By Molly Longman, Kasandra Brabaw
If you have sexual fantasies you’ve never acted on, don’t worry — you’re definitely not alone. Even the sexually adventurous among us can’t possibly have made it through every possible sexual scenario. There are countless sex positions, locations, kinks, and couplings to explore. So, if you’re looking to get a bit more experienced, then it’s time to sit down and write your sex bucket list.
Just like a regular bucket list — which is a check list of experiences you want to have before you die — a sex bucket list forces you to think about what you really want to do in the bedroom. It’s almost guaranteed to make your sex life a little more exciting. Making a list is just the beginning, though. The real fun comes in checking each item off.
Ahead, we’ve rounded up some steamy sexual fantasies to inspire your own sex bucket list — and how to actually make them a reality.
Sex At The Office
Despite all of the NSFW warnings that make it clear our minds shouldn’t be on sex at the office, plenty of people fantasise about tossing the papers off of their desk and getting dirty. Sometimes these daydreams involve a partner popping by for a surprise visit and sometimes they involve a coworker. Either way, it can’t hurt to try at least once — just make sure you’re doing it on your own desk, and not invading a random coworker’s space, in a totally empty office.
How to make it happen: Be super clear about lines of consent if you’re going to try this one with a coworker. Being aware of how positions of power can affect consent is always important, but office romances (or hookups) are top of mind in this #MeToo era.
Role-play
Whether it’s fantasising about having a one night stand with a stranger you meet in a bar, or a doctor’s visit taking a turn for the erotic, role-play is the answer. Especially if you’re in a committed, monogamous relationship, role-play allows you to explore all of your sexual fantasies while staying faithful.
How to make it happen: Float the idea to your partner ahead of time, and ask them to share their fantasy, too.
Having “Anywhere But The Bed” Sex
Sex in your bed is great, of course, but every once in a while it’s fun to switch up the location. Have sex on the kitchen table, against your front door, in the backyard, in your pool, in the car, or anywhere else your imagination takes you.
How to make it happen: The instructions on this one are pretty simple — just do it. But remember, if you have roommates and aren’t into letting them watch, makes sure to plan your “anywhere but the bed” sex for a time when you know they won’t be coming home.
Adding A Third
If you’ve always dreamed about having sex that involves three or more people, you’re not alone. All kinds of people, both queer and straight, have fantasised about having a threesome.
How to make it happen: As magical as threesomes sound, they don’t actually happen by magic. It takes a lot of communication, with your partner if you’re adding a third, with the couple if you’re joining in, or with two people who’ve never slept with each other before. You’ll need to talk about your expectations and boundaries, and make sure everyone involved is excited for what’s about to happen. Still not sure how to make it work? Read these handy tips from people who’ve actually had threesomes — and love them.
Having Sex In A Public Place
Whether it’s in the bathroom at your favourite bar, in a department store dressing room, or behind the bushes on a deserted street, the could-get-caught risk makes public sex way more exciting than your usual romp at home. With that said, it’s not cool to involve non-consenting strangers in your trysts, especially if you’re somewhere they could see you, hear you, or even have to clean up after you.
How to make it happen: Involving other people who did not consent in your kink is not cool. So no, even if sex in a dressing room or some place with a high risk of getting caught seems fun, it’s not okay. Instead, aim for spots that feel public, but don’t put other people at risk, such as in your car in a deserted parking lot, or in a sex club.
Having Sex While Someone Watches
Exhibitionism isn’t for everyone, but some people love the idea of getting it on with a partner while a third person watches (and maybe even masturbates because they find the action so sexy).
How to make it happen: If you live in a city that hosts sex parties, then it’s almost guaranteed that someone will watch. If you can’t attend a sex party, find an adventurous friend who’s willing to join in or put a call out on dating apps. It might take some time to find the right person, but it’ll be worth the wait.
Channeling Your Inner Anastasia Steele
If you’ve heard of 50 Shades Of Grey, then you have at least some idea of what it means to be submissive (though keep in mind that both the books and movies get a lot wrong about kink). Being a submissive essentially means that the dominant partner has control — with your consent, of course. That can mean the dom ties you up, spanks you, denies you an orgasm, tells you what to say, or any number of other sexual acts.
How to make it happen: If you have a partner, start with a conversation. Telling anyone about your kink can be nerve-wracking, for sure, but open communication with sexual partners is the only surefire way to make sure you’re getting what you want in bed. Consider making a yes/no/maybe list so that both you and your partner are able to talk about what you’re willing (and not willing) to do.
If you don’t have a partner, many sex parties have BDSM sections for people who either want to dominate or be dominated. If the idea of a sex dungeon freaks you out, attend a class or information session for a reputable sex party or kink group in your area.
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