Unless it’s a cutesy couple holding hands who’ve been married for 50 years, sexual romance between two people over 60 is often cast aside.
Like in many other contexts, our relationship with ageing is strange – viewed as unattractive, we distance ourselves from it.
But if you are sexually active and under 60, is it an appealing thought to think others will view you as being ‘past it’ come retirement?
Sex doesn’t have an age limit, as a study from sexual toy company We-Vibe shows.
Their survey of 14,500 people globally found that 40% have the idea that sexual desire decreases with age, but people over 55 also surveyed rated their own libidos as being similar or on par with younger people.
Separately, an age study based in Berlin found that senior citizens were having more sex than younger generations.
The assumption that come retirement, people essentially cease to be sexual beings shuts down important conversations around older age sex.
‘By making senior sex a taboo topic, we stigmatize and infantilize a huge portion of our population. Sex has no expiration date,’ senior sex author Joan Price tells Metro.co.uk.
‘By closing down the conversation, seniors who need solid information or advice won’t get it, won’t even dare ask.
‘By keeping senior sex in the dark, we hurt and shame people. Let’s accept that sex is a part of life whether we’re 25 or 75 or beyond. If we’re lucky, we’ll all age.
‘Sex affects our health, intimacy, pleasure, and sense of wellbeing. It’s part of life,’ she adds.
It can lower stress levels, lower blood pressure and boost happiness – things that matter in old age especially as this generation is particularly vulnerable to experiencing loneliness.
Speaking on his sex life, 76-year-old Rory says: ‘I don’t do it as often as I used to, but it is something to enjoy in a very warm, loving and comfortable way as compared to the past.
‘There was a lot of pressure to have the “perfect” sex when I was younger, but I have learnt now, that orgasming is not everything.’
For 73-year-old Peter, tired stereotypes around age and sex don’t reflect in his life at all.
‘It’s not exclusive to the young. The younger generation often think: “You’re 73 and you are still thinking about sex – you’re a pervert”.
‘However, the older you get has got nothing to do with how you feel about sex.’
He adds that by his age, you’ve learnt how to have ‘good’ sex.
Julia Henchen, a sex therapist, says sex also can improve with age due to having a better relationship with the self.
Explaining that sexuality doesn’t retire, she says: ‘This is actually a huge myth, because most of the time sex tends to get better with age.
‘It has to do with the fact that people have better access to their own bodies at an older age.’
This rings true for 66-year-old Toni, who tells us sex is better due to knowing her body more.
‘I find sex much better now than I used to in my teens.
‘It was only after menopause that I discovered that I can get to about three in a row,’ she shares.
When speaking on past versus present sexual experiences, confidence was a recurring theme – this is something else older generations want younger people to realise and learn from.
‘If I could go back in time, the one piece of advice that I would give myself is to enjoy myself.
‘Don’t worry about what you look like, don’t worry about your tummy, don’t worry about funny angles, just let yourself go. I have experienced the best sex not when I was young, but in my later years,’ Lesley, 66, says.
Though it isn’t always perfect – ageing naturally changes the body and brings about a new sex of challenges while having sex.
She continues, speaking on a more recent encounter: ‘I used to quite like standing up but my knees have given up the ghost now.
‘The last time I tried that I was screeching out because of my knees and of course the chap thought that I was in throes of passion. It was quite hilarious.’
Rather than see the inevitable changes as limitations, Lesley is able to see the fun still available to her.
Sexologist Dr Jess O’Reily tells us that the problem she sees most in clients is lubrication, often recommending lube and various toys to help make sex pleasurable.
‘If you see the changes that come with age as an opportunity, you’ll likely to discover new erogenous zones, more creative ways to arouse your body, more meaningful ways to connect with a partner and even more exciting ways to orgasm.’
Rather than acquaint ageing with a limited and diminished sex drive, old age actually be the key to confident, explorative sex.
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