Curious about trying tantric sex?

— Here’s everything you need to know

The key to sex and intimacy like you’ve never known it before.

By Nina Miyashita

In a world where we’re constantly bombarded by sex—how to have it, how often you should have it, what it should feel like—it’s easy to get overwhelmed. Regardless of if you’re in a long term relationship or you’re single and dating around, far too often, we can easily become disconnected from sex, in more ways than one. So if you find yourself disassociating from the practice, physically or mentally, and starting to struggle in your sex life, rest assured you’re far from being the only one.

Whether you’re dealing with performance anxiety or sexual dysfunction, or you’re just feeling detached or distant from your sexual partner and you want to shake things up, there’s an old sexual practice that can help you get back on track, teach you how to be more present in the moment during sex, and help enhance your lovemaking to a whole new realm. Like the sound of what you’re hearing so far? You might want to consider tantric sex.

A ritual that has been the centre of growing interest in recent years as a way to increase and strengthen sexual connection, tantric sex comes from the word Tantra, an ancient spiritual practice that focuses on a deep sense of bodily, mental and spiritual intimacy—essentially, sex and intimacy like you’ve never known it before.

What is tantric sex?

“Tantra is an artform that has continuously evolved over the centuries, and today, there are many different variations on the teachings of Tantra,” says Scarlett Wolf, a certified tantric facilitator, educator and massage therapist based in Sydney.

“There are 64 Arts of Tantra, such as the Art of music, poetry, martial arts, language, astronomy and philosophy, to name a few. One purpose of practising the Tantric Arts is to bring vibrancy and creativity into your life, as opposed to living a limiting existence. Tantric, or Sacred Sex, is one of these Arts, and can be practised to a level of mastery.”

Wolf points out that performative, goal-oriented sex can often feel unfulfilling, an issue that we can often run into either in a long term relationship or thanks to all the unhelpful cultural messaging we get around the purpose of sex.

If there’s only one goal for sex, to have an orgasm or to reproduce for example, it can start to feel a bit like a chore—especially for couples who’ve been together for a long time—and you might start to get the sense that it’s just something to get over with. On the other hand, Tantric sex is a slow and intentional way of connecting sexually.

What are the principles of tantric sex?

Mindfulness, intimacy and presence define tantric sex above all else, and it largely centres on a process of energy cultivation and exchange. “Harnessing the power of your sexual energy can open the doors to deep spiritual experiences, personal self-actualisation, and healing,” Wolf says. “The path of Tantra goes beyond the act of sex, as the pathway to an incredible sex life is through, first and foremost, knowing yourself.”

Seeing as our intimate experiences and relationships often reflect how we are in other ways, Wolf says that learning how to hold depth, passion and presence through different aspects of tantric sex can also positively impact so many other areas of our lives.

What are the benefits of tantric sex?

According to Wolf, tantric sex is for “anyone who has a desire to get to know themselves on a deeper level, feel more confident and reach their full potential with sex and intimacy”—and don’t we all? The benefit and goal of tantric is, in turn, multifaceted.

For men specifically, Wolf says there are some specific areas it can really assist in. “It’s extremely helpful for premature ejaculation, performance anxiety and in some cases, erectile dysfunction, if it’s not a medical condition but rather a psychological pattern,” she says. “A man who struggles with premature ejaculation can also reprogram his body to last for extended periods of time and enjoy being in the moment, rather than in fear of how he performs.”

As for couples, practising together can lead to deeper connection and better communication skills, helping you both to better understand your individual emotional and sexual needs—something seemingly simple yet very common that can often be a big barrier to meaningful sex between couples. Always remember that if you’re going to try introduce tantric sex to a partner to get their full and verbal consent to the practice.

Along with more satisfying orgasms and a reduction of stress and anxiety, there’s a whole plethora of benefits with tantric that might change your sex life forever.

How do you incorporate tantric sex into your relationship?

Before you can truly reap the benefits of tantric in your relationship, you’ll have to learn a few things on your own. “Having a solo practice is the starting point of Tantra,” Wolf explains. “Even when you’re in a sexually active relationship, having your own individual practice is essential for the deepening of your connection to your own body.”

“Knowing how to cultivate a connection to self first is what increases our capacity to connect more deeply with others, and feel more present in intimacy when we have partnered experiences. Once you’ve activated your sense of sexual freedom, self-expression and inner confidence, you can then experience this in your partnership.”

What are the techniques and practices of tantric sex?

Regulate your nervous system and do breathing exercises

When you’re getting started on your own, learning how to regulate your nervous system is super important. Think things like meditation, gentle exercise and breathwork. “When we are relaxed, and our parasympathetic nervous system is activated, we feel safe to communicate,” Wolf says. “We are then able to experience what true connection really is, and enjoy mind-blowing pleasure with our partner.”

In Wolf’s words, the secret to pleasure is relaxation. That means taking the time to get off our screens and taking some much needed time out. She recommends movement practices like meditation, dancing, or even taking a walk to clear your head before sex can be really helpful. Learning to slow down your breath is great, too. Breathing in for 5 counts and out for 10 is an easy breathing exercise you can implement to come into a more relaxed state.

Self pleasure

Self pleasure is also going to be important, since this is one of the best ways you can learn about your own sexuality. “Self pleasuring quickly and unconsciously will not make you a better lover, but taking your time and treating your body like you would treat your lover will,” says Wolf.

“A simple way is to practise circulating sexual energy through your body when you self pleasure. Use your breath and visualise as you are breathing that you are drawing your sexual energy up out of your genitals with your in breath and as you breathe out, visualise it spreading throughout your body. This is deeply relaxing and energising for your system.”

Remember, before you start any kind of tantric practice with a partner, getting their full, enthusiastic consent before any sexual or intimate activity is paramount, as is communicating about how you’re both feeling throughout.

Eye gazing

One of the most common ways to start a tantric practice with your partner, once you’re ready to have them join you, is eye gazing or eye contact. Here, Wolf breaks it down step by step.

“Have your partner sit cross legged, or in another comfortable position, facing you, and make sure your posture is supported. Hold hands and keep your arms, shoulders and hands relaxed. Look into the left eye of your partner and hold a gentle yet deep gaze.” You may blink, laugh, cry, smile whilst eye gazing, but try to keep a silence. In lieu of verbal communication, establish non-verbal consent cues before you begin. “Eye gaze for at least 5 minutes or as long as you desire. You may wish to listen to some beautiful music, preferably without lyrics, and then share your experience with your partner afterwards.”

Connecting heart centres through visualisation

“Place your left hand on your partner’s heart and your right hand on their genitals. On your in breath, visualise their sexual energy drawing up through your right hand, into your heart. Use this to energise your body. When you exhale, imagine sending the love in your heart through your left hand into your partner’s heart. Continue this breath and movement energy cycle for five minutes. This is a beautiful way to meditate together that creates a deeper emotional connection, and is also highly arousing.”

Sensual massage and touch

Engaging in a full body sensual massage is another great way to practise partnered tantric, and aims to move sexual energy around the body. Gently massage your partner with intention from the chest and shoulders all the way down their body, focusing on erotic zones, all while you pay attention to your breath.

Giving up too soon

One of the most important things to know before you get started is that Tantra is not about instant gratification. Patience is required when you’re learning new way of deepening your sexual experiences. “For many people, there is a reprogramming that happens around what they’ve known sex to be about,” Wolf confirms.

“Tantra is a journey. It’s not about ‘getting it right’ straight away. While it’s extremely enlightening to educate yourself by reading, watching videos and having conversations about Tantra, the real shift happens when you do the practices.” And Wolf is confident that if you’re consistent with your practice, you’ll be surprised how quickly you’ll see and feel results.

Believing that tantra isn’t for you because no one you know does it

“Often people feel shy and don’t have the confidence to share what they’ve learnt, as they feel it’s too weird, out there and might not be accepted—but don’t assume a sexual partner won’t be interested,” Wolf encourages. “As long as someone has a willingness and openness to learn and connect with you this way, that’s all that matters. It’s a beautiful and life changing journey to introduce someone to, and you’ll often be met with gratitude.”

Tantra practice isn’t right for you because you’re not a spiritual person

Worried about the spiritual aspect of the practice? Wolf says you really don’t have to be. “Aside from Tantra having the ability to take you into ecstatic states, it’s also a very grounding somatic—somatic means of the body—practice,” she explains.

“If what you’re looking for is more meaningful connections, and a more fulfilling and enjoyable sex life at the very least, practising Tantra is for you. What I’ve found after 15 years on my Tantric Journey is that there’s never a limit to the depth you can go to with Tantra. It’s a gift that continues to give.”

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

November 29, 2023November 28, 2023

Remedial Jerkology

— A Better Way To Handle Yourself

By Dr Dick

In the last installment of my series on male masturbation, we discussed problematic masturbation styles—how they can get in the way of satisfying partnered sex, and offered a surefire way to resolve these problems. This time around, I’d like to offer suggestions on how men can use different styles of masturbation to overcome certain dysfunctions, such as premature ejaculation.

Short Fuse Confusion

Here we have 28-year-old Marcos from NYC:

I may have premature ejaculation, meaning after I’m excited, I can’t hold it in (ejaculation) for more than a couple of minutes, which worries me regarding the pleasure I can provide… Suggestions, other than the eventual doctor visit?

The curious thing about premature ejaculation is that what constitutes “premature” is pretty subjective. Some men report that they can only last a minute or two, others say they can last only 15 minutes, but all consider themselves as premature ejaculators. I’m not trying to suggest that PE is a figment of one’s imagination. On the contrary; any guy who isn’t satisfied with the control he has or doesn’t have over his ejaculation may fall into this general category. In the same way, lasting longer, whatever “longer” might mean, is a relatively easy thing to accomplish. All you have to do is work at prolonging the pleasure.

Let’s start with how you masturbate, Marcos. If I had to guess, these sessions are speedy little affairs, right? A quick wank just to relieve sexual tension is a good thing, but if that’s all the self-pleasuring you do, it will interfere with your partnered pleasure later. Look at it this way: If your body is sensitized to coming quickly while masturbating, then that’s how it’ll respond with a partner.

I suggest that you reevaluate your self-pleasuring activities. Most, if not all of your masturbation should be dedicated to full-body masturbation. The object is to play with the sexual tension that develops in self-pleasuring, and to delay the your ejaculation for as long as you can.

As you become turned on you, build up sexual tension. Move the sexual energy all over your body as you stroke your cock. Touch and pleasure your whole body — feet, nipples, asshole, etc. Make the pleasure last as long as you can. As you approach the point of ejaculation, stop stroking yourself and concentrate your play on the other parts of your body. When the urge to come subsides, you can start stroking your dick again. Repeat the process ’til you can last 30 minutes. (By the way, some people refer to this as edging or edge play — coming to the edge of coming and then backing away. Get it? Got it? Good!)

The purpose of this exercise, besides the joy of getting off on your whole body, is to teach your body a different way to respond to cock stimulation. If you practice this method conscientiously, it will increase your sexual stamina both alone, and when you’re with a partner, too. Spread the sexual energy around. Concentrate on stalling your orgasm through the techniques you learned in your self-pleasuring. If you’re getting close to coming, pull out until you regain control; then resume. This will take some practice, but it’s worth the effort.

One final thing: If you’re concerned about the amount of pleasure you can provide, short fuse or not, I always encourage the men I work with in my private practice to look to pleasuring their partners before they even get warmed up themselves. But even after you come, you still have a mouth and hands and fingers with which to pleasure your partner, so there’s never an excuse to leave a partner unsatisfied, regardless of your own sexual response cycle.

Keeping the Genie in the Bottle

Now let’s turn our attention to two other masturbation styles—one that comes out of the Tantric sex tradition, the other comes to us by way of the world of kink. Both are similar to edging, inasmuch as they help gain control over our ejaculatory response, however, each of these practices evolved for very different purposes.

Tantric sex is interesting, if for no other reason that it distinguishes between orgasm and ejaculation; a distinction all men should know. Although they often happen at the same time, we are capable of having orgasms without ejaculating. In the Tantric practice of controlled ejaculation, men avoid ejaculating during masturbation (or partnered sex), making it possible to capture and extend the energy of orgasm. Refraining from, or holding off on ejaculation, men can actually become multiorgasmic. Learning to control the wave of our orgasmic energy without releasing that energy, or chi, through an ejaculation will at least give the practitioner a fuller, more intense orgasm.

Here’s how this works. If you take the time, you’ll notice that you have four distinct stages of erection: lengthening and filling; swelling; full erection; rigid erection. The fourth stage, rigid erection, signifies ejaculation is close at hand. Knowing this, you can incorporate a couple of Tantric techniques to quell the rising tide. Conscious breathing is a key for extended lovemaking. Rapid breathing excites and arouses you. Slow, controlled breathing, way down into your belly, calms you and helps delay ejaculation. Focusing on your breath takes your attention away from your genitals.

Throw in a few Kegel exercises to postpone ejaculation as well. These contractions of your pelvic floor muscles will allay the approaching ejaculation.

You can also delay ejaculation by gently tugging on your balls down and away from your body.

Tantric sex is all about you being conscious of your full self in your sexual practices, alone or with a partner. Being aware of and controlling your breathing, your genital muscles and the build-up of sexual tension will allow you to last as long as you’d like. Tantric practitioners speak of opening one’s self to our higher “spiritual” centers of ecstasy, bliss, joy, and wonder.

Finally, from the kinkier side of things there is a version of ejaculation control that is far edgier than what we’ve discussed so far. Here we have actual orgasm denial, which is often associated with cock and ball torture and/or chastity play. This is either self-induced or part of power play between a sub and his Dom. We’ll leave the power-play dynamic for another time. For now we’ll just look at this as a kinky masturbation technique.

Here’s a typical scenario. An edger will begin to wank like normal, but when he gets near to coming—he stops stroking. So far so good. But here is where the cock and ball torture may be introduced. The guy will often squeeze or slap his cock and balls till the urge to shoot subsides. Once the urge to come quiets down, he begins to stroke again. Stopping again whenever he approaches climax. He repeats this whole “stop and start” cycle, along with the CBT for as many times as he would like, so that when he finally shoots, if indeed he permits himself an orgasm, it will be much stronger and he’ll spew loads more spunk.

However, like all things edgy, you gotta know when enough is enough. I know a lot of men who edge and they swear by it. I also know that a number of these men are doing themselves a disservice, even harm, because they are practicing an extreme version of edging. In the end, despite the stand-up nature of our dick, it is a very delicate instrument. Intense edging, especially accompanied by nasty squeezing or slapping to quell the building ejaculation can be injurious. And if you overdo orgasm denial you can injure your prostate and seminal vesicles.

Good luck!

August 18, 2023August 17, 2023

A sex educator explains orgasms

— Plus an exercise for expanded pleasure

The best orgasms come when you learn how to unlock a sexual “flow state.” Emily Nagoski, a sex educator, shares a meditation to help you get started.

With Emily Nagoski

EMILY NAGOSKI: Unfortunately, virtually all of the orgasms that are available to us in the mainstream media and in porn are fake. The classic example, of course, is “When Harry Met Sally,” Meg Ryan.

MEG RYAN: ‘Yes, yes, yes!’

EMILY NAGOSKI: Actually, what orgasm looks and sounds and feels like varies tremendously from person to person. But how do we learn about orgasm? We learn it from media, and we learn it from porn, and then we think we are doing it wrong if that’s not what our orgasm is like. And we’re not, we’re doing it right, we’re just not doing it the way we were told. And if other people have a problem with the way our orgasms actually are, those are not the people you have sex with. So the first thing we should talk about is what an orgasm actually is. Then we should talk about how they actually happen. Followed, of course, by why they sometimes don’t. And then at the end, I’ll give you some tips to have the biggest, most expansive orgasm you’ve had in your life.

I think people believe that orgasm is a genital function. It is not. Sometimes genitals are involved, but orgasm is something that happens in the brain. And there is a reliable neurological marker for when orgasm happens. And it depends how you measure it. If you measure it one way, at orgasm, the prefrontal cortex goes dark- all of the inhibitory impulses just vanish. In a different kind of machine, the brain lights up everywhere. It’s a whole brain response, orgasm. You have to have a brain to have an orgasm. How we experience an orgasm as pleasurable or not depends on the context in which we’re experiencing it. So when you have a great, sex-positive context, orgasm can feel really good. But for some people, they might have an orgasm during unwanted sex. In that case, the orgasm feels like a betrayal, like their body has done something wrong and they feel broken.

So what orgasm actually is, here’s the definition I use: “It is the spontaneous involuntary release of neuromuscular tension generated in response to sex-related stimuli.” People can have orgasms from having their toes sucked. People can have orgasms from having their ear lobe sucked. People can have orgasms through breath and imagination. The only measure of an orgasm is whether or not you wanted and liked it. If you wanted and liked it, then it doesn’t matter what kind of stimulation got you there. Whatever works for you, is what works for you.

So we can’t even necessarily differentiate between which organ in your body is causing the orgasm to happen. There’s only one: There’s a brain orgasm. We can really struggle around an issue like orgasm, which seems so simple, but we’re taught that our identities are tied to our ability to have orgasms. One of the common experiences for people who struggle with orgasm is this thing that sex therapists call “spectatoring.” Where instead of enjoying the sensations that are happening in your body, you’re sort of watching your body; and worrying about it and thinking about is your face okay, should you be bending your spine in that direction? And all of that worry about your body is just keeping the brakes on and making it more difficult for you to enjoy the sex you are having.

Charles Carver, the researcher in Florida who, with his colleagues, developed this mechanism called ‘Criterion velocity and the discrepancy-reducing increasing feedback loop.’ I just call it “the little monitor.” And it’s as if there is a little monitor in your brain that knows what your goal is. It keeps track of how much effort you put in toward that goal, and it notices how much progress you’re making toward that goal. And it has a strong opinion about the ratio of effort to progress. When your little monitor switches its assessment of your goal from being attainable to being unattainable, it pushes you off an emotional cliff from frustrated rage down into a pit of despair.

The ironic intervention when you’re struggling with orgasm is take orgasm entirely off the table for a long time, months at a time, and just explore your erotic landscape: experience high levels of arousal, and lower levels of arousal, and feel what it feels like to approach orgasm knowing that you are not going to have one. The reason we take away the goal entirely is to help the monitor relax. Are you achieving your goal? If your goal is pleasure, and your little monitor is like “Pleasure: check!” your monitor is released from the necessity of judging you and trying to motivate you to work harder. Working harder to have an orgasm is rarely the thing that’s gonna get people where they wanna go. And if people struggle too long and they feel like there’s something wrong with them and they’re broken, they absolutely find themselves in a pit of despair. And if you’re feeling in a dark place because there’s something wrong with your orgasms: connection with other people, connection is the most important antidote to the darkness. The only measure of an orgasm is whether or not you wanted and liked it. If you practice experiencing pleasure without making it goal-oriented or trying to achieve orgasm, but rather just to experience all the pleasurable sensations your body is capable of, you win every time.

So here’s an exercise that helps you to expand your orgasms: Anyone with any set of genitals of any gender identity can practice this. You can do it alone or with a partner. This takes about an hour, generally, and it takes a lot of practice. You gotta choose how you spend your time. You could do this or you could just like watch Netflix. It is not necessary in order to be a sexually-well person by any means; it is the equivalent of running a marathon. Nobody needs to do it, but if you need a hobby, I recommend this one. Versions of this are part of tantric meditations where they use Kundalini breathing in order to access different spiritual states, but ultimately, it’s about the physiology of how orgasm tension generates and dissipates. And when you can get to a place where as much tension is coming in as is going out at the same time, it’s like every cell in your body is resonating at the same rhythm, like you’re a bell that’s ringing. You’re gonna notice some things about this practice that will probably remind you of mindfulness or other forms of meditation, especially breath meditation.

I’m gonna ask you to pay attention to the sensations that are happening in your body. And that comes really easily to some people, and for others, it is quite difficult. They get distracted, and that’s fine. Like a mindfulness practice, if you notice other distracting thoughts come along, and maybe it’s a thought about body self-criticism, maybe it’s a thought about the past, just, “Hello, distracting thought. I’m gonna put you on a shelf right now, and I’m gonna turn my attention back to the sensations that are happening all over my body.”

Every orgasm is different from every other orgasm, but there are some strategies that work for a lot of people to move in the direction of having quite an enormous orgasm. You imagine arousal from like zero, not at all aroused to 10, currently having an orgasm. You stimulate yourself in whatever way works for you up to about a five, and then you allow that arousal to dissipate. You let yourself get back down to a one. So a one just feels like just barely any attention drifting toward orgasm. And then you stimulate yourself back up to a six, right? This is still a middle level of arousal. You’re not very aroused, you’re nowhere near orgasm. And then you allow your arousal to drift back down to a two and then you stimulate yourself back up to a seven. And if you are at the beginning of this process, you’re gonna be learning what seven feels like versus a three, which you’re gonna let your arousal drift back down to a three, and then you’re going up to an eight. And at eight, you’re real aroused. You might see the orgasm train coming to the station. It’s not there yet, but you can hear it- there’s a whistle. And then you allow your arousal to drift back down to a four or a five. And then you go up to an eight and a half, go back down to a six. And up to a nine.

Now when you get to a nine, the orgasm train is pulling into the station and the doors are opening and you would like to get on, but you’re gonna put active effort into allowing your arousal to dissipate. Remember, it’s neurophysiological tension, so you’re just going to allow the tension. You’re literally going to breathe and soften all the muscles of your body because as you get to that eight, eight and a half, nine level of arousal, you’re gonna begin to experience carpal pedal spasms, carpal like carpal tunnel syndrome. Your hands are gonna clutch and your feet are gonna point and your ankles. And that’s involuntary. And you’re gonna make a voluntary choice to soften all of your muscles and let your arousal go back down to a seven, which is a high level of arousal but it’s not an eight or a nine. And you go back up to a nine and a half. Now at a nine and a half, you’ve got one foot on the train and it might feel like it’s pulling outta the station. And you know what? If the train pulls outta the station while you’re on the orgasm train, “Oh dear, you had an orgasm.” That’s not failure, right? But, if you can, you keep your foot off the orgasm train and you go back down to an eight, nine and three quarters and an eight and a half, and a 9.85 where you are really close like you can feel the orgasm right there. And you’re gonna soften all the muscles in your body from your core out to the periphery. And at this point, you are oscillating right at the peak of where orgasm is. And if you can maintain a balance of tension generation and tension relaxation, you can stay in that state and sustain it indefinitely.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

September 17, 2022September 16, 2022

What Is Tantric Sex?

How To Practice Tantra’s Intimate Form Of Sex

By Leslie Grace, R.N.

Tantric sex is a whole new way of being in sexual connection that allows you access to deeper levels of feeling, sensation, and energy, and ultimately more of who you really are.

This path is simple but profound: It’s about wholeheartedly celebrating the sacredness of our bodies and desires while bringing a quality of mindful awareness to the shared expression of pleasure.

It can help you release shame, trauma, and blocks around sex, unleashing the transformative power of your erotic energy and leading you to some of the most soul-shattering orgasms ever.

Through this holistic approach, sensuality also becomes a doorway to beingness, to the divine, and to a more intimate experience of the present moment.

What is tantric sex?

Tantric sex is a sexual practice that’s part of the ancient spiritual path known as tantra. Tantra (pronounced tahn-tra, with an ahh sound in that first syllable) is a Sanskrit term that translates to “weave.”

It refers to weaving together or uniting the masculine and feminine forces within all of us, heaven and earth, the human body with the transcendent, collapsing the polarities.

The purpose of tantra is to discover an ecstatic union with all of life beyond the separate sense of self. Sacred or tantric sex—an aspect of tantra—is seen as one doorway to that transcendent truth, once we learn how to harness it.

The simplest explanation of tantric intimacy is that it’s about bringing the fire of your sexual energy, passion, and desires into alignment with your heart, your spirit, and a sense of goodness in your life.

When these forces come into balance and harmony, the sparks of interpersonal magic really start flying, and sex becomes something healing, empowering, transcendent, and profoundly beautiful.

I’m talking about the kind of lovemaking that feels truly connected, aligned, massively powerful, and filled with the utmost respect and devotion between you and your partner.

This kind of intimacy evokes your highest self and leaves you overflowing with love. Time slows down, your intuition expands, and you can find yourself in nearly psychedelic realms of orgasmic possibility that you might have only heard about or imagined.

Sounds pretty good, huh?

Summary

Tantric sex is a sexual practice that’s part of the ancient spiritual path known as tantra. It focuses on bringing the fire of your sexual energy, passion, and desires into alignment with your heart, your spirit, and a sense of goodness in your life.

What happens during tantric sex

Tantric sex involves a wide array of erotic activities, not all of which involve the same kind of penetration and physical stimulation of erogenous zones that most people associate with sex.

A typical tantra session involves the subtle realms of sex, including slow embraces, gentle caresses, getting present within the body, and focusing on the movement of energy between the partners’ bodies.

Sometimes during tantric sex, you’re barely moving, and the focus is on the meditative, devotional dimension.

If you relax and take things slowly, or ramp up and slow down the action, you can make love for hours, and the enjoyment can just keep building.

People with penises might also explore practices like edging (getting close to orgasm and backing off), which builds their ability to last longer and hold more pleasure before flipping over into orgasm.

That said, all sexual energy can be tantric when done with awareness.

Tantric sex can dive into the raw, intense, and animalistic spaces, where the body’s instinctual intelligence takes over and you are blind to pleasure. Dominance and submission can be tantric as well.

Breathwork is also central to tantric sex; people might use their breath and awareness to move sexual energy throughout their whole body, awakening their capacity for full-body pleasure (rather than pleasure localized specifically in the genitalia).

Neotantra vs. classical tantra

Tantra stems back to at least the seventh century if not earlier, appearing in various forms and texts in Hindu, Buddhist, and Jain traditions.

But usually when Westerners use the word “tantra,” we are really talking about the field of “neotantra.”

There are various complex and rigorous spiritual paths of “classical tantra,” which aim at full spiritual awakening or enlightenment as the goal. These include Kashmir Shaivism, a strand of religious philosophies from Kashmir and India, and the Vajrayana Buddhist path of India and Tibet.

These paths often involve serious study and personal dedication, meditative practices, and can include various elements of ritual, such as the use of mantras, visualizations, and deity worship. Working with sexual energy was only a small part of the practice and was for advanced students only.

By contrast, neotantra has developed over the last 150 years and aims specifically at more fulfilling intimacy and connection, a deeper connection to one’s own body and emotions, healing trauma and blocks, and opening to greater states of orgasmic ecstasy.

This body of teachings has been deeply inspired by some of the core tenets of classical tantra, but it is important to acknowledge that much of what is taught and shared among modern tantric sex practitioners are not “ancient practices” in the literal sense, though meaningful and relevant in their own ways.

Tantric sex positions and practices to try

1. Create a sacred space

Consciously disconnect from the mundane world and enter the world of the Divine—the world of pleasure. Turn off devices, light candles or incense, and gather any special treats like chocolates or berries.

Purify yourself by showering and dressing in something lovely; purify your space by tidying up and putting away the laundry piles. It’s also best to skip or go light on the substances in order to be fully present.

Set intentions for this session of intimacy, such as, “My intention is to show you with my body how much I love you” or “I’m curious to explore deeply receiving.”

2. Eye gazing (or “soul gazing”)

In the powerful gaze of your partner, there is nowhere to hide, and you practice fully revealing yourself to the other with all that you feel and all that you are. You see them fully while at the same time letting yourself be seen.

Sit up straight on a pillow or chair facing your partner. You can look left eye to left eye or just gaze softly at both eyes, and you can also hold hands if you like. Let the love that is in your heart shine out through your eyes.

Gazing at your beloved, see the divine spark in their eyes, marveling at the pure life force that is animating them. Feel the sacredness of this simple moment together.

Try for two minutes. Notice what emotions or sensations come up, or if you feel tempted to look away. It isn’t a staring contest, so you can always close your eyes for a few seconds and then open them again.

3. Hands on hearts circuit

This one can often flow nicely after eye gazing. While sitting facing each other with a soft gaze, bring your hands to your own heart and breathe up into your heart.

As you feel the love that is welling up in your heart for your partner, reach across and place your right hand on your partner’s heart (with consent), and they can place their right hand on your heart.

Each person’s left hand then covers the hand on their own heart. Synchronize your breathing, with slow, deep, nourishing breaths.

On the inhale, receive breath and love into your own heart, and on the exhale, send that love from your heart down your right arm and into your partner’s heart, making a circuit of love and energy flowing between you. Do this for about 10 breaths.

4. Tantric massage

Tantric massages are another powerful part of tantric sex, one that can be the key to multiple orgasms for both people with clitorises and people with penises.

In a tantric massage, one partner gets to just lie back and receive, getting the chance to tune into their pleasure and sexual energy and see how it wants to open up through their body, while the other partner moves their hands slowly and meditatively along their body to let them feel every single new sensation.

Consider trying out the yoni massage (a tantric massage for the vagina and clitoris), lingam massage (a tantric massage for penises), and tantric nipple play.

5. The yab-yum position

This classic tantric sex position represents the union of Shiva and Shakti, the two divine energies of masculine and feminine. But remember these are just energies, and it doesn’t matter the gender of the participants. Even for relationships between cis men and cis women, it’s powerful to practice switching between each role.

The base partner (representing Shiva, who is energetically or physically penetrative) sits cross-legged on a pillow in the “holding” position while the other partner (representing Shakti, who is energetically or physically receptive) can either drape their legs over their partner’s legs with their butt on the bed or a pillow or can fully sit in the lap of their partner. The base partner’s arms should go around the waist of the other partner, whose arms go around the shoulders of the base partner. Your heads can be cheek to cheek, or you can touch forehead to forehead. This position aligns the chakras of the partners and allows for sexual energy to move upward along the spine.
Once you come into alignment, start by taking a few deep, slow breaths together, synchronizing your breathing. Then begin to move together in slow undulations, arching, swirling in circles, finding a flow and a rhythm that feels delicious, activating your sexual energy together. The base partner “gives” to the partner on top who is “receiving” that energy up into their body.
Connect with your breath to expand the pleasure and sexual energy throughout the entire body, lighting up every cell with that life force. You can try staying with smaller, subtle movements or get as vigorous as you like, but either way, use your breath to draw orgasmic energy from your pelvis up the spine and up to your third eye (the spot between your eyebrows) or crown (the top of the head) and beyond.
This position can be practiced fully clothed, naked, or in whatever form of penetration you like. You can even learn to have full-body energy orgasms—with no penetration whatsoever—while remaining fully clothed, though that might take a little more practice!

The purpose of tantric sex

There can be a whole array of goals and expectations around sex that put pressure on us to be a certain way, as well as routines and habits that keep us stuck in a sexual rut.

Tantra is about throwing all of that out the window and starting fresh with a beginner’s mind, redefining sex by making it more about intimacy, connection, and playful possibility rather than a race to the orgasm or a box to be checked.

When you let go of goals like “getting someone off” or achieving anything in particular, there is literally endless room for discovery and such a wide range of what is possible.

And whatever you’re experiencing now in terms of orgasm, you can safely assume there is way more to experience through tantric sex—more powerful orgasms, longer-lasting orgasms, non-ejaculatory orgasms and multiple orgasms for men, numerous kinds of orgasms for women, deep states of surrender, visionary states, and states of oneness with your partner and life itself.

Sacred sexuality can also be an integral part of the path of awakening and personal evolution.

Various spiritual teachers have admitted that orgasm is an experience that gives us a glimpse of divinity because there’s a melting of the regular egoic self in those moments of communion.

Benefits of tantric sex

Getting more of what you want in sex
Releasing sexual blocks and shame
Finding healing from sexual trauma
Awakening your sexual energy to flow freely within your body
Accessing your fullest pleasure and desire
Tuning into subtle energy
Discovering full-body and/or multiple orgasms
For people with penises, delaying orgasm or experiencing non-ejaculatory orgasms
Experiencing a new level of heart connection with your partner, a profound sense of intimacy, and loving presence
Longer lovemaking sessions, relaxation, and a quality of spaciousness
Enhanced communication and communion
Holistic mind-body-spirit connection with yourself and with your partner

The takeaway

There are many myths about tantra that can make people feel like it’s not for them. But I feel inspired to teach tantra because I believe most people have a ton of their power and truth locked up in their sexuality, right alongside all the messed-up cultural conditioning and trauma most of us carry.

When people get aligned in their sexuality, when their sexual “life force” energy is fully activated in them and connected to their hearts and spirits, they can become the most thriving, unstoppable, and inspired versions of themselves to go actualize their purpose in the world.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

February 26, 2022February 26, 2022

What yoni massage is and how to practice it

by Hana Ames

Yoni massage is a type of sensual massage. It is one of the tantric practices that aim to create intimate connections between people. People can also practice yoni massage alone as a way to get to know their bodies.

People often think of tantra synonymously with tantric sex, but sex is only one aspect of tantra.

Yoni massage is not about sex or foreplay but about getting to know oneself and what feels good.

This article describes:

what yoni massage is
its possible benefits
how to perform it
positions to try
where to find out more

Yoni is the Sanskrit word for vulva or vagina, and it roughly translates as “sacred cave” or “sacred space.”

Yoni massage is a type of sensual massage that aims to help people feel more comfortable in themselves by exploring and developing their relationship with their body.

Yoni massage is one of many tantric practices. Tantra yoga, for example, was once a preferred practice in ancient India for enhancing sexual pleasure. Yoni massage can involve some tantric positions.

A main goal of yoni massage is to help a person feel more in tune with their body and more comfortable in their skin.

Some proponents believe that practicing this massage one one’s own may help a person work through sexual trauma because it helps a person take control of their sexuality and learn what they enjoy.

Others might find that practicing yoni massage with a partner enhances the relationship.

It is important to note that yoni massage has no medical benefits.

As anecdotal evidence suggests, most people find yoni massage to be an emotional journey rather than a sexual one.

While some people may orgasm as a result of yoni massage, it is not necessarily the goal and does not need to be an expectation.

Some people, however, find that it leads to multiple orgasms. This depends entirely on the individual.

Practitioners say that preparation is key before performing a yoni massage. A person should try to prepare their mind, body, and, importantly, their space.

Prepare the space

Choose an inviting area, which may be a bed or the floor. Add plenty of pillows and blankets to make it as comfortable as possible.

Boost the ambiance by lowering the lights or lighting some candles, which may be scented.

A person may prefer to perform the massage in silence or with relaxing background sounds or music. Make sure that the temperature is pleasant.

Prepare the mind

Set aside enough time to perform yoni massage. It is important not to feel rushed or concerned about the day’s schedule.

Setting the intention is important when preparing for a yoni massage. Set the intention but do not get too caught up in fixing the intent. It should be flexible.

Prepare the body

Posture is important for performing a yoni massage. To have the right posture:

Lie down comfortably on the bed, floor, or other chosen space.
Gently place a pillow under the head and another under the back.
Place the feet gently but firmly on the ground with the knees bent and the legs open.

Warming up is also important. Breathe in and out slowly, focusing on the inhale and exhale.

Sensual touching is a great way to warm up for a yoni massage. Involve the breasts, areola, abdomen and belly, upper legs and inner thighs. Massage, touch, and pull on these areas however feels good. Work down the body toward the vulva.

People may want to use lubricant or massage oils. Make sure that any product will not cause an allergic reaction or disrupt the balance of helpful microorganisms known as the vaginal flora.

A person should proceed slowly and listen to what their body is telling them and how they are feeling. There should be no time constraints.

Some very simple techniques to try when practicing yoni massage include:

Tugging

Gently hold the clitoris between the index finger and thumb.
Tug gently away from the body.
Release.
Repeat with the inner and outer labia and any other areas that feel comfortable.

Pushing and pulling

Make small, pulsing movements while pushing gently on the clitoris with one or two fingers.
Keep pressure on the clitoris while pulling the finger down the shaft.
Repeat on both sides of the shaft.

Circling

Using the finger tip, make small circles around the clitoris.
Vary the direction clockwise and counterclockwise.
Swap between the small circles and larger ones, changing the pressure to whatever feels good.

Rolling

Take some of the inner or outer labia between the middle finger and thumb.
Move the fingers in opposite directions as though trying to snap them together.

Cupping

Shape the hand into a “cup,” and hold it over the vagina.
Move the hand in a gentle circular motion.
Flatten the hand against the opening of the vagina.
Massage the whole area using the palm of the hand.

A person can try switching between the various techniques above. Make sure the rest of the body is involved in the massage, as well.

People may wish to try multiple positions when practicing yoni massage, many of which have their roots in the yogic tradition.

Lotus position

A person can assume this position as part of a solo massage or with a partner.

Alone, sit with the legs crossed and the back straight, resting the palms on the knees.

With a partner:

One partner sits as above.
Facing them, the second partner sits with their legs wrapped around the first partner’s torso, with their ankles crossed behind the partner.
Breathe together.

Hand on heart

Sit with the legs crossed and the back straight.
Rest the dominant hand over the heart.
Feel the heartbeat and meditate on the connection, breathing deeply.
As people become more comfortable with yoni massages, they may wish to try out a new technique.

Edging

Orgasm is not the primary purpose of tantric practices such as yoni massage. But if a person finds that they are able to climax through yoni massage, they may wish to try what practitioners call “edging.”

By delaying orgasm, people may find that the experience is more intense when they eventually allow it to happen.

Edging involves stopping the massage just before climax and having some cooling off time. Then, begin the massage again, stopping just before climax. Repeat this as many times as desired.

The more a person repeats this process, the greater the pleasure they may experience when they finally allow themselves to reach orgasm.

People should be aware that yoni massage is not regulated.

Anyone interested in having someone else perform yoni massage on them should do careful research and look for a reputable practitioner.

Well regarded instructors in the field include Layla Martin and Sofia Sundari.

Anyone interested in tantric sex and tantra yoga more generally can find more information at Embody Tantra and Tantra is Love.

There is no scientific evidence that yoni massage has medical benefits. Anecdotal evidence with a long history suggests that it may provide emotional and spiritual benefits.

People can perform yoni massage alone or with a partner. Many who do find it to be a very intimate practice.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

January 22, 2022

A No-Bullshit Guide To Getting Into Tantric Sex

“The idea that tantric sex is all about delayed orgasms is misguided. It would mean that delaying your orgasm is a challenge that you must win.”

by Arman Khan

Prem Vismay first encountered the world of tantric sex at a trance party he’d attended nearly a decade ago in the Indian capital of mystics, Rishikesh. “Somebody I met there told me about Ma Ananda Sarita’s book Divine Sexuality: The Joy of Tantra,” the 45-year-old teacher of tantra told VICE. “That was a turning point for me.”

At the time, Vismay was spending endless nights frustrated with his condition of premature ejaculation. “It would leave me depressed. But after practising tantra, I was able to overcome it all and truly enjoy my sex life. After all, tantric sex doesn’t mean wild orgies and polyamory even though it doesn’t constrain you from these things either. On a basic level, though, it is trusting in yourself to find your own way.”

For many in the West, the word “tantra” conjures up images of Sting engaging in seven-hour marathon sex, but the practice has roots in both Buddhism and Hinduism going back thousands of years, and it contains many facets. According to the Oxford Research Encyclopedia of Religion, tantra is an umbrella term that refers to a range of esoteric, spiritual and sexual schools of thought that “span several religious traditions and cultural worlds.” It seeks to address everything, from our understanding of liberation to pleasure, hedonism and death. Tantric sex, for its part, forms a crucial part of the larger tantra canon.

According to Mohini Srishati, a 40-year-old teacher of tantra, tantric sex must be understood beyond the clichés it is currently chained to in popular imagination. “It is truly magical and exotic,” she told VICE. “Tantric sex is meditative sex, which includes practices such as using breathwork, your own creativity in bed, unlearning your sexual and religious conditioning patterns as a child, and respecting your sexual energy as a means to connect with the divine.”

From practising mindfulness, having open communication with your partner to becoming aware of one’s senses, the idea of bringing a meditative, slowed-down quality to sex is one of the central tenets of tantric sex.

Around the Indian subcontinent, the history of tantric sex dates back to many millennia – referenced across ancient Buddhist and Hindu texts. In The Origins of Yoga and Tantra: Indic Religions to the Thirteenth Century, British Indologist Geoffrey Samuel refers to tantric sex as “sexual yoga” that was widespread around the third and fifth centuries, and finds mention in Hindu philosophical texts such as the Upanishads. In Introduction to Tantra: The Transformation of Desire, Tibetan lama Thubten Yeshe posits that the idea of “tantric sex as a means to give proper shape to your desire” was influenced by the evolution of similar ideals in Tibetan Buddhism in the early second century.

Looking to bring this ancient practice into your bedroom? Here’s a handy guide to getting there.

Beware of quacks

As with all things seemingly “exotic”, tantric sex is also advertised by teachers who just want to exploit and make a quick buck at your expense. Pallavi Barnwal, a 39-year-old intimacy coach based in New Delhi, shares how her first experience with tantric sex was borderline abusive.

“He is a very popular guru in this field,” she told VICE. “In the first online session, which was supposed to be audio-only, he wanted to teach me the importance of self-pleasure through a special kind of masturbation called the yoni massage. Barely minutes into the session, he told me to switch on my camera under the pretext of wanting to see how my energy was moving.”

According to Barnwal, in a country like India where conversations on sex are still widely stifled, any opportunity to liberate yourself through such practices may make you vulnerable to such quacks. “A real guru will never ask you to strip down and offer yourself to him. You don’t have to sleep with anyone or reveal yourself to any guru to understand tantric sex.”

Be creative and slow

According to Srishati, who has been practising tantric sex for a decade, the idea that you need to have an orgasm and quickly get it done is antithetical to tantra.

“That would mean you want to quickly get rid of the sexual energy,” she says. “In tantric sex, there is no agenda of compulsorily penetrating or ejaculating. You can experience orgasm by simply looking into each other’s eyes without actually ejaculating. The idea is to ride the peaks and waves of different kinds of orgasms – not just genital release.”

She also adds that the idea that tantric sex is “only about delayed orgasms” is misguided. “It would mean that delaying your orgasm is a challenge that you must win. Your body would become very stiff in such a scenario.”

Vismay said it is also important to treat the space where you are being intimate as a “divine site of energy and healing,” and build a setting using candles, flowers and light ambient music to spruce it up. “Avoid white and flashing lights, mobile chargers, a beeping timer or a clock because tantra asks you to bring your awareness to sex and minimise any time or space distractions.”

Choose your energy wisely

“Tantric sex is all about regulating your energy and being in tune with your own needs and desires,” Alessandro Di Benedetto, a 29-year-old teacher of yoga and tantra told VICE. “You have to be able to connect with the other person before you have sex with them. Look into their eyes, understand where they are coming from, and hold hands.”

In cases where you meet someone but the vibe seems completely off in the first meeting, Di Benedetto suggests moving on and not wasting one’s time. “If the person is genuinely ready to grow and evolve with you and you want the same, then maybe you can rethink the equation.”

Experiment with breath and sound

Considering that tantric sex revolves around regulating one’s energy, Srishati suggested playing with sound and breath to maximise one’s pleasure.

“There are various techniques to go around this,” she says. “You must let yourself experience everything in the moment – be it crying, moaning or different positions. And experiment with breath, movement and sound.”

Breath in tantric sex, according to Srishati, is an important tool to shape your energies. “For the woman, you must visualise breathing in from your sex chakra and breathing out from your heart chakra, and vice versa for the man,” she said. “The idea is to let every bit of the sexual energy flow through you. This helps in aiding a full-body orgasm because every pore of your body is making love.”

In tantric sex manifestos, the sex or the sacral chakra is located below the navel while the heart chakra is, well, located at the heart. Visualising your breath flowing in and out of these chakras is said to help in a fuller, more realised experience.

Unlearn childhood conditioning

Anand Kumar, a 28-year-old business analyst who has been practising tantric sex for the last couple of years, had to work with his guru to unlearn his childhood biases related to shame and self-esteem.

“I always saw my body as a political space that had too many conditions tethered to it,” he said. “I was disgusted by my own body hair for the longest time because I was shamed for it by my own siblings. Tantric sex made me fall in love with my own image.”

According to Srishati, such conditioning begins early on. “You see parents shaming little children even when they touch their own genitals. This is the reason why so many people then grow up feeling guilty and ashamed immediately after they masturbate or indulge in [any other act of] self-pleasure.”

A major element of tantric sex, according to Srishati, is thus not just the act itself but also radically unlearning these biases that act as “mental barriers” to truly enjoying the act.

Experiment with movement

Barnwal prefers the yab-yum position of tantric sex where the woman sits on the lap of her partner like a lotus, wrapping her legs firmly around the man. That’s the traditional depiction of the position, though it can be done between any gender.

“Your chakras are perfectly aligned in this position with your partner,” she said. “You are physically touching each other’s forehead, heart, and genitals. The intimate connection becomes evenly spread across the body.”

Vismay added that tantric sex does not involve any special “acrobatic sex positions,” and that it all boils down to taking your time to be rooted in the body and not being stuck in your thoughts.

“I heard (controversial mystic and cult leader) Osho say in one of his discourses that the bodies will find their way to the most comfortable positions. The idea is to bring a sense of peace and prayer to lovemaking and not approach it as a mechanical act that must tick all the boxes.”

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

May 28, 2021May 27, 2021

Tantric sex is a slow, meditative form of intimacy that can improve relationships

— Here’s how to practice it

By Sarah Fielding

Tantric sex is a slowed-down version of sex designed to enhance intimacy.
Prepare for tantric sex by learning its history, creating a safe space, and practicing mindfulness.
To practice on tantric sex, focus on your breath, gaze into each other’s eyes, and slow down.

Have you ever wanted to slow things down in the bedroom and gain a more intimate connection with a partner? If so, you may want to consider tantric sex — a form of intimacy focused on strengthening the ties between you and your partner.

Here’s how to practice tantric sex and tips to integrate the practice into your sex life.

Understanding tantric sex

Tantric sex is a slowed-down version of sex designed to enhance intimacy. It stems from the Sanskrit word tantra, which means woven together, and is rooted in Hindu and Buddhist teachings.

In tantric sex, the goal is not about reaching orgasm quickly (if at all) or about feeling incredible physical pleasure. Instead, tantric sex focuses on creating a genuine mindful connection within yourself and then between you and your partner.

“You feel as if you’re merging together or, rather, that the things that separate you are illusions of the material world,” says Stefani Goerlich, a licensed master social worker and sex therapist. “The result of tantric practice is the creation of close bonds with one’s partner, greater awareness of one’s body, and the development of skills such as mindfulness , restraint, and communication.”

Another benefit of tantric sex is its ability to ease anxiety. Traditionally, intimacy can cause performance anxiety around premature ejaculation, erectile dysfunction, and the worry about ensuring orgasm.

“That pressure… takes you from being in the moment and in your body, to being in your head,” says Kamil Lewis, a sex and relationship therapist in Southern California.

Tantric sex removes those anxieties. “When [you] are able to redirect focus towards experiencing the sensations of simply being present and connected together, [you] are able to enjoy sex without anxiety or fear,” says Goerlich.

How to prepare for tantric sex

If you’re interested in tantric sex, you should prepare in three main ways.

1. Learn about its history

As with any practice rooted in a specific culture, taking the time to understand its history shows respect for its origin and allows you to embrace it with a fuller understanding.

“We cannot take on the spiritual and religious practices of other cultures without taking the time to honor the origins and understand what we’re doing,” says Goerlich. A great place to start could be this cultural and historical overview of tantra.

2. Practice mindfulness

To prepare for tantric sex, Lewis recommends doing a mindfulness practice to connect with your body, become aware of senses, and slow down — all integral aspects of tantric sex.

This can be done through yoga, meditation , or intentionally focusing on sensations and movements throughout the day.

3. Create a safe environment

If trying tantric sex, create a safe environment where you and a partner feel free to connect with yourselves and each other.

“Somewhere where you can feel uninhibited by distractions, and somewhere that you don’t feel self-conscious about sounds you may make,” says Lewis. “Moaning, grunting, and vocalizing are encouraged with tantric sex, so consider a time when roommates, parents, or children aren’t home.”

Tips to practice tantric sex

Once you’re ready to practice tantric sex, you should keep five tips in mind.

1. Focus on breath

Focusing on breath is an essential component of tantric sex, as it allows for deeper connection. Partners are encouraged to synchronize their breaths, so it almost becomes one movement, says Molly Papp, LMFT, sexologist, a certified sex addiction therapist, and owner of Bella Vida Therapy.

As with most mindfulness practices, the breath also grounds you in the present moment. Try paying attention to a part of your body where you feel the breath, like the belly or chest, and refocus your attention to this part.

2. Gaze into each other’s eyes

Spend time gazing into a partner’s eyes. While continual eye contact isn’t necessary for tantric sex, Papp highly recommends it occur often to help build an intimate connection.

Eye gazing is another way of synchronizing to each other’s energy. To gaze deeper, try focusing on having your right eye connect with their right eye.

3. Slow down

Tantric sex is not a race to an orgasmic finish line, but a chance to slow down and explore each other’s bodies. It can last until you reach orgasm, feel connected, or are emotionally satisfied.

This attitude change relieves a lot of typically felt anxiety. “It is especially great for women because of its focus on slowing things down and waiting for arousal to build,” says Papp. “In an age where we are flooded with unrealistic pressure to feel orgasmic pleasure within minutes, this is freeing for many women.”

4. Engage all five senses

The only “goal” of tantric sex is remaining present and being aware of sensations in the body. To do this, Lewis suggests paying attention to all five of your senses, not just touch.

“Notice how your partner smells, what the curves of their bodies look like, what tastes you pick up in your mouth as you kiss, what it sounds like when they or you moan,” Lewis says. “These are all great ways to become grounded in your body and present in the moment.”

5. Incorporate massage

Sex does not need to be penetrative. “Kissing, touching, holding, rubbing, and more can all lead to a full tantric sexual experience, no penetration necessary,” says Lewis.

Even if you want to incorporate penetrative sex, Goerlich says there’s no reason to rush into it. Start by focusing on markers that keep you present and connected, like massaging or cuddling.

“Prolong this sensory exploration and carry it over into your penetrative sex — if indeed you have penetrative sex,” says Goerlich.

In fact, focusing on other forms of intimacy can help keep anxiety levels down. “Something more sensual rather than sexual could help calm one or both partners,” says Papp. “A cuddle session or massage would help relieve that anxiety and ease the experience.”

Insider’s takeaway

Tantric sex slows down an intimate experience and emphasizes the connection between you and a partner.

The practice involves focusing on the breath, staying present, and creating a safe environment to explore sensual intimacy. Remember the end goal of tantric sex is not orgasm, but being present in the given moment.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

April 2, 2021April 2, 2021

What Is Tantric Massage?

7 Ways To Try It At Home

By Kelly Gonsalves

Many people fall into the trap of following the same sexual scripts. Sex looks the same every time, usually involving some kissing, maybe some oral, and then a person with a penis thrusting aggressively into a person with a vagina until the former orgasms. Learning to move away from these scripts can unlock whole new realms of pleasure, new types of sensations, and more uniquely connective experiences. One way to throw all the rules out the door is to explore tantric sex and, specifically, tantric massage. Here’s what happens during a tantra massage and how to give one to your partner.

What is tantric massage?

Tantric massage is a style of massage or bodywork that draws on the principles of tantra, an ancient spiritual practice originating in Central and Southeast Asia. In most modern-day practice in the West, tantric massage involves massaging and stimulating the full body with particular focus on sensitive areas like the penis and vulva. It’s sometimes referred to as simply an erotic massage, although a tantra massage also incorporates breathwork, meditation, and mindfulness elements and is not necessarily sexual. Tantric massage also has a spiritual and energetic component, wherein the practitioner or giver helps move the receiver’s energy throughout the body to promote inner healing.

“Unlike other forms of massage, this sacred practice incorporates the tantric essence of shakti, or energy,” Tiffany Tanner, a tantra teacher and massage therapist in Arizona, tells mbg. “When skillfully incorporating this universal force into a massage, it can touch the deepest layers and aspects of a human being and be a profound instrument of spiritual and emotional healing.”

Tantra stems from ancient Hindu, Buddhist, and Jain traditions, though most tantra taught and practiced in the West can be referred to as neotantra, a modern adaptation that focuses specifically on sacred sexuality as opposed to the other spiritual and religious elements of traditional tantra. “The experience we offer is not intended for the tantric purist,” Genevieve Duarte, a tantric massage expert at White Lotus East, says of the tantric massages offered at their New York studio. “If anyone desires to explore and commit to the more traditional teachings of tantra, then this experience can serve as a beginning platform.”

What happens during a tantra massage.

What happens during a tantra massage offered at a massage studio or spa center will vary greatly depending on the facility. In general, tantric massage involves massaging and stimulating a person’s full body, including genitalia, while doing breathwork, meditation, and other spiritual practices or energy work. Some forms of tantric massage include the yoni massage (focused on the vulva), the lingam massage (focused on the penis), and massaging the sacred spot (aka the prostate).

Tantric massage can also be practiced at home with a partner and can be a way to introduce a slower, more intentional, and more intimate form of sexuality into a couple’s sex life.

People can orgasm during a tantra massage, though it’s not the goal. Tantric massage is more about leaning into pleasure, releasing energetic blocks and tension, and connecting spiritually with another person. Intercourse is not usually part of a tantra massage, though tantra massage can be incorporated into a tantric sexual experience between a couple.

Before attempting to give a tantric massage, it’s helpful to learn a little bit about tantric principles in general, as it’ll ensure you’re approaching the experience from a perspective of sacred connection and intentional pleasure.

These are the most essential elements of a tantra massage, according to Duarte:

For the recipient, being able to receive pleasure without feeling compelled to reciprocate.
For the giver, being willing to provide pleasure without the need of the same in return.
For the giver, learning to read the partner’s body language and understanding the importance of touch.
For both, forgetting about time.
Each partner having a strong desire to please the other.
Strong personal hygiene in preparation for the experience.

“It’s often difficult for someone to express how one wants to be touched and how many people are inept in the way they touch one another,” she tells mbg. “Touching someone in a manner that they want to be touched takes time, experience, and open-mindedness.”

Below are instructions for specific types of tantra massage. You can do these with a partner or by yourself.

Lingam massage.

A lingam massage focuses on honoring and pleasuring the penis:

Get the penis owner relaxed, lying on their back in a comfortable position with their legs apart and knees bent. Remind them to breathe deeply throughout the experience.
Practice breathing in their energy of arousal as you inhale and sending them loving energy as you exhale.
Lubricate and massage the areas of the penis, starting by sliding your hands up their thighs, pubic bone, and perineum.
Gently, slowly massage the testicles. You can pull them slightly, cup them in your hands to fondle them, or use your fingernails gently on them.
Massage the shaft, varying your grip, stroke sequences, and twisting motions. Vary from one hand to two and from slow to fast.
Don’t let them climax. Keep them at the edge of orgasm, also known as edging.
If they’re comfortable, stimulate their sacred spot, also known as the prostate.
When they’re ready, allow your partner to climax with an ejaculation orgasm.

Here’s tantric sex educator Psalm Isadora’s full guide to lingam massage.

Yoni massage.

A yoni massage focuses on honoring and pleasuring the vulva:

Have the vulva owner lie on their back in a comfortable place with a pillow under their hips, knees up, and feet on the ground.
Guide them in connecting to their breath.
Warm up with a body massage or tantric breast massage (see below) to slowly build arousal.
Move to the vulva and begin stimulating the clitoris, alternating between circling, pushing and pulling, tugging and rolling, tapping, and G-spot massage.
Encourage your partner to practice edging, or to lean in to experience multiple waves of orgasms.

Tantric breast massage.

The tantric breast massage or nipple massage simply applies tantra massage principles to the breasts:

Set the scene with candles, incense, or music that makes your partner feel sexy.
Remind them to focus on their breath, taking long, deep breaths throughout the experience.
Drip some oil at the center of their heart between the breasts, as well as over the belly.
Start by massaging the belly to stir up sexual energy before moving on to the breasts.
Circle the breasts using a feather-like touch, then move to massaging and squeezing them.
Once their body is begging for it, move to the nipples using tracing, pinching, and rolling.
As they come close to orgasm, massage their body up to the neck, head, and scalp. Have them undulate their spine and rock their hips to create arousal throughout the whole body, creating waves of pleasure.

Here’s Psalm Isadora’s full guide to nipple play the tantric way.

Bonus tantra techniques.

Here are a few more techniques to add to a tantra massage or to any tantric sexual practice:

As certified tantra educator and registered nurse Leslie Grace, R.N., tells mbg, tantric sex is as much about the mindset as it is about the physical techniques: “It’s about wholeheartedly celebrating the sacredness of our bodies and desires while bringing a quality of mindful awareness to the shared expression of pleasure.”

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

November 27, 2020November 25, 2020

Your Guide to Lingam Massage

by Eleesha Lockett, MS

If you’re familiar with tantric sex, you may also be familiar with the concept of tantric massage therapy. Lingam massage is a type of tantric massage therapy that involves massaging the penis.

The goal of lingam massage isn’t to simply have an orgasm. Rather, it’s to create a meditative sexual and spiritual experience.

In this article, we’ll guide you through what lingam massage is, how to perform a lingam massage on yourself or your partner, and some of the benefits of this tantric massage therapy.

Tantric massage has a long history of use as an instrument to help develop sexual and spiritual awareness.

Contrary to some modern interpretations of this tradition, tantric practices aren’t purely about sex. Instead, tantric massage therapy involves learning how to build up sexual energy to experience the pure feeling of pleasure.

Lingam massage, derived from the Sanskrit word for “penis,” is a type of tantric practice that involves massaging the penis and the areas around it. During a lingam massage, the body parts that get massaged are the:

penis
testicles
perineum (the area between the anus and scrotum)
even prostate

The goal of lingam massage isn’t only to reach orgasm. The ultimate intent is to experience full-body sexual and spiritual pleasure.

Being knowledgeable about technique is important for not only lingam massage but all types of tantric massage.

Here’s the best technique for how to perform a lingam massage on yourself or your partner.

Set the mood

Creating a positive atmosphere and mindset can make a lingam massage an enjoyable experience for yourself or for you and your partner.

Before the massage, make sure to take time to set your intentions and create an open mindset. Doing this can help establish the emotional mood of the massage and allow you to enjoy the experience as something both spiritual and sexual.

To create a sacred physical space that’s warm and inviting:

use fresh bedding
dim the lights
light some candles
put on some meditative music

This can help create a comfortable yet sensual environment before beginning the massage.

Prepare the oils

Massage oils help reduce friction and increase sensation during a massage. There are many different types of massage oils, including those with and without fragrances.

For a tantric lingam massage, a scented oil can help increase both awareness and arousal.

No matter what type of oil you choose, something natural and hypoallergenic is best, especially for sensitive skin. Popular natural oils to use include:

olive oil
coconut oil
almond oil

Start slowly

Start the massage by focusing on the peripheral areas, such as the:

lower abdomen
upper thighs
inner thighs

Move your hands slowly and intentionally across the skin, setting the stage for a sensual experience.

If you’re giving a lingam massage and you know your partner’s erogenous zones, massaging these areas can help spark that initial pleasure without moving too fast.

Remember, the goal of lingam massage is to take it slow and experience all the pleasurable sensations.

Work your way up

Now is the time to move your way from the erogenous zones to the more sensitive areas. Begin with the testicles, taking the time to massage this area as gently as possible.

If you or your partner enjoys it, the perineum can be another sensual area to explore.

When you’re ready to move on, move your massage to the bottom of the penis shaft, using gentle stroking motions. As you move toward the top of the shaft and the head of the penis, work slowly and intentionally.

Move inside

If the mood calls for it, and if your partner has consented to it, consider adding some sensual prostate stimulation to your lingam massage.

To find the prostate, gently insert a finger into the anus, angling the tip of your finger toward the front of the body. Once you’ve located it, you can use gentle pressure to stimulate the area.

For some people, prostate stimulation can even lead to a pleasurable prostate orgasm.

Practice restraint

When you feel an orgasm approaching, or you notice that your partner is close to orgasming, take a moment to pull back and focus on another area. You can continue this practice, called edging, throughout the massage for as long as you or your partner enjoys it.

If you or your partner orgasms early in the massage, that’s OK too. Don’t feel pressured to end the massage early. A sensual lingam massage can still be pleasurable even after an orgasm has been reached.

Savor the experience

According to some research in a 2016 review, certain sexual experiences are thought to invoke a trance-like state. With lingam massage, the full-body pleasure that one experiences is often enough to reach that state, which can feel more spiritual than sexual.

You can make the most of this meditative experience by:

taking it slowly
being present in your body
allowing you or your partner to experience both the sexual and spiritual nature of tantric massage

While a lingam massage is intended to be a sexual experience, there are many benefits beyond just pleasure. It’s believed that lingam massages can:

Promote full body healing. Despite their sexual nature, tantric practices like lingam massage are intended to promote healing. According to Buddhist principles, it’s believed that lingam massage can help the recipient heal from past trauma and align themselves with their spiritual and sexual self.
Relieve stress throughout the body. Sex is an activity that benefits the body and mind, with advantages such as increased libido and reduced risk of chronic diseases. When you participate in a lingam massage, you’re combining these benefits with the stress-relieving relaxation of massage therapy.
Improve sexual stamina and sexual experiences. Whether you’re interested in increasing your sexual stamina or just learning to enjoy sex more, lingam massages can allow you to embrace this in a safe space.
Explore spirituality and mindfulness. Experiencing something in the moment, just as it’s intended, is an example of mindfulness. If you’re a spiritual person, enjoying frequent lingam massages can help you develop that mindfulness practice.

Luckily, this type of tantric massage practice isn’t just limited to people with penises. A yoni massage focuses on sensually exploring the vulva, vagina, and other related areas.

Both types of massage therapy are intended to be a spiritual, sexual experience, so yoni massage shares many of the same benefits mentioned above.

If you’re interested in learning more about lingam massage, yoni massage, or other tantric practices, Embody Tantra is a good online resource to check out.

For those interested in taking courses on tantric practices, such as tantric massages, the Somananda Tantra School offers a variety of professional in-person and online courses.

To find tantra professionals near you for massages or training, you can visit Sacred Eros for more information.

Lingam massage is a type of tantric massage therapy that blends sexuality and spirituality to create an incredibly intimate experience.

When you perform a lingam massage, whether on yourself or a partner, the goal is to observe and experience pleasure in an almost meditative state.

Regular practice of tantric methods like lingam or yoni massage can help improve your libido, reduce your stress, and explore your sexuality in a healthy manner.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

— Here’s everything you need to know

What is tantric sex?

What are the principles of tantric sex?

What are the benefits of tantric sex?

How do you incorporate tantric sex into your relationship?

What are the techniques and practices of tantric sex?

Regulate your nervous system and do breathing exercises

Self pleasure

Eye gazing

Connecting heart centres through visualisation

Sensual massage and touch

Giving up too soon

Believing that tantra isn’t for you because no one you know does it

Tantra practice isn’t right for you because you’re not a spiritual person

— A Better Way To Handle Yourself

Short Fuse Confusion

Keeping the Genie in the Bottle

— Plus an exercise for expanded pleasure

The best orgasms come when you learn how to unlock a sexual “flow state.” Emily Nagoski, a sex educator, shares a meditation to help you get started.

How To Practice Tantra’s Intimate Form Of Sex

What is tantric sex?

Summary

What happens during tantric sex

Neotantra vs. classical tantra

Tantric sex positions and practices to try

1. Create a sacred space

2. Eye gazing (or “soul gazing”)

3. Hands on hearts circuit

4. Tantric massage

5. The yab-yum position

The purpose of tantric sex

Benefits of tantric sex

The takeaway

Prepare the space

Prepare the mind

Prepare the body

Tugging

Pushing and pulling

Circling

Rolling

Cupping

Lotus position

Hand on heart

Edging

“The idea that tantric sex is all about delayed orgasms is misguided. It would mean that delaying your orgasm is a challenge that you must win.”

Beware of quacks

Be creative and slow

Choose your energy wisely

Experiment with breath and sound

Unlearn childhood conditioning

Experiment with movement

— Here’s how to practice it

Understanding tantric sex

How to prepare for tantric sex

1. Learn about its history

2. Practice mindfulness

3. Create a safe environment

Tips to practice tantric sex

1. Focus on breath

2. Gaze into each other’s eyes

3. Slow down

4. Engage all five senses

5. Incorporate massage

Insider’s takeaway

7 Ways To Try It At Home

What is tantric massage?

What happens during a tantra massage.

Lingam massage.

Yoni massage.

Tantric breast massage.

Bonus tantra techniques.

Set the mood

Prepare the oils

Start slowly

Work your way up

Move inside

Practice restraint

Savor the experience