Author: Richard Wagner

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Unequal Chore Division Is Killing Women’s Sex Drives, Research Shows

By Kelly Gonsalves

You’re probably familiar with this story: Man and woman meet, fall in love, have fabulous sex. They move in, maybe get married, maybe have kids. Her interest in sex starts to drop; his doesn’t. Tension ensues, spoken or unspoken. He’s always initiating; she’s always turning him down.

While that narrative actually isn’t as universal as many people make it out to be (more on that in a minute), some research has shown that women are indeed more likely than men to experience a decrease in sexual desire over time in long-term relationships.

There are many theories as to why that might be, but one recent study published in the 1 has revealed one significant piece of the puzzle: women are getting turned off by male partners who refuse to do their share at home.

How an unequal division of household labor impacts women’s sexual desire

In the study, psychology researchers Emily A. Harris, Ph.D., Aki Gormezano, Ph.D., and Sari van Anders, Ph.D., surveyed over 1,000 women currently in relationships with men, all of whom were living together and had kids. They asked questions about the women’s levels of sexual desire, the division of housework with their male partners, and how they felt about that division.

The results? Women who performed a larger proportion of the household labor had significantly lower desire for their partner, compared to women in relationships where the men were more involved at home. In other words, women were much more sexually excited by men who cooked, cleaned, and took charge with the kids.

But the most telling part of the findings was the why: It wasn’t just that women’s libidos tanked in response to doing a bunch of chores, and it wasn’t just because women were busy and exhausted from it all. Rather, the researchers found two specific mediating factors that explained exactly why the unequal division of housework had such an impact on women’s desire.

Blurring the roles of partner and mother

Firstly, the study found that women shouldering more of the housework were also likely to perceive that dynamic as unfair—and that feeling of unfairness in the relationship was part of what was leading to lower desire for their partner.

This is important, the researchers note in the paper, because it refutes the argument that women take on more domestic tasks because they want to or because they simply enjoy caregiving. While that might be true for some, this study found women in imbalanced partnerships were actually often resentful of the situation. And it’s pretty hard to be turned on by someone you kinda resent.

Secondly, the researchers found that women dealing with an imbalance at home were more likely to feel like their partner was dependent on them. That feeling—that is, feeling like your man relies on you to take care of him and perform basic life tasks for him—was the other factor associated with lower sexual desire.

As Harris and the team point out in the paper, doing someone’s laundry, cooking for them, cleaning up after them, and planning their social calendar are tasks people typically perform for children. So, when a woman has to perform these tasks for her husband with no real reciprocity or recognition, the relationship “more closely mirrors that of a mother and a child.”

Unsurprisingly, that’s not very sexy.

“The inequitable proportion of household labor may contribute to a burdensome blurring of mother and partner roles, whereby partners are perceived as recipients of caregiving, akin to dependent children,” they write. “As a result, women may experience lower desire for partners who are perceived in dependent-like ways.”

There’s a common joke married women make where, when asked how many kids they have, they include their husband in the count. That dynamic is often laughed at and accepted as the norm between men and women, but as this study shows, it comes with direct consequences for a couple’s sex life. It’s very hard to be sexually attracted to someone who you feel like you need to mother.

Challenging a popular myth about women’s libidos

That common anecdote we mentioned up top—about the wife who is constantly rebuffing her husband’s sexual advances—is tied up with the idea that women are always or inherently less interested in sex than men are. It’s a popular narrative, though of course, reality is much more nuanced.

For one thing, you’ll find varying levels of sexual desire across all genders: Some women want lots of sex, some men can take it or leave it, and most people have libidos that regularly fluctuate depending on all the other things happening in their life. While different studies2 estimate anywhere from 10 to 55% of women deal with “low libido” compared to between 1 to 28% of men, some research3 on mixed-gender couples finds men are equally likely to be the lower-desire partner as women are.

The current study also offers another challenge to the idea that women just naturally lack interest in sex by demonstrating that women’s lower libido actually seems to be directly tied to the role they’re often relegated to in long-term, heteronormative relationships.

“Our findings challenge the assumption that low sexual desire in women is necessarily located in women, in their bodies or minds,” Harris and the research team write. “Instead, we find support for a socio-structural explanation for at least some considerable portion of low desire in women, whereby the system of heteronormativity brings about gender inequities in household labor that are associated with lower desire.”

Meaning: Maybe women would be more interested in sex if they weren’t so often forced into such inequitable, libido-killing roles and relationships.

The takeaway

So, what does this all mean for the average couple trying to navigate their home and sex life?

Particularly in relationships between men and women, prioritizing creating a fair division of housework is well worth the effort for many reasons. Studies like this one suggest that, in addition to creating a more functional, balanced partnership, addressing the inequities at home may also boost a woman’s sexual desire.

More broadly, this research reminds us how important it is to be thoughtful about the various factors that might be contributing to you or a partner’s interest in sex. For example: Resentment gets in the way of connection of any sort, physical or otherwise. And a partner who pitches in, pulls his weight, and treats you like a teammate and an equal? That’s sexy as hell. 

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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Why Are STI Cases Soaring?

— We Asked the Experts

Newly-released data shows infections for certain sexually transmitted infections have jumped tremendously.

By Korin Miller

  • Several sexually transmitted infections have increased in the U.S., according to new data from the CDC.
  • The 7% increase continues an upward trajectory in certain STIs.
  • Doctors say there are a lot of reasons why this is happening in the U.S.

Sexually transmitted infections continue to climb in the U.S., with syphilis cases in particular skyrocketing in 2021—the most recent year data is available.

The data was shared as part of a report from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) released this week. The report breaks down cases of a range of STIs, including chlamydia, gonorrhea, and syphilis.

The data show that there were 1,644,416 new chlamydia cases diagnosed in 2021—a 4% increase over 2020. There were also 710,151 new cases of gonorrhea diagnosed, an illness that’s been steadily increasing 28% since at least 2017, when 555,608 cases were diagnosed.

But while syphilis cases made up a fraction of overall STI cases, they’re on a sharp upward trajectory: 176,713 new cases were diagnosed in 2021, a significant increase from the 133,954 cases diagnosed in 2020 and 129,818 cases diagnosed in 2019.

Cases of congenital syphilis (which is what happens when the disease is passed from a mom to her baby during pregnancy) also jumped up—from 2,157 in 2020 to 2,855 in 2021.

The CDC notes that case numbers were undercounted in 2020 due to the pandemic and “likely continued in 2021,” but that the impact was the most severe in 2020. “The annual report shows infections continued to forge ahead, compromising the nation’s health,” Leandro Mena, M.D., M.P.H., director of the CDC’s Division of STD Prevention, said in a statement.

Those are a lot of numbers to wade through, but the overall takeaway is this: STIs, which have already been recorded at high numbers across the country, continue to jump up. Here’s what’s going on.

Why are STIs increasing across the country?

The report didn’t specify why these STIs in particular are jumping up—it simply crunched the numbers. However, the CDC noted that certain racial, ethnic, and sexual minority groups are disproportionately impacted by STIs.

Black or African-American people made up a third of chlamydia, gonorrhea, and syphilis cases, but only make up 12% of the U.S. population, the report points out. Nearly 1/3 of all gonorrhea cases were in gay and bisexual men. Congenital syphilis rates increased for most racial and ethnic groups, but the highest rate was in babies born to American Indian and Alaska Native people, the report noted.

“While tried-and-true prevention strategies are key, social inequities often leads to health inequities and, ultimately, manifest as health disparities,” the report says. “We must work collaboratively to address social, cultural, and economic conditions to make it easier for people to stay healthy.”

But…what’s behind all this? “A lot,” says Thomas Russo, M.D., an infectious disease expert at the University of Buffalo Jacobs School of Medicine and Biomedical Sciences. “Here’s the thing: 2021 was our breakout year where the COVID-19 vaccine became available and people started playing a lot of social catch-up,” he says. “As a result, there was a whole bunch of interactions, some of which involved sexual activity.”

STI rates “reflect how well our public health infrastructure is,” Dr. Russo says, noting that there was a big shift in resources during the height of the pandemic. “It was all about COVID,” he says. “STI public health clinics and even interactions with physicians probably took a backseat.”

Infectious disease expert Amesh A. Adalja, M.D., a senior scholar at the Johns Hopkins Center for Health Security, agrees. “COVID disrupted STI work dramatically,” he says. “Health departments do the bulk of STI work and they were under-resourced to do STIs and COVID.”

The opioid crisis may also play a role, Dr. Russo says. “There’s a lot of activity that occurs to get drugs for sex,” he says. “That usually involves multiple partners and unprotected sexual activity.”

There was also a lack of widespread testing for STIs during the height of the pandemic in 2020, and that may have led to less people getting screened and diagnosed—increasing the odds they spread STIs to others, says women’s health expert Jennifer Wider, M.D. “A drop in screening and testing for all sorts of diseases and conditions [in 2020] has resulted in a jump in diagnoses for many people, particularly in groups with poor access to healthcare to begin with,” Dr. Wider says.

here is also inconsistent and “inadequate sex education” in the U.S., which lowers the odds that someone will know prevention strategies for STIs and recognize symptoms, if they happen to develop them, Dr. Wider says.

Why are syphilis cases jumping up so quickly?

Syphilis cases hit “historic lows” in the early 2000s, the report says, but they’ve since surged, increasing a jaw-dropping 781% since 2001. Some states—California, Texas, Arizona, Florida, and Louisiana—have been disproportionately impacted, making up 58% of reported cases of congenital syphilis. The larger syphilis epidemic was also mostly concentrated to within 100 counties—they made up 60% of all reported cases in 2021.

A lot of the reasons why chlamydia and gonorrhea are spreading in the U.S. applies to syphilis as well, Dr. Russo says. But he also points out that syphilis “spreads reasonably well” through oral sex. “People often think that oral sex is relatively safe when it comes to STIs but, with syphilis, that’s not the case,” he says. “That’s one of the factors that can drive it.”

The CDC stressed in the report that syphilis is “completely preventable and treatable,” adding that “timely screening, diagnosis, and treatment can save lives, but if left untreated, the infection can cause serious health problems and increase the risk of getting an HIV infection.”

How to lower your risk of getting an STI

You’ve likely heard all of this before, but it never hurts to do a refresher. The CDC offers the following advice to lower your risk of getting an STI:

  • Practice abstinence. The CDC points out that the most reliable way to avoid STIs is to avoid having anal, vaginal, or oral sex.
  • Get vaccinated against HPV and hepatitis B. The vaccines won’t protect against everything, but the HPV vaccine in particular can help lower the risk of contracting certain strains of HPV that are linked to the development of cancer.
  • Reduce your number of sex partners. Less sex partners means a lowered risk, the CDC says. However, the agency still recommends that both you and your partner get tested and share your results with each other.
  • Be mutually monogamous. That means both you and your partner only have sex with each other.
  • Use condoms. The CDC recommends that you use a male latex condom every time you have anal, vaginal, or oral sex. Non-latex condoms can be use, the agency says, but they have higher breakage rates than latex condoms.

The CDC also stresses the importance of using STI testing and treatment, noting that there some pharmacy and retail health clinics allow people to get tested on-site.

Unfortunately, Dr. Russo expects things to get worse before they get better, given the state of reproductive care in the U.S. and lack of access to sexual health clinics for people in some states. “We need to do better and make a commitment to this important area,” he says.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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Abused gay men don’t see they are victims – study

— Gay and bisexual men being abused by romantic partners is the subject of a research brief being presented to the Scottish government

Gay and bisexual men being abused by romantic partners is the subject of a research brief being presented to the Scottish government

By Mary McCool

Gay and bisexual men are being abused by romantic partners but face multiple barriers to support, according to recent studies.

Research from Glasgow Caledonian University found that one in four men experienced violence in same-sex relationships.

It heard from victims who shared sometimes harrowing accounts of abuse including physical violence, rape and psychological abuse from both casual and longer-term partners.

Academics have called for more awareness around the subject and improvements to support services to help prevent “generations” of men facing the same problems.

Warning: This story contains details some readers may find upsetting

Dr Edgar Rodriguez-Dorans is a counsellor and lectures in counselling and psychotherapy at the University of Edinburgh.

Originally from Mexico, he has lived in Scotland since 2013 and has dealt with a number of gay and bisexual clients who have suffered a wide range of traumatic experiences in relationships.

Dr Edgar Rodrigez-Dorans of the University of Edinburgh
A common factor among those who have experienced sexual abuse, he said, is the issue of consent being understood by either victim or abuser.

One client told Dr Rodriguez-Dorans he repeatedly allowed his boyfriend to have sex with him when he did not want to because he felt “he needed to be available” to him.

Another man, he said, told of an experience at a “chemsex” party – where people use drugs such as methamphetamine, mephedrone (“meow meow”) or GHB (gammahydroxybutrate) to enhance sex.

“The drugs were too strong so he was unable to be fully conscious,” said Dr Rodriguez-Dorans. “He didn’t want to continue in the party.”

After refusing sex from the men present, the man was raped.

Dr Rodriguez-Dorans said because his client was an immigrant, he did not think police would believe him if he reported the incident.

“It’s something he has realised is part of his domestic life,” he said. “Partners have taken it as some sort of kink – like they say no, it’s a bit forceful, it’s fun.”

Part of the problem, according to the counsellor, is that the lives of gay men have been “hyper-sexualised” and they often relate to each other through sexual activity.

He said: “Feeling empowered by sexuality, that is fine, but it can create a dynamic where they are not sure whether they’re having sex when they want to.”

‘He was terrified to leave his home’

Another man told Dr Rodriguez-Dorans he reported his violent ex-boyfriend to police, but was told there was “not enough evidence to suggest he was in danger”.

The abuser initially refused to move out of the man’s flat and sent him threatening messages – which the man showed to officers.

He also repeatedly stood outside the victim’s flat, which Dr Rodriguez-Dorans described as “overt intimidation”.

“We were working on agoraphobia,” he said. “He would not be able to go out at night – he would be terrified and go back to the safety of his home. He was also dealing with panic attacks on a regular basis.

“We are still working on this and it’s been years since the client left the relationship – that’s very important, the relationship might have ended years ago but the effects continue.”

In terms of access to support services, Dr Rodriguez-Dorans said the barriers were complex.

Many are targeted towards women, which he said gives the narrative that women are “more prone to be victims” of abuse.

Meanwhile charities and mental health services for LGBT people are also overstretched.

But perhaps most pervasively, many of Dr Rodriguez-Dorans’ cases are affected by misconceptions on masculinity.

“Men don’t see themselves as objects of abuse,” he said. “People who have been victims of sexual abuse can take up to 20 years to actually seek help.”

On those perpetrating the abuse, he added: “Many might be dealing with internalised homophobia, shame, isolation from their families and emotional illiteracy – which is quite widespread among men regardless of their sexuality.

“Exercising power against their partner might put them in position where they feel like their masculinity is asserted.”

Prof Jamie Frankis and Dr Steven Maxwell
Prof Jamie Frankis (left) and Dr Steven Maxwell (right) will present their findings on abuse in LGBT relationships to the Scottish government

Similar experiences of abuse among gay and bisexual men have been demonstrated in two pieces of research by Glasgow Caledonian University, which will be presented to the Scottish government’s LGBTI+ cross-party group later this month.

The first, published in 2020, was a UK-wide survey which found one in four gay or bisexual men experienced intimate partner violence (IPV).

The second study, published last year, interviewed 10 men aged between 26 to 47 in Scotland on their experiences of domestic abuse.

It highlighted that the “absence of a rape narrative” for men in same-sex relationships made it difficult for some to recognise when they had been sexually assaulted.

It also said men with big muscular bodies worried that “appearing ‘acceptably’ masculine” might make others doubt that they were victims of IPV.

‘Change at a national level’

Lead academics Prof Jamie Frankis and Dr Steven Maxwell have called the problem an “urgent public health issue”.

Dr Maxwell said: “IPV experienced by GBM and wider LGBTQ+ folk is an issue that many are unaware of. Our research found that IPV has a detrimental impact on an individual’s health, both in the short and long term, and can cause mental ill health including anxiety, PTSD, depression and suicidality.

“We hope that this research will help bridge the knowledge gap, increase public awareness and lead to policy change at a national level.”

Dr Rodriguez-Dorans added that more training was needed to help police officers recognise signs of domestic abuse in same-sex relationships.

“If we don’t address these issues, it won’t change,” he said. “We’ll end up with generation after generation going down the same path.”

Det Ch Supt Sam Faulds of Police Scotland said tackling domestic abuse remains a “significant priority”.

She said the force responds to all reports, adding: “Whilst we recognise the disproportionate impact on women and girls, the definition of domestic abuse is not gender specific.

“It is a despicable and debilitating crime which affects all our communities and has no respect for ability, age, ethnicity, gender, race, religion or sexual orientation.”

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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Why Are GOP Lawmakers Obsessed about Sex?

— By focusing on sex, Republicans can court both the evangelical right and the right-wing extreme QAnon vote.

By Robert Reich

The Republican Party, once a proud proponent of limited government, has become a font of government intrusion into the most intimate aspects of personal and family life.

Last Friday, a judge who previously worked for a conservative Republican legal organization and was then nominated to the bench by Trump and pushed through the Senate by Mitch McConnell, invalidated the FDA’s approval of a 23-year-old abortion pill (mifepristone) used in over half of pregnancy terminations in the United States.

Meanwhile, in the wake of the Dobbs case (in which Republican appointees on the Supreme Court reversed Roe v. Wade), Republican states are criminalizing abortion. Some are criminalizing the act of helping women obtain an abortion in another state. Texas gives private citizens the right to sue anyone who helps someone get an abortion. Idaho just passed an “abortion trafficking” law that would make helping a minor leave Idaho to get an abortion without parental consent punishable by five years in prison. Tennessee Republicans have made it illegal to mail medical abortion pills. In the last Congress, 167 House Republicans co-sponsored the Life at Conception Act, conferring full personhood rights on fertilized eggs.

At the same time, Republican lawmakers want to make it more difficult for couples to buy contraceptives. Sixteen Republican-dominated state legislatures already bar abortion clinics from receiving public contraception funds.

So far, at least 11 Republican states have enacted laws restricting or banning gender-affirming care for minors, even if parents approve. Texas’s Republican governor, Greg Abbott, has ordered state child welfare officials to launch child abuse investigations into reports of transgender kids receiving such care. Republican lawmakers are also pushing teachers to refer to students by their gender assigned at birth. Many are restricting which bathrooms trans students can use.

Republican states are also limiting discussions of gender and sexuality in classrooms. Florida’s Republican governor, Ron DeSantis, signed a bill banning public school teachers in kindergarten through third grade from talking about sexual orientation or gender identity, calling it an “anti-grooming bill” and accusing opponents of wanting to groom young children for sexual exploitation.

Republican lawmakers are also putting obstacles in the way of same-sex marriage and are considering appeals to the Supreme Court to reverse its 2015 Obergefell v. Hodges ruling. Texas’s Republican attorney general says he’d “feel comfortable defending a law that once again outlawed sodomy” in the wake of Dobbs.

Oh, and Republicans now routinely accuse political opponents of favoring child pornography. In her confirmation hearings, Judge Ketanji Brown Jackson was barraged with questions from Republican senators about her alleged lenient treatment of child pornographers. (In four days of hearings, the phrase “child porn” or “pornography” or “pornographer” was mentioned 165 times, along with 142 mentions of “sex” or related terms like “sexual abuse” or “sex crimes.”)

Three Reasons Why Republican Lawmakers Are Obsessing about Sex

First, by focusing on sex, Republicans can court both the evangelical right and the right-wing extreme QAnon vote (with its loony “Pizzagate” conspiracy claim that Democrats are pedophiles).

gop sex obsession

Second, by focusing on sex, Republican lawmakers don’t have to talk nonstop about Trump. They don’t have to discuss his indictment or other pending cases against him. They don’t have to say whether they agree with his vitriolic diatribes against other Republicans (DeSantis, McConnell, and any other Republican who criticizes him). They don’t have to defend his bonkers positions (on Ukraine, NATO, George Soros, immigrants, and all else).

Finally, creating a culture war over sex allows Republicans to sound faux populist without having to address the practical problems faced by most Americans — lack of paid sick leave, unaffordable child care and elder care, stagnant wages, and inadequate housing. And by focusing on sex, they believe they can ignore the sources of populist anger — corporate profiteering and price gouging, monopolization, union busting, soaring CEO pay, and billionaires who pay a lower tax rate than the average worker (courtesy, in part, of the 2017 Republican tax cut for the wealthy).

But the Republican obsession about sex is backfiring on them, as we saw in the 2022 midterms and again in last week’s elections in Wisconsin and Chicago. It’s drawing a contrast between the two parties that pits the GOP against the vast majority of voters.

It’s becoming increasingly apparent to Americans that while Democrats want to make life easier for average working people and end corporate abuses of economic power, Republicans want government to intrude on the most intimate aspects of peoples’ lives.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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Researchers find comprehensive sex education reduces homophobia, transphobia

by Dfusion

Can a school-based sexual health education program that effectively reduces the risk of unintended pregnancy and STIs also decrease homophobia and transphobia?

That question drove a by researchers conducting a randomized controlled trial of an inclusive comprehensive sex education program—High School FLASH. The study evaluated not just the impact on students’ sexual behaviors and related outcomes but also on their homophobic and transphobic beliefs. Specifically, researchers evaluated High School FLASH in 20 schools in two U.S. regions (Midwest and South). Study findings related to the curriculum’s impact on homophobic and transphobic beliefs are described in the journal Prevention Science.

Young LGBTQ students often endure homophobic and transphobic language at school, experiencing victimization and discrimination based on their sexual orientation and/or . These students can experience both negative academic consequences (e.g., , absenteeism, disconnection from school communities) as well as mental health consequences, including depression, anxiety, and lowered self-esteem.

Schools have a critical role to play in combatting discrimination and transphobic violence for LGBTQ students and improving their academic, health and well-being. Along with anti-bullying policies and sponsoring GSA organizations, schools can contribute to safe and affirming environments for all by offering inclusive curricula. Research has shown that LGBTQ students who received inclusive sexual health curricula experienced lower levels of victimization, increased feelings of safety at school, fewer safety-related school absences, better academic performance, and increased feelings of connection to peers.

Inclusivity goal and challenges

Even sexual health curricula that claim to be inclusive do not always affirm all young people’s identities and orientations. Some of the issues identified by LGBTQ youth as contributing to the lack of positive representation in their health curricula include: silences on the part of the teacher or the curriculum about LGBTQ issues/individuals, heterosexist framing of the information presented, and the ongoing pathologizing of LGBTQ individuals or specific sexual practices.

BA Laris, one of the study’s authors, notes that “there is really little to no guidance on how to make a curriculum inclusive.” She observes that quick fixes aren’t the answer. “People will often say ‘just add LGBTQ characters’ or ‘make names gender neutral in scenarios,’ but that is not enough and there is no systematic guidance on how to do it.”

Enter the FLASH program strategy.

FLASH uses a very systematic process to imbue the whole curriculum to be inclusive. In addition to creating a lesson focusing specifically on sexual orientation and gender identity, all of the FLASH lessons:

  • Provide visibility, depicting young people with a variety of sexual orientations and genders and in diverse contexts (e.g., sexually active, abstinent, partnered, single)
  • Normalize a wide range of identities
  • Portray LGBTQ young people in a variety of situations, including caring, satisfying, healthy relationships
  • Use a nuanced approach to inclusive language, striking a strategic balance between broad inclusion (e.g., the use of neutral language such as “partner” that allows a single sentence or concept to be relevant to a large group) and visibility of specific identities (using specific language such as “boyfriend” or “girlfriend”)
  • Ensure relevance of content to all. For example, the birth control lesson in High School FLASH starts with the statement “this lesson is for everybody—people who are having vaginal sex now or who will in the future, and teens of all sexual orientations and genders. Even if someone won’t ever need birth control, learning about it now will help them act as health educators for their friends and families on this important topic. Additional inclusivity strategies included in the development of FLASH: a) instructing teachers to use a specially designed protocol to affirm identities in class discussions, when answering questions, along all domains of identity (e.g., , gender, ability, religion, race, ethnicity); b) testing of all curricular messaging with a diverse group of young people, with LGBTQ youth purposefully overrepresented; c) content adjustments according to feedback and re-testing until acceptability was reached; and d) multiple piloting efforts of lessons in public school classrooms to gauge understandability.

Did it work?

In the study, 20 schools drawn from 7 districts in two regions of the South and Midwest were randomly assigned to receive FLASH or a comparison curriculum. A total of 1597 9th and 10th grade students took part in the baseline survey (831 intervention and 766 comparison), representing 92% of the students who had positive parent consent and were eligible for the primary study. Students completed follow-up surveys 3 and 12 months after the instructional period.

Researchers examined changes in homophobic beliefs among straight cisgender young people versus those who identified as not straight or cisgender. FLASH’s positive impact on reducing homophobic and transphobic beliefs was statistically significant for both straight and cisgender youth at both 3- and 12-month follow up timepoints (p<0.01, n=1144 and p+0.05, n+1078, respectively.) For a full study description, see Coyle et al (2021).

As Laris emphasizes, “what this study showed is that the process is effective because all students (both LGBTQ participants and straight and cisgender participants) decreased their homophobic beliefs.” This has different and important implications for each group. A reduction in homophobic and transphobic beliefs among LGBTQ students signals an improvement in how one feels about themselves (a decrease in internalized homophobia and transphobia).

The reduction in homophobic and transphobic beliefs among straight and cisgender students reflects an improvement in how one perceives LGBTQ peers, potentially leading to a reduction in harassment and an improved school climate.

The encouraging take-away here? FLASH is the first evidence-based teen pregnancy prevention program to date to report findings showing it reduces prejudice against people who are LGBTQ.

More information: Kari Kesler et al, High School FLASH Sexual Health Education Curriculum: LGBTQ Inclusivity Strategies Reduce Homophobia and Transphobia, Prevention Science (2023). DOI: 10.1007/s11121-023-01517-1

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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‘It just didn’t enter my mind to initiate sex;’

— Low sex drive in men linked to chemical imbalance

By Sandee LaMotte

While hanging out with his college roommates, Peter (not his real name) realized he felt differently about sex than other heterosexual men.

“I’ve never been somebody who was interested in pornography, but I’d laugh along with their jokes,” said Peter, now 44, who is British. “Of course I never mentioned that … as a man, you’d be kicked out of the herd.”

As he developed “proper, serious relationships” with women, Peter discovered he didn’t have the sexual drive many of his partners did.

“I would make excuses around getting tired or feeling stressed, that kind of thing,” he said. “It wasn’t an issue with attraction to my partner. It just didn’t enter my mind to initiate sex.”

In 2021, Peter saw an ad recruiting male volunteers for a new study on hypoactive sexual desire disorder, or HSDD. Researchers planned to inject the study’s participants with kisspeptin —a naturally occurring sexual hormone — to see if it increased their sex drive. Kisspeptin plays a key role in reproduction; without adequate levels of the hormone children do not go through puberty, for example.

In a long-term, committed relationship with a woman he says has a higher sexual appetite, Peter signed up, intrigued by the thought that a biological imbalance might help explain his behavior.

In the week after the final session, Peter said, something amazing occurred.

“All of a sudden, I wanted to initiate intimacy. I can only presume it was driven not by my mind remembering something, but my body wanting something,” he said. “I did initiate sex more and it improved things with my partner incredibly.”

Experts believe HSDD affects at least 10% of women and up to 8% of men, although those numbers may be low, said Stanley Althof, a professor emeritus of psychology at Case Western Reserve University School of Medicine in Cleveland, Ohio and executive director of the Center for Marital and Sexual Health of South Florida.

“Men are embarrassed to go to the doctor to begin with, and you’re supposed to be a macho guy,” said Althof, who was not involved in the kisspeptin study.

“So it’s difficult for men to say, ‘Hey, I’ve got a problem with my sex drive.’ That’s why the majority of male patients I see with HSDD are sent in by their partners.”

To be diagnosed with the disorder, a person must have no other issues that might cause a change in libido, such as erectile dysfunction or premature ejaculation.

“Losing interest due to performance issues is common, but HSDD is its own thing,” Althof said. “It’s an absence of erotic thoughts and a lack of desire for sex that has to be present for six months. It also cannot be better explained by another disorder or other stressors: It can’t be due to depression. It can’t be due to a bad relationship. It can’t be due to taking an antidepressant.”

One more key point: A man or woman must have clinically significant distress to have HSDD, said clinical psychologist Dr. Sheryl Kingsberg, a professor in reproductive biology and psychiatry at Case Western Reserve University, who was also not involved in the kisspeptin study.

“Some people aren’t bothered by their lack of interest in sex, so we wouldn’t treat them for HSDD,” said Kingsberg, who is also chief of behavioral medicine at MacDonald Women’s Hospital and University Hospitals Cleveland Medical Center.

“The women coming into my office are deeply distressed,” she said. “They tell me ‘I used to have desire but it’s gone. I could be on a desert island with no pressures, but I just don’t have the appetite. I want it back.’ Those women have HSDD.”

Dr. Waljit Dhillo, a professor in endocrinology and metabolism at Imperial College London, has been studying the relationship between low sexual desire and the hormone kisspeptin for years, first in animals, then in people.

Prior studies by Dhillo of healthy men with no libido problems found giving them kisspeptin boosted levels of testosterone and luteinizing hormone, which is important for gonad function.

His newest study, published in the journal JAMA Network Open in February, enrolled 32 men with verified HSDD. Peter was one of them.

“So many people say to themselves, ‘It’s just me. I’ve got a problem.’ But actually, HSDD may be how your brain is wired,” said Dhillo, who is a dean at the United Kingdom’s National Institute for Health and Care Research Academy in Newcastle upon Tyne.

“The biology is telling us there’s increased activation of inhibitory areas in the brain — the same areas that tell us it’s not OK to walk around in public naked — and those areas are switching off sexual desire. How can we tackle that? We give a hormone that would naturally give you increased sexual desire, essentially hijacking the normal system.”

The men participating in the new study visited Dhillo’s lab twice. On each occasion, they were fitted with a device to objectively measure arousal, given an injection and asked to watch pornography while their brains were scanned via functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI).

Neither the subjects or the researchers knew if that day’s injection was kisspeptin or a placebo.

“It was extraordinarily surreal, lying there with something resembling a hangman’s noose around your bits and watching a mixture of ’70s to modern-day pornographic images and videos,” Peter said. “You’d get about five or six seconds of one type of image or video, rate your arousal for the researchers, and then move on to the next.”

Brain scans showed a significant dual effect after the kisspeptin injection, Dhillo said. Activity in the areas of the brain that inhibit behavior slowed, while areas of the brain connected to sexual interest lit up.

“As a group, the men had a 56% higher sexual response to sexual images after the kisspeptin than the placebo,” Dhillo said. “And we found no side effects at the very, very small dose that we are using.”

Peter noticed a difference immediately after finishing the treatments. His sex life was so robust, in fact, that it wasn’t long before his partner was pregnant with their first child.

As published, the study did not follow the men long-term to see if the effects of kisspeptin lasted. For Peter, however, its impact has been life-changing.

“I have found there’s been a lasting effect for me,” he said. “I do find I have a much better sexual appetite even now some years after the treatment.”

Even the arrival of a baby boy didn’t deter his new interest in sex.

“The cliche is when you have kids, your sex life takes a bit of a hit,” he told CNN. “But that hasn’t been the case for us. In fact, we’re pregnant with our second child, due in July.”

While Peter had a positive long-term result, it’s too soon to say kisspeptin injections were the reason, Althof said.

“When you hear dramatic results like Peter’s, I would be cautious in saying that is the typical outcome. While it’s wonderful that it happened for him, these fMRI studies are difficult to interpret and not conclusive,” he said.

“Sexual desire is very complicated — I say it’s a combination of brain function, hormones and love, wine and roses,” Althof added. “This study is promising, but it needs replication in larger groups.”

And even if future research does confirm kisspeptin’s benefits, medical treatment is not a substitution for healthy communication about sex between partners and with health care providers, Dhillo said.

“These are society’s taboos, but actually, the more we talk about real (sexual) issues that affect real people, the more we find it’s actually quite common,” he said.”If you’re not troubled by low libido, it’s not an issue at all, but if you are troubled by it, this can lead to marital breakdown, unhappiness and reduced quality of life.”

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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Sexologist Chantelle Otten on the complexities of sex in both her work and her personal life

— Let’s talk about sex.

Chantelle Otten

By Alley Pascoe

As a renowned sexologist, Chantelle Otten is privy to people’s deepest desires, fears and insecurities. Here, she’s honest about her own.

I’m in bed with Chantelle Otten and she’s taking photos of her feet. It’s not as kinky as it sounds. We’re speaking over Zoom ahead of Otten’s Body+Soul cover shoot the next morning, and she’s sending the manicurist pictures of her nails so they know what to expect.

“This is very embarrassing, my nails are really, really bleak,” she says, with endearing honesty and an easy laugh.

There’s something about Otten’s voice. It’s soothing. And welcoming. Like the cosy blanket wrapped around her dachshund Sauce, who’s snuggled beside her in bed.

Chatting from her sunlit bedroom in Melbourne, Otten speaks with a warmness. She has a way of putting you at ease, making you feel comfortable and giving you the space to speak your truth. When Otten opens her mouth, you can’t help but bare your soul in return. It’s a gift – and sometimes a burden – and it’s something she was born with.

“For my entire life, I’ve always had people confide in me. I’m the person at the party sitting in the corner listening to someone’s life story,” explains Otten, who grew up in a “quirky” family in the Melbourne suburb of Murrumbeena with two younger brothers and an older sister with an intellectual disability.

“As a kid, I was always listening in on what was happening in my parents’, siblings’, grandparents’ and friends’ lives. That gave me an awareness and understanding of different personalities, and the complex nature of individuals.”

From then, Otten, now 32, has turned her skill into a successful career as a psycho-sexologist. What exactly does that involve, you may wonder? A sexologist is someone who studies the science of sex, human behaviour and sexual health and wellbeing. Their job is to help clients with their sexual concerns, and to empower them with the knowledge and the confidence they need to lead a healthy sex life.

At Otten’s sex therapy clinic in Melbourne, nothing is off limits. It’s a safe space to talk about intimate things: sexual identity, self-esteem, performance anxiety, trauma, pleasure and pain.

“I feel grateful that people trust me enough to be vulnerable with me.”

“My clinic is a place where people can be themselves; you can swear, cry, laugh and talk about things that upset you. Or not. Whatever you want,” she says. “My clients tell me that I make them feel at ease. Apparently, I’ve got a therapeutic voice.”

Soon, you’ll be able to listen to Otten’s voice in the Audible podcast Sex Therapy: Sessions with Chantelle Otten. The series promises to “take you under the covers and into the world of sex therapy”, and that’s quite literally what it does. Each episode features an anonymous recorded therapy session with real people dealing with real issues.

There’s the married couple looking for advice on opening up their relationship; the new mum trying to regain her sexual identity; the man experiencing erectile dysfunction; and the woman who has never reached orgasm. Their stories are fascinating – heartbreaking at times, oh-so relatable at others – and truly enlightening.

“We wanted for it to feel like being a fly on the wall,” says Otten. “We’re all going to have difficulties with sex at some point in our lives – all of us – so I hope this podcast can help to normalise talking about sex. I hope the episodes resonate with people, and that they take shame out of the conversation and help to alleviate any apprehension they might have around sex therapy.”

The podcast is the latest move in Otten’s mission to increase pleasure and remove shame from the bedroom. After studying psychology and undertaking a masters in sexual health, Otten worked under Dr Ingrid Pinas in a women’s sexual health clinic in the Netherlands.

Upon returning to Melbourne from Amsterdam, she founded the Australian Institute of Sexology and Sexual Medicine in 2016, followed by her namesake clinic in 2018. In the five years since her clinic has opened, Otten has grown from being a one-woman show (and disguising her voice on the phone to pretend she had a receptionist) to having a dedicated team of 20.

“I tend to only take on patients with very specialised cases, so I am dealing with a lot of complex trauma,” she says. “That’s very rewarding for me. I don’t charge my patients; I make money from my sponsorship work. So, my client work is pro bono, which is my way of giving back.”

With Otten – and many other sex educators – leading the way, times are a-changin’. As her business has grown, Otten has seen vibrators go from being ‘dirty little secrets’ to being stocked in major department stores and promoted by influencers all over Instagram. She’s watched the sexual wellness industry grow by $16.8 billion from 2017 to now. And she’s been a part of important discussions about consent and reproductive health, with her 2021 book The Sex Ed You Never Had. But as far as we’ve come, there’s still a way to go.

In the last five years, we’ve witnessed Roe v Wade overturned in America, threatening the future of reproductive rights in the country. We’ve heard shameful stories of sexual harassment and assault within Australian politics. And we’ve learned that Instagram has been censoring sex education accounts – Otten’s included.

“Oh, I think I’ve been shadowbanned on Instagram for five years. It’s problematic that so many people are being silenced, because sex education should be accessible to everyone,” she says. “The main thing I want people to know is that sex should be fun, pleasurable and free of pain and shame. I think we need to make sex sexy again!”

That’s where Sex Therapy: Sessions with Chantelle Otten comes in. Apart from the all-important destigmatising and empowering stories, perhaps the best part of the podcast is getting to listen to Otten’s silky voice in situ.

Today Otten’s voice is raspier than usual. She’s been battling a sinus infection, she tells me, and is trying to recover from the physical fatigue of taking on people’s trauma.

“The challenges that come with this line of work are heavy. When you hear someone’s trauma, it does affect you,” she says. “I am constantly doing work on myself to make sure that I’m there for my patients.”

As well as the emotional toll there are other – more, er, unique – challenges that come with being a sexologist. Namely, people confusing sexology with sex work. Remember when Otten was starting out in her business and put on a fake voice to make out she had a receptionist? Yeah, that didn’t end well.

“I had a guy call wanting to book in a session with his wife for relationship therapy. He was talking and asking questions, and I was answering as the ‘receptionist’. Then he asked me if he could watch. ‘What?’ I asked. ‘Can I watch you and my wife having sex together,’ he said. ‘Oh, no, no, this isn’t the place for that,’ I explained. ‘Just keep talking,’ he said, and I realised that he was masturbating over the phone listening to my receptionist voice,” recalls Otten, with amusement rather than horror. “That’s when I realised I really needed to get an actual receptionist.”

Otten is quick to find the humour in her work. What’s the saying? If you don’t laugh, you’ll cry. That’s the approach Otten takes with life and work. Once again, this is a trait she’s had since childhood.

After Otten’s older sister left their primary school to attend a school that provided support for her disability, she had to find her own voice. “When my sister went to a different school, I felt left behind. I had no friends, so I had to learn how to make friends. I learned how to make people laugh, and became an extroverted introvert,” she says.

Learning how to make friends has paid off. Today, it’s Otten’s friends who keep her grounded. They’re the ones she turns to when she’s struggling with the pressures of her profession and running a 20-person business.

“My best friends are all amazing, deep thinkers. When I’m with them, I’m not the therapist, I’m their friend. I feel very lucky for the community I have around me,” she admits. That community includes Otten’s partner of four years, Dylan Alcott.

As the meet-cute story goes, Otten first laid eyes on Alcott, the champion tennis player and 2022 Australian of the Year, at the launch of his book at the North Fitzroy Library in 2019. It was love at first sight. “I still remember that moment so clearly. I remember looking at him and thinking, ‘That’s my person.’ I didn’t know anything about Dylan – or that he was famous – I just knew that he’d written a book because I was at his book signing. I realised this guy wants a big life, and I was excited to live a big, wonderful life together,” she says.

The feeling was mutual. When Otten had to slip away from the book launch without speaking to Alcott, he found her on Instagram after she posted about the event, and slid into her DMs: “Where the hell did you go?” They’ve been together ever since.

“Dylan has taught me so much about life, about having a purpose and being in a long-term relationship. When you love someone so much, you need to look at yourself and your flaws and consider what you’re bringing to the table. Dylan’s a lot of fun, and sometimes I can be a bit serious, so we’ve taught each other about balance,” says Otten. “There’s no one else out there who makes me feel so excited and passionate about life.”

Alcott, also 32, shares his partner’s passion for breaking down taboos, especially when it comes to changing the misconceptions around disabled people having – and desiring – sex. “A lot of people think that people with a disability don’t have sex, but I’m having the best sex of my life and it’s important for me to say that,” Otten told Stellar magazine in 2020.

Clearly, sex is a big part of her life. But does she ever get tired of talking about it? “Of course I get sick of talking about sex,” admits Otten. “There are times when I’ve been inundated with work and under a lot of pressure, and I’ve hated my job. I’ve had to put a lot of boundaries up.”

When people recognise Otten and come up to her on the street to tell her that they love her work, she feels grateful: “That’s beautiful.” But when people approach her and ask intimate questions or unload their personal issues, Otten takes a step back. She thanks them for wanting to open up to her and suggests they book a session through her clinic.

“There’s a time and place; I can’t give good advice when I don’t know all the details of their situation or medical and sexual history. It’s very complex,” she says. “I was once recognised by a girl on the dance floor at a club in Amsterdam at 3am, and I ran off into the darkness.”

Otten can be blunt. “I’m Dutch,” she explains. “I can be direct, but that’s how I speak, and sometimes I have to be that way. I don’t mind if people don’t like me because I hold boundaries with them. That’s more on them than it is on me.” When Otten speaks about boundaries, her voice is steady and unwavering.

There’s a knowing beneath her words. It’s the voice of someone who’s heard, seen and done some sh*t – and lived to tell the tale. The thing that keeps Otten going through it all is her innate curiosity.

“The best piece of advice I was ever given was to remain curious. My mum gave it to me and I’ve held onto it. People are so complex and I’m forever curious about them,” she says. “They have such amazing private lives – you have no idea about – and they come to share it with me. How lucky am I that I get to hear people’s secrets, and hold those secrets? It’s unbelievable.”

How to have better sex

Four surprisingly simple Chantelle Otten-approved ways to improve your intimacy.

Keep learning

“I want people to remain open to learning more about their sex lives and their partner. We often make the mistake of assuming we know everything about our partner, but there’s so much that goes on behind our outer shells. That mystery is a beautiful thing.”

Get playful

“Toys can add spice to your sexual experience, making it more pleasurable and adding variety for both you and your partner. I like to think of toys like salt and pepper – they might not be needed, but they make everything better.”

Book it in

“OK, this one might seem a little bit naff, but scheduling sex once a week has been shown to increase sexual satisfaction. Even if it’s the same sexual menu every time, it still improves satisfaction. Our sex lives are something we need to work at.”

Talk it out

“When you’re stuck in a sexual rut – and we all get stuck sometimes – don’t be shy to talk about it with someone who can help. That’s what sexologists are here for, to provide a different perspective and give advice on getting more pleasure.”

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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A beginner’s guide to impact play

— For when chains and whips excite you.

By Gigi Engle

Impact play is an umbrella term for all things sexual involving hitting or being hit with an object in a safe and consensual way. Impact play “can [involve] hitting, punching, or slapping, but you can also get creative like [being] pummeled with fists, alternating different strokes or slaps,” explains Lucy Rowett, a certified sex coach and clinical sexologist. You can also use equipment other than your hands, such as paddles, whips, floggers, or something you find around the house.

Is your interest piqued? Would you say that chains and whips excite you? (Sorry.)

Impact play is one of the cornerstone practices in the BDSM community. But it’s not just for dungeons. Impact play can be used by anyone. The key is doing it safely.

Impact play encompasses getting hit with things, or hitting a partner with objects, as a way to heighten sexual arousal and up the ante on Dom/sub power dynamics.

Misinformation about BDSM and impact play, among other kink practices, is rife on TikTok. It’s important, therefore, to get your kink education from reputable sources. Mashable spoke to kink educators about impact play to get the lowdown on how to practice it safely.

If you’re interested in learning how to be an expert with a whip, flogger, or crop, or just feel like that booty deserves a (very consensual) hiding, look no further. Let’s immerse ourselves into the seductive universe of impact play and all that it involves.

What is impact play?

If it’s not clear by now, impact play is using objects (or hands, etc.) to hit or be hit. But this is just the tip of the iceberg. It might sound pretty straightforward, but impact play is nothing short of an art (when done correctly and safely).

This modality within the BDSM community offers a Dominant and submissive partner the chance to explore tactile sensation, pain play, and physical endurance. Plus, it just feels really, really good.

Here are some examples of impact play:

  • Flogging.
  • Paddling.
  • Caning.
  • Spanking (with hands or tools).
  • Using a crop.

There are plenty more ways to enthusiastically smack someone around. You can get really creative with it.

The importance of safety and consent.

There is absolutely nothing more important in impact play (and all play) than safety and consent. Each scene that involves impact play needs to be highly negotiated between partners. We’re talking about literally hitting people with objects.
Sure, it’s fun, but it is NO joke. Dr. Celina Criss, a certified sex coach specializing in BDSM and GSRD, explainsL “BDSM players of any type need to understand the risks inherent to the play they want to engage in: physical, mental, and emotional.” “Experienced players have typically studied their activity of choice, the anatomy involved, first aid care for when things go wrong, and are practiced in communicating throughout the play.”

Communication is so, so key. “Don’t ever attempt to start hitting or striking your partner during play or during sex without communicating beforehand, it can put them into a threat response,” Rowett says. This can be highly traumatic. Sorry to have to say this to y’all, but hitting someone without their consent is straight up domestic violence.

Don’t rush into this kind of play.

The safety and consent checklist:

  1. Do your homework. You need to know which parts of the body are safe to hit and which aren’t.
  2. Practice makes perfect. Both partners need to be fully aware of the risks involved in their chosen activities as well as the skill needed to perform them well.
  3. Thoroughly discuss the scene: What are your boundaries? Do you have a safe word? What tools will you be using?
  4. Have an aftercare plan in place to ensure both partners have time and space to emotionally “come down.”
  5. Check in regularly throughout the scene to be sure everyone is enjoying themselves.

Things to avoid during impact play.

“There are no prizes for being the kinkiest or toughest player in the dungeon, especially if you’re just starting out,” Criss says. Don’t rush into this kind of play. You need to have patience, go slowly, and be willing to experiment. If you rush in, you might end up getting injured or injuring someone. This will lead you to miss out on a whole lot of fun.

You want to stay away from the lower back literally always. Hitting this area can cause kidney damage. The stomach is also a very sensitive area and should be avoided unless the impact is very light. You also want to stay away from any joints, the neck, or any injuries or body parts that experience chronic pain.

When in doubt: The squishy bits are best. Think: Booty, legs, breasts, and arms.

When in doubt: The squishy bits are best. Think: Booty, legs, breasts, and arms.
After figuring out the where, figure out the how. The kind of pressure and intensity you want to feel is key to enjoying the experience. Do you enjoy stingy, lighter sensations? Do you prefer a deeper, thuddier sensation? This might take some time, practice, and patience to figure out. Experimenting is totally OK as long as everyone is following the safety plan.

You’ll also want to chat through marks on your body. Are you OK with bruises? Definitely not down for that? Be open, thorough, and communicate.

How to get started.

First of all, if you’re a novice, the best place to start is with spanking, either using a hand, riding crop, or a ruler. You could also use a plastic spatula or a wooden spoon. We have so many great items available at home and we love that for us. “Go slow when you’re starting out,” Criss tells us. “Agree to try one or two things for a short period of time and debrief with your partner after: what worked, what didn’t, and what you’d like more of.” You want to co-create a foundation and then go from there.

Start with the butt. It’s meatier and you have less of a risk of bruising. Always check in with your partner and be sure they are comfortable and enjoying the experience. “Using a flat hand, get started with light spanking on the outer middle quadrant of the glute,” Chiaramonte explains. “Play with the intensity of how hard you (and your partner) can handle giving and receiving.”

If you decide you enjoy playing with impact, you can always invest in specialty gear. “A beginners BDSM kit may come with mini versions of things like paddles, floggers, and crops/canes,” Chiaramonte adds.

And don’t forget: COMMUNICATE, COMMUNICATE, COMMUNICATE.

Don’t forget: COMMUNICATE, COMMUNICATE, COMMUNICATE.

Why impact play is so appealing.

It makes sense why people would love this, from a neurobiological perspective. The same areas of the brain light up when you feel pain as when you feel pleasure. Our nervous systems are incredibly intricate. When we feel pain, our central nervous system releases endorphins. These hormones are designed to stop pain. When we experience this rush of endorphins, it can lead to pleasure, causing a dizzying euphoria.

Some people are just really, really into pain. People who enjoy pain for sexual pleasure are called masochists – and they make up the “M” in BDSM. “Aside from the sensation, [impact play] is a magnificent tool to reinforce kinks/BDSM dynamics like dom/sub as tools for ‘punishment’ or ‘reward,” says Julieta Chiaramonte, a kink instructor, writer, and sex expert.

There is a caveat here that we need to clarify: Not all impact play is pain play.

Words like spanking, flogging, or caning “might sound violent, but they don’t have to be,” says Criss. “Players will vary their strikes to achieve the desired effect, ranging from soft and gentle to firm to stingy.” Some people enjoy an impact that gives them deep sensation without going into the realm of pain. They are into the tactile sensation and the power dynamics. However you enjoy your impact, it’s totally valid.

OK, kinksters! Are you feeling prepared to get your spank on? Go forth and prosper!

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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A Female Porn Director Shares Her Best Sex Tips

— Anna Richards is the founder of ethical porn platform FrolicMe, which portrays sex in a positive, female-focused light. Believing we’re all capable of having great sex, she says the secret is losing your inhibitions and getting comfortable with what turns you on. From the importance of switching up your stimuli to why dropping expectations in the bedroom can be liberating, here are her tips…

By Tor West

Enjoy It

“Sex is supposed to be fun, and feel good, but in a long-term relationship it can be easy to forget who we are having sex for. This means we don’t stop to look at what sort of sex we enjoy. Remember, we aren’t having sex for anyone else. Too often, we are overly focused on the man’s experience, convinced we need to affirm to him that we are ‘good in bed’ by bringing him to orgasm. However, for sex to be great, we need to have sex for ourselves. Plus, there’s no more of a turn-on for a man than being in the presence of a woman losing herself to her own pleasure.”

Keep The Brain Stimulated

“The brain is our biggest sexual organ, and it needs stimulating to have great sex. In a long-term relationship, it can be easy to slip into maintenance sex to get the job done, but to keep it fresh, you need to change the dynamic. Taking sex out of the bedroom is a good start or try having sex at a different time of the day, like before dinner, so you can relish in the afterglow together earlier in the evening. It’s okay to need to work at reviving your libido as it can be a struggle to put yourself in the mood. Turning to sex-positive ethical erotica sites like FrolicMe or engaging in erotic stories is a great way to stimulate your desire by liberating your erotic imagination.”

Create Your Own Pleasure

“Just because you’re single doesn’t mean you can’t revel in the sexual highs and pleasures of sex. Being single is a great time to explore your own body and learn what it is you enjoy and desire. By exploring your own body through solo masturbation, you will learn so much more about what turns you on for when you are in a partnered relationship. We don’t always know what we like until we give it a try. Get involved with a clitoral stimulator – the choice has never been better, and they can help you reach orgasm. Watch masturbation erotica and learn new techniques – you can even film yourself talking to your phone as you enjoy some solo time. Explain how you feel and what’s turning you on as your body responds to your touch. If you’re in a relationship, you can even send it to your partner – it can feel mind-blowing to know you are thinking of them as you pleasure yourself, as well as being watched.”

If you’re confident in bed KNOWING WHAT YOU WANT, that’s a HUGE TURN-ON for your partner.

Talk About It

“Sex is about pleasure and connection with yourself and your partner. It’s important to communicate and be open with your partner about what you enjoy and what you want. Help each other achieve this desired satisfaction – if it’s reaching an orgasm, talk about what would help and how you can achieve it together. Perhaps you need to incorporate some toys and accessories into your play to help with more sexual stimulus. Take time to explore what you enjoy and let your lover know. If you’re confident in bed knowing what you want, that’s a huge turn-on for your partner.”

Experiment With Joint Masturbation

“It’s a very sexy way to quickly understand and learn how and where your partner stimulates themselves, and what it is they enjoy to reach climax. You can then apply these techniques during partner play in the knowledge of how much it turns them on. Plus, it increases the excitement to know you’re being watched. It can feel great to let your partner hold a toy on you as you masturbate. You can tell and guide them to what you like and where you like it.”

Listen To Audio Porn

“Explore stimulating and arousing your mind by tapping into audio porn, which will fuel your mind with erotic thoughts – you’ll be surprised at how quickly you will feel aroused. Audio porn allows the listener to feel part of a shared fantasy, setting the scene as you may wish to imagine it, creating your personal erotic porn of choice to stimulate pleasure.”

Get Spooning

“Spooning is a classic and simple sex position that’s great for when you’re feeling lazy but crave intimacy. The partner behind you can penetrate you deeply while reaching around and holding you in their arms or touching your genitals and nipples. It’s a great position for new parents who may barely have the energy to move at the end of the day but still want to feel intimate. To level up, try going side by side, which is like spooning. Both lie on your sides but facing each other – the partner being penetrated will wrap their legs above the other partner’s legs to create room for them both and allow deeper penetration. This can feel intimate as you can look into each other’s eyes.”

Penetrative sex SHOULDN’T ALWAYS BE THE FOCUS – sex is about pleasure, which can take many forms.

Go Slow

“If you struggle to have an orgasm during sex, you’re not alone. Don’t forget that less than 25% of women are capable of achieving orgasm through penetration alone and, as clitoris owners, we rely on additional sensations to help us achieve climax. Take the foot off the expectation pedal when it comes to climax, too, as the expectation of an orgasm can put pressure on and hinder your chances. Don’t forget that your partner could be the one to blame – not you. Perhaps they aren’t stimulating you in the right way. Remember you are responsible for your own orgasm, so communication on what you enjoy is important. Take it slow, play and arouse your body, and know that orgasms aren’t based on the clock. Taking your time doesn’t mean you’ve missed your chance. Being more mindful of the moment and letting your mind loose can be a great turn-on.”

Be Intimate

“Don’t think sex is all about penetration. Penetrative sex shouldn’t always be the focus – sex is all about pleasure, which can take many forms. Be creative and look at how you can be intimate with each other. Sex accessories can turn up the dynamic when it comes to sexy fun – blindfolds are good for kinky play while a bullet vibrator can help you achieve incredible orgasms. We still have expectations of sex where penetration is seen as the end of the game with a male ejaculating, and this needs to change. Bodies, pleasure and sexuality need to be equally discussed and normalised.”

Give Erotica A Chance

“Porn gives us the opportunity to expand our ideas, experiment and fantasise, and can inspire us to new forms of play. The problem is, mainstream porn is made for men. Woman-made and woman-centred ethical sites like FrolicMe can be a good place to start, allowing you to feel comfortable and safe. However, make sure you are not rushing into watching porn together until you are able to communicate your sexual needs. Certainly, you can’t get to watching threesomes and consensual BDSM if you are struggling to convey what turns you on. Be clear why you are wanting to share watching some porn with your partner and how you feel it might help with your own adventures. This will also help guide you to what sort of erotic films you should be viewing. Don’t try to be too ambitious in your viewing and build up your preferences through experience. Chat about what turns you on and what you would like to see but also what you wouldn’t.”

Don’t Overthink It

“Sometimes we feel sex is a much bigger issue than it really is. Sex is a part of our life, not our whole life. Rather than thinking of sex, think of it as pleasure and explore what you enjoy and what gets you off. This will help to remove the noise around sex and enable you to focus on yourself, exploring your body and revelling in the euphoria it can offer you. You don’t need someone else to help you evolve sexually – you can work on your own sexual evolution, so that when you have a partner, you can teach them exactly how to please you.”

Visit FrolicMe.com

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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Your Complete Beginner’s Guide to BDSM

— Allow us to show you the ropes (pun intended).

By Gigi Engle

Get out the whips, chains, and leather corsets, because we are getting down and dirty with BDSM today. For kink newbies, BDSM might seem intimidating, which makes complete sense—it’s a practice that can include a lot of high intensity activities. But don’t worry, it really is an accessible kink that can be practiced safely, provided you and your partners know your stuff. Which, hi, is where we come in.

There’s obviously a lot of stuff on the internet about kink, but a no-frills guide for beginners is hard to come by. If you’ve been wanting to get into BDSM but don’t know where to start, you’ve come to the right place.

According to a 2017 study published in the research journal PLOS ONE, a lot of people are into kinky sex. The study found that of the participants surveyed, about 20 percent said they have tied up a partner or been tied up during sex. About 15 percent said they have playfully whipped a partner or been playfully whipped as a part of sex play, and 33 percent reported they have spanked a partner or have been spanked during sex. So yeah, people are into this stuff big time.

“People like BDSM because it’s psychologically and physically thrilling, pleasurable, and fulfills needs, just like any typical sexual act would,” says Julieta Chiaramonte, a kink instructor and sex expert. “Why would you like [to have] orgasms? Well, because they feel good! Same goes for BDSM.”

But for all the hype, it’s important to be aware that BDSM needs to be practiced with extreme caution—especially for beginners. This kink comes with risks, and understanding them (and how to mitigate them) is fundamental to engaging in play that is safe, fun, and consensual.

So, without further ado, here is everything you need to know about BDSM as a beginner. We’ve all gotta start somewhere, so congrats on starting here.

What Is BDSM?

BDSM is a specific kind of play that falls under the broader umbrella term of kink. Kink can involve a much larger range of activities, whereas BDSM focuses specifically on dynamics within Bondage/Discipline, Dominance/submission, and Sadism/Masochism—which, you guessed it, is what BDSM stands for.

“BDSM encompasses a wide variety of practices involving intentional play with power dynamics and intense sensations,” says Celina Criss, PhD, a certified sex coach specializing in BDSM and GSRD (Gender, Sexual and Relationship Diversity). “It is often understood to include role play, fetish, and other practices that aren’t considered ‘typical.’”

BDSM can be physical, emotional, and psychological. Play can include sex, but it doesn’t have to include sex.

What Does BDSM Play Look Like?

BDSM relationships involve a Dominant partner(s) and submissive partner(s). This is known as a D/s relationship. The sub willingly and consensually gives up power to the Dom during the play (often referred to as a “scene”). Scenes are co-created between the Dom and sub, and can include a wide variety of different acts.

BDSM play can look like:

  1. Spanking/Impact play: Using implements and hands to spank/whip/flog your partner.
  2. Bondage: The use of ropes, cuffs, and other restraints.
  3. Discipline: Where the Dom disciplines the sub.
  4. Humiliation: Using certain words or behaviors to consensually degrade the sub.
  5. Worship: Where the sub engages in worship of their Dom.
  6. Sensory play: Engaging or restricting the senses to intensify arousal.
  7. Various role play dynamics (Caregiver/little, Pet Owner/pet, Master/slave, etc.)

…And much, much more. BDSM play can really include anything within the realm of consensual power exchange, and that’s what makes it so thrilling.

Why Are People Into BDSM?

At its core, BDSM is all about the giving and receiving of control. When we engage in high-intensity activities like pain-play and bondage, our brains release chemicals like dopamine, oxytocin, adrenaline, and cortisol. The rush can be euphoric, explains sexologist Ness Cooper, a sex and relationships therapist.

Adrenaline is the hormone released when our bodies experience a “fight or flight” response. This happens when our brains and bodies perceive that we are in danger. “Pain and pleasure are closely related and processed in the same parts of the brain, meaning that those [who are] into receiving consensual pain can feel pleasure from these BDSM acts,” Cooper says. (Studies confirm this, BTW.)

That said, BDSM is about more than just spankings, chains, and pleasure by way of pain. A large part of its appeal can actually be, dare we say, downright wholesome?

“BDSM is about playfulness, expression, and exploration,” Criss says. It’s an “opportunity to explore your desires and embrace parts of yourself that might not have another socially accepted outlet.” BDSM play offers a place for us to explore our most taboo desires. It’s a safe space to enjoy our sexuality and release shame, which can be liberating on multiple levels.

Emotionally, engaging in these activities can also foster intimacy between partners, as there’s a huge amount of vulnerability and trust involved in the consensual exchange of control.

Breaking Down the Misconceptions About BDSM

It’s no secret that we live in a pretty sex-negative culture. We constantly receive messages that sex is dirty and bad. And when it comes to sex that falls outside of the socially prescribed, exhaustingly heteronormative framework—well, let’s just say there’s an actual eff-load of misinformation to weed through.

Let’s unpack some of the misunderstandings that people have about BDSM, because being armed with (actually useful!) information can make play much more accessible, pleasurable, and less intimidating.

Only traumatized people are into BDSM

Allow us to be very clear: There is nothing wrong with you if you want to try BDSM. According to a 2008 study, those who engage in this kind of play are no more “depraved” or psychologically “damaged” than anyone else. “The notion that only traumatized people like BDSM is harmful,” Chiaramonte says. “BDSM is a very normal human behavior.” Kink is fun, lots of people enjoy it. It’s simply not that deep.

BDSM is domestic abuse/intimate partner violence

God, this one gets thrown around so much it is truly unreal. BDSM is all about consent, boundaries, and positive intent—sooo, pretty much the exact opposite of abuse.

“Partners negotiate their boundaries and agree to what they are going to do before they do it,” Criss explains. While accidents may happen (because, hello, we’re all humans capable of making mistakes), there is no intent to cause harm or injury to a partner in BDSM.

“Responsible partners have safety protocols in place to prevent this from happening before, during, [and] after any scene,” says Criss. “This means they know what they’re doing and [are aware of] the risks involved. They’ve practiced, learned about anatomy and physiology, keep their first-aid skills up to date, use safe words, and know what sort of aftercare their partner needs.”

You must like pain to enjoy BDSM

“Almost all BDSM can be modified to be done without experiencing any pain at all,” says Chiaramonte. BDSM is about power play dynamics. While pain can be a part of it, it really doesn’t have to be. For example, you might enjoy being blindfolded and having a feather run all over your body by your Dom. It’s not painful, but it’s still BDSM.

What’s more, Criss says that pain isn’t a useful metric in BDSM, and that most practitioners don’t even measure sensation this way. Rather, intensity is a more accurate way of thinking about the BDSM experience. That intense sensation “could be thuddy, stingy, or even feather-light,” says Criss.

BDSM is a fetish

BDSM refers to a variety of sex acts and practices that fall under the broader kink umbrella. A fetish is a specific act or object that a fetishist must engage with during sex in order to be aroused or reach peak arousal state. You might have a fetish for a specific act that falls under the category of BDSM (such as spanking or bondage), but BDSM is a wider range of behaviors, not a fetish in and of itself.

How to Have a Conversation With Your Partner About Wanting to Try BDSM

These conversations can be emotionally fraught and intimidating, but have no fear! Introducing the idea of kink to a partner does not have to be scary. Obviously, how you initiate this convo will depend on your relationship and how comfortable you and your partner(s) are with talking about sex, but here are some general guidelines that should help things go smoothly.

First of all, you’re going to want to have this conversation in a neutral, non-sexual place. This isn’t something you should spring on someone in the middle of sex, or even during foreplay, as your partner may feel pressured. Rather, opt for a time when you’re both relaxed, maybe while lounging at home watching TV or enjoying a nice dinner together.

Chiaramonte says to approach BDSM as a point of interest, something you can unpack together, conversationally. “Something along the lines of ‘I saw/heard of this, and it sounds interesting. I would love to try it. Can we talk about it?’” she suggests.

Encourage your partner to bring their fantasies to the table, too. “An essential part of BDSM is being able to have neutral and honest conversations around our desires,” says Chiaramonte.

Also! It’s okay to acknowledge that these conversations can be a little awkward—and doing so might actually help relieve some of that uncomfy-ness.

How to Start Practicing BDSM as a Beginner

So you’ve had the talk, and now it’s time to get into the good stuff. Here are some ways to start actually dipping those toes into the wide world of BDSM.

Do your research

If a certain BDSM act has piqued your interest, learn all you can about it. Being able to engage with play safely means expanding your knowledge of all it entails. “Curious about shibari and suspension bondage? Take a class! If you’re interested in Florentine flogging, find someone who does this and ask them to show you how,” Criss says. “Learn about the body. Anatomy, physiology, and first aid are essential to make sure you don’t hurt your partner.”

Communicate, communicate, communicate

BDSM can be quite complex and risky, which means every scene needs to be thoroughly negotiated and talked through with partners. “You need to know your own boundaries and respect your partner’s boundaries,” Criss says. This means that we need to be aware of everyone’s limits and work within their confines for the duration of play.

Go shopping for some goodies

Shopping for sex toys together can help you and your partner(s) explore and discuss certain acts or scenes you might be interested in trying out in a fun, lower-pressure environment, says Cooper. It’s a chance to co-create an erotic adventure with your partner, one that can make a potentially intimidating experience feel more playful.

Live by the RACK

In the BDSM world, RACK, which stands for Risk Aware Consensual Kink, is king. “In short, this structure explains that safe kink can only be practiced with consent, education, and understanding [of] the risks,” says Chiaramonte. The idea of RACK is not to eliminate all risks (that’s not possible, FYI), but to ensure all parties involved in a particular sex act are aware of the risks and give their informed consent to engage.

Choose a safe word

Safe words are non-sexual words that indicate a boundary has been reached during play. If you’re new to BDSM, you might not know a boundary until you come into contact with it, so it’s important to make communicating those boundaries as easy as possible. “An easy-to-use word can let your play partner know that you’ve reached your limit and need a break from that particular form of erotic play,” says Cooper.

A traffic light system (“red” = stop; “yellow” = proceed with caution; “green” = go), is a common and convenient safe-word option. Some other examples that you can consider yours for the taking right this way.

Start slow

“A lot of people start with blindfolds, light bondage, or a little bit of spanking,” says Criss.< Don’t dive right into the deep end with more extreme practices like breath play, rope play, or other forms of edge play. Many of these more advanced acts require a significant degree of skill and training to practice safely.

Find your people

You can learn a lot about kink by, well, connecting with other kinky people. You might be able to find local kink communities and educators near you to mingle with at events like a “Munch,” aka a casual gathering of kinksters to talk and get to know one another. “BDSM practitioners tend to be into education and community. If there is a group near you, they’re probably hosting play parties, workshops, and mentoring newcomers,” says Criss.

Practice aftercare

BDSM can involve a lot of intense emotions, which means there can be a bit of a “crash” after play. Aftercare is the set of actions we engage in post-play to help everyone return to a state of equilibrium. It can “help ground you after a heady mix of feel-good hormones,” says Cooper

This can include kisses, cuddles, talking about the scene, having a shower together, or tending to bruises or scrapes. You and your partner should discuss the kind of aftercare both of you feel you need and be willing to accommodate those needs accordingly.

If this all seems like kind of a lot, that’s because it is! There is so much to know about BDSM, and getting informed is a crucial first step for anyone interested in exploring the kinkier side of the street. That said, it’s supposed to be fun, and learning and exploring all there is to learn and explore about BDSM is all part of that fun. Wherever you are in your BDSM journey, trust that there is a lot of fun to be had in your future. Go forth and get kinky, my friends.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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Here’s Where Jealousy Comes From

— And 3 Ways To Tame It

It’s a feeling we all have, but it’s important not to let it take over your relationships

Nobody ever loves to admit it, but we all get jealous once in a while.

Jealousy, which is slightly different from envy, is a feeling where you become protective of something you have and fear that something or someone will take it away from you. Specifically, when it comes to relationships, this can happen when someone feels like something is threatening an important person to them.

“Jealousy is a complex and uncomfortable emotion,” says psychologist Susan Albers, PsyD. “But it’s also a normal feeling.”

Dr. Albers explains what jealousy exactly is and how to stop it from negatively impacting your well-being or relationships.

What is jealousy?

In contrast to envy, which is coveting something that someone else has and you don’t, jealousy manifests through fear that what we have is being threatened to be taken away.

Dr. Albers points out that this can happen with a person in our lives, or even with someone we perceive or want to have. Either way, jealousy comes out when you feel very strongly about keeping someone or something close to you.

“It comes in little bouts and it might be uncomfortable, but in extreme forms, it can be toxic, and damaging to relationships,” Dr. Albers says.

While jealousy is a normal feeling, it can morph into something harmful if you give it too much power. It can also lead to you losing the thing that you’re trying to hold onto by causing stress and tension in a relationship.

Here are some ways that jealous feelings can manifest in relationships:

  • Feelings of anxiety or depression.
  • Feelings of paranoia or obsessive worry.
  • Becoming obsessed with your partner and what they’re doing.
  • Growing distrust in your relationship or others around you.
  • Feelings of low self-worth or low self-esteem.

Along with that, jealousy can hurt us as individuals, too. “Little twinges of jealousy often come and go, but persistent jealousy can really eat away at our self-esteem or self-image,” points out Dr. Albers.

“Jealousy is a feeling often associated with shame,” she notes. This is because often when we feel jealous, it’s also paired with negative thoughts, like, I’m so stupid for feeling jealous. “It can really define your self-image in a negative way or make you feel intense shame,” Dr. Albers continues. Or you feel judged by someone else with words like, They’re so controlling.

Where does jealousy come from?

Jealousy can be a complicated feeling to unknot because it can be a combination of past experiences, mental health issues and even personality traits.

Here are some common factors that can cause persistent jealous feelings:

Insecurity

While it may seem that jealousy mostly involves how you feel in regard to someone else, it’s really our relationship with ourselves that’s often the root cause of toxic jealousy.

“For many people, the true root of jealousy is insecurity,” says Dr. Albers. “And being able to pinpoint what is pushing on that insecurity is enlightening and illuminating about not only yourself, but also the relationships.” At the end of the day, if you feel unworthy of the relationship you’re in, your brain will start to overanalyze any threats that will harm or take away that relationship. In some cases, it can even become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Self-image issues

Feelings of low self-esteem around your image can also magnify jealousy in a relationship. If you have a history of dealing with self-image issues, it may lead you to constantly compare yourself to others and measure yourself against how worthy or unworthy you are of your relationships.

“If you don’t perceive that someone else values you or your relationship, it’s going to put you further in that belief that your relationship is at risk,” explains Dr. Albers. “So, really, your self-image can be a mirror, or illuminate how your jealousy may come to light.”

Mood issues

If you live with anxiety, you know that certain triggers can set off feelings of fight or flight. So, if your triggers are specifically tied to your relationships, it can lead to jealousy manifesting in unhealthy ways.

“You may also have an underlying issue around anxiety, like an anxiety disorder or an obsessive-compulsive disorder that gets triggered around the relationship,” says Dr. Albers.

Past trauma

A lot of times, one of the hardest things to do after experiencing significant trauma from past relationships is to forge ahead with new ones. If you’ve experienced emotional abuse or betrayal from past relationships, that can start to taint your view of future relationships if the trauma goes unchecked. This is where jealousy can rear its head and feed into those feelings, by making you feel anxious or afraid of losing the person you’re with now.

Certain personality traits

Sometimes, jealous feelings may stem from one of your personality traits. As Dr. Albers explains, people who tend to fixate on details or have very intense emotions about things may experience jealousy more than others.

“This may lead to you constantly evaluating what someone says and how it matches up or doesn’t match up and looking at every detail,” she says.

Other existing issues in a relationship

If jealousy is sabotaging your relationships, it may also be due to things outside of your own mental state. If you’re the one who’s feeling jealous or suddenly protective over your partner, Dr. Albers says it’s good to take stock of what else might be going on in the relationship.

“My one small caveat is that sometimes jealousy is not all in your head,” recognizes Dr. Albers. “There can be some real threats to a relationship and sometimes, what you’re picking up on may be tied to a gut feeling that is signaling to you that your relationship may be at risk. The tricky part is figuring out when it is truly at risk or it is due to your own fears and insecurity.”

Taking note of any signs of love-bombing, gaslighting or emotional abuse may help illuminate any valid concerns about your jealous feelings. This is why it could be good to talk to either a relationship counselor or an individual therapist to help untangle these issues or help bring conflicts to the surface in a healthy way.

How to stop jealous feelings

So, what’s the key to finding peace with the inner green monster, while not letting it take over our relationships or mental state?

Dr. Albers lays out some steps to take if you want to tackle your jealous feelings.

Reflect on your triggers

The first step to taming jealous feelings is to recognize your internal triggers. As we mentioned above, these triggers could be tied to anxiety, your personality traits, past trauma or even a combination of several things. If you’re catching yourself feeding into jealous feelings, it’s important to identify when and why these emotions are igniting.

For example, maybe you feel anxiety when your partner goes out late with their friends and forgets to text back. Or maybe you start to feel intense worry when you notice that a close friend of yours is making new friends.

“For many people, there’s a pattern of ways in which they become jealous or the kinds of situations that may trigger jealousy,” Dr. Albers says. “So, understanding the patterns that may emerge can be helpful.

“It’s also important to understand how much of the jealousy is perceived and how much might be based on actual facts that may be actually threatening the relationship.”

Reframe the situation

In some cases, extreme bouts of jealousy could be coming from internal insecurities or mental issues that we’re currently dealing with. So, if you find yourself fixating on a certain aspect of your relationship that’s justifying your jealousy, it may be helpful to take a step back and reframe.

“It’s also good to acknowledge that jealousy is normal as a human emotion,” advises Dr. Albers. “It simply means that you are human.”

This is important for the next step – communication – because if you’re not acknowledging and being honest about your feelings, you won’t be able to address them with the other person.

Voice your concerns

Once you reflect on where your jealous feelings are coming from and you still feel that twinge in your gut that something just isn’t right, it’s important to voice these concerns with the person in your life. If this makes you feel nervous at first, find a trusted friend or loved one to help you put your feelings into words.

“Communication, not detective work, can create trust,” notes Dr. Albers. “It’s important to communicate with your significant other what you’re feeling. Also, gauging their reaction to your jealousy, I think, is very revealing about the relationship. If they are willing to talk with you and understand the jealousy versus being reactive to it, or shaming or blaming about it, that can say a lot about your relationship’s dynamic.”

Jealousy in non-romantic relationships

While jealousy is often commonly talked about in romantic couples, it can be a very present emotion in other relationship dynamics as well. For example, maybe you start to feel intense feelings of jealousy when a new friend joins your friend group. Or maybe there’s a new co-worker at your job that you feel may threaten your position in some way.

“Jealousy is not exclusive to romantic relationships,” says Dr. Albers. “It really transverses all types of relationships.” Similar to romantic relationships, it’s important to have open communication and pay attention to why your jealousy is being triggered in these situations and relationships.

The bottom line

At its best, jealousy is a twinge of emotion that signifies that you have something or someone valuable in your life that you want to hold onto.

“From an evolutionary perspective, jealousy is actually an adaptive behavior. It signifies that we have a relationship that we care about, and we don’t want to lose it,” explains Dr. Albers.

But at its worst, jealousy can become damaging to you and your relationships. This is because in extreme cases, jealousy can cause you to feel anxious, depressed or even unworthy of the thing or person you have. If you still feel persistent jealousy that’s affecting your well-being, try talking to a relationship counselor or therapist to help make you feel more at peace with the people you love.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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When Was Sex Invented?

— Exploring the History and Evolution of Human Sexuality

By Happy Sharer

Introduction

Sex is a natural part of life, but when was it ‘invented’? What has been the role of sex in human history? These questions are complex and multifaceted, and require an exploration of the biological, social and cultural aspects of sexuality. This article will provide an overview of the history of sex, from prehistoric times to the present day.

To understand the history of sex, it is important to look at both ancient civilizations and prehistoric times. Ancient civilizations such as Mesopotamia, Greece, and Rome had very different attitudes towards sex than those of modern societies. Prehistoric times, on the other hand, are less well-understood, but evidence suggests that sex was an important part of life for early humans.

An Analysis of the Origins of Sex
An Analysis of the Origins of Sex

An Analysis of the Origins of Sex

The origins of sex are complex, and involve both biological and social/cultural aspects. On the biological side, sex is essential for reproduction. Through sexual reproduction, organisms can pass on their genetic material to the next generation. In addition to reproduction, sex may also have evolutionary benefits, such as increasing genetic diversity and providing protection against parasites and disease.

On the social/cultural side, sex is a powerful force that shapes and influences society. Different cultures have different norms and values around sex, and these norms can vary greatly across time and place. For example, in some cultures, premarital sex is frowned upon, while in others it is accepted or even encouraged. These social norms play a major role in shaping our understanding and experience of sex.

How Ancient Civilizations Viewed Sex

Ancient civilizations had very different attitudes towards sex than those of modern societies. For instance, in Mesopotamian cultures, sex was seen as a necessary part of marriage and procreation. The ancient Greeks and Romans had a more relaxed attitude towards sex, and viewed it as a source of pleasure and recreation. Other ancient civilizations, such as the Egyptians and Chinese, had their own views on sex, which were often rooted in religious beliefs.

A Timeline of the Development of Human Sexuality

The development of human sexuality has been shaped by both biological and social/cultural forces. To understand this development, it is useful to look at a timeline of key moments in the history of sex.

Prehistoric times: During the Paleolithic era, early humans likely engaged in sex for both reproductive and recreational purposes. This is supported by evidence of fertility symbols, cave paintings, and other artifacts.

Ancient civilizations: As civilizations developed, so too did attitudes towards sex. Ancient cultures such as the Mesopotamians, Greeks, and Romans had different views on sex, which were often influenced by religious beliefs.

Modern times: In the last few centuries, there has been a shift away from traditional views on sex, towards more liberal attitudes. This has been driven by changes in social norms and technology, such as the introduction of birth control and the rise of the internet.

Investigating the Evolution of Human Sexuality
Investigating the Evolution of Human Sexuality

Investigating the Evolution of Human Sexuality

The evolution of human sexuality is a complex process that involves both biological and social/cultural factors. On the biological side, sex is essential for reproduction, and may also have evolutionary benefits. On the social/cultural side, sex is shaped by different attitudes and beliefs. These attitudes and beliefs can vary greatly across time and place, and have a major impact on our understanding and experience of sex.

The Social and Cultural Impact of Sex
The Social and Cultural Impact of Sex

The Social and Cultural Impact of Sex

The social and cultural impact of sex cannot be understated. Different cultures have different perspectives on sex, which can range from strict taboos to more liberal attitudes. These attitudes shape our understanding of sex, and can influence our behavior and decisions. In addition, social norms can play a role in determining what is considered “normal” or “acceptable” when it comes to sex.

Examining the Biological Aspects of Sex
Examining the Biological Aspects of Sex

Examining the Biological Aspects of Sex

In addition to its social and cultural aspects, sex has important biological implications. On the most basic level, sex is essential for reproduction. By engaging in sexual activity, organisms can pass on their genetic material to the next generation. In addition, sex may have evolutionary benefits, such as increasing genetic diversity and providing protection against parasites and disease.

Conclusion

Sex is an integral part of human life, and its history is complex and multifaceted. This article has explored the biological, social and cultural aspects of sex, from prehistoric times to the present day. It has shown that sex is shaped by both biological and social/cultural forces, and that different cultures have different perspectives on sex. Finally, it has highlighted the importance of understanding the history of sex, as it can provide insight into our understanding and experience of sex today.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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When Bodies Defy Boxes

— Rethinking How We Categorize Sex

By

Decades ago in college, I had a lively discussion with friends about the “Four Food Groups,” a food classification system we had all grown up with in the ‘70s and ‘80s. The so-called “Basic Four” (defined as meats, dairy, fruits/vegetables, and grains) was just one in a series of ever-evolving teaching tools created by the USDA to nudge Americans toward healthier eating habits.

One friend was earnestly critiquing the system. “The Basic Four reflects the outsized influence of the meat and dairy industries,” she said, going on about structures of power in government agencies. “The whole system is wrong,” she exclaimed. “When you look at food in nature, there are actually 12 food groups.”

Another friend sighed. “In nature,” she asserted, “there are no food groups.” Food groups are made-up categorization systems we apply to edible stuff because we find it useful. There are infinite ways we can create food groups (by color, flavor, growing region, plant/animal source, vitamin content, etc.). There could be four, 40, or 400 categories, depending on our goals.

In other words, food groups shouldn’t be mistaken for telling unwavering “truth” about food. They are just convenient systems we use to make meaning from our world. And it doesn’t hurt here to note that the way we choose to group anything usually reflects certain underlying values and assumptions.

Categorizing Sex

Now let’s consider the concept of “sex.” For our purposes, I’m not talking about “sex” as an activity we can enjoy. Rather, I am talking about “sex” as a system that we use to categorize bodies.

In most of our cultural and scientific language, when we refer to the “sex” of humans, we’re usually offered two options, female or male. When we’re taught about sexual anatomy and reproduction in our sex ed classes, we are presented with two sets of drawings to represent genitals and reproductive organs.

This binary female/male framework is reinforced in countless systems that we interact with daily, from “F” or “M” checkboxes on our birth certificates and government-issued IDs, to our health insurance paperwork, to organized sports, to name a few. It all appears so simple.

The trouble with this system is that the observed reality of natural variations in human bodies isn’t that simple. Yes, we most often observe people who fit common patterns of “male” and “female” in terms of their gonads, genitals, chromosomes, and hormonal levels. But intersex people, who make up about 1.7% of the population, have sex traits or reproductive anatomy that varies from those typical definitions of male or female.

There is no single way to be intersex; it is an umbrella term encompassing a variety of differences in genitalia, hormones, internal anatomy, or chromosomes. Some intersex characteristics can be seen at birth, while others become evident at puberty, when trying to conceive a child, or through genetic testing. There are over 40 known intersex variations, and we’re still learning. The science of sex has become more nuanced in recent decades. Human sexual development is a complex process that involves multiple stages and a cascade of biological processes. Is it really a surprise that folks in our communities reflect natural variations beyond two strict outcomes?

There is no doubt that the categories of female and male can at times be useful. But there are also times when insisting on the rigidity of those categories is limiting and damaging. Serious trouble creeps in when folks insist that female and male are the “only,” “true,” or “natural” options. Our politics is currently rife with such essentialist language, reinforcing the erasure, stigma, and harm that intersex folks are often subjected to in our society.

Unnecessary surgeries on intersex youth

One form of injustice that intersex people have faced for decades is the imposition of binary sex norms by the medical establishment in the form of “normalizing” surgeries. These are non-lifesaving procedures that aim to change natural variations in genital appearance based on ideas about what a “normal” body looks like. Most of these surgeries are done when a child is under 2 years old, denying people important choices about their own bodies—choices that can affect fertility, sexual function, and emotional well-being.

Across the U.S. (including Wisconsin), embedded within the text of 25 anti-transgender bills that would deny trans youth access to gender-affirming medical care, there is also specific language included that allows the continuation of surgical procedures on intersex kids—without their consent. You read that correctly: legislators who want to ban trans teens from getting medical procedures that they have consented to are perfectly okay with supporting non-consensual “normalizing” genital surgeries on intersex infants, despite intersex advocacy groups, human rights organizations, and three former U.S. Surgeons General recommending such surgeries be halted. Weaponizing a strict binary of sex appears to be more important to these legislators than the bodily autonomy and rights of trans and intersex youth.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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Epilepsy and Sex

— How Epilepsy Can Affect Sexual Health

By Serenity Mirabito RN, OCN

Attention to sexual health in people with epilepsy is often lacking. Sexual dysfunction, however, is a side effect of epilepsy and the medications that treat it.

Although not fully understood, epilepsy can also cause endocrine disorders that negatively impact the reproductive system, leading to infertility. People with epilepsy need to talk to their healthcare providers about ways to prevent sexual problems when diagnosed with the condition.

This article addresses the cause of sexual problems in people with epilepsy and how to treat them.

What Is the Connection Between Sexual Problems and Epilepsy?

Sexual problems like decreased libido or inability to orgasm are more likely to occur in people with epilepsy compared to those who don’t have the disease. Because the brain is responsible for both epilepsy and sexual behavior, there is a connection between the two, which includes:

  • Brain excitability: Sexual dysfunction in people with epilepsy sometimes depends on the part of the brain from which the seizure originates. People with right-sided temporal lobe epilepsy have the highest rates of sexual dysfunction. People with partial epilepsy suffer from sexual dysfunction more than those with idiopathic generalized epilepsy.
  • Sex hormones: Abnormal secretion of sex hormones is common in people with epilepsy. Low testosterone and estradiol levels are associated with epilepsy and sexual dysfunction.
  • Endocrine disorders: People with epilepsy have fluctuating hormone levels that are either complicated by endocrine disorders or cause them. The hormonal instability and endocrine diseases further worsen sexual problems in men and women, including the ability to conceive.
  • Psychological effects: People with epilepsy often complain of poor self-esteem and stigma around their illness. A limited ability to work, drive, or attend school can lead to depression and anxiety. The added fear of having a seizure during sex can also inhibit the desire for intimacy.

Do Drugs That Treat Epilepsy Cause Sexual Problems?

Not only do seizures, hormones, and psychological issues diminish sexual function, but the medications that treat epilepsy also impact sexual health. Some anti-epileptic drugs (AEDs) cause elevated liver enzymes that lead to suppressed sex hormones. Other AEDs have a depressive effect on the brain that can leave people feeling sedated and uninterested in sex.

AEDs known for increasing liver enzymes and decreasing sex hormones include:

Speak to your healthcare provider about how anti-epileptic drugs could affect your sexual health.

How Are Sexual Problems Due to Antiepileptic Drugs Treated?

Some AEDs effectively treat seizures and have minimal sexual side effects. Changing medications may be an option depending on the type and severity of the seizure disorder. AEDs that have a decreased implication for sexual dysfunction are:

If switching AEDs doesn’t work, you may be able to take medications that help treat sexual dysfunctions. These include:

Reducing the dose of the AED, building up a tolerance to the medication, and taking the drug after sex may improve sexual ability. It may take various approaches to find the best solution for improved sexual health, but keeping an open dialogue with your healthcare provider is essential.

Symptoms and Gender Differences

Sexual problems in people with epilepsy can affect up to 60% of men and 50% of women. Although men and women with epilepsy may experience decreased libido, other sexual problems manifest differently in each gender.

Men

In addition to decreased testosterone levels and the side effects of AEDs, performance anxiety can cause the following sexual problems in men with epilepsy:

Women

Endocrine disorders, low levels of female hormones, menstrual irregularities, and psychiatric conditions have been linked to sexual and reproductive dysfunctions in women with epilepsy.

Epileptic women often experience the following sexual problems:

In addition, endocrine disorders that affect fertility in women with epilepsy are:

How Are Sexual Problems With Epilepsy Treated?

Treating sexual problems associated with epilepsy begins by telling your healthcare provider. Various methods can help improve sexual dysfunction in people with epilepsy. Some options that may help include:

  • Hormone replacement therapy: Replacing testosterone and estradiol may improve sexual health.
  • Medications: Drugs are available to help increase sexual desire and treat conditions like premature ejaculation.
  • Improving mental health: Treating underlying depression and anxiety can help with intimacy.
  • Lubrication: Vaginal pain and dryness during sex can be relieved with water-based lubrication.
  • Erection management: Prevent or reduce penile flaccidity by placing an elastic band at the base of the penis, using vacuum devices, or using an intracavernosal injection of vasodilators.
  • Brain surgery: Research found anterior temporal lobectomy resulted in being seizure-free in 60% of patients. Those patients also reported significant improvement in sexual function.

Summary

People with epilepsy often experience sexual problems. Hormonal abnormalities, endocrine disorders, fear, and side effects of treatment may lead to sexual dysfunctions. Depression, loneliness, and anxiety can occur if sexual health is not seriously addressed. There are various methods available for improving sexual impairments in people with epilepsy. Talk to your healthcare provider about ways to prevent sexual problems if you have been diagnosed with epilepsy.

A Word From Verywell

Sexual health plays a valuable role in the quality of life; many people feel unsatisfied and disconnected when it’s poor. If you’ve been diagnosed with epilepsy and are struggling with libido, the ability to orgasm, infertility, or depression, you are not alone. Speaking to your healthcare provider about these symptoms so they can help you feel better is essential.

Verywell Health uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read our editorial process to learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.

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“The First Homosexuals”

— A Lesson in Queer History through Art

By Annabel Rocha

“The First Homosexuals: Global Depictions of a New Identity, 1869-1930” embarks Wrightwood 659 visitors on a journey through queer history. While same sex desire predates the terms we use today, The First Homosexuals illustrates the evolution of how these relations were depicted in art before and after the word “homosexual” became popularized.

Jonathan D. Katz – art historian, queer activist, and curator of the exhibit – was inspired to study how language affected the perception and understanding of queer identities.

“What happened with the development of homosexual was that it became one side and sexuality became a polarity, and that’s what this exhibition tries to chart,” he explained.

Though gender identity and sexuality have become closely intertwined, Katz says this wasn’t always the case.

“One of the earliest ways that queerness was visually represented was actually not to represent the erotic act but to represent a person who did not fully inhabit one or another gender… ” said Katz. “One of the things that I’m trying to make clear in the show is that we have falsely segregated under the rule of “homosexual”, gender from sexuality and now what queerness really means is the refusal of all those binary terms – homo versus hetero, male versus female.”

This exhibit consists of over 100 works, categorized into nine sections: Before Homosexuality, Couples, Before Genders, Pose, Archetypes, Desire, Colonizing, Public and Private and Past and Future.

Aside from sexual acts and same sex love, this collection also draws on the concept of attraction and how beauty standards have evolved over time. Much of the artwork depicts images of young men and a desire towards adolescent beauty, which is fluid in that clear gender indicators are less prevalent in youth. This was the epitome of male beauty in the late 1800’s. The Archetypes section shows society’s shift towards a more hyper masculine, muscular idealization of male beauty, depicted in works like Sascha Schneider’s Growing Strength oil painting.

Paintings are displayed on the white walls of an art gallery, including through an archway.
From “The First Homosexuals: Global Depictions of a New Identity, 1869-1930” at Wrightwood 659.

Katz believes some visitors may be surprised by the amount of works deriving from Asia and how open Chinese and Japanese culture was to same sex desire at a time. He notes an 1850 Japanese scroll that showed the education of a young man and his sexual ventures: seducing women, being anally penetrated by a samurai, sleeping with another woman, and being taken by a monk.

“And there’s just no distinction. Sexuality is sexuality and gender is not an operative category and you can actually see that happening,” said Katz. “As I saw that I thought man, that’s the dream and the paradox is my hope for the future is to return to 1850.”

So what changed?

Katz says colonialism. Europeans coined the term “homosexual” and spread negative associations with the word, bastardizing the concept of same sex relations in the cultures they touched.

A painting is viewed from far away. An inviting wooden bench sits facing three blue walls.
From “The First Homosexuals: Global Depictions of a New Identity, 1869-1930,” an exhibit at Wrightwood 659.

“Now there are places in the world like Indonesia, where there’s a strong prejudice and legal sanction for queerness [that is] not indigenous to the culture,” said Katz.

Like race and other binaries that society clings onto, homosexuality as we now understand it in 2023 was a created concept.

“How long until we come to realize that homosexuality is a blip in the historical timeline?” Katz asks.

“The First Homosexuals: Global Depictions of a New Identity, 1869-1930” will show at Wrightwood 659 through Jan. 28. Due to the pandemic, the showing was cut into separate showings. The second installment will triple in size – consisting of 300 works and projected to use all three levels of Wrightwood’s exhibit space. It is scheduled to open in 2025. For more information or to purchase tickets, visit their website.

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