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6th Anniversary Show — Podcast #363 — 02/13/13


Hey sex fans,stray bar

Hey everybody, Happy Valentine’s Day! And guess what? This week’s show also marks my sixth anniversary of podcasting. I know! Isn’t that fuckin’ great? I mean who would have guessed that we’d have such a long run.

And what a year it has been too. I brought you fascinating interviews with remarkable people for all of my series. The Play With It series, which features conversations with folks in the adult products industry. The Sex EDGE-U-cation series, which features chats with kinksters and porn stars and advocates of alternative lifestyles. The SEX WISDOM series, which brings you interviews with the movers and shakers n the field of human sexuality. And, of course, The Erotic Mind series, which is now five years old.

But today, on account of it bein’ my freakin’ anniversary we’re gonna us a whole bunch of fun stuff together. I have a question from a lovely young woman, Abby, that stimulates a remembrance. Then I’m it up by three women, Trisha, Gwen and Lucy for some Valentine’s Day menu suggestions and finally I report on the euphemisms my friends and I have come up with for our naughty bits. You’re gonna love it! So let’s launch ourselves into year #7 with a bang, shall we?

Today’s podcast is bought to you by: Dr Dick’s Sex Advice and Dr Dick’s Sex Toy Review.

BE THERE OR BE SQUARE!

Check out The Lick-A-Dee-Split Connection. That’s Dr Dick’s toll free podcast voicemail HOTLINE. Don’t worry people; no one will personally answer the phone. Your message goes directly to voicemail.

Got a question or a comment? Wanna rant or rave? Or maybe you’d just like to talk dirty for a minute or two. Why not get it off your chest! Give Dr Dick a call at (866) 422-5680.

DON’T BE SHY, LET IT FLY!

Look for my podcasts on iTunes. You’ll find me in the podcast section, obviously, or just search for Dr Dick Sex Advice. And don’t forget to subscribe. I wouldn’t want you to miss even one episode.

More of The Erotic Mind of Carl Proctor — Podcast #359 — 01/14/13


Hey sex fans,

The very talented photographer, Carl Proctor, returns today for another turn on this The Erotic Mind show. As you recall Carl Proctor 01from last week, Carl is one of the most gifted erotic photographers in the country. Unfortunately, we ran out of time last Monday and just when we were getting to the really juicy stuff we had to call it quits. Luckily, Carl agreed to come back today for more probing, as it were. So yay for that!

But wait, you didn’t miss Part 1 of this conversation, did you? Well not to worry if ya did, because you can find it and all my podcasts in the Podcast Archive right here on my site. All ya gotta do is use the search function in the header; type in Podcast #358 and PRESTO! But don’t forget the #sign when you do your search.

Carl and I discuss:

  • His early life;
  • Discovering dirty magazines;
  • Finding his models;
  • Erotica vis-à-vis pornography;
  • Context and intention;
  • Making fantasy a reality;
  • Striving to grow and improve;
  • Determining the erotic nature of each shoot;
  • What he looks for in the erotic art of others;
  • Those who inspire him and his sexual heroes.

Carl invites you to visit him on his website HERE! Or find him on Model Mayhem HERE!

Click on the thumbnail images below to see another slideshow of some of Carl’s brilliant work.

BE THERE OR BE SQUARE!

Check out The Lick-A-Dee-Split Connection. That’s Dr Dick’s toll free podcast voicemail HOTLINE. Don’t worry people; no one will personally answer the phone. Your message goes directly to voicemail.

Got a question or a comment? Wanna rant or rave? Or maybe you’d just like to talk dirty for a minute or two. Why not get it off your chest! Give Dr Dick a call at (866) 422-5680.

DON’T BE SHY, LET IT FLY!

Look for my podcasts on iTunes. You’ll find me in the podcast section, obviously, or just search for Dr Dick Sex Advice. And don’t forget to subscribe. I wouldn’t want you to miss even one episode.

Today’s Podcast is bought to you by: Mangasm!

dr_dick_banner_Mangasm

All In A Day’s Work

There are so many interesting people out there on the web.  And many of them are doing their damnedest to make a difference in the lives of others. For example, the other day a young woman who has her own relationship advice website asked me if she could interview me for her site. I was very happy to oblige.

Her site is very different from mine in both style and presentation. One of the first questions she asked me is. “Why do you put such sexually explicit images on your site? It sometimes looks like a porn site. Doesn’t that take away from the advice you give?” Without coming right out and saying so, I believe she thought I should have a more formal presentation, a presentation that was befitting a professional of my stature. sexually explicit images

I told her, I add the images to be provocative. Most people who visit my site are already familiar with seeing sexually explicit images online. What they don’t get at those other sites is good, unambiguous, sex-positive information about human sexuality. I’ll be honest, I went on to say, I use the images to entice my audience to read the words around the images. It’s a psychological thing, ya see. Images, even those that may, at first glance, be off-putting can and do rivet one’s attention to the message I’m trying to communicate. Also the images make my site stand out from all the other professional oriented sites that offer similar sex advice. Besides, I like the way the site looks with all the images. I find it edgier as well as more interesting. After all, this is Sex Advice With An Edge!

Of course there is a downside to this. I’m approached on a regular basis by online advertisers; folks who would love to give me money in exchange for ad space on my very popular sites. And I’m all in favor of taking their money, don’t cha know. But more frequently than not, there are strings to this money. “Dr Dick, we would love to support you and your site, but we have to ask you to first rid your site of any sexually explicit image.” Well, fuck yourself very much! Is my retort. Of course, I try to say it in a real nice sorta way. I explain to my would be sponsors; ya see, this is how sexual repression begins. If I took your money and allowed you to dictate the kinds of images I could use on my site, in short order you would also be asking me to change my written and/or spoken content. And that, sex fans, I will never do, not even for some much needed financial support.

That’s when I hit upon the idea of having my audience help support the site. I added a DONATE button right there in the sidebar to your right, which you may or may not have noticed.  Ya see, infrastructure and administration for a free site like this is very costly. And instead of selling out to advertisers who want to censor my content, I invite all of you who enjoy DrDickSexAdvice.com and DrDickSexToyReviews.com to make a modest, once a year donation. Think of if as a holiday present to all you fellow sex fans. Your donation not only goes to supporting what you consume, but it underscores your social conscience. Your sponsorship helps disseminate badly needed sex education and sexual enrichment messages throughout the whole world. Hint, hint…I could use your support! I even have swell gifts to send to those who contribute as a certain level. Now doesn’t that sound just like your public television station?

jillin-off500Next my young interviewer asked, “If I could give one single piece of advice to her audience about sex, what would that be?” I love it when people ask questions like this. “Say Dr Dick, let’s sum up your life’s work in a sentence or two.” I tried to be gracious and come up with a pithy response that wouldn’t sound trite. I thought for a moment and said, “masturbation!” “Ahhh, what about masturbation exactly?” she inquired. I said, “everything.” She sounded perplexed. I suppose I was being a wee bit too pithy with my one-word answers.

So I went on to elaborate. Ya see masturbation is the key to a successful sex life. It is the most basic building block of all sexual expression. If we take the time to learn everything that masturbation has to teach us about ourselves, both in terms of physical and mental responses, we will be well on our way to being a really great lover. And the best thing about masturbation is that nature supplies all the motivation, because masturbation is it’s own reward. It’s pleasurable, informative, particularly if you pay the slightest attention, and you don’t need a thing other than what has already been supplied by nature.

Just about every sexual dysfunction I can think of has at its root a lack of understanding and appreciation for simple self-pleasuring. Some people never learn how to masturbate. Most of these folks are women, who then are set up for a lifetime of sexual frustration and disappointment. Some people learn to masturbate early in life. Most of these folks are men. But just because they can pull their pud with relative ease, doesn’t make them a student of self-pleasuring. In fact, a lifetime of mindless jerkin’ off can be counterproductive. Years and years of quick wanking just to relieve sexual tension, or just because one is bored, is the major contributing factor of premature ejaculation.

If we spent at least some of our masturbation time acquainting ourselves with our body and our sexual response cycle, we’d not only be male_masturbationpleasuring ourselves, but we’d be learning what makes us tick. And that, my friends, is essential information we’ll want to pass on to our partners.

One of the biggest problems with partnered sex is that most women and a whole lot of men think that their partner should know exactly how to pleasure them, right from the get-go. This is incredibly naive if you stop to think about it. Just because each of us has a relatively similar configuration of parts down there, as does every one else, that doesn’t mean we all function the same way. Each of us is unique, not just in terms of our physical attributes and how we’re hot-wired, but more importantly what turns our crank in our biggest sex organ, our mind.

My interviewer than came up with a humdinger, “since so many people have difficulty expressing themselves sexually, why do you suppose they bother?” I suppose they bother because they are driven to bother. For starters, we’re animals and sex is part of the biological imperative of all animate things. Lots of people muddle through the complexities of sexual coupling just so they can replicate. Once that’s done they don’t bother further. For those who aren’t particularly successful in finding a mate for this purpose they can always burn off excess sexual tension on their own…which gets me back to my masturbation comments. You see how all this sex stuff tends to make a big circle, right?

As our forebears evolved and advanced farther from their mere biological urges to something that more closely resembles modern human motivation, their rapidly developing brains began to play a larger the role in dictating their sexual expression. Pleasure soon began to compete with procreation as the dominant reason for exercising our sexuality. Of course, we often run into problems when seeking out another to satisfy our pleasure, which gets me back to my earlier point, but we do nonetheless.

As humans began to develop societies along with culture came religion. Inevitably sexuality became intertwined with that too…not always for the better. On the upside, the earliest religions and gods welcomed and celebrated sexuality and an integral part of human nature. There were sacred prostitutes and sexual orgies were part of religious expression. Unfortunately, these religions and gods didn’t fair well in their upcoming struggle with more militaristic and male dominated religions and gods. Basically the old religions and gods were outlawed and persecuted. A new era of sexual repression was upon us. But even today, one can hear the echo of this ancient tradition. There are some among us who firmly believe that sexuality is the best means to communing with the divine.

Erotic Fresco Painting From Pompeii

As human societies became more complex, the role of sexuality also changed. In a male dominated culture sex was more about aggression and ownership than anything else. The pleasure principle, at least the concept of mutual pleasure disappeared. Women were on the receiving end of this assault, of course. And as a consequence a man never had to bother himself with the niceties giving to get. He just took. Centuries upon centuries of culturally sponsored behavior like this has created a sexual male that is unversed at best and resistant at worst to the idea of mutuality with his partners. The “get it up, get it on and get it off” mentality leaves little room for female sexual expression.

lesbian_tickle.jpgOnly recently, with the rise of the women’s movement, have things begun to change. Happily, some of us men folk are getting the message that that pleasuring one’s mate will actually result in an abundance of more pleasure for them. A novel concept for most of us, don’t cha know. Alas, this still leaves us with the pressing problem that began this discussion. Most men, particularly young men, are unfamiliar with the workings of their own bodies and sexual response cycle. They are absolutely clueless about the great mysteries of the female anatomy and how all those blasted things works.

So we fall upon one another in this hit and miss manner, missing more often than we hit, sadly. And yet we persevere. All I’m saying is if we all took a little more time before for the event to introduce our partner to the peculiarities of our own bodies, there would be more hits than misses. Of course, that’s dependent on having a much better sense of ourselves than most of us do.

Nowadays, it’s très chic to fuck for a myriad of more interpersonal reasons. These include — self-expression, creativity, self-esteem and emotional satisfaction. With motivations like these, physical desirability of the potential partner often plays a much larger role than ever before. This gives rise to the innumerable industries out there that prey upon our natural insecurities. Think of all the ways in which we measure ourselves and one another. And who among us does not find ourselves wanting in one aspect or another? Either our cock isn’t big enough, our tits are too small. We’re too short or too tall, too fat or too thin, too young or too old, too much hair or not enough. We’re the wrong color, or ethnicity, too rich or too poor. Didn’t go to the right school or live in the wrong neighborhood. And the list goes on and on. With all this worry and anxiety it is, as my young interview suggested, a wonder that we ever connect at all.kissing.jpg

Then there’s the “L” word — LOVE. This is the most complicated, irrational and inexplicable of all motivations for connecting with another human on any level, least of all sexually. While love may go a long way to blind us to the inescapable insecurities that plague us all — you know how they say that love is blind — it isn’t always enough to overcome sexual dysfunction. And here is where the sex advice industry, of which I am a proud practitioner, enters the picture.

Good Luck

The Naughty & The Nice

Just in time for the holidays, here’s my Naughty and Nice list.

NICE

NAUGHTY

NICELY NAUGHTY

Happy Holidays!

Looking for Mr Right

Name: Eric
Gender: Male
Age: 25
Location: New Jersey
I’m 25, openly gay, and have never been in a relationship. I consider myself intellectual & attractive, with a great sense of humor–many people that I meet are amazed that I’m not taken. I tend to be hyper-analytic and super-honest, neither of which has gotten me very far in my dating life. I’m very self-aware and work hard at self-improvement and reinvention. I just can’t seem to find quality men! I don’t care for the gay scene, and I hate the depersonalizing nature of many gay online dating sites. All too often, I feel frustrated with being single, and I end up having a random hookup just to be close to a guy. Do you have any advice? I seem to be stuck in cycle of dating, disappointment, and reinvention. What can I do to meet Mr. Right?

I do have some advice, pup. I hope you will take it to heart. My first suggestion is that you jettison the whole Mr. Right concept. My experience tells me that most folks who are stymied in their search for a partner have too precise a mental picture of his/her ideal mate. This “knight in shinning armor” concept rarely translates very well into the real world. No one is perfect; all humans have flaws that those who love them learn to overlook. Some people, both women and men, gay and straight, have such a specific script of the person they are looking to nest with that they dismiss out of hand loads of plausible potential prospects, which is a huge mistake.

For example, I had a client in San Francisco, a straight guy. He wasn’t particularly handsome, in fact he was kinda dumpy, but he was a genuinely sweet man with lots to offer a mate. He desperately wanted to find the woman of his dreams. Unfortunately, he scripted himself right out of the market. His ideal mate had to be a redhead…a real redhead, if you know what I mean. He also insisted that the woman have a big set of knockers. I take it that he developed this script after years and years of consuming big titty porn. But wherever it came from it was his undoing.

At any rate, my client would dismiss out of hand, any woman who didn’t fit this very specific profile. And his dating life was a disaster. I had to help him understand that he narrowed the pool of potential candidates till it virtually evaporated. I asked him, “How many natural redheads do you suppose there are out there in the Bay Area? Of these, how many are single? Of these, how many have a monster rack on ‘em? Of these, how many would fall for a guy like you?” It was bitter medicine, but it was the dose of reality he desperately needed.

You, Eric, may be suffering from a similar condition. I can’t really say for sure from what you write. What I can say with some confidence is that you’re not particularly accommodating when it comes to the foibles of others. Look how you describe yourself — “hyper-analytic and super-honest”. Is that just a easy way of saying you are really overly critical and downright bitchy? Maybe, just maybe that’s how others perceive you. And that ain’t gonna land you a man no how!

You say you can’t find quality men. Again, that’s more of a comment about you than the number of quality men out there. Maybe all the quality men find you way too prickly to get close to. Your frustration may even make you edgier. And sometimes frustration morphs into desperation and there’s nothing more unattractive than that. You may be inadvertently hanging a big sign around your neck that reads: “Steer Clear, Trouble Ahead!”

Relationships are curious things. They almost never happen to someone who is desperate for one. Or if the desperate person actually finds a relationship, inevitably it’ll be a disaster. And here’s a tip: casual hook ups for sex are fine and dandy for what they are. They relieve sexual tension and not a great deal more. I advise you not to expect them to magically transform into a long-term relationship. That only happens in fairytales.

OK then, what might you do? I suggest that you simply cease the pursuit of a mate and let him find you. That’s right, just let it go. Instead of investing all that energy in pursuing that illusive relationship, focus your attention on bettering yourself and the world around you. You apparently already know how to do this since you say you work hard at self-improvement and reinvention. Wonderful! But how do you go about this self-improvement and reinvention? Is yours a solitary endeavor, or might you join others while making this happen? Do you take classes? Enjoy the arts? Do you read? Cook? Are you an outdoorsy kinda lad? Are you of service to others? Do you volunteer? Do you like pets, gardening or crafts? Are you political? Are you athletic? Do you travel?

If you do any of these things you will automatically find yourself surrounded by like-minded humans of every stripe. Listen darlin’, just because you’re queer that doesn’t mean you are restricted to the gay scene. There’s no need for a ghetto mentality in this day and age. Instead of slumming on those tiresome gay online dating sites. Look elsewhere for your fulfillment. You are more likely to encounter people who share your values if you spend your time on online at sites that reflect your interests and there’s a zillion of them. Look for websites and forums that feature your interests and concerns. And unless it’s the American Nazi Party or the KKK, you’ll no doubt find other homos who will broaden your social network. And the larger your social network, the more likely you will encounter a soul mate.

Finally, if you don’t find precisely what you are looking for online, then it’s up to you to make it happen on your own. I suggest that turn to a site like craigslist and post there. Start a club, or a discussion group. Initiate a gathering of like-minded people for an outing or an endeavor. Whatever you do direct your energies outward. Stop with the navel gazing already. You are in the prime of your life, and the world is your oyster. But first you’re gonna have to get of your pity pot.

Good luck

Hey dr dick! What’s that toll-free podcast voicemail telephone number? Why, it’s: (866) 422-5680. DON’T BE SHY, LET IT FLY!

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