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8 Sex Positive Things You Can Say To Your Kids That Have Nothing To Do With Sex

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“Sex positive” is, I am pleased to note, a term that has been gaining more attention in recent years. A social and philosophical response to repressed, limited, and often judgmental attitudes toward sex and sexuality, the sex positive movement emphasizes that “good sex” is defined as safe, informed, consensual, and whatever else it also is beyond those things is best left up to the people participating in the act. That’s it, and I think that’s awesome. As a parent, I am already doing my best to encourage sex positive attitudes in my children, who are 4-years-old and 19 months — despite the fact that they have absolutely no idea what sex is, and I don’t have plans to get into what it is with either of them any time soon. No, this is not a contradiction, and it’s not hard to do.

What it comes down to is this: Sex positivity rarely exists in a vacuum. It’s usually part of a larger life philosophy that believes all people are entitled to happiness and respect. I have found that there are broad areas of overlap between the body positive and fat acceptance movements, feminism, and the LGBT community. As such, there is so much a parent can say to their child that lays the groundwork for them to have happy, healthy, and fulfilling sex lives (when they’re ready) that don’t necessarily have a thing to do with sex.

“Your Body Belongs To You.”

your body

So not only does no one get touch you without your permission, but you decide what happens to it. If you teach little kids that this is true in the non-sexual streets, they’ll be more likely to automatically believe it once they grow up and get between the sheets.

“If They’re Not Having Fun, You Have To Stop; If You’re Not Having Fun, They Have To Stop.”

latest

Totally stolen from “Thomas” of Yes Means Yes, but when someone else writes something so well and so succinctly why reinvent the wheel? This concept of consent and mutual happiness doesn’t have to have a thing to do with sex to A) be great life advice, or B) set the scene to talk about and understand sexual consent later in life. To quote the original piece once again: “What I said will mean a lot of things in a lot of contexts; but it will always mean the same thing. Regard for one’s partner is a basic component of respect.”

“Penis. Vulva. Labia. Vagina. Breasts. Testicles.”

penis

Using grown up anatomical terms for all of a person’s various bits and bobs does a couple of sex positive things. It enables your child to talk about their body specifically, which can enable them to be specific and clear if there’s a problem. It also puts “bathing suit area” body parts on the same level as “arm” or “foot,” which we have collectively decided are not parts that require euphemisms. None of our body parts are anything to be secretive or ashamed about. Yes, of course, children should be taught that “vulvas are private” or “only you or a doctor is allowed to touch your testicles,” but that’s not going to be conveyed by giving those parts cutesy names and getting all jittery when someone talks about them.

“Love Is Love.”

indifferent

Kids will ultimately not find non-heterosexual relationships confusing at all (just ask same-sex parents). If a kid has never met a gay couple before, they might be a bit surprised by the idea the same way my kid was surprised the first time he saw purple M&Ms. But after, like, five seconds it’s like, “Oh. So this is the same basic concept as literally any other relationship/M&M I’ve ever encountered in my young life. Cool. Whatever.”

This was perhaps best conveyed by this little chap a few years ago…

Point is, letting your kids know that anyone can fall in love with anyone else doesn’t have to be a “very special after school special” conversation “when they’re old enough.” Anyone who thinks kids can ever be “too young” to be aware of non-heterosexual romantic relationships, by asserting that, is essentially just admitting, “I think there’s something wrong and bad and dangerous and upsetting about non-straight people.” Do you not feel that way? Then do yourself, your kids, and the world the favor of unburdening yourself of the idea that kids need to be grown up and holding onto something sturdy before they find out that some kids have two mommies. This is something anyone who understands what love and relationships are can understand. This sets the stage for your child to know acceptance is not for a select few, but for everyone.

“To Each Their Own.”

i'mma be me

This is basically one of the central tenets of sex positivity, but, again, doesn’t have to be limited to sexual attitudes. It’s never too early to tell your kids, “Look, different people are made happy by different things. Different people believe in different things. And sometimes those things may seem strange to you… and that’s fine. You don’t have to do what they do any more than they have to do as you say or believe.” I cannot count the number of times a day I have to tell my son, “You do not get to tell your sister how to play with her toys. It doesn’t matter if you think she’s playing with it wrong. There’s no right way to play with a truck.” Some day he might even get it!

“Everyone’s Body Deserves Respect.”

i respect you

The life blood of the sex positive movement is the idea of mutual respect. Of course, the idea that everyone deserves respect is a core tenet of, like, common human decency and hopefully everyone strives to instill this value in their children regardless of their desire for them to be raised with sex-positive attitudes. So I’ll take it a step beyond “everyone deserves respect” and talk about emphasizing the idea that every BODY deserves respect. Kid bodies, adult bodies, your body, other people’s bodies, disabled bodies, fat bodies, thin bodies, black bodies, women’s bodies, etc., and any intersection thereof. We can’t define a “good body” simply as one that is pleasing to a viewer. A good body is one that enables the person who lives inside of it to do things and be someone that makes them happy. Body positivity is going to be clutch in laying the groundwork for sex positivity.

“You Are Loved And Valued.”

you is kind

Sex positivity is nothing without self-esteem. Also kids thrive on the stuff, so it’s a good idea anyway.

“I Am Here Whenever You Need Someone To Listen.”

i'll be there

Complete Article HERE!

Talk Dirty to Me: The Why and How of Hot Aural Sex

Want to have better sex? Speak up!

By JoEllen Notte

talk dirty

The more I talk to people about sex, the more I see that so many of them struggle with the very same things. High up on this list is sexual communication. Whether it’s navigating consent, ensuring that they get what they need, or being a better partner, an awful lot of couples come up short because their approach falls somewhere between mind reading and charades. I’d like to offer a better way. My suggestion? Dirty talk.

Dirty talk is hardly groundbreaking stuff, but according to a 2011 poll by Adam & Eve, nearly one-third of people never talk dirty, while another 33 percent only do so sometimes. So I’m going to come right out and say it: If you and your partner aren’t talking dirty, you could be missing out. Here are some key reasons why you should let the filth fly – and how you shy types can get the conversation started.

Why Try Aural Sex?

It’s the most fun way to tackle a serious topic
If there’s anything that scores points in the sack it’s enthusiasm, but enthusiastic consent is a stumbling block for many people who feel that it ruins the moment. In reality, dirty talk is a great way to say you’re in while still building arousal.

You know what’s hotter than a partner touching you in a new way? A partner telling you how much they want to touch you in that way, giving you the chance to say oh hell yes. Suddenly, sexual consent stops being a stumbling block on the way to the good stuff and becomes a stepping stone to making the stuff we do good. This is especially true when you’re with a new partner or you’re trying something new with an old partner. (Want some ideas on how to spice things up? Check out 9 Sex Moves to Rock a Woman’s World.)

It can make good sex even bettertalk dirty2
Speaking of making the stuff we do good, the best thing about dirty talk is that it gets people talking about sex, which is always a good thing. According to a 2012 study by researcher Elizabeth Babin at Cleveland Ohio University, chatty lovers tend to have greater sexual satisfaction because they communicate what they want.

Your partner isn’t a mind reader; building communication into lovemaking can heat things up – and improve the chances that you’ll get what you want.

How to Get Dirty

Breaking out of your sexual mime box

For some people, talking dirty can feel like diving into performative, porn-star sex. That can be a huge leap for more, shall we say … demure lovers. The first step to making it all more manageable is to keep it simple and keep it real. Forget about parroting all the dirty-talk stereotypes you may have heard; not all penises are “so big” not all vaginas are “so tight” and sometimes, announcing that your partner has been “very, very bad” just comes off weird.

The answer? Just stick with what’s actually happening with the person you are actually with. Does it feel good when they touch you? Awesome, share that news. Do they have a great ass? They’d probably enjoy hearing about that. Are you excited to have sex with them? Tell them all about it. Perhaps the best piece of dirty talk advice comes from famed porn start Nina Hartley, who said, “Don’t tell them what they want to hear, tell them what they need to know”.

Talking dirty to a ninja

Sometimes what impedes dirty talk is an imbalance between partners. Maybe you’re rarin’ to go and your partner is totally silent. In this, scenario whispering “talk dirty to me” often yields results that are awkward – for both of you. It can be hard to find that softer side of the strong, silent ninja type, so help a ninja out! Keep it real. Go with questions. “What do you want?” is especially successful in this scenario, or something more structured to get them comfortable verbalizing. I love the exercise described by Chris Gore in this Sex Nerd Sandra podcast. Whatever you do, just make sure you give your partner some guidance with it and understand that, as with any sexual activity, dirty talk isn’t for everyone, and that’s something you’ll have to negotiate.

If it works for you, dirty talk can be a sexual game-changer. So don’t be shy: Get out there and get dirty!

To learn more, check out “The Nice Girl’s Guide to Talking Dirty.”

Complete Article HERE!

Men in Relationships Assume Their Girlfriends Don’t Want to Fuck

by Gabby Bess

According to a new study, this could be a good thing.

men-in-long-term-relationships-dont-think-their-girlfriends-want-to-fuck-them

Sex is complicated, not least because it generally involves two people with varying wants and needs that don’t always match up—and aren’t always obvious. In the context of evolution, heterosexually speaking (sorry), men are characterized as pursers who are always down to bone down. Women, on the other hand, are considered more selective. Because of these caveman instincts, research has suggested, men—when dimly trawling bars or Tinder for mates—tend to over-perceive just exactly how interested a woman is in having sex with them so they don’t “miss out” on the rare opportunity to spread their seed.But does that perception last once these males enter into a long-term relationship? That’s the question Amy Miuse, a researcher at the University of Toronto who has the fun job of studying couples and sex, asked in a recent report. “All of the research on perceiving desire has been done on initial encounters; people meeting for the first time. In those studies, men tend to over-perceive the amount that a woman is sexually interested in them than the women tend to report. What we were interested in is what happens when people enter into an established relationship,” Miuse tells Broadly.

Muise and her team asked participating couples to complete individual background surveys about their sexual desire and subsequent surveys over a period of 21 days. For the most part, the lovers could accurately assess if their partner was in the mood or not. But the researchers discovered—surprisingly—that men in relationships consistently tend to think that their partners want to have less sex than they actually do. The reason for this, Muise said, is that latent under-perception of desire could have long-term benefits. While believing that your partner doesn’t want to have sex with you (accurately or not) could be a bummer for you in the short term, the researchers found that the partners of under-perceiving men reported higher relationship satisfaction and commitment.

It’s not entirely clear how under-perception bias explicitly leads to these positive associations, but Muise speculated that aside from the fact that it could lessen unwanted pressure on women to have sex, Muise says under-perception bias could also stop men from becoming complacent. “There’s still some more work to be done to figure out exactly what’s going on there. But one possibility is that perhaps when men are under-perceiving, they’re much more motivated to do things to entice their partner, make their partner feel good, and express their love and commitment to the relationship. And women are feeling more satisfied and committed as a result,” Muise says.

“For example, taking it outside of sexual desire, if I overestimate how much my partner loves me, I might just think that I can sit back and I that I don’t have to put in a lot of effort into the relationship because they’re already so much in love with me that it doesn’t really matter what I do. But if I were to under-perceive that slightly then maybe that can keep me a little bit more motivated to keep my partner’s interest,” she says. Under-perception bias could also serve to help minimize the risk of rejection.

Importantly, however, Muise explains that the tendency to under-percieve sexual desire isn’t gender specific. In most cases it corresponds to the partner with the higher sex drive. “The bias occurs in who tends to be more interested in having sex,” she says. Because of this, Muise theorizes that under-perception bias could be a mechanism to balance conflicting levels of sexual interest and maintain harmony in the relationship. “Theoretically, this would help to maintain the relationship overtime, but to have that evidence we would need to follow couples for a longer period of time,” she says.

Complete Article HERE!

Sex and the Nursing Home Resident

By Stacy Lloyd

nursing-home-residents

A medical ethicist and a team of Australian researchers say nursing homes should not discourage residents from having sex.

Research by the Australian Centre for Evidence Based Aged Care, published in the Journal of Medical Ethics (JME), stated that sexual freedom is considered a fundamental human right by most Western societies.

While laws regarding consent and coercion must be abided, in general, people should be able to engage in sexual behavior whenever, and with whomever, they choose.

Nonetheless sexual relationships are often a no-no for many competent and healthy elderly people in residential aged care facilities, reported the New York Daily News.

Art Caplan, a medical Ethicist at the New York University Langone Medical Center, told Medscape that one of the reasons for this is that nursing homes are set up to give people very little privacy for legal and safety reasons.Nursing-Homes-Residents-Rights-350x350

FoxNews added concerns about “duty of care, anxieties about potential repercussions from relatives and ageism are other reasons nursing home staffs deny privacy or separate potential partners, according to the Australian researchers.”

New York Daily News said that nursing home staffs receive little training on the sex lives of the elderly, focusing primarily on their ability to make decisions and provide consent.

Many simply don’t look at the elderly as mature adults, but as children who must be policed.

For older people with dementia living in residential aged care facilities the issue becomes more complex, wrote the researchers in the JME.

However, the JME article added that even elderly people in the early stages of dementia still enjoy sexual relationships.

Researchers argued that even when a person receives a poor score on a mini mental state test which assesses cognitive impairment, they are often still capable of expressing preferences for a friend or lover, wrote FoxNews.

Intimate relationships can help lessen feelings of loss and loneliness that come with age, Robin Dessel, director of memory care services and sexual rights educator at the Hebrew Home at Riverdale in New York, told ABC News.

The good news is, in response to the topic of geriatric sex, some facilities such as the Hebrew Home are establishing policies to ensure staff support for residents’ rights, wrote AgingWell.com.

“Clinical staff needs to understand that elderly long-term care residents have very real sexual needs that might exceed what staff would consider their clinical needs,” Dessel told AgingWell.com.

Caplan believes this awkward topic of geriatric sex should be discussed by doctors with patients and families as someone prepares to enter a nursing home because, as he stated, sex is a part of old age.

Complete Article HERE!

16 thoughts on ““Why do all old statues have such small penises?””

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Close-up of Michelangelo’s David

Reader question: “Why do all old statues have such small penises?”

The reader who sent me this felt that it was a question that was maybe too silly for my blog, but – firstly – there are no questions too silly for this blog, and – secondly – the answer to this question is actually pretty interesting.

By “old statues”, I assume that we’re talking about ancient Greek and Roman statues. We’ll focus ancient Greek statues, as they heavily influenced all other small-penised European sculptures.

Laocoön and His Sons, Greek sculpture, Vatican Museum

Laocoön and His Sons, Greek sculpture, Vatican Museum

There are two main reasons why ancient Greek statues have small penises:

Firstly, they’re flaccid. If you compare their size to most flaccid male penises, they are actually not significantly smaller than real-life penises tend to be.

Secondly, cultural values about male beauty were completely different back then. Today, big penises are seen as valuable and manly, but back then, most evidence points to the fact that small penises were considered better than big ones.

Greek bronze, The Victorious Youth, J. Paul Getty Museum

Greek bronze, The Victorious Youth, J. Paul Getty Museum

One of the reasons historians, such as Kenneth Dover in his landmark book Greek Homosexuality, have suggested that small penises were more culturally valued is that large penises were associated with very specific characteristics: foolishness, lust and ugliness. There are actually quite a few ancient Greek sculptures that have enormous penises. Here’s one:

Greek statue of a satyr, Athens Archeological Museum

Greek statue of a satyr, Athens Archeological Museum

Here’s another:

A Greek Terracotta figure of Priapus

A Greek Terracotta figure of Priapus

The first sculpture is of a satyr, and the second is of the Greek god Priapus. Satyrs were mythological creatures that were followers of Dionysus, the god of pleasure and wine. Priapus was a Greek fertility god cursed with a permanent erection, impotence, ugliness and foul-mindedness by Hera. Priapus was actually so despised by the other gods that he was thrown off Mount Olympus.

All representations of large penises in ancient Greek art and literature are associated with foolish, lustful men, or the animal-like satyrs. Meanwhile, the ideal Greek man was rational, intellectual and authoritative. He may still have had a lot of sex, but this was unrelated to his penis size, and his small penis allowed him to remain coolly logical.

Greek bronze, thought to be Poseidon or Zeus, Athens Archeological Museum.

Greek bronze, thought to be Poseidon or Zeus, Athens Archeological Museum.

The Greek playwright Aristophanes summarises this attitude in one of his plays, Clouds, where he writes:

“If you do these things I tell you, and bend your efforts to them, you will always have a shining breast, a bright skin, big shoulders, a minute tongue, a big rump and a small prick. But if you follow the practices of today, for a start you’ll have a pale skin, small shoulders, a skinny chest, a big tongue, a small rump, a big prick and a long-winded decree.” (Lines 1010 – 1019, emphasis mine)

Ancient Greek sculptures are all about balance and idealism. Therefore, it makes sense that they wouldn’t have large penises, as this would be considered humorous or grotesque.

The ancient Romans might have been more positive towards large penises, but their sculptures continue the trend of small penises. Later, in Renaissance art, sculptors were very specifically influenced by ancient Greek art and their small penis size.

A famous example of a small penis is Michelangelo’s David (1501 – 04), a Renaissance sculpture from Florence, Italy. There’s an interesting theory for why David’s penis is so small, apart from the Greek influence. In 2005, two Florentine doctors published a paper arguing that David’s penis was shriveled by fear. When viewed from the front, David’s face actually looks frightened and concerned, because of his impending fight with the giant Goliath. The doctors argue that Michelangelo sculpted every detail in David’s body to be consistent with symptoms of fear and tension – including his genitals.

Michelangelo’s David in the Galleria dell’Accademia, Italy

Michelangelo’s David in the Galleria dell’Accademia, Italy

Classical Greek sculpture has been hugely influential for all sculptural representations of the male body in European art, so it’s no wonder that small-penised statues have been the norm throughout most of Western art history. It also shows that our obsession with penis size has always been there, it’s just changed slightly.

 Complete Article HERE!

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