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Wait, Wait, Don’t Tell Me…

Name: John
Gender:  Male
Age: 16
Location: San Diego
My dick is kinda small.  I want to add 3-5 inches.  How do I do that?

Jeez, this is just about my least favorite topic of all.  I keep promising myself that I won’t small_cock1respond to anymore “how do I grow my dick bigger?” questions.  And then along comes a young pup, like you John, and asks the question again.  Here’s a tip, everything I have to say about cock enlargement schemes I’ve already said.  If you want to know my thoughts about this wearisome topic scroll use my site’s search function in the sidebar to your right.  Search with key words like “cock shape”, “cock size” and “jelqing”.  Once you read through all columns and listen to the podcasts you will have all the information you seek.

Here’s a bit of an overview of what you’ll find.  First, you’re not even completely through puberty yet, John.  So if you could just chill out for a couple more years till your growing spurt is complete, you might find that nature itself will resolve your issue for you.  If, by chance, you find that by your 18th birthday your cock is no bigger than it currently is, then it’s time to make your peace with your piece.  Because basically that’s the dick you’re gonna have to work with for the rest of your life.

In other words, you have about as much chance of growing a bigger dick than what your genetics has determined for you as you do growing your feet bigger or adding inches to your height or changing the color of your skin.  It’s simply not gonna happen.  There is no true way of safely increasing either the width or the length of your johnson, short of a small_cock3surgical intervention. And I never recommend that.

Just like there are ways to give the illusion of bigger feet, darker or lighter skin or being taller than you really are, there are things you can do to create the illusion that you’re growin’ yourself a bigger dick.  But all the creams, the jelqing, the pumps, the weights the what-have-you, will only have a short-term effect if they have any effect at all.  In the end you will have spent a whole lot of money, wasted a lot of time, been consumed with a great deal of anxiety and possibly even injured yourself to wind up having what you’ve always had and not significantly more.

May I suggest that you practice accepting what genetics has determined for you in terms of cock size and everything else.  Because that will give you more time and energy to learn how to use what you have to its greatest benefit.  Luckily, our capacity to be a good, and even great, lover has nothing to do with the size of our cock.  Anyone who tries to tell you different is pullin’ your leg.

Name: Laurel
Gender: female
Age: 42
Location: San Francisco
My best friend, someone I truly love, has been really getting into S&M lately.  Some weeks ago she told me she now has a full-time slave.  She says it’s a lifestyle thing, but I still don’t get it.  The problem I have is that this isn’t a private thing between her and this guy. She parades it around and treats him like a slave 24 hours a day.  I find this really disturbing and it’s like she does this just to annoy me.  My husband and I are complete equals in every way.  I can’t get comfortable watching my friend humiliate and degrade someone like this.  My friend says I should just quit being so uptight.  Is this really just a question of me being closed-minded?  Or is there something radically wrong with someone wanting to humiliate and degrade someone else?

How did your best friend’s lifestyle choices, whatever they might be, suddenly become all about you?  If you really cared for this person as much as you say you do, or better yet, as much as you care for yourself and your delicate sensitivities you’d try to look beyond your superficial appreciation of what’s going on with your friend and her slave.

fem-domYou say your problem with your friend is that she doesn’t keep her perversion private; rather she and her man slave “parade around” 24hr a day.  What, you’d prefer she be a dilettante kinkster? Hell I give her credit for taking this thing seriously.  So many others compartmentalize their lives — this is me for my family and friends — this is me for playmates — and this over here is my secret me.

As to your friend, I doubt that she gives a flying fuck if her public antics annoy you.  In fact, that may very well be why she does it.  Let’s try and look at this as dispassionately as possible.  Your friend, by being so public with her kink, has entered the realm of political and sexual theater.  That is not in any way meant to diminish her commitment to her lifestyle.  On the contrary, only someone who is totally into this would have the fortitude to constantly poke a finger in the eye of polite society.  She has a message for you and us. And I suspect that it has something to do with the unfortunate sex-role stereotyping and stultifying gender conventions that plague our buttoned down society.  But best you get that directly from the horse’s mouth, so to speak.

I have no way of knowing why your friend does what she does, but she belongs to a very long and venerable tradition of flying in the face of the popular culture.  Sure she risks being cut off by you and ostracized by others.  And that has to hurt on some level even for those way out on the fringe.  Like all political theatrics she draws you into her world, albeit as an unwilling participant. Humiliating her slave in front of squeamish folks, like you, who don’t share her kink is asking for more than tolerance that’s for sure.  One could make the case that her behavior is foolhardy and counterproductive.  What’s for certain is she’s walking a fine line between performance art and alienation.  In the end, Laurel, you may find that it is you who will need to set the boundaries.slave

And I don’t think this is simply a question of you being too up tight.  But I fear that you are using a conventional mindset to try and decipher these very interesting goings on.  That’s simply not gonna work.  Like I said earlier, she’s being this public about what most people, including yourself, think should be private because she wants to make a statement.  I suspect your conventional mindset doesn’t know what to make of consensual power-play, which is precisely what this is.

You point out that you would never humiliate your husband like this.  No kidding?  Of course you and hubby aren’t engaged in consensual power-play, are you?  Because if you were, you’d understand your friend a whole lot better, even if you still disapproved of her public performances.

If you find your friend’s lifestyle so disturbing, you could simply ask her to chill the scene when you’re around.  She may or may not comply.  Another solution might be that you ask her for some alone time, just she and you, without her slave.  Hell, even a slave get a day off from time to time.  Again she may or may not comply.  If no arrangement can be made, then perhaps it’s time to part ways.  Hopefully you guys could do that with as little acrimony as possible.  There’s no need to burn bridges over this.  Who knows this might be a phase she’s going through…ya know trying to show everyone how edgy she is.  In time she might very well find that the fringe is not all that comfortable and decide to keep her kink more to herself.

Name: Jack
Gender:
Age: 52
Location: Milwaukee
I’ve been dating this guy for over a year.  He is the love of my life.  I love him so much, but he treats me like shit.  I met him on vacation in Florida.  He’s 26 a stunning, 6’3” 200lbs, blond surfer Adonis.  And excuse me for being so graphic; he has the biggest dick I’d ever seen.  The first time we had sex I saw stars.  He filled me up like no other person has.
When I got home we exchanged emails nearly every day and even had some hot phone sex a couple of times.  He was down on his luck, because he lost his barista job for coming to work stoned too many times.  I know I shouldn’t have, but I invited him to come live with me.  I flew him up, but I told him that this wouldn’t be a free ride, he’d have to stop smoking so much dope and get a job and he agreed.
The sex was fantastic for the first couple of months, but once he established himself as a star at the gym he found his own friends and now I don’t see too much of him.  He eats my food and drinks my liquor and drives my car.  I pay for his cloths and gym membership.  He has yet to find a job.
I know I should just end it, but I love him and I would really miss the sex.  My friends ridicule me for thinking he loves me as much as I love him.  They tell me they know he sees other guys.  I’m so turned around I don’t know what to do.

Like my momma always used to say:  if it’s got wheels or a dick, you know you’re gonna have problems with it.  And I would add, if it’s got big wheels or a big dick you know you’re gonna have BIG problems with it.

Before we turn our attention to your no good boyfriend, let me make a few quick hot guyobservations about you.  You’re a freakin’ mess, girlfriend! I mean really, you’ve broken all the cardinal rules about dating a hustler.  I know, I can hear you now…oh no dr dick, he’s not a hustler; he’s a good kid who’s just down on his luck and I’m just trying to help.  Bullshit!

Ya see, that’s the first cardinal rule of dating a hustler is never lose sight of the fact that he’s a hustler and you’re his john.  Don’t get me wrong; I have the deepest admiration for hustlers and their johns.  It’s just that this arrangement only works if everyone is clear about the ground rules.   And here are the ground rules — rich older gentleman connects with needy younger hunky stud for mutual benefit.  Rich older gentleman keeps needy younger hunky stud in room and board, booze, cloths, car, gym membership and the like; and needy younger hunky stud buggers rich older gentleman senseless with his big blond surfer-boy dick.  Get it?  Got it?  Good!

Second cardinal rule — what happens on vacation should stay on vacation.  Vacation sex, as wonderful and delicious as it may be, does not transplant very well to your non-vacation life.  You’re more likely to have success transplanting a delicate tropical orchid to your Milwaukee backyard than transplanting a vacation hustler fuck to your work-a-day world back home.

Third cardinal rule —don’t try to gloss a perfectly fine, fully functional and even an affectionate hustler/john relationship with talk of love.  It’s unnecessary, unseemly and untrue.  It’s lust, it’s limerence, it’s love sickness, whatever…it’s just not love.  Because LOVE don’t ever make you feel as bad as you’re feelin’.  Probably your friends would have less difficulty with your mooning over this guy if you were more honest about the nature of this relationship.  They wouldn’t be rubbing your face in the evidence that surfer-boy is pluggin’ other dudes.

Fourth cardinal rule — a size queen, like you Jack, should admit that you are enamored with the guy hose and how it fills you up plain and simple.  To pretend that you would string yourself out like this for a guy with tiny meat is just that — pretense.  Listen, there’s nothin’ wrong with bein’ a size queen, it’s the dishonesty I object to.

How is this young fella ever supposed to respect you when you don’t respect for yourself?  He probably had you pegged (no pun intended) back on the beach in the sunshine state. He knows you will tolerate his misbehavior, which of course gives him permission to do whatever he feels like doing whenever he feel like doing it.  And now he don’t even have to give up the occasional mercy fuck any more, even though that was surely part of the deal at the get go, right?

So the waif has yet to find a job after a year, huh?  Why is that not surprising?  But even a hustler needs his mad money, besides what is doled out to him by his long-suffering john.  I’d be willing to guess Mr. surfer dude is turning tricks to keep himself in weed and other essentials.

hot_guy2Thing is, this fellow probably would have treated you better if you would have just stuck to the hustler/john script.  Ya see, kids like this need structure.  He may have looked to you for this at one time, but when he realized that he had you cock-whipped, the teachable moment evaporated.  This lad is probably like most other boys with big dicks.  They learn early on that their cock gives them enormous power, because it is the object of desire for so many.  He soon discovered that you were no different than all the other men (and some women) in his life — only interested in owning a piece of his sizeable endowment.  And so he turned the tables on you.  You can hardly fault the guy.  You try to manipulate him with your money.  He outwits you and manipulates you with his dick.

If you’re really serious about reining in the little monkey, you’d better come up with a clear, unambiguous message about what you will and will not tolerate.  And it better be something more than “I expect you to bone my scrawny middle-aged ass on occasion.” Because, until you do, he will roam wherever and whenever he wants.

There are many root causes for his behavior, just like there are many root causes for your behavior.  But since I’m talking to you, not him, I suggest that you get to the bottom of all of this by investing a good deal of time and energy with a competent sex-positive therapist. There’s one thing I can say for certain, if the status quo continues your resentment will boil over one day and there will be violence, the kind of violence that you may not think yourself capable of now.  But violence there will be; you can bank on it!

Is there enough goodwill between the two of you to resolve this unfortunate situation amicably?  Who knows!  If I had to guess, I’d say there was a slim to no chance for that.  If that’s the case, I advise you pack him up and put him on the next plane south.  And no more relationships for you, particularly with unemployed young men with massive schlongs, till you get your head screwed on tighter.

Good Luck Ya’ll

Claire Adams, Part 2 — Podcast #155 — 09/23/09

Hey sex fans,

The amazing Claire Adams returns with more of her special brand of Sex EDGE-U-cation.  This is Part 2 of our chat and we’ll be discussing a lot of things including her bondage porn career.

As you know, in this podcast series we take a look at the world of fetish sex, kink and bl51a6vaalternative sexual lifestyles; and chat with prominent educators, practitioners and advocates of unconventional sexual expressions and lifestyles from all over the world.  And no one fits this bill better than Claire.

If you somehow missed Part 1 of this insightful discussion look for last week’s podcast #153.  Simply use my site’s search function in the sidebar to your right.  Type in Podcast #153, but don’t forget the # sign.

Claire and I discuss:

  • Fem-Dom — male-submission.
  • The intricacies of Bondage Porn.
  • Bondage as a means to an end and as an end in itself.
  • Her role preferences for Dom or sub.
  • The corresponding highs and lows of each role.
  • Endorphins and adrenaline.
  • Top-drop and bottom-drop.
  • Archetypes and predispositions.
  • The need for chemistry with potential play partners.
  • Her sexual heroes.

For more of Claire visit her on one of her professional sites: clairebondage.com, petitekink.com Or her rope site vintagerope.com and her Master, Damon Pierce’s site: slavetobondage.com.

BE THERE OR BE SQUARE!

Check out The Lick-A-Dee-Split Connection. That’s Dr Dick’s toll free podcast voicemail HOTLINE. Don’t worry people; no one will personally answer the phone. Your message goes directly to voicemail.

Got a question or a comment? Wanna rant or rave? Or maybe you’d just like to talk dirty for a minute or two. Why not get it off your chest! Give Dr Dick a call at (866) 422-5680.

DON’T BE SHY, LET IT FLY!

Look for all my podcasts on iTunes.  You’ll find me in the podcast section, obviously. Just search for Dr Dick Sex Advice. And don’t forget to subscribe. I wouldn’t want you to miss even one episode.

Today’s podcast is bought to you by:  Dr Dick’s Stockroom.

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Two Cute!

We have two more vibes from Synergy Erotic to tell you about.

We’ve reviewed a slew of their products since the beginning of the year.  Today we take a look at The Plasma Illuminate-Her Strobing Uber Balls and The Elite Silicone Wave.

Jack and Karen do the honors.

The Plasma Illuminate-Her Strobing Uber Balls $21.23

Jack & Karen

Karen:  “When last we had an opportunity to review some Synergy Erotic toys, we didn’t have such a good time.”
Jack:  “You can say that again!”
Karen:  “Happily, today is different.  While neither of these toys will rank among our favorites of the year they were fun novelties, for sure.”9972-83.JPG
Jack:  “First off we have The Plasma Illuminate-Her Strobing Uber Balls.  That’s a mouthful, huh?  What we have here is three hot pink plastic balls, about 3/4” in diameter attached to one another by a power cord that attaches to a pink power pack.  Got that?  Each ball contains a high-speed micro motor capable of spinning at thousands of RPM’s, which generates a high-frequency vibration.  The balls also contain a multi-color LED that flash in time with the vibration.  Can ya stand it?”
Karen:  “I know, I was like mesmerized once the  The Plasma Illuminate-Her got going.  Who thought of something like this, I wonder?
Not to get ahead of myself here, I installed 3 AAA batteries in the power pack (I had to use my own, because no batteries were included in the package). The power pack has an on/off button as well as an up button and a down button.  It has 7 various speeds”
Jack:  “The balls are waterproof and are meant, I suppose, to be inserted in one’s pussy or ass.  Please note:  the power pack is not waterproof!”
Karen:  “When cranked up to the highest level the ball are in a frenetic state.  They’re buzzin’ and flashin’, like nobody’s business.  Laying the balls astride my genitals — one at my taint, one at vagina and one on my clit blew me away.  When Jack got on top of me and ground his dick on top of the balls pushing them deeper into my skin I came in a minute.”
Jack:  “The vibration felt great on my dick too.”
Karen:  “I tried the The Plasma Illuminate-Her inside me too, but that wasn’t all that terrific.  Either the balls weren’t big enough or my vaginal walls are way too padded.  The vibration just got lost.”
Jack:  “Karen’s got the deepest and most cavernous pussy I ever did see.  It’s no wonder these little balls got lost in there.”

Full Review HERE!

Silicone Elite Wave $28.05

Jack:  “Next up is the Silicone Elite Wave.  This is a slim, stylishly designed — wavy — vibe that has 5 vibrating/pulsating functions.”
Karen:  “There’s a one-button control on the base of the vibe that turns the thing on and off as well as rotates through the pulsating functions.  I’m not a big fan of a one-button controller, but that’s just me.  The package claims the vibe is made of silicone, but one has to wonder what grade of silicone can be had for the price of this vibe?”9972-72
Jack:  “That’s true enough, but I’d rather have silicone of any grade than have something with a lot of Phthalate in it.  Wouldn’t you agree?”
Karen:  “I would agree.  And thank you for stating that.
I unscrewed the base of the vibe, installed 2 AAA batteries in the shaft (I had to use my own, because no batteries were included in the package). And switched it on.  It’s very quiet with surprisingly strong vibration for a little fella.”
Jack:  “Karen got to use it first on her own.  When we used it together, it was very effective.  Since it doesn’t have that traditional cock shape it will please more men when using it with their partner.  It’s also less obtrusive than a larger vibe.  And like Karen said, it has a nice punch to it, despite its size.”
Karen:  “My private play was wonderful.  The soft tip of the vibe was perfect for stimulating between my vaginal lips.  And it nuzzled my clit nicely too.”
Jack:  “I got to use the Silicone Elite Wave on my own too.  Since it’s waterproof, I took it in the shower with me.  I love squeezing one off in the shower, don’t you?  The vibe slipped up my ass so easily, just like when I finger myself when I’m yankin’ on my joint.  And I can tell you; even though this vibe isn’t much thicker than my finger, it does a much better job stimulating my prostate.”
Karen:  “Because we shared this toy, I’m grateful that it’s so easy to clean and disinfect.  Warm water and soap to clean, a 10% bleach solution to disinfect.”
Jack:  “I was all jazzed up about the Silicone Elite Wave, thinking I had found a mini treasure, when it was time to change out the batteries.  Apparently Karen and I ran the toy down in record time.  At any rate, I removed the base cap and discovered to my great disappointment that the batteries had become stuck in the shaft.  Dislodging the batteries meant that the thin copper wires on either side of the cylinder came out with the batteries.  DISAPPOINTED!”

Full Review HERE!

The Erotic Mind of Krysztof Nemeth — Podcast #139 — 07/20/09

Hey sex fans,

So ya know how I keep telling you that The Erotic Mind
podcast series brings you the celebrated erotic artwork from of artists all over the world, right?  Well then, today we go pretty krysztof_1far a field indeed.  We travel to the deepest, darkest recess of…Kansas to bring you the exceptionally talented Krysztof Nemeth.

You recall the immortal words of Jessica Rabbit, right?  “I’m not bad, I’m just drawn that way.”  We have Krysztof and his ilk to thank for that.  You see he follows in the long and honored tradition of artists who produce Pin-up art.  This art form is so pervasive and universally recognizable that, for many of us, it was our very first introduction to world of erotica of any sort.

Throughout this series of conversations with noted erotic artists we’ve uncovered quite a bit about the creative process involved in this specialized art form.  We’ve visited with numerous artists who create their art in a variety of media.  We’ve discovered that the term “erotic art” covers a vast array of visual and literary expressions.  Some are overtly graphic; others, like Krysztof’s, are subtlety suggestive.  But all reflect the irrepressible spirit of the human sexual experience.

Krysztof and I discuss:

  • The long and honored tradition of Pin-up art.
  • His idealized yet attainable depictions of women.
  • How he got his start as an artist, as an erotic artist.
  • Where he finds his models
  • The distinction, if any, between an artist and an illustrator.

I invite you to discover Krysztof and his memorable artwork on his site HERE.

See a slideshow of some of Krysztof’s work.  Click on the thumbnails below.

[nggallery id=32]

BE THERE OR BE SQUARE!

Check out The Lick-A-Dee-Split Connection. That’s Dr Dick’s toll free podcast voicemail HOTLINE. Don’t worry people; no one will personally answer the phone. Your message goes directly to voicemail.

Got a question or a comment? Wanna rant or rave? Or maybe you’d just like to talk dirty for a minute or two. Why not get it off your chest! Give Dr Dick a call at (866) 422-5680.

DON’T BE SHY, LET IT FLY!

Look for all my podcasts on iTunes.  You’ll find me in the podcast section, obviously. Just search for Dr Dick Sex Advice. And don’t forget to subscribe. I wouldn’t want you to miss even one episode.

Today’s podcast is bought to you by:  Fleshlight and FleshJack

Fleshlight Sex Toy

Monk, Part 2 – Podcast #133 – 06/17/09

Hey sex fans,

We’re back with more fun with Dick and Jane Monk of TwistedMonk.com.  And we’re not just having fun either, no siree!  (Although you’d never know it from all the giggling going on.)  No meatloafbuckaroos, this is actually some serious Sex EDGE-U-cation.

You see, my conversation with Monk is part of our look at the world of fetish sex, kink and alternative sexual lifestyles.  As you know I’m chatting with prominent educators, practitioners and advocates of unconventional sexual expressions and lifestyles from all over the world in the hopes of gaining some perspective on edgy sex.  And that’s why this exceptional bondage performance artist is here again this week.

If you somehow missed Part 1 of this amazingly insightful discussion look for last week’s podcast #131 on my Podcast Page.  You’ll find a tab for that page at the top of this page.  Or you can use my site’s search function.  Just type in Podcast #131 and don’t forget the # sign.

Monk and I discuss:

  • The edgier side of Monk.
  • The versatility of human sexual response.
  • The cultural conflicts of kink.
  • His professional Dom persona.
  • His sexual heroes.
  • His polyamorous private life.

Monk invites you to enter his world and visit him at his website HERE!

 

BE THERE OR BE SQUARE!

Look for all my podcasts on iTunes.  You’ll find me in the podcast section, obviously. Just search for Dr Dick Sex Advice. And don’t forget to subscribe. I wouldn’t want you to miss even one episode.

Today’s podcast is bought to you by: DR DICK’S HOW TO VIDEO LIBRARY.

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