— Exploring the forgotten part of wellness routines.
BY HANNAH COLE
I am a woman of many attempted wellness routines. I’m great at exercising daily for my mental health and sticking to morning and evening skincare routines, but one aspect of my self-care that significantly lacks attention is my sexual wellness. It’s important, but I’m easily distracted and I’ve never thought of it as an essential cornerstone.
Luckily for me, sexual wellness apps are on the rise. At the height of lockdown, I downloaded Kama and I can’t listen to my favourite podcasts without a promo for Dipsea. No doubt you’re familiar with others like Coral, Ferly and Rosy. What impact would a daily sexual wellness practice, as dictated by one of these apps, have on my mind, body and soul?
The experts’ take on sexual wellness apps
I think a sexual wellness practice might significantly improve my wellbeing. To test my hypothesis, I decided to take myself on a journey of experimentation. Before kicking off, I reached out to three local experts to understand the benefits and roles of these apps.
“Sexual wellness is a key pillar of overall wellbeing,” notes relationship coach Stephanie Rigg. “But for many of us, it’s something that falls way down the list… many people treat sex as something they do rather than a part of who they are.” As certified sex coach Georgia Grace tells me, “We’re starting to value it not just as an afterthought, not just as something that is indulgent or radical”.
Sexologist and sexuality educator Lauren French believes “Anything that allows more space to talk about sex and for people to reflect on how sex works in their life can do a world of good”. Apps can play a pivotal role in building healthy habits, improving self-confidence and helping us understand our sexuality.
This, in turn, promotes better sex. “How are you meant to communicate your needs, desires and preferences if you’ve never taken the time to explore what they are?” asks Stephanie.
Your choice of app is a personal thing, determined by your interests, questions and needs. While I set out for daily usage, Georgia notes the decision always “Comes back to the intention. What are you hoping to get out of this?”. Personally, I was hoping to discover if simply acting, thinking or learning about sex for a minimum of five minutes could benefit me.
The three-week trial
As any routine-setter will tell you, it’s essential to cultivate the time and space (both mental and physical) for the habit at hand. I set my daily reminders, made the bed with fresh linen sheets, propped my earphones on the bedside table and selected my apps: Kama (free), Dipsea and Ferly (both offer seven-day free trials).
My hope was a daily sexual wellness practice would help me engage with my body more, be kinder to myself and prompt me to wind down after a long day.
Kama, a pleasure-focused app with practical exercises, meditations and daily content from an in-house sex coach, took me through guided masturbation. One 30-minute course offered tips for finding the ‘electric spot’.
The app frequently reminded me these practices are not only designed for enjoyment but offer a gateway to better sex and familiarisation with one’s body. My Kama practice was to engage all the senses, pay attention and do away with pressure and goals.
Similarly, Ferly nudged me towards greater mindfulness. Focusing less on the physical practice here (although there are guides for that too), I selected the Cultivating Desire course. Designed with cute checklist-like modules, each integrated theory, practical applications and exercises with the opportunity for reflection.
My final contender was Dipsea. Sold as ‘sexy and short audio stories’, the app embraces erotica in a way that feels modern, playful and far from the cringiness of Mills and Boon bodice-rippers. Every night for a week, I indulged in a ten-minute episode following the sexy romance of Jack and Gia. I shut my eyes, leaned back on my pillow and let my mind wander, giving into the ASMR sensations.
As Georgia tells me, “It’s also interesting to see how the category is actually expanding out to include other aspects of your overall wellbeing”. Not only was I engaging with sex-focused content – helping to build arousal and explore eroticism – but each app offered additional sleep and breathwork practices. Come for the sex-positive content, stay for the relaxation – sexual wellness fits into the bigger picture.
After three weeks of dabbling in these apps, I learnt enforcing a daily practice – of almost anything – kind of takes away the sparkle. Without a solid goal, I was dipping in and out of lessons and simply choosing what seemed to ‘speak to me’ in the moment.
Unless, of course, it’s a Dipsea story (which I’m now considering paying for – a wild idea coming from the girl who refused to pay for the efficiency of a public transport app). You can’t make me sit still and meditate for five minutes, but I will halt everything for a good story. When I listen, my heart rate slows and I breathe deeply again. My body, mind and soul reach peak relaxation.
In saying this, nothing is perfect. “These spaces almost always also have a function in selling something… that’s not necessarily a bad thing, but it’s something we all need to remember when diving into any wellness space,” Lauren tells me.
A part of me worries about the gamification of sex and the commodification of our simple needs. The other part of me? It’s more than happy to indulge and seek pleasure in any way that works.
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