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Backdoor Basics – Tutorial for a Bottom

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The Last Of My Winter Workshops!

(Let’s pretend it’s not happening two weeks into spring.)

When: 04/03/14 — 7PM to 9PM
Where: Foundation For Sex Positive Culture — 1608 15th Ave W. Seattle, WA 98119 — The Annex
Who: Anyone 18+ with ID
Cost at the Door: $25 Advance prices: $20 for Individuals, $35 for Couples and $50 for Triads.

Purchase your tickets HERE!

***Space is Limited So Get Your Tickets NOW!***
This workshop is open to all regardless of gender, orientation, or relationship status.

Learn the ins and outs of anal pleasure in this tutorial primarily directed toward the bottom. But don’t be butt_fuck5.jpgsurprised to discover lots of tips for the novice top too. Anal play is a source of curiosity for many, but it’s often surrounded by fear that it’s gonna be painful, or worse-messy. This class will address those issues and put them to rest.

We’ll cover a wide variety of topics, including:

  • Anal anatomy
  • Preparation and hygiene
  • Lubes, toys, and condom use
  • Beginner booty play
  • All-important warm-up techniques
  • Anal sex myths and misconceptions
  • And so much more!

pegging147

Remember, everyone has a butt; why not learn how to relax and enjoy yours!

There will be lots of adult product to giveaway too.

foundation-for-sex-positive-culture

Bottoms UP!

Name: Chris
Gender: Male
Age: 23
Location: San Francisco
Dr. Dick- Wow, may I say this is a fantastic site. It is good to see sex as an open topic and that its not only an allowable activity, it is a good activity to take part in. I’m 23, gay, and living in beautiful San Francisco (the perfect place for a 23 year old gay boy to be!), and your tutorials have taken my blowjob and power bottoming skills from that was good to wow lets do that again!

If I may make one suggestion: in the Liberating the Big Old Bottom Within guide, I personally recommend that anyone who wants to bottom get to know the fiber aisle at the grocery/drug store. I find that it helps to keep things squeaky clean longer.

But the question I had was about orgasms while bottoming. Is there any technique that you know of that would help me reach orgasm while bottoming without having to touch myself. I almost reached that point last night while experimenting with some new moves in the sac … but I was wondering if there were any, er, exercises I could do on my own to reach there with my partners (playing safely of course).

Yes, you may say this is a fantastic site. You can say that over and over if you like. All kidding aside, thank you for your very kind words.

grab assAnd I’m hoping you are enjoying the site’s new look. While our logo remains the same, I recently reconfigured the pages. Of particular note, is the Podcast Archive drop-down menu. Now you can go directly to each of my four podcast series: The Erotic Mind, SEX WISDOM, Sex EDGE-U-cation, Play With It shows. The Q&A shows are lumped under the general heading, Podcast.

As before, the toy reviews tab takes you to adult product review site. The Video Library tab takes you to Dr Dick How To Video Library, just as it always has. And the About Dr Dick page is also a drop-down menu, which contains the contact page, the Got A Sex Question page, the Therapy Available page and The Buzz page.

Sadly, I had to deactivate the Lick-A-Dee-Split sex advice podcast VOICEMAIL HOTLINE. It was underused and it was very expensive.

You will also notice that the site’s sidebar has been cleaned up considerably. The clutter is gone and I think it looks really nice as is. So ya’ll, go take a look and see what you think. Send me your comments after you’ve had an opportunity to look around.

Ya know, Chris, I was just about your age when I moved to the Bay Area. I finished my undergraduate degree in the spring of 1972 in Washington, DC. Later that year I moved to Oakland to begin my graduate work in Berkeley. I remember thinking to myself back then, OMG, I’ve fallen into a pot of jam. Leaving a very conservative school in the nation’s capitol, I found myself, almost immediately, on the other end of the political spectrum on the other side of the country. The world began to open for me. Berkeley was magical and my life changed immediately for the better.

In 1978, at the age of 28, I moved to San Francisco to begin work on my doctorate. It was like a dream come true. While I was living in Oakland, I would cross the bay bridge several times a week just to soak up San Francisco’s uniqueness. I used to think as I crossed the bridge and approached the city. My god, what a beautiful site! While I thought Oakland was great, I was happy not to have to commute any longer. To finally reside in the city I loved so much felt like I had died and gone to heaven.pegging147

The 70’s and early 80’s were the halcyon days of my youth. Oh to be young and gay and to live in San Francisco at that time. I wouldn’t exchange that experience for all the tea in china. I decided way back then that I would open myself to as many life-expanding experiences as presented themselves. For the most part, I was served very well by this philosophy. Of course, there were plenty of unsavory experiences that I would never want to relive, but even they were full to the brim with helpful information about me, my sexuality, my growing eroticism, as well as and the rest of the world around me. As I look back I have no regrets and lots of very happy memories.

I thought I would reside in the jewel by the bay for as long as I lived. I had surely found home. But as fate would have it, that didn’t happen. I left San Francisco for Seattle in 1999, after nearly 30 years in that amazing place. Now I look back fondly on that transformative time. The life lessons I leaned there continue to serve me well even now. I am immeasurably richer for the time I lived and loved there.

Boy, that got me way off message, huh? Sorry about that. It’s just that your email got me to reminiscing about being young and gay and living in San Francisco.

OK, on to your concerns. First, let me ask you to add your thoughts on the importance of fiber intake for the aspiring BOB (Big Old Bottom) in the comments section of that very posting. Would you do that for me? As much as I appreciate you offering your pearls of wisdom to me, I think all of our audience would benefit. Don’t you agree? The beauty part of a site like this is the cumulative knowledge and insight of all who visit there. I can’t do this all on my own, don’t cha know!  And remember, butt fuckin’ ain’t just for the gays anymore.  Straight men are discovering the joys of their prostate too.

I have a lot to say to your question about prostate orgasms while bottoming. And I would like to begin by saying that, while prostate orgasms are possible for some of us, not all of us will ever experience one. I’m not sure one can actually train himself to have one of these illusive orgasms at will. But what I can say for sure is, that this will never happen unless one is fully prostate aware.

daddy's boysHow does a fella become fully prostate aware, you might ask. Good question. I suppose that would start with an intimate familiarity with your anatomy. Do you know how you are put together “down there?” You sound like a clever lad, so maybe you are. If you’re not, my site has lots of important information. Look for Male Reproductive System in the CATEGORY section of the sidebar.  It falls under the main category — Sex Therapy.

Knowing and loving your prostate is the next step in this process. Prostate massage is where you will begin. You can do this with your fingers, a dildo, or a specialized “tool” like one of the prostate massagers that you can find at drdicksextoyreviews.com. Use the CATEGORY drop-down menu in the sidebar that site. Look for Prostate Massage, and presto!

There’s one final thing you’ll need to master and that is Kegel exercises. If you are unfamiliar with these and/or why you need to practice these exercises, you can read and/or listen to all the posting — written and podcast, I’ve made about this very important regimen. Just look for Kegels in the CATEGORY drop-down menu in the sidebar of drdicksexadvice.com. You will find this subcategory under the main category — Sex Therapy.

I’d be very interested in hearing from you again. I’d like to know how you are cuming along in your quest for the illusive hands-free orgasm. And don’t forget to use the comments section on any of the postings. I want you to share your insights with all of us.

Good luck

Finessing That Ass Fuck — A Tutorial For a Top

This tutorial is for anyone who is considering being a top, regardless of whether the meat injection is 100% prime, or a beef substitute (a strap-on dildo), these words of wisdom are for you.

What Ya Need To Know

Let’s get something clear right from the get-go. And this is for all you sticklers for semantics out there. The word “top” has several sexual connotations. There are of course BDSM tops, but generally they go by the moniker “dom”. And one can accurately say there a “top” in any sexual activity that involves an active and passive partner — such as cocksucking and watersports. But today’s lesson is for the active partner in butt sex. But you knew that already. Because all you had to do is read the title of this article to figure that out, huh?

Some folks just aren’t open to the idea of experimenting with their assholes. They think it’s gonna be painful, or worse, messy.

So first off, prospective tops, you don’t want to try buggering these folks. A good top should know it makes no sense at all to try to force or belittle an unwilling bottom to give up his or her rosebud. This is simply a waste of everyone’s time. Because if you do succeed in getting the unwilling bottom to relent, and the subsequent fucking attempt confirms the bottom’s earlier suspicions that this activity is indeed painful or gross or both, you’ll have won the skirmish, but lost the war. Remember, it takes two to tango.

Secondly. Before a top commences a fuck of any kind, they need to consider whose pleasure is primary in this particular fuck. There is a big difference between fucking for the top’s pleasure, for the bottom’s pleasure, or for mutual pleasure. For instance, if a top is trying to finesse a novice bottom into exploring ass fucking, that top needs to concentrate on the bottom’s pleasure first.

Start by getting the bottom comfortable being touched where the sun don’t shine. Lubricate your hand generously and massage the outside of their hole. Make some lazy little circles with your fingers and drive your bottom wild with desire. When their sphincter starts to quiver, as it surely will, slowly penetrate your bottom’s bottom with a lubricated fingertip. After a few minutes of just hanging out with your finger in there, you can begin to slowly slide your finger in and out. Be sure to take your time. Allow their muscles to adjust to being penetrated. You might want to incorporate a thin vibrating dildo and/or some expert rimming to pave the way for bigger things.

When a top fingers a bottom, they would do well, at this point, to reconsider the width of his dick or her strap-on. Once your bottom can take two fingers comfortably and three fingers with a minimum of discomfort, they’re ready to take a modest-sized cock or dildo. If you’re very well-endowed or you plan to strap on a monster dildo, you’d better adjust this finger-formula based on the width of your fingers and your equipment. And, you know, make sure your partner is aware of the girth of what awaits him or her.

A clean asshole is a fuckable asshole. Hygiene is essential for both tops and bottoms. Bottoms may wish to use a small bulb syringe and plain water to clean out a few hours before the event. And tops, once your cock or dildo has been inside your bottom’s ass, don’t go puttin’ that thang anywhere else until you’ve washed it down with soap and water. Carelessness in the hygiene department will only invite a very serious infection.

Making It Happen

Tops, be sure to use a good personal lube and have your favorite condoms within reach. Getting your bottom into the right position, one that is comfortable for both of you is paramount. There are way too many positions for me cover here, but when choosing a position, consider your preference, the bottom’s preference, your cock and/or dildo size, your body type and the bottom’s body type. You may find that a pillow or two positioned under your bottom’s pelvis will help support and prop up your bottom’s bottom in most positions.

Painful fucking is a sign that something is being done incorrectly. It is not a sign from God that ass fucking is wrong. In most cases, pain is due to a few predictable factors:

  • The bottom is too tense and is tightening up.
  • The top is being impatient and is pushing too hard too soon.
  • There may not be enough lubricant.
  • The cock or strap-on is too big for the bottom’s experience level.

Obviously, both people should be comfortable and feel pleasure from it. However, it’s perfectly fine, on occasion, to concentrate on one person’s pleasure over the pleasure of the other. Just make sure you both agree on whose pleasure is gonna be the focus of any given fuck.

Topping is a skill like any other. Practice will improve your technique. And while practicing, invite and listen to the feedback coming from your bottom.

The Top’s Handy-Dandy Tally Sheet

Ok, let’s review.

  1. Always use a lubricant. Both water-based and silicone- based lubricants are latex-compatible and highly recommended.
  2. Stop immediately if your partner asks you to stop. I’m not suggesting that you stop trying altogether; just don’t push yourself onto your bottom when he or she wants you to stop. Find the source of the problem—lubrication, position, whatever, resolve the problem, and resume the fuck.
  3. Take it slow. There is no need to rush, especially if you’re experimenting with anal sex for the first time.
  4. A bottom’s desire to be fucked will not insure pleasurable cornholing. It’s nice that he or she might want to surrender their ass, but that’s not gonna make it happen on its own.
  5. Always communicate with your bottom. Keep your communication playful and dirty. Tops, be open about what you want and how it’s feeling. “Oh baby, that’s right you’ve got such a tight hole. You want my big meat in your ass? Yes you do! Open up for daddy…or momma…as the case may be.” Get the picture?
  6. Spread the pleasure around. Keep your hands busy on the bottom’s clit or cock, at least initially. If the bottom can make the connection between the pleasure he/she is familiar with (cock or clit) with the new butt related sensations; then the battle has been won.

In Conclusion

Some experienced bottoms can orgasm with ass fucking alone. Women do so through pelvic muscle contractions and G-spot stimulation; men because of pressure applied to their prostate.

Oh, and here’s something you need to know. We all have two sphincter muscles. If you insert a finger about one half-inch into your ass and press your fingertip against the side you’ll find them both. There is less than a quarter-inch between them. The external sphincter is controlled by the central nervous system, which means you can tense and relax this sphincter at will. The internal sphincter is quite different. This muscle is controlled by the autonomic nervous system making it involuntary. This muscle responds to fear and anxiety. It may cause your bottom’s hole to tense up automatically even if he or she is trying to relax.

Tops, remember the rectum is not straight. After the short anal canal that connects the asshole to the rectum, the rectum tilts toward the front of the body, sometimes as much as 90 degrees. That’s way some people are anatomically less suited to ass fucking.

Finally, the best attribute a top can have is his or her sense of humor about the whole friggin’ deal. Fucking ain’t as easy as it looks, at least not at first. But perseverance will carry the day.

Good luck!

Wild Things

Name: Terre
Gender:
Age: 54
Location: Nashville
I’ve been in a relationship for over 11 years. For sex, I was always the top; occasionally I would bottom. However, now that I have developed erectile dysfunction, I’m lucky to get slightly hard. I cannot penetrate my partner any longer. I’ve tried reversing roles; however, my partner is no good at being a top/aggressive and I’ve found anal sex much too painful including bleeding and profound pain after only attempting to be penetrated by my partner. What can I do to get over this hump? What other things can I try to maintain sexual balance in my relationship?

Get over this “hump,” Terre? You’re such a punster!

Have you tried a cock ring to keep yourself hard enough to bugger your old man? How about dildo play? You still get to be the top and he still gets to be the bottom, it’s just that you’re using a meat substitute instead of your salami.

And what’s all this about you being unable to take it in your bum? I have written extensively about learning to bottom. Check out some of my earlier postings, especially Liberating The B.O.B. Within. Use the site’s search function in the sidebar to your right; type in “Tutorial for a Bottom” and/or “Tutorial for a Top” and PRESTO! Once you’ve read through those tutorials you can find loads of other helpful hints on the site by clicking on the CATEGORIES section, also in the sidebar; scroll down till you find “Ass Fucking”.

Maybe you need to look at alternative sex practices that don’t involve his rump and your rod? Is ass fucking the only thing you guys can think of in terms of sex play and mutual pleasuring? That seems pretty limiting. How about some kinky power play? That sure enough will keep the sexual balance in your relationship. There’s bondage, discipline, milking, jelqing, CBT, edging, fantasy play, watersports, fisting, flogging, massage, rimming, cock sucking, role playing, group sex and vibrators — just to name a few.

How about hiring a pro to attend to your needs? A hot, hunky escort to fuck your partner and do god knows what to you. You see, darling, just because you are 54 and live in Nashville don’t mean your brain’s gone dead…or has it? Like I always say, if there’s a will there’s a way. And hey, maybe that’s a good place to start. Maybe it’s time to check in with your partner to see what new things he’d like to investigate and go from there.

Name: Gilbert
Gender: male
Age: 53
Location: Ohio
I discovered plushie sex long before I knew there were other people in the world who love their stuffed animals as much as I do. At first, I just cuddled and slept with my special plushie, but then I couldn’t help but show my feelings. I wanted to consummate my love for my plushy. The first time I did this I didn’t do anything to my plushie directly. I simply embraced it while I pleasured myself to orgasm. Now my favorite method of expressing my love is to press myself tenderly into my lovers’ plush fur. It’s a truly exquisite sensation!

Lonely are we, Gilbert? YIKES! Say, is your plushie a girl plushie or a boy plushie? Are you sure your plushie, regardless of its gender, likes having you be so…how shall I say this…intimate? And what about the clean up? You say you press yourself tenderly into the plush fur. Good god; it can’t be all that much fun for your plushie tryin to get all your goopy spooge out of its polyester fur, now can it?

And your message isn’t so much of a question as it is a statement, huh Gilbert? Can I assume then that you just wanted to tell the world about gettin your freak on with your beloved plushie? DONE!

For those in my audience who are unable to fathom plushy sex, here is the 411 on this fetish. Some folks, like old Gilbert here, get started down this path by innocently stroking the stuffed animal over their naughty bits. This, I am told, can be the beginning of an intense connection with his/her plushie. Other enthusiasts aren’t satisfied till there is penetration. This is accomplished by modifying the creature at hand by creating what plushies call a ‘strategically-placed hole’ (SPH) on a said plushie. I suppose depending on the gender of the plushie; the ‘strategically-placed hole’ is either a plushie pussy or a plushie asshole, but I digress.

Some fetishists are on the receiving end of plushie sex. That is they create a ‘strategically-placed appendage’ (SPA) on their long-suffering plushie partner and make the little creature fuck them silly(er). SPA, indeed! I mean, god forbid that we call it what it actually is — a freakin’ stuffed animal with a strap-on.

Beyond the human on stuffed animal sex the plushie world also offers plushie on plushie sex too. Of course these are really humans dressed up as plush animals…I mean from head to toe…REALLY! These enthusiasts are generally referred to as furries. Isn’t that adorable?

There are furry sex parties, the like of which I will leave to your fevered imagination, where there’s no end to plushie perversion. I am told that it’s imperative that participants at these parties stay in character. How do you tell the gender of the furry, you might ask? Girl furries often have a bow in their fur. Boy furries, not so often. Ok, I made that part up.

Anyway, the furry outfits are equipped with Velcro held flaps in front and in back. These ‘strategically-placed flaps’ (SPF) give furries access to a fellow furry’s naughty parts. Full-on humping is proceeded by lots of sniffing and nuzzling…you know, exactly like ordinary animals do…only completely different. This is called yiffing. Honestly! Look it up.

I’ve had only two close-up encounters with real live furries. One was a client of mine. Another I met in an online chat room. The chat room connection was so delighted to discover that I was a sexologist that he could hardly contain himself as he revealed to me every gory detail of his furry sex life.

The guy who was my client revealed his furry persuasion in one of his early visits to my office. You see he was having this deep sexual conflict, and as it turned out, it wasn’t that he was dressing up as a big brown bear to get his rocks off.

Here’s how my client related the story.  “So here’s the deal,” the guy says. “I’ve been completely straight all my life. A couple of years ago when I discovered I was a furry I went to a few furry sex parties. At one of the parties another male furry began sniffing me and making sexual advances. I would have decked him if I hadn’t been in my bear suit. But because I was being my furry-self his advances were like this complete new turn on. To make a long story short, I got it up the ass but good that night for the very first time.”

You see my client was suddenly conflicted not because he was a furry, don’t ‘cha know. He was conflicted by the discovery that, despite being an exclusively straight macho dude out of costume, he was a freakin’ fag furry in costume. And that, my dear audience, is one of the most bizarre things the good doctor has ever heard.

Good luck ya’ll!

Naughty Doreen needs a spanking

Name: Doreen
Gender: female
Age: 30
Location: Memphis
I think I have a spanking fetish. I say I think I do, because I never tried it. But I want to. I think my partner would be up for it, but I have yet to ask her. I thought I’d ask you first. What are your thoughts about spanking?

If you’ve been a bad girl, Doreen, then I think you definitely need a spanking. Have you been naughty, Doreen? Precisely how naughty have you been, Doreen? Everyone here at Dr Dick Sex Advice wants to know!ballerina spank

Spanking is a very popular fetish, one that can be enjoyed with or without sex. At the same time, spanking can be risky if you entrust the task to someone who doesn’t know what they are doing. Of course, it’s not particularly difficult to learn the basics. So just for you, wayward Doreen, I’m gonna offer a brief sexual enrichment tutorial on erotic spanking. YEAH!

Usually one’s hand or a paddle of some sort is used for spanking. This is different from whipping and flogging, which are much more advanced techniques than your garden-variety spanking. We’ll leave these techniques for another time.

There are two musts in this kind of power play: 1) The spanker must always inquire about the health of the spankee before the play begins. 2) Both participants must always agree on a safe word before the play begins. A safe word is a code word that the spankee will use as she is reaching a physical, emotional or moral boundary, or for when she wants the spanker to stop the play.

spanked.jpegThe safe word will be a word that spankee would not ordinarily use during the play, like “pickles.” This extraordinary word allows the spankee to scream “no, stop”, “please, don’t” etc. as much as they want without really meaning it, and still have a way to stop the play when necessary.

If you actually get around to enticing your partner to join you for a little spanking entertainment, make sure the first adventure is fun for all. I suggest that the spanking be part of a role-play scenario that you and your GF develop together. Your partner may need lots of positive reinforcement, particularly if she reluctant to join you in your kink. Keep telling her how much fun you’ll both have in the role-play. For example, you could be the naughty schoolgirl and your partner could be the stern headmistress. Really get into your roles; you’ll both need to dress the part, of course. You — sexy short pleated Catholic schoolgirl skirt, anklets and trashy high-heels. She — the domineering dyke teacher in a drab, no-nonsense grey suit and sensible shoes. Get the picture?

The headmistress calls you into her office for a corrective interview. She needs to teach you a nurse spanklesson. She puts you over her knee. She’ll do lots of bottom rubbing first, while she’s lecturing you on your bad behavior. As she gets into it, you know she’ll be getting turned on too. “It will be a shame to spank this beautiful bottom of yours,” she’ll coo. “This is going to hurt me as much as it hurts you!”…sort of deal. She’ll finger your pretty panties, but won’t remove them. She’ll start spanking very gently at first. Light taps on the fleshy part of your ass cheeks. If you want more, start wiggling into the spanking. Remember to stay in character. “No, Miss. Diesel, that hurts, please don’t touch me there! Grind into her lap. Your body language will communicate your desire for her to continue and possibly intensify the spanking.

Xcite six spanking stories coverTo insure the comfort of your partner, set some ground rules for your first play session. Don’t ask her for bare-bottom spanking until she readily indicates her willingness to do so. If your partner is a feminist dyke, this whole spanking thing may go against the grain for her. Remind her this is fantasy role-playing; not real life.

The more you get into your roles, the more likely she’ll get into her roles — Catholic schoolgirl/Sr. Mary Holywater, slutty patient/naughty nurse — you get the idea. The more you please her, the better she’ll please you.

You’ll want to reward your partner for her participation. After the first session take her to dinner. Ask her for her for her reactions. What could you have done to make the scenario more pleasurable for her? Talk about your reactions. Tell her how much you appreciated her participation. Talk about the scenario and how well she did. Tell her what you liked most about the spanking itself. If you sense that she’s content with events thus far, you could plan for more.

Set aside a couple of role-play evenings in the coming weeks. If she continues to be open and receptive, you can add more and more spanking, different implements, a ruler, a hairbrush, a paddle. If you want spankings on other parts of your body, tits, pussy and the like introduce those slowly. The intensity of the spanking needs to be adjusted to more sensitive parts of the anatomy. Make sure there’s lots of feedback happening before and after each play session.teacher_girl

Spanking is a full-fledged fetish with loads of spanking associated erotica. It goes from mild to wild. Do some exploring together your GF. Check out some erotica, magazines, or videos. You’d probably do well to stick to the girl-on-girl stuff at first. Some, if not all, of the boy-on-girl stuff may be off-putting to your partner’s lesbiterian sensibilities. Always talk about spanking in a positive way as something that is fun and enjoyable for both of you. Remember to also attend to your partner’s fantasies and the things that turn her on too.

Like I said at the beginning, spanking is a stand-alone fetish, it may be a part of full-on sex, or it may be just a bonding thing between you two naughty bitches.

In the end, introducing your partner to your kink is one of those — “Give To Get” things. Be attentive to her. Make sure she knows she’s the most special person in your life. The more satisfied she is; the more she’ll be open to pleasing you.

Good luck