– or at all
by Paisley Gilmour
We often hear terms like ‘blue balls’ and ‘sexual frustration’ – but what are the real physical and mental effects of a dry spell?
In our sex-obsessed society, people who don’t have sex ever or for a very long time are often seen as abnormal or unusual.
For people who find pleasure and enjoyment in masturbating and having partnered sex, the idea that someone chooses not to or just doesn’t feel sexual attraction can be quite hard to understand. But many asexuals and people who are celibate are perfectly healthy despite not having sex for long periods (or ever, in some cases).
Yet still, people feel concerned about the effects – both mental and physical – of not having sex for a long time. We all often overhear people using terms like ‘blue balls’ and ‘sexual frustration’ – so what exactly are the effects of not having sex for a long time?
Asexuality and celibacy
Asexuals are people who do not feel or experience sexual attraction. Asexuality is a valid sexual orientation, and is not a choice despite being regularly confused with celibacy. Some asexual people do still masturbate and have sex. Asexuality is a spectrum and everyone experiences it differently.
Celibacy is when someone chooses not to have sex, for an extended period of time or forever. People choose to be celibate for a number of reasons, ranging from religious beliefs to simply wanting to focus more on other aspects of life.
Physical effects of not having sex for a long time
When someone does not have sex for a while, it is unlikely there will be a negative physical side effect, according to Dr Earim Chaudry, medical director at Manual. ‘A study showed that compared males and females who have not had sex in the last year against males and females who have not had sex for more than five years. Results showed that “sexless Americans reported very similar happiness levels as their sexually active counterparts”.’
However, Chaudry points out that there are physical benefits that are associated with sex. ‘Sex can make your body release hormones, like oxytocin and endorphins which are known as “happy hormones” which help with reducing your blood pressure and lowering stress levels.’
Stress and sexual frustration
‘Not having sex for a long time can result in sexual frustration and pent up emotions because the hormone changes that occur during sex and orgasm are not happening. This is more common in men but applicable for all genders,’ says Dr Shirin Lakhani, a cosmetic doctor and a recognised expert in the field of intimate health at Elite Aesthetics.
Research has shown that sexual intercourse is more effective at relieving stress than masturbation.
This can result in people of all and any genders feeling frustrated and experiencing dips in their mood. ‘Research has also shown that sexual intercourse is more effective at relieving stress than masturbation, so people who are not having sex may feel more stressed than usual,’ she adds. ‘This is because sex increases the levels of endorphins and the hormone oxytocin produced by the brain. Oxytocin can offset the effects of the stress-causing hormone cortisol.’
Arousal and orgasm
Lakhani says women and people with vaginas may experience changes in their bodies as a response to a decrease in sexual intercourse and orgasm. ‘Women who are less stimulated may experience a loss of lubrication, and it can also lead to problems getting aroused or reaching orgasm,’ she explains.
Circulation
Not having sex regularly can also negatively affect the circulation and blood vessels, according to Lakhani. ‘Studies have shown that having sex just twice a week halves a man’s chances of getting clogged arteries, compares to those who only do it less than once a month,’ she says.
‘A study showed that males who regularly ejaculate have shown a reduction in the risk of prostate cancer,’ says Chaudry.
Incontinence
For women and people with vulvas, Chaudry says ‘regular sex can strengthen the pelvic floor and in turn reduce likelihood of incontinence’.
Blue balls or epididymal hypertension
The term blue balls is actually an informal and colloquial term used to describe the condition epididymal hypertension (EH). ‘It affects people with male genitals and causes pain and aching of the testicles after having an erection without an orgasm,’ Lakhani explains. ‘It is often accompanied by a faint blue colour in the testicles, which is where it gets the nickname. It’s not serious but can cause pain and aching.’
Treatment for EH is by becoming unaroused and therefore moving blood flow to another area. Lakhani suggests exercising or taking a cold shower as well as listening to music or engaging in any activity that provides a distraction.
If you are easily stimulated you’re more likely to develop the condition, she adds, explaining that you don’t typically need to see a doctor unless it is regularly causing pain and impacting the enjoyment of your sex life.
Can women get blue balls?
‘Females and people with a vulva can experience a condition that is referred to colloquially as “blue vulva”,’ Lakhani says. The medical name for this condition is vasocongestion. In the same way as blue balls does, it occurs when the blood flow to the genitals increases with sexual arousal.
‘It can result in an aching feeling or a sensation of heaviness around the clitoris and vulva. It can be treated in a similar way to blue balls, with distraction techniques,’ she says.
Mental health effects of not having sex for a long time
‘Sex is a vital component of overall health. Not only does sex allow for human connection and intimacy, but it is important for a series of biological and psychological processes that contribute to our continuing wellbeing. Sexual frustration and the associated difficulties which arise can cause a great deal of distress and sadness,’ explains Daniel Sher, clinical psychologist and sex therapy expert at Between Us premature ejaculation clinic.
Depression and anxiety
Sher says the phenomenon of sexual frustration is an important one to consider from a psychological perspective, however he points out that research into this topic is sparse.
‘Animal studies have suggested that sexual frustration leads to a spike in cortisol levels. It is likely that the same is true for humans. Cortisol is a stress hormone and chronic activation of this chemical can lead to a series of psychiatric health problems. These include depression, anxiety, weight gain, elevated blood-sugar, insomnia and heart problems.’
He adds that for people who already experience low self-esteem, ‘sexual frustration can lead to severe feelings of shame and isolation. People in this situation frequently express a sense of being different, alone and unloveable.’
Low libido and sexual desire
A Between Us Clinic survey found women rated low libido as the most distressing sexual disorder in their male partner. Sher says this ‘likely speaks to the level of distress that can arise in a “sexless” relationship.’ He adds, ‘In fact, 29 per cent of the sample said that having a partner with low libido could lead them to end the relationship, which again demonstrates the psychological importance of having a healthy sexual relationship.’
Celibacy and mental health
Those who choose to be celibate are ‘likely to have alternate support structures in place in order to compensate for this,’ he says. ‘For example, someone who abstains for religious reasons is able to frame their experience of frustration in the context of their spiritual needs, which will make that experience of frustration more bearable.’
If someone is in involuntarily celibate, they may experience often experience shame, anger and disconnectedness. ‘They may feel embittered toward and shunned by mainstream culture. Within the online incel communities, for example, these sorts of feelings and experiences have inspired dangerous ideology that has led people (such as Eliot Roger, for example) to commit murder.’
If sexual frustration is causing you emotional distress
Sher says sexual frustration is easy to treat by ‘having massage or masturbating more frequently’. He adds, ‘It’s also important to remember that the psychological underpinning of sexual frustration is a sense of disconnection. Therefore, it’s a good idea to find alternate ways of connecting socially. Reach out to friends and family members. Volunteer with people or do some charity work. Alternatively, speak to a therapist in order to experience some of that much needed connection, while also exploring other proactive ways of coping.’
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