talking about your own kind of personal attitudes and behaviors that cause you to marginalize women.”

Such framing of women as “temptresses,” particularly in reference to Asian women, in part shifts the onus from perpetrator to victim, Concepcion said. It plays into a stereotype of women as manipulative dragon ladies, fueling dangerous perceptions that make them uniquely vulnerable to violence. She explained that there’s a tendency to attribute the reasoning behind violence and murderous acts to others’ malicious intent, creating the perception that these victims who were killed intentionally provoked the perpetrator to violence.

“There have been examinations recently of television shows and even movies from years ago that depicted Asian women as temptresses, which appear to prove these stereotypes of Asian women as fact,” she said.

Alexander said larger toxic societal issues need to be unpacked in this context of treatment, in addition to other experiences that may have contributed to such behaviors.

“Those are the things that need to be addressed as underlying issues in this constellation of things that may have led to maybe sexual preoccupation,” she said. “The sexual compulsions or preoccupations are often associated with other types of underlying psychological issues, unmet emotional needs, childhood trauma or, again, power and control dynamics that contribute to oppression.”

But experts stressed that even when people exhibit attitudes that are indicative of oppression and marginalization of others, that does not often lead to committing an act of mass violence. Contrary to prevailing stereotypes, statistics show that roughly 3 percent to 5 percent of violent acts can be attributed to people who have a serious mental illness. In reality, individuals confronting mental health issues are more than 10 times more likely to be victims of violent crime compared to the general population.

For people dealing with sexual preoccupation that may be causing them distress, experts recommend help and support that approach the issue with positivity. Treatments that are shame-based are never effective, Alexander said, and mitigating feelings of shame comes with comprehensive sex education. Sexuality is marginalized so frequently in culture and it’s not uncommon that people harbor difficult emotions around the subject, unsure of how to wrestle with it, she said.

“A lot of our sex education is rooted in shame and stigma, that we don’t talk about normative sexuality and how to work through that — that maybe your urges are natural,” she said.

With the resources available to help people living with mental illnesses, Concepcion said it’s never acceptable to chalk this violent behavior up to having a “bad day.”

“Many of us have bad days and yet a majority of us focus on other forms of coping to alleviate the impact of said days,” she said. “It is never justified to take lives or engage in acts of violence when we ourselves have experienced less than ideal days.”

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6 myths about male orgasms

By Julia Naftulin

  • Sexual stereotypes often lead people to question whether their sexual experiences are normal or not.
  • Myths that suggest penis size matters for sexual pleasure, blue balls can cause long-term problems, and men have to ejaculate to experience pleasure abound, but they’re scientifically inaccurate.

When it comes to sex and sexual experiences, no two are the same.

But stereotypes may cause you to believe blanket statements about sexual health and what’s “normal.”

People with penises, for example, may think their penis size affects how good they are in the bedroom, or that premature ejaculation is incurable, when neither is true.

To debunk pervasive penis and orgasm myths, Insider spoke with sexual health experts.

Myth: Penis size affects sexual satisfaction

The idea that a bigger penis is always better one has long-existed, but Brahmbatt told Insider the length and girth of a person’s member isn’t a direct reflection of how sexually satisfied they or their partner will be.

“Most guys are fine in terms of size and girth. But when they size themselves up against the adult film industry they may start having insecurities,” Dr. Jamin Brahmbhatt, a urologist in Orlando, Florida, told Insider.

When a patient tells Brahmbatt penis size is a concern for them, he reminds them the average penis is 3.5 inches long when flaccid and 5.1 inches when erect.

He also said a normally healthy person, whether they fall above or below the average, shouldn’t experience lack of sexual satisfaction due to size alone. 

Myth: ‘Blue balls’ can be deadly

It’s certainly scary to see your testicles turn blue and to feel pain and discomfort in your penis.

But those sensations, which are often indicative of the condition epididymal hypertension, or “blue balls,” aren’t life-threatening or a risk for permanent damage.

Epididymal hypertension occurs when a person has “excess blood remaining in the testicles from a wave of erections not followed by ejaculation,” according to Brahmbatt.

Normally, when a man gets aroused, blood flows to the penis and testicles, and causes an erection. If the man ejaculates, the blood returns to a normal level. But if he doesn’t, blue balls can occur instead.

Brahmbatt said there’s no “cure” for blue balls. 

“Anecdotally, the quickest way to recovery appears to be ejaculation. Other ways discussed in forums include ice packs, avoiding erections, [and] exercise of some sort,” he said.

In some cases, symptoms of a more serious problem could be confused with blue balls, so its important to see a doctor if it doesn’t go away, Brahmbatt said.

Myth: Men never fake orgasms

When men reach climax, the tell-tale sign is ejaculation.

But Brahmbatt said that doesn’t exempt men from faking orgasms.

“Men can fake the sights and sounds of an orgasm. The only problem is there may be not visible ejaculate. They could, at that time, just blame it on a medication or medical problem,” Brahmbatt said.

Myth: Men can’t have more than one orgasm at a time

Some women can have consecutive orgasms during sex without any downtime. But since the majority of men ejaculate during climax, they’re less likely to experience more than one orgasm in a single sex session.

But that doesn’t mean it’s impossible, according to Kinsey Institute sex researcher Justin Lehmiller.

The reason men typically only have one orgasm is the refractory period, or time it takes after ejaculating for the penis to become erect again.

“The length of this period is highly variable across men, but could be just a few minutes in a younger guy compared to hours (or maybe even days) in older guys,” Lehmiller wrote on his website where he shares his research findings.

But some men can orgasm without ejaculating, so for them, it’s possible to have more than one orgasm in a row since the refractory period is taken out of the equation.

In fact, a 1989 study looked at 21 men who were able to have consecutive orgasms without a refractory period.

Myth: Premature ejaculation is incurable

Premature ejaculation, or ejaculating before you or your partner would like during sex, is a common problem among men.

As Insider previously reported, 1 in 3 men have experienced premature ejaculation at some point in their lives. But it can be fixed with the help of topicals, condoms, and medications.

According to Dr. Seth Cohen, a urologist at NYU Langone Health, penis sprays and condoms from Promescent and Roman contain ingredients that temporarily desensitize the penis to prevent early onset ejaculation.

Cohen said SSRIs like Prozac, which are commonly used to treat depression, may be used off-label to delay ejaculation. These medications essentially tell your penis to hold out a bit longer.

You could also try using as-needed erectile dysfunction medications like Viagra or Cialis off-label, according to Cohen.

Myth: Men must ejaculate to be satisfied or to experience sexual pleasure

According to Brahmbatt, the need to ejaculate during sex comes down to personal preference.

“I have met men that are satisfied without having the classic signs of sex/ejaculation,” he said.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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Sexist attitudes towards sex are cheating women of orgasms – and worse

The myth that women just ‘go along’ with sex denies their right to pleasure and makes it harder to convict men who rape

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We may like to think we’re quite sexually free and equal these days, but an End Violence Against Women Coalition/YouGov survey of nearly 4,000 adults finds that two-fifths of people think men want sex more than women do. And between a third of and half of us think it is more likely that in heterosexual couples men will initiate and orgasm during sex, and decide when sex is finished, than women. In contrast, women are believed to be much more likely to refuse sex and to “go along with sex to keep their partner happy”.

This shows the persistence of the idea that sex is more “for” men than it is for women. The female climax is talked about in terms of being elusive, and yet the fact that this “orgasm gap” exists solely in heterosexual sex speaks to a lack of understanding, effort and mutuality, because lesbians are not having this problem. It’s a product of setting up the male orgasm, usually achieved through penile penetration, as the centrepiece of sex.

It is a sad state of affairs that there is a lower expectation that women will experience pleasure or climax during sex, and that this is accepted as to be expected, or “normal”. It’s self-perpetuating, because if women believe that “going along” with sex is a common female experience, they may be less likely to articulate and explore their needs and wants in early sexual relationships or when older. They may also feel pressure not to express discomfort or pain. And when sex is only one part of a long-term relationship, alongside persistent inequality around work, chores, caring and other people’s gendered expectations, plain talking and yet another plea for fairness might be just one battle too many.

Sexual inequality matters enormously, in and of itself, because women should be able to expect and enjoy sexual relationships that are based on mutual pleasure and equality. This shouldn’t need contesting or sound radical any more but apparently it does.

But there’s even more than this at stake. The sexist ideas about sex that we identified can also be a basis for some men developing a sense of greater entitlement to sex, as well as the excusing or minimising of men pestering or pushing women for sex. If you combine these ideas that men want and need sex more, and that women are just less motivated and more likely to refuse, you end up with a toxic status for women as the “gatekeepers” of sex, where it is a woman’s role to manage sexual interactions and access to her body.

If women are “gatekeepers” of whether sex takes place, then it is women who carry all the responsibility for every single sexual interaction they have. And this means that women are also seen as responsible if their boundaries are broken and they experience sexual violence. And it will be principally her who is investigated to ascertain whether a rape took place if she alleges it. The man’s behaviour apparently does not need close examination. It is assumed he will have been up for and will have pushed for sex – only 1% of people think men ever refuse sex, and 2% think men “go along with” sex. This can then lead to the rhetoric of sexual violence being set up as an unfortunate failure to properly gatekeep, a regret, just a big misunderstanding. These are powerful myths that have malign consequences. However, if we thought about sex differently, based on equality, these would be less likely.

This entrenched sexism about sex matters when we consider what is going wrong in a society that is utterly failing to deter, reduce and prevent rape. These ideas are part of why reported rape prosecutions fail, as police and prosecutors decide they can’t build a case if they think a jury will see a woman who “failed to gatekeep” before they see a man who knew he was crossing the line.

This is why we are calling for more, accelerated and frank conversations about actual sexual practice. We need men to recognise their responsibility and accept accountability both for sexism and for good sex. We need to put an end to the notion that sex is something done “to” women, and to reach a place where enthusiastic, mutual consent, equality and pleasure in sexual relationships is the norm.

Sex will be so much better when it’s more equal.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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Women as likely to be turned on by sexual images as men – study

Neural analysis finds the brains of both sexes respond the same way to pornography

The research casts doubt on the idea men are more ‘visual creatures’, a common explanation as to why they are keener on pornography.

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The belief that men are more likely to get turned on by sexual images than women may be something of a fantasy, according to a study suggesting brains respond to such images the same way regardless of biological sex.

The idea that, when it comes to sex, men are more “visual creatures” than women has often been used to explain why men appear to be so much keener on pornography.

But the study casts doubt on the notion.

“We are challenging that idea with this paper,” said Hamid Noori, co-author of the research from the Max Planck Institute for Biological Cybernetics in Germany. “At least at the level of neural activity … the brains of men and women respond the same way to porn.”

Writing in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, Noori and his colleagues report how they came to their conclusions by analysing the results of 61 published studies involving adults of different biological sex and sexual orientation. The subjects were shown everyday images of people as well as erotic images while they lay inside a brain-scanning machine. Noori said all participants rated the sexual images as arousing before being scanned.

Previously studies based on self-reporting have suggested men are more aroused by images than women, and it has been proposed that these differences could be down to the way the brain processes the stimuli – but studies have returned different results.

Now, looking at the whole body of research, Noori and his colleagues say they have found little sign of functional differences. For both biological sexes, a change in activity was seen in the same brain regions including the amygdala, insula and striatum when sexual images were shown.

“A lot of these regions are associated also with emotional information processing and part of it is also connected to the reward processing circuitry,” said Noori.

However, activity was more widespread in the case of explicit pictures than video, and there were some small differences in the regions activated linked to sexual orientation.

The team also analysed more than 30 published studies to explore whether there were differences between the biological sexes in the volume of grey matter in the insula and anterior cingulate – a previous study had suggested this may be linked to levels of sexual arousal. However, the vast majority of the studies considered did not find any difference in the volume of grey matter in such regions between the sexes. The few that did suggested women have a greater volume of grey matter in these regions than men.

The authors say differences in the way the brains of men and women respond to erotic images may have been overstated, with previous research possibly affected by small sample sizes or different attitudes to the material among participants.

But questions remain. The latest study was not able to look at whether the magnitude of the changes of brain activity were the same for both biological sexes.

What’s more, there could be other, social, reasons that one sex might be more likely to seek out pornography, or to report doing so. “Female sexuality has quite a lot of stigma around it,” said Noori, suggesting it may not be that women do not like pornography or are not as visual as men.

“Maybe the main reason is that for the woman there are secondary inhibitory effects that keep them away from expressing what they really feel,” he said. “At least at this moment, our study indicates that men and women are not that much different.”

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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5 Questions Adults Still Ask About Sex

By Gigi Engle

As an educator who writes and teaches about sexuality, sometimes I still get questions from readers and clients that surprise me.

The most shocking thing isn’t the slew of downright strange questions (of which there are many) but the fact that most of the questions that find their way into my inbox and practice are very common sex questions that I assume most adults know by now. Will a vibrator damage my clitoris? How do I make my partner stop watching porn? Does penis size matter? Is an uncircumcised penis normal? There is no end.

For an educator, it can be frustrating. I put so much information out there only to have the same questions asked again and again.

While it can be maddening, it highlights how deeply sexual shame is ingrained in our minds and culture. People have the information at their fingertips, right there on the internet, but it still doesn’t land.

The fact that these questions are still being asked isn’t the fault of the people asking them. In fact, I’m sure you’ll read some of the examples below and realize you yourself don’t know the answer to at least one. This lack of knowledge into the most basic of sex questions says much less about the people asking them and much more about the state of sex ed. We’re doing ourselves a great disservice as a country by making comprehensive sex ed impossible to access. It’s not your fault you’re confused; it’s our culture’s fault.

With that being said, here are five of the most surprising questions adults still ask me about sex:

1. How do I know what I like in bed? I don’t think I’ve ever had an orgasm.

The short answer: Masturbate. So many of us have this intense fear of self-pleasure, as if touching ourselves could make us dirty, slutty, or unworthy of love. (Note: There is nothing wrong with being a slut, FYI.)

These deep-seated puritanical views of sexuality are extremely pervasive and among the main reasons people don’t enjoy sex. While it spans across genders, this is true for female-bodied people, especially. The clitoris is so key to experiencing pleasure and orgasm. If you’ve never touched your own body, you’re going to have a lot of problems communicating your desires to a partner.

Explore your body. See what feels good for you. You can do this in bed, in the bathtub with a showerhead, using a hand or a vibrator—whatever works for you. Finding out how to bring yourself pleasure is the key to unlocking your sexuality.

2. Why don’t I get wet enough during sex?

This is a question that I get regularly. In these instances, “sex” refers to intercourse. People with vaginas want to know why they need to use lube (or spit, yikes), why intercourse doesn’t feel good or is painful, and why they aren’t having orgasms during sex.

The answer? Because intercourse just doesn’t produce orgasms for most vulva-owning people.

The vaginal canal has very few touch-sensitive nerve endings. The key to female orgasm is the clitoris. While the internal clitoris expands deep into the body, the clitoral glans (the bud at the top of the vulva) is where most of the nerve endings are clustered.

Most of us require clitoral stimulation with adequate foreplay in order to become aroused enough to have intercourse. When the clitoral network is engaged, the clitoris and vulva swell while the vagina lubricates itself. Without this foreplay, sexual intercourse can be uncomfortable or even painful.

“Foreplay” itself is a misnomer, as it places all of the importance on intercourse, when intercourse isn’t even a prerequisite for sexual satisfaction.

Additionally, it doesn’t matter how wet you get. You should really always be using lube. Lube helps with friction, comfort, and even aids you to have more orgasms. (Here’s mbg’s guide to picking the right lube.)

3. Why can I orgasm with my vibrator but not during sex?

This question often goes hand-in-hand with queries such as: Is it normal to prefer masturbation to intercourse? And: Can I get addicted to my vibrator?

Vibrators were designed to bring clit-owning people to orgasm. They offer intense sensation that can give you pleasure like nothing you may have experienced before. With that being said, there is absolutely no scientific evidence that you can become addicted to vibration. 

We have to stop thinking of orgasms as a finite resource. We need to open ourselves to experiencing and embracing our full potential for pleasure. You may “need” a vibrator to experience an orgasm, and you know what? That’s totally OK. Some clit-owning people need more intense stimulation to have orgasms.

As I’ve mentioned, intercourse very rarely stimulates the clitoris, the key player in female orgasm. It’s not surprising that you’d prefer a vibrator or oral sex. You’re not weird or broken. You’re a normal sexual being. I promise.

4. If I want to try butt play; will it make me gay?

The “will putting something up my butt make me gay” question is extremely popular among cis men. It seems like no matter how many times I write about the joys of prostate play, this question appears in my email a few times a year.

Here is the truth: No, putting something in your butt will not make you gay. If you put something in your butt and then decide that you are into men now, well, it wasn’t because you put anything in your butt.

If you’re gay, you’re born gay. No amount of butt play is going to “make you” anything.

That being said, butt play is accessible for any and all people, regardless of gender. The first few inches of the anus are packed with nerve-rich tissue. Male-bodied people have a prostate, a walnut-size gland located a few inches inside of the butt. When stimulated, it can offer intense and pleasurable sensation.

If you’re interested in butt play, there is no reason you shouldn’t explore it!

5. What do I do about mismatched libidos?

This question, while very common, has no easy answer. The most important thing we can do about mismatched libidos is to communicate with one another. This is a difficult feat for most couples. Talking about sexual issues or concerns is not something we’re taught how to do.

With strict gender roles set in place by society, it is easy for people to become defensive when their partner raises concerns about sex drive. If you’re a man who doesn’t want sex as much as your partner, it’s considered “unmanly.” If you’re a woman who wants more sex than her male partner, you must be some kind of harlot or crazed sex demon.

Yet, these stereotypes are not at all true. Women, men, queer folks, and beyond all have differing libidos that have nothing to do with gender or sex. To get around differences in libido, we need to talk about it with our partners to find workable solutions. The person with the higher libido often caters to the person who has the lower libido, stifling themselves because they’re sick of being “turned down” for sex. This is not good. Both people are responsible for the sex in a partnership. Everyone deserves to feel satisfied and sexually fulfilled.

Sex is part of relationships. You are in a partnership, and both people need to be willing to compromise to keep the relationship healthy. If we knew how to talk about sex, we’d be able to have these conversations much more freely and without fear of judgment.

If you’re dealing with mismatched libidos, working on more effectively communicating about it is step one.

We need to talk more about sex. 

If we want people to stop floundering on the topic of sex, we need to talk about sex. If we had pleasure-based sexual education in schools, young people would go into the world much more equipped to deal with relationships and communication around sex.

If you’re interested in getting more sex ed in your life, check out Planned Parenthood’s website for starters. They have super-informative up-to-date information on sexual health and wellness. They even have super-digestible short sex-ed videos. Inform yourself. We all have to.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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Sex myths create danger and confusion

By Elizabeth Thiel

[S]tigmas around discussing sexual behavior often prevent vital information from being shared accurately, if at all. With all of the rumors and myths floating around about sexual health, trusting these myths can be misleading at best, and dangerous at worst.

Terms like “always” and “normal” can be particularly misleading when discussing sexual health and behavior. Because everyone’s body is different and everyone’s sexual experiences will be personal, no two people’s “normal” is exactly alike. Normal, healthy and common are not all the same thing. There are very few sex facts that are black-and-white. Some rules, however, are pretty universal. Some common sexual misconceptions deserve to be addressed openly and debunked once and for all.

Is using multiple condoms at once more effective?

Not at all. In fact, using more than one condom increases chances of them breaking. Because of the amount of friction during sex, two condoms will rub against each other and wear each other down. Doubling up on the same type of condom is inadvisable, just as using a male condom and female condom at the same time increases the chance of them both failing.

Are all condoms the same?

No, there are multiple options for condoms to fit various needs. In addition to different sizes, condoms are made of different materials. The most common is latex, but various plastics and animal skin options are also available. It is important to note that while all types of condoms prevent pregnancy when used correctly, animal skin condoms do not protect against STDs.

Is lube actually important?

Not only can lube be a vital tool for having comfortable sex, but it can also make sex safer. Because lube eases friction, it can significantly reduce the chances of irritation. It also helps prevent small cuts that increase chances of transmitting STDs between partners. However, the ingredients in some lubricants may not be compatible with the materials in the condoms. Oil-based lube makes latex condoms more likely to tear. Always check the label before using it.

Can you use saliva as lubricant during sex/masturbation?

While the consistency of saliva is similar to many personal lubricants on the market, it isn’t an ideal option. The bacteria that live in the mouth may irritate delicate genital skin. Not to mention residual compounds in the mouth from food or toothpaste may throw off the chemistry or, in some extreme cases, cause infections. Lube is specially formulated to be used on genitals, whereas saliva is not.

Is bleeding supposed to happen during the first instance of penetrative sex?

The vagina is never supposed to bleed. While the hymen, a thin and stretchy membrane that partially covers the vaginal opening, is often expected to tear during intercourse, it certainly isn’t required. Many people never notice their hymens during intercourse.

Some bleeding can also occur from small cuts in the genital skin due to intense, repeated friction. Blood and pain are not guaranteed, nor are they necessary, during a first sexual experience. If aroused, comfortable and protected, someone’s first sexual activity doesn’t have to be less enjoyable than future instances.

Are hymens indicative of virginity?

No! A hymen can tear or stretch in a multitude of ways over someone’s lifetime. Using tampons, athletic activities and penetrative masturbation are common ways of stretching the hymen. While sexual activity can stretch a hymen, it is not the only way it happens. The presence or absence of a hymen is not an accurate representation of someone’s sexual behavior.

Are condoms still necessary for safe anal sex?

Unprotected anal penetration isn’t any safer than unprotected vaginal penetration in terms of STD prevention. Anal sex, particularly unlubricated, comes with increased risks of certain STDs because the likelihood of exchanging bodily fluids is higher. It also doesn’t completely eliminate the possibility of conceiving for male-female partners, due to unintended fluid exchange. However, condoms with spermicidal lubricants should not be used during anal sex.

Is oral sex always a safe alternative? 

Not at all. The mouth and throat are highly sensitive areas and are susceptible to many STDs that also infect genital skin.

Is it possible to get pregnant during your period?

Ironic as it may seem, menstruating doesn’t completely prevent pregnancy. It’s less common, and it depends on the details of an individual’s menstrual cycle. Sperm can survive around three to five days in the body, on average. For those with shorter cycles, ovulation may occur soon enough after menstruation for pregnancy to occur after unprotected sex, even during their periods.

Should women all be able to orgasm from vaginal sex?

No, in fact the majority of women do not orgasm exclusively from penetrative sex. Planned Parenthood reports that up to 80 percent of women do not orgasm without the aid of manual or oral stimulation.

Does drinking pineapple juice improve the taste of oral sex?

It’s true that diet has a direct effect on the taste and odor of genitals, both in men and women. However, the effects aren’t immediate or direct enough to be influenced by a glass of pineapple juice. A balanced diet and adequate hydration does more than drinking any amount of juice before oral sex.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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What a leather convention can teach everyone about sex and consent

I don’t think I’d ever realized just how “vanilla” I was, and how little I understood about all of the ways you can engage in fun, healthy, consensual, adventurous sex.

By Garrett Schlichte

“Hotel is closed for private event” read the signs affixed to the front of the Hyatt Regency on Capitol Hill last weekend. A steady stream of people, mostly men, many in leather harnesses, some in collars and on leashes, and some simply in jeans and sweaters, walked in and out in an almost continuous stream.

Mid-Atlantic Leather (MAL), now in its 48th year, is a three-day long celebration of the leather community, a subculture that celebrates various sexual kinks, many centered around leather and toys. Bears, daddies, pups and others identifying with various subsets roam the Hyatt Regency, participating in conference-like demonstrations about suspension (BDSM where you’re bound and hung) and electro (BDSM involving electric shocks), buying handcrafted leather goods and sex toys, and, of course, partying. (Actual sex was not part of the convention but no doubt took place in private.) It’s a predominantly LGBTQ centric space, although look closely enough and you’re sure to find people on every part of the gender and sexuality spectrum.

My first MAL was in the winter of 2016. I’d just gone through a breakup and my friend had suggested that perhaps it would be good for me to explore life beyond my comfort zone. “Just get ready,” he’d said, “it may be more than your little vanilla heart can handle.” And he wasn’t entirely wrong. It wasn’t that I couldn’t handle it, but I don’t think I’d ever realized just how “vanilla” I was, and how little I understood about all of the ways you can engage in fun, healthy, consensual, adventurous sex.

That first year I met Adam, a dentist in town from Texas just for MAL. “You look like you could use a drink,” he said back in a hotel room he was sharing with a friend of mine.

“Do I look that out of place?” I asked. I’d put on a leather jacket to try to blend in.

“Not out of place,” he said, “just kind of shocked.”

And shocked I was. Not necessarily at anything that was going on at the hotel that night, but more so at the fact that for the better part of my life I’d allowed myself to believe that this kind of sexual openness was only available to a certain kind of person.

“Where I grew up, there wasn’t really anything like this,” said Anthony, a 30-year-old living in Arlington, Va., who grew up in Portsmouth. (The sources for this story preferred that only first names be used, for privacy reasons). “There was no kink culture, and I really wanted to explore it. Everyone here was super welcoming, and that’s why I keep coming back.”

This was a common sentiment. “It’s a different part of the gay family,” said Garret, 28, who lives in Washington. “We all have different interests … and if nobody else respects that, come to MAL because they do here.”

Respect, as it turns out, is a dominating theme throughout the course of the weekend. You might expect that when many attendees are walking around in only a jockstrap and a harness, but it is pleasantly surprising to see how strictly they adhere to that principle. In the era of #MeToo, when more and more queer folks are being vocal about the role consent plays in queer spaces, perhaps the leather and kink communities have something to teach the general public about active and enthusiastic consent.

Ask for permission before petting. Hold out your hand and let the pup come to you first. If the pup doesn’t, or turns or growls, let them be as they may not want to or have permission. This is rule No. 5 as listed on the board outside the 10th anniversary mosh at the MAL Puppy Park, a yearly tradition in which individuals who participate in pup play — a BDSM role-play wherein one participant acts as the “pup” and one as the handler — have an opportunity to interact with other pups. Other rules include: Nudity is not permitted in public spaces, genitals cannot be exposed and DO NOT pull on a pup’s tail or collar. It can cause injury and is disrespectful. Change some of the verbiage and perhaps these would be appropriate guidelines to post at the Academy Awards.

“It’s where I met my current roommate,” said Allyn, a 31-year-old originally from Wisconsin who now lives in Washington, of his first MAL experience. “It was exhilarating. I’d never seen anything like it. It make me feel brave and nervous at the same time.” He didn’t speak to his would-be roommate the first night they met, however. “I mean, I had a ball gag in at the time,” he recounted.

Zack, 23, from Baltimore, also used the world “exhilarating” when describing his first MAL experience. “I got chills coming down the escalator into the lobby of the hotel,” he said. “It’s the closest thing to Folsom I’ve ever been too,” a reference to the San Francisco street fair that’s the world’s largest leather celebration.

Everyone I spoke to talked about descending that escalator on the evening of the opening party. It is truly a complete sensory experience. The sight, sound and smell of wall-to-wall leather and latex on every kind of body, not just seen but celebrated and appreciated.

While I was talking to Garret about the weekend, someone he appeared to know approached him, whispered something in his ear and, after he nodded yes, lifted Garret’s arm and began to sniff his armpit. Garret continued to answer my questions without pause. “There may be something over here that’s not your thing, but then you’ll look over there and see something going on that you’re totally into,” he explained “Don’t be shy, don’t judge other people for something you don’t understand. And above all, come and have a good time. No one is here to be spectacled. It can be a learning and cultural experience.” The sniffer had moved on to his other armpit by the time he finished talking.

Although I have yet to be brave enough to buy and wear a harness to MAL myself, each year I attend I move closer toward that goal. At the very least, the event has highlighted for me the fact that there is an exciting world beyond the “vanilla” one I’d relegated myself to — and has given me a better understanding of the queer community as a whole. At one point, in the leather market, a man who had recently undergone top surgery was trying on a new harness next to a group of folks signing to one another, while feet away a $1,400 bejeweled pup hood was on sale. Only at MAL.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!