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The Erotic Mind of Mathew Klickstein — Podcast #333 — 05/21/12

Hey sex fans, welcome back!

We’re back with more of The Erotic Mind series, but today we return to our roots, the world of words. After a couple of weeks of chat with a noted erotic visual artist the series resumes with my conversation with a relative newcomer to the world of erotica. The curious thing is, in the past, when I’ve interviewed an author new to the erotica scene he or she would speak demurely of finding his or her way in this genre. Today’s guest is totally different. I have the pleasure of welcoming the extraordinarily talented, Mathew Klickstein, who’s as combative as he is accomplished.

Mathew has a unique take on the role of erotica in our culture. He is filled with the fervor of a man poised to upset the apple cart. And his new book, Rag Doll, is making big waves throughout the industry. You will soon understand why that is, because I will prevail upon Mathew to read from his new work. This will blow your socks off, don’t cha know.

Mathew and I discuss:


For more about Mathew, his new book and his amazing career, visit HERE.

(Click on the book art below to get more information about Rag Doll.)


Check out The Lick-A-Dee-Split Connection. That’s Dr Dick’s toll free podcast voicemail HOTLINE. Don’t worry people; no one will personally answer the phone. Your message goes directly to voicemail.

Got a question or a comment? Wanna rant or rave? Or maybe you’d just like to talk dirty for a minute or two. Why not get it off your chest! Give Dr Dick a call at (866) 422-5680.


Look for all my podcasts on iTunes. You’ll find me in the podcast section, obviously. Just search for Dr Dick Sex Advice. And don’t forget to subscribe. I wouldn’t want you to miss even one episode.

Today’s Podcast is bought to you by: Fleshlight & FleshJack.

Get a grip!

We continue our National Masturbation Month theme today.

Name: Pablo
Gender: Male
Age: 34
Location: Madrid
Can you help me I have an addiction towards masturbation. I can’t control the urge that I have. I’m single and have never been with a woman. I’m very nervous about this. How can I control these sexual urges? Please write back as soon as you can.

Pablo, darling, what’s the big problem with jerkin’ off…even jerkin’ off a lot? Perhaps you’re creating a predicament where there doesn’t need to be one. Maybe you just need to relax and enjoy your self-pleasuring.

First off, I want to restate my belief that there’s no such thing as a masturbation addict. Compulsive hand jobs? Sure! Out of control wackin’ off? Ya betcha! Self-denigrating pud-pulling? Absolutely! Masturbation addiction? No way!

Masturbation is normal, particularly for someone like you who is not involved with someone else. Of course masturbation is also a big part of the sex life of people in relationships too.

Say, where are you getting the information that self-love is a bad thing? Is this message coming from the Church perhaps? I wouldn’t be a bit surprised if it were. Masturbation can sure enough be a problem, if you’ve been indoctrinated to think it is bad or sinful. But then again, the problem is the sex-negative propaganda, not the masturbation itself.

I’d be willing to guess a guy of your age, without a wife or lover has all kinds of repressive feelings about sex in general, not just masturbation in particular. Maybe it’s your religious up bringing that is coloring your judgment about your private sexuality. Perhaps if you took the opportunity to rethink your training, you wouldn’t be so hard on yourself.

Since you don’t go into any detail about the extent of your behavior, I guess I’ll just have to make some general comments. Like I said masturbation, or any behavior for that matter, can become compulsive. If the urge to choke the chicken gets in the way of you having a full rich life, you may have a problem. Say you’re jerkin’ off so much that you don’t having a social life. Or you’re pullin’ your pud so much that you can’t hold down a job. Then that’s a problem. But I hasten to add the problem is not masturbation, per se, it’s the being out of control that’s the problem. Just like if someone told me they were jogging so much they had no time for a social life or for a job, then that person has a problem. But it’s not the jogging, per se. Ya get it?

There are lots of reasons why people feel uncomfortable about their sexual desires and behaviors. Most all of us grow up in a very sex- negative environment. Parents still punish their kids if they catch them playing with themselves. The Church still insists that any sexual expression outside of marriage is sinful. So many people are so judgmental about the sexual behaviors of others, particularly if the expression is one they themselves don’t practice. Others can be so cruel, using terms like slut, whore, and promiscuous when talking about someone who is getting more sex than they. In other words, it’s our culture’s unhealthy preoccupation with sex that is often the cause of one’s fear and mistrust of his own sexual desires and practices.

You don’t have to settle for this, Pablo. You can learn to free yourself from the repressive messages that may surround you. You may find the help you need on the internet, don’t cha know. There are many online communities that celebrate self-loving. Do a search using the words: healthy masturbation.

One thing for sure, if you feel bad about jerkin’ off, you’re probably also fearful of partnered sex. I mean it wasn’t lost on me that you’re 34 and still a virgin. Holy Cow! Maybe if you liberated yourself from your repressive attitudes toward masturbation, partnered sex would take its rightful place in your life. It’s never too late for this to happen, Pablo.

Some people use masturbation as a means of self-abuse. I guess it’s no accident that self-abuse is a term some sex-negative people use when talking about masturbation. If you don’t like yourself very much, Pablo, for whatever reason, you could be using your private sex to punish and denigrate yourself. This is the ultimate perversion — turning something good and healthy into something hurtful and hateful.

Are you concentrating so much time and energy on your cock to avoid other problems in your life? Maybe if you confronted these other problems, whatever they might be, head on, you’d feel better about yourself. And your solitary sexual practices wouldn’t loom so large. The problem is, because you feel bad about what you’re doing, you’re actually adding more stress in your life, making it harder for you to get a hold of this, no pun intended.

Good luck!

Hey dr dick! What’s that toll-free podcast voicemail telephone number? Why, it’s: (866) 422-5680. DON’T BE SHY, LET IT FLY!

Dazed and Confused

Name: Confused
Gender: Male
Age: 16
Location: NJ
Dr., I’ve been having sex with a friend who is 19 and he expressed that he had feelings for me at a time when I didn’t have feelings for him. We got into an argument and didn’t talk for a few weeks and I noticed that I missed him and now we’re talking sort of, but I feel that now its more physical than anything, on his part. I think I do have feelings for him, but the only time he attempts to talk to me is when he is horny. The biggest issue is that I haven’t come out and I don’t feel it’s the right time for me to, but I think if I did, it would help things between me and him. Could you give me any advice?

Yep, pup, you sound pretty confused all right. But then you can hardly be faulted for your bewilderment, being as young as you are.

But if the truth be known, your youth has very little to do with it. The first thing you oughta know is that people grapple with these weighty concerns all their lives. I don’t know anyone who has all this emotional stuff pinned down. Because just as soon as ya think ya have it all figured out, life throws you a curve ball.

You will find if you haven’t done so already, that there is often a very fine line between love and desire, passion and intimacy and lust and affection. You should also know that sometimes, maybe even most of the time, we are out of sync with the person we are involved with. In the immortal words of Stephen Sondheim — either we are at last on the ground, while they’re in mid air. Or they keep tearing around while we can’t move. Since the beginning of time, most songs, epic love stories and romantic poetry have wrestled with the shifting fortunes of matters of the heart…and the groin.

So if you ever do make sense of all of this in your life, just wait a minute. The whole kit and caboodle will surely collapse like a house of cards around your head. That’s what I’ve found in my life anyhow. I still struggle with all of this and I’m fuckin’ old, don’t cha know.

Actually, I believe that the tension between love and lust is the very thing that gives life its spice. The only thing I’ve been able to discover after all this time is that there isn’t a code to break, just a toboggan ride to be had.

Which bring me to the second comment I want to make. I know that a lot of young people…your age and even younger…are experimenting with sex, and that’s not a bad thing necessarily. I do, however, advise discretion. Keep in mind that most people in our culture freak out when they discover that young people actually have a sex live. To that I would add that you probably know that your 19year old playmate is technically breaking the law by cavorting with you, a minor, right? He could get in a shit-load of trouble for bumping an underage lad like you.

And while there’s just a 3-year difference between you, I’d be willing to guess that your friend is considerably more advanced than you in terms of emotional development. If he isn’t, then there’s something very wrong with him. Just be aware that sometimes a disparity in life experience can be used by the more seasoned partner as a means of manipulating the other. And that’s never a good thing.

In terms of coming out, well that’s best done when you are at ease and comfortable in claiming and owning your sexual identity whatever it might be. Since sexuality is often a very fluid thing, there’s no pressing need to self-identify as one thing or another until ya have enough life experience under your belt to be able to say for sure. And even then you may find that your heart…or your dick will lead you elsewhere. Remember what I said about life throwing you a curve ball just as soon as ya think ya have it all figured out? Well it’s true in this regard too.

Finally, and this is the only absolute I have for you today. If you’re old enough to fuck, you’re old enough to know all about safe sex. And not just know about it, but practice it too. If you’re not using condoms, then you’re just a dumb kid with rocks in his head. And I really want to believe that’s not the case with you. Simply put, HIV and other sexually transmitted infections won’t make an exception for you because of your age. Also, you’ll never come to grips with grown-up emotions and all they entail if you’re just a dumb kid with rocks in his head, if ya catch my drift.

Good luck


Hey sex fans!

Welcome to this our latest edition of Product Review Friday. Today we feature the second of three products that came to us from a marvelous Israeli company, Joya 4U. If you somehow missed the first of our reviews you can find it HERE.

Today we welcome back Dr Dick Review Crew member, Angie. We’ve missed you ma’am! And we’re so glad you’re back with us.

Little Su Natural —— $38.41


After an all-together too long hiatus from the Dr Dick Review Crew I’m happily back where I belong. Thanks for the warm welcome back, Dr Dick.

I was absent for so long because I had a little medical issue that I needed to attend to. Actually, it was a big medical concern. I was diagnosed with lymphoma over a year ago. One of these days I’d like to do some writing about my cancer diagnosis and treatment and how these things impacted me, my husband and our sex life. But until that day comes, let’s just say it was an adventure. A difficult, confusing and often painful adventure, but an adventure nonetheless.

There is precious little information about sex and sexuality available to cancer survivors. No one seemed to be capable of speaking clearly and unambiguously about how a diagnosis and treatment can impact a person’s intimate life. This conspiracy of silence has got to stop!

See, don’t get me started. Well, actually, this is precisely where I want to start.

The only way I knew how to work my way back to being a sexual being, for myself, and a sexual partner, for my husband, was through masturbation.

My self-loving exercises began slowly and tentatively, but I still made progress. My husband was lovingly supportive, which was a really good thing. I am so blessed.

All this gets me to my review of the Little Su Natural. This delightful insertable is my new friend. And the curious thing is, it’s not a vibrator.

The beautiful packaging refers to Little Su Natural as a dildo, but I think that generic designation does it a disservice. This 100% medical grade silicone insertable is much more versatile than any other dildo I’ve ever used. It’s so flexible; you can use it alone, or with a partner. And you can use it vaginally or anally. It relatively small as insertable go, it’s only about 4.5” long with a diameter of slightly over 1.25”.

I’d like to direct your attention to the user manual that comes with the Little Su Natural. Here you will find detailed written instructions and illustrations depicting various methods of using Little Su Natural. For example, when the thick bulbous end is inserted vaginally it brings the sculptured tail in contact with your clitoris. Rubbing or rocking on a bed or pillow delivers intense pleasure. The Little Su Natural is also ideal for tightening you PC (pubococcygeus) muscle. As part of my post cancer rehabilitation I’ve rededicated myself to doing my kegel exercises, which has revitalized the sensations I feel internally.

The Little Su Natural works just as well in partnered play. I insert it as I would when I am alone, but when I’m with my husband; I straddle his thigh and rock myself to pleasure or he will use his hand to rock it for me. This position gives me more control over the kind of stimulation I want and need. I learned that having control, like this, was particularly important to me when I was first reinvestigating my sexual response after chemo.

I hasten to add that you can only use water-based lube with this silicone toy.

Clean up is a snap! Warm water and mild soap will do for everyday cleaning. If you are looking to share your Little Su Natural, and I think you should, then you must sanitize it. This is easily done by dropping it into a pot of boiling or putting it through a cycle in the dishwasher.

As much as I admired the stylish packaging, the foam insert inside the box, which holds the Little Su Natural, has a bit of an unpleasant odor. I decided to get rid of that and replace it with folded hand towel. That way I can continue to use the box for storage.
Full Review HERE!


Is she is, or is she ain’t

Name: Ulrich
Gender: male
Age: 22
Location: Hannover, GR
How do I know my girlfriend isn’t faking it? She looks like she’s into it, but sometimes it looks like too much drama.

Too much drama, I love it! I’m gonna assume that you’re talking about what appears to be her throws of pleasure — screaming, moaning and thrashing about, just like in the porno movies. I’m not sure I know why woman fake it, men sure as hell don’t go out of their way put on a show if their heart and dick ain’t in it. But women often do and sometimes even us benighted men think something’s fishy…so to speak.

Maybe the question you are asking, Ulli, might stem from a concern you have about your own skill as a lover. I suppose the most obvious reason a woman fakes an orgasm is to massage the ego of the guy who is putting it to her. I suppose it’s the path of least resistance after all. It’s easier to fake it then be honest with her lover about his sexual prowess. Of course there’s always the possibility that the woman in question is pre-orgasmic — that she’s never had an orgasm so she may think that this is how it’s done. How sad is that?

You know how there’s little mystery about a dude’s pleasure — he gets it up, he gets it on and he gets it off — pretty cut and dried. And there’s often the evidence of his pleasure in the form of a pool of his own jizz. Although I hasten to add that an ejaculation is not the same thing as an orgasm, but it is rare to have an ejaculation that isn’t somewhat pleasurable.

A chick is very different, don’t ‘cha know. Her sexual organs and arousal are mostly internal. So unless she’s a squirter (a g-spot ejaculation that is) there’s only circumstantial evidence that she is being pleasured. I guess that’s why so many women make all that “drama.” It’s to compensate for not having anything as obvious as a hardon and a puddle of spooge. Of course the drama could also be a way of throwing us boys off the scent…so to speak.

However, there are things you can look for that may indicate your partner is enjoying herself. Knowing something about the female sexual response cycle will, no doubt, be very helpful here. If you don’t know your way around this phenomenon, I’d suggest that you have some remedial study to do.

Again, the male sexual response cycle is pretty obvious — he gets wood. For a woman the analogous response is she gets wet. If your lady has a wet pussy, you may be on the right track. Of course lots of women don’t lubricate all that much, so you might not want to rely on this evidence alone. In this instance you might look for the secondary signs of arousal – these are pretty much the same in both women and men. Our pupils may dilate, our skin may flush, our nipples may erect, our breathing may increase to a pant, our heart rate will defiantly increase and our toes might curl. Not all of these will happen every time to every person, but you get the drift, right?

In terms of the big “O” men and women differ in many respects, but there are some commonalities. Both women and men can have “mini orgasms” as well as “major” screamin’ memes. Us men folk tend not to pay too much attention to the little tremors, because we know the big one is coming. Women, on the other hand, have less certainty that the big “O” will show up, so they tend to be more aware of the mini ones. Regardless of the gender a good portion of an orgasm’s physiologic response is the same in all of us. Muscle contractions, specifically the PC (pubococcygeus muscle) in both women and men and vaginal and uterine muscles in women signal orgasm. Everything else— the writhing, the shuddering, the fluttering of the eyes and the moans of delight — is gravy.

If the chick you’re bumping has a wild orgasm every single time, I think she’s faking it. If she cums no matter what you’re doing to her, I think she’s faking it. If she sounds like a cheap porn flick, I think she’s faking it. If she’s still doin’ the “oh yeah baby, you’re the best…make momma scream,” long after you stopped doin whatever you were doin’. I think she’s faking it. If she carrying on, yet looking over at the television or the clock, then I think she’s faking it. If there’s no afterglow after a big “O”, I’ll bet she faking it.

If you think you’re with a faker, you might just want to tell her that she doesn’t need to put on a show for you. On the contrary, you both would be better served with a little honesty. Ask her for some feedback; what’s working, what’s not. Oh, and if you think the chick you’re with is gonna cum as fast as you, you don’t know your way around a pussy.

And here’s another thing you should know; most women don’t come from fucking alone. So if you think you got a magic wand in your pants, you are sadly mistaken. If you’re not using your hands and mouth as well as your willie; she’ll likely fake it.

And finally, if you can’t locate her clit to save your life, you can count on her faking it.

Good luck

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