Search Results: Male Orgasm

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Name: Nola
Gender: female
Age: 42
Location:  Springfield
My husband and I only have masturbation sex because he say’s he can’t feel me anymore when we make love. He says he still loves me, but he says I’m very loose down there.  And I know why too.  We have three wonderful boys — 12, 9 and 6.  All were big babies and all three were vaginal births.  And I don’t think I ever rebounded afterwards and now that I’m older, well things are not like they used to be. Is this the end of sex for us?

A very common complaint, Nola; I write and talk about lax pelvic musculature a lot on this site and in my private practice.  Sure there is hope for regaining muscle tone, and it’s not particularly difficult to achieve.

Let’s start with a bit of an anatomy lesson.  You have several pelvis floor muscles the one we’re most concerned with is called the pubococcygeus, or the PC muscle.  It supports and holds in place the internal sex organs for both women and men.  —Pay attention men, the following exercises can whip your PC muscles in shape too.— It’s attached to the front of the pubic bone and goes all the way around to your butt hole. When one’s PC muscle is taut and toned, a contraction can be felt all over the pelvic area — cock, cunt, clit and ass hole.  So you see how important this muscle is to performance as well as pleasure for both women and men, right?

Still don’t know which muscle I’m talking about?  Ok, try this — while taking a pee, abruptly stop and start the flow of urine.  Can you do it?  Lots of women and some men can’t.  As you suggest, birthin’ babies is pretty traumatic to your pelvic musculature.  These muscles lose tone with each successive delivery (not to mention the impact the aging process has on our muscles). If you can’t abruptly stop the flow of pee, then you’re gonna have to find the PC muscle another way.  Try this, stick a couple fingers inside your pussy and squeeze.  You may have to insert more than two fingers to find what you are looking for. But when you feel pressure around your fingers, you’ve hit the mark.

Consider this, if you are using more than two fingers to find your PC muscle, you can understand why your hubby ain’t gettin the friction he needs to get off through fucking, right?

kegel-exercises.jpg

Ok, so let’s work on some exercises that will tighten things up down there.  These exercises are commonly called Kegel Exercises. You need to spend 30 minutes a day at this (twice a day would even be better).  And I want you to commit to this regiment for two weeks.  If you can’t commit this kind of time; then yes, you can say good by to fucking your husband ever again. If your sex life is important to you, you WILL find the time to do your kegels.

While lying on your back, or reclining propped up with some pillows, start by relaxing everything except your vaginal muscles. This will take some doing, so be patient.  Remember, you have 30 minutes to fill.  Insert your fingers in your pussy, and clench your PC muscle.  You’ll want to LIFT UP while you do this, not bear down. If you’re tightening your abs, squeezing your legs together, clenching your butt, or holding your breath then you’re not exercising the right muscle.

I want you to work on both muscle strength and tone.  With fingers inserted, start with five strong prolonged squeezes (5 seconds apiece).  Squeeze, hold — 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 — then relax.  Then do a series of 10 rapid contractions in a row. Doing three sets of these two types of Kegels during your 30 minutes a day is your goal.  If you’re tightening your abs to finger your pussy, consider inserting a dildo instead.

Let’s go over that one more time.  Start with five strong prolonged squeezes (5 seconds apiece). Squeeze, hold — 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 — then relax.  Then do a series of 10 rapid contractions in a row.

When you’ve accomplished this you’re ready to increase the set to eight or ten prolonged squeezes and 20 rapid contractions in a set.  The advanced Kegeler is able to vary the type and duration of her PC squeezing; slow prolonged clenches to quick flutters. And, darling, this doesn’t have to be drudgery.  Add some up-tempo dance music and tighten and release your PC muscle to the rhythm.  You will naturally vary the exercises and have way more fun too.

Hey, want to kick things up a notch?  Combine you PC Exercises with jilling off! energie.jpgThat’s right, darlin, throw yourself a screamin meme of an orgasm as you’re exercising.  This is where a nice vibrating dildo will come in handy.  You may find that you’re more likely to attend to your exercise regime if there’s pleasure involved.

Throw in some patterned breathing and pelvic rocking with your exercises. Rock your pelvis up, exhale and squeeze the PC tight. Squeeze, hold — 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 — then inhale, drop your hips back down and relax the muscle. Once you get the hang of this, reverse the exercise. Inhale while rocking forward and exhale while dropping back.

One final suggestion, check out the Natural Contours Energie Kegel Exerciser.  You can read all about this marvelous doohickey by going to the Product Review Page and look for Review #16

If you follow my instructions for this two-week exercise course, you will notice a marked improvement to your pelvic muscle tone.  Won’t the hubby be surprised when you invite him for a fuck and he finds the taut and toned pussy of a woman half your age.

Name: Leo
Gender: male
Age: 25
Location: Miami
I am a 29yr old light skinned latin male, very healthy. Being latin, my skin has…well…you know…that tan color. Over the past 2-3 years I have been seeing these lighter color, almost white spots evolving on my penis and butt and thighs and elbows.  It began with just one small spot on my penis, and over the years I got a more spots around the rest of the area. It’s to the point that I’m too embarrassed to have sex. It looks like the whole area down there is transforming into big ugly blotches. It definitely does not look healthy.  Do you know what this is?  Do I have some kind of sexually transmitted disease?

You appear to be describing vitiligo, a dermatological condition where the skin, vitiligo55jpg.jpgoften in the genital area, loses its pigment.  This is not a disease, let alone a sexually transmitted infection.  It’s a condition and it’s not all that uncommon. When you lose pigment, it leaves islands of white skin surrounded by your natural skin color, tan in your case.  It’s kinda like a Palamino horse.

Medicine doesn’t know a lot about vitiligo.  What is known for certain is that it is not contagious. It appears to be an acquired condition and may appear at any age, but mostly before 40. Genetics may play a part, as there is an increased incidence of vitiligo in some families. Vitiligo is more noticeable in darker skinned people because of the contrast with the white patches against dark skin. It seems to occur more often among people with an autoimmune problem. The depigmentation can be progressive for some people, although not everyone.

In terms of treatment, there aren’t any to speak of.  Some claim modest success with a repigmenting agents or immunosuppressant medications.  Some people, like Michael Jackson, go to great lengths and extremes to compensate for this condition.  Obviously, this is not advisable.  I mean, just look at him.  I just can’t see how his untreated vitiligo would have been any less scary than what he’s transformed himself into?  But that’s just me.

For most folks with vitiligo, myself included, our best bet is to make peace with our uniqueness, leave it alone and move on.  I’ll admit it takes some getting use to, since the appearance of our skin is so tied with our self-esteem.  But, those of you in my audience who regularly read my column, or listen to my podcasts, know that shit happens to our bodies.  Birth defects, aging, disease processes, amputations, vitiligo7.jpgscaring, disabling accidents and disfiguring surgeries are all part and parcel of being a human.  Those who successfully move through their problems and find their self-worth in a more holistic appreciation of themselves enjoy a fuller, richer life, which includes a full and rich sex life.  If you need help pulling this together for yourself, Leo, support is available online.  Just search for vitiligo support.

As for your sexual partners and the questions they might have; why not just be upfront about what’s goin on?  Simply say you have vitiligo.  It’s about pigment, not performance.  And then show ‘em what ya got, baby!

Name: Peaches & Herb
Gender: couple
Age:  30-something
Location:  Washington DC
We’re a hip, 30-something couple and we’re looking for a little adventure.  We want to throw a sex party.  We know several couples who we think would be interested in joining us.  But we’re not sure how or where to start.  What do you suggest?
PS: Peaches & Herb are not our real names.

You don’t say!  I would have never guessed! Peaches & Herb, indeed.

Actually, P&H, I hesitate to offer any suggestions, because it sounds to me like you guys are complete amateurs when it comes to swinging, if you are swingers at all.  Throwing a sex party for a bunch of straight folks is not like hosting Sunday orgy7.jpegbrunch, where all that could go wrong is serving an unsuitable wine with the quiche. A poorly planned sex party can be a catastrophe and destroy friendships and make instant enemies.  If I were you, I’d start planning my own party only after I attended several other parties hosted by folks who know what the fuck they’re doing.

But to give you the benefit of the doubt I’ll offer a the these suggestion.  First, I’d begin by asking myself what kind of party do me and the little woman want to host?

A sexy party — attendees dress in provocative outfits — lingerie and the like, get all liquored up, play naughty games, like “Truth or Dare” which evolve into group make-out session — where few risks are taken and nobody gets hurt if things go badly.

A sex party — attended by out and proud swingers.  Here the agenda is obviously sex, but there are a shit-load of very important things to consider before the invitations go out.  More about this in a minute.

An orgy — a no holds bared, check your cloths at the door, full-on sex extravaganza.  This is kind of gathering is not for the novice.  In fact, it’s more a gay sex party option than a straight sex party option.  The reasons I believe this are coming up.

Whatever kind of party you choose, you’ll want to carefully consider the people you invite.  It’s a good idea to always have some instigators on your list.  You know, the folks who will be the first to make out, dance and shed their cloths.  Established swingers are always a good choice for this.  They’ll be less inhibited than the newbies.

Do you desire an equal male/female ratio? Couples only? Singles only? Straights only? No single men? Will you allow for bisexual expression, specifically the male-on-male type?  Will you allow kink?  Or will this be a vanilla party?

If you’re thinking of inviting relative strangers, you might want to consider screening them in advance. You’ll want to make sure the prospective guest will fit in with the others on your list.

Where’s the shindig gonna be held?  Your home, a rented space, a hotel suite?  If all goes well, the party will probably be loud and nude, so consider your neighbors and neighborhood carefully.  Wherever you host, designate some areas as sex areas and some areas as rest/neutral/no-sex areas.

Will you serve adult beverages?  If you do, how much is too much?  Will there be food?  Probably if there’s booze, there ought to be at least some food, right? Even if it’s simply powerbars and gaterade,

Music is very important to setting the mood.  The wrong music — there goes the party.  Your play space must be clean and warm with plenty of places to freshen up in.  That will necessitate soap and water and lots of fresh towels.  Muted lighting is essential, at least in some of the areas. Throw pillows are good.  Vinyl sheets are practical.  Or have your guests donate a set of clean sheets to the festivities. You need to realize that it will be a mess everywhere your guests fuck, what with all the lube and bodily fluids and the like.  And there’s always gonna be accidents like orgy08.jpgspills, smells and skid marks, if you catch my drift.

Speaking of which, have lube, condoms, and latex gloves, baby wipes and what have you in every room you designate as a play space.  Nothing sets the mood like some classy pornography playing in the background. Have your guests turn off their cell phones.  And I’d also consider having a definite arrive time.  No one admitted after a certain hour.  New arrivals can ruin a mood, unless you’re sure they will blend in and get down to business immediately.

Sex party etiquette is essential.  A lot of this will depend on the kind of party you’re hosting and the type of people you invite.  But you should insist that your guests behave themselves…in a smutty sort of way…of course.  Guests should be polite.  No means NO!  I would discourage guests who might just want to attend for the show.  There are no bigger turn-offs than a lecherous gawker or an uncomfortable wallflower.  Permission to join a grouping is mandatory.  And a sense of humor is always appreciated, just so long as it doesn’t bust the mood.  And finally, safe sex ought to be a must!

Good luck ya’ll

Like I was sayin’…

Name: Perth Guy
Gender:
Age: 50
Location: Perth Australia
I am going to have surgery to fix Diverticular Disease by removal of the sigmoid colon, which may result in a temp or Perm stoma (Colostomy). If its a permanent colostomy bag I know they basically remove your rectum, so no more anal sex. If its a temp stoma/colostomy bag can you still have anal sex? (whilst you rectum is “disconnected from the colon) If they are able to reverse it later and connect the transverse colon to the rectum is it still possible to have anal sex? I dont know who to ask this very strange question – its not the question you can ask around ” do you have a colostomy – do you have anal sex?”

Hey thanks for your message, Perth Guy. Sorry to hear you’re feeling poorly.

For those of us unfamiliar with diverticular (say: die-ver-tick-yoo-ler) disease, it affects the large intestine, or colon. It’s caused by small pouches that form, usually on the wall of the last part of the large intestine — the sigmoid colon. These pouches are called diverticula, don’t ‘cha know.

The terms ostomy and stoma are general descriptive terms that are often used interchangeably though they have different meanings. An ostomy refers to the surgically created opening in the body for the discharge of body wastes. A stoma is the actual end of the small or large bowel that is arranged to protrude through the abdominal wall.digestive_big.jpg

I know it’s difficult to find helpful information about sexual concerns, like butt fucking, when facing a radical and disfiguring medical procedure like a colostomy. Our culture has such difficulty talking about sex even as it applies to healthy folks, it’s no wonder we fail those of us who are sick, maimed or disabled. I did, however, find a resource for you, Colostomy Pen Pals.

I suspect that you’ll not readily find the specific information about anal sex that you are looking for on that site. But here’s where you can do yourself and all your fellow ostomy patients a good turn. I want you to march right over to Colostomy Pen Pals and any other ostomy resource you might find online and just come out with it. Just like you did when you wrote to me. You know that if you have a concern about anal sex post surgery, there are a load of others out there who share your concern and interest.  And some may actually have first-hand information to share.

Probably, there a lot of other folks who are too timid to ask or share about sex in general and anal sex in particular. But instead of stewing in isolation and lack of information, why not take the initiative and break open the topic yourself. If you’re gonna wait around for someone else to broach the issue, when you won’t, you’re gonna die waiting, my friend.

And if you think the information you are looking for will miraculously come from the medical industry; you really have to wake up and smell the coffee, my friend. The best resource you’re gonna find are the others in the ostomy community. Those folks, who are similarly challenged as you, will be the front line of the information you seek. But like I said, if you fail to put out there what it is you want, you can be sure no one is gonna spoon feed it to you.

So while it is true what you say: “its not the question you can ask around to the general public do you have a colostomy – do you have anal sex?” It is a very appropriate question to be asking the ostomy community. And if you find resistance in that community for raising this pressing sexual concern, stand your ground, darlin’!  Dont sink to the lowest common denominator.

And just so you don’t think I’m ducking the question, my experience with ostomy patients suggest that it may very well be more of a question of wanting to have anal sex post surgery, than the ability to do so. I guess you’re just gonna have to wait and see for yourself. Keep me posted and I’ll keep our audience posted on this too.

Name: Liora
Gender:
Age: 23
Location: israel
i have a cyber relationship with a man who’s a great deal older than i am, lives several time zones away and has a little girl living with him (so we can only do it when she’s out of the house (which, untill september, will only be on sundays and that usually means that in practice we only do it once a month. i’m a very hormonal girl and this is driving me kind of crazy (masterbating by myself doesn’t make the problem go away somehow even if i get 10 orgasms in a row from it) and cheating or “moving on” are out of the question! i try to repress but the tension seems to make me want to bite his head off a lot lately which never used to happen. i love him very much so porn and cheating are out of the question… any advice on other ways of dealing with this frustration?

Jeez, you sound like a real charmer. What a petulant child you are. It’s a wonder that this grown-up guy puts up with you.

cybersex07.jpgHere’s what I’m reading in your message. You’re hooked on cybersex with an older man who lives thousands of miles away from you. And because he has a daughter living with him for the summer, you can only connect with him once a month. And you’re pissed off and frustrated.

Well, I can understand being frustrated.  Apparently you have a sex drive that would make a sexual athlete blush. Don’t get me wrong, that’s not a bad thing. It’s just that you refuse to satisfy your libido on your own, or with another person nearer to hand. And when you don’t get what you want, when and how you want it, you bite the old dude’s head off. Yeah, that sounds like true love to me.

And yes darlin’, I do have some advice. What you got goin’ here is an obsession, which has absolutely nothing to do with love. You’re selfish and self-absorbed.  Ad if I had to guess, you can’t read the signs that are obvious to others with similar cyber connections. When the frequency of the contact diminishes, it’s apparent that one or the other of the participants is bored or wants to wind-down the liaison. You seem to gloss over this painful truth.

You deny yourself the natural sexual outlets a young woman your age can enjoy because you arecybersex00.jpg unhealthily preoccupied with this cyber connection. Where the fuck do you think this virtual relationship is gonna to wind up? Maybe, just maybe, this older gentleman has got the goods on you, he sees you for the crazed cyber junky you are, and he’s using the excuse of having his daughter around to avoid you.

Girlfriend, give it a rest. This is yesterday’s mashed potatoes. Time to move on. Why not connect with a real human this time, someone you can actually touch and be touched by. I know it sounds real old fashioned, but if you give it a try, you will find that honest-to-goodness human flesh beats a keyboard and monitor every time.

Name: MissK
Gender:
Age: 43
Location: Everett
My longtime male sub wants Me to try something on him that he saw on a web site. I’m not sure at all that it would be safe for him. It’s infusing saline into his scrotum, until they are very heavy. Any advice?

OMG, there are perverts in Everett WA? Who knew?

I am of the mind, as probably are you too, that needle play and blood sports are best left to trained professional doms. I have no way of knowing your level of proficiency in this area, but that’s not to say that one can’t learn to infuse if one really wants to.

I once watched a scrotal infusion demonstration in utter amazement. I don’t know how to do thisinfusion_set.jpg myself, so I won’t offer you a tutorial. However, I did notice that there are a couple “How To” videos for this fetish online. But I can’t recommend them either, since I haven’t had an opportunity to review any of them.

But since you raised the question…and, like I always say, if there’s one pervert out there who gets off on somethin’, there’s bound to be a shit load of other pervs out there who share that interest.

So I asked around among my more sexually adventurous friends for their advice. The predominant message was that infusing sterile saline solution into a guy’s scrotum requires a lot of time, because it’s a drip process. And that it must be done in a sterile environment to avoid complications. A mishap can cause a serious infection, which will be awfully painful and it can even lead to the loss of the guy’s cajones.

First, ya gotta shave the dude’s family jewels. If you nick his sack; stop right there. Ya gotta wait, until the nick heals before you try again. The infusion bag or bottle must be warmed before the infusion begins. You’ll also want the environment to be warm too, otherwise his scrotum will get all pruney, don’t cha know.

The infusion bag needs to be hung approximately three and a half feet, or one meter, higher than his nuts. You’ll need to know how to set up the infusion apparatus and bleed the infusion tube of air. If you don’t know how to do this, then you are in over your head. Don’t attempt this on your own.scrotal_infusion-2.JPG

Of course, you have to disinfect his scrotum with an alcohol-free Betaisodona solution. There is some disagreement on how best, or where best to sting the needle into the guy’s junk. But one thing for certain, be sure the guy’s dick is out of the way. Two of my experts suggest stinging between the testicles.

YIKES!! I know; I’m such a big baby. But I really hate needles. I got to tell you, all of this is giving me the willies. But hey, let’s not worry about my feelings, this is all about you and your stinkin’ fetish. So, by all means, let’s press on…no pun intended.

I am told that you can sting just about anywhere on the scrotum, but if you sting into a blood vessel, the dude will have a bruise. Probably if he’s into this particular fetish, a little bruising ain’t gonna bother him. But, ya absolutely got to make sure you don’t puncture one of his balls accidentally. This, I understand is very painful.

It’s recommended that the first time you infuse, you not use a whole liter of saline. Once he’s full, so to speak, remove the needle; firmly press your gloved finger on the puncture for a few minutes, then apply a little band aide —maybe one with a happy face or a little kitty on it. If you really loaded him up; don’t be surprised if he leaks a little. …Now there’s a pleasant thought!

Never reuse the needle and don’t just leave the infusion bag or bottle hanging around, this will only invite germs.

Finally, you’ll be happy to know that your man’s nut sack will return to normal in 48-72 hours, as the saline is absorbed into the body.

Good luck ya’ll

Guilty Pleasures

Name: Anonymous
Gender:
Age: 22
Location: Phoenix
Dear Dr. Dick, I’m a pretty good looking guy, with a pretty average penis size, with a pretty average ego and confidence level. I am unable to make a first move. Whenever the situation rises, I become nervous as a little girl and the only thing I can think of is the awkwardness of rejection. Its really starting to throw me off balance when I cant get the physical attention I need, you know? It’s starting to make me think I’m gay also, which is totally fucking with my head. Help me out dock, what’s going on?

Well, anonymous, the fact that you couldn’t even bring yourself to include your first name on this anonymous submission form, or even think up a plausible substitute marks you as a world-class wimp. And hey, here’s a tip, stop comparing your total lack of cojones to being a girl or being gay. You are neither — a girl don’t need no balls and gay men have ‘em. You, on the other hand, need to grow yourself a pair, pal

lonely.jpgSo you’re 22, a pretty good-looking guy (or so you report) with an average sized dick (although I don’t see what that has to do with anything), and yet you still are stumped on how to connect with a chick. Holy cow, did you miss junior high?

Is there anything about you that a woman might find interesting? Are you intelligent, witty, fun to be with, a good conversationalist, sensitive, kind, a good cook, romantic…are you rich? Listen chum, you’re gonna need more to recommend you than bein’ pretty good lookin’ and a modestly sized peanut.

“I can’t get the physical attention I need…” I’m gonna go way out on a limb here and guess you mean you can’t get laid, right? Maybe you oughta work on your presentation. I mean, what self-respecting woman is gonna want to put out for someone as desperatechicksruleboysmakegoodpets.jpg as you.

Start by getting off the pity-pot and learn to handle rejection. Don’t take it personal, rejection is just part of being a grownup. Also, jettison the notion that women are put on this earth simply to satisfy men’s physical needs. That’s so freakin’ Neanderthal.

Put your pride aside and start connecting with women as friends, not as potential fuck meat. , Sex flows from intimacy for most women. If you take the time to get to know a woman first, without that lean and hungry sex-starved look that I just know you have, you’ll find that, unless you are a totally dorky klutz, even you may get laid sooner or later.

Name: Carol
Gender: Female
Age: 28
Location: Montreal
I like oral sex, but my new BF doesn’t know what he’s doing down there. He’s really sweet and I like him a lot. Unfortunately, he thinks he’s like this really great lover when actually he sucks…and not in a good way. I know he reads your column, he was the one that turned me on to your site, so could you give him some pointers on how to orally pleasure a woman. He doesn’t listen to me.

Instead of me, who has no pussy, pontificating on the joys of muff diving, I turned to my #1 friend of the lesbitarian persuasion, Joy. Not only does she have her very own chuff, she sure as shootin’ knows her way around other gravy boats as well. I shared your message with her and asked for her advice. I figure, if you wanna learn how to do something right, ya talk to a pro. Simply put, no one sucks cock as good as a queer; no one gobbles clam like a dyke. Enough said!

Joy’s first comment was…and I quote. “What’s this chick doin’ with a dude? If she wants good head, she should bed a dyke. Once you go lezzie, you never go back.” Ahhh, Joy is such a…joy!v2212-a_30.jpg

Ok, so giving a chick some head is about the most perfect sexual thing you can do for a woman. It makes her feel special. What woman doesn’t groove on knowin’ her partner finds her finger-lickin’ good? And maybe that’s a real good place to start this tutorial. If you don’t like the taste or smell of pussy juice, give up on the idea that you’ll be a fabulous lover. However, if you want to give this whole muff diving thing a try, but you don’t know if you can handle your partner smell, or she’s unsure about you bein down there, because she thinks she might smell, you guys could start off by showering or bathing together.

Many women prefer oral to intercourse, because it has the potential to give her an exceptional orgasm. And for all those gals out there who need loads of direct clitoral work to get off, mouth to clit stimulation is one of the easiest, most enjoyable ways to get make that happen.

Joy says that the biggest mistake a guy can make with a pussy is divin’ in without knowing his way around. And like I always say, ladies, it is absolutely up to you to introduce your partner to your particular beaver. Remember, just because he may have been with other women, that don’t make him an expert on your parts. Get it? Got it? GOOD!

The novice cunt lapper will do well to approach this amazing piece of human anatomy very gently…at first. If the woman you’re eatin’ wants it more vigorous, she will ask for it. So relax and enjoy! If all this licking and sucking isn’t a turn on for you, it won’t be much of a pleasure for her, either. So, if you’re heart is not in it; I say don’t even bother.

Don’t make the mistake that Carol’s boyfriend makes. Listen to the feedback you’re gettin on the job you’re doin’. If you’re not gettin’ feedback, ask for it. Just don’t talk with your mouth full. Once you hit on something that works with the gal you’re with, stick with it for a while. Unless of course you’re trying to drive her wild with some tongue teasing.

Joy insists that a soft tongue and a relaxed jaw works best. And believe me, she knows of what she speaks. She always starts out licking her pal from vaginal entrance up to her 519l051.jpgclit. She follows the outer edges of her pal’s pussy along both sides —slowly at first, then more rapidly. Sometimes she’ll even throw in a little raspberries — you know, the mouth vibration you make when you force breath through lightly closed lips. Joy swears by this technique, don’t cha know! Sounds like so much fun I kinda wish I had me a cooch.

Don’t be caught with idle hands while you’re eating=out-at-the-Y. Gently press her two outer vaginal lips together then run your tongue between the inner and outer labia one side at a time. Try poking your tongue into her vagina. The majority of nerve endings in a typical woman’s vagina are around the opening and within the first couple of inches inside. Target them with a darting tongue motion. Insert a hardened tongue into her hole. Try moving your tongue in and out, as well as in circles around the inside of her opening.

Spread her outer vaginal lips with your fingers. With your tongue pointed, gently flick your tongue around her clit. Feel free to roam around in there, but keep coming back to her clit, because it’s the most sensitive area…just like your dick head, you dickhead!

Some women find the direct approach too intense. If this is the case with your woman, blow a stream of warm breath over and around the clit. This lighter breathy touch might just do the trick. Again, be sure to ask for feedback and then do precisely what she says.

Once your partner is good and hot and juicy wet, Joy suggests you kick things up a notch. Spread her lips, expose her clit and give it a quick little suck. If this hits the spot, you might want to lightly pull back her clitoral hood and repeat the quick sucking motion. Joy assures me that this feels incredible, and it’s just the thing to do if you feelcsmhc5037.jpg like tormenting your partner. Now take her exposed clit into your mouth and gently suck on it, simultaneously flicking your tongue over and around it. This, combined with fingering her vag, will usually produce an intense orgasm.

Keep your tongue and hands busy flicking and massaging, poking and prodding lapping and kneading. In other words, find out what she likes and how she likes it and let her have it just that way.

Finally, Joy suggests you surprise the little woman by having a mint or an ice chip in your mouth while you go down on her. These can create a very intense tingling sensation and will enhance your performance immeasurably.

Name: Jake
Gender: male
Age: 23
Location: Omaha
I’m 23, and I’ve been dating a 30-year-old chick for nearly a year now. I come from a very conservative Christian upbringing and I love that she is more experienced than me. My girlfriend likes to tie me up. I’m a college gymnast so I have very defined muscles. They are a huge turn on for my girlfriend, which I guess explains why she likes to see me struggle against the rope. I get real turned on too when I’m tied up. Sometimes she teases my penis and testicles with a feather or a piece of leather, which drives me wild. I’m worried though, because I think this is gonna warp me somehow. Do you think this is perverted? Why is it so much fun?

Ahhh yeah Jake, I do think it’s perverted. I think your girlfriend is a big fat pervert and I think you’re still a little tiny pervert, but well on your way to being a big fat pervert, just like your girlfriend.

And why is this bondage thing so much fun? It’s such a blast because it’s perverted,bondage003.jpg nasty and forbidden, silly! One can only guess what your fundamentalist Christian mom and dad would think about their star athlete son trussed up like a thanksgiving turkey while a considerably older dominatrix punishes his family jewels. I fear this apple has fallen a great distance from the tree, right Jake? I absolutely love it!

Bondage is fun for you because you have to relinquish all your male privilege — Christian, preppy frat boy control — to this unlikely kinky lady friend of yours. And what’s even better, you let her have her way with you. I have a feeling you’re not telling us everything about what she does to you when you’re all tied up. I’d be willing to guess there is a lot more perversion here than meets the eye. Not that that’s a bad thing, necessarily. I think it can be very therapeutic as well as amazingly hot to be completely helpless and in the control of another.

For a dominatrix, like your girlfriend, there is, as you say, the visual aspect to bondage. I think she’d agree, there’s nothing sexier then young masculine, muscular male flesh wrapped in ropes while having his cock and balls available for discipline. It’s the ultimate form of objectification. And, I might add, that you guys are turning all of balls_blue1963.jpgsociety’s conventions — particularly the sacred “male as top” rule — on their head. YOU GO!

This has got to turn your crank, on some base psychological level too. I would so love to know how you and your girlfriend met. How she introduced you to the perv lifestyle. And more importantly, how you came to submit so unequivocally. That’s the real story here.

Jake, you are on the cutting edge. And I think you have some sense as to how radical your play really is, don’t you?  I think it’s the radical nature of your play that gives you pause, right? It’s not the actual bondage, discipline and possible humiliation that concerns you as much as you feel like you are losing your moral moorings. Nothing about what you are currently experiencing at the hand of this woman has any connection to the life you were brought up in. That has to be a bit of a jolt, which makes it all the more enticing. And there is virtually no turning back, is there? Once you’ve tasted the sweetness of surrender, vanilla will never again be enough.

Trust me, none of this makes you a bad person. On the contrary, if you embrace andbondage004.jpg integrate all this new information about yourself and live your life with authenticity and integrity, it will make you exemplary.

I do have one fear, however. I fear that one-day you will begin to second guess this harmless submissive eroticism and cave to the dictates of the popular culture. The worst case scenario would be for you to continue to enjoy your BDSM lifestyle on Saturday nights, then rush off to church on Sunday morning to join the choir of sanctimonious hypocrites who do one thing in private, but publicly endorse and promote a sex-negative message of repression and denial. That, my friend, would be criminal…and a real perversion.

Good luck ya’ll

Writes Of Spring

Can you believe it’s freakin’ spring already? Holy cow, it seems like it was only a few weeks ago that I was calling attention to the winter solstice and here we are at the vernal equinox. My, how time flies.

Despite the relentless passing of time, sexual concerns are perennial.

Name: pete
Gender: Male
Age: 33
Location: florida
I have been notice that some of the skin on my dick is starting to wear away from me masturbating…there is no blood or anything like that. Just the skin turning light in color around head of my dick. I think its my grip. Is there a way the color will come back or have i rubbed the skin cells to death. I masturbate about 3-4 times a week. Im not in a relationship and prefer that over random sex.

Your dick skin is wearing away??? Really? How are you handling your unit, darlin’,g003.jpg with sandpaper?

You say you think it’s your grip. Ya think? Hey Pete, are you using lube when you stroke? Or are you just yanking away down there with wild abandon? If you’re not using a good jack off cream like, Elbow Grease, Original 15 oz (G003) then ya better start! This stuff is not for use with condoms, but you don’t have to worry about that if all you’re doing is pullin’ your pud.

As to the rather sudden coloration change on your dick, I’d be willing to guess that it has nothing to do with jerkin’ off, even if you’re doin it like a maniac. More likely it’s a genetic condition known as vitiligo. And the coloration change is actually a loss of pigment. This is not a health concern, really! Nor is it contagious. So you don’t have to worry about it in that regard. If it is indeed vitiligo, there’s nothing you can do about it. It’s irreversible, but it can and does spread.

vitiligo_032904.jpg

Here’s a relatively easy way to self-diagnose this pesky, but benign condition. While naked as a jay-bird, squat over a mirror. If you have vitiligo, you will also see the same kind of color changes (loss of pigment) around your asshole. You may also notice it on your elbows and knees. If you are fair-skinned, the loss of pigment will be less noticeable then if you have a darker complexion.

If it’s not vitiligo, you might consider a visit with your physician. But I pretty much can guarantee you that unless you are absolutely ruthless in your masturbation technique, manhandling yourself as you do, is not the cause of the color change on your joystick.

Name: heater
Gender: Female
Age: 36
Location: USA
I have been Married for 10 years I have told my Husband 6 years ago i not physical attracted to him anymore I stopped wanting Sex from him he just turned me off no matter what he did he cleaned cooked run me a bath eat me and so on but nothing works I start to get wet and as soon as he gets started i try up like a prune what should i do i have not had good sex in a long time

Well, if you’re not attracted to him anymore, you’re not attracted to him anymore…plain and simple. But what I don’t get is, how come after six years you’re old man still hangs in there? Is he some kind of glutton for punishment?

If I was your long-suffering hubby and I was doin all this stuff, including cooking, cleaning and eatin’ out your pussy, I’d sure as hell demand an explanation for yourdominatrix_2.jpg attitude change. Of course, maybe he likes being the doormat. Some men really get off on being dominated and treated like shit. Is that why you are no longer into him?

Or is there something else he’s done that has put you off? Did he gain weight? Does he not attend to his personal hygiene? Did he become a Republican? Ya know, things like that. If it is something he’s done or failed to do and he can change his behavior to better suit you, maybe you oughta clue him in on this.

If however, it’s not something he’s done or failed to do, but it’s you. Then he needs to know that too. You did say that you dry up like a prune. Perhaps it’s your libido that’s gone south, not his relative attractiveness? Sometimes women get these two things confused.

Do you have sexual fantasies? Do you masturbate? Are horny for anyone else — either real or imagined? How’s your health? Are you on birth control? Are you depressed? Sleep deprived? Are you putting on the pounds? Could you be experiencing early-onset menopause? As you can see, there are innumerable reasons for a decrease in libido.

At any rate, Heater, you really need to get to the bottom of this, and soon, six years is a mighty long time to live like this. I’d look for a sex-positive therapist to connect with, if I were you. Clearly, you’ve been unable, in six years, to discern the cause of your attitude change on your own. It’s irresponsible to continue to drift with the status quo.

Name: Scott
Gender: Male
Age: 20
Location: Kansas
I am a 20 year old virgin who has never even had phone- or cybersex. The reason for this is that when I am complimented in a sexual or sensual manner — for example “your voice is sexy” or “your intelligence is a major turn on” or even something as simple as “you’re cute (or adorable or whatever)” — I am aroused but I also have a very negative reaction. I have a cold, sinking feeling in my stomach, become slightly dizzy and even occasionally nauseous. I’ve been having these reactions since 7th grade which was the first time I was propositioned. When I find the woman of my dreams I want to be able to satisfy her every want and need, but I won’t be able to if I continue to have these reactions. Can you help me get rid of this or at least give me an idea of where it comes from or what is causing it?

Sounds to me, pup, like you got yourself a bad case of sexphobia; an irrational fear of sex. This is classic: “I am aroused but I also have a very negative reaction. I have a cold, sinking feeling in my stomach, become slightly dizzy and even occasionally nauseous.” You should also know that this isn’t a particularly uncommon problem.

There’s probably a good reason why you’re experiencing this phobia. If you and I werebetter_with_partner.jpg working together I’d want to take a look at the incident that you report happened to you in the 7th grade. You said you were propositioned. What does that mean? You were 12 and someone came on to you? A peer? Someone older? Was it someone inappropriate; a family member, a clergy person, a teacher? Why such a negative response?

That being said, getting over a phobia, of whatever kind — fear of flying, snakes, spiders, public speaking, or sex — can be accomplished without dredging up the past. Try this:

  • Identify the specifics of your fear as they play themselves out in your life now. What precisely frightens you about sex and/or intimacy?
  • Create a plan to take the edge off your fear in small steps. For example, start out with holding hands, move to embracing, then kissing. What behaviors push the panic button for you?
  • Address each and every thing that hampers your progress. For example, why does kissing push your buttons and holding hands and/or cuddling doesn’t?
  • Be firm in your resolve to push past your discomfort and stretch your limits. Sinking to the lowest common denominator will not do.
  • Address the emotional response you have to each aspect of your phobia before moving on to the next one. Build on your successes.

This is kinda hard to do on one’s one, but it’s not impossible. There are loads of books and programs on the market that help an individual move through a phobia. You might want to look online, look for something like: overcoming a phobia.

Some people have success with visualization techniques, for others hypnotherapy works. Basically, it’s simply a matter of desensitization — defusing the feared thing, and doing it incrementally.

Name: afeisha
Gender: Female
Age: 21
Location: pennsylvania
i usually have orgasms when i masturbate, but why when im having sex its so hard to arrive at an orgasm? even when the sex is great.

Women suffer from performance anxiety too, ya know.

While performance anxiety is mostly talked about in terms of men and their erection problems, the guys don’t have a monopoly on the annoying issue.

I’d be willing to guess, my dear, that you’ve got some performance anxiety goin onbeatuy_booty.jpg yourself, possibly even big time. Sad to say, this difficulty often plagues younger women the most. Young women tend to have less self-esteem. And if they are new to sex, they may not know what they are doing, which can be disturbing and distracting. On the other hand, if a young woman is not a sexual novice and she appears too knowledgeable about sex, she runs the risk of being labeled a slut. So basically, young women can’t win for losing. Regrettable, but there ya have it.

So let’s see if we can get to the bottom of this, as it were. Let me ask you a few questions. First and foremost, where is your mind when you are having sex with a partner? Is it on the pleasure you are giving and receiving? Or is it, like so many people, on something other than that?

  • If your mind is busy with how you look, or how you smell, or if you are wondering if that birthmark is too obvious. Or if you’re worried about how accomplished you are at performing a particular sex act, or if you’re concerned about your partner feelings for you. Then you may have performance anxiety.
  • If you anxious about what your partner is thinking of you, of if he/she is turned on by you, or loves you, or is just bangin’ away at you like a slab of beef. Then you may have performance anxiety.
  • If you’re afraid to let go and have a screamin’ meme of an orgasm, because it might not look lady-like, or you’re not sure you can trust the person who’s bumpin’ you enough to just relax and enjoy the ride. Then you may have performance anxiety.

However, performance anxiety is only one explanation for the problem you experience in partnered sex. Many women report that their partnered sex is not as satisfying as their solo sex, because they’re not able to stimulate themselves in the same fashion in partnered sex as you do when they’re jillin’ off on their own. If you are self-conscious about showing your partner the particulars of gettin yourself off, or too intimidated to incorporate a vibrator in your love making, you might not be getting what you need when you need it. Thus you might be aroused, but not to the point of lettin’ one loose…if ya catch my drift.

Finally, one of the easiest solutions to this problem is to simply have a frank discussion with your partner(s) about what gets you off before the fuck-fest begins. That will clear the air of unnecessary anticipation and you both will be able to relax more into the event itself, rather than being distracted by the externals.

Good luck ya’ll

Serious Business

Name: Lola
Gender: Female
Age: 37
Location: Tennessee
I have been married for 13 years. We have had a pretty healthy, fulfilling sex life. My husband does not like to admit to his insecurities but i think he has some insecurity about his penis size and lately, his problem with not lasting very long. He has developed an obsession with stretching my vagina and pulling my labia. He knows i don’t like it. The other night, he introduces a dildo he has secretly purchased. I have enjoyed dildos, even larger ones, in the past, but this one was ridiculously too big. It was over 12″ long and the circumference was as big as a baseball bat. I told him that it was hurting and that it was impossible. He forced it in me. I was crying in pain and he tells me later that he hasn’t been that aroused in years. I am hurt. It hurt me physically, i bled a little, but it hurts more emotionally. What do you think is wrong with him? He has never hit me or been abusive with me, in the past.

Jeez darlin’, that’s fucked…big time.womanlooksdown.jpgHere’s the thing about men who have sexual insecurities. They can, and often do, project their perceived inadequacies outside of themselves and then act out. And almost always this projection and acting out is aggressive and abusive. (Unless he’s just spending his money on a pimped out Hummer to compensate for his little dick.) Either way, it’s not pretty.

I suppose you know what we’re talkin’ about here, right Lola? It’s sexual assault. I mean let’s not mince words. Your husband assaulted you. It was premeditated and worst of all he took pleasure in it. This is extremely disturbing, because, despite his non-aggressive past, he has just upped the ante exponentially. You know what they say about domesticated animals that inexplicably develop an aggressive steak. Once they get a taste for blood there’s no turning back.

I think your old man has severe anger issues. Issues that if left untreated will…not maybe, but absolutely will…escalate into more aggressive and abusive behavior. Your guy needs help. He needs to know that he stands on a precipice. He is developing a cognitive and affective connection between violence and pleasure and this is very dangerous for all involved, especially you, Lolaabuse_1.jpg.

You don’t mention any remorse he may have had about this assault. This too is disturbing. Since you can’t precisely pinpoint the cause of his acting out, you’ll never really know when you’re safe and when you’re not. I encourage you not to treat this lightly. Confront him about this. Make it clear to him that he has violated the bond of trust between the two of you. He may try and shift the blame for this incident to you. But remember, you’re not at fault. Insist that he seek professional help immediately. Anything short of him doing that will nullify your relationship.

No waffling on this, Lola! You do not want him to get the message that this incident can be winked at or overlooked. Your wellbeing hangs in the balance.All unwanted, forced, manipulated, or coerced sexual contact or activity is sexual assault. Sexual assault is not about sex, eroticism or desire; it is about power, control and abuse.

Name: JIM
Gender:
Age: 30
Location: WASHINGTON,USA
I’m uncircumcised with about 1 inch of foreskin overhang. I have never seen another man with any longer hood. I get a lot of smegma build up after a day of sweating and pissing and by the end of the day I can smell my ripe hooded cock, is this normal to get so much build up?

Everybody’s body is different. The length of your foreskin may not be the only thing that distinguishes you from everybody else. Some people, and you may be one of them, have overactive glands that can contribute to distinctive body odors. This is a holdover from our pre-human ancestors. In the animal kingdom, strong odors signify virility and definitely contribute mating success. Things are quite different nowadays. Strong body odor suggests poor hygiene rather than virility and it will absolutely sabotage mating success.

Problem odor is most often associated with the musky areas of the human body —phimot4.jpg underarms, crotch and feet. But some people have problem odors in their mouth, sinuses and scalp. Sometimes these problem odors are associated with an infection or another health concern. But generally speaking, strong body odor is associated with inadequate hygiene.

Uncut men need to pay particular attention to cleaning their cock. If you’re not careful to completely retract your heavy hood when you shower or bathe everyday you will have a problem with odor. Poor hygiene can also contribute to something more serious like phimosis. The popular wisdom about cleaning under your foreskin is that soap is unnecessary. A full rinsing with warm water should be sufficient. If you need soap, use a very mild, hypoallergenic soap for this delicate area. Ether way, fully retracting your foreskin is essential. I’d also encourage you to retract your foreskin when you take a leak. That way you won’t have that pissy smell.

Finally, there is an awful lot of evidence that shows a direct connection between one’s diet and one’s personal odor. If you continue to have a problem avoid refined sugar, white flour, hydrogenated oils and other processed foods. Cut back on red meat consumption, alcohol and caffeine. A diet high in fiber, one that has lots of whole grains, leafy vegetables, sprouts, fresh fruits, soy products, raw nuts is your best bet for regaining a more acceptable smell.

Name: Karen
Gender: Female
Age: 36
Location: Portland
I have a really big problem. I can’t keep a girlfriend because once I’m in a committed relationship I lose my desire for sex. I don’t mean it slacks off; it just totally stops. I’ve always been this way. I can have casual sex with women, but when things get serious sex goes out the window. This has been the demise of every relationship I’ve ever had. I’m currently dating this really great woman, but I’m afraid my problem will drive her away too. Is there anything I can do to stop this from happening?

Whoops, looks like another case of dreaded LBD…Lesbian Bed Death.

lesbian_toys2.jpg

Ya know it’s pretty common for lovers in long-term relationships to gradually lose interest in sex with each other. But lesbiterians are particularly susceptible to this malady. Some couples, but lesbians in particular, end all sexual expression between them; yet stay very committed and loving toward each other. Thus the somewhat humorous term, “lesbian bed death.”You Karen, apparently suffer from a particularly nasty case of LBD.

May I ask, is this an issue for you because, and only because, it kills off all your relationships way too soon? Or are you concerned about this because you, yourself, are uneasy about the complete cessation of sex once you nest? The reason I ask is, if the only reason for changing is to please someone else, even someone you like a lot, the likelihood that you will actually change is considerably less than if you, yourself, desire the change.

lesbians0.jpgLet’s say you really want to change for yourself, but you just don’t know how. I’d advise working with a sex positive therapist. If you and I were working together, for example, I’d want to get to the bottom of what triggers your attitude shift toward sex when you nest. Is there some disconnect for you between sex and intimacy? If there is a disconnect for you, you’re not alone. People with self-esteem issues, or body issues, people with extreme scruples about sex, the kind that translates into guilt and shame often have a similar disconnect. And gay and lesbian people who have not resolved their internalized homophobia will frequently have a sex and intimacy rift.

Sound familiar? I would guess so. Reversing this unhappy trend is not an insurmountable task. But it will take a concerted effort to heal the divide that you may have between your sexual expression and intimacy needs.

You say you’re met this really great woman and you want this relationship to last. FANTASTIC! Is it safe to assume that she has a healthier appreciation of sex then you? If she does, I suggest you engage her in your healing process. However, you gotta be totally up front with her about your past pattern of disconnect. Marshal her sex-positive energy to help you resolve your issues. She will need a heads-up on the impending sex shut down though, so she can help you resist it. With her help, the two of you could move through this together.

Name: Wayne
Gender:
Age: 26
Location: Philadelphia
Hey Dr. Dick I have a little issue that has stumped me, my doctor, and numerous urologists. I figure there’s no harm in asking one more person. I have never, not once, been able to cum normally. (I suppose there is a normal way, considering every other guy I’ve ever met has been able to do it that way.) The only way I have ever achieved orgasm is by laying on my stomach, putting pressure with a slightly closed fist on the spot where my dick meets the rest of my body, and sliding back and forth. Weird aside — this was a way to lift myself up off the floor and “fly” as a young kid, then one day I found out that it was pleasurable. I know- weird little boy. But this is anonymous, right. Anyway, fast forward to my twenties and becoming sexually active and now I have a concern. I want to be able to cum by having intercourse or just jacking off. But I’ve never been able to. I can come very close, but the deal just doesn’t happen. (Never have a problem getting hard.) Any thoughts? Thanks for your time. Wayne

Interesting masturbation technique you got there, my friend. While it is indeed unique, it is not the most distinctive style I’ve even encountered in my career. Someday I oughta write a book.36.bmpWhat’s most amazing to me about what you write here is that this predicament of yours has stumped all the physicians you’ve consulted. I suppose that says volumes about how informed most medical doctors are about human sexuality.

Simply put, Wayne, over the years you’ve habituated your body to respond pleasurably to a particular stimulus. Ever hear of Pavlov’s dogs? Right! What we have here is exactly the same thing, only completely different. ;-) You apply the stimulus — laying on your stomach, putting pressure with a slightly closed fist on the spot where your dick meets the rest of your body, and sliding back and forth. And your body responds with an orgasm.

Most all of us, both female and male, discover the joy of self-pleasuring accidentally. Your first encounter with masturbation, although you probably didn’t know that’s what it was called at the time, was through your boyhood attempts to fly. And fly you did! As you suggest, most other people discover self-pleasuring in a more conventional way, through touch. Thus the more “normal” — and I use that word in quotes — means of getting one’s self off is manually.33.bmp

Your unique style of self-pleasuring is completely benign, but it doesn’t really lend itself to partnered sex, as you say. I mean, how awkward would fucking be if you had to get off your partner and on to the floor to cum? So is there a solution? Sure there is. And it’s not a particularly difficult nut to crack…so to speak.

Let me tell you about a former client of mine. He was about your age when we met several years ago. He presented a similar concern to yours. He learned to masturbate in the same position as you, lying on your stomach, but he got off by humping a pillow in that position. Try as he might, he never was able to get off any other way. This was driving him crazy. He couldn’t date anyone, because he was too embarrassed about the whole pillow thing.

Over the next 4 or 5 weeks I helped my client learn a new way of self-pleasuring that would lend itself to happy partnered sex. The object was to rid himself of the need for the pillow altogether and we did this in incremental steps. Luckily, my client was a horny little bugger. He masturbated at least twice a day, sometimes even more frequently. I decided to use his natural horniness as part of the intervention.

My client had to promise me that he wouldn’t masturbate in his traditional way for one full week, absolutely no pillow sex for an entire 7-day period. If he failed to keep his promise, he would have to start all over from day one. At first he couldn’t see the purpose in this moratorium, but I insisted. By the time I saw him next, the poor boy had blue balls for days. So he was primed and ready to go. His next exercise was to change position for his first masturbation after the weeklong moratorium. He could masturbate with his pillow, but he had to lie on his back. He was not permitted to roll over on to his stomach. This wasn’t immediately successful, but his pent-up sexual energy finally carried the day and he got off in the first new position — on his back — since he learned to masturbate.

I gave him a new exercise the following week. While on his back, he could use the pillow35.bmp to rub himself, but only to the point where he was about to cum. At that point, he was to put the pillow aside and finish himself off with his hand. This was only slightly more difficult than the previous exercise. And within two attempts he finally got himself off with his hand for the first time in his life. The rest of his therapeutic intervention was simply following this behavior modification course of action till he didn’t need the pillow at all.

I assume you see where I’m going with this, Wayne, right? You could do this same sort of intervention on your own to learn a new and more traditional way of masturbating, but you’d probably have more success working with a qualified sex therapist.

The firm desire to change a behavior or habit is the most important aspect of the process of change. Second is denying yourself the convenient and habitual stimulus — in your case, your flying masturbation style. This will drive you to find a replacement means of getting off — a more traditional manual style. Weaning yourself off one style of masturbation incrementally till you are successful in replacing that style with another is the most efficient means of behavior change. I encourage you to give it a try.

Good luck ya’ll

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