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Sugar Daddy/Sugar Baby

Name: Rachel
Gender: Female
Age:
Location:
I just met someone online and I’d like to maybe try my hand at being a dominatrix, but not really sure where to begin. He emailed me some questions he wished me to answer, I was wondering if you could maybe help with a couple of ideas/suggestions on how to answer them just to get me started. I’m having a hard time finding people to contact about this. Oh and by the way am a sugar baby, it would be a sd/sb relationship (sugar daddy/sugar baby) which I thought might be the perfect way to start a BDSM relationship because I would like to adopt an alternate personality anyways. I’m really hoping not to be judged by anyone for any of this. I’m really having trouble getting started; maybe I need to just get into character? Think you can help me?

I kinda think being a dominatrix is a whole lot more than role-playing or getting into character, darlin’, unless, of course, you are simply a dilettante. And if that’s all you’re really interested in, it really doesn’t make a difference how you play this out. You can be as silly as you want.Sugar-Daddy

Think of this as being something similar to mastering a new language. Curiously enough, there are a lot of similarities between these two efforts. Just like leaning a few words and phrases in a foreign tongue doesn’t make you proficient in that language. So too donning a leather bustier and smacking a ridding crop against your leg doesn’t make you a dominatrix. Get it? Got it? Good!

dominatrix01However, if you really want to get into the life, there’s a considerable amount of remedial work ahead of you. Before you can claim the title “dominatrix” you will have to make an intensive study of what this entails. This is best done under the tutelage of another reputable Dom. Of course, not every pro-Dom is gonna want to take on an novice and show her the ropes, as it were. It’s no wonder you’re having problems connecting with others who might help you. But if you’re lucky, you might find a kind soul out there who will give you a break. And just so you know, these lessons will not come cheaply.

I also encourage you to approach others in the life with a good deal more deference and thoughtfulness then how you approached me. If they get a sense that you are simply an airhead twit, you’ll be out before you are even in.

Finally, I suggest that you listen to any one or all of the interviews I’ve done with real professional Dominatrices. I think you will find them both enlightening and informative. Here’s Mistress Katherine, Mistress Matisse,
Eve Minax, Lady Lydia, Lady Hotchkiss, Claire Adams, and Cleo Dubois.

Good luck

Sex Play — Tips and Techniques

ANOTHER SEXUAL ENRICHMENT TUTORIAL

Beginning Sex Play — Tips and Techniques

The most frequent questions I get are from your average Dick and Jane, (or Dick and Dick, or Jane and Jane) who want to spice up their sex life. Inevitably they describe the kind of sex they’re currently having. And almost universally the description makes this grown man cry. Jeez, the boredom. How do they stand it? It’s a wonder any of them are having any sex at all.

What is it with the humdrum, run of the mill, and the “we’ve always done it that way mentality?” Are ya’ll afraid that if you add a little something new to your sex chore, from time to time, that the sky will fall? Holy cow!

Today’s tutorial is another attempt to motivate you to get off your butts and make something interesting happen in the sex department. We’ll begin with what was once called foreplay.

First off, I hate the word “foreplay” because it suggests that all these really great sex activities are only a lead up to a single “more important” activity — fucking. It also implies that ya’ll can dispense with the one in order to hurry up and get to the other. And that, my friends, is always a huge mistake.

do-not-disturb.jpgFrom now on I want us to banish “foreplay” from our vocabulary. Instead let’s start using “Sex Play.” It says it all, and it makes no suggestion that anything in particular must follow.

I’m of the mind that we’d all be better served if we thought of sex play as a continuum of pleasure and pleasuring — with a beginning, middle and an end. If you ask me, our sex play ought mirror our sexual response cycles — arousal, plateau, orgasm and resolution. That way we’re less likely to overburden one particular activity at the expense of all the others. Get it? Got it? Good!

Experienced sex fans agree; the best sexual encounters include an extended period of sensual play at the beginning of most sex play. This brings increased pleasure to both partners, and will make whatever else that might follow more satisfying. Just remember, sex play can be a meal in itself.

Sex play brings spice to the encounter because it gets our motors started. Even all you major sex athletes out there who are perpetually primed for sex will benefit from some hearty sex play. It will help cool your jets and make the encounter last longer than a firecracker. And I know that you know what I mean!rose-flogger

In our hectic rush around world, sex play is particularly important. It helps us transition from the daily cares and woes to the realm of sensual pleasures. The workaholics among us need more time to become fully aroused. Their minds are still filled with the junk of the day, and not yet ready to give or receive pleasure. And pleasuring and being pleasured takes a big attitude shift from that of the rest of the day. In fact, if you’re gonna approach sex and pleasuring with the same mindset you have on the job or with the kids, give it up now and be done with it. You’ll only walk away from the encounter disappointed.

Heart PadlockSex play primes us for maximum pleasure. Men will have the time we need to come to full erection and women will have the time they need to properly lubricate. By the way, this is called the arousal stage in our sexual response cycle. But you probably know that already, right?

When we stop thinking of sex play as “foreplay” we realize there is no such thing as spending too much time giving and getting pleasure. If sex play evolves into full-on fucking — SWELL. Both partners will be fully aroused and fucking will flow naturally and effortlessly from the pleasure enjoyed at the beginning of sex play.

Sex play can include everything from chocolate and whipped cream to whips and chains. But let’s not get too far ahead of our selves. Let’s start at the beginning of sex play. Most people miss out on the pleasure of undressing with and for their partners. Stripping out of, or being helped out of our daily wear and into something sexy or nothing at all can be very arousing. It’s also a visual signal that we’re shifting out of our work-a-day world and entering the realm of sensuality. Stripping is an art form, ya know. We could all learn a lesson or two from the folks who do this for a living, but there’s more about this in another tutorial — The Big Tease; How to Strip for Someone Special.Kama Sutra Body Souffle

Creating the right sex environment is important too. Make sure the room is warm. Proper lighting and music will surely add to the mood. Scents are also important. More and more people are incorporating erotica into their sex play — reading a sexy story together or enjoying some hot porn will make the encounter memorable.

Most women complain that their partners don’t kiss long enough and rush the kissing to get at their pussy. Guys, what the fuck? You want pussy? Use your mouth to maximum advantage kiss and nibble all over everything. Literally devour your partner with your mouth. Believe me, if you do this right, by the time you get to her pussy she’s gonna want to give it up big time.

Sex play is the perfect time for setting the mood for all that might follow. It’s a time for sharing fantasies, role-playing, dirty talk or some full body massage. Always have some nice lotion available then use your hands, forearms, feet and elbows to knead your partner’s muscles and naughty bits.

GOK small coverCertain areas on the body are more hot-wired than others. It’s your job to find each and every one your partner has. As you massage vary your strokes and touch to stimulate your partner. Roll your fingertips across his or her nipples and behind his or her ears as you kiss him and tease her with your tongue.

If you’re doin things right, your partner will be moaning with pleasure. If she or he starts getting impatient it’s time to bring out the restraints. There’s nothing like some hot erotic bondage to punctuate your sex play.

While your darling is subdued and possibly blindfolded, crank things up a notch. Add different sensations and stimuli, a warm chocolate sauce followed by ice cream. A fur mitt followed by a Loofah. Introduce some sex toys — a vibrator, tit clamps, or an anal stimulator.

Don’t forget to check in with your partner from time to time. Ask for some feedback and direction. Do you like this? Or do you like this better? Never presume to know what your partner likes simply because he or she liked it before, this is a recipe for boredom and the dreaded bed death. If words fail you, SHOW your partner what you want. Then encourage your partner to do the same to younipple_clamps.jpg.

Sex play is not about pressing the right buttons in the right order. It is about understanding what makes your partner tick and supplying and applying those things to their greatest sensual advantage. There are many ways to give your partner extreme pleasure, and it all begins in your brain. Sex play is as much of an art form as it is a necessity.

Finally, the basic premise behind all of this is that a great lover is one that gives pleasure because it is its own reward, not a means to getting something else.

Good luck ya’ll

Thou Shalt Not

Name: Lynn
Gender: Female
Age: 36
Location: Toronto
I’m a mother of three great kids. My oldest, who is in middle school, went to camp for the first time this past summer. A local church group sponsors the camp every year. When my husband and I asked him about his time away from home, he said rather noncommittally; “It was ok.” He seemed to like it well enough, but you know how uncommunicative kids can be at that stage.
Anyhow, yesterday I was packing away some summer stuff for the winter and discovered a pamphlet in my son’s backpack that he used at camp. It was for an “Abstinence Only” program. It was full of the most dreadful sex-negative fear and shame. It was awful. We are not raising our kids like that; my husband and I were appalled.
Now we’re wondering if this is why our son was so unenthusiastic about his camp experience. Do you think we should quiz him on this?
What gives with this kind of indoctrination anyway? I thought that those “Abstinence Only” programs had been discredited.

So wait; are you sayin’ that you think just because a social engineering strategy, like abstinence-only, has been debunked that it wouldn’t still be employed by certain factions of our culture? Oh hun, I think you oughta rethink that supposition right away, don’t cha know.abstinence_only-1

I mean, come on! There are loads of outdated and discredited philosophies still being promulgated as a means to ensnare the uninformed and gullible. I don’t know about ya’ll up there in Canadaville, but here in Amercanski land we have a whole segment of our population who believes that creationism as a viable explanation for the universe. In fact, one or another of these idiots runs for national office, even for President of these here United States, as a Republican in every election cycle.

So, as you can see, there’s not necessarily a connection between what has been discredited and what is still wildly popular in some segments of our population.

Way back in the spring of 2007, a long-awaited congressionally funded national study concluded that abstinence-only sex education does not keep teenagers from having sex. Nor does it increase the likelihood that, if they do have sex, they will use a condom.

Authorized by Congress in 1997, the study followed 2000 children from elementary and middle school into high school. The children lived in four communities — two urban, two rural. All of the children received the family life services available in their community; in addition, slightly more than half of them also received abstinence-only education.

By the end of the study, when the average child was just shy of 17, half of both groups had remained abstinent. The sexually active teenagers had sex the first time at about age 15. Less than a quarter of them, in both groups, reported using a condom every time they had sex. More than a third of both groups had two or more partners.

So if abstinence-only programs don’t work, at least the way they are supposed to; why do we still have them? Ahhh, good question. We still have them because for a large segment of the population, especially those who are makin’ all them babies, it’s easier to just tell their kids “NO” than to step up to the plate and educate their kids about sex in a wholesome and holistic way.

Bennett editorial cartoonAnother problem is that the word abstinence often means something quite different to kids than it does to adults. That’s one reason why abstinence-only programs do not have strong effects in preventing teenage sexual activity. At least that’s what a University of Washington study found.

The researchers found that interventions that encourage abstinence treat abstinence and sexual activity as opposites. Teenagers, on the other hand, don’t consider them to be mutually exclusive concepts. Like in the congressionally sponsored study, the UW researchers found abstinence-only programs are less likely to work than more comprehensive sex-education programs because they are not speaking the same language as adolescents.

The study also showed that attitudes and intentions about sex were more powerful than attitudes and intentions about being abstinent. No surprise there, I suppose.

Again, I don’t know how things are there in Canada, but down here there is no federal funding for comprehensive sex-education. But there’s a shit-load of funding for abstinence-only programs. Funding mushroomed from $9 million in1997 to $176 million in 2007. Leave it to congress to dump loads of money into a program that doesn’t work. But such is the power of the conservative religious lobby. They are the people who back these programs.

This wouldn’t be such a big issue if it didn’t hold such dire consequences. For example, the United States has the highest teen pregnancy rate among all first-world nations. The rates of sexually transmitted diseases in this country are also astronomical. If we want to keep our young people safe from the negative aspects of casual sex, abstinence-only programs are not the way to go.abstinence

However, more comprehensive programs that include abstinence as one choice are much more likely to have a more productive outcome. Besides, is it ever a good idea to try and motivate people with fear and shame? I don’t think so.

Since abstinence-only programs often only look at the negatives of sex, it doesn’t really empower a young person to take responsibility for his/her behaviors. This is particularly thorny for young women who often bear the brunt the peer pressures to be sexual. And they have way more at stake in terms of pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections (STIs).

When kids aren’t expected to take responsibility for their behaviors, especially in terms of sexuality, it cripples their ability to make good life-affirming choices. Abstinence-only programs disqualify all sexual options, even the relatively innocuous behaviors like mutual masturbation and oral sex. So if all sexual options are equally out of bounds, there’s no way for the average kid to distinguish between harmless and risky behaviors. And this is what leads to the high rate of sexually transmitted infections and unplanned pregnancies.

If we want our kids to grow up with healthy and integrated attitudes about sex, ones that will lead to more loving and fulfilling sexual relationships later in life, we ought teach from a more sex-positive theory.

Back to the other question you raise; the one about quizzing your son about his camp experience. I think that would be great. It would let him know that you care, that you don’t support this fear and shame-based approach to human sexuality and that he doesn’t have to embrace it either.

Good Luck

Too pooped to pop

Name: Djon
Gender: Male
Age: 54
Location:
I’m a 54-year-old man, who 3 years ago managed to finally come out and live the life I so desperately longed for all my life. My question — is there a biological clock in men like the issues women have to deal with in menopause. During the last years of my marriage there was no sex life other than with myself. Now I’m living a fantastic life, with a great man who I love very much. I know there is more to life than sex but now that I’m finally able to express myself physically with a man my ability to perform is just not working.

I’ve tried Viagra and such years ago. They used to work in maintaining an erection, it was just by myself, but I always had fun. The headache’s and discomforts from the meds bring up the question — do I really want to take this?

But now the med’s don’t even help, and as for my libido it suffers with my lack of ability. I’ve been tested for testosterone levels and they say I’m right where I should be at for my age. I’ve seen two doctors about the issue and when they find out my partner’s sex they don’t want to deal with it and seem to just pass it off as an age thing.

I’m in fairly decent good shape, I exercise 3 – 4 days a week at the gym, can you send me any advice on a path to take.

A little frustrated: Djon

A little frustrated? Holy cow, darlin’, you sound a lot frustrated. I don’t blame ya. You finally find what’s been missing throughout your whole life only to discover that your plumbing is now givin’ out on you. Ain’t that a bitch! And before I continue I want to tell you and all the other alternative lifestyle people in my audience, don’t settle for a sex-negative physician no matter what. Dion, find yourself a sex-positive doctor that will look beyond your choice of partner and give you the respect you deserve! Damn, I hate shit like that.

andropause2258You raise an interesting question about the aging process when you ask if men experience something similar to menopause in women. The short answer is — yeah, you betcha! In fact, it even has a name; andropause.  I’ve written and spoken extensively about this very subject. Here’s what I want you to do. Look for the CATEGORIES section in the sidebar, look for the category — AGING. There you will find everything I’ve written and said about Andropause, and Sex and Aging.

You’ll find a whole lot more information there than I can put together for you in this posting. However, I can offer you an overview. It’s only been recently that the medical industry has started to pay attention to the impact changing hormonal levels have on the male mind and body. Most often andropause is misdiagnosed as depression and treated with an antidepressant. WRONG!

Every man will experience a decrease testosterone, the “male” hormone, as he ages. This decline is gradual, often spanning ten to fifteen years on average. While the gradual decrease of testosterone does not display the profound effects that menopause does, the end results are similar.

And listen, when a physician says that your testosterone level falls within an acceptable range, he/she isn’t telling you much. Let’s just say you had an elevated level of testosterone all your life, till now. Let’s say that you now register on the lower end of “acceptable”. That would mean that you’ve had a significant loss in testosterone. But your doctor wouldn’t know that, because he has no baseline for your normal testosterone level to begin with.andropause

There is no doubt that a man’s sexual response changes with advancing age and the decrease of testosterone. Sexual urges diminish, erections are harder to come by, they’re not as rigid, there’s less jizz shot with less oomph. And our refractory period (or interval) between erections is more pronounced too.

Andropausal men might want to consider Testosterone Replacement Therapy (TRT). Just know that most medical professionals, like yours, Dion, resist testosterone therapy. Some mistakenly link Testosterone Replacement Therapy with prostate cancer. Even though recent evidence shows prostatic disease is estrogen-dependent rather than testosterone-dependent. I encourage you to be fully informed about TRT before you approach your doctor, your new sex positive doctor, because the best medicine is practiced collaboratively — by you and your doctor.

Finally, getting the lead back in your pencil, so to speak, may simply be an issue of taking more time with arousal play. Don’t expect to go from zero to 60 in a matter of seconds like you once did. Also, use a cockring.  But most of all, fuckin’ relax, why don’t cha already. Your anxiety is short-circuiting your wood, my friend. And only you can stop that.

Good luck

Shorty & Cutie

Hey sex fans!

It’s Product Review Friday again. Today we feature our third, and last review of the Toyfriend line. We have two vibes on tap for you today.

But wait! You didn’t miss our earlier Toyfriend reviews, did you? Well not to worry if you did, because you can find it and all our reviews on DrDickSexToyReviews.com. Use the search function in the header, type in “Toyfriend” and VOILÀ!

Dr Dick Review Crew members, Jack & Karen are here to tell us about their new toy.

Cute Toyfriend —— $22.68
Shorty Toyfriend —— $40.25

Jack & Karen
Karen: “Jack and I have two vibes to tell you about today. Both come from Toyfriend. I think I can safely categorize both as small, pocket-sized personal vibrators. But despite their diminutive size, they are distinctive in terms of design and function.”
Jack: “Both Karen and I were impressed with the reviews our fellow Review Crew members gave the two other Toyfriend vibes that we’ve featured over the past few weeks. This company gets high marks for innovation and creativity.”Cute
Karen: “I want to introduce you to our first Toyfriend, Cute. It has a very unique design. In fact it is the most distinctive toy I own. Its broad flat head, as well as its stalk is covered in beautiful, warm-to-the-touch 100% silicone. It’s easy to grip, even with lubed fingers. Cute is a G-spot vibe, so it’s meant to be inserted. However, I found I liked it best as an external vibe. The edge of the broad flat head was ideal for clit stimulation.”
Jack: “Since Karen was having difficulty using the Cute on herself internally. I asked if I might give it a try. As it turned out, it was much easier for me to maneuver Cute into place than it was for her to do so. Besides, I know where her G-spot is.”
Karen: “Sometimes that’s how it is, isn’t it? Sometimes it’s nice to just lay back and be taken care of instead of taking care of one’s self. Cute is not a particularly powerful vibe; it runs on a battery. And happily, the first battery is included in the package. Thanks Toyfriend! However, the battery they chose for this vibe is unusual. It’s an N-type, 1.5W battery. We couldn’t use any of our stock of traditional sized batteries with this vibe. For some this will be a deal breaker. In fact, we had to search several stores to find a replacement.”
Jack: “I have to agree. I have to wonder why Toyfriend chose that battery size as opposed to a more traditional AAA battery. That issue aside, Cute is waterproof so it can be enjoyed in the shower or bath. We have one of those oversized bathtubs in our master bathroom so Karen and I start many of our play sessions in the bath. I can’t think of anything more soothing than a soak, it really gets me in a sensual mood. I was able to use Cute externally on myself too. It’s a tickler, ya know. Its broad flat head delivers a tingly sensation to my nipples, dick head, balls, and butthole. I couldn’t quite insert it in my ass, but it wasn’t for lack of trying. I guess I need something more tapered.”
Karen: “I think that Jack liked Cute more than I did, which is perfectly fine with me. Next up is Shorty. I had to laugh the first time I saw this vibe. It’s a stylized rabbit vibe. Again, kudos for the distinctive design, but what struck me most is that it looks like a rabbit with a huge, obscene erection.”Toyfriend-Shorty
Jack: “It does; it’s comical! There are many similarities between these two toys. Shorty, like its Cute cousin, is covered from head to toe in beautiful silicone. It’s also battery operated, same funky size battery too. It’s as quiet as its cousin and it is waterproof too. It’s also a G-spot vibe. But ya know what? This one works on my P-spot. Because of it’s tapered ‘appendage.’ For lack of a better term, I was able to slip it right in my ass.”
Karen: “I’m certain that Jack got off on Shorty way more than I did. The overly stylized shape didn’t work for me and my G-spot. The bullet style vibrator delivers gentle stimulation. If that’s your bag, or you’re just starting out as a vibrator user, you’ll really like Shorty.”
Jack: “Both of our new toys, Shorty and Cute, are ideal for sharing. The fact that they are waterproof and sheathed in nonporous silicone makes sanitizing these puppies easy as pie. Mild soap and warm water is fine for everyday cleaning. You can also wipe it down with a lint-free towel moistened with peroxide, rubbing alcohol or a 10% bleach solution to sanitize for sharing. After you wipe it down rinse in warm water and let it air dry. But we both were so confident of the quality of these toys that we dropped each of them in boiling water for a couple of minutes and even ran them through a cycle in the dishwasher to completely sanitize them. Both toys weathered this treatment no problem at all.”
Karen: “There’s no doubt about it, these are well designed and carefully crafted pleasure products. I want to call attention to the minimalist packaging. It’s fun, and there’s nothing ostentatious about it. Both vibes come with their own clear plastic stand. Very nice!”
Jack: “There’s lots to recommend these adorable toys. Just remember they are pocket-sized. Neither one is gonna deliver the vibration of a full-sized vibrator.”
Full Review HERE!

ENJOY

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