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Is There A Vulva Version Of Morning Wood?

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By Cory Stieg

When your alarm clock rings, there’s a good chance that the only thing on your mind (besides your snooze button) is sex. People can feel very horny in the morning; John Legend even wrote a whole song about it. For people with penises, morning erections are an inevitable part of their sleep cycle, and even though a lot of people wake up with boners, it’s not always a sign that someone is aroused. But if someone with a vagina gets horny as hell in the morning, can they just blame it on biology? Maybe.

Turns out, people with vaginas also respond to their sleep cycle, and they can have increased clitoral and vaginal engorgement during the REM stage of sleep, says Aleece Fosnight, MSPAS, PA-C, a urology physician assistant and a sexual health counselor. “The clitoris has erectile tissue just like the penis, but instead of being out in the open for everyone to see, the clitoral engorgement happens internally and most women aren’t aware of the process,” Fosnight says.

Here’s how it works: During REM sleep, your body pumps oxygen-rich blood to your genital tissues to keep your genitals healthy, Fosnight says. This is also what happens when a person with a vagina gets aroused by something sexual: The erectile tissue in the clitoris becomes engorged and red because of the changes in circulation and heart rate, says Shannon Chavez, PsyD, a certified clinical sexologist. “The labia also has erectile tissue, and can become larger and more red in color as the arousal triggers a release of blood flow through the entire genital area,” she says. A person’s vagina could also get wetter or more lubricated during these bouts of arousal.

But, like penises, the changes your genitals experience at night don’t always occur because you’re exposed to something that arouses you — they just sort of happen. (Though if you woke up during one of these periods when your body thinks it’s aroused, you could subsequently feel more aroused and want to have sex, Fosnight says.)

That being said, some people do feel extra aroused in the morning, regardless of what their genitals are doing, because that’s when people’s testosterone levels peak, Dr. Chavez says. “This hormone is responsible for triggering feelings of sexual desire,” she says. You also might feel hornier in the morning because you’re more refreshed, relaxed, and comfortable than you are at night, according to Dr. Chavez. “This is the perfect formula for sexual arousal to take place,” she says, since sex at night can feel like work for some people, because you’re stressed and have used all your energy during the daytime. “There is lower tension in the morning when you are about to start the day ahead,” Dr. Chavez says.

So there you go: Women can have it all, even “morning wood.” There are tons of reasons why a person feels aroused when they do, but the time of day might have something to do with it after all. The next time you wake up with an urge to have sex, do it — morning sex is awesome, and your body knows it

Complete Article HERE!

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What’s Up With My Nips?

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Name: Dave
Gender: male
Age:
Location:
Does male nipple play excite all guys? Is there something wrong if it doesn’t?
THANKS,
Dave

Nipples of either the male or female variety are potential erogenous zones. The operative word in that sentence is “potential”. Not everyone has awakened his/her nipples to the delicious positive sex charge they can (and do) have. Some folks don’t know about the connection between their nipples and their cock (or pussy for that matter). Some folks are clueless because they’ve not taken the time to put 2 and 2 together, don’t cha know.

What a person to do? Simple! Spend some time wakin’ up them babies. This is where full-body masturbation comes in handy. While you’re pullin your pud; move the building sexual energy from your groin to other parts of your body — nipples, feet, ass hole, you name it.

If your nipples are particularly sensitive to start with, you may need a bit more stimulation than merely lightly stroking ‘em. Some guys find that the more erect their nip become, the more sensitive they are. No great mystery there, is suppose. To this end, some men employ some means of nipple enlargement. This might be done through clamps or suction. See Bully Nipple Clamps (C739), or a simple Snake Bite Kit (A300).

Once you got a nice nipple erections goin’ try stroin’, squeezin’ lickin’, suckin’ or even nibblin’ and bitin’ ‘em. Be sure to pay attention to the whole chest area, not just the nips.

If you’re workin’ on yourself, you will be getting immediate feedback on how it’s goin’. If you’re workin’ on someone else, or someone else is workin’ your nips — start out nice and gentle. Either you or your partner can ramp things up depending on the feedback you’re givin’ or gettin’. I always think adding different sensations like heat (candle wax) or cold (ice cubes) is a way to make things interesting. In other words, use your imagination. That’s why you have that block perched up on your shoulders.

Good luck

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Does Morning Wood Mean Someone Wants To Have Sex?

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By Cory Stieg

If you sleep in the same bed as someone with a penis, your partner’s boner poking you in the back in the morning is like a natural alarm clock: inevitable, not always welcome, and hard to snooze. And it’s not just in the morning: Men get three to five erections during one night of sleep, and each one can last between 20 and 30 minutes. But does that mean that each of those times your partner gets hard they’re turned on and want to have sex? Not exactly, and most people can’t help that they randomly get boners in the middle of the night.

The proper term for “morning wood,” or night boners, is “nocturnal penile tumescence” (NPT). Nocturnal erections seem to follow a man’s sleep cycle, and usually happen during the REM phase of sleep, says Aleece Fosnight, MSPAS, PA-C, a urology physician assistant and a sexual health counselor. “It doesn’t mean that he is aroused or had a sexual dream or fantasy, but rather [it’s] the body’s way of ensuring the penile tissue remains healthy,” Fosnight says.

So, if they’re not aroused, why exactly do people get full-fledged boners? There’s a neurotransmitter called norepinephrine, and it’s responsible for stopping blood flow from the penis, among other things, Fosnight says. “When your body goes into REM sleep, norepinephrine actually drops, causing a rush of blood flow into the penis,” she says. “The way that ‘morning wood’ happens is when you wake up during one of those REM cycles when the penis is fuller.” This might not happen every morning, because, technically, people with penises have to be experiencing REM sleep to wake up with a boner, and you usually don’t wake up during REM, because it’s the deep sleep phase. But still, morning wood is incredibly common, Fosnight says.

Some experts also say that when people with penises have a full bladder, there’s a mechanical pressure that their brain interprets as pleasurable sexual arousal, and causes an erection, says Laurie Watson, LMFT, certified sex therapist. Either way, when a person wakes up with a boner, there’s a good chance they weren’t aroused before. (Of course, that doesn’t mean they can’t become aroused once they realize they have a boner.) And this isn’t just biology’s way of messing with us; it could be evolutionary, Fosnight says.

“Most speculate that [NPT] helps to keep the penis healthy by promoting oxygen-rich blood flowing into those tissues,” Fosnight says, adding that NPT could also possibly prevent erectile dysfunction, or it could just be a sign that the penis is working normally. “Erections that occur during sleep are completely normal and happen nightly throughout a man’s life and are not caused by sexual stimulation,” she says.

And even though these boners may wake up sleeping partners in the middle of the night, NPT is considered beneficial from a sexual health perspective, too. “NPT is a wonderful thing, because it shows that a man is capable of achieving an erection organically,” says Eric Garrison, a clinical sexologist. “If he is incapable of achieving an erection with a partner, though he experiences NPT, then we would assume that there is an emotional cause for his erectile concerns.”

So, the next time your partner bumps you with their hard penis, they’re not necessarily trying to have sex, but you can consider it an opportunity to ask, “You up?”

Complete Article HERE!

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A stressful life is bad for the bedroom

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If you are consistently emotionally distressed due to social, economic or relationship pressures, you can be sure to lose erections. Being annoyed with your intimate partner all the time, and feeling undermined or frustrated are bad for your erections.

By JOACHIM OSUR

Lois came to the sexology clinic because she was sexually dissatisfied with her husband. It had been six months of no sex in their 11-year old marriage. Before that, her man had suffered repeated episodes of erection failure. “The few times he did get an erection, it was flaccid and short-lived,” Lois explained. “You can only imagine how that can be frustrating to a faithful wife.”

Lois suspected that her husband was getting sexual satisfaction elsewhere, and had angrily told him she didn’t want to have sex with him anymore. “I thought he was no longer interested in me because I had gained too much weight after bearing our two children, a very hurtful thought,” she explained sadly.

And so for six months the couple kept off each other. The relationship got strained and unfortunately Andrew, Lois’ husband, threw himself into his work. He stayed late at work and came home after everyone was asleep. He woke up and left the house early. He paid no attention to their two children anymore.

“So how can I help you?” I asked, lots of thoughts going through my mind due to the complexity of the case. You see, the man, who was the one having a problem, had not come to the clinic. Erection failure or erectile dysfunction (ED) is a complex symptom that requires a thorough assessment for its cause to be pinpointed. I needed Andrew to come see me himself.

VICTIM OF THE RELATIONSHIP

“What do you mean that it is a symptom of complex problems?” Lois asked, frowning. ED is simply a failure to be aroused sexually. This could be due to the derangement of some chemicals in the brain such as dopamine. It could also be due to hormonal problems such as low testosterone, high prolactin and so on.

What we are also seeing at the clinic is a rise in cases of diabetes and hypertension, usually accompanied by obesity. Most of the affected people have high cholesterol. These diseases destroy blood vessels, including those in the penis, making erections impossible. Further still, the diseases can destroy nerves, and if the nerves of the penis are affected, erections fail. People with heart, kidney, liver and other chronic illnesses may similarly get ED either from the diseases or from the medicines used to treat them.

Stressful lifestyles are also contributing to ED quite a bit these days. Many people work two jobs to get by, and have no time to relax or get adequate sleep. A physically worn out, sleep-deprived body is too weak to have an erection and you should expect ED to befall you any time if this is your lifestyle.

But emotional distress is even more dangerous for ED. If you are consistently emotionally distressed due to social, economic or relationship pressures, you can be sure to lose erections. Being annoyed with your intimate partner all the time, and feeling undermined or frustrated are bad for your erections. Further, feeling like a victim in the relationship can lead to ED. All these are further complicated by anxiety and depression, which are bound to set in as part of the relationship problem or as a result of the ED itself.

“So can’t you just give me some medicine for him to try then if it fails he can come for full assessment?” Lois asked, realising that my explanation was taking longer than she had anticipated.

Unfortunately that was not possible. We get this kind of request all the time at the clinic. In fact, people make phone calls asking for tablets to swallow to get erections immediately. Sometimes they call from the bathroom with their partner in the bed waiting for action yet the erection has failed. There is however no alternative to a thorough assessment and treatment of the cause of the ED.

Andrew came to the clinic a few days later. A full assessment found that he had a stressful career and relationship difficulties, and both had taken a toll on his sex life. He had to undergo a lifestyle change. Further, the couple went through intimacy coaching. It was another six months before they resumed having sex.

Complete Article HERE!

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How your sex life can be improved with mindfulness

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Being more present with each other can lead to better sex, therapists say

 

By Olivia Blair

People have turned to mindfulness to make them happier, less stressed and even more able to deal with their mental health conditions such as anxiety or depression – but could it improve your sex life too?

Being mindful essentially means being present and aware of both yourself and your surroundings. The brain is trained to deal with negative and anxious or depressive thoughts through breathing and meditation exercises all stemming in part from ancient Buddhist philosophy.

While therapists are increasingly using it as part of their individual counselling, sex and relationship therapists have also adopted the advice.

“In its broad terms, mindfulness means focusing on the present moment so with couples, because they are often so distracted, stressed and over-committed, it can lead to lots of couples’ mind being elsewhere. A classic complaint is that a partner is distracted,” Krystal Woodbridge, a psychosexual therapist and a trustee of the college of relationship and sexual therapists says. “Mindfulness can mean you are really present with your partner and actually experiencing them in the moment and really paying attention to them.”

This in turn can then lead to better sex – because when partners really feel like they are being listened to, focused on and paid attention to is when better trust is going to be built so they are more likely to be intimate with someone.

“Really being in the moment, noticing their partners body language, facial expressions, tone of voice and what is actually being said is hard to do but it is being present,” Woodbridge says. “… It builds rapport. It you don’t have rapport, you don’t have trust. If you don’t have trust you are not going to be intimate with that person as you are not going to allow yourself tp be vulnerable with them.”

When clients put mindfulness into practice with each other, even if it is a struggle because they are so used to being distracted, it often has a “massive impact on their relationship and sex lives”, Woodbridge says.

Additionally, if someone is struggling with an issue in their sex life such as a performance issue like impotence or the inability to orgasm, mindfulness can also help in this aspect.

“In a sexual scenario what can happen is ‘spectatoring’, which is when a person is not paying attention to arousal or enjoyment and are instead observing and over-analysing themselves fearing the worst. If it is an erectile problem they will be hoping it does not fail or will feel anxious about whether their partner is enjoying it,” Woodbridge explains. “Spectatoring is often quite self-fulfilling so the person might not be able to maintain their erection, will experience sexual pain or they will just feel completely unconfident so they get into a horrible cycle.”

Sex therapists will therefore instruct the client to be mindful and to notice how they are feeling, even if that feeling is anxiety. Once they are aware they feel anxious or nervous they can focus on bringing the mind back to the physical feelings, such as arousal, and divert their focus to this instead.

“Mindfulness gets the person to notice when they are ‘spectatoring’, notice that they are distracted and not focusing on their arousal and physical sensations. It is hard in that moment as the person is anxious but if you don’t the mind will wander and go elsewhere,” Ms Woodbridge explains.

Ammanda Major, a trained sex therapist and head of service quality and clinical practice at Relate told The Independent they regularly introduce mindfulness to their sex therapy sessions for couples.

“We use mindfulness in sex therapy to help people experience more pleasure by being able to relax and stay focused and present in the moment.  Mindfulness can also benefit our relationships as a whole by relieving stress, building intimacy and enhancing inner peace. This in turn allows us to have more positive interactions with our partners,” she said.

She says couples can try mindfulness exercises at home, such as the following:

Individually: 

“Set some time aside every day to focus on your breathing. It doesn’t have to be long to begin with – maybe start with just five minutes a day and work your way up to 20. 

A good way to start is on your own with no distractions.  Close your eyes, relax and start to become aware of how you’re breathing. Breathe in slowly through your nose and exhale through your mouth. Repeat this and gradually become aware of sensations in your body. Recognise and welcome them and then allow those thoughts to drift away to be replaced with other feelings as they arise. Notice what you’re experiencing and feeling. The aim is to let go: rather than reject intrusive thoughts, just let them drift away.”

With a partner:

“Once you’ve practised the breathing exercise a few times on your own, why not with your partner?  Sit facing and look into each other’s eyes.  Breathe slowly in through your nose and exhale through your mouth as before but this time synchronise your breathing.  Do this for several minutes – it may feel a little strange at first but stick with it and it can have powerful results, increasing feelings of relaxation and intimacy.”

Complete Article HERE!

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