Learn how to be a better girlfriend by wowing him with your amazingness, impressing him with your charm, and genuinely caring.
Learning how to be a better girlfriend isn’t as hard as you might think. Making your boyfriend happy makes you happy. So, if you look at it that way, being a better girlfriend pretty much means you’re being a better you.
We all have moments of weakness where we lash out, nag, or say something we don’t mean. No one is perfect. I’m sure your boyfriend isn’t either.
But, as long as you truly care and try to make him happy while maintaining a healthy relationship, you’ve got this. You can learn how to be a better girlfriend in no time.
Learning how to be a better girlfriend is not all about pleasing your man. It isn’t about doing what he wants or following his commands. In fact, your boyfriend should NEVER be commanding you.
Being a better girlfriend is about bettering the relationship as a whole. It is about working as a team. Learning how to be a better girlfriend takes patience and practice. But, with that, you can be the best girlfriend you can be.
Believe it or not, improving yourself in the relationship will also enhance your connections at work and with friends and family. Part of being a better girlfriend is being a better person, and we could all do with a little of that.
How to be a better girlfriend
Learning how to be a better girlfriend isn’t complicated. The fact that you’re reading this right now shows you care. You are already putting the effort in. Good for you.
Now you just need to put the work in. And the work isn’t hard. Knowing how much you can get out of it will motivate you to always try to be a better girlfriend. And hopefully, that will inspire him to be a better boyfriend as well.
1. Listen
As women, we love to offer advice. Look at me. I’m doing it right now. But, not every situation calls for your opinion. Learn how to listen without offering your opinion or advice. Sure, sometimes it is needed. But if you aren’t sure, ask. Ask him if he wants your take on the situation. If not, just let him vent. He will appreciate the silent support.
2. Don’t be so critical
Men are more sensitive than they let on. Your little joke about his nose hairs or how he wears his hair might seem harmless, but it probably cuts a lot deeper than you think. Just as you are self-conscious, he is too. Unless it is something he can fix in 2 minutes or less, like food in his teeth or a booger in his nose, it isn’t worth commenting on.
3. Take a breath
Women are very emotionally turbulent. It is no secret to anyone that has interacted with us. It isn’t our fault. But, trying not to explode our emotions all over our partner can make the relationship sail a lot smoother.
This isn’t the ’50s. You can have and show your feelings and you should. you don’t need to be meek and mild-mannered. Just try to pause and take a breath before reacting. A big blowout can lead to fighting and regrets. Try to digest new information fully and take a time-out before blurting out the first thing that comes to your mind.
Don’t misinterpret what I’m saying. You do not need to be agreeable and calm all the time. Just slow down and breathe before reacting. This can help turn an overreaction into a reaction.
4. Put down the phone
What did we do before cell phones and texting? We were probably all better girlfriends back then.
It is easy to sit next to your boo and just scroll through Instagram and only half-listen to what he’s saying. When you are together, try to make that time quality time by putting your phone away. It may even be helpful to plan out phone-free dates, so you both share your undivided attention.
5. Make fighting rules
When you’re mad things can get heated. Instead of flipping out or taking off, make some ground rules when you’re both calm. Talk about what you’ll do in the middle of a fight if things are getting out of hand. Do you need to go to separate rooms to cool off? Do you need to cuddle quietly before talking again?
Introduce these ideas when you are getting along. This way, when a fight does arise, you won’t take it too far and say something you regret.
6. Try never to call names
If you want to know how to be a better girlfriend, avoid name-calling. You aren’t in grammar school, don’t ever call him names or point out his biggest insecurities. Hitting below the belt is not cool. No matter how upset you are at him or a situation, it is never helpful.
You are only creating resentment and lowering his self-esteem, which will come back to bite you both.
7. Make respect #1
Respecting your partner should be of the utmost importance. That should be a priority. Whether you’re fighting or not, disrespecting each other is the first step into the end. Instead of being rude or disregarding their feelings, listen. You care about this person, so make that known.
8. Find balance
It is okay to worry about why he is withdrawn and upset, but if he doesn’t want to talk about it, you need not pry it out of him. Let him cool down. Sometimes he needs to go to the gym or play video games to calm down. He may not need to talk it out like you and that is okay. Everyone deals with their stuff differently.
Simply let him know you are there if he wants to talk, but don’t push. Forcing him to talk will only push him away. Yes, he should open up to you, but he doesn’t need to share every emotion at every given moment. Being a better girlfriend is about letting him be.
9. Accept when he needs space
If he has a ritual of coming home and sitting on the front stoop, respect it. It is hard not to take it personally when a guy wants space, but it is his time to work through the day, recoup, and regenerate. You may make this time when you’re in the shower or bath. His time may look different, but let it be.
If you allow him to unwind, he’ll be all wound up to spend time with you, and it will strengthen your relationship.
10. Trust him
To be the best girlfriend, never snoop. Never invade his privacy. A solid relationship is built on trust. As I said, learning how to be a better girlfriend is about working on yourself. Usually, when you don’t trust your boyfriend, it isn’t because of something he’s doing, but it comes from within.
Work on your own trust issues so he doesn’t become the focus of them.
11. Give him guy time
Every guy needs “his” time, just as you need yours. You go out with your friends or talk to your mom on the phone. Maybe he just wants to sit in silence or take a nap. You should both have freedom. A relationship shouldn’t be a prison.
Your relationship is a part of your life, not the entire thing. Treat it as such.
12. Be clear
Guys hear some things differently from the way girls speak. You may think you’re making sense to him, but there’s a chance he is totally misunderstanding. Now, you shouldn’t have to bend over backward, so he understands you, but be sure he is clear on what you mean.
Ask if he needs you to reword something. Have him repeat what you said to be sure he understands. You can’t just assume he knows what you mean. Trust me. This isn’t just you being a better girlfriend. It benefits you too.
13. Be attentive
A good girlfriend is attentive to his needs. You don’t need to be a mind reader but try to be aware. Know that Thursdays are rough word days, so make his favorite dinner. You know that his mom calls him for a long chat on Sundays, so offer to talk to her so he can have a break. Just try to pay attention, and this will come easily.
14. Don’t nag
He was a teenager once, and his mother nagged him to clean his room. The last thing he needs is for you to replace her. When you want him to do something, ask. You can remind him, but if he doesn’t want to do it, he won’t. Let him know calmly that you feel ignored when he doesn’t do what he says he will.
There is no use in repeatedly nagging. It will just make you angry, and him annoyed. If he isn’t listening or following through, that is a deeper issue to deal with.
15. Have quiet time
If my boyfriend is reading this, he will probably text me to listen to my own advice. As women, we are talkers. I talk more in an hour than my boyfriend does in a week. I just always want to fill the silence.
But, sometimes, it is nice to sit in silence. It may seem awkward, but give it a shot. Enjoying silence together is really bonding. You can cuddle or read or just sit in the same room. No one needs to talk, and you don’t need music or TV. Try to enjoy quiet time together. He may never ask for this in fear of offending you, but he will appreciate it.
16. Be happy
A man’s biggest accomplishment is making his girlfriend happy, or at least, it should be. You may not realize your happiness has a huge effect on him. “Happy wife, happy life” is for real.
I’m not saying you should be overly positive. This only leads to toxic positivity. Everything isn’t perfect all the time. You’ll have bad days. But, do try to see the silver lining. Try to see the best of bad situations when it calls for that. If you’re stuck in traffic have a karaoke session. If you lose internet play board game.
When you can put a positive spin on minor inconveniences, you will add even more happiness to his life and your own.
17. Appreciate him
Learning how to be a better girlfriend is about appreciating all he does as a good boyfriend. Yes, you should expect loyalty and respect. But when he surprises you with your favorite dessert or buys you something small cause he was thinking of you, make sure he knows how grateful you are.
18. Don’t expect perfection
Just as you aren’t perfect, neither is he. We may have all dreamed of our prince charming, but that isn’t real. The perfect boyfriend isn’t perfect. He is the imperfect boy that you see perfectly.
We all make mistakes. He may tape over your favorite TV show. He may leave the seat up. And he might suck at separating the laundry, but pick your battles. Doesn’t the good outweigh the bad?
19. Don’t treat him like your girlfriend
He is your boyfriend. He probably has no interest in the awesome deal you got on those shoes or how Jenny said something to you about Nancy. Save the girl talk for the girls. He shouldn’t;t be everything to you anyway. Having friends to talk to about other stuff is so important.
It keeps your life balanced and prevents you from being codependent. Don’t you prefer to be left out of the boy talk?
20. Be supportive
Everyone has a right to have dreams. If he has one, be supportive. Even if you don’t know if it will work out, as long as it does no harm, make sure to find out who he is and what he wants to be. There is always time to be an adult, believe in him enough to know that he will find his way, and when he does, you will be there to share in the celebration.
21. Make nice with his family
Don’t get mixed in with his family drama, and don’t fight with his family members. Of course, if someone in his family bullies you, definitely go to him, but don’t start anything. Being the best girlfriend means trying to fit in with his family, not make things harder.
You shouldn’t have to force it, but trying to keep the peace is enough.
22. Just give him a hug
Sometimes he just needs a hug. Don’t hang on him, but just give him a hug. Rub his shoulders. Sometimes some simple physical touch can make all the difference.
23. Text him
Text him sweet things throughout the day. Don’t bombard him, but let him know you’re thinking of him. At the store? Snap a pick of a new snack you think he’d like. you can even be flirty and send him a photo of your outfit saying, “I love my outfit today, but I can’t wait for you to come home and take it off.”
He wants to know that you’re still into him. Little texts like this reignite the spark.
24. Spice things up in the bedroom
Be willing to try new things and attend to his sexual fantasies when you can. Being open and vulnerable is the best way to build a trusting and lasting relationship. Talk about what you like and what he likes. Set boundaries and enjoy. It is also an excellent way to find out for yourself what feels good.
25. Be a good girlfriend to yourself
This may sound confusing but bear with me. Be good and kind to yourself. You need to have confidence and know you deserve the best to offer the best to him. In order to be a better girlfriend to him, you need to treat yourself just as well.
26. Figure out his triggers
Take note of those things about you that drive him crazy (in a bad way) and try to avoid them. You shouldn’t have to walk on eggshells around him, but try to make things easier. If he knows how angry you get when he leaves the gas tank on empty, you’d hope he would try to stop that. Do the same for him.
If he hates when you leave water on the counter after washing your face, try to be considerate of that.
27. Ignore the small stuff
Let things go, and don’t hold grudges. We all get annoyed, but having a fight about something small isn’t worth it. It would be best if you didn’t hold it in, but don’t let little things become big things.
28. Don’t use him as your punching bag
If you have a bad day, leave it behind you. You should be able to vent to him, but keep your conversation on the subject. Don’t let your bad day be taken out on him.
Let him know you had a bad day and talk about it. Don’t just have a short temper. Yes, he is your boyfriend, but that doesn’t mean he should have to put up with misdirected anger. [Read: How to calm down when you’re angry]
29. Try his hobbies
It is good for you to have your own hobbies, but try to get involved in some of the things he enjoys. If he is a huge Star Wars fan, have a marathon with him. You don’t need to become obsessed, but letting him know you are happy that he has these things in his life shows how much you care.
30. Talk
Let him know you want to be a better girlfriend. Ask him if there is anything you can do. Does he prefer a cuddle after a long day or space? Ask him if he likes it when you buy him gifts or if he would prefer you just spend some time together. This is the best way to be a better girlfriend.
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