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Finessing That Ass Fuck — A Tutorial For a Top


This tutorial is for anyone who is considering being a top, regardless of whether the meat injection is 100% prime, or a beef substitute (a strap-on dildo), these words of wisdom are for you.

What Ya Need To Know

Let’s get something clear right from the get-go. And this is for all you sticklers for semantics out there. The word “top” has several sexual connotations. There are of course BDSM tops, but generally they go by the moniker “dom”. And one can accurately say there a “top” in any sexual activity that involves an active and passive partner — such as cocksucking and watersports. But today’s lesson is for the active partner in butt sex. But you knew that already. Because all you had to do is read the title of this article to figure that out, huh?

Some folks just aren’t open to the idea of experimenting with their assholes. They think it’s gonna be painful, or worse, messy.

So first off, prospective tops, you don’t want to try buggering these folks. A good top should know it makes no sense at all to try to force or belittle an unwilling bottom to give up his or her rosebud. This is simply a waste of everyone’s time. Because if you do succeed in getting the unwilling bottom to relent, and the subsequent fucking attempt confirms the bottom’s earlier suspicions that this activity is indeed painful or gross or both, you’ll have won the skirmish, but lost the war. Remember, it takes two to tango.

Secondly. Before a top commences a fuck of any kind, they need to consider whose pleasure is primary in this particular fuck. There is a big difference between fucking for the top’s pleasure, for the bottom’s pleasure, or for mutual pleasure. For instance, if a top is trying to finesse a novice bottom into exploring ass fucking, that top needs to concentrate on the bottom’s pleasure first.

Start by getting the bottom comfortable being touched where the sun don’t shine. Lubricate your hand generously and massage the outside of their hole. Make some lazy little circles with your fingers and drive your bottom wild with desire. When their sphincter starts to quiver, as it surely will, slowly penetrate your bottom’s bottom with a lubricated fingertip. After a few minutes of just hanging out with your finger in there, you can begin to slowly slide your finger in and out. Be sure to take your time. Allow their muscles to adjust to being penetrated. You might want to incorporate a thin vibrating dildo and/or some expert rimming to pave the way for bigger things.

When a top fingers a bottom, they would do well, at this point, to reconsider the width of his dick or her strap-on. Once your bottom can take two fingers comfortably and three fingers with a minimum of discomfort, they’re ready to take a modest-sized cock or dildo. If you’re very well-endowed or you plan to strap on a monster dildo, you’d better adjust this finger-formula based on the width of your fingers and your equipment. And, you know, make sure your partner is aware of the girth of what awaits him or her.

A clean asshole is a fuckable asshole. Hygiene is essential for both tops and bottoms. Bottoms may wish to use a small bulb syringe and plain water to clean out a few hours before the event. And tops, once your cock or dildo has been inside your bottom’s ass, don’t go puttin’ that thang anywhere else until you’ve washed it down with soap and water. Carelessness in the hygiene department will only invite a very serious infection.

Making It Happen

Tops, be sure to use a good personal lube and have your favorite condoms within reach. Getting your bottom into the right position, one that is comfortable for both of you is paramount. There are way too many positions for me cover here, but when choosing a position, consider your preference, the bottom’s preference, your cock and/or dildo size, your body type and the bottom’s body type. You may find that a pillow or two positioned under your bottom’s pelvis will help support and prop up your bottom’s bottom in most positions.

Painful fucking is a sign that something is being done incorrectly. It is not a sign from God that ass fucking is wrong. In most cases, pain is due to a few predictable factors:

  • The bottom is too tense and is tightening up.
  • The top is being impatient and is pushing too hard too soon.
  • There may not be enough lubricant.
  • The cock or strap-on is too big for the bottom’s experience level.

Obviously, both people should be comfortable and feel pleasure from it. However, it’s perfectly fine, on occasion, to concentrate on one person’s pleasure over the pleasure of the other. Just make sure you both agree on whose pleasure is gonna be the focus of any given fuck.

Topping is a skill like any other. Practice will improve your technique. And while practicing, invite and listen to the feedback coming from your bottom.

The Top’s Handy-Dandy Tally Sheet

Ok, let’s review.

  1. Always use a lubricant. Both water-based and silicone- based lubricants are latex-compatible and highly recommended.
  2. Stop immediately if your partner asks you to stop. I’m not suggesting that you stop trying altogether; just don’t push yourself onto your bottom when he or she wants you to stop. Find the source of the problem—lubrication, position, whatever, resolve the problem, and resume the fuck.
  3. Take it slow. There is no need to rush, especially if you’re experimenting with anal sex for the first time.
  4. A bottom’s desire to be fucked will not insure pleasurable cornholing. It’s nice that he or she might want to surrender their ass, but that’s not gonna make it happen on its own.
  5. Always communicate with your bottom. Keep your communication playful and dirty. Tops, be open about what you want and how it’s feeling. “Oh baby, that’s right you’ve got such a tight hole. You want my big meat in your ass? Yes you do! Open up for daddy…or momma…as the case may be.” Get the picture?
  6. Spread the pleasure around. Keep your hands busy on the bottom’s clit or cock, at least initially. If the bottom can make the connection between the pleasure he/she is familiar with (cock or clit) with the new butt related sensations; then the battle has been won.

In Conclusion

Some experienced bottoms can orgasm with ass fucking alone. Women do so through pelvic muscle contractions and G-spot stimulation; men because of pressure applied to their prostate.

Oh, and here’s something you need to know. We all have two sphincter muscles. If you insert a finger about one half-inch into your ass and press your fingertip against the side you’ll find them both. There is less than a quarter-inch between them. The external sphincter is controlled by the central nervous system, which means you can tense and relax this sphincter at will. The internal sphincter is quite different. This muscle is controlled by the autonomic nervous system making it involuntary. This muscle responds to fear and anxiety. It may cause your bottom’s hole to tense up automatically even if he or she is trying to relax.

Tops, remember the rectum is not straight. After the short anal canal that connects the asshole to the rectum, the rectum tilts toward the front of the body, sometimes as much as 90 degrees. That’s way some people are anatomically less suited to ass fucking.

Finally, the best attribute a top can have is his or her sense of humor about the whole friggin’ deal. Fucking ain’t as easy as it looks, at least not at first. But perseverance will carry the day.

Good luck!

Tease For Two

Hey sex fans,

It’s Product Review Friday and we have something truly unique for you today and it comes to us directly from the manufacturer, Wet For Her. This is a brand new company that features designs by Parisian lesbians. Can ya stand it?

For more on this, here’s Dr Dick Review Crew members Gina & Kevin.

Wet For Her Two —— $39.00

Gina & Kevin
Gina: “When we swung by Dr Dick pad to pick up our latest product for review, Kevin and I had such a laugh. When we were handed the Wet For Her Two, we though it was one of those gag novelty items you often see in adult stores.”
Kevin: “Absolutely! But upon closer inspection we discovered that Wet For Her Two is not a novelty in a joke sort of way, but a pleasure object that is designed in a novel way.”
Gina: “We probably should have known that our first impression was wrong because the Wet For Her Two packaging is simple but very smart-looking. There is no garish sexual depictions like one would expect to see on a novelty item. There is, however, a totally hot image of a bare-breasted woman holding two fingers over her nipple on the back panel of the box.”
Kevin: “I’ll say; it’s sizzlin’ alright! And the two finger placement over her nipple, besides being discreet, hints at what the Wet For Her Two is.”
Gina: “The Wet For Her Two is a very creative insertable that slips over your forefinger and middle finger an acts as an extension for your fingers so that you can manual penetrate yourself or your partner with ease. The first 3 inches or so of the toy are hollow, the last 2 inches solid. So you get how it works, right? It’s beautifully low-tech.”
Kevin: “When Gina says; “manually penetrate,” what she actually means is finger-fucking. That’s why the concept of finger extensions is such a novel, and I might add brilliant, idea. It makes finger-fucking effortless because the Wet For Her Two extends your reach. I’d never be able to finger Gina’s G-spot using my god-given fingers; they’re just too short. Kudos to the lesbian identified chicks who came up with this idea.”
Gina: “Yeah, leave it to lesbians to know their way around a pussy as well as know how to pleasure one. The Wet For Her Two is made of 100% body-safe silicone. It’s soft and pliable enough to feel your own internal temperature as well as your orgasmic contractions when they cum. That being said, I have to admit that I much preferred Kevin using the Wet For Her Two on me than me using it on myself. When I used it on myself, the palm of my hand covered my clit so that I could only use the heal of my hand to rub myself there.”
Kevin: “Believe me, I was happy to oblige Gina. Her G-spot orgasms are beautiful to behold. And up until this point, I’d been only able to make her cum with a dildo type insertable. Now that I have these finger extensions, I’m like doing it myself, without the help of a foreign object. There is one thing I need to mention though. Clearly the Wet For Her Two is designed for thinner, feminine fingers. It was a struggle to slip this thing over my fat, manly fingers. I wound up dabbing a bit of water-based lube on my fingers and inside the Wet For Her Two for easier insertion. That did the trick.”
Gina: “The Wet For Her Two is made to be shared. Because it’s silicone, it’s nonporous, phthalates-free, hypoallergenic, latex-free and waterproof. Mild soap and warm water does just fine for everyday cleaning. You can also sanitize it with a lint-free towel moistened with peroxide, rubbing alcohol or a 10% bleach solution. Drop it in a pot of boiling water or run it through the dishwasher; it’s all good!”
Kevin: “Speaking of sharing; I decided to take the Wet For Her Two for a spin up my ass. Anyone who follows our reviews knows I have penchant for repurposing any and all G-spot toys into P-spot toys. And I am happy to report that this baby worked like a charm. Guys, why struggle to massage your prostate with just your fingers when you can do so more easily and without the wrist strain with the Wet For Her Two.”
Gina: “But, just like me, Kevin preferred that I use the Wet For Her Two on him instead of him poking himself in the ass with it.”
Kevin: “It’s true! I’m perfectly able to diddle myself, but I love it when Gina takes over. Once she gets me warmed up with the Wet For Her Two, I’m all ready for her to peg me senseless with one of her strap-on dildos. YUMMY!”
Full Review HERE!



Hey sex fans!

It’s our first Friday back from Spring Break, so you know that that means, right? That’s right, it’s Product Review Friday. And we have another excellent toy for your bum to tell you about. It came to us directly from the manufacturer, Nexus.

Have you been following all our Nexus reviews, right? If not, you’d better get with it. You can find them all HERE!

Today we have Dr Dick Review Crew member, Carlos, to do the honors.

GYRO by Nexus —— $97.79

I am the proud owner of a growing collection of anal toys, thanks to being a member of the Dr Dick Review Crew. I started my collection back in October of 2007 when I participated in my first review. It was for one of the Aneros products.

I remember being so jazzed about getting a free prostate massaging sex toy. I was kinda new to the whole insertion thing way back when. I also had some problems associated with my enlarged prostate. Over the years, I discovered that regular prostate massage really helped the condition a lot. Now I’m an avid anal toy user. One might even call me a connoisseur.

Today, I bring you news of my newest prostate massager; it’s from Nexus. It’s called the GYRO. It’s not for the novice butt pirate, but if you know your way around your pucker and you’re looking for a bit of a challenge; then the GYRO is well worth your consideration. I like it very much!

It is a hefty bugger, weighing in at just under 10 oz. It’s thick and bulbous and has a rockin’, and I mean that literally, base. It is made of 100% high-grade silicone, which makes it the ideal sharable toy. I really don’t have any one to share mine with, my wife is not into butt play, but maybe you do.

Besides it being nonporous and phthalate-free, it’s so easy to clean and sanitize (a must for sharing). I just wash mine down with soap and water; wipe it down with a lint-free towel moistened with peroxide, rubbing alcohol or a 10% bleach solution, or I can drop it in boiling water for a few minutes; or run it through a cycle of the dishwasher. Nothing could be easier. No fuss, no muss, no bother!

You all know that you have to use a lot of lube when inserting anything in your butt, right? Good! Well, in this case, you can only use a water-based lube, because, I’ve already mentioned this toy is made of silicone. A silicone-based lube would degrade the beautiful smooth finish of the GYRO.

Once inserted, the angled head of the GYRO hits my prostate with a bang, and the thick shaft fills me up plenty. As you can see from the shape of the GYRO, it is a butt plug. That means my sphincter muscle closed down on the neck notch of the toy, just before the base. Once in place, I just rock and roll till my heart’s content. It’s good healthy fun.

Like Dr Dick, I’ve become an advocate for prostate self-awareness. I believe that regular prostate massage, like the kind you get with the GYRO contributes to prostate health and vitality in most men. And a healthy prostate, increased blood flow and added muscle control are what makes for powerful orgasms, rejuvenated sexual ability, and stamina, as well as a stiffer cock. And that’s a good thing for men my age. I’m 50 now. So, like we say here at Dr Dick’s Sex Toy reviews; “if a fella can pleasure himself AND do himself some good health-wise…all at the same time; well that just about beat the pants off just diddlin’ just for fun.
Full Review HERE!


The Prostate Toy Interview

Hey sex fans,

This being Friday and all, you’re probably expecting a product review. Well sorry to disappoint, but the entire Dr Dick Review Crew is still working their naughty bits to the bone, so to speak, so we’ll have to wait on posting new reviews till another day.

But not to worry, because I have something else that’s charming and delightful for you. Keeping with the sex toy theme I offer you this interview I did with a leading toy company. I figure if the toy company was interested in my thoughts, perhaps you, my dear readers, would be too.

1. Hey Dr Dick, you look like a rather wholesome gentleman, what prompted you to become a Sexologist?

Wholesome? Looks are so deceiving, aren’t they?

I came to this work in a most unorthodox fashion. It is certainly not something I ever aspired to do.

I was a Catholic priest at the time. I was ordained in 1975. (I am the only Catholic priest in the world with a doctorate in Clinical Sexology.) In 1981 I completed my post-graduate work with the publication of my doctoral thesis concerning the sexual attitudes and behaviors of gay Catholic priests in the active ministry. This was unprecedented research back then (and even now, for that matter). There was a firestorm of international publicity. I was soon to be known as “The Gay Priest”. (Yeah, like if I was the only one.) Needless to say, this notoriety (some say infamy) effectively ended my public priesthood. I fought the Vatican for the next 15 years, from 1981-1996, in an attempt to salvage my ministry, but in the end it was a lost cause. No surprise there, I suppose.

My career as a therapist in San Francisco coincided with the advent of HIV/AIDS (1981). My practice evolved into working primarily with sick, elder and dying people. In the mid-90’s I founded a nonprofit organization, PARADIGM, Enhancing Life Near Death. It was an outreach for terminally ill, chronically ill, elder and dying people. This was brilliant cutting-edge work. Alas, I couldn’t find the proper funding to continue. This precipitated a rather sudden move to Seattle in 1999.

I continued to work with sick and dying people here, in Seattle. I started to develop programming for women newly diagnosed with ovarian cancer and men with prostate cancer. I wanted to create videos for people experiencing life threatening and/or disfiguring illnesses to help them deal with reintegrating sex and intimacy into their lives post diagnosis. I soon realized that I would need to fund these projects on my own. No mainline foundation would touch the issue of sex. Faced with how I might do that, some friends prevailed on me to shoot porn. The rational was; I would make loads of money and I could then subsidize my heart’s desire. Thus Daddy Oohhh! Productions was born.

Unfortunately, the “load of money” part never materialized. But at the time, I figured that, since I was actually shooting porn, I would create projects that were different in style and tone from what currently ruled the marketplace. The Daddy Oohhh line features a whole lot more romance, allure and seduction rather than just bumping parts.

2. What are the most common issues you come across during your workshops and counseling?

I continue to be surprised by how few people actually believe there is an essential goodness to sexuality, both as a personal need and as an interpersonal bond.

I see so much unhappiness and anxiety when a person’s sex-negative attitudes alienate them from their own body and the bodies of others. These uninformed attitudes affect not only a person’s sex life, but also his/her ability to relate well with others.

I believe that sexual wellbeing is more than simply being able to perform. It also means taking responsibility for one’s eroticism as an integral part of one’s personality and involvement with others. Between the extremes of total sexual repression and relentless sexual pursuit, a person can find that unique place, where he/she is free to live a life of self-respect, enjoyment and love.

My workshops and counseling practice aim is to provide information and guidance to help people approach their unique sexuality in a realistic and responsible manner, as well as further their independent growth, personal integrity, and have a more joyful experience of living.

3. Everyone seems to be aware of the female G-spot. However, the male equivalent, the P-spot, is shrouded in mystery and taboo. Would you mind explaining what that’s all about?

You’ll excuse me for being contrary, but it is my personal crusade to dissuade people from using the term “male G-Spot”.

Frankly, I don’t see a rationale for talking about the prostate as if it were something akin to the female G-spot. Because that’s like saying a clit is a female penis. And to tell you the truth; I even have difficulty with the overly cutesy term, “P-Spot”.

The G-spot got its moniker because folks couldn’t remember its proper name, the Grafenberg Spot. (It was named after the physician who first wrote about it.) But we don’t need that kind of shorthand for the word prostate, do we? I certainly hope not.

If the prostate is indeed shrouded in mystery and taboo, as you suggest, it’s likely because it’s buried inside a guy’s ass. And our culture is pretty ass-phobic.

Luckily, I see all of this changing. More and more men are discovering a pleasure zone they’ve not known before. And thanks to the growing number prostate-related sex toys in the marketplace this self-discovery can be fun as well as informative.

4. What can men do to enjoy this little gland?

• First, cut and file smooth your fingernails. And before you start playing with your hole, relax.
• Take a relaxing shower, a warm bath, and/or try some deep breathing exercises to help you do that.
• Have a ready supply of a water-based or silicone-based lube handy.
• Start with a nice hand job. Stroke your dick with your lubed hand to get yourself into your happy place.
• Gradually slather some of that lube on to your balls and taint (perineum). While your legs are open find your hole and play with your rosebud. Gently massage the area around your asshole, but don’t side your finger in just yet. Simply let this time be for getting used to the feelings of playing at the opening of your ass.
• Next, let your play include the tip of your middle finger entering your ass.
• If you do this while you’re stroking your cock, you will find that your hole will actually open and invite your finger. That’s the great thing about pleasuring one part of your body while learning to pleasure another.
• Once you’re comfortable with your fingertip inside, try pushing it in further and move it around a little. Then try pushing it and pulling it out of your ass. Ya know, like finger-fucking yourself.
• Once your finger is about an inch or so inside your ass, move your finger in an upward motion along the upper wall of your rectum. You’ll discover a firm, round and flat surface the size of a walnut. This is your prostate. You can only feel this small part of the whole gland, but you will know it when you touch it. It is full of delicious nerve endings and it will give you jolt of pleasure.
• Remember, your prostate shouldn’t be hard to find, particularly if you’re all horned up from pullin’ your pud. It will feel smooth and hard, like a flat stone.
• Give that puppy a nice gentle massage with your fingertip. If you’re still stroking your cock, don’t be surprised if this prostate massage gets you off. In fact, you will find that your prostate actually enlarges a bit and becomes firmer just as you are about to shoot your load.
• As you cum you will also notice that your ass-sphincter muscle will tighten around your finger and pulsate with each squirt. How fun is that?

5. If you enjoy prostate stimulation, does that make you gay?

It certainly would if only gay men had prostates.

6. Is there a difference between a prostate orgasm and a penile orgasm?

Technically, I suppose there is.

Clearly some men do get off on prostate stimulation alone. However, an orgasm (not the same thing as an ejaculation, mind you) is a complex physiological — muscular and neurological — response. Just like our genitals are a composite of parts that work together to bring us joy; so too are our orgasms.

Finding and massaging your prostate is a wonderful thing. But there’s one thing for certain; your prostate has been involved in your orgasmic response from the very beginning, long before you discovered it.

7. Are there any health benefits to prostate stimulation?

Yeah, you betcha! It’s fun, it’s healthful and it’s sexually enriching.

Massaging your prostate stimulates blood flow and that brings more oxygen to your prostate. Unwanted bacteria that grow in your prostate can be removed more efficiently through massage. Fat and proteins can also accumulate over time, which can cause infection or even lead to tumor growth if not flushed from time to time. Massaging your prostate can assist with this.

Studies show that a prostate massage is an effective means of keeping your prostate healthy without the use of pharmaceuticals or resorting to surgery. And of course it also helps a guy become less cock-centric and less ass-phobic. So it’s a win/win situation.

8. Are there any dangers?

Not really. Just remember to use lots of lube, because your asshole doesn’t create its own lubrication. Always start off slowly. And don’t put anything in your bum that isn’t designed for that purpose. All anal toys — massagers, vibrators, butt plugs, anal beads, dildos and the like — must have a handle on them and/or an oversized base that will prevent the toy from accidentally slipping up into your ass.

9. Finally, do you have any wise words for our prostate loving readers?

Once you’ve discovered the joys of prostate stimulation on your own, why not invite your partner(s) to join in the fun. And always use quality toys. Choose nonporous, phthalates-free, hypoallergenic and latex-free materials. Waterproof toys are also highly recommended. Because keeping your toys clean and sanitized is a real big part of enjoying your or someone else’s prostate.

SEX WISDOM With Carol Queen — Podcast #266 — 03/02/11

Hello sex fans! Welcome back.

Holy cow, I’m giddy with excitement today, because I have an extraordinary show in store for you. We have an audience with the Queen. …ahh, no not that one, you silly geese. I’m talking about my colleague, Carol Queen, the sexologist, writer, speaker, educator, activist and I’m gonna add to that list — national treasure.

But wait; that’s not all! This show is a twofer, don’t cha know. My guest, our conversation and the themes discussed in this podcast easily fall into both the SEX WISDOM series and the Play With It series.

Carol is, of course, one of the movers and shakers in the field of human sexuality; who is making news and helping us take a fresh look at our sexual selves. She’s also a prominent figure in the adult products marketplace; helping reshape that industry as well.

Carol and I discuss:

  • Being a sexological over-achiever;
  • Founding one of the first gay/lesbian youth groups in the nation;
  • Sexual orientation, affectional choices and gender;
  • Bisexuality – the space between the binaries;
  • The altering effect of strap-on sex;
  • Removing the stigma of sex;
  • Orgasm Inc.;
  • Being one of the staff sexologists at Good Vibrations;
  • Sex toy health concerns;
  • The impact of sexologists in the adult products marketplace;
  • Truth in advertising.

Carol invites you to visit her on her site HERE!  She has a monthly column in the Good Vibrations Magazine HERE!  She’s on Facebook HERE! And enjoy her twitter feed HERE!

(For a little icing on this already marvelous cake, enjoy some videos featuring Carol.)


Check out The Lick-A-Dee-Split Connection. That’s Dr Dick’s toll free podcast voicemail HOTLINE. Don’t worry people; no one will personally answer the phone. Your message goes directly to voicemail.

Got a question or a comment? Wanna rant or rave? Or maybe you’d just like to talk dirty for a minute or two. Why not get it off your chest! Give Dr Dick a call at (866) 422-5680.


Look for all my podcasts on iTunes. You’ll find me in the podcast section, obviously. Just search for Dr Dick Sex Advice. And don’t forget to subscribe. I wouldn’t want you to miss even one episode.

Today’s Podcast is bought to you by: DR DICK’S — HOW TO VIDEO LIBRARY.


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