— The woman who found BDSM in her 50s
“Sexuality-wise I mostly find people who are not into BDSM boring; they aren’t sexy or open enough for me.”
Anjya is 58, and is always submissive in her BDSM relationships. But she won’t be won’t be submissive to just anyone…
Ever wondered what kind of sex other women are really having? In her book ‘Women On Top of the World’ Lucy-Anne Holmes has collated the true and often astonishingly candid accounts of lust, desire, heartbreak and romantic hope from women, from all around the globe.
Anja, 58, Germany:
I want a real Dom.
I am not submissive to anybody, but I am submissive to those who know how to appreciate my submissiveness. The devotion of a woman or man is a very special gift.
If I meet someone and we go to a beer garden, I won’t say anything. I wait. I want him to say, ‘Okay, we’ll go to this corner,’ and ‘I want to sit here, you go there.’ He could even say, ‘Go to the bathroom, take off your panties if you have them on, and sit without panties,’ and I would do it. That would be very arousing to me.
BDSM is a state of mind, a bond between the Dom and the submissive. It is an interaction of wisdom and wellbeing, a secret together that others don’t know about. We don’t have to do much; it’s about the attention I get and the attention I give him, in being ready for his wishes. This is like a cocoon for me; I feel protected and that’s a very beautiful feeling.
My ex-partner and I would rent a studio room with BDSM furniture for four hours. In BDSM when you play for four hours, it feels like half an hour. One session sticks in my mind. He blindfolded me and tied me up with my arms above my head and my legs spread out. He put out his equipment after I was blindfolded so I didn’t know what was going on. My senses being taken away made my feelings more intense. He put clothes pegs on my nipples, which are so sensitive anyway. I was frightened because I didn’t know what he would do next, and because I knew he was a Dominant-sadist. He had told me that BDSM was his opportunity to let the monster out and live his aggressions in a so-called accepted form of brutality. That’s quite edgy. Maybe it brought something up that I was already feeling about him. There was nobody else nearby; I was completely alone if anything happened against my will.
I started screaming. Blank fear.
Woah.
He was shocked that I was scared. We’d never had that before. He held me. He calmed me down. ‘Breathe, we’ll have a break.’
When we carried on, he beat me with a hand on the arse. I love this, it’s intimate and precise. Pure sensation and arousal through pain. A strong caress. Bam. I love the beautiful spanking sound, full and sexy. The arse gets hot. The hand stays in contact for a moment and the impact wave goes through the whole body. It can really hurt, especially if it’s for a long time on the same spot, and I can start crying. Spanking is the warming-up phase, so I felt a lot of anticipation for what would come next.
He put me over a box, exposing my arse again. He put his leg between mine to make me spread out. This is a very sexy move. It says, do what I want. Then he used a flogger. At one point he told me to change position. I was so submissive that I felt as though I was in bondage, that I couldn’t move an inch from where he put me. Most of the time in these sessions I don’t think, but then I had the thought, Shit, this is heavy stuff today. I am really under his control. I was amazed at the power.
I was fifty when I started to think, What do I like? What are my preferences? I grew up in a tense environment.
My childhood wasn’t easy as my parents were chronically sick. It was very depressing for me sometimes. War bullshit. Traumatised parents and grandparents.
I was taught nothing about sex so I went to the library when I was fourteen and read everything I could. I started with Masters and Johnson’s texts. It gave me a scientific way to understand sexuality that was fascinating. I used to urinate on the living room floor; it aroused me and doing something forbidden and different gave me a feeling of freedom. I think this was the start of my BDSM. And I remember when I first lived with a man, I made him a boiled egg salad. I peeled the eggs, and then placed them in my vagina before serving him the salad. I never told him I had done that, and I got such a kick from watching him eat it.
Sexuality-wise I mostly find people who are not into BDSM boring; they aren’t sexy or open enough for me and they’re not in contact with their own sexual power and energy.
I think people need to know that female sexuality is for real.
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