Month: June 2022

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What to know about sexually transmitted infections

With rates of some STIs on the rise, it’s never been more important to understand the risks, symptoms and treatments.

By Annie Hauser

While the pandemic delayed many routine screenings, rates of some common sexually transmitted infections didn’t slow. Rather, rates of syphilis and congenital syphilis continued to surge, as did gonorrhea cases, according to a recent report from the United States Centers for Disease Control and Prevention of 2020 data.

Chlamydia infections declined though that may have been due to pandemic-related decreases in screening, rather than an actual drop in cases, the CDC notes.

Overall, rising cases of many STIs—including congenital syphilis—highlight the need for people to be aware of the risks, prevention strategies, and treatment options, says Okeoma Mmeje, M.D., M.P.H., an obstetrician-gynecologist at University of Michigan Health Von Voigtlander Women’s Hospital who has expertise in reproductive infectious diseases.

Who is at risk for STIs?

More than 50% of new STIs in the U.S. are in people aged 15 to 24. Generally, if you’re in this age group and sexually active, it’s recommended that you be screened at least once a year whether that’s at a student health center, a pediatrician or a gynecologist. The CDC also recommends that everyone between the ages of 13 and 64 be screened for HIV at least once.

In Michigan, anyone over the age of 13 can access reproductive services without parental consent, which can help make accessing services easier for young people.

“Testing is important because we know that untreated or recurrent STIs can be associated with reproductive harm, especially in those who have chronic pelvic pain, pelvic inflammatory disease or damage to their fallopian tubes, which increases their risk for ectopic pregnancy or infertility in the future,” says Mmeje.

People should be particularly aware of rising syphilis rates among heterosexual women. In recent years, syphilis hasn’t affected women as much as men. But a change in incidence means women need to know about the risk, including the worrying increase in congenital syphilis.

Congenital syphilis is still relatively rare—there were 2,148 cases in 2020, which amounts to 57.3 cases per 100,000 live births in the U.S. But that’s a staggering increase of 254% over 2016 numbers. And it can be deadly to newborns. Most people can be screened for STIs during pregnancy, so it’s thought the rise in cases is due to a lack of access to prenatal care.

“If someone misses appointments or has no prenatal care at all, that’s where we see these incidents of people falling through the cracks,” Mmeje says.

Preventing and treating STIs

Mmeje wants people to feel empowered and not judged when it comes to STIs. It’s important to have conversations about risks with sexual partners to understand your risk. Barrier methods, like male or female condoms, can help prevent STIs.

If you know you’re at a higher risk for HIV, there are medications you can take to help prevent infection. Risk factors for HIV include multiple sexual partners and intravenous drug use. Other STIs, including chlamydia, gonorrhea, and trichomoniasis, can be associated with an increased risk of HIV infection.

If you do contract an STI, most can be easily treated. In most states, your partner can get medication too without a visit to a health care provider. It’s called expedited partner therapy. A physician can prescribe medication to a person’s sexual partner without doing a separate clinical evaluation.

Mmeje says that clinicians would prefer that sexual partners of a person diagnosed with an STI come in for their own evaluation. But expedited partner therapy can help in cases when it’s not possible for the sexual partner to come in and be seen.

COVID-19 and STI testing

At the beginning of the COVID-19 pandemic, public health resources were redirected to pandemic-related efforts. As a result, STI clinics were shut down and a decrease in sexual health screening and testing followed, according to a study from the National Coalition of STD Directors. People receiving treatment at student health centers may have been particularly impacted.

While this caused many people—particularly those in economically and/or socially marginalized populations—to lose access to these critical health care services, the pandemic forced innovation too.

At-home tests for STIs are more available now than ever before.

“Almost overnight, there were all these platforms available for ordering STI tests online that can be done at home,” Mmeje says.

These home-based tests can be expensive and aren’t covered by insurance. But the privacy and convenience can’t be beat, especially for young people or college students who may not regularly visit a primary care physician or OB-GYN, or for individuals with sexual partners who do not want to seek care in a traditional clinical setting.

Trichomoniasis in women

Most people know about syphilis, gonorrhea, and chlamydia, but trichomoniasis—known as “trich”—isn’t as well known among the general population. But it’s extremely common: there were an estimated 2.6 million cases of it in 2018, according to the CDC. That works out to infections in about 2.1% of women between the ages of 14 and 59.

Trich is a parasitic infection. About 70% of people with it don’t have symptoms. But for those who do, the signs include itching, burning and irritation, discharge from the penis or vaginal area, and discomfort while urinating.

In pregnant people, trich can be associated with early birth or a low birth weight.

Like other common STIs, it’s easily treatable after diagnosis.

Overall, Mmeje wants to reduce stigma around STIs to help more people access STI screening and treatment services.

“I want people to understand and know that an STI is not the end of the world,” says Mmeje. “You can be treated to prevent recurrent infection and complications.”

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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This book aims to make sex-ed for kids and teens a little more colourful and a little less awkward

‘You Know, Sex’ takes a welcoming approach that supports both young readers and their parents

Crop of Cory Silverberg and Fiona Smyth’s “You Know, Sex: Bodies, Gender, Puberty, and Other Things”

By Shailee Koranne

Most of us don’t look back on sex-ed fondly; my own memories of it are wrapped up in awkward health class lessons and uneasy conversations at home. But sexual education doesn’t have to be unpleasant. It can be funny without making you feel like the butt of the joke, and it can be informative without talking down to you. Cory Silverberg and Fiona Smyth’s latest sex-ed book You Know, Sex: Gender, Puberty, and Other Things sets a welcoming tone immediately, quoting disability justice organizer and artist Patty Berne in a letter to the reader: “There is no right or wrong way to have a body.”

Sex-ed, especially right now, is rife with conflict between disagreeing parents and policymakers — but it’s kids and teens who bear the consequences of inadequate sexual education. Detractors of a comprehensive sex-ed curriculum say that it confuses kids and encourages sexual risk-taking behaviour. In reality, sex-ed empowers young people and reduces risk-taking by increasing knowledge about safer sex and sexual health.

This is where You Know, Sex comes in. It’s the third instalment in a trilogy of sex-ed books for kids and teens written by Silverberg and illustrated by Smyth, following the acclaimed titles What Makes a Baby? and Sex is a Funny Word. You Know, Sex immerses the reader in the lives of four young characters named Mimi, Omar, Cooper, and Zai, who represent different ethnicities, genders, sexualities, and abilities. Gender, consent, reproduction, relationships, and safety are among the wide range of topics covered in a way that’s accessible to young audiences.

Cory Silverberg and Fiona Smyth’s “You Know, Sex: Bodies, Gender, Puberty, and Other Things.”

Silverberg, who grew up in Toronto, wanted You Know, Sex to be inclusive of many different experiences. “My life is full of people exactly like Mimi, Omar, Cooper, and Zai, and they’re a part of my community,” they say. “We wanted [the book] to feel like real life. We wanted people to recognize themselves in all aspects of the book.” 

Fiona Smyth’s vivid illustrations of the well-rounded cast of characters lend an exciting and imaginative feeling to topics that are usually handled clumsily. Our recollection of sex-ed may conjure up memories of graphic images whose purpose was to shock us, but Smyth’s bold use of colour and whimsical, yet detailed, drawings of people and bodies makes the book approachable. 

Adolescence is a crucial age, something that everyone implicitly knows because we all harbour a bit of tenderness over our teenage selves. It’s when the topic of sex suddenly becomes omnipresent: we start noticing changes in our and others’ bodies that we don’t understand, and we begin to feel unfamiliar emotions and desires that might scare, excite, or overwhelm us. Recess-time gossip would have us nodding like we understood what everyone was talking about, even if we had no idea. While the topic was inescapable, having real conversations about sex still felt out-of-bounds, even shameful — everything is embarrassing when you’re young.

Cory Silverberg and Fiona Smyth’s “You Know, Sex: Bodies, Gender, Puberty, and Other Things” pg. 44.

You Know, Sex confronts those feelings of awkwardness and shame head-on and deals with them through care, playfulness, and approachable language. Take, for example, the section under the chapter “Bodies” that explains genitalia. Silverberg uses “middle parts” to subvert the euphemistic term “private parts” that is often used to describe genitalia, and lightly explains that “every part of our body could be private, not just the parts that other people think are for sex.” In the same section, the four main characters sing a funny song about middle parts, and Smyth’s brilliant illustrations accompany functional explanations of penises and vaginas.

Best of all, You Know, Sex asks as many questions as it answers. Arguments against sex-ed claim that sexual education “indoctrinates” children by telling them what to believe; this is particularly untrue about this book. Instead of telling its readers how they should feel about something, it offers explanations on a given topic, then leaves it up to the reader to decide how to react. For instance, following a short overview about peer pressure (which the book is sure to mention can also come from adults in kids’ lives), it asks several questions for the reader to contemplate further, like, “Can you think of a time when your yes or no was respected and listened to?” 

“Kids have the capacity to think critically at every age,” says Silverberg. “Our books are about supporting kids to learn on their own terms.”

Cory Silverberg and Fiona Smyth’s “You Know, Sex: Bodies, Gender, Puberty, and Other Things” pg. 44.

It can be deeply affirming, even as an adult, to read a book like You Know, Sex that talks about tender topics with you in mind — something Silverberg’s readers have confirmed. The GoodReads page for Sex is a Funny Word, which precedes You Know, Sex, is full of stories from readers who wished they had access to the book when they were younger. One reader wrote, “My heart broke a little realizing how different things could have been had I had this in my arsenal as a pre-teen.”

Modernized sexual education is crucial for the wellbeing and safety of children and people everywhere, something that research has proven time and time again. Children and young people who receive sex-ed go on to use contraception at higher rates and have fewer unplanned pregnancies. There is also a direct link between sexual education and people feeling an increase in their own autonomy and confidence. “Information is prevention. Information is a way to protect kids,” Silverberg explained in an interview about You Know, Sex on The Social.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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10 Top Sex Ed Tips for Those 50 and Older

Making love is about more than intimacy. It’s good for your health, too

By Robin Westen

How sexy are your 50s?

If you think sex is the province of the young, you’re wrong. People in their 20s are having less sex now than ever before, studies show, so it’s possible that you’re as active, or more so, as the average millennial. About a third of us are getting busy several times a week, one survey found.

And most of us are still in the game: 91 percent of men and 86 percent of women in their 50s report being sexually active, although activity levels vary widely. So, there’s no “normal” amount of sex for people our age. What matters more is that you and your partner are happy with your sex life. Men and women age differently, and some studies indicate that sexual interest wanes differently as well. Combine that with emotional and physical issues, and it’s possible that you and your partner aren’t on the same wavelength when it comes to making waves.

The upsides, however, go way beyond our cravings for intimacy, pleasure and connection. Sex boosts our immune systems, improves self-esteem, decreases depression and anxiety, relieves pain, encourages sleep, reduces stress and increases heart health. (In one study, men who had sex at least twice a week were 50 percent less likely to die of heart disease than their less active peers were.) Another bonus: You burn more calories making love than by watching The Great British Baking Show.

Not only is there a lot of science around the subject of later-life lovemaking; there’s also a range of products and medicines that can help. Take these steps to revitalize your sex life.

1. Connect emotionally

Women are twice as likely as men to lose their enthusiasm for sex in long-term relationships, research shows. The problem isn’t always reduced estrogen; it could be an absence of emotional closeness. In these cases, try listening more, praising more and showing more kindness. Individual, couples and/or sex therapy can help as well. Look for a sex therapist certified by the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists.

2. Address vaginal dryness

It’s one of the top impediments to sex among older women: 34 percent of women ages 57 to 59 experience dryness and discomfort during intercourse, one study found. For help, try over-the-counter remedies before and during sex, such as water-based lubricants (K-Y Jelly and Astroglide), oil-based lubes (olive, coconut and baby oils) and OTC moisturizers (Replens and Revaree). Use these a few times a week, even if you’re not having sex.

3. Emphasize foreplay

“Regardless of the level of dryness, every woman needs to be primed with foreplay before intercourse,” says Elizabeth Kavaler, M.D., a urologist-urogynecologist at Total Urology Care of New York. Another tip: Encourage a woman to orgasm first, which provides more moisture for intercourse and other penetration.

4. Don’t let ED keep you down

Half of men who are in their 50s experience erectile dysfunction (ED), and the gold standard for treatment is prescription meds. Safe, effective options include Viagra (which lasts for four to six hours), Levitra (four hours), Cialis (up to 18 hours) and Stendra (up to six hours).

For the minority of men who can’t rely on a pill, other choices include alprostadil (a drug that’s self-injected into the penis) and Muse (a suppository that slides into the penis). Vacuum pumps use suction to coax erections, and new treatments include platelet-rich plasma (PRP) therapy, which may regenerate nerves and improve blood circulation.

5. Don’t ignore other conditions

Any problem that affects overall health can interfere with sexual pleasure. “Cardiovascular issues such as high blood pressure, as well as diabetes, can negatively impact blood flow,” which isn’t good for sexual arousal, notes New York ob-gyn Alyssa Dweck, M.D., coauthor of The Complete A to Z for Your V. “And depression or anxiety can reduce the desire or ability to have sex.” The problem? Medicines that treat these conditions may also affect sexual desire and response. Speak with your health care provider about side effects and possibly switching meds or adjusting the dosage or timing.

6. Consider estrogen

Women, if over-the-counter lubricants aren’t doing the trick, consider estrogen replacement therapy (ERT), which treats hot flashes and vaginal dryness. The most common delivery methods are creams and pills (you can self-apply Estrace and Premarin with an applicator or take these in pill form), insertable tablets (with Vagifem, you use an applicator to slide a tiny tablet into the vagina) and a ring (Estring, which your doctor inserts, or you can do this yourself; it needs to be replaced every three months). ERT is not recommended for anyone who has or had breast cancer, or for those who have recurrent or active endometrial cancer, abnormal vaginal bleeding, recurrent or active blood clots, or a history of stroke.

7. Think about lasers

A treatment called fractional laser therapy can help reduce vaginal dryness without estrogen. It works like this: A laser creates tiny superficial burns in the vaginal canal. As the area heals, this leads to fresher collagen development and increased blood supply, which makes the area more elastic and responsive, Kavaler explains. (She cautions against vaginal rejuvenation surgery, which is a cosmetic procedure: “It can reduce sensitivity in the area and can make orgasms even more difficult to achieve or, in some cases, sexual intercourse permanently painful.”)

8. Confront incontinence issues

In a national poll of more than 1,000 women, nearly half of those over age 50 reported bladder leakage during sex. The primary reason: Sexual stimulation puts pressure on the bladder and urethra. If you’re hoping to get lucky in the hours ahead, avoid consuming beverages or foods with caffeine, such as coffee and chocolate; caffeine stimulates the bladder and acts as a diuretic (citrus fruits and juices are diuretics, too). Men whose prostates have been removed can also experience incontinence during sex. This condition, known as climacturia, can be treated in a number of surgical and nonsurgical ways. Plus, medications such as Ditropan and Vesicare can decrease urination frequency.

9. Turn down testosterone

In late 2020, the American College of Physicians stated that testosterone replacement should no longer be administered to treat a lagging libido (testosterone can have serious side effects, including an increased risk of prostate abnormalities). Denver urologist David Sobel, M.D., offers three easy alternatives: “sleep, reducing stress, and — the big one — exercise.” Even better: Work out with your lover. Seventy-one percent of runners say that running as a couple plays a healthy role in their sex life, according to a 2021 survey according to a 2021 survey.

10. Overcome arthritis aches

About 58 million Americans have arthritis, and over half are younger than 65, reports the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Arthritis can limit your ability to engage in sex. In addition, an empathetic partner may resist sex to avoid creating discomfort. An option: Ask your partner to experiment with more comfortable positions. Also, time sex for when you feel best (rheumatoid arthritis pain is usually more acute in the morning), the Arthritis Foundation advises. Taking a warm bath, alone or together, can help relax joints before making love. If the pain is severe, try an OTC medicine such as ibuprofen before having sex, or speak with your doctor about prescription medications.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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How to Watch Porn With Your Partner

If both of you are interested in it, viewing porn together can bring a new level of fun and intimacy to your relationship. Here’s how to bring it up — and a few best practices to keep in mind.

by Kelly Gonsalves

Pornography is often exclusively relegated to people’s solo sex lives — that is, they only ever watch it when they’re alone. But in addition to being a very helpful masturbation aid, viewing porn can be a fun erotic activity to share with a partner. The question is, how should you bring up watching porn with your wife or husband?

Now, first thing first: There’s a lot of research out there about the impacts of porn, and the results are fairly mixed — some find negative effects on people’s relationships, some find positive ones, and some find none at all. When it comes to watching specifically with a partner, however, a lot of research has found good news: One study published last year in the journal Frontiers in Psychology, for example, found couples who watched porn together actually report happier relationships and higher sexual satisfaction than couples who don’t.

I’ve picked the brains of various sex therapists about porn use over the years, and while it can be a controversial topic for some couples, it can also be a surefire erotic boost for others. Jessa Zimmerman, a licensed couples counselor and AASECT-certified sex therapist based in Seattle, notes that lots of couples enjoy consuming adult content together, and it can be a healthy part of a couple’s sex life if both partners feel good about the activity. Some sex therapists even recommend viewing sexual media as one of many ways to help couples reinvigorate intimacy.

“Porn, like any other erotic media, can be fun and interesting for many people. What we choose to watch or consume reflects what we find erotic and arousing,” Zimmerman tells Fatherly. “And imagery in our minds — whether from viewing a video, imagining the scene we are reading in a story, or our own fantasy — engages our brain as if we are in the scene, as one of the actors or as an observer.”

Sharing this experience as a couple can help partners become much more intimate with what turns each other on, Zimmerman notes, not to mention serve as powerful fuel for arousal to kick off a sexual experience together.

How to Talk About Porn With Your Partner

If you’ve never talked to your partner about watching porn together before, Zimmerman suggests bringing it up when you have time to discuss it. Suggest it as an idea that might be fun to explore together, and ask them what they think.

You might also consider trying to bring up the concept of porn into the conversation first and then segue into the idea of watching together. Or you can bring it up during a conversation specifically about trying new things in bed.

When you do have the discussion, pay attention to the energy in the room and your partner’s mood and body language — make sure this is something that’s interesting and exciting for you both before you proceed with actually trying it.

As you probably know, porn can sometimes be a divisive subject. Some people feel very uncomfortable with the concept of it or the idea of their partner watching it, so it’s important to check the temperatures before you suddenly suggest the idea of viewing it together.

That said, conversations about pornography, while potentially uncomfortable, are important for couples to have, especially if you suspect your partner might have a problem with it. Much of the research that’s found watching porn can have a detrimental impact on relationships is in fact not about the impacts of the media itself but rather the impacts of the lying, secrecy, and feelings of betrayal that can stem from discovering a partner’s porn habits years into a relationship.

“It’s important to understand someone’s objections to porn,” Zimmerman adds. “If they are concerned that it involves other people at all — like, ‘you should only imagine me’— that might be a bigger conversation.”

If you’re struggling to move through these big conversations, a few sessions with a sex therapist can be helpful.

Watching Porn Together: Best Practices

If you do decide to try watching a few clips as a couple, here are a few best practices to keep in mind to keep.

1. Figure out where your interests overlap

“You want to make sure that whatever content you choose is appealing to both people,” says Zimmerman. “Often, we find different things erotic than our partner does. So what you may enjoy on your own may not turn your partner on (and may even turn them off). That’s why it’s best to talk first about the idea of watching something together and what type of content you’d like to view.”

She suggests swapping links to the kind of material you each enjoy to see where there’s mutual interest. “I certainly advise doing this with an open mind and no judgment. The goal is to understand what is erotic to your partner, and for them to learn the same about you. Then you can look for the places where there is overlap between what you each find arousing.”

2. Make it a bonding activity

Watching porn together should be a way for the two of you to connect as a couple over shared erotic stimuli and learning each other’s fantasies. Talk about the scenes as you’re viewing them, identify what’s hot and interesting to you, and feel free to touch each other if you get inspired. Importantly, most people don’t find it fun to feel like your partner is absorbed by an actress on the screen and just using your body as a stand-in. Keep your focus on sexually connecting with your partner and pleasuring each other. The porn is just there for arousal and inspo.

3. Remember the fantasy principle

It’s important to remember that porn is just a fantasy, and it’s often not representative of how sex works in real life between real people — or even what people would want to actually do in their real lives.

“We can find things appealing in fantasy but have no interest in actually doing them,” Zimmerman notes. “Be aware that your partner may find your interest in porn or erotica as a symbol of what you must want in a partner or want in real life, and they could find that scary or worry that they don’t look like the people in the films. You may need to find ways to describe why something is arousing to you and why that doesn’t impact your enjoyment of your partner and of your sex life.”

4. Consider other formats

Some people find it easier or more fun to opt for other types of erotic media, such as written erotic stories or audio erotica. These non-visual formats allow couples to explore sexy themes and fantasies without having to look at specific other people’s bodies.

5. Keep checking in

Watching porn can be a lot of fun. It can also stir up some complex emotions and worries, especially when doing it with a partner and suddenly seeing in vivid detail what gets them off. If you do decide to explore this as a couple, make sure to keep checking in with each other before, during, and after to make sure you’re both continuing to feel good about it. Remember to stay connected to each other throughout the experience, and keep each other feeling sexy and satiated.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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11 Signs You May Be Bisexual & Common Myths About Bisexuality

By Stephanie Barnes

The word “bisexual,” for many, still exclusively brings to mind a person attracted to both men and women. That was the dictionary definition for decades, but as public discourse has evolved to finally acknowledge the vast number of gender identities that exist, that definition no longer feels specific or broad enough to capture the full range of experiences of bisexuality.

Today, our understanding of bisexuality has evolved along with our understanding of sexual attraction and gender identity. As people are finally able to embrace a seemingly infinite number of identities and ways of being, we need language to expand to hold us, or at the very least give us something to hold on to. The word “bisexual” is a perfect example of this shift.

What does bisexual mean?

In the most general sense, the term bisexual refers to anyone who experiences a romantic or sexual attraction toward more than one gender, which can include women, men, nonbinary folks, and other genders, as well as both cisgender and transgender folks. Bisexuality is not binary.

According to Angélique “Angel” Gravely, M.Ed., an LGBTQ+ educator and advocate, some bisexual people define their attraction in more specific ways, but the one thing that holds true for all definitions is that they indicate being attracted to more than one gender in some way.

“The most important thing to remember when it comes to defining bisexuality is that there is more than one accurate definition of bisexuality and more than one valid way of experiencing attraction as a bisexual person,” she tells mbg. “Bisexual is a label that has room for multiplicity, and that multiplicity is what makes the bisexual+ community beautiful and diverse.”

How common is bisexuality?

According to a 2016 report from the CDC, 1.9% of men and 1.3% of women identified as “homosexual, gay, or lesbian,” while 5.5% of women and around 2% of men said they were bisexual. A 2021 report from Gallup also found that about 55% of LGBT adults are bisexual, meaning that bisexual folks make up the single largest group within the LGBTQ+ community.

Since there is still so much prejudice in the world against LGBTQ+ folks, these numbers are likely lower than the reality; some are still fearful to “come out” or acknowledge their sexual orientation publicly. 

Common misconceptions:

Myth No. 1: The bi- in bisexual refers to the traditional gender binary.

One of the biggest misconceptions surrounding the bisexual community has to do with the prefix bi-, which means two. Dainis Graveris, a sex educator and founder of Sexual Alpha, says, for a long time, this is how many people defined bisexuality—that it’s only focused on the attraction to two opposing genders (men and women) within the binary.

“However, bisexuality does not mean attraction to cis-male and cis-female [people] only. It could also encompass romantic, emotional, and sexual attractions to nonbinary people,” he explains. “Many people who identify as bisexual are attracted to genders beyond the binary—specifically, attraction to gender like your own and toward genders different from yours.”

In short, you can be both bisexual and nonbinary, and being bisexual can include attraction to nonbinary people. 

Myth No. 2: Bisexual people are attracted to everyone, all the time.

This is another harmful stereotype, according to Graveris, even though it’s rarely accurate. Someone identifying as bisexual doesn’t mean they’re walking around experiencing some form of attraction to everyone they meet (just like how heterosexual women aren’t necessarily attracted to every single man they meet, for example). It also doesn’t automatically mean they’ll be more sexually promiscuous.

Graveris adds that there are some bi folks who have a split 50/50 attraction to two genders, but more often, bi folks are more interested in certain genders than others.

“Either approach is totally fine, and it’s very much normal to have a change of feelings over time. You see, being bisexual doesn’t necessarily mean that you need to be attracted to two or more genders at the same time, in the same way, and to the same degree,” he adds.

Myth No. 3: It’s just a phase…

Another common misconception about bisexuality is that being bisexual is just an experimental or transition phase, and that these people are going to “come to their senses” and eventually come out and choose one gender over the other, according to Graveris. This is false and also continues the binary of sexuality and gender.

“Never invalidate your bisexual identity, feelings, and experiences. Remember that no two bisexual experiences are the same,” he emphasizes. “Bisexuality is a unique identity. Your bisexual identity is valid. You are valid.”

Myth No. 4: Bisexual people are more likely to cheat.

It’s also a common belief that folks who identify as bi are more likely to be unfaithful. Graveris says there’s no evidence pointing out that bisexuality and cheating go hand in hand.

“Bisexual people build relationships just like any other person. If they stay in a monogamous relationship, they’re [just as] likely to be faithful as anyone else. Being faithful is a choice; cheating is a choice, regardless of gender,” he says.

Signs you may be bisexual:

1. You have conflicting feelings toward another gender.

Like any sexuality, bi feelings can be confusing—especially if you’ve grown up in a traditional household or have preferred one gender for most of your life. Graveris says you may now find that you’re questioning yourself, perhaps because you’re finding yourself with feelings for someone of a different gender. Rest assured that “these feelings are entirely normal. Over time, you’ll get some clarity over your confusion when you begin to explore your desires and feelings,” he says.

2. You’ve found yourself thinking characters in movies, series, and TV shows are hot—regardless of their gender.

“Perhaps you’ve started noticing attraction to both or any gender when you were younger. While this isn’t a surefire sign that you’re bi, it could help you begin an internal conversation about what you really want,” Graveris says. (Note: Some bisexual people are attracted to men and women, though for some bisexual people, the genders they’re attracted to may not necessarily include both men and women.)

3. You relate to a new bi character on your fave show…

…or you get a sense of pride when a famous star comes out as queer or bi. Although these two examples don’t immediately mean you’re bi, they could be good indicators.

4. You fantasize about people of different genders.

Graveris says, while some fantasies aren’t meant to be enacted upon or might not mean anything much, there might be a reason you can’t stop thinking about people of different genders in your fantasies or dreams.

5. You see yourself having a long-term relationship with someone, regardless of gender.

Visualizing having a long-term partnership with someone of any gender is a good sign that you’re bi. You might be more comfortable with one specific gender over others, but if you could see yourself dating people of different genders, that may signal some bisexual inclinations.

6. The “bi” label resounds to you.

When you think about all it entails, you realize you identify with the label and think it perfectly fits how you experience romantic and/or sexual attraction. If you’re comfortable using and being called this label, it’s a good sign that you’re bi.

7. You take the stigma personally.

Graveris says a good indication that you might be bisexual is if you find the unfair portrayal or stigmas toward bisexual identities hurtful and take them personally. Unfortunately, he says, bi folks have been subject to scrutiny from outside and even inside the LGBTQ+ community.

“If you feel hurt when someone questions your sexuality or claims that it’s nonexistent or feel attacked when someone says that bisexuality is just a phase, you just like sleeping around, or you’re not straight/gay enough, then you might be bi,” he says.

How bisexuality relates to other identities.

Bisexual vs. pansexual.

Bisexuality and pansexuality are incredibly closely related and sometimes even used interchangeably. Some people embrace both, while some prefer one over the other. We’ve got a whole guide to the difference between bisexual and pansexual, but the gist: “Bisexual incorporates gender while pansexual does not,” says Carmel Jones, a relationship coach and founder of The Big Fling. “To be pansexual means that gender doesn’t factor much (if at all) into whether you are attracted to someone. Their attraction is to the person, regardless of their gender. But bisexuals register gender in their attraction to someone and recognize that they are attracted to more than just one gender.”

Asexuality.

Asexuality means there is a lack of sexual attraction and/or desire toward others in general. This is not gender-specific, but an asexual person might still have specific genders they’re more romantically interested in or would be open to having some sort of physical intimacy with. “You can also identify as both asexual and another sexuality, leaving it open-ended. Some people call this graysexual, and it signifies very little sexual attraction,” Jones says. In other words, yes, you could be both bisexual and asexual.

Romantic orientations.

Romantic attraction and sexual attraction are not the same thing, says Jones, and someone can be sexually attracted to some genders and romantically attracted to others. So, a person could be heterosexual but biromantic, for example.

Other terms to know.

  • Queer: The dictionary defines queer as something “odd, strange, or weird,” but the word has since been reclaimed and redefined. These days, queer is an umbrella term that is sometimes used to describe anyone within the LGBTQ+ community. The term also provides a sense of community for those who may not fit into one of the other categories specifically but also don’t identify as strictly straight or strictly cisgender.
  • Multisexual: An umbrella term for any sexual identities that include romantic and/or sexual attractions to more than one gender. This can include bisexual, pansexual, omnisexual, queer, and others.
  • Omnisexual: Someone who is attracted to people of all genders, and for them, gender plays a huge role in that attraction.
  • Bi-curious: Someone who is looking to explore or has already begun exploring bisexuality. There’s some disagreement about whether this term has roots in biphobia, however.
  • Heteroflexible or homoflexible: A heteroflexible person is mostly straight (heterosexual) though occasionally attracted to the same gender or other genders. A homoflexible person likewise is mostly gay (homosexual) though occasionally is attracted to the “opposite” gender. For example, a heteroflexible man might primarily date and sleep with women but occasionally date or sleep with a man. Like with bi-curiosity, there’s still ongoing debate over whether these terms are rooted in biphobia.
  • Skoliosexual: Someone who is attracted to anyone who isn’t cisgender. This means a skoliosexual person will usually find themselves drawn to people who are trans or nonbinary.
  • Fluid: Some people describe themselves as sexually fluid. A person who is fluid experiences their sexuality or sexual identity as changing over time or in different contexts rather than having one finite way they experience attraction.

These terms and many, many more can be found in our huge glossary of sexual identities.

What’s the point of all these labels?

According to sex and relationship coach Azaria Menezes, for some people, labels can provide comfort and validation of something they experience to be true for them. Identifying with labels in sexuality can be incredibly supportive in naming your experience and finding comfort in relating to others who may feel the same.

“It’s human nature to want to feel belonging and acceptance, and labels can often be a wonderful and valid way to understand ourselves and find acceptance and belonging in our experiences. Identifying with a label that feels good to you can feel incredibly empowering and affirming to define yourself,” she tells mbg. “[Some people] identify with multiple labels, and sometimes they prefer to use terms that act more as an umbrella term without truly defining what the label is (fluid, queer, pansexual, etc.).”

On the other hand, labels aren’t the only way to feel this way. In fact, for others, labels can actually create the opposite feeling of comfort because they may feel constraining and restrictive and don’t support the experience they feel. Some folks feel like there aren’t any labels that feel good to them. So, if you’re having a hard time connecting to labels, Menezes suggests ditching them altogether.

“Sometimes folks grow and evolve, and finding new labels that match the experience can feel exhausting. The human experience of sexuality is incredibly diverse, and sometimes there isn’t a label that feels right, and so the most empowering thing to do might be to ditch the labels and just do you,” she says.

Additionally, Menezes says, “There really isn’t a one-fits-all when it comes to labels, but there is a one-fits-all around the choice in deciding what feels the most empowering to you, and that is: Take what you love and leave the rest. You get to choose what feels right for you.”

Dating when you’re bisexual:

1. Be true to who you are.

It’s OK to be upfront with potential new partners about your identity, says Antonia Hall, a transpersonal psychologist, sex educator, and author of The Ultimate Guide to a Multi-Orgasmic Life. Bisexual people can sometimes feel like they need to hide that part of themselves from dates due to the stigmas around bisexuality, but Hall says it’s important to release that shame. “Do not let societal pressures shame you for your personal sexual preferences.”

2. Be prepared for questions (and ignorance).

But remember, you don’t have to prove anything to anyone. There are people in the world that are simply behind the times, says Jones. “When dating, just remember that curiosity and ignorance might come into play, and be prepared for that. But it’s important to know that your sexuality is your business, and you never need to justify yourself to anyone. If you are in a dating scenario where you are justifying, overexplaining, or feel uncomfortable, that person is not compatible for you.”

3. Take it slow.

“If you are newly exploring your bisexuality, it is fine to take small steps until you feel more comfortable dating multiple genders,” Hall says.

Jones also recommends taking things slow. It can feel exciting (or nerve-wracking) to enter an unfamiliar dating world, but taking things slower will help you explore it on your terms. It’s not going to happen overnight, and there’s a chance you may get rejected here or there. But hey—that’s how dating goes regardless of sexuality! So, remember who you are, what you want, and that the best experiences happen when you feel comfortable and work on your own timetable, she says.

4. Create a list of nonnegotiables.

“When you are new to navigating the bisexual dating world, it can feel as if the world is your oyster sometimes, and other times like nobody understands you. This pressure can then cloud your judgment when it comes to finding the right person,” says Jones. “Make a list of dating bottom lines that you can always refer to, regardless of the gender of the person you are dating.”

Supporting the bi+ community.

When it comes to supporting the bi+ community, many people need to start by letting go of judgment and releasing the stigma. A lot of what contributes to biphobia and bi-erasure are harmful cultural ideas and narratives around bisexuality, Menezes says. 

“Biphobia is a form of homophobia toward folks who identify as bisexual or bi. It’s important to challenge harmful beliefs and stories society has created around bisexuality. Bisexual folks face a lot of challenges in the LGBTQ community as well as the straight community, and part of supporting the bi community is educating and learning about some of the issues and challenges bi folks might face,” she says.

Biphobia can be found in all communities: Bisexual folks are often fetishized by the straight community and not queer enough for the queer community. Often this leaves folks who identify as bisexual feeling invalidated in their experiences and identity.

So if you want to support the bi+ community, start by pushing back against the harmful stereotypes and bi-erasure. “That can range from calling out biphobic comments you hear in conversation to advocating for your local LGBTQ+ organizations to provide tailored supports for bi+ people,” Gravely says.

Menezes says it’s important to create more spaces for celebrating bisexuality and to uplift the voices of bi folks in both LGBTQIA+ spaces and everywhere. It’s also important to educate yourself. Interact with bisexual folks, creators, and resource centers. You can start by spending time on websites such as Bisexual Resource Center and Bi.org, Gravely says. 

Ultimately, Gravely says supporting bi+ people comes down to acknowledging they exist, affirming their bisexual+ identities and experiences, and fighting with bi+ people to create a world where they can exist without fear of discrimination or stereotyping.

The takeaway.

If you think you might be bisexual, then take some time to explore the idea. See how the label feels. Your sexual identity doesn’t make you who you are, but they are a part of the whole self—which means it’s important to explore. It’s also important to know that you don’t need to claim a label immediately or ever. Be gentle with yourself as you navigate this journey of self-discovery.

In general, when it comes to bisexuality and all its nuances, it’s time to release those outdated definitions and the stigma rooted in misconception and ignorance. Show up for the people in your world as they need you to, and hold space for them as they continue to become.

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Autism and Sexuality

— Understanding Your Child’s Sexual Development

For parents of neurotypical children and neurodivergent children alike, some things are universal. We all want our kids to be happy, healthy, and loved, and we all worry—a lot.

By Rachel Andersen

One of the biggest concerns we may have for our kids can be how they will handle romantic relationships, sex, and the social aspects of dating in general. There is much to think about, but adding autism into the discussion takes it up a notch.

In this article we will take a few minutes to study autism and sexuality. We will find out what we as parents need to know about supporting our kids with autism spectrum disorder (ASD) as they navigate their sexual development, and all that it brings with it.

E – expression

In the grand scheme of things, children, adolescents, and young adults with autism spectrum disorders, need to know the same basic things about sex as their neurotypical peers. Most often, it’s how they process, implement, and express themselves that can be different. It is important to educate our kids.

Relationship education

Relationship education is the base of understanding for:

  • social skills
  • sexual well being

Sexual education

Sexual education is the foundation of safety for:

  • promoting sexual health
  • prevention of sexual abuse and sexual assault
  • protection from sexually transmitted infections
  • sexual function

In order for us to educate our children, we must first educate ourselves. In her paper, titled Sexuality and Adolescents with Autism, Rebecca Koller writes: “Education for caregivers of individuals with autism regarding issues of adolescence and self-pleasuring may help alleviate the anxiety of individuals with autism caused by misinformation or the absence of information. Such education, along with information regarding sexual abuse, should be included in a proactive approach to sexuality training for individuals with autism.”

A child with intellectual disability is going to process the information they need differently, and the most effective way to help them with that is to give them the information at their level.

Social stories are a great way to educate. Hypothetical situations used to illustrate real situations provide an opportunity to walk through topics and allow our child to practice relationship skills in a safe, low pressure way. Sexual education can start with these.

D – desire

According to an article published in the National Library of Medicine, titled Brief Report: Asexuality and Young Women on the Autism Spectrum, studies show that a higher percentage of people with autism spectrum disorders identify as asexual. The presence of sexual attraction will clue us in to what direction we can take with our kids.

As we build our relationship with them, we can learn about what they feel and think about sexual things, and help guide them along the way.

U – understand

Information unlocks many doors. Being misunderstood is one of the largest obstacles for our kids on the spectrum. If we as parents strive to be a constant source of understanding in our kids’ lives, our relationship with them will strengthen, and their ability to take on the world will increase.

We need to help our kids understand that their feelings are normal, and the most appropriate ways to express them. Their understanding of others feelings, desires, and appropriate expression is of utmost importance as well.

How does autism affect intimacy?

In Webster’s dictionary (2022) the word “intimate” is defined as: marked by a warm friendship developing through long association. Our kids’ first intimate relationship is with us; we are the ones they are familiar with.

As they get older that circle widens and more people are allowed in. As they grow and develop, the kind of intimacy with each person in their circle changes.

This can be difficult for children with autism. In order for them to understand appropriate intimacy with others, they need to build their social skills.

Addressing sexuality begins with setting clear and distinct boundaries about what intimacy is, and how it relates to sex and relationships. Then, we need to understand how autism can affect intimacy, and help our child comprehend and prepare for how that can show up in the interactions with others they are close to. They need to know what is appropriate and what isn’t, and from whom.

Helping our child understand sexuality socially, it is important to discuss the way sexuality is expressed. In the interest of educating ourselves first, let’s find out how autism can affect sexual behavior.

Sexual behaviors

As parents we will bring views and emotional “baggage” with us from our own lives that will affect our understanding of our kids. Some of us want to do things opposite to how our parents raised us, others want to preserve the “right” way we learned from our elders. Either way, it is imperative that we see our children clearly and strive to learn from them through a fresh set of eyes, ears, and hearts.

Sexual behavior can be terrifying to address for parents, especially if those behaviors come up at very inopportune times with our kids. Learning as much as we can about sexual behavior and how they can be influenced by autism can really help prepare us to deal with them as they come. Addressing behavior should be done with a calm and understanding approach.

Behavior like:

  • masturbation
  • hypersexuality
  • inappropriate touching

If these behaviors occur at inappropriate times or places because of a lack of understanding of social situations, it can pose a problem for our kids. Teaching them about their bodies early on can go a long way to helping our children know when, where, and with whom they may express themselves sexually.

Koller writes: “Education regarding sexual abuse should be a component of responsible sexuality education. Increased vulnerability among children with disabilities relates to their inability to understand or communicate what has happened or what will happen.

“Two of the most important issues to address in the area of social-sexual relationships are how to teach appropriate behavior and how to balance risk and opportunity. Walcott (1997) reports that ‘without proper education in the areas of sex, health, and physical education, people with moderate and severe disabilities risk exposure to sexual exploitation, poor health, abuse, and neglect.’”

The aspects of romantic relationships are just one of the complexities that our kids with autism may struggle with socially. There is some overlap in the educational needs.For example, teaching our kids about body language is helpful since they may not pick up on those cues on their own. Understanding body language at a young age will help them detect new body language signals or recognize negative ones early, just because they are different to what they already know. This can help protect them from people who may not have their best interest at heart.

Gender identity, sexual orientation, and sexual identity

In a study called: Gender identity and Sexual Orientation in Autism Spectrum Disorder, Rita George and Mark A Stokes comment that “children are generally cognizant of their gender between the ages 18 months and 3 years, and by the beginning of school years, most children will have achieved a sense of their gender identity and a certain degree of gender constancy, at which time children begin to realize that gender is a permanent state that cannot be altered by a change of clothing or activity”.

The same study revealed an increase in the likelihood of individuals with ASD to experience gender identity issues. “When compared to typically developing individuals, autistic individuals reported a higher number of gender-dysphoric traits. Rates of gender-dysphoria in the group with autism spectrum disorder were significantly higher than reported in the wider population. Mediation analysis found that the relationship between autistic traits and sexual orientation was mediated by gender-dysphoric traits.

“Results suggest that autism spectrum disorder presents a unique experience to the formation and consolidation of gender identity, and for some autistic individuals, their sexual orientation relates to their gender experience. It is important that clinicians working with autism spectrum disorder are aware of the gender-diversity in this population so that the necessary support for healthy socio-sexual functioning and mental well-being is provided.”

Children know from such an early age who they are, what they like, and though they may mask their feelings because of social pressures, it doesn’t change who they are.

As parents, looking at the data we can see that we need to be ready to support our child with autism if they come out as part of the LGBTQ+ community, and to recognize the signs, and so that we have a chance to know before they do.

Our treatment of them can either reinforce, or counteract society’s views of them. If they are loved, supported, and educated with us, they will know when to recognize safe people to have relationships with. They will know what healthy looks and feels like, and they will be confident in who they are.

Their mental health is just as important as their sexual health. Safety is the goal. Knowing the increased chances of social misunderstandings, communication is imperative.

C – communicate

As we impart the knowledge we gain to our child, and our relationship with them grows, we can watch them begin to navigate their own relationships in the world. They can learn to communicate with others they are interested in and build healthy intimate relationships.

A – allow

In the world in which we live, so much of what we have discussed above is controversial. We may not agree with the conclusions that our kids come to, the relationships they wish to pursue, or who they know themselves to be. Accepting them for who they are and who they love does not always mean endorsement.

Many parents choose to disassociate from their children when they find out they are not who they thought they were, whether that is their sexual orientation, gender identity, or their sexual choices. This can leave the young adult vulnerable and unsupported.

The goal for parents should be to make sure their child knows what they need to know, is capable of making their own decisions, and to love and accept them regardless. You can disagree without disengaging.

We can allow our children to be who they are, love them, and keep the lines of communication open. We should encourage free and open discussion, foster social interactions, and facilitate relationships with children their same age–mentally, not just in years. An emphasis on gender diversity, as well as children of their own gender identity is important.

T – timeline

You may be thinking, this is too much information to throw at a kid, and I would agree. However, sex education can begin very early. Age appropriate information about their bodies, body parts, and functions, who they belong to, friendships, body language of friends, family, and strangers can all be collected with our kids. All of this being before our kids experience being sexually attracted, sexual activity, sexual experiences, so that when those things do occur, they are ready—even if we are not.

I – Inspiration

How we handle the topics that come up around sexual matters with our kids will inspire them. If we are calm, matter of fact, informative, and set a good example ourselves, they will be inspired to do the same. Their view of themselves, their sexuality, and human connection starts with what they observe in us.

O – Outsource

There are programs to help children and young adults with ASD learn what they need to know socially and how to find romance safely. I want to share with you two resources, both are courses or services run by speakers from the Autism Parenting Summit.

Michael Clark runs: Amazing Skills for Kids and Adults

Jeremy Hamburgh runs: My Best Social Life

N – Nuance

Sexuality is a spectrum. It encompasses much more than the act of intercourse. Understanding your child’s sexualality is important, as it is as unique as they are. EDUCATION is key.

Acceptance and understanding start at home and carry throughout life. Your child needs to know they are loved, and worthy of love. They can grow to be confident individuals who understand their sexuality, express it appropriately, and engage in healthy relationships with others.

References:

Bush, H. H., Williams, L. W., & Mendes, E. (2021). Brief Report: Asexuality and Young Women on the Autism Spectrum. Journal of autism and developmental disorders, 51(2), 725–733. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10803-020-04565-6

Rebecca Koller (2000). Sexuality and Adolescents with Autism. Sexuality and Disability, Vol. 18, No. 2, https://abafit.coursewebs.com/Courses/BEHP1096/Autism%20and%20Sexuality.pdf

George, R., & Stokes, M. A. (2018). Gender identity and sexual orientation in autism spectrum disorder. Autism, 22(8), 970–982. https://doi.org/10.1177/1362361317714587

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How To Be A Better Kisser

— 26 Tips & Tricks From Sex Experts

By Kesiena Boom, M.S.

Kissing, making out, Frenching, locking lips…whatever you call it, it’s one of the most intimate and thrilling things that two people can do. And while the focus often lies on sex when thinking about how to be a better lover, perfecting your kissing game is just as (if not more) important. Here, we’ve collected a bunch of different tips to help you land your makeouts just right every time.

Why humans kiss.

To understand how to kiss better, it’s helpful to understand why humans kiss in the first place.

People kiss in order to express feelings of closeness and desire, as well as to amplify or intensify the arousal they might be feeling. “Kissing stimulates the brain’s pleasure regions, causing it to release a mix of hormones that leave you feeling oh-so-fantastic,” explains clinical psychologist Judy Rosenberg, Ph.D. “These molecules include oxytocin, dopamine, and serotonin, which are pleasurable and promote feelings of affection and bonding.”

There are also myriad benefits of kissing, from helping to reduce stress levels to potentially supporting your immune system, according to Texas-based clinical psychologist Ana Ortiz-Lugo, PsyD., HSP. And within relationships, kissing serves a vital role in that it can help heal tensions and promotes closeness. It is also often a vital part of a couple’s sex life and a way to show intimacy outside of the bedroom. While relationships can often go a long time without sex without the intimacy between two people necessarily being lost, Rosenberg says keeping up with kissing is essential for keeping the spark alive.

Interestingly, though, while we might think of kissing as something intrinsic to being human, it’s actually culturally specific and only observed in around half of the world’s societies.

Tips & techniques to try:

1. Focus on your partner.

“The No. 1 most important trait of being a better kisser is paying attention to your partner’s response,” says sex and intimacy coach Leah Carey. “Too often we learn a ‘technique’ and become completely dedicated to that way of doing things.” The goal of kissing shouldn’t be mastering one particular “move” but to get to know your partner’s particular desires.

2. Ask, ask, ask!

“It’s so obvious, but many people are scared to ask their partner what they like because they think it will make them look foolish. In fact, it’s exactly the opposite!” says Carey. “Your partner may be sitting on a few things they want to tell you but don’t know how to bring it up.”

If it feels intimidating, you can think of it as a sexy and fun way to learn together instead of something that indicates that something has been “wrong” up until now. You can say, “I want to kiss you even better, so let’s spend 15 minutes teaching me exactly what you like and how you like it. Then we can turn the tables, and I’ll do the same for you!”

3. Prioritize kissing.

Often kissing is thought of as a precursor to sex, instead of an intimate activity in its own right. Set time aside where you focus just on kissing. You can ramp up the excitement by telling your partner you can only kiss and not take off any clothes for X number of minutes. By focusing purely on kissing, you’ll become more adept at it.

4. Make eye contact.

Before going in for the kiss itself, “lock eyes with your partner, give a sensual smile, and slowly lick your lips with a twinkle in your eye,” says sexuality coach Renee Adolphe. By establishing eye contact before making physical contact, you ramp up the anticipation and sexiness. (See also: the viral psychology love eye trick.)

5. Draw out the anticipation.

“Linger in the stages before the kiss,” adds sex educator Suzannah Weiss. “Run your hands through each other’s hair, touch each other’s faces and bodies. Graze your lips against theirs before going in for the kiss. Kiss other parts of their face before going toward their lips. Try to keep teasing each other like this until you can’t take it anymore.”

6. Build it up.

Once you get into it, start with the softest, most feathery kisses you can manage, suggests clinical psychologist and sex therapist Lori Beth Bisbey, Ph.D. Then slowly work up to kissing harder and faster. You can also use your hands at the same time to caress and passionately grab your partner for extra emphasis.

7. Use your tongue.

“Work on your tongue game,” encourages Bisbey. Try different patterns and strokes, alternating pressures and rhythms. See what your partner responds well to when it comes to this so-called French kissing.

8. Don’t be afraid to bite.

You can tug on your partner’s lips with your teeth if that’s something that they’re into. Just make sure not to bite too hard, too suddenly, says Bisbey. People’s mileage may vary with biting, so ask before diving in.

9. Suck it.

You can try sucking briefly on your partner’s tongue—bring it deep into your mouth while creating a brief but strong suction action and then gently release it, says sex therapist Lori Lawrenz, Psy.D., of the Hawaii Center for Sexual and Relationship Health.

10. Involve your whole body.

Weiss also recommends making kissing a full-body experience: “Playfully lean forward and away as you kiss your partner. Graze your hands over their arms and legs. Grind your hips against theirs if that’s something you’re both comfortable with,” she recommends. These actions help to increase the desire between the two of you and add an edge to your kisses.

11. Pay attention to your partner’s reactions.

“Look at how your kissing partner reacts when you kiss their neck, nibble their ear, do a playful lip bite, or slip your tongue in,” says sex therapist Aliyah Moore, Ph.D. By being mindful of these things, you’ll know whether or not your partner is into what you’re doing and then you can make adjustments.

12. Kiss places other than their mouth.

Kissing doesn’t have to be limited to mouth-on-mouth. Play around with other places to kiss on your partner’s body. Try their eyelids, their nose, the crook of their arm. (Here’s our full guide to erogenous zones, too.)

13. Be a tease.

Another fun way into a make-out session: “Play a game where you lick your partner’s lips, but as soon as they try to reciprocate, you pull away. Don’t let them know what you’re doing; just keep pulling away until they finally understand that if they want your kissing, nibbling, licking, and teasing, they have to lie back and receive it,” suggests Carey.

14. Focus inward.

“Kiss mindfully,” suggests body coach Sarah Bick. “Notice everywhere your lip touches theirs. Home in to the sensation.” When you force yourself to be in the moment instead of letting your mind wander, the pleasure you feel from the kiss will be intensified.

15. Get into the groove.

Certified sex therapist Janet Brito, Ph.D., LCSW, recommends that you practice relaxation techniques so that your body isn’t tense while making out. A few stretches can ground you in your body and make you a little looser so that you can really find your rhythm and have fun without feeling tight or stressed.

16. Pamper your lips.

Before you actually get to the kissing, AASECT-certified sex therapist Jessica Kicha, LMHC, recommends making sure that you always have a soothing lip balm on hand to ensure your pout is silky smooth. “No one likes kissing chapped lips!”

17. Brush up.

It’s also important to stay on top of your oral hygiene, says Kicha. Make sure you brush and floss at least twice a day. A quick swill of mouthwash before a kissing session is also considerate. You want your date to focus on how good it feels to kiss you, not on how much your mouth tastes like noodles.

18. Keep it fresh.

“If you are planning on kissing after a date scheduled around a mealtime, have mints on hand to refresh your mouth,” Oakland-based psychotherapist Julia Simone Fogelson, LCSW, adds. “This demonstrates to the person you are kissing that you care enough to do a little extra to make sure they have a positive kissing experience with you.”

19. Get consent.

“There’s nothing sexier than consent,” Fogelson says. “There will not always be the Hollywood movie moment where the two people dive in for a passionate kiss. A simple ‘Can I kiss you?’ with eye-gazing and a smile shows that you are into clear communication and respect.”

20. Follow their lead.

When you are moving your tongue into their mouth, check to see if they seem to be responding in kind. If so, keep going. If you feel like they are pulling away at all, bear that in mind and correct course, says Bat Sheva Marcus, LCSW, MPH, Ph.D.

21. Embrace awkwardness.

When you go in for the kiss, you and your partner might turn your heads in the wrong directions, you might bump heads or glasses, etc. Instead of getting flustered and pulling yourself and your partner out of the moment, try to keep it lighthearted. Laugh gently at yourself, and then try again, says therapist Renetta Weaver, LCSW.

22. Don’t forget to breathe!

“Take breathing breaks. Everyone needs to breathe,” says Marcus. It can be really easy to get swept up in the moment and not focus on your bodily needs. But if you don’t breathe regularly and deeply while making out, you risk getting dizzy and having to take a break.

23. Close your eyes.

“Closing your eyes increases the sensual nature of the kiss because it forces both parties to anticipate what will happen next. Not knowing exactly what will happen next is part of the excitement!” says marriage and family therapist Janine Piernas, M.A., LMFT. If you accidentally open your eyes to see your partner staring at you, it can be a little off-putting. Eyes closed is safest unless otherwise specified.

24. Use your hands.

Kissing is obviously mouth-centered, but that doesn’t mean you can’t get your hands in on the action too. Use your hands to gently pull your lover’s hair or grab their butt or cup their face. Ask your partner where they most like to be touched while being kissed.

25. Positive feedback is everything.

“Want a kiss booster? Tell your partner they’re a good kisser. If that’s not how you feel, you can still give them compliments with some constructive critique in the middle,” says Moore. When giving constructive criticisms, use “I” sentences so it won’t look as if your kissing partner failed at kissing you. These statements soften the blow and make it easier for the other person to overcome.

26. Use your words.

Kissing is a way of expressing desire or affection without words, but the pleasure that you can derive from a kiss can be intensified if you also tell your partner how you feel about them before the kiss.

The takeaway.

Being a more thoughtful kisser can lay the foundation for a better, more satisfying experience for everyone involved. Increase the intimacy and create moments of real connection by treating kissing like something worthy of attention rather than just a step on the way to sex

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Queerplatonic Relationships Are Like Supercharged Friendships That Aren’t Necessarily Romantic

By Ashley Broadwater

There are all kinds of relationships a person can have: friendly, romantic, professional, familial, etc. But sometimes, two or more “types” of relationships blend. For example, have you ever felt super close to someone to a degree that seems stronger than friendship but not quite romantic? If so, you may have experienced a queerplatonic relationship.

“The term ‘queerplatonic’ was conceived in aromantic and asexual communities to describe ‘alterous’ relationships—or emotional connections that aren’t sexual, romantic, or strictly platonic,” says mental health counselor Laura Harris, LCMHC. “Over time, the term has evolved to include how relationships could transition.” And, that evolution extends to relationships outside the LGBTQ+ community.

“The term ‘queerplatonic’ was conceived in aromantic and asexual communities to describe emotional connections that aren’t sexual, romantic, or strictly platonic.” —mental health counselor Laura Harris, LCMHC.

With an ebb and flow that doesn’t require a “define the relationship” conversation, queerplatonic dynamics are largely characterized by a fluidity and flexibility. “Usually, societal norms dictate lines separating friendship and romance, but in queerplatonic relationships, there are no lines, and they are more flexible in nature,” Lee Phillips, EdD, a psychotherapist and certified sex and couples therapist who works with LGBTQIA+ clients. “Queerplatonic relationships cultivate mutual deep intimacy and trust between partners with a level of emotional closeness and loyalty found in a romantic relationship.”

And queerplatonic relationships may be growing in popularity, as well. According to OkCupid data, the word “queerplatonic” saw a 50 percent spike in appearances on people’s dating profiles in April 2022 compared to April 2021, says Michael Kaye, head of global communications with the company.

As for why this might be and how such relationships tend to form, Dr. Phillips suggests it has to do with people growing increasingly close with one another but not necessarily feeling a romantic or sexual pull. This, perhaps, could be a side effect of our networks becoming tighter-knit amid pandemic socializing conditions, which have challenged fringe friendships and casual dating, and given more attention to our primary relationships.

In practice, queerplatonic relationships may look like people planning out their lives together, designating one another as emergency contacts, and traveling together, for just a few examples. According to Harris, a queerplatonic relationship could also mean cohabitation, physical intimacy (without the assumption of sex), sharing finances, and coparenting. So, basically like a best friend with benefits, assuming the benefits in question aren’t sexual in nature.

That said, queerplatonic relationships can turn romantic for some people. Such simply isn’t a given or even necessarily a likely scenario (especially if you’re already in a committed romantic partnership with another person). Rather, the closeness of queerplatonic relationships tends to focus on other forms of intimacy beyond that of romantic or physical elements. The people involved “may enjoy the friendship and emotional intimacy so much more than taking it further into something more romantic or sexual,” Dr. Phillips says. And if you are in a committed romantic partnership but also have a queerplatonic relationship with someone else, remember that communication is the of the game. There is no right or wrong so long as all parties involved are comfortable and feel safe.

Ultimately, the people involved in the relationship are the ones deciphering what is and isn’t included in their specific partnership—and there are no hard-and-fast guidelines by which to abide with this framework. “The individuals engaged in that relationship intentionally define rules in what their commitment entails, rather than automatic subscription to societal norms, such as sexual intercourse or romantic obligations,” Harris says.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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Let’s Talk about Sex and Diabetes


By Matthew Garza

Though certain sexual disorders are well-understood in men with diabetes, we know a lot less about the prevalence, impact, and management of sexual dysfunction in women with diabetes. At the ADA Scientific Sessions, Dr. Sharon Parish gave a broad overview of what we do know about this topic.

Dr. Sharon Parish, professor of medicine, clinical psychology and professor of clinical medicine at Weill Cornell Medicine, delivered a fascinating presentation on the third day of the 82nd ADA Scientific Sessions that included a broad overview of sexual disorders and dysfunction in women with diabetes.

What sexual disorders do women with diabetes face?

There are a number of sexual disorders that can affect women and women with diabetes specifically. These include hypoactive sexual desire disorder (HSDD) (reduced sexual desire and motivation), female sexual arousal disorder (reduced sexual arousal), and female orgasm disorder (reduced frequency, intensity, or pleasure of orgasms, and/or delayed, spontaneous, or premature orgasms), among many others.

How common is sexual dysfunction?

The prevalence of these conditions is disheartening. Research shows that in sexually active women with type 2 diabetes, as many as:

  • 50% experience desire problems
  • 34% experience arousal problems
  • 36% experience lubrication problems
  • 36% experience orgasm problems

More recent data shows these rates may actually be slightly lower, and there are differences with type 1 vs. type 2 diabetes. Women with type 1 diabetes having a greater prevalence of sexual dysfunction, including decreased desire, lubrication, and arousal. In women who do have sexual dysfunction, there are also higher rates of diabetes distress, impaired emotional well-being, and anxiety.

The reasons these conditions show up more prominently in women with diabetes could include hormonal reasons, infections, hyperglycemia that affects vaginal lubrication, neurological damage, and increased rates of mental health conditions like depression.

What are the risk factors?

Risk factors for these sexual dysfunctions include older age, obesity, smoking, higher A1C, and longer duration of diabetes. Interestingly, depression and marital status are significant predictors of sexual dysfunction in women.

The importance of screening for sexual dysfunction and reducing stigma

Parish stressed that screening is key, but that these conversations should be initiated by healthcare providers by asking open-ended questions. “Have them tell you a story, ask follow-up questions,” she said.

And as a person with diabetes, being honest with your healthcare provider about how diabetes affects your sex life can help them help you. If they don’t bring the topic up, and you are comfortable, initiate the conversation yourself. This can help normalize talking about sex and reduce the stigma associated with these conversations – all people deserve to have a healthy and fulfilling sex life.

Treatment options for some sexual disorders in women with diabetes

For women with HSDD, Parish broke down three treatment options. If you have this condition, ask your healthcare provider if any of these may be available to you.

For pre-menopausal women, Flibanserin could elevate hormones in your brain that lead to sexual desire and Bremelanotide (an injection taken on-demand) can increase desire and decrease distress. Though there is less research in the area, there is some evidence that testosterone injections given off-label could moderately improve desire in post-menopausal women.

In addition, if the root cause of HSDD is determined to be tied to a psychological or relationship/lifestyle issue, counseling, cognitive behavioral therapy, or psychotherapy could also be good options for treatment.

Finally, Parish explained some signs and symptoms of vulvovaginal atrophy (VVA) and genitourinary syndrome of menopause (GSM) and treatment options. These conditions, which occur post-menopause, can lead to loss of elasticity, soreness, dryness, irritation, and burning. They may be able to be treated with lubricants and moisturizers or low-dose vaginal estrogen.

Why is sexual health important?

Sexual health is an important part of your overall health. Talking to your healthcare team about how diabetes affects your sex life, and finding ways to address the root causes of any issues you notice, could improve not only this area of your life but also your emotional and mental well-being. It’s also important for healthcare providers to help initiate these conversations in their clinics.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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Words matter

— Terms, pronouns and vocabulary to add to your everyday dictionary

By Sharla Brown-Ajayi

The glossary listed below is a list of terms used within the LGBTQIA community. This list is not completely comprehensive, as language is constantly evolving and new terms and identities are always forming. It is important to mirror the language someone uses to describe themselves to affirm their identity. When in doubt about a word, just ask!

advocate – ( verb) to actively support a particular cause, the action of working to end intolerance or educate others

agender – ( adj. ) a person with no (or very little) connection to the traditional system of gender, no personal alignment with the concepts of either man or woman, and/or someone who sees themselves as existing without gender. Sometimes called gender neutrois, gender neutral, or genderless.

androgyny/androgynous – ( noun ) a gender expression that has elements of both masculinity and femininity

aromantic – ( adj. ) experiencing little or no romantic attraction to others and/or has a lack of interest in romantic relationships/behavior. Aromanticism exists on a continuum from people who experience no romantic attraction or have any desire for romantic activities, to those who experience low levels, or romantic attraction only under specific conditions. Sometimes abbreviated to “aro” (pronounced like “arrow”).

asexual – ( adj. ) : experiencing little or no sexual attraction to others and/or a lack of interest in sexual relationships/behavior. Asexuality exists on a continuum from people who experience no sexual attraction or have any desire for sex, to those who experience low levels, or sexual attraction only under specific conditions. Sometimes abbreviated to “ace.”. For more information, click here.

bigender – ( adj ) a person who fluctuates between traditionally “woman” and “man” gender-based behavior and identities, identifying with both genders (or sometimes identifying with either man or woman, as well as a third, different gender).

binder – ( noun ) an undergarment used to alter or reduce the appearance of one’s breasts. Binding is often used to change the way other’s read/perceive one’s anatomical sex characteristics, and/or as a form of gender expression.

biological sex – ( noun ) a medical term used to refer to the chromosomal, hormonal and anatomical characteristics that are used to classify an individual as female, male, or intersex. Often referred to as simply “sex,” “physical sex,” “anatomical sex,” or specifically as “sex assigned at birth.”

biphobia – ( noun ) a range of negative attitudes (e.g., fear, anger, intolerance, invisibility, resentment, erasure, or discomfort) that one may have or express toward bisexual individuals. Biphobia can come from and be seen within the LGBTQ community as well as straight society.

bisexual – 1 ( adj. ) a person who experiences attraction to men and women. 2 ( adj. ) a person who experiences attraction to people of their gender and another gender. Bisexual attraction does not have to be equally split, or indicate a level of interest that is the same across the genders an individual may be attracted to. For more information, click here.

chosen name – ( noun ) a name that an individual chooses to be called that is different than their legal name. The term “chosen name” is usually favored over “preferred name” since preferred name may imply the name is just a preference, rather than a matter of identity.

cisgender – ( adj. ) a gender description for when someone’s sex assigned at birth and gender identity correspond (e.g., someone who was assigned male at birth, and identifies as a man). The word cisgender can also be shortened to “cis.”

cisnormativity – ( noun ) the assumption, in individuals and in institutions, that everyone is cisgender, and that cisgender identities are superior to transgender identities and people. Leads to invisibility of transgender or gender non-confomring identities.

closeted – ( adj. ) an individual who is not open to themselves or others about their (queer) sexuality or gender identity.

coming in – ( verb ) the process by which one accepts and/or comes to identify one’s own sexuality or gender identity (to “come in” to oneself).

coming out – ( verb ) the process by which one shares one’s sexuality or gender identity with others.

constellation – ( noun ) a way to describe the arrangement or structure of a polyamorous relationship.

dead name – ( noun ) the name given at birth/legal name of someone who has since changed their name or goes by a different name.

demiromantic – ( adj. ) little or no capacity to experience romantic attraction until a strong connection is formed with someone, often within a sexual relationship.

demisexual – ( adj. ) little or no capacity to experience sexual attraction until a strong connection is formed with someone, often within a romantic relationship.

drag king – ( noun ) someone who performs (hyper-) masculinity theatrically.

drag queen – ( noun ) someone who performs (hyper-) femininity theatrically.

emotional attraction – ( noun ) a capacity that evokes want to engage in emotionally intimate behavior (e.g., sharing, confiding, trusting, inter-depending), experienced in varying degrees (from little-to-none to intense). Often conflated with sexual attraction, romantic attraction, and/or spiritual attraction.

fluid(ity) – ( adj. ) generally with another term attached, like gender-fluid or fluid-sexuality, fluid(ity) describes an identity that may change or shift over time between or within the mix of the options available.

folx – ( noun ) a gender neutral term used to address a group

gay – 1 ( adj. ) experiencing attraction solely (or primarily) to some members of the same gender. Can be used to refer to men who are attracted to other men and women who are attracted to women. 2 ( adj. ) an umbrella term used to refer to the queer community as a whole, or as an individual identity label for anyone who is not straight.

gender binary – ( noun ) the idea that there are only two genders, man and woman.

gender confirmation surgery (GCS) – ( noun ) used by some medical professionals to refer to a group of surgical options that alter a person’s biological sex. “Gender confirmation surgery” is considered by many to be a more affirming term than gender reassignment surgery.

gender expression – ( noun ) the external display of one’s gender, through a combination of clothing, grooming, demeanor, social behavior, and other factors, generally made sense of on scales of masculinity, femininity, or another gender. Also referred to as “gender presentation.”

gender fluid – ( adj. ) a gender identity best described as a dynamic mix of multiple genders. A person who is gender fluid may feel like a mix of man or woman or another gender, but may feel more one gender on certain days.

gender identity – ( noun ) the internal perception of one’s gender, and how they label themselves, based on how much they align or don’t align with what they understand their options for gender to be.

gender non-conforming – 1 ( adj. ) a gender expression descriptor that indicates a non-traditional gender presentation (masculine woman or feminine man). 2 ( adj. ) a gender identity label that indicates a person who identifies outside of the gender binary. Often abbreviated as “GNC.”

gender normative – ( adj. ) someone whose gender presentation or gender identity aligns with society’s gender-based expectations.

genderqueer – 1 ( adj. ) a gender identity label often used by people who do not identify with the binary of man/woman. 2 ( adj. ) an umbrella term for many gender non-conforming or non-binary identities (e.g., agender, bigender, genderfluid).

gender variant – ( adj. ) someone who does not conform to gender-based expectations of society.

heteronormativity – ( noun ) the assumption, in individuals and/or in institutions, that everyone is heterosexual and that heterosexuality is superior to all other sexualities. Leads to invisibility and stigmatizing of other sexualities. Heteronormativity also leads us to assume that only masculine men and feminine women are straight.

heterosexual – ( adj. ) experiencing attraction solely (or primarily) to people of a different gender.

homophobia – ( noun ) an umbrella term for a range of negative attitudes (e.g., fear, anger, intolerance, resentment, erasure, or discomfort) that one may have toward LGBTQ people. The term can also connote a fear, disgust, or dislike of being perceived as LGBTQ.

homosexual – ( adj. ) a person primarily attracted to members of the same sex/gender. This historically medical term is considered stigmatizing (particularly as a noun) due to its history as a category of mental illness, and is discouraged for common use.

intersectionality – ( noun ) a term coined by Kimberle Crenshaw referring to the ways that systems of oppression are connected and overlapping

intersex – ( adj. ) term for a combination of chromosomes, gonads, hormones, internal sex organs, and genitals that differs from the patterns of male or female. Formerly known as hermaphrodite (or hermaphroditic), but these terms are now outdated and derogatory.

lesbian – ( adj. ) women who are primarily attracted to other women.

MSM / WSW – ( abbr. ) men who have sex with men or women who have sex with women, to distinguish sexual behaviors from sexual identities: because a man is straight, it doesn’t mean he’s not having sex with men. Often used in the field of HIV/Aids education, prevention, and treatment.

Mx. – ( noun ) an honorific (e.g. Mr., Ms., Mrs., etc.) that is gender neutral. It is often the option of choice for folks who do not identify within the gender binary

outing – ( verb ) involuntary or unwanted disclosure of another person’s sexual orientation, gender identity, or intersex status.

pansexual – ( adj. ) a person who experiences attraction for members of all gender identities/expressions. Often shortened to “pan.”

passing – 1 ( adj. & verb ) transgender individuals being accepted as, or able to “pass for,” a member of their self-identified gender identity (regardless of sex assigned at birth) without being identified as transgender. 2 ( adj. ) an LGB/queer individual who is believed to be or perceived as straight.

preferred pronouns – ( noun ) often used during introductions, becoming more common as a standard practice. Many suggest removing the “preferred,” because it indicates flexibility and/or the power for the speaker to decide which pronouns to use for someone else.

polyamorous – ( noun ) refers to the practice of, desire for, or orientation toward having ethical, honest, and consensual non-monogamous relationships (i.e. relationships that may include multiple partners). Often shortened to “poly.”

queer – 1 ( adj. ) an umbrella term to describe individuals who don’t identify as straight and/or cisgender. 2 ( noun ) a slur used to refer to someone who isn’t straight and/or cisgender. Due to its historical use as a derogatory term, and how it is still used as a slur many communities, it is not embraced or used by all members of the LGBTQ community. The term “queer” can often be use interchangeably with LGBTQ (e.g., “queer people” instead of “LGBTQ people”).

questioning – ( adj. ) an individual who or a time when someone is unsure about or exploring their own sexual orientation or gender identity.

QPOC / QTPOC – initialisms that stand for queer people of color and queer and/or trans people of color.

romantic attraction – ( noun ) a capacity that evokes want to engage in romantic intimate behavior (e.g., dating, relationships, marriage), experienced in varying degrees (from little-to-none, to intense). Often conflated with sexual attraction, emotional attraction, and/or spiritual attraction.

sex assigned at birth (SAAB) – ( abbr. ) a phrase used to intentionally recognize a person’s assigned sex (not gender identity). Sometimes called “designated sex at birth” (DSAB) or “sex coercively assigned at birth” (SCAB), or specifically used as “assigned male at birth” (AMAB) or “assigned female at birth” (AFAB)

sexual attraction – ( noun ) a capacity that evokes want to engage in physically intimate behavior (e.g., kissing, touching, intercourse), experienced in varying degrees (from little-to-none, to intense). Often conflated with romantic attraction, emotional attraction, and/or spiritual attraction.

sexual orientation – ( noun ) the type of sexual, romantic, emotional/spiritual attraction one has the capacity to feel for some others, generally labeled based on the gender relationship between the person and the people they are attracted to.

skoliosexual – ( adj. ) being primarily attracted to some genderqueer, transgender, and/or non-binary people.

spiritual attraction – ( noun ) a capacity that evokes the want to engage in intimate behavior based on one’s experience with, interpretation of, or belief in the supernatural (e.g., religious teachings, messages from a deity), experienced in varying degrees (from little-to-none, to intense). Often conflated with sexual attraction, romantic attraction, and/or emotional attraction.

stealth – ( adj. ) a transgender person who is not “out” as transgender, and is perceived/known by others as cisgender.

straight – ( adj. ) a person primarily attracted to people who are not their same sex/gender.

third gender – ( noun ) a gender category that is used by societies that recognise three or more genders. A conceptual term meaning different things to different people who use it, as a way to move beyond the gender binary.

top surgery – ( noun ) this term refers to surgery for the construction of a male-type chest or breast augmentation for a female-type chest.

transgender – ( adj. ) an umbrella term for anyone whose sex assigned at birth and gender identity do not correspond (e.g., someone who was assigned male at birth, but does not identify as a man).

transitioning – ( verb ) the process of a transgender person changing aspects of themself (e.g., their appearance, name, pronouns, or making physical changes to their body) to be more congruent with their gender identity

transphobia – ( noun ) the fear of, discrimination against, or hatred of people who are transgender, the transgender community, or gender ambiguity. Transphobia can be seen within the queer community, as well as in general society.;

two-spirit – ( noun ) a term within Native American communities to recognize individuals who possess qualities or fulfill roles of both genders. This term is often conflated with sexuality, but was historically about gender identity.

ze / zir – ( pronoun ) pronouns that are gender neutral and preferred by some transgender people. They replace “he” and “she” and “his” and “hers” respectively.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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Pelvic Floor Therapy

— How Can it Help You?

Man and woman holding exercise ball between legs in the clinic

By Women Fitness Magazine

If you suffer from urinary dysfunction, pain in the pelvic area, or painful intercourse, then you might need pelvic floor therapy to relieve the pain. This kind of treatment is effective in treating many disruptive and painful conditions involving the pelvic floor.

But what is involved in this treatment? The experts from Pelvic floor therapy NYC will provide you with all the information you need on this treatment procedure in this article.

What is Pelvic Floor?

Most of us know where the pelvic area is but do not know what a pelvic floor is. The pelvic floor pertains to the group of muscles, tendons, ligaments, nerves and connective tissues that serves as the base and support for the pelvic area.

Men and women both have a pelvic floor, but there are slight differences. In women, the pelvic floor supports the bladder at the front, the uterus at the top, and the vagina, and rectum at the back. In men, the pelvic floor holds the bowel, bladder, urethra, and rectum. The openings from the aforementioned organs pass through the pelvic floor.

The pelvic floor muscles are attached to the pubic bone at the front and the tailbone to the back for both men and women.

The Importance of the Pelvic Floor

The pelvic floor plays an important part in bladder and bowel control of both men and women. This is because it ‘holds’ or supports the said organs. The pelvic floor is also important for the sexual health of both men and women.

For men, a weak pelvic floor can lead to erectile dysfunction; for women, a tight pelvic floor can cause painful intercourse. A dysfunctional pelvic floor can lead to urinary dysfunction for both men and women, especially adults and teenagers that participate in high-impact sports.

Other Types of Pelvic Floor Dysfunction

Pelvic floor dysfunction can refer to a wide range of issues, including but not limited to:

  • Bladder pain
  • Constipation
  • Bowel incontinence
  • Cystocele
  • Endometriosis
  • Frequent urination and urinary incontinence
  • Enterocele
  • Groin pain
  • Lower abdominal pain
  • Pubic or tailbone pain
  • Sacroiliac (SI) joint pain
  • Pelvic asymmetry
  • Pelvic pain
  • Pelvic organ prolapse (POP)
  • Prostatitis
  • Urinary dysfunction due to impact sports

If you suffer from any of these conditions, you might need pelvic floor therapy NYC.

When Can Pelvic Floor Therapy Help?

Although some of the conditions mentioned above require surgery to repair structural defects, some can opt for physical therapy instead.

The best candidates for physical therapy are those that prefer conservative treatment options. They may not be surgical candidates, or they may not need or want surgery for the time being.

If you are experiencing pelvic floor symptoms that keeps you from enjoying life, you might want to consider giving pelvic floor therapy a try.

What to Expect from Pelvic Floor Therapy?

On the first appointment…

Like most people, you might feel a bit anxious or apprehensive when starting therapy. On the first appointment, your therapist will guide you through the details of the therapy and try to answer all your concerns and questions. The appointment is usually held in a private room; therapy will not start until you feel comfortable and are ready to start.

The therapist will usually explain how pelvic floor therapy is still physical therapy—but just for a different body part. Patients are encouraged to ask questions, and your therapist should try to answer them as much as they can.

During Treatment …

As with most outpatient therapies, pelvic floor therapy NYC includes exercises, movement coordination and manual techniques. But including electronic therapies can also help. One therapy included in the treatment is biofeedback, which involves small, painless electrodes applied to the area being treated (which could be the rectal, genital, or perianal area). Biofeedback can be an effective treatment option for patients especially for those that want to improve their bladder function.

Your therapy may have to perform an internal exam, when needed. While this can be uncomfortable, it’s a necessary part of the appointment. Imaging going to a therapist for a leg injury. If they ask you questions about your injury but don’t check your leg, that would definitely be weird. To see if your pelvic floor is working just fine, therapists must check and assess it to give you a proper and safe physical therapy diagnosis.

Length of Treatment

A common pelvic floor physical therapy treatment usually requires one visit every week for eight weeks. But the length of treatment can vary depending on several factors such as the diagnosis, how severe the dysfunction is, and your individual goals. The goal of any therapy is to help you get back to your ideal level of function so you can enjoy and live your life fully.

What You Can Expect from Pelvic Floor Therapy Results

After undergoing pelvic floor therapy NYC, you can expect and enjoy results such as:

  • Being able to enjoy your favorite sport again
  • Being able to start a family
  • Getting through the day without incontinence

Before any of these things could be possible, it’s important that you completely dismiss the idea that your problem isn’t important or that it doesn’t matter. Many of us, especially women, minimize our symptoms and dismiss them as ‘normal’. But it’s never normal to ‘leak urine’ or to experience pain during intercourse. With the right treatment and support group, you’ll be able to correct such problems.

Conclusion

You should be able to notice improvements within the first few visits to your pelvic floor therapy NYC therapist. If you feel or do not notice any changes or improvements at all, you can request for adjustments during a re-assessment appointment. But remember recovery is a process that happens at a different pace for each person.

Speak with your therapist with regards to your gains and setbacks. Once you reach your goals, do check in with your therapist once or twice a year.

To get started with your pelvic floor therapy journey, you’ll need a physician referral. For women, this usually comes from an OB-GYNE or a specialist in urogynecology. For men, these would come from urology or a physician that deals with post prostate surgery care.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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Biological Science Rejects the Sex Binary, and That’s Good for Humanity

Evidence from various sciences reveals that there are diverse ways of being male, female, or both. An anthropologist argues that embracing these truths will help humans flourish.

Despite myths of “pink” brains and “blue” brains, human brains are mosaics of what have stereotypically been characterized as male and female traits.

By

At the recent U.S. Supreme Court confirmation hearings for Ketanji Brown Jackson, Sen. Marsha Blackburn triggered controversy when she asked Jackson to define the word “woman.” After Jackson declined, several Republican congresspeople chimed in with definitions for “woman” that ranged from dubious to shocking, including “the weaker sex,” “someone who has a uterus,” and “X chromosomes, no tallywhacker.”

Such notions haven’t evolved much since 1871, when naturalist Charles Darwin told the world that “man is more courageous, pugnacious, and energetic than women, and has more inventive genius.” Most 19th- and 20th-century evolutionary theories (and theorists) asserted that evolution created two kinds of creatures—male and female—and individuals’ behavior and nature reflected this biological binary.

Today a chorus of scientific-sounding claims about “blue and pink” brains, testosterone, and male primate aggression are offered up as natural explanations for masculine and feminine behavior, along with gaps in pay, jobs, political and economic leadership, and sexuality. In the political and legal realms, the belief that biology creates two types of humans is invoked in a range of attempts to mandate and enforce how humans should behave.

These assertions and beliefs are wrong. In addition, the commitment to a simple binary view creates a fictitious template for a “battle of the sexes” that manifests in miseducation about basic biology, the denigration of women’s rights, the justifications of incel and “men’s rights” violence, and the creation of anti-transgender laws.

Science points to a more accurate and hopeful way to understand the biology of sex. By recognizing the true diversity of the human experience, humanity can embrace an expansive and multifaceted way of envisioning and experiencing human nature. This evidence-based outlook is not only far more interesting than the simplistic and incorrect “tallywhacker versus no tallywhacker” perspective, but also more conducive to respect and flourishing.

Starting at the most basic level of animal biology, there are multitudes of ways to be female or male or both. The oceans are filled with species of fish that change from one sex to another midlife, and some who change back again. There are invertebrate hermaphrodites and ladies-only lizards who reproduce by recombining their own chromosomes. In some mammals, females are brimming with testosterone and have large “penises.” In various fish and mammals, males do all the caretaking of infants. And in a variety of species, females are authoritarian, promiscuous, and—yes, Darwin—pugnacious.

Of course, there are patterned differences between females and males in many species. But there is far more diversity, complexity, and collaboration than most people realize. When one looks closer at the biology of sex in animals, including humans, it is clear that Darwin, biologist E.O. Wilson, geneticist Angus Bateman, and various Republican politicians are minimally way off base and mostly flat out wrong.

Man/woman and masculine/feminine are neither biological terms nor rooted exclusively in biology.

Sex, biologically, is not simply defined or uniformly enacted. In humans, having two X chromosomes or an X and a Y chromosome does not create binary bodies, destinies, or lives. If we could crawl into the womb with a fetus at about six to eight weeks of age, we’d see a few clusters of cells in the emerging body get nudges by DNA activity and start to generate new organs, including the clitoris and penis, labia and scrotum, ovaries and testes. All genitals are made from the exact same stuff. Since they have a few differing end functions, their final form is different. But there is a lot of overlap.

In fact, of the 140 million babies born last year, at least 280,000 did not fit into a clear penis versus labia model of sex determination. Genitals, hormone levels, and chromosomes are not reliable determinants of sex. There are, for example, people with XY chromosomes who have female characteristics, people with ambiguous genitalia, and women with testosterone levels outside the typical “female” range.

Biologically, there is no simple dichotomy between female and male. As I demonstrate in my book Race, Monogamy, and Other Lies They Told You, brains are no more “sexed” at birth than are kidneys and livers. Rather, brains are “mosaics” of characteristically female and male features.

Of course, there are clear bodily differences in capacities to give birth and lactate, and ranges of patterns in the development and distribution of body size, strength, and myriad other processes. But such patterns are mostly overlapping, and only a few are distributed in clear or functional dichotomies. Numerous studies have found that the differences between adult men and women are overhyped and largely influenced by the dynamics of biology and culture. Humans are naturenurtural—a fusion of nature and nurture.

For example, many explanations for differences between males and females rest on assumptions about the disparate evolved costs of reproduction between them. But human reproduction is more complex than two individuals having sex, then the female giving birth and taking care of the offspring. While today it is common in many societies for women to raise children on their own or with a male (who often does not contribute equally to child-rearing), this setup developed very recently in human history.

More than a million years ago, humans developed collaborative child care involving female and male relatives, as well as adults and children in the community.

There is massive evidence that the genus Homo (humans) evolved complex cooperative caretaking more than a million years ago, changing the patterns and pressures of our evolution. Such “alloparenting” practices are still widespread among many human groups, in which mothers and fathers, grandparents, other female and male relatives, and boys and girls in the community all help feed, teach, and care for children. This complex overlap in social and reproductive roles is exciting and hopeful. When it comes to raising kids, humans don’t come in two kinds. Rather, we evolved to be a collaborative and creative community.

The data-driven bottom line is that “man/woman” and “masculine/feminine” are neither biological terms nor rooted exclusively in biology. The lack of an explicit binary is especially evident in humans given the complex neurobiologies, life histories, and morphological dynamics in our species. There are many successful, biologically diverse ways to be human, and millions of people embody this diversity. Growing up human means growing up in a world of varying gender expectations, body types, reproductive options, family structures, and sexual orientations.

So, instead of listening to people who are misogynistic, sexist, or homo/transphobic; incels; or politicians who base their ideologies on a biological sex binary and myths about its evolution, we can and should be open to a serious understanding of biology and its better options for human flourishing. The simple male/female binary does not effectively express the normal range of being human. Understanding this and incorporating it into our education, lives, and laws offers better possibilities, greater equity, and more joy for human society.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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A Beginner’s Guide to Going Gay

By Tom Rasmussen

As your least favorite brand has likely reminded you in an emoji-filled mailer that you just can’t seem to unsubscribe from, it’s Pride month again. And so begins the annual wheel of discourse: Should Pride be a party or a protest? Has it been co-opted by big brands? Is the rainbow actually ugly? Should the police be banned from marching at Pride? Yes, yes, yes, yes.

But ladies, I’m tired of the wheel. It’s been a hard 30 years for me as a non-binary homosexual on this cis, straight planet. And so for this year’s Pride, as a treat to myself, I’ve decided I’m taking some time off. I’m done with waiting at the doors of big companies who are desperately trying not to get canceled, and asking for inclusion with big puppy dog eyes. I’m tired of writing explainers on how to be a good ally to a trans person. (For that, read Shon Faye.) And no, I don’t want a credit card with two men kissing on it. I don’t need a drink that is pink! Why is this sidewalk painted rainbow?!

Yes, I’ve decided for this Pride month I’m finally going to be really honest—really, really honest—about what we LGBTQs get up to all year round when our image isn’t being co-opted by a smoothie company. Because when you aren’t looking, we gays are plotting and planning the Gay Agenda. The Gay Agenda which, to terrify all of my loyal conservative fans, always has been and always will be about making as many people gay as possible. Queer as possible. Trans as possible. And so this Pride month, as your agony aunt here at Vogue, I am here to deliver to you the LGBTQ+ message: I’m here to tell you that it’s time to go gay.

Everyone’s doing it. Chrishell from Selling Sunset did it; your ex-best friend’s mum from high school did it; loads of celebs who can’t be named did it; hey, you probably already did it in college. And while I’m aware it’s not a choice, let me tell you, if it was, I’d choose it! It’s way more fun, and way more flirty, than straight life.

Here in LGBTQ+ Town, we get to party until we’re in our mid-sixties, at which point we’re held up as community icons. We get to wear leather without looking try-hard, we get to watch unhinged drag queens fall over in dive bars, and we get to holiday in homes in Tangier owned by “interior decoration gays.” We’re statistically more likely to be chic and fashionable (although some gay men seem to want to actively exclude themselves from this one) and people—literally, like, everyone—are desperate for our approval. We have more sex than our straight counterparts, we are better at everything than our heterosexual peers (there are no stats on this, but it’s true), and we get to say things like “J’adore” and mean it both ironically and unironically.

We have the best literature, from Giovanni’s Room to Detransition, Baby. The best film and theater, from Pink Flamingos to A Strange Loop. The best fashion, from Thierry Mugler to Telfar. The best art too, from the Sistine Chapel to Leigh Bowery. What do the straights have? Chinos and golf tournaments? Marriage and a Volvo? Yep, you got it—being gay is better. It’s chicer. It’s hotter. So what are you waiting for?

A note on how you’re likely to be viewed after doing so. The people around you are no longer strangers, commuters, or fellow diners at Chinese Tuxedo. No. As part of the LGBTQ+ community, you will be forced into visibility. Sometimes you’ll like it, sometimes you’ll hate it. A healthy way to deal with this, though—which my therapist has strongly advised against—is to start calling those around you your “audience.” “Fans” also works, but the truth is that audience implies a much more generous, symbiotic, artistic relationship between you and this woman who is staring at you at the crosswalk.

It’s also time to get really good at sex. Alas, I don’t make the rules. But if there is one thing that unites every LGBTQ+ person I know, it’s that we are good at sex. You don’t have to be kinky—although you can also be as kinky as they come—but we are frankly superior in bed. After all, why go through all of the boring drama of coming out and detailing exactly how you’re going to have sex to your own mother if you’re not going to actually be good at it? It’s time to transcend the dynamic of the jackrabbit and the wet flannel. You are a sex phoenix, and you’re rising from the ashes.

A note on coming out. Everyone—well, a lot of brands—will tell you you have to come out. But you don’t. Screw it. You don’t owe explaining yourself to anyone. Of course, try not to stay too repressed and then let those bottled-up feelings turn you into a psychopathic murderer, or perhaps worse, very very homophobic, but your sexuality and gender are all yours. Come out to who you want. Don’t come out to who you don’t want.

Finally, don’t be mean. We all go through a phase of feeling really pissed off with the world for making it harder for us—and so we wake up every day and heave on our suit of bitchy armor and slag off everyone around us and make it a bit. And sure, people love it, but eventually, they’ll wonder if you talk about them behind their backs too, and in the end, it won’t make you happy. Instead, engage with your community—go to the gay bar, read about queer history, or host a book brunch for you and the girlies.

That’s right, these days, you can literally have it all. (Even children!) But first, you have to simply take the plunge this Pride month: Get in loser, we’re going gay.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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The Gay Asian Activist Whose Theories on Sexuality Were Decades Ahead of Their Time

In the 1930s, Li Shiu Tong’s boyfriend, Magnus Hirschfeld, was a prominent defender of gay people. But Li’s own research has long been overlooked

Li Shiu Tong and Magnus Hirschfeld at the 1932 conference for the World League for Sexual Reform

By Nation World News Desk

Historians are rediscovering one of the most important LGBTQ activists of the early 20th century—an Asian Canadian named Li Shiu Tong. You probably don’t know the name, but he was at the center of the first wave of gay politics.

Much has been written about Li’s older boyfriend, Magnus Hirschfeld. He was a closeted German doctor and sexologist who became famous in the 1930s as a defender of gay people. In books on Hirschfeld, Li is usually just a footnote.

But as I found in my research, Li was a sexologist and activist in his own right. And in my view, his ideas about sexuality speak to our moment better than his much more well-known boyfriend’s do.

When Li died in Vancouver in 1993, his unpublished manuscript about sexuality was thrown in the trash. Luckily, it was rescued by a curious neighbor and eventually ended up in an archive. Since then, only a handful of people, myself included, have read it.

In its pages is a theory of LGBTQ people as the majority that would resonate with a lot of young people today.

Student and mentor

Born in 1907 in Hong Kong, Li was a 24-year-old studying medicine at a university in Shanghai when he met Hirschfeld. Then 63 years old, Hirschfeld had come to China to give public lectures about the science of sex. The year was 1931.

The Shanghai newspapers billed Hirschfeld as the world’s foremost expert on sexuality. Li must have seen the papers, because he made sure to catch Hirschfeld’s very first lecture. In medical school, Li had read all he could about homosexuality, then a very controversial topic. He had often encountered Hirschfeld’s name, and he knew his reputation as a defender of homosexuals. Whether he suspected that the famous sexologist was gay is a mystery. Almost no one in the 1930s could afford to be out—the revelation would have destroyed either man’s career.

Magnus Hirschfeld and Li Shiu Tong on the cover of a 1933 issue of a French magazine
Magnus Hirschfeld and Li Shiu Tong on the cover of a 1933 issue of a French magazine

The lecture that afternoon was hosted by a Chinese feminist club at a fancy, modern apartment building. When Hirschfeld finished speaking, Li came up and introduced himself. He offered to be his assistant. It was the beginning of a relationship that would profoundly shape gay history, as well as the rest of both of their lives.

With Li by his side, Hirschfeld spoke all over China. Li then accompanied Hirschfeld on a lecture tour around the world, traveling first class on ships to Indonesia, the Philippines, South Asia, Egypt and beyond.

In his lectures, Hirschfeld explained his influential model of homosexuality: It was a character trait that people were born with, a part of their nature. It was neither an illness nor a sin, and the persecution of homosexuality was unjust. He gave 178 lectures, plus radio interviews. His ideas reached hundreds of thousands of people.

This was the first time in world history that anyone told so many people that being gay was not a bad thing and was, in fact, an inborn and natural condition.

A love affair and professional collaboration

On the world tour, the two fell in love, though to everyone else, they passed as teacher and student. Hirschfeld decided to make Li his successor. The plan was for Li to return to Berlin with him, train at his Institute for Sexual Science and carry on his research after his death.

Their shared dream was not to be. When they reached Europe, Hirschfeld realized he could never go back to his home in Berlin. Adolf Hitler was chancellor. The Nazis were after Hirschfeld because he was Jewish and because of his left-wing views on sexuality. He went into exile in France.

Li stayed by his side and helped him write a memoir of their travels. It is a stunning departure from Hirschfeld’s earlier work, which trades in racist thinking—containing, for example, the claim that Black Americans had stunted brains.

Nazis select books for burning at the Magnus Hirschfeld Institute for Sexual Science in Berlin.
Nazis select books for burning at the Magnus Hirschfeld Institute for Sexual Science in Berlin.

In the book he wrote with Li’s help, a different Hirschfeld emerges. The text denounces imperialism—for example, calling British rule in South Asia “one of the greatest political injustices in all of the world.” Hirschfeld even saw a link between gay rights and the struggle against imperialism: Both grew out of an undeniable human yearning for freedom.

After Hirschfeld died in France in 1935, his will named Li, then a student at the University of Zurich, his intellectual heir.

Hirschfeld was the most famous defender of gay people the world had yet known. But when Li died in Vancouver in 1993, it seems no one realized his connection to gay rights.

Li’s vision of sexuality reemerges

Yet Li’s rediscovered manuscript shows he did become a sexologist, even though he never published his findings.

In his manuscript, Li tells how after Hirschfeld died, he spent decades traveling the world, carrying on the research and taking detailed notes while living in Zurich, Hong Kong and then Vancouver.

The data he gathered would have startled Hirschfeld. Forty percent of people were bisexual, he wrote, 20 percent were homosexual and only 30 percent percent were heterosexual. (The last 10 percent were “other.”) Being trans was an important, beneficial part of the human experience, he added.

Hirschfeld thought bisexuals were scarce and that even homosexuals were only a minor slice of the population—a “sexual minority.” To Li, bisexuals plus homosexuals were the majority. It was lifelong heterosexuals who were rare—so rare, he wrote, that they “should be classified as an endangered species.” Li found same-sex desire to be even more common than had sexologist Alfred Kinsey, whose studies identified widespread bisexuality.

L to R: Bernhard Schapiro, Magnus Hirschfeld and Li Shiu Tong, circa 1930
L to R: Bernhard Schapiro, Magnus Hirschfeld and Li Shiu Tong, circa 1930

Recent polling finds LGBTQ-identifying people at lower percentages, but it also points to the numbers rising. According to a Feburary 2022 Gallup poll, they’ve doubled over the last ten years. That same poll found that almost 21 percent of Gen Z Americans (people born between 1997 and 2003) identify as LGBTQ.

Some critics have suggested that these numbers reflect a fad. That’s the explanation given by the pollster whose very small survey found that about 40 percent of Gen Z respondents were LGBTQ.

Li’s vision conveys a more likely explanation: Same-sex desire is a very common part of human experience across history. Like Hirschfeld argued, it is natural. Unlike what he thought, however, it is not unusual. When Li was a young man in the 1930s, there was a very strong pressure not to act on same-sex desires. As that pressure lessened across the 20th century, more and more people seem to have embraced LGBTQ identities.

Why didn’t Li publish his work? I’m not sure. Perhaps he hesitated because his findings were so different from his mentor’s. In my book, I investigate another possibility: how the racism in Hirschfeld’s earlier work may have dissuaded Li from carrying on his legacy.

Yet Li’s theory was ahead of his time. A queer Asian Canadian at the heart of early gay politics, a sexologist with an expansive view of queerness and transness, he is a gay hero worth rediscovering.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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It’s time to normalize solo polyamory

Having relationships and being single don’t have to be mutually exclusive.

By Courtney Coonrod

Remember when you had to awkwardly explain a situationship to a family member? Or when one of your friends expressed how sus it is that you refuse to “settle down?” Traditional relationship expectations are still very much a thing — but as the flaws become more evident, the rising numbers of single people are showing us that fluid partnerships are an option. Despite this open-minded vibe shift, though, it seems like western society has forgotten about the most important relationship of all: the one you have with yourself.

Sure, the wellness world has emphasized the importance of self-care, but what about self-fulfillment? It’s common to lean on significant others in an attempt to feel fulfilled; meanwhile, “me time” is often sacrificed for intimate relationships that, while important to have, can be lethargically indulgent and cause you to forget about yourself for the sake of someone else. On the flip side, people tend to work on themselves most when they’re single. Case in point: Multiple studies show those who stay single live happier and healthier lives.

So, is there a way to fulfill your own wants, needs, and dreams without the help of a partner — but without completely eschewing relationships? There is, and it’s becoming more of a phenomenon via solo polyamory. On the surface, it sounds like just another term for “being single,” but solo polyamory is more than that. It’s a lifestyle that focuses on independence, while still cultivating intimate connections — minus the desire to reach traditional relationship milestones.

There isn’t a one-size-fits-all path to happily ever after, but with today’s social pressures and hustle culture, it’s important to be in control of the free time you do have. Just think: What could you achieve if you flip the script, prioritizing personal growth and leaving romantic relationships to where there’s extra room? Practicing solo polyamory allows you to have your cake and eat it, too. I spoke with experts and others with firsthand knowledge about how to embrace the solo polyamorous lifestyle — and why it might yield your healthiest relationships yet.

Question societal norms and create your own relationship path

Okay, I know what you’re thinking, but this isn’t just a pipe dream. Studies have shown that not only are single people less stressed and more optimistic than married people; but they’re also healthier, have more friends, and are more likely to volunteer than married people. In short: Practicing relationships that allow you more autonomy can lead to more personal growth and, ultimately, benefit others around you.

“Solo poly is resistance in a highly monogamous society that’s telling you that you need to sacrifice your freedom in order to receive love,” sex and relationships educator Jayda Kissed tells Mic, noting that after she got out of her own codependent monogamous relationship, a solo polyamorous lifestyle helped her grow in ways that otherwise may not have been possible. Now, Kissed says, she’s more centered and able to fully show up by determining which connections are truly benefitting both her and her partner. She does so by regularly checking in and asking, “Does this relationship still feel good for you? Is this still right for me? Is this relationship still compatible at the end of the day?”

Amy Gahran, the writer behind the blog “Solo Poly” and author of Stepping Off the Relationship Escalator, says that because solo poly enhances individualism, it can help you become the best version of yourself. She’s found that people who practice solo poly are more likely to center themselves and their communities — especially, in the latter case, those who would normally be overlooked in favor of a significant other. “When people are able to create as much autonomy as possible, they make better decisions in all of the relationships they’re in,” she says.

Challenge your own internalized relationship tendencies

It can be challenging to rewire your idea of what a relationship should look like. Philip Dunham, a 37-year-old living in New Orleans, says that after recently exploring if solo poly is right for him, he realized he needed to work on reining in his possessive instincts, which are typically normalized in monogamous relationships. Because polyamory involves being in multiple consenting romantic relationships, it challenges insecurities such as jealousy and decenters the idea that a partner makes you “complete.” When conquering these conditioned beliefs, relationships become more of a means to develop yourself and accommodate natural change.

It’s also important to remember that a solo lifestyle isn’t black and white; some people maintain that independence even when having a serious partner, while others don’t. Gabrielle Smith, writer and non-monogamous educator who has been practicing solo poly for the past few years, says that ultimately, it’s very fluid and dependent on how you and your partner(s) structure the relationship.

“When people are able to create as much autonomy as possible, they make better decisions in all of the relationships they’re in.”

Support your local solos and society will follow suit

While fewer people are conforming to the status quo of traditional relationships, western culture’s embedded social norms and legal practices are still very old school and discriminate against those who opt out of marriage. There’s “couple privilege,” which refers to the variety of perks that come with couplehood, like health insurance, tax breaks, and higher income. Smith admits that it’s a commitment to stay solo, especially if you’re on the lower income scale and all responsibilities fall on you alone.

Gahran agrees that the lack of a social safety net drives many people to prioritize relationships; she points out that it’s more common and accepted to be alone in places that provide more support for their citizens, such as Northern European countries including Denmark, Norway, and Sweden.

In South Korea, a group of solely independent people known as honjoks is growing in popularity. The honjoks resist conventional societal structures, like status and family, by prioritizing individual desires instead. They’ve become an economic force in their own right; and businesses have been very responsive in serving them, from offering smaller apartments to producing more practical products and packaging. “Like it or hate it, consumerism creates change,” says Peter McGraw, behavioral economist and host of Solo podcast, adding that capitalist society needs to serve solohood in order for it to be widely accepted within the United States.

Do you to reach your highest potential

Despite what the memes may say, solohood doesn’t equate to a sad, lonely cat lady life. In fact, it’s quite the opposite: All signs point to the notion that, if society were to embrace solo polyamory, we’d all be healthier, more positive, and higher-achieving. Now it’s just up to you to defy western norms and create your own happy ending.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!