Search Results: Whole Body

You are browsing the search results for whole body

Sexual MYTHBUSTERS, Part 1 – The Big O

FacebookTwitterGoogle+PinterestTumblrShare

No podcast today, but there is this…

Angie is 20 and she’s having issues, lots of issues.

Hello, I would ask you a question that has been on my mind for a while. I seem to have a problem orgasming without stimulating my clitoris. I suppose that doesn’t really sound like a problem but it’s really starting to annoy me. I would like to be able to enjoy an orgasm without having to stimulate my clit every time! I love having sex and it feels super duper good but why can’t I climax that way? I mean I am aware of where my G-spot is and my boyfriend said he’ll be focusing more on hitting it “spot” on. There’s also another thing I have noticed, sometimes my boyfriend will hit my cervix and it hurts a bit, but is this even normal? Should he even be able to hit it? Or is there something abnormal going on here?

Let’s see, when you say you “love having sex and it feels super duper good but why can’t I climax that way?” Are you referring to full-on cock in cooter fucking when you say, “having sex”? The reason I ask is that not everyone means the same thing when they use that trite euphemism.

Since you’re not here to fill in the blanks, so to speak. I’ll assume you want to know why you can’t have or haven’t yet had a vaginal orgasm. But before I answer, I just want to say that I hope you are not setting up an orgasmic dichotomy where there doesn’t need to be one. That would truly be unwise.

If you are at all familiar with your genital anatomy, you will know that the pleasure centers in that area of your body are all wired together. Your clit, G-spot, pussy, taint (perineum) and butthole are all on the same circuit, so to speak. Each erogenous zone is distinct, of course, but they act in consort with one another. However, not all your parts will generate the same amount of buzz. Since a woman’s clit is at the center of this network of nerves, it tends to dominate all the others and it is generally the quickest way to intense pleasure for most women.

Ok, now my answer. I can’t really say why your not climaxing while you’re fucking. Other than the fact that an exclusively vaginal centered orgasm is a myth. The vast majority of women don’t have vaginal orgasms. In fact the degree of insensitivity inside a woman’s vagina is so high that Kinsey wrote in his seminal work, Sexual Behavior in the Human Female published back in 1953: “Among the women who were tested in our gynecologic sample, less than 14% were at all conscious that they had been touched.” That’s pretty remarkable, wouldn’t you say?

The vaginal orgasm myth is perpetuated, in part, by many women’s confusion and/or lack of knowledge about their own anatomy. Some women believe that an orgasm felt during fucking is centered in their cooch. This suggests to me that they aren’t being precise in locating the center of that orgasm. Other women believe in the vaginal orgasm myth because they think they need to conform to a male oriented notion of female sexuality — fucking = cuming. And that’s simply wrong, don’t cha know. Just ask all the preorgasmic women out there.

But ya know what? I don’t own a pussy my own self. All I can only tell you is what I have learned from those people who actually have a honeypot. The people I’m referring to, we’ll call them females, tell me vaginal orgasms, mythological or not, may simply be dependent on a tone of a woman’s pelvic musculature. As amazing as pussies are, and they are amazing, if the muscles that surround them are not taught and toned enough, a fucking generated orgasm may elude the owner of said pussy.

Some women haven’t developed their PC muscles enough to cum through fucking alone. Are you doing your kegels, Angie? If you don’t know what I’m talking about, you have some serious remedial research to do.

The elusive vaginal orgasm may also have to do with your partner cock, particularly the girth of his unit and opposed to its length. My women friends tell me that a thicker cock may have more of a chance triggering a vaginal orgasm then a pencil dick. No surprise there, I suppose. Position will also play a role. Why not give a bunch of different positions a try and see if one or another makes a difference? You on top cowgirl style, or doggie style might work best. But it’s your coozie, my dear, and you ought to know it better than I.

As to your G-spot question. That’s another thing all together. I am so glad that you are familiar with your anatomy enough to have found your own personal G-spot. And it’s great to hear that you have an accommodating partner who is working on stimulating this sensitive area. Good for you both! However, while I wholeheartedly endorse and encourage your further investigations and sex play, I do have one caution. I share the concern of most of my women friends. We want you to avoid all the G-spot hype floating around in the popular culture these days. Most women have a good time with their G-spot exploration. They report that it is not particularly difficult to find, but it’s also much harder to pleasure. If a woman, you perhaps, gets it in her head that something amazing is supposed to happen with a G-spot stimulation, she might be setting herself up for disappointment. In the same way some women, you perhaps, set themselves up for disappointment if they buy into the myth of an exclusively vaginal generated orgasm.

I encourage you to see your genitals as a whole, not a bunch of separate parts that somehow work independently of one another. If your pussy is happy and your pussy is making you happy; is it really all that important how the happiness comes to be?

In comparison us men folk are not all that fussy. What gets us off; gets us off. I never hear from a guy who is disappointed because he’s not having an exclusively prostate generated orgasm. They do happen, but we’re not the least bit concerned when they don’t happen. I also never hear from a guy who thinks he should be orgasmic through manipulation of his balls alone. That can happen too, but we’re not holding our breath for them.

What I do hear from guys is that we often need a particular kind of dick-oriented stimulation to get us off. And this is where the men folk and the women folk are a whole lot alike. You, like us, probably need a particular kind of stimulation to get you off. Be it vaginal, clitoral, G-spot, or whatever. If you acknowledge that your genitals are a composite of parts that work together to bring you joy, then you’ll be less likely to be swayed by the claims, hype and misinformation about female sexual response.

Regarding the issue of your boyfriend hitting your cervix. Yeah, that’ll hurt, don’t cha know. I’d be willing to guess that he’s in the wrong position and being too athletic in his pumping when that happens. If he’s bumping your cervix, but you like the depth and athleticism of his manly thrusts, simply change position. That should remedy the problem.

Finally, I’d simply advise you to respect the uniqueness of your body and your sexual response cycle. If it’s your clit that delivers the big O, even though you are being pleasured elsewhere. Then by all means, stimulate your clit while whatever else is happening, and enjoy the ride.

Good luck

Oceans of Lotions

Hey sex fans!

It’s Product Review Friday again and we’re comin’ at ya with two brilliant GREEN products. And they come to us directly from the manufacturers too. We are proud to welcome Seven Oaks Farms of California  and NuruSlide from Japan.

Let’s begin with Dr Dick Review Crew Members Gina & Kevin.

Nuru Gel Original from Nuru Slide—— $21.99

Gina & Kevin
Gina: “We’ve done dozens of reviews as members of the Dr Dick Review Crew, but today we have a first.”
Kevin: “We’ve never reviewed a massage product before, that is until today. We are delighted to bring you news of a fantastic product, Nuru Gel.”
Gina: “I proudly acknowledged that I am, what Kevin calls, a massage slut. There is nothing more satisfying than body-to-body contact. Of all the things I enjoy in life, and there are many, I crave massage and bodywork the most.”
Kevin: “It’s true! But she is leaving something out. Not only does she love to receive massage, but she also enjoys giving massage. And I, I’m happy to report, am the lucky recipient of most of her hands-on loving. She’s got the touch of an angel.”
Gina: “Isn’t he sweet? Don’t get me wrong, I love sex and I’ve also discovered, thanks to Kevin, that I can be a raunchy bitch when I want to be. But there is nothing more nurturing and loving than massage; both giving and receiving.”
Kevin: “That’s why when we were offered Nuru Gel to review I knew we were both in for a real treat!”
Gina: “The thing is, we didn’t exactly know how big a treat it was going to be. Let me explain. Unlike any other massage cream, lotion or oil I’ve used; Nuru Gel works best when we’re both wet. This is a totally new concept for me so we started our massage night in the bath together.”
Kevin: “This is the added bonus of a Nuru Gel massage. We got to lounge in the bath, play a bit with some of our waterproof toys to get the evening started.”
Gina: “Instruction on the Nuru Gel website suggest that the massage happen on an air mattress or vinyl sheets. This is so both people, or if there was a massage group, everyone would be slippy and sliddy. This is the nature of a Nuru massage. Look it up online if you don’t believe me. Actually, we wound up using a rubber sheet that we sometimes use for our kink play under a regular cotton sheet. We didn’t what to lay down directly on the rubber.”
Kevin: “You will be mixing the Nuru Gel with some warm water to reach the desired consistency. The whole event is gonna get a little messy, and I mean that in the best possible way. So have a few couple towels within easy reach. We also rolled up a towel placed across the top of our mattress where the one receiving the massage could lay his head.”
Gina: “Once we left the bath we dried off a bit and then Kevin laid face-down on our mattress. I poured the Nuru Gel/water solution, one handful at a time, over the back of his body. I then applied a couple of handfuls of the solution over the front of my body and laid down on top of him. Nuru Gel is so slick we had a ball rubbing all over each other. It’s both therapeutic and sensual all at the same time. I absolutely loved it. We wouldn’t be able to do this with any other product I know of, so the Nuru Gel was a real treat.“
Full Review HERE!

Now here’s Review Crew Member, Angie.

Aloe Cadabra with Vitamin E & Natural Aloe —— $9.95

Angie
In my time on the Dr Dick Review Crew I’ve developed into quite a connoisseur of personal lubricants. I’ve tried more products in the last couple of years than most women try in a lifetime. I’ve discovered a precious few products I like and way more that I didn’t care for. I decided some time ago that I would never use a conventional, chemically filled lubricant ever again. I just figure that life is too short and my body is too precious to contaminate it with needless chemicals. In other words, I’ve gone GREEN!

That’s way I was overjoyed to receive this 2.5oz container of Aloe Cadabra to review. It is a plant-based personal lubricant made from 95% organic aloe vera. The clever play on words, that is the product’s name, tickled me no end. And, as their name suggests, Aloe Cadabra is pretty magical.

Aloe Cadabra is lusciously silky and totally free of glycerine, parabens, alcohol, hormones or any other foreign chemical substances. I have the Vitamin E enriched formula, but there is also a Tahitian Vanilla and French Lavender formula. I intend to try all three.

I am post-menopausal so I have a real problem with vaginal dryness. But rather than suffer with this condition I have the utmost confidence using Aloe Cadabra. It is the closest thing to the natural lubricant my body used to make in abundance. I have several other health and beauty products that are mainly aloe vera gel. At first I was concerned that Aloe Cadabra would be too dense or might dry out or get sticky during use. But it wasn’t and it did not. Its silken consistency is neither too thick nor is it watery. It is the ideal personal lubricant for all my pleasurable moments, the ones I enjoy by myself as well as the ones I enjoy with my husband.

Speaking of which, my husband loves Aloe Cadabra too. He likes it because it’s never greasy and it’s perfect to use with even our finest silicone toys. And when he gets some in his mouth (my man is a passionate oral pleaser) Aloe Cadabra doesn’t taste bad. It is also condom friendly. My husband and I don’t have to worry about that, but I know many people in our audience need to know that.
Full Review HERE!

ENJOY

Sex Work — The Principle of Supply and Demand

No podcast today; instead there’s this…

Sex workers and their consumers are two sides of the same coin; the operative word being coin. Few things are more troublesome to the social hierarchy than the notion of sex for money. And yet, as the saying goes, there’d be no supply if there weren’t a demand.

I travel a lot for work and often get really lonely on long trips. I don’t go to bars, because I don’t drink. The idea of looking for sex in a bathhouse or sex club puts me off. Lately I’ve been thinking I should just hire an escort, but I wouldn’t even know where to begin. It must be a pretty common phenomenon thought, because I see tons of ads for escorts on line in every city I go to. Any suggestions on how I might proceed?
— Gabe

I presume you’ve ordered out for food while traveling for business, right? Finding a satisfying “order-out” sexual adventure is not all that different. In the case of an escort, the commodities are charming company, erotic massage, and possibly a little sex, instead of potstickers, mu shu pork and Kung Pao Chicken. (Now if only someone would devise a marketing plan to combine the two—erotic massage and mu shu pork? We’d all die from an overabundance of bliss!)

Not all order-out is created equal. Just as there is bad food, there are also unsavory escorts. Do your homework. You already know there are scads of escort or rentboy sites on the net. There are also plenty of review sites, where customers of the provider leave their comments regarding levels of satisfaction and the like. Most escorts, particularly the really good ones, immediately call your attention to the reviews they’ve received. It’s like having the Good Housekeeping Seal of Approval stamped on your ass.

Start by interviewing a few working boys. This can initially be done via email. Ask for further information about services and rates. Many escorts have photos of themselves available to send to prospective clients, so you might respectfully request those. If at all possible, include a photo of yourself—or at the very least, an accurate description.

When communicating with a service provider, NEVER suggest that you are offering money for sex; in most jurisdictions, that’s against the law. While most clients hope to get a little sex in the encounter, the money exchanged is not for the sex. It is for the provider’s time and expertise. This may sound like splitting hairs, but if sex happens it is by mutual agreement by consenting adults during the time you’ve arranged to be together.

Finding the right escort for you is your task. Know what you want and know how to ask for it. Don’t waste your time or that of the provider by beating around the bush. If you are new at this, say so. The rentboy, if he’s any good at all, will be familiar with this territory and help you though the initial conversation.

There are different levels of pros out there; each will have his own fee structure for services provided. If you’re looking for something kinky, be ready to pay more. Never bargain with the provider. If he’s out of your price range, move along. Or come right out with it and say, “Listen, I have X amount of money to spend. Are you available?” This gives the provider the option to see you at the discounted rate. You’d be a fool not to insist on safe sex, but there’s a shitload of fools out there.

When arranging an outcall to your hotel, there may be an additional surcharge for traveling cost. This should be agreed upon before the deal is struck.

Not all prostitutes are prostitutes because they want to. But most guys turn pro because they’re good at what they do. And most enjoy the accompanying lifestyle. The truly successful provider will have a string of regulars, men they have a somewhat more intimate connection with. Kinda like finding a great Chinese restaurant and becoming a regular there. The proprietor might just offer you something not on the menu as a way of acknowledging your preferred customer status. Get it?

Some johns use the service of an agency, which can be a reliable way to go at first. However, I believe the hard-working independent entrepreneur is often one’s best bet.

You’ll also find among the independents a unique phenomenon—Gay for Pay. These are ostensibly “straight” (and I use that word in quotes with great intent) guys who will have gay sex with gay men for money. In the old days, we used to refer to them as trade. And like we in the business say, “today’s trade is tomorrow’s competition.”

Remember, a wise and informed consumer is happy and satisfied consumer.

I’m just out of college and have a ton of bills and no real job prospects at the moment. A friend suggested I do some escorting to make ends meet. Guys tell me that I’m hot and I like sex, but I don’t know if I could pull it off. Suggestions?
— Kevin

Being hot and liking sex are great assets if you decide to turn pro, but you’ll need a whole lot more than that. Being a sex worker is not like having sex for love, or even recreational sex. You will be exchanging sex for money and that makes it a business proposition. You’d be wise to approach this with as much forethought as you would any other profession. It is, after all, the world’s oldest.

You’ll need the physical fortitude to have sex with a wide range of people; some who may not be attractive to you. And when there’s an exchange of money, the john becomes your customer. And all pro sex is client-directed; it’s not about you even when it looks like it’s all about you.

You’ll also need the emotional distance and psychological resilience to cope with the intimacy issues this line of work creates. This is precisely the point where most fledgling sex workers flounder. They either give too much, or not enough. Some actually resent their clients for sustaining them; go figure! A lack of clarity on this issue will cause troubling boundary issues for both you and your john.

A cheap street hustler turning tricks to support a drug habit and an expensive rentboy who is attending the rich and famous face many of the same pitfalls. A lot of sex workers are self-destructive or have huge unresolved sex issues that they are trying to compensate for by making people pay them for what they usually give away.

If you still think this is a line of work for you, know that your mind and body are your greatest business assets. Take care of them. Keep them clean, fit and toned. Hygiene, both physical and mental, is a must. Improve your mind. Make yourself interesting. Stay abreast on current affairs. Develop other skills like massage and bodywork. Self-awareness, not the narcissistic type, and safe-sex practices are your frontline defense against STIs.

Stay clean and sober while on the job. More sex workers get busted for drugs than hustling. Know how to handle a drugged-out client. You’ll probably see a lot of those. Also know they can take forever to get off, and can sometimes be paranoid and dangerous.

Be fiscally responsibility. Plan for the lean times…and there will always lean times. You’ll probably be a hot property at first; the new meat phenomenon, don’t cha know. Don’t let this go to your head. There will be cuter, younger, hotter competition getting off the bus tomorrow. Try to cultivate a number of regular clients. Have a thought to how and where you will market yourself. And I encourage you not to do this full-time. If you find it difficult to pay the rent, you’ll be tempted to do more and more risky things just to make ends meet.

Sex work is often more about being psychologically present than a sexual performance. Your clients will often be more lonely and isolated then they are horny. Always treat them with respect.

You should have at least one trusted friend who knows your whereabouts at all times, or who has access to your appointment book. Never make a date with anyone who won’t share his/her phone number with you. And always make a call back before you head out. Keep an appointment book, in code if you must.

Have a travel bag prepared with all the basics you will need: condoms, lube, massage oils, handi-wipes, an extra shirt, toys, mace (or other protective equipment). Have that bag ready to pick up and leave if there’s trouble.

Finally, I suggest that you connect with other sex workers in your area. There is strength in numbers. Other rentboys will provide you with essential information about troublesome clients and help you get the lay of the land, so to speak.

Good Luck

Holiday Gift Giving Guide, WEEK 2

Hey sex fans,

It’s Product Review Friday again and this is Week 2 of our 3rd annual Holiday Gift Giving Guide.

This week we welcome back two manufacturers we’ve reviewed before — Digital Playground and System JO. To view the previous reviews for these two companies, just search for their names using the search function in the header.

JO H2O Flavored Sweet Pomegranate —— $15.07
JO H2O Flavored Tangerine Dream —— $15.07

Gina & Kevin
Gina: “Gosh, it’s been a whole month since Kevin and I posted a review. Where does the time go?”
Kevin: “And we’ve back at it with a bang too, because we have a couple of nice personal lubes to tell you about. They are flavored water-based lubes from System JO. I have no idea what that name means, but the lubes we have are great.”
Gina: “I can’t figure out the name either, nor have I ever heard of this company before. But it is clear that they know what they are doing, both in terms of product development and packaging.”
Kevin: “The two flavors we have to show you today are — H2O Flavored Sweet Pomegranate and H2O Flavored Tangerine Dream. They are just two of the half dozen or so flavors available.”
Gina: “These fruity flavored lubes are all latex safe (think condoms) and non-staining. They hold up really well in terms of consistency, even with vigorous use. I didn’t notice any stickiness or tackiness, which is often the downfall of other water-based lubes we’ve tried. You should also know that both of these products contain parabens and glycerin. Now, that’s not a problem for me necessarily, but I know that a lot of other people want, and often must, avoid these dubious ingredients. If you are one such person, you’ll need to avoid these products.”
Kevin: “I was impressed with the taste of each, which kind of surprised me. I’m not one for flavored stuff that masks the raw taste of sex. But, like I said, these were fine; although the Sweet Pomegranate is really sweet. There wasn’t any cloying after taste though. Maybe that’s because these products don’t contain artificial sweeteners.”
Gina: “Yeah, sweeteners in a lube would be a disaster. Just think of the yeast infections. Like I said above, I really like the packaging. It’s playful and stylish all at the same time. And the packages are color-coded to match the flavor.”
Kevin: “I liked the unique pop-top lid. It makes for easy one-handed use. That probably doesn’t sound like a big thing, but it is. I hate having to totally interrupt the action just to handle a bottle of lube.”
Full Review HERE!

JO Premium Women —— $22.39
JO H2O Women —— $11.66

Joy & Dixie
Joy: “We’re back with two more amazing products from the System JO people. You probably saw the reviews we did just a couple of weeks ago for their Clitoral Gel, right?”
Dixie: “I should mention from the start of this review that both Joy and I are total lube snobs. I figure ya gotta be since there is so much questionable stuff on the market these days.”
Joy: “Absolutely! Listen, folks you need some standards when it comes to products that you will use on and IN your body. You certainly don’t want to be at the mercy of unscrupulous manufacturers. Be informed and choose your products wisely; it’s the only way to protect yourself.”
Dixie: “The two products we have today are very similar. The JO Premium Women is a silicone-based lubricant; the JO H2O Women is the water-based product. Both were developed for women by women and contain vegetable-based glycerin as opposed to animal-based glycerin. This should waylay any concerns some might have about yeast infections associated with animal-based glycerin.”
Joy: “While we’re on the topic of ingredients, I should point out that the JO H2O Women product contains parabens. Again, some women may be sensitive to that. Parabens, as you may know, are preservatives and you can’t have a water-based lube without some kind of preservative, because it will go bad.”
Dixie: “What’s so remarkable about both the JO Premium Women and the JO H2O Women is that they both feel so much alike. Both are very slick and slippery. Both feel like silicone. The JO Premium Women for obvious reasons, it is silicone-based after all. But the JO H2O Women is nearly identical in its consistency. And both last and last.”
Full Review HERE!

Pirates Pendant Vibe – Black —— $19.99

Karen
When I got home from Dr Dick’s with our monthly allotment of review products I was arranging the booty on the dining room table when my partner, Jack, came in the room. “Look what we scored this time,” I proudly announced as I waved my hand over all the goodies. The only thing I was unclear on was the Pirates Pendant Vibe. I mean, I understood the pendant vibe part; I just couldn’t figure out the pirate part. Jack had to tell me about the Digital Playground movie series, Pirates.”

Ok, I confess, porn is not my thing; I’ve never really been interested. But that’s fine, because Jack consumes enough porn for the both of us. And apparently, from the way he went on and on about Pirates, it’s one of his favorites.

While I can’t be accused of being a fan of the movies, I do count myself among the fans of the Pirates Pendant Vibe. It’s a kicky little bullet vibe that doubles as a pendent jewelry. Once Jack filled me in on the theme of the movies, I understood the fun pirate designs that decorate the vibe.

It is remarkably quiet, very discreet and attractive in its own way. The vibe has multiple vibration patterns, five to be precise. And you cycle through them with the one-touch button situated at the top of the vibe. It is amazing on my clit.
Full Review HERE!

Janine’s Pirates Cove Rocket —— $34.99

Jada
I’ve never seen any of the Digital Playground Pirates movies, so the packaging for Janine’s Pirates Cove Rocket was pretty much lost on me. Don’t get me wrong; it’s stylish and the model on the cover, Janine, in her pirate rig is very sexy and not in an off-putting way either.

The Pirates Cove Rocket is also attractive. It’s molded from what appears to be hard plastic, but it has a cream-colored coating on it that makes it pleasantly soft to the touch. I couldn’t find any information on the materials used in this product either on the package or the Digital Playground website. However, the package does say that it is phthalate free.

In keeping with the theme, the Pirates Cove Rocket is decorated with an abundance of what looks like those temporary tattoos you sometimes see in the stores. Of course, the images include a traditional scull and crossbones, an anchor and crossed pirate sabers, but there’s also hearts, a fish, flowers and stars. It’s a very busy design that will, no doubt, appeal to some. The base of the vibe is encrusted with rhinestones to further the pirate treasure theme, I guess.

The Pirates Cove Rocket is powered by two C-batteries, which are not included in the package. This adds a nice heft to the vibe and also makes for a more powerful vibration that lasts for a longer time than what smaller sized batteries could offer. The Pirates Cove Rocket also has three speeds and two variable vibrations. I confess to being impressed with the level of vibration, but the one button operation, at the base of the vibe, leaves a great deal to be desired. They’ve thoughtfully included a black satin storage/travel pouch too. It’s the kind of special touch you’d find with a more expensive vibrator, so I thought it was interesting that the manufacturer decided to go the distance with this product.
Full Review HERE!

ENJOY

Prostate Cancer Awareness Month

Scheduling difficulties prevent me from bringing you the latest installment of The Erotic Mind podcast series today. But with a little luck, that will resolve itself by next week.

Actually, I’m glad I have this positing opportunity, because September, as you may know is Prostate Cancer Awareness Month.  And I have something important to say about that.

Curiously enough, I was contacted by another website recently and asked to contribute to a series they were doing on this very issue. They were looking for a unique take on prostate cancer awareness. I told them I had just the thing; and proceed to outline what I think is an exceptionally important, yet universally overlooked, aspect of prostate health — prostate self-awareness. Alas, the folks who run the website thought the concept of prostate self-exam was too edgy for them. After they declined my offer I thought to myself; man, there is incredible resistance, on virtually every front, for us men to become proactive in this aspect of our health.

Name: Gordon
Gender: male
Age: 67
Location: Florida
I guess I have more of a comment than a question. I’m 67, a widower and have been recently diagnosed with prostate cancer. I never was very adventuresome when it came to sex. In fact, before my wife died two years ago, I never had sex with any other woman. I never gave prostate cancer a thought, never gave my prostate a thought either. Now I’m mad as hell that I didn’t. You see when I started to go to a prostate cancer support group I discovered I could have monitored myself better with a simple self-examination. Why don’t doctors tell us about this? Women are supposed to examine their breasts why don’t men examine their prostate? It’s so easy actually and yet it’s this big secret. Why don’t people talk about this? It makes me so mad because it could have made a big difference in my own life. Do you know about this self-examination Dr Dick? If you do why don’t you tell other people about this? I think it would help a lot if you could get the word out on this. Now that’s all I have to say. Thank you.

No, thank you Gordon. Thank you for sharing your concern with me…with us.

I’ve been a tireless activist of prostate self-exam for decades. Let me explain. My career as a therapist began in San Francisco in 1981. That was precisely the same year a mysterious new disease began showing up among gay men. Back then it was being called gay cancer, but soon it would have another name — HIV/AIDS.

As it turned out, my private practice focused down almost exclusively to working with sick and dying people. Luckily, I discovered that I was well suited for the job and I liked it very much. So much so that in the mid-90’s I founded a nonprofit organization called, PARADIGM; Enhancing Life Near Death. It was an outreach and resource for terminally ill, chronically ill, elder and dying people. This was brilliant cutting-edge work and I learned so much from the people I was working with. One of the things that struck me most was that regardless of the disease — cancer, HIV, MS, you name it, or even aging process for that matter — there was always a woeful lack of information about regaining a sense of sexual-self post diagnosis, or sexual wellbeing for seniors.

I recall one participant in particular, a man much like you, Gordon. He too had prostate cancer and, like you, he was mad as hell with the indifference of the medical industry toward prostate self-exam. One day during a group session, John was railing against doctors and cancer associations for their lack of interest in promoting prostate self-awareness. He pointed to the success of the cultural campaign to encourage women to self-examine their breasts. There is even a modest campaign to promote testicle self-exams. But apparently the medical industry draws the line at prostate self-exams. I guess no one is going to encourage a man to finger his ass, even to save his life.

Another group member, Clare, a senior woman in her 70’s and a breast cancer survivor, helped put things in perspective. She reminded us that breast self-awareness is a relatively new phenomenon. Her mother, aunt, sister and a niece all died of breast cancer before the self-exam campaign began in earnest. Clare went on to say that it was only through the hard work of individuals and grassroots organizations that actively campaigned for breast self-exams that things began to change. Eventually, this movement changed the medical and cultural mindset. Clare said that it was these individuals and grassroots organizations that helped all of us overcome the denial, shame and embarrassment that was associated with women touching themselves, even to save their lives.

This is an indication of just how ingrained the sex-negativity and body-negativity runs in this culture.

I continue to work with sick and dying people here in Seattle. I had a brief gig at a local cancer center where I developed an NIH (National Institute of Health) funded program for women newly diagnosed with ovarian cancer. At the same time, I was also working with a group of women with breast cancer and group of men with prostate cancer. Again every therapeutic intervention I encountered — government funded or foundation funded — was woefully lacking in any clear and unambiguous information about sexual health, wellbeing and intimacy issues post-diagnosis or surgical intervention.

To remedy this, I decided to produce a series of videos for people experiencing life threatening and/or disfiguring illnesses. Videos that would help them address reintegrating sex and intimacy into their lives post diagnosis. One of the first videos was going to be Public Service Announcement showing men how to do a prostate self-exam and what to look for. Unfortunately, I couldn’t find the necessary funding for this groundbreaking work. My grantwriting efforts turned up zilch. I did, however, get a whole lot of, “What a fine idea, Richard. Good luck with that…” brush-off letters though. No foundation would be caught dead funding sexually overt pattern films, even ones with the laudable intent of assisting people with the life-saving information they needed most.

I’m sorry to have been so long-winded in my reply, Gordon. I just wanted you to know that many have preceded you with outrage at the conspiracy of silence regarding prostate self-exam. Let’s face it; our society is so ass-phobic that we’d rather see men die than offer them simple instructions on how to finger their butt, find their prostate and keep tabs on their prostate health.

If we want this to change we all need to speak out…as well as stick a finger in our ass.

Keep up the fight, Gordon! And please, stay in touch.

Good luck

SEO Powered by Platinum SEO from Techblissonline