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Learning the ropes

Name: James
Gender: Male
Age: 19
Location: Alaska
I am gay. I still have trouble saying that because of my very conservative upbringing, but that is not what I need help with today. I had my first few sexual encounters the other week with this great understanding, older guy. When he was blowing me it felt great, however I wasn’t able to cum during the oral sex. Is this normal? And is there anything I can do to change that? Thank you so much for any help, and the chance to say something to someone about being gay. I don’t get to talk about issues in this genre because of the taboo-ness of the issue. Thanks a lot- James

Wow, sorry to hear you’re living in such a repressive environment, pup. I hope that changes for you soon. Just remember, change is gonna begin with you. The longer you put up with the repression the harder it will be to break its grip.

Coming out is rarely a breeze for anyone. This is especially true for those, like yourself, who were raised in a conservative home. But then throwing off the shackles of oppression, however they present themselves, will make you a much better person in the long run. Like the old saying goes; “If you allow someone to control your sexuality, you allow that person to control all of you.” So nothing reverses the repression quicker than exercising your sexuality on your own terms.

As to the oral sex question you raise, I’ve written a whole lot about that already. You might want to glance over to the sidebar and look for CATEGORIES pull down menu. Look for the main category — Sex Therapy. Then look for the subcategory — Ejaculation Concerns.You’ll find a load of written postings and podcasts.

The gist of what I’ve had to say about this is; it’s not uncommon for a guy not to get off with just a blowjob. This is particularly true for someone who is new to the whole hummer thing. There’s also the distinct possibility that the guy doin the blowin’ may not be a particularly talented cocksucker. It happens! It happens a lot, believe me.

That being said, there are things you can do to change this if that’s what you really want. First and foremost, you need to communicate with your partner on how he’s doing down there. Ya see most of us guys get real used to the feel of our hand on our wang while jerkin-off. After years of practice we get our stroke down to a science. We know exactly when to apply more pressure, or loosen our grip. We know exactly when to speed up the stroke and when to ease off. We know exactly when to yank on our balls or stick a finger in our ass and diddle our prostate. We know all of this because our body is giving us constant feedback all the time we’re playin’ with ourselves.

On the other hand, the cocksucker between our legs isn’t gettin that kind of immediate sensory feedback, so he’s not gonna know what to do when. That is, unless you tell him. And it’s really ok to give the guy a little direction. A talented cocksucker, of course, will already know how to ask you for feedback. After all, he’s new to your cock and his experience tells him that all cocks respond the same why to the same stimulus.

Another thing you can do is relax. There’s not a whole lot of “shoulds” when it comes to sex. So the more relaxed you are the more you will be able to enjoy the pleasure. If your mind is all busy with dumb shit like — oh my god, I’m not gettin off, what must he think of me? — then you’re not in the moment and the pleasure is wasted on you.

Finally, the best way to learn how to receive a good blowjob is to become a fabulous cocksucker yourself. Smokin’ you some fine pole is an art form. It’s way more than simply than rappin’ your lips around a bloke’s dick. The more you understand about superior cocksucking the better you’ll be at guiding your partners through the fine points of eatin’ you meat. So get out there and get some experience.

Not sure what to do when faced with a big beautiful baloney pony? Well, you’re in luck. Check out my sexual enrichment tutorial: So Ya Wanna Be A World-Class Cocksucker …OR HOW TO GIVE THE PERFECT BLOW JOB.

Good Luck

Hey dr dick! What’s that toll-free podcast voicemail telephone number? Why, it’s: (866) 422-5680. DON’T BE SHY, LET IT FLY!

Tunnel Of Love

Hey sex fans!

It’s Product Review Friday and this week we have a review of yet another innovative product from the creative folks at Perfect Fit Brand.

This is our 3rd Perfect Fit Brand review and there are plenty more to come. To keep track of all our PFB reviews use the search function in the header of DrDickSexToyReviews.com, type in Perfect Fit Brand, and PRESTO!

Alrighty then, lets check in with Dr Dick Review Crew members, Mick & Chuck, to see what they’ve been up to.

Tunnel Plug — $44.95

Mick & Chuck
Mick: “’Wait a minute! Are you telling me someone’s gone and fiddled with one of the most basic sex toys ever? I hope to god they didn’t fuck it up.’ That was me on the telephone with Dr Dick when he asked if Chuck and I would be up for reviewing the revolutionary Tunnel Plug.”
Chuck: “I was like totally down with at least taking a look at it. But I was simply going on the other Perfect Fit Brand reviews posted here and I figured, how bad could it be? Besides, there are loads of different kinds of plugs out there.”
Mick: “Yeah, there is! But a plug’s a plug, right? And my thoughts were, well if it works why fix it? As fate would have it, all my worry was for nothing, because even though the Tunnel Plug is revolutionary, it still is very much a plug. It has all the features of the traditional design — the insertable part is a tapered cone or bulb shape, designed for easy insertion and giving you that all-filled-up feeling while it’s in place. The plug tapers more dramatically near the base into a notch. This allows your sphincter muscle to close down on the plug keeping it firmly in place. Finally the wide base keeps it from slipping inside your bum.”
Chuck: “Ok, so let’s tell everyone how the Tunnel Plug is different from every other butt plug we’ve ever see. Most of the butt plugs I’m familiar with are made of a solid material — glass, metal, wood, rubber, etc. You can’t have something really squishy, because you could never get it in your ass. The Tunnel Plug is firm, but flexible. It’s even got a little stretch to it. It’s made of a proprietary material called PFBlend. It stretches like TPR (Thermo Plastic Rubber), but it is safe and durable like silicone.”
Mick: “The next obvious difference between this plug and all the rest is the center is hallow. I know, why didn’t someone think of this sooner? It is the perfect convenience. Instead of just plugging your hole, you can open it too. The tunnel hole goes right through the core of the Tunnel Plug. So once I had the Tunnel Plug in my ass, I inserted a slim vibrating dildo in the center of the plug and I was happy as a pig in shit!”
Chuck: “It’s also ideal for keeping your hole open for a quick douche. The hose or nozzle fits right in the hollow center. And think of all the enema play fun you can have. You can insert a finger too. And if you have a little penlight flashlight you can shine a light in the very place where the sun don’t shine. I did this while the Tunnel Plug was in Mick’s ass. I mean, I had never seen the inside of a guy’s hole before. It’s kinda breath-taking actually.”
Mick: “Not to be undone by Chuck’s creativity, I decided to make the Tunnel Plug part of my Halloween costume this year. I found this faux-fur foxtail (Try saying that three times fast.) at a costume store here in town. I fastened it to a wooden dowel from the hardware store and inserted the dowel into the hallow center of the Tunnel Plug. It looked fantastic, if I have to say so myself.”
Chuck: “We need to submit that costume suggestion to the DIY site!”
Mick: “The point is, the Tunnel Plug allows you to be creative in your anal play. I decided that some sensation play might be nice. A trickle of chilled (not ice cold) water through the hallow center was both startling and amazing. What a unique feeling. The fact that the plug gives you this filled up sensation while allowing you to add another sensation is like WOW!”
Chuck: “The Tunnel Plug comes in two sizes — (Small/Medium): 3″ total length, 2.75″ insertable length, 2″ in width, and 6.25″ in circumference and (Medium/Large): 3.5″ total length, 3″ insertable length, 2.5″ in width, and 8″ in circumference.”
Mick: “You can use any type of lube you want wit the Tunnel Plug. And clean up is a snap. Because the PFBlend material is nonporous, everyday cleanup with a mild soap and hot water is fine. However, if you’re gonna share your toys sanitizing is highly recommended. You can drop the Tunnel Plug in a pot of boiling water for a couple minutes, then let it air dry. You can also wipe it down with a lint-free towel moistened with peroxide, rubbing alcohol or a 10% bleach solution.”
Full Review HERE!

ENJOY

The Big Tease; How to Strip for Someone Special

Here comes another one of my Sexual Enrichment Tutorials

Most people miss out on the pleasure of undressing with and for their partners. Stripping out of, or being stripped out of our daily wear and into something sexy. or nothing at all, is one of life’s big turn ons. It’s also a visual signal that we’re shifting out of our work-a-day world and entering the realm of sensuality. Stripping is an art form, ya know. In fact we all could all learn a lesson or two from the folks who do this for a living.

Few of us are natural born exhibitionists. The majority of us don’t know squat about how to slink out of our clothes without looking ridiculous. Like they say in the business, real strippers are born not made. OK, so most of us aren’t naturals, and I include myself in this group. But that doesn’t mean we can’t pick up a few of the finer points of this ancient art form and apply them to our own situation.

First and foremost, we’re gonna have to leave as many of our inhibitions and body issues as possible at the door. If you’re so self-critical as to think you’ll be absurd if you try, you mind as well drop the whole freakin’ thing right here. But if you’re into having some fun, even if it’s at your own expense, then step right up, cuz we’re gonna make you a star!

If you plan on stripping for someone you know well, like your partner; you probably already know a lot about what turns him or her on. Ya know, those little sexual peccadilloes we all have — fishnet stockings, a g-string and high heels, a white jock, leather chaps, armbands, and a cowboy hat, a Catholic schoolgirl plaid skirt, anklets and Mary Janes, things like that. These things well be the building blocks of your outfit. Remember you will be stripping down to something before there is nothing left to remove. So consider your theme and then layer from there. Each successive layer removed should reveal an even more tantalizing layer underneath.

• Don’t wear something that’s gonna be a bitch to take off.
• Have enough layers to keep the show interesting

Next consider the venue for your show. Since there’s gonna be a whole lot of dancing around, you’ll want the space to be big enough so you don’t have to cramp your style. At the same time you’ll want the environment to be warm and intimate. Set the mood with the proper lighting. And your venue must include some kind of sound system, even if it’s a portable boom box.

Either arrange your space so that your audience is seated in the middle of your performance area — so that you can slink and shimmy around him/her. Or consider a little homemade stage with curtains that you can use as part of your performance

Think about props — a chair or stool al la Cabaret works. You’ll want something to taunt your audience with; a seductive hat, a feather boa, a ridding crop, gloves — opera length or leather. There are even collapsible dancer poles available online for a touch of the authentic.

  • Keep the venue simple. You’re the star, not the space.
  • Mood lighting is essential; it’ll make or break your show!

The next consideration is the music. This is really important element to a successful show. A miscalculation here will fuck up your whole routine. Go the distance and compile a few different tempos on a tape, CD or MP3 player to really impress your audience. Arrange your music so that it will automatically flow from one tempo or song to the next. Move from a faster disco tempo at the beginning of your show — to get you and your audience’s blood pumping. Then a slower tempo Soul or Rhythm and Blues number for gettin down to business. Don’t choose something too slow or maudlin, it’ll destroy the sexy mood and the interest of your audience.

  • Your music selections should drip with sex.
  • Don’t interrupt your show to change the tape or CD.

To add an air of authenticity, adhere to strict strip club rules. Your audience is not allowed to touch you. And you are prohibited from directly touching your audience. Keep your communication non-verbal. Your audience must remain seated throughout. These rules will enhance the tease effect. If you want to heighten the effect, consider restraining your audience with a little erotic bondage. A silk handkerchief, or a satin scarf works to secure his/her hands and feet. Or you could always pull out all the plugs and get yourself some swell bondage gear online. I’m thinkin’ some leather restraints and cuffs will do the trick.

  • The strip is to tease and entice. So be naughty as well as nice.
  • You control the show and the audience.

When you’re ready to begin the show, start your music and seductively move or dance towards your audience. Let him/her have a good look at you and you’re outfit — front and back. Approach your audience then gyrate in front of him/her. Be sure to include some deep bending front and back. Let your audience get a load of the goods! Get as close to your audience as possible without actually touching. Close enough for him/her to smell you, or for you to swipe him/her with something you’re wearing. This is where a nice boa or leather flogger will come in handy.

Continue to tease and taunt and keep moving. Squat or use one of your props to lean against or partially sit and seductively open your legs or show your ass. Keep you hands busy on your body, stroking yourself, reaching into your outfit to fondle yourself. Feel free to touch your audience, but never with your hands, only with your props.

  • Completely dominate your audience through visuals.
  • Please through tease.

After this initial dance, move away from your audience and start the main show; the strip. When you shuck each article of clothing, don’t just remove it; tease with it. Toss each discarded article to you audience, or drag it over him/her. Being unable to touch you will enhance his/her sense of smell. Use this to your advantage. Wipe your clothing on your body before tossing it to your audience. The more intimate articles: bra, stockings, underwear, jock or what have you could be wrapped around his/her head and face.

Strip slowly and erotically; reveal only an inch or two of skin at a time. If you are about to reveal something on your front, turn your back on your audience first. If you’re gonna reveal your ass; start by facing your audience, then seductively turn around.

  • Build on the anticipation. Make your audience want more.
  • Stay in rhythm with your music.

Then, once you’re completely naked, approach your audience and present yourself in all your glory. You should be deliciously sweaty and aroused by now. Using one of your props, a dildo perhaps, wipe your breasts, your crotch and bring it close to your audience’s face. Try a lap dance or pull his/her face into your breasts or crotch. Get on all fours and seductively loosen his/her clothing. Your audience will still bound to his/her chair, so you can have your way with him/her. While on the floor use your feet to stroke his/her crotch.

Turn up the heat by masturbating for your audience. Tease or lick your audience’s tits, finger her pussy, or diddle his cock. As your show concludes untie your partner and lead him/her to a full-on fuck.

Good luck

Sex EDGE-U-cation with bendyogagirl — Podcast #352 — 10/31/12


Hey sex fans, welcome back.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN! Ya wanna hear something really scary? We haven’t had a Sex EDGE-U-cation show since late April. Now that’s just not right. Luckily, I have the solution to that dilemma on tap today. We welcome back the series that takes a look at the world of fetish sex, kink and alternative lifestyles and we do so with a remarkably talented, wickedly funny, and oh so pervy woman who has just relocated to the Emerald City from Boston. Hurray for us, bad luck for Bean Town.

My guest goes by the moniker, bendyogagirl. She is an educator, activist and woman of enormous wisdom. And if think those adjectives suggest boring, straight-laced or even wholesome, you have another thing coming. We will be touching on all sorts of edgy stuff and we’ll be sure to keep a smile on your face as we do so.

bendyogagirl and I discuss:

  • Her trip west;
  • Being a geek-hag and a goddess of ontology
  • The play aspect of kink;
  • Spiritual awakenings through kink;
  • Bottoming in contrast to topping;
  • Her classes on connection and intent;
  • Everything she learned about polyamory came from monogamy;
  • Kink as a context;
  • Body language and energy play.

For more of bendyogagirl visit her website HERE! Her blog HERE! Find her on Fetlife HERE! And follow her on Twitter HERE!

BE THERE OR BE SQUARE!

Check out The Lick-A-Dee-Split Connection. That’s Dr Dick’s toll free podcast voicemail HOTLINE. Don’t worry people; no one will personally answer the phone. Your message goes directly to voicemail.

Got a question or a comment? Wanna rant or rave? Or maybe you’d just like to talk dirty for a minute or two. Why not get it off your chest! Give Dr Dick a call at (866) 422-5680.

DON’T BE SHY, LET IT FLY!

Look for all my podcasts on iTunes. You’ll find me in the podcast section, obviously. Just search for Dr Dick Sex Advice. And don’t forget to subscribe. I wouldn’t want you to miss even one episode.

Today’s podcast is bought to you by: Dr Dick’s Stockroom.

drdicksstockroom.jpg

Try as I might…

Name: Dan
Gender: Male
Age: 48
Location: Montreal
I’m a late forties year old man who has lived numerous sexual experience in the past, until I met just in the beginning of this past year a wonderful interesting, woman with all the qualities and values that I needed. We started our first sexual experience a few months ago, April. The result was quite a disaster. I wasn’t able to do any penetration on her. She insisted that she has a blockage, and I had no idea about blockage and wanted to leave her place. Now I tried to understand her, but her problem has two factors that I’ve never came across with a woman. One is that if I fucked her she would get vaginitis. She doesn’t have any reaction when I fuck her. However, the scenario with her is the usual. She would get into her closet wear something very daring and sexy and give me a nice blowjob and …swallow. I would usually experience just straight penetration, in any position in my past experience with other women But would this mean that the sexy clothes and asking me if I would cum in her mouth, compensated for her inability to have my penis in her vagina? She asked me that I would have to eat her pussy often so she would feel something. The last time I did I was eating her pussy for two hours with a few breaks until she came. My question is can I take this any longer, and what is the connection with her vaginitis?

Hell, Dan, I don’t know if you can take this any longer or not. What’s clear to me is, things are pretty grim, not just for you but also for your lady friend.

Your story is a little difficult to follow. I’m gonna guess that English is not your first language, right? But here’s what I think you’re trying to say. You are a sexually experienced man in his forties. You’ve recently met an interesting woman that you like very much. Unfortunately, the sex sucks…and not in a good way.

Your friend experiences pain while fucking, but you don’t know why. She says there’s a blockage and tells you that intercourse will only lead to vaginitis, which is an inflammation of the vaginal mucosa and often associated with an irritation or an infection. While this is a pretty common problem, it should not be an every fucking time kinda problem…if you catch my drift. However, this little lady is happy to give you a hummer to make up for this. And just to show you there are no hard feelings — she’ll even swallow your spunk. Well, she’s a trooper that’s for sure! Unfortunately, avoiding the fucking issue won’t solve the mystery of why fucking is a real pain in the pussy.

The two most likely reasons for this painful fucking are: 1) the woman is not aroused enough before the fucking begins, or 2) there is an actual physical condition that might make fucking painful, even if she is aroused.

It’s easy enough to eliminate the second option; all your woman friend has to do is pay her gynecologist a little visit and have her doc take a quick look around. If there is indeed a blockage, as she says there is, a gynecological exam will discover it and end the debate.

That being said, I’d be willing to bet that, in your friend’s situation the first reason is the more likely culprit. This is often the case with pre-orgasmic women and your woman friend sounds like she may very well fall into that category. If your woman friend has lived all her adult life without having an orgasm, she will sure enough be conditioned not to expect one any time soon — either through fucking or by having you eat her out…even for hours. And hey, you’re a trooper too for doin’ that, darlin’!

I’d be willing to speculate that she’s not particularly informed about her own sexual response cycle. Thus she’s unable to provide you much direction on how to pleasure her without discomfort. A woman, particularly a preorgasmic one, must come to full arousal before her partner attempts penetration. A man, on the other hand, needs only to have a stiff dick. This obviously makes them (men) more ready and eager for the old in and out long before their female partner is ready and eager for the same. If you are guilty of this, and there’s a good chance that you are, your woman friend’s body will resist you, even if she desires to make a go of it.

Your woman friend could start getting over this by being better informed about her own sexual response cycle. If she doesn’t know what turns her crank, she can’t expect you to know what to do, even with all of your experience. Once she figures out how her body works, and this information will come best through masturbation, she’ll then be able to instruct you on the subtleties and points of interest of her particular pussy.

Touch is very important to most women, especially in the arousal stage of things. Often women will want to be touched and caressed all over, not just on the sexually charged spots of her body like her tits and pussy. She ought to take you on a little touch tour of her body. Literally, she could take you by the hand and touch herself with your fingers. She should show you the kind of touch she likes in the places she likes to be touched. You guys will need to take your time with this. I can pretty much guarantee you won’t get it the hang of this first time you try.

With her help you’re gonna be able to see her arousal build. She could encourage you to use your lips and mouth as well as your hands. If she’s not fully aroused, her pussy will be dry. But even if she is wet, you ought to use a nice personal lubricant to make her even more slippery and to facilitate penetration. I can’t overstate the necessity of lots and lots of lube.

If you guys follow these simple steps, you will have greater success with your fucking. Your woman friend will experience great pleasure and she will, in turn, be a fount of great pleasure for you. In the end, your woman friend must take the lead in this. She must get to know her own body first, so she can teach you about it next.

Finally, let me turn you on to a couple of great resources. Both are SEX WISDOM podcasts. I suggest that you and your woman friend listen to these shows together.  The first is an interview with author Mikaya Heart. Mikaya is the author of The Ultimate Guide To Orgasm For Women; How to Become Orgasmic For A Lifetime. It is by far the best book about women’s sexuality that I have read in the past decade, if not longer.

The second interview is with sexologist, Dr Shannon Chavez. She is one of the co-founders of the revolutionary SHE (Sexual Health Experts) Clinic in Arizona. Theirs is a comprehensive interdisciplinary treatment approach to female sexual health needs.

Good luck

Hey dr dick! What’s that toll-free podcast voicemail telephone number? Why, it’s: (866) 422-5680. DON’T BE SHY, LET IT FLY!