— And Can Confirm They’re a Relationship Game-Changer

Not to mention they helped me seriously start to unpack my sexual traumas and insecurities.

By Zoë Weiner

In no particular order, here’s a list of things I’d rather do than talk about sex: accidentally like a photo of my ex-boyfriend’s new girlfriend from two years ago; play six straight hours of baby shower games; drink bath water (yes, even Jacob Elordi’s).

Though I love having sex, actually talking about it with my partner, friends, and even my therapist makes me want to curl up into a ball and hide. According to a 2023 survey from Durex, I’m not the only one: A third of the 2,000 adults surveyed reported that they feel uncomfortable talking about sex with their partners, and a fifth won’t bring up sex at all over the course of their relationships.

If these folks (myself included) get itchy having these conversations with the person who regularly sees them naked, chances are they’re probably not running out to have them with a professional, either—which is where sex therapy apps can help.

My first introduction to sex therapy apps came late one night while I was laying in bed after a not-so-great, highly-anxiety-provoking sexual experience with my long-term partner. It was a sort of a “straw that broke the camel’s back” situation that made me realize that if I continued to ignore my sexual trauma—and the hangups that came along with it—it was never going to get better. What started with a few Google searches in the realm of “what is wrong with me” took me down a rabbit hole of resources I didn’t know existed. Fifteen minutes later, I downloaded my first sex therapy app, and was almost in tears as I realized that 1) I wasn’t alone in my experience, and 2) there might actually be a solution.

While most experts will tell you that working with an actual human therapist is the best way to address intimacy issues because they’re able to take a more personal approach, apps are a great plan B, especially if you can’t afford individual therapy. There are a number of different reasons why people find themselves in need of sex therapy—Kate Levine, LMHC, a Brooklyn-based sex therapist, names desire discrepancies, shame or embarrassment around sexual preferences, and trauma as some of the most common—and considering 43 percent of women and 31 percent of men will experience some sort of sexual dysfunction (which includes lack of desire) throughout their lifetime, according to The University of Texas Southwestern, any resource that makes navigating these things more accessible is decidedly a good thing.

“For a lot of folks, talking about sex with another human being can be very overwhelming—especially initially—and it might feel easier to engage with an app, where there’s a level of separation through the screen to allow them to get more comfortable,” says Nikita Fernandes, MHC-LP, a sex therapist who specializes in queer, poly, and POC couples. “I think these apps provide a more accessible way to check into or use certain resources at someone’s own pace and time and environment.”

To begin navigating my own issues around sex, I spent six weeks testing out some of the App Store’s most popular offerings. Here’s how it went and what I learned in the process.

Best Overall: Blueheart

Cost: $9.99/month

Pros: Solo and partnered work available, audio and written courses, stories from real couples, guided self-touch sessions, can link up with a partner’s account so you can do the work together.

Cons: Content largely focuses on cisgender sex and sexuality, no free option.

Blueheart was my first foray into sex apps—I downloaded it the night I realized I couldn’t “fix” my sexual issues on my own and immediately dove in.

The program starts with an assessment, which was built by psychologists and asks questions around five relationship pillars: Connection (i.e. how comfortable you are being yourself around your partner), Teamwork (how well you and your partner work through arguments), Sex and play (whether or not you feel attracted to and sexually fulfilled by your partner), Communication, and Values. From there, the app puts together a personalized program based on your needs.

The results of my assessment reaffirmed that I had significant anxiety around sex, which was impacting my libido levels, and informed me that I could benefit from learning new ways to communicate these things to my partner. The first part of my lesson plan was all about “re-sparking libido,” which consisted of 36 therapist-led audio sessions across five levels. The sessions ranged from five to 20 minutes, and each level included three guided self-touch sessions meant to help me learn how to get out of my head and focus on the pleasurable physical sensations that come with sex—which are more “guided meditation with some light nipple play” than audio erotica.

Level one began with exploring what desire is and how it works; level two was about managing stress and distractions during sex; level three focused on body image and performance anxiety; level four amped up those learnings with lessons on how to better connect to your body; and level five highlighted how to find pleasure. The final lesson, which is meant to be the last one you do on your own, teaches you how to talk about Blueheart with your partner so that you can work together moving forward.

In addition to the personalized lesson plan, Blueheart allows you to opt into other couple-friendly courses like “How To Talk About Money” and “Becoming a Better Team.” There are also a slew of expert-informed articles around body image, arousal, basic sex-ed, and more, plus stories from real couples who have found success with the program.

After spending years feeling like a freak because of my anxiety around sex, what I loved most about this app was how often it reassured me that it was totally normal—exactly what I needed to hear (especially from the soothing British woman’s voice Blueheart uses across its content). Every new session seemed to be building on the work I’d already done, which made me feel like I was making real progress. Additionally, the meditations helped me get in touch with my body, and I found myself coming back to the breathing exercises and sensory scans I learned during intimate experiences. After only two weeks of using Blueheart, I started to feel less stressed about sex, and now that I’ve finished my first full lesson, I’m excited to bring my partner into the fold to continue this work together.

Best for individuals looking to improve sexual function and desire: Rosy

Cost: $9.99/month-$74.99/month

Pros: Backed by licensed therapists and OBGYNs, offers coaching for queer and non-monogamous relationships, daily programs as short as five minutes, community-based conversation boards, live events, two virtual 30-minute coaching sessions a month with premium plan.

Cons: No free option, meant more for individual work than for couples.

Like Blueheart, Rosy’s sexual wellness program also begins with a quiz, but the questions are more related to your sex life over the course of the past month (think:”how often did you feel sexual desire?” and “how often did you reach climax when you had sexual stimulation?”). It also asked questions about birth control, pregnancy, and menopause (because hormones are so closely linked to sexual desire and performance), mental and gynecological health, and sexual trauma. All of this information creates your personalized wellness plan, which typically includes a daily lesson followed by a reflection in your in-app journal.

My journey started with the basics: A video in which two licensed psychotherapists explain in depth what sexual trauma actually is, which helped me better understand how these types of experiences can take different shapes. In addition to the daily tasks, the app also offers a series of “Quickies” videos where experts dive into common sexual concerns, like the orgasm gap and libido changes during menopause. Even better? It’s got an entire library of written and audio erotica (we’re talking hundreds of options), and a community discussion board where you can talk about what you’re going through with others who may be sharing the same experience.

I love how expert-led Rosy feels—certainly the closest to what I imagine IRL sex therapy feels like. The lessons gave me the opportunity to really understand how my sexual trauma was impacting me, as well as the tools I need to start overcoming it.

Best for couples looking to connect: Coral

Cost: $59.99/year

Pros: Designed for couples, one subscription includes two memberships (one for each partner), includes personalized therapy “journeys,” audio pleasure guides, games for couples, and sex tips. Free option offers limited access to some resources.

Cons: Not great for individuals looking to navigate sex and intimacy independently.

Coral is designed for couples, which means that after a month of testing sex therapy apps on my own, it was time to tell my partner what I’d been up to—which was admittedly a lot less scary than it would have been prior to this experiment.

Like all of the other apps on this list, Coral opens with an assessment—but in this case, the questions focus more on your sex life as a couple rather than an individual. (A few examples, which are meant to be answered by both parties: Who initiates sex more often? Does your desire come on suddenly or gradually? Has your attraction to your partner grown or diminished over time?) Your answers will inform the “journeys” that the app recommends for you, which target your goals around things like communication, confidence, and pleasure within your relationship.

Based on the program’s assessment that my partner and I have different desire types, I got my own journeys, each consisting of both written and audio lessons meant to be worked through on your own. Beyond these structured solo paths, the app also offers a slew of “choose your own adventure”-type programs that you can do alone or with your S.O. There are audio guides for solo and partnered pleasure, games and activities couples can play together to help get in the mood (my personal favorite was “Yes to Sex,” a sexual improv game in which one partner says something like “I’d like to get naked tonight,” and the other keeps the conversation going by adding a “yes and” statement, like, “Yes, and, I’d like to give you a massage with essential oils.”), sex tips and how-to guides, and more.

Thanks to the confidence and comfort I started building using Blueheart and Rosy, I was genuinely excited to start working with my partner on Coral. Though many of the activities started off giggly and silly, they helped us have some real, honest conversations about sex—and for the first time in my life, I faced them head-on instead of sticking my fingers in my ears. It wasn’t awkward or uncomfortable. Dare I say it was kinda… fun?

Final Thoughts on Sex Therapy Apps

After six weeks of entrusting my sexual wellbeing to app-based therapy, I walked away with a better understanding of my sexuality and how to properly communicate my needs. It’s hard to pick a favorite among the three apps because each one is so different, but using them helped me realize that there are effective tools available, that I’m not alone, and that I don’t have to spend big money on an IRL sex therapist to work through my struggles—at least not for now.

Caring for your mental health is a highly personal endeavor, which is to say that what worked for me may not work for everyone. But all three of these apps will be staying on my phone—and in my life—for the long haul, because even though I’ve made strides, I’m still a work in progress. And if they can continue to make my sex life, and my attitude around it, even better? That’s well worth the monthly subscription fees, IMO.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!