by Kristen Fischer
Telling someone else (or others) about a person’s sexual orientation or gender identity without their approval is also called “outing.” In some cases, it’s not done to harm the person; in other situations, the person sharing the information does so to retaliate or to shame the other person.They may even do it to prevent someone from excelling at work. Whatever the reason, outing someone is a violation of their privacy. And it can have serious effects on their health and well-being.
Outing is different from “coming out.” When a person comes out, they choose who to tell about their sexual orientation or gender identity. When a person who identifies as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, or queer or questioning (LGBTQ) is “outed,” they lose their power to tell others; it’s done for them, against their will.
There can be benefits to coming out – when a person does so willingly. In that case, it can support their mental health (and even lower cortisol , a hormone that affects your body – especially how it responds to stress). But when someone does it without their consent, it can have opposite effects on their mental health and health overall.
How Can Being Outed Harm My Health?
Telling others about someone’s sexual orientation or gender identity may not seem like a big deal, especially if the person has told others about it. But it still violates their privacy. It can have effects on their health and may affect their schooling or professional life.
Outing doesn’t just harm LGBTQ youths; it can affect a person at any age. Outing can affect these things related to your health:
Mental health. Sexual minorities have a greater risk of mental health issues. One thing that may impair mental health is a violation of privacy – as is the case when a person is outed. It can trigger a person to engage in unhealthy behaviors, or lead to issues like anxiety and depression. Not everyone gets help for these issues. One survey found that 48% of LGBTQ youths ages 13 to 24 wanted counseling but didn’t get it.
Suicide. In some cases, being outed has caused people to kill themselves. LGBTQ youths have a greater risk for suicidality. Transgender youths, specifically, are twice as likely to think about suicide or attempt it, compared to cisgender lesbian, gay, bisexual, queer, and questioning youths.
Homelessness. Whether you come out or are outed, you may be at risk for homelessness – and that can impact your physical and mental health. You can become homeless as a result of being outed if the people you live with reject you after hearing about your orientation or identity. Some parents or caretakers force LGBTQ youths out of their homes after hearing they are sexual minorities – whether from the child or others. This is the case for many young LGBTQ people, who have a 120% higher risk of some form of homelessness. About 28% of LGBTQ youths (ages 13 to 24) dealt with homelessness or housing instability during their lives. These can raise your chances for having to deal with mental health issues, compared to people who have a stable living situation.Substance abuse. Sexual minorities have higher rates of substance misuse and substance use disorders, compared to heterosexual people.
Violence. Bisexual men and women, lesbians, gay men, and transgender people are all at higher risks for violence and injury from violence, compared to others. LGBTQ people are more prone to this, compared to cisgender people. Whether it’s between partners or strangers, violence can still harm your health.
Disease and obesity. LGBT youths are at a higher risk for sexually transmitted diseases, cardiovascular disease, obesity, and cancer. So are LGBTQ adults. Being outed, or the fear of it, could be one reason that sexual minorities don’t seek out care or treatment, or disclose their orientation or identity to providers out of fear of stigma, ridicule, or because they’re afraid their personal information could be shared outside of the doctor/patient relationship.
How Can I Avoid Outing Someone?
The best way is not to say anything about a person’s gender identity or sexual orientation.
If you do out someone accidentally or unknowingly (like misusing their pronouns), you may want to apologize or discuss it with the other person openly. They may be hurt or angry. If you don’t say anything, it could be even more hurtful. Their identity is their story to tell, and you should respect their feelings.
What Should I Do if I’m Outed?
You may feel like you have no options if someone shares your personal information without your consent. But these tips may be able to support you through the situation.
Scope out resources. If you think you may be without a place to live because you’ve been outed, try to gather what you need to live elsewhere – at least for a while. Pack a bag with medications, clothing, and extra funds if you think you will be removed from your home. While this type of preparation may make you feel anxious, it may also provide you with some peace of mind that you’re prepared for the worst. A local LGBTQ organization or center may be able to connect you with resources.
Know the laws. Schools can’t share a student’s sexual orientation or gender identity to their parents or other staff – even if you’re a student who has told others at school. Companies can’t discriminate against you based on your sexual orientation or gender identity, according to the federal Title VII law. Title VII doesn’t apply to LGBTQ students, but many lower courts have addressed those rights.
Title VII only applies to organizations with more than 15 workers. LGBTQ people still face tough choices to come out (or can feel forced to come out) at work or fear being outed. You may want to see if your company has a policy in place to protect you. Being aware of the legal actions you can take can’t prevent outing, but it can empower you to take action if you’ve been outed.
Connect. Going through being outed can be isolating, especially if you haven’t told anyone else about your sexual orientation or gender identity. But there are some resources that may give you support. The Trevor Project has a hotline and an online community. Your school may have resources to assist you with being outed (or coming out).
Think about how you want to respond. It may not seem like it, but you do have power, even if someone violated your rights. How you react can enable you to make positive changes at school or work, and position you to inspire others.
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