They’re essential to any kind of BDSM play.
If you’ve been reading up on BDSM or any kind of kinky play, you’ve probably seen a lot of discussion about safewords. That’s because establishing a safeword with your partner is vital in making sure the sex you’re having is safe, sane and consensual.
Sex and relationship expert Annabelle Knight, from Lovehoney, explains everything you need to know about establishing safewords, and using them during sex play.
What is a safeword?
“A safeword is a word or signal that ends BDSM (bondage, discipline, sadism and masochism) play instantly,” Annabelle says. “It can be any word that isn’t a part of common play speech.”
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Choosing a common word like, ‘Stop,’ is discouraged, as people tend to use stop playfully, and the confusion could lead to play ending when you don’t really want it to, or someone not realising when you do really want it to stop.
Some people may wonder if they really need a safeword. The answer is yes, you absolutely do. “It’s the best way of ensuring you can maximise pleasure without either of you getting hurt – either physically or emotionally,” Annabelle says. “There are people who do not use safewords for one reason or another, but they are taking an unnecessary risk. Why risk it when your health and safety is at stake?”
The traffic light system
The most common safewords are known as the traffic light system. They’re easy to remember in the heat of the moment, and each colour communicates to your partner how you’re feeling.
Red: means stop. Saying this will mean you want your partner to stop everything they’re doing immediately. It should be used when you’re not comfortable, things are getting too much, or you no longer consent.
Yellow (or amber): means slow down. Maybe you liked what they were doing but then it became a little too much. Yellow is basically saying “reel it in a little bit”. It can also mean you’re reaching your limit, or are edging on physical discomfort.
Green: means go for it. Use green if you like what your partner’s doing, you feel totally comfortable, and you want them to continue.
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