4 tips to try virtual sex and add some sizzle to your relationship

— If you frequently travel for work, then virtual sex is a way to keep that intimate connection with your partner(s).

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  • Virtual sex includes things like steamy texts, nude pics, or mutual masturbation via phone or video.
  • Swapping sexy photos and messages can add novelty and intimacy to any type of relationship.
  • After checking with your partner, you can start by sending a flirty photo or describing a fantasy.

Technology plays an increasing role in nearly every aspect of everyday life, and sex is no exception.

Virtual sex aka cybersex, which includes any kind of sexual activity via your phone, computer, or another digital device, has become more popular — particularly since the COVID-19 pandemic.

In fact, a 2021 study found that more than half of adults engaged in some form of virtual sex since the beginning of the pandemic.

Some examples of virtual sex with a partner might include:

Virtual sex offers a safe, convenient way of experiencing pleasure with your partner, no matter your distance or what kind of relationship you’re in.

Below, experts share just some of the benefits, plus some guidance on how to get the most out of your virtual experiences.

Why try it?

Virtual sex is great for long-distance couples seeking to build intimacy from afar, according to Javay Frye-Nekrasova, a certified sex educator with Lovehoney.

According to research from the Kinsey Institute, an organization that focuses on the study of human sexuality, people can feel both physically and emotionally connected to their partners during virtual sex. Feeling more connected to your partner may, in turn, help strengthen your relationship.

A few other reasons why you might consider virtual sex, according to Jess O’Reilly, PhD, a sexologist and relationship expert:

If you don’t choose to stick with virtual sex for any particular reason, O’Reilly says you still might try it just to add some variety to your sex life — especially if sex has started to feel monotonous or stale.

Even if you and your partner live together, you can still build anticipation and excitement via texting while out of the house during the day, or even when in separate rooms at home, says Suzannah Weiss, certified sex educator and resident sexologist for Biird.

Tips and tricks

Whether you’re trying virtual sex for the first time with a willing and eager partner or trying to figure out how to bring up the option to your significant other, these expert tips can help.

1. Gauge your partner’s interest

If you and your partner have never tried virtual sex before, it’s natural to feel a little awkward or self-conscious about bringing it up — but approaching the subject with curiosity can help.

One way to ease into the conversation, O’Reilly says, is to use popular culture as a reference.

For example, you might say: “I saw this [phone sex, video sex] scene in [XYZ movie or show] and I thought that might be fun,” and then follow up with, “Have you ever done that before?” or “How do you feel about that? Is it something you might be interested in trying?”

If your partner is open to trying virtual sex, O’Reilly suggests digging deeper into the specifics of their desires. For instance, you could ask:

  • “Do you prefer phone sex or video sex?”
  • “Are there certain things you’d like to see or hear?”
  • “How do you feel about receiving sexy images over text?”

These questions can then lead to a deeper discussion about their interests — and boundaries — around virtual sex.

2. Start with texts or voice notes

Being on camera can make you feel vulnerable or self-conscious. That’s why Frye-Nekrasova and O’Reilly advise starting with texts or voice notes to help you get more comfortable with the idea of virtual sex.

Here are some ideas to get you started:

  • “I can’t stop thinking about that time we…”
  • “Later tonight, I’d love to try…”
  • “How’d you like to see a photo of what I’m (not) wearing?”

You can also try recording and sending your partner flirty voice notes, O’Reilly says, to get more comfortable talking about your fantasies or desires.

Once you’re ready to progress things, you can move on to initiating phone sex, suggests Tara Suwinyattichaiporn, a relationship coach and associate professor of sexual and relational communication at California State University Fullerton.

A bonus is that with phone sex, you may have an easier time relaxing and enjoying the experience without as much pressure to perform.

3. Consider planning virtual sex ahead of time

While spontaneously having virtual sex can be exciting, you might want to try scheduling it ahead of time when you’re first starting out. Suwinyattichaiporn says this can help you mentally, emotionally, and physically prepare — however you need to.

For example, if you know in advance that you and your partner plan to have phone sex on a particular evening, you can try meditating, taking a warm bath, or listening to soothing soundscapes beforehand to help you relax and get in the mood.

4. Avoid setting lofty expectations

Frye-Nekrasova advises going into the experience simply with the objective of experiencing something new, instead of expecting something specific, like having an orgasm.

“When we approach things with the goal being fun, it automatically reduces pressure,” she says.

Things to keep in mind

Virtual sex may not work for everyone. O’Reilly advises being honest with your partner if you decide it’s not for you.

It’s also a good idea to be specific about the kinds of acts you aren’t comfortable with right from the start. At the same time, feel free to share the things that do excite or interest you. For example, you might decide to skip video or phone sex but continue sexting and sending sexy photos.

It’s also important to consider your trust level in your partner when digitally exchanging sexual photos and videos, Suwinyattichaiporn says. Even if you trust your partner not to share this digital content, there’s a possibility hackers could gain access to it.

To ensure your security and privacy:

  • Weiss recommends using an encrypted app like Telegram or Signal to exchange messages
  • Frye-Nekrasova advises using a passcode-protected app to store photos and videos.
  • You may also want to consider setting some guidelines with your partner around saving or destroying shared content after viewing.

Insider’s takeaway

Virtual sex offers the opportunity to build and maintain intimacy — even from a distance. Whether you and your partner decide to try phone sex, mutual masturbation over video chat, or exchanging sexy texts and photos, virtual sex can bring some variety and novelty to relationships of all kinds and stages.

Although virtual sex does eliminate the risk of unwanted pregnancy and STIs, it does come with a few privacy and security risks.

Be sure you trust your partner before sharing explicit photos and videos, and when possible, consider using encrypted apps to exchange content.

Remember: Virtual sex isn’t for everyone. While exploring this approach to intimacy, maintain an open line of communication with your partner about what you do and don’t enjoy, so you can figure out what’s comfortable and satisfying for both of you.

Complete Article HERE!

Sex doesn’t stop after 60

— ‘We can stay sexually zesty and vibrant’

While sex after 60 does have its challenges, it can also be “sizzling.”

By Rachel Grumman Bender

Sex after 60 isn’t something people talk about that much — but Joan Price is looking to change that.

The 79-year-old speaker and author of Better Than I Ever Expected: Straight Talk About Sex After Sixty and Naked at Our Age: Talking Out Loud About Senior Sex tells Yahoo Life that if “we give ourselves regular sexual attention and orgasms, we can stay sexually zesty and vibrant and reap all the benefits of regular orgasms such as a sense of well-being, being in touch with our physicality, sleeping better” and more.

The University of Michigan’s 2018 National Poll on Healthy Aging found that most older adults (76%) agreed that sex is an important part of a romantic relationship at any age. The poll also found that 45% of those 65 to 80 years old are sexually active.

But Leah Millheiser, director of the female sexual medicine program at Stanford University Medical Center, acknowledges that it’s still a taboo topic and people don’t typically see women being depicted as sexual beings after menopause, telling Yahoo Life: “That’s unfortunate because we know men and women across their lifetime will go on to having very enjoyable and satisfying sex lives. You have to work a little harder for it to be enjoyable and successful. But it’s very achievable.”

Millheiser says that society has “definitely made strides” in talking about sex and sexuality in midlife and beyond but that “we are nowhere near where we need to be.” She points to Jennifer Lopez during the 2020 Super Bowl LIV halftime show, where the star, then 50, “came out and blew people’s minds — she looks great and gorgeous. For many people it was shocking.” Millheiser also points out that 50-year-old Gwyneth Paltrow has also been vocal about sexuality in midlife.

Even so, “we are very far from having normalized sexuality in the golden years for women,” says Millheiser. “We can have erectile dysfunction ads all over the place, but you can’t say ‘vagina’ and ‘vaginal dryness.’ It starts with normalizing sexuality after a certain age.” She mentions how on the show Grace and Frankie “they actually show a sex scene with Jane Fonda and it was extremely hot to watch — there needs to be more of that.”

Joan Price (Photo: Courtesy of Joan Price)
Author Joan Price says she “was having glorious sex” in her 60s — and still is at 79.

It’s something Price can relate to. “Usually, sex and seniors were never mentioned in the same sentence, and if they were it was doom and gloom. But I was having glorious sex” in her 60s with her lover, who eventually became her husband (he died of cancer 7 years after they met). After wondering why there weren’t any books that talked about positive sexual experiences past age 60, Price ended up writing a book about it herself — and she’s been vocal about the topic ever since.

Price says that as people age, there are ways that sex can actually be better than ever. “When I say can be, I mean it doesn’t happen automatically,” she shares. “This is something we make a priority. … It’s important to keep yourself sexually healthy and vibrant by having regular sex sessions — whether that’s sex dates with yourself or a partner. Solo sex is real sex.”

That said, sex after 60 does have its challenges. Millheiser says it can be a “double-edged sword.” On the one hand, there can be issues with low libido, vaginal dryness and sexual dysfunction. But on the other hand, sex can also be better “because you know what you want and you know how to ask what you want,” she says.

Price acknowledges that it can be harder to get aroused and reach orgasm with age. “But that doesn’t mean sex is over,” she says. “It means we explore new ways and new erogenous zones. It may be the addition of a sex toy and not just a partner’s finger or mouth or genitals. We need to ask for what we need, and before we can do that we need to know what to ask for. That’s again why solo sex is important — even if we’re in a relationship — because we can explore on our own to know what to ask for.”

Of course, one of the benefits of aging, says Price, is worrying less about what other people think — and that includes in the bedroom. “We’ve spent too much of our lives worrying about being judged or shamed,” she says. “Let’s apply this to sex too” — meaning speaking up about what you like and don’t like between the sheets, especially if what aroused you in the past doesn’t work for you anymore.

“We can do it in a loving way,” Price says. “‘Honey, I know I used to love being touched this way, but now it feels different to me and I’d love it if you’d touch me this way.’ Or even, ‘I’m not sure how I like to be touched — could we explore and I’ll give you feedback?’”

She adds: “You are doing your partner a favor by giving direction in a loving way.”

That also includes adding sex toys — along with lubricants to help with vaginal dryness — to the mix. “Don’t be shy about saying, ‘I will only have an orgasm if we bring my vibrator into this wonderful relationship,’” says Price. “One of my taglines is, ‘A well-chosen, well-placed vibrator may be the difference between orgasms and no orgasms.’”

She continues: “We have our best sex when we have enough intensity and sensation. Often bringing a vibrator into the mix, whether solo or becoming a threesome with your partner — you, me and the vibrator — can make sex sizzling and splendid.”

Complete Article HERE!

Can You Buy Your Way To A Better Sex Life?

We investigate whether expensive sex toys are *really* worth it.

The sexual wellness industry is worth billions. But can you put a price (or a guarantee) on an orgasm? Sex and relationships writer, Paisley Gilmour, reports from the frontline of Pleasure Inc.

By Paisley Gilmour

As a sex and relationships journalist, I often think I’ve heard it all… until something new comes along that’s either completely genius or so eye-rollingly outlandish that I find myself yelling into my laptop. Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for people doing what they want to improve their sex lives (as long as they’re safe).

But with the sex toy market valued at around $38 billion in 2019 (even before multiple lockdowns saw sex-toy sales rocket), our sex lives are being commodified. And the more that happens, the more likely it is that you’re marketed stuff you don’t really need.

Sexual wellness is no longer confined to a dark corner of the internet; sites like Cult Beauty and Priceline now have their own sex sections, so you can browse vibes while stocking up on toothpaste. Goop – purveyor of the controversial jade vagina egg – now sells everything from a ‘date-night box’ (around $360 for a vibrator, sex gel, massage oil, chocolate and the infamous ‘This Smells Like My Vagina’ candle) to a 14-carat gold-plated collar-and-lead bondage set (around $740).

There are sexual wellness apps, too. Emjoy is an ‘audio guide for intimate wellbeing’ with a $16 monthly subscription fee, while Ferly promises to ‘radically transform your relationship with sex’ for around $25 a month. And let’s not forget the wealth of workshops and treatments you can try in a bid to improve your sex life. Tantric sex retreats for couples starting at $1000 and a $580 three-hour massage for ‘performance and orgasm issues’ spring to mind.

So, with the thriving industry going nowhere, does spending more on your sexual wellness actually guarantee success?

Is it worth splashing out on expensive sex toys? A case study

Jess Hooper* spent nearly $5,300 on her sex life over 12 months that straddled 2020 and early 2021; a sum that includes a Sybian – a sex machine with customisable vibrating dildos you can ride – that costs around $1700, as well as a rechargeable Doxy Wand vibrator for $299.95.

Among her other investments are new lingerie (“for regaining self-confidence”) and a butt plug with crystals inside (because she “needed some sparkle in 2020”). Jess also attends a pelvic-floor Pilates class for better sexual enjoyment and is a committed OnlyFans subscriber, changing the model she pays every month to support sex workers through the pandemic.

It was after experiencing pelvic-floor issues and difficulty orgasming that Jess, now 31, decided to invest more in her personal sexual wellbeing. “Years ago, I realised how important it is when looking at wellbeing overall,” she explains. “Sexual pleasure and satisfaction are an integral part of life for many. I’m willing to spend money on it, but I’ve had to really think about what can help me sexually.”

So, does every cent spent equate to mind-blowing orgasms? Seems it’s not quite as simple as that.

“I’ve found that items that look pretty aren’t always great. Often, sex toys made from expensive materials break really easily, so they’re just decorative. There was one I wanted… and it was meant to feel like oral sex. But there was so much wrong with it, and it even damaged my skin.”

Among Jess’s other regrets is a gold-plated dildo, since the vagina’s natural lubricant stripped the plating off over time. While Jess generally likes the sex-position pillows she’s invested in, she’s since found a cheaper alternative in mobility pillows, as well as those designed to help with back pain, which can be found in supermarkets.

Overall, Jess has seen the biggest payback on her investment when she’s bought things for herself – something she’s been doing a lot more of over the past year, now that she’s no longer in a polyamorous relationship.

“What I buy now is less couples-focused and more about me – something I probably neglected for years,” reflects Jess.

Budget VS high-end sex toys: My personal experience

While I’ll groan when I see my bursting inbox, full of bizarre NSFW emails, I’m aware my job comes with a great deal of sexual privilege. I’ve been able to test and review sex toys that are way beyond my budget, visit sex resorts that would have cost me thousands and even attend a $180 workshop that taught me how to use a strap-on.

I’ve been granted unrivalled access to the luxury sexual wellness world that would otherwise have been unavailable to me. And along the way, I’ve learnt a thing or two about what’s worth the hefty price tag.

I’ve had orgasms courtesy of a $25 vibrator and a $360 model and, with the exception of the millennial-pink marketing material, I’m not sure the experiences were actually all that different.

Of the hundreds of toys I’ve tried, only 10 remain in my under-the-bed sex box. And of those, I only really use five on regular rotation. I only have one vagina, after all.

My old faithful is a $50 glass dildo from Lovehoney, and on the pricier end of the spectrum is my other favourite, the Kip vibrator from female-owned brand, Dame Products. At around $130, it isn’t cheap, but its materials are high quality – and having spent hours chatting to the brand’s founder about her activism within the industry, I feel it’s a toy worth splashing out on. As for the dildo, the glass is sustainable, will last a lifetime and – most importantly – is body-safe.

Safety of materials used

The truth behind this ever-expanding industry is that it’s unregulated. That said, last year the International Organization for Standardization (ISO) – an independent body that develops voluntary expert-backed standards for different products and processes – released its first set of standards for sex toy design and materials. It warned manufacturers against the use of certain materials, like phthalates – a group of chemicals that are used to make plastics more flexible and have been linked with decreased fertility, asthma and breast cancer. I only use toys that are made from body-safe materials, like medical-grade silicone, ceramic, metal and glass.

Behind-the-scenes production ethics

While free porn has never been more accessible, it’s undoubtedly problematic. Pornhub had to remove millions of videos in 2020 after they were found to feature victims of child exploitation and sex trafficking, and 40 women are now suing the site’s owners, MindGeek, for about $100 million. I rely heavily on my subscription to ethical porn site XConfessions instead. Starting at about $16 a month, this gives you unlimited access to independent adult films by director Erika Lust, in which the actors are paid fairly and have creative input. After all, nothing can put you off your stride more quickly than wondering whether or not the actor you’re watching was treated with respect on set.

Supporting female-founded sex toy brands

Then there’s the question of who you want your money to go to. “A lot of sex tech for women is still being designed by men,” says Alice Stewart, a creative technologist and founder of Touchy-Feely Tech, a company that makes DIY vibrator kits and holds workshops to teach people how to build their own sex toys.

But the tide is turning, with more female-founded companies that have women and non-binary people in design roles popping up. See: Dame Products, MysteryVibe and Lora DiCarlo.

“It’s like there are two sides to this industry. There are sex-positive, female-founded companies advocating for marginalised folks out there, and while they’re expensive, they’re using very new tech that’s patented and for which they’ve won awards at science and engineering trade fairs. But then there’s the side serving the mainstream, with cheap products, copying ideas and selling a hundred options. The world I prefer to be in is the one that often comes at a premium,” says Stewart.

This decision, Stewart is keen to emphasise, is a personal one, and not because the smaller companies will guarantee a better experience. “An orgasm can also be achieved with a very simple, cheap vibrator,” she adds. “Essentially, all the sex toys out there have the same components.”

Sex toys won’t fix your personal life

When you face a problem in your life, it’s tempting to open up Google, grab your credit card and throw money at it. But just as owning the world’s best hand weights won’t automatically build muscle, shelling out on your sex life doesn’t come with an orgasms-or-your-money-back guarantee.

“In reality, most of the challenges people have that prevent them from enjoying a good and flourishing sex life are psychological. They’re not necessarily issues that can be fixed with lube, a sex toy or a new workshop. Although those things can absolutely help,” says sex educator Portia Brown.

Instead, Brown suggests looking inwards and working through any relevant issues at play such as body image, boundary setting or communication troubles.

“If you’re not experienced using toys or can’t be honest with yourself about what you want from a sexual experience, chances are you won’t have the exhilarating time you hope for. You can buy great sex toys or even the services of an accomplished sex practitioner, but only you can decide whether or not you can let yourself enjoy the sex you crave in the way you want,” says psychosexual therapist Lohani Noor.

“Ultimately, communication is at the foundation of every good relationship, and investment in it will enable you to reap the rewards of mutually satisfying sex,” continues Noor.

Whether to splurge or save on sex toys: The TL;DR summary

From my own experience, and through my conversations with the sex-positive people who are trying to change this industry, I’ve learned there’s no simple answer as to whether you really can buy your way to a better sex life. Some people do rely on sex toys to orgasm and experience sexual pleasure, and if dropping a month’s salary on golden anal beads makes them happier, who are we to judge? But cheap toys are, for many people, a gateway into the sex-toy world and as such, they have an important role to play, too.

Above all, I’ve learnt that true sexual fulfilment comes from investing more than just money; it comes from investing time and emotional energy in yourself. As with just about every other thing you spend your money on, a quick fix rarely equates to long-term happiness; just as a new designer dress won’t immediately solve your body-confidence woes, a diamanté spanking paddle can’t guarantee a rich and wild sex life, either. In short, sexual wellness, ultimately, comes from within.

Complete Article HERE!

Researchers suggest doctors should start prescribing vibrators to women

by Bob Yirka

A team of researchers led by Alexandra Dubinskaya, of Cedar-Sinai Medical Center has found that the medical benefits of women using vibrators are strong enough to warrant doctors prescribing their use to female patients on a regular basis. In their paper published in The Journal of Urology, the group describes their metastudy of research into the health impacts of vibrator use by women and why they believe the time may have come for them to be considered medical therapy devices.

Prior research has suggested that frequent masturbation by women can have positive health impacts, both physical and mental. In this new effort, the researchers noted that little work has been done on the use of vibrators as a masturbation aid and whether they have positive health impacts. They reviewed research databases for studies that involved use of vibrators for medical benefits and found 558 papers, which they whittled down to 21.

In their analysis, the researchers found evidence of a host of benefits of regular vibrator use, noting that it improved the health of the pelvic floor, reduced vulvar pain and led to improvements in overall sexual health. They also found instances of regular vibrator use leading to improvements in incontinence along with muscle strength.

The researchers note that use of a vibrator during masturbation reduces the time it takes for a woman to achieve an orgasm, and also helps with achieving multiple orgasms. Other prior research associates experiencing regular orgasms with stress reduction and an improvement in overall sexual . They suggest that adding a vibrator to masturbatory experiences leads to better outcomes.

The researchers conclude that vibrators can and should be considered not just sex toys, but therapeutic devices. And that, they point out, suggests that it is time that female pelvic medicine and reconstructive surgery specialists, and perhaps doctors in general, begin prescribing vibrators to their . The team will be presenting their findings at this year’s Annual Scientific Meeting of the American Urological Association.

Complete Article HERE!

How to broach the topic of sex toys with your partner

By

  • To introduce sex toys into your relationship gently, be sure to avoid complaining or critiquing your partner’s sexual performance.
  • You should also be direct with your desires, but willing to compromise based on what your partner wants.
  • Looking for a toy together can also help you to come to a decision with your partner.

If you’ve never used sex toys in your relationship, it may seem daunting and awkward to bring it up to your partner.

But opening a dialogue about sex toys can help with both communication and sexual pleasure — and the benefits don’t stop there.

“Many folks report that using sex toys helps to inject novelty into long-term relationships and their mere presence can help to open the lines of communication with regard to desires, boundaries, likes, and dislikes,” says sex and relationship expert Jess O’Reilly, PhD, host of the SexWithDrJess Podcast.

Here are five expert-approved tips for communicating with your partner to introduce sex toys into the relationship.

1. Frame your desires as requests as opposed to complaints

Your partner will likely be more receptive to the idea of sex toys if you are careful to avoid inadvertently offending them. Many people are sensitive about their sexual performance, so be sure to frame it as an exciting thing to try together, not a replacement for your partner’s body.

To do this, make sure that your communication doesn’t come off as a complaint or criticism, O’Reilly says. She recommends using the following formula:

  1. Start with the positive.
  2. Make an inquiry.
  3. Make a request that includes your partner.

For example:

  1. I loved how it felt last night…
  2. Have you ever thought about trying a toy?
  3. I’d love to try using a vibrator during sex with you.

2. Share how you feel

On top of sharing your desires, you should also share how you feel about utilizing sex toys, says Wright.

She suggests saying something like:

  • “I feel excited about the possibility of bringing X toy into our lives.”
  • “I feel nervous to share the toys that look fun to me.”

Be sure that you’re sharing a true emotion, and don’t be afraid to hold back from your partner.

“It’s really important to communicate your emotions to your partner(s), not just your thoughts,” says New York City-based sex therapist Rachel Wright, MA, LMFT.

3. Be direct but willing to compromise

Sit with yourself for a moment and be clear about understanding what you really want. Let your partner know what you want directly, and then ask them what they think and how they feel.

“It’s a combination of being direct and assertive with what you want with the flexibility of compromise by asking how the other person feels about it,” says Wright.

For example, you can name a specific toy or type of toy that you’d like to try out, and then ask them what they think about that toy. This opens the door for a two-way discussion that takes both of your needs into consideration. 

4. Look for a toy together

Make the toy hunt a collaborative experience.

O’Reilly suggests that you check out some toys together online. This way, you can get a feel for what each one of you is into and make a decision together, compromising if necessary.

Alternatively, you can make a date out of visiting the local sex shop to pick out a toy in person.

“Often, the employees are highly trained in helping you find the best toy for you. It can be a fun bonding experience from finding it, buying it, cleaning it, and using it,” says Wright.

Complete Article HERE!

It’s Complicated

— Love and Sex in 2021

By Isabelle Lee

Whether you are single, married, dating or just keeping it casual, the new pandemic normal has our relationships a little discombobulated. From socially distanced first dates on a park bench or over FaceTime, to a suitor trying to steal a kiss only to be Heismaned with a loud warning of “6 feet!” meeting people has not been easy. Maybe you’re married, and you now know that your spouse uses phrases like “let’s circle back” or “synergy” unironically at work. From current trends and content to spice up your day to Black-owned sex toy brands to buy and ways to practice self-love, today’s Sunday Magazine rings in Valentine’s Day by diving into the complicated world of modern love.

Appy V-Day. Many apps are stepping up to the plate for couples looking to reconnect this year. Love Nudge, based on Gary Chapman’s best-selling book, The 5 Love Languages, will help you identify your love language and set goals with your partner to express how much you care. Designed as an alternative to real-life couples therapy, Relish is meant to help identify and solve problems in your relationship. Coral is a sex and intimacy coaching app that will help you and your partner get on the same page and explore new communication methods. Femtech startup Emjoy is all about sexual empowerment well-being, whether you’re single or partnered up.

Another Level of Cuffing. Each winter you’ll find plenty of people getting into a relationship for the added body heat, a phenomenon known as “cuffing.” The pandemic version is known as “apocalypsing” — when you treat every relationship as if it’s your last — and nearly one-third of Gen Z users polled by dating app Plenty of Fish admits to doing it. Is it love, or are you just desperate to hold onto the one normal person you met on Hinge while the world collapses around you? Anyone else looking forward to getting a vaccination verification badge on Tinder?

On the Spectrum. There are some 70 million people across the globe on the autism spectrum; for them, social interaction is a challenge, making the dating world extra daunting. At last dating apps such as Hilki and Aspie Singles are emerging that cater specifically to this population, with some offering coaches to help read social cues and others tailored to address problems around sensory processing.

Judgment Day. You wouldn’t think it from the broader culture, but 1 in 4 Americans still disapprove of any and all sex outside the bonds of marriage — even if the couple is in a committed relationship. The numbers are fairly consistent across demographics, with the biggest deciding factor, more than age or political views, being how religious you are. But disapproving isn’t the same as abstaining: 85-90 percent of Americans aged 15-49 report having engaged in premarital sex.

love and marriage

Boom or Bust. When lockdown first started, many people expected divorce rates to skyrocket. While most people would agree that the pandemic increased stress in their relationship, the proportion of people reporting their marriage is in trouble actually fell from 40 percent in 2019 to 29 percent in 2020. Maybe it’s because, for some, household responsibilities like chores or child care are being more equitably divvied up between partners — though women continue to take on a greater share of house work — or maybe it’s simply a necessity to renew your commitment to your partner if you’re with them 24/7. Apocalypsing for the win.

Pandemic Parenting. After the year from hell, 2021 is all about helping moms heal from 2020’s craziness and finding ways to support them going forward. The blurred lines between child care, working from home and domestic chores are causing a crisis for America’s mothers. On the flip side, the pandemic is strengthening the bonds between father and child. More couples are sharing child care responsibilities than ever, with 70 percent of fathers reporting that they feel closer to their children since the pandemic —even if they might not be doing as much to help as they think.

Stalking 2.0. Domestic abuse is not a new phenomenon, but its direction during the pandemic certainly is. Domestic abusers are exploiting technology like never before, especially location-sharing tech, home cameras and smart doorbells. Some survivors have even reported their abuser using location tracking software to blackmail them for breaking coronavirus regulations. While resources for people suffering intimate partner violence look a little different right now, help is out there, whether it’s a hand signal on Zoom, an app or a hotline.

In Pod We Trust. While many people report that the pandemic has cost them some friendships, those that remain have become healthier. Thank God for pods, those tight-knit circles of people hailed as a balm for pandemic blues. But be careful how you go about defining and regulating your pod — finding pod members who are on the same COVID-safe wavelength as you is paramount. And as seeking out new friends becomes harder at a distance, apps like Bumble Bff are taking the dating game and applying it to buddies.

No Mask, Big Problem. We all know one, a pandemic rule-breaker friend. Maybe you’ve had to block them on social media after one too many Instagram stories flaunting the group gathering they’re attending. Maybe you’ve had to stop seeing them because you know they’re being irresponsible. If you have, you aren’t alone, but there might be more cause for hope than despair. Harvard researchers found only a small decline in the quality of friendships and relationships in the pandemic, a trend they expect to continue.

Oldies but Goodies. One trend we’re seeing more of: going back through your contacts and finding new friends among the old ones. Maybe it’s a fellow camper that you’ve lost touch with but you live in the same city, or a high school classmate you haven’t seen in forever. It’s become easier than ever to make new friends this year from your casual connections pool.

sex for you

Action Item: Masturbation. Lockdown has presented many people with the opportunity to get acquainted with themselves, if you know what I mean. A recent survey by condom company SKYN found that 39 percent of people were masturbating more during the past year, while 49 percent were watching more porn. It’s just another version of everyone’s favorite term of late: self-care.

Listen for a Good Time. Maybe you’ve tried to watch porn, and it just isn’t for you. Don’t despair because there is a new kind of erotica that might tickle your fancy. Companies like Quinn and Dipsea are pioneering the audio porn frontier. With recorded content that ranges from “appreciative boyfriend” to every possible fantasy your brain can cook up, audio porn promises to be a stimulating way to get you in the mood.

Satisfy Me. At this year’s Consumer Electronics Show, the Innovation Award went to sexual wellness company Satisfyer. It won for its new app, Satisfyer Connect, which syncs your sex toy with your partner’s. You can control your partner’s toy, program patterns and even link a sexy playlist. The app also lets you turn ambient sounds into vibration patterns. In a world where lockdowns are keeping partners apart, this app promises to make socially distanced sex a whole lot more fun.

No More Cold Feet. Have you ever felt like the one thing wrong with your sex toy is that it’s not warm to the touch? No? Well, either way, the sex toy geniuses at Lora DiCarlo released a new line of toys that warm to body temperature. The women-owned brand has enjoyed substantial success since launching in 2017 — hitting $7.5 million in sales — and the new heated line of toys will definitely continue to make waves, or rather, vibrations.

black-owned biz to support

Get Organized. We’ve all had it, that moment of panic when someone goes rummaging around in the drawer where you keep your sex toys. That panic inspired Lidia Bonilla to design a discreet box for your personal pleasure collection and launch Plume. The lockable box is a stylish addition to any bedside table — and there’s also a travel case so your toys can go anywhere you do.

Science Is Sexy. The name says it all. EngErotics is about engineered pleasure, using the best in science and engineering to create best-in-class intimacy products. From devices like the ‘Shroom and Progasm to CBD-infused intimate care products, this women-led company is bringing hard science to the pleasure space.

Condoms for a Cause. Entrepreneur Jason Panda is revolutionizing the world of safe sex. After practicing law, the Morehouse College alum started b condoms, the only African American-owned condom company in the country. B Condoms not only leans into fostering conversations about health disparities, but they work to address them as well by hosting events and distributing condoms in communities.

I Want Candy. Temmy Wallace’s sex toy company sits in the sweet spot where pleasure and education meet up. Appalled by the lack of education about sexual pleasure products, she decided to start her own company, iCandi, that provides outstanding customer service and high quality products — bridging the gap between what you might have learned about pleasure in middle school sex-ed and adult needs.

Complete Article HERE!

How to introduce sex toys into your relationship

By Mark Hay

Bringing sex toys into partnered sex can open up entirely new realms of pleasure for everyone involved.

Toys do things our bodies just cannot, like pulse and vibrate. These novel sensations can help many people have more consistent and frequent — or complex and intense — orgasmic experiences. And the sheer variety of experiences on offer can help couples keep their sex varied and interesting, which certainly helps to maintain desire in long-term relationships.

Sounds good, right? But even as taboos around using sex toys in general fade, sex counselor Aleece Fosnight notes that many still hesitate to broach the idea of bringing a toy to bed with partners.

So, why do we pause when it comes to using sex toys with partners?

The hesitation often stems, at least in part, from persistent beliefs that toys are for solo play, while sex is about two people meeting each other’s every want and need with their bodies alone, explains Fosnight.

Marketing that frames toys as stand-ins for absent partners, or solutions to sexual problems, doesn’t help, adds Amy Boyajian of toy maker and retailer Wild Flower. It leads people — especially straight cis men who rarely engage with toys — to view interest in toys as an attack on their sexual performance, or as sexual competition. (They definitively are not.) And Gretchen Leigh, a sex educator who works with the toy retailer She Bop, notes that people always worry about being weird, so rather than rock the boat, they “assume, ‘this is what this person likes in sex,’ and stay the course forever.”

How to have the sex toy conversations we want to have — and better sex, too

Talking to partners about exploring sex toys does not have to be a daunting or difficult endeavor. A half-dozen sex counselors, educators, and toy experts recently shared a few key tips and tricks for broaching the issue painlessly and productively with Mashable.

Consider the timing

One of the biggest mistakes people make when trying to introduce toys to their partners, these experts said, is attempting to just whip them out during sex. Unless you know your partner is comfortable with you and appreciates surprises during sex, Boyajian says, this “can leave them feeling anxious and pressured,” potentially dredging up insecurities or creating conflict.

Instead, set aside time outside of sex for a conversation about bringing toys into your play. “It’s easy to do in a new relationship,” says sexologist Carol Queen. That’s when you’ll ideally already be talking openly about your sexual preferences and can just work toys into those chats. But talking about sexual preferences takes a level of vulnerability that not everyone feels comfortable with early on. Even those who do may not think or feel able in early talks to broach toys specifically.

And that’s fine. There is no optimal time in a relationship to talk about sex toys. Months or even years down the road, once you’ve started having more open and regular conversations about your sexual wants and needs, you can raise the topic of toys. If you’ve never had a conversation like that, mentioning toys could be a good foothold to open up wider intimate dialogue. If you’re not sure how to start that first conversation, Fosnight recommends framing it as an idea you encountered in an article, in online talk, or during a chat with a friend.

Don’t criticize or apologize

No matter when or how you start the conversation, try not to connect your interest in toys to an explicit critique of or frustration with the sex you’re currently having. That will play right into potential underlying insecurities your partner may hold.

Don’t apologize or shy away from your own desires either, as that’s a good way to build up anxiety and stress on one or both sides of the conversation. Instead, try “coming from a place of exploration,” Boyajian suggests, in which sex toys are one of many exciting things you can try together to see what you can add to your sex life, to bring you both new and great experiences. “Most of us want our partners to have pleasure during sex, and will be willing to seek higher forms of pleasure together,” Leigh notes.

Don’t force the idea

If your partner is not open to the conversation or idea, don’t force toys on them with insistence or ultimatums. Instead, Jenni Skyler, a sexologist who works with adult retail giant Adam & Eve, suggests trying to talk, then or later, about why that idea makes them uncomfortable, then finding ways down the road to address any fears or stigmas about toys or sex that they may harbor. 

Be truly open to the idea of exploration

If your partner is interested in exploring the potential of toys, try not to dictate what that will look like — the toys you’re going to use together and how you’re going to use them. Instead, keep talking, in that first conversation and later on, about the kinds of sensations you both enjoy or are interested in exploring and how you could see toys playing into the sex you already have. Encourage each other to think outside the box of genital stimulation. Talk about the way your ideas overlap or differ. From that place of understanding, you can start to dive more fully into toys.

You or your partner may already have one or more toys you use alone that you’re excited about exploring together. In that case, Fosnight recommends that the partner with a toy bring it into bed at an agreed-upon time and demonstrate how they use it on themself, then guiding their partner, verbally or physically, to join in, or talk through how to try using the toy on or with each other.

You may also want to explore all-new toys together, to find something that fits your unique dynamic as a duo. Boyajian recommends turning toy research and shopping into a couple’s activity, a chance to build intimacy and mutual excitement and expectation. But Leigh cautions against falling into the trap of just exploring toys marketed for couples. There are a ton of guides online, some backed by sexual health experts. Yet they “aren’t in any way guaranteed to work better for couples than any other toys,” she explains.

In fact, many are built on presumptions about their users’ anatomies, and attempt to stimulate both parties at the same time. The same type of stimulation rarely works for two people at once, and many people actually enjoy using a toy on their partners — watching their partner use a toy, or mutual masturbation using two different toys — more than the two-party stimulations on offer.

Be safe…

“Any toy can potentially be used as a couple’s toy,” Leigh stresses. Of course, with so many toys to choose from, the selection can be daunting. Just remember there’s no rush. Take your time to explore your options together: Read toy reviews, consult friends and experts, and, once you do buy one or more toys, explore ways of using them.

Some outlets have published ostensibly definitive guides on how couples can use various toys. But as long as you’re being safe (e.g., not putting toys without a flared base up your anus and using ample toy-safe lube during any insertive play), “then you get to make the rules,” Boyajain stresses. “If it feels good, then it’s right for you!”

And have fun with it

“Be willing to laugh at the toy and yourself,” Skyler adds, because sometimes, inevitably, your experiments will not work out. That can be frustrating, because toys certainly aren’t cheap. You can, however, find good guides online to functional, body-safe toys that will help your engage in expansive rounds of exploration with a partner — without breaking the bank.

And remember, even when things don’t go perfectly or as expected, it’s all part of the journey you’re taking with your partner, and can help bring you closer as well.

And … that’s it! Follow these simple, flexible steps and you’ll be well on your way into the wide and wonderful world of toy-enhanced partnered sex.

Complete Article HERE!

Hacker exploits smart chastity belt bug to hold penises hostage

The hacker demanded to be paid in Bitcoin, because of course they did.

By Andrew Paul

Sex toy tech is a burgeoning industry often eliciting cheap jokes from people, but it truly presents some serious implications for consumers’ digital privacy and security rights. But hey, no one says these two reactions are mutually exclusive. Don’t believe us? Here: BDSM enthusiasts wearing remote-enabled chastity belts around their dicks are potentially getting caught between a rock and a hard place thanks to hackers breaching the device’s software.

Putting users in a tough bind — According to multiple outlets, hackers discovered a security flaw within the API of a Bluetooth-enabled BDSM sex device called the Cellmate Chastity Cage that allowed them to simultaneously lock all currently in-use devices. The bug was initially first reported last October, but the solution wasn’t so simple as issuing a software update; shutting down the then-current API would result in locking all of the devices from the Chinese-based manufacturer, Qiui. The company provided a revamped API for any new Cellmate purchasers, but the existing vulnerable software remained live and exploitable. Qiui offered numerous reassurances to deal with the issue, but it’s never seemed to fully materialize. So, of course, the worst-case scenario is exactly what happened, as reported by Motherboard.

Bolt cutters and angle grinders — One user recounted receiving a hacker’s message demanding a 0.02 Bitcoin ransom (around $750) or else their Cellmate would remain permanently locked. Given the Qiui’s “smart” sex toy locks via a metal ring underneath a user’s penis, it could have required something along the lines of a sizable bolt cutter or angle grinder to free oneself, which, y’know… is an absolutely terrifying thought. As the BBC noted in October, “Any other attempt to cut through the device’s plastic body poses a risk of harm.” “Fortunately I didn’t have this locked on myself while this happened,” the individual known only as Robert told Motherboard.

Even more private parts could be exposed — If the thought of having one’s genitals permanently encased in Chinese plastic isn’t unsettling enough already, the security flaw underscored even deeper existential problems for users. Pen Test Partners, the British-based cybersecurity firm who first exposed the issues, also noted that the API exploit easily exposed users’ passwords, private messages, and even precise geospatial locations, as seen below.

Pretty much all “Internet of Things” programming will inevitably run into bugs and possible security breaches, but these issues certainly become all the more serious (and even potentially dangerous) when some of your most literal and figurative sensitive information is on the line. The phrase “buyer beware” has never been more appropriate… so please, people. By all means, enhance and expand your sex lives. Just do so responsibly and safely on all fronts.

Complete Article HERE!

Sales of sex toys have boomed during lockdown

– and people are getting kinkier than ever

By

  • Since the pandemic first hit, people round the world have been buying more sex toys as they stay at home.
  • And people have been choosing kinkier options than usual, UK sex toy retailer Ann Summers told Insider, with sales of BDSM and high-tech equipment up in 2020.
  • “It appears we’ve been using our extra time to escape reality and try out new things in the bedroom,” the retailer said.
  • Sales of sex dolls have risen in the US this year, but the apparel industry has taken a huge hit during the pandemic, and lingerie is no exception.

People have been buying more sex toys during 2020 – and the products are kinkier than before, too, with more people buying BDSM and high-tech equipment.

Online sales of sex toys in the UK more than doubled when the country first entered lockdown in April. And this demand stayed strong over the course of 2020, sales data from British sex toys and lingerie specialist Ann Summers shows.

“The UK has become kinkier and more adventurous, with more people than ever spicing up their sex lives by trying out BDSM products and anal sex,” Ann Summers said in a press release sent to Insider.

It sold nine times as many leatherette paddles for spanking in the week from November 26 as it did during the same week in 2020, and sales of spreader bars and ball gags & nipple clamps were up more than fourfold, too.

UK retail marketplace Love The Sales also noted that sales of bondage sets rose 97% and basque sets 101% from 2019 to 2020.

This interest in sexual experimentation during lockdown is reflected in what people have been googling in 2020. UK searches for “what is pegging in sex?” have seen a 250% increase, according to data from Google Trends, while “what is BDSM?” searches are up by 70%.

Ann Summers added: “2020 has been a difficult year for many and it appears we’ve been using our extra time to escape reality and try out new things in the bedroom.”

High-tech sex toys have dominated its sales this year, the company noted, with the thrusting g-spot rampant rabbit its best-selling sex toy of 2020. Sales of remote control sex toys have also risen, with sales of one product up eleven-fold year-on-year.

“It’s clear from this data that consumers are starting to favor sex toys that are smarter, more innovative, and more tech-focused in order to provide the kind of pleasure they want,” Ann Summers explained.

“For many, this isn’t always a realistic dildo design, so we’re seeing artistic, modern, simple, and abstract sex toy designs on the rise.”

Interest in anal sex also rocketed during 2020, Ann Summers said. The company’s Intro to Anal Kit was its best-selling anal sex product of 2020, suggesting that more people were trying it for the first time.

As well as trying different toys, couples have also been buying more games to spice up their sex lives during lockdown. Sales of Ann Summers’ Kama Sutra Sex Positions Cards were up 144% year-on-year during Black Friday week, while sales of its Monogamy Couples Board Game and 50 Days of Play Couples Game more than tripled.

Ann Summers added that “people in the UK who are missing the office this year may be turning to roleplay,” noting that Black Friday week sales of its Sexy Secretary outfit doubled in 2020. Its Santa dress was its 10th best-selling item during Black Friday week.

It isn’t just Brits that are buying more sex toys. Sex toy use in the US has grown 10% during the pandemic, according to a survey of 1,464 Americans by sex toy retailer Ella Paradis.

Some people are turning to other types of sex toys during the pandemic, too – including sex dolls.

The New York Post reported that Americans are buying more of the life-like dolls, with sales up 25% year-on-year, according to Silicon Wives owner Bryan Gill. The biggest spikes have been in New York City, Los Angeles, Chicago, and Dallas, he added.

Although sex toy sales are booming, the apparel industry has taken a huge hit during the pandemic, and lingerie is no exception.

Mintel predicts that underwear sales in the UK will drop by 12% this year, with sales of high-end lingerie especially affected because of the cancellation of formal events such as weddings and parties.

But some lingerie companies and boutiques have seen above-average sales during the pandemic as people focus on self-care and divert their budgets from outdoor clothing. Love The Sales told Insider that sales of lingerie were up 49% year-on-year across its brands – including a 118% rise in sales of babydoll sets.

Silk lingerie is selling better than other fabrics these days because it’s comfortable for working from home, one lingerie seller told Business Insider, and some companies have seen sales rise for other non-lingerie products, they say, such as loungewear and pajamas.

Complete Article HERE!

Future Of Intimacy

— Sex Bots, Virtual Reality, And Smart Sex Toys

By Bernard Marr

Now that we have intelligent lightbulbs, doorbells, refrigerators, and more, it was only a matter of time before our most primal and intimate lives became smarter through artificial intelligence. Since sextech was allowed to exhibit at CES 2020 among the health and wellness vendors instead of denied entry or tucked away in the back as in years past, technology intended to augment the human sexual experience might just be on the verge of going mainstream. As more and more people invite artificial intelligence into their bedrooms and most intimate experiences, let’s review the possibilities as well as perils that might bring.

More Than Sex Bots

Creators of science fiction have imagined a future where human-like sex robots rule human sexual experience. However, sextech is more than just sex bots. According to an interview with sextech expert and founder of the Future of Sex Bryony Cole, “sexuality really encompasses everything from orgasms and pleasure and relationships to education, health, crimes, assault reporting, medicine and gender identity” across sexual identities and preferences.

Sextech is a $30 billion industry today, but according to an analysis report, the industry should grow to $52.7 billion by 2026 with a huge assist from online sales. Companies are feverishly working to innovate the most intriguing products that have an intelligent response for sexual activity to take advantage of this expected growth.

These products do include sex bots such as Harmony, a robotic version of a silicone sex toy made by RealDoll, but also app-connected, smart vibrators, stimulators, and massagers; personalized porn; virtual reality and augmented sexual experiences; and more.

Smart Sex Toys

Artificial intelligence in sex toys aims to achieve similar objectives as products in other industries—learn from data gathered by sensors to elevate and improve the experience as well as personalize it. And, as in other industries, the companies that use technology to create a stellar product or service will have higher sales. From Lioness, the award-winning smart vibrator created by women and referred to as the FitBit for a woman’s orgasm, and Osé, an award-winning robotic sex device “designed to mimic the best kinds of human touch,” smart sex toys are responsible for incredible innovation. Many of these companies are led by women who address sexuality with new voices and concerns. Most of these toys are connected to smartphones via apps that let users learn more about their sexuality and sexual preferences. There are also gadgets for men and couples, even some that provide benefits when couples aren’t together.

Sex in Virtual Reality

While there are questions about the long-term consequences of allowing people to live out whatever sexual fantasy they have via artificial intelligence and what that may or may do to their real-life interactions with human partners, virtual reality offers a way to explore sexuality safely. Virtual reality sexual experiences are today more realistic than ever before, and many offer haptics (the sensation of touch). Virtual reality technology is developing rapidly creating very realistic experiences. The sexual experiences available through virtual reality will continue to become more immersive in the future. Many of these VR experiences can also be combined with other online devices.

With this new technology, those in committed relationships will have to determine new boundaries with one another. Is exploring sex in a virtual reality a safe way to experiment, or is it considered cheating? What if you engage in sex with your partner while augmenting reality so that your partner looks like someone else? The comfort level and boundaries of these experiences will need to be discussed among partners to establish what enhances the relationship rather than harms it.

Realistic Sex Robots

While you can see sextech is much more than sex robots, the reality is that much progress has been made to create sex robots that are very realistic and that you can customize. There are companies that are almost ready to unveil robots that seem to have a heartbeat and can mimic breathing. Ultimately, they are working on having sex dolls interact and communicate with partners as if they were human. RealDoll, makers of Harmony and other versions for men and women, offer technologically advanced AI-driven robots that can blink, move, and more. While these bots are available with a hefty price tag, Matt McMullen founder of RealDoll expects to have no shortage of customers.

Artificial intelligence and advanced technology have opened up a new world for healthy sexual expression, education, and knowledge, albeit it does present some new challenges that need to be considered. The comfort and willingness for committed partners to explore their sexual fantasies through AI might cross boundaries. Whether sex with AI is understood and allowed or allowed at what level will come down to each couple’s comfort level and understanding. Could AI create unrealistic expectations for human interaction, or do they provide an acceptable outlet for sexual transgressions and exploration not appropriate in real life?

As with any new frontier, there isn’t a one-size-fits-all answer here. In fact, there will likely be negatives along with the positives this technology offers.

Complete Article HERE!

How a New Wave of Inclusive Sexual Wellness Products Ensures Pleasure Is for All

By Mary Grace Garis

Sexual wellness brand Cake was founded in June with two guiding intentions in mind. The first is that, like Cake’s frosted namesake, sex is something to be enjoyed guilt-free. And the second is that, by creating specialized, high-quality products that are accessible to all genders, sexual preferences, and relationship structures, the pleasure market could be a more inclusive place.

To be sure, there’s a lot of work to be done regarding inclusivity in the sexual wellness industry, specifically in the way products are marketed. “As a gay man, I knew how beneficial lubricants were, but there just weren’t any on the market that stood out as the best [for me],” says Cake co-founder and CMO Mitch Orkis. “As a straight man, Hunter [Morris, Cake’s co-founder] knew about lubricants, but often found the many offerings and strange ingredients confusing. As we began to ask others about their sex life and preferences, it became clear that there was an opportunity to offer something better.”

Cake’s lubricants are geared toward different sexual activities, rather than just a “his/hers” approach. This not only validates varying identities, but also acknowledges a range of preferences and experiences in a way that maximizes pleasure for all. “Someone trying butt play for the first time should not reach for the traditional lube they use for penis or vaginal play, and those who use toys will want specially formulated ‘non-drip’ lube to avoid unwanted messes,” Orkis says. “The ‘Aloe’ lubricant is organic, including quinoa and oat extract, and aloe-based for vagina play, whereas the ‘Backside Slide’ product includes non-absorbing, long-lasting silicone ingredients ideal for anal play.”

And that specificity matters. While it’s great that, on a cultural level, the understanding of sex is expanding beyond a heteronormative, monogamous, P-in-V approach, there’s still room for growth. The next phase of making pleasure accessible to all people focuses on the growth of inclusive sexual wellness products, like Cake’s, so everyone’s specific needs can be recognized and celebrated.

The current problem with labels and oppressive language in pleasure products

My first encounter with personal lubricant was with a “his/hers” two-pack I snagged from a drugstore shelf. The not-so-subtle messaging of this product? There are two genders, and they are the only ones that can please each other. The packaging and marketing conveys that there’s no space for solo play, for same-sex loving, for people who don’t subscribe to the gender binary. Unfortunately, the “For Her Pleasure,” “For His Pleasure” dichotomy remains rampant and is certainly not limited to drugstore brands.

Take the beloved Sliquid Sassy lube for example: A quick peek at the hot pink bottle immediately signals to me that it’s for those who identify as women, and the vaginal-looking flowers with the “women” symbol on the label really drive that point home. This needlessly genders the product, leaving trans, genderqueer, non-binary folks entirely out of the conversation.

And remember, identifying as a woman and having a vagina aren’t the same thing. That why Alexandra Fine, CEO and co-founder of pleasure-product company Dame Products and Well+Good Changemaker, notes how important it is for products and brands to be mindful of the differences between sex and gender (sex refers to a biological genitalia, whereas gender refers to how a person identifies). Accordingly, Dame’s products cater to those who are “vulva-havers,” not women. “Especially when talking about sex products, clearly communicating which body part a product was designed for helps us to best share how to use the product in the most pleasurable and safe way possible,” says Fine. “By using this language, we aim to make all people with that body part feel seen and welcomed into our Dame family, no matter their gender identity.”

“Especially when talking about sex products, clearly communicating which body part a product was designed for helps us to best share how to use the product in the most pleasurable and safe way possible.” —Alexandra Fine, CEO, Dame Products

Since sex toys are for all bodies—just used differently for different bodies—the packaging needs to reflect that reality. When we gender pleasure products and, by proxy, people, it can harm someone’s mental health as well as their sexual health.

“Psychologically, it can cause folks to distrust and discount their own feelings and desires, which, over time, can lead to folks struggling in many other ways sexually,” says sex educator and trauma specialist Jimanekia Eborn, who adds that gendering people who are keen to explore new sexual possibilities does them a disservice and can make them doubt themselves.

And as Step Tranovich, creator of sex-positive toy brand Cute Little Fuckers, points out, people of all identities and sexualities enjoy sex—and product offerings need to reflect that. “It’s time for inclusivity, time to make toys that don’t just make people’s bodies feel good, but also to make people feel good about who they are,” they say. Cute Little Fuckers aims to do just that with its language and design. The toys are shaped like aquatic monsters (Starsi, $79, is a starfish-shaped vibrator), and the brand even has a companion comic strip where the CLFs go exploring. Injecting a sense of playfulness can help bring an arms-wide-open approach to sexuality.

In addition to a product’s appearance and language choice, the sexual-wellness products can be more inclusive by offering education as a facet of the brand. Kiana Reeves, chief brand educator at sexual wellness company Foria Wellness, says education and storytelling are crucial to the brand’s ethos (it offers sexual health information via its on-site blog).

“One of our main focuses is making sure our language and visuals are inclusive and represent a range in age, body, gender identity, race, and sexual orientation, especially when it comes to our intimacy products,” says Reeves. “Most of our intimacy line was developed for people with vulvas, some of whom identify as women, and some who don’t. We’re careful with our language not to encourage gender binary or heteronormative narratives.”

How can sexual-wellness brands be more inclusive?

According to Eborn, brands need to listen to consumers—their needs, their desires, their voices percolating in comments sections. There’s also a powerful need for companies to not only reflect diverse identities, but be composed of diverse individuals.

“Hire folks that are not white, cis, and hetero to work for the companies, not just because you want them to fill a spot on a checklist, but because your company genuinely wants to be better and grow and supports all humans,” says Eborn. These are the leadership moves that can help democratize sexual pleasure, which is key.

By exercising specificity in language, amplifying diverse voices and visuals, employing people of all identities, and just giving a damn about providing access to pleasure for all people, brands can be more inclusive. “[A brand’s] responsibility is to show up and respect the consumer. Create things for the consumer, and not just the consumers that look like you,” says Eborn.

Complete Article HERE!

The best positions for using sex toys

It’s time to mix things up!

by

Love using sex toys, but finding things are starting to get a little boring in the bedroom?

Whether you’re going solo, or enjoying being with a partner, we all know that using one of the best vibrators can really boost your pleasure levels. But have you thought about the best positions for using sex toys? Turns out, there are more ways to use them than you might first think.

And, there is no need to feel daunted. New research by sexual wellness brand LELO has found 42% of couples are now using sex toys together. Plus, 32% of Brits say they use one when going solo.

“Sensory play and satisfaction is a key part of sexual wellbeing. And sex toys are a great way of achieving that,” says sex and relationship expert for LELO, Kate Moyle.

“Sex toys shouldn’t compete with, but should compliment partnered sex,” says Kate. “This is because they can offer different elements and sensations that can help you to maintain variety in your sex life. This is also the case for solo play.”

So, what are you waiting for? Grab a toy and try out these positions recommended by Kate:

The best positions for using sex toys

1. Hands-free is great for mixing things up

Remote controlled toys are a great way for couples to explore giving control to the other,” says Kate. “Encourage the partner using the toy to lie back on a bed with the other partner out the direct line of sight. This will also add to the suspense of not knowing what’s going to happen next.”

2. Lying on your front is one of the best positions for sex toys

This is definitely one of the best positions for using sex toys, but is rarely depicted on screen. “On your front is a great position as it can work for both male and female sex toys,” says Kate. “Position the sex toy between two pillows on your bed and then lie on your front, using the sex toy to stimulate you.”

3. Try your sex toy in the bath or shower

Checked that the sex toy you are using is 100% waterproof? “Then use the sensation of water to mix it up,” says Kate. “For example, turn on the handheld shower or the tap. Then you can swap between the shower head and your sex toy or use them simultaneously.”

4. Use your sex toy all over your body

Who says one of the best positions for using sex toys is just one place on the body? “Using a wand vibrator, such as the Smart Wand 2, can help give you an all-over body massage,” says Kate. “This won’t just help you to relax, but can build up desire and arousal by teasing. Running along the inner thighs, the lower back and buttocks can build up anticipation, which is our most natural aphrodisiac.” This level of relaxation is one of the reasons a vibrator is good for your health.

5. Spooning is one of the best positions for using your sex toy

“Spooning is the perfect position for slow and gentle sex,” say Kate. “And a vibrator can be the perfect addition as the ‘big spoon’ is easily able to reach around for clitoral stimulation on the little spoon partner. A bullet vibrator or finger vibrator would work really well. Plus, you can start your spooning session at any point and then add in the vibrator. Just make sure you have it easily in reach so that you don’t have to scrabble around for it and interrupt your enjoyment.”

6. Let them wear the sex toy, if you can

Playing with a partner? Then let them do some of the work with a sex toy which offers multiple functions. “A cockring that stretches around the penis is great for penetrative sex,” says Kate. “It also offers great clitoral stimulation if worn during sex, particularly when the woman is on top. You can also use it for mutual masturbation or oral sex to add something different.”

7. Using your finger can help guide your sex toy

“A finger vibrator can be especially helpful for solo fun if you are using lube,” says Kate. “There’s nothing more distracting than losing your grip or slipping just as you edge towards orgasm! But it’s also a great addition to oral sex and can be used all around the vulva.”

8. Try your sex toy while sitting up

Forget simply lying on your back. “Sitting up on your knees and lowering yourself onto a sex toy can be a great way for vulva and vagina owners to mix it up at home,” says Kate. “Using a sex toy with a base so that it can be secured to a surface can help. Or, standing it up between two pillows can be helpful if you are on your bed.”

9. Do the reverse cowgirl

Want to try the reverse cowgirl with a handheld vibrator? You should! “It means that you can use it for stimulation on the riding partner, and that you can also use it on the bottom partner on their perineum or testicles for additional sensation,” says Kate.

Complete Article HERE!

7 Fun Ways To Gamify Your Boring Sex Life

By Mary Grace Garis

Everyone interprets sex differently, but when a roll in the sack feels like a choreographed routine to reach orgasm or a chore like doing the dishes or taking out the trash, it might be time to change things up. Like videos games, sex games don’t have to be exclusively goal-oriented. A fun sex game is meant to help you diversify your pleasure (and maybe even make you laugh a little).

Now, I’m not talking about Truth or Dare, or Seven Minutes in Heaven, or what I imagine would be a very short round of Spin the Bottle. There are so many online resources, toys and tools to gamify your sex life, making all parts of the sexual response cycle really count. Hell, there are even some fun options if you’re only doing single-player games right now. Below, seven ways to emphasize the “play” in sex play with fun games.

Fun sex games to play with your partner (or yourself)

1.Wheel of Foreplay

Wheel of Foreplay is a veritable circus of creative sex ideas, using a virtual wheel and different game packs to deliver little challenges. Depending the nature of your sexual dynamic (long distance, solo sex, whatever) you’ll get different prompts. I just picked out a card from the Some Like It Hot pack. “Put on a streaming service and play the last show you watched,” it reads. “Your partner has to perform oral sex through the opening sequence of the show.”

Seems like a dodgy way to repurpose the Sailor Moon theme song, but I love the bravery.

2.Kinkly’s Sex Position Generator

Sometimes the deeper into a relationship the more you get into a certified sex routine—a series almost choreographed moves that traditionally work, or eventually just sort of lose their luster. If you feel like the spark is gone, Kinkly has a sex position generator that you can filter according to position type, erogenous zone stimulation, mobility and accessories. Plug in your pleasure and see what comes up!

3. CalExotics EmojiGasm Dice

If you and your partner don’t know where to start, CalExotics Emojigasm Dice is a super non-intimidating (read: adorable) way to find out where the night should take you. With each die representing body part, action, and location you’re bound to get lucky with these friends.

4.Eforia

Eforia is a sexual wellness app with different functions meant to get you in the mood, but one is particularly good if you’re looking to turn yourself on during solo sex. The “play” feature is basically a dirty choose-you-own adventure roleplay where you receive texts from an imaginary someone, based around a certain erotic narrative. I just tested it out (for journalism) and things got so intense I literally flipped my phone over when my roommate walked into the kitchen. Let’s…move on, shall we?

5.“Use Your Mouth” Sex and Relationship Conversation Starter Cards

Now that we don’t love an old-fashioned game of strip poker, but these cards curated by sexologist Shamyra Howard, LCSW are great if you want to explore desires with a new (or better yet, old!) partner. It features of deck of 50 open-ended questions about sex and relationships that are destined to bring you both closer. Like way closer.

6.Netflix and Strip

As far as resources go you just Netflix for some other streaming platform for this. Easy, right? Courtesy of sexologist Jess O’Reilly, PhD, this game is pretty straightforward. You each select a different word that should occur with some frequency during the show.

“For example, if your selected word is ‘yes,’ you remove one piece of your partner’s clothing each time you hear it,” says Dr. O’Reilly. “If they select ‘no’ as their magic word, they strip you of one article each time they hear it. You can share your words or keep them a secret and let your partner guess. If you do not reveal your word to your lover, it also makes it easier to cheat—and a little cheating is okay in this case as long as it is playful and consensual.”

7. We-Vibe

Break out your toys from your toy box! You can utilize another wearable vibrator of your choosing, but something that can be remote controlled is ideal.

“Wearing a toy like the Moxie or Ditto out for the day and connect to the We-Connect app,” Dr. O’Reilly says. “Make a contest to see who finds it more distracting, for example, can you sit through a meeting? Winner gets a special sexy surprise of your choosing.”

Complete Article HERE!

65 per cent of people want to shake up their sex life in lockdown

People have been using lockdown rather creatively…

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The study also found that 97 per cent of people believe sexual health and pleasure affects overall wellness. So there’s no better time like the present to get searching for the best vibrator (you might even be lucky enough to bag one in the bank holiday sales…)

A new study by American sex toy company Ella Paradis has found that one in three people are considering a more adventurous sex life in the wake of lockdown.

The study, conducted on 1,370 American adults between the ages of 18 and 54, also found that almost all of those surveyed (97 per cent) thought that sexual health and pleasure is crucial to overall wellness. (And we’re all about health.)

The study further found that one in three people were masturbating more than they were prior to the pandemic. Meaning you can definitely consider a vibrator an investment piece. (After all, vibrators do have a multitude of surprising benefits – as Toni Braxton recently revealed in her Vogue beauty video.)

While 51 per cent of respondents said their physical intimacy has stayed the same as it was prior to lockdown, 28 per cent admitted to going at it less than before. 19 per cent of people, meanwhile, reported having more sex than before.

The sex toy company’s CEO said of the study, “Without access to [favourite] activities, having a vibrant fulfilling sex life is more important than ever. Sexual fulfillment and experimentation are key to getting through the monotony of life in quarantine.”

So whether in a couple or going it solo, there’s plenty out there to help you along the way to a more satisfying sex life.

Complete Article HERE!

Here’s What a ‘Sexpert’ Wants You to Know About Sex Toys

(No, You Can’t Use a Vibrator Too Much)

‘Taking time to challenge and explore ideas around pleasure will help with your sex education.’

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While sex toys used to be seen as gratuitous and only for the sexually “adventurous,” they’re now commonplace—especially at a time when city governments are advising that “you are your safest sex partner” amid COVID-19. The “sex tech” industry is booming—and experts are linking their overall use to increased rates of orgasms, especially for women. Despite the taboos that surround sex toys, and for that matter, female sexuality and desire, research tells us that the use of sex toys increases the frequency of orgasms. Not only that, but sex toys have also been linked to fascilitating orgasms for perimenopausal, menopausal, and post-menopausal women with orgasmic disorder.

“Only four percent of people with vaginas orgasm most reliably from penetration alone,” says Dr. Laurie Mintz, a professor at the University of Florida and licensed psychologist. “The rest need clitoral stimulation, either alone or coupled with penetration.” The author of “A Tired Woman’s Guide to Passionate Sex” and “Becoming Cliterate,” and ‘sexpert’ for sex toy company LELO, Mintz is an expert on the art—and science—of the orgasm. Naturally, the topic of sex toys comes up regularly. Plain and simple, she explains, “people with vaginas who use vibrators have easier and more frequent orgasms.”

Below, Dr. Mintz answers your top questions about using sex toys—submitted via the @VogueWeddings Instagram—including how to get started, which ones work best with a partner, and whether or not it’s possible to use them too much.

What is a good vibrator to start with?

If you’re a first-time vibrator user, check out the sex toys at LELO. Additionally, both the stores Babeland and Good Vibrations have sections for first-time vibrator users.

I’ve never owned one, what sex toy should I get first?

I suggest a clitoral vibrator that has different speeds that you can experiment with. The overwhelming majority of people with vaginas need clitoral stimulation to orgasm and this is why I recommend starting with a clitoral vibrator. Additionally, the intensity of the vibrations enjoyed will vary among people with vaginas and this is why I recommend variable speeds/intensities.

How do I let my partner know that I only orgasm with sex toys?

You can’t overdo your vibrator use. So if you always need a vibrator to orgasm, let them know this and, more importantly, always use a vibrator! It’s that simple.

How can I introduce sex toys into my relationship?

Imagine yourself swimming in a pool with your partner. You’re having a great day swimming, and there happens to be a raft there, and you jump on and off the raft. At the end of the day you don’t call your friend and say, ‘my raft and I had so much fun, and oh my partner was there too.’ The same is true for using sex toys. Make sure you and your partner both understand that sex toys are not a substitute for a partner, but rather tools that provide additional stimulation—and then the fun part: go shopping!

Is it possible to use a vibrator too much? Will it cause damage?

Sex toys cannot make your clitoris loose feeling or damage it permamently. If you use it for a while and start to go numb, just take a break—just like if your butt goes numb from riding a bike.

I’m thinking about gifting my partner a sex toy; is that weird or offensive?

Giving your partner the gift of a sex toy is not weird at all. In fact that message it gives is beautiful, it says you care about their pleasure.

What toys do you recommend for both partners to enjoy?

For two people with vaginas having sex, bring whatever toy you use on yourself and teach your partner how to use it on you if they don’t know; you can even use it alone while your partner kisses or caresses you in other areas. If one person has a penis and the other has a vagina, you can also bring whatever you normally use and instruct your partner on how to use it on you; you can also try a cock ring with an attached clitoral vibrator—the person with the penis can wear it during intercourse, stimulating their partner.

What is the proper way to sanitize and clean your sex toys?

Most sex toys can be cleaned with mild antibacterial soap and warm water. Wash them for at least 20 seconds and dry them with a clean towel. Additionally, you can purchase sex toy cleaner. I personally use LELO’s cleaner which you simply spray on, wait five seconds, and rinse off.

Complete Article HERE!