— a simple guide to how they work
An orgasm from penetration alone may feel out of reach. But there are ways to do it.
Let’s just take a reality check quickly, not everyone with a vagina can orgasm with penetration alone. In fact, less than 30 per cent of vagina owners can reach climax through this method. Yet there are some ways you can lend yourself a helping hand to see if it is something you can achieve.
1. Understand vagina anatomy
First, make sure you understand vaginal anatomy and the parts that are most likely to lead to pleasure (and maybe orgasm) when stimulated. For most people the entrance and first third of the vagina are the most sensitive areas.
This may include the G-spot area, which is on the front wall of the vagina. The internal structure of the clitoris has a lot to do with why these parts can bring a lot of pleasure, so make sure you understand the full size and shape of the clit so you know what you’re working with.
Other areas that are sexually sensitive for some people are the cervix, “A-spot”, and perineal sponge.
So get familiar with all these sexy bits by checking out some good anatomy diagrams. It’s much easier to reach your destination if you have a good map.
2. Find your own sensitive areas and focus there
Understanding anatomy is just the starting point. The important thing is to apply it to your own body.
Experiment with stimulating different areas and see what brings pleasure. Do you enjoy deep penetration?
Do you prefer G-spot stimulation? Or pressure against the back wall around your perineum? Or somewhere else entirely? Whatever feels best for you and brings the most intensity of sensation is where you should focus.
3. Take your time to get aroused
The vagina can take longer to warm up than the clit, and getting that blood flow to the genital tissues is really important for your arousal, sensation, and chances of reaching the big O.
So spend some time on kissing, nipple play, dirty talk, and oral sex before moving to penetration to make sure your body is ready.
4. Start by trying blended orgasms
You may be working up to a hands-free orgasm during intercourse, but combining vaginal stimulation with clit stimulation is a good stepping stone.
Just do penetration for a while, and then add in clit stimulation when you feel you need it to reach orgasm.
Over time, delay adding in clit stimulation and see if eventually you can climax without it. Maybe yes, maybe no, but it’s worth a try.
5. Find the best position(s) for you
Cowgirl: Riding on top is the most successful position for achieving a hands-free orgasm during intercourse. Not only can you direct the penetration to hit your sweet spots, but you can also grind your clit on your partner’s body to maximise the sensation from all angles.
Knees-back missionary: Lie on your back and pull your knees up so your feet are raised off the bed. You may want to prop up your butt with a pillow for support. This is an effective G-spot position since it’s much easier to access that front wall of the vagina than it is during regular missionary. During penetration, angle the penis or toy to press that G-spot area if you know you like G-spot sensation.
Doggy: If you enjoy deep penetration, then doggy is a great option. You can also be more in control of the speed and depth, which can help you get the stimulation you want. Another good thing about doggy is it’s so easy to use a finger or toy on your clit, to help push you over the edge.
Legs together: Some people find it easier to reach orgasm when their legs are close together rather than spread apart. Try having your legs together – you could be on your front, back, side, standing, it’s your choice! Have your partner straddle you while they’re penetrating you. Clench or pulse your pelvic and thigh muscles in this position to boost the intensity of sensations and help you reach the big O.
6. Slow and steady wins the race
A common error when trying to reach orgasm is thinking that hard-and-fast is best. While it may be preferred by some people, for many, too much pressure and friction for too long can numb the nerve-endings, and can feel uncomfortable.
So, although it’s counterintuitive, slow movements with a lighter pressure can actually feel way more intense. Yes, hard-and-fast is often preferred as a person gets closer to orgasm, but in the build up try to keep movements on the slow and steady side.
7. Try edging
Switching between slower and faster is also a great way to build up arousal and increase your chances of orgasm.
You may want to indulge in a bit of hot-and-heavy bed-bouncing activity, and then dial it back to slow and focussed thrusts for a couple of minutes.
Switching intensity during sex, aka “edging” is a popular technique to help with reaching and intensifying climax.
8. Breath, focus, and relax
Getting relaxed and feeling present in your body can help you focus on your vaginal sensations and really enjoy the pleasure.
Find ways to reduce your mental distraction such as choosing a relaxing time and place to have sex, starting with a massage or bath, and making sure there are no lingering disagreements you need to resolve with your partner as resentment is like a cold shower to your libido.
During sex, breathing slowly and deeply and focussing on your genital area can help you hone in on those sensations. You can think of it as “breathing into your p….” to bring relaxation and blood flow to the area.
9. Pay attention to your environment
Being in the right environment is really important to help you feel comfortable, relaxed, and in a good mental space.
That means: getting the lighting right for you, making sure the bed (or wherever you are) is comfy, and checking the temperature – are you warm enough? Focus on your pleasure without getting distracted.
10. Practise by yourself
Why not dedicate some time to practising solo? Using a dildo, try masturbating with penetration only. See what speed, angle, and depth feels good.
Pay attention to how your arousal builds, and to how the intensity of the sensation increases. As you get more practice, you might find you’re able to bring yourself closer to orgasm (and you might even get there). Once you’ve worked out how to get this type of pleasure from solo play, you’ll have more idea of the techniques to try with a partner.
11. Pelvic floor strength
Having a well-toned pelvic floor is important. It will allow you to grip more tightly on your partner’s penis or the dildo, and this can intensify the sensations you feel in your vagina.
Also, since an orgasm is basically a series of muscle contractions, having a toned pelvic floor is important so that these muscle contractions can happen. Kegel exercises can help improve your pelvic floor strength, just make sure you do them correctly, and be sure to evaluate first if they are right for you, as they’re not appropriate for everyone.
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