Category: SEX THERAPY

Fear of Sex, Lasting Longer, Performance Anxiety, Preorgasmic Women, Sensate Focus

Posted on

On Sex Ed

— “Our Side” Is Finally Fighting Back

The new group EducateUS is creating a counter-movement to the conservative groups stoking a culture war over sexuality education.

By Joan Walsh

When the nation began to emerge from our collective Covid lockdowns two to three years ago, some public education advocates noticed that parents were developing strange new fears about what was going on in their children’s classrooms.kid Conservative groups like Moms for Liberty, the Family Policy Alliance, and others suddenly began translating the phobias that once powered debates over masking, vaccines and remote learning into curriculum battles, specifically over whether and how to teach sex education in public schools. In the past three years, urban and suburban districts in Connecticut, Massachusetts, New Jersey, Virginia, Maryland, Colorado, and Georgia faced newly contentious school board meetings and suddenly contested school board races over sex ed, especially over the teaching of LGBTQ issues and anything related to “gender identity.” The backlash has been no mere red-state panic: In 2021, Republican Glenn Youngkin won an upset race for Virginia governor at least in part on parents’ fears of what was being taught in sex-ed classes.

Formerly quiet board rooms where new sex-ed curricula used to be calmly vetted blew up into shouting matches; educators accused of promoting “wrong” ideas faced death threats. That year, Education Week reported that at least 30 pieces of legislation around the country “would variously circumscribe LGBTQ representation in the curriculum, the pronouns that students and teachers can use, and put limits on school clubs, among other things.”

When I covered this movement two years ago, many sex-ed advocates I spoke to lamented that there weren’t many—maybe not any—groups solely devoted to supporting sex ed in schools. But over the last few months, a team of organizers led by the group EducateUS: Changing Sex Ed for Good, building on research by Planned Parenthood, Advocates for Youth, and others, has been developing ways of building support for sex ed from the classroom to school board chambers to local libraries to the ballot box. With support from the Harnisch Foundation and the Equality Federation, the group hired Gutsy Media to develop three 30-second digital ads based on messages they honed through testing.

“Sex ed has been a third-tier priority for the left,” says Jaclyn Friedman, founder and executive director of EducateUS. “But we’re finding it can poll better than abortion.” Earlier research by Planned Parenthood found that roughly 96 percent of parents want sex ed taught in high school, and more than 80 want it taught in middle school. EducateUS shared its new data exclusively with The Nation.

In 2022, Moms for Liberty made its first round of political endorsements, winning a healthy number. But its success was short-lived. The group’s candidates won fewer than one-third of school board seats where they had sought Moms for Liberty’s endorsement in 2023. The Brookings Institution observed the largest change in the suburbs, where the win rate dipped from from 54 percent to 34 percent.

EducateUS won three of the five seats where it backed school board candidates last year. But it is not declaring victory yet. “There are still a lot of places where people feel parents alone should be in charge of sex ed,” says Dr. Tarece Johnson-Morgan, a Gwinnett County School Board member in Georgia who has fought these battles on the ground. Last year, in a tough fight, the board adopted a new health curriculum, but opted to leave out its sex-ed components. They’ll revisit that decision this year, she says, and she believes EducateUS’s research and advertising will help her cause.

What EducateUS has tried to do is not merely poll attitudes but to test messaging that can lead to action in support of sexuality education—whether that’s voting for a school board candidate who shares your views, or lobbying an elected body to support your issues, or sharing its persuasive tested messages via social media. Its research began in 2022, and developed into a full-blown set of surveys, message development, and advertising in the second half of 2023. Ultimately, it surveyed 15,170 respondents across four surveys.

This week, the group and its partners are releasing messaging that they say has been shown to spur action, along with three ads that anyone can license, to share via social media, e-mail, or as an education tool to get folks organized. Overall, their research shows that support for sex ed increased between 2022 and 2023, with very little ground game going on.

Dr. Cara Berg Powers was my guide to the fraught politics of sex ed back in 2022. As a prominent supporter of sexuality education in schools, she’d lost a race for a school board seat in Worcester, Massachusetts. And even after her district adopted a progressive sex-ed curriculum in 2021, she had to watch as another school board candidate, Shanel Soucy, used her anti-sex-ed campaign—though ultimately unsuccessful—to organize more than 3,000 local parents to opt out of letting their kids take sex ed. (Parents have almost always been able to opt their kids out of sex ed, in big cities and small.)

Now Powers chairs the board of EducateUS. She feels like our side is catching up. “This issue has been really badly done for a while,” she notes. “Young people and sexuality can make us feel icky. It threatens a lot of us. But I think we see, with EducateUS, people are coming around to believe young people deserve honest sex education.”

Some of their winning messages were surprising to me. When I first wrote about this issue, I thought that pushing the message that sex education helps kids recognize and report child abuse was compelling. But for these survey groups, it was not. “Most people see it as a negative, marginal message that doesn’t affect a lot of people,” Powers notes (though it silently affects more people than any one knows). Soucy, herself a child survivor, told me flat-out two years ago that sex ed wouldn’t help abused kids like her: “No,” she said firmly. “When you’re having sex at 14, or 12, you’re not thinking about any of that. It’s about escaping dysfunction. It’s not a means of pleasure.” EducateUS says the days of pushing a “narrow, stigma- and fear-based message about unwanted pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections” are behind us.

The ads that broke through and moved people to action are remarkably joyous, not ominous. One of them was nicknamed “Break the Isolation.” It deals with the incomplete business, even in 2024, of moving teenagers back into school and into their lives, comfortably, post-Covid. Sex ed “has been shown to reduce bullying, and help kids develop healthy relationships,” the ad notes. And yes, there’s a closing nod to sexuality, and it’s sweet. It ends with the tagline: “Sex ed: It’s not what you’ve heard, and just what they need.” This ad moved the most people to action, overall. Ads focused on fighting bullying were especially effective with men and conservatives.

Another ad, “Know Means Know,” spotlights the youth empowerment that sexual knowledge represents. “They trust us, because we trust them,” it begins, as a young man hops out of a parent’s car, excitedly, to begin his school day. This one has an edge: It identifies that there are forces opposed to sex ed. “But some don’t trust them with any of it, and they’re getting bolder every day.” We see images of angry parents carrying signs saying things like “Education not sexualization” and “Too much too soon.” The ad concludes: “The time to fight for sex ed is now—because know means know.”

A third, “Liberation,” is a tribute to Black empowerment. “Black people have been fighting for bodily freedom since we came to this country,” a woman’s voice intones. “The fight for Black liberation continues. A vote for sex ed is a vote for bodily freedom.” Although the ad mainly features Black people, it motivated positive action among all races tested, but was far the most motivating to Black viewers.

“We have to remember people of color are our natural constituency,” Friedman told me. They test most strongly in favor of all of these messages. On average, people of color were found to be 14 percent more likely to take action for public school sex ed over their white counterparts. Compared with the first surveys EducateUS did in 2022, white men are improving and are showing themselves to be receptive. “We didn’t find a ‘gender gap’ on sex ed support this time around,” Friedman says. Some of the messaging tests particularly well with Republicans and even conservatives,” she says. “Don’t write anyone off!”

When they license the EducateUS ads, for free, groups will be able to develop their own closing message. It might be about elections, depending on the organization’s tax status, or it might be around supporting new policy or curriculum.

Jaclyn Friedman is a lifelong anti-sexual-violence advocate whose first book, Yes Means Yes, popularized the idea of affirmative consent. Talking on college campuses, she says, “I kept hearing the same thing from students, which was that they were so incredibly grateful to have this new-to-them information, but wish they had had it six or eight years ago so they wouldn’t have had to go through what they had already been through.” With American sexuality education already watered down and even unavailable to some students, Friedman was appalled watching the backlash that developed as we emerged from the nightmare of Covid. “Eventually, I couldn’t avoid the fact that I was failing these students.” Friedman and partners put together the funding to launch EducateUS, and a counter-movement was born.

Promoting sex education in schools has long been excoriated by conservatises. The John Birch Society railed against in the 1950s, and anti-feminist icon Phyllis Schlafly put it this way in 1981: “The major goal of nearly all sex education curricula being taught in the schools is to teach teenagers (and sometimes children) how to enjoy fornication without having a baby and without feeling guilty.”

There seemed a chance for détente in the 1980s, however, as we learned more about the spread of HIV and AIDS, and the way healthy sex practices, especially the use of condoms, could limit it. Even then, some conservatives opposed it—or insisted that abstinence be the main message. But Ronald Reagan’s surgeon general, C. Everett Koop, came out for teaching about gay and straight sex, and the role of condoms in reducing spread of the disease. “The best protection against infection right now—barring abstinence—is use of a condom,” he wrote in 1984. Still, war broke out between those preaching only abstinence and those who wanted a more comprehensive curriculum. In one film shown in “abstinence only” classrooms, a student is seen asking a teacher, “What if I want to have sex before I get married?” The teacher replies, “Well, I guess you’ll just have to be prepared to die.”

But subsequent research showing the health benefits of a more comprehensive approach, even in terms of mental health, mainly won the day, and comprehensive sex-ed curricula spread in school districts around the country. Until recently. Now, along with book bans and other curriculum restrictions—like Florida’s so-called “Don’t Say Gay” law, restricting what elementary students can learn about gender and sexuality—a new movement to cut back on classroom sex-ed instruction has gained ground. It trades on some deeply pernicious myths and lies, especially about gay teachers using sex ed and other means to “groom” young people “sexually.”

The “groomer” slur particularly rattled a Florida teacher then with 29 years of classroom experience when we spoke two years ago. To those using it, he says,”Do you understand the consequences of that word?” He began to choke up. “I’m a Special Olympics coach. That requires people to have trust in me. I’m a prom sponsor. I chaperone the senior class trip.”

EducateUS hopes to combat fear and bitterness with a compassionate and commonsense advocacy for sex ed that centers students’ needs, especially as we reckon with the way three or more years of school lockdowns took a grave toll on the ability of young people to connect—socially, with their friends, and not just sexually.

At a Zoom meeting April 16 to preview the ads and the new research, more than 70 people showed up, and the mood was excited. Some represented major national advocacy organizations, while others were with smaller, state-level nonprofits; there were folks from organizations that endorse progressive school board candidates, as well as a couple of candidates themselves. The chat function crackled with questions but mainly emojis and other signs of elation. This group knew they were seeing something brand-new in the world of sex ed, and they couldn’t wait to learn how to use it.

Rosalie Wong, a leader of New Jersey’s SWEEP—“Suburban Women Engaged, Empowered, and Pissed!”—says she’d like to use the ads, and EducateUS’s research, to combat the growing threat of book bans at schools and libraries. “I mean, what the heck is going on with all of this?” she asks, rhetorically. Her 1,500 members are ready to fight back.

“This is some of the hardest work I’ve ever done,” Friedman tells me, “but it’s also the most satisfying—when we see school districts that were resisting sex ed start to implement a great curriculum after local organizers called us for backup, when we help powerhouse first-time candidates get elected to their school boards, when we hear from volunteers in red and purple states that our tested messages are helping them communicate more effectively with their local schools, parents, and communities—it’s incredible when you think of what the ripple effects will be.”

What I came away most impressed by was the ads’ decision to spotlight the joy and power of being young, not the angst adults so like to project onto teenagers. They’re not aliens, they’re us. When I told Friedman that was my primary takeaway from the work, she had a one-word answer. “Yes.”

“Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.”

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

Posted on

Masturbation and Men—The Double-Edged Sword

By Dr Dick

For some men, this freelance sexual investigation can, and often does, produce some very interesting, unique and even downright strange styles of self-pleasuring, that sadly, often do not lend themselves to partnered sex. But according to Dr. Dick, with proper motivation and some focused redirection, men can learn to climax with a lover as well as on their own.

A Foundation of Masturbation

Those of you who know me know that I am a fierce advocate of masturbation. I contend that self-pleasuring is the foundation of a happy, healthy sex life for both women and men. I’m also a proponent of couples masturbating together. The mutual joys and the important information shared in this way are indispensable.

But masturbation can be a double-edged sword, so to speak. I say this because most of us guys learn to pull our pud early in life—and most of us discover how to do this on our own. This freelance sexual investigation can, and often does, produce some very unique, and even downright strange, styles of self-pleasuring. And there in lies the rub, no pun intended. Some masturbation techniques, pleasurable though they might be, do not lend themselves to partnered sex. And so, over the course of the next several weeks, we’re going to take a, well, hard look at male masturbation—from right to wrong, and everything in between.

Here we have Wayne, a 26-year-old man from Philadelphia:

Hey Dr. Dick,
I have a little issue that has stumped me, my doctor, and numerous urologists. I figure there’s no harm in asking one more person. I have never—not once—been able to come normally. I suppose there is a normal way, considering every other guy I’ve ever met has been able to do it “by hand,” but the only way I’ve ever achieved orgasm is by laying on my stomach, putting pressure with a slightly closed fist on the spot where my dick meets the rest of my body, and sliding back and forth.

Weird aside: This was a way to lift myself up off the floor and “fly” as a young kid. Then one day, I found out that it was pleasurable. I know…weird little kid.

Anyway, fast-forward to my twenties and becoming sexually active, and now I have a concern. I want to be able to come by having intercourse or just jacking off, but I’ve never been able to. I can get very close—never have a problem getting hard—but the deal just doesn’t happen. Any thoughts?

Interesting masturbation technique you got there, my friend. While it’s unique, it is not the most distinctive style I’ve encountered in my career. Someday I oughtta write a book. What’s most amazing to me about what you write here is that this predicament of yours has stumped all the physicians you’ve consulted. I suppose that says volumes about how informed most doctors are about human sexuality.

Simply put, Wayne, over the years you’ve habituated your body to respond pleasurably to a particular stimulus. Ever hear of Pavlov’s dogs? Right! What we have here is precisely the same thing. You apply the stimulus: laying on your stomach, putting pressure with a slightly closed fist on the spot where your dick meets the rest of my body, and sliding back and forth, and your body responds with an orgasm.

Most all of us, both female and male, discover the joy of self-pleasuring accidentally. Your first encounter with masturbation, although you probably didn’t know that’s what it was called, was through your boyhood attempts to fly. And fly you did! As you suggest, most other people discover self-pleasuring in a more conventional way, through touch. Thus the more “normal” (and I use that word in quotes) means of getting one’s self off is manually.

Your unique style of self-pleasuring is completely benign, but it doesn’t really lend itself to partnered sex, as you say. I mean, how awkward would fucking be if you had to get off your partner and on to the floor to come? The same is true for the men out there that jerk off with a very fast motion or a heavy death grip on their dick. They will, no doubt, find it difficult to climax during partnered sex.

So is there a solution? Sure there is. And it’s not a particularly difficult nut to crack…so to speak.

Let me tell you about a former client of mine. He was about your age when we met several years ago. He presented a similar concern to yours. He learned to masturbate in the same position as you, lying on your stomach, but he got off by humping a pillow. Try as he might, he never was able to get off any other way. It was driving him crazy. He couldn’t date anyone, because he was too embarrassed about the whole pillow thing.

Over the next four or five weeks, I helped my client learn a new way of self-pleasuring that would lend itself to happy partnered sex. The object was to rid himself of the need for the pillow altogether, and we did this is incremental steps. Luckily, my client was a horny little bugger. He masturbated at least twice a day—sometimes even more frequently. I decided to use his natural horniness as part of the intervention.

My client had to promise me that he wouldn’t masturbate in his traditional way for an entire week—absolutely no pillow sex! If he failed to keep his promise, he would have to start all over from day one. At first he couldn’t see the purpose of this moratorium, but I insisted. By the time I saw him next, the poor boy had blue balls for days. So he was primed and ready to go. His next exercise was to change position for his first masturbation after the weeklong moratorium. He could masturbate with his pillow, but he had to lie on his back. He was not permitted to roll over on to his stomach. This wasn’t immediately successful, but his pent-up sexual energy finally carried the day and he got off in the first new position—on his back—since he learned to masturbate.

The following week, I gave him a new exercise: While on his back, he could use the pillow to rub himself, but only to the point where he was about to come. At that point, he was to put the pillow aside and finish himself off with his hand. This was only slightly more difficult than the previous exercise, and within two attempts, he finally got himself off with his hand for the first time in his life. The rest of his therapeutic intervention was simply following this behavior modification course of action till he didn’t need the pillow at all.

I assume you see where I’m going with this, right? You could do this same sort of intervention on your own to learn a new and more traditional way of masturbating, but you’d probably have more success working with a qualified sex therapist. Why not look for one near you by visiting the American College of Sexologists online?

The firm desire to change a behavior or habit is the most important aspect of the process of change. Second is denying yourself the convenient and habitual stimulus—in your case, your flying masturbation style—will drive you to find a replacement means of getting off—a more traditional, manual style. Weaning yourself off one style of masturbation incrementally ’til you are successful in replacing that style with another is the most efficient means of behavior change. I encourage you to give it a try.

Good luck!

Posted on

Male infertility is more common than you may think.

— Here are five ways to protect your sperm

By Karin Hammarberg

Infertility is often thought of as a female problem, but one in three IVF cycles in Australia involve male infertility.

We recently published a review of the literature on whether men diagnosed with male factor infertility experience greater psychological distress than fertile men or men with an infertile partner. We found irrespective of the cause of infertility, men in couples with infertility have more symptoms of depression, anxiety and general psychological distress, worse quality of some aspects of life, and lower self-esteem than fertile men.

Research also shows sperm counts are declining worldwide, and that lifestyle and environmental factors can reduce male fertility.

While most male causes of infertility aren’t preventable, it’s important to know how to keep your sperm as healthy as possible. Here are five things men can do to boost their fertility.

1. Try to be in the healthy weight range

Obesity causes hormonal changes that have negative effects on semen, including the total number of sperm, the ability of the sperm to move, the number of live sperm, and the number of sperm with a normal shape.

These reduce the chance of both spontaneous and IVF conception.

The good news is the adverse effects on fertility caused by excess weight in men are reversible. Regular exercise and a healthy diet can help reduce weight and improve sperm quality.

There’s strong evidence a healthy diet rich in fruits, vegetables, whole grains, nuts, low-fat dairy, and seafood, and low in red and processed meats, sweets, and sweetened beverages is linked to better sperm quality.

2. Avoid recreational drugs

Recreational drug use is associated with poorer reproductive health. Psychoactive drugs such as cocaine, benzodiazepines, heroin, methamphetamine, oxycodone and ecstasy negatively affect male reproductive functions, including sexual urge, testosterone production, sperm production, and sperm quality.

While research on the link between marijuana use and sperm quality is inconclusive, some evidence suggests frequent marijuana use can reduce sperm quality and is a risk factor for testicular cancer.

3. Stay clear of anabolic steroids

Some men use anabolic steroids to enhance their physical performance and appearance. Globally, it’s estimated about one in 16 men (6.4%) use anabolic steroids sometime during their life. Male weightlifters aged 20-39 years, competitive fighters, and security personnel are among the most common users of anabolic steroids.

Anabolic steroids contribute to muscle growth and fat loss, but they also affect sexual function, including by reducing the size of testicles, reducing or stopping sperm production, and causing impotence and infertility.

Studies show most men start producing sperm again within a year of stopping anabolic steroids. But a recent study of men who became infertile as a result of anabolic steroids found that for some there is long-term damage to sperm production.

In this study of men who had stopped using anabolic steroids and had a six-month course of hormone treatment to improve sperm production, more than half still produced no sperm at all or very few sperm after six months.

4. Quit smoking and vaping

We all know tobacco smoking is terrible for our general health, but there’s now evidence it’s also bad for male fertility and reproductive outcomes.

In the past decade, vaping has become increasingly popular, especially among young adults. More than 500 e-cigarette brands and 8000 flavours have been commercialised. There’s now growing evidence from animal studies that vaping can harm male reproductive health, and experts recommend avoiding vaping when trying to conceive.

5. Reduce exposure to environmental chemicals

In our everyday lives we’re exposed to many different environmental chemicals – through the products we use, the food we eat, and the air we breathe. So-called endocrine-disrupting chemicals can reduce the quality of sperm and cause problems with fertility because they can mimic or block male sex hormones.

It’s impossible to avoid these chemicals completely, because they’re all around us. But you can take some simple steps to reduce your exposure, including:

  • washing fruit and vegetables
  • eating fewer processed, canned or pre-packaged foods
  • drinking from glass or hard plastic bottles, rather than soft plastic bottles
  • heating food in a china or glass bowl covered with paper towel or a plate rather than using plastic takeaway containers or those covered with cling wrap.

To inform men about how to look after their sperm, Your Fertility, a fertility health promotion program delivered by the Victorian Assisted Reproductive Treatment Authority, teamed up with Melbourne comedian Michael Shafar to create some helpful educational videos.

Posted on

How to Be Submissive

— The AskMen Guide for How to Be Submissive in Bed

By Eve Parsons

When you hear the word “submissive,” what do you think of?

Many people think sexual submissiveness is all about allowing yourself to be (consensually) “punished” or otherwise denigrated, but the reality is much more complicated.

And thanks to either sensationalist or outright false portrayals by movies and pop culture, myths and misinformation continue to abound when it comes to this unique area of sexuality.

In this piece, we spoke to several leading sexperts in the world of BDSM and beyond who know what it means to navigate submissive play time in a healthy, safe way.

So if you’re curious about exploring your submissive side, or wondering what that might look like, read on.

What Is Sexual Submission?

“Sexual submission is a form of power exchange and a way to experience a consensual negotiation of surrendering power or decision-making to another person,” says Mark Cunningham, a licensed marriage and family therapist, AASECT-certified sex therapist, psychedelic therapist and owner of Adaptive Therapy.

Ideally, says Cunningham, these actions are things that are discussed and mutually agreed upon prior to the experience.

“These negotiations define how one person may demand or take action toward another person,” he says.

If that sounds a little vague, it’s in part because submission is a broad concept. BDSM play is not a “one size fits all” or uniform area of sexual expression in the least.

“There is almost no ‘always’ when it comes to BDSM play,” says BDSM educator and author Jay Wiseman.

Being a submissive can thus vary widely depending on what you and your partner agree to.

“Sexual submission can involve the use of props, toys, ropes, nipple clamps, cages, and so much more,” says Cunningham. “Or it can purely be a psychological or behavioral relationship that does not involve any use of items.”

In other words, how you play is all down to you and your partner (or partners).

It’s also important to remember that “submission and kink are not always related to one another,” clarifies Leighanna Nordstrom MA, MFT-C of Break the Mold Therapy. “Kink is about non-normative sexual expression (i.e., trying all the things you didn’t learn about in traditional sex ed); submission is about power and control (i.e., allowing someone to determine how you feel and behave during certain scenarios).”

Meaning, you can be in an otherwise “vanilla” relationship, but still have a little power exchange dynamic in a sexual relationship, or you can use submission as a vehicle to explore various kinks, such as those that often fall under the umbrella of humiliation play.

Being a Sub Isn’t Set in Stone

It can be useful to see “submissive” and “dominant” power dynamics as appetites, instead of hardened identities. (And being a submissive also does not necessarily make one a “bottom” automatically either, contrary to many people’s assumptions — it’s definitely possible to bottom while domming, and vice versa.)

In a tutorial video, the world-renowned sexologist, educator and author Midori discusses the differences between topping and bottoming, and how these terms can work in the context of BDSM power exchange — but can also apply even if you’re more on the vanilla side, too.

“Top is usually the person doing an action — being in charge, doing the tying, doing the spanking, or being physically on top, or going ‘into’ the other person’s body with a finger, tongue, dildo or penis. Top may or may not include being dominant or sadistic,” Midori explains.

“Bottom is the person who is receiving the actions: being spanked, poked, nipple-clamped, penetrated, or following the orders. Bottoming may or may not involve being submissive [all the time] either,” she adds.

Therefore, this is why, as Midori suggests, it always a good idea to ask a current or potential new partner what exactly they mean when they say: “I’m a submissive” or “I’m a bottom” — and really listen to their explanation, because all too often people make the mistake of assuming that expressing sexuality is a uniform experience or undertaking when this is not the case.

Additionally, Midori cautions against assuming that our sexual appetites for how we want to experience sexuality are set in stone: “Sometimes we get really stuck in the idea that ‘I am a top’ or ‘I am a bottom’ [but] don’t narrow yourself, paint yourself into a corner being attached to an identity; these are ‘appetites,’ not identities,” she explains.

As such, it is totally normal for your appetites to change or evolve over time — it’s merely human nature.

As Nordstrom says, “If you’re reading this, you may be developing a new appetite for submission in sex. This could be because your appetite for dominance has been more than sated, or because you have become curious what other possibilities sex could hold if you were to experiment.”

Exploring Sexual Submissiveness & Masculinity

If you’re curious about sexual submission but worried that your sexual partner(s) might see you as less manly if you’re not fulfilling the dominant archetype, that’s understandable. It’s normal to experience anxiety when we crave the acceptance of a partner and are not sure how they will react.

However, if you “zoom out” and look at the bigger picture, you can see where this anxiety is ultimately born from outdated social stigmas and sexist stereotypes of manhood and gender roles.

As Cunningham suggests, ask yourself a question: “First, whose values/definition of masculinity are you using to define your masculinity, and do you agree with that or is this something you have simply adopted without much reflection?”

Cunningham also notes that “many top leaders in positions of power like CEOs, or high-ranking military members for example, are drawn to submissive play because of the freedom, excitement, and healing that they can experience in moving outside of their ‘normal’ mode of operation as a leader or position of power.”

“Sex is a powerful way for us humans to cope and express parts of ourselves that we may struggle to access in our day-to-day lives,” he adds.

In other words, you could be the most powerful man in the world, with days filled with success and conquering, but at night you might find yourself wanting the release of surrendering to a partner who’ll be in control.

Kink and power exchange can be a great, temporary escape from reality and the baggage that comes with the performative roles we all play in mundane society.

In short, you are not “lessened” in the least by wanting to explore submission; being brave enough to admit your true desires and allowing yourself that opportunity means you can be enhanced by a new depth of connection and variety in your sex life.

How to Talk to a Partner About Your Submissive Desires

Ok, I want to explore: What are some ideas for communicating with my partner about my submissive desires and fantasies?

Assuming your breakfast conversation does not get particularly kinky, you might be in need of an “icebreaker” or two. Not to worry! There’s no need to make this terribly complicated or convoluted…

“Having a ‘catalyst event’ for bringing up the conversation can be an easy “in,” says Nordstrom. “You might say, ‘Hey, I was reading this magazine, and it made a suggestion about having positive, playful conversations about sex with your partner. I’d love to try it! Would you?’”

Or, Nordstrom adds, “Instead of springing your newfound submissive appetite onto your partner, consider trying to have a positive conversation about your whole sex life, and work the submissive appetite into the conversation.”

In other words, “zoom out” and share with your partner what you already really enjoy about being with them–and then ask them what they’re enjoying — and would like to try. This way, you both have the opportunity to be and feel heard.

As another “in,” Wiseman also suggests commenting on a book, movie, TV show or other piece of pop culture that depicts a D/s dynamic.

And notwithstanding submissive desires, having an understanding of your partner’s fantasy life can help you to better understand where they are coming from and what might excite them.

Nevertheless, it’s always good to remember that it totally is normal for someone to have sexual fantasies that they do not necessarily want to act out in real life—so never, ever take for granted the need to establish clear consent.

Now, if you and your partner already enjoy open communication about your sex life (yay!), then by all means go ahead with a straightforward Q&A session.

Midori suggests you ask your partner how they would like to feel in a dominant role.

“This isn’t about what toys to use or what you end up doing,” she explains. “This is about the core of [their] pleasure, leading to your hot submission. [Do they] want to feel adored, cruel, gentle, imperious, fickle, selfish, nurturing, powerful, or….? Then ask yourself how you want to feel: surrendered, willful, obedience, devotional, small, strong, enduing, obliterated, vulnerable, or…? And [then] find an overlap of emotional journey in your scene.”

Additionally, give yourself and your partner some grace, especially if you are navigating uncharted waters together.

“It is very common to have fear, uncertainty, confusion and many other challenging feelings in addition to excitement and curiosity when considering submissive exploration,” says Cunningham. “Do your best to name and even journal about your feelings and thoughts and to share these with your play partner so you can feel a greater sense of connection, understanding and ultimately intimacy.”

But remember: this erotic play time should also be a source of unabashed joy and delight; being open to the experience fuels the enthusiasm, Nordstrom says.

“When it comes to trying out any new sexual behavior, I have to remind my clients that sex is play!” she explains. “This means that it may be cumbersome, awkward, messy, confusing, or funny. But it shouldn’t be a job with an expected outcome. Going into new sexual scenarios in a curious mindset opens doors for anything to happen, instead of just focusing on one specific outcome.”

Best Practices for Exploring BDSM Submissiveness

According to Wiseman, good ‘best practices’ include getting adequate education and talking ahead of time about what will occur. In other words, sexual submission is not something you ever do (or expect your partner to do) ‘spontaneously,’ and certainly never under duress.

As with many other pursuits, when you are new to BDSM, it’s best to start slowly, as Nordstrom suggests: “My recommendation when partners are playing around with power dynamics is to always start slow, evaluate how different sexual acts are working, adapt behaviors as needed, and then go deeper into the dom/sub roles.”

“I cannot stress the importance of consent enough,” Nordstrom adds. “Creativity can take over when partners engage in BDSM. That said, it’s still VERY important to check in each time a new idea gets added to the sexual scenario. With consent comes trust (i.e., I believe you will ask me before you do something new to my body AND I believe you will tell me if I’ve done something that went too far).”

Nordstrom continues: “Safe words or actions are vital to any kink/BDSM scenario. Simple, easy to say words are best for safe words. “No” is not a good safe word, because, depending on the intensity of the scene, you may be begging your partner to stop when what you really want is for them to keep going.”

And this is where sexual submission can baffle outsiders.

“The funny thing is that in a power exchange relationship, the person who is in the submissive role is actually in a greater degree of control, because of their prior defining of their soft/hard boundaries and in their ability to create the play scene and rules with the dominant or master partner(s),” Cunningham explains.

As such, it is important to understand that the best BDSM scenes involve mutual collaboration between the submissive and the dominant well ahead of play time. If the power exchange feels one-sided or reluctant, then it’s really not a true exchange and the excitement is lost.

“Kink desires are much like appetites,” Midori says. “Creating a scene with your partner is like planning, cooking, and sharing that meal together. Even when you are surrendering in the scene, the creation is collaborative. Both of you have to like the ingredients and the whole meal for it to be fantastic.”

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

Posted on

The Dangers of Recreational Viagra

— The risks of taking Viagra without erectile dysfunction range from mild side effects to dangerous drug interactions

By Raevti Bole, MD

Advertisements for erectile dysfunction (ED) medication are everywhere. Viagra® and Cialis® are enormously popular. And as the ads suggest, they’re highly effective at improving sexual performance in people with ED.< But the use of these medications is also booming in people who don’t have sexual problems. But know this: This “recreational” use of Viagra can be risky.

Why do people without ED take Viagra?

To understand why people experiment with Viagra and Cialis recreationally, it’s helpful to understand how these drugs work.

Viagra and Cialis belong to a category of drugs called phosphodiesterase type 5 (PDE5) inhibitors. These medications open blood vessels and can be used to treat pulmonary hypertension and urinary problems.

But most famously, medications like Viagra and Cialis are used to address erectile dysfunction. The reason? Increased blood flow from PDE5 inhibitors results in firmer, longer-lasting erections.

Now, it’s important to note that erection firmness can be subjective. Most people will notice temporary differences in the quality of their erection depending on stress, energy levels, time of day, alcohol consumption and many other factors.

But if someone can reliably get and keep an erection that’s rigid enough for penetrative intercourse, they probably don’t have ED or a real need to pop a Viagra or Cialis, explains Dr. Bole.

That said, people without ED have recreationally used Viagra or Cialis to increase blood flow to their penis because they want to:

  • Counteract the effects of alcohol or other drugs on their sexual performance.
  • Improve the chances of an erection lasting long enough for sex multiple times.
  • Increase their confidence by reducing anxiety about performance or premature ejaculation.

Does Viagra improve athletic performance?

People also use Viagra and Cialis recreationally to improve their exercise performance. But does it really work? To keep the answer simple: No.

“PDE5 medications can increase oxygen levels and heart function in people who have cardiac risk factors or cardiac disease,” says Dr. Bole. “For people who are healthy, there’s no good evidence that the medications significantly improve athletic abilities in a standard, sea-level environment.”

Why mention the altitude? Well, there’s some evidence that Viagra may make a difference for those doing activities in thin air at higher altitudes.

Researchers found that cyclists taking sildenafil, the medicine marketed as Viagra, improved cardiac output and exercise performance at higher altitudes. Another study focused on Mount Everest trekkers showed that sildenafil increased exercise capacity at high altitudes.

As noted, though, any benefits experienced closer to the clouds do not transfer to lower altitudes where most of us spend our time.

Five risks of recreational Viagra use

The potential consequences of taking Viagra and Cialis recreationally depend on medical, psychological and social factors. The risks range from mild to serious and include:

1. Dangerous interactions with other drugs

PDE5 inhibitors lower blood pressure. Mixing them with other drugs that also lower blood pressure can be potentially life-threatening, says Dr. Bole.

Be sure to review with your healthcare provider all supplements and medications you’re taking to check for potential interactions. Here are some examples of medications known to interact with Viagra or Cialis:

  • Amyl nitrate, which can also be misused as a street drug known as “poppers.”
  • Nitroglycerine, a medication used to treat angina (chest pain) in people with coronary artery disease.
  • Certain types of blood pressure medications, prescription drugs that lower high blood pressure. (Isosorbide mononitrate is one example.)

2. Uncomfortable side effects

The side effects of Viagra and Cialis are usually mild. Headache is a common side effect that can vary from mild to pounding. You may also experience:

  • Acid reflux.
  • Facial flushing.
  • Muscle aches.
  • Stuffy nose.
  • Vision changes.

One of the most severe adverse events is called priapism, a painful erection that lasts for several hours. “Luckily2, it is quite rare when using oral ED medications,” notes Dr. Bole. “But if this happens to you, seek emergency medical care immediately.”

3. Psychological dependency

Frequent use of Viagra or Cialis just to boost confidence can create psychological dependency — especially if you’ve never discussed the issue with anyone. You may eventually feel that you need it to have sex, creating a long-term issue for you and your partner.

“If you are having severe performance anxiety that’s affecting your erections, I recommend talking to your healthcare provider or a sex therapist,” says Dr. Bole.

“A medical professional can discuss your worries about sex; help you set personalized and realistic expectations; and develop strategies to improve your confidence without relying on medication alone.”

You may still choose to try a medication, but understanding the psychology behind sexual performance is a healthier strategy.

4. Unknown dosage and contaminants

ED drugs and supplements are easy to find without a prescription. People get them from friends, family members and online. You can even find them sold as vitamin or herbal supplements at gas stations.

But without a prescription from a reputable provider, you don’t know the dosage of active ingredients in the pills you’re taking or even what may truly be in the medication.

For example, the U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA) has issued advisories for “Rhino” male enhancement products. These products are available at gas stations, corner stores and online. Marketed as “dietary supplements,” tests show they may contain hidden PDE5 inhibitors.

Taking these sorts of fraudulent products can be dangerous for unsuspecting consumers, warns the FDA.

5. Association with high-risk behaviors

Combining Viagra or Cialis with alcohol or drugs can lower inhibitions. As a result, you may be more likely to engage in risky sexual behavior that could expose you to sexually transmitted infections (STIs).

“Using ED medications to enhance your sexual performance when you’re under the influence of alcohol or drugs can lead you to make choices that harm your sexual and overall health,” stresses Dr. Bole.

When to talk to your provider about Viagra use

If you’re taking Viagra or Cialis recreationally to improve your sexual or exercise performance, Dr. Bole recommends letting your provider know.

Long-term use could mask a real decline in erectile function due to underlying health problems such as:

“Some patients may feel reluctant or embarrassed to talk about their sex life,” recognizes Dr. Bole. “But we have these conversations all the time with patients. You are not alone. Our role is to help you understand the risks versus benefits and provide guidance without judgment.”

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

Posted on

Nearly a fifth of teenagers say internet main information source on sexual health

— Youngsters are turning to online sources to learn about sex which is leaving them vulnerable to potentially ‘dangerous’ information, a charity warned.

A poll suggests that 30% of young people turned to social media as their main source of information about sexual orientation and gender identity

By Eleanor Busby

Nearly a fifth of teenagers say the internet is their main source for information about sexual health and healthy relationships, a survey suggests.

Young people are turning to online sources to learn about relationships and sex which is leaving them vulnerable to potentially “dangerous” and “untrustworthy” information, the Sex Education Forum charity has warned.

A poll, of 1,001 students aged 16 and 17 in England, suggests that 30% of young people turned to social media as their main source of information about sexual orientation and gender identity, ahead of school (25%).

The survey, carried out by Censuswide on behalf of the charity in February, found that 22% of young people said the internet was their main source of information on pornography, while 15% said they turned to pornography itself as their main source of information on the topic.

Around a fifth said social media and websites were their main source of information about unhealthy relationships (21%), healthy relationships (18%) and sexual health (18%).

The findings, which have been shared with the PA news agency, come after the Government announced a review of its statutory relationships, sex and health education (RSHE) guidance for schools more than a year ago.

Delegates at the annual conference of the National Education Union last week warned that social media influencers, such as Andrew Tate, are contributing to a rise in sexism and misogyny which young girls are facing in schools.

The Sex Education Forum poll suggests nearly half of students learned nothing at all or not enough at school on power imbalances in relationships (49%), porn (49%) and how to access local sexual health services (46%).

More than two in five reported learning nothing at all or not enough at school on attitudes and behaviour of boys and men towards girls and women (44%) and on gender identity (44%).

The charity’s report on relationships and sex education (RSE) said: “It is clear that schools feel under-confident about delivering on some areas of the curriculum that are statutory, but are particularly taboo and politicised.

“The problem is that these gaps leave young people vulnerable to misinformation as they seek out knowledge from online sources like social media, or have no access to advice at all.”

Last month, the Women and Equalities Committee said there was compelling evidence that RSE is “failing young people” as it warned of soaring rates of sexually transmitted diseases,

More than four in five (81%) of the teenagers who were surveyed said they agreed that primary school children should be taught about the importance of consent for things like touching another person’s body, while 73% said they believed they should be warned about the harms of pornography.

More than half (56%) said children should see examples of same-sex relationships – included in stories, scenarios and discussion – in primary schools, while 53% said children should learn what trans and non-binary mean.

Teenage girls were more likely to say children should be taught about the importance of consent in primary school than their male peers (85% compared with 77%), the survey suggests.

Since September 2020, relationships and sex education has been compulsory in secondary schools in England, while relationships education has been compulsory in primary schools.

In March last year, Rishi Sunak announced a review of RSHE guidance for schools following concerns that children were being exposed to “inappropriate” content.

But the Department for Education (DfE) has yet to publish a consultation on the guidance.

When asked to select from a list of possible actions the Government could take to help improve RSE, more than half called for training for teachers to develop more confidence with the subject (57%), and flexibility for schools to cover RSE topics at the age that their pupils need (52%).

Lucy Emmerson, chief executive of the Sex Education Forum, said: “More than a year after announcing a review of the subject, we are still waiting for Government to release its promised consultation and refreshed guidance for relationships and sex education (RSE).

“While we hope these launch following the Easter recess, Westminster has been delaying this critical review despite the increasingly complex relationships landscape for young people and the well-documented harms impacting them, from sexual abuse and violence to poor sexual health.

“I am alarmed to find that students feel today’s biggest issues, including pornography and attitudes of men and boys towards women and girls, are not being adequately covered.

“Hearing that young people seek questionable or even dangerous information on outlets like social media to fill gaps on key topics should be a wake-up call that better provision is needed from schools for the safety of our pupils.

“Government must heed the voices of young people and release improved guidance that deals with their realities – and soon.”

The charity is calling on the Government to prioritise flexible “age and stage” relevant content and providing more teacher training.

Ms Emmerson added: “Neglecting young people’s views does the next generation a disservice by leaving them dependent on potentially untrustworthy online sources for information and ill-equipped for healthy relationships.”

Margaret Mulholland, inclusion specialist at the Association of School and College Leaders (ASCL), said: “It is extremely worrying that children are turning to the internet for information about sexual education and relationships as this information may be unreliable and harmful.

“We are very concerned, in particular, about the rise of online misogyny and the impact this is having on the behaviour of some young people.

“Schools play a crucial role in providing reliable and responsible information on these issues through their relationships, sex and health education programmes.

“However, they have been poorly supported by the Government in terms of resources and training and are expected to deliver this sensitive and complex topic within packed timetables and severe funding pressures.”

A Government spokesperson said: “As part of the current review of the RSHE curriculum, we are looking at where certain topics can be strengthened, in an age-appropriate and factual way.

“We want to ensure all children are safe online and so, through our world-leading Online Safety Act, social media firms are being required to protect children from being exposed to harmful material online, and the Education Secretary recently took robust action by prohibiting the use of mobile phones in schools.”

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

Posted on

Lesbians are way more likely to orgasm than straight women, new study finds

By

We have yet another reason to feel sorry for straight women — and another reason to celebrate the joy of lesbianism. According to a new study, lesbians are much better at getting their partners to orgasm than straight men (but really, we already figured as much).

The study, “The Role of Partner Gender: How Sexual Expectations Shape the Pursuit of an Orgasm Goal for Heterosexual, Lesbian, and Bisexual Women,” comes from researchers at Rutgers University. In a two-phase survey, women of various sexualities were asked about their last sexual experiences, and the results speak for themselves.

The first phase asked 476 lesbian and heterosexual women about their most recent sexual experience. Lesbian women reported orgasming 20% more than straight women.

The second phase of the study focused on bisexual women, asking them to imagine sex with both men and women and reporting how likely they think they’d be to orgasm in each scenario on a scale of one to seven. Imagining sex with women yielded an average score of 5.86, compared to only 4.88 for hypothetical sex with men.

There was some common ground for all the women in the study, though: no matter their own sexuality or their partner’s gender, clitoral stimulation was the key to reaching orgasm.

Kate Dickman, one of the study’s lead authors, offered some advice for those struggling to climax (or struggling to get their partner there). “If women, or men partnered with women, want to increase their own or their partners’ orgasm, they should create an environment that encourages orgasm pursuit through diverse sex acts, particularly those involving clitoral stimulation,” she wrote.

To that end, the researchers discovered a sort of self-fulfilling prophecy: when they were having sex with other women, the study participants thought they had a greater chance to orgasm, and because they were expecting it, it was more likely to happen. In other words, expecting to orgasm means you’re more likely to, and so far, lesbians have been better at setting high expectations.

“The problem is not inherent to men or to being heterosexual, but to the dominant sexual scripts associated with heterosexual sex,” explained Grace Wetzel, another of the study’s authors. “Sexual scripts are flexible and can be changed.”

Basically, straight men need to take a page from the lesbian book and give straight women the foreplay and attention they deserve.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

Posted on

What Is Sexual Performance Anxiety?

BY Carley Millhone

Sexual performance anxiety is a form of performance anxiety that causes intense fear or worry before or during sex. Many people feel nervous before having sex. However, if you feel so anxious about sexual expectations or body image that you can’t perform sexually, you may have sexual performance anxiety.1

Sexual performance anxiety can affect anyone, but it is more common in people in males. Eventually, sex-related anxiety can make it impossible to have sex with your partner and may eventually strain your relationship. Sexual performance anxiety can also lead to other sexual disorders, like erectile dysfunction.1

Fortunately, there are a few ways to address and get past sexual performance anxiety.

Like other forms of performance anxiety, sexual performance anxiety can affect you mentally and physically. People with sexual performance anxiety are so overwhelmed by sex-related worries, negative thoughts, or fears that they have trouble engaging in sexual activity. These negative thoughts or fears may happen before or during sex.1

As a result, you may be unable to maintain an erection, climax, or ejaculate. You can completely lose your desire to have sex. You may also experience physical symptoms of anxiety, like increased heart rate, upset stomach, and shaking.2

Sexual performance anxiety symptoms commonly found in males include:2

Symptoms of sexual performance anxiety in females may include:2

People can have different fears, experiences, and worries that can affect sexual performance. Potential causes of sexual performance anxiety include:13

  • Feeling worried about your partner’s sexual expectations or satisfaction
  • Feeling concerned about how masculine or feminine you come across during sex
  • Lacking self-esteem or having a negative body image
  • Being physically or emotionally unattracted to your partner
  • Feeling anxious about past negative sexual experiences
  • Feeling fear or anxiety related to sexual trauma

How exactly do stressful and anxious thoughts affect sexual performance? When you become stressed or anxious, your body kicks off its stress response by producing more of the stress hormone cortisol. When cortisol levels rise, levels of the sex hormone testosterone drop—decreasing your sex drive, or libido. In males, low testosterone is also linked to erectile dysfunction.4

People with substance use disorders, anxiety, and depression may also experience sexual dysfunction and disinterest that can lead to sexual performance anxiety. Medications used to treat anxiety and depression can also negatively affect libido and sexual performance.5

Lack of sex due to sexual performance anxiety can harm romantic relationships. Studies show couples who engage in higher rates of sexual activity build greater intimacy and have a lower divorce rate.6< Being unable to have sex or enjoy sex can make partners feel less connected and intimate. As a result, your partner may feel like you are avoiding intimacy because you do not desire or care for them. People with sexual performance anxiety may also start to feel cautious of their partners, which disrupts trust and intimacy.3< Identifying your triggers and finding ways to destress can often help you learn how to manage the negative thoughts and feelings affecting your sex life. Coping strategies include:2

  • Mindfulness meditation to better understand your thoughts and desires related to sex7
  • Yoga to help manage stress and improve the mind-body relationship as it relates to sex, which can also help manage premature ejaculation8
  • Masturbating to learn more about what you enjoy and feel during sex
  • Seeing a sex therapist to identify thoughts or feelings that lead to sexual performance anxiety.

Talking with your partner can also help you cope with sexual performance anxiety. Open communication can help partners better understand your feelings and struggles related to sex. Your partner may also offer valuable insight into the false, preconceived thoughts that prevent you from performing sexually—like your body image or performance concerns.2< Accepting sex isn’t perfect or spending more time focusing on foreplay can also help improve intimacy. Other ways you can help build intimacy without sex include:9

  • Cuddling
  • Kissing
  • Hugging
  • Holding hands
  • Spending quality time together

Reach out to a healthcare provider if your anxieties around sexual performance and dysfunction are affecting your relationships and quality of life. They can refer you to a licensed sex therapist, psychologist, or psychiatrist for therapy services. You may also be able to contact these mental health professionals directly.

Some symptoms of sexual performance anxiety may also point to an underlying sexual dysfunction disorder.1 If you’re unable to perform sexually for a few months, see a healthcare provider to make sure you don’t have an underlying condition.

Sexual dysfunction symptoms that warrant a visit to your primary care provider, urologist, gynecologist, or OB-GYN include:1011

  • Premature ejaculation
  • Delayed ejaculation
  • Erectile dysfunction
  • Reduced or no interest in sex
  • Vaginal dryness
  • Pain during sex
  • Inability to orgasm

Sexual performance anxiety treatment often depends on the cause, and research on the overall success of these treatments is limited. However, treatment typically involves a combination of therapy and medication.2

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)

Talking out your feelings with a therapist is a common approach to treating sexual performance anxiety. Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is a common talk therapy used to treat performance anxiety.12

CBT helps people learn to reframe negative thoughts around sex that make it difficult or impossible to perform. This helps build awareness of triggers while learning to actively dismantle and redirect them.2

Mindfulness sex therapy can also help people with sexual performance anxiety learn to understand their bodily sensations and become aware of how they react to sex. This type of therapy often incorporates CBT practices.2

Couples Therapy

Couples therapy helps people with sexual performance anxiety communicate their feelings with their partner and explore feelings that may affect sexual performance. This therapy focuses on the couple as a whole, not just the partner with sexual performance anxiety.2

This approach can help remove shame, fear, and miscommunication between couples. Couples therapy helps create an open dialogue related to sources of emotional distress or negativity while creating active solutions to solve them.2

Medication

Erective dysfunction medications like Viagra (sildenafil) and Cialis (tadalafil) may help males with sexual performance anxiety who are unable to maintain an erection. These medications increase blood flow to the penis to help keep an erection.13

Limited research shows anxiety medications like BuSpar (buspirone) and antidepressants like Wellbutrin (bupropion) and Desyrel (trazodone) can help reduce sexual performance anxiety. Unlike some anxiety drugs that decrease sexual function, these medications can affect brain chemistry in a way that may improve sexual arousal and sex drive.7

Sexual performance anxiety affects sexual performance before or during sex. If you have this type of performance anxiety, you may be unable to have sex, become aroused, or climax. Males with sexual performance anxiety often have issues with erectile dysfunction.

If you or your partner is experiencing sexual performance anxiety, having open communication and seeing a healthcare provider, like a licensed sex therapist, can help. Cognitive behavioral therapy, couples therapy, or medication may also help.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

Posted on

Watch what happens when gay tourists ask Spanish people to translate for them

By Melanie Potter

A real test of someones’ character is how they act when they think no one’s watching. This is exactly why hidden camera social experiments are so poignant.

Unfortunately, these experiments usually produce negative results — but every once in a while, strangers will act so compassionately that it may actually surprise you.

The video, created by Spain’s State Federation of Lesbians, Gays, Transsexuals and Bisexuals, calls on the public to “report homophobic, biphobic and transphobic threats, insults or attacks.”

The premise of the hidden camera social experiment is this: A gay couple from the U.S. are in Spain on vacation and don’t know the language. So they stop people on the streets for directions and to translate this letter, given to them by their hotel owner. To the locals’ shock, the note is filled with homophobic remarks and hatred.

You can see the sadness on these strangers’ faces while reading the homophobic note. One girl, who cannot bring herself to translates what the note actually says, tells them “It’s better if you go to another hostel, because this one is not very good.”

Another man tells the couple, “You go with this to the police, they can close his business.” And a woman, visibly upset, calls the note “disgusting.”

The video, part of a larger campaign to stop homophobic harassment in Spain and beyond, urges victims to report all threats to local authorities.

Posted on

Misconceptions about older adults’ sexuality can cause ageist beliefs.

— Here’s what one study found

Many people assume aging means losing interest in sex. A recent study sheds light on the misconceptions surrounding older adults’ sexual lives.

Society’s beliefs about aging and sex are complex and vary widely, but one common belief is that disinterest in sex is a standard part of aging. A recent study explores how misconceptions like these can complicate the acceptance of older adults’ sexual lives.

The study surveyed 270 young adults, ages 18 to 35, about their perceptions of sexuality in older adulthood, general attitudes towards sex and sex as a leisure activity. It was conducted by Liza Berdychevsky, professor of recreation, sport and tourism at the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign, and Iulia Fratila, an assistant professor of global and community health at George Mason University.

“The entire premise is: How do we combat ageism?” Berdychevsky said.

The study found that young adults have a moderate level of knowledge and are typically open-minded regarding later-life sexuality. But it also revealed the ageist views and misconceptions that can potentially harm older adults’ sexual expression.

More than one in four young adults surveyed incorrectly believed that sex might increase the chance of heart attacks for older folks. About 12% mistakenly thought that sex in later years could be bad for health overall. And roughly one in five were under the wrong impression that older men and women can’t be partners to each other for sex, thinking instead that they need younger partners for any sexual connection.

Older adults can internalize ageism, Fratila said, leading them to limit their willingness and confidence to seek help if issues with their sexual life do arise.

“We see a lot in movies, that older adults become asexual, or that it’s a dirty, creepy phenomenon to have sexual interest still as you get older,” Fratila said. “It might just hurt their psychological well-being and self-esteem, being marginalized or stereotyped in that way.”

It’s a shame, she said, because these false ideas “[don’t] allow people to actually pursue the maximum health that they can, given that sexual health is a part of our overall well-being.”

In an earlier study, Berdychevsky spoke with older adults about ageist beliefs they’ve encountered. Many said that at least some of these ideas came from uninformed health care providers or close family members — like adult children — who did not appreciate the idea of their parents having sexual relations.

The new study also found that some participants would be reluctant to admit a relative to a nursing home that allowed and supported sexual activity among its residents.

“I think they should view it through the lens of: Am I infringing on my relative’s sexual expression rights? And if the answer is yes, then rethink your position,” Berdychevsky said. “It’s up to them. The infrastructure for privacy and intimacy and sexual relationships need to be provided, and then it’s up to older adults whether to take advantage of that.”

Illinois Student Newsroom spoke with young people on the campus of the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign, to see what they thought about the topic of aging and sex.

UIUC freshman Seher Bhaskar said sex is seen as taboo for older generations.

“It’s that idea that there’s a prime of your age – the idea that a senior citizen is not as capable as someone who’s younger,” Bhaskar said. “So we just feel that they’re just not part of normal life, so they shouldn’t be doing those ‘un-innocent’ activities.”

Numerous research studies show that sexual activity in later life has numerous health benefits, including improved cardiovascular function, relaxation, and decreased pain sensitivity and depressive symptoms. Fratila also noted the psychological and social benefits.

“It doesn’t stop after our reproductive years,” Fratila said. “This is something that can be a glue for relationships, it can be something that’s empowering for individuals when they’re able to practice safe sex, and sex that is adaptable to where they are in their life stage. It doesn’t have to look like how it [did] when you were younger.”

When asked what age they thought adults stopped having sex, Alex Lopez, a UIUC freshman, guessed somewhere in their 30s.

“I have no idea,” they said. “At least for me in middle school, I had no sex ed, and then in high school as well. I got educated by a friend of mine during a free period in a classroom.”

Berdychevsky said the next steps are to focus on developing appropriate sexual health education throughout life.

“It has to be tailored to [a] particular life stage with the focus that there’s no expiration date on sexuality,” Berdychevsky said. “It’s not only older adults. It’s not only younger adults. [Sex] can continue to be enjoyed, perhaps differently at every life stage, but it still comes with all its benefits.”

Better sexual education of young people, the researchers said, could help alleviate fears many young people have about mortality and aging.

Mallory Miller, a junior at UIUC, said she believes more representation would also be beneficial. 

“We only hear about sex with people who have the ‘perfect’ bodies or early 20-year-olds or college students,” Miller said. “You don’t even realize that it happens at all ages. I think it’d be great if we could change that mental imagery to something that’s more inclusive.”

Currently, Berdychevsky is spearheading another project – an app with tailored sexual health education messages for older adults. Her team has already developed 30 modules and is working on an algorithm and screener.

“Every good thing in our life requires some work, and ageist stereotypes tend to inhibit some people’s ability to do that work because it’s not viewed as worthy or as appropriate or whatnot,” Berdychevsky said. “Removing that ageist inhibition is so crucially important, so that people could act upon their change in needs and desires and get that fulfillment that they’re looking for.”

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

Posted on

Cannabis Can Help Women Reach Orgasm

— But It’s ‘More Than Pleasure’

By Sarah Sinclair

Over half of women have faked an orgasm. Surprised? Probably not.

But while some women fake it from time-to-time, for others the lack of ability to reach orgasm is a far more debilitating issue.

Female orgasm disorder/difficulty (FOD), sometimes referred to as orgasm dysfunction, occurs when an individual has difficulty reaching orgasm, even when they are sexually aroused.

It affects millions of women worldwide and yet remains drastically under-studied.

“FOD is an under-recognized and under-treated serious public health issue,” says Dr Suzanne Mulvehill, founder of the Female Orgasm Research Institute, in written correspondence.

“The purpose of the Female Orgasm Research Institute is to identify proven pathways to female orgasm, conduct female orgasm research, bring awareness to the persistently high percentage of women affected by female orgasm difficulty, and provide an online female orgasm research library.”

According to Mulvehill’s research, the condition affects up to 41% of the female population, a statistic that has remained unchanged for 50 years.

She puts this down to a number of reasons that include “shame, stigma, lack of research, and lack of treatments”.

A quick search of clinicaltrials.gov and you’ll see that there are currently no clinical trials recruiting or in the early stages of development on FOD and only 13 completed studies.

This is compared to 363 completed studies on erectile dysfunction and 88 in the early stages.

Dr Mulvehill says: “When I was conducting my dissertation research, I was shocked to discover that there is only one empirically validated treatment for FOD and that is only for women who never orgasmed, or rather, have not yet orgasmed, and this is called directed masturbation and was developed in the 1970s.

“There are no empirically validated treatments for the largest group of women affected by FOD which is women who have what is referred to as Situational FOD, meaning women who can orgasm in some situations but not others, such as orgasm from masturbation but not during partnered sex.”

There is one potential treatment which is showing significant promise though.

While previous research has suggested cannabis could have therapeutic potential in a number of female sexual disorders and could enhance pleasure for both men and women, the latest study to be published by the Female Orgasm Research Institute is the first to specifically evaluate the effects of cannabis in treating FOD.

What The Study Found

The observational study conducted among almost 400 women between March-November 2022, evaluated baseline demographics, sexual behavior, mental health, cannabis use, and the orgasm subscale questions of the Female Sexual Function Index (FSFI), evaluating orgasm frequency, orgasm satisfaction, and orgasm ease, with and without cannabis before sex.

The majority of women in the study who reported difficulty reaching orgasm were between the ages of 25–34 (52%), reported their race as white (75%) and were married or in a relationship (82%).

Among those respondents reporting orgasm difficulty, cannabis use before partnered sex was found to increase orgasm frequency (72.8%) improve orgasm satisfaction (67%) or make reaching orgasm easier (71%).

According to the findings, the frequency of cannabis use before partnered sex correlated with increased orgasm frequency for women with FOD, while orgasm response to cannabis depended on the reasons for use.

These findings echo 50 years of research, Dr Mulvehill says.

“I honestly do not know of any other condition that has more of a research history than cannabis and sex, and in particular female orgasm,” she continues.

“What we do know is that 50 years of research shows cannabis helps women orgasm and helps women who have FOD. In the 1970s Dr Eric Goode speculated that it helped women release sexual inhibition.

“Aldrich found that cannabis has been used since ancient times to enhance sexual pleasure, and extensively documented the tantric use of cannabis in India from the seventh century onward to aid sexual pleasure and enlightenment.

“In 2020, Kasman et al. found that for each step up in cannabis use, female sexual dysfunction declined by 21%.”

FOD: The Bigger Picture

It starts to make sense when you look at the bigger picture around FOD.

Dr Mulvehill’s study also examined the mental health difficulties experienced by women with FOD. Those with the condition reported 24% more mental health issues, 52.6% more PTSD, 29% more depressive disorders, 13% more anxiety disorders, and 22% more prescription drug use than women without FOD. Women with FOD were also more likely to report sexual abuse history than women without.

“Rabinak et al found that hypervigilance, anxiety, and PTSD are responses of the amygdala while studies from 2007 and 2015 found that trauma responses commonly impair sexual response,” she explains.

“We also know that orgasm difficulties are the number one sexual complaint of sexual abuse survivors. When we start to put the research puzzle together, we see cannabis medicine helping women overcome FOD.”

Dr Mulvehill and her research partner, Dr Jordan Tishler, have been trying for three years to secure the funding to conduct a randomized controlled trial to examine cannabis as a treatment for FOD in more depth.

Among as yet unanswered questions such as why it works first-time for some and not others, this is an issue about “more than just pleasure” and could have a much wider impact on health.

FOD has a well-documented link to anxiety, childhood sexual abuse, PTSD, and cognitive distractions.

Studies have shown that THC, one of the main cannabinoids found in cannabis, can significantly reduce rates of anxiety and traumatic memories related to trauma and PTSD by reducing activity in the amygdala and reduces cognitive distractions by inhibiting activity in the prefrontal cortex.“

“As it turns out, orgasm is way more than being about pleasure. It is about a human right, a sexual right, and mental and physical health,” says Dr Mulvehill.

FOD has been linked to heart disease and cardiovascular issues, while a 2009 study found that of the sexually active women with type 1 diabetes, 51% of women reporting female sexual dysfunction had problems with orgasm.”

“If we start to actually ask women if they orgasm or not when screening for medical conditions, we may find out that lack of orgasm is linked to other health conditions. We know that during orgasm massive amounts of oxytocin are released.

“And what condition is related to a lack of oxytocin? Alzheimer’s disease. We also know that women in their 60’s are twice as likely to develop Alzheimer’s. We will not know until we start asking the questions.”

FOD And Public Policy Changes

Dr Mulvehill began researching this area following her own experience of overcoming FOD with the help of cannabis. And she’s not alone.

The study comes as four U.S. states are now considering adding FOD to the list of qualifying conditions for a medical cannabis prescription.

This month, the Illinois Medical Cannabis Board approved adding FOD and endometriosis as conditions of treatment with medical cannabis and is now awaiting final approval from the state’s director of public health.

Dr Mulvehill’s personal testimony has been submitted as part of the Illinois public comments process, alongside that of other women.

Meanwhile, Ohio’s State Medical Board also recently announced that FOD, along with autism spectrum disorder, would move forward for expert review and public comment following petitions submitted online.

New Mexico and Connecticut are also reported to be considering the issue.

Dr Tishler, founder of the Association of Cannabinoid Specialists and president of inhaleMD, already prescribes cannabis for FOD and other sexual disorders, and has also submitted a letter of support to regulators in New Mexico.

He highlights the importance of women having access to legally prescribed cannabis and clinical guidance when using it to manage these conditions.

“Cannabis is a medicine and as such must be treated as a medication,” he comments over email.

“It has risks as well as benefits and best practices that lead to better outcomes. This is certainly true for the treatment of FOD. Using cannabis in a recreational manner is more likely to lead to no benefit and higher risk of misuse. Further, as cannabis overuse can worsen anxiety and depression, it can worsen FOD. Women who have FOD, like any other illness, deserve proper treatment from a knowledgeable and caring cannabinoid specialist.”

Despite the lack of robust scientific evidence through RCTs, Dr Mulvehill highlights how this hasn’t prevented other conditions being approved for medical cannabis treatment. PTSD was approved in New Mexico in 2009, with no published studies and only case reports.

“The 50 years of research, combined with doctors prescribing medical cannabis for FOD, therapists recommending it, and women using cannabis before sex, tells me there is enough evidence for FOD to become a condition of treatment with medical cannabis,” she says.

“Just google cannabis and orgasm and you will see all of the articles on it. It is not new news. What is new is getting a public policy change to add FOD as a condition of treatment with medical cannabis. Just like PTSD has dealt with stigma through awareness and education, the same can be said for FOD.”

Dr Mulvehill adds: “FOD is a medical condition that deserves proper medical treatment. It is not something that women should have to ‘figure out on their own’.”

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

Posted on

Misinformation Is on the Rise.

— Here’s What You Need to Know About Birth Control.

Three Black reproductive experts discuss how to access birth control, navigate the misinformation online, and understand what’s unfolding politically.

By Margo Snipe

It’s been a tricky landscape since Roe v. Wade was overturned almost two years ago, as reproductive health care has become increasingly complicated to navigate — and misinformation is on the rise.

Not only are the attacks on abortion care merging with limits on the availability of infertility treatment, but the same court that reversed the constitutional protection for abortion will hear arguments this week on restricting access to mifepristone, one of two medications commonly used to induce an abortion. And on the state level, new bills are aiming to cut back contraception options.

In Oklahoma, one bill in the state legislature has sparked questions about whether it might ban emergency contraception — like the day-after Plan B pill — and intrauterine devices, or IUDs. Part of it targets contraception that prevents the implantation of a fertilized egg. At the same time, some birth control options are expanding. This month, Opill, the first over-the-counter birth control pill, began sales. And, under a new policy, New York pharmacists can dispense certain hormonal contraceptives without a prescription.

Capital B asked three Black reproductive health care experts some of the big questions about how to access birth control, navigate the misinformation online, and understand what’s unfolding politically. Here’s what you need to know.

What is the difference between abortion care and birth control?

Amid the uptick in misinformation, experts want patients to understand there is a distinct difference between abortion care and birth control. Birth control, like the pill and IUDs, is not abortion inducing, doctors say.

While both are considered a part of reproductive health care, birth control, also called contraception, is intended to prevent pregnancy before it occurs and is often discussed and prescribed by gynecologists, which are doctors who specialize in women’s reproductive health systems. 

“Birth control is acting to fundamentally prevent pregnancy,” said Dr. Alexandra Wells, an OB-GYN in Washington state. It works by stopping sperm from meeting the egg, she said.

Abortion care is separate. It terminates an already existing pregnancy, either out of patient choice up to a certain time period or medical necessity. It takes place after folks know they are pregnant and is typically managed by obstetricians, or doctors that focus on the pregnancy of patients. Many practitioners have their training in both gynecology and obstetrics.

Over the past year, how has the landscape over available birth control changed?

With so many different bills being introduced in states across the country, aiming to both limit and expand access to reproductive health care, the amount of misinformation spreading across social media platforms is surging.

While birth control and abortion care are different, the landscape in terms of access to both is shifting nationwide.

Soon after the 2022 Dobbs decision reversing federal abortion protections, when states began moving to restrict abortion, many physicians were concerned about the implications on birth control, said Dr. Yolanda Lawson, a Texas-based OB-GYN. It was not the first time. Several years prior, in the Burwell v. Hobby Lobby case, the U.S. Supreme Court decided that corporations run by religious families cannot be required to pay for insurance coverage for contraception care.

More recently, changes in abortion care have also trickled into changes in birth control access and infertility treatment for families. When reproductive health care clinics offering abortions close, other  services are impacted, said Wells, who’s also a fellow with Physicians for Reproductive Health. The good news is technology is making online access to birth control options more accessible. Many options can be mailed and are often covered by insurance, she said.

Opill is now available, adding to the many other options, including condoms, spermicide, the ring, IUDs, implants, patches and cycle tracking.

How do I know what’s happening with access to birth control in my state?

There is no comprehensive, central location for all of this information, said Jennifer Driver, senior director of reproductive rights at SiX, an organization that works with elected officials after they win office. The federal Title X family planning websites have a lot of information and resources for patients, said Driver. The best way to find out what is happening with legislation is directly through the state legislator. On each website, you can see what bills are being introduced and which representatives may have brought it forth.

Local news coverage from trusted outlets may also break down what bills are impacting your reproductive health care. Experts caution against relying on social media for health information, given the sheer amount of misinformation and myths.

Do IUDs induce abortions?

No. The devices work by thickening the mucus along the uterine wall, making it difficult for sperm to migrate and meet with the egg, preventing fertilization.

“It’s a simple mechanism, but it really works,” said Lawson, who’s also the president of the National Medical Association. It prevents conception. They are 99.9% effective at preventing pregnancy.

What birth control is now available?

Condoms, spermicide, contraceptive sponges, apps to track your menstrual cycle, emergency contraception like Plan B, and most recently Opill, are all birth control options that do not require a prescription from a doctor.

Some hormonal contraceptives require either a prescription or insertion by a medical provider. Those include the ring, IUDs, implants, contraceptive injections, and birth control pills. Sterilization is also an option regardless of the gender of the patient.

“It’s really amazing that women have so many contraception options,” said Lawson. There is some slight variation in how well each works, she said. “There are options that our grandmothers and even mothers did not have. I hope women are empowered by that.”

It’s also important to make sure you feel comfortable with your provider, said Wells. You should feel free to ask questions about how each contraceptive option works and might impact your body.

A lot of birth control options are covered by insurance, and many clinics and health centers may offer free condoms. Some birth control pill companies offer discounts on their websites.

If you’re uninsured, many freestanding health clinics offer sliding scale payment options based on your household income and ability to pay, which could bring the price down.

How do I know what my best birth control option is?

It’s important to understand your medical history, said Wells. In person or online, your provider may ask about your history with high blood pressure, blood clots, and conditions like lupus. Those conditions may preclude the use of certain forms of contraception.

People should also consider their lifestyle and goals, she said. For example, the IUD requires a one-time insertion every handful of years depending on the types, whereas the pill requires patients to take them at the same time each day. Each option offers a different level of independence. The pill can be stopped at any time. The IUD and implant require an appointment with a provider to remove.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

Posted on

Lack of sex education in GOP states puts students at risk

An assortment of contraceptives such as Plan B and condoms provided by Planned Parenthood Generation Action at the Sex and Relationships photoshoot. Sex-ed is an important part of K-12 education, and the risk of losing the curriculum in schools can lead to an increase in unwanted teen pregnancies and STIs.

By Sunjae Lee

Although it may be a cliche, there is some truth to the trope ‘it takes a village to raise a child’ — whether it be through teachers, pediatricians, athletic coaches or politicians who create laws directly affecting youth. But in some states across the U.S., the adults in charge of youth policies are not doing their part in ensuring quality education for all.

According to an Associated Press article, GOP-led states are at risk of losing sex education curricula in their schools. This idea was amplified after the emergence of the “parents’ rights” movement, whose main concern is dismantling inclusive LGBTQ+ sex education. Republican leaders and parents are trying to ensure that it is the parents’ choice to allow their children to take part in any sex education.

So what can we expect in the absence of sex education at K-12 institutions if these policies are implemented?

Lack of sex education for all youth may lead to an increase in unwanted teen pregnancies and sexually transmitted infections (STIs). Since GOP state leaders tend to oppose abortion rights, minimizing unwanted pregnancy is crucial in these states to protect teens from potential physical, emotional and financial harms. In fact, teen birth rates are much higher in states that ban abortion and have minimal sex education curricula.

Moreover, the number of contracted sexually transmitted disease (STD) cases has risen again since the COVID-19 pandemic — reaching more than 2.5 million cases of syphilis, gonorrhea and chlamydia according to the CDC’s 2022 statistics.

GOP-led states are especially at higher risk; out of the top 10 states with the highest rate of STDs, eight are Republican-controlled states.

Many of the Republican voters who oppose mandatory sex education argue that it is the parents’ responsibility to determine what constitutes appropriate sex education for their children. But this begs the question: is sex education really taught at home?

According to OnePoll, one in five parents are not willing to have conversations about sexual matters with their kids at all. Even the parents who discuss sex education with their kids tend to avoid more complex topics, such as birth control and consent.

While sex education in schools is taught by qualified instructors, parents may not have the same level of professional expertise. Not only do they tend to avoid harder topics, but their own lack of education can lead to misinformation. For instance, older generations who are more socially conservative may be more likely to still believe in myths regarding sexual assault, such as victim-blaming for dressing or acting in a “sexually provoking way,” or believing that victims could have prevented it if they wanted to. A study from the International Society for the Study of Individual Differences’ journal proves that individuals with sexually conservative views are more likely to accept these myths.

Furthermore, teenagers are more likely to seek sexual information from peers and teachers than parents. We must keep these resources open, allowing for spaces where minors feel comfortable participating in honest outreach discussions.

The controversy surrounding sex education in public schools has been a longstanding issue, but it significantly escalated recently in GOP-led states due to opposition from parents and politicians who are reluctant to incorporate LGBTQ+ topics. The “Don’t Say Gay Bill” in Florida exemplifies the strong aversion for such discussions in politically conservative states. Given that the inclusion of LGBTQ+ sexual health in the curricula is the biggest concern among Republican-controlled states, should schools offer LGBTQ+ exclusive sex education to satisfy everyone?

The main reason why LGBTQ-inclusive sex education is important is that gender and sexually-marginalized youth are at a higher risk for sexual health issues such as STIs, sexual activity under the influence and dating violence.

LGBTQ+ youth are also far less likely to have open sex discussions with their parents. Even if they do, unless their parents are part of the community themselves, it is often difficult for kids to receive useful and accurate information specifically concerning their sexual health. It is important that schools protect LGBTQ+ youth by providing adequate education to prevent against poor health outcomes and lack of support within their homes.

Sex education is a shared responsibility between schools and parents. While schools need to provide children with quality health education, they also need a welcoming environment at home to seek answers. Instead, youth are struggling to find proper information in a world where open discussions about sex and sexual diversity are considered taboo. In each of our villages, adults and educators are responsible for ensuring safe environments and comprehensive education for all youth, including the LGBTQ+ community.

Since not everyone is privileged enough to receive quality sex education at home, K-12 schools provide necessary education for everyone regardless of socioeconomic status, family background and sexual orientation. When giving equal educational opportunities is the main function of primary and secondary schools, how is it acceptable to exclude one of the most important subjects?

Sex education is directly related to a person’s physical, emotional and social well-being. The World Health Organization defines sexual health as “a state of physical, emotional, mental and social well-being in relation to sexuality.” Teaching adolescents about sexual health ensures a better quality of life overall.

According to a study from the Journal of Adolescent Health conducted with adolescent women, better sexual health is associated with better social integration, higher self-esteem, less substance use and lower self-reported depression. Another study from the Frontiers in Reproductive Health Journal suggests that among male adolescents, mental and reproductive health are intertwined; poor sexual health leads to poor mental health and vice versa.

Hence, comprehensive sex education can prevent many health issues and encourage healthy habits in various aspects of life. Minimizing sex education curricula means young people who are not fortunate enough to have sexually accepting and knowledgeable parents will have to learn on their own while risking their sexual health.

Conservatives’ irrational fear of healthy relationships being formed between members of same sex and non-binary gender identities, along with their false beliefs of comprehensive sex education encouraging reckless sex, are putting children at risk — including their own. What may hurt their kids is delaying essential education, as well as restricting exposure to healthy homosexual love or confident transgender people. The exclusion of proper sex education may leave people with irreversible consequences, such as unwanted pregnancy, HIV or sexual trauma.

Children should be set up for success, not put in a position where they have to rely on misinformation or the internet to be taught healthy sexual habits.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

Posted on

What is ‘sex’? What is ‘gender’?

— How these terms changed and why states now want to define them


Transgender rights advocates rally at the Kansas capitol, Wednesday, Jan. 31, 2024. In 2023, the state enacted a measure that says there are two sexes, male and female, based on a person’s “biological reproductive system” at birth.

By Grace Abels

  • This year, 17 state legislatures sought to narrowly define “sex” or “gender” in state law as based solely on biological characteristics. In Utah, one became law.
  • Although they’re sometimes used synonymously, “sex” and “gender” have different meanings to medical professionals. Sex traditionally refers to one’s biological characteristics, whereas gender is how a person identifies.
  • Laws redefining sex in state law could require driver’s licenses and identifying documents to display a person’s sex assigned at birth, a policy that transgender advocates say would lead to discrimination.

After decades of creating laws that assumed “sex” and “gender” were synonymous, lawmakers across the country are taking another look at how states define those terms.

Scientific and legal interpretations of these words have evolved considerably in the past century. Today, medical experts understand biological sex assigned at birth as more complex and consider it distinct from gender identity.

In 2020, the Supreme Court also broadened its understanding of sex discrimination in employment to include discrimination based on sexual orientation and gender identity.

Grappling with this cultural, scientific, and legal shift in the meaning of “sex” and “gender,” lawmakers in some states have tried defining the terms narrowly in state law as biological and binary. In 2023, four states passed such laws and, this year, 17 states introduced bills defining “sex.” Some bills in Florida and West Virginia were defeated, but 15 bills are still advancing in states across the country.

This focus on terminology may seem rhetorical, but these legislative changes can restrict access to driver’s licenses and documents that match a person’s gender identity. Transgender rights advocates say that requiring IDs to match the sex a person was assigned at birth can expose transgender Americans to discrimination.

So, how do we understand these terms, and what could these definitions mean for everyday life once codified?

How have the terms ‘sex’ and ‘gender’ evolved?

Until the mid-20th century, Americans’ understanding of “sex” was largely biological and binary.

“For a substantial time period, law in the United States defined identity categories, such as race and sex, in biological terms,” said Darren Hutchinson, an law professor at Emory University law professor.

In the 1950s and ’60s, psychological research emerged that differentiated biological sex from “gender.” Researchers coined terms such as “gender roles” as they studied people born with reproductive or sexual anatomy that didn’t fit the typical definitions of male or female and observed how children sometimes developed identity distinct from their biological sex.

By the early 1960s, the term “gender identity” began appearing in academic literature. By 1980, “gender identity disorder of childhood” was included in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders’ third edition. This inclusion signaled that the concept of gender identity “was part of the accepted nomenclature being used,” said Dr. Jack Drescher, a clinical professor of psychiatry at Columbia University.

Before the 1970s, the word “gender” was rarely used in American English, according to research by Stefan Th. Gries, a linguistics professor at the University of California, Santa Barbara. He said evidence suggests it was used mostly when discussing grammar to describe the “gender” of a noun in Spanish, for example.

Edward Schiappa, a professor of communication and rhetoric at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, observed in his book “The Transgender Exigency” that the rising use of “gender” in English coincided with the term’s introduction into psychological literature and its adoption by the feminist movement. Feminists saw the term as useful for describing the cultural aspects of being a “woman” as different from the biological aspects, he said.

Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsberg, who argued sex discrimination cases before the court in the 1970s, said that she intentionally used the term “gender discrimination” because it lacked the salacious overtones “sex” has.

After the 1980s, gender’s term usage rose rapidly, moving beyond academic and activist circles. In common American English, “sex” and “gender” began to be used more interchangeably, including in state law — sometimes even in the same section of the law.

In Florida’s chapter on driver’s licenses, for example, the section on new license applications uses “gender,” but the section on replacement licenses uses “sex.”

Modern legal and scientific views of ‘sex’ and ‘gender’

Today, medical experts and most major medical organizations agree that sex and gender are different.

Sex is a biological category determined by physical features such as genes, hormones and genitalia. People are male, female or sometimes have reproductive or sexual anatomy that doesn’t fit the typical definitions of male or female, often called intersex.

Gender is different, experts say. Gender identity refers to someone’s internal sense of being a man, woman, or a nonbinary gender. For cisgender people, their sex and gender are the same, while transgender people may experience a mismatch between the two — their gender may not correspond to the sex they were assigned at birth.

Our legal understanding of “sex discrimination” has also evolved.

In 2020, the Supreme Court decided Bostock v. Clayton County, a series of cases in which employers were accused of firing employees for being gay or transgender. The court held that this was a form of “sex discrimination” prohibited under Title VII of the Civil Rights Act of 1964.

Whether the court will extend this interpretation to other areas of federal law is unclear, legal experts told us.

How have lawmakers responded to this shift?

Recently, lawmakers have tried to codify their understandings of “sex” and “gender” into law.

In some cases, these laws aim to recognize and protect transgender Americans. The Democratic-backed Equality Act, which passed the House, but not the Senate, in 2019 and 2021, would have federally protected against discrimination based on sex, sexual orientation and gender identity. Some states have passed similar equality legislation, creating a patchwork of anti-discrimination protections for LGBTQ+ people.

But lawmakers in many Republican-led states have proposed narrow definitions of sex and gender that would apply to large sections of state law. “Women and men are not identical; they possess unique biological differences,” Iowa’s Republican governor, Kim Reynolds said in a press release detailing her support for the state’s version of such a bill. She added, “This bill protects women’s spaces and rights afforded to us by Iowa law and the Constitution.”

Iowa Gov. Kim Reynolds speaks July 28, 2023, at the Republican Party of Iowa’s 2023 Lincoln Dinner in Des Moines, Iowa.

Opponents reject the idea that the bills relate to women’s rights and claim the bills are an attempt to “erase” legal recognition of transgender people.

In 2023, four states passed laws defining sex, and two other states did so via executive order.

The Kansas Legislature, for example, passed the “Women’s Bill of Rights” overriding Democratic Gov. Laura Kelly’s veto. The law says that “pursuant to any state law or rules and regulations … An individual’s ‘sex’ means such individual’s biological sex, either male or female, at birth.”

The law defines male and female as based on whether a person’s reproductive system “is developed to produce ova,” or “is developed to fertilize the ova of a female.”

Because of the bill, transgender Kansans may no longer amend the sex listed on their birth certificates or update their driver’s licenses to be different from their sex assigned at birth, although courts are reviewing this policy.

The Kansas law also states that “distinctions between the sexes with respect to athletics, prisons or other detention facilities, domestic violence shelters, rape crisis centers, locker rooms, restrooms and other areas where biology, safety or privacy are implicated” are related to “important governmental objectives” a condition required under the equal protection clause of the U.S. Constitution’s 14th Amendment.

Rose Saxe, lawyer and deputy project director of the LGBTQ and HIV project at the American Civil Liberties Union, said the Kansas law does not explicitly require those spaces to be segregated by “sex” as the bill defines, but tries to justify policies that would do so.

Current bills defining ‘sex’

This year, 17 more states considered bills that would narrowly define “sex” and/or “gender” in state law according to the ACLU’s anti-LGBTQ legislation tracker. One, Utah, signed a definition into law, and 10 other states are advancing 15 bills combined. In the remaining six states, the bills were carried over to next year or defeated.

The Utah State Capitol is viewed March 1, 2024, in Salt Lake City.

Some bills, such as Arizona’s S.B. 1628 change the terms for the entire statute: “This state shall replace the stand-alone term ‘gender’ with ‘sex’ in all laws, rules, publications, orders, actions, programs, policies, and signage,” it reads. The state Senate passed the bill 16-13 on Feb. 22, along party lines with Republicans in favor.

Other bills, such as Idaho’s H.B. 421, don’t replace the word “gender” but declare it synonymous to “sex.” Gender, when used in state law, “shall be considered a synonym for ‘sex’ and shall not be considered a synonym for gender identity, an internal sense of gender, experienced gender, gender expression, or gender role,” reads the text of the bill, which passed the Idaho House 54-14 on Feb. 7.

Saxe said the bills could have a cascading effect on other laws.

Two bills in Florida, neither of which passed, would have explicitly required driver’s licenses to reflect sex assigned at birth. Advocates, including Saxe, worry that other sex-defining bills would have a similar consequence.

Transgender rights advocates say access to identification that matches an individual’s identity and presentation is important. “If you can’t update the gender marker on your ID, you are essentially outed as transgender at every turn,” said Rodrigo Heng-Lehtinen, executive director of the National Center for Transgender Equality to PolitiFact for a previous story on drivers licenses in Florida. This can happen during interactions with potential landlords, employers, cashiers, bartenders and restaurant servers.

“Even in the states that have passed these bills,” said Paisley Currah, a political science professor at the City University of New York, “there’s still going to be these contradictions,” because a person’s driver’s license might not match the gender on their passport, for example.

“Unless you’re a prisoner or immigrant or you are in the Army, the government actually doesn’t get to look at your body,” said Currah, who wrote a book on how government agencies address “sex” categories. “It’s always some doctor that signs a letter … and so there’s always a document between your body and the state.”

How these sex-defining laws would affect state agencies remains to be seen. And the laws may face court challenges, likely on the grounds that they violate the Equal Protection Clause or right to privacy, Saxe said.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

Posted on

The 3 most important steps to achieving orgasm, according to an expert

— Tried and tested

By Adriana Diaz

If there’s one thing the internet is not lacking, it’s unsolicited advice about how to improve your sex life. Not sure how to cut through the noise? Here are three simple tips according to an expert.

Orgasms aren’t just a way to finish getting freaky in the sheets – they have physical and mental benefits too. Yet the mystery of the Big O has eluded men and women for centuries.

Many surveys suggest that about half of women are not satisfied with how often they reach climax – and 10% to 15% of women have never had an orgasm in their lives, as reported by the National Library of Medicine.

Men have less trouble – only about 5% to 10%, according to a study published by Sexual Medicine – but that still leaves millions of Americans who can’t reach climax, or feel insecure when their partner can’t get off.

Everybody is different, but research and experts agree these three factors are key to reaching the finish line.

#1. Stimulation

It may seem intuitive, but what does “stimulation” really mean?

“The whole thing about the type of stimulation that you need is a combination of pressure and rhythm,” Dr Laurie Mintz, LELO Sexpert and author of Becoming Cliterate, told The Post.

Applying the right amount of pressure to erotic zones, such as the clitoris, the penis or the ears, helps build sexual arousal and eventually activates the muscles to contract, a necessary physical step.

Pressure also needs to be applied with a good rhythm – which some suggest is the key to orgasm claiming.

Experts, including Dr Mintz, agree that a great way to find the sweet spot for the G-spot is to bring a vibrator into the bedroom.

Getting into the flow of a good rhythm can focus attention so intensely that it overtakes any other thoughts and self-awareness nearly putting the person in a trance and allowing for a sufficient intensity of experience to trigger the mechanisms of climax, according to a study published in Socioaffective Neuroscience & Psychology.

#2. Mindfulness

To reach a sexual trance, you have to hone in on the sensations of the sexual experience and achieve mindfulness.

“Mindfulness is putting your mind and body in the same place at the time,” Dr Mintz, a LELO ambassador, explained. “And most of us don’t do that in our life, let alone our sex life.”

“When we’re having sex we’re in our head, ‘What do I look like? What am I doing? Am I doing okay?’ And you can’t orgasm when you’re not in your body. You have to learn how to be in your body.”

She advises everyone to try meditation or yoga to practice mindfulness in their daily lives or play music during sex.

“A myth about mindfulness is that it takes a lot of practice and that you have to meditate every day. No. You can practice being mindful in your daily life,” Dr. Mintz insisted.

An easy way to begin practising mindfulness is when brushing your teeth, Dr Mintz shared.

“The next time you brush your teeth, really focus on the sensations. When your mind wanders, bring it back to the sensations. You can learn mindfulness in daily activities and then apply it to the bedroom,” she suggested.

#3. Communication

Once you’ve used mindfulness to discover what pressure and rhythm are getting you to the finish line, you have to communicate that to your partner.

“Couples – no matter if it’s a hook-up or a relationship – who, communicate about sex and talk about what they need during sex are much, much more likely to orgasm,” Dr Mintz said.

“A common myth is that your partner should know what you want without asking. Nobody reads minds. That’s where communication comes in.”

While moaning and groaning can help guide your partner, verbally directing them how to help you cum is the best way to get over the finish line.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!