By Dr. Mary Goebel-Komala
In her book “The Sexual Healing Journey: A Guide for Survivors of Sexual Abuse,” sex therapist Wendy Maltz lists the following sexual rights:
• The right to develop healthy attitudes about sex
• The right to sexual privacy
• The right to protection from bodily invasion and harm
• The right to say no to sexual behavior
• The right to control touch and sexual contact
• The right to stop sexual arousal that feels inappropriate or uncomfortable
• The right to develop our sexuality according to our sexual preferences and orientation
• The right to enjoy healthy sexual pleasure and satisfaction
This list was written with victims of child sexual abuse in mind, but we all could benefit from using it to prompt questions about our own sexual health. Here are some questions to get you
started:
What were the most important influences that shaped my sexual attitudes? Do the attitudes I have lead to sexual behavior that is healthy for me? Do my sexual behaviors put me at risk for adverse consequences? Was I comfortable with the amount of privacy I had growing up? Am I able to get enough privacy now? If not, how can I arrange to have more privacy? Was there someone in my past who invaded or harmed my body? If so, how did others in my life respond when I told them? Am I ready to address this with a counselor now? Do I feel I have the right to say no to touch or sexual contact? If I don’t feel I have the right to say no, why not? What internal attitudes or outside pressures make me feel that I don’t have the right to say no? Have I ever experienced uncomfortable or inappropriate sexual arousal? Did I feel safe stopping the uncomfortable or inappropriate encounter? Do I understand that sexual arousal is a biological process that can happen during any sexual encounter, even an abusive one? Do I blame myself for becoming aroused? Did becoming aroused make me believe I wanted the sexual contact, even though I didn’t? Do I believe I have the right to enjoy healthy sexual pleasure and satisfaction? Do my past experiences or current attitudes hamper my ability to enjoy this aspect of my human experience? How does anxiety affect my ability to enjoy my sexuality?
Examining your personal history of sexual rights violations will help you understand how those experiences influence your current sexual health.