Search Results: Anxiety

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If It’s Not One Thing, It’s Another!

Name: Julie
Gender:
Age: 26
Location: 41425
I am a virgin. I am also just asking How do I keep my first time from hurting? Some Say Lubrications in exess, but I am very small.

Yep, lots of lube is important — first time and every time. 05_10_12.jpg

But there is so much more you can do to prepare yourself for your first fuck. Begin by knowing your body and your sexual response cycle. Is it safe to assume, even though you are a virgin to full-on fucking, that you are familiar with masturbation? If not, darling, that’s where you should start. If you enjoy pleasuring your body to orgasm, you will likely know the kind of stimulation you need to achieve full arousal. This is precisely the information you will want to pass on to your partner before the fuck-fest begins as well as throughout the event.

The more you know about your body and the mysteries of your particular sexual response cycle the smoother things will go for you and your partner. Nowadays there is absolutely no need for anyone to come to their first partnered sexual encounter uninformed about sex in general and his or her sexuality in particular.

Most women experience pain during fucking (for the first time or anytime) because of one of three basic reasons: 1) She is inexperienced, 2) Her partner is inexperienced or unversed about mutual pleasuring, 3) She is not fully aroused. Right away you can see how a familiarity with your body in general and your pussy in particular will short-circuit at least two of the three basic reasons right away. And while you can’t account for the sexual prowess of your partner, you will be able to direct him/her on how to touch and make love to you. And that, my dear, takes care of the third basic reason.

One other thing, a lot of women don’t relax during sex…thus discomfort…because they worry about becoming pregnant. If you’re not well versed on all methods of contraception and actually practicing one of them, you’re not ready to have sex. And one other thing, sexually transmitted infections ought to be a concern for both you and your partner. Don’t be a fuck-up; your partner ought always use a condom.

Name: Dave
Gender:
Age: 20
Location: Sydney
The other day I had to stop myself pissing mid-flow.. and god it hurt like fuck… felt like my ass was being tugged, from within. why does this happen? and can there be any damage from doing this at all?

Jeez, ya got me, pup! Was this some kind of muscle spasm? The muscles in your pelvic region, specifically your pubococcygeus muscle (or PC muscle), are responsible for stopping the flow of pee. Could you have injured or strained these muscles in some way? Has this happened before? One thing for sure, if this continues; have a doctor take a look right away.

Name: Drew
Gender:
Age: 22
Location: Idaho
Is there any way that I can increase my quality of orgasm? I’ve been having shitty orgasms for the last year, so shitty that they really shouldn’t be called orgasms. I’m on antidepressants (Effexor XR), and I fear that is a factor. I’m also having trouble keeping an erection, it never really gets fully hard and then kinda fades in and out over the course of masturbation or oral sex. Any ideas?

I think you put your finger on the problem right there. Antidepressants can sure enough fuck up a person’s sexual response cycle — interfering with both erections and orgasms. c917.jpg

Short of going off your meds, which I don’t advise…at least not without consulting your physician first…there are a few things you could try. I advise all my clients who are struggling with this same issue to use a cockring. It helps them get and keep a harder hardon. And of course, the more firm your rod, the more likely you will have a “quality” orgasm. I also encourage other clients on antidepressants to use a vibrator during their sex play…alone or with a partner(s). There are several different kinds — wands, dildos, eggs, bullets and plugs. Check out Dr Dick’s Stockroom for every imaginable kind. Of special interest for you might be The Rude Boy (C917)

Name: Jennifer
Gender:
Age: 42
Location: AZ
No joke, I am writing for my best friend who is a 41 year gay man and a virgin. He has never had any type of intercourse and has had brief foreplay with only a few. He can get erect when masterbating but not with a partner. He has tried to “wing it” and pick up men only to be “punched in the gut” again and again and again. He does not pick up anyone anymore because he considers it “false advertising”. He is super cute, very funny and works in the entertainment industry. He is so lonely and very depressed and completely against any type of medication. He wants to share his life with someone so bad. He says that no one has his problem and medical doctors say that the plumbing is fine. He seems to think that because he was able to masturbate at 8yrs old without a true erection that this ruined him. All my research points to performance anxiety and ED which he completely denies. He tried Viagra and that did not even work. Please share your best advice…I really want to help him. Thank you!!

My best advice? Okey dokey, here goes!

This boy needs a sex-positive therapist big time and right away. He is a freakin’ ball of sexual neurosis, for cryin’ out loud. However, the likelihood of your best friend actually seeking the help he so severely needs is nil. Especially since he can’t even cop to performance anxiety and ED issues with you.

And you know what, Jennifer? You may actually be enabling this dude’s dysfunction by allowing him kvetch about his love life…or lack there of. Lay down the law, darling. Tell this miserable wretch he needs to get professional help ASAP. If he refuses, cut him off from your shoulder to cry on. If he can’t grow a pair of cohunes and address his issues like a man, then you oughta grow a pair for him till he get a life. And that’s my best goddamn advice. So there!

Name: Rachel
Gender:
Age: 32
Location: Houston
I have the pleasure of dating (for the first time) a man who is uncircumcised (his foreskin completely covers his head. I love giving oral sex, but I’m a little intimidated. Lots of info on “cercumcised blow jobs” … not so much on Mr. natural. How do I blow his mind!

Doll, havin’ a natural man don’t make suckin’ his cock any different than suckin the cut variety. Except that you have a whole lot more delicious willie to play with. Let’s start with the basics. There’s no one best way to make oral love to a boner. No two cocksuckers will do it exactly the same way. But all have one thing in common, and that’s the desire to satisfy. Technique and position take a back seat to simply craving a cock in your mouth. We’re not talkin’ rocket science, girlfriend, it’s just a pecker and a mouth doin’ what comes natural.

vein.jpgBegin by taking a good look at the object of your desire. A big stiff woody with lace curtains is a wonder to behold. And even those little willies can be cute as hell. Visually explore the whole enchilada. Feel it’s shape, its thickness and texture. Sick a finger under his hood and trace his dick head. Nibble on his foreskin. Pull on it and stretch it out. He’ll be sure to let you know if you are doing too much.

Use your tongue to trace a line from his dick head down the underside of his shaft to his balls. Draw back his foreskin and slop your tongue all around his corona. As you do, watch your man’s eyes roll back in his head in ecstasy.

Let his cock slide inside your mouth. Let your lips slide over the head and down the shaft a little, but, for god’s sake, watch out for your teeth! Slide your mouth down farther and open wider. Feel the stretch in your jaws. When his dick gets close to your throat, you may begin to gag. This is a normal reflex that you will, in time, be able to control. Ask for some feedback on your efforts. Just don’t talk with your mouth full.

There are lots of other things you can do with your mouth. Lick his dick, suck on it and flick your tongue rapidly across the top of his dick. Or you can simply move your mouth up and down his joystick drawing his foreskin back and forth with your hand as you go.

Dive into his crotch, lick his inner thighs, lower belly, and slobber all over his nuts. Keep your mouth wet, a thick wad of saliva will add to the pleasure and eliminate irritation. Don’t be afraid to be sloppy. Increase your speed or slow it down. Fondle and cup his balls in your hand.

As your man is about to spew, he will become more excited and may start some pelvic thrusting. If he does and you start to gag, use your hand to guide his dick in and out of your mouth. Remember that you’re the one in charge here. Encircle your lips firmly around his cock and over your teeth. Keep the other parts of your mouth as relaxed as possible (actual “sucking” is unnecessary at this point). Keeping a regular rhythm is nice, but don’t let it get boring. If you vary your position and your stroke you won’t get fatigued.

Name: Bruce
Gender: male
Age: 19
Location: UK
What’s a PA? I sometimes see this abbreviation in online personals but I can’t figure it out. thanks

Well, Bruce, PA could mean a whole lot of things. It could be an abbreviation for Pennsylvania, public address system, personal assistant, parental advisory, pussy addict …hell, even Port Arthur, Texas.

pierced.jpgBut if I had to guess, you are referring to PA as in Prince Albert.

A PA is probably the most common male genital piercing. It enters the urethra and exits immediately behind the glans on the underside of the cock.

The Prince Albert Piercing, also known as a “Dressing Ring”, was apparently designed to strap the penis tightly against one’s leg to minimize the bulge caused by one’s rod when wearing the very tight trousers, which were fashionable during the Victorian era. We sure have a different ethinc about that today, huh?

As the rumor has it, Prince Albert, queen Victoria’s hubby, wore one of these little numbers to hold back his foreskin so he would keep his johnson sweet-smelling so as not to offend the Queen. What a fuckin’ gentleman!

Good luck ya’ll

Do Do That Voodoo That You Do So Well!

A curious lot today, don’t cha know. Some folks are simply confused about the concept. Others are just pulling my leg.

Name: agrah
Gender:
Age: 30 ish
Location: michigan
I am curious what the pregnancy rate is for people using anal sex as a means of birth control. While its not my method, (I have an IUD) it is disturbing to me that people think anal sex is fool proof birth control.

HUH? Girl, how’s a chick gonna get pregnant via ass fucking? You explain that to me and I’ll be happy to comment further.

Name: Rocket Man
Gender:
Age: 31
Location: Nashville4_afro.jpg
Big Dr. Dick, Between busy work schedules, travelling and such, I had not had much time for sex. It was actually about a 5 week span without sex or masturbation. When my wife and I finally got together I was built up big time. I new my response would be quick and my load would likely triple it’s normal oozeage. Being that it had been so long, there was not much foreplay…we just wanted to get down to the hardcore humping. I was sitting on a couch and she climbed on top. On her 3rd downstroke, I blew like a friday afternoon work whistle. She shot off my cock back first into the coffetable, broke it in half and received a few splinters in her ass! Should we replace this piece of furniture, or should I just make her kneel in the floor and rest my legs on her when she’s done sucking me off in the future?

You Nashville folks have all the fun! You get extra points for making me laugh. Perhaps all ya need is sturdier furniture.

PS: don’t be surprised if I steal this: “I blew like a Friday afternoon work whistle.” That’s downright hilarious.

Name: colleen
Gender:
Age: 28
Location: california
I have noticed lately that i am way more horney than normal it is like I can’t ever get enough and the slightes touch gets me going. Also my natural smell from my vagina seems to be extra strong lately and sometimes after my husband and i have sex I have a clear but chunky discharge. I was regulalry with summers eve wash and I have never smelled so strong as I do now. I feel like I am a dog in heat. What is wrong with me?

WHAT’S WRONG WITH YOU? Simply put, you’re 28 and you’re as randy as all get-out, darling. Sounds like you’re pert-near feral. If you were in the wild your super-strong odor would attract males from far and wide; each and every one hoping for his opportunity to satisfy your vixen lusts.

And that “clear but chunky discharge” you’re having after the hubby bones you? Doll, I’d be willing to guess that’s his spooge drippin’ out of your cunt. Ahhh, youth!

Name: lulu
Gender:
Age: 19
Location: dallas
normally my boyfriend wears a condom and if he doesnt he always pulls out, but the other day he cummed inside me and it stung horribly. is this normal??

Hell, no! That ain’t normal, honey. Nobody’s jizz is supposed to sting, unless it gets in your eye!

And what the fuck are you two doin screwin around without always using a condom? You actually trust him to pull out in time…every time? What kind of cockamamie contraceptive strategy is that?

I sure as hell hope you puppies are doubling up on birth control — he, a condom; you, the pill or a diaphragm. Slip-ups happen like clockwork for youngens, like you. That’s why it’s better to be doubly safe than eternally sorry.

Get it done, LuLu! Clearly, your numbskull BF doesn’t use the good sense god gave him, or he’d seal himself in latex before he jumped your bones. Unplanned pregnancies can ruin lives!

Name: Mace
Gender:
Age: 31
Location: Oklahoma City
5497486_400.jpg I have an issue with my current girlfriend. She and I are both on the same page with a high sex drive. We both also put a higher priority on satisfying the other before ourselves. My problem is this, I tend to take a longer time to orgasm than my mate. Although she is physically satisfied, she is discouraged at her own sexual prowress because she believes that my climaxing when she does shows that I am as turned on as her. How can I ensure a matching climax, or reassure her that I still think she’s sexy even though I don’t climax?

If it ain’t one thing, it’s another. Are simultaneous orgasms really all that important? Hey, If it happens, it happens. Fine! But personally, I think they’re vastly overrated. Obviously, being turned on and climaxing are not the same thing, so have the GF chill out. Besides, lots of people find it a huge turn on to watch their partner cum. And one can’t hardly enjoy the show if one is busy producing his or her own display, right?

Mark my words, the added pressure to cum simultaneously will only induce a serious case of performance anxiety in one or the both of you. And that will sure-as-shootin’ throw a monkey wrench into the sweet thing you guys got goin on.

Name: sarah
Gender:
Age: 18
Location: detroit
why do anal sex hurt so bad what can i do to stop the pain

Nope, it doesn’t always hurt so bad. Sometimes it hurts so good.

Chances are the guy who’s pluggin you doesn’t know what the fuck he’s doin. Just because he has a cock and you have a bunghole don’t make you experts butt pirates.

You kids need to read this: Liberating The B.O.B. Within

Good luck ya’ll!

A Curiosity In His Pants

I’ve been having an interesting exchange with a young fellow in England. His name is Dean and he’s concerned about the way his dick looks. I share this with ya’ll for several reasons. First, it’s always good to have an opportunity to talk about the mysteries of the male member.

Second, it’s SOOO refreshing to discuss a concern other than dick size. —Holy cow guys, give me a freakin’ break with the “how do I make my cock bigger? questions. I’ve written and talked about this so much it’s makin’ me nutty. My definitive response to all such inquiries is here: Much Ado About Very Little!— Or you can search the categories on the left-hand side of this blog. Look for Big-dick Envy. If ever I change my mind about any of this, or discover a product, technique or device that really works, you’ll be the first to know. I promise!

Third, there are a lot of men out there who sport a curiously shaped cock and I want to give them some time and attention. Our friend Dean, here, is one such fellow, but he is surely not alone. I try to get to the bottom of this with him, but I don’t think I was overly successful. You be the judge.

— If there are other men in my audience who are similarly challenged, I’d love to hear from you. Maybe we could get a little discussion going. Write to me! —

Name: Dean
Gender: Male
Age: 18
Location: England
Hey! I am having difficulty with the appearance of my penis. When I watch porn, the guys on it have a different top part to mine. Mine’s rounded, and does not have a ‘slit’ or extra skin. Its just like a bent oval, stuck on a rod. Why?

Hey Dean,

This might be hypospadias, but I can’t be sure. If it is, it’s not particularly uncommon. But I can’t say for sure, because I can’t see, or picture in my mind’s eye, what you are describing. I don’t suppose you have a photo of your dickhead that you could send me, do you? The only way I could say for sure is if I could see what you’re describing for myself.

hypospadias.jpgWhat I can tell you is this. Hypospadias is a condition where a guy’s dick does not fully develop in the womb. As a result, the baby boy is born with a penis for sure, but the urethral opening is not at the tip of his dick. It is often on the underside of his dickhead or even somewhere on the bottom of the cock shaft. Sometimes other malformations are associated with hypospadias too, like a twisted shaft, a hooded foreskin, and/or an otherwise hooked appearance to the guy’s unit.

This condition has levels of severity, from the hardly noticeable to very obvious. Some children are born intersexed, and have ambiguous genitalia, which requires sexual reassignment surgery. But I’ll save that discussion for another time.

Some guys, particularly those with conspicuous hypospadias can develop a complex about their appearance. This in turn, impacts on their self-image and complicates their ability to form lasting sexual/partner/marriage relationships. Severe hypospadias can also interfere with procreation. Other men, perhaps those with less conspicuous or severe hypospadias show little to no concern for the appearance of their dick and live completely normal lives.

Some parents of children with mild hypospadias seek a surgical correction to the problem. I view this as a highly risky means to solve a less relatively innocuous cosmetic problem. There are men who were operated on as a child who now, as adults, resent the interference. Matters are often made worse rather than better. And of course, there’s always the risk of complications, infections and the like. There are, however, more serious cases of hypospadias that demand reconstruction. But I don’t think that’s what’s going on with you, Dean. If your dick issue is causing you anxiety or low self-esteem, help is available. Check out: The Hypospadias and Epispadias Association

Good luck

Unfortunately, I do not have a picture. However, description wise: It is about 5″ long. The rod part looks completely like other men, a tube with a thick ‘vein’ at the back. At the head, there is a bent oval shape slanted on the top of the rod shape. It only i on one side but covers both. it does not bend or anything, and does not have a slit in the middle like the diagrams on the URL’s shown in your previous email.

This is covered in skin (obviously! lol). At the top there is a little circle uncovered in skin. It is from there I wee and release cum. do u think it can be very late puberty?

However, something inside my penis (on my right hand side) occasionally starts to hurt when I wee. If I drink a lot of water (or something with water) for around 2 days, it decreases and then goes within a week. It doesn’t hurt otherwise. What’s happening?

Anyway, if there’s anything I can do please tell me! By the way, if I don’t get the operation done, and I have the disease will anything happen?

Thanks a lot for your help!

Luv Dean

Well, Dean I still can’t make heads or tails out of your written description. Any chance you could just cut to the chase and see a doctor about your concern. He’d be able to advise you much better than I, at this great distance.

I am concerned with your comment that your dick sometimes hurts when you pee. That oughtn’t be happening. You’ll definitely want to have a physician take a look on that account alone.

Finally, if your dick issue is truly hypospadias, it is not a disease. It’s a condition. And like I suggested above, I do not recommend reconstructive surgery except in the most severe cases.

Good luck

Hey! I have found a picture on google. Take a look. Mine looks like the first one. However, if you push the skin upwards, it reveals something that looks like the second. However, mine doesn’t like that. My skin covers my penis head, but there’s a little hole ‘cut out’ of it; from which I piss and release cum. What’s happening? — Dean

circumcised-vs-uncircumcised.jpgOnce again, darlin’, I simply can’t say with any certainty what’s happening with you. I appreciate you sending me this diagram, however. And I applaud you going the distance in searching the internet for something helpful.

Why not just take yourself to a doctor, or a free clinic, or even an STD/STI clinic and have someone tell you about your special dick. Once you get the 411 on this, get back to me ASAP. I’m dying to know what you discover.

That being said, I can tell you that if your cock looks like the first illustration, then it’s safe to say that you’re uncut. What you see when you retract your foreskin is still a mystery. Please, do us both a favor and have your johnson looked at by a professional. Once you have some clarity about what’s goin’ on with you, you’ll be able to share it with me and I can share it with everyone else.

Good luck

Clearing The Deck

Time to clean out the dr dick sex advice anonymous submission in-box. I wish I could have used some of these questions in my podcast. But I can only do that if you use the toll-free voicemail phone number to call in your submissions, people!

If you want to be in one of my podcasts, use the Lick-A-Dee-Split Connection!

Name: Sofia
Gender:
Age: 54
Location: Arizona
You are sick Dr DICK! I believe that porn is a sign of weakness in men and women. They cannot control their need and put their personal relationship in harm. Its degrading towards women and it gives off the wrong message to men about women. Porn is very harmfull in peoples daily lives.Relationships come to an end because of mens porn addiction. Men have lost families, wives, girlfriends etc. because of porn. Men find themselves defending it so much that they end up losing the people in their lives who do not agree with it (wives, GF, BF, ect.) What does porn leave them? Nothing! Lonely nights with no one by their side and a PC full of nasty images. Porn leaves men lonely and pathetic. Men are destroying their lives to make a porn film maker more wealthy. What a great exchange.

love-dr.jpg

So nice of you to drop by, Sofia, and thank you for being so solicitous about my health. Yes, I was sick, I had a little cold there for a couple of days, but now I’m better.

Oh wait, you’re saying I’m sick because I don’t share your repressive opinion about porn. I get it; you’re another moral crusader who needs to denigrate those who don’t share your beliefs. What’s up with that?

Ya know the thing is, darling, I actually believe, as you do — that a lot of porn is harmful and exploitative. It also can be very disruptive to people’s lives and can cause serious damage to otherwise healthy relationships. I mean how difficult was it for you to come up with that critique? Taking pot shots at porn in this sex-negative culture is like shooting fish in a barrel. Get over yourself, girlfriend.

And ya know what else, ma’am, all the things you accuse porn of — being harmful and exploitative, disruptive, damaging to relationships — you could say about organized religion, the fast food industry, our government, the credit card industry, the big oil companies, the pharmaceutical industry, the medical industry, the war machine and it’s horrific profiteers, like Halaburton. And the list goes on and on. Hell, everything humans touch has the potential for becoming harmful and exploitative; it’s human nature. Even your own tirade is harmful to and disruptive to those of us who are trying to make a difference in the adult entertainment industry. Trust me, you would have made a better case if you said you wanted to help change the status quo in porn, not just point out its inherent flaws.

And what’s all this; “Porn leaves men lonely and pathetic”? What, are you saying you’re the alternative? Perhaps, if you weren’t so bitchy and condescending your men wouldn’t need to turn to porn. Your abrasive personality and moral rectitude would even drive the pope to porn.

Oh, and have a nice day!

Name: suzanne
Gender:
Age: 25
Location: Auckland
Should a woman fake an orgasm to keep her partner happy?

Brilliant idea, Susanne! Rather than help your ineffectual lover overcome his female_ontop.jpginadequacy with the truth and a little tutorial on how to make you cum — lie to the monkey about his sexual prowess.

I see nothing wrong with that! Other than when you’re done fuckin’ him, or he’s done fuckin’ you, the next unlucky woman he happens upon will have twice the work. She’ll not only have to tell him the truth — that he sucks as a lover — but she’ll also have to contend with his ego. Thanks to you and your deception, he’ll be convinced that he’s a fabulous lover when, of course, he’s not.

What could be wrong with that, Susanne? D’oh!

Name: emily
Gender:
Age: 28
Location: Texas
How much should I tell my new partner about my sex life with my exes?

How about just enough to get his dick hard?

Hell, I don’t know! Some guys get off on hearing the gory details of the sexual exploits of their partners, albeit it’s a relatively small number of guys. Just keep in mind that most men would prefer the bliss that is ignorance.

If you’ve been around the block a time or six, maybe you best keep that to yourself till you find out how much the new guy can stomach.

Good Luck

Name: Phillip
Gender:
Age: 31
Location: Austin, Texas
Dr. D, I’ve never had a problem with my sex life up until now. My wife and I have been very happy with our physical relationship. But, about 8 months ago, in a very vivid nightmare, I dreamed we were making love and when I came, the ejaculate was blood. I came blood. Everything in the dream stood still as I watched, almost third person, as my life flowed out of me. I woke in a sweat, and we’ve not made love since. We’ve talked about the dream, tried to be intimate, but I’m simply not able to enjoy the contact anymore. This is someone about whom I care deeply and with whom I am deeply in love. Considering professional help but would like your take. Thanks, Phillip in Austin

Interesting! Yet another case of how one’s psyche can override one’s eroticism.

This is nothing to be toyed with, Phillip. Like an earthquake, this vivid dream has jolted you out of your happy, healthy sex life with your wife. And like anyone who has survived an earthquake, or a similar natural disaster, you need to put your life together again as quickly as possible. I encourage you to seek a sex-positive therapist to help you break the spell of this nightmare.

The longer you let this thing hang out there the more perverse it will become.

Good Luck

Name: Mike
Gender:
Age: 33
Location:
I can only get off by squeezing my cock with my thighs. I have done this for as long as I’ve masturbated. I only found out years later that you should use your hand. But this does not work for me. Is this normal or common?

Mike, what you report is neither normal nor common. But do you really care about “normal” and “common” if it works for you? Apparently your masturbation technique isn’t any less effective than those who employ a more common practice — like using one’s hand.

Basically, there aren’t a whole lot of “shoulds” when it comes to style of masturbation. If squeezing your cock with your thighs works for you — SWELL, pup, knock yourself out!

Since you don’t report that this method of getting off is getting in the way of your partnered sex, I think you should leave well enough alone and enjoy your uniqueness.

Good Luck

Name: Sam
Gender:
Age: 22
Location: London, UK
Dear Dr. Dick, I am a young gay guy, and when I masturbate I am able to achieve orgasm and ejaculate; but when I am with another guy I do not cum. Don’t get me wrong, I have a great time during sex, but my partner doesn’t get me off. This is not a person-specific thing — this has been happening to me since I was 16.
Call it “delayed ejaculation”, if you will; but it’s more like “non-existent ejaculation”! The weird thing is, I don’t mind myself; the foreplay and sex is totally hot and I’m as happy as a clam with that as it is. But my partners have always been frustrated and disappointed, as if ejaculation is the official mark of success to show the culmination of a great fuck. So they keep trying until they get tired, which I guess is inevitable.
Is this something I should be worried about if I’m otherwise okay with sex. Or should my partner be less concerned about the orgasm and just realize that it doesn’t bother me. Many thanks, and kudos for such an informative site.

Hey Sam,

Thanks for your kind words about the site, they’re much appreciated.male_fuck19.jpg

As to the issue you present, it’s not particularly uncommon. Many people aren’t able to, or choose not to get off in partnered sex. And there are several common reasons why. Without going into detail about that, let me just ask one thing. Are you able to masturbate yourself to orgasm when you are with a partner, like you can do when you are alone? If so, maybe you could incorporate that into your sex play with a partner.

It’s true what you say about some people thinking a sexual encounter is only “successful” if both partners cum. That’s nonsense, as you well know. There’s no necessary connection between an ejaculation and sexual satisfaction. If you cave into that way of thinking you won’t help your misguided partners and you will certainly add a good deal of performance anxiety to your sex encounters. And nobody wants that! Stick to your guns, Sam!

Good Luck

About DR DICK!

Welcome Sex Fans! Get ready for some informative and enriching entertainment.

Your comments and questions are always welcome. You can reach me at: dr_dick@drdicksexadvice.com

Now a little bit about me, your host, Dr Dick.  My name is Richard Wagner, Ph.D., ACS.  I’m a Clinical Sexologist in private practice here in Seattle. I’ve been a practitioner of Sex Therapy and Relationship Counseling for over 30 years.

 

PHILOSOPHY
I affirm the fundamental goodness of sexuality in human life, both as a personal need and as an interpersonal bond. I know the unhappiness and anxiety, which sex-negative attitudes can engender in individuals, alienating them from their own body and the bodies of others. I know that such attitudes affect not only a person’s sex life, but also his/her ability to relate well with others.

Sexual wellbeing is more than simply being able to perform. It is also means taking responsibility for one’s eroticism as an integral part of one’s personality and involvement with others. Between the extremes of total sexual repression and relentless sexual pursuit, a person can find that unique place, where she/he is free to live a life of self-respect, enjoyment and love.

Each person is a special ensemble of dispositions and needs and his/her uniqueness must be respected. My aim is to provide such information and guidance as will help the individual approach his/her unique sexuality in a realistic and responsible manner, as well as further his/her independent growth, personal integrity, and have a more joyful experience of living.

SERVICES
Clinical services cover a full range of sexual heath concerns including:

— Guilt associated with religious upbringing or training.
— Conflicts or sexual dissatisfaction between partners.
— Ejaculation and/or erection concerns.
— Orgasm concerns.
— Sexual orientation/lifestyle preference.
— Sexual inhibitions.
— Socio-sexual skills.
— Sexual misinformation.
— Love and sexuality.
— Jealousy and possessiveness.
— Poor body image.
— Unsatisfactory sexual outlet.
— Safe-sex concerns.
— Adult survivors of sex abuse.
— Sexuality and illness or disability.
— Sexuality and grieving.

My practice combines the best of a short-term behavioral model with a compassionate, person-orientated counseling technique. My purpose is to help clients come to terms with their sexual problems and conflicts as these relate to their own life values, expectations and goals.

My services are open to individuals, couples, families and groups, of any sexual persuasion, who have sexual concerns. I am available for lectures, workshops, and in-service training.

BACKGROUND
Since the completion of my doctoral studies in 1981 I have been involved in a wide range of sexological activities including counseling, teaching, lecturing, writing, publishing, video production, in-service training and facilitating groups and workshops.

I’ve been writing this online sex advice column for well over a decade now.
I am the founder and former Executive Director of the nonprofit organization, PARADIGM; Enhancing Life Near Death — an outreach and resource for terminally ill, chronically ill, elder and dying people.

My therapeutic training includes The Institute for Advanced Study in Human Sexuality San Francisco, The University of California, San Francisco Human Sexuality Unit, and The Pacific Center for Human Growth, Berkeley.

Besides my sexological training I carry a Masters degree in Theology from the Jesuit School of Theology, Berkeley.

I am Board certified by The American College of Sexologists, The American Board of Sexology and The American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors and Therapists.

Richard Wagner, Ph.D., ACS
Clinical Sexology and Sexual Health Care





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