— And Why It Matters

It’s all about compassion for yourself AND others.

Even though you’ve probably heard people talking about sex positivity online or in your own social circles, the concept is more complex than just enjoying sex, or trying to ditch shame. While there’s an entire history and movement behind it, actually embracing a sex-positive lifestyle and mindset can be very personal and nuanced.

That said, experts like board-certified sexologist and sex therapist Gloria Brame, PhD, are quick to note that the idea is all about a sense of understanding and levity regarding, well, sex. “Sex positivity recognizes that sex is a place of pleasure and emotional relief for consenting adults, not just duty to one’s country or faith. Sex positivity is more of an evidence-based, non-ideological, and non-patriarchal approach to sex,” Brame says.

The history behind the sex positivity movement is long, and the concept leaves a lot of room for personal interpretation and ways to make it feel significant to you. Ahead, experts explain what exactly it means to be sex positive and how you can adopt this new mindset in your own life and relationships.

Meet the Experts:
Gloria Brame, PhD is a sex therapist and certified sexologist based in Athens, GA.

Tara Suwinyattichaiporn, PhD is a professor of sexual communication at California State University, Fullerton and host of the Luvbites by Dr. Tara podcast.

What is the history of the sex positivity movement?

The core values behind sex positivity can be traced back quite a few decades. The ideals of the sexual liberation movement in the 1960s and 70s set up what is now known as the sex positivity movement, according to Brame. She shares that the sex positivity movement was largely inspired by the work of the late Allena Gabosch, a sex educator and advocate for the movement who founded The Center for Sex Positive Culture in 1999.

An important flagship for the movement, the Seattle-based Center for Sex Positive Culture, along with the Center for Sex and Culture in San Francisco, began using the term “sex positive” in the 1990s and promoted the mission of educating and empowering all people about sexuality and how embracing it can change their lives. These community-based spaces still exist today, both physically and digitally, and continue to spread the work started decades ago.

What does it mean to be sex positive?

You’ve probably heard the term thrown around in various capacities, but what does sex positivity mean, exactly? Brame explains that a large part of the term is derived from open-mindedness and acceptance, even when you don’t quite understand it.

“Sex positivity is rejecting the traditional narrative that sex is dirty and shameful and learning to accept it—in all its configurations—as a normal part of a healthy life,” she says. “It means respecting that everyone has a human right to engage in consensual sex, regardless of what type of sex they enjoy… It goes against the Puritanical doctrine that sex is for reproductive purposes only.”

As opposed to kink-shaming, or “yucking” someone’s “yum,” as the saying goes, being sex positive not only involves empowering your own sense of sexual identity, but also withholding judgment or shame regarding that of others.

“[Being] sex positive means being sexually empowered to communicate and make your own informed decisions regarding your sexuality and sexual activity, while keeping a compassionate, non-judgmental attitude about yourself and other people’s sexual attitudes and behaviors,” says Tara Suwinyattichaiporn, PhD, professor of sexual communication at California State University Fullerton and host of the Luvbites by Dr. Tara podcast.

Why should I be sex positive?

Empowering yourself and others to embrace your personal sexuality, whatever that looks like, and enjoy pleasure and sexual freedom without shame or negativity is always a good thing. The benefits of being sex positive are countless, so an alternative question might be: Why should you not be sex positive? As long as your sexual choices are safe and consensual, being sex positive can really only help you learn more about yourself and your desires.

Having a sex-positive mindset can not only improve your sex life, but other aspects of your wellbeing, too. Suwinyattichaiporn shares that some of the major benefits to practicing sex positivity are a higher level of sexual self-confidence, communication skills (as far as your boundaries and desires are concerned), reduced anxiety around sex, and even a higher level of sexual satisfaction. All of these “pros” can even be translated to a partner when you’re in a sexual relationship, boosting your intimacy and creating a mutually-fulfilling sex life together.

Releasing shame or stigma around sexuality is anoter massive benefit to becoming sex positive, Brame adds. She notes that whether you’re insecure about your body or your sexual interests, sex positivity can be the best antidote.

“It’s a vital aspect of human self-esteem to feel at home in your body and at peace with your sexuality. With sex-positive attitudes, you become stronger about boundaries and more focused on what actually works for you as an individual—and as a partner,” Brame says. “Being pleasure-based rather than reproductive-based relieves a lot of the pressure of sex and gives you the freedom to be more sexually authentic.”

How can I be more sex positive?

Understanding the overall concept of sex positivity may be relatively simple, but figuring out what being sex positive looks like for you is often easier said than done.

If you’re unsure where to start, Brame suggests leaning into curiosity. “Think about what has worked for you sexually: Have you been too shy to ask for it? To pursue it actively? Why?” she says. “Sexually healthy people ask for what they need to feel great.” Exploring what you really want, what makes you comfortable, and what helps you feel best sexually are the first steps to take.

When you’re ready to embark on your sex-positive journey, Suwinyattichaiporn recommends you begin with talking about sex. Even if you just share your sexual boundaries or preferences, chatting about sex more often with your partner(s) or close friends can lead you to foster a more sex-positive mindset. She also suggests trying out sexual meditations or affirmations; saying things like “I am a great lover” or “I am a sexual being” to yourself can start to shift your perspective and help you gain sexual confidence, which is a huge foundation of sex positivity.

If you’re someone who deals with shame or guilt surrounding sex, whether from a cultural/religious background or otherwise, practicing sex positivity can seem intimidating or even impossible at first. While these are valid feelings, Brame reminds that you’re not alone—shame and guilt around sex are the primary reason many of her sex therapy clients seek her help.

“Shame and discomfort can be hard nuts to crack alone. I recommend reading, going to sex-positive workshops, and working with sex therapists or coaches,” she says. “But you don’t need to have money to win the war against shame inside. Sometimes, what I recommend to clients is that they make choices with their heads and not their hearts.” This can be something as small as using safe sex protocols to ensure you feel fully comfortable and safe making your own sexual choices, which can empower you to continue exploring your desires.

Even if it seems like a big task at first, taking small and steady steps toward becoming more sex positive can only benefit you in the long-term. Whether you choose to enroll in sex therapy, try out kink-friendly spaces and events, or even just talk more about your sexual preferences and desires, the journey you take in promoting sex positivity in your own life just might inspire those around you to do the same—and the more sex-positive people there are, the better.

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